Do they have to lose us (to realize they love us)?
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- Опубліковано 10 гру 2018
- Monica writes, “Hello Susan - I LOVE your videos and amazing advice. My issue is that, in a relationship (from 9months-3yrs), the guy will lose interest or momentum, and realise later what they've lost. All of my old boyfriends have confessed their love for me long after the relationship has ended. This is incredibly frustrating. Is there anything I can do to prevent this from continuing to happen? Thanks”
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If they leave, let them go. Smile and wave. It really is a blessing in disguise.
Marc Johnson very true
You've dodged a bullet without realising it sometimes.
Trying to see it that way. She dumped me by text and monkey branched. She's living rent free in my head and I want her out
Not always.
J D evict her ass
If the person has to lose you in order to realize that they " loved ," you all along . Then that's not love , it's they were unaware and selfish while taking you for granted. Have some self respect and never allow these types back into your life again.
True
‼️Here, Ye... Here, Yeee‼️👍🏼
This lady brings MATURE content based on extensive experience. That's what makes her stand out from the other coaches.
She's like a wise aunt. I respect her style.
How many men contributes to extensive experience? 🧐
The other coaches are good at winning battles but losing the war.
@@xeimap that’s a good way to put it
Oh yes
Because they didn't think they'd lose you. They knew what they had, just like you knew you had water in NY, they just didn't think they'd lose it.
Jason Powell well said!
Jason, how true. Taking people for granted is a no no.
....think again..you.ex of mine!
Sometimes they have to lose us in order to see that they don't want to be without us no matter whats going on in their life
Well said. Law of scarcity always works.
Exactly! No excuses! You make time for the people and things that are important to you.
@_ BUDDHA _ In my experience it always has BUDDHA. The way I look at any relationship is that if people don't appreciate your presence, don't disturb them again. And that "disturbs" them immensely! I hope I could help you :)
@_ BUDDHA _ So appreciate it. Many thanks :)💗
@@berries2511 yes!
"You can guide people to love by being the highest version of yourself" love that!
Thanks Dominic
Ain't it the truth.
love that highlight quote
@@DanfromDallas It would seem that we would grow in love for love's sake. I don't mind growing, but why can't two people grow together. That was old school 2 me.
@@DanfromDallas I guess nowadays, people get bored. Run off do their thing, screw everything in sight. Then come back to see our changes, somehow it don't seem fair.
I think it goes deeper. I think most guys are dismissive avoidant’s and they look for the bad in good women but realize maybe months or years later once she’s moved on with a good man what he lost out on.
as the saying goes..
you don't know what you got, till it's gone
It's so easy to fall in love. It's harder to stay in love with so many distractions trying to get your attention. Stay focused and win the gold ring.
Sometimes they are Narcissists playing games. Sometimes they just want what they can't have. Sometimes, they just want to "win". It has happened to me every time in my last three relationships.
I think thats where im now there gained 20kg but hope the pain and hurt and hate of the rejection would leave my body im dying inside
Yes, cause THEY think they can do better than us. People who are insecure/immature do that. People that see your value and you equally see theirs don't have to look. A female relative spent 10 years in a marriage where the guy did not wanted kids, but took care of his sisters kids. Never tried to better himself and never got a job. While the female relative worked hard and provided for him and his family. The minute she had enough and another guy who wanted to be with her and have kids with her. She filed for divorce. Ex hubby "fought" to stay.
Female relative married the other guy. Has kids which she always wanted. Guy has a job. Life is good but it was until some other person showed her interest that the ex hubby now wanted to fight. You snooze you lose. Now the ex is getting his stuff together such as a job. Where the female relative said "Now he is the man I always wanted during our marriage and that irks me." I tell her "That growth was not for you its for someone else. If he wanted to change for you he could have done that during your marriage not after you made your new life with your new hubby"
I don’t have to lose someone to come to that realization, but I usually figure out they never cared to begin with. So whatever
I don't think normal people truly comprehend love. Human beings are extremely fickle.
Let go when and if you need to.
If it's to be?...
it will be...
Always love yourself and Be Happy!!
