Why Avoidants Lose Attraction
Вставка
- Опубліковано 12 бер 2023
- Why do avoidants lose attraction? When dating someone with an avoidant attachment style, you may notice them gradually distancing themselves from the relationship as time passes and as the relationship intensifies. In this video, we discuss common traits that overwhelm and can push away those with more avoidant tendencies.
Get Craig's help personally: www.askcraig.net/take-action/
Get Victoria's help: www.askcraig.net/victoria
Craig's workbook series: www.askcraig.net/workbooks-1/
Get Started on the Creative Healing Course: courses.askcraig.net/ - Навчання та стиль
The Creative Healing Course is absolutely filled with incredible information about attachment styles, issues, examples, and skills to help you manage your issues and ANY partner you want to date! 🙌❤️
Can you do a video if no contact works on fearful avoidant? Because there are other coaches who say it doesn’t work beyond 6 weeks for them.
Ask them where they got their degrees
@@CoachCraigKenneth you are right coach. Specifically for fearful avoidant, there is ton of conflicting advice and I unfortunately followed them which clearly didn’t work. For their ratings, they are jeopardising possible reconciliations for many. The fear they induced that fearful avoidant will miss you maximum at the mark of 6 week of breakup and then will move on for good, compelled me to break no contact. And it didn’t work! Rather got ghosting in return. Sad I learnt it the hard way. But now I am focusing on myself only.
Let’s just say… I’m not surprised 🤣
I have watched your videos on rebounds & Attachment styles. Im AO & my bf is FA. Pls do about the rebounds of fearful avoidants & DA rebounds & how they end, how they come back to phantom ex.
The more I learn about avoidants the more I realize I absolutely will not be happy or feel that I can have a healthy relationship with an avoidant. For me, I need to AVOID the avoidants.
na u just clingy
@@Jercellular 😂
We can be very frustrating if we haven't sufficiently healed. I have a Secure lean from tons of therapy & I still got dumped by another FA. It's rough. I honestly don't blame you.
@@Jercellular man even if your clingy or not avoidants are the worst people in a relationship would you rather be with an avoidant who could care less about your problems or feelings but want you to care about theirs or you want a relationship where the love is mutual? 😐
Run run girl!!! They’re selfish. “They’re fear of losing independence meaning”… lthey’re fear of losing dating multiple women at once”
It makes sense to me why the majority of folks (age 35+) in the dating pool are avoidants, they can't keep a relationship to save their life....they just bounce from person to person. The avoidant I dated back in the day was in his 50's and had no desire to improve & heal himself. I went from secure to anxious. Once I learned about attachment styles & realized I didn't do anything wrong, I became a secure anti-avoidant lol. Run from these people, not worth your time and energy!!!!
Just had the unpleasure of dating one who ghosted then ran out of the blue … crazy but that card is now marked never to be repeated
yeah I agree with this. I dated 2 men in their late 30s, my 2 long term relationships. They are both avoidants. Even with therapy, they couldn't change. Both are gentlemen, handsome, charismatic and generous, sounds like a perfect partner, yet they have all toxic and short term relationships. I was their first healthy relationship, and they both ran away suddenly
#1 Tip. Don't get into a relationship w/ an avoidant partner. Juice not worth the squeeze.
💯
Dismissive avoidant people cannot handle stressful situations and for that moment they just wants to run away!!!! Unfortunately running away creates more bad image of them … instead they should buy out some time and come back when they feel relaxed..
Basically, everything that makes a relationship work is overwhelming
Not only that the cause a secure person to be anxious.. the 1 thing they hate, they caused.
Best video ever!! I'm never dating an avoidant again. It's just so much work. The push/pull, the mixed messages. Just like everyone says...I wish I found these videos while I was in the relationship. At least I have them to help with the recovery from the breakup. So grateful!!
Same here!!! 😰 This really helped make sense of the madness. I had no choice but to throw in the towel to avoid a life of misery. It hurts, but at least the pain will be short term instead of lifelong!
This
I learned about attachment style months before my avoidant discarded me. It helps with the understanding but not with the pain or heartbreak. It’s like you’re completely aware of them destroying the relationship, but powerless to stop it
@@joeflores174 Yes!! Especially when you’re a “fixer” and there’s NOTHING you can do to fix it. Mental exhaustion compounded with heartache and pain!
