I’ve definitely been a pushover. I’ve allowed myself to be an option for my ex. I’m finally walking away and valuing myself. I don’t have time for the “maybes” and the “idk”. If you don’t want me, fine. I’ll find someone that does. It’s going to be hard to let go but it’s necessary.
After 2 months I still struggle to let go of a guy who I fell in love with buy for him I guess it was nothing, he did even reply to my message. totally hard broken.
I’ve spent the last 3 and a half years being on the back burner and being lied to constantly. Eventually it starts to chip away at your mental health and you “get used to it” and become desensitized and unaffected by things that would crush the person you used to be. And even though the REAL you would never be ok with this lifestyle, you still hold on in hopes that they’ll change. It’s time to realize that your time is precious and it’s better to be alone than to be with someone who sees you as disposable and replaceable.
Jason Lewis This is an amazing part of human adaptation. It is insidious. We can find ourselves adjusting to an unspeakable situation and thinking that it is our new normal. I congratulate you Jayson on your awareness and moving forward
Thank you so much Susan for noticing me! I’ve been watching your videos for years and years. You are truly such a gift to this world. So much love for you ❤️
@@hypeviews6440 Sometime they do no come back. As I have been saying no, even after splitting 3.5 years ago, he gets angry at me because he used to be able to get what he wanted out of me. I have ghosted him and he hates it. Too bad so sad.
I've been dating a widower, who has finally admitted to me that he's "not ready for a relationship". I've been patient with him for several months, as he's been working through some things, and now it's crystal clear. So, no more patience; I'm now looking elsewhere. And, we might all do well to remember - life is short! Your life and your time is precious. Thanks, Susan, for another clarifying video!
This is very helpful. I ended a two year relationship four months ago. She expressed little to no interest in me beyond getting her own needs met. I finally had enough and walked away. It hurt, but I'm glad I did. She was a broken person. It was my fault for choosing her and I ignored all of the obvious signs of incompatibility from the start, but it's a mistake I won't repeat again.
Thank you SO MUCH for this comment. I went through the same thing this year, but I didn't have your courage. I wanted to breakup at some point, but I literally said to myself that I prefer that the suffering of the breakup fall on me rather than on her. And I only did this because she had a very difficult past. So, when a read your "she was a broken person", I immediately could relate. I ended up suffering much more than I expected (she broke up with me, in a very ugly way. She literally blamed me for almost everything. And overcoming this guilt was very difficult. But, now I see that if I had any guilt at anything, it was like 10%, tops). But now, seeing things under perspective as time went by, I see the whole thing as a gift: I've learned so much since then, about me and about relationships (big thanks to Susan Winter on this!). Now I have the right tools to not make the same mistakes again. I've never been a pushover in my past relationships, but I totally was one at this last one. I felt really sorry for her past. But, now I see: her past was not my fault. And she was not my responsibility. I could never let go of myself in order to try to make her happy. It's not a matter of selfishness, but self-love.
Dear Susan, You hit the nail in this video when you said: "This is not a Hollywood movie!" Players and people with emotional wounds cannot see fantastic women or men because there is no space for drama. They don't feel the emotional trigger, and so they leave and dump partners out of the blue. Sadly, many people hide behind the idea of finding the "soul mate", "the one", and so the relationship won't flourish even if you are painted with gold. They don't see you! They see a reflection of what they want you to be. Susan, do you remember the video don't be less, just because they can't be more? When I felt the breakup was going to happen, because I felt it, I told him I am not going to be less to fit his life or his mother's desires! Never allow yourself to be less of who you are because the other side is scared and full of fears. We are to experience real love, real feelings. Maybe they are Narcissists, Unavailable, players, whatever... we are here to experience nourishment and love without Hollywood fireworks. Use this video also to deal with job problems and relationships in general, very helpful. Thank you so much Susan, Love from Portugal! Alexandra
Alexandra Maria Alexandra I totally love what you wrote. Thank you so much for that brilliant commentary. You absolutely see the clarity of the situation. I’m so happy to have you as a part of my UA-cam family
Dear @@SusanWinter you are more than welcome! I was in Australia, away from my family and friends, I felt completely disorientated and blindsided. Now, after four months, I can see why it did happen. The person never saw me. He was "in love" with the idea of having someone beautiful and tall, and someone that would fit his mother's standards. He was "in love" with the idea of being in love. That's why you will look foreigner to them, your language, your love. Your videos are a beautiful insight for everyone! Huge hug! Alexandra
@@danielpineda508 I hope you are well :) And yes, they can't see you no matter what, maybe (for sure) they have already someone waiting on the line. Have one wonderful day :)
So so so true and couldn't agree more ALEXANDRA --- Thats why we are here learning more and continuing getting knowledge and continuously in the place of wanting improvements of our older selves. And dare I say Susan is our mother, and we all love her very much
Raine B. Not to worry. That’s the basis of cognitive therapy. Once you name it and pull it out from the shadows, you can’t on see it. That’s when you have a choice, not auto response
@@SusanWinter you prolly never read these msgs, only the new ones . Patience is useless , you have some a lot of randomness with your subjects , but sometimes good to see how women discourage, lol
Thank you for all of your insight, Susan. I’m deploying to the Middle East in a week and got dumped last month. Finding your videos has been an absolute blessing in clearing my mind so I can focus on the mission ahead without the distractions of a lost love. You’re the best!
Great topic, love it ! ,,,patience turned to pushover, exactly~I left a hot/cold relationship of 6 months. I have to say it broke my heart~after you clearly tell someone you can’t do hot/cold and they go cold again, there’s no choice. That was my patience to pushover moment , it was time to go if I wanted to keep my self respect. Fast forward 3 months,NOW he’s trying to play hot/cold returning my things, lol he can keep them! Thanks for being the voice of clarity Susan, you have helped me alot❤️
This video couldn't have come at a better time! This is exactly what I'm going through. Its so hard to let go when you love them and you've invested so much. They almost become like a drug to you. I'm always waiting for that next sign of affection to feel that "high" again. I'm afraid to speak my truth because I don't want him to take what's left of his love away from me for good. I need to be strong and just let go. Thank you so so much for your videos. You have helped me tremendously!! They resonate with me so deeply. Please keep them coming! ❤🙏
This was my story. I went from patient to pushover. I finally had enough and said what I needed. I knew he wasnt at that point. A non committal. He ghosted me. Never answered after a year of texting and communication. I'm glad. I'm happy and ready to move on. I just feel stupid I let it go on that long even though it was just a situationship and not a mutual commitment.
The only thing thats wrong with this video, is that i cant give it a million likes🙌🏻🙏🏻🙌🏻🙏🏻❤️ “Susan, the master of knowing”, just as simple as that, the master...❤️❤️
Susan, you look exceptionally beautiful today! Patience/ pushover: i have a great deal of patience, but because i let things go, didn't speak up, and didn't set and enforce boundaries i became a pushover. Counseling helped me understand what i was allowing to take place and causing me to be a pushover. Patience is wonderful, but allowing yourself to be a " carpetman " and walked over is not ok! If your partner can not respect you, see your worthiness, does the push / pull routine then it's time to " get out of Dodge!" Respect yourself, know your own worthiness, and accept nothing less from your partner. Thanks for talking about another important relationship topic. I appreciate your dedication, caring, and your straight forward,honest style of teaching and communication. Till next time, be safe and well.
