Wow, this explains a lot of why I always become obsessed with a particular guy who is totally wrong for me. I depend emotionally on them to make me feel “better” about what I currently lack of which is high self esteem, someone to think of while not thinking about all my other problems. But at the end they ironically become another problem!
You are God-sent Susan! You're helping people of all ages and of different situations with your no non-sense, practical, and straight to the point advice.
I learned to always check with reality in asking myself: "what do I really know about him?" And if the answer is "nothing" I do actively slow down my dream and my expectations. Thanks Susan, great video as always 😊
What are you going to do? Interview every woman who ever knew him? Good luck with that! These things are well hidden. The only way to get to know somebody is to get to know somebody. Geeze...I met 12 of his closest friends and his MOTHER for God's sake. His ex-wife and her now husband come to VISIT him and keep his CAT while he takes a trip! They all ADORE him. I convinced him he was a prize. He decided I wasn't.
We often place others on a pedestal and assign them attributes and expect them to be our ideal partner even though we dont know much about them! I am a logical person and your videos set me back on track. I think there is a tangible loneliness in our society. More people are single, relationships seem less appealing, everyone is obsessed with work and image...you said it best: can't have the last bus mentality.
Oh my goodness this is where I am right now and it is not fun. My life has shrunk and he became the most important person in my life. Yep I created him to be what I wanted. This so where I am at.
What I have realized from my last relationship is , that whenever you lose your own interests and your ownself , that's where the relationship starts to fall apart. We are unique because of our activities and thoughts , because of our individuality and if we let someone to own all of us, then we are nothing but an obsessed fan of a human being . I was obsessed with the ex because of his hot and cold behaviour, and after a while felt that all I think about is him and how he's doing ... So I cut him off as he didn't serve me anything good ... Thank's to Susan Winter that opened my eyes at the right time.... 😍 Now I understand it was all just a dream that I created , affected by his dull promises
This is so true, when we isolate ourselves and suddenly an interesting event or person comes along, everything just became unstable for quite some time. We even romanticize this and think this is how it should be, uncontrollable, irrational and strong emotion which should be a sign of love. Like what Susan said before, real relationships are born from slow-pace events, the quicker or bigger the fire is, the faster the embryo will die. On the other hand, we are just innately designed to not have full control over our emotions sometimes, it's really challenging to go back to our core after we've felt something very strong over someone, it's like an addiction and you get the withdrawal syndrome when you go cold turkey. So do other things, expand your other activities, re-prioritize yourself and if the person is really for you, you won't have to be so bothered by the idea of losing control. It's a very challenging time but I always ask myself "What if I make this through, what new learning can I have at the end of it?" See the value somehow while you're in it
I really needed to hear this today. I am emotionally obsessed with a guy who has told me very clearly that he isn't interested in a relationship. It's very painful because of the feelings that I've developed. I know in my gut that he is most likely not the one for me but it's still hard to walk away.
If you've never dated them hopefully you won't be feeling really terrible or depressed about it 👍. It'll take some time but honestly you'll feel amazing and happy in your life moving on from them
@@adday. yes they are but it's not like man don't feel nothing, sometimes we want the things we can't have, Because is addictive and gives a huge sense of reward. Sex creates soul ties, and both parts feels it.
Omg... I wasn’t expecting this truth bomb. I always obsess when it comes to exs who played hot & cold.. when in hindsight they’re not really good or a genuine person to me. It’s so crazy how the mind can trick you! Thank you again Susan. You truly are a gift. I am going to watch this video again and do some self actualisation because of this message. Xx
Yep. This is exactly me. My last obsession with a guy was when I was entering college for the first time and it was very isolating. My recent obsession with a guy started during Covid when I lost a lot of my regular life due to lockdowns. I think this isolation made him much more to me than needed to be. But I also have been in love with him for many years so of course that was going to destroy me too.
You have helped me immensely. I left my narcissistic husband in 2018. As I have been married for over 25 years, my social circle has been quite limited. To make a long story short, I developed an obsession for the resident manager of my apartment complex. I do not know this man at all really and have created this false character of who he is. I was starting to socialize more and probably would have been over this obsession by now, but with the coronavirus and social distancing, I have gotten stuck in a rut. Thank you for validating what I already knew was a problem. This might be the catalyst I need to get my act together, as this pandemic has made me depressed and sucked the motivation right out of me.
My god sometimes the human mind is a blessing and a curse. Its so hard to gain control over these obsessive thoughts and to simply let them go. They keep coming back but this video helped gain some clarity
Thank you for putting this into words. I think when our Social Circle shrinks we obviously feel that our options do the same. We keep going back to our ex's or people that are not good for us because our options are becoming limited. Expanding hobbies and interests that are more social can be a challenge. I used to enjoy going to the clubs having drinks dancing, listening to music, but that now days has extreme risks and has pretty much ran its course. Need to figure out a interesting way to interact with more people again. Also dating sites can be stressful if you let it. Great video Susan.
This video is great! Susan I love all your videos but this one really struck home for me. As an INTJ with an analytical mindset, I find myself ruminating, researching online, trying to get to the bottom of the WHY he’s acting the way he is. Is he temporarily or permanently emotionally available? Is he a covert narcissist or just needs to vent about his divorce a little? How bad was his childhood trauma and is that what’s causing this behavior?.... the questions that run through my mind are endless. All in an effort to categorize and organize this behavior and file it away in my brain with a label so I can determine my next course of action. I have to keep reminding myself, it’s not the label that matters. And the “why” is none of my business. All I need to focus on is how he makes me feel, and that in itself is the only answer I need. Thank you for the work you do bringing enlightenment to this community!! ♥️ Love you!
This is SPOT ON. It describes a pattern on my part which I hadn't realized until now. Every time I had liked a guy and developed an unhealthy attachment, my life was shrunken in one way or another. Unfortunately for me, though, my life is tremendously shrunken right now, and the person I'm so consumed by is my mentor who's helping me pull out of this rut. The trick is that I need to take his help, enjoy his company as a close friend, yet not think of him as the one taking me out of this shrunken life. It's me who is doing so. Any recommendations on how to do this, aside from the points made above, would be appreciated.
