The narcissist is a kind of robot. They have the mind without the awareness. They are without the thinker or soul behind the mind or thought. They perform all of the actions of normal people but without any of it having meaning to him or her. This is why being around them is perplexing and draining.
16:07 A narcissist doesn't desire to be loved. He doesn't desire love any more than he grants love, which is very minimal, both verbally and at a pure symbiotic level. He just wants to APPEAR to be loved. He knows appearing to be loved a lot at least means that he has a high or relatively high esteem in the eyes of others.
The really sad thing was that my self astern was and is again HIGH! He was a loser when I met him but he wanted to change . I thought I could help him! He turned out to be a covert narc! Single again and happy!!!!
I’m a codependent empath so I was perfect bait and target for the psychopath narcissist ex I had no boundaries, he preyed on and exploited punished took advantage of me for my lack of self esteem And self respect He robbed myself and my children of our autonomy and souls He coercively controls humans/disposable objects in his life to be his trauma bonded minions and pawns That have the “luck and honor “in his delusional mind To be in his presence only to serve him and do his bidding for him And to maintain his false self imposter facade as a loving dedicated empathetic “dad” or “husband “ If you dare to expose his true evil self under the mask you are raged on verbally and physically abused, Devalued , gaslighted, threatened, skapegoated,pathologically lied to,and all of his guilt is blamed and projected back onto you As he runs crying the imposter victim he plays and smear campaigns your name to everyone while constantly covering his tracks On his sadistic merciless destructive path leaving his victims to clean up his messes and do damage control
Good Vid. I relate a lot. The self entitlement, the blaming everyone else, the lack of emotional intelligence, lack of loving connection and empathy. It was like living with a room mate for 20 years that did whatever she felt like with no apology or second thought for anyone else. She was and still is completely unable to see her part in anything, if people try to point it out she gives them the silent treatment, thats how far her emotional intelligence, and ability to self reflect goes. It would be comical if it weren't for our children, she does the same to them. I could go on for hours about the classic NPD she displayed during our 20 year "marriage". She is a mix of overt/covert/neglectful/passive aggressive NPD. In the end I verbally described the way i felt to a therapist as a neglected mistreated dog that had been chained up and rarely fed or shown any type of attention. In the end the dog was hurt, confused, angry, and suffering CPTSD from being emotionally and psychologically provoked on a daily sometimes hourly basis. My advice if your in this situation, RUN........FLEE!!!!
I only left the narcissist i was with 5 weeks ago i just found your channel kat and wow your videos are great you really know what you are talking about love your videos thank you so much kat
11 місяців тому+1
It's not a 'relationship' with a narcissist. Not knowing theyre narcs you end up being just another one of their victims. They end up breaking your heart, taking all your time and money, spreading nasty rumors about you, destroying your mental and physical health, tearing up your soul, pushing away all of your friends n family... is that someone you want in your life? Learn how to spot them and educate your children. If you don't they'll probably get consumed by these monsters.
So spot on! Brings me memories. I still see only the best part of my overt narc ex, but I'm remembering so many things. 5 years of craziness. I've dated a covert 12 years and an overt 5. The overt was much better than the covert. The covert manipulates and sucks your life without you seeing what is happening, because he's so nice, so loving, so sweet, is doing it for our good. The overt...it doesn't take too long to see that he's crazy, so it's your choice to stay or not.
Girl you are spot on 💯! Can I add that they show everyone else this jovial and loving person and save their abuse for their nearest and dearest, aka intimate partners. I dealt with this for 7 years. The absolute hell I endured was unbearable and honestly can't believe I've lived to talk about it. Now, he's trying to present his fake persona to a new supply and ofcourse all of his victims are "crazy, delusional and mentally ill." I want to eventually write my story in a book because this demon narcissist is destructive beyond comprehension!
"You've been giving so much your whole life you don't have boundaries" wow that hit home... After my Covert narc relationship ended I had to look up what boundaries are and how to set healthy ones with all types of relationships in life. I've learned a lot, thank you for the video!
My narcissist is very covert. As I look back at the last 7 years, I now see all the red flags that were glaring in hindsight. It took a tragedy in our life for me to see who I had really married. I've been miserable for years and it didn't really come to the forefront of my mind until she had a major heart attack. (Weird, right?) Her and I were the only ones home and she went into full cardiac arrest. I performed CPR until the ambulance arrived as she was unresponsive. She nearly died and I was devastated. Fast forward a few weeks and I learned quickly to not allow friends talk about anything that I did to help keep her alive. When our Reiki instructor was giving us our last lesson, she mentioned to my narc that it was lucky for her I was there that day. I quipped, "see Baby, it's lucky I was there that day." My narc didn't miss a beat as she looked me dead in the eye and stated "What? You didn't do anything for me, if I was going to die I was going to die and it didn't matter what you did anyway". Talk about a demeaning and devaluating statement. Our instructor was very offended on my behalf, but I quickly made excuses for my narc.... which is what made the light FINALLY pop on in my head. Thanks for all your videos, now I have to learn to fix myself, again.