A video on when to keep trying, even after a break up and rekindling, to knowing perhaps this just isn’t going to work out... or is it something that is off with my expectations and my traumas?
Thank you I really needed to hear this today! I can't help but constantly wonder if this whole second chance thing is going to work and honestly getting disgusted with the same old lame excuses. I feel like if I'm giving him a second chance and my patience isn't enough when do I become a pushover if I'm making all the sacrifices and he hasn't made even 1 yet. This opened my eyes and helped me realize it's not just me like he's trying to drill in my head again.
You are so incredibly intuitive, Susan. This was so on time, it's insane. My ex has been re-appearing for the last 2 and a half years, always saying he loves me and doesn't wants me in his life, but he's scared to get back together. He contacted me when this virus first hit, saying I'm always the first person he thinks of when the world goes crazy. We just talked on the phone 2 days ago, and I was pondering this same topic of this video. You are so very in tune with your viewers, it's really a gift, and because of that you are the only relationship guru I would ever trust.
Oh my... this confirms so much that I've done the right thing to break up with the one I've been dating the last 5 months... I hit the breaks just at the very moment where my patience was about to turn into a pushover. Wooow. Thanks again, Susan! You are the best!
To his defense I must admit that he said from the beginning that he did not want a relationship (half an hour after he kissed me the first time lol). He just moved out of the house where he lived with his wife and 2 kids a month prior to our first date and has been separated from his wife for abt 9 months before that (20 yrs marriage!) .... but... as we started dating he was really sweet and we had a good time, he said so many nice things, we went out, wonderful intimacy and it felt like we were a couple quickly... then after 2,5 months I confessed to him that I'd fallen in love with him and this is where it started to get difficult since he repeatedly said he wasn't ready and didn' know what he wants and is suffering from not seeing his kids etc. I totally understand his issues but I began to feel like an option and my patience was tested to the point where it switched to pushover. So, I broke up with him 2 weeks ago and even though I'm the dumper I actually feel like the dumpee... well.. life.... but Susan, you are really helping me alot these days. THANK YOU.
This is not the first video of yours I've seen, I've watched several of your thoughtful films devoted to the "Divine Contract." So, when you say, "You have to look them in the eyes," I understand instinctively--this is exactly what I plan to do, should my old "runner" ever come hobbling back for a shoulder to rebound off of. Of course, I will first receive her like a gentleman, listening sincerely and intently, leaving out any mention of the past, observe any indirect cues or little flirtations, and just when she thinks everything is "in its place" and I'll be an easy pushover, then, and only then will I stiffen, sit up in my chair, speak in a calm, low-drone voice, & tell her straight up--"Upon the first whiff of any lies or deception, my darlin', ...I'm walking." Thank you so much, Susan.
This is something I've wondered a lot about, warning someone ahead of time about something like this. These days I don't warn people not to do this or that. I don't ask them to appreciate me or treat me better. I just disappear forever.
Thank you Susan! @susan winter I feel much, much better to let him go. I’m done with him. Not mad, not upset, just done. Feeling a little relieved knowing it’s not me, it’s him. All I have now is my best wishes for him.
Susan Winter, thank you so very much. I’ve been watching your video for awhile, you helped me to understand better on how to react better. Now, I’m looking forward to meet my right person.
I recently met a man who said that he admired my patience, while he was clearly testing it by playing the most obvious mind games. The situationship lasted one month and it was clear he was priming me to be a pushover because he had also said that I was so sweet and agreeable, not stubborn like my friend (one of the most assertive women I know) so he did not like it when I set a firm boundary 2 weeks ago, because I never heard from him again. This from a man who had told me only days before that he would always be there for me! No thanks 😄
"Where you've become acclimated to their lack of attention..." It's so gratifying to recognize this as my PAST behavior with a recent "limerent object." Also known as, "inanimate object." Buh-BYE, dude. Thank you for reminding me of my growth.
This is such a great video Susan. This is exactly what I've done. Patience has turned into being a pushover and I've been making excuses for him. Thank you for saying it like it is and waking me up. xxx
Thank you. I have suffered from this pushover for the last three years. I was not able to understand. The breakup happened 3 years before, but in between, she would come out of the blue, communicate for a few days and then stop everything. And I was like, "oh no! what the hell I did this time?" This happened for 4 times, and I am done with this. I was confused about whether I became impatient or not. But now I have got my answer. It was not my fault. I am done with drama. I am very grateful to you for this. Thank you so much m'am. Now I will not be judging and doubting myself.
It can be really hard to distinguish our emotions source, reactions from being burnt in the past and objective, healthy self worth stance. I often wonder how much of attraction is caused by trauma dents each of us had trough our lives, especially childhood. This is only channel so far that that is gender neutral and therefore objective. Thank You Susan!
I think we need to give ourselves a “deadline”, maybe give it 2-3 months for a new relationship, and if we still feel mistreated by them over and over then we should just leave when time’s up.
This really was so ON TIME. In a situationship now. Feelings like I may be in a pushover. Fell for me too. Just not ready for relationship and I asked why and he said he doesn’t know. Wants to be friends for now but still wants me around. We stop talking for a day. Next day (today) he’s back. Ugh. Just ...... help.
dmpann1 Maybe you want to give me a chat on Magnifi? It sounds like there’s something salvageable here. Why don’t you get very clear on what you want and explain to this person your goals. They don’t need to be the one to fulfill them, but it would be great if they were interested in trying
dmpann1 I’m in the same scenario. He has had 2 failed relationships in the past year so I’m contented to be in a friendship. Prior to that he had a humiliating divorce. Small town guy,wife left for another man.Intrigued to figure out why his last two relationships went in the ditch. Maybe then I would consider a romantic intimate relationship. We get along great. Time flies by when we get together but I want to see if the red flags are visible. Could be he just made poor choices or it could be he’s the poor choice. Time will tell. Love your channel Susan.
Yeah!! Susan is right don't take the lack of resolution. Patience is good within reason but a person usually needs to feel you're the right one too .If their not emotionally ready patience is futile I think .
I relate to this subject very much. This lady is always onto it and the only person I will listen to here as she just makes sense and thats why we need more of this on here. I was a pushover for my older ex for many years, now with a man who was a pushover for other woman and then found me, the rest is history ...when its wrong its wrong and nothing on earth or councelling or ANYTHING will make it better , for years I tried and put up with the putdowns and the critical comments and the undermining and the sexual neglect and not being able to do anything, I have rediscovered myself after leaving him and now with a guy who brings out the best in ME not the WORST. Only a guy of any age will be the guy that loves you if he does this, if is the opposite he DOES NOT LOVE YOU, only himself, I was to patient and disintergrated myself in the process, today have rediscovered myself literally.
