Narcissists can cry and show their vulnerable side, but beware, because as soon as you feel sorry for them and drop your guard they'll slash you! And blame you for hurting them!
karen stauffer exactly what I’ve been through. He cried, said sorry, said that I’ve hurt him, I felt like killing my self with the guilt that I’ve hurt him, he cried because of me. 2 months later he said he didn’t feel anything, he wasn’t sorry at all. Those tears were all fake,
Yeah, they usually become sad or vulnerable when their supply of validation runs dry. My mom is biopolar which is actually very similar to narcissism in some aspects of behavior, but I'm pretty confident she's a narcissist as well. She has a huge sense of entitlement, she is very big on manipulation and lies, she never admits faults, will never admit to lying even when confronted but will laugh while denying it, she will talk bad about ppl and feed on insecurities, if ur stressed she goes in to push you over the edge. Any time someone moves on from her ready to never have anything to do with her that is when she says I want us to get along, plays on ur heart strings. If she really needs help she'll cry and beg. But as soon as ur hooked and she's up again she's back at it. So narcissist only cry when they need someone, otherwise everyone's emotions are a play ground. No empathy. Submit or else is their motto.
"Sadly, most of us put 90% of our hearts, minds, and souls into our most dysfunctional, unhealthy and invalidating relationships, and save the little bit that's left for the people who are good and kind to us." Dr Ramani, that's powerful!
Dont do this, you have to use your inner guidance, intuition to distinguish from the people, who are in ned from the people who are not. Help the ones, who ned you.....ignore the strong ones.
@@keepcreationprocess "ignore the strong ones." I don't think so! As one of the strong ones, I needed more than anyone else. I'm all about paying attention to those who bring good energy and light to my life.
Who needs windows with a smile as bright and beautiful as yours. You've likely been through a lot of abuse and emotional torture because you thought that you didn't deserve better. Well, I'm here to tell you that you have the beauty and soul of a queen and you deserve BETTER 💖 I would love to share a big warm bowl of quinoa with you, stare into your eyes, hold the hand not occupied by your spoon...and tell you..."you're the sun to my solar system baby".
@soulfulveg yesssss!!! So true. And it kinda stings (a lot) cuz sadly that’s been true for me. Working on it though cuz I’m surrounded by beautiful people 💜💜💜💜
So true. According to them let's keep things with us how they are (Which means I am going to keep things just as they are only to your face so I can live a double life while pretending that is helping to spare your feelings while telling you a lie of omission)
She has an amazing channel called DoctorRamani. She goes into detail about NPD like no other on this platform. I credit her channel with helping me understand and deal with the aftermath of abuse and scapegoating by my own narcissistic family and how to undo so much of the damage they caused to my self worth and patterns of thinking.
You can do it, u can be free once again. Its hard but its worth it, keep trying. I renounced everything. To be free. I had to learn meditation, zen meditation, power of concentrating my thoughts, and learned how the mind works, den retrained my thinking, cos our thinking is everything. But i realised our feelings are more powerful than our thinking, so i learned how to change my feeling and i started my journey to freedom.
Dr. Ramani knows this stuff like the back of her hand. What a life changing video! We need to keep exposing these abusive narcissists and continue to educate more and more people about narcissism. Surviving narcissism can be very traumatic, but like she said, we can rise out of the ashes and become something even more beautiful. We need to "push back on narcissism " and walk in light and love!
Fabulous! Her book changed my life. I had been married to a Narcissist for 40 years when I realised the hope that things may get better was my absolute downfall. It took me 4 years of planning to escape with my life and sanity in tact. I have been free for 10 months!!
A person can forgive without reconciling. Reconciliation and forgiveness are 2 totally different things. Not knowing the difference is why most ppl cannot forgive.
The difference is I can forgive them and then have nothing to dowiththem again. Forgiveness doesn't mean accepting them back into your life or allowing them to do it again.
Dr. Ramani is a psychopath and the narcissist who is rewarded for violating strangers, preying on their life, abusing them, stealing personal information from them, exploiting them, defaming and enslaving them for years. She has been paid a lot of money using my life to promote herself for years. She is a complete creep.
Sadly this is true. My parents tried everything with my sister, but sadly relatives and society placated her to such an extent that it rewarded her behaviour. The best decision I ever made was cutting my sister out of my life.