Exactly take your spousal support and be happy
@@moongazer2049 lmao so true get itttt 🤑
I agree.
time apart and space, gives your partner a chance to miss you, appreciate you and value you.
they won't realize how they truly feel unless your gone
Ralph exactly! By the time they realize what a mistake they made (of course after they got some other women out of their system and is now struck by the comparison bug) decides they want you back...Ive already grieved and grown through the pain of loss and by this point I’m not risking going back just to experience a repeat performance. No thanks!
A true story, my Sis-in-law cheated on her husband with a coworker at hers workplace. She ran off and got married to that guy(co worker) A year or so later she divorced that husband too.
Sometime downs that road I ran across a social media group. And started reading it. Long story short after reading half way. I knew who wrote that life story. Lmao she regretted leaving her first husband. She even stated that her 1st ex hubby married a not so pretty woman who wasn't even as pretty as she was. Yet he was really happy with that new wife and she isn't. And she blames herself for cheating and leaving him.
Stephanie Hernanadez Any update? Has he contacted you?
Too bad by the time you leave, you won't want them back.
This is awful that they only value you once you are gone. We deserve better.
I have witnessed people who divorced one another and after a few years came back together ....forever.
Mothersday Gifts Thank you, I needed to hear this word of encouragement today 😰
In the bible, this is addressed,
" a dog returns to his own vomit.."
Tanks you
Thank you for sharing.
Story of my life. Every ex ive had has come crawling back.
You must take it in the 🍩
My ex left me and it's been a year and hasn't contacted me since
@@alanna4148 are they back yet?
Time will tell how strong and real the connection and attraction are. If he hasnt tried to reconcile then he is not your the one for you probably.
Absence makes the heart grow fond.
Is it true?
relationships are harrdddd work especially with an unequally balanced type of give and take...I am not planning to be in mine much longer for my own well being. Thank you God.
The same.
They took you for granted
I kept telling him how good he is, how proud i am of him, etc. He cheated on me.
Breaking up with someone can also make them realise how toxic you were to their life. That's what happened to me. We both had our negative traits but I guess our bond wasn't strong enough to get us through it and grow past it together even after 6 years together. I'm so heart broken 💔
Grimm 23 how are you now ? I’m in the same situation
Michelle Navarro what are you going thru? I’m actually in the same boat. I would love from a girl perspective. My break up with an ex
That is true, it's not one sided all of the time.
@@josh6353- I know I’m 3 years late. I hope you picked yourself up, made positive changes for YOU in your life, and you have found someone who deserves you. It’s super hard to think you have a great thing (relationship) with a great person (maybe you are wrong about him) and it goes south, you need to take what lessons you can and find someone better. Look at your pain. You dont deserve it.
How are you doing now?
I love the advice in the ending. “You are the active factor and u need to make changes within yourself “.
It isn't just men, women realize to late. I had an ex after 6 years broke up with me with no warning. I eventually moved on with another woman and the ex comes strolling back. I told her I'm good I've moved in. I married the new girl and ex is mad because she found the grass wasn't greener.
Pomeranians know how to get the attention they crave!
Joe Mancini jus like me ha !
That looks like an American Eskimo
Sometimes if history keeps repeating itself you need to look at yourself. I once had a very beautiful gf who id still take back in a heartbeat but she pushed my boundaries too often. It mainly consisted of her acting out during social occasions....embarrassing and humiliating me.....but she knew it was my weakness and exploited it. It reached a point where I said to myself "I don't deserve this...I deserve better.....treated with love.. respect... loyalty". I broke off the relationship....later I regretted not putting up with her moods. I missed the positive aspects of the relationship.
Relationships bring out the worst in me.
I see this a lot also in platonic and familial relationships, where people treat each other quite poorly and without much concern, as if that person doesn't mean much to them and it doesn't matter if they lose their closeness to them. I don't know if it's a sign of the times or what, but it's epidemic, in my observation.
Shitty people are everywhere, they screw you over without a second thought, they reap what they sow so that’s ok tho, they end up being sad and alone with their crappy relationships blowing up in front of them.