I am in this situation and have been for over 4 years. I was waiting for him to sort out his life because he has an amazing heart, and he truly loves me, but that will never happen. His ex who he has a son with constantly has manipulated him and impacted our relationship. He is now terminally ill with fast progressing ALS and a form of dementia that impacts his personality and capacity for empathy. He will give me the silent treatment for weeks and months then contact me and ask me for help and comfort. In the time he shut me out he spent time with his ex/son and also leaning on old girlfriends with no concern for me, my feelings and grief at losing him. I’ve let him back in my life each time with guilt and sadness at the loss of our potential future that will never be. I never want to be involved with someone who can’t stop “cheating” and putting women from his past ahead of me, but my love for him and great concern for him and his last few moments alive override everything. It has and is taking a massive toll on me, my self worth, thought patterns. It feel it will be impossible to have a future beyond him due to the mental anguish and damage to my trust and belief that anyone will ever be good to me again. This pain is devastating. Trying to be a good person vs. protecting oneself is brutal.
I was in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship and what I did constantly as a pushover was that, after telling my family and friends about how I had been mistreated and they supporting me to walk away, I would start to find excuses for my ex partner such as she has been stressed out lately, she has a bad childhood, she was cheated on before.....what happened was that my family and friends would no longer be willing to listen to me anymore😅😅😅
Thank you Susan for your videos. I wish I would could have watched these 14 years ago ( I am so ashamed I let things go on that long). If I had watched then, and learned about narcissistic personality disorder, I would have saved myself a lot of pain.
Susan, tanks a lot for your work and passion for life. I am a relationship that just have 3 months just in the coronavirus. We are not together. It is so hard. But you words today make me more comfortable. Jairo from Brazil.
In 24 hours, I've finally found the exact reason why a long term relationship I had ended. Susan, your videos have helped me sprint forward in my current knowledge in relationships. In February, I wrote a confession letter to a woman I've had a crush on for twenty plus years. (I'm a perfect example of patience and being a pushover.) How could this go on for so long? Well, the former crush and I are in our early thirties and met as children. It was a complicated relationship. I thought she was finally single after years of waiting. Wrong! I had to find out in a text message that she was taken, (When there were no clear signs online or IRL), that she was rejecting me, and gave a vague goodbye. (In retrospect) I gave a shitty apology and goodbye back. Looking back I can not remember any time she apologized once for anything she did. Ultimately I was done with this person. I thought I expressed what I wanted and how I felt about her, and once I got that text back, I realized we weren't even friends. We socialized like maybe once or twice a year, and even that felt one sided. I was most surprised that I felt completely apathetic when I cut them off. I was tired of being an optional person in their lives while I struggled to make friends. Be unable to fully date anyone. Struggling with mental health problems never helped any of this, and my social skills aren't the best. Now I'm 34 with barely any dating experience. While I feel like a curse has been lifted, I'm still wary of dating and trusting people. The hard part now is to be patient in therapy. Hopefully I can finally live my life after searching for the right therapist and treatment after 12 years. I feel like a pessimist now regarding dating. Thank you so much for showing us every angle in relationship communication!
Reilly thank you for your beautiful commentary. And although I’m sad that you discovered an ending to the dream you had for your partnership with this person, I am grateful that you are free. When you are ready and if you feel like it, write down everything you wanted that you didn’t get from this person. Write down everything you saw in the dream you had of your future.That will be the basis of your exploration with someone new
@@SusanWinter Oh my goodness you replied! Thank you! I'll do that. Honestly, probably not for a while, while I work through the grief. Now I'm conflicted philosophically whether Love/relationships are more science compared to faith (my old belief system). Anyway, I appreciate your reply and all your videos! Thanks!
Thanks Susan, I'm starting to get anxious that the guy in my life is not wanting to put a label on us. It's obviously difficult not to take it personally and I honestly feel embarrassed that I've continued to see him without knowing where I stand but I can see that he cares about me so I am learning to be patient as he's not long out of a longterm relationship. In the past I would have burned the bridge as its a hard blow to the ego. It feels like it's alot harder to get a comittment these days.
Sometimes when you wait around for someone to get out of their comfort zone they get stuck there even longer, but the minute you allow them experience what it’s like to wonder if they lost their chance with you (rather than showing them you’re waiting around) is the minute you see them start to change their behavior from running to persuing. You have to be confident and brave enough to pull back and shift the energy dynamic from chasing to receiving.
Today he finally broke up with me. He said it's because he feels disgusted by himself in front of God for being with a man. I've fallen too deep, and so has he, but he dumped me like there was nothing at all.
It's difficult if you're the one being left as it seems so brutal but sometimes for some people the only way to end it is to do it in that manner. If not we often end up getting drawn back in
I doubt he felt like it was "nothing at all." I'm sure he is suffering, and if he fell as deep as you say, will most likely regret this decision. He has no one to blame but himself, he chose fear over love.
I'm sorry - it sounds so painful for you. It may be difficult for you to see it in this moment, but consider it a blessing in disguise. A person can do all kinds of shameful things, but if they're contrite and ask for forgiveness, God will forgive. (It's pretty hard to shock God). So, it sounds like he just made it as an excuse. A man with whom I was involved some time ago, begged off getting involved with me --i.e., going from dating to "being in a relationship", told me, "You're too good for me - I don't deserve you." Back then, I felt disappointed and willing to say, "Oh, we can make it work!". Now, I would say, "You're right! I AM TOO GOOD FOR YOU! Buh-bye!"
Thank you Susan. I've spent the lady year and half in a 'part time' relationship with a man a see on the weekends due to work and somewhat distance (45 minutes away). We are both coming out of long term marriages and older kids but I can't get him to finalise his divorce, consider moving closer or moving our relationship to the next level. I'm running out of patience and getting frustrated but at the same time he is such a ruff diamond who's been in bad relationships and feel I'm paying the price for it. I believe he loves me based on his actions not his words. How do I move things along before I feel like a push over? Thank you 🧡
wow how do you know me so well and never have met me..in almost all my relationships i have always been the pushover one or do what they want to make them happy and me miserable.it took me along time to realize it though
I was thinking a little while ago about when I go off for walks, running, hiking, etc. I usually go real early in the morning or late when it gets near dark, or hike in the more far off areas, and just a few people are out during those hours. And, then during the regular midday hours there are families out doing their own thing. So, I don't end up really coming into contact with that many people when I venture off like that. But, it does sound like exciting to me to meet someone while out doing that. I usually say hello back when anyone says hello to me. But, when I go during those hours (today I was out running real early at 5:15am) it's really empty, and I'm also doing whatever I'm out doing looking like I am so busy (which I am busy doing something though), and not loitering around just hanging out looking approachable to people. I'm actually there to do what I came there to do. IS everything just a staged drama? Why is it seeming so preordained? Like, who you'll meet, who you won't meet? What kind of turn it'll take? Etc.?
Perfect timing for this video. I'm dating someone who's wife died 3 months ago. I'm not a priority and feel like I'm being a pushover and sometimes want to blow up the bridge. I think I need to be patient for at least 6 months and see if our thing has legs.
Sonya Moste 3 months is such a short time , maybe you could be his rebound .....that’s not enough time to get over the tragedy , don’t be played along .