@@teril4683 exactly! Tried every trick and rule to salvage the relationship but your inner “fixer” will always prevail. Now I’m left shattered, trying my hardest not to blame myself for wanting a “normal” relationship
Wow, this is so true. As I look back now, I can see that I was subtly minimizing my needs so not to overwhelm him. It was hard to speak up for fear of the threat of losing the relationship. I dimmed my needs here and there as a way of holding space for him. I didn’t want to scare him away. Ironically, I’ve studied attachment theory quite in-depth when I was in college a couple years back. And I cannot understand why I didn’t see this in my just ended relationship. Going forward I’m really practicing feeling and sensing peoples energy and vibes and trying to keep my ears open for certain words and phrases that they say. It’s so challenging! But I am doing the work.
What are some of the signs to look out for (avoidant)? Thanks!
Being broken up with by a FA was one of the most traumatic things that’s ever happened to me. Not once in 2yrs did we even argue, in fact, not only was she throwing out the word “soulmate” and “marriage”, she wanted me to impregnate her before she had a hysterectomy she was THAT into me.
Months later, without warning, “I’m done”.
@@TheRealSlimshadyyyyyy
thank you, my friend.
@@TheRealSlimshadyyyyyy thank you. I needed to read your comment. Again thank you and bless you.
Exactly the same, other than that we were in a situationship for 6 months, 2 days before i was willing to ask her she called up and said not to feel anything.. After that i got blocked and never heard from her. 2 months in NC now
Been there with the same experience. It’s been 3 years. I realized it wasn’t about me. I still see her around a bit, guy of the month in tow, or looking for the next one. She pops up, seemed like she wants to connect, then runs away again. I just love my life and have fun with hobbies, friends and other girls I date. You can’t help them. No amount of being good enough will ever do it.
I completely understand your hurt and where you are coming from. I didn’t fight either in 6 years we had one fight and that was it. I now know that isn’t healthy either. Communication with one another is key!!!! Hang in there, one day at a time my friend. If you want it and it’s meant to be god will bring you two back together. Focus on yourself, be the best version of you, it will pay off in the end either together with your ex or with another. Investing in yourself is always a good thing. Prayers to you and your healing process. 🙏🏻
I'm a fearful avoidant and I have been working on myself for the past 2 years (I really need to get back into the creative healing course, though 😬). The timing of this video is perfect for me. I just got out of a very intense weekend and I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed. I introduced my new partner to my family and friends on Friday and Saturday and he introduced me to his parents on Sunday. Everything went smoothly, but today, I'm feeling disconnected and I'm convinced things won't work out between us. I'm looking for a thousand reasons to dump him. He has a daughter. I haven't met her yet, but I'm convinced I don't want to be a stepmother... but because I have been working on myself, I know that I'm just being triggered by the incredible amount of pressure and intimacy I have been put under this weekend, so I'll soothe my own anxiety like a champ and I won't act on my fears.
@Tim Bob I guess you can't expect someone who is unaware of their avoidant attachment style and of their triggers to not get triggered when you shower them with love. I am able to soothe my anxiety when I am feeling smothered only because I have educated myself.
I guess I would not recommend dating an avoidant who hasn't worked on themselves, unless you're willing to give them a lot of space.
Holy crap! I just realized that I’m a fearful avoidant. My partner is knows this about me and is anxious that I will leave him. Truth be told, I have considered it but I’m sooo afraid that I will regret breaking up with him, especially if he does no contact with me!! 😢
@@tracisyhong Have you watched Paulien Timmer on UA-cam? I strongly recommend that you watch her videos. She's great!
@Sherri Flemming I know, it's a huge responsibility. However, I've met my partner's daughter a few weeks ago now and we get along very well. Things are going great. Like I said, it was just my fearful avoidant anxiety taking over and trying to convince me to self-sabotage...
I hope my ex was like you! He left 7 years of relationship because he got overwhelmed about getting married.
I miss Margaret 😢
Victoria's words were soothing, I "wasn't asking for too much". Even after the breakup up, he has called me multiple times and disappeared again. I am not asking for too much, when I expect him to open up and say he regrets the breakup, I can't do all the work. Or it will be the same.