@Hadassah so dangerously narcissistic females posting on average 100 selfies a week to feed their over inflated egos with likes and comments from 1000s of fanboys is acceptable I suppose.
@@dickbanger8924 yes because people posting selfies isn't your business and if you dislike seeing it, unfriend them.
Well said Susan! I regret that I have never created that bubble for him... Recognition of the contribution in love is so so important!
"... Sweet spot in the middle"
Thanks for the balanced perspective you bring to us, Susan; they all so valuable. Remain blessed & fulfilled now & always!
So I heard about you from “the love chat” with Rory. I have to say, I’m blown away with your wisdom and how down to earth you are. I feel like I’m talking to a friend who honestly cares and is giving my objective advise that isn’t biased. Thank you for your video! This is my first I’ve seen but I’m hungry for more. Love love love your message!!!
Couples seem to get TOO COMFORTABLE and reveal their true identity rather than going into a relationship being REAL. That’s just my observation!!
LOVE YOUR VIDEOS AS WELL!! You and I have the same mindset!!
Blessings to you and thanks for the insight!
Since I found u from one of ur videos, i can't stop watching others. I'm so glad I found you because I'm struggling and youre the only person has quality content on these issues. xx
To be honest Mrs.Susan. The ways U explaining situations are amazingly good and powerful .
Great personality & very confident . Thank you for everything
Thank you so much for energetic videos, without delaying getting to the point. So valuable and helpful. As a single working Mum navigating the dating world, you have no idea how much I value your videos!
Today Was the hardest day in my life putting on an restricting warrent to my father due to continoues verbal vilolence from him and harresment that sucked all life from me.
When we were kids he used to beat me and my sisters very hard daily and lock us for whole days and nights without water and food, he turned to verbal viloence in the past years and today I put a stop for this madness.
A glouerious yet super hard day...
Better days are ahead! 🙂
Girls do it too. She came back, but I had moved on. Mind you, I found a much higher quality girl.
Undoubtedly one of the best advise anyone can ever have! Well done Monicaa...
That's why when you leave. Make sure you have all your closure's in check. Like the flow of a river. It keeps on flowing in one direction. Rivers don't flow backwards.
So true! You are one of my favorites. My top 5. Love that..."Sweet spot in the middle". Nicely put! ☺💚
Your confidence radiates. It’s magnetic!
Literally when the love bomb was dropped after 7 months together he began leaving.
He faded me out straight away, really bizarre.
Silly girl men dont wanna hear that because " I want a divorce " is getting closer to being said.
Read about attachment styles, I been there too
@@dickbanger8924 are there typos here?
I love you, your beautiful outfits, hair and makeup, your house, but most of all, of course, all the sound advice you give to women. I am so happy to have found you!
Holy cow, I have listened to many videos today! Being the best version of ourselves is key. I can't wait to work with you.
Beautifully articulated. Thank you, Susan, for your valuable advice.
Everytime I feel like connecting him. I need to listen to this video. Thank you 🙏🏽
You are amazing, Susan! What you are putting out here is very powerful and is helping so many women. I am glad I live in this era when access to your advise is available online (although of course in the past women would come together in the physical set up). You come from a point of strength and self love with no fear and with experience. Thank you!
Ur videos are so synchronistic! You’re awesome Susan 💕 thank you for the healthy teachings. I’m 23 and enjoy learning about the proper way to handle relationships!
Love reading this. Thanks
@@SusanWinter Same, I'm not even in a relationship and the thing I had problems with that led me searching for answers and finding Susan has resolved many months ago. Still I watch every video, learning and improving myself, for the day I might need it :) Thank you Susan!
This applies to me and is a lesson learned recently the HARD way.... The courtship is never over. Thanks Susan
Susan you're the best personal couching on UA-cam. Love your videos.
I just left my ex ..he was keeping me hidden from his family and daughters life and not showing me the respect i deserve ..im loving me no matter how much it killed me to walk away..i deserve someone who isnt keeping me a secret or ashamed of me..
Susan, you're going into my Ramadan prayers because you just gave me a closure. Thank you so much!