My boyfriend and I isn’t talking quite well since he’s having personal problems and needed some personal time with himself. When is the right time to speak up? I don’t want him to think that I’m not respecting the space he needed but I want him to understand what is happening to me
And what about when they think that you are too good for them so they push you away because they ‘don’t want to hurt you’? 😅 How do you handle this situation?
When they think you are too good for them, say "You're right - I am! Next, please!" It's a "kind" way for a guy to say that he may like you, but doesn't want a relationship with you. He's not that into you. The Right Guy will want to be with you; you won't have to jump through hoops or second guess.
Krisanne Key I think a couple of months. But this is predicated on clearly explaining what needs to be changed and why. Your partner needs to know what must be done and then the timeframe qualifies their level of motivation and interest in working with you
TY for your vids Susan!! I'm in a situationship. Enough time has passed w this person that I'd say it's turned to "pushover". He hasn't reached out in a few wks. The distancing dance happens over and over. We are also long distance. Would do you suggest saying something? Messaging him first or to say something next time he texts me? Say nothing at all? Cause we aren't dating but stay in touch. Not chasing any man. Yet unsure how to handle this.
Yes, I have him for along time and he likes to run after a women and he found her and he cries about her, (something he did with me) until 25 years later I am older do not go out BUT wait for him to call to make me happy...but he knows he can get me back in a second...in fact when we have words and he calls right back..and I answer I can feel the ahhhh
She isn't a pretty women and HIM of all people would never look at a ugly women and he had called her that...but now he is in love with her....she knows how to reject him, and reject him until he is crying out for her...and this has been going on for 3 years...and this is the ONLY women that makes him feel that way...cause he knows she ain't that easy to get back....well, he didn't call me for 8 months cause I had told him forget me...cause I can't live with him have to stay with my 40 year old son...he called and right away I was back... he told me he can't talk to me...(he used to call 3 times a day) when I had left him...he didn't miss me anymore...so this is where I am at...I had him in the palm of my hand..but wanted to leave him....but I missed him and he finally called 8 months later...and he said he doesn't know when he will call.again....I had heard from a Psychic that he tells people he can't get rid of me... I was the one he asked FIRST to live with him.but again...son 40. The Psychic said I disturbed his friends and the women he knows...he used to be very sophisticated, with money and nice clothes nice car, up her across from NY now he lives in hickville and I believe what you are saying is completely the truth...I knew it but...didn't want to admit it.. But, if he is going to wait another 8 months...and he calls i won't answer the call
Hy Susan! My question is after you leave a person like this, even you still love her, does she realize what she lost after giving yourself on a silver platter? She is avoidant... Cold most of the time, but enjoying the few moments together, and after a date getting back in her shell. I always wanted more and waiting almost 2 years with no results. It is hearthbreaking for me and i know the right thing to do....she always turns me around with small breadcrumbs...she is 15 years older
does that mean, lower your expectations, so you'll never be disappointed? because that's where I was before I went on this ride with this person and got dumped twice
Could someone please give me advice. Currently I have a new bf (two weeks in) but he's portraying a conditional love now. I have a cluttered house but he's saying he couldn't be with a hoarder (live with one in the future). he downplayed his pot use. Saying it was only moderate but he wants to smoke pot every day or every other day, he's said he'd like to see me lose weight, and even not fully two weeks in to being committed, he's trying to withhold vaginal sex because he wanted to see how I'd react, whether to see if I just wanted sex out of lonliness or didn't want me getting emotionally attached to him so he thought withholding sex would hurt me less. But he also added he's afraid of pregnancy. I don't know what to do, should I dump him or be patient. Please help.
@M M Thank you, it's really messed with my self esteem. He called me over the phone to end the relationship a few weeks ago (the official relationship lasted a month) It was a 30min phone call and his reasons were that i'm a hoarder and I should lose weight and he said he won't change his mind. A lot of talking and he was thinking we should go on a "break" and maybe if we still want each other by the end of summer we can get back together. I told him this isn't right ending the relationship over phone but he thought if he did it in person he would change his mind and stay, so I said it would still be nice to see him because at that time I didn't see him in over a week. I remembered what you said about him being a selfish creature and that has helped but it still hurts. I did change my fb status to single and he asked if I still wanted to see him in person, I told him I didn't think he'd change his mind and he needs to work on his attitude, and I don't plan on coming back to him. My self esteem is in the dumpster though.
"Don't be patient with what is intolerable." I bow to the master! Thank you Susan 🕊💕🌞
thank you thank you!!
Settling for crumbs is settling for less than you want, need and deserve
Respect yourself enough to walk away. Know your worth.
Amen!
I’ve definitely been a pushover. I’ve allowed myself to be an option for my ex. I’m finally walking away and valuing myself. I don’t have time for the “maybes” and the “idk”. If you don’t want me, fine. I’ll find someone that does. It’s going to be hard to let go but it’s necessary.
I've been there too. We eventually see it and regain balance
This is exactly the same situation I'm currently going through!
i ve been there too. very difficult decision but you ll gain power again!
After 2 months I still struggle to let go of a guy who I fell in love with buy for him I guess it was nothing, he did even reply to my message. totally hard broken.
@@SusanWinter heart you and hug you virtually dear susan. I am gonna write you that email very soon xx
No boundaries makes everyone a pushover whether in personal or professional life
True
I’ve spent the last 3 and a half years being on the back burner and being lied to constantly. Eventually it starts to chip away at your mental health and you “get used to it” and become desensitized and unaffected by things that would crush the person you used to be. And even though the REAL you would never be ok with this lifestyle, you still hold on in hopes that they’ll change. It’s time to realize that your time is precious and it’s better to be alone than to be with someone who sees you as disposable and replaceable.
Jason Lewis This is an amazing part of human adaptation. It is insidious. We can find ourselves adjusting to an unspeakable situation and thinking that it is our new normal. I congratulate you Jayson on your awareness and moving forward
Thank you so much Susan for noticing me! I’ve been watching your videos for years and years. You are truly such a gift to this world. So much love for you ❤️
Jason Lewis but they always come back..
@@hypeviews6440 Sometime they do no come back. As I have been saying no, even after splitting 3.5 years ago, he gets angry at me because he used to be able to get what he wanted out of me. I have ghosted him and he hates it. Too bad so sad.
@@AmySarahSmith always speak your truth, always! Well done, girl!
I've been dating a widower, who has finally admitted to me that he's "not ready for a relationship". I've been patient with him for several months, as he's been working through some things, and now it's crystal clear. So, no more patience; I'm now looking elsewhere. And, we might all do well to remember - life is short! Your life and your time is precious. Thanks, Susan, for another clarifying video!
Game Over This sounds just like my situation except that he hasn't come forward and given me closure. Just faded away gradually.
This is very helpful. I ended a two year relationship four months ago. She expressed little to no interest in me beyond getting her own needs met. I finally had enough and walked away. It hurt, but I'm glad I did. She was a broken person. It was my fault for choosing her and I ignored all of the obvious signs of incompatibility from the start, but it's a mistake I won't repeat again.
