Andrew Huberman Explains The Neuroscience Of Heartbreak
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- Опубліковано 9 сер 2022
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Dr Andrew Huberman explains why breakups hurt so much. What does Dr Andrew Huberman think is happening in the brain when we go through a breakup? Why do people obsess over their exes? What does HubermanLab think is the Neuroscience of getting over your ex?
#neuroscience #dating #breakup
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Happened to me once. It was really bad. I haven’t been the same since. Changed my personality. My outlooks on life. Everything. It’s like I died.
Been there brother. You got to learn how to get over this cause even I'm going through this shit but you have to use this energy and convert it into an immeasurable force of purpose. Stay hard my brother and kill the version of you that made you week 💪
How long was this?
I’m lost ,10 years of bliss ,2 years hes an addict
My biggest joy
Worst heartache
I’ll forever miss my best friend
@@microtubulina7266 how long was the relationship? Almost 6 years. How long did I feel like shit after? About 3 years. It’s been over 4. Still gets me sometimes. Never went back to my old self. Became something different. In some ways better. In some ways worse. But definitely different
Welcome to man hood - hard break ups turns boys into men
“Grief is a motivated state to bridge the distance in time and space and yet it’s impossible.” Fascinating!
Heartbreak made me work fulltime, build a profitable company on the side, workout 1-2 hours a day (5-6 days a week), study Python coding, and learn Mandarin.
8 months in, and still going strong. It kickstarted an entire identity shift for me, and I will forever be grateful for the labyrinths that grief has opened up in me.
I am evolving in ways I never believed I could.
Kinda sad if you think about it but also understandable. Couldnt you do the same while beimg with that person? Why are we as humans so messed up🤣 I guess all we do is in a way to attract a mate🤮
@MrFatuchi I don’t think it is sad at all. While being with that person, I would have never had the insight to love myself first, as I was getting the acceptance and love I wanted from an external source. Now I look for it within myself, and I find it more often than not.
Nor am I doing it to attract a mate, I do it to affirm purpose for myself.
Heartbreak made me sleep for 48h straight, how do I become more like you??😭😭😭
@@georgiamakris7676 It is not always super consistent. But getting progressively more consistent as time goes on.
And congratulations! Good work.
1. Supressed emotions will come back stronger
2. You must feel you emotions to let them free
3. Let go with love. Wish the other person the best even after the break up. Everything else is egotistical and will result in hate, anger or grief emotions.
Love is the only way to accept your past and accept the break up.
(Never said it is easy tho)
Grief as a motivated state was such an eye opener. It really is. Explains why people are so motivated to hit the gym after a break up. Start a business. Improve themsleves in every way. Illuminating stuff!!
Since the primary motivation is to bridge the gap between time and space, it takes enormous willpower to avoid doing so in the case of a breakup. It's incredible that we are able to instead channel this motivation into a self growth journey of our choosing.
I've experienced the same thing in past.
Wow 👌
My Wife told me she wants to divorce after 26 years together. It was hell the first 4 weeks. No sleep, no hunger and emotions almost killed me. It is really tough, but getting better day by day.
Wish you the best
How are you now?
Took me a decade to finally come to terms with my divorce. She wanted out and I didn’t. 11 years later I am ok financially and emotionally. She is struggling financially and struggling emotionally having failed in a couple of recent relationships. I still miss her but she chose her path
When you're heartbroken over someone who was never yours ...
She not yours
Well my friend nothing in the world is permanent. She was yours and now she is not yours.
Dude... ever fall in actual, reciprocated, deep, connected love with a woman who has children with another man? Fucking tragedy.
I feel this deeply
Thats me. I fucked up@@ryanbright3078
I lost my best friend a few years back , suddenly and without a warning. Few years later I had a very bad ending of a "situationship". No real conversation took place. 8 months ended via text.
The pain I felt in both situations felt so similar that it shocked me. It was so intense that I couldn't sleep or eat properly for days. I ended up coming out of that but I was definitely different.
This is a great breakdown of heartbreak and loss.. Huberman is spot on 💯
When you lose a parent/s you were close to as a child, you can’t really get close to anyone emotionally and psychologically as an intimate partner. It’s taken me many yrs to feel close to my husband bc of losing both parents as a child. I was more closer to my dad than my mum and still felt an emptiness in my relationship for the first 10-12 yrs. Heartbreak is no joke!
