What you said in the beginning describes my journey to healing from whatever happened in my childhood. I used to go for emotionally unavailable people, avoidants or just men with no empathy until I became aware of it. Now it's a big no for me. The turning point was when I looked at my ex and realized I was dating "my dad". Got the ick and started therapy.
Yay! Love that for you. Something simular for me. I pick unavailable unempathetic men. My dad is great now after years of self work - super available and supportive. Now if someone is unempathetic it gives me an instant ick.
What bothers so much with AD is that I can see in her face that she recognizes the red flags, but for some reason, she still goes along with them. It is weird to me because she’s in therapy and she expresses that she is aware of the behaviours that trigger a toxic cycle, but something inside of her makes her go against her intuition. I think that her being aware and still choosing illy makes it that much more concerning.
I agree. I also feel like while therapy CAN help us understand ourselves and give us tools (although it's not the only method we can use), we still have to be committed to doing the work. Our therapists can only help us as much as we are honest with them (and ourselves).
It's hard to change bad patterns within yourself - even when you are aware of the flags, unfortunately. It takes time and courage to not go with the familiar, tbh.
Matthew found enjoyment being deceptive. It wasn't until he started abusing (i.e. gaslighting, love bombing) AD and Amber that he hit his stride. Matthew is WILD.
Ppl really underestimate how much respect plays into their relationships. Often giving second, third, fourth chances just makes the person being graced with these chances think you’re a clown and they continue to treat you as such.
Great point about AD. Her choosing Matthew over Clay and then back to Clay after Matthew turned out to be untrustworthy really bothered me too. Why choose someone just because they are mildly better than your first choice on one specific aspect? What about their other behaviours and overall compatibility with you. She seemed to take the compliments given to her very much to heart and was quite easy to win over- literally accepting the barest minimum, and it kept going lower.
I think the show pressures contestants to give people second chances. There’s peer pressure for sure and production needs a storyline Also. AD reminds me a lot of me. I can predict and SEE the red flag but I still want the validation of being chosen. I’m working through that in therapy. But it’s still hard to watch her navigate bc let’s be honest, we ALL want the fairytale. We all want to be picked and have the love story.
This really hit home for me because after watching this, I realise that I have some of ADs traits and my ex has most of Matthew’s traits - very slippery/manipulative, never really sure about what he wanted or needed from a relationship, always testing me, like he wanted me to prove my desire for him whilst keeping his cards close to his chest when it came to how he felt about me; and switching from affectionate to business-like at the drop of a hat, particularly when his feelings were hurt. And me, similar to AD, I have abandonment issues with a v emotionally unavailable dad and I’m a sucker for an unavailable man who shows me glimpses of vulnerability 😢😩
We all have some AD in us, and it is super important to overcome that daddy wound childhood ouches just knowing you have it will help in your selection but you gotta work on reparenting yourself give you what you need that love attention believing in yourself and know that you are worthy to the core put in the work!
@@ladyofspa thank you. Yes I’m in therapy working on myself. I also have the mother wound as my mum died when I was 2 and my dad hid it from me until I found her death certificate when I was 17, he just refused to talk about her or explain where she was … thinking he was protecting me I guess … but it just made me feel abandoned and lost. So yeah, a lot to work with but I’ll get there 😊
I think if it feels familiar, even though she's aware of the risk she may over-optimistically hope that this time will be different. Familiar things are comfortable, even if they're not good for you. And in many cases, not as scary as changing the script and doing something new and unfamiliar.
I didn’t think Matthew was a “psycho” but his combo of traits seems very dangerous either way. If he hadn’t used the same wording with the two women, one of them might have accepted his proposal and then been confused and hurt by his behavior going forward. So I’m very glad he wasn’t successful and the women figured out what was going on. I do hope AD finds the strength to stay single. She needs something else, not Clay or Matthew or anyone from this show.
I thought Matthew was concocting this whole personality to get on TV and make sure he was featured. It just seemed fake to me. I think he planned everything he was going to say and do. He got two desperate women to fall for it by making them feel “special” because he was a jerk to the others and presented himself as mysterious and controversial. It was like his own little experiment.
WOW WOW WOW incredible work. Your analysis is mind blowing. I completly agree with you I just didnt have the words or expertise.. You blew AD wigs off the pedestal. Her esteem appears so high but its really in the trash and she allows them to lower it and her own boundaries. That childhood awareness is so key to dating. Please talk more on how to deal with childhood wounds for better dating outcomes. Bravo. keep it up.
So interesting how INTPs are regarded in Love is Blind as seeming like they have a veneer and struggling with being authentic (both Johnnie and Matthew). I think part of it is the Si, post-processing function is not great in social situations under pressure. As an INTP myself I often find myself reflecting on what I wished I'd said or done far after the damage has already been done. While I don't agree with Matthew's mindset or actions, as an INTP myself I don't necessarily agree that a lack of emotionality is necessarily something to be fixed. While I think it's important in a relationship to be vulnerable, I also think there are lots of ways of expressing emotion that are valid. I often find my lack of emotional response tends to disappoint others, but I've learned I'd rather be authentic with my feelings than play to what I think others want which is a lesson important for every INTP to learn.
You are so perceptive Dr Cherie. I love your analysis of Matthew, it was just fascinating. And then, sure enough, all roads lead to compassion and understanding. For example, you explain why you do not see him as a sociopath. You are so good at what you do! Now I'm going to watch the show (your videos make me want to watch the shows you analyze).
Excellent analysis per usual. You're easily one of my favorite UA-camrs because of your ability to explore the deeper, real-life implications of MBTI through the lens of reality TV
So happy to see you're doing LiB analysis again, I was impatiently waiting! Great video, loved that take on Matthew and AD. Well pointed on monogamy aspect of men with this personality type. We all heard or seen chronically unfaithful men who keep proclaiming love to their partner. I always found it difficult to understand and to me writing them off as sociopaths didn't seem satisfying explanation for all cases like that. You explained so well the dichotomy of those men without using unfair sociopath tag. Loved it :) Can you do Swedish "Love is blind" or Polish "Love never lies?"