Isn't it so empowering to know you made the right choice? Good for you 🤗❤
Thank you SO MUCH for this comment. I went through the same thing this year, but I didn't have your courage. I wanted to breakup at some point, but I literally said to myself that I prefer that the suffering of the breakup fall on me rather than on her. And I only did this because she had a very difficult past. So, when a read your "she was a broken person", I immediately could relate. I ended up suffering much more than I expected (she broke up with me, in a very ugly way. She literally blamed me for almost everything. And overcoming this guilt was very difficult. But, now I see that if I had any guilt at anything, it was like 10%, tops).
But now, seeing things under perspective as time went by, I see the whole thing as a gift: I've learned so much since then, about me and about relationships (big thanks to Susan Winter on this!). Now I have the right tools to not make the same mistakes again. I've never been a pushover in my past relationships, but I totally was one at this last one. I felt really sorry for her past. But, now I see: her past was not my fault. And she was not my responsibility. I could never let go of myself in order to try to make her happy. It's not a matter of selfishness, but self-love.
Dear Susan,
You hit the nail in this video when you said: "This is not a Hollywood movie!"
Players and people with emotional wounds cannot see fantastic women or men because there is no space for drama. They don't feel the emotional trigger, and so they leave and dump partners out of the blue.
Sadly, many people hide behind the idea of finding the "soul mate", "the one", and so the relationship won't flourish even if you are painted with gold.
They don't see you! They see a reflection of what they want you to be.
Susan, do you remember the video don't be less, just because they can't be more? When I felt the breakup was going to happen, because I felt it, I told him I am not going to be less to fit his life or his mother's desires!
Never allow yourself to be less of who you are because the other side is scared and full of fears. We are to experience real love, real feelings. Maybe they are Narcissists, Unavailable, players, whatever... we are here to experience nourishment and love without Hollywood fireworks. Use this video also to deal with job problems and relationships in general, very helpful.
Thank you so much Susan,
Love from Portugal!
Alexandra
Alexandra Maria Alexandra I totally love what you wrote. Thank you so much for that brilliant commentary. You absolutely see the clarity of the situation. I’m so happy to have you as a part of my UA-cam family
Dear @@SusanWinter you are more than welcome! I was in Australia, away from my family and friends, I felt completely disorientated and blindsided. Now, after four months, I can see why it did happen. The person never saw me.
He was "in love" with the idea of having someone beautiful and tall, and someone that would fit his mother's standards. He was "in love" with the idea of being in love.
That's why you will look foreigner to them, your language, your love.
Your videos are a beautiful insight for everyone!
Huge hug!
Alexandra
This is spot on! Thank you for that comment! They just can’t see you. There is no drama anymore and they can’t seem to make it without it.
@@danielpineda508 I hope you are well :) And yes, they can't see you no matter what, maybe (for sure) they have already someone waiting on the line. Have one wonderful day :)
So so so true and couldn't agree more ALEXANDRA --- Thats why we are here learning more and continuing getting knowledge and continuously in the place of wanting improvements of our older selves. And dare I say Susan is our mother, and we all love her very much
Helpful. I just realized I’m not patient I’m a pushover. Ughhh. Knowing is half the battle.
Raine B. Not to worry. That’s the basis of cognitive therapy. Once you name it and pull it out from the shadows, you can’t on see it. That’s when you have a choice, not auto response
@@SusanWinter respond susan , if you read this message
@@SusanWinter you prolly never read these msgs, only the new ones . Patience is useless , you have some a lot of randomness with your subjects , but sometimes good to see how women discourage, lol
Thank you for all of your insight, Susan. I’m deploying to the Middle East in a week and got dumped last month. Finding your videos has been an absolute blessing in clearing my mind so I can focus on the mission ahead without the distractions of a lost love. You’re the best!
We ALL wish you a safety and protection in your tour of duty. Stay in touch with me and our family of followers so that you know people care.
Great topic, love it ! ,,,patience turned to pushover, exactly~I left a hot/cold relationship of 6 months. I have to say it broke my heart~after you clearly tell someone you can’t do hot/cold and they go cold again, there’s no choice. That was my patience to pushover moment , it was time to go if I wanted to keep my self respect.
Fast forward 3 months,NOW he’s trying to play hot/cold returning my things, lol he can keep them!
Thanks for being the voice of clarity Susan, you have helped me alot❤️
You inspire me ❤
This video couldn't have come at a better time! This is exactly what I'm going through. Its so hard to let go when you love them and you've invested so much. They almost become like a drug to you. I'm always waiting for that next sign of affection to feel that "high" again. I'm afraid to speak my truth because I don't want him to take what's left of his love away from me for good. I need to be strong and just let go. Thank you so so much for your videos. You have helped me tremendously!! They resonate with me so deeply. Please keep them coming! ❤🙏
Susan, Queen Susan! You have the BEST topics. I'm a wiser woman because of your wisdom!!
yes I believe we all do !!
thank you
This was my story. I went from patient to pushover. I finally had enough and said what I needed. I knew he wasnt at that point. A non committal. He ghosted me. Never answered after a year of texting and communication. I'm glad. I'm happy and ready to move on. I just feel stupid I let it go on that long even though it was just a situationship and not a mutual commitment.
The only thing thats wrong with this video, is that i cant give it a million likes🙌🏻🙏🏻🙌🏻🙏🏻❤️
“Susan, the master of knowing”, just as simple as that, the master...❤️❤️
Susan, you look exceptionally beautiful today! Patience/ pushover: i have a great deal of patience, but because i let things go, didn't speak up, and didn't set and enforce boundaries i became a pushover. Counseling helped me understand what i was allowing to take place and causing me to be a pushover. Patience is wonderful, but allowing yourself to be a " carpetman " and walked over is not ok! If your partner can not respect you, see your worthiness, does the push / pull routine then it's time to " get out of Dodge!" Respect yourself, know your own worthiness, and accept nothing less from your partner. Thanks for talking about another important relationship topic. I appreciate your dedication, caring, and your straight forward,honest style of teaching and communication. Till next time, be safe and well.
A video on when to keep trying, even after a break up and rekindling, to knowing perhaps this just isn’t going to work out... or is it something that is off with my expectations and my traumas?
Being patient at the beginning of dating is so tough!
Thank you I really needed to hear this today! I can't help but constantly wonder if this whole second chance thing is going to work and honestly getting disgusted with the same old lame excuses. I feel like if I'm giving him a second chance and my patience isn't enough when do I become a pushover if I'm making all the sacrifices and he hasn't made even 1 yet. This opened my eyes and helped me realize it's not just me like he's trying to drill in my head again.
You are so incredibly intuitive, Susan. This was so on time, it's insane. My ex has been re-appearing for the last 2 and a half years, always saying he loves me and doesn't wants me in his life, but he's scared to get back together. He contacted me when this virus first hit, saying I'm always the first person he thinks of when the world goes crazy. We just talked on the phone 2 days ago, and I was pondering this same topic of this video. You are so very in tune with your viewers, it's really a gift, and because of that you are the only relationship guru I would ever trust.
Kayla, I'm honored and moved by your comments. thank you!
Susan Winter, your videos are always educating and full of joy.I pray that God will keep on blessing you
Oh my... this confirms so much that I've done the right thing to break up with the one I've been dating the last 5 months... I hit the breaks just at the very moment where my patience was about to turn into a pushover. Wooow. Thanks again, Susan! You are the best!