They hate when anyone “out shines” them. They hate when anyone else is perceived as a “Hero”. They can’t give anyone credit where it is due especially their significant other. Normal people would be grateful you saved their life. These folks have pathological envy that is typically very hidden especially with the coverts.
Thank you for what you do. I'm sure there's many like minded people who've had awful experiences with a narcissistic relationship. It goes along way for those with unanswered questions 🙏❤
I'm on same page with you about getting stronger just being by yourself. I was married 29 years to a narc monster and just recently divorced December of last year . I was separated 4 years before divorce. I've been no contact 8 months. No contact is the best way to get over all the negative energy and vibes . Your amazing thank you for your time and support. GOD BLESS YOU 🙏
So happy for you. Was with narc husband for 24 years and separated for 3 years. The only wonderful thing out of this hellish nightmare is my three beautiful children. I'm starting the divorce proceedings soon. I cannot wait to be totally free of him. Wishing you the very best.
@@hazeleyes2381 Be strong, you have to see and hear things differently. Your world was rocked off of its foundation. You now know where you stand and you have a 2nd opportunity to be at peace and fulfilling life . Thank you for your encouraging words they mean a great deal to me . God bless you and your children 🙏
@@edgardelgado9661 Thank you. 3 years post discard and the kids and I are still healing but in a much better place. I've ignored all of his hoovering attempts and maintaining no contact. I still find it hard to believe that people can be so evil. I was only beautiful educated trophy wife but behind closed doors the abuse was simply terrible. I now see his discard as a blessing in disguise.
My ex covert would always tell me I was the only person she trusted. More of that grooming probably. Thanks Kat for another great video. Hope things are good in your world.
@@siggmundfloyd1858 as far as I know there were no dating profiles, but it would not surprise me to lean there had been. From info I have researched she was a sneaky covert narc.
My covert narcissist wife is everything you just said.. IN FACT!!.. she picked me because I am everything she is not.. I love talking to people’.. my wife lived in her building for 11 yrs and didn’t talk to one neighbor.. now that I moved in the entire building knows “ us”.. to keep hearing what I call “ Rodisms”.. be repeated over and over .. copies everything I say.. it’s gross!! I get stomach flip flops when I stand near her .. haven’t slept in the same bed in near 2 yrs because of my stomach flip flops
Theres that stomach pain i get when I'm around him. Its on the left side just under my rib cage. It goes away as soon as he separates with me and comes right back as soon as he hoovers me back. Very weird stuff
Nope. They do not Love because they do not know God. They only love worldly things to try and fill their dark selfish controlling pathologically lying hearts. I seriously pity my narcs constant new fuel supply. One texted me in Nov and said she had been “exclusive” with him since “June”! 🤣😂🤣😂. “Exclusive”! 🤪😝😝.
You absolutely nailed the girl that I've been in a relationship with for over 5 years. I've become trama bonded to her a desperately need to get away from. I wish I could have you as my therapist.
I often wonder if the ruminations of after narc is the fact that our own ego took a beating. We drank the damn kool aid. That usual situational awareness ignored. A self defense fail. But that is when you learn the most. In adversity, the lessons stick. Its not necessarily about winning the race but finishing without wrecking yourself.
Yes the ego bruising isn’t fun. I think we also feel so “duped” and like fools but that just makes me want to be more honest and direct when in relationship with others.
I think rumination is a coping mechanism for the cognitive dissonance. You abruptly realize that person that you actually love is way worst than you even imagined. You are in shock and you can't believe what is happening. To me rumination gets resolved over time by accommodating the right narrative, that is, what are the answers to the different thoughts. The cognitive dissonance starts to dissolve.
In a 5 year relationship and i recently got tired and fed up with the relationship not working out. We are supposed to get married in September, but i no longer think i can go through with it. I recently discovered what narcissism was, and was shocked and could relate with many of the issues other have experience. 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
My ex wife developed a covert narcissistic personality with some other issues over time. It finally resulted in her cheating on me, and then she even said it wasn't cheating (FYI...exchanging love letters with another man, or even sending him "hearts" over texts when he is sending her love letters--thats not flirting, that's cheating after 30 years of marriage). But I didn't learn my lesson and was lonely enough to enter into a relationship with a woman who made me feel needed and wanted, too good to be true, and it was. I watched it unfold in front of me, idealize, devalue, and then when the discard started I told her to take a hike. That's when you see the fury of a narcissistic person--when you discard them before they discard you. Bottom line, if you are being devalued, lied to for ANY reason, having things "kept" from you to "protect" you from being "upset" etc. One word: leave.