This was such a nice surprise to see in my feed! I appreciate this breakdown in particular, as I have dated a few “Matthews” (each one an ENTP or INTP). One of them told me in person after dating long-distance for 6 months that he couldn’t make things official because it would be “significantly lowering his standards”. Cut to two years later, he continues to reach out. He said he’s attempted to date other women since me, but they didn’t check as many boxes on his spreadsheet and it just doesn’t make sense to him. This man said he’s willing to compromise for “less than optimal” physical traits if our communication styles and values are more aligned. Your observation about men who share Matthew’s traits tracks, at least in my own experience. That Ne aligning with struggles in monogamy and a desire for, shall we say, alternative lifestyles, is something I’ll never be able to wrap my brain around. I’m convinced I’ve got to stick with somebody who’s also got Ni in the stack somewhere. 😆
Thank you Dr Cherie. This example of Mathews personality type was very healing. I'm always excited for your love is blind reviews. I'll catch up with the other shows you cover as well. ❤️👓❤️
“I feel you being protective of me and makes me want to do it for you” that line was my ultimate flaming red flag. He didn’t say “I like YOU. That was literally “I like that you like me” nothing to do with AD at all
I’m married to an INTP. The biggest issue is lack of empathy. When we argue, he has to be correct and everything has to be logical. When he speaks, he’s very precise and yes, the endless NE hypotheses can get a little tiring.
in the same boat as you, their lack of emotional intelligence and empathy at times is really frustrating. In arguments, its not about whos right or wrong, and trying to use logic either, this is human interactions and so feelings should be considered and discussed first.
lol how does your intp struggle with empathy? It’s in the top four? It’s an inferior function so they aren’t secure in how to best use it. But they certainly feel it! They do want other people to feel good, they are just unsure how to do it. And maturity is supposed to help them get better at it.
Sorry. Im an istp married to an infp. I hurt him easily when we argue because I dont mention feelings I try to understand facts and work with them. But also often he respond I dont understand the goal or meaning. I get lost and confused. I wish it were easier
When Matthew said, either you AD or not you AD, this would make me call him out on his BS! This is not a statement i could overlook, without questioning him further. I am shocked to see AD missing all these red flags, and allowing herself to get played. However, ultimately she figures it out. I doubt that her relationship with clay will work out either. Both of them are bad options for her, however, she is driven by her primary desire, which is to continue on this show to the end, this choosing the lesser of the both bad options.
This is such an insightful analysis! "Stick to what is real" rather than hypotheticals is wonderful advice. I wish I could talk to you about my own situation in life. It isn't easy to find someone who has such genuine insight into human behaviour.
I love your videos please do more❤ Matthew is a traumatized INTP with social anxiety. INTP’s use systems and sometimes over try to impress to get relationships. They don’t really think about how their behavior affects people relationally. Matthew needs therapy before he gets a girlfriend or wife. To me INTP’s are kind of charming with their clunkiness with me to🤭❤
Honestly AD is me and I am AD! In the past few months I have experienced both Clay and Matthew in exact proportions and I can totally relate to why and how she is acting this way even though she is a gorgeous, confident and talented woman in and out. Aside the daddy issues and captain save a ho tendencies, It’s easy for you to loose yourself especially when you are getting on in years and you can see she is clearly at a point in her life where she wants desperately to love and be loved and I don’t blame my sis. Childhood trauma runs really deep cos I have been to therapy, I have talked to people I have practiced forgiveness, I have done it all and if you had asked me before I started dealing with this mean I would argue with you that I am ALL good and I cannot be dogged out or ran game on… hmmm let me tell you that these man had me acting crazy in these streets… after getting angry and blaming them thoroughly, I realized once again that even though they had their flaws, the problem is not them but my own personal relationship with myself and my childhood traumas… it’s not as easy as it might seem to overcome… I hope she finds healing through compassion and grace to herself and she learns to love and accept every single part of her and when she is, I hope she finds the best man for her, she does deserve it ❤❤❤ wishing me sis love
OMG he was telling two different women the same exact things. Love bombing two women thinking they would never know. I do agree with what you’re saying about Mathew. I don’t think he was ever going to propose to either them or run away with anyone.
The part where you said that it’s hard to respect someone after they’ve let you disrespect them for so long is a huge reason why I hate fake apologies or when people try to get back in your life without acknowledging why we split etc is because people will act nice for a few days or weeks just for the mask to fall back off and the cycle repeats. It’s manipulative and a huge time waster.
I love your approach and analysis it’s super easy to understand, thorough, organized and the clips showing what you mean connects everything together. I watch these to learn how to communicate and understand people and relationships better.
Wow this was incredibly insightful. Thank you, I always wanted a professional‘s opinion on this show as I think it‘s so good to examine relationship dynamics.
I love these cognitive breakdowns, but I have to disagree with Dr. Cherie. My experience has taught me that while Dominant Extraverted Intuition can see multiple possibilities and helps Ne users get out of being cornered....it is the Introverted Thinking function that causes double meanings, leaving backdoors to deny or change the nature of what was being said at a later time. I've experienced this with both TP and FJ types. Hypothetical: Matthew: "I love you AD"...."Yea, I said I love you, but I love my plants, my dog, my job, other women, my bigmac, I love many things...I didn't say I was in love with you...and even then there's different levels of love and of being in love, sorry you didn't understand what I meant at the time"
I can see what you mean. Have you seen how Jordan Peterson debates? Ti are good at finding the bigger picture or higher level rule that governs the universe, ironically it's also their individual theory. When they speak at this higher level and when you're trying to nail them with specifics, they can simply say I never said that or that's not what I meant, because their rule applies to multiple situations and it can be all true. Since Matthew have both Ti and Ne he would have more backdoors than most types apart from ENTP.
Wonderful analysis as usual. Thank you for your perceptive thoughts. I would love to know your take (or anyone else on this thread!) as to why Matthew described himself as an “underdog” and predicted that all of America would be “on his side“ after seeing the show. He seemed to see himself as the victim in the end, rather than take responsibility for his actions. I was absolutely floored by his twisted perspective on things. Did anyone understand this??
