Why So Judgmental? - Uche & Aaliyah: Love is Blind Season 5
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- Опубліковано 5 сер 2024
- Therapist analyses Uche and Aaliyah on Love Is Blind S5 based on personality types and cognitive functions.
If you would like to find out your personality type and have counselling sessions on you and your relationships, book a session with the link below :)
calendly.com/drcherietypes
linktr.ee/drcherietypes
In this video, I also elaborate on the following personality types and how their cognitive functions correlate with relationship chemistry and behaviour:
Fi introverted Feeling, Fe extraverted Feeling,
Te extraverted Thinking,
Si introverted Sensing, Se extraverted Sensing,
Ni introverted Intuition
ESTJ, ENFJ, ESFP
00:00 Intro
00:48 Uche's hypocrisy
02:20 Hypocrisy explained
04:12 Their chemistry
09:05 Main conflict: Te vs Fe clash
16:00 Main conflict: Si vs Si Blind
17:25 Why Aaliyah left
21:56 Aaliyah had no boundaries
24:30 Book a session
#16personalities #relationship #loveisblind
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For the next video we NEED to know wtf went wrong with Taylor and JP :D And why is Izzy so obsessed with bringing Johnie down after the pods.
Yes, I want to see Dr Cherie’s take on JP!!! Personally, I believe JP sabotaged the relationship because of deep abandonment fears. In Mexico he said his fear was that Taylor would ‘just leave him’. I think he felt that she was too good to be true and he got overwhelmed and had a literal freeze response. And instead of being honest/vulnerable about it, he made up the makeup thing because he doesn’t know how to articulate his feelings - I think he came up with the makeup thing, simply because he remembered in the reveal that she mentioned she had fake lashes on so he just used that. But I think it was all a lie, he just didn’t know how to be vulnerable with her because it was all too intimidating for him. Obviously I could be wrong, but that’s my take on it
I’m interesting in her take with Izzy as well 👀
I am excited to hear about Jp and Taylor as well. Contrary to your view but thankful you’ve shared yours; I feel Taylor started their downfall. She brought up his gap and her false lashes and then proceeded to ask him to share his feelings every two seconds (could be based on editing)
@@kaboomgal3348i disagree. While i think the gap comment was wrong and i dont justify or condone it, that and eyelashes alone does not a downfall begin. An emotionally stable person can share feelings without coming off as controlling and judgemental of her attempt to doll herself up both for herself and HIS SAKE too.
He doesnt have to like it but all of the nonsense he said about "just dont wear makeup" "you should be happy i prefer you without makeup and all the other BS excuses he made, it was clear he was latching onto ANYTHING that could present itself as a way out for him. He literally couldnt bring up a single different point that wasnt related to how she looked....thats pathetic lol.
As soon as Taylor said she doesn’t go for a guy with a gap it was a wrap! He shut down .. I don’t blame him that’s kinda f’ed up to say
People who are doormats and too "nice" for their own good also tend to be passive-aggressive in relation to others. Cheating is a passive-aggressive act, a way to provoke a partner to break up and not have to do it themselves. Aaliyah has a lot of therapy ahead of her 🙂I have no respect for Uche's and Lydia's behavior towards Aaliyah. Unnecessary and Low!
🎯🎯
What you said.
Agreed. Aaliyah’s doesn’t have the confidence to speak her mind or the respect to tell people where she stands, so she runs away instead of dealing with tough subject matters; I found her exhausting.
@@44nk96 You and I both but I tend to find passive people incredibly frustrating to be around so when they run, my first response is to just quietly close (and lock) the "door" behind them.
I found them both to be exhausting but for very different reasons. Uche really seemed to enjoy being on a high horse and correcting her, it was irritating and completely condescending. The man just came across as self serving. Aaliyah, bless her smh, is an emotional rollercoaster and personally triggered me a touch more. She seems to have more of an anxious attachment style but is also deeply passive aggressive and prefers to run. And then instead of standing ten toes down in the "decision" to dip (feel like she does more reacting than actual decision making), she panics, self-implodes and tries to double back. It was hard to watch.