To his defense I must admit that he said from the beginning that he did not want a relationship (half an hour after he kissed me the first time lol). He just moved out of the house where he lived with his wife and 2 kids a month prior to our first date and has been separated from his wife for abt 9 months before that (20 yrs marriage!) .... but... as we started dating he was really sweet and we had a good time, he said so many nice things, we went out, wonderful intimacy and it felt like we were a couple quickly... then after 2,5 months I confessed to him that I'd fallen in love with him and this is where it started to get difficult since he repeatedly said he wasn't ready and didn' know what he wants and is suffering from not seeing his kids etc. I totally understand his issues but I began to feel like an option and my patience was tested to the point where it switched to pushover. So, I broke up with him 2 weeks ago and even though I'm the dumper I actually feel like the dumpee... well.. life.... but Susan, you are really helping me alot these days. THANK YOU.
I really appreciate you ❤️ have been watching your videos and they're so good . God bless you
thank you thank you!!!
This is not the first video of yours I've seen, I've watched several of your thoughtful films devoted to the "Divine Contract." So, when you say, "You have to look them in the eyes," I understand instinctively--this is exactly what I plan to do, should my old "runner" ever come hobbling back for a shoulder to rebound off of. Of course, I will first receive her like a gentleman, listening sincerely and intently, leaving out any mention of the past, observe any indirect cues or little flirtations, and just when she thinks everything is "in its place" and I'll be an easy pushover, then, and only then will I stiffen, sit up in my chair, speak in a calm, low-drone voice, & tell her straight up--"Upon the first whiff of any lies or deception, my darlin', ...I'm walking." Thank you so much, Susan.
This is something I've wondered a lot about, warning someone ahead of time about something like this. These days I don't warn people not to do this or that. I don't ask them to appreciate me or treat me better. I just disappear forever.
Thank you Susan! @susan winter I feel much, much better to let him go. I’m done with him. Not mad, not upset, just done. Feeling a little relieved knowing it’s not me, it’s him. All I have now is my best wishes for him.
Amelia Topping Congratulations on a great attitude Amelia. Bitterness keeps us tied to our eggs. Releasing them frees us
Susan Winter, thank you so very much. I’ve been watching your video for awhile, you helped me to understand better on how to react better. Now, I’m looking forward to meet my right person.
I recently met a man who said that he admired my patience, while he was clearly testing it by playing the most obvious mind games.
The situationship lasted one month and it was clear he was priming me to be a pushover because he had also said that I was so sweet and agreeable, not stubborn like my friend (one of the most assertive women I know) so he did not like it when I set a firm boundary 2 weeks ago, because I never heard from him again.
This from a man who had told me only days before that he would always be there for me! No thanks 😄
Ewww he is such a disgusting predator on the prowl. I'm so glad you got tf away from his ass
DAMN SUSAN. SERVING THIS KNOWLEDGE I DIDNT KNOW I NEEDED. Thank you 🥺😭
"Where you've become acclimated to their lack of attention..." It's so gratifying to recognize this as my PAST behavior with a recent "limerent object." Also known as, "inanimate object." Buh-BYE, dude. Thank you for reminding me of my growth.
This would have to be the best explanation I’ve seen Of this. Life changing, thank you
Paige, thank you. What a great (and touching) comment
This is such a great video Susan. This is exactly what I've done. Patience has turned into being a pushover and I've been making excuses for him.
Thank you for saying it like it is and waking me up. xxx
Thank you. I have suffered from this pushover for the last three years. I was not able to understand. The breakup happened 3 years before, but in between, she would come out of the blue, communicate for a few days and then stop everything. And I was like, "oh no! what the hell I did this time?" This happened for 4 times, and I am done with this. I was confused about whether I became impatient or not. But now I have got my answer. It was not my fault. I am done with drama. I am very grateful to you for this. Thank you so much m'am. Now I will not be judging and doubting myself.
Best relationship advice on youtube!!! Love the way how you speak and explain...you seem so grounded. :)
Thank you Catherine!
I needed to hear this strong and truthful message. I cried as I watched it and I'm taking it to heart. Thank you so much.
Annette, thank you for this moving message.
It can be really hard to distinguish our emotions source, reactions from being burnt in the past and objective, healthy self worth stance.
I often wonder how much of attraction is caused by trauma dents each of us had trough our lives, especially childhood.
This is only channel so far that that is gender neutral and therefore objective.
Thank You Susan!
I think we need to give ourselves a “deadline”, maybe give it 2-3 months for a new relationship, and if we still feel mistreated by them over and over then we should just leave when time’s up.
This one was by far the best video on the matter… if even there was another.
This really was so ON TIME. In a situationship now. Feelings like I may be in a pushover. Fell for me too. Just not ready for relationship and I asked why and he said he doesn’t know. Wants to be friends for now but still wants me around. We stop talking for a day. Next day (today) he’s back. Ugh. Just ...... help.
dmpann1 Maybe you want to give me a chat on Magnifi? It sounds like there’s something salvageable here. Why don’t you get very clear on what you want and explain to this person your goals. They don’t need to be the one to fulfill them, but it would be great if they were interested in trying
Susan Winter I’ll find your link!! ☺️
dmpann1 I’m in the same scenario. He has had 2 failed relationships in the past year so I’m contented to be in a friendship. Prior to that he had a humiliating divorce. Small town guy,wife left for another man.Intrigued to figure out why his last two relationships went in the ditch. Maybe then I would consider a romantic intimate relationship. We get along great. Time flies by when we get together but I want to see if the red flags are visible. Could be he just made poor choices or it could be he’s the poor choice. Time will tell. Love your channel Susan.
The timing with this is amazing.
Yeah!! Susan is right don't take the lack of resolution. Patience is good within reason but a person usually needs to feel you're the right one too .If their not emotionally ready patience is futile I think .
This totally hit the spot. ♥️ I've become the pushover and I chose to set my self free.
I relate to this subject very much. This lady is always onto it and the only person I will listen to here as she just makes sense and thats why we need more of this on here. I was a pushover for my older ex for many years, now with a man who was a pushover for other woman and then found me, the rest is history ...when its wrong its wrong and nothing on earth or councelling or ANYTHING will make it better , for years I tried and put up with the putdowns and the critical comments and the undermining and the sexual neglect and not being able to do anything, I have rediscovered myself after leaving him and now with a guy who brings out the best in ME not the WORST. Only a guy of any age will be the guy that loves you if he does this, if is the opposite he DOES NOT LOVE YOU, only himself, I was to patient and disintergrated myself in the process, today have rediscovered myself literally.
Brava Colette!! happy for you.
Blow up the bridge...great analogy.