I'm guessing the reason for his America's Underdog comments is multi-fold: 1) He's self-soothing: He knows he's messed up the love triangle situation AND he's likely to get a bad edit on the show, so he's finding alternative ways to look his self-inflicted car crash in order to not lose hope and find solutions. 2) He probably does feel like an underdog in his general life, because everything about him is not "mainstream". He mentioned resonating with Superman in his intro, so "America loves an underdog" is a reflection of the comic book heroes and values he's consumed growing up, in order to not feel bad about himself. 3) It may be a last-ditch attempt at convincing / threatening AD to not dump him, because "America is watching".
thank you, Dr. Types. your behavioral analysis was superb and i didnt even see love is blind. This was eye opening understanding how emotionally unavailable folk why they do the things they do. i have a little bit of a sympathy for matthew though. Dating sounds extremely difficult if you are not actively working towards being more emotionally intelligent. cant wait for more content.
Maybe I'm wrong but I understood Matthew enough that I was surprised when I saw many people thought he was a psychopath or had a lot of crazy issues. I am an infj so I felt like I understood everything going on in his head. I actually thought he was a better match for AD than Clay and they had a lot of chemistry. But maybe that's just me. He should have approached the situation with more bravery and then he wouldn't have lost AD. Otherwise, I don't think he did anything different than any other person on love is blind tbh. I think he's quite innocent and barely had any screen time.
Can you do a video on how Ken had never dated a white woman before and thought he was overly affectionate and yet Brittany describes him as unaffectionate. Also, I think Ken let AD's personal ideals about interracial relationships take up more space in his perspective of Brittany.
Yes, Ken reacted well to Brittany and was very sweet until that convo with AD. I get AD's intention however she should focus on all the red flags Clay is sending her and not on other people's relationships 😅
I think he did give in to ADs ideas but he also seems to do whatever his friends and famiy dictate is correct, personally id like a man to think for himself, whats in his best interest and on his posible life partner 🤷🏻♀️
@@mitzielizabeth2563 We also need to remember Ken is 25 ? 26? That was his age coming through and then he turned it around on Brittany that she's not into him 🤦🏼♀️
@@joanna0988 riiight, I think he gaslighted her alot, and like you say, would turn everything around on her, like why cant he just be honest and say that its not what he wants instead of making her feel bad:/
Take your zodiac shit somewhere else 😂 that's faker than the Kardashian and people know what they're doing. He is simply very manipulative and wants people wrapped around his fingers.
As a Scorpio sun I agree. My biggest challenge was not getting swept away in my emotions, allowing them to make decisions and being able to apply both logic and emotions when necessary.
Subscriber from the UK, I’m seeing this video 3 days late. Not sure what’s going on with algorithm but maybe if you put a picture advertising the video it might help. 😮
Thanks for the heads up. Clicking on the bell 🔔 icon next to the subscribe button will notify you. I’ll do a post too. Working on the Kenneth and Brittany video now.
Dr Cherie, how do I differentiate between a quiet, introverted but emotionally mature person vs an emotionally unavailable one? I love quiet men but I tend to assume when they're quiet=it means they are emotionally mature and self reflected- when in reality I notice after many weeks "nope he isn't quiet he's just emotionally unavailable". Do you have any advice?
“Emotionally mature” and “Emotionally Available” are different things. Someone can be emotional unavailable sometimes but when it is available, it response to you very well. Someone who is emotionally available to you, can also be available to someone else. Like Trevor. He is so good to Chelsea’s emotions. But he had another partner. Ask them about their comfort level with emotions like- when was the last time they cried? emotions is a big part of the compatibility. But DrCherie’s compatibility chart had 3 other functions to consider.
lol if you asking this, chances are that person isn’t emotionally available. Cuz being a quiet emotionally mature introvert isn’t going to confuse you. Being quiet and introverted is not gonna stop them from being emotionally expressive especially one on one. It’s just harder to do in social settings. Also with this system you have to fully understand what emotional availability means to you. Is being emotionally available means you need someone that can adequately respond to your feelings or tell you their feelings? So you need to know your own dominant feeling function and where it lies in the stack. Cuz you can be an FI use encountering another FI user and they might be emotionally available, but you are really looking for someone that can primarily respond to your emotions. And that’s not something that is all that natural to them.
this may sound so harsh. but AD is the type to marry an undercover serial killer & then be so surprised when she finds out that they are a serial killer but will point out all of the red flags that she saw after the fact lmaoo
Leela: You know Zapp, once I thought you were a big pompous buffoon. Then I realized that inside, you were just a pitiful child. But now I realize that outside that child is a big pompous buffoon!
“Getting carried away with his FE persona“ GIRL! I think that was what made me leery bc the hopeful romantic in me wanted to think he just felt comfortable with her but I also was like but what if he’s just leaning into her energy bc she is so expressive. I initially felt like he was there because these women were essentially forced to date him where he probably doesn’t get to a deeper/longer convo in real life because he’s so off putting.
Matthew is a walking red flag. And has some deep healing to do. AD’s childhood trauma definitely affected her attachment style and she has the tendency to overlook the red flag because she deeply wants to be loved. Clay and Matthew are both familiar since she has unhealed emotional wounds that at least she’s working on through therapy. Although Matthew gives me the ick because he can put up some performative crap with AD and Amber. She has a hard time communicating her thoughts and shuts down whenever she’s triggered. That’s why doing our own healing work from whatever was disturbed during the childhood development. It’s fascinating to watch because they’re doing their best according to the awareness they have about their wounds.
Agreed, AD reveals her flags when she vents about Matthew to Clay, that isn’t “emotionally aware” or deeply empathetic, it showed a person who can’t self soothe and not thinking of how this will impact Clay
@sorenbyrd2342 Equally, Clay also dumps on AD, venting to her his fear of his inability to be faithful, as if she’s his therapist, not thinking how this would impact AD
It's a bit contradictory to believe people can change, but then categorize them into MBTI types. Isn't MBTI, in its traditional sense, a (pseudoscientific) system that descirbes personality, thinking and feeling as set in stone congitive functions? So how can you still believe people can change? Or is it in a sense of, they can work on their 'weaker' cognitive functions? Anyway, I was looking forward to an analysis coming from a professional, but as soon as MBTI came into the conversation, I was very sceptical. The system is way too flawed. Still interesting insights.