Extremely hard to watch. I wanted to scream when uche said she was doin all that after the phone call and then reached out to him to beg for him back. Ugh Aaliyah girl stand up!
Spot on. That whole scene was awful. He judged her HARD and she is very passive.
From what Ive heard from her in interviews, she went into the pods really wanting to be open to the experience. That might explain part of why she grasps so hard onto Uche.
@@CaulkMonglerAlthough, it was extremely hard to watch her keep begging him! I have to say I agree with you as well. Good point!
I personally had less of an issue with Aaliyah ghosting Uche, my issue is that she didn’t stay gone. I knew that as soon as Aaliyah got on the phone with Uche, he would go into punishing her for ghosting him the way she did. I really hope Aaliyah learns to stand her ground and be honest with herself about people disrespecting her. I’m not against ghosting, ghosting is communication but I would personally reserve it for a person who I deem to be erratic, violent or for a person I don’t know well.
I'm always happy to see Dr Cherie videos in my feed! The relationship between Uche and Aaliyah reminded me of a child-parent relationship. The way he treated Aaliyah always seemed to be that he was educating or correcting her, and when he did this Aaliyah seemed to shrink herself and beg for understanding and forgiveness. This couple was hard for me to watch. I also feel like Aaliyah would cry without any tears lol
I now understand Aaliyah & Uche dynamic much better. Aaliyah’s strong feelings are real. Her biggest crutch is validating others at her own expense. Great video breakdown!
Aaliyah made mistakes for sure and she seems realllyyy emotionally immature (the blocking and unblocking, inconsistent actions), but Uche is like stone cold Steve Austin man 😂😂 he’s so dry and cold. I don’t think he cares for anyone, it’s very self serving. His hanging up on her and “I never want to speak to her again” was extreme. Never be with a man who looks down on you ladies!
Lawyers are terrifying
@@jeremysmith9694 isn’t Johnie a lawyer? She’s not scary lol
She was the only how side there are two sides to a story, at the party and the only one who questioned Lydia's said of the story...
@@LizNeptunego back to when Johnnie was stating her closing arguments to Izzy in the booths about why they should be together She's definitely a lawyer 😂
'OH boy, you're a recent cheater' whilst fully well knowing that his ex that he slept with 3 months prior is in the pods... his ex that he cheated on. We cam aaaall imagine Uche's reaction if ot was Aaliyah who had an ex in the pods, he'd be rinsing her about deception and would never let that die himself. If he does something, it's not a big deal, you're overthinking it. If you do it? Oh hell, you better prepare for a verbal lashing.
This this this
Oh God! I dated someone like this!!! It was hell! Thank God that's over with! Smh
I love Aaliyah. She deserves the best. Good for her that she chose to leave the toxic environment. kudos to her.
I agree and wish she never went back to him afterwards
They’re still dating. Uche posted a series of Q&As on Instagram. He says they decided to date outside of the show. Aaliyah disappoints me. 😢
I'm the same type as Aaliyah and felt very triggered by how Uche spoke to her so this was very interesting and validating. So frustrating seeing her going back to Uche to try with him in the newer episodes :(
Yall are INFJ's right? I don't think she specified
100% I see myself in her as well
Same here 💯
Omg, such a treat! Thank you for your words of wisdom! I found Uche quite trigerring and frustrating to watch. Also, my biggest fear and suspition now is that I'm the same personality type as Lydia xD
Remember: same type does not mean same person. How you choose to use your functions determines your individuality. You can use the same function immaturely or maturely, selfishly or selflessly. That is our choice. But I do find that watching an unhealthy, immature version of our own type is the most triggering, because 1) we know they can do better 2) its watching the worst potential version of ourselves
Hypocrite is good. You don't need a clinical degree to call Uche a hypocrite.
Yes!!! Uche basically forced Aaliyah to have a conversation with him, that she should have really had with her ex who she cheated on.