So where are you living shahad can I know
Susan winter is a blessing to us all thank you for all you do Susan ❤and blessings to you and your loved ones 😊
One of the best videos I've seen on relationships, really! I watched it several times. Let's hope it sinks in :)
Love the energetical/spiritual aspect in your videos - great advice 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I just love your videos. They are life changing. Please continue on this work.
You have an energy about you Susan, magnetic!! Thank you
Great video!!! I believe we need to give our best to them just like we do for work!! This is awesome!!
Wow that was the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard. My GF has a very successful marriage and she is doing exactly what you said, she changed her young husbands perspective and turned him into a full fledged husband with her love and patience.
You are one of the best counselors I have ever seen. And I'm pretty selective. Thank you for your awesome videos
It’s not love when they leave and come back. It’s about the man getting kicked out of some other woman’s bed, and now he needs back in bed with someone else, and here you are already in their phone. Men do not love. They’d throw their entire family, life, and career away for a piece of ass.
Some will and do.
You sound bitter. There are plenty of men who realize they made a mistake and work on bettering themselves for a woman they’re in love with.
@@FM-zg5hz Bitter? The truth is bitter.
I want someone to look at me the way dog is looking at her ❤️💁🏻♂️
💗 Thank you for your heart and openness to share grounded, empathetic guidance!
LOL i love how she mentions everything we do in the beginning, getting dressed up, doing our hair and makeup.. 6months in, hair a lil dirty watching netflix, hey babe, i laughed so hard because its so true, relationships end when one or both become unconscious and stop putting in the same effort they did in the beginning. effort is the big factor here so go no contact until effort is made but it might be too late by then only time will tell
I used to be called the "husband trainer" as they'd get married soon after we broke up living happily ever after...... Oh well
This is exactely my case its kinda crazy
Sunny Daye I feel that way too... it’s devastating
Isn’t that a horrible feeling? Reminds me of the video Susan made about men discovering and awakening to love from relationship to relationship until comes along the woman who will collect all the good stuff. Don’t we all wish we could « awaken to love within a safe marriage » until the very end? Ah my heart...keep your heart clean girls/men(if it also applies to you).
Me too!! I don't understand
Sunny Daye trust me babe - they’re not.
Such an intelligent answer. Have never heard any of the female youtubers speak in this manner! Absolutely love this womans in depth analysis of the subject matter. I am attempting to apply it in my own life. I really needed to learn a few things :(
You're so great, Susan! I love your guidance!
Susan, I love the way you sum this request video up. I have learn a lot from this today and, how to have certain skill set in order to listen, observe and show appreciation to your partner. Your the best Ms Winters. Happy holidays to you and wishing Love, joy, peace and continuous prosperity in the new year🎁🎁🎁
relationships of nowadays are generally complicated
...and full of unrealistic expectations (on both sides).
Social media has destroyed genuine human connection
@@Feber2001 so sadly true!
Yes..very good points and resonates with my beliefs!
Thank you!!
Thank you for all the videos. It helped me and I turned out to be pretty strong.
I am just thinking that Dumpers need to be heard too. Most of the articles and videos all over the internet are all about the dumpee being the victim and the dumpers are the bad guys who were plotting the break up while there is already someone on the side (rebound). That’s not always the case. We have reasons why we broke up with them and also wanted our dumpees to realize that and feel how is it to be without us and maybe it would be better for us to make that little change that was affecting us negatively. (emotional abuse due to drinking). It is not us who always needed to be the responsible one to initiate contact to fix everything. We have reasons. We also want our dumpees to realize that we have to leave so they will realize what was the problem. It’s not that we left just because we want to play a “test game”.
I dumped the guy that I was dating for a year because of lack of respect, alcohol problems although he is a perfect man if he is sober, he is Gentleman, and mature. I was trying to be heard to please do not drink when we are together so we can at least talk and know each other more. We have so much attraction to each other. But I was getting too sad already. He is nice. He lives in Napa and I live in L.A. he would visit me and go for dinners and hiking. He sends me gifts when he travels overseas and send cards and letters when needed. Phone call, texts messages, emails. Until I decided to just stop this if he is just going to treat me like that. He said he understand. Obviously he doesn’t want to change for the better. I don’t want to force him to change.
