My older sister is completely financially dependent on my mother. I've suspected for a long time that my mother likes it this way; my sister NEVER stands up to her.
Yes but it is exptremly hard to do when you are only 13 :( but i am trying to do it ❤ i want to study french yet my parents say no i want to dance ballet but my parents say no. no to everything i never get to do what i want . If i talk back or misbehave a little i am said to be the cause of the" deppression"? In the house i am lebanese and that the best i could explian it in english i am working as hard as possible to achive my dreams but always they want to tear me down yesterday i was sobing for 2 hours striaght at night and my mom just told me to stop crying and i was barely breathing anyways so she says i wish you die while crying and dad came in saying your the cause of the deppresion in this house again . Smh
@@hdhdhd-4935 This breaks my heart to hear you are being abused so badly. I wish I could wave a magic wand and you would be surrounded by all the love and support you deserve, sweet girl. I know how badly it hurts to be made to feel that just for wanting something or expressing how sad you are, as is your right as a daughter and a human being, you are made to feel like there is something wrong with you, when it's really something wrong with them. It's great that you found such a helpful resource as Michelle... realizing that your mother has a type of mental disorder at such a young age is going to help you so much. You may not be able to leave your house for a while yet, but hang on to the fact that there is nothing wrong with you, you are wonderful, and keep reaching out for help from people who understand this particular disorder. You will get through this and be able to achieve your dreams, don't give up. Sending much love and big hugs.
Yes I didn’t expect it either. The best advice I can give is: don’t give a shit about her because she allready wasted her rights. Secondly: if she beats you you should warn her that you will hit her back (I’m not a fan of beating woman but I’m okay with it if they start beating you when you don’t deserve it)
They'll use anything you DO say and anything you DON'T say against you. So you might as well go no contact and let them trash you from a distance, where you don't have to hear it.
I'm starting to feel like I may need to do so. My own mother is literally is all these things. I also have a Dad who doesn't see where she is wrong. Also he is has done some things as well. I know that once I move, I just need to cut them off for a while. Its beginning to be a bit much. I am my own person.
This happened to me and my little bro too, it started with me the eldest daughter, scapegoat no1, and I tried to end it, and was lucky it didn't get too far, but my little bro did try 2, 2mnths ago, not an easy life, it's disgusting what these ppl do to their own, my little bro is convinced its further up than her and she has evil ppl paying her to do evil deeds, as he dont believe a mother could be so callous
@@kc-uk2mp PRAYERS TO ALL OF US WHO WERE NARCISSISTICALLY (?) ABUSED. A SPECIAL PRAYER TO THOSE WHO WERE SCAPEGOATED! DR.'S AND THERAPISTS SPECULATE THAT ITS WHY I HAVE CPTSD< WHICH HAD MANIFESTED MY SLE LUPUS! ONE SISTER ALSO SUFFERED THIS ABUSE AND DEVELOPED MS! WE BOTH HAVE HAD VARIOS & DEADLY COMPLICATIONS FROM AUTO-IMMUNE DISEASE! SPIRITUAL FOLKS STATE THAT MANY EXTREME NARCS ARE INFLUENCED BY SATANIC INFLUENCES...! GEE, YA' THINK?
I too have CPTSD, undiagnosed, however I know its what I have as it explains a lot of my behaviours, like the sudden tears, the sudden sadness, panic attacks, palpitations, nightmares, flashbacks, amongst other things, and never have I been diagnosed, drs seem to just wanna put me on tablets which just suppress things and i worry about what else will come to me over the yrs. I totally hear ya, it def does feel that way when you're in it, me and my brother both said it felt demonic and spiritual, it touches the soul, but we will get through this, one day, it's a journey!
"No negative emotional contact". Absolutely brilliant! The dark can't stand the light. They thrive on negativity, so blast them with positivity and light. Trust me, they'll run. Thank you for the video!!!
@Yoongi's Tongue Take the power back. What about laugh out loud like it's a yoga session. As you look at her facial reaction, you might laugh some more that your stomach hurts. What a tension release. Make sure no one is recording it and if you think it can work for you♥️
Narcissist people feed on others people anger.My mom has job problems so she is filled with negative energy.She comes home and literaly tries to find a reason to start a fight with me.Once in the morning,the clock was broken and i wanted to fix it.And she simply started to scream at me.CANT YOU JUST LOOK AT YOUR PHONE CLOCK???i was suprised that she would be able to start a fight for the simplest reason.
Mothers who feel good when they see they can inflict pain on their children... what world do we live in? Thank you for telling it like it is, as sick as that is. You are an inspiration... I pray I can find myself and my confidence again...I find I still end up feeling terrible, no matter how much I "grey rock" or gaslight her back.
Let’s stop calling these monsters “mothers”. They don’t compass anything a real mother does. I don’t even understand why ppl still communicate with these toxic evil creatures. I guess the ones they have must be less malignant because I can’t understand why they would ever have any contact with such a monster again.
@@ABa-ve3ul Thank you I agree. Although there were times I could see in my mother a terribly traumatized and horrifically abused little girl, and wanted so much to give her the love she never got from anyone in her life, it does no good in the here and now. She would only devour my empathy until there was nothing left of me, or twist it to use against me. I cut off all contact 2 years ago. What is bizarre is that during that 2 years, she seems to have aged 20 years. She stopped walking, is now almost bedridden, and seems to have some kind of dementia. Almost like she has no energy source of her own, and when i left, she did not have mine to keep her going. It's so sad, but like you said, that malignancy is real... if you stay you could literally die. The thing about narcissism is that it's the only mental disorder where someone is actively trying to offload their disorder on to you, and take your fundamentally kind and decent nature away from you. I had really held out hope that if I spent enough time with her now that I'm an adult and could set boundaries, that dynamic could strike a balance, where she could feel safe enough to trust the flow of giving and receiving love. Instead, she set me up and had me committed. I left after that... It was like my own personal holocaust. Never Again. Now she is who she truly is, without me there to use as her stolen fake persona. I focus on healing myself now, not her, because that was never even possible. I did all I could and it almost killed me. I'm so glad you got out too.
Some people just don’t appreciate being a mother. They just got pregnant and kept us just to keep us, no real love there when you get off from torturing your own child
Andrea Hieber that’s exactly what they are . “we are not fighting the flesh and blood but the higher powers , against the powers of this dark world” Ephesians 6:12
I think that is exactly what they all are, and we are lightworkers who incarnated as their family to anchor in some kind of pathway for them to get home. Unfortunately, it has almost killed me, I don't want to be here anymore. It's just too brutal without love.
Remember they have no respect for you and don't care what you have to say. Only that you get upset or angry or frustrated. As she is rude and walks away. It is her that is the horrible person Not you. She likes to provoke you.
@@womenofgodunited I hope, for your health's sake, that you find a way out. Chronic illnesses are often the body's response to being raised by, married to, or working for, a narcissistic vampire. I'm not some hippy-dippy science-ignoring ignorant either. I just have learned, over decades, how many narcisists have spouses (or children) who become seriously ill...some dying very slow deaths or of sudden heart-attacks with no genetic defects found post-mortem...and I've seen it happen over and over and over and over again over the last 50+ years of my life. (some my own family members, others acquaintances, and even a few rather famous/well-known). Wishing you the best~
@@womenofgodunited You are very kind. I'm going to be honest with you, prayers didn't help any of those people who developed chronic illnesses and especially not those who died because they stayed too long and put the narcissist above their own health. This is going to require YOU making a decision that you are no longer going to allow your health and well-being to be compromised. I had to do that myself. God doesn't save babies from dying, god doesn't rescue women and children who are being traficked for sex, god doesn't protect children from pedophiles, the elderly from having their entire life savings scammed by psychopaths, or innocent people from natural disasters. If you are waiting for god to rescue you, you might as well get comfortable where you are. God is NOT going to rescue you: no one is. You are going to have to rescue yourself. The sad truth is that no one else can do that for you: it is up to each of us, alone, to find the strength within our weakened bodies and battered immune systems and to say, "NO MORE, my health comes before everything and everyone else until it is restored and I am strong again." I wish you so much strength and healing, and the drive to put yourself first. Good luck to you
@@le_th_ I know one thing about God and that it is He can give me strength to make these choices and moves. Let me rephrase the prayer.....can you please pray God give me strength to get through this? I totally understand what you are saying and I believe wholeheartedly that faith without works is dead. I absolutely hear what you are saying and this will be my focus and action. Thank you so much for the motivation and feedback about this subject! Sometimes we need to hear the real and raw reality and I am willing to listen 💕
Just like my mil. She always has memory problems about the things she has done and acts like I am super sensitive. Never has apologized in her life. Denies everything. SHE LIVES WITH US. Imagine my life.
Also, paying attention to your intuition. I usually just feel, or know, that something is going to go down. I use this to prepare myself ahead of time. I don’t like being guarded, but it is necessary.
It seems like an important thing to do right up front is to greatly lower your expectations of the treatment you would ordinarily expect from a parent. If a stranger treated you this way you’d think, “What a jerk” and shrug it off. But the repeated pain of not even getting the minimal love someone should get from a parent is devastating. At some point you have to internally accept that this parent is damaged goods, it’s not your fault, and you will never have a normal experience, and stop taking anything more seriously than you would accept from a stranger.
With I was in my 30s and establishing boundaries, I began to look on my mother with pity and that seemed to be an emotional defense. She was truly handicapped by those feelings and never lived up to her potential, which is sad. She died when I was 42 and it was a relief to be free of her chaos. Our family became functional again. Now 78. I learned some good and many negative lessons. You just have play the hand you have been given and be as positive as possible. Life is good.
Made the mistake of going across the world with my mother to visit my family after not seeing them for 20 years and she is making me miserable. Telling me what to do constantly as if I'm a little kid that needs to be told what to do. I'm 31 years old. Then she plays victim when I react and tries to make me look bad. Then she constantly stares at me and gives me dirty looks as I'm interacting with my family, I will be stuck with her for close to a month. I agreed to come with her because I thought she truly changed since my sister left and wants nothing to do with her. The truth is people like that will never change. I am planning to cut contact with her when we get back because I can no longer tolerate this treatment
It's amazing how sometimes it's impossible to see narcissistic traits in someone in your own family, if they are using another family member as their supply. It's not until the "supply person" has had enough and leaves, that they turn their parasitic energy on to you, and demand that you become their new supply, that you can see who they truly are. This happened to me... I moved in to help my Dad after my "crazy" stepmom threw him out, after he had a stroke and had no car or money to move. He had left when I was a kid, so I only ever had a long distance relationship with him, which seemed very close, so I wanted to help him in his time of need. I found out who he really was, it was not my stepmom who was crazy, although she had her issues, it was mostly narc abuse from him that was making her act crazy. He started treating me exactly the way he treated her, as if I'm some pseudo partner responsible for all his needs, emotional AND financial, and I no longer matter as my own person. It's disgusting. I know exactly how you feel, because I escaped my narc mother, thinking at least I could trust my dad. Never again! I hope you got away from her!
@@ronkeoyemade5271 I recommend you go and forgive your mother and be done with her. You will have to make distance with her. After I forgave my mother for all the things she's done and told her I understood she couldn't help, she did the same thing to me that her mother did to her. I received a peace in my life I didn't know could exist. Another good thing is that I actually moved to a different state. She does call me randomly to talk AT me but I just grey rock and she calls even less. Good luck to you my friend 🙏 💕 🌞
My mother purposely changes the subject when I talk after educating myself I’ve learned to stop talkin. If you pull your phone out ,change the subject or cut me off I will not repeat or seek there validation because that’s what it’s about.
Hi, you look really beautiful - TRULY beautiful. This could have been why your Narc Mom turned against you - one of the reasons anyway. I also had a Narc Mom who was against me the minute she realized I was going to look like a Model. I actually did work as a model in NYC for a few years too. I noticed that often really beautiful and good natured children are targeted by these Narcs - it's disgusting.