This describes exactly how my relationship was. So sick of it. It’s awful and tired of feeling unloved and unwanted. I really would love to meet a securely attached person the next time.
He would like other women’s pics and comment while we were together and even though I explained to him a few times that that would hurt me, he continued and, he stopped to a degree but never fully stopped.
Ask their family background. Secure attachment pattern came from loving family relationships. Especially if they felt unconditional love from one or both parents.
I have secure attachment pattern because my mother loved us unconditionally. Always showing us that whatever happens she will accept me and love even if Im a failure.
Wow. This is so much like my gf and I. She's the FA and I'm anxious and want the connection.
I've held back on getting close to her because she's so loving and it scared me.
I finally started getting closer to her and now she's pushing back. I didn't understand what was going on, at first. I've now pulled back completely and leaving her alone. It's been almost a week and no contact. It scares me but listening to you 2 is comforting and giving me some hope. I'm more calm than I have been for a week now. Thank you Craig & Victoria.
She keeps telling me, I'm so 'kind to her'. I am because I've met a wonderful person. I don't want to be mean to her. This is crazy!
Leave the avoidant who does not reciprocate your needs, wants, desires for emotional connection, intimacy, showing vulnerability, planning a future, but instead is always controlling access through time and space, so they don't get triggered by too much closeness, giving you an allotment as if it's some sort of privilege, and who puts you at a distance and basically prefers deadness and darkness over the technicolor of life that you see but somehow you are aware they're just not capable. Even without knowing what this is once you extricate yourself you will thank yourself later
I learned from this video that avoidants cant even commit to talk once a week. Nope. I cant do that. I need emotional connection
They should teach about attachment styles in school or not allow parents to have kids if they're just going to abandon them and not raise them properly.
should be taught in schools when folks first start getting interested in dating and there should be serious courses on what one is likely going to encounter in dating
I think we need another video to explain how to navigate this and deal with them without abandon your self.
Unbelievable!! So true. A dismissive avoidant ghosted me after two years together. Everything you said is now in my 20/20 hindsight. Wish I'd had this video before the heartbreak. I pressured.
I'm an anxious attacher. Thanks coach Craig!!
As an avoidant, we appreciate this channel.
I hope you realize you cause the anxiety you hate. Lol
I was with an avoidant and started to suppress my needs and my voice to reduce conflict but it came at a serious personal cost. I was scared to ask about the future because he would have a meltdown. It was not fair and I don’t know how an avoidant can ever be in a marriage.
During my relationship I believed my ex leaned more secure as an avoidant, but boy was so wrong. Our biggest fight erupted when I told him, “I wish you’d call me more”. He used to call me several times a week on his own before, during our last month he called less and I had to ask him to call. I understood that he was more busy with work and traveling, I guess I just wanted reassurance that his feelings didn’t changed for me. Four days later he broke up with me due to that fight. I remember telling him that he’s giving up on us prematurely.. “we’ll if that’s how you feel”.
“I wish you’d call me more” is kind of passive-aggressive, and I can see why he would be upset by that. It's not exactly direct and assertive.
More like a command? One might think this, but you cannot force someone, she just wants a closer rship.@@thecurrentmoment
" i wish you'd call me more"
That is exactly where I am. That sweetest guy called and sent me messages now changed into somebody who doesnt even call nor text.
With this video, I realized he is an avoidant. Im secure type. Im not needy. But I felt the change of energy of his efforts.
I want that guy to make our connection work. Relationships is made up of 2 people. I dont want to be the only person reaching out. It is exhausting
Well done! ❤ So true! I knew nothing abt this.
I’ve known him over 30 years. He was not on my radar again. Although we dated twice thru the decades for 5 years each time.
He came back & proclaimed his love for me. Yikes! I believed him. He crushed me. Went on a vacay & the nite we got intimate for the 1st time in a decade… yep u got it… he dumped me… and prior… he was calling me all day long.
This KILLED me. 💔 And it’s not an understatement. I sit daily between rage & sorrow. Am shattered.
He ghosted me too. I find it goes beyond their “mere” avoidance… I call it self-centeredness & beyond cruel!