He made another person’s situation about him
What I read is that Aaliyah still carries shame over her past self and the immaturity involved with that last self. Uche, to her, simply represents the “expected” response to learning someone has a past as a cheater, but she doesn’t learn/know how Uche has a tendency to value his own thoughts and feelings over other’s since she’s the opposite - she validates others and listens to their feelings. It makes sense why she has a background in nursing.
@Dr Cherie PLEASE do a series just taking about the personality functions in general 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 your way of explaining is 💯
OMG Lydia said that Uche and she decided to start again in the pods??? No they didn’t!!! He was like, no Lydia, not again!!!
Thank you !!! ❤ So many facts ! He’s the ultimate hypocrite, completely incapable of putting himself in others peoples
Shoes
I look forward to your videos every season
The way Aliyah was throwing her feelings around, I can understand why Lydia felt they were very similar. They're both very emotional in different ways and intelligent as well. I can see them genuinely clinging to each other and why Lydia thought Aliyah would be a good fit for Uche if he could change like she was saying when Aliyah came back crying about Uche being tough on her over the cheating. Lydia and Aliyah both tend to overshare though Aliyah has better understanding of other people's boundaries. It's understandable why an emotional vampire like Uche would go after them.
Ill always find it wild Uche calling Lydia an extremely honest person, then trying to paint her as crazy.
Loved the video! I would love for you to Analyse Kim and Kourtney Kardashian’s relationship dynamic, I think you’d get a lot of views!
Please do that. Also JLo
This is the best break down of this show I've seen! Great video
Uche we know was horrific from the beginning but Lydia is sick! Almost sinister. It’s so scary to know that people like this who have covert malicious intent exist!
What exactly has Lydia done???
Yeah Lydia's nuts, but Uche is terrible
YESS I was waiting for your review! Can’t wait to watch this tonight
It’s 4am and I’m stuck on UA-cam 🤣 Dr. Cherie girl, you are hitting alllll the points 👏🏾 I’d like to know your opinion on where unche lands on the scale of narcissism!
So happy to see your review ❤
Love these videos!
Yay! Dr. Cherie's back!
YASSSSS! I’ve been waiting for your video!!
Is it possible to change personality type’s because I feel like I’m so similar to Aaliyah but I don’t want to be. 😂❤ I like her but I see how I’ve attracted some Uche type men in my life and I don’t want to anymore. I even had friends that over stepped boundaries. Help
Please look into finding a support group, self help and/or therapy. Find information that focuses on setting boundaries, types of “doormatting”, and effective communication. There are also plenty of books available from your library, including audiobooks. Another source are podcasts. Many focus on some of your concerns.
It’s also important to surround yourself with supportive people. Some friends are only for a season, others are for a lifetime. What you’re feeling is more common than you think. It will take time to change, but you can do it. There are so many ways to improve your life and address your concerns. Life experiences and time are our greatest teachers, but utilizing resources will help tremendously. This can be achieved at home, work, social engagements, and volunteering (especially organizations that focus on advocating).
Same 😢 this was so interesting but also very triggering because Aaliyah is definitely me and all me ex partners (and ex friends!) are Uche!!! 😢😩 I don’t think we can change our core personality type but we can become a healthier version of our type, I think a good place to start for an Fe is to learn how to set boundaries, for example .
My theory is that our underlying functions don’t change, but how we use the functions and integrate them in healthy ways is where growth happens - it’s why same type does not mean same person.
I'm so glad you made this video Dr Cherie, because now after having watched it, I am looking forward to watching this season. I have tried a couple times to get into this season but I just wasn't as engaged. Once I saw you posted a video about it, I knew you would make it interesting. So now I'm motivated to watch. Another fascinating analysis!
Thank you ☺️
I was waiting for your videos. Thanks that you are here.
Lol, same, for her videos!
I love your breakdown’s. Great review.
Narcissist they see their problems in other people
Love your insights. ❤
Thank you Dr. C. This breakdown was very good. Thanks.
Subscribed! Hoping to see more of these on the rest of the contestants
Yes…. So basically a projection. He was projecting onto her based off of his mistakes.