Thank you Susan. When I was unemployed, my world shrunk, and I was becoming someone I was not, wanting more of a man I just met, confused, and upset when I could not see him. This man texted me everyday, and basically filled the void in my empty world. It was not real, and we were just codependent on each other. I ended it, and now feel relieved and myself again.
this is so accurate... hes not supposed to be that important. the significance ive attributed to him is completely inappropriate for who he is! hes like at least 15 years older than me, he showed up when im in the most vulnerable situation in my life... im now unemployed, been staying at my parents' for half a year. 0 social life except for occasional joining one hobby group where i met him. rn im hitting rock bottom and making friends is just not that easy especially during this time cuz im such a loser, i dont even have the mood or self esteem to make friends, i mean i m such a depressed loser no one would want to be my friend atm... then he showed up... i cant stop thinking about him even tho at first iwas not attracted to him at all considering hes old with a big belly etc... getting out of this ruts gonna be real difficult but being aware of the "game" im in definitely helps... thank u susan
This scenario Susan speaks of has just happened to me! My soulmate/ husband of 26 years passed away 13 months ago which has been absolutely devastating to say the least. This Covid situation has isolated me a lot and so I've been Quite lonely. I'm also an empty nester now so I'm totally alone in my house. I started dating someone 7 weeks ago and he is clearly, just like Susan mentioned in another video, a "Fantasy relationship person" (great in the beginning) but can't sustain this when moving on to the "Getting Real" phase. I'm going to listen to these videos until the message is burned into my psyche. I deserve the best and I can't let anyone move that fact to the side. Maybe I started dating too soon, but I'm just lonely and even though I have some great girlfriends, I have just been craving the company of a strong man again.
My life has shrunk but I’ve also been told I need to go into solitude. I’m not sure solitude is really helpful to me since I’m such an outgoing people person. I have been on my own now for the last year and a half for the first time since I left home at 18. I’m 57 now. Wow, what a challenge! Just me and my dog. I just made a phone call to meet up with someone tomorrow for dinner and I’m excited about changing this pace! Thank you!
Thank you so much for opening my eyes..you are on point. I've gotten sick and have been feeling a lone for a while and acting probably a little needy. Time for a change. Much love xo
Omgosh Susan, it’s like you spoke of my personal life . I had experienced the exact same things and I’m glad that I have ended the senseless relationship few months ago because you taught me well . You gave me strength, courage, and self love & respect . Your videos are like Wikipedia for how to help ourselves in a relationship. Please do not stop making videos . You have no idea how much you have helped me . Thank you Susan from bottom of my heart 💕👠😘
This exact same thing happened to me 3 years ago. I moved to a new city and it was horrible. Like literally everything you said from beginning to end. I’m so glad I found your channel.
Omg thank you thank you thank you thank you so much. This has given me so much perspective. Wow yes. This was me and now that I see everything in hindsight I see that yes I love him but I made him bigger than my own little world. Now I am expanding my little world and i'm focusing on me and making better friends and going back to church. I feel like I am enjoying my own world now. Thank you. this really hit home
I love how you always speak your truth. I love how what you say has meaning and purpose for those of us that are unsure, afraid, or just in need of the right words to help us process what is happening. Thank you for your messages Susan, you are a bright light in a dim world!
Thank you for this video. I literally just went through this and didn't realize how obsessed I was over this person. All the points you made were spot on. The isolation, no support system, being in a new city. I fell for her trap and my own mind playing tricks on me. I will be a better man because of this. Thanks again. ✌
It's like YT read my mind because I'm going through every single one of these things. Isolation, games and I actually don't know them. This is so important to understand what you're going through. Thanks.
Susan your so right about setting these priorities in our lives. This equates to a better life. For years my Mother was one of my biggest supporters and I will cherish and still miss her. Going through some changes. Great message.
What we really need is ourselves. The best relationship we can ever have is with and within ourselves. We are enough. I believe that that’s why most people become obsessed or confused. We focus on something that our mind creates and we believe it to be true when it isn’t. Putting people on pedestals has never given any good results.
The most dangerous ones are dates which ended in honeymoon phase. All that promise and future slip from our hands obsessed us. I know why I feel that way but can’t help to stop thinking obsessively. The worst part is seeing him on tinder and easily moved on :)
I am watching this video in June 2020 but thank you for highlighting about creating a persona over someone I don't even really know... Definitely needed to hear this...Thank you...
Thank you Susan, in lock down it's been hard for me to detach from someone I care deeply about. But I've had enough of how it's left me feeling. Walking away for myself and my dreams. 💖🙏🏻
I am called out by this channel so freaking often. Crushed on a co-worker who is unavailable to me (married and she had always thought of me as a brother) for years; we always got along really well and I was attracted to her, maybe more physically-attracted than I've been to anyone in my life so far (31 years old). An opportunity arose where she became willing to spend time together outside of work with me since her marriage was falling apart and she claimed he was being emotionally and verbally abusive. She wanted comfort and closeness that he wasn't providing, and because we were close friends, she figured "why not?" I was the one who made the suggestion, and, of course I secretly hoped things would become "closer" between us but I had no expectation of it. Anyway, like a fool, I jumped on this chance and it soon became a short-lived emotional and physical affair. I quickly became dependent on her presence in my life and started suffering badly when, for instance, it seemed like she was acting differently to me the next day at work after seeing her. We wanted different things but she was not good at communicating her needs/wants (just told me she wanted to keep it "simple"; does that mean FWB? Cuddle partners? Watch a movie and sit two cushions apart? Use specifics!.. she wouldn't do so), very selfish, and constantly sent mixed-messages despite saying I was the one who was confused and trying to make it "bigger/more than it was." How are you not confused if you tell me you don't know what you're doing or what you want pretty consistently? 🤔 I consistently communicated and sought (+ acquired) consent for everything I did while we were together, she would often spend far longer with me outside of work than she should have, and still she thought I asked for too much if I was concerned why she'd be hot-and-cold with me when the previous day everything had been fine and we were on the same page. So much conflict and difficulty, and, yes, probably a lot of trauma in her life. Meanwhile I have very little going on. I shrunk myself and magnified her because of a hole in myself, which I'm learning (with this channel + some others' + a therapist + learning self-love) to fill. I am recovering from the obsession now, but it's very hard when the rapport and professional camaraderie you've built up with someone for years is suddenly broken and shattered by miscommunications and seeing the "real" them (and I'm not blameless here, I'm sure she didn't quite know what she was getting into, although I at least was pretty upfront about how I can be, though it's something I'm working on professionally now, so that's one of many good things to come out of this). It's no wonder we have had such trouble talking and being the same work partners that we'd been before; every time we see each other I'm sure we're both reminded of a poorly-handled recent situation, and each small fracture from then on has just been magnified by the previous closeness of our bond and our necessity of workplace interaction. I am learning so much. I love this. Thank you to anyone who reads my story. It helps me process what's happening when I write things like this out. Good luck on your journey. You wouldn't be watching this channel if you didn't want to improve, and that's commendable. Oh, and... if you're a person out there thinking of maybe enabling an affair with a married co-worker who you are attracted to but don't actually know (and you DON'T know them even if you've worked together for a long time and get along in that context; you don't know them at all, trust me), I would strongly suggest you DO. NOT. DO IT. 😛
I'm painfully aware of this. My parents are both deceased, I have no children, and family are all several states away. I work a job where I feel isolated and unchallenged and have a long commute too. My deep loneliness and boredom can tend to lead me to cling too hard in relationships, whether romantic or platonic. I have learned focus on having the strength to stand on my own. No one person can or will sweep in and magically make everything ok.