The narc is toxic. I grew up with a narc parent. I was very , outgoing sociable, connected my sense of self, for 15 years i lived with both my parents, from ages 16-18 i lived only with the narc parent in another country. He systematically scapegoated me, raged, abused, gaslit, it was awful. My first 15 years of life, i grew up with both parents but inspite of that it was still an abusive household. I had to look for love outside my home , doing things like being the classclown. But i really got big cptsd when i lived with my narc parent alone. That was awful. Fawn can be seen in many cases like a freeze almost. I couldnt protest back the abuse my dad was doing, because i would have it worse. So i had to allow it. Boundary crossing right there. My realtionships outside the home suffered because i was more dependent, and less conected to my sense of self, my boundaries, my authenticity my expressiveness. All because i lived with a narc parent that was abusing me and projecting that i deserved it and that my needs where unreasonable as well as my boundaries. Im now in recovery almost 3 years into healing my cptsd / it started with me using my voice to set boundaries. There was nothing enjoyable about letting others cross my boundaries. Nothing. I supressed my anger and that kept me quite anxious. I needed safe support that was trauma informed and validation to start connecting more to my perspective, my inner child and my self-protective NO, or STOP, or boundaries responses. That felt empowering that felt like self-love, self-respect, like having my own back, instead of "catering" too abusive people , even if i was outside of my home that conditioning, was still there , that i deserved poor treatment, or that i couldnt USE my voice to SAY STOP, i dont want to BE TREATED THAT WAY, I DONT DESERVE TO BE TREATED THAT WAY, like needing to connect to that healthy anger, healthy self-protection. I needed validation initially, because i was gaslight so much that i questioned my perspective, what a process. Being a child to a narc parent alls while being the scapegoat and remaining an empath is no joke. Being connected my own perspective, my inner child, that little kid that speaks and tells me if something felt safe or didnt, and verbalizing it yeah that strengthened it now its more of a natural thing to do to be connected, and the problem is at home we had to abandon our connection to our true selves, because of abusive parents that would get angry or try to overpower us when valid and crazy stuff was happening they tried to gaslight us by force. But recovery in part is connecting to that inner child again, and being the adult whom can protect him, nurture him, and also choose healthy people to connect with.
the whole thing with "your part" i had quite a bit of abuse in 12 groups im not sure it lands to well. When you were abused you were abused, and sometimes well what you can grow in ofcourse is you can see redflags quicker, you can have better boundaries now that you see redflags quicker. You can become more informed about narcisistic abuse and notice phoney people a lot quicker. You can see and tie how your own trauma actually set you up to accomodate in someway, for some people that where taking a lot more than they where giving, even if i was 2 years into my healing journey already and had pretty good boundaries / just not so informed yet about narc abuse. You can become more narc abuse informed, etc. But really "your part" for me personally doesnt land so well, maybe the abuse in 12 step groups i suffered where i was told to find a part in things that i had no part in , that was prime time victim blaming that happens in the 12 step culture unfortunately and thats a whole another video or videos right there, .and that maintained me unhealed this was be4 i started doing my cptsd healing work which was in the beggining a lot of good boundaries , empowerment and finding safe people to share, and not abandoning myself...... A person who was with a narcisist even if like myself it wasn't a romantic relationship it was a group setting where there where some sneaky ones that i hadn't detected yet Its not really your fault someone else's abuse on you. Its more, like how can I heal, how can i not abandon myself through this painful smear campaign, how can i support myself, how can i heal and learn so this doesnt happen again. And some of the ways where understanding reactive abuse, understanding dealing with flying monkeys, become more informed about narc abuse so i can detect redflags and phoney energy quicker. Not abandon myself and find safe people to share with etc..... Someone else's abuse on a person, is never the victims fault, pointblank period. We can grow and learn and get healing through so it doesnt happen again, but dont need society to victim blame us.
You wouldn’t be on here if you were the narc. They would never watch self help videos. They don’t think anything is wrong with them. I tried to get my covert narc wife to watch a video and I got the silent treatment for days.
I just have trouble believing that narcissists are in general unhappy people. It is true they have these insatiable egotistic desires, but does not mean in general that their happiness is frustrated or stifled? If narcissists are unhappy why do they always walk around with a grin on their face? Why do they have so much energy? People who are unhappy have little energy. And how can they be so cocky all the time? True, I think if they are happy there is a lack of depth to the happiness, but I think it could still be considered happiness. It seems actually they should be more happy than empaths because narcissists don't choose to burden, if you will, themselves as much as empaths. They have no sense of genuine responsibility so their lives have much less stress.
To be honest no one really deserves to be cheated upon and I believe smartness is essential in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my 7 years cheating Narcissist husband through the help of an hacker who helped cloned his cell and i got access to all his Call logs, Text messages, Whats-app, Facebook, Messenger, I-cloud, GPS location, Kik, Snap-chat, Instagram, Skype, Twitter, Email and Social media chat, i was able to read both his new and deleted messages without touching it. I was hurt when i saw a picture of my husband and his lover, i felt so bad about infidelity. I’m here in Texas, USA and was able to access his phone anonymously while he was away cheating in UK and saw all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . He also does hacking of accounts or any other types of hacking and retrieval of data. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable. Contact this Genius tracker via Gmail (geniustracker701) or Via Whats-app +1 (724) 330-3252. I WISH YOU, ALL THE BEST..