I am in this situation and have been for over 4 years. I was waiting for him to sort out his life because he has an amazing heart, and he truly loves me, but that will never happen. His ex who he has a son with constantly has manipulated him and impacted our relationship. He is now terminally ill with fast progressing ALS and a form of dementia that impacts his personality and capacity for empathy. He will give me the silent treatment for weeks and months then contact me and ask me for help and comfort. In the time he shut me out he spent time with his ex/son and also leaning on old girlfriends with no concern for me, my feelings and grief at losing him. I’ve let him back in my life each time with guilt and sadness at the loss of our potential future that will never be. I never want to be involved with someone who can’t stop “cheating” and putting women from his past ahead of me, but my love for him and great concern for him and his last few moments alive override everything. It has and is taking a massive toll on me, my self worth, thought patterns. It feel it will be impossible to have a future beyond him due to the mental anguish and damage to my trust and belief that anyone will ever be good to me again. This pain is devastating. Trying to be a good person vs. protecting oneself is brutal.
Omg. I was a pushover. Never again. Thanks Susan. I loved this video ♥️
Perfect explanation,you’re awesome Susan!! You’re friend Todd from the Twin Cities.
Thank you Susan I love you for sharing your love and knowledge God bless you
Blessings to you, Eugene
I love you so much Susan this video is much appreciated ❤️❤️
Maryam Zizi I’m happy to read this. Thank you
I was in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship and what I did constantly as a pushover was that, after telling my family and friends about how I had been mistreated and they supporting me to walk away, I would start to find excuses for my ex partner such as she has been stressed out lately, she has a bad childhood, she was cheated on before.....what happened was that my family and friends would no longer be willing to listen to me anymore😅😅😅
LL Zhang they were exhibiting Tough love and not allowing you to indulge in a non-reality
Is amazing how you always cover the most top topics, thanks
Merci Susan! From France
Thank you Susan for your videos. I wish I would could have watched these 14 years ago ( I am so ashamed I let things go on that long).
If I had watched then, and learned about narcissistic personality disorder, I would have saved myself a lot of pain.
Susan, tanks a lot for your work and passion for life.
I am a relationship that just have 3 months just in the coronavirus.
We are not together. It is so hard. But you words today make me more comfortable.
Jairo from Brazil.
Hello Brazil
Susan, you are much a wonderful person to teach to inspire me. Wow! Always. Thank you so much!
thank you!!!!
Thanks, Susan..
Thank you!!!
In 24 hours, I've finally found the exact reason why a long term relationship I had ended. Susan, your videos have helped me sprint forward in my current knowledge in relationships. In February, I wrote a confession letter to a woman I've had a crush on for twenty plus years. (I'm a perfect example of patience and being a pushover.) How could this go on for so long? Well, the former crush and I are in our early thirties and met as children. It was a complicated relationship. I thought she was finally single after years of waiting. Wrong! I had to find out in a text message that she was taken, (When there were no clear signs online or IRL), that she was rejecting me, and gave a vague goodbye. (In retrospect) I gave a shitty apology and goodbye back. Looking back I can not remember any time she apologized once for anything she did. Ultimately I was done with this person. I thought I expressed what I wanted and how I felt about her, and once I got that text back, I realized we weren't even friends. We socialized like maybe once or twice a year, and even that felt one sided. I was most surprised that I felt completely apathetic when I cut them off. I was tired of being an optional person in their lives while I struggled to make friends. Be unable to fully date anyone. Struggling with mental health problems never helped any of this, and my social skills aren't the best. Now I'm 34 with barely any dating experience. While I feel like a curse has been lifted, I'm still wary of dating and trusting people. The hard part now is to be patient in therapy. Hopefully I can finally live my life after searching for the right therapist and treatment after 12 years. I feel like a pessimist now regarding dating. Thank you so much for showing us every angle in relationship communication!
Reilly thank you for your beautiful commentary. And although I’m sad that you discovered an ending to the dream you had for your partnership with this person, I am grateful that you are free. When you are ready and if you feel like it, write down everything you wanted that you didn’t get from this person. Write down everything you saw in the dream you had of your future.That will be the basis of your exploration with someone new
Reilly see my reply.
@@SusanWinter Oh my goodness you replied! Thank you! I'll do that. Honestly, probably not for a while, while I work through the grief. Now I'm conflicted philosophically whether Love/relationships are more science compared to faith (my old belief system). Anyway, I appreciate your reply and all your videos! Thanks!
I thank you Susan..
Thank you i do the same ..that is a good wake up call 🙏
You're so good Susan! Thank you.
I love to listen to you, even when the topic makes me uncomfortable. ;)
Fine line between the two @SusanWinters
Thanks Susan, I'm starting to get anxious that the guy in my life is not wanting to put a label on us. It's obviously difficult not to take it personally and I honestly feel embarrassed that I've continued to see him without knowing where I stand but I can see that he cares about me so I am learning to be patient as he's not long out of a longterm relationship. In the past I would have burned the bridge as its a hard blow to the ego. It feels like it's alot harder to get a comittment these days.
Sometimes when you wait around for someone to get out of their comfort zone they get stuck there even longer, but the minute you allow them experience what it’s like to wonder if they lost their chance with you (rather than showing them you’re waiting around) is the minute you see them start to change their behavior from running to persuing. You have to be confident and brave enough to pull back and shift the energy dynamic from chasing to receiving.
Today he finally broke up with me. He said it's because he feels disgusted by himself in front of God for being with a man. I've fallen too deep, and so has he, but he dumped me like there was nothing at all.
It's difficult if you're the one being left as it seems so brutal but sometimes for some people the only way to end it is to do it in that manner.
If not we often end up getting drawn back in
I doubt he felt like it was "nothing at all." I'm sure he is suffering, and if he fell as deep as you say, will most likely regret this decision. He has no one to blame but himself, he chose fear over love.
I'm sorry - it sounds so painful for you. It may be difficult for you to see it in this moment, but consider it a blessing in disguise. A person can do all kinds of shameful things, but if they're contrite and ask for forgiveness, God will forgive. (It's pretty hard to shock God). So, it sounds like he just made it as an excuse. A man with whom I was involved some time ago, begged off getting involved with me --i.e., going from dating to "being in a relationship", told me, "You're too good for me - I don't deserve you." Back then, I felt disappointed and willing to say, "Oh, we can make it work!". Now, I would say, "You're right! I AM TOO GOOD FOR YOU! Buh-bye!"
Wonderful video, thank you so much! Definitely situations I've experienced over and over again..
It's crazy how you know my life
Thank you Susan
Hi Susan!
I’ve subscribed to your channel because I love your straight talking and your down to earth attitude.
Love from another Susan! xxx
Hello fellow Susan! Welcome to our virtual family.
Sue this is absolutely spot on you hit it right on the nail
Claude PARIS
You look beautiful u don t need specs
Claud Rebille Massive thanks. I only wear specs when reading. And Claud, you are a doll
Thank you Susan.
I've spent the lady year and half in a 'part time' relationship with a man a see on the weekends due to work and somewhat distance (45 minutes away). We are both coming out of long term marriages and older kids but I can't get him to finalise his divorce, consider moving closer or moving our relationship to the next level. I'm running out of patience and getting frustrated but at the same time he is such a ruff diamond who's been in bad relationships and feel I'm paying the price for it. I believe he loves me based on his actions not his words. How do I move things along before I feel like a push over? Thank you 🧡
You are unbelievable Susan ❤
THANK YOU
your so amazing and this video felt like you were talking directly to me thank you
You lady ...are amazing! Thank you !!