Very true!!! I caught myself doing it!! And it was after I divorced my evil ex husband, lost my social circle and my Father to illness and I began isolating (I'm still isolating 4 yrs later)
Thank you Susan. This was so well put. I've come to find myself definitely needing to make more friends although it is a challenge I am working on this. My hobbies keep me focused so that when I see myself trying to fixate on somebody new I am able now to reign it in. But still I do need to expand my Social Circle that is a focus now in my life.
Oh my God!!! You are heaven sent. I am so down and confused right now. Thank you for clearing my head Susan. How did you know all these? You are so right! God bless you with more wisdom.
Wow!!! Left a 13 years great genuine relationship due to distance, new country, new city, new job... THAT is why the f*** narcissist is haunting my thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh!!!!!!!
I've just discovered your videos in the last few days. You are extraordinarily insightful and helpful, as well as clear in the way you articulate these things. From 2010 until 2017 or so, I went through a series of events that deeply affected me: separation, death of my parents, divorce, cancer diagnosis and opening a new business. Essentially my world and support system had shrunk dramatically, as you say, and my life felt like a series of traumas. Fortunately, I've always had the ability to let emotions and grief out. I am not afraid of crying, sobbing, if need be. But after some years, I put my toe back into the relationship water and, yep, found that I was obsessing about my partner, which ultimately ended the relationship. Same thing happened in my second post-divorce, post-cancer relationship. I finally took a year or so off, and I believe it's been very beneficial. But you've given me a very helpful framework in which to think about these things and what happened and why I responded the way I did. Thank you, John
Oh my dear Susan, this totally describes me 😢. But throughout this year, I’ve learned at least to know my boundaries. Yes, they came back, and still play this stupid hot and cold game.
You're my go to person when I find myself faltering and over analysing relationship issues that crop up. You're unbiased, practical and very insightful with amazingly wise advice. You seem to put out a video of the problems I'm having at the time. You're absolutely wonderful. Thank you. 💜
You are so right Susan I was obsessed with a laby that to be blunt didn't know I was alive,wasted years that had a negative effect on my self esteem and sense of worth,we deserve better xxxGeffers
I notice i have a hard time figuring out who is “good for me” and who is not when I’ve moved in the past. Its not until I’m back in familiar surroundings and feel grounded can I accurately judge. This was super helpful thank you :)
Thank you very much Susan. I’ve been asking this exact question of myself for a long time. Finally, I have a reasonable explanation that I think will allow me to move on further, as I know I’ve needed to.
I have been looking for reasoning for an obsession with someone I dont know, for a while now. This helps. After a few life events my circle of friends have diminished to just a handfull of people so that is the reason my reason.
Thanks to You Susan.. Wisdom just always seems to flow so easily from you. You are a blessing to many I'm sure. Your Inspiration and motivation are truly appredicated. God Bless.
Saw this video 7 months ago-opened up my eyes to a different and healthy understanding of my situation. One of the best videos that helped me on my journey!
Thank you so much, truly... you've just explained what I experienced 2 years ago and what I am experiencing now... support systems are tremendously important for us to be able to help ourselves get out of the unhealthy patterns... when you lose your support system, you're prone to make life changing mistakes sometimes... and that's what happened. As for now, I'm struggling to forget someone I deeply loved, but this rather global situation is not helping... it's like it's haunting me everyday but I really can't seem to create the void in my head. On the surface, I look pretty normal, I went back to my life doing what I like, but deep down, it's like his always there in the background... it's heavy and very tiring... I also have developped a rage inside I never ever felt... this has been ongoing for 5 months now... and it's very heavy. Your insight has really helped, I can organize my thoughts better now, but the pain and weight is still there... thank you for your wisdom. 🙏
Susan this is so powerful I had an awakening!!! I have had many wasteful years obsessing over men who weren't good for me. I elevated them, as you say, because I was lonely, I was isolated, I moved to new cities and being so incredibly vulnerable, I gave these guys so much power over me. I enlarged them in my head and they took advantage of that. In my 20's I moved to paris for a guy which proved disastrous. In my 30's, did the same and moved to New York City. With devastating consequences that ended in a horrific meltdown. Now, at 40, I am obsessing over the good things in my life such as: My dreams, my passions, my friends and my family. MYSELF.... and hopefully the right guy will fall into place right in front of me. Thank you for an amazing and brilliant video. You make the world a better place for us.
My obsession started after being really sick and then entering into 2020 Corona year... isolation was what I felt. And I started to be obsessed with the person I used to love.. and I can’t get over now...
WOW just amazing. One my life has changed I've lost my best friend my mother a year ago. Then he showed interest n I tho we were on the same note but nope. Hot and and cold is all I'm getting I don't even know him. Well thank you. I'll make sure I pick up more hobbies.
Dear Susan, this is ingeniously explained and completely true. I am delighted that you have explained everything succinctly and clearly. Well done and great respect to you!👏👏👏
thank you. i feel so validated after listening to this. i thought im going crazy. i am working on my detachment now but my curiosity keeps on pulling me back. it's so hard! 😭 it's like my day won't be complete without hearing anything about or from the person and it's been going on for months now. i need work harder on my self-restraint. hoping to feel better soon.
I LOVE HOW YOU TALK FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES AND YOU MAKE THINGS FEEL SO MUCH BETTER IN MY LIFE. I really wanna thank you Susan for doing what you are doing.
Susan your content is so on point! Everything in my life is new. New town, new job, empty nester, just divorced yada yada yada. Finances are tight which makes it hard to get out there, but I’m working on myself each and every day!