Yes, you can work on your weaker functions to aspire to be better at things. You also have the 4 sides of the mind. The Ego, shadow( unconscious),subconscious, and super ego. Depending on where you are in life and who you interact with, different parts of you come out. With time and effort on building yourself (or go through trauma) you can change but still have the same cognitive functions typing.
I agree MBTI is too generalized to be able to yield insights at DrCherie’s level. DrCherie describes a person’s natural preference with cognitive functions. MBTI is a baby version of this system. In her charts with the circles, called the “cognitive function stack” it shows everyone have both Feeling AND Thinking functions. You’re born with specific preferences, if it aligns with your environment you’ll adapt very quickly, when it’s not, then you have to work on it and this is the growth part.
The idea behind it is that you have strengths and you have weaknesses. It also gives you insight into the fact that other people’s minds work differently. So if you are a person that leads with thinking and you encounter a person that leads with feelings you can better understand the feeler and speak their language. And the feeler can better speak your language as a thinker. And you can gain better self awareness. Like the what was said in the video, someone like Matthew is mainly focused on the end goal, is mainly focused on results, and doesn’t contemplate what he actually wants and what he wants to feel. And his NE affords him to see a lot of different outcomes but it also makes him scared to just pick the one he thinks or feels is best. They are terrified of making the wrong choice. And so what would be best for someone like that is to sit down and reflect on what exactly they want and just pick a path. And the more they practice these muscles, the better they become at it. Also AD wouldn’t be a bad match for him tbh. But it would only works when both parties are mature, and has a good understanding of the other. They are set up to help each other grow and develop more as people. And they would be better able to see that if they knew these things instead of just being making everyone out to be villains… Like AD wants to ‘fix’ a man, she could better see who she can actually ‘fix’, and how best to ‘fix’ them. That’s how she can feed her Bob the builder fantasies.
Generally true for an ENTP. It's the other way around for an INTP. Where Ti is logic, an example usage is reaching a goal. Ne (his secondary function), supports Ti by finding multiple ways to reach that goal. Ne is offers alternative views, an ability that people can see this as "Shady" or "Open Minded". Milton offered Uche an alternative perception to Lydia, who was building a case against her. Milton said that's doesn't apply to him because he is not Uche. Regarding the other comment about Ti having "double meanings". I think what they meant was Ti people can speak with "broader meaning". Ti are good at finding the bigger picture or higher level rule that governs multiple situations. When they speak at this higher /broader level and when you're trying to nail them with specifics, they can simply say I never said that or that's not what I meant, because their statement applies to multiple situations and it can be all true. Since Matthew have both Ti and Ne he would have more backdoors than most types apart from ENTP.
Dr Cherie, can I make a little request! Would it be possible to put the MBTI type in the corner under the person’s name? I haven’t memorized the stacks yet and that would be helpful, maybe for others as well. Thank you.
Hi there, thank you for your request, but I have decided to deliberately exclude the MBTI names of the types, because I want to distance myself from the generic MBTI descriptions and stereotypes which I do not agree with, and help people focus more on the cognitive function stack and its nuances. Hope you understand. Edit: I have now included the MBTI names in description box
@@DrCherieTypes thank you Cherie for including them in the description, it helps us. I understand your points tho. And I'm still due a chat with you as mentioned months ago ♥️
What you said in the beginning describes my journey to healing from whatever happened in my childhood. I used to go for emotionally unavailable people, avoidants or just men with no empathy until I became aware of it. Now it's a big no for me. The turning point was when I looked at my ex and realized I was dating "my dad". Got the ick and started therapy.
Yay! Love that for you. Something simular for me. I pick unavailable unempathetic men. My dad is great now after years of self work - super available and supportive. Now if someone is unempathetic it gives me an instant ick.
What bothers so much with AD is that I can see in her face that she recognizes the red flags, but for some reason, she still goes along with them. It is weird to me because she’s in therapy and she expresses that she is aware of the behaviours that trigger a toxic cycle, but something inside of her makes her go against her intuition. I think that her being aware and still choosing illy makes it that much more concerning.
Good point
I agree. I also feel like while therapy CAN help us understand ourselves and give us tools (although it's not the only method we can use), we still have to be committed to doing the work. Our therapists can only help us as much as we are honest with them (and ourselves).
It's hard to change bad patterns within yourself - even when you are aware of the flags, unfortunately. It takes time and courage to not go with the familiar, tbh.
Low self esteem unfortunately. She’s self aware but doesn’t feel worthy of better
Nailed it.@@Aisha_babii
And when the world needed her most...SHE REAPPEARED! Thank you for this video.
Matthew found enjoyment being deceptive. It wasn't until he started abusing (i.e. gaslighting, love bombing) AD and Amber that he hit his stride. Matthew is WILD.
He gives serial killer vibes
Ppl really underestimate how much respect plays into their relationships. Often giving second, third, fourth chances just makes the person being graced with these chances think you’re a clown and they continue to treat you as such.
Great point about AD. Her choosing Matthew over Clay and then back to Clay after Matthew turned out to be untrustworthy really bothered me too. Why choose someone just because they are mildly better than your first choice on one specific aspect? What about their other behaviours and overall compatibility with you. She seemed to take the compliments given to her very much to heart and was quite easy to win over- literally accepting the barest minimum, and it kept going lower.
On a separate note- great title ‘Dating Teflon’ 😂😂😂
I think the show pressures contestants to give people second chances. There’s peer pressure for sure and production needs a storyline
Also. AD reminds me a lot of me. I can predict and SEE the red flag but I still want the validation of being chosen. I’m working through that in therapy. But it’s still hard to watch her navigate bc let’s be honest, we ALL want the fairytale. We all want to be picked and have the love story.
Exactly, why choose the lesser of two evils? Because she really wants to continue on this show and only has these options.
