Me too. First time they forgot about me on Christmas, next one its me who decided not to go, now i dont even go to birthday parties of theirs and feel much easier. They thought they hurt me and will continue to hurt but after a period of grieving i stopped caring about them so their silence is a bliss to me, and now its them who are hurting because they loved me being present in their company and being ignored and dismissed but now they r only in the company of themselves.
I'm 64, my mom is 90, and she still does the things described here, including ignoring. Unfortunately she has health issues and I live nearby. I am able to say no most times, but not all the time because she needs help. I should have moved away years ago. Advice: get away asap, draw hard boundaries. You have one life, find your talents, and find love.
I once tried to get in on a conversation where I knew I was being ignored and the person I was talking to said " _Your the only one who seems to care about it_ " then walked away quickly.
Yes! 100% to the question at 2:09. Before I understood this I did the exact same thing. This went on for decades (in my FOO) until I eventually DID understand and stopped feeding right in to the game. Of course this threw my (toxic?) older sister into panic mode once I started allowing myself to "equal emotional & relational rights"...and not even in an overt way. It's not like I used the quoted phrase above with her...or even copped an attitude. I simply dropped the old pattern and started treating her like a normal "equal" human and stopped behaving like an extension of her. This, of course triggered lots of chaos...and even extra scapegoating by other members in the family (who are, to this day, still stuck appeasing her and acting as extensions of her.
Spot on. Especially when you said "as they're eating the food you prepared",,, yes, it's subtle, so subtle that other people just can't comprehend / understand. Just let it go ... it's who they are. Happy Christmas / Solstice, Michele!
I don't celebrate holidays anymore, so they can't ruin my day anymore. My narc mom trys to ruin these days for me in so many ways, sending relatives after me, giving things to everyone else but me, texting those around me, and try to turn them against me. She is pure evil. She is finally being blocked in all areas.
That idea of "naming it to tame it" has been HUGE...I mean completely indispensible to me in taking my power and autonomy back. I highly recommend taking this awesome advise!
My parents never ignored or dismissed any of us. They really tried to be there for us. They were judgmental at times, struggled with their own disorders and childhoods and my dad was an explosive alcoholic until late in life when he quit. I carefully addressed this with them as an adult after my own recovery. No one is perfect. I drew very firm emotional walls so they couldn't hurt me at gatherings or phone conversations, but that was growth to learn this. The trigger was my issue. I'm so glad I stayed in their lives. Lots good and lots bad like all families.
YES, but for some families the Bad outweighs the Good. Even a monster parent who kills your puppy can later in life buy you a Lamborghini ~ But would you keep the car??? I guess it all comes down to our capacity to Love and Forgive.
My mom will call me, only to complain about my sister’s and dad. She never asks anything about me or what I’m doing or any other subject. If I try to talk she will purposely talk louder and over me. After about an hour of this I end up having to hang up on her. I feel both angry and frustrated and at the same time guilty and ashamed for hanging up on a mother who is upset. I know she is a narcissist and doing this to regulate herself but it ends up disregulating me every time. She knows nothing about my life because she is never interested in anything I do. I’ve finally moved 3 hours away from her, even though it was hardship for me financially and socially but I feel like my mental health has improved a lot and it was worth it.
I get a headaches 🤕 they start yelling they trigger flight or fight.but they will treat there bosses like god.while treating you like a door mat they love publicly humiliating you.
I remember joining the channel 4 years ago only to be back in this even deeper. My mom is bpd, i found the love she gave in both my kids fathers . I now see what they are and ive been working on not needing my toxic family so that i can escape this madness and reactive abuse .
...and OMG!!!!!!!!! That whole thing about being ignored and going on as if you said nothing... This is a CLASSIC and FAVORITE "punishment" by my (suspected) narcissist sister for not tripping all over myself to step into whatever role she has chosen for me... She AND my other "flying monkey" sister will do this as a "team". So obnoxious and, ultimately, so sad.
I can't tell you how many times Ive been ignored in a group setting. And when you say how others don't notice~well, there not empaths like us and they just don't value emotions. Were all controlled by the SHALLOW BOTS as I call them
Merry Christmas 🎄 Michele.. Love ❤️ your channel and all the positive content you provide. I’ve dealt with NPD people many times, not knowing what that really meant at the time. Now I do!!!!! I’m much better at seeing the red flags 🚩 and acting accordingly to that situation.. you’re right, our mental health comes first and YOU matter!!!! Keep spreading the truth about NPD and any narcissistic behaviors to your audience!!!!! Wishing you a blessed rest of 2024 and a better 2025…. Hope we all start the new year with a positive mindset and nothing but love ❤️ and peace that we can spread to each other!!!!!