Amazing assessment! I want to know more about myself
These videos are very good.
Wowzers!!!
Bingo!
VERY INTERESTING!!!!!
Very interesting!
This is fascinating! I would be curious to know what makes you see Uche as an ESTJ, since I was getting very strong ENTJ vibes. I do have a tendency to type S's as N's, though 😅 the struggles of being an N!
Si observes events and revisits them to draw meaning (Ne). They value longevity. 2 years too short for Si. Ni has a vision of what’s to come based on present events (Se). They don’t value the past, they can believe the future could change course from a single event. Hence 2 years for Ni is irrelevant. Si thinks a single event is a one off, if it’s different from the pattern of past events. There’s a bit in the video where I compare Aaliyah who is Si blind and Uche’s Si.
Your so brilliant!!
Thank you 🙏
I really don’t like Uche.
I don't think Lydia is a reliable source for the truth. It's Uche's word vs hers? Why are we believing her? If Uche had cheated on Lydia, why was she trying to date him in the pods?
They weren’t official so I think it’s a grey area for Lydia. She feels as though it was cheating because they were dating but also that it logically wasn’t cheating because they weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend. Uche was able to compartmentalise easier. I’ve been in a similar position and forgave the person, who later did become my boyfriend. I told myself it was logically okay because we weren’t an official couple and I hadn’t slept with him yet myself. Big mistake to ignore those feelings. I feel Lydia was trying to do that but in the end knew he was being hypocritical, as he led Lydia to believe they were dating exclusively, despite not having a label.
Thank you so much Dr Cherie for Uche and Aaliyah's personality type analysis! It makes so much sense now. Would an INFJ instead of an ENFJ, being in Aaliyah's position, react the same way to Uche?
Theoretically, there may be some similarities in response due to having the same dominant Ni/Fe and lower functions Ti/Se - however other factors also come to play: maturity, past experiences, which functions the INFJ personally valued and aspires to. Type is a good guide but there are also many nuances that are difficult to stereotype
Yup! You cooked Uche 😅
Lydia knew she was wrong telling Aaliyah all that stuff about Uche. Aaliyah should have gotten up and walked away.
Love is Blind meaning they dont know how the other person looks how would Aaliyah be able to follow Uche on social media when she left before they were able to meet in person Im not understanding that
At what point should we consider that Uche was hurt by Aaliyah leaving the pods without saying anything and so it's possible that what we saw from him after that was anger and frustration in reaction to the hurt?
You know, I completely disagree with Uche’s vision of cheating and telling your partner about it. Honestly, I believe that if you cheated that’s totally on you and the guilt that you are feeling sometimes overwhelms you. And in order to make YOURSELF feel better, you talk with them about it. So, I believe people who do end up confessing their infidelity to a partner do just another selfish thing. There is already a great impact when they cheat but I think it’s even greater when they confess. If you have the balls to sleep with another person, have the balls to live with your choices and guilt, don’t impose your bullshit on your partner.
Is there a connection of these personality types to attachment styles?
How different is INFJ from FeNiSeTi? From what you’ve described they personality types seem quite identical. Is FeNiSeTi a subtype?
FeNiSeTi is the function stack for ENFJ. INFJ has the same functions but in a different order (NiFeTiSe). I'd say INFJ's are similar to ENFJs in many ways, but leading with Ni rather than Fe leads to a bit more independence and defensiveness in the face of criticism. The way Aaliyah keeps coming back to Uche and is indecisive about her feelings for him is very ENFJ. Her dominant Fe needs that external feedback for her to feel like she's making the right choice, even if her auxiliary Ni is telling her to run for the hills.
Hypocrite is Nice said😂
What other types are prone to ghosting?
😂 well said Dr.
How do you know what their personality markers are ?
I analyse people’s natural speech and how they tend to describe situations and respond to open ended questions. Natural speech offers clues to your mind’s default way of processing. With edited shows, it can be tricky, so I also observe any behavioural patterns and relational dynamics to further confirm.