This really hit home for me because after watching this, I realise that I have some of ADs traits and my ex has most of Matthew’s traits - very slippery/manipulative, never really sure about what he wanted or needed from a relationship, always testing me, like he wanted me to prove my desire for him whilst keeping his cards close to his chest when it came to how he felt about me; and switching from affectionate to business-like at the drop of a hat, particularly when his feelings were hurt. And me, similar to AD, I have abandonment issues with a v emotionally unavailable dad and I’m a sucker for an unavailable man who shows me glimpses of vulnerability 😢😩
Omg!!! This was sooo scary reading your comment! I've dating at least 2 guys like how you mentioned! Smh 🤦♀️
I’m like this too. How do I fix this? 😩
We all have some AD in us, and it is super important to overcome that daddy wound childhood ouches just knowing you have it will help in your selection but you gotta work on reparenting yourself give you what you need that love attention believing in yourself and know that you are worthy to the core put in the work!
@@ladyofspa thank you. Yes I’m in therapy working on myself. I also have the mother wound as my mum died when I was 2 and my dad hid it from me until I found her death certificate when I was 17, he just refused to talk about her or explain where she was … thinking he was protecting me I guess … but it just made me feel abandoned and lost. So yeah, a lot to work with but I’ll get there 😊
@@Juniperberrie25oh my goodness, I am so sorry that this happened to you. Just so awful
Literally my dating experience, I think it’s a mixture of loneliness with a desire to see them and grow with them.
I think if it feels familiar, even though she's aware of the risk she may over-optimistically hope that this time will be different. Familiar things are comfortable, even if they're not good for you. And in many cases, not as scary as changing the script and doing something new and unfamiliar.
I didn’t think Matthew was a “psycho” but his combo of traits seems very dangerous either way. If he hadn’t used the same wording with the two women, one of them might have accepted his proposal and then been confused and hurt by his behavior going forward. So I’m very glad he wasn’t successful and the women figured out what was going on. I do hope AD finds the strength to stay single. She needs something else, not Clay or Matthew or anyone from this show.
I thought Matthew was concocting this whole personality to get on TV and make sure he was featured. It just seemed fake to me. I think he planned everything he was going to say and do. He got two desperate women to fall for it by making them feel “special” because he was a jerk to the others and presented himself as mysterious and controversial. It was like his own little experiment.
That crossed my mind as well
Mhmmm I like the framing of the lowest function as “on and off” and “all or nothing” VERY HELPFUL
WOW WOW WOW incredible work. Your analysis is mind blowing. I completly agree with you I just didnt have the words or expertise.. You blew AD wigs off the pedestal. Her esteem appears so high but its really in the trash and she allows them to lower it and her own boundaries. That childhood awareness is so key to dating. Please talk more on how to deal with childhood wounds for better dating outcomes.
Bravo. keep it up.
So interesting how INTPs are regarded in Love is Blind as seeming like they have a veneer and struggling with being authentic (both Johnnie and Matthew). I think part of it is the Si, post-processing function is not great in social situations under pressure. As an INTP myself I often find myself reflecting on what I wished I'd said or done far after the damage has already been done.
While I don't agree with Matthew's mindset or actions, as an INTP myself I don't necessarily agree that a lack of emotionality is necessarily something to be fixed. While I think it's important in a relationship to be vulnerable, I also think there are lots of ways of expressing emotion that are valid.
I often find my lack of emotional response tends to disappoint others, but I've learned I'd rather be authentic with my feelings than play to what I think others want which is a lesson important for every INTP to learn.
I relate also Im very honest and can be too straightforward sometimes
You are so perceptive Dr Cherie. I love your analysis of Matthew, it was just fascinating. And then, sure enough, all roads lead to compassion and understanding. For example, you explain why you do not see him as a sociopath. You are so good at what you do! Now I'm going to watch the show (your videos make me want to watch the shows you analyze).
Excellent analysis per usual. You're easily one of my favorite UA-camrs because of your ability to explore the deeper, real-life implications of MBTI through the lens of reality TV
Yes!!!!! I’ve been waiting for you!
So happy to see you're doing LiB analysis again, I was impatiently waiting! Great video, loved that take on Matthew and AD. Well pointed on monogamy aspect of men with this personality type.
We all heard or seen chronically unfaithful men who keep proclaiming love to their partner. I always found it difficult to understand and to me writing them off as sociopaths didn't seem satisfying explanation for all cases like that. You explained so well the dichotomy of those men without using unfair sociopath tag. Loved it :)
Can you do Swedish "Love is blind" or Polish "Love never lies?"
Yes Sweden was fire!
I thought Matthew was testing out lines for Amber on AD. I like your analysis. I see it.
This was such a nice surprise to see in my feed!
I appreciate this breakdown in particular, as I have dated a few “Matthews” (each one an ENTP or INTP). One of them told me in person after dating long-distance for 6 months that he couldn’t make things official because it would be “significantly lowering his standards”. Cut to two years later, he continues to reach out. He said he’s attempted to date other women since me, but they didn’t check as many boxes on his spreadsheet and it just doesn’t make sense to him. This man said he’s willing to compromise for “less than optimal” physical traits if our communication styles and values are more aligned.
Your observation about men who share Matthew’s traits tracks, at least in my own experience. That Ne aligning with struggles in monogamy and a desire for, shall we say, alternative lifestyles, is something I’ll never be able to wrap my brain around. I’m convinced I’ve got to stick with somebody who’s also got Ni in the stack somewhere. 😆
Thank you Dr Cherie. This example of Mathews personality type was very healing. I'm always excited for your love is blind reviews. I'll catch up with the other shows you cover as well.
❤️👓❤️
Out of all of the LIB commentaries, this analysis is absolutely the most helpful to deciphering love bombing and gaslighting.
“I feel you being protective of me and makes me want to do it for you” that line was my ultimate flaming red flag. He didn’t say “I like YOU. That was literally “I like that you like me” nothing to do with AD at all
Well spotted. But that’s also how Ti introverted Thinking types naturally speak 😅
I’m married to an INTP. The biggest issue is lack of empathy. When we argue, he has to be correct and everything has to be logical. When he speaks, he’s very precise and yes, the endless NE hypotheses can get a little tiring.
in the same boat as you, their lack of emotional intelligence and empathy at times is really frustrating. In arguments, its not about whos right or wrong, and trying to use logic either, this is human interactions and so feelings should be considered and discussed first.
