Not all parents are good | Dr. Sherrie Campbell | TEDxDanville
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- Опубліковано 18 вер 2024
- NOTE FROM TED: This talk discusses abuse. TEDx events are independently organized by volunteers. The guidelines we give TEDx organizers are described in more detail here: storage.ted.com...
It seems taboo to say the words “bad parents” out loud because all we are indoctrinated to know is the good parent. And make no mistake, we also see good parents all around us. However, in our culture it is mis-assumed that all parents are good, which is simply not true for so many.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx DR. SHERRIE CAMPBELL is a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in helping healthy people cut ties with the toxic people in their lives.
She is a nationally recognized expert on family estrangement, a best selling author, inspirational speaker, host of the “Sherapy Sessions: Cutting Toxic Family Ties” podcast, a well-known social media influencer and a regularly featured media expert. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
She makes a valid point that strangers who abuse children are held to account for what they do but parents can and do get away with abusing their children
Sad but true! This needs to change!
becase the worst wounds and betrayal didn't come from strangers, but from those who "loved" us.
Exactly.. is a horror!!!
Yeah I have a covert narcissistic mother who should never have been allowed to have kids. She’s a perfect parent in public but a horror in private. The gaslighting is so confusing and harmful. Thank you for this xxx
@@TheBlondiekitten wow
My heart goes out to all the people who had to grow up feeling like they weren't truly loved and protected by their parents
Thank you. ❤
Me...I always feel I'm struggling because of my childhood mental traumas and being abused .my mom is a super uneducated woman..sorry to say......and my dad was an angry kind of person who led me towards fear in everything
Dr. Sherrie is a freedom fighter, freedom from abuse, neglect, and dehumanization.
Check out her books, videos, interviews, and podcast appearances. She truly "gets it" bc she lived it.
Thank you ❤
Once I got older and had sleep overs with my friends and saw how loving their parents were I sadly realized that wasn't the case for me.
So relatable! I get it
Relatable I used to feel jealous for My cousins parents because they were so loving and caring
I wasn't allowed to go for sleepovers, but sometimes friends were allowed to stay with my siblings or myself, and I got to see a loving, caring, serving, and marvelous mother, whenever someone was over. Our friends all thought my mom was awesome 💀
Relatable with me
Amen to Dr. Cambell. She does not accept the common excuses from abusive parents. She holds them accountable, 100%.
Thank you!
Dr Sherrie's book "But... it's Your Family...!" and her daily reflections on social media have helped me heal from my toxic relatives. I am so glad to see her here in such a relevant Talks Forum.
I am honored to represent us ❤
I agree the societal pressure to maintain a relationship with parents even if they were abusive or neglectful is both overwhelming and damaging. I would love to see more discussions like this that shine a light on just how common that is.
Watching my parents taught me to be the kind of father they were not. This is an important topic that should be discussed more, because parents should not be allowed to do whatever they feel like just because they are "family."
Agreed! Cycle breakers!
I am so thankful to her for being a voice for us survivors of these kinds of parents.
Thank you! I see you ❤
Thank you for addressing this "taboo" subject. As a +20 year distancer from my family of origin, I feel incredibly validated and seen. From Professor Laney @ SCC
I get what she's saying and there can be so much emotional abuse that happens from unstable parents because LITERALLY ANYONE can be a parent. That's what's crazy to me.
Exactly ! literally ANYONE!
At the end of the day though this just speaks to how messed up we are as a society, how much trauma there is, and how that sits with people and affects their ability to just be happy and joyous people.
“as the acceptance for hard truth, is the prerequisite for meaningful change”!! yes yes yes!!
YES YES YES!
The statistics she shared were staggering. I had no idea that one in four adults cut ties with their parents at some point... goes to show the importance of conversations like this.
And those statistics are only what is reported. Imagine that number if we considered how many don’t report !
Im doing this healing work right now, at age 52, after letting go of the relationship with my parents, who have always been emotionally manipulative and abusive. Thank you for speaking out for us, I feel seen and heard💙
I do see you and hear you. I am also you ❤
Love and strength to u❤
Thank you Dr. Sherrie❤. I am reading your books now… it’s time for ME to heal and grow, even in my 50s😢
You’re very welcome! It’s never too late. It means 45 years!
Thank you for speaking up. I had 2 abusive parents. One was actually dangerous for me.
I had two abusive parents as well. I get it ❤
I like that this isn't just about highlighting the problem but also offering a pathway towards healing and breaking the cycle of abuse. That's the kind of stuff we need.