When I was 17 and 'model beautiful' my mom said, "I can't believe I made you". Her compliments towards me confused me since her other behaviours didn't match. She seemed to compete with me or be upset if any of her bfs tried to invite me out with them. It was like I was more of a prop then a person.
Wow also thought I Just had this. I AM not a model but my mum hates when i look beautiful, try to bring me down. That is why i always dressed boring. Right now almost 30 felt like my youth was stolen by her. Can someone help me out
My mom is exactly like that. Not only that she is very petty. A bully and I literally don't look forward to talking to her really. She looks for things to be wrong. She throws tantrums like a kid. Its sickening.
@@loversinjapan2212 My mother would have me do my hair over and over again, just to please her. I was 18 years old. She didn't want me to be myself. It was like I had to have my hair like hers. Smh. I hated it.
Unfortunately, I HAD to live with my narcissistic mother well into my late 30's due to health issues!! Not everyone can just up and leave!!!! I was TRULY IN HELL!!
I am in that same position currently!!!! It is HELL! What did you do to get out??? I’m open for suggestions! Unfortunately, I am chronically ill so cannot work?
@@womenofgodunited Well, luckily I was able to get out after 36 yrs total living w abusive negligent parents. BUT I lost my license 6 yrs ago, long story, so NOW, I can’t go anywhere & the loneliness is so painful, as the trauma of early abandonment & abuse has made me either push away people or end up w pple who don’t really care about me. If you can drive & live where things are open, then you have that!! Which is a lot. I can help you to get well physically, but there’s an emotional component to it AND must be open to eating the proper foods for our species, which are fruits. I’m going through a lot, but ironically I give great advice!
@@lisabuckner243 I appreciate your reply so much! They told me they gave me a car but it was never put into my name nor is the insurance! I am basically a puppet but I refuse to give up this fight! I have fought so long for my health and well I have children. I just keep praying that God helps me know what to do in stressful situations and to open doors that are of Him. I too have trouble connecting to others and find myself isolating and lonely and so you aren’t alone in that.....as for diet, I have tried many even raw food! I struggle with chronic Lyme disease and I need the meat for the vitamin B as my body will not process it through supplement form. It’s a mess of a situation but I’m trying not to be too hard on myself and have some grace.
Why would you trust an evil person w your health/life? I understand what you’re saying but she is as evil as the one I have known she will rather destroy/take your life than save it. Unless she is not that bad. But the evil ones are the last ppl you want to ever live with
I have a narcissistic brother who calls just to ask lots of questions and then acts arrogant and irritated when I will not answer him. He has been the gossiper in the family and takes everything to others only embellished. I do not answer his phone calls anymore. I also have a sister in law that ignores me when I speak as though completely disinterested but comes alive when the subject is about her. The last times I had to be with them I showed no frustration even feeling comical about it. However, I will not be going back again for a long time. I feel like I must take these people in small doses.
Gwendolyn Wehage . How should similar to me and my situation. An inquisitive sister who's only inquisitive because she enjoys cornering me . I don't ask her personal life questions because I'm not interested in her personal life , in any case I don't need to she can brag enough fir herself. I've in the past found myself answering what comes across as genuine ' interest ' in me ...laugh I've now realised its a patronising trap to provoke me ... What a sick sad way to get your kicks . It can only come down to jealousy otherwise why bother !! You're right ...minimal contact is good , BUT no contact is actually sooooo much easier for me , it's stress free. Try it, you'll know what I mean .
My mom makes me feel negative emotion and cry and then tells me it’s my fault because I’m too sensitive and she’s just trying to love me and be a good mom.
Narcissists have no connection to their souls. They are empty shells. The only way to ever find your true self (You aren't who you think you are, you have become a bi-product of their abuse and neglect.) and find happiness, joy and peace is to go NO CONTACT. Don't waste any more precious time on these energy vampires! Sending a warm, loving hug to all those out there that need it. 🧡🙏✨
I've been feeling for years that something is off regarding my mother and me. I'm not sure if she is really a narc but she definitely has some of these points. Actually, HER mother was an extreme narc - her sister was the golden child, and my Mom, the scapegoat, was physically and mentally abused. With me, she wanted to do better. I'm conviced that in her way, she loves me. We were always "very close", it was always "us against the rest of the world". I soon learned that I am responsible for her happiness since she suffered so much and gave up her whole life for ME, living with a violent husband for ME. Now she is alone and despises contact to other people, she always says that I'm the only person in her life that she cares about. If I ever leave her, she would kill herself. I was always the good girl, tried to make her happy. I live the life she wanted for me, I bought her the house that she wanted to live in, I live with her until today, I do the job that she wanted me to do. I have no friends nor a boyfriend. I hate my life the way it is. She controls everything. I started therapy not so long ago and start to see that something is off with her. It's a hard process....
Sandra Perez, I'm gonna have to charge you with plagiarism. You just described my life and my Narc Mom. That is of course until I was able to leave her house. To the outside world we always seemed so close, but in reality I was plotting my escape. She would threaten to kick me out of the house without just cause, simply because she needed supply. That was her biggest mistake because then I didn't feel guilty when I left, as much as she tried to make me feel guilty cause I wanted to be away from her and her precious house.
Yeah that's cause they treat you more like a husband and don't know how to grow up in a way to be your mother. You often get parentified by them growing up. They suffocate you so much that you repress your own needs and one day you wake up and feel contempt and resentment towards yourself and towards the parent for stealing your life. Once you are aware you can have a life of your own. Starting it is the hard part cause it feels strange. They don't respect boundaries so cutting these people out till you get what you need for yourself in life or limiting contact can be helpful. Sorry you understand the pain in this experience and that you had to fight so hard just to survive rather than thrive in life but you're not alone. Even if that doesn't change you're circumstance you are validated in your experience.
My narc mother doesnt AT ALL respect ANY boundaries. To the extent of getting very angry if I ask for her to respect my boundaries. She believes she has automatic and full rights to access every part of me and my life. She believes she does everything as if she is one of the most enlightened zen unproblematic people in the world, and is utterly im denial of any ill behaviours she practices. Its bizarre that a person can be in such severe denial of such extreme behaviours. She also believes she is the victim of everyone and the world. Its exhausting. Concurrently though she can also be the greatest support, caregiver and incredibly loving. So confusing! But dare i behave in a way which doesnt fit her exact criteria and all hell breaks loose!!! Its exhausting 😔
@@LuxMeow This is exactly it. Thank you, it is so hard to start your own life when all you have ever been is someone else's supply. Being made into a pseudo-spouse as a child is malignant to the psyche and difficult to overcome. I have had to start my life over so many times because I kept ending up back with the parents who crippled me in the first place. Praying that now I'm aware I can start to heal and grow, not just survive.
This kind of people make me sick. Thats why avoid them. Disgusting creatures of being. Im very grateful for your share ! Im taking notes, it helps! Dealing with those people its dangerous because you can become fake too! ... :)
TimeNow AndThen I agree we should avoid them. But I don't hate them because some of them can't stop, even if they wanted to. Still doesn't mean I'm gonna put up with bad behavior..
@@lilac624 Yes, I keep ending up back in my mother's house every time my life falls apart, which it has often because of repeating patterns of emotional abuse, I end up getting sick with strange ailments from the stress. I have aged 10 years in the last year, since she signed me into a psych ward for trying to leave the house, now stuck back in her basement, from which I have been trying to escape my whole life. I will get out of here, once and for all.
@@Quantum36911 please try the curable app it has helped me a lot with my strange ailments, good luck and just believe you will break the cycle one day, because you are truly stronger than you think.
I been through this my whole life and suffered through hell. My mother is still crazy. My father totally understands me. 4th book coming soon this year based on true life. Awesome channel 👏👏
Last night I was joking around with my grandma (we have a great relationship) and my narc mom over heard and obviously became jealous of my connection with my grandma. She interrupted our convo to ask if I have taken a shower. I just said “what? Why do you care?” And started laughing She said “did you take a shower?” I said “I take showers all the time? That’s such a weird question” My mom go so defensive that I wasn’t granting her with narc supply that she said “shut up, go to your room” I just said “alrighty, see ya, I got work tomorrow” and walked away laughing I never felt so great. This was the first time I felt like I won against her.
My narcissistic mother was attempting to control my teenage sons feelings when she refused to tell him she loved him back when he was leaving her house to come home to me. I dont know what came over me but I just blurted out "son, dont you allow her to govern how you feel, let's go." I swear, her jaw dropped to the floor, lol. I was the scapegoat growing up while my older brother was the golden child. My brother ostracizes my son and they've all have reject me as well as refuse to accept me. My narcissistic mother has always drained me growing up I was always so tired. Now I know why, it was because she would empty me while she fueled herself. I would take the abuse and not say a word while holding back the tears. I would not show her any kind of reaction . It honestly has made much more emotionally intelligent.
Thank you so much !!!! This poor guy and I almost have the same mom!!! I had no clue that I was raised by a complete and total Narcissist. I always thought something was wrong with me ALL my life. It took me seeing MY narcissistic behaviors to finally wake up!!! I even had myself professionally examined for 2 weeks in fear of becoming like her. Thank you Lord for waking me up to my own issues so I can forgive and heal!!! You are so amazing !!!! His video was so helpful ❤️😘
So true Ashley. I did the same thing. The worst part is that I didn't know what "love" really was. So anyone that gave me attention was "love" to me. Narcissistic Mothers don't love us, so anyone that ACTS like they love us is good enough for us. It's all we know. I now understand why I was so promiscuous. So sad, isn't it?
you do realise that if you are successful in thwarting the narcissist that they will up their game and attack you on levels you never even thought of......it seems to add fuel to their fire
Yeah I want an answer to that cause I'm afraid of the things she can do cause I live on her money she can do anything she wants and no one will question her since they don't want my burden or blame to put on them she is can victimize herself with excellence
Any attempt to bond or compromise with these people is futile. Nothing short of Stockholm Syndrome - when the prisoner tries to humour their jailer into believing they are good friends in the vain hope that it might temper the abuse a little.
So true.. I found this out in a very traumatic way.. When I finally set boundaries with my mother, she had me committed. Came to the hospital every day with donuts for everyone , calling me her Baby, which she never called me in her life, to show everyone what a loving mother she was. I learned to avoid her at all costs. She did not care what it took to hurt me, as long as she got vengeance for me moving out of her house.
I'm also forced economically to live with my narc parents, but I still maintain no contact. Always stay in my room when they're around, never answer them.
@Trey Lovely: no change. Still sitting in my room 23+ hours of every day, only sneaking out when I really have to go to the bathroom or to grab some food; the only money I have is whatever small sums they send to my bank account on an irregular basis, and I spend almost all of it on food.