My brother is INTP and he is the sweetest, most empathetic, most caring person ever. Not having enough empathy isn't a personality trait, it's a flaw.
lol how does your intp struggle with empathy? It’s in the top four? It’s an inferior function so they aren’t secure in how to best use it. But they certainly feel it! They do want other people to feel good, they are just unsure how to do it. And maturity is supposed to help them get better at it.
Sorry. Im an istp married to an infp. I hurt him easily when we argue because I dont mention feelings I try to understand facts and work with them. But also often he respond I dont understand the goal or meaning. I get lost and confused. I wish it were easier
Loved this! I hope you review Ken and Brittany
When Matthew said, either you AD or not you AD, this would make me call him out on his BS! This is not a statement i could overlook, without questioning him further. I am shocked to see AD missing all these red flags, and allowing herself to get played. However, ultimately she figures it out. I doubt that her relationship with clay will work out either. Both of them are bad options for her, however, she is driven by her primary desire, which is to continue on this show to the end, this choosing the lesser of the both bad options.
This is such an insightful analysis! "Stick to what is real" rather than hypotheticals is wonderful advice. I wish I could talk to you about my own situation in life. It isn't easy to find someone who has such genuine insight into human behaviour.
I do offer sessions, booking link: calendly.com/drcherietypes
I love your videos please do more❤ Matthew is a traumatized INTP with social anxiety. INTP’s use systems and sometimes over try to impress to get relationships. They don’t really think about how their behavior affects people relationally. Matthew needs therapy before he gets a girlfriend or wife. To me INTP’s are kind of charming with their clunkiness with me to🤭❤
That’s cuz Se is their blind spot!! They struggle with how they come across to people.
Honestly AD is me and I am AD! In the past few months I have experienced both Clay and Matthew in exact proportions and I can totally relate to why and how she is acting this way even though she is a gorgeous, confident and talented woman in and out.
Aside the daddy issues and captain save a ho tendencies, It’s easy for you to loose yourself especially when you are getting on in years and you can see she is clearly at a point in her life where she wants desperately to love and be loved and I don’t blame my sis. Childhood trauma runs really deep cos I have been to therapy, I have talked to people I have practiced forgiveness, I have done it all and if you had asked me before I started dealing with this mean I would argue with you that I am ALL good and I cannot be dogged out or ran game on… hmmm let me tell you that these man had me acting crazy in these streets… after getting angry and blaming them thoroughly, I realized once again that even though they had their flaws, the problem is not them but my own personal relationship with myself and my childhood traumas… it’s not as easy as it might seem to overcome…
I hope she finds healing through compassion and grace to herself and she learns to love and accept every single part of her and when she is, I hope she finds the best man for her, she does deserve it ❤❤❤ wishing me sis love
Matthew does this for a living! What a dangerous man 😩
Matthew was such a lovebomber.
🎉🎉🎉 so happy you're back to teach us📝📝📝
OMG he was telling two different women the same exact things. Love bombing two women thinking they would never know. I do agree with what you’re saying about Mathew. I don’t think he was ever going to propose to either them or run away with anyone.
The part where you said that it’s hard to respect someone after they’ve let you disrespect them for so long is a huge reason why I hate fake apologies or when people try to get back in your life without acknowledging why we split etc is because people will act nice for a few days or weeks just for the mask to fall back off and the cycle repeats. It’s manipulative and a huge time waster.
I love your approach and analysis it’s super easy to understand, thorough, organized and the clips showing what you mean connects everything together. I watch these to learn how to communicate and understand people and relationships better.
Yay, Dr Cherie's back!
I will wait until you've posted a few so that I can binge watch :)
Interesting take on Matthew...totally made sense!
Excited for your takes this season, I know it’ll be a doozy! 🥵👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
OMG, your video title is calling me out! :)
I had a boss JUST like Matthew. THANK YOU for finally putting into words the things that irked me so much about him.
Wow this was incredibly insightful. Thank you, I always wanted a professional‘s opinion on this show as I think it‘s so good to examine relationship dynamics.
I love these cognitive breakdowns, but I have to disagree with Dr. Cherie. My experience has taught me that while Dominant Extraverted Intuition can see multiple possibilities and helps Ne users get out of being cornered....it is the Introverted Thinking function that causes double meanings, leaving backdoors to deny or change the nature of what was being said at a later time. I've experienced this with both TP and FJ types. Hypothetical: Matthew: "I love you AD"...."Yea, I said I love you, but I love my plants, my dog, my job, other women, my bigmac, I love many things...I didn't say I was in love with you...and even then there's different levels of love and of being in love, sorry you didn't understand what I meant at the time"
I can see what you mean. Have you seen how Jordan Peterson debates? Ti are good at finding the bigger picture or higher level rule that governs the universe, ironically it's also their individual theory. When they speak at this higher level and when you're trying to nail them with specifics, they can simply say I never said that or that's not what I meant, because their rule applies to multiple situations and it can be all true. Since Matthew have both Ti and Ne he would have more backdoors than most types apart from ENTP.
as an ISFJ who lives in close proximity to an INTP, your analysis is extremely accurate!
Wonderful analysis as usual. Thank you for your perceptive thoughts. I would love to know your take (or anyone else on this thread!) as to why Matthew described himself as an “underdog” and predicted that all of America would be “on his side“ after seeing the show. He seemed to see himself as the victim in the end, rather than take responsibility for his actions. I was absolutely floored by his twisted perspective on things. Did anyone understand this??
I'm guessing the reason for his America's Underdog comments is multi-fold:
1) He's self-soothing: He knows he's messed up the love triangle situation AND he's likely to get a bad edit on the show, so he's finding alternative ways to look his self-inflicted car crash in order to not lose hope and find solutions.
2) He probably does feel like an underdog in his general life, because everything about him is not "mainstream". He mentioned resonating with Superman in his intro, so "America loves an underdog" is a reflection of the comic book heroes and values he's consumed growing up, in order to not feel bad about himself.
3) It may be a last-ditch attempt at convincing / threatening AD to not dump him, because "America is watching".