Your a bad ass ma’am .. you have made so much sense for me.. I’ve been in a bad place for about a month now and I just came across your page.. your saving my life ... 💙
Oh No I see myself in these scenarios. I never knew. Even though I am active in my church and the healing community I belong to my world HAS shrunk. And when I wanted to get to know the person on a non-client basis and that did not hsppen, my dreams filled in all the empty spaces! Feeling very sad, very foolish, and bad that I put this person in an awkward situation. What a tangled web we weave! Thanks again, Susan, for shedding the light on my shadows 🙏
This here describes me exactly recently. It was my own private hell in a way where I just became a basket case obsessing and making that person loom large for all the reasons she explains. On hiatus from my job, not a big social life etc. I just could not deal. All my insecurities to the forefront. She mentions 'celebrity crush' a keyword for me. This was a VIP crush that was looking like a meeting would happen and I just lost my rationale. He managed to confuse me and this made me obsess instead of just letting whatever happened (meeting or not) happen. I went so far as to cause him the same confusion by 'deleting my plan',.... or was it 'our' plan. It was unclear. When he saw what I did he deleted me!! He assumed I 'ditched' him! Important to mention, unlike she says here, I see very well 'flaws' beginning with communication skills. His flaws came to bite me where it appeared he assumed the worst about me. In reality we did not have any proper way to communicate, that's all. My issue that caused me anguish to begin with, then he made it worse, revealing again the flaw that caused me grief.
Been looking for several months to explain this. Never was this obsessed in the past. I'm early fifties, people some good friends are dieing like crazy around me. my support group is dwindling. Known this girl for years. I may have thrown more than she could chew. Think I knew this all along. Even as I spoke to her as the words came out of my mouth. One person can't make up missing many. Great video, I needed this confirmation and maybe closure, when I figure out how to handle it
I have never commented on any video like this before. After seeing several of your videos however I feel that I need to. I love your no nonsense and practical approach. The explanations you give are clear and concise. Thank you 🙏
WOW. I'm so thankful. I've seen 2 therapists find reasons or answers as to why I became obsessed with a certain guy and none of them gave me an answer that could help me understand myself. I was so confused and worried. I've watched two videos. THIS ONE. gave me one of the important answers. thank you soooo much for sharing your knowledge and being so compassionate and direct at the same time. much love!
Really good advice here. Thank you Susan. In reality, the person that I have been obsessed with doesn't add up to a pocketful of change. And yet the dream I had and the spells they created can almost be a form of brainwashing. Thank you for your channel and thank you for dealing with topics like this.
amazing i have been trying to figure this out for a few months now and i couldn't if my life were to depend on it but you just helped me to figure it out...thank you first of all and that doesn't even sound like its enough..i have been so lost and confused over how my mind is completly filled up and overloading on this one guy i haven;t even physically met in life but you would think i have known him my whole life..but i get it now
I feel like you described life through the eyes of a narcissist. Existing in a mortified state and lacking supply, idealizing a new partner and the creation of a fantasy, mortification at their imperfectness in relation to the fantasy, dichotomous thinking towards the partner, internalized devaluation of the partner, discard, new fantasy. (I’m sure I missed some things.)
I'm in a very dangerous situation where i feel obsessed with a girl that has sociopathic tendencies, and I'm obviously being manipulated by her. I always have been a rational and right-minded man, but she is the first one to get me this bad.
0:13 - 3:30 This is incredibly dangerous when this occurs while your significant other is a high spectrum narcissist. I didn’t realize what was happening to me until I did. There’s really no other way to explain it. Please if you’re reading this and you have found yourself in a similar situation, learn to trust yourself, love yourself and make yourself the priority. Get yourself help too, therapy, exercise how ever you can, and explore support groups as well. It can be difficult to find true support from the friends that you already have sometimes so don’t only rely on them for help. It will save your sanity and possibly your life. Also, use your emotional intelligence and your wisdom to always be one step ahead if you’re going to get out of that relationship.
This is deep insight on this topic. I’d just add to remember why you’re in that new or different place. Stay awake! It’s soo easy to be tripped up when everything is new and different. But you’re there for a reason, so just stay focused on why you’re there.
Being such an intellectual person who also is sensitive, I've always had this internal battle between the head and the heart >____
Feel you here :(
*same*
Me too
I'm with u
Well said.. tq
Wow, this explains a lot of why I always become obsessed with a particular guy who is totally wrong for me. I depend emotionally on them to make me feel “better” about what I currently lack of which is high self esteem, someone to think of while not thinking about all my other problems. But at the end they ironically become another problem!
You are God-sent Susan! You're helping people of all ages and of different situations with your no non-sense, practical, and straight to the point advice.
Ahhhh, now you've really put a smile on my face. Thank you.
So true
Yes I do agree she is awesome
@@SusanWinter three years later and sooo grateful that I found your channel! Thank you!
I learned to always check with reality in asking myself: "what do I really know about him?" And if the answer is "nothing" I do actively slow down my dream and my expectations. Thanks Susan, great video as always 😊
Thanks Mireille. I appreciate that.
What are you going to do? Interview every woman who ever knew him? Good luck with that! These things are well hidden. The only way to get to know somebody is to get to know somebody. Geeze...I met 12 of his closest friends and his MOTHER for God's sake. His ex-wife and her now husband come to VISIT him and keep his CAT while he takes a trip! They all ADORE him. I convinced him he was a prize. He decided I wasn't.
We often place others on a pedestal and assign them attributes and expect them to be our ideal partner even though we dont know much about them! I am a logical person and your videos set me back on track.
I think there is a tangible loneliness in our society. More people are single, relationships seem less appealing, everyone is obsessed with work and image...you said it best: can't have the last bus mentality.
very well said !!!
I love ur logic
Oh my goodness this is where I am right now and it is not fun. My life has shrunk and he became the most important person in my life. Yep I created him to be what I wanted. This so where I am at.
LadyofCleves65 hi⚘I love to have a lover or a friend bigger than his body
Me too and I'm starting to accept it's not meant to be.
What I have realized from my last relationship is , that whenever you lose your own interests and your ownself , that's where the relationship starts to fall apart. We are unique because of our activities and thoughts , because of our individuality and if we let someone to own all of us, then we are nothing but an obsessed fan of a human being .
I was obsessed with the ex because of his hot and cold behaviour, and after a while felt that all I think about is him and how he's doing ...