Thank you - I know all about being ignored - the biggest narc in my family would even interrupt me when i tried to speak - I learned to go gray rock Merry Christmas Michele 🎄
As a kid Christmas Eve was always hell. I thought my dad was just impatient and selfish, until I realized upon reflection as an adult that he was deliberately trying to make everyone miserable bc it made him look like the hero.
Thank you Michele. Me and my son had the worst Christmas eve. My boys father and I agreed to spend the eve together after separation. I doubted first but then agreed. I thought he could behave. I stressed that because bad experiences. But I was naive because he ruined the Christmas, yelled to us and disappeared. And then the santa came. And as he came back 4 hours later he asked what was wrong with me and that I am a bad person since I did not open his present. Now me and my son are in the train to my friend, could not take it anymore.
I feel like I don't matter. I'm not married and single. So since my son's girlfriends parents are married and they have her 2 sisters and their husband's and kids, they get to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas day together. I must wait until they let me know when we can have ours together and I don't get to know with much notice. Today mid-day, I found out that no, we would not be having our Christmas dinner together because they were going there instead. The reason is above. Same thing happened on Thanksgiving, and I responded by saying, that's fine, we can rotate. Take turns. We can do Christmas this year and Thanksgiving next year. We'll as you already know, what I said and how I felt didn't matter. Now, I'm the bad guy. So, is this narcissistic abuse or am I just causing trouble and being unreasonable?
I just stopped going to my family gathering.
Me too. First time they forgot about me on Christmas, next one its me who decided not to go, now i dont even go to birthday parties of theirs and feel much easier. They thought they hurt me and will continue to hurt but after a period of grieving i stopped caring about them so their silence is a bliss to me, and now its them who are hurting because they loved me being present in their company and being ignored and dismissed but now they r only in the company of themselves.
I dream about doing that. But other family i live to see.
I'm 64, my mom is 90, and she still does the things described here, including ignoring. Unfortunately she has health issues and I live nearby. I am able to say no most times, but not all the time because she needs help. I should have moved away years ago. Advice: get away asap, draw hard boundaries. You have one life, find your talents, and find love.
I once tried to get in on a conversation where I knew I was being ignored and the person I was talking to said " _Your the only one who seems to care about it_ " then walked away quickly.
Merry Christmas Michelle, your videos helped me get out of abuse in 2020 - I’m so grateful ❤🎄
Merry Christmas everyone.
Merry Christmas. :)
merry christmas
Yes! 100% to the question at 2:09.
Before I understood this I did the exact same thing. This went on for decades (in my FOO) until I eventually DID understand and stopped feeding right in to the game. Of course this threw my (toxic?) older sister into panic mode once I started allowing myself to "equal emotional & relational rights"...and not even in an overt way. It's not like I used the quoted phrase above with her...or even copped an attitude. I simply dropped the old pattern and started treating her like a normal "equal" human and stopped behaving like an extension of her.
This, of course triggered lots of chaos...and even extra scapegoating by other members in the family (who are, to this day, still stuck appeasing her and acting as extensions of her.
Spot on. Especially when you said "as they're eating the food you prepared",,, yes, it's subtle, so subtle that other people just can't comprehend / understand. Just let it go ... it's who they are.
Happy Christmas / Solstice, Michele!
I don't celebrate holidays anymore, so they can't ruin my day anymore. My narc mom trys to ruin these days for me in so many ways, sending relatives after me, giving things to everyone else but me, texting those around me, and try to turn them against me. She is pure evil. She is finally being blocked in all areas.
That idea of "naming it to tame it" has been HUGE...I mean completely indispensible to me in taking my power and autonomy back.
I highly recommend taking this awesome advise!
So liberating knowing
My parents never ignored or dismissed any of us. They really tried to be there for us. They were judgmental at times, struggled with their own disorders and childhoods and my dad was an explosive alcoholic until late in life when he quit. I carefully addressed this with them as an adult after my own recovery. No one is perfect. I drew very firm emotional walls so they couldn't hurt me at gatherings or phone conversations, but that was growth to learn this. The trigger was my issue. I'm so glad I stayed in their lives. Lots good and lots bad like all families.
YES, but for some families the Bad outweighs the Good. Even a monster parent who kills your puppy can later in life buy you a Lamborghini ~ But would you keep the car??? I guess it all comes down to our capacity to Love and Forgive.