Thank you!
Very powerful, may the old us all be healed from past abusive parents.
Thank you!! Our voices are now being heard! ✨
It's so refreshing to hear someone speak the truth about the myth of perfect parents. At the end of the day parents are just people and no one person is perfect.
Such courage in sharing her personal experience, and it shows how often there are hidden struggles within "perfect" family images.
Thank you!
I'm so glad to see someone talking about this because yes, it is incredibly common and people shouldn't be made to feel guilty in terms of how they feel towards their parents and wanting to cut them out of their lives
She is speaking so much truth!! I know everything she is speaking on from experience. The world needs to pay heed to this message so much. How much different our world would be if we could have healthy and whole parents raising children, and the secret to that: bringing up children that are unharmed and truly loved by their parent/guardians.
Thank you!! Totally agree!
Dr. Sherrie is such a voice of compassion, reason, and hope for so many people learning how to overcome and heal from parental abuse and trauma. So thankful to have found her!
I am equally as thankful ! Sending lots of love ❤️
I think even just creating dialogue around this issue is a huge positive. Sometimes people are so wrapped up in their own trauma they can't see how they're in turn abusing and manipulating.
Thank you! It’s time!
@@dr.sherrie yes it is, thank you
I love dr sherrie so much! she has helped me remain guarded and optimistic about my situation. cycle breakers unite!
I love you back!! ❤ thank you!
As someone who's lived through similar experiences, this talk felt like a voice for the voiceless. It's comforting and empowering to know you're not alone in your struggles
Thank you!!! Cycle breakers unite! ❤
She said something about the unpredictability of her days that really spoke to my truth. A lot of the time it was the not knowing what I was going to get from day to day and now that I'm grown I see that comes from how unstable my parents were in their own mental health
it's so true about breaking the cycle. thank you for being a voice for what is unheard and tampered down as taboo.
You’re very welcome
It's actually such a huge issue, especially the way it impacts people in their future relationships, when you've never felt emotionally safe it is so difficult to fully open up to someone else
I appreciate the focus on accountability and changing societal narratives around parenting. It's not just about identifying and bringing attention to an issue but actively working towards a solution that respects and protects children.
I got chills when she said "I am my message. My message chose me." What a powerful way to frame her experiences.
Thank you! ❤
It's heartbreaking to think about all the children suffering from emotional abuse. This talk was a real eye-opener in terms of how common it all really is
Excellent presentation, Dr Sherrie! Such powerful words about a taboo subject. I'm picturing the many people in that audience who were holding back tears...
Thank you!!! Yes many were in tears. It was a really special experience. They felt seen. How beautiful is that?!😭❤️
Again leaving a comment for anyone who needs to see this, I hope that this wonderful woman gets more credit for her brave and honest work.
I feel seen for the first time as most professional bodies do not recognise or care for people like us. I am glad that this is becoming more mainstream because the shame and guilt one can go through is not necessary. May this woman be blessed all the days of her life. I am eternally grateful ❤
Thank you! This means so much ❤
This is such a great talk. I cut off contact with my parents and it's really encouraging to hear someone talking about setting boundaries and prioritizing mental health.
Thank you!
Yessss! Thank you for your powerhouse fire truth telling!!!!
Thank you for your thoughtful, clear-eyed advocacy for changing the culture that keeps destroying so many of us for the sake of enabling abusers!!!
You’re very welcome ❤
I grew up in a household where emotional abuse was the norm, and it's validating to hear someone acknowledge that not all parents are good. It's also just incredible to hear it be spoken about
I see you ❤
@@dr.sherrie ❤ thank you.
I think the saddest part is a lot of them probably don't even realize how negatively they're affecting their children.
Thank you Dr. Sherrie. Your words pull me out of a dark place and back into the light. After decades of abuse, when I'm not feeling strong her years of gaslighting start to seep back in, and I return to thinking that it's all my fault. I've turned to your work in the past to pull me out of that mindset and I know I will use this powerful and validating video to do so again in the future. Thank you for standing up for all of us.
You’re so welcome! Thank you for this message!
I had no idea there were so many children of emotional abuse let alone that they needed so much support. Definitely sharing this one
Thank you for helping to spread the word!
So healing and validating. My gratitude to you is immense. Your courage is inspiring.
Thank you! I appreciate your message !
Powerful! Thank you Dr Sherrie for leading the way for us cycle breakers.
You’re very welcome!!! We are being heard! 🎉❤
Fantastically powerful speech, Dr. Sherrie. You are a voice of reason, accountability, strength and advocacy. Viva “DNA!"