Having narcissistic parents is the worst. They will wreck you emotionally and psychologically before your life even begins and keep you dependent on them and subject to their abuse.
@@katerynamisko5675 Not so easy when not only are you raised by narcissistic parents but you also are a target for disintegration by the intelligence agencies. This also leaves one unable to seek professional help since psychologists/psychiatrists are trained to categorically consider anyone complaining of surveillance and harassment as schizophrenic.
Can’t get a job cause I don’t have a bank account, they won’t let me I am being stopped from literally just having my own money and they already broke me enough if needed I will move in with my friends family because I am not staying here
@Ruth Henao. Have you seen the video? Did you understand what is talking about? You really don't get it , do you? All those qualities can be a weapon or misused in the wrong hands. As she told. Don't speak about things that you have no idea what WE been talking about. This people can ruin your life just for fun.
No one that I have found - in over a decade of searching - comes close to Dr. Ramani. She is The Great Explainer; the Rachel Maddow of narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships.🙏🏽❤️🖖🏽
“Second chances are accelerants for narcissism”!!! Good lord! You hit the nail on the head! That’s why no matter how many times i forgave him and came back to give him another chance after 15 years he just kept on doing the same things. I would have gone my whole life like that. I finally realized he would never change. And now that I’m gone, again, the charm is back, again. But i know better now.
The Good Choice I feel relationship shouldn’t be love-oriented alone. Smartness is also important. Mostly, people end up with a Narcissist partner because they’re being skeptical about running a background check-up on who they’re dealing with. My worst experience was discovering my 8 years husband cheating on me through the help of Cyberhackingsage who helped cloned his cell phone. All i did was share my husband’s number with Cyberhackingsage and i got access to his Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram and text messages, both deleted and incoming ones without having to touch his phone. In case you need help, Contact him, he’s a Genius ( cyberhackingsage@gmail ) thank me later
Yip... it's what I say too. I've grown in bounds and leaps as a result of my relationships with narcissistic people. They have made me face many of my own demons. They've exposed the monsters under my own bed and the skeletons in my closet. So thanks to them, I am more authentically ME 🙏🏾💜
Flying monkeys or apaths: They are people who act on behalf of a narcissist to a third party, usually for an abusive purpose (e.g smear campaign).The phrase has also been used to refer to people who act on behalf of a psychopath, for a similar purpose - wiki
Or a person who has been abused by a narcissist can tell. Dr. Ramani has preyed on, violated, stolen from, exploited, defamed, and enslaved strangers for years to promote herself. She says "there is no excuse for abuse" as she continues to abuse for years in extreme ways. She talk about narcissism as a narcissist and psychopath. She is a pathological liar and predator, and she needs to be stopped and held accountable for her actions
My aunt continuously makes excuses for my father who is an alcoholic and has severe NPD. When I listened to this video I felt like screaming because she absolutely nailed what a narcissist is.
This woman should be canonized a saint for the countless number of people she continues to save from the insidious effects of narcissism. The education, awareness, clarity and relatability she tirelessly provides is, for many of us, a godsend. I'm eternally grateful.
Yeah, since even exorcist say that true narcissism are traits of the diabolic so she relieved many people from the abuse of demons. You're quite right.
People need to replace themselves with the real center of the universe. Our creator. Read and actually apply the bible to your life and you will be as far from a narcissist as you could be.
She really put this in a new perspective for me. By focusing on healthy relationships, being kind and empathetic ourselves, and by not worshiping these qualities, it's almost like we can collectively starve it out. It's really the only way those with NPD seek help - if it causes distress. I'm not talking about being mean. I'm talking about there being no reward for behaving this way.
She doesn’t talk specifically about the cycle of abuse or the distortions and extremes in thinking and behavior. Pathological narcissists label more functional people narcissists and see themselves as perfect and superior. They learn about narcissism superficially to be even more manipulative and dominating. They alienate siblings and parents and condition children to think in terms of lies. Cognitive therapy and twelve step programs work on these issues.
She has the added empathy and sensitivity to communicate to us targets and victims of narcissistic abuse, that all the narcissists lacked. Bravo Dr. Ramani.. please keep educating people about the realities of narcissism.
Dina H Dr Ramani understands narcissism backwards and forwards. She has been able to easily articulate every trick narcissists play. I had major epiphanies of what went wrong in my life because of Dr Ramani.