I struggle with this as well. I think feeling is actually a detriment especially in today’s competence culture. After a relationship in which I loved and felt sincere gratitude and gave my heart I am now feeling sadness and depression needing counseling, etc while my ex who is disordered feels nothing and is now enjoying having the high of being with several women in the harem and chasing more without a care because it feeds all that he does care about which is his ego superficial needs. He tried to have an actual relationship (with me) but after time he found it boring so he is happy now to pursue his unattached lifestyle. They do seem happy and really do have a high life at various lengths of time. The ones I’ve known generally get what they want as they are charming, attractive, determined, successful and great actors that love drama and have fun playing games thinking they are smarter than others and get high off the wins and the adulation. They are not humble whatsoever and find those with humility as a weakness and ready to exploit. However, with this said, it is not always the case. Because they are so arrogant they are also super sensitive and can’t handle it when they perceive an injury of any kind- criticism, embarrassment, loss, rejection, etc. They resort to their childish state of angry/unfair tantrum, self-hate, hate of the person that hurt them wishing vindication, and cannot self soothe in a healthy manner so they plot to destroy and/or they go to their addiction of choice. They are always running from boredom, being alone, being hurt and their own humanness. I’ve seen the narc collapse, I’ve seen the desperation, I’ve seen the irritability and hate, complaining about all kinds of things and burning bridges, which effects the narc if they still had use of that person and they cannot win. Also, I think that anyone with an unhealthy addiction, even sex, will get old for them and have to up the ante if they can so eventually there will be self hate and shame. They will feel this when they are alone for a little while or exposed. Which is why they keep running and afraid to do intimacy and get close to anyone. They are great actors and get their way a lot, that is true. However they don’t stay satisfied with their wins so I look at it more like they are going for a string of highs to satisfy their insatiable needs versus truly being happy.
No, they aren’t really happy. Believe me. They are like a child after getting a new toy. They are so excited in the first days but after the second week, they start complaining and they think all the time to make a plan to persuade their parents for buying a new toy. They are struggling all the time in their mind for the next plan. Do you want to be happy just for three months and then start thinking” what I am gonna do” “ What can I get rid of him/her”. See, they have so much conflict in their mind. My ex couldn’t sleep so well at night, he had acid reflux for ten years, he had the worst nightmares. They are happy just for some days in a month because they are bored so easily. Do you think changing partners three or five times in 2 years, can bring happiness? Of course no, my ex in the last call told me why he cannot have a normal relationship like others. You know what? Because Narc people always play a victim role and it can have a bad effect on their soul and when you are not satisfied with whatever you have and don’t gratitude for them, you always be a loser. Have you ever seen a happy loser?
The narcissist is a kind of robot. They have the mind without the awareness. They are without the thinker or soul behind the mind or thought. They perform all of the actions of normal people but without any of it having meaning to him or her. This is why being around them is perplexing and draining.
Indeed, a robot! Human flesh with no heart.
No heart nor soul just in moving in motion
Well said. Just a hollow vessel.
I am 60yrs n married for 40yrs
Finally leaving him ❤
Damn, hope you're well🙏
Prayers for strength to heal and move forward 🙏
16:07 A narcissist doesn't desire to be loved. He doesn't desire love any more than he grants love, which is very minimal, both verbally and at a pure symbiotic level. He just wants to APPEAR to be loved. He knows appearing to be loved a lot at least means that he has a high or relatively high esteem in the eyes of others.
Damn.
Dont you mean 'she' ? Believe me the female Covert Narc is way worse.
Everything you said was dead on with my covert narcissist. Dead on. Just working on myself and grey rocking now.
The really sad thing was that my self astern was and is again HIGH!
He was a loser when I met him but he wanted to change .
I thought I could help him!
He turned out to be a covert narc!
Single again and happy!!!!
And That's WHAT The LESSON! Be Content And HELP Keep Yourself.... Happy n Content.
You can’t help. Very difficult to understand even once you understand.
This was my life.
But not anymore
Sadly it took me until 60 to understand 😢
Yeh..I know the feeling..40 years married to a covert narcissist...64 years old...awake for 2 years...still stuck
Join The 60's Revelation....! Better RIPE Than Young n Foolish Unaware.😉
I am 60yrs n married for 40yrs
Finally decided to leave.