Im dating finally… but I will NEVER again think that I’m “the one” or that they are “the one.” Even if I’m told that… like he did. Those days are over I’m sad to say. 😢
That sounds awful. I’m sorry he did that
This behaviour is not acceptable, I don’t care what their childhood traumas are. Grow up and get over it! Hurting an innocent person this way is a reprehensible and cowardly act. If you even suspect that your love interest has these traits, RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN FROM THESE SOUL KILLERS.
@@ellenmorse8559 could not agree more
Thank you SO much for explaining that there IS a difference between fearful avoidant and disorganized attachment style! I‘ve struggled so much with understanding that there is a difference between those two attachment styles because many [!] people say that they are the same, which didn‘t make much sense to me because you‘ve said - many times - that disorganized people are not so common. It seemed like everywhere I looked, people identified themselves as “disorganized” which made me think “HOW is it possible that there are SO many disorganized people?!”, especially since they didn’t meet many criteria… It contradicted to everything I’ve learned so far… 😅🤣 I really appreciate it!
Good morning, I’ve been immersed in your channel for the past 4 months and I just want you to know that I’m so thankful for this channel. It has saved my relationship and brought the love of my life back to me. It was a long road but so worth the fight. We are stronger than ever with the time she was away from me. You two are really amazing and for all the people struggling at this time, it is going to be ok! You are going to be ok. Stay strong, work slow and try not to beat yourselves up too much. It takes two in every relationship to make or break it. Although at this moment I’m on a high note I was broken and barely hanging on a few months ago. I’m so complete now that my beautiful angel came back to me. She says that there is a depth to me that she didn’t even know existed. I didn’t do a good job letting her know how much I love her but I didn’t even know attachment styles existed until 5 months ago. I’m so thankful for the books I’ve read and specifically THIS channel. It really did save us. We have been together for over 6 years and cheers to a lifetime of happiness together. Thank you!!!!!
Victoria made an excellent point about expectations from someone that is avoidant. We should be able to have our needs met as well. Keep up the good work! you too Craig 😅
Bless you coaches for another wonderful video!!! I love an avoidant and am still working on remembering (as in responding instead of reacting) when we have a great weekend he pulls back, sometimes harder than other times. I know what he is going through isn't actually about me but its hard to not take it personal. It would be helpful to have some sample responses to their projectons and deflections to start fights and sabotage the relationship.
It’s so hard not to take it personal because it happens with you. But not to you 😩
Thanks for this video from NYC! ❤
I came to realize that my attachment and love for an avoidant triggered all my traumas and I am now thankful for the healing process that creates such a dynamik
Wow this is 100% me. I can’t believe I’m learning this thank you
Interesting. The internet does consider Fearful Avoidant & Disorganized the same, but I think I understand what Coach Craig is getting at. Almost like he groups higher functioning as FA & lower functioning aka personality disordered & severe as Disorganized. Fascinating.
Thank you for these
.❤
You guys are brilliant!
Any amount of intimacy was too much for her lol. It’s crazy how much I still love and miss her. I should have my head examined 😅
Helpful insight. I like these type of videos
Any video recommendations on how to cope when timing was the only issue? He was 1 year and 4 months divorced when I started dating him.
I can not believe how accurate this video was describing my ex. We broke up 10 days after a vacation. Wish I knew about avoidants beforehand but at least I didn’t fight the breakup and went immediately into NC. Been 3 weeks, we’ll see what happens. Crazy thing is I don’t necessarily want this person back I just want them to reach out.
Her voice is so soothing and attractive
This helps me sooo much.
Good morning coaches!
My ex told me the relationship was feeling like an "obligation" without elaborating on what that meant. Just insinuated that I relied on him too much for happiness. But he never set boundaries with be for how much time together was too much, he started coming to me more so I returned that back to him. And I never felt like I was asking for too much. A month ago he blocked me, and now he's been breadcrumbing me, silently unblocked me and sent me some memes and I have no idea what to do with that, I don't know what it means coming from him and I don't want to settle for that low effort communication. But I really want to reconcile..
Read Attached by Amir Levine. I am half way through it and has helped me.
Been there, done that. Believe me, you have to walk away. Unless they have any awareness and are working on themselves you will be endlessly going on an emotional roller coaster with them. I finally walked away because I was over the mixed messages and realized I am worth so much more than the inconsistent presence. Walk away with dignity on your terms and get back your empowerment.