So I cut him off as he didn't serve me anything good ...
Thank's to Susan Winter that opened my eyes at the right time.... 😍
Now I understand it was all just a dream that I created , affected by his dull promises
Being a natural introvert, this situation gets me every time 😞.
This is so true, when we isolate ourselves and suddenly an interesting event or person comes along, everything just became unstable for quite some time. We even romanticize this and think this is how it should be, uncontrollable, irrational and strong emotion which should be a sign of love. Like what Susan said before, real relationships are born from slow-pace events, the quicker or bigger the fire is, the faster the embryo will die.
On the other hand, we are just innately designed to not have full control over our emotions sometimes, it's really challenging to go back to our core after we've felt something very strong over someone, it's like an addiction and you get the withdrawal syndrome when you go cold turkey. So do other things, expand your other activities, re-prioritize yourself and if the person is really for you, you won't have to be so bothered by the idea of losing control. It's a very challenging time but I always ask myself "What if I make this through, what new learning can I have at the end of it?" See the value somehow while you're in it
I really needed to hear this today. I am emotionally obsessed with a guy who has told me very clearly that he isn't interested in a relationship. It's very painful because of the feelings that I've developed. I know in my gut that he is most likely not the one for me but it's still hard to walk away.
If you've never dated them hopefully you won't be feeling really terrible or depressed about it 👍. It'll take some time but honestly you'll feel amazing and happy in your life moving on from them
@@zaink7037Take it from a 39 year old. Not easy if she already had great sex with him. But she has to realise men are different creatures.
How you holding up. Currently going through the same thing. Its devastating, especially when you get intimate.
@@blackiris3143 same here x
@@adday. yes they are but it's not like man don't feel nothing, sometimes we want the things we can't have, Because is addictive and gives a huge sense of reward. Sex creates soul ties, and both parts feels it.
Wow...my life has shrunk. Who knew? Not me...until this video. I definitely definitely need to expand. Thank you for this extremely important insight.
Thank you -
The people who actually DO share your same dream, will automatically slip into your life because they belong there
Wow
Omg... I wasn’t expecting this truth bomb. I always obsess when it comes to exs who played hot & cold..
when in hindsight they’re not really good or a genuine person to me. It’s so crazy how the mind can trick you!
Thank you again Susan. You truly are a gift. I am going to watch this video again and do some self actualisation because of this message.
Xx
Isolation was the key for me. Even with my “eyes wide open” I became very preoccupied. I had space to fill and I didn’t fill it with myself.
On point
Yep. This is exactly me. My last obsession with a guy was when I was entering college for the first time and it was very isolating. My recent obsession with a guy started during Covid when I lost a lot of my regular life due to lockdowns. I think this isolation made him much more to me than needed to be. But I also have been in love with him for many years so of course that was going to destroy me too.
You have helped me immensely. I left my narcissistic husband in 2018. As I have been married for over 25 years, my social circle has been quite limited. To make a long story short, I developed an obsession for the resident manager of my apartment complex. I do not know this man at all really and have created this false character of who he is. I was starting to socialize more and probably would have been over this obsession by now, but with the coronavirus and social distancing, I have gotten stuck in a rut. Thank you for validating what I already knew was a problem. This might be the catalyst I need to get my act together, as this pandemic has made me depressed and sucked the motivation right out of me.
My god sometimes the human mind is a blessing and a curse. Its so hard to gain control over these obsessive thoughts and to simply let them go. They keep coming back but this video helped gain some clarity
Thank you for putting this into words. I think when our Social Circle shrinks we obviously feel that our options do the same.
We keep going back to our ex's or people that are not good for us because our options are becoming limited. Expanding hobbies and interests that are more social can be a challenge. I used to enjoy going to the clubs having drinks dancing, listening to music, but that now days has extreme risks and has pretty much ran its course. Need to figure out a interesting way to interact with more people again. Also dating sites can be stressful if you let it.
Great video Susan.
I have never written a comment on youtube before but this video came at the perfect time and it felt like you were speaking to me. Thanks, Susan!
Thank you for this!! I'm honored.
I feel this too. This is me right now
Please do continue this content. Even in topics that don't affect me personally, I do enjoy and appreciate your intelligent insights!
Thank you Monique. Your words are uplifting, and they're greatly appreciated.
This video is great! Susan I love all your videos but this one really struck home for me. As an INTJ with an analytical mindset, I find myself ruminating, researching online, trying to get to the bottom of the WHY he’s acting the way he is. Is he temporarily or permanently emotionally available? Is he a covert narcissist or just needs to vent about his divorce a little? How bad was his childhood trauma and is that what’s causing this behavior?.... the questions that run through my mind are endless. All in an effort to categorize and organize this behavior and file it away in my brain with a label so I can determine my next course of action. I have to keep reminding myself, it’s not the label that matters. And the “why” is none of my business. All I need to focus on is how he makes me feel, and that in itself is the only answer I need. Thank you for the work you do bringing enlightenment to this community!! ♥️ Love you!
How do I LOVE this video??? A simple thumbs up seems so inadequate. Thank you, Susan. I now know how to finally let him go...
THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!
that really helped me...i have spent my last hard earned money talking to psychics...u helped put things in a reality
This is SPOT ON. It describes a pattern on my part which I hadn't realized until now. Every time I had liked a guy and developed an unhealthy attachment, my life was shrunken in one way or another. Unfortunately for me, though, my life is tremendously shrunken right now, and the person I'm so consumed by is my mentor who's helping me pull out of this rut.
The trick is that I need to take his help, enjoy his company as a close friend, yet not think of him as the one taking me out of this shrunken life. It's me who is doing so. Any recommendations on how to do this, aside from the points made above, would be appreciated.
Thank you Susan. When I was unemployed, my world shrunk, and I was becoming someone I was not, wanting more of a man I just met, confused, and upset when I could not see him. This man texted me everyday, and basically filled the void in my empty world. It was not real, and we were just codependent on each other. I ended it, and now feel relieved and myself again.
this is so accurate... hes not supposed to be that important. the significance ive attributed to him is completely inappropriate for who he is! hes like at least 15 years older than me, he showed up when im in the most vulnerable situation in my life... im now unemployed, been staying at my parents' for half a year. 0 social life except for occasional joining one hobby group where i met him. rn im hitting rock bottom and making friends is just not that easy especially during this time cuz im such a loser, i dont even have the mood or self esteem to make friends, i mean i m such a depressed loser no one would want to be my friend atm... then he showed up... i cant stop thinking about him even tho at first iwas not attracted to him at all considering hes old with a big belly etc... getting out of this ruts gonna be real difficult but being aware of the "game" im in definitely helps... thank u susan
One of the best mentoring videos I've seen. Everyone needs reminding of this.