I’m a codependent empath so I was perfect bait and target for the psychopath narcissist ex
I had no boundaries, he preyed on and exploited punished took advantage of me for my lack of self esteem And self respect
He robbed myself and my children of our autonomy and souls
He coercively controls humans/disposable objects in his life to be his trauma bonded minions and pawns
That have the “luck and honor “in his delusional mind
To be in his presence only to serve him and do his bidding for him
And to maintain his false self imposter facade as a loving dedicated empathetic “dad” or “husband “
If you dare to expose his true evil self under the mask you are raged on verbally and physically abused, Devalued , gaslighted, threatened, skapegoated,pathologically lied to,and all of his guilt is blamed and projected back onto you
As he runs crying the imposter victim he plays and smear campaigns your name to everyone while constantly covering his tracks
On his sadistic merciless destructive path leaving his victims to clean up his messes and do damage control
sad for you lady.... me too, but i have more years to recover xx
Good Vid. I relate a lot. The self entitlement, the blaming everyone else, the lack of emotional intelligence, lack of loving connection and empathy. It was like living with a room mate for 20 years that did whatever she felt like with no apology or second thought for anyone else. She was and still is completely unable to see her part in anything, if people try to point it out she gives them the silent treatment, thats how far her emotional intelligence, and ability to self reflect goes. It would be comical if it weren't for our children, she does the same to them. I could go on for hours about the classic NPD she displayed during our 20 year "marriage". She is a mix of overt/covert/neglectful/passive aggressive NPD. In the end I verbally described the way i felt to a therapist as a neglected mistreated dog that had been chained up and rarely fed or shown any type of attention. In the end the dog was hurt, confused, angry, and suffering CPTSD from being emotionally and psychologically provoked on a daily sometimes hourly basis. My advice if your in this situation, RUN........FLEE!!!!
You are a beauty
I only left the narcissist i was with 5 weeks ago i just found your channel kat and wow your videos are great you really know what you are talking about love your videos thank you so much kat
It's not a 'relationship' with a narcissist.
Not knowing theyre narcs you end up being just another one of their victims. They end up breaking your heart, taking all your time and money, spreading nasty rumors about you, destroying your mental and physical health, tearing up your soul, pushing away all of your friends n family... is that someone you want in your life?
Learn how to spot them and educate your children. If you don't they'll probably get consumed by these monsters.
So spot on! Brings me memories. I still see only the best part of my overt narc ex, but I'm remembering so many things. 5 years of craziness. I've dated a covert 12 years and an overt 5. The overt was much better than the covert. The covert manipulates and sucks your life without you seeing what is happening, because he's so nice, so loving, so sweet, is doing it for our good. The overt...it doesn't take too long to see that he's crazy, so it's your choice to stay or not.
The problem is that entire society allow this behavior and consider it normal.
That's why this world is about to be judged and destroyed.
It is even more horrible in workplaces.... Narcs are admired and everyone striving to be like them. World is going to hell
U Can SEE It REAL Good From The White House....Down! Now Know WHY People Messed Up!
@@dgontar I'm Judging After MYSELF Of Course.
And its getting worse, destroying as they go along, destroying good people and children. Terrible
Girl you are spot on 💯! Can I add that they show everyone else this jovial and loving person and save their abuse for their nearest and dearest, aka intimate partners. I dealt with this for 7 years. The absolute hell I endured was unbearable and honestly can't believe I've lived to talk about it. Now, he's trying to present his fake persona to a new supply and ofcourse all of his victims are "crazy, delusional and mentally ill." I want to eventually write my story in a book because this demon narcissist is destructive beyond comprehension!
"You've been giving so much your whole life you don't have boundaries" wow that hit home... After my Covert narc relationship ended I had to look up what boundaries are and how to set healthy ones with all types of relationships in life. I've learned a lot, thank you for the video!
My narcissist is very covert. As I look back at the last 7 years, I now see all the red flags that were glaring in hindsight. It took a tragedy in our life for me to see who I had really married. I've been miserable for years and it didn't really come to the forefront of my mind until she had a major heart attack. (Weird, right?) Her and I were the only ones home and she went into full cardiac arrest. I performed CPR until the ambulance arrived as she was unresponsive. She nearly died and I was devastated. Fast forward a few weeks and I learned quickly to not allow friends talk about anything that I did to help keep her alive. When our Reiki instructor was giving us our last lesson, she mentioned to my narc that it was lucky for her I was there that day. I quipped, "see Baby, it's lucky I was there that day." My narc didn't miss a beat as she looked me dead in the eye and stated "What? You didn't do anything for me, if I was going to die I was going to die and it didn't matter what you did anyway".
Talk about a demeaning and devaluating statement. Our instructor was very offended on my behalf, but I quickly made excuses for my narc.... which is what made the light FINALLY pop on in my head. Thanks for all your videos, now I have to learn to fix myself, again.
They hate when anyone “out shines” them. They hate when anyone else is perceived as a “Hero”. They can’t give anyone credit where it is due especially their significant other. Normal people would be grateful you saved their life. These folks have pathological envy that is typically very hidden especially with the coverts.
@@climboutoftraumawithcoachk8245 okay, it's nice to know I'm not crazy for thinking I did a good thing.