@@DrCherieTypes that’s amazing! Thanks for replying.
Hey :) the blurred background is not very viewer friendly.
I wouldn't take Uche at his word. I feel like he works hard to make himself cone out on top no matter the cost. That makes him not trustworthy in my opinion. Because it seems that for him, no one else can be right.
Aaliyah drives me nuts.
I can't take that type for long. I have to remove myself quickly.
Uche...
Smh.
What's your type?
I truly think Uche is a good person and he’s getting TONS of hate,solely based on his sounding snippy and making a somewhat unfair statement, which he sincerely apologized for.
Can we not get the pitchforks out for someone without knowing what their opposing person is all about? Because Lydia is a f’in HUGE liar and she doesn’t seem too bright,tbh. Her lies are so transparent, they always sounds like something a 13-year-old kid would make up.
I find it hard to believe she’s actually a scientist of any kind with the way she speaks. She hasn’t shown a high level of education but,more importantly, she seems seriously unstable. The way she smiled that creepy smile when she said “and you know what? It’s happening for BOTH of us” when Lydia and Aaliyah were discussing finding love on the show. Shudder
I have no doubt whatsoever Lydia stalked Uche and followed him onto the show. What was most ridiculous to me was Lydia explaining how she and Uche spoke to each other in the pods once they found out who each other was, and Lydia acted as if they both agreed to essentially date only each other but then *gasp* they thought it might ruin the experiment so they decided to give everyone a chance 🙄 not at all what happened. Then
she says, in her weird, desperate
voice “it’s like Uche you picked someone who’s JUST LIKE ME, wtf! “
Girl, you and Aaliyah could not be more unlike each other. You could be a groundhog and you would be just as similar.
And don’t get me started on poor Milton, who is being dragged to the altar solely to make Uche jealous. I truly hope he did not marry her 🙏
uche being direct wasn't the problem. The problem was
1. he convinced her he was a safe space to talk to and immediately she started being vulnerable he started acting judgmental to her
2. He's a fucking hypocrite. Judging her about being a cheater when admitting he was a cheater in the same sentence and trying to downplay it.
3. He's a liar. Always trying to omit and downplay things to come off as the nice guy.
4. He's lowkey(highkey) an emotional abuser. Even Aaliyah realized it herself after she decided to date him again after the show. She always felt drained and beat down. Even Lydia gives off that energy. Lydia may have been crazy too but I'm not going to be surprised that she's like this because he kept stringing her along and making her feel insecure.
5. He has main character syndrome. He can't seem to survive when the world isn't revolving around him. When Lydia, Miriam and Aaliyah rejected him we saw him spiral and he ruined Miriam's relationship and tried to ruin Lydia's relationship
@@ayomidedareabel5525 also to add to the comment above ^ he was in a group chat with some of the other cast members saying terrible things about Aaliyah's looks as a person. You can hear more about that in interviews Aaliyahs had (like on Jessie Woo's channel). So they all have their faults but Uche DOES deserve some of the hate sorry
@@Karkitts yeah I watch Jessie she's fun
I don’t know why but the non verbal of this man gave me chills he just has very psychotics eyes and he is very dishonest
I don't at all think lydia is selfish but with everything else I agree with you. I think some people just want honesty and honesty is bonding. I don't think you understood that. But I also could not stand Aaliyah's lack of backbone and Uche was an absolutely horrible person.
He reached to her just to leave her 😢
Yes, 100% correct! Being ghosted, rightfully so, bruised his ego and he had to get her back to leave her. He NEEDED the power dynamic back in his court. She shouldn't have spoken to him again once she ghosted.
I’m not suprised Aaliyah is an ENFJ! I felt quite drawn to her and now I see it’s because I was recognising some traits of a fellow ENFJ haha! I see her not voicing her hen she is uncomfortable with conversations, being agreeable during conflict and avoiding conflict in general. Even by running then being conflicted as we struggle to make final decisions.