Thank you!!!
Incredibly moving and insightful. Her point about societal cognitive dissonance when it comes to accepting that parents can be abusers is spot on.
Thank you!!
This is a very serious topic and one that in many cases continues to travel for generations. It's heart warming and shocking to hear this kind of honesty. We shouldn't be surprised by the parenting images we are served. In the matters of human existence, we all look a bit glossy and glossed over in the name of successful lives and living the dream. Nobody wants to hear about the nightmares. Yet here we are, thank you for your opening this conversation!
So beautifully stated! Thank you
My heart goes out to people who had to deal with these kinds of situations at home. In some ways it's worse than physical ab*se because it's less obvious and harder to explain how dangerous it is
On point! Thank you!
This woman gets me.
I guess I wasn't always a good mother. But now, my wonderful daughter is 22 years old, she works as a support worker with mentally disabled people and she has a diploma in animation and illustration,and when I look at her, I am filled with pride, so I did something right.
Now I feel that being a good parent if we love and respect our child. We give them wings and don't cut them off.
It is a great happiness to support her in finding her own beautiful life and not living mine.
I don't think we should live our parents' lives because we have our own and we show the greatest respect to them by living a beautiful, rich and happy life. Then they can be proud of us.🥰
Thank you for all that you are doing to break the cultural myths regarding family. You put it so succinctly when in one of your books you stated that abusive people exist and families are made up of people so therefore there is such a thing as having abusive family members.
Thank you for this Dr. Sherrie!
You’re welcome !
I can't stress enough just how validating and personal this talk felt. Thank you TEDx Talk.
Thank YOU ❤
So much of this story is really sad and heavy but I'm glad she's sharing it, I feel like it will really help others who have gone through the same thing be assured that they're not crazy or bad people for feeling how they do towards their parents
Thank you! I agree ❤
I agree. This was my experience also. At the end of their lives, I made peace with them, but I also saw that their actions had consequences, and it wasn't my job to save or rescue them from those consequences.
It was freeing and empowering to stop trying to help them, because they didn't want my help. I gave them love at the end, but I could not absolve them of their guilt, in how they treated me. I watched them die as they had lived, treasuring what they loved (themselves), and trashing the one who loved them (me).
Love this! Thank you for sharing! ♥️
Oh my yes, the unpredictability of it all. I remember that part all too well
The lack of predictability was the only painful constant. I see you
FINALLY someone is talking about this! Bad parents need to be held accountable, period.
Now, imagine going through all that (which I did with my NM and EF).....AND suffer the trauma of a destructive cult. My NM forced me at age 6 into a cult that proceeded to psychologically terrorize me for 20 years. I wanted to be anyone else as a kid. I wanted to die in my teens. I was broken for so long.
I’m so sorry 😞 I can relate
Thank you Sherrie you saved my life!
Aww thank YOU ❤
Thank you for stating the truth!
You’re very welcome ❤
An inconvenient truth...
This is such a thought-provoking topic and honestly one of the better TEDx's I've seen lately.
Thank you! Appreciate it!
Thank you Dr. Sherrie! I hit the jackpot with my parents. I’m so thankful this is being discussed on TedTalk!
Thank you ❤
Thank you so much Dr Sherrie ❤ I appreciate your message and am living as a cycle breaker. I listened to my child and got out.
💪🏻❤ love this!
No child should have to master the "eggshell walk" of living with an unpredictable, emotionally abusive parent. My heart breaks for anyone who can relate
Exactly! ❤
Great talk Dr Sherrie! I really felt this. Unfortunately I had 0 parenting skills because I was the scape goat of a dysfuntional family. Oh how I regret that it didn’t stop with me in time for my own children. I was still running from it at the time. The abuse continues until today. My own children are into some very dark stuff . And I know that how they turned out is my fault. I pray for them daily and the sorrow continues because my family has brain washed them against me. So I get it from every angle. Its like sitting in a bull ring and holding your breath because you never know whose going to hit you next
I loved how she emphasized the importance of listening to children. Their voices matter 💙
Yes!!!
@@dr.sherrie 😀😀😀
I wish I could like this more than just once. It's such a great message. I cut contact with my parents and it's so validating to hear this kind of talk . People should be encouraged to prioritize their mental health and whatever boundaries we put in place to keep it.
I see you ❤
THANK YOU for this topic. More people need to talk about it.
You’re very welcome! I couldn’t agree more !