I hv the same story , it was a lot of back and forth because I listened to the breadcrumbs and it hurt like hell. But now I’m stronger , I walked away and I blocked him to prevent the breadcrumbs . I also want to reconcile but I’m sticking to no contact.
Also the book attached helps you better understand them and how to maneuver around them, and how to spot them earlier on and avoid if you not interested.
As what this video says, avoidants sabotage their own romantic connections, they dont want even to commit to talk 1x a week.
These people need therapy. We secure people have our own romantic needs too because we had unconditional love from our family and parents. We should not be sorry for asking unconditional love because that is normal for us.
We can give love and trust people easily because our home is a loving place. We dont have to be sorry if we need that in a romantic relationship. That is our nature.
Thank you Craig and Victoria. I have learned alot from your video's on attachment theory. Would you say someone that is a fearful avoidant can become secure or more secure? Or will there always be that underlying avoidant attachment?
We can become Earned Secure. I have a Secure lean in my FA style from years of therapy, trying to increase it.
So true...unfortunately 😒
That is 100% accurate . Being 8 years with an avoidant ( since 5 years husband ) , few break ups . Recently he broke up with me again and still living together. Looks as he wants everything but not the intimacy . He' s bringing stuff happening years ago ( what l've said , what i've done even small things ) . He is blaming me for everything and he is never guilty or responsible . Recently he even told me that he doesnt like the way I drink water wtf. Im really in a difficult situation and need help to end this cycle . Im anxious working a lot on myself to become more secure . I told him I also dont want to be with someone who doesnt want me . I told him i will search for a new place then he got mad and told me that if i "f"** " him ,he will do so. I dont understand. He is the one who broke up with me ,when I want to leave he blames me and lashes out on me as Im the one braking up.
That’s what noticed about them they bring up the past but when you bring up the past they say don’t worry about it
It's crazymaking - they are never straightforward about how they feel - until they are out the door.
It's abusive, really. You have to walk away and get some support to stay away
I know it is not funny to you. He does not like the way you drink water. I really did laugh. I am a FA I so identified my ex husband drank out of bottle weird. Like can you not drink like a normal person 😕
On one side he is looking for every Single reason to not like you ( the way you drink water etc. ) and blames you for everything but on the other side he still wants you to chase him etc he doesnt want any consequences for his behavior. U need to make a decision and let him go for good! He needs to feel the consequences of his behavior and get what he wants: u gone!
Wanna invite someone to dinner, then feel like you overstepped a boundary and should feel bad about it? Date an avoidant.
They sabotage their own romantic connections. So no matter what we secure attachment patterned people do, they wont stick with us. They dont like close connection talks.
My take is I can write a book about them they want you to be a certain way but they give you nothing I just left one I just couldn't take it anymore I know I was a good girlfriend because i love love I would ask him for 1 or 2 days a week he couldn't even give me that but he had know problem taking me off the shelf to go hang out with his friends I was arm candy for him.But when we come back home nothing so being a secure person I deactivated and I'm done leave these people alone if they don't do the work they won't change you are just setting yourself up for hurt and pain I walked it and I'm better than that we all are.
I haven’t initiated contact in seven weeks, we’ve been broken up for 3 months. She still watches all my instagram stories & likes some of the pictures I post. Is she breadcrumbing me? I’m determined to not initiate contact anymore after watching all of Craig’s videos & the power of no contact.
Yes thats breadcrumbs, ignore and move on. Or block her
I was so sure I was just anxious, but this video made me question it. Could I be avoidant too? Oh no, anxious-avoidant really? I have so much to work on
A holiday ended my relationship. Makes sense, but she is usually fairly open about feelings, then suddenly stonewalled. Did not see it coming at all. Nine weeks on, no word from her, but i broke no contact after a month like an idiot.....
I was with avoidant and now realize that this person is not for me . I dont have more time to wait for there emotional statement
They sabotage their own romantic connection. We secure attached people dont need to walk on eggshells as what is said in the video
Hi coach Craig, I've been listening to your videos for the past 2 weeks,since my ex for 9yrs replaced me and broke up with me.