I do appreciate your honesty. It must have been very difficult for your husband. I feel compassion for him. At least you are aware of this and hope you try to work on it with him. My ex loved me but never could communicate her feelings with me. Physical intimacy was not a problem but honestly, it was not enough. She had a rough childhood. Looking back I would not have married her. She could not help who she was, but I should have been skeptical that it would work out. We were Christians, so my faith deluded me into believing it would be ok. She is a terrific woman besides that difficulty with being in a relationship. Best to you both.
I actually experienced where heart break made me feel like I have changed me somehow, or personality. I then started, and still currently, working on my health and fitness, a strong desire to travel, hopefully be able to learn a language, want to develop a stronger spiritual faith. At the time it was grief, but albeit strangely enough, I am glad I went through as it made me focus on my health, kind of "woke" me up.
This is what I'm trying to do now after my 13 year relationship came to and end just a few years after my best friend passed unexpectedly. I'm trying to motivate myself.
Stay strong. I still find motivation hard as well, but setting small goals to achieve has helped a little bit.
Thank you for sharing this information on loss of loved ones as it puts things in perspective 🙏💛🙏
This hit the nail on the head for me
Excellent talk.
Just want to say thank you for this.
Needed this
Its important to approach your grief from a stand point of mental stillness. Its a gut-wretching experince but all you can control is the experience in your immediate area and process in private.
In my experience, love can only transmute into hatred. Indifference is the antidote to love. But when you had a very attractive partner and the perceived loss is great, indifference is not possible. I have yet to develop a good strategy for quelling hatred and fury.
Thanks Chris
Thx. Helpful!
Would definitely recommend the book "Attached" which covers Attachment styles !
the names of the styles are so friggin disorganized. they need to do a better job.
Indeed a great book!
Author ?
Just a quick observation Chris! Adore your content btw. Coming to you from Rogan. As a first time visitor to your UA-cam Page I find it difficult to discern your full feature podcasts from your clips. Wouldn’t it be better to put the podcast number first so it’s immediately distinguishable? Just a thought, not a criticism. Looking forward to soaking up your content, you are on a special path for sure. Best Regards
It’s usually the length is different. That’s how you know.
it's virtual incapacitation while every fiber of your being wants to take action.
I first experienced this at the ripe old age of 49... she was 25, and my perfect woman, the woman I should have married (I was never in love with my ex-wife)... it was so hard, I'm 53 now and just starting to get over this, but the lessons I learned on how I fucked it up will live with me for the rest of my life.... wish I'd learned them sooner.
Why did you marry your ex if you didn't love her? No shade, I'm just curious.
@@angelicaangel2624 at that time, I was far more insecure than I am now, I was 28 and she was what I thought was the best I can do... I have since learned that many do this.. Coach Corey Wayne, a big time dating coach talks about this a lot in his videos.. I stuck it out as long as I could but I left her 7 years ago.
@@Sams911 I'm familiar with Corey Wayne yes. I've heard many men say exactly what you've just said about their wives, feeling that she's the best they can do. Is this other lady still available or has she married another? Does she know how strongly you feel about her?
@@angelicaangel2624 oh she knows... I think it might be why she's been so cold and distant.... I actually (and I've never done this over a woman) cried in front of her the day after .. we spent two nights together in Vermont where she lives and I was visiting at an AirBnB... she was very friendly for the most part, but shortly after she was cold and distant, and after 6 months blocked me on her social media (yet oddly kept my pictures on there)... I'm so hurt, still 4 years later, but I'm a much stronger man for it now. I thank her for the lessons I've learned.
Wow makes sense
Hi. I love this information. Can broken attachments be healed or restored with children before they influence adult attachments? If so, how? Thank you.
I'm sure they can. How? Through some sort of rehabilitation that would be circumstantial to the individual and attachment type. You'd need a clinical psychologist to tell you what that is though.
This would most likely have to happen before certain fundamental critical growth caps that occur throughout childhood and adolescence, I think one is at 4 years old. A lot becomes deeply entrenched by that age, anything not dealt with by then tends to become a core component to, and a defining characteristic of the individual for the rest of their lives.
