The videos I make are topics suggested by you the viewer. Feel free to suggest any mental health or psychology subjects you'd like me to cover in future videos. Just a reminder though, these videos are not a substitute for support from a mental health professional.
Hello and thanks for your clear and detailed explanations. What strategies would you suggest to handle a vindictive narcissist? Would you be able to make a video about it? Thanks :)
I don't know if you've done any videos on this but let me tell you my circumstance. My vindictive narcissistic ex-wife has turned my young adult son and daughter into her flying monkeys and made them believe that I am actually the narcissist, as a result they don't speak to me anymore and that has been for about 2 years now and of course the name for this is parental alienation, I would like to know if you could do a video on narcissistic parental alienation and the difference between pathological narcissist and those having narcissistic traits. Also the fact that spending so much time with that narcissist the other non narcissist spouse actually becoming like the narcissist because of narcissistic abuse the frustration, all of the drama that was disregarded by myself and my spouse and of course all of the emasculating attitude and behaviors that was used to reduce my self-esteem to that of her level or even lower. To the point where I did no longer care about the relationship or about myself. Anyways I have since leaving that relationship, have become self-aware self-reflective self-realized and practice being a parent to my inner child. It has been the most rewarding experience of my life in terms of personal growth. And acknowledging my woundedness and my wounded inner child and being able to accept my woundedness which I regard as unacknowledged unaccepted unprocessed unforgiven psychological wounds trauma feelings emotions etc. So as I have been practicing this I am now able to acknowledge and accept my whole self and because of this I am able to acknowledge and accept others outside of myself. Thank you!
They're all vindictive. I have been around all the different types of narcissists and they are all extremely vindictive. That seems to be a trait that they all have. There wasn't a single one that wasn't. They will go after someone for any offense, real or imagined. The more something hurt their ego, the worse it gets. At least that's what I've seen from my experiences.
The narcissist who is vindictive, petty , entitled, and controlling , has to continue winning battles , and they are use up their energy thinking of ways to get even for imagined slights , and they remain stuck in an endless cycle of blame shifting , and conflict , while they lose relationships.
Hi Darren, you said something very important, that I noticed in some people: "They never learn. They never grow as people". Thank you for this. I used to think that some people never grow up, they just get older. Now I see why some people close to me acted like children when well advanced in age.
I was married to a narcissist man for 25 years. We had 2 beautiful daughters, and on the whole, a good life. However, mostly in private, in tormented me. That saying’ walking on eggshells’ was how I felt. So controlling, so manipulative, so emotionally abusive. The only thing that I can take from it, is that I have taught my daughters the signs to look out for, and to believe in their gut. ❤️
Beware of any smaller community in a whole which has institutionalised the 'right' for any man to do that sort of thing. You can recognize them by how they respond to your honesty about needing to leave a marriage or having had to leave a marriage after you used the title Ms. or after any one of them have asked if you are singe. More than one older women or older man in that community who are continuing to enjoy the fruits of being in or having been in a happy enough marriage will after you have confided in them about how you had to leave a marriage will then start to admonishing you to remember that the man is always the head of his family because there can only be one leader of any successful organization. From there in that place too you will start to feel like you are walking on egg shells no matter how much time you give to getting to know them all there.
I can relate. I was married to an abusive husband and no matter what happen I was force to apologize. If I didn't apologize then he'll is furry and he made sure I was punished. Sine the divorce life is alot calmer.
@@debrawolleycrochet Apologising to keep the peace is what we do (did) to survive, regardless weather we were at fault or not. Glad to hear your in a better place. Wishing you happiness for the future ❤️
Don't you have a feeling that you failed your daughters in some way and set them up for failure? When they were raised watching you "walking on eggshells" you literally taught them that this behaviour is acceptable and keeping peace and abuser happy is above their feelings and wellbeing. Your survival tactics are the way forward in relationship and it's ok to be abused and living in constant alert just to pacify the abuser? I understand that living with narcissist is hard but to put up with it for 25 years and allow your children to experience it? I'm sorry to say that but the only thing you taught your daughters is how to be a doormat.
My GOOODNESSS how SWEET and beautiful and innocent she seems to the outside world. No one would evvverrrrr believe that inside is a degree of pure evil!
@@Einstellung A cloak of sensitivity frequently masks a sinister heart below its warm covering! Being kind to some like these can lead us into unfathomable nightmares. I lived through some, it breaks the soul . Take care not to give away Your heart.
@@christinethornhill Yes! if there's anything I've learned it's that I need to screen better. Screen for: Low Self Esteem, Narcissism. At the end of the day it was ME who got me into this mess and I take full responsibility for that.
I’ve experienced these same situations. I even overheard 2 bully women plotting against a new coworker they were jealous of. The narc. Female bully boss took their word as they were all best friends.. As I tend to be quiet and was extremely busy in my job in another room next to them, they assumed since I was quiet, I was also deaf, dumb and blind.. boy did I hear a lot of their devious conversations ( they weren’t doing it as a game as every evil thing they plotted against their competition came true) I was fired after 10 yrs as I started standing up to them ( calm and professionally). The rest of the coworkers were great but everyone was terrified of these 3 bullies ) of all the 1000’s of people I’ve worked with, this was the worst.. it was like I was at psychological warfare with my demented bully boss. In the end I was almost destroyed but extremely proud of how I stood up to them.. they were so angry with me because I saw right through them and was the only one who refused to put up with their games.
I know this well as I am the only child (daughter) of a single parent narc mother. I was basically her verbal, emotional, psychological and physical punching bag. I went through a lot of self hatred, suicidal thoughts and a crippling 10 year depression. How I made it through is a miracle. But I did and cut my mother out my life. It’s hard having no parents but I actually never really did.
i have a narcissist father who also had the fortune of inherited wealth. And I am sure many of you know that narcissists with great wealth is a horrible combination.Today he showers my golden child brother with it and not only that but when I achieved my own independence and made my own wealth through my own hard work, literally pulling myself out of the ghettos of america as the scapegoat with the mistake of trying to show off my new cash bought home of 2.5 acres to prove to him my own capabilities as a form of revenge he instantly tried to sabotage everything and did the most unbelievable things to mess up my accomplishments... Luckily although he has caused me great heart ache since and I had to give myself self therapy for my anger towards the things he has done to me. That was the final straw. I have stop talking to him since and he still sends me emails of guilt stating that I will be sorry for not talking to him because after he dies I will feel very ashamed of myself later. I still talk to my mother although she is the typical textbook enabler. All she does is gaslight everything and create false scenerios and lies about how much my father loves me and how wrong I am for not talking to him etc. I think my family is as narcissist as narcissist can get if I were to write a book about it. From the childhood traumas and abuse till now in my adult life it has been a rough and painful experience and today I am totally isolated from everyone trying to get back on my feet. Its a rough journey to be a scapegoated son of a wealthy and connected narcissist. I already cut off ties with every one of his flying monkeys the only last connection he has to me is through my enabler mother which i find harder to cut off and don't think I will.
J D - keep learning! Go to therapy if you can afford it. If not, also watch Dr. Les Carter on his 'Surviving Narcassism" channel, and Dr. Ramani. Both free (T.G.) on UA-cam. I literally had no clue as to why my marriage could not remain calm & steady. I was working 6 days per week, cleaning large home & cooking from scratch every single night...for 13 years. I had zero time for introspection. Suddenly, due to an injury, I had time. One night I happened upon Dr. Carter's site ( I had not watched UA-cam b4 then - no time for fun)... & it was a complete eye opener and a major game changer. I learned from watching so many videos. My life became calmer, less reactive & I started forming my Exit Plan. We can not help or change these people. They won't change, they'll blame 100% on you, so you have to do what you've done. Cut them off & proceed to live your best life. Narcassists do not waste time thinking about us, so don't feel bad. Wishing you & those here strength, peace & joy in your lives. PS: Dr. Ramani, also on UA-cam is my #2 go to source of information & learning. I have never watched videos from this site before today - but he is very good & gives Spit On examples that I find helpful.