I was expecting that we will use this time to reflect on what went wrong but... Less than 2 months from the break up he is on a rebound with a girl that he dumped before and is not even a third of me. She is an easy one. Low self esteem and insecure who posts/ reports everything that is happening in her life every minute. My attraction and respect to him dropped pretty quick. I am afraid why I moved on fast, like 1 week. I found it really unattractive that this guy is dating. We ended pretty good and calm. I don't think I would be attracted with him again although I think about him just because of the bonding. What should I do if he reaches out and what is the right statement to say that I don't want to see him if he is in a rebound. I feel like I am too available if I will see him and yeah I don't want him to feel that I am an option while trying to establish his new relationship. He is trying to hide his rebound but the girl post a lot which is just a "sitcom" to me. Haha. So please I just want to know the right approach.
Do Dumpees ever go back and realize why we broke up with them after they have been in a relationship?
I'm so glad that i've discovered you
you are really a blessing
love you
I lost my boyfriend... in that I left. I realized I loved him and never ever let go of him emotionally. 10 years later we randomly ran into each other again and gave it a go. Leaving someone in a painful way will definitely change the dynamics. There are consequences that I may always have to deal with.
Like what if you don’t mind me asking
@@letsseemaybe3361 well.. he is a wonderful man. He has forgiven me. I just have to always be diligent in my transparency and openness with him
Sarah Shanahan I hope that happens with me. I never gave my ex girlfriend the security she wanted from me. All this time she thought I would leave her. I threaten to break up with her but never meant it because of arguments we had. I was good to her I never shouted or cheat on her. I was her first everything. First kiss boyfriend date etc. I was just so busy with school and my own issues cause I was still getting over my ex before her. I was afraid of falling in love. She gave me 3 years to sort myself out but I never knew she was doing it. She conditioned herself to want to leave me is what she said. When I finally confessed to her that I wanted to go steady she broke up with me and went with a guy she had a crush on who DM her on Instagram. And she really likes him. It took only 4 dates for him to bed her. And I tried for 3 months to get her back my begging pleading breaking down buying her gifts etc. My case is that I know I could have done better and she would not have left me. She said it’s not completely my fault and to forgive myself. But how could I forgive myself for losing her when all I had to do was say hey baby I love you and I won’t leave you let’s work on a future together. I deserve her leaving me. I had 3 years to sort myself out. But I wish she would turn out like you did. But unlike you ur boyfriend I think I made too many mistakes and unforgivable actions to her to want to one day try again
Hey, Susan , I 'm new to you, but I enjoy your video most. Your English is amazing, your pronunciation is perfect. Most importantly, you get to the point, I comletely understand you. I'm Chinese, a non-native speaker, I learn a lot from you, because I don't want rely on English subtitle. Your UA-cam channels have helped improve my listening skills, what is more, it's so encourging and inspirational. I appreciate you that, you're doing a great job. You deserve a pat on the back. Thanks so much. Have a wonderful day. Take care, Susan. Bye for now. I'll see you soon in the next video.
It's us men, we're basically stupid sometimes ... 🕊
Awesome Susan! Speaking of boundaries, could you do a video on creating healthy boundaries in a relationship??
Tank you Susan. You tell things with such clarity.
Thank you for providing positive advices.
He's been steady for awhile now. He set the love stage for us...now I got the baton. ❤️. Pray watch and fight
I love your videos, I feel like I have been a sleep. I beginning to feel so much better. Thank you👍❤!
Susan you're fantastic and your house is immaculate! I bet you're a fantastic hostess!!
I would love your opinion on how to lay the foundation for a healthy relationship, specifically being able to communicate it to your partner and speak it into existence before jumping in. How would you consider approaching this so that your partner feels equally enthusiastic to state their needs? And what should the top fundamentals of the context be in such a important conversation?
You know Susan? I've been following you for quite a while now, and boy, if only I could find you earlier 😝😉 think you arrived at the right time anyway. Thank you so so much. Your words always resonate inside better than anything I heard before, and fix a lot.