WOW!!!! Thanks for another great analysis 👏🏾Love this
You are incredible. Thank you for your content ❤
The video I was waiting for! I love your breakdowns 👏🏾can’t wait to see your thoughts on AD and clay.
thank you, Dr. Types. your behavioral analysis was superb and i didnt even see love is blind. This was eye opening understanding how emotionally unavailable folk why they do the things they do. i have a little bit of a sympathy for matthew though. Dating sounds extremely difficult if you are not actively working towards being more emotionally intelligent. cant wait for more content.
the best breakdowns I've seen
I´m so impressed by your observation skills and interpretation
Even better the second viewing! I learn so much from your content Dr Cherie!
That was a really, really good analysis!
Bravo!!! Well done!! ❤❤❤ Such a great lesson.
Excited to hear from you.
I HAVE BEEN WAITTTTING FOR YOUR VIDEOOOOOO OF THIS SEASON!!!!
I love your perspectives! thank you
Well done- please do more on this season, I haven't seen much online (yet) as far as typing videos
Maybe I'm wrong but I understood Matthew enough that I was surprised when I saw many people thought he was a psychopath or had a lot of crazy issues. I am an infj so I felt like I understood everything going on in his head. I actually thought he was a better match for AD than Clay and they had a lot of chemistry. But maybe that's just me. He should have approached the situation with more bravery and then he wouldn't have lost AD. Otherwise, I don't think he did anything different than any other person on love is blind tbh. I think he's quite innocent and barely had any screen time.
You explain things so well, thank you for making these videos
On point as usual. Didn’t miss with any of these points Dr. Cherie!!
Matthew or Amber might be a producer plant. I wonder why they did not show the conversations between them?
This was an excellent analysis - thank you so much!
Yes Dr Cherie Types I’ve been waiting for your insight ❤
Brilliant Assessment! Made me see this in others IRL. 🎉
Very interesting. I am looking forward to the other videos.
Can you do a video on how Ken had never dated a white woman before and thought he was overly affectionate and yet Brittany describes him as unaffectionate. Also, I think Ken let AD's personal ideals about interracial relationships take up more space in his perspective of Brittany.
Yes, Ken reacted well to Brittany and was very sweet until that convo with AD. I get AD's intention however she should focus on all the red flags Clay is sending her and not on other people's relationships 😅
I think he did give in to ADs ideas but he also seems to do whatever his friends and famiy dictate is correct, personally id like a man to think for himself, whats in his best interest and on his posible life partner 🤷🏻♀️
@@mitzielizabeth2563 We also need to remember Ken is 25 ? 26? That was his age coming through and then he turned it around on Brittany that she's not into him 🤦🏼♀️
@@joanna0988 riiight, I think he gaslighted her alot, and like you say, would turn everything around on her, like why cant he just be honest and say that its not what he wants instead of making her feel bad:/
@@mitzielizabeth2563 Exactly. Then she's crying and he's on his phone 🫤
Great analysis
Some people commented by asking if he is Autistic. Also I am into zodiac signs and water signs are extremely emotional.
Take your zodiac shit somewhere else 😂 that's faker than the Kardashian and people know what they're doing. He is simply very manipulative and wants people wrapped around his fingers.
He could be neurodivergent for sure but he's also a jerk which is not caused by autism or ADHD 😅
As a Scorpio sun I agree. My biggest challenge was not getting swept away in my emotions, allowing them to make decisions and being able to apply both logic and emotions when necessary.
🤓 Damn great review
👧 spot on great review
There is a theory that both Mathew and Amber may be a netflix plant
If that is true then Negan Fox must be also because she was blatantly cartoonishly insecure…
@@nicemuse1956the thing is that I know people like Chelsea…
Subscriber from the UK, I’m seeing this video 3 days late. Not sure what’s going on with algorithm but maybe if you put a picture advertising the video it might help. 😮
Thanks for the heads up. Clicking on the bell 🔔 icon next to the subscribe button will notify you. I’ll do a post too. Working on the Kenneth and Brittany video now.
My notifications bell was on 🙃 I’ve been watching your channel for 2 years!!! Keep up the great videos ❤
Fantastic! Was hoping for your reviews
This is was so insightful! Thank you!
Yay, I was looking forward to your video!
Thank you for this video. I would love to hear your take on LIB Sweden too 🙏🏽
Ooh girl I have been waiting for this
love your analysis! Please keep going😃
Whoa. This is the free therapy I’ve been looking for
this is a great assesment!
Dr Cherie, how do I differentiate between a quiet, introverted but emotionally mature person vs an emotionally unavailable one? I love quiet men but I tend to assume when they're quiet=it means they are emotionally mature and self reflected- when in reality I notice after many weeks "nope he isn't quiet he's just emotionally unavailable". Do you have any advice?
“Emotionally mature” and “Emotionally Available” are different things. Someone can be emotional unavailable sometimes but when it is available, it response to you very well. Someone who is emotionally available to you, can also be available to someone else. Like Trevor. He is so good to Chelsea’s emotions. But he had another partner. Ask them about their comfort level with emotions like- when was the last time they cried? emotions is a big part of the compatibility. But DrCherie’s compatibility chart had 3 other functions to consider.
lol if you asking this, chances are that person isn’t emotionally available. Cuz being a quiet emotionally mature introvert isn’t going to confuse you. Being quiet and introverted is not gonna stop them from being emotionally expressive especially one on one. It’s just harder to do in social settings. Also with this system you have to fully understand what emotional availability means to you. Is being emotionally available means you need someone that can adequately respond to your feelings or tell you their feelings? So you need to know your own dominant feeling function and where it lies in the stack. Cuz you can be an FI use encountering another FI user and they might be emotionally available, but you are really looking for someone that can primarily respond to your emotions. And that’s not something that is all that natural to them.
I love your videos so much!
Love, love, love your videos 🥰
Can you analyze Jeremy next because he is the most interesting character in this season?
