Controlling? How to stop and understand controlling behavior in relationships? What type you are?
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- Опубліковано 2 гру 2024
- There are so many different variations of control and the same number, if not more, reasons why we do it. Nothing brings out more control difficulties then what happens in our personal relationships. In this video, I will discuss the two types of control that most of us use, why we use it and look deeper into the darker form of control: Self Protection
I made up that name because I did not know what else to call it. I hope it fits and gives you an idea as to why I named it that and how destructive it can be.
I hope this helps and opens a window into the journey of happiness. I do not expect to be 100% right, but only to be in the ballpark of possible.
I think the key to giving good advice is to fully understand the other persons situation very first. That requires patient and focused listening. Sometimes we think we know what’s going on with another person and their situation because we have been there before ourselves. We’ve gone through the same thing. But each situation is different. There are so many variables at play. But the worst experience, I think, is receiving inappropriate advice from somebody who doesn’t really get it. The advice given, to be valuable, it needs to be proceeded by an accurate and thorough understanding of the persons individual predicament.
Yes. 100% true. There is an exception that does fit for many reasons and maybe it is not 100 but settled on 80/20.
“ the advice is not specific to that person or to that relationship but is said and given in a way that if applied, maybe foundational or slightly systemic to both parties, it can actually apply to the masses and in fact help as qualified and quality advice. “ TYWC - Marty
I do self dominence with my daughters, generally. Yes, it comes from a place of love, and personal experience and not wanting them to go though the pain that I've experienced. My elder daughter shuts down the conversation if it becomes overbearing, the younger one listens and engages. I must learn to hold back and listen more.
I haven't fully understood it, but maybe I do self protection as well. From a place of hurt both as child and abuse/neglect by my malignant narcissistic borderline husband.
Thank you!
This really helped me!
Now I know why I'm like this way, and I can know what to do to improve my self esteem!
I actually do it not because I want to it's because I'm scared something will go wrong or I do something wrong or they will leave me for something better and jealousy with insecurities from my mental problems and trauma from my past,
In the future when I grow up I want to seek therapy and get better
Look at my play lists. Trust me when I say, ' all that you need to launch from toward healing your inner child and hearing from me is there'. I promise. TYWC - Marty
Agreed Marty, I'm doing your playlist right now. You've saved me a fortune in therapy fees, which would have been useless anyways. Thank you !
This was a great video. Still can't tell what I am out of the two. Why can't the two exist, what other types of control are there?
I think protection, cause it's the closet description to what I've given to a couple others when made to think why I'm not quite there and readable, I said "it felt like I learned how to operate from within a protective layer/wall" after I went through depression and suicidal thoughts in my late teens, which I kept to myself and didn't tell anyone till earliest, 7/8 years later(my mother). Definitely enough reason for trauma in childhood.
But at the same time my ex would have me believe the first, as though every act of control was calculated and with intentional, which it never was. Being honest with myself, there was an element of fear behind a lot of my decision making and advice, which goes back to childhood and past relationship experiences.
Thank you for the video Marty
Beautifully simplified!
HaHa. This actually took me some time to figure out. ;))
Marty Glenn Lol bless your efforts 👏
I needed that as this takes time; for sure. ;)
Thank you so much for this Marty.
You are welcome. TYWC - Marty
Marty how do I get rid of self dominance control?
Please explain to me a simple self definition and example of ‘self dominance control’. (Your definition and then give me a real life example) TYWC - Marty
So how would one stop the self protection mechanism within themselves?
It alls comes from self esteem. Ask yourself the hard questions and do you think they all come down to one thing: Self Esteem
Does anything else come up? TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn100%
Very powerful video thank you , I was trying to diagnose what I am doing and I found that I play the roll of self protection. Is there any general advice for the self protection character
I will be straight with you and ask: what is self protection to you?
Think of control as a slow drip or a fountain of water. If all you can see and or feel is a fountain of water coming at you then how will you ever understand what you are doing to others and what they are doing to you.
Always remember that controlling others in any way is about yourself and it’s inability to regulate self when confronted with situations that might cause fear in you. That inner fear translates to control toward others.
If you can now see their side and or your side, can you now see both sides? TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn thank you so much for your reply.
@@marty_glennSo is fear at the root of low self esteem and the desire to control others / protect self ?
It's Awesome how you have described me and my girlfriend 😂 shit !
I don't like your explanation. It's much easier for a lamen to give real life examples without using your made up terms. I understand when you explain what the terms mean but then you use them in explaining this control and Love Stuff relate and relationship problems but it doesn't make sense that way
How old are you? Do not fuck'n say, "...why does it matter?"
Reason? I am 52 and you ? I will respond once I know your age and until then ... oh my fuck ... how did I get here?
TYWC - Marty
It does make complete sense especially if you've experienced it already. Take your time, listen to the lesson again n you will get it.
@@marty_glennwhy do you have to use the f word and based on your assumption this is a younger person (than you) don’t you think you could be more gentle and kinder. I am curious as to why you chose to respond in such a harsh way.
Love it. But he looks like a mime with the white face and hands. Lol.