They are so very un grateful 😒
Thank you for what you do. I'm sure there's many like minded people who've had awful experiences with a narcissistic relationship. It goes along way for those with unanswered questions 🙏❤
I'm on same page with you about getting stronger just being by yourself. I was married 29 years to a narc monster and just recently divorced December of last year . I was separated 4 years before divorce. I've been no contact 8 months. No contact is the best way to get over all the negative energy and vibes . Your amazing thank you for your time and support. GOD BLESS YOU 🙏
So happy for you. Was with narc husband for 24 years and separated for 3 years. The only wonderful thing out of this hellish nightmare is my three beautiful children. I'm starting the divorce proceedings soon. I cannot wait to be totally free of him. Wishing you the very best.
@@hazeleyes2381
Be strong, you have to see and hear things differently.
Your world was rocked off of its foundation.
You now know where you stand and you have a 2nd opportunity to be at peace and fulfilling life . Thank you for your encouraging words they mean a great deal to me . God bless you and your children 🙏
@@edgardelgado9661 Thank you. 3 years post discard and the kids and I are still healing but in a much better place. I've ignored all of his hoovering attempts and maintaining no contact. I still find it hard to believe that people can be so evil. I was only beautiful educated trophy wife but behind closed doors the abuse was simply terrible. I now see his discard as a blessing in disguise.
One of the best videos I've seen on narcissism, thank you.
My ex covert would always tell me I was the only person she trusted. More of that grooming probably. Thanks Kat for another great video. Hope things are good in your world.
Very common. They don’t trust anyone but they want to make you feel like the “unicorn”...at first anyway.
Yes
@@siggmundfloyd1858 as far as I know there were no dating profiles, but it would not surprise me to lean there had been. From info I have researched she was a sneaky covert narc.
Kat----This is WONDERFUL!!! You are brilliant and beautiful,,,,, Thanks for the great content...
My covert narcissist wife is everything you just said.. IN FACT!!.. she picked me because I am everything she is not.. I love talking to people’.. my wife lived in her building for 11 yrs and didn’t talk to one neighbor.. now that I moved in the entire building knows “ us”.. to keep hearing what I call “ Rodisms”.. be repeated over and over .. copies everything I say.. it’s gross!! I get stomach flip flops when I stand near her .. haven’t slept in the same bed in near 2 yrs because of my stomach flip flops
Theres that stomach pain i get when I'm around him. Its on the left side just under my rib cage. It goes away as soon as he separates with me and comes right back as soon as he hoovers me back. Very weird stuff
@@angypapa2191 you’re an EMPATH
Yes I also had the weird pain in my stomach. It is a bit like “butterflies” but not pleasant. I felt winded sometimes. 🤷🏻♂️
Nope. They do not Love because they do not know God. They only love worldly things to try and fill their dark selfish controlling pathologically lying hearts. I seriously pity my narcs constant new fuel supply. One texted me in Nov and said she had been “exclusive” with him since “June”! 🤣😂🤣😂. “Exclusive”! 🤪😝😝.
You absolutely nailed the girl that I've been in a relationship with for over 5 years. I've become trama bonded to her a desperately need to get away from. I wish I could have you as my therapist.
be strong man.... hard part.. forget them
Walk away. Nothing can be done. Once you know, you go.
Thank you! That's my story too😭, i left my narc for 3 months, After 29 years with him.
I often wonder if the ruminations of after narc is the fact that our own ego took a beating. We drank the damn kool aid. That usual situational awareness ignored. A self defense fail. But that is when you learn the most. In adversity, the lessons stick. Its not necessarily about winning the race but finishing without wrecking yourself.
Yes the ego bruising isn’t fun. I think we also feel so “duped” and like fools but that just makes me want to be more honest and direct when in relationship with others.
No When In Relating To MYSELF....Who Got Looked Over! With The Help of A Cheater...Use People Minds Against Them.
Was just thinking this today!
I think rumination is a coping mechanism for the cognitive dissonance. You abruptly realize that person that you actually love is way worst than you even imagined. You are in shock and you can't believe what is happening.
To me rumination gets resolved over time by accommodating the right narrative, that is, what are the answers to the different thoughts. The cognitive dissonance starts to dissolve.
@@SenSakura-dj6bq Well said. You "abruptly realize" is excellent. It will be in my terminology. 👏
I went thru several cycles. He showed signs of BPD as well as NPD. I realize I was acting out my parents relationship.
Same. I watched a codependent married to an addict with my parents. It was normalized for me.
Normally When I Don't Have NO OTHER Pattern to Go Off. It's Like A Bad Drinking Addiction!
You are the best! Great info and true 100%. Thank you so much. God bless 🙏🏻
wow powerful and educational. thank you for your honesty and hard work.
In a 5 year relationship and i recently got tired and fed up with the relationship not working out. We are supposed to get married in September, but i no longer think i can go through with it. I recently discovered what narcissism was, and was shocked and could relate with many of the issues other have experience. 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
All you say is so on point..The worse ever !!