All too easy to forget who WE are. Thank you Susan.
Thank you Jordan.
Extraordinarily on point . Thank you.
Thank you Galactic woman!
This scenario Susan speaks of has just happened to me! My soulmate/ husband of 26 years passed away 13 months ago which has been absolutely devastating to say the least. This Covid situation has isolated me a lot and so I've been Quite lonely. I'm also an empty nester now so I'm totally alone in my house. I started dating someone 7 weeks ago and he is clearly, just like Susan mentioned in another video, a "Fantasy relationship person" (great in the beginning) but can't sustain this when moving on to the "Getting Real" phase. I'm going to listen to these videos until the message is burned into my psyche. I deserve the best and I can't let anyone move that fact to the side. Maybe I started dating too soon, but I'm just lonely and even though I have some great girlfriends, I have just been craving the company of a strong man again.
I answered yes to every situation. Makes a lot of sense. I will try to remember this.
My life has shrunk but I’ve also been told I need to go into solitude. I’m not sure solitude is really helpful to me since I’m such an outgoing people person. I have been on my own now for the last year and a half for the first time since I left home at 18. I’m 57 now. Wow, what a challenge! Just me and my dog. I just made a phone call to meet up with someone tomorrow for dinner and I’m excited about changing this pace! Thank you!
Thank you so much for opening my eyes..you are on point. I've gotten sick and have been feeling a lone for a while and acting probably a little needy. Time for a change. Much love xo
Omgosh Susan, it’s like you spoke of my personal life . I had experienced the exact same things and I’m glad that I have ended the senseless relationship few months ago because you taught me well . You gave me strength, courage, and self love & respect . Your videos are like Wikipedia for how to help ourselves in a relationship. Please do not stop making videos . You have no idea how much you have helped me . Thank you Susan from bottom of my heart 💕👠😘
every single words you said to susan, i felt exactly the same all the way from far east china !!! thanks !!
What a beautiful message Kim. Thank you!
Thank u Thank u Thank u Susan!!!! You have helped me so much in my recovery from the pain of my ex boyfie..
This exact same thing happened to me 3 years ago. I moved to a new city and it was horrible. Like literally everything you said from beginning to end. I’m so glad I found your channel.
Omg thank you thank you thank you thank you so much. This has given me so much perspective. Wow yes. This was me and now that I see everything in hindsight I see that yes I love him but I made him bigger than my own little world. Now I am expanding my little world and i'm focusing on me and making better friends and going back to church. I feel like I am enjoying my own world now. Thank you. this really hit home
I love how you always speak your truth. I love how what you say has meaning and purpose for those of us that are unsure, afraid, or just in need of the right words to help us process what is happening. Thank you for your messages Susan, you are a bright light in a dim world!
Karina, thank you for your message. I'm moved. Know that I do sinclerely appreciate you thoughts and support.
I totally did this 😭 never would’ve thought I would do that. I still like them but I took them off the pedestal
Thank you for this video. I literally just went through this and didn't realize how obsessed I was over this person. All the points you made were spot on. The isolation, no support system, being in a new city. I fell for her trap and my own mind playing tricks on me. I will be a better man because of this. Thanks again. ✌
Thanks. Great reminder. Focus on me and all else aligns. 🔐
Wow, this applies to me 100%. Thanks so much, Susan!
It's like YT read my mind because I'm going through every single one of these things. Isolation, games and I actually don't know them. This is so important to understand what you're going through. Thanks.
Wow Susan this was so good!! You are really gifted at this.
Susan your so right about setting these priorities in our lives. This equates to a better life. For years my Mother was one of my biggest supporters and I will cherish and still miss her. Going through some changes. Great message.
Rosemary Alexander hiHello you are very beautiful⚘🌷😘
What we really need is ourselves. The best relationship we can ever have is with and within ourselves. We are enough. I believe that that’s why most people become obsessed or confused. We focus on something that our mind creates and we believe it to be true when it isn’t. Putting people on pedestals has never given any good results.
The most dangerous ones are dates which ended in honeymoon phase. All that promise and future slip from our hands obsessed us. I know why I feel that way but can’t help to stop thinking obsessively. The worst part is seeing him on tinder and easily moved on :)
Exactly this happened to me when I moved to a new country. Thank you for explaining, it helps with my healing
Hi Monique. Thanks for your note.
I am watching this video in June 2020 but thank you for highlighting about
creating a persona over someone I don't even really know... Definitely needed to hear this...Thank you...
"They want the same Dream as You" - That's the right Person.
Thank you Susan, in lock down it's been hard for me to detach from someone I care deeply about. But I've had enough of how it's left me feeling. Walking away for myself and my dreams. 💖🙏🏻
Another brilliant video by Susan. You have a way of selecting topics that are so relevant.
Thank you Victoria.
I am called out by this channel so freaking often. Crushed on a co-worker who is unavailable to me (married and she had always thought of me as a brother) for years; we always got along really well and I was attracted to her, maybe more physically-attracted than I've been to anyone in my life so far (31 years old).
An opportunity arose where she became willing to spend time together outside of work with me since her marriage was falling apart and she claimed he was being emotionally and verbally abusive. She wanted comfort and closeness that he wasn't providing, and because we were close friends, she figured "why not?" I was the one who made the suggestion, and, of course I secretly hoped things would become "closer" between us but I had no expectation of it. Anyway, like a fool, I jumped on this chance and it soon became a short-lived emotional and physical affair. I quickly became dependent on her presence in my life and started suffering badly when, for instance, it seemed like she was acting differently to me the next day at work after seeing her. We wanted different things but she was not good at communicating her needs/wants (just told me she wanted to keep it "simple"; does that mean FWB? Cuddle partners? Watch a movie and sit two cushions apart? Use specifics!.. she wouldn't do so), very selfish, and constantly sent mixed-messages despite saying I was the one who was confused and trying to make it "bigger/more than it was." How are you not confused if you tell me you don't know what you're doing or what you want pretty consistently? 🤔
I consistently communicated and sought (+ acquired) consent for everything I did while we were together, she would often spend far longer with me outside of work than she should have, and still she thought I asked for too much if I was concerned why she'd be hot-and-cold with me when the previous day everything had been fine and we were on the same page. So much conflict and difficulty, and, yes, probably a lot of trauma in her life. Meanwhile I have very little going on. I shrunk myself and magnified her because of a hole in myself, which I'm learning (with this channel + some others' + a therapist + learning self-love) to fill.