Why not block her. I don’t understand why many ppl in the comment still have contact to these evil ppl. Why would anyone retrau%atize themselves with these evil ppl over and over
I realized this is true for my mom. A few weeks ago, she got upset at over me making bagels for the family and asking how many I should make of each kind (raisin or plain). At first when she yelled at me, I was unresponsive as I usually am when she screams at me. Then she throws one of the bagels on the floor, yanks my hair and starts kicking me. I finally escape and start screaming at her, and then she says, "Good! Finally you're alive! You're actually responding." now I feel like it all connects. She gets mad at me whenever I do anything wrong, but she gets REAL pissed whenever she hits me, yells at me, or damages my things and I don't respond by complaining, crying, or screaming. I think she might actually find it satisfying to see me embarrass myself, because she gets to turn around and say, "See? See what a childish person your daughter/sister is? Look at the way she yells at me. She's so disrespectful, poor me for having a daughter who hates me." She tends to try to exploit me in front of the family. Whenever she's getting after me, it's almost always in front of the entire family, she recent told my 10 year old sister behind my back that I was cutting myself (which IS true to be fair, my mom saw my leg and made sure that everyone in the room knew by forcing me to display my left shin to my dad while everyone was watching the Super bowl in the same room.). My poor sister came into my room crying, and I later on told my mom that I didn't need her to know about it. "Oh well I feel like she needs to know about these thing, it may help her to learn to not do it herself." well it's nice to know that I'm being used as a lesson, "Look at your sister, you don't want to turn out like HER! Look how emotionally unstable and weak she is! Don't turn into her. I'm telling you this because 10 is totally the appropriate age for you to know these sort of things. So I'm going to ruin your day by telling you something horrible about your sister that will make you cry, while also embarrassing your sister, because everyone who cuts wants everyone around them to know about it, especially children. She's also asked me if I ever touched myself while in the bathroom when I was 14, on front of my DAD and ALL of my YOUNGER siblings. She also accuses me of "hating the entire family" over the smallest things, of course in front of the entire family. All because I "avoid them all" when I'm at home, when really I'm only avoiding HER. She always does this shit to me because she knows I'll get upset when she does it, and that gives her power.
My narcissistic mother came over today and accused me of being mentally ill and "needing help" as I have gone no contact with 2/3 or more of my family (and in low contact with my mother also) who hate my guts and then preceded to accuse me of being "in debt" because I forgot to honour her on her birthday. She did provoke me. I told her, her accusations where unacceptable but she did povoke me and I said I didn't care what story she tells everyone as she has been doing for 35 years. I totally screwed up the interaction up as she did get to me. She came over looking for an agruement to play the victim as I am seen as an aggressive mentally ill person who has altercations with her.
I have been emotionally and mentally abused by my narcissistic mother and could never get a word in or she would threaten me cause me stress and panic to the point I had to completely cut her from my life and she managed to get my brothers to hate me and not want anything to do with me
My mom was just like this writers description! There are different neutralizing answers you can give and just alternate them each time she does this...Knowing that the narc doesn't care about your answer just supply, you can say "I'm gonna have to get back to you on that." then don't. You don't have to feel guilty since you know she doesn't want your answer just energy to feed on. Another tactic is give a neutral sort of non answer-answer when you know she's going to disagree or counter whatever you say, just shrug to her question smile and reply. "I dunno, some people see it this way, others that." Neutral answers are boring to legalistic narcs who like to manufacture arguments. I really like the idea of just being too busy to answer her at all right now. I'd analyze what tactics work best and have a set that you can alternate successfully that won't catch you off guard. Being busy and being neutral are key. My mom was like this to me false interest then abandonment in every interaction, when so I really understand. Hugs to the writer. Have a set of tactics, rinse and repeat until you can move out.
I can verify that this way of answering works really well on my covert Narc mother ,She learns nothing and I get to carry on relatively unscathed (3.5 years Very low contact yay!)My mother now in her seventies is a very legalistic narc who gets supply from starting arguments and baiting .
I actually have supervisors that will ask me a question and then only talk while I'm talking, as if they didn't ask me a question or if whatever I'm about to say has no merit. I feel like I am in a war with a gun and no bullets, but, Everytime I listen to your posts, you supply me with ammunition. I appreciate it, thanks!
Yep, I had a narcissist for a supervisor at work who was excited to hire me because I was transgender and seemed an easy target. You have to get away from them. Period. Tell people about them and complain to HR first though... or you will feel guilty.
First, disconnect from your emotions as much as possible(practice makes perfect). Then ask them to clarify the question on 2 or 3 different points. It is important that this becomes more work for them than it's worth. Then give simple yes, no, or I don't know answer. Modify this recipe according to taste. Your emotions are the narc's food and desire. Starve the parasite and it will seek elsewhere. This existence is your boot camp. You will progress on but the drill Sargent has committed himself to his current state.
this is AWESOME. I was thinking "what kind of response would be the best way to not give them what they want." and I was thinking "hm, let me think about that." but I love this comment. Absolutely perfect technique.
Wow! You speak the total truth! The best thing I’ve done is to move two big states away & marry ( 2nd one, 1st picked by her was also a Narc ) a wonderful man with a great mother who is now my mother as well. Safe to say, she HATES my mother-in-law. Still suffering from PTSD but my life is SO much better
That is wonderful Penny! My 1st husband was a Flying Monkey for my mother and THEY ganged up on me. It was so hurtful to have my husband doing my own mother's sick bidding. They BOTH loved controlling me which brought them great happiness for 12 long years. I am so proud of you Penny! You have WON!!! Congrats!!!
To get to the point of awareness where you can combat mostly everything they throw at you it feels so empowering and im just grateful to have found a community of ppl that understand what i know to be true and many coaches/therapists that have taught me so much. God bless all of you it really does get better sooner or later. Im going to do cartwheels the day i can fully cancel my toxic family..theres 4+ narcs. Its crazy ik idk how that happens inside one family but its not pretty let me tell you. Thanks for the video darling 🌹
Mine use to do the same thing. Now whenever she interupts I ask her a favor. Like can you get me a glass of water. Oh I am Glade you are here I was just thinking about you, would you mind walking the dog, I think he wants to go outside.
WOW! Your method wouldn't work for me. Your mom is very nice in comparison to some. My Narc wouldn't get me a glass of water and she would never ever walk any dog.
Took me years to figure out why my mother always showed hate towards me. First thought it was some kind of mother / daughter jealousy. Thinking back I NEVER heard her raise her voice or being angry - HOWEVER she always made rest of us upset! (family) She is so provocative, lighting small fires around her to get negative reactions. I think narcissist have lots of self hate. There is no love, its all a mask. In public she is a totally different (fake) person! she has ruined me in so many ways and I feel healthier and happier now that I am aware and not having an active part in her life. Yet the little girl inside me is still hurting when thinking of her...thank god I had a good stabile father who gave me encouragement and self confidence! Great video Michelle!🌹
Wow!! Thank you so much and for your subscriber for writing you -- this relates so much to my current situation and in my case, the behavior is spot on. the same and even worse! I highly appreciate it
I totally figured out my sudden emergency it works great . I started escaping and that's made her not want me around at all . One of the things and me knowing she's kinda wicked . She knows I know .
I knew someone who would answer his narc parents with random words like "potato" and "thirteen". They eventually just started leaving him alone since there was no more supply to harvest.
My mom is discarding me right now, make me feel embarrassed and insult me because she was just enjoying of telling me about the misfortune of others by judging them and I told her "It's their business, don't mind about them." She gets angry with me and told me that what I said hurts her. She started to yell at me and always blaming me when she's not in a mood. She scolded me and seems like she wants our neighbor to hear it. That's very painful because I don't have a friend, even one that I could talk to. She always make me feel that every person that comes into my life is a bad person like telling me my friends are jealous of me . She brags my achievements to her friends and neighbor and that made me feel uncomfortable. I don't like it. She always reminds me that if I achieve something, people will get jealous of me. I hate that mindset of her because it made me feel like I don't need a friend. So, I'm so lonely. She's always upset to me. She doesn't allow me to work however I was forcing myself to make money because we are very poor. I don't have a father anymore and I want to help her but she's happy when I gave her money. She doesn't want me to wash dishes and do laundry but telling me I'm lazy. I'm the only child, I need to be independent however she don't want me to. I lost my job, I was terminated because I have two consecutive absences and the reason was I was very emotionally hurt because of her. I need a rest for myself however she's controlling me of everything that I do. I can't set boundaries of her too, because our house is tiny and no specific room. I can't hide. She gets angry when I go out. She also gets drunk sometimes and it's so embarrassing when she dance, yell and pee on public. That made me become afraid of people because it embarrassed me. I really hate itttt. Then I started become angry with her and fight her with words of how I felt but she's telling me she worked hard for me to give food but make me feel guilty. When we have a fight because I can't control my emotions anymore. She would tell me, you will have "karma" in the future for not respecting her anymore. It make me feel so stupid. I can't get out of it. I'm like in a jail of abusive emotions. Please help me, I'm very emotionally wounded right now. I need your advice. Pleaaaaaaaasseeeeeeeee.
One thing a narcissist hates, and I know from experience...is laugh at them. Laugh at anything they say and keep saying "okay" or "boy, you are really unstable right now". Never let them see they are having an effect on you. I always cut things very short by leaving and saying "ok you go ahead throw your fit I have better things to do. And leave. Just leave it at that.
Children from narcissistic parents, who are now suffering from codependency symptoms, may be struggling to learn how to love themselves since the narc abuse.Narcs tend to attract people pleasers or codependent personalities. Codependents seek outside validation so- easy targets for narc lovers and friends.
Good advice... reframing is a CBT method that works best in conjunction with a relaxation technique such as deep breathing in order to reduce the hypothalamus flight/fight/freeze response which give the mind and body a greater chance of homeostasis. 😊 As an adult child of a mother with NPD I find this combination very helpful. Thanks for posting 😁
If you are careful about which conversational anchor you drop, there is an opportunity to learn not only about yourself, but also about the other person. Remember anchors can be cut to keep the ship afloat, can be brought back in, can create a new one, and sometimes just using it for what it is. A way to stay put in calmer seas. If all else fails. The ship and roughness of a sea are only in your heads. The ship is only consuming your perception by your acceptance. The goal is to focus on reality. Eventually anchors become positve goals based in reality. The fallouts and frustration but wind for sails. We are all broken in many ways. Narcissist or not. Life is not easy. Forgiveness, love, keep going.
Mom lives with me . The less time i spent around her , and her circle of friends , the more attentive she has became . It was like giving her a dose of her own medicine !!!!
she did this in my teenage years, i got confused. like someone hit me with a big chopstick. clueless what was happening. now, she is my worst enemy. and don´t even know what i should wish her. she caused so much havoc, pain, anxiety, uncertainty. and that was not even noticed a long time. gaslighting and even an autoimmune disease. btw you are a very lovable woman, your style of presenting this content is very understandable
Well I'm 23 now and I'm still struggling with her behavior towards me. I detached emotionally a long time ago so it's not that hurtful but still very energy consuming. Now I feel sorry for her. Bless y'all
@@johnnytsunami3558 hi there, well since I’m okay with her being the way she is and putting my energy towards me, she’s super nice.. like too nice to me and tries to put up this front that I’m not buying. Still trying to get access to my energy again. Not with me tho! She’s my mum, till she dies she’s connected to me in a way but that’s it. I’m living my own life and it feels great^^ Ay, thanks for commenting it’s great to see how far I’ve came since then. Have a good one y’all 🫶
My mom have always told me that she isnt the only one treating me this way and that every teen goes through this. I thought it was the way life is for all my life until noe. Im 16, i know the truth, just 2 more years left mother.
I really pity everyone Caught in a bad situation with a narcissistic family cz we dont deserve hell on this earth.We deserve love ,affection and peace of mind.I wish everyone a peacful life ahead and a road to recovery from abuse.Cz sometimes ppl donot heal easily but God will grant you healing.Sending my Love and peace to all.
I have, in some way, been parenting Mom since the day I was born. Formative memory as a toddler: Came in from back yard. I'm roughly 3 yo. Mom was busy on phone. Dad was overseas for work. I am small. I tell her that the babysitter wanted to play game with me in the lawn chair fort called: "Show me your kitty and I'll show you my puppy." I am "punished for lying" and tossed headfirst down old cement cellar stairs. Don't remember really much else about that day at all. Like a along ago cartwheel. Needed stitches. Mom was mad about the accusatory looks she was getting from staff. Anyway basically it's all about her right? From the beginning of my life. Mom was an opiod addict while I was in utero. Her labour was difficult. Three days she says. Story goes: I was born a breach birth, toes out frst. Cord around neck. Purple and black from hips to toes from forceps pulling me out apparently. Oxygen deprivation etc. They "wouldn't let her see me for days" and wasreleased from hospital before I was. Here's the kicker. I don't think I wanted to be born of my mother. I think my whole being resisted even being born. So, from the actual formative beginning there was a lack of bonding w Mom. Thanks the safe space in which to share! Happy Mothers Day to all of you who have the capacity to nurture your children.