Also, not condoning the cheating but this does seem plausible for an ENFJ in the scenario where they have repeatedly voiced their needs and their partner doesn’t hear them and nothing changes. Instead of breaking up and a big conflict the cheating happened. ENFJs can find ourselves stuck in relationships where we repeatedly tell the other party what is bothering us and nothing changes/ we continue to support that partner anyway. Would be best to break up but it doesn’t happen. It seems she hadn’t reached the “I’m totally done” phase an ENFJ reaches after too much disappointment. Of course she should have broken up with her ex though. The big problem is her people pleasing and conflict avoidance, which is ENFJ 101 lol.
Uche probably doesn’t feel like he is a hypocrite at all in his mind because an ESTJ is great at compartmentalising. He probably just thinks “well I wasn’t official with Lydia when I slept with someone behind her back and tried to conceal it. It is therefore fine” So to him that is okay, as the emotional impact on Lydia is not considered at all, mainly because Lydia “shouldn’t” feel badly because Uche doesn’t perceive what he did as logically bad. Not to mention is past cheating at 18. As a feeling type, Lydia obviously does because she is emotionally based and correctly states that he is a hypocrite. Uche does not often consider the feelings of others, even if he aspires to do so.
❤
I didn’t find anything wrong with Uche’s line of question and I know accountability can seem like an attack when your not ready to be accountable and that what I think happen to Aaliyah. Aaliyah blamed her ex for her cheating on him she gave excuses why she cheated and why she kept it a secret from her partner and carried on with the relationship for months… it showed her character he shared that he also cheated but felt so guilty he had to come clean to his girlfriend and I think that was his issue with her and not just the fact that she cheated.
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Lydia, with Aliyah, gets lost in her own reflection.
Uche displayed typical emotionally abusive behaviour in each scene, as well as complete lack of empathy !
Aaliyah obviously has unresolved family trauma - got same relationship from her primary caregiver, so she mistakenly confuses such abusive treatment with love and care.
I know therapist cannot diagnose without direct exam, but can determine emotionally abusive behaviour when witnessed, right ?
Therapist can't diagnosis cos it's TV but they can says things hypothetical or give theories...I'm yet to see a practicing licenced or teaching therapist call him abusive. I think alot of people are projecting. Having no empathy or being judgemental isn't nice but it doesn't make you abusive. Other actions have to go with it
@@dazedconfuseds Sorry, You are wrong. Calling him NDP - would be diagnosing him. Determining a behaviour as an abusive - is not diagnosing, but an accurate legal or psychological assessment of one's conduct. Moreover, the produced edit of Uche - was enough to determine his behaviour as abusive.
However, I agree with You, with the hysteria of baseless diagnosis or close-minded judging. That's why I disagree with calling JP or Izzy as covert narcs or even calling their behaviour abusive, because there aren't enough proves, and it can be a conditioned reaction by their partner's action or explained in another way.
What in the Uche is this! 😂
If gaslighting manipulator was a person it would be Uche
He is right to cut them both off. I could NEVER TRUST a guy whose opinion was swayed by my psycho ex. Lydia is the psycho ex. Aliyah was weak minded enough to be manipulated by her, no way would I marry someone like that. Uche did NOTHING wrong
He should’ve judged himself on the tightness of those pants.🤮
Yes please do a video on JP and Taylor. I feel like JP is getting the white male maga edit for simply asking that Taylor stop with the cake face. I seriously couldn't buy clothes at retail stores due to make-up being smeared all over the collar of shirts from strangers. It's gotten a lot better now that everyone is looking at skincare differently after the pandemic and choosing to go fresh faced over full coverage. It can be too much but Taylor responds with "ill do what I want" and calls JP a straight up lair. I would be completely turned off from a person who called me a liar over the smallest of hang ups which is totally unfair as she's not a mind reader. Taylor is self-conscious about her looks and she'd made up her mind that JP wasn't physical attracted to her, what was he supposed to do. She even tried to pick a fight with him on the beach simply because he said F no when she asked if he was hungry. He wasnt cursing at her, he'd been day drinking and used the fbomb but it wasn't meant to be malicious..