I come form a sibilar background as you. If a narc gets to be wealthy his superiority is endless and mentall illness has no boundaries. I understood one thing: I was always a scapegoat bc I had contact with covert narc mother - she had information about my life - so they all sat together and made me a scapegoat. WHen you entirely remove yourself from them or you give no info about you there is no scapegoat. Narcs will implode. Staying in contact with your narc mother makes your trauma impossible to heal - bc it subconsciously induces your trauma bond and you can not focus on your life and maybe on your own family. Make a test - tell your mother you need time for yourself for 3 months with no contact - you will see how small narcs become. I could not heal for years bc I stayed in contact with mother. Now they have no scapegoat and get very angry at themselves - that is exactly what I want to happen. Take care of yourself - you are wonderful and you do not need their or anybody's approval. Stay strong. Now I know I was always alone and I never needed them but I was trained to believe otherwise.
My ex-husband was extremely covert narcissist. If he couldn't manipulate me he would become extremely vindictive. After I left it was really really bad and it never stopped for at least 5 years. It's like torture and I have to admit he killed himself later with drugs and booze sitting on the pity pot and I was relieved. I felt like God pulled a butcher knife out of my back.
You might be right. Some people do seem to feel they’re owed something. I think also it’s a reaction of - you hurt me and now I’ll hurt you far worse. They can really go over the top to the point they appear to have a lack of ability to reason . It’s all about revenge for some to the point they also harm their own relationships yet refuse to see their contribution.
All narcissists are dangerous. I was married to one for 27 years. He stole his friend's wife and derailed careers at the police department where he was a captain. He left friends scratching their heads because of his lies. He stole my self-esteem, my home, work, and self-worth. He tried to take our children from me. Ultimately, he stole my family cemetery plot. Yes, my reserved cemetery plot for my final resting place with my family members. He sold it behind my back to a cemetery broker. I had to seek legal action to have the body removed. Pure EVIL.
10:30 "That need for REVENGE,. they believe is going to give them some sort of relief. But it never does!" Exactly!! And it's only human to enjoy their displeasure of their failure to attain this sort of relief via doing that
2:19 Thank you for clarifying that, I I have never heard that being mentioned, that they can switch between being grandiose or covert. It's something I have observed with the narcissist I know. She is grandiose whenever she's getting a lot of attention, a lot of supply. Whenever some of her antics push people away or exposes a little bit of her evilness, than she becomes more covert and switch from being grandiose to victim mode. Once the dust settles from whatever evil she has done, she switches right back to grandiose! Cunning and manipulative!
Mr. Magee, Just discovered your videos tonight, and as someone who is the target of a narcissist and gaslighter, your info is super accurate. Even though I have depression and health anxiety, she continues to gaslight. Looking forward to watching them all. Thank you.
I was married to vindictive covert narcissist for almost 25 years, I used to say about her that she would cut off her nose just to spite her face and this was common in more circumstances than not, thus causing herself problems Just so long as she can express her vindictive behavior and to make sure the object of her vindication did not get their way.
Awesome video ! Just want to say that vindictiveness is a thread that runs through various personality types and is not restricted to just narcissists. Empaths can also carry and act on this characteristic although it may play out differently. On the other hand, glad he mentioned how the narc will sometimes “try to win the person back”. That is often a favorite tactic, not for the sake of atonement, but rather for the purpose of repositioning themselves to be THE ONE who rejects the partner instead of remaining in a one down position. They love to “turn the tables” and be the one with the story of why the person failed them.
My nex is vindictive and grandiose. They are ALL vindictive and all play a victim. They even tell people you did to them things they did to you. A malignant grandiose doesn't listen to criticism AND goes into a hypersensitive rage and monolog.
The women narcissists I’ve encountered in the workplace seem to act mostly meek and mild. They talk kind of quiet and some of them have mannerisms like a four-year-old. Standing with their hands held together in front of them. “Look I’m an innocent child.” Or as they’re insulting their victim, to another, they will have a slight smile or smirk on their face. Pay attention to this. The more I learn the more I see, the more I see the more I don’t want to have anything to do with narcissist, they’re flying monkeys, or the people that believe everything they hear without proof!
I’m listening to this and am getting flashbacks. I’ve removed myself from a decades long relationship with this dysfunction VCN by, wait for it, leaving the country. He had me trapped but he didn’t reckon on “abroad” thank god. I’m healing and have been educating myself on the subject 5 years now. Thanks to UA-cam no less. You are a new messenger and I checked in after months of not doing so on the subject as I must go forward and not re-visit the horror of the experience. You’re very good. Thank you for the gift .
The changing something, even in a way that would be worse, from where to park to the placement of a table to time to arrive and leave, they MUST be the decider and have control.
I am a manager in a law office that also has analysts. I hired an analyst and for a few years he was fine. But then he started to develop email feuds with his colleagues. He would tell lawyers he knew better about a legal issue. He would put down other analysts. This became such a morale problem, that I had to address it with him. I gave him a fair evaluation, because he did good substantive work, but I also noted his inability to get along with his co-workers. And the meeting I had with him was horrible. He denied everything. Everyone else is a liar. He was the only one doing the job correctly. He never makes mistakes. He only sent cover-his-ass emails because he knew the lawyers were going to 'throw me under the bus.' I mentioned, 'I am not a bus. I'm not going to run over anybody. If a mistake is made, we're just going to try to mitigate it, and figure out how we can keep it from happening again.' After this meeting I became public enemy number 1. He sent emails to me accusing me of being a racist, a bigot, and he started cc'ing my supervisor, and my supervisor's supervisor and so forth all the way up to the head of the organization. He began patrolling the office several times a day, glaring at everyone as he went. Almost everyone was afraid of him, and when he was told to work from home because of this while disciplinary proceedings were ongoing, a security guard was hired because the employees were so afraid of him. After three years of depositions, board hearings and rulings and the like, he was finally fired, and then the appeals started - he had three sets of appeals going at once, and they are still pending 4 years later. In each hearing he would badmouth the fact finder and refuse to testify under oath, so he would lose. He was also badmouthing me and the organization to anyone who would listen. I actually installed security cameras at my home because of him. Your description of the vindictive narcissist fits this man to a 'T'. These people should come with warning labels! They seem so effortlessly charming and reserved right up to the moment when something happens, no matter how unintentional or constructive, that they don't like.
Narcissists are usually the ones that interview the best. They can convince people they are the one for the job and they do it in a charming way. There’s your warning sign.
The narcissist’s lack of insight and introspection together with their delusional thoughts of grandiour and detachment from reality makes them impossible to connect with on any ground. Their malevolence which is born out of their arrogance and resentment qualify their behaviours as evil and the results of their actions result in confusion, chaos and destruction which is understandable because they are in clash with reality which is truth. Thank you so much Darren.
“It’s self destructive.” Correct. It stems from a low self esteem. I’m feeling the aftermath and trauma of being discarded callously as they flaunt their new supply but all the patterns still remain and more then that it was MY decision to be with them .
I was married to an abusive narrcistic alcoholic for 21 years..I married and divorced him twice.. in my naivety I believed the first divorce taught him a lesson...I was wrong ..I took 5 years counseling and relationship classes to get my life back on track..in all honesty I learned from this..when you battle an abuser its not the person you battle...its the demon inside them..its not true they will not or cannot change..after 33 years apart my ex called 3 times..one to tell me he was sorry..2 to say he'd become a Christian and 3 to tell me he'd always loved me.....there is no doubt he was honest and truthful..what I couldn't accomplish...God had..he passed away shortly after his last call and our youngest son's wedding..I forgave him for the wasted years of our marriage after I found out the truth of his childhood that was never confided to me.. the sins of the father are passed on to the child...against his will...his parents has destroyed him
That's a very broad generic statement....live with a true narcissist, day in day out, for 17 years. Being "kind" turned into "enabler" and "get away from me" IS your last option. A narcissist always takes more and more and more..... They know your used up but will not release.
I liked your framing, distinguishing between the underlying characteristics of self-obsession, lack of empathy, excessive need for admiration and sense of entitlement and the spectrum of their manifestation, into the latter of which falls patterns around perpetual victimhood and vindictiveness. I have seen too many people like this, and have seen too often their behaviour being rewarded, and even actively sought as if it were a desirable feature in organisations. What lies directly underneath the petty spite is perpetually seeing themselves as the victim, especially any time they're not pandered to enough and given anything and everything they happen to want. These are also the kinds of people who endlessly terrorise and torture their children, all the while sincerely believing that they are the victim. Where these nasty little people really belong is on the steps outside in time-out with all their toys taken away.