I am recovering from the obsession now, but it's very hard when the rapport and professional camaraderie you've built up with someone for years is suddenly broken and shattered by miscommunications and seeing the "real" them (and I'm not blameless here, I'm sure she didn't quite know what she was getting into, although I at least was pretty upfront about how I can be, though it's something I'm working on professionally now, so that's one of many good things to come out of this). It's no wonder we have had such trouble talking and being the same work partners that we'd been before; every time we see each other I'm sure we're both reminded of a poorly-handled recent situation, and each small fracture from then on has just been magnified by the previous closeness of our bond and our necessity of workplace interaction. I am learning so much. I love this. Thank you to anyone who reads my story. It helps me process what's happening when I write things like this out. Good luck on your journey. You wouldn't be watching this channel if you didn't want to improve, and that's commendable.
Oh, and... if you're a person out there thinking of maybe enabling an affair with a married co-worker who you are attracted to but don't actually know (and you DON'T know them even if you've worked together for a long time and get along in that context; you don't know them at all, trust me), I would strongly suggest you DO. NOT. DO IT. 😛
I'm painfully aware of this. My parents are both deceased, I have no children, and family are all several states away. I work a job where I feel isolated and unchallenged and have a long commute too.
My deep loneliness and boredom can tend to lead me to cling too hard in relationships, whether romantic or platonic. I have learned focus on having the strength to stand on my own. No one person can or will sweep in and magically make everything ok.
I know this feeling...Your in my prayers
Very true!!! I caught myself doing it!! And it was after I divorced my evil ex husband, lost my social circle and my Father to illness and I began isolating (I'm still isolating 4 yrs later)
Thank you Susan. This was so well put. I've come to find myself definitely needing to make more friends although it is a challenge I am working on this. My hobbies keep me focused so that when I see myself trying to fixate on somebody new I am able now to reign it in. But still I do need to expand my Social Circle that is a focus now in my life.
Oh my God!!! You are heaven sent. I am so down and confused right now. Thank you for clearing my head Susan. How did you know all these? You are so right! God bless you with more wisdom.
THANK YOU
Wow!!! Left a 13 years great genuine relationship due to distance, new country, new city, new job... THAT is why the f*** narcissist is haunting my thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh!!!!!!!
I've just discovered your videos in the last few days. You are extraordinarily insightful and helpful, as well as clear in the way you articulate these things. From 2010 until 2017 or so, I went through a series of events that deeply affected me: separation, death of my parents, divorce, cancer diagnosis and opening a new business. Essentially my world and support system had shrunk dramatically, as you say, and my life felt like a series of traumas. Fortunately, I've always had the ability to let emotions and grief out. I am not afraid of crying, sobbing, if need be. But after some years, I put my toe back into the relationship water and, yep, found that I was obsessing about my partner, which ultimately ended the relationship. Same thing happened in my second post-divorce, post-cancer relationship. I finally took a year or so off, and I believe it's been very beneficial.
But you've given me a very helpful framework in which to think about these things and what happened and why I responded the way I did. Thank you, John
Oh my dear Susan, this totally describes me 😢. But throughout this year, I’ve learned at least to know my boundaries. Yes, they came back, and still play this stupid hot and cold game.
You're my go to person when I find myself faltering and over analysing relationship issues that crop up. You're unbiased, practical and very insightful with amazingly wise advice. You seem to put out a video of the problems I'm having at the time. You're absolutely wonderful. Thank you. 💜
You are so right Susan I was obsessed with a laby that to be blunt didn't know I was alive,wasted years that had a negative effect on my self esteem and sense of worth,we deserve better xxxGeffers
I notice i have a hard time figuring out who is “good for me” and who is not when I’ve moved in the past. Its not until I’m back in familiar surroundings and feel grounded can I accurately judge. This was super helpful thank you :)
Thank you very much Susan. I’ve been asking this exact question of myself for a long time. Finally, I have a reasonable explanation that I think will allow me to move on further, as I know I’ve needed to.
I have been looking for reasoning for an obsession with someone I dont know, for a while now. This helps. After a few life events my circle of friends have diminished to just a handfull of people so that is the reason my reason.
Thanks to You Susan..
Wisdom just always seems to flow so easily from you. You are a blessing to many I'm sure. Your Inspiration and motivation are truly appredicated.
God Bless.
This is LITERALLY what I’m going through right now. So true how you pinpointed everything
Wowowowow. When my life shrunk - due to illness... - then yes. That’s when I started obsessing over guys.
This whole video was so awesome.
Saw this video 7 months ago-opened up my eyes to a different and healthy understanding of my situation. One of the best videos that helped me on my journey!
I like when you analyse and talk about obsession and overthinking Susan. We want more more of this topic dear
Susan, your videos are like a masterclass on relationships. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much, truly... you've just explained what I experienced 2 years ago and what I am experiencing now... support systems are tremendously important for us to be able to help ourselves get out of the unhealthy patterns... when you lose your support system, you're prone to make life changing mistakes sometimes... and that's what happened. As for now, I'm struggling to forget someone I deeply loved, but this rather global situation is not helping... it's like it's haunting me everyday but I really can't seem to create the void in my head. On the surface, I look pretty normal, I went back to my life doing what I like, but deep down, it's like his always there in the background... it's heavy and very tiring... I also have developped a rage inside I never ever felt... this has been ongoing for 5 months now... and it's very heavy. Your insight has really helped, I can organize my thoughts better now, but the pain and weight is still there... thank you for your wisdom. 🙏
Exactly what I needed to hear today! Love your channel 😘
Wow I thought the video is about me. Isolation, losing the support, spot on. Finding hard to get out of isolation and finding something more exciting.
Susan this is so powerful I had an awakening!!! I have had many wasteful years obsessing over men who weren't good for me. I elevated them, as you say, because I was lonely, I was isolated, I moved to new cities and being so incredibly vulnerable, I gave these guys so much power over me. I enlarged them in my head and they took advantage of that. In my 20's I moved to paris for a guy which proved disastrous. In my 30's, did the same and moved to New York City. With devastating consequences that ended in a horrific meltdown. Now, at 40, I am obsessing over the good things in my life such as: My dreams, my passions, my friends and my family. MYSELF.... and hopefully the right guy will fall into place right in front of me. Thank you for an amazing and brilliant video. You make the world a better place for us.