Well, I blew up my 1st "no contact" attempt but when I saw another video that I can still do the 'no contact' for the 2nd time, Im trying my best to abide with the no contact rule.BUT my daughter, without my knowledge sent a very long message to my ex, expressing her thoughts about our break up and trying to defend my side. My question is.. is this considered that I blew it up again??
No you should keep silnce until he changing his mind focus your self make space time will do rest
3:27 Crap. I did just that with a girl I briefly dated twice and it scared her away. She broke it off the other day shortly before a third date was about to occur. I honored her request and left it at that. Bummer, I really liked her.
Sorry to hear this, I know that even when these things are brief we can still be negatively affected. Secure people are harder to scare away imo, and do you not see yourself as worthy of someone who sticks around to know you better before bailing? Maybe with a little more time you'll see it as her loss!
@@bethrutherford95 Thanks for the insight, I'm quite sure she liked me. We kissed on the first date after having such fun together. I think she just got a little scared because she's been single for five years and I got too eager to move things forward (maybe physical touch isn't one of her primary love languages). I'm not bitter or resentful at all, but yes I do see it as her loss, and with time she might perhaps see it as hers as well.
I mean if your name is heart of ice…. She probably caught on early on
@@kita0918 I reckon that's a bit of a blanket statement.
If im unfriended on snapchat by my avoidant ex for 3 months now, she only have my phone number(not sure if she deleted it on her phone)will she reach out/add me back or is she over me and moved on?
I am with my second avoidant and i have anxious attachment style. Let me tell you it is pure hell. You WILL feel unloved and look at other couples sharing and feel like crap. Your needs ( sexual, emotional, spiritual)will always be difficult for them . The word pressure will come a lot as the coaches say. You will find out the they do bettter in casual or relationships that won't work. My current gf just told me ahe feels like in prison...she spends most of her time studying and working and tries to spend time with me...but she says she has no time for friends and her. Which is not true...if she were more organized she would fit everyone in. Example quality time with her most weeks is maybe 8 hours.
If either the study and/or the work is full time it would seem she is doing extremely well to give you 8 hours a week.
Any avoidant will sabotage their own romantic connection unless they go to therapy.
They need it.
They cant handle the connection as what this video says
Can an anxious make someone an avoidant? I don't think I had the problem before I met my ex. And my recent dating has somewhat proved me right.
My dismissive avoidant ex broke up with me. Since September, he’s never given me the bf/gf title back and it just felt like everytime we get back together, he pulls even further. Now, he’s asked for space and distance and believes our relationship is stressful and dysfunctional that he doesn’t want to speak with me or even FWB. When I call, he’s hostile and always too busy to talk. I’m anxiously attached, how do I get him back? I don’t want to wait 6 weeks for him to meet other women….
John Bowlby
My DA ex girlfriend after 7 months of dating broke up with me with no reason whatsoever. Her reason was ridicolous and it was just a excuse to leave. I tried to convince her not to do it but i never begged or anything. Finnally i told her if she doesnt want ton be with me she can leave. After 5 weeks of no contact she reached out to me without anything significant. I talk with her like with a buddy. Just few sentences a day. Its just a small talk. She never mentioned anything about us and what happenned. She reached out to me four days in a row. However two days ago she was reached out twice asking about address of two shopping centres we were always going together (it's very easy to find it on google maps). Then she complained that she has nobody to go for shopping with and asked am i working now. I don't know if she wanted to genuine meet me or just wanted to use me as a taxi because she doesnt have a driving licence. And my question is: what does she want from me???? I am so confused...
Breaking up with my FA ex nearly drove me to insanity. I tried everything under the sun to bring her back but she just doubled down. She also had infidelity issues of having side relationships which I found out by using private investigators.
Is fearful avoidant the same as disorganized? Combination of anxious and avoiding? Or is disorganized more likely to have personality disorder?
As long as there is avoidant...signal for me to avoid it.
Too much drama. I dont want to handle it
Disorganized is different.
EDIT: Well.... Looks like I might actually be wrong about this. Fearful avoidant IS disorganized.
There's a lot I need to learn about this still - clearly.
Edited my comment above. I think I'm actually wrong on this!
All relationships have disagreements and challenges. It is scary how people just take some incident and poof end the relationship. Avoidants, or people who can't deal with emotions, won't discuss, really unstable if you truth be told. I am always willing to talk, the worst is someone just ghosting you, then I become my own anxious avoidant, like fearful to make it worse or to be 'avoided' again, should I reach out.