My mom will call me, only to complain about my sister’s and dad. She never asks anything about me or what I’m doing or any other subject. If I try to talk she will purposely talk louder and over me. After about an hour of this I end up having to hang up on her. I feel both angry and frustrated and at the same time guilty and ashamed for hanging up on a mother who is upset. I know she is a narcissist and doing this to regulate herself but it ends up disregulating me every time. She knows nothing about my life because she is never interested in anything I do. I’ve finally moved 3 hours away from her, even though it was hardship for me financially and socially but I feel like my mental health has improved a lot and it was worth it.
I get a headaches 🤕 they start yelling they trigger flight or fight.but they will treat there bosses like god.while treating you like a door mat they love publicly humiliating you.
I remember joining the channel 4 years ago only to be back in this even deeper. My mom is bpd, i found the love she gave in both my kids fathers . I now see what they are and ive been working on not needing my toxic family so that i can escape this madness and reactive abuse .
...and OMG!!!!!!!!! That whole thing about being ignored and going on as if you said nothing...
This is a CLASSIC and FAVORITE "punishment" by my (suspected) narcissist sister for not tripping all over myself to step into whatever role she has chosen for me...
She AND my other "flying monkey" sister will do this as a "team". So obnoxious and, ultimately, so sad.
I can't tell you how many times Ive been ignored in a group setting. And when you say how others don't notice~well, there not empaths like us and they just don't value emotions. Were all controlled by the SHALLOW BOTS as I call them
This is why i stay subscribed to you.
Merry Christmas 🎄 Michele.. Love ❤️ your channel and all the positive content you provide. I’ve dealt with NPD people many times, not knowing what that really meant at the time. Now I do!!!!! I’m much better at seeing the red flags 🚩 and acting accordingly to that situation.. you’re right, our mental health comes first and YOU matter!!!! Keep spreading the truth about NPD and any narcissistic behaviors to your audience!!!!! Wishing you a blessed rest of 2024 and a better 2025…. Hope we all start the new year with a positive mindset and nothing but love ❤️ and peace that we can spread to each other!!!!!
We can reclaim our peace and that is the best gift we can give ourselves on special occasions. Merry Christmas 🎄 everyone 😊
Thank you - I know all about being ignored - the biggest narc in my family would even interrupt me when i tried to speak - I learned to go gray rock
Merry Christmas Michele 🎄
Thank you Michelle I love you and appreciate you for so many years of your work.
As a kid Christmas Eve was always hell. I thought my dad was just impatient and selfish, until I realized upon reflection as an adult that he was deliberately trying to make everyone miserable bc it made him look like the hero.
Happy Holidays Michele 🥂🎉🎁🎄🎁🎉🥂 Thanks for everything you do for us🙏🫂🙏
Thank you Michele. Me and my son had the worst Christmas eve. My boys father and I agreed to spend the eve together after separation. I doubted first but then agreed. I thought he could behave. I stressed that because bad experiences. But I was naive because he ruined the Christmas, yelled to us and disappeared. And then the santa came. And as he came back 4 hours later he asked what was wrong with me and that I am a bad person since I did not open his present.
Now me and my son are in the train to my friend, could not take it anymore.
Thank you Michelle , as a self aware narcissist, this is pretty good advice.
I’ve never seen this explained quite this way. Very interesting. I’ve seen some good ones but this one really hit home
My Wife to the T!!!
I've followed you for 10 years and you are aging backwards!
Thank you. Grey rock. Ya...
Thank you. 🤠👍👌🌞🍀❤🦋🙏
Yes
I feel like I don't matter. I'm not married and single. So since my son's girlfriends parents are married and they have her 2 sisters and their husband's and kids, they get to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas day together. I must wait until they let me know when we can have ours together and I don't get to know with much notice. Today mid-day, I found out that no, we would not be having our Christmas dinner together because they were going there instead. The reason is above. Same thing happened on Thanksgiving, and I responded by saying, that's fine, we can rotate. Take turns. We can do Christmas this year and Thanksgiving next year. We'll as you already know, what I said and how I felt didn't matter.
Now, I'm the bad guy.
So, is this narcissistic abuse or am I just causing trouble and being unreasonable?
True 👍
Beware of grifters...they always have the most narcissistic thumbnails. Smh..
They really tried to ruin the day but 😅God had other plans ❤yay for being able to have a thick armor and his grace. Felicia you failed, bye 👋
Yes