Wow, thank you!
Best advice if I ever heard one! Thank you
Adore you and your support means the world to me.Thank you.
@@SusanWinter As I do you :) Your videos are a breath of fresh air of truth expressed
wow how do you know me so well and never have met me..in almost all my relationships i have always been the pushover one or do what they want to make them happy and me miserable.it took me along time to realize it though
Gosh this is me! I needed to hear this!!! 🙏😱
Great video... Thank you so much for your insights. 🌷💖
Thanks for watching, Sarah!
I like the part that you make up excuses for him. So funny.
I was thinking a little while ago about when I go off for walks, running, hiking, etc. I usually go real early in the morning or late when it gets near dark, or hike in the more far off areas, and just a few people are out during those hours. And, then during the regular midday hours there are families out doing their own thing. So, I don't end up really coming into contact with that many people when I venture off like that. But, it does sound like exciting to me to meet someone while out doing that. I usually say hello back when anyone says hello to me. But, when I go during those hours (today I was out running real early at 5:15am) it's really empty, and I'm also doing whatever I'm out doing looking like I am so busy (which I am busy doing something though), and not loitering around just hanging out looking approachable to people. I'm actually there to do what I came there to do.
IS everything just a staged drama? Why is it seeming so preordained? Like, who you'll meet, who you won't meet? What kind of turn it'll take? Etc.?
Thank you for his video.
Great advice. ❤️
Perfect timing for this video. I'm dating someone who's wife died 3 months ago. I'm not a priority and feel like I'm being a pushover and sometimes want to blow up the bridge. I think I need to be patient for at least 6 months and see if our thing has legs.
Sonya Moste 3 months is such a short time , maybe you could be his rebound .....that’s not enough time to get over the tragedy , don’t be played along .
I love ❤️ you Susan you are amazing
I can identify with this!
My boyfriend and I isn’t talking quite well since he’s having personal problems and needed some personal time with himself. When is the right time to speak up? I don’t want him to think that I’m not respecting the space he needed but I want him to understand what is happening to me
Love it !
thx Ms from Morocco
And what about when they think that you are too good for them so they push you away because they ‘don’t want to hurt you’? 😅 How do you handle this situation?
Dont go there!
* Csilla I have videos on that. When being real they think it’s a game, and why they left you for the lesser.
Susan Winter thank you! I love your videos! Lots of love from Hungary ☺️
@@crystallizedworld Wow, love that!!!
When they think you are too good for them, say "You're right - I am! Next, please!" It's a "kind" way for a guy to say that he may like you, but doesn't want a relationship with you. He's not that into you. The Right Guy will want to be with you; you won't have to jump through hoops or second guess.
How long is too long? How do you know what a "reasonable" amount of time is
Krisanne Key I think a couple of months. But this is predicated on clearly explaining what needs to be changed and why. Your partner needs to know what must be done and then the timeframe qualifies their level of motivation and interest in working with you
@@SusanWinter yes nailed it and loved it. and if they are certainly not on that page they u know what's next
GOLD
Thank you! I needed to hear this today.
TY for your vids Susan!! I'm in a situationship. Enough time has passed w this person that I'd say it's turned to "pushover". He hasn't reached out in a few wks. The distancing dance happens over and over. We are also long distance. Would do you suggest saying something? Messaging him first or to say something next time he texts me? Say nothing at all? Cause we aren't dating but stay in touch. Not chasing any man. Yet unsure how to handle this.
Ignore him and move on! A few weeks is way too long. If he was thinking of you,he would have been in touch already.
Yes, I have him for along time and he likes to run after a women and he found her and he cries about her, (something he did with me) until 25 years later I am older do not go out BUT wait for him to call to make me happy...but he knows he can get me back in a second...in fact when we have words and he calls right back..and I answer I can feel the ahhhh
She isn't a pretty women and HIM of all people would never look at a ugly women and he had called her that...but now he is in love with her....she knows how to reject him, and reject him until he is crying out for her...and this has been going on for 3 years...and this is the ONLY women that makes him feel that way...cause he knows she ain't that easy to get back....well, he didn't call me for 8 months cause I had told him forget me...cause I can't live with him have to stay with my 40 year old son...he called and right away I was back... he told me he can't talk to me...(he used to call 3 times a day) when I had left him...he didn't miss me anymore...so this is where I am at...I had him in the palm of my hand..but wanted to leave him....but I missed him and he finally called 8 months later...and he said he doesn't know when he will call.again....I had heard from a Psychic that he tells people he can't get rid of me...
I was the one he asked FIRST to live with him.but again...son 40. The Psychic said I disturbed his friends and the women he knows...he used to be very sophisticated, with money and nice clothes nice car, up her across from NY now he lives in hickville and I believe what you are saying is completely the truth...I knew it but...didn't want to admit it..
But, if he is going to wait another 8 months...and he calls i won't answer the call
Hy Susan! My question is after you leave a person like this, even you still love her, does she realize what she lost after giving yourself on a silver platter? She is avoidant... Cold most of the time, but enjoying the few moments together, and after a date getting back in her shell. I always wanted more and waiting almost 2 years with no results. It is hearthbreaking for me and i know the right thing to do....she always turns me around with small breadcrumbs...she is 15 years older
does that mean, lower your expectations, so you'll never be disappointed?
because that's where I was before I went on this ride with this person and got dumped twice
No. Don't lower standards.
Just what i needed..this person was into me...now she is hot and cold and recently too cold...i think its better i back off
Love you 😘
Could someone please give me advice.
Currently I have a new bf (two weeks in) but he's portraying a conditional love now. I have a cluttered house but he's saying he couldn't be with a hoarder (live with one in the future). he downplayed his pot use. Saying it was only moderate but he wants to smoke pot every day or every other day, he's said he'd like to see me lose weight, and even not fully two weeks in to being committed, he's trying to withhold vaginal sex because he wanted to see how I'd react, whether to see if I just wanted sex out of lonliness or didn't want me getting emotionally attached to him so he thought withholding sex would hurt me less. But he also added he's afraid of pregnancy.
I don't know what to do, should I dump him or be patient. Please help.
Jess, show him the door.
Ex It 👉
@M M Thank you, it's really messed with my self esteem. He called me over the phone to end the relationship a few weeks ago (the official relationship lasted a month) It was a 30min phone call and his reasons were that i'm a hoarder and I should lose weight and he said he won't change his mind. A lot of talking and he was thinking we should go on a "break" and maybe if we still want each other by the end of summer we can get back together. I told him this isn't right ending the relationship over phone but he thought if he did it in person he would change his mind and stay, so I said it would still be nice to see him because at that time I didn't see him in over a week.
I remembered what you said about him being a selfish creature and that has helped but it still hurts. I did change my fb status to single and he asked if I still wanted to see him in person, I told him I didn't think he'd change his mind and he needs to work on his attitude, and I don't plan on coming back to him. My self esteem is in the dumpster though.
@@mdmmalou Thank you, I like your input.
Door mat not pushover. Let's call it for what it is
What does it mean when someone says they put their mark on you?