Avoidants can give you anxiety. On the otherhand, if we self reflect and go back to our relationship with our family, we go back to our secure attached self.
Having religion helps too. If i fell insecure, i go to my church and talk to God to have my safe space and feeling of safety.
My mother when she was alive gave me unconditional love and I always go back to it, weeding out men who lies, or avoids real loving relationships.
I hate drama and avoidants create drama to officially sabotage relationships. They have that feeling of safety when they avoid romantic connection for awhile.
They cant even commit for 1x a week talk
@@dianaverano7878 All of this so true. Long ago when I had bad trouble, those days I lived with family, just out of college, had so much love and support around me, plus good friends. Most of all my mother when alive was by best friend ever, the trust and closeness I can never know with any man. Avoidants do life wrong, they don't know the feeling of trust and genuine closeness, forgiveness that we all make mistakes, just they won't talk.
My guy would keep ignoring me while kept connecting he blamed me for not giving space after 2 months I was the one to reach out n he sd because of my clingy behavior he backed off but he apologized I will never do it , wud always say yes ill call, yes to everything but never followed up he, still likes me, from now on he won't ignore, wud text n call but same thing happened I couldn't tolerate it though I didn't call him or text everyday n changed my behavior a bit was same. I blasted him n sd block n leave if u can't commit n show efforts and he did block me.. I'm hurt but I learnt was he never cared n did any effort it was me alone.. I have nt blocked him I don't know if he will reach out. What attachment is he its so confusing??
Should avoidants be avoided?
What if the avoidant hang up on me or yell at me with no reason?
Why we always have to be patient and indulgent to them?
How should I take that?
Why stay? You dont deserve being yelled at by avoidants who act like a baby
Who cares? I've lost attraction to avoidants.
Same here 😂🎉❤
Am I giving too much? She has been pushing me away and pulling me back for 4 years (long distance) I’m so tired and sad
You two are not selling the avoidants, dont want to feel obligated to look after you when your unwell, dont want to go on holiday as cant handle being with you every day. Cant handle asking them to commit to one day a week or one day a month. Lol!! Its laughable there undatable and only 1 percemt change. Yes i can see the upside of dating or marrying these people. Lol!!! Sounds horrific.
• Christmas put a lot of pressure on her
• Talking about moving in together made her uncomfortable (even tho we talked about it a lot months before)
• Asking why she doesn't invite me to hang with her at her job anymore caused conflict
And then she left
I'm sorry they are so complex and difficult..6 months I've been in no contact today. It still hurts
@@asher6047 you'll get through this
@@joeysauce Thank you! I'm getting there
This is crazy. Sounds like avoidants can’t be in a relationship or get married 😥😰😯
you describe mi ex GF
why did i fall in love with an avoidant ffs
It will take awhile before avoidants show their true colors
No matter how sincere you are, they will sabotage the romantic connection.
They are never ready for a loving romantic relationship unless they go to therapy and learn that they deserve healthy loving relationships
it´s funny how avoidant are the most unreliable people in the world and get mad if you aren´t always reliable XD
these people are not worth the effort. plenty of fish in the sea.
Avoidants are undatable. And I hope for the worst for them.
Lol I felt this . Can’t stand them 😅
They’ve already been through the worse, that’s why they are how they are. You’re hardly secure with this comment yourself, focus on yourself because clearly you’re not ready to date anyone. What a cruel comment.
Who wants to be smothered in a relationship ? Nobody with a strong sense of self, that's who... Having a partner shouldn't mean that you lose your autonomy ... And people who need that amount of closeness need therapy
Those people that have that amount of dismissive attachment need therapy.
@@kita0918 ☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾
Ladies and gentlemen, we have an avoidant!
@@d.r.g.8917 yassss tell it!! 🥳
@@d.r.g.8917HAHAHAH EXACTLY
🎯 This is a crucial discussion; thank you for this well delivered thoroughly examined approach! 🫶🏾
Unbelievable!! So true. An dismissive avoidant ghosted me after two years. Everything you said is now my 20/20 hindsight. Wish I'd had this video before the heartbreak. I pressured.
I'm an anxious attacher. Thanks coach Craig!!