You know I love your vids on narc mothers!! (for obvious reasons). Narc moms ARE a special breed, but I think those temporary techniques are very constructive and can be permanent strategies for life when dealing with any toxic person. So, thank you once again for demonstrating with a "capital D" how we can surmount any situation by remaining in full control of our emotions. When you're quiet on the inside, you have dominion over yourself and others.
Your subscribers story sounds very similar to mine. I had to stay with my mother for a while last year, and while being there she used to barge into the room, without knocking, this made me extremely nervous! With regards to our conversations, she would not walk away from the conversation, she would either yell in reaction to what I said,or she would be extremely dismissive and respond by saying well.... Anyways.. Then she would totally change the subject as if nothing happened. I used to think I was the crazy person! Now, I know better. Thank you so much for your Chanel, I appreciate you!
Thank you Michele, at 52 I've realized after my father highlighting the fact after an extremely upsetting fight, AGAIN! with my mother. That she displays many of the Narcissistic Parent styles. After all these years it's quite a shock but also extremely relieving and makes me feel a bit sad for my mother for the pain she must live all these years. However, I realize I must now take care of me and let go of the judgments she places on me and that I am a normal person with normal emotions and feelings and to not take on my mother's Narcissistic judgments towards me. Especially when her life is a complete mess. Great work you're doing.
Another answer could be,”I don’t know” even if you do. Or, “I’ll have to think about that more” and then later, when she can’t walk away, like she’s washing dishes, you can answer
Again, with my writing, my mother took issue with me even *attempting* to write a short screenplay for entry to a contest and berated me, calling me "selfish" for entering! "What would have happened to you and your sister if I'd given up my responsibilities and just done whatever I liked?" I kind of smiled to myself realizing that it wasn't my *writing* that was bothering her; it was what I would *write about* that was bothering her. Would something be revealed about her that would be unflattering, (like "Mommy Dearest", maybe?). As emotionally charged as that was, I pointed out to her that the reasons she'd given as to "why" I was "selfish" were not only wrong, but, my life was completely different from hers! I had a husband who brought in enough money for us, (at the time, I didn't realize his plans for including a girlfriend in the mix!), and we only had the one child who wasn't an infant, so her attack on me was completely out of line! I succeeded in finishing the script and entering, and when that seemed to be more than I'd expected to have happen.
Maybe not laughing but somehow turn into fun (which is NOT easy couse they make us upset, right). Two days ago: Mom: You cuddle your dog too much. If you had son he would be a criminal.(very mean because I can t have kids and so on) Instead of saying But, that s nonsense, I said: No, he would be gay. Everyone in the park think it s female dog.(plus no emotional response). End. Very simple example, but I hope you get the idea.
I don't think you can even come close to understanding how much of a life saver you, your channel and, this question are. Thank you so much. I am in the exact situation as the person asking the question but this time I know I can get away and how I'm going to do it. I just need to have some sanity while I wait for that moment to leave and never come back. Thank you again.
Wow -- please let the person who wrote this know that I have dealt with this *exact form* of disrespect, literally word for word, except I have not lived with my mother for 30 years!
You have the best video out there that clearly explained what me and my siblings went through under a narcissistic mother. This helped a lot so thank you... I also realized that because she is still our mom after all - the subject of unconditional love steps in.
You only give unconditional love to someone who gives you unconditional love in return otherwise you just become a doormat. Say someone was your partner would be ok to give and give and give and give just because if the other person didn't show you unconditional love back?
Thank you for making these videos. I am coming to terms with it. I have so much internal pain from this ,and it is exhausting to continuously tell my mom the things she is doing is wrong and not motherly. I am so tired of taking on all her negative and bad energy which she is glad to release my way. 😭 I pray this time I will find the courage with God to cut the umbilical cord since i have not been able to distance myself from both her and my father for years which has cause so much damage in my life.i am so tired of the pretense, then the cruelty and evil actions ,then she pretends to not know she did anything wrong. I use to feel sorry for her because her mom abandoned her physically, so i thought at least i got a mom, but it's hell to deal with my narcissistic mom, and it's a triple danger for me because my dad is bipolar and am running out of strength.These videos are my therapy sessions because I don't have enough money to go get mental help. I hope I can survive this am so tired 😭 I wish they made centers for people who suffer from this type of abuse..
Setting your own contact boundaries was key for me. Now I refuse to speak on the phone, only text so she doesn’t have emotion control over me. I respond to her questions and banter with neutral or positive responses on text no matter what she says. This leaves her powerless. She tries to get negative responses from me still by giving me the silent treatment when I send happy travel pictures, or me and my boyfriend. I know she is just trying to get a frustrated response from me so she can start a fight. Then a month later she will send me an dramatic emotional text asking me if I ever coming home. Like wtf are you talking about? I’m 36 and have my own house. It took me a while to physical detach from her. The process included me having anxiety attacks and depression until I finally emotionally detached from her drama energy and not care about her opinion.
I am too at the moment and I use it as my motivation to get out soon rather than something limiting. It's easy for me to say as each person's condition is different but that's my stand point at the moment. Depending on the health condition you have I would recommend an app called curable. It really helps you to work with the mind body connection regarding your health and this helps you deal with the situation around you better and your health is less affected by it.
I know there is such darkness when it comes to discussing these issues. But after our mother passed away my brothers and I did manage to find some peace. A lot of it- came from my terrible sense of humor. So take a break for a moment from all the stress and pain- and consider you may even get to a place where you can laugh about it... I had a good childhood. I actually live in the family home where I grew up. It’s interesting. A few weeks ago- I was digging in the back yard- and I came upon a dead horse- which I believe my mother beat into the ground. I remember hearing her tell me she didn’t mean to. We just celebrated Mother’s Day. I got to thinking of my Mom. And it struck me- she was the one person who could most quickly and accurately identify and tell me which of my activities were the least I could have done in any particular situation. "Oh wow- and I just happened to choose that activity." I’m not saying my Mom had issues, but when she passed away- she made it clear in her will that her money should be divided equally between my two brothers and me. But- the money had to be placed in a pinata- made to look like her, and the 3 of us had to beat it out of her- during the funeral service.
My mother always talks to me about sad things and always talk about other people she never tells me anything good about me its always about someone else tks for helping lol
Try answering with only questions. For example, “what makes you think that?” Or “That’s interesting. Why would you ask me that?” Or a simple ,”why?” You can make people think you are actually engaging in conversation but the whole time you are only asking questions and turning everything around on them. I heard about this technique somewhere and thought if I were still with the narc I would try it LOL
I used my old home address for years and she would read all my mail saying she just wanted to make sure I wasn’t keeping anything from her..so I got me a po box cause that really was pissing me off
Thanks for your awesome videos. They are hands-down the best on UA-cam!!! I listen to so many other ones but with you, it’s like you are speaking to me personally and you GET IT!! Other people seem like they are describing something that they don’t really know 🤷♀️
7 років тому+3
I feel stuck when it comes to my mother, have not picked up the phone lately. Don't know anymore how to talk to her and how to get through to her. If I call her, I get blamed for not calling or picking up the phone. My grand-parents raised me, especially my grand-mother, her mother. And they died a long time ago. Exactly I feel powerless towards her and that she always has the last word.
my mother has psychosis and hears things, she abuses alcohol and gets violent and has a narcissistic and paranoid dark personality. im in the same boat as the young woman in this scenario economically its hard for me to get through college classes because every other friday night theres a raging violent episode onto my dad. i have a you ger brother in the house and i kniw the difference between right and wrong but im afraid of trauma damage on us. often times i go into a state of shock and defense and feel crippling depression and struggle with succeeding in school im really worried about my career
This person needs to get financially independent. Narc mother's love when we are dependant on them. It gives them power over us.
My older sister is completely financially dependent on my mother. I've suspected for a long time that my mother likes it this way; my sister NEVER stands up to her.
I'm not even financially dependent on my mother but she likes to pretend I am lol Whatever you crazy narc just keep giving me your money.
My mother "helps" me out a lot with babysitting and money at times. But there is a heavy emotional price I pay in return.
Yes but it is exptremly hard to do when you are only 13 :( but i am trying to do it ❤ i want to study french yet my parents say no i want to dance ballet but my parents say no. no to everything i never get to do what i want . If i talk back or misbehave a little i am said to be the cause of the" deppression"? In the house i am lebanese and that the best i could explian it in english i am working as hard as possible to achive my dreams but always they want to tear me down yesterday i was sobing for 2 hours striaght at night and my mom just told me to stop crying and i was barely breathing anyways so she says i wish you die while crying and dad came in saying your the cause of the deppresion in this house again . Smh
@@hdhdhd-4935 This breaks my heart to hear you are being abused so badly. I wish I could wave a magic wand and you would be surrounded by all the love and support you deserve, sweet girl. I know how badly it hurts to be made to feel that just for wanting something or expressing how sad you are, as is your right as a daughter and a human being, you are made to feel like there is something wrong with you, when it's really something wrong with them. It's great that you found such a helpful resource as Michelle... realizing that your mother has a type of mental disorder at such a young age is going to help you so much. You may not be able to leave your house for a while yet, but hang on to the fact that there is nothing wrong with you, you are wonderful, and keep reaching out for help from people who understand this particular disorder. You will get through this and be able to achieve your dreams, don't give up. Sending much love and big hugs.
I never realized so many people had narcs in their life. I thought I was so alone.
Nope. You're not alone at all.
Me too
Everyone is alone. No one is alone.
Yes I didn’t expect it either. The best advice I can give is: don’t give a shit about her because she allready wasted her rights. Secondly: if she beats you you should warn her that you will hit her back (I’m not a fan of beating woman but I’m okay with it if they start beating you when you don’t deserve it)
I feel like theres an epidemic of them. They're freaking everywhere.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of narc.
They'll use anything you DO say and anything you DON'T say against you. So you might as well go no contact and let them trash you from a distance, where you don't have to hear it.
You are soooo right about that.
Lol I know this is a serious issue but that is funny
I’ve often thought this same sentiment when dealing with my narc parents
I wish I knew it all my life .
They just want to unload on to you like you're a trash can, no sincere questions towards you, all dump ... so irritating, dehumanising and frustrating
Truth that’s why ppl have to cut off all contact and block these evil ppl. I did and prob will never speak to them ever again
2 plus years of no contact. Only way out. No contact
I'm starting to feel like I may need to do so. My own mother is literally is all these things. I also have a Dad who doesn't see where she is wrong. Also he is has done some things as well. I know that once I move, I just need to cut them off for a while. Its beginning to be a bit much. I am my own person.
Yay! Keep strong
good 4 u
Say it again. Frfr
Carianne Gee I feel the same exact way! Every where I move; I have tremendous problems smh
My Narc mother actually tried to get me to commit suicide...Incestuous, gas lighting, turning everyone against me....The life of the Scapegoat.
I feel u brother 😢
@@innerpeace4491 A great book is called "The Narcissist in your life". Its really a book of the most horrific people God put on this planet!
This happened to me and my little bro too, it started with me the eldest daughter, scapegoat no1, and I tried to end it, and was lucky it didn't get too far, but my little bro did try 2, 2mnths ago, not an easy life, it's disgusting what these ppl do to their own, my little bro is convinced its further up than her and she has evil ppl paying her to do evil deeds, as he dont believe a mother could be so callous
@@kc-uk2mp PRAYERS TO ALL OF US WHO WERE NARCISSISTICALLY (?) ABUSED. A SPECIAL PRAYER TO THOSE WHO WERE SCAPEGOATED! DR.'S AND THERAPISTS SPECULATE THAT ITS WHY I HAVE CPTSD< WHICH HAD MANIFESTED MY SLE LUPUS! ONE SISTER ALSO SUFFERED THIS ABUSE AND DEVELOPED MS! WE BOTH HAVE HAD VARIOS & DEADLY COMPLICATIONS FROM AUTO-IMMUNE DISEASE! SPIRITUAL FOLKS STATE THAT MANY EXTREME NARCS ARE INFLUENCED BY SATANIC INFLUENCES...! GEE, YA' THINK?