I lost myself after marrying a narcissist.... divorced now. and still can't believe how I let him treat me- so badly... ... I am working on loving and forgiving myself... so appreciate DR. Ramani !!
awe... best of luck ad wis you all the needed strengths and love!what helps you to recover ? for me it was my own self believe, best friends and self care. would love to hear your experience
They are extremely charming😔 The key is to realize the charm is fake as others commented. I was very naive and gave the benefit of the doubt many many times.Lesson learned.
Nikki Sainte-Marie--- Huh... You're right. I felt her presentation was better than many others but could not put my finger on why. I only realized it when you pointed it out.
Agree! She is so strong and powerful she broke the TED talk mold! I did hear one or two trademark TED words but used her own way. I figured she negotiated something out there when she got her talk coaching, lol.
I love that she gives a solution at the end. We need to stop investing so much in our bad relationships and give more to the good ones. I'm going to write that down.
Yes. I liked that solution as well. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highly narcissistic (if that is even a thing) I believe you have a greater chance at salvaging your relationship if the narcissistic person is way close to 1. You would have to completely redo your ideas/standards of what a relationship is in order to maintain that relationship. I kind of figured that out but had never heard anyone put it in words. I guess therein lies the question of whether to stay or go.
When she said "your mantra slowly becomes "I am not enough" chills ran through me and i could have cried a little if i wanted to. This observation is absolutely spot on. This entire speech is spot on in fact.
"Sadly most of us put 90% of our hearts minds and souls into our most disfuntional unhealthy invalidating relationships and save the little bit that is left for the people who are good and kind to us, its time we flip this" - This got me
My cousin was an honours student, graduated from Columbia university with a law degree and made the unfortunate mistake of dating and than marrying a narcissist. He was confident, handsome and well settled. A perfect catch, boy were we wrong. In two years he made her into an insecure, dependent damsel. We literally had to drag her out of that marriage. She’s still in therapy.
She's blessed to have family that helped her to leave that marriage. It takes courage and strength as well as having value for yourself to walk away. I left just after 4 months of marriage and i am in my final stages of divorce.
I am so glad your cousin had you to help her out! I sincerely wish to have had that type of family support and you were absolutely right about the timing.
Narcissists are extremely high functionally and manipulative. So it's very difficult to pick one out at first glance, unless you've been scapegoated before and you are wired to smell one out. Sorry to hear that she has suffered, but glad to know that she's out from the relationship.. hang in there, the future ahead of you is the upside.
Dr.Ramani is incredible. Made me realize after years of emotional abuse by my father that he's in fact a narcissist. Well in my 30s I decided to completely cut ties, and since then I'm a better person for it. Sending love to all the survivors, you're not alone and you're not crazy! Peace
My father is definitely one. My mom is sucked into thinking it’s “as good as it gets,” especially since the majority of relationships she told me she had were cheaters. I’m old enough to walk away, but due to circumstances I cannot completely.
so sort it happened to you :( I am on the same page... with my mother and in my 27 have completely cut the ties. that is the only way! I would love to hear more of your story... where you able to change your mindset and recover mentally after such ? thank you ...
@@katerynamisko5675 It's a process. I'm not sure I'll be able to completely change my mentality. I still get frequent flashbacks but overall I just feel better and less stressed. That said, my anxiety issues are still there. But now I know that they derrive from this toxic relationship and it seems easier to confront them. And hey, I'm happy for you, like you said sometimes it's the only way!
damn, that "in the wrong hand, hope and forgiveness may not represent an opportunity for growth or change or restoration, but rather permission to just keep things going as they are. because with narcissists, forgiveness is interpreted as “hey, lets just keep this status quo” hits home
Found Dr. Ramani about a year ago on “med circle” on utube. So amazing. Breath of fresh air. Didn’t know I was married to one until divorced after 19 years. Explains everything. Actually my therapist enlightened me but I furthered my knowledge of narcissism on line. There is a lot of info out there but not many experts like this pioneer. Love her so much.
I wish you all the best of luck with finding yourself and recovering. My first boyfriend was one, and that 4 year period damaged me in ways I still can't fully understand so I can't imagine how you must feel after 19 years.
Susan Brown wow - I’m in preparation mode to leave my narc after 19 years, too. Once I identified him as one, and everything that came out of his mouth was shown to be typical of one, his power really stopped. If only we were aware of those “love bomb” red flags at the beginning of our