I meant Jimmy****But but can you do both because they are both really off! Especially with the blogs about Jeremy.
this may sound so harsh. but AD is the type to marry an undercover serial killer & then be so surprised when she finds out that they are a serial killer but will point out all of the red flags that she saw after the fact lmaoo
Leela: You know Zapp, once I thought you were a big pompous buffoon. Then I realized that inside, you were just a pitiful child. But now I realize that outside that child is a big pompous buffoon!
Dr. Cherieeeee ❤!
“Getting carried away with his FE persona“ GIRL! I think that was what made me leery bc the hopeful romantic in me wanted to think he just felt comfortable with her but I also was like but what if he’s just leaning into her energy bc she is so expressive. I initially felt like he was there because these women were essentially forced to date him where he probably doesn’t get to a deeper/longer convo in real life because he’s so off putting.
I CLAP SO HARD WHEN YOU POST 👏
I love your videos❤❤
Matthew is a walking red flag. And has some deep healing to do.
AD’s childhood trauma definitely affected her attachment style and she has the tendency to overlook the red flag because she deeply wants to be loved.
Clay and Matthew are both familiar since she has unhealed emotional wounds that at least she’s working on through therapy.
Although Matthew gives me the ick because he can put up some performative crap with AD and Amber.
She has a hard time communicating her thoughts and shuts down whenever she’s triggered.
That’s why doing our own healing work from whatever was disturbed during the childhood development.
It’s fascinating to watch because they’re doing their best according to the awareness they have about their wounds.
Agreed, AD reveals her flags when she vents about Matthew to Clay, that isn’t “emotionally aware” or deeply empathetic, it showed a person who can’t self soothe and not thinking of how this will impact Clay
@sorenbyrd2342 Equally, Clay also dumps on AD, venting to her his fear of his inability to be faithful, as if she’s his therapist, not thinking how this would impact AD
It's a bit contradictory to believe people can change, but then categorize them into MBTI types. Isn't MBTI, in its traditional sense, a (pseudoscientific) system that descirbes personality, thinking and feeling as set in stone congitive functions? So how can you still believe people can change? Or is it in a sense of, they can work on their 'weaker' cognitive functions? Anyway, I was looking forward to an analysis coming from a professional, but as soon as MBTI came into the conversation, I was very sceptical. The system is way too flawed. Still interesting insights.
Yes, you can work on your weaker functions to aspire to be better at things. You also have the 4 sides of the mind. The Ego, shadow( unconscious),subconscious, and super ego. Depending on where you are in life and who you interact with, different parts of you come out. With time and effort on building yourself (or go through trauma) you can change but still have the same cognitive functions typing.
I agree MBTI is too generalized to be able to yield insights at DrCherie’s level. DrCherie describes a person’s natural preference with cognitive functions. MBTI is a baby version of this system. In her charts with the circles, called the “cognitive function stack” it shows everyone have both Feeling AND Thinking functions. You’re born with specific preferences, if it aligns with your environment you’ll adapt very quickly, when it’s not, then you have to work on it and this is the growth part.
The idea behind it is that you have strengths and you have weaknesses. It also gives you insight into the fact that other people’s minds work differently. So if you are a person that leads with thinking and you encounter a person that leads with feelings you can better understand the feeler and speak their language. And the feeler can better speak your language as a thinker.
And you can gain better self awareness. Like the what was said in the video, someone like Matthew is mainly focused on the end goal, is mainly focused on results, and doesn’t contemplate what he actually wants and what he wants to feel. And his NE affords him to see a lot of different outcomes but it also makes him scared to just pick the one he thinks or feels is best. They are terrified of making the wrong choice. And so what would be best for someone like that is to sit down and reflect on what exactly they want and just pick a path. And the more they practice these muscles, the better they become at it.
Also AD wouldn’t be a bad match for him tbh. But it would only works when both parties are mature, and has a good understanding of the other. They are set up to help each other grow and develop more as people. And they would be better able to see that if they knew these things instead of just being making everyone out to be villains… Like AD wants to ‘fix’ a man, she could better see who she can actually ‘fix’, and how best to ‘fix’ them. That’s how she can feed her Bob the builder fantasies.
I do not understand about the Ne function, Milton based on your projection also has it but he is not shady?
There's a good and bad side to every function. Everyone is capable of being on either or both sides of ethics.
@@AiResearcherPhD I saw the other people s comment mentioning the Thinking function so maybe it enlarges it.
Generally true for an ENTP. It's the other way around for an INTP. Where Ti is logic, an example usage is reaching a goal. Ne (his secondary function), supports Ti by finding multiple ways to reach that goal. Ne is offers alternative views, an ability that people can see this as "Shady" or "Open Minded". Milton offered Uche an alternative perception to Lydia, who was building a case against her. Milton said that's doesn't apply to him because he is not Uche. Regarding the other comment about Ti having "double meanings". I think what they meant was Ti people can speak with "broader meaning". Ti are good at finding the bigger picture or higher level rule that governs multiple situations. When they speak at this higher /broader level and when you're trying to nail them with specifics, they can simply say I never said that or that's not what I meant, because their statement applies to multiple situations and it can be all true. Since Matthew have both Ti and Ne he would have more backdoors than most types apart from ENTP.
# 1 thing a narcissist does is “love bomb”
Dr Cherie, can I make a little request! Would it be possible to put the MBTI type in the corner under the person’s name? I haven’t memorized the stacks yet and that would be helpful, maybe for others as well. Thank you.
yesss please, ive had to google them as i dont know them by heart.
Hi there, thank you for your request, but I have decided to deliberately exclude the MBTI names of the types, because I want to distance myself from the generic MBTI descriptions and stereotypes which I do not agree with, and help people focus more on the cognitive function stack and its nuances. Hope you understand.
Edit: I have now included the MBTI names in description box
@@DrCherieTypes thank you Cherie for including them in the description, it helps us. I understand your points tho. And I'm still due a chat with you as mentioned months ago ♥️
@@DrCherieTypes thank you for the response and explanation, that makes sense. Thank you for including it in the description box.
I loveeeee your LIB videos!!
🙏 thank you
I clicked to quick‼️‼️
“too”
Brutal to watch as an INTP🙂
Omg I recently dealt with a guy like this!!
Pls do single inferno and love us blind Sweden!