I too have CPTSD, undiagnosed, however I know its what I have as it explains a lot of my behaviours, like the sudden tears, the sudden sadness, panic attacks, palpitations, nightmares, flashbacks, amongst other things, and never have I been diagnosed, drs seem to just wanna put me on tablets which just suppress things and i worry about what else will come to me over the yrs. I totally hear ya, it def does feel that way when you're in it, me and my brother both said it felt demonic and spiritual, it touches the soul, but we will get through this, one day, it's a journey!
It’s like my mother is the “darkness “ and she feeds from my “light” to survive
"No negative emotional contact". Absolutely brilliant! The dark can't stand the light. They thrive on negativity, so blast them with positivity and light. Trust me, they'll run. Thank you for the video!!!
IDK when my mother sees me happy or even in a better mood than usual she will always find a way to destroy it.
Yoongi's Tongue . Same here . And she’s very clever about it - you could never tell if you don’t study up
@Yoongi's Tongue Take the power back. What about laugh out loud like it's a yoga session. As you look at her facial reaction, you might laugh some more that your stomach hurts. What a tension release. Make sure no one is recording it and if you think it can work for you♥️
This is actually what will feed the narcissism. Narcissistic people feed off of empathy
Narcissist people feed on others people anger.My mom has job problems so she is filled with negative energy.She comes home and literaly tries to find a reason to start a fight with me.Once in the morning,the clock was broken and i wanted to fix it.And she simply started to scream at me.CANT YOU JUST LOOK AT YOUR PHONE CLOCK???i was suprised that she would be able to start a fight for the simplest reason.
Mothers who feel good when they see they can inflict pain on their children... what world do we live in? Thank you for telling it like it is, as sick as that is. You are an inspiration... I pray I can find myself and my confidence again...I find I still end up feeling terrible, no matter how much I "grey rock" or gaslight her back.
Let’s stop calling these monsters “mothers”. They don’t compass anything a real mother does. I don’t even understand why ppl still communicate with these toxic evil creatures. I guess the ones they have must be less malignant because I can’t understand why they would ever have any contact with such a monster again.
@@ABa-ve3ul Thank you I agree. Although there were times I could see in my mother a terribly traumatized and horrifically abused little girl, and wanted so much to give her the love she never got from anyone in her life, it does no good in the here and now. She would only devour my empathy until there was nothing left of me, or twist it to use against me. I cut off all contact 2 years ago. What is bizarre is that during that 2 years, she seems to have aged 20 years. She stopped walking, is now almost bedridden, and seems to have some kind of dementia. Almost like she has no energy source of her own, and when i left, she did not have mine to keep her going. It's so sad, but like you said, that malignancy is real... if you stay you could literally die. The thing about narcissism is that it's the only mental disorder where someone is actively trying to offload their disorder on to you, and take your fundamentally kind and decent nature away from you. I had really held out hope that if I spent enough time with her now that I'm an adult and could set boundaries, that dynamic could strike a balance, where she could feel safe enough to trust the flow of giving and receiving love. Instead, she set me up and had me committed. I left after that... It was like my own personal holocaust. Never Again. Now she is who she truly is, without me there to use as her stolen fake persona. I focus on healing myself now, not her, because that was never even possible. I did all I could and it almost killed me. I'm so glad you got out too.
@@Quantum36911The idea that the Narcissists don't have their own energy source and age once their Fuel source leaves is absolutely fact!
Some people just don’t appreciate being a mother. They just got pregnant and kept us just to keep us, no real love there when you get off from torturing your own child
I think my narcissistic parents are demons in human skin. 🤔
Andrea Hieber that’s exactly what they are . “we are not fighting the flesh and blood but the higher powers , against the powers of this dark world”
Ephesians 6:12
I think that is exactly what they all are, and we are lightworkers who incarnated as their family to anchor in some kind of pathway for them to get home. Unfortunately, it has almost killed me, I don't want to be here anymore. It's just too brutal without love.
Understandable. I went no contact. Good luck for you!
There is so much truth to this..
@@jacquihernandez2858 amen!
Remember they have no respect for you and don't care what you have to say. Only that you get upset or angry or frustrated. As she is rude and walks away. It is her that is the horrible person Not you.
She likes to provoke you.
MOST EFFECTIVE TECHNIQUE: no contact....for life.
Wish I had that luxury! I have chronic illness and cannot work full time unfortunately. I would do this in a second if I could 😩
@@womenofgodunited I hope, for your health's sake, that you find a way out.
Chronic illnesses are often the body's response to being raised by, married to, or working for, a narcissistic vampire.
I'm not some hippy-dippy science-ignoring ignorant either. I just have learned, over decades, how many narcisists have spouses (or children) who become seriously ill...some dying very slow deaths or of sudden heart-attacks with no genetic defects found post-mortem...and I've seen it happen over and over and over and over again over the last 50+ years of my life. (some my own family members, others acquaintances, and even a few rather famous/well-known).
Wishing you the best~
@@le_th_ this makes 💯 sense and I am so grateful for your informative reply! I could use some prayers because that would help 🙏🏻💕
@@womenofgodunited You are very kind. I'm going to be honest with you, prayers didn't help any of those people who developed chronic illnesses and especially not those who died because they stayed too long and put the narcissist above their own health.
This is going to require YOU making a decision that you are no longer going to allow your health and well-being to be compromised. I had to do that myself.
God doesn't save babies from dying, god doesn't rescue women and children who are being traficked for sex, god doesn't protect children from pedophiles, the elderly from having their entire life savings scammed by psychopaths, or innocent people from natural disasters. If you are waiting for god to rescue you, you might as well get comfortable where you are.
God is NOT going to rescue you: no one is. You are going to have to rescue yourself.
The sad truth is that no one else can do that for you: it is up to each of us, alone, to find the strength within our weakened bodies and battered immune systems and to say, "NO MORE, my health comes before everything and everyone else until it is restored and I am strong again."
I wish you so much strength and healing, and the drive to put yourself first.
Good luck to you
@@le_th_ I know one thing about God and that it is He can give me strength to make these choices and moves. Let me rephrase the prayer.....can you please pray God give me strength to get through this? I totally understand what you are saying and I believe wholeheartedly that faith without works is dead. I absolutely hear what you are saying and this will be my focus and action. Thank you so much for the motivation and feedback about this subject! Sometimes we need to hear the real and raw reality and I am willing to listen 💕
My fight or flight is almost constant just when she's home..which is all the time....I'm always on edge.
Same
@Abundance Rey same!
Hi Blinkbunny, what helped me incredibly is going on an anti depression. Im on Paxil and it has done wonders!
Same with me I always blamed myself because she blamed me but now I see clearly her games.
I honestly thought I was the only one who goes into fight or flight within Minutes of being home and around my mother. It’s truly the worst
Just like my mil. She always has memory problems about the things she has done and acts like I am super sensitive. Never has apologized in her life. Denies everything. SHE LIVES WITH US. Imagine my life.
She needs to live away from you... Far away!! You deserve love and respect.
Same with me, tries to turn everything around on me
I have the same experience with my 94 yr old mom. I have lived with her as an adult and could not again. Good luck with disarming her from now on.
Also, paying attention to your intuition. I usually just feel, or know, that something is going to go down. I use this to prepare myself ahead of time. I don’t like being guarded, but it is necessary.
It seems like an important thing to do right up front is to greatly lower your expectations of the treatment you would ordinarily expect from a parent. If a stranger treated you this way you’d think, “What a jerk” and shrug it off. But the repeated pain of not even getting the minimal love someone should get from a parent is devastating. At some point you have to internally accept that this parent is damaged goods, it’s not your fault, and you will never have a normal experience, and stop taking anything more seriously than you would accept from a stranger.
That's been my most powerful armament. I have no expectations whatsoever. It's been far less destructive and I'm not missing out on anything.
With I was in my 30s and establishing boundaries, I began to look on my mother with pity and that seemed to be an emotional defense. She was truly handicapped by those feelings and never lived up to her potential, which is sad. She died when I was 42 and it was a relief to be free of her chaos. Our family became functional again. Now 78. I learned some good and many negative lessons. You just have play the hand you have been given and be as positive as possible. Life is good.
They all read from the same playbook? Walk away while she's asking you a question and ignore her, they are NOT human.
That doesn't work
They dont read from a play book. Rather guided by same demon. Harsh but true
Made the mistake of going across the world with my mother to visit my family after not seeing them for 20 years and she is making me miserable. Telling me what to do constantly as if I'm a little kid that needs to be told what to do. I'm 31 years old. Then she plays victim when I react and tries to make me look bad. Then she constantly stares at me and gives me dirty looks as I'm interacting with my family, I will be stuck with her for close to a month. I agreed to come with her because I thought she truly changed since my sister left and wants nothing to do with her. The truth is people like that will never change. I am planning to cut contact with her when we get back because I can no longer tolerate this treatment
your sister is smart
It's amazing how sometimes it's impossible to see narcissistic traits in someone in your own family, if they are using another family member as their supply. It's not until the "supply person" has had enough and leaves, that they turn their parasitic energy on to you, and demand that you become their new supply, that you can see who they truly are. This happened to me... I moved in to help my Dad after my "crazy" stepmom threw him out, after he had a stroke and had no car or money to move. He had left when I was a kid, so I only ever had a long distance relationship with him, which seemed very close, so I wanted to help him in his time of need. I found out who he really was, it was not my stepmom who was crazy, although she had her issues, it was mostly narc abuse from him that was making her act crazy. He started treating me exactly the way he treated her, as if I'm some pseudo partner responsible for all his needs, emotional AND financial, and I no longer matter as my own person. It's disgusting. I know exactly how you feel, because I escaped my narc mother, thinking at least I could trust my dad. Never again! I hope you got away from her!
This is my current situation. It’s sad how much I don’t feel anything towards her.
@@ronkeoyemade5271 I recommend you go and forgive your mother and be done with her. You will have to make distance with her.
After I forgave my mother for all the things she's done and told her I understood she couldn't help, she did the same thing to me that her mother did to her. I received a peace in my life I didn't know could exist. Another good thing is that I actually moved to a different state.
She does call me randomly to talk AT me but I just grey rock and she calls even less. Good luck to you my friend 🙏 💕 🌞
@@ronkeoyemade5271any update on your situation?
Mine does the same thing! Ask me a question and then walk away or turn on the TV. It's like she initiates just to have a chance to ignore me.
My mother purposely changes the subject when I talk after educating myself I’ve learned to stop talkin. If you pull your phone out ,change the subject or cut me off I will not repeat or seek there validation because that’s what it’s about.
omg!!! i need to learn this..
Hi, you look really beautiful - TRULY beautiful. This could have been why your Narc Mom turned against you - one of the reasons anyway. I also had a Narc Mom who was against me the minute she realized I was going to look like a Model. I actually did work as a model in NYC for a few years too. I noticed that often really beautiful and good natured children are targeted by these Narcs - it's disgusting.
When I was 17 and 'model beautiful' my mom said, "I can't believe I made you". Her compliments towards me confused me since her other behaviours didn't match. She seemed to compete with me or be upset if any of her bfs tried to invite me out with them. It was like I was more of a prop then a person.