My co worker and I applied for the same management job and I got it and became their boss, they were so pissed ( even though they were terrible at their job) they went out of their way to sabotage me and said they should have been “given” the job, even though they were under experienced and under qualified.Have also experienced politely challenging a person in a different team, who had dropped the ball and caused problems for the whole team. They would not speak to me after even though we were working together,and went out to sabotage me , even anonymously sent a book to me about Paranoid personality signed “ from a friend” talk about a way to gas light someone anonymously 😄I was actually able to trace the sender unbeknownst to them. Incredibly Jealous, overly competitive, dishonest, without ethics and highly vindictive . Can usually spot them nowadays t
Makes me feel all the worse for how angry and frustrated I've been, screaming and shouting "what would it take for them to grow up?", "what would they have to lose before they realise how much they have?", "what would I have to destroy for them to wake up?" Then I calm down and I realise what I am dealing with and why those are pointless questions, and probably what they would want me to scream in their faces.
I find your discussions very interesting, and depressing at the same time. It’s like you’re discussing my two older siblings. 😢 Talk about being ground down to nothing. That’s what they did to me.
A little over a decade ago my ex attempted a defamation campaign against me on my side of the family! Then I was kicked out of my house under threats and told to have a nice life.... so I did! I was naive and just did not understand why we could never get along. She was ALWAYS disagreeable, always in a bad mood and EVERYTHING was my faolt. Me and the kids were always walking on egg shells. So as I went on with my life, my new gf and others helped me by pointing out all the manipulation. Its hard to see if its not in your nature and you're right in it. Outside help is huge. But once I got a gf, all hell broke loose! One of my kids is still turned against me. But my oldes who is an adult now is actually living with me. Paying mandatory child support that ultimately paid for all her lawyers was absolutely insane! Having said all that. The past 10 years have been the best of my life so far!!!!!!! Not being with that self rigoteous religious fanatic diabolical nagging control freak and just me being able to just live. Wow. And my gf's smile, the same one who's been with me for the part 10 years. Having a partner who smiles is incredible
Funny - odd, that you mentioned the saga of Captain Ahab and Moby Dick, because I thought the exact same thing quite a while ago. I had been reading some Herman Melville stories. What came to mind though today and back then is that Ahab is the target, not the narcissist. He can't make himself cut his losses, and let it go. He is trauma bonded to the white whale to the point he cannot recognize where his true best interests lie. He will destroy himself, his crew, and his ship in an un-winnable, destined from the start losing effort. This is "narcissistic abuse syndrome".
@@DarrenFMagee hi Doc. I came across your reply a year later, rewatching this. I just want to mention, in case you didn't know, about the annual read aloud of the entire book sponsored by The New Bedford Whaling Museum. With the pandemic, this was moved online. It's available on you tube in 3 segments. Usually starts new year's eve, but not this year, it was a week late. The 200+ readers were nearly all just great, but Sam Waterston, who kicked it off, was not unfortunately. He didn't do his homework. Regardless, You would really like the 2022 production.
Iam convinced that management at my work were narcissistic to people that new what they were doing in their job so they made that worker have alot of stress. In the last year all the experienced workers retired,including me,and all they got left are people that have no experience. Iam talking the legal field and you have to have experience. Even the attorneys left and head management left. Since I've been retired stress is more manageable but the by product from all this bullying is anxiety. I was with my job for 25 years.
More information is needed about this and especially the female covert narcissist and the false allegations. False allegations against men is so common it is a plague.
'I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain.' -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.
My ex told me if I didn’t return to the marriage he would have to hurt our toddler daughter. Including that of course that would be my fault, and reminding me he always gets his revenge. I tried to protect her but it came when she was four. Then he disappeared except calls on certain dates with no saying anything. The painful fallout continues almost 30 years later.
At a wedding, my (now) soon to be Ex apparently thought he was not getting enough/any attention. He is somewhat socially awkward, as in approaching a group & simply standing there. While standing there, not being very much acknowledged - because the group is already engaged in a topic, he gets incredibly offended. He doesn't bring ANYTHING to the group discussion yet somehow feels everyone should stop what they're doing & make a huge fuss over him simply because he suddenly came to their group & basically lurched there!? 🤯 After awhile, I realized he was MIA.... & found him sitting in his car in the parking lot, listening to country music. 🤯😱 Wa Wa Wa, the wedding should be all about me. How ridiculous. I wish I had never gone searching for him. I didn't know about Narcassism then.
@@bunille - no, he's a Malignant Covert Narc - rage issues, gaslighting, silent treatment, etc. - followed by poor me. 🤮 PS: that's only directed at me. I found out much later into the marriage, it's only directed to his significant others - 2 wives, 2 LTRs. In public, he flips the switch & is Mr. Calm & Mellow. So fake.
@@mdee860 You liked your own comment lmao? Pseudo armchair psychologists are not psychologists, dearie. And btw... if you want to know about real narcissism, it's people who act like you and demonise and isolate the victim. You literally admitted he's mentally unwell and has poor self-esteem, therefore is socially awkward and isolates himself. Narcissists crave the attention, just like you are, whining about this to strangers like a projecting baby, not avoid it. Wa wa, wa, the wedding should be all about YOU! I see. Hey, narcissistic victim, where's your empathy? Where's your consideration for other human beings? Why do you not care about him or his health? Let me guess: you're going to demonise him more and play the victim card to make yourself feel better and superior? What a victim you are!
She definitely took my kids and manipulated them into hating me because she hates herself and her actions. But hey it's all my fault I'm the blame for everything and she's the godess. Syke!!!!
This type of N sounds exactly like Betty Broderick who killed her ex-husband Dan Broderick and his 2nd wife Linda Broderick. The case was made into a two-part movie, A Woman Scorned, which is available to watch free here on UA-cam. She did everything imaginable to destroy his life before eventually murdering him in 1989. They had four children. She's still incarcerated in California. Edited to add a PS: She was diagnosed with NPD.
My exs favourite phrase “if you throw a stone you’re going to get a boulder right back” She’d use things a couples counsellor said against me in future fights. I ended up becoming a shell but kept begging for her back until the point where she’d say if you don’t like it leave….if I’m that bad
I think I'm a narcissist now. I was overvalued. As well as devalued. Maybe the devalue was yo bring me down a size. However it was inconsistant childhood. It should have been unconditional love. But it was conditional.
Darren, I love the sound of your gentle voice! Can you increase the volume on your recording? I have my volume full blast but still I can barely hear you... Thanks 👍
My ex-husband turned my son against me after telling him i wanted a separation. After 20 years of his hateful speech & actions, I’d finally had enough and was very concerned about my childrens’ welfare. My son is 40 this year. Moved in with his “I’m innocent” dad when he was 11. The reason? Ex-husband filled his head with lies & 1/2 truths about me and how I “never wanted” him. He even drew stick figure pictures to show both my daughter & son. I was going to hell if I “broke up the family.” My 40-yr-old son hasn’t spoken to me in 4 years & has kept my grandchild from me. He’s almost 8. A vindictive, subtle narcissistic person can completely ruin everyone’s life around him. Now my son is an accomplished narcissist - he learned from a master.
My mother, a Narcissists is the most vindictive, calculating, cruel person I have ever known........her behaviour is so like Donald Trump.(without bringing politics into the picture) I'm an Australian. Her vindictive behaviour makes her hold a grudge. I am on the receiving end of her vindictiveness, she is a very cruel woman. One of my earliest memories as a child approx 3yrs, , was her being vindictive to something I said out of anger. I can't imagine how a mother could treat a tiny child like she did. I've also had husbands/partners/friends and colleagues who were Narcissists too....they were all vindictive, but my mother holds the gold cup of vindictive behaviour. Do you think the more vindictive a person is, the worse the narcissism/self loathing they display?
sir, you are my hero! you have helped me to end and cure generational trauma of the male DNA in my family dating to my late grandpa as I am aware of and maybe further. thank you for the extensive description of this mindset.
What boggles my mind is how precisely you describe the behaviors of a "narcissist" and how consistent those behaviors are across the board with others who have had experience with a narcissist. It's similar to describing the symptoms of a specific PHYSICAL disease or ailment. I mean usually psychological disorders are a hodgepodge, but with the narcissist, the behaviors are so CONSISTENT.(and predictable). It's almost like an MK ultra or mind programming, where the results can be attained via systematic steps. What is the weird woo-woo Factor here I wonder. Random life experience doesn't seem to account for it. If it's genetic, then wow... what if we could isolate the gene....
I think I'm a recovering N. Though perhaps just resulting from being a child of a N? Working to figure this out and appreciating these inputs... Thanks, Darren!!