When I hear you talk it’s like your telling my life story. Amazing Video!
Your videos are so helpful…thank you so much
You are perfectly describing my soon to be ex wife
My ex wife developed a covert narcissistic personality with some other issues over time. It finally resulted in her cheating on me, and then she even said it wasn't cheating (FYI...exchanging love letters with another man, or even sending him "hearts" over texts when he is sending her love letters--thats not flirting, that's cheating after 30 years of marriage). But I didn't learn my lesson and was lonely enough to enter into a relationship with a woman who made me feel needed and wanted, too good to be true, and it was. I watched it unfold in front of me, idealize, devalue, and then when the discard started I told her to take a hike. That's when you see the fury of a narcissistic person--when you discard them before they discard you. Bottom line, if you are being devalued, lied to for ANY reason, having things "kept" from you to "protect" you from being "upset" etc. One word: leave.
YUP!
My narc gf said she loved to read like i do the most I've seen her read is microwave instructions on popcorn.thank you so much for your help
God bless
Thank you. Needed to hear this ❤❤❤
You make such awesome videos, you totally make it all so real.
Thank you so much 💓
The narc is toxic. I grew up with a narc parent. I was very , outgoing sociable, connected my sense of self, for 15 years i lived with both my parents, from ages 16-18 i lived only with the narc parent in another country. He systematically scapegoated me, raged, abused, gaslit, it was awful. My first 15 years of life, i grew up with both parents but inspite of that it was still an abusive household. I had to look for love outside my home , doing things like being the classclown. But i really got big cptsd when i lived with my narc parent alone. That was awful. Fawn can be seen in many cases like a freeze almost. I couldnt protest back the abuse my dad was doing, because i would have it worse. So i had to allow it. Boundary crossing right there. My realtionships outside the home suffered because i was more dependent, and less conected to my sense of self, my boundaries, my authenticity my expressiveness. All because i lived with a narc parent that was abusing me and projecting that i deserved it and that my needs where unreasonable as well as my boundaries. Im now in recovery almost 3 years into healing my cptsd / it started with me using my voice to set boundaries. There was nothing enjoyable about letting others cross my boundaries. Nothing. I supressed my anger and that kept me quite anxious. I needed safe support that was trauma informed and validation to start connecting more to my perspective, my inner child and my self-protective NO, or STOP, or boundaries responses. That felt empowering that felt like self-love, self-respect, like having my own back, instead of "catering" too abusive people , even if i was outside of my home that conditioning, was still there , that i deserved poor treatment, or that i couldnt USE my voice to SAY STOP, i dont want to BE TREATED THAT WAY, I DONT DESERVE TO BE TREATED THAT WAY, like needing to connect to that healthy anger, healthy self-protection. I needed validation initially, because i was gaslight so much that i questioned my perspective, what a process. Being a child to a narc parent alls while being the scapegoat and remaining an empath is no joke. Being connected my own perspective, my inner child, that little kid that speaks and tells me if something felt safe or didnt, and verbalizing it yeah that strengthened it now its more of a natural thing to do to be connected, and the problem is at home we had to abandon our connection to our true selves, because of abusive parents that would get angry or try to overpower us when valid and crazy stuff was happening they tried to gaslight us by force. But recovery in part is connecting to that inner child again, and being the adult whom can protect him, nurture him, and also choose healthy people to connect with.
the whole thing with "your part" i had quite a bit of abuse in 12 groups im not sure it lands to well. When you were abused you were abused, and sometimes well what you can grow in ofcourse is you can see redflags quicker, you can have better boundaries now that you see redflags quicker. You can become more informed about narcisistic abuse and notice phoney people a lot quicker. You can see and tie how your own trauma actually set you up to accomodate in someway, for some people that where taking a lot more than they where giving, even if i was 2 years into my healing journey already and had pretty good boundaries / just not so informed yet about narc abuse. You can become more narc abuse informed, etc. But really "your part" for me personally doesnt land so well, maybe the abuse in 12 step groups i suffered where i was told to find a part in things that i had no part in , that was prime time victim blaming that happens in the 12 step culture unfortunately and thats a whole another video or videos right there, .and that maintained me unhealed this was be4 i started doing my cptsd healing work which was in the beggining a lot of good boundaries , empowerment and finding safe people to share, and not abandoning myself...... A person who was with a narcisist even if like myself it wasn't a romantic relationship it was a group setting where there where some sneaky ones that i hadn't detected yet Its not really your fault someone else's abuse on you. Its more, like how can I heal, how can i not abandon myself through this painful smear campaign, how can i support myself, how can i heal and learn so this doesnt happen again. And some of the ways where understanding reactive abuse, understanding dealing with flying monkeys, become more informed about narc abuse so i can detect redflags and phoney energy quicker. Not abandon myself and find safe people to share with etc..... Someone else's abuse on a person, is never the victims fault, pointblank period. We can grow and learn and get healing through so it doesnt happen again, but dont need society to victim blame us.