Wow also thought I Just had this. I AM not a model but my mum hates when i look beautiful, try to bring me down. That is why i always dressed boring. Right now almost 30 felt like my youth was stolen by her. Can someone help me out
My mom is exactly like that. Not only that she is very petty. A bully and I literally don't look forward to talking to her really. She looks for things to be wrong. She throws tantrums like a kid. Its sickening.
@@loversinjapan2212 My mother would have me do my hair over and over again, just to please her. I was 18 years old. She didn't want me to be myself. It was like I had to have my hair like hers. Smh. I hated it.
@@loversinjapan2212 same with me. ..
Unfortunately, I HAD to live with my narcissistic mother well into my late 30's due to health issues!! Not everyone can just up and leave!!!! I was TRULY IN HELL!!
I am in that same position currently!!!! It is HELL! What did you do to get out??? I’m open for suggestions! Unfortunately, I am chronically ill so cannot work?
@@womenofgodunited Well, luckily I was able to get out after 36 yrs total living w abusive negligent parents. BUT I lost my license 6 yrs ago, long story, so NOW, I can’t go anywhere & the loneliness is so painful, as the trauma of early abandonment & abuse has made me either push away people or end up w pple who don’t really care about me. If you can drive & live where things are open, then you have that!! Which is a lot. I can help you to get well physically, but there’s an emotional component to it AND must be open to eating the proper foods for our species, which are fruits. I’m going through a lot, but ironically I give great advice!
@@lisabuckner243 I appreciate your reply so much! They told me they gave me a car but it was never put into my name nor is the insurance! I am basically a puppet but I refuse to give up this fight! I have fought so long for my health and well I have children. I just keep praying that God helps me know what to do in stressful situations and to open doors that are of Him. I too have trouble connecting to others and find myself isolating and lonely and so you aren’t alone in that.....as for diet, I have tried many even raw food! I struggle with chronic Lyme disease and I need the meat for the vitamin B as my body will not process it through supplement form. It’s a mess of a situation but I’m trying not to be too hard on myself and have some grace.
I am 29 I want to go out ... have own money ... be protected by my own walls
Why would you trust an evil person w your health/life? I understand what you’re saying but she is as evil as the one I have known she will rather destroy/take your life than save it. Unless she is not that bad. But the evil ones are the last ppl you want to ever live with
My mother does the same thing ! No boundaries what’s so ever!
I have a narcissistic brother who calls just to ask lots of questions and then acts arrogant and irritated when I will not answer him. He has been the gossiper in the family and takes everything to others only embellished. I do not answer his phone calls anymore. I also have a sister in law that ignores me when I speak as though completely disinterested but comes alive when the subject is about her. The last times I had to be with them I showed no frustration even feeling comical about it. However, I will not be going back again for a long time. I feel like I must take these people in small doses.
Gwendolyn Wehage . How should similar to me and my situation. An inquisitive sister who's only inquisitive because she enjoys cornering me . I don't ask her personal life questions because I'm not interested in her personal life , in any case I don't need to she can brag enough fir herself. I've in the past found myself answering what comes across as genuine ' interest ' in me ...laugh I've now realised its a patronising trap to provoke me ... What a sick sad way to get your kicks . It can only come down to jealousy otherwise why bother !! You're right ...minimal contact is good , BUT no contact is actually sooooo much easier for me , it's stress free. Try it, you'll know what I mean .
dont take them at all
My mom makes me feel negative emotion and cry and then tells me it’s my fault because I’m too sensitive and she’s just trying to love me and be a good mom.
No contact!... Get loving folks in your life...mutual respect and love.
Narcissists have no connection to their souls. They are empty shells. The only way to ever find your true self (You aren't who you think you are, you have become a bi-product of their abuse and neglect.) and find happiness, joy and peace is to go NO CONTACT. Don't waste any more precious time on these energy vampires! Sending a warm, loving hug to all those out there that need it. 🧡🙏✨
I've been feeling for years that something is off regarding my mother and me. I'm not sure if she is really a narc but she definitely has some of these points.
Actually, HER mother was an extreme narc - her sister was the golden child, and my Mom, the scapegoat, was physically and mentally abused. With me, she wanted to do better. I'm conviced that in her way, she loves me. We were always "very close", it was always "us against the rest of the world". I soon learned that I am responsible for her happiness since she suffered so much and gave up her whole life for ME, living with a violent husband for ME. Now she is alone and despises contact to other people, she always says that I'm the only person in her life that she cares about. If I ever leave her, she would kill herself. I was always the good girl, tried to make her happy. I live the life she wanted for me, I bought her the house that she wanted to live in, I live with her until today, I do the job that she wanted me to do. I have no friends nor a boyfriend. I hate my life the way it is. She controls everything. I started therapy not so long ago and start to see that something is off with her. It's a hard process....
Sandra Perez, I'm gonna have to charge you with plagiarism. You just described my life and my Narc Mom. That is of course until I was able to leave her house. To the outside world we always seemed so close, but in reality I was plotting my escape. She would threaten to kick me out of the house without just cause, simply because she needed supply. That was her biggest mistake because then I didn't feel guilty when I left, as much as she tried to make me feel guilty cause I wanted to be away from her and her precious house.
Yeah that's cause they treat you more like a husband and don't know how to grow up in a way to be your mother. You often get parentified by them growing up. They suffocate you so much that you repress your own needs and one day you wake up and feel contempt and resentment towards yourself and towards the parent for stealing your life. Once you are aware you can have a life of your own. Starting it is the hard part cause it feels strange. They don't respect boundaries so cutting these people out till you get what you need for yourself in life or limiting contact can be helpful. Sorry you understand the pain in this experience and that you had to fight so hard just to survive rather than thrive in life but you're not alone. Even if that doesn't change you're circumstance you are validated in your experience.
My narc mother doesnt AT ALL respect ANY boundaries. To the extent of getting very angry if I ask for her to respect my boundaries. She believes she has automatic and full rights to access every part of me and my life. She believes she does everything as if she is one of the most enlightened zen unproblematic people in the world, and is utterly im denial of any ill behaviours she practices. Its bizarre that a person can be in such severe denial of such extreme behaviours.
She also believes she is the victim of everyone and the world. Its exhausting. Concurrently though she can also be the greatest support, caregiver and incredibly loving. So confusing! But dare i behave in a way which doesnt fit her exact criteria and all hell breaks loose!!! Its exhausting 😔
@@LuxMeow This is exactly it. Thank you, it is so hard to start your own life when all you have ever been is someone else's supply. Being made into a pseudo-spouse as a child is malignant to the psyche and difficult to overcome. I have had to start my life over so many times because I kept ending up back with the parents who crippled me in the first place. Praying that now I'm aware I can start to heal and grow, not just survive.
@@ts4686 You describe my mother to a T.
This kind of people make me sick. Thats why avoid them. Disgusting creatures of being.
Im very grateful for your share ! Im taking notes, it helps! Dealing with those people its dangerous because you can become fake too! ... :)
TimeNow AndThen I agree we should avoid them. But I don't hate them because some of them can't stop, even if they wanted to. Still doesn't mean I'm gonna put up with bad behavior..
I have a narcissistic mom and I think I'm going to just run only school is like my life
The long-term emotional and mental abuse greatly affects my health....
@@lilac624 Yes, I keep ending up back in my mother's house every time my life falls apart, which it has often because of repeating patterns of emotional abuse, I end up getting sick with strange ailments from the stress. I have aged 10 years in the last year, since she signed me into a psych ward for trying to leave the house, now stuck back in her basement, from which I have been trying to escape my whole life. I will get out of here, once and for all.
@@Quantum36911 please try the curable app it has helped me a lot with my strange ailments, good luck and just believe you will break the cycle one day, because you are truly stronger than you think.
I been through this my whole life and suffered through hell. My mother is still crazy.
My father totally understands me. 4th book coming soon this year based on true life.
Awesome channel 👏👏
I've even walked around acting like they didn't even exist. It's like pretending you are deaf and blind. The way they react is hilarious.
Last night I was joking around with my grandma (we have a great relationship) and my narc mom over heard and obviously became jealous of my connection with my grandma.
She interrupted our convo to ask if I have taken a shower.
I just said “what? Why do you care?” And started laughing
She said “did you take a shower?”
I said “I take showers all the time? That’s such a weird question”
My mom go so defensive that I wasn’t granting her with narc supply that she said “shut up, go to your room”
I just said “alrighty, see ya, I got work tomorrow” and walked away laughing
I never felt so great.
This was the first time I felt like I won against her.
1. Be independent financially
2. Be independent emotionally
3. Don’t look for validation in others eyes
4. Don’t give them time in a day or night
My narcissistic mother was attempting to control my teenage sons feelings when she refused to tell him she loved him back when he was leaving her house to come home to me. I dont know what came over me but I just blurted out "son, dont you allow her to govern how you feel, let's go." I swear, her jaw dropped to the floor, lol. I was the scapegoat growing up while my older brother was the golden child. My brother ostracizes my son and they've all have reject me as well as refuse to accept me. My narcissistic mother has always drained me growing up I was always so tired. Now I know why, it was because she would empty me while she fueled herself. I would take the abuse and not say a word while holding back the tears. I would not show her any kind of reaction . It honestly has made much more emotionally intelligent.
Good for you! My mom is similar. Scapegoats triangulates.
Thank you so much !!!! This poor guy and I almost have the same mom!!! I had no clue that I was raised by a complete and total Narcissist. I always thought something was wrong with me ALL my life. It took me seeing MY narcissistic behaviors to finally wake up!!! I even had myself professionally examined for 2 weeks in fear of becoming like her. Thank you Lord for waking me up to my own issues so I can forgive and heal!!! You are so amazing !!!! His video was so helpful ❤️😘
Sigh . .. the struggle is real 😒🤦🏾♀️ Then you find yourself looking for the love in the wrong places..😔😔
So true Ashley. I did the same thing. The worst part is that I didn't know what "love" really was.
So anyone that gave me attention was "love" to me. Narcissistic Mothers don't love us, so anyone that ACTS like they love us is good enough for us. It's all we know. I now understand why I was so promiscuous. So sad, isn't it?
you do realise that if you are successful in thwarting the narcissist that they will up their game and attack you on levels you never even thought of......it seems to add fuel to their fire
Kitt Wetherell true. I never thought my mom would turn this diabolical.
Yeah I want an answer to that cause I'm afraid of the things she can do cause I live on her money she can do anything she wants and no one will question her since they don't want my burden or blame to put on them she is can victimize herself with excellence
Any attempt to bond or compromise with these people is futile. Nothing short of Stockholm Syndrome - when the prisoner tries to humour their jailer into believing they are good friends in the vain hope that it might temper the abuse a little.
So true.. I found this out in a very traumatic way.. When I finally set boundaries with my mother, she had me committed. Came to the hospital every day with donuts for everyone , calling me her Baby, which she never called me in her life, to show everyone what a loving mother she was. I learned to avoid her at all costs. She did not care what it took to hurt me, as long as she got vengeance for me moving out of her house.
Yes. When I tried to just respond with extra love and kindness, things got even worse.
I'm also forced economically to live with my narc parents, but I still maintain no contact. Always stay in my room when they're around, never answer them.
@Trey Lovely: no change. Still sitting in my room 23+ hours of every day, only sneaking out when I really have to go to the bathroom or to grab some food; the only money I have is whatever small sums they send to my bank account on an irregular basis, and I spend almost all of it on food.
I hope things have changed
@@nicholastidemann9384any update hows it going ?
I'm already emotionally scared and at this point every time I avoid her I get threats.