How does one move on after dating a unicorn (special woman) After 10 years of searching - then finding her and lost her to her ex due to age difference and the need for children .......how does one come back from that? I've been on many nice dates since but nothing compares and i do all the ACT and try not to compare. How do you replace somebody special without feeling like you settled for much, much less?
well first of all, you need to believe it's possible. As long as you are stuck in the fantasy that she was the one, you will never be able to move on and will continue to self sabotage until you change your perspective. You're right, comparing is extremely detrimental because then you are only looking for a replacement (which is impossible to achieve and unfair to anyone you date). Be open to new possibilities and a different kind of special. You have numerous favourite foods, personal interests, and great friends which are special in their own way. Romantic partners are the same. Remember, you may have thought this unicorn was special to you, but you were not special enough to stay with in her eyes. That is not the type of partner you want. Do you really think having her pity you and settle for being with you is what you truly deserve? If so, please go see a therapist and work on your self esteem issues.
Put yourself first that’s all don’t ever put another human being above you.
Moving tribute to graduate advisor . She must be very happy with a student like you Dr Huberman
I see these terms perfect woman or unicorn girl here. I've had two girls that I thought that way and this last one that I broke up with hurt more than anything. Both women hid personality traits to be that perfect woman for me. They both got to a point where they couldn't hide the traits anymore, one tried to destroy me maliciously and the second unintentionally temporarily destroyed me emotionally. There is nobody perfect, no matter how much you think they are, they're hiding something from you. They could be good for you if they were honest with their feelings and you accepted what they were hiding but they wouldn't leave you cold if they were perfect. It is a charade. Get over them. I am and I still love the person I thought I knew dearly but that is a fantasy.
I needed this. It's why I always enourage girls to be themselves from the beginning. Some can obviously still hide it but I try to encourage that type of environment.
I wonder how it is when you caused the breakup. Owning up to your own decisions and accepting the consequences with it. It’s been hard for me and I’m doing better then every before but I still struggle everyday that I was the reason it ended by cheating.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:00 💔 La ruptura es especialmente difícil para los jóvenes ya que la relación representa su futuro. Las redes sociales han hecho que superar una ruptura sea más complicado, ya que permiten mantener un vínculo constante con la otra persona.
00:41 🚺 Un estudio muestra que las mujeres tienden a sufrir más dolor físico y emocional después de una ruptura, pero suelen recuperarse por completo. Los hombres, en cambio, rara vez se recuperan completamente.
01:22 🚫 Las estrategias como la distracción o evitar sentir emociones tras una ruptura no funcionan; sólo prolongan el proceso de curación. Enfrentar la realidad y sentir completamente la pérdida es esencial para la recuperación.
02:03 🧠 La confrontación con la realidad de la ruptura es necesaria para fracturar la conexión mental. Sin este enfrentamiento, la gente puede dañarse a sí misma al aferrarse a lo que ya no está disponible.
03:13 😢 La capacidad para sentir y expresar emociones como la tristeza puede ser un factor importante en la recuperación. La represión de estos sentimientos puede conducir a un control excesivo y un desgaste emocional a largo plazo.
04:08 📣 La liberación catártica de emociones, como la terapia de grito que practicaba Steve Jobs, puede ser beneficiosa. La confrontación controlada de los estados emocionales temidos puede ser terapéutica.
04:48 💼 Utilizar la ira o la tristeza para trabajar más duro puede parecer positivo pero no ayuda en la remapeo emocional. Puede llevar a la ilusión de haber superado algo, pero a largo plazo puede generar agotamiento y problemas en la vida.
Made with HARPA AI
I am not the same after my heartbreak i will never be in love again. Can't risk to go through this again.
Check out Narcdaily
I also feel the same way, I feel like I will never love anyone the same way I loved her. The love was so strong…
Right now I dont even think about being with someone else, but my heartbreak was so recent so I dont know how I will feel in the future
@@microtubulina7266 it's been more than a year and i don't know if i am getting better or getting worse and the hardest part is that i see her everynight in my sleep.
I am living on the edge
@@pallabjyotidas1684 Man thats hard.
You know I've tried to talk to some friends I actually lost touch because of the pandemic (and being alone has made my pain worst) and they helped a lot. However, all the advice and all the words, cant stop the negative feelings.
But I will try, and trust time. My idea is to continue on therapy, work it out with him. To start a hobby, to start relying on myself to be happy and not on her alone.
Grief is different for everyone, it could be weeks, months, a year, years.
It also helped that so many people go through this, we are not alone : )
How are you now?
So if it is in fact comparable to grieving.. then what happens to people who interact or have unavoidable contact after the breakup. How is it perceived? Does the brain feel confused?