A narc will never change or admit fault through self reflection ..so you probably aren't unless you satisfy 9 or the 10 signs and you can't really self assess
Reminds me of some religious organizations One in particular.If you decide not to practice that religion, the leaders are told to disfellowship you and in that case that means you can no longer associate with other members ,they are told to shun you even family is told not to have anything to do with you if you decide to leave.Obce being in that religion you would think one would see all the classic signs, but in most cases we don't see it until we have put so much into our relationship.
@@supermanforevah ,nope but of course they fall into the same category.I was referring to JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES ..While they also claim to be NON-POLITICAL..They are also on the same mindset of a very tightly regulated regime full of tyranny ''DO AS WE SAY OR ELSE'' A full blown incideous dictatorship who operate just under the surface, to make themselves appear unblemished yet they are filthy and erosive .
I think there is a fault with tube, when I try to restart the video it switches to Todd. When I tried again feeding in Darren Magee the sound was faulty, but Todd's was loud enough. I find these videos very helpful. Thank you. I will persevere.
They certainly lack any empathy whatsoever.....pretty sick individuals! like my ex narcissist girlfriend cheating on me within 6 months after I retired from the air force and had to relocate my children back to the east coast. She just couldn't wait any longer going off with a new man. YUCK! Have a good life. Next!
In all the videos I've watched about a narcissist, I find that people seem to think their behaviour is deliberate. But, I find that it comes from a place of deep pain, it's a learned behaviour from rejection/abandonment. The behaviours are 'defensive' and an attempt to protect themselves from further harm. Very selfish and childlike, but its from a place of hurt. If the victim of a narc begins to understand how to become strong in themselves, then they can learn to use behaviours to live with it. It would take an extremely patient and forgiving person, but it is possible. I understand that the narcissist will never change their behaviour, and this needs to be taken into account. Obviously, there may come a time within the relationship where they will have had enough, but that appears to be the only way through it.
During my childhood my parent used to tell me that I was vindictive ,and turned my sibling against me ,though I was good as child she created every ne gativity ,and othr parnt was also not normal,
As a therapist, I come across many people who display such traits, however, I think it's a developmental issue. Such people are themselves suffering from lack of emotional regulation. It's really difficult to apportion blame - both parties struggle to be.
Hello and thank you for your question. I am currently working on putting together a video on Borderline Personality I hope it'll answer your questions.
Do these type of people eventually progress to a more incidiousness with their Narcassism from one type to a more extreme version? My sister and brother in law fit the spectrum with outrageous behavior?
You nailed it! I'm surrounded by them. Momster, brothers. Momster's the head master and they are her monkeys. It's so exhausting. And sad. I'm being smeared to the extreme right now. How do I find a good therapist that's experienced with narcissism? I find most don't get it. Thank you.
Many therapists will have a brief consultation with you over the telephone so you can ask questions about their areas of experience. Don’t be afraid to ask them
I ja i braća smo sami odrastali. Nikog nije bilo sa nama, niko nam ništa nije dao. A ja sam delila poklone drugim ljudima koji nisu rekli hvala. I ima ljudi oko nas koji dolaze i neće da nam pomognu a sve bi uzeli. I još mi govore da imam šizofreniju i da mi je majka umrla. Nemam kome da prijavim da me je momak, Simić Milosav, namamio u stan, skinuo me, a i on se skinuo. Rekao je da mu se sa mnom neće ništa dogoditi, jer nije takav. Posle mi je bila krv na vešu. Bila sam maloletna. I sa dugim momcima se isto dešavalo. A on je siromašan, a sad je gazda. Otvorio kafanu.
I love your videos and the information is very helpful to me and many others, I have no doubt. What can I do so that I can hear the videos? Am I missing a setting or something? Does anyone know?
What about when an abusive ex calls their kids, adult kids, and accuse their ex wife from over 30 years ago,( I left him, it was a nightmare) and decides to make up a story about the childrens mom, in my case, he told my adult children I had slept around with several people, even had names and times!! I don’t know those names, nor was I ever there, but my children of course were too young to remember if I was out running around 🥴 and somehow he is convinced himself that this actually happened. .? It’s like always putting out fires! It never ends? He can’t stand that my kids, and grandkids have great relationships! It’s too much to write about, but this is just an example of his behaviour …..
My mother is what I thought Covert narcissist. But she is vindictive too - she punished Dad for an uncompleted attempt to escape, she punishes me for difficult to describe - all kinds of things happening in her head. F.ex. what I went with dad to an event she refused to go with him - as she had to punish him. in that time I had no idea that she is a narcissist and have those hidden probs - resentment and revenge plans. I was not that deep in her psychology. she was hiding more properly and I had no information about her personality disorder then. So is she Covert or is she vindictive? can Coverts be Non vindictive too?
Mom started a vindictive narcissists,,she has upgraded to a malignant one going on 50 years old....i guess the fantasy from the vindictive stage has ended
Are you supposed to be proud of yourself or not. How about you tell someone you don’t want to run the operations and they force you to, things don’t go well and you told them you didn’t want to do it. I think you should believe people when they say they don’t want to do something
narsus are very vindictive ,( even mothers or fathers) but tell lie that v are vindictive , during communication . they make us negative with their behavior but show high confidence and othrs do not doubt them, they cheat any no of people around them
Sounds like so-called mother and her sisters. I have a lot of narcissistic abuse and have side effects of narcissistic tendencies. Once I get away from mother I waa better. I think forced adoptions should happen for boys and girls.being abused by mothers and so called "stepdads."I was abused my whole life, broken families are accursed and I resent being from one. When a parent calls one of their kids a "burden, lazy, name calling every name under the sun, And demeans them with saying, "with all due respect" mockingly, and rejects them and says they "love them"but their actions show and are proved different, don't be afraid to cut them off. Not all Father and Mothers derserve children. I enjoyed you referring to "Moby Dick"and About how Captain Ahab needed to get that HuWhite whale, "Thar she blows.!"
The videos I make are topics suggested by you the viewer. Feel free to suggest any mental health or psychology subjects you'd like me to cover in future videos. Just a reminder though, these videos are not a substitute for support from a mental health professional.
Hello and thanks for your clear and detailed explanations. What strategies would you suggest to handle a vindictive narcissist? Would you be able to make a video about it? Thanks :)
I don't know if you've done any videos on this but let me tell you my circumstance. My vindictive narcissistic ex-wife has turned my young adult son and daughter into her flying monkeys and made them believe that I am actually the narcissist, as a result they don't speak to me anymore and that has been for about 2 years now and of course the name for this is parental alienation, I would like to know if you could do a video on narcissistic parental alienation and the difference between pathological narcissist and those having narcissistic traits. Also the fact that spending so much time with that narcissist the other non narcissist spouse actually becoming like the narcissist because of narcissistic abuse the frustration, all of the drama that was disregarded by myself and my spouse and of course all of the emasculating attitude and behaviors that was used to reduce my self-esteem to that of her level or even lower. To the point where I did no longer care about the relationship or about myself. Anyways I have since leaving that relationship, have become self-aware self-reflective self-realized and practice being a parent to my inner child. It has been the most rewarding experience of my life in terms of personal growth. And acknowledging my woundedness and my wounded inner child and being able to accept my woundedness which I regard as unacknowledged unaccepted unprocessed unforgiven psychological wounds trauma feelings emotions etc. So as I have been practicing this I am now able to acknowledge and accept my whole self and because of this I am able to acknowledge and accept others outside of myself.
Thank you!
They're all vindictive. I have been around all the different types of narcissists and they are all extremely vindictive. That seems to be a trait that they all have. There wasn't a single one that wasn't. They will go after someone for any offense, real or imagined. The more something hurt their ego, the worse it gets. At least that's what I've seen from my experiences.
The smear campaign is a typical feature.
The narcissist who is vindictive, petty , entitled, and controlling , has to continue winning battles , and they are use up their energy thinking of ways to get even for imagined slights , and they remain stuck in an endless cycle of blame shifting , and conflict , while they lose relationships.
Hi Darren, you said something very important, that I noticed in some people: "They never learn. They never grow as people". Thank you for this. I used to think that some people never grow up, they just get older. Now I see why some people close to me acted like children when well advanced in age.