Why not block her. I don’t understand why many ppl in the comment still have contact to these evil ppl. Why would anyone retrau%atize themselves with these evil ppl over and over
I realized this is true for my mom. A few weeks ago, she got upset at over me making bagels for the family and asking how many I should make of each kind (raisin or plain). At first when she yelled at me, I was unresponsive as I usually am when she screams at me. Then she throws one of the bagels on the floor, yanks my hair and starts kicking me. I finally escape and start screaming at her, and then she says, "Good! Finally you're alive! You're actually responding." now I feel like it all connects. She gets mad at me whenever I do anything wrong, but she gets REAL pissed whenever she hits me, yells at me, or damages my things and I don't respond by complaining, crying, or screaming. I think she might actually find it satisfying to see me embarrass myself, because she gets to turn around and say, "See? See what a childish person your daughter/sister is? Look at the way she yells at me. She's so disrespectful, poor me for having a daughter who hates me." She tends to try to exploit me in front of the family. Whenever she's getting after me, it's almost always in front of the entire family, she recent told my 10 year old sister behind my back that I was cutting myself (which IS true to be fair, my mom saw my leg and made sure that everyone in the room knew by forcing me to display my left shin to my dad while everyone was watching the Super bowl in the same room.). My poor sister came into my room crying, and I later on told my mom that I didn't need her to know about it. "Oh well I feel like she needs to know about these thing, it may help her to learn to not do it herself." well it's nice to know that I'm being used as a lesson, "Look at your sister, you don't want to turn out like HER! Look how emotionally unstable and weak she is! Don't turn into her. I'm telling you this because 10 is totally the appropriate age for you to know these sort of things. So I'm going to ruin your day by telling you something horrible about your sister that will make you cry, while also embarrassing your sister, because everyone who cuts wants everyone around them to know about it, especially children. She's also asked me if I ever touched myself while in the bathroom when I was 14, on front of my DAD and ALL of my YOUNGER siblings. She also accuses me of "hating the entire family" over the smallest things, of course in front of the entire family. All because I "avoid them all" when I'm at home, when really I'm only avoiding HER. She always does this shit to me because she knows I'll get upset when she does it, and that gives her power.
My narcissistic mother came over today and accused me of being mentally ill and "needing help" as I have gone no contact with 2/3 or more of my family (and in low contact with my mother also) who hate my guts and then preceded to accuse me of being "in debt" because I forgot to honour her on her birthday. She did provoke me. I told her, her accusations where unacceptable but she did povoke me and I said I didn't care what story she tells everyone as she has been doing for 35 years. I totally screwed up the interaction up as she did get to me. She came over looking for an agruement to play the victim as I am seen as an aggressive mentally ill person who has altercations with her.
You are brave... Get rid of all people who make you feel bad...bye!
Remember.. They feed on neg or pos. Reactions... Get rid of them!!
Emotional regulation is key. Learning to manage our own emotional triggers will eliminate a lot of suffering.
I have been emotionally and mentally abused by my narcissistic mother and could never get a word in or she would threaten me cause me stress and panic to the point I had to completely cut her from my life and she managed to get my brothers to hate me and not want anything to do with me
My mom was just like this writers description! There are different neutralizing answers you can give and just alternate them each time she does this...Knowing that the narc doesn't care about your answer just supply, you can say "I'm gonna have to get back to you on that." then don't. You don't have to feel guilty since you know she doesn't want your answer just energy to feed on. Another tactic is give a neutral sort of non answer-answer when you know she's going to disagree or counter whatever you say, just shrug to her question smile and reply. "I dunno, some people see it this way, others that." Neutral answers are boring to legalistic narcs who like to manufacture arguments. I really like the idea of just being too busy to answer her at all right now. I'd analyze what tactics work best and have a set that you can alternate successfully that won't catch you off guard. Being busy and being neutral are key. My mom was like this to me false interest then abandonment in every interaction, when so I really understand. Hugs to the writer. Have a set of tactics, rinse and repeat until you can move out.
Truth Seeker word.
I can verify that this way of answering works really well on my covert Narc mother ,She learns nothing and I get to carry on relatively unscathed (3.5 years Very low contact yay!)My mother now in her seventies is a very legalistic narc who gets supply from starting arguments and baiting .
false interest then abandon!! ugh!! maybe 100 times a day
I actually have supervisors that will ask me a question and then only talk while I'm talking, as if they didn't ask me a question or if whatever I'm about to say has no merit. I feel like I am in a war with a gun and no bullets, but, Everytime I listen to your posts, you supply me with ammunition. I appreciate it, thanks!
Kay Anne I understand exactly how you feel and if you only knew my story. But I will say it is a war. It really is a war. Spiritual and Physical.
Yep, I had a narcissist for a supervisor at work who was excited to hire me because I was transgender and seemed an easy target. You have to get away from them. Period.
Tell people about them and complain to HR first though... or you will feel guilty.
This hAppens constantly to me. Sometimes I slip and snap on her..but I'm learning. And practicing. And she hates it
First, disconnect from your emotions as much as possible(practice makes perfect). Then ask them to clarify the question on 2 or 3 different points. It is important that this becomes more work for them than it's worth. Then give simple yes, no, or I don't know answer. Modify this recipe according to taste. Your emotions are the narc's food and desire. Starve the parasite and it will seek elsewhere. This existence is your boot camp. You will progress on but the drill Sargent has committed himself to his current state.
oh that's really good strategically....thanks!!!
this is AWESOME. I was thinking "what kind of response would be the best way to not give them what they want." and I was thinking "hm, let me think about that." but I love this comment. Absolutely perfect technique.
This is a great idea
Wow! You speak the total truth! The best thing I’ve done is to move two big states away & marry ( 2nd one, 1st picked by her was also a Narc ) a wonderful man with a great mother who is now my mother as well. Safe to say, she HATES my mother-in-law. Still suffering from PTSD but my life is SO much better
That is wonderful Penny! My 1st husband was a Flying Monkey for my mother and THEY ganged up on me.
It was so hurtful to have my husband doing my own mother's sick bidding. They BOTH loved controlling me which brought them great happiness for 12 long years. I am so proud of you Penny! You have WON!!! Congrats!!!
To get to the point of awareness where you can combat mostly everything they throw at you it feels so empowering and im just grateful to have found a community of ppl that understand what i know to be true and many coaches/therapists that have taught me so much. God bless all of you it really does get better sooner or later. Im going to do cartwheels the day i can fully cancel my toxic family..theres 4+ narcs. Its crazy ik idk how that happens inside one family but its not pretty let me tell you.
Thanks for the video darling 🌹
Mine use to do the same thing. Now whenever she interupts I ask her a favor. Like can you get me a glass of water. Oh I am Glade you are here I was just thinking about you, would you mind walking the dog, I think he wants to go outside.
That's amazing thinking.
LOL !
WOW! Your method wouldn't work for me. Your mom is very nice in comparison to some. My Narc wouldn't get me a glass of water and she would never ever walk any dog.
@@millions2nette ofc they won't do that. It's only to confuse them.
What do you mean exactly?
Took me years to figure out why my mother always showed hate towards me. First thought it was some kind of mother / daughter jealousy.
Thinking back I NEVER heard her raise her voice or being angry - HOWEVER she always made rest of us upset! (family) She is so provocative, lighting small fires around her to get negative reactions. I think narcissist have lots of self hate. There is no love, its all a mask. In public she is a totally different (fake) person! she has ruined me in so many ways and I feel healthier and happier now that I am aware and not having an active part in her life. Yet the little girl inside me is still hurting when thinking of her...thank god I had a good stabile father who gave me encouragement and self confidence!
Great video Michelle!🌹
Wow!! Thank you so much and for your subscriber for writing you -- this relates so much to my current situation and in my case, the behavior is spot on. the same and even worse! I highly appreciate it
I totally figured out my sudden emergency it works great . I started escaping and that's made her not want me around at all . One of the things and me knowing she's kinda wicked . She knows I know .
I knew someone who would answer his narc parents with random words like "potato" and "thirteen". They eventually just started leaving him alone since there was no more supply to harvest.
My mom is discarding me right now, make me feel embarrassed and insult me because she was just enjoying of telling me about the misfortune of others by judging them and I told her "It's their business, don't mind about them." She gets angry with me and told me that what I said hurts her. She started to yell at me and always blaming me when she's not in a mood. She scolded me and seems like she wants our neighbor to hear it. That's very painful because I don't have a friend, even one that I could talk to. She always make me feel that every person that comes into my life is a bad person like telling me my friends are jealous of me . She brags my achievements to her friends and neighbor and that made me feel uncomfortable. I don't like it. She always reminds me that if I achieve something, people will get jealous of me. I hate that mindset of her because it made me feel like I don't need a friend. So, I'm so lonely. She's always upset to me. She doesn't allow me to work however I was forcing myself to make money because we are very poor. I don't have a father anymore and I want to help her but she's happy when I gave her money. She doesn't want me to wash dishes and do laundry but telling me I'm lazy. I'm the only child, I need to be independent however she don't want me to. I lost my job, I was terminated because I have two consecutive absences and the reason was I was very emotionally hurt because of her. I need a rest for myself however she's controlling me of everything that I do. I can't set boundaries of her too, because our house is tiny and no specific room. I can't hide. She gets angry when I go out. She also gets drunk sometimes and it's so embarrassing when she dance, yell and pee on public. That made me become afraid of people because it embarrassed me. I really hate itttt. Then I started become angry with her and fight her with words of how I felt but she's telling me she worked hard for me to give food but make me feel guilty. When we have a fight because I can't control my emotions anymore. She would tell me, you will have "karma" in the future for not respecting her anymore. It make me feel so stupid. I can't get out of it. I'm like in a jail of abusive emotions. Please help me, I'm very emotionally wounded right now. I need your advice. Pleaaaaaaaasseeeeeeeee.
One thing a narcissist hates, and I know from experience...is laugh at them. Laugh at anything they say and keep saying "okay" or "boy, you are really unstable right now". Never let them see they are having an effect on you. I always cut things very short by leaving and saying "ok you go ahead throw your fit I have better things to do. And leave. Just leave it at that.
Children from narcissistic parents, who are now suffering from codependency symptoms, may be struggling to learn how to love themselves since the narc abuse.Narcs tend to attract people pleasers or codependent personalities.
Codependents seek outside validation so- easy targets for narc lovers and friends.
Good advice... reframing is a CBT method that works best in conjunction with a relaxation technique such as deep breathing in order to reduce the hypothalamus flight/fight/freeze response which give the mind and body a greater chance of homeostasis. 😊 As an adult child of a mother with NPD I find this combination very helpful. Thanks for posting 😁
If you are careful about which conversational anchor you drop, there is an opportunity to learn not only about yourself, but also about the other person. Remember anchors can be cut to keep the ship afloat, can be brought back in, can create a new one, and sometimes just using it for what it is. A way to stay put in calmer seas.
If all else fails. The ship and roughness of a sea are only in your heads. The ship is only consuming your perception by your acceptance.
The goal is to focus on reality. Eventually anchors become positve goals based in reality. The fallouts and frustration but wind for sails.
We are all broken in many ways. Narcissist or not. Life is not easy. Forgiveness, love, keep going.
Mom lives with me . The less time i spent around her , and her circle of friends , the more attentive she has became . It was like giving her a dose of her own medicine !!!!
Any update now?
she did this in my teenage years, i got confused. like someone hit me with a big chopstick. clueless what was happening. now, she is my worst enemy. and don´t even know what i should wish her. she caused so much havoc, pain, anxiety, uncertainty. and that was not even noticed a long time. gaslighting and even an autoimmune disease. btw you are a very lovable woman, your style of presenting this content is very understandable
Well I'm 23 now and I'm still struggling with her behavior towards me. I detached emotionally a long time ago so it's not that hurtful but still very energy consuming. Now I feel sorry for her. Bless y'all
Any update on your situation?
@@johnnytsunami3558 hi there, well since I’m okay with her being the way she is and putting my energy towards me, she’s super nice.. like too nice to me and tries to put up this front that I’m not buying. Still trying to get access to my energy again. Not with me tho! She’s my mum, till she dies she’s connected to me in a way but that’s it. I’m living my own life and it feels great^^
Ay, thanks for commenting it’s great to see how far I’ve came since then. Have a good one y’all 🫶
This guy has got it easy. Where's all the screaming, blaming, lying hypocrisy, histrionics, blackmail, threats and sabotage?