Thank you.
they get board easly
If i get out of this alive ill never trust anyone again.
Just a horrible place to be but that's where I'm at. :(
With a narcissist 🔥Endless race🔥🔥🔥
Great video❤️❤️❤️
So true....
Can you do more specifically on coverts? I am so confused at this point maybe I am the damn narcissist.
yep i felt the same.... find yourself... it becomes clearer
I feel that same way....
You wouldn’t be on here if you were the narc. They would never watch self help videos. They don’t think anything is wrong with them. I tried to get my covert narc wife to watch a video and I got the silent treatment for days.
@@jshall446 agreed!
I just have trouble believing that narcissists are in general unhappy people. It is true they have these insatiable egotistic desires, but does not mean in general that their happiness is frustrated or stifled? If narcissists are unhappy why do they always walk around with a grin on their face? Why do they have so much energy? People who are unhappy have little energy. And how can they be so cocky all the time? True, I think if they are happy there is a lack of depth to the happiness, but I think it could still be considered happiness. It seems actually they should be more happy than empaths because narcissists don't choose to burden, if you will, themselves as much as empaths. They have no sense of genuine responsibility so their lives have much less stress.
To be honest no one really deserves to be cheated upon and I believe smartness is essential in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my 7 years cheating Narcissist husband through the help of an hacker who helped cloned his cell and i got access to all his Call logs, Text messages, Whats-app, Facebook, Messenger, I-cloud, GPS location, Kik, Snap-chat, Instagram, Skype, Twitter, Email and Social media chat, i was able to read both his new and deleted messages without touching it. I was hurt when i saw a picture of my husband and his lover, i felt so bad about infidelity. I’m here in Texas, USA and was able to access his phone anonymously while he was away cheating in UK and saw all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . He also does hacking of accounts or any other types of hacking and retrieval of data. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable. Contact this Genius tracker via Gmail (geniustracker701) or Via Whats-app +1 (724) 330-3252. I WISH YOU, ALL THE BEST..
I struggle with this as well. I think feeling is actually a detriment especially in today’s competence culture. After a relationship in which I loved and felt sincere gratitude and gave my heart I am now feeling sadness and depression needing counseling, etc while my ex who is disordered feels nothing and is now enjoying having the high of being with several women in the harem and chasing more without a care because it feeds all that he does care about which is his ego superficial needs. He tried to have an actual relationship (with me) but after time he found it boring so he is happy now to pursue his unattached lifestyle. They do seem happy and really do have a high life at various lengths of time. The ones I’ve known generally get what they want as they are charming, attractive, determined, successful and great actors that love drama and have fun playing games thinking they are smarter than others and get high off the wins and the adulation. They are not humble whatsoever and find those with humility as a weakness and ready to exploit. However, with this said, it is not always the case. Because they are so arrogant they are also super sensitive and can’t handle it when they perceive an injury of any kind- criticism, embarrassment, loss, rejection, etc. They resort to their childish state of angry/unfair tantrum, self-hate, hate of the person that hurt them wishing vindication, and cannot self soothe in a healthy manner so they plot to destroy and/or they go to their addiction of choice. They are always running from boredom, being alone, being hurt and their own humanness. I’ve seen the narc collapse, I’ve seen the desperation, I’ve seen the irritability and hate, complaining about all kinds of things and burning bridges, which effects the narc if they still had use of that person and they cannot win. Also, I think that anyone with an unhealthy addiction, even sex, will get old for them and have to up the ante if they can so eventually there will be self hate and shame. They will feel this when they are alone for a little while or exposed. Which is why they keep running and afraid to do intimacy and get close to anyone. They are great actors and get their way a lot, that is true. However they don’t stay satisfied with their wins so I look at it more like they are going for a string of highs to satisfy their insatiable needs versus truly being happy.
No, they aren’t really happy. Believe me. They are like a child after getting a new toy. They are so excited in the first days but after the second week, they start complaining and they think all the time to make a plan to persuade their parents for buying a new toy. They are struggling all the time in their mind for the next plan. Do you want to be happy just for three months and then start thinking” what I am gonna do” “ What can I get rid of him/her”. See, they have so much conflict in their mind. My ex couldn’t sleep so well at night, he had acid reflux for ten years, he had the worst nightmares. They are happy just for some days in a month because they are bored so easily. Do you think changing partners three or five times in 2 years, can bring happiness? Of course no, my ex in the last call told me why he cannot have a normal relationship like others. You know what? Because Narc people always play a victim role and it can have a bad effect on their soul and when you are not satisfied with whatever you have and don’t gratitude for them, you always be a loser. Have you ever seen a happy loser?
That's A FAKE MASK for PREY...A Trap. Would U Pick Some ONE Looking EVIL n ANGRY?
Why wasn't this topic taught in high school?
You know Bill W?
copying
Thank you.
Thank you.