THANK YOU DEAR SAIF!!
My obsession started after being really sick and then entering into 2020 Corona year... isolation was what I felt. And I started to be obsessed with the person I used to love.. and I can’t get over now...
Susan, you are a brilliant communicator! And such top quality content you provide!
WOW just amazing. One my life has changed I've lost my best friend my mother a year ago. Then he showed interest n I tho we were on the same note but nope. Hot and and cold is all I'm getting I don't even know him. Well thank you. I'll make sure I pick up more hobbies.
Excellent, Jasmine
Dear Susan, this is ingeniously explained and completely true. I am delighted that you have explained everything succinctly and clearly. Well done and great respect to you!👏👏👏
Wow, I just moved to a new city and met someone as soon as I moved here.. and this rings so true to my current situation. Thank you.. 🤯
Am I the only one who watch this even though the videos is a year ago ?
You just hit the nail Susan..
LOVE this advice💛
THANKS NINA
thank you. i feel so validated after listening to this. i thought im going crazy. i am working on my detachment now but my curiosity keeps on pulling me back. it's so hard! 😭 it's like my day won't be complete without hearing anything about or from the person and it's been going on for months now. i need work harder on my self-restraint. hoping to feel better soon.
I LOVE HOW YOU TALK FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES AND YOU MAKE THINGS FEEL SO MUCH BETTER IN MY LIFE. I really wanna thank you Susan for doing what you are doing.
Susan your content is so on point! Everything in my life is new. New town, new job, empty nester, just divorced yada yada yada. Finances are tight which makes it hard to get out there, but I’m working on myself each and every day!
Your a bad ass ma’am .. you have made so much sense for me.. I’ve been in a bad place for about a month now and I just came across your page.. your saving my life ... 💙
Oh No I see myself in these scenarios. I never knew. Even though I am active in my church and the healing community I belong to my world HAS shrunk. And when I wanted to get to know the person on a non-client basis and that did not hsppen, my dreams filled in all the empty spaces! Feeling very sad, very foolish, and bad that I put this person in an awkward situation. What a tangled web we weave! Thanks again, Susan, for shedding the light on my shadows 🙏
This here describes me exactly recently. It was my own private hell in a way where I just became a basket case obsessing and making that person loom large for all the reasons she explains. On hiatus from my job, not a big social life etc. I just could not deal. All my insecurities to the forefront. She mentions 'celebrity crush' a keyword for me. This was a VIP crush that was looking like a meeting would happen and I just lost my rationale. He managed to confuse me and this made me obsess instead of just letting whatever happened (meeting or not) happen. I went so far as to cause him the same confusion by 'deleting my plan',.... or was it 'our' plan. It was unclear. When he saw what I did he deleted me!! He assumed I 'ditched' him! Important to mention, unlike she says here, I see very well 'flaws' beginning with communication skills. His flaws came to bite me where it appeared he assumed the worst about me. In reality we did not have any proper way to communicate, that's all. My issue that caused me anguish to begin with, then he made it worse, revealing again the flaw that caused me grief.
Been looking for several months to explain this. Never was this obsessed in the past. I'm early fifties, people some good friends are dieing like crazy around me. my support group is dwindling. Known this girl for years. I may have thrown more than she could chew. Think I knew this all along. Even as I spoke to her as the words came out of my mouth. One person can't make up missing many.
Great video, I needed this confirmation and maybe closure, when I figure out how to handle it
I have never commented on any video like this before. After seeing several of your videos however I feel that I need to.
I love your no nonsense and practical approach. The explanations you give are clear and concise. Thank you 🙏
Love you Susan! You’re so wise and cut through the confusion of our emotions. You’ve been a big help to me. Huge.
Susan, You’re simply an amazing coach! I have recommended you to my daughter and my friend. You’re awesome! Thank you for sharing your insights.
Why are you SO accurate!??!! And all the possible situations you tell about is just incredible! Love from India🇮🇳
WOW. I'm so thankful. I've seen 2 therapists find reasons or answers as to why I became obsessed with a certain guy and none of them gave me an answer that could help me understand myself. I was so confused and worried. I've watched two videos. THIS ONE. gave me one of the important answers. thank you soooo much for sharing your knowledge and being so compassionate and direct at the same time.
much love!
Really good advice here. Thank you Susan. In reality, the person that I have been obsessed with doesn't add up to a pocketful of change. And yet the dream I had and the spells they created can almost be a form of brainwashing. Thank you for your channel and thank you for dealing with topics like this.
amazing i have been trying to figure this out for a few months now and i couldn't if my life were to depend on it but you just helped me to figure it out...thank you first of all and that doesn't even sound like its enough..i have been so lost and confused over how my mind is completly filled up and overloading on this one guy i haven;t even physically met in life but you would think i have known him my whole life..but i get it now
I feel like you described life through the eyes of a narcissist. Existing in a mortified state and lacking supply, idealizing a new partner and the creation of a fantasy, mortification at their imperfectness in relation to the fantasy, dichotomous thinking towards the partner, internalized devaluation of the partner, discard, new fantasy. (I’m sure I missed some things.)
So well put Susan. Thanks for the advice.Hope you are well in your life and happy.
I'm in a very dangerous situation where i feel obsessed with a girl that has sociopathic tendencies, and I'm obviously being manipulated by her. I always have been a rational and right-minded man, but she is the first one to get me this bad.
you have no idea how much you're helping me susan, thank you so, so, so much. hope ure having a wonderful day !!
0:13 - 3:30 This is incredibly dangerous when this occurs while your significant other is a high spectrum narcissist. I didn’t realize what was happening to me until I did. There’s really no other way to explain it. Please if you’re reading this and you have found yourself in a similar situation, learn to trust yourself, love yourself and make yourself the priority. Get yourself help too, therapy, exercise how ever you can, and explore support groups as well. It can be difficult to find true support from the friends that you already have sometimes so don’t only rely on them for help. It will save your sanity and possibly your life. Also, use your emotional intelligence and your wisdom to always be one step ahead if you’re going to get out of that relationship.
This is deep insight on this topic. I’d just add to remember why you’re in that new or different place. Stay awake! It’s soo easy to be tripped up when everything is new and different. But you’re there for a reason, so just stay focused on why you’re there.