Think so, I’ve a child with my ex. We broke up 7 years ago and she immediately moved on to a new relationship. After 7 years I just really start to process things and whenever I let something go (sadness), she immediately text me with for example a photo of our child.. it frustrates me because it makes it harder for me to let go :)
@@robbertwww Robert I’m so sorry man. I can’t imagine the pain you are going through as a father. Stay strong and please be there for your child. Be strong for them. I don’t think there is a more valuable thing in this world than the life you have helped be created. Please don’t try to forget your own creation regardless of the pain you feel. Im too young to know how it feels like but if I was your child I wouldn’t want ever my dad to try to forget or rather ignore my existence.
I know this has nothing to do with the video but anyways I wish you all the best and may god be with you.
Hello good day Sir.
Have anyone heard about broken heart syndrome.
Cant get a heartbreak when you're not getting any women.
Can relate man! Going Your Own way because there's no other 'way' or path 😂😔. Nevertheless, I despise 'Live-In' relationships. Would have never gone for that.
Maybe it's a motivating state after a breakup, but not the death of a husband. I'm hoping eventually to be motivated...
Oof. This made me really, really sad.
👊❤
Basically get off all social media, eat healthy and hit the gym big boi
Its literally an amputation.
Interesting stuff, slight echo in the background is a bit annoying though
I wonder what Dr. Huberman's CHIN looks like
Hubermans a talker eh
Advice that tells you go out and meet other new people is so wrong and amateurish. Stay away from that kind of advice. The problem is you are repeating the cycle of falling in love then experiencing heartbreak. The origin of heartbreak lies in the idea that you have placed someone too highly on a pedestal whilst forgetting about your self.
God sent His own son, Jesus into the world to be the place of us guilty sinners. Jesus never sinned. He felt no guilt. His conscience was clear before God. Since Adam, there has never been another man like Jesus who did all things pleasing to God. In every way, at all times, without exception, He pleased His Father, whereas we have displeased Him.
Yet Jesus did not come just to give us an example. He came to be our substitute-to take the place of us sinners-and bear the punishment for all sin. At the end of His righteous life, He voluntarily died, as if He were the sinner. He took your sin upon himself and died in your place-in the place of all sinners. Forgiveness does not come through the church or through its leaders. Only God can forgive, and he is ready to forgive all who will believe and receive his forgiveness.
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” 1 John 1:9
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I can't handle this stuff.
Why not
@@TheOlzee it's too black and white
I think I know what you mean :(
Thanks science.
yes you can everybody goes through lmao your not special
That happens sometimes when your 18 or even 48 🤣 no shit... guys... we die with it, woman... they cry for an hour n their over it.
I’ve been crying every day for a month now…many times multiple times per day.
Yes they are snakes with long hair !!! F*** em ! Only one night stands for me man. Don’t need the depression and this headf***
Too bad his understanding of heartbreak is all brain without any reference to heart
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 Thank you for responding! Indeed if what you are saying is true, the brain just processes information.
Heart does not exist, it's a part of the brain
@@averagebro413 please elaborate
in the context you're giving what people call the "heart" is part of the brain, we can romanticise our language all we want but it doesn't change the facts or make it any less human
@@brandonjones2348 So you want to refer to heartbreak as brainbreak? Go ahead! No pun intended.
Andrew, we will be with our loved ones after death and see them again. God's son Jesus became one of us humans and took the punishment we deserve for our selfishness, cruelty, ingratitude, and wrong doing, so that justice can be restored. His love for us bridges the gap between what we deserve and the undeserved gift of eternal life in union with our Creator and our loved ones. The image used is the eternal wedding feast. I can't wait and I hope to be with you there.
How about just getting over your ex. Science is becoming increasingly decadent and frankly weird.
"The neuroscience behind getting over your ex" are you serious with this shit? Breakups suck it's hard, move on.
Modernity is desperately trying to science every little increasingly banal thing to the point where it's actively harmful.
Trying to understand things and help people with a commom problem is harmful? I think you need to open your eyes a bit.
Connections with each other are the essence of human experience. Losing people we are connected to is inevitable, as is feeling grief after we experience this loss. Frankly, your comment is absurd.
@@yomomshouse100 Help people by prescribing fuck loads of SSRIS and brainwashing kids with social emotional learning yeah okay please stop helping scientists.
It's OK if you're still hurting.
@@fauciliedbeaglesdied6537 And the Neil deGrasse Tyson worshippers have nothing but insults. So much for science.
Soooo reaall