Wow you are so well spoken and make so much sense! Love listening to u
Your very Best Video.
Striking the Balance
You give such great insight. Thank you!
Prayer kept me going I almost gave up before prayer....good job kelllum. Toni
Hi Susan, I love you. Great insights and perspective. Thank you 🙏🏻
Sometimes people don't know the value of something or someone until it's gone . Example I told a girl once that I liked her but she seemed uninterested but when she saw me with another girl she started paying more attention to me and trying to be nicer . Well how do I say this but it's not the same anymore the new girlfriend that's in my life now is more caring understanding . I guess as people we crave someone who cares about us as we care about them . Thanks again Susan your topics are always full of logic and truth.
Love love love this wisdom. God used to tell me I'm the husband maker. ..I've never heard another person say something similar and I guess we all play a part til it's realllly our turn heheh..I like to tell people that jobs and relationships teach us who we are and what we want. Makes sense we will be used as that for others as well ..or learn by us as well sometimes thank u for sharing wisdom
You’re amazing !!
Thank you for the videos!
Thank you very much for this advice. It is really a good one.
BRAVO SUSAN! TE AMO!
I tried doormat. i honest to GOD found myself begging (yes, earnestly asking) for time in his life. His response to that was consistent with the rest of the messages. Everyone and everything else in his life is more important to him. I deserve better, and I am now looking for it. I hope he is satisfied with everyone and everything in his life. I want someone who wants me. I’m going to try my damned best to find him.
You are such a beautiful human @susanwinter! I just found your videos today and am hooked. Have you ever done a TedTalk? You should. I had a feeling you were a dog lover and sure enough in this video your precious pup popped up on the couch next to you, so sweet! Thank you for your channel and for your awesome content! Cheers to healing for everyone!
Unfortunately, men only see what women show them, that’s the ugliest truth. And sadly, the first thing that women always want to show is how pretty they are. Don’t get me wrong, physical attraction is very important but women that keep physical attraction the last thing for men to discover and women that don’t rush into relationships because they are not afraid to be alone not lonely are more successful to find true love. An advice from a man, be yourself regardless of the outcome, let men know who you are not what you can give them, and if you look at all of your past relationships, you will find yourself pretending to be everyone else except the real you that keeps whispering in your ears don’t introduce me to anyone because you will get hurt, they will misjudge you and treat you wrong. No man will ever loose attraction in the woman that he truly loves, no matter what
💯 agree
scott sanger that’s true only in case you are with skank one, and there are many of those. When it comes to relationships it’s very complicated and difficult to talk about based on how life goes these days and human values. Women mostly act like that because men gave them all what they have emotionally, financially, and physically. I don’t blame women to be honest it’s men’s fault because many if not most men think about one thing and will only think about until they die. I feel you and if feel sorry for people who got in this situation but those should blame themselves because they chose to be with the wrong one just because of physical attraction or other things that has nothing to deal with love, while they knew this day will come sooner or later.
I think this can be same apply for man too..:)
Would u agree that older women have a less chance with a man they like if a younger woman wants him...its a sad fact that men think of older women less attractive and valuable than someone younger....i feel that
L Taurus not at all, but it will depends on the person. Many mature men are looking for love only love nothing else and if we looked at how life is going these days, older women (Women who know what they want from this life) are the only ones who can show what love means. However, many immature younger men are only looking for intimacy with older women so if you are looking for just intimacy you’re good but if you are looking for real feelings with quality life you have to find the right younger men who is willing to love you, only you and your personality not what you have or how you look like. Many younger men out there are looking for true love but they are facing a rejection after rejection from older women because older women care a lot about how the society will look at them if they’ve been seen with older women
Really well said I’ll be honest I don’t usually watch women giving relationship advice I used ally watch men however I loved your video 🙏
Your videos are great and straight to the point. I don't know any channel as helpful as yours. Thank you for your efforts 🤗 I hope someday i'll be able to find someone who knows the value of being loved.
Love your puppy in the beginning of your video, too cute-
Wonderful woman,
Lovely your talk! ❤️