My mom have always told me that she isnt the only one treating me this way and that every teen goes through this. I thought it was the way life is for all my life until noe. Im 16, i know the truth, just 2 more years left mother.
I remember at your age thinking, "Just 2 more years". You might point out she will miss you when you are gone. Take care.
I really pity everyone Caught in a bad situation with a narcissistic family cz we dont deserve hell on this earth.We deserve love ,affection and peace of mind.I wish everyone a peacful life ahead and a road to recovery from abuse.Cz sometimes ppl donot heal easily but God will grant you healing.Sending my Love and peace to all.
Thank you 💞💐☺️
I have, in some way, been parenting Mom since the day I was born. Formative memory as a toddler:
Came in from back yard. I'm roughly 3 yo. Mom was busy on phone. Dad was overseas for work. I am small. I tell her that the babysitter wanted to play game with me in the lawn chair fort called: "Show me your kitty and I'll show you my puppy." I am "punished for lying" and tossed headfirst down old cement cellar stairs. Don't remember really much else about that day at all. Like a along ago cartwheel. Needed stitches. Mom was mad about the accusatory looks she was getting from staff.
Anyway basically it's all about her right? From the beginning of my life.
Mom was an opiod addict while I was in utero. Her labour was difficult. Three days she says. Story goes: I was born a breach birth, toes out frst. Cord around neck. Purple and black from hips to toes from forceps pulling me out apparently. Oxygen deprivation etc. They "wouldn't let her see me for days" and wasreleased from hospital before I was. Here's the kicker.
I don't think I wanted to be born of my mother. I think my whole being resisted even being born. So, from the actual formative beginning there was a lack of bonding w Mom.
Thanks the safe space in which to share! Happy Mothers Day to all of you who have the capacity to nurture your children.
You're brilliant..wish I found you fifty years ago!!
You know I love your vids on narc mothers!! (for obvious reasons). Narc moms ARE a special breed, but I think those temporary techniques are very constructive and can be permanent strategies for life when dealing with any toxic person. So, thank you once again for demonstrating with a "capital D" how we can surmount any situation by remaining in full control of our emotions. When you're quiet on the inside, you have dominion over yourself and others.
Your subscribers story sounds very similar to mine. I had to stay with my mother for a while last year, and while being there she used to barge into the room, without knocking, this made me extremely nervous! With regards to our conversations, she would not walk away from the conversation, she would either yell in reaction to what I said,or she would be extremely dismissive and respond by saying well.... Anyways.. Then she would totally change the subject as if nothing happened. I used to think I was the crazy person! Now, I know better. Thank you so much for your Chanel, I appreciate you!
@@nicolethompson2234any update on your situation?
Thank you Michele, at 52 I've realized after my father highlighting the fact after an extremely upsetting fight, AGAIN! with my mother. That she displays many of the Narcissistic Parent styles. After all these years it's quite a shock but also extremely relieving and makes me feel a bit sad for my mother for the pain she must live all these years. However, I realize I must now take care of me and let go of the judgments she places on me and that I am a normal person with normal emotions and feelings and to not take on my mother's Narcissistic judgments towards me. Especially when her life is a complete mess. Great work you're doing.
Answer a question with a question. Positivity is key. Change the subject with you question and be as boring as possible in a neutral or positive way.
I try my maximum to avoid and stay silent but I am not as able to handle shouting which is called violence.
Another answer could be,”I don’t know” even if you do. Or, “I’ll have to think about that more” and then later, when she can’t walk away, like she’s washing dishes, you can answer
Knowing what they are is freedom. No contact is survival. Then comes healing, slowly, surely, peacefully and happily.
Again, with my writing, my mother took issue with me even *attempting* to write a short screenplay for entry to a contest and berated me, calling me "selfish" for entering!
"What would have happened to you and your sister if I'd given up my responsibilities and just done whatever I liked?"
I kind of smiled to myself realizing that it wasn't my *writing* that was bothering her; it was what I would *write about* that was bothering her.
Would something be revealed about her that would be unflattering, (like "Mommy Dearest", maybe?).
As emotionally charged as that was, I pointed out to her that the reasons she'd given as to "why" I was "selfish" were not only wrong, but, my life was completely different from hers!
I had a husband who brought in enough money for us, (at the time, I didn't realize his plans for including a girlfriend in the mix!), and we only had the one child who wasn't an infant, so her attack on me was completely out of line!
I succeeded in finishing the script and entering, and when that seemed to be more than I'd expected to have happen.
What always works is laughing. Her walkouts will look ridiculous when accompanied with healthy laughter.
Mia M thank you my dear! It didn't work out with my nephew Mahound though, it turned out he was a Psychopath.
Mike burst in anger and brakes plates if I laugh. Not a good idea for my mom. But certainly a clever move for others.
@@karlgaiser9783 so what he did?
Maybe not laughing but somehow turn into fun (which is NOT easy couse they make us upset, right). Two days ago: Mom: You cuddle your dog too much. If you had son he would be a criminal.(very mean because I can t have kids and so on) Instead of saying But, that s nonsense, I said: No, he would be gay. Everyone in the park think it s female dog.(plus no emotional response). End. Very simple example, but I hope you get the idea.
Dave Murray same it will really set off my mom. My happiness and laughter alone sets her off half of the time, it’s so sick
I don't think you can even come close to understanding how much of a life saver you, your channel and, this question are. Thank you so much. I am in the exact situation as the person asking the question but this time I know I can get away and how I'm going to do it. I just need to have some sanity while I wait for that moment to leave and never come back. Thank you again.
Wow -- please let the person who wrote this know that I have dealt with this *exact form* of disrespect, literally word for word, except I have not lived with my mother for 30 years!
You have the best video out there that clearly explained what me and my siblings went through under a narcissistic mother. This helped a lot so thank you... I also realized that because she is still our mom after all - the subject of unconditional love steps in.
You only give unconditional love to someone who gives you unconditional love in return otherwise you just become a doormat. Say someone was your partner would be ok to give and give and give and give just because if the other person didn't show you unconditional love back?
@@anz10 If you only give unconditional love to those that give it back, then it is not unconditional.
Thank you! Really helps. The tip on changing the meaning of the circumstance. Looking forward to taking my power back. And enforcing boundaries!!
Thank you for making these videos. I am coming to terms with it. I have so much internal pain from this ,and it is exhausting to continuously tell my mom the things she is doing is wrong and not motherly. I am so tired of taking on all her negative and bad energy which she is glad to release my way. 😭 I pray this time I will find the courage with God to cut the umbilical cord since i have not been able to distance myself from both her and my father for years which has cause so much damage in my life.i am so tired of the pretense, then the cruelty and evil actions ,then she pretends to not know she did anything wrong. I use to feel sorry for her because her mom abandoned her physically, so i thought at least i got a mom, but it's hell to deal with my narcissistic mom, and it's a triple danger for me because my dad is bipolar and am running out of strength.These videos are my therapy sessions because I don't have enough money to go get mental help. I hope I can survive this am so tired 😭 I wish they made centers for people who suffer from this type of abuse..
i’m seeing this and i’m trying but it’s way easier said than done, sometimes i wish i had a mom like other ppl do idk
Setting your own contact boundaries was key for me. Now I refuse to speak on the phone, only text so she doesn’t have emotion control over me. I respond to her questions and banter with neutral or positive responses on text no matter what she says. This leaves her powerless. She tries to get negative responses from me still by giving me the silent treatment when I send happy travel pictures, or me and my boyfriend. I know she is just trying to get a frustrated response from me so she can start a fight. Then a month later she will send me an dramatic emotional text asking me if I ever coming home. Like wtf are you talking about? I’m 36 and have my own house. It took me a while to physical detach from her. The process included me having anxiety attacks and depression until I finally emotionally detached from her drama energy and not care about her opinion.
Thanks a bunch for posting this. I don't see my mother often but when I do she is an emotional vampire. I'll implement this method from now on.
I am physically disabled and I want to know how to escape her. If we can escape , we can get the therapy help we need and move on.
I am too at the moment and I use it as my motivation to get out soon rather than something limiting. It's easy for me to say as each person's condition is different but that's my stand point at the moment. Depending on the health condition you have I would recommend an app called curable. It really helps you to work with the mind body connection regarding your health and this helps you deal with the situation around you better and your health is less affected by it.
Phone a helpline. 👀😢
@@anz10any update on your situation?
I know there is such darkness when it comes to discussing these issues. But after our mother passed away my brothers and I did manage to find some peace. A lot of it- came from my terrible sense of humor.
So take a break for a moment from all the stress and pain- and consider you may even get to a place where you can laugh about it...
I had a good childhood. I actually live in the family home
where I grew up.
It’s interesting. A few weeks ago- I was digging in the back
yard- and I came upon a dead horse- which I believe my mother beat into the
ground.
I remember hearing her tell me she didn’t mean to.
We just celebrated Mother’s Day. I got to thinking of my
Mom. And it struck me- she was the one person who could most quickly and
accurately identify and tell me which of my activities were the least I could
have done in any particular situation.
"Oh wow- and I just happened to choose that activity."
I’m not saying my Mom had issues, but when she passed away-
she made it clear in her will that her money should be divided equally between
my two brothers and me. But- the money had to be placed in a pinata- made to
look like her, and the 3 of us had to beat it out of her- during the funeral
service.
My sis does this to me too,
The look of absolute contempt.lower than a snakes belly
There is no talking logic and sense to these “people.”
Ive never had a video feel like it was made for me Thank you I really needed this
My mother always talks to me about sad things and always talk about other people she never tells me anything good about me its always about someone else tks for helping lol
Try answering with only questions. For example, “what makes you think that?” Or “That’s interesting. Why would you ask me that?” Or a simple ,”why?” You can make people think you are actually engaging in conversation but the whole time you are only asking questions and turning everything around on them. I heard about this technique somewhere and thought if I were still with the narc I would try it LOL
My mom does that never understood that. Why ask if you're gonna walk off in 2 seconds?? Unstable souls they are.
I used my old home address for years and she would read all my mail saying she just wanted to make sure I wasn’t keeping anything from her..so I got me a po box cause that really was pissing me off
What about just repeating the question? I kind of remember learning hat in a speech or communication class maybe.
I have no mum left. I have done everything that I love that I couldn't do before. Mum did everything . Matriarch . R.I.P mum dear.
Thanks for your awesome videos. They are hands-down the best on UA-cam!!! I listen to so many other ones but with you, it’s like you are speaking to me personally and you GET IT!! Other people seem like they are describing something that they don’t really know 🤷♀️
I feel stuck when it comes to my mother, have not picked up the phone lately. Don't know anymore how to talk to her and how to get through to her. If I call her, I get blamed for not calling or picking up the phone. My grand-parents raised me, especially my grand-mother, her mother. And they died a long time ago. Exactly I feel powerless towards her and that she always has the last word.
my mother has psychosis and hears things, she abuses alcohol and gets violent and has a narcissistic and paranoid dark personality. im in the same boat as the young woman in this scenario economically its hard for me to get through college classes because every other friday night theres a raging violent episode onto my dad. i have a you ger brother in the house and i kniw the difference between right and wrong but im afraid of trauma damage on us. often times i go into a state of shock and defense and feel crippling depression and struggle with succeeding in school im really worried about my career
She also interrupts me, calls me at while I’m work and gets belligerent and confrontational when I don’t answer in the timeframe she wants.
My moms the narcissist..she’s coming over Tuesday and im panicking
Michelle⚘💕🍃, what a great video. You have such a clear beautiful voice, and your examples are awesome. Thanks❣❣