Incredible speech! Thank you for speaking the truth that many of us face.
Thank you!!! I see you ✨❤️
You rocked the house Sister!
And you rock my world …
Such an intelligent, passionate, healing force for us all!
Thank you so very much Dr. Sherri 🙏💥💫
Thank you so much! I am so happy this spoke to you!!! 🎉❤
As someone who had loving parents, this is hard to hear but so important to be aware of. We can't keep ignoring this issue in society, or how it impacts people in the long term
Thank you! ❤
This hits close to home for so many of us.
It really does ❤
Outstanding and incredibly validating! Thank you and I will share this every chance I get. ❤️
I am so happy this was validating ! I get it ❤
Being adopted, you're second rate, sometimes. "More please". She is absolutely right. And I would sue her today if the trauma bond hadn't been so strong, and she had so many friends.
She lived a very comfortable life on my inheritance my Dad left when he had a heart attack. I was 7. And I have a special needs brother
I 1000% approve of this video. And she was just so pleasant. And I really deplore her and encourage anyone here to get it out.
Thank you! I appreciate you !
Wonderful dear Sherrie. So blessed that I found your books and you on 2023. 💕
Thank you!!! 🎉
Thank you so much Dr. Campbell
You’re very welcome ❤
Powerful and strong, a deserving and genuinely authentic ambassador. ❤
You speak a truth that only those who have experienced suffering of this kind will truly understand. You lead the way for the rest of us to heal and become cycle breakers. much love and gratitude 🙏❤️🙏
Thank you!!! I appreciate the feedback and support ❤🎉
Thank you Sherrie! This was an excellent presentation! I felt so heard and validated and damn proud to be a cycle breaker! 👏❤️
Thank you Leslie 🎉❤
I'm no contact. It's hard but worth it.
Brilliant! I know you were incredibly nervous but excited about doing this speech Dr Sherri. Congratulations on this wonderful and powerful ted talk!
Thank you!!
I never thought about how much society romanticizes parenthood until now. It's true, we're bombarded with images of happy families, but the reality is often very different and those images just make it all feel even worse
So Validating !! Thank you Dr. Sherrie !
You’re welcome! ❤
EXCELLENT! THANK YOU SHERRIE!
Thank you ❤
Beautifully stated. We are cycle breakers.
Thank you! Cycle breakers unite!
Thank you Dr Sherrie, this is monumental for all of us. Very powerful talk ❤
Thank you!! I am honored to have been able to represent our Bravehearted community ! Thank you for the support 🎉❤
Great Talk. Escaped seven years ago at the age of 50. Been hunted ever since. Were able to convince pretty much anyone I ever knew that I was issue. I have lost everything. Thank you for bringing awareness. Maybe it will be different in the future.
I’ve been out for 8 years. Left at 45. I’m so happy this resonated with you!
This was such a necessary talk. It's time we start acknowledging that not all parents are good. Maybe that way people won't have to second guess themselves so much about cutting a parent off.
Thank you!! ❤
Thank you
You’re welcome !
Excellent presentation Sherrie! You are my voice up there & for so many! Cycle breakers we are!!
Thank you!!! It’s time we are heard 🎉❤
Sad but unfortunately true.
Same holds/goes for some people too.
Both assertions are obvious but true.
Thank you for speaking a very important truth
You’re very welcome !
“Well, I am my message. My message chose me.” Dr. Sherrie is one brave badass MF!
Thank you!!! I love this ‼️‼️💗
Associating "Do Not Abuse" with DNA is pretty powerful.
Thank you!
@@dr.sherrie no - thanks to you.... great talk
We need more mental health resources and education for parents on how to break these harmful cycles for good... I mean it's not like these people WANT to be treating their kids like that right?
In some cases that is correct. However, other parents (the ones I am taking about) know exactly what they are doing and should be in jail.
I think the saddest part in all of it is the love element. As people all we want is to feel loved, even if it's coming from a person who is deeply flawed.
Very true!
This challenges some pretty deeply held beliefs about family and love. NGL it was uncomfortable to hear but I can see how it's necessary.
thanks for share .
Perfectly said 🎉Thank you!!!
You’re welcome ❤😊
I’m nearly 50 and still in therapy as a result of being born to an angry, physically abusive, mentally unstable mother, and a disinterested, emotionally unavailable, emasculated father.😢
You are not alone! I see you! I am also still in therapy! It’s lifelong work and healing! So proud you’re doing the work ❤
Love you Dr. Sherrie!
Thank you!!! Back at you 🤍