Unfortunately, I am biologically related to a few vindictive narcissists. They are nowhere near their chronological age.😮
I was married to a narcissist man for 25 years. We had 2 beautiful daughters, and on the whole, a good life. However, mostly in private, in tormented me. That saying’ walking on eggshells’ was how I felt. So controlling, so manipulative, so emotionally abusive. The only thing that I can take from it, is that I have taught my daughters the signs to look out for, and to believe in their gut. ❤️
Beware of any smaller community in a whole which has institutionalised the 'right' for any man to do that sort of thing. You can recognize them by how they respond to your honesty about needing to leave a marriage or having had to leave a marriage after you used the title Ms. or after any one of them have asked if you are singe. More than one older women or older man in that community who are continuing to enjoy the fruits of being in or having been in a happy enough marriage will after you have confided in them about how you had to leave a marriage will then start to admonishing you to remember that the man is always the head of his family because there can only be one leader of any successful organization. From there in that place too you will start to feel like you are walking on egg shells no matter how much time you give to getting to know them all there.
I can relate. I was married to an abusive husband and no matter what happen I was force to apologize. If I didn't apologize then he'll is furry and he made sure I was punished. Sine the divorce life is alot calmer.
@@debrawolleycrochet Apologising to keep the peace is what we do (did) to survive, regardless weather we were at fault or not. Glad to hear your in a better place. Wishing you happiness for the future ❤️
@@amandastanley2781 that's correct keeping the peace is important but the stress that came with it was unbearable. Hope you are in a better place.
Don't you have a feeling that you failed your daughters in some way and set them up for failure? When they were raised watching you "walking on eggshells" you literally taught them that this behaviour is acceptable and keeping peace and abuser happy is above their feelings and wellbeing. Your survival tactics are the way forward in relationship and it's ok to be abused and living in constant alert just to pacify the abuser?
I understand that living with narcissist is hard but to put up with it for 25 years and allow your children to experience it?
I'm sorry to say that but the only thing you taught your daughters is how to be a doormat.
They are some of the nastiest people I have ever come across, yet initially are so tender, sensitive and charming. Beware .
My GOOODNESSS how SWEET and beautiful and innocent she seems to the outside world. No one would evvverrrrr believe that inside is a degree of pure evil!
Yep!
@@Einstellung
A cloak of sensitivity frequently masks a sinister heart below its warm covering! Being kind to some like these can lead us into unfathomable nightmares. I lived through some, it breaks the soul .
Take care not to give away Your heart.
@@christinethornhill Yes! if there's anything I've learned it's that I need to screen better.
Screen for: Low Self Esteem, Narcissism.
At the end of the day it was ME who got me into this mess and I take full responsibility for that.
Wolves in sheep‘s clothing.
I’ve experienced these same situations. I even overheard 2 bully women plotting against a new coworker they were jealous of. The narc. Female bully boss took their word as they were all best friends.. As I tend to be quiet and was extremely busy in my job in another room next to them, they assumed since I was quiet, I was also deaf, dumb and blind.. boy did I hear a lot of their devious conversations ( they weren’t doing it as a game as every evil thing they plotted against their competition came true) I was fired after 10 yrs as I started standing up to them ( calm and professionally). The rest of the coworkers were great but everyone was terrified of these 3 bullies ) of all the 1000’s of people I’ve worked with, this was the worst.. it was like I was at psychological warfare with my demented bully boss. In the end I was almost destroyed but extremely proud of how I stood up to them.. they were so angry with me because I saw right through them and was the only one who refused to put up with their games.
🙏🙏🙏
I wish more companies knew about this. These people ruin lives. 😩
I know this well as I am the only child (daughter) of a single parent narc mother. I was basically her verbal, emotional, psychological and physical punching bag. I went through a lot of self hatred, suicidal thoughts and a crippling 10 year depression. How I made it through is a miracle. But I did and cut my mother out my life. It’s hard having no parents but I actually never really did.
@@DarrenFMagee as
Plop PTO
The toxic cliques. The disgruntled, either empowered or riding on higher up's coat tails conspire with each other whose careers they will destroy.
Narcissism isn’t taught because it governs all societies. It’s evil in flesh suits.
They know.
i have a narcissist father who also had the fortune of inherited wealth. And I am sure many of you know that narcissists with great wealth is a horrible combination.Today he showers my golden child brother with it and not only that but when I achieved my own independence and made my own wealth through my own hard work, literally pulling myself out of the ghettos of america as the scapegoat with the mistake of trying to show off my new cash bought home of 2.5 acres to prove to him my own capabilities as a form of revenge he instantly tried to sabotage everything and did the most unbelievable things to mess up my accomplishments... Luckily although he has caused me great heart ache since and I had to give myself self therapy for my anger towards the things he has done to me. That was the final straw. I have stop talking to him since and he still sends me emails of guilt stating that I will be sorry for not talking to him because after he dies I will feel very ashamed of myself later. I still talk to my mother although she is the typical textbook enabler. All she does is gaslight everything and create false scenerios and lies about how much my father loves me and how wrong I am for not talking to him etc. I think my family is as narcissist as narcissist can get if I were to write a book about it. From the childhood traumas and abuse till now in my adult life it has been a rough and painful experience and today I am totally isolated from everyone trying to get back on my feet. Its a rough journey to be a scapegoated son of a wealthy and connected narcissist. I already cut off ties with every one of his flying monkeys the only last connection he has to me is through my enabler mother which i find harder to cut off and don't think I will.
J D - keep learning! Go to therapy if you can afford it. If not, also watch Dr. Les Carter on his 'Surviving Narcassism" channel, and Dr. Ramani. Both free (T.G.) on UA-cam. I literally had no clue as to why my marriage could not remain calm & steady. I was working 6 days per week, cleaning large home & cooking from scratch every single night...for 13 years. I had zero time for introspection. Suddenly, due to an injury, I had time. One night I happened upon Dr. Carter's site ( I had not watched UA-cam b4 then - no time for fun)... & it was a complete eye opener and a major game changer. I learned from watching so many videos. My life became calmer, less reactive & I started forming my Exit Plan. We can not help or change these people. They won't change, they'll blame 100% on you, so you have to do what you've done. Cut them off & proceed to live your best life.
Narcassists do not waste time thinking about us, so don't feel bad. Wishing you & those here strength, peace & joy in your lives. PS: Dr. Ramani, also on UA-cam is my #2 go to source of information & learning. I have never watched videos from this site before today - but he is very good & gives Spit On examples that I find helpful.
I come form a sibilar background as you. If a narc gets to be wealthy his superiority is endless and mentall illness has no boundaries. I understood one thing: I was always a scapegoat bc I had contact with covert narc mother - she had information about my life - so they all sat together and made me a scapegoat. WHen you entirely remove yourself from them or you give no info about you there is no scapegoat. Narcs will implode. Staying in contact with your narc mother makes your trauma impossible to heal - bc it subconsciously induces your trauma bond and you can not focus on your life and maybe on your own family. Make a test - tell your mother you need time for yourself for 3 months with no contact - you will see how small narcs become. I could not heal for years bc I stayed in contact with mother. Now they have no scapegoat and get very angry at themselves - that is exactly what I want to happen. Take care of yourself - you are wonderful and you do not need their or anybody's approval. Stay strong. Now I know I was always alone and I never needed them but I was trained to believe otherwise.
Congratulations on making a success of your life in spite of all the obstacles put in your way!
My ex-husband was extremely covert narcissist. If he couldn't manipulate me he would become extremely vindictive. After I left it was really really bad and it never stopped for at least 5 years. It's like torture and I have to admit he killed himself later with drugs and booze sitting on the pity pot and I was relieved. I felt like God pulled a butcher knife out of my back.
They are vindictive because they think everything is owed to them.
You might be right. Some people do seem to feel they’re owed something. I think also it’s a reaction of - you hurt me and now I’ll hurt you far worse. They can really go over the top to the point they appear to have a lack of ability to reason . It’s all about revenge for some to the point they also harm their own relationships yet refuse to see their contribution.
All narcissists are dangerous. I was married to one for 27 years. He stole his friend's wife and derailed careers at the police department where he was a captain. He left friends scratching their heads because of his lies. He stole my self-esteem, my home, work, and self-worth. He tried to take our children from me. Ultimately, he stole my family cemetery plot. Yes, my reserved cemetery plot for my final resting place with my family members. He sold it behind my back to a cemetery broker. I had to seek legal action to have the body removed. Pure EVIL.
They ruin EVERYTHING
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that things go well for you in the future.❤
10:30 "That need for REVENGE,. they believe is going to give them some sort of relief. But it never does!" Exactly!! And it's only human to enjoy their displeasure of their failure to attain this sort of relief via doing that
2:19 Thank you for clarifying that, I I have never heard that being mentioned, that they can switch between being grandiose or covert. It's something I have observed with the narcissist I know. She is grandiose whenever she's getting a lot of attention, a lot of supply. Whenever some of her antics push people away or exposes a little bit of her evilness, than she becomes more covert and switch from being grandiose to victim mode. Once the dust settles from whatever evil she has done, she switches right back to grandiose! Cunning and manipulative!
Mr. Magee, Just discovered your videos tonight, and as someone who is the target of a narcissist and gaslighter, your info is super accurate. Even though I have depression and health anxiety, she continues to gaslight. Looking forward to watching them all. Thank you.
I was married to vindictive covert narcissist for almost 25 years, I used to say about her that she would cut off her nose just to spite her face and this was common in more circumstances than not, thus causing herself problems Just so long as she can express her vindictive behavior and to make sure the object of her vindication did not get their way.
Awesome video ! Just want to say that vindictiveness is a thread that runs through various personality types and is not restricted to just narcissists. Empaths can also carry and act on this characteristic although it may play out differently. On the other hand, glad he mentioned how the narc will sometimes “try to win the person back”. That is often a favorite tactic, not for the sake of atonement, but rather for the purpose of repositioning themselves to be THE ONE who rejects the partner instead of remaining in a one down position. They love to “turn the tables” and be the one with the story of why the person failed them.
Nailed it!
My nex is vindictive and grandiose. They are ALL vindictive and all play a victim. They even tell people you did to them things they did to you. A malignant grandiose doesn't listen to criticism AND goes into a hypersensitive rage and monolog.
The women narcissists I’ve encountered in the workplace seem to act mostly meek and mild.
They talk kind of quiet and some of them have mannerisms like a four-year-old. Standing with their hands held together in front of them.
“Look I’m an innocent child.”
Or as they’re insulting their victim, to another, they will have a slight smile or smirk on their face. Pay attention to this.
The more I learn the more I see, the more I see the more I don’t want to have anything to do with narcissist, they’re flying monkeys, or the people that believe everything they hear without proof!
You made me think of the character in the movie BIG . The guy at work who hated and was jealous of Tom Hanks character .
I’m listening to this and am getting flashbacks. I’ve removed myself from a decades long relationship with this dysfunction VCN by, wait for it, leaving the country. He had me trapped but he didn’t reckon on “abroad” thank god. I’m healing and have been educating myself on the subject 5 years now. Thanks to UA-cam no less. You are a new messenger and I checked in after months of not doing so on the subject as I must go forward and not re-visit the horror of the experience. You’re very good. Thank you for the gift .
The changing something, even in a way that would be worse, from where to park to the placement of a table to time to arrive and leave, they MUST be the decider and have control.
And accept no responsibility for negative consequences, but demand praise for positive ones
I am a manager in a law office that also has analysts. I hired an analyst and for a few years he was fine. But then he started to develop email feuds with his colleagues. He would tell lawyers he knew better about a legal issue. He would put down other analysts. This became such a morale problem, that I had to address it with him. I gave him a fair evaluation, because he did good substantive work, but I also noted his inability to get along with his co-workers. And the meeting I had with him was horrible. He denied everything. Everyone else is a liar. He was the only one doing the job correctly. He never makes mistakes. He only sent cover-his-ass emails because he knew the lawyers were going to 'throw me under the bus.' I mentioned, 'I am not a bus. I'm not going to run over anybody. If a mistake is made, we're just going to try to mitigate it, and figure out how we can keep it from happening again.' After this meeting I became public enemy number 1. He sent emails to me accusing me of being a racist, a bigot, and he started cc'ing my supervisor, and my supervisor's supervisor and so forth all the way up to the head of the organization. He began patrolling the office several times a day, glaring at everyone as he went. Almost everyone was afraid of him, and when he was told to work from home because of this while disciplinary proceedings were ongoing, a security guard was hired because the employees were so afraid of him. After three years of depositions, board hearings and rulings and the like, he was finally fired, and then the appeals started - he had three sets of appeals going at once, and they are still pending 4 years later. In each hearing he would badmouth the fact finder and refuse to testify under oath, so he would lose. He was also badmouthing me and the organization to anyone who would listen. I actually installed security cameras at my home because of him. Your description of the vindictive narcissist fits this man to a 'T'. These people should come with warning labels! They seem so effortlessly charming and reserved right up to the moment when something happens, no matter how unintentional or constructive, that they don't like.
Narcissists are usually the ones that interview the best. They can convince people they are the one for the job and they do it in a charming way. There’s your warning sign.
@@KAT-dg6el But the very best employees I've ever had also were fantastic interviews. I wish it were as easy as you suggest.
@yes2day100 Sounds like my brother.
The narcissist’s lack of insight and introspection together with their delusional thoughts of grandiour and detachment from reality makes them impossible to connect with on any ground. Their malevolence which is born out of their arrogance and resentment qualify their behaviours as evil and the results of their actions result in confusion, chaos and destruction which is understandable because they are in clash with reality which is truth. Thank you so much Darren.
“It’s self destructive.”
Correct. It stems from a low self esteem. I’m feeling the aftermath and trauma of being discarded callously as they flaunt their new supply but all the patterns still remain and more then that it was MY decision to be with them .
Don't beat yourself up. It was just a con artist putting on the mask
I was married to an abusive narrcistic alcoholic for 21 years..I married and divorced him twice.. in my naivety I believed the first divorce taught him a lesson...I was wrong ..I took 5 years counseling and relationship classes to get my life back on track..in all honesty I learned from this..when you battle an abuser its not the person you battle...its the demon inside them..its not true they will not or cannot change..after 33 years apart my ex called 3 times..one to tell me he was sorry..2 to say he'd become a Christian and 3 to tell me he'd always loved me.....there is no doubt he was honest and truthful..what I couldn't accomplish...God had..he passed away shortly after his last call and our youngest son's wedding..I forgave him for the wasted years of our marriage after I found out the truth of his childhood that was never confided to me.. the sins of the father are passed on to the child...against his will...his parents has destroyed him
BE STRONG ENOUGH TO BE KIND
That's a very broad generic statement....live with a true narcissist, day in day out, for 17 years. Being "kind" turned into "enabler" and "get away from me" IS your last option. A narcissist always takes more and more and more.....
They know your used up but will not release.
I liked your framing, distinguishing between the underlying characteristics of self-obsession, lack of empathy, excessive need for admiration and sense of entitlement and the spectrum of their manifestation, into the latter of which falls patterns around perpetual victimhood and vindictiveness. I have seen too many people like this, and have seen too often their behaviour being rewarded, and even actively sought as if it were a desirable feature in organisations. What lies directly underneath the petty spite is perpetually seeing themselves as the victim, especially any time they're not pandered to enough and given anything and everything they happen to want. These are also the kinds of people who endlessly terrorise and torture their children, all the while sincerely believing that they are the victim.
Where these nasty little people really belong is on the steps outside in time-out with all their toys taken away.
My co worker and I applied for the same management job and I got it and became their boss, they were so pissed ( even though they were terrible at their job) they went out of their way to sabotage me and said they should have been “given” the job, even though they were under experienced and under qualified.Have also experienced politely challenging a person in a different team, who had dropped the ball and caused problems for the whole team. They would not speak to me after even though we were working together,and went out to sabotage me , even anonymously sent a book to me about Paranoid personality signed “ from a friend” talk about a way to gas light someone anonymously 😄I was actually able to trace the sender unbeknownst to them. Incredibly Jealous, overly competitive, dishonest, without ethics and highly vindictive . Can usually spot them nowadays t
Narcs aren’t specific to “narc sub types” they will roll from one type to another
Unfortunately, with a covert narcissist, I don't think others do see what the narc is all about. I think that's one of the hardest things about it.
Makes me feel all the worse for how angry and frustrated I've been, screaming and shouting "what would it take for them to grow up?", "what would they have to lose before they realise how much they have?", "what would I have to destroy for them to wake up?"
Then I calm down and I realise what I am dealing with and why those are pointless questions, and probably what they would want me to scream in their faces.
I find your discussions very interesting, and depressing at the same time. It’s like you’re discussing my two older siblings. 😢 Talk about being ground down to nothing. That’s what they did to me.
I can only control by behaviour, nobody else's, it s just for entertainment purposes in my situation 😂
A little over a decade ago my ex attempted a defamation campaign against me on my side of the family! Then I was kicked out of my house under threats and told to have a nice life.... so I did! I was naive and just did not understand why we could never get along. She was ALWAYS disagreeable, always in a bad mood and EVERYTHING was my faolt. Me and the kids were always walking on egg shells. So as I went on with my life, my new gf and others helped me by pointing out all the manipulation. Its hard to see if its not in your nature and you're right in it. Outside help is huge. But once I got a gf, all hell broke loose! One of my kids is still turned against me. But my oldes who is an adult now is actually living with me. Paying mandatory child support that ultimately paid for all her lawyers was absolutely insane! Having said all that. The past 10 years have been the best of my life so far!!!!!!! Not being with that self rigoteous religious fanatic diabolical nagging control freak and just me being able to just live. Wow. And my gf's smile, the same one who's been with me for the part 10 years. Having a partner who smiles is incredible
Funny - odd, that you mentioned the saga of Captain Ahab and Moby Dick, because I thought the exact same thing quite a while ago. I had been reading some Herman Melville stories. What came to mind though today and back then is that Ahab is the target, not the narcissist. He can't make himself cut his losses, and let it go. He is trauma bonded to the white whale to the point he cannot recognize where his true best interests lie. He will destroy himself, his crew, and his ship in an un-winnable, destined from the start losing effort. This is "narcissistic abuse syndrome".
I would agree, but it is one of my favourite books, couldn't help but mention it 🙂
@@DarrenFMagee hi Doc. I came across your reply a year later, rewatching this. I just want to mention, in case you didn't know, about the annual read aloud of the entire book sponsored by The New Bedford Whaling Museum. With the pandemic, this was moved online. It's available on you tube in 3 segments. Usually starts new year's eve, but not this year, it was a week late. The 200+ readers were nearly all just great, but Sam Waterston, who kicked it off, was not unfortunately. He didn't do his homework. Regardless, You would really like the 2022 production.
Iam convinced that management at my work were narcissistic to people that new what they were doing in their job so they made that worker have alot of stress. In the last year all the experienced workers retired,including me,and all they got left are people that have no experience. Iam talking the legal field and you have to have experience. Even the attorneys left and head management left. Since I've been retired stress is more manageable but the by product from all this bullying is anxiety. I was with my job for 25 years.
More information is needed about this and especially the female covert narcissist and the false allegations. False allegations against men is so common it is a plague.
Thank you Sir, Great insight! God bless you!
'I show prisoners who want to punish others for what they do that vengeance is a distorted cry for empathy. That when we think we want to hurt others, what we really need is for these other people to see how we have been hurt and to see how their behavior has contributed to our pain. [..] Making the other people suffer is the best they can think of to do to find relief from their own pain.' -- Marshall Rosenberg, p 17 from 'The Surprising Purpose of Anger'.
My ex told me if I didn’t return to the marriage he would have to hurt our toddler daughter. Including that of course that would be my fault, and reminding me he always gets his revenge. I tried to protect her but it came when she was four. Then he disappeared except calls on certain dates with no saying anything. The painful fallout continues almost 30 years later.
I'm trying so hard to get a job to make just enough to move out because I am worried, because of stuff shes done. Thanks for the videos!
Did you move out?
At a wedding, my (now) soon to be Ex apparently thought he was not getting enough/any attention. He is somewhat socially awkward, as in approaching a group & simply standing there. While standing there, not being very much acknowledged - because the group is already engaged in a topic, he gets incredibly offended. He doesn't bring ANYTHING to the group discussion yet somehow feels everyone should stop what they're doing & make a huge fuss over him simply because he suddenly came to their group & basically lurched there!? 🤯 After awhile, I realized he was MIA.... & found him sitting in his car in the parking lot, listening to country music. 🤯😱 Wa Wa Wa, the wedding should be all about me. How ridiculous. I wish I had never gone searching for him. I didn't know about Narcassism then.
This is depression wtf?
What a baby!! God they are pitiful!!
@@bunille - no, he's a Malignant Covert Narc - rage issues, gaslighting, silent treatment, etc. - followed by poor me. 🤮
PS: that's only directed at me. I found out much later into the marriage, it's only directed to his significant others - 2 wives, 2 LTRs. In public, he flips the switch & is Mr. Calm & Mellow. So fake.
@@mdee860 You liked your own comment lmao?
Pseudo armchair psychologists are not psychologists, dearie. And btw... if you want to know about real narcissism, it's people who act like you and demonise and isolate the victim. You literally admitted he's mentally unwell and has poor self-esteem, therefore is socially awkward and isolates himself. Narcissists crave the attention, just like you are, whining about this to strangers like a projecting baby, not avoid it. Wa wa, wa, the wedding should be all about YOU! I see. Hey, narcissistic victim, where's your empathy? Where's your consideration for other human beings? Why do you not care about him or his health? Let me guess: you're going to demonise him more and play the victim card to make yourself feel better and superior? What a victim you are!
9:02 Hahahaha revenge tactics like Wile E. Coyote lol I love how you phrase things to show how ridiculous people like this are
💔🙏 maybe today will be the day someone cares
Oh my God these narcs are terrifying 😠
She definitely took my kids and manipulated them into hating me because she hates herself and her actions. But hey it's all my fault I'm the blame for everything and she's the godess. Syke!!!!
This type of N sounds exactly like Betty Broderick who killed her ex-husband Dan Broderick and his 2nd wife Linda Broderick. The case was made into a two-part movie, A Woman Scorned, which is available to watch free here on UA-cam. She did everything imaginable to destroy his life before eventually murdering him in 1989. They had four children. She's still incarcerated in California.
Edited to add a PS: She was diagnosed with NPD.
My exs favourite phrase “if you throw a stone you’re going to get a boulder right back”
She’d use things a couples counsellor said against me in future fights.
I ended up becoming a shell but kept begging for her back until the point where she’d say if you don’t like it leave….if I’m that bad
I think I'm a narcissist now. I was overvalued. As well as devalued. Maybe the devalue was yo bring me down a size. However it was inconsistant childhood. It should have been unconditional love. But it was conditional.
Love your thoughts. Very helpful. Thanks!
Darren, I love the sound of your gentle voice! Can you increase the volume on your recording? I have my volume full blast but still I can barely hear you... Thanks 👍
My ex-husband turned my son against me after telling him i wanted a separation. After 20 years of his hateful speech & actions, I’d finally had enough and was very concerned about my childrens’ welfare. My son is 40 this year. Moved in with his “I’m innocent” dad when he was 11. The reason? Ex-husband filled his head with lies & 1/2 truths about me and how I “never wanted” him. He even drew stick figure pictures to show both my daughter & son. I was going to hell if I “broke up the family.” My 40-yr-old son hasn’t spoken to me in 4 years & has kept my grandchild from me. He’s almost 8. A vindictive, subtle narcissistic person can completely ruin everyone’s life around him. Now my son is an accomplished narcissist - he learned from a master.
No offense but this is what 90% of women do daily, even when they are in the relationship, it gets worse when they are divorced
Wow my story it’s similar to your story.
My two children stopped talking to me.
They do mimic narcissism .
@@smokeybirdman Do you know 90% of the women? You are a woman heater.
THANKYOU
🙏😘🌸💖🌹🧿
My mother, a Narcissists is the most vindictive, calculating, cruel person I have ever known........her behaviour is so like Donald Trump.(without bringing politics into the picture) I'm an Australian. Her vindictive behaviour makes her hold a grudge. I am on the receiving end of her vindictiveness, she is a very cruel woman. One of my earliest memories as a child approx 3yrs, , was her being vindictive to something I said out of anger. I can't imagine how a mother could treat a tiny child like she did. I've also had husbands/partners/friends and colleagues who were Narcissists too....they were all vindictive, but my mother holds the gold cup of vindictive behaviour. Do you think the more vindictive a person is, the worse the narcissism/self loathing they display?
sir, you are my hero! you have helped me to end and cure generational trauma of the male DNA in my family dating to my late grandpa as I am aware of and maybe further. thank you for the extensive description of this mindset.
Thank you
You’re welcome thank you for watching and for taking the time to comment
Sounds like Marke "the wanna be Dutchess".
Thank you for your channel!
Absolutely 💯 greay analysis
Thank you. It is all so true, sadly.
The spoon example - spot one!!
What boggles my mind is how precisely you describe the behaviors of a "narcissist" and how consistent those behaviors are across the board with others who have had experience with a narcissist. It's similar to describing the symptoms of a specific PHYSICAL disease or ailment. I mean usually psychological disorders are a hodgepodge, but with the narcissist, the behaviors are so CONSISTENT.(and predictable). It's almost like an MK ultra or mind programming, where the results can be attained via systematic steps. What is the weird woo-woo Factor here I wonder. Random life experience doesn't seem to account for it. If it's genetic, then wow... what if we could isolate the gene....
I'm the "narc" parent on the proverbial pedestal. Now, I'm being discarded under the guise of no contact.
I think I'm a recovering N. Though perhaps just resulting from being a child of a N? Working to figure this out and appreciating these inputs... Thanks, Darren!!
A narc will never change or admit fault through self reflection ..so you probably aren't unless you satisfy 9 or the 10 signs and you can't really self assess
excellent video
Glad you liked it!
Reminds me of some religious organizations One in particular.If you decide not to practice that religion, the leaders are told to disfellowship you and in that case that means you can no longer associate with other members ,they are told to shun you even family is told not to have anything to do with you if you decide to leave.Obce being in that religion you would think one would see all the classic signs, but in most cases we don't see it until we have put so much into our relationship.
Lemme guess. . Latter-day Saint?
@@supermanforevah ,nope but of course they fall into the same category.I was referring to JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES ..While they also claim to be NON-POLITICAL..They are also on the same mindset of a very tightly regulated regime full of tyranny ''DO AS WE SAY OR ELSE'' A full blown incideous dictatorship who operate just under the surface, to make themselves appear unblemished yet they are filthy and erosive .
Thank you for this very informative video. I can totally see how narcissists become compulsive litigators.
I think there is a fault with tube, when I try to restart the video it switches to Todd. When I tried again feeding in Darren Magee the sound was faulty, but Todd's was loud enough. I find these videos very helpful. Thank you. I will persevere.
Great content. Tysm !
Thank you very much, and thank you for watching
Very good descriptions.
They certainly lack any empathy whatsoever.....pretty sick individuals! like my ex narcissist girlfriend cheating on me within 6 months after I retired from the air force and had to relocate my children back to the east coast. She just couldn't wait any longer going off with a new man. YUCK! Have a good life. Next!
Period.
She did you a favor! Good riddance to any type of Narcassist.
In all the videos I've watched about a narcissist, I find that people seem to think their behaviour is deliberate. But, I find that it comes from a place of deep pain, it's a learned behaviour from rejection/abandonment. The behaviours are 'defensive' and an attempt to protect themselves from further harm. Very selfish and childlike, but its from a place of hurt. If the victim of a narc begins to understand how to become strong in themselves, then they can learn to use behaviours to live with it. It would take an extremely patient and forgiving person, but it is possible. I understand that the narcissist will never change their behaviour, and this needs to be taken into account. Obviously, there may come a time within the relationship where they will have had enough, but that appears to be the only way through it.
During my childhood my parent used to tell me that I was vindictive ,and turned my sibling against me ,though I was good as child she created every ne gativity ,and othr parnt was also not normal,
You're good at explaining the traits...what I and others need is knowledge on how to safely get away.
Excellent info. Just a slight problem hearing it. Your volume isn't quite right. Sorry...🤗
As a therapist, I come across many people who display such traits, however, I think it's a developmental issue. Such people are themselves suffering from lack of emotional regulation. It's really difficult to apportion blame - both parties struggle to be.
How could a borderline separate from a narcissist? What kind of cognitive traps could be encountered? What are some effective ways to overcome them?
Hello and thank you for your question. I am currently working on putting together a video on Borderline Personality I hope it'll answer your questions.
Good question. Esp. if you're a kind person & borderline people pleaser.
@ 5:08 an orb shoots straight up from behind Darren's head, just as he is about to delineate the characteristics of vindictive narcissists.
Thank you 😍
Do these type of people eventually progress to a more incidiousness with their Narcassism from one type to a more extreme version? My sister and brother in law fit the spectrum with outrageous behavior?
You nailed it! I'm surrounded by them. Momster, brothers. Momster's the head master and they are her monkeys. It's so exhausting. And sad. I'm being smeared to the extreme right now.
How do I find a good therapist that's experienced with narcissism? I find most don't get it. Thank you.
Many therapists will have a brief consultation with you over the telephone so you can ask questions about their areas of experience. Don’t be afraid to ask them
I ja i braća smo sami odrastali. Nikog nije bilo sa nama, niko nam ništa nije dao. A ja sam delila poklone drugim ljudima koji nisu rekli hvala. I ima ljudi oko nas koji dolaze i neće da nam pomognu a sve bi uzeli. I još mi govore da imam šizofreniju i da mi je majka umrla. Nemam kome da prijavim da me je momak, Simić Milosav, namamio u stan, skinuo me, a i on se skinuo. Rekao je da mu se sa mnom neće ništa dogoditi, jer nije takav. Posle mi je bila krv na vešu. Bila sam maloletna. I sa dugim momcima se isto dešavalo. A on je siromašan, a sad je gazda. Otvorio kafanu.
I love your videos and the information is very helpful to me and many others, I have no doubt. What can I do so that I can hear the videos? Am I missing a setting or something? Does anyone know?
Sorry my early videos I was only using the mic on the camera
I wish you could turn up the sound.
Audio on this is really low. Just me?
No it was way too low. Video was great but unwatchable bc of that. I couldn't finish it.
@@yvonnethomas4484 i made it through but had everything jacked
Thanks!
Dr. What does meltdown look like for Narcs??
Hi, it just Darren I’m not a Dr, but I made a video about narcissistic collapse if you find that interesting?
I may be vindictive, I bring up past. They never repent.
What about when an abusive ex calls their kids, adult kids, and accuse their ex wife from over 30 years ago,( I left him, it was a nightmare) and decides to make up a story about the childrens mom, in my case, he told my adult children I had slept around with several people, even had names and times!! I don’t know those names, nor was I ever there, but my children of course were too young to remember if I was out running around 🥴 and somehow he is convinced himself that this actually happened. .? It’s like always putting out fires! It never ends? He can’t stand that my kids, and grandkids have great relationships! It’s too much to write about, but this is just an example of his behaviour …..
Im 68, reflecting on my narc behaviours in 2 marriages. May god forgive me.🙏
Vindictive narcissist = narcissist on the warpath
My mother is what I thought Covert narcissist. But she is vindictive too - she punished Dad for an uncompleted attempt to escape, she punishes me for difficult to describe - all kinds of things happening in her head. F.ex. what I went with dad to an event she refused to go with him - as she had to punish him. in that time I had no idea that she is a narcissist and have those hidden probs - resentment and revenge plans.
I was not that deep in her psychology. she was hiding more properly and I had no information about her personality disorder then.
So is she Covert or is she vindictive? can Coverts be Non vindictive too?
I can't hear this video very well.
The sound recording is too low.
I can barely hear you !
yes i had volume all way up. Stopped watching.
Yes....I agree
Mom started a vindictive narcissists,,she has upgraded to a malignant one going on 50 years old....i guess the fantasy from the vindictive stage has ended
💯 FACTS
it seems they don't have or comply with any moral compass. they are their own evil gods.
Are you supposed to be proud of yourself or not. How about you tell someone you don’t want to run the operations and they force you to, things don’t go well and you told them you didn’t want to do it. I think you should believe people when they say they don’t want to do something
narsus are very vindictive ,( even mothers or fathers) but tell lie that v are vindictive , during communication . they make us negative with their behavior but show high confidence and othrs do not doubt them, they cheat any no of people around them
Sounds like so-called mother and her sisters. I have a lot of narcissistic abuse and have side effects of narcissistic tendencies. Once I get away from mother I waa better. I think forced adoptions should happen for boys and girls.being abused by mothers and so called "stepdads."I was abused my whole life, broken families are accursed and I resent being from one. When a parent calls one of their kids a "burden, lazy, name calling every name under the sun, And demeans them with saying, "with all due respect" mockingly, and rejects them and says they "love them"but their actions show and are proved different, don't be afraid to cut them off. Not all Father and Mothers derserve children. I enjoyed you referring to "Moby Dick"and About how Captain Ahab needed to get that HuWhite whale, "Thar she blows.!"
What happened to the sound
whats that weird little light that flies along the wall at 10:55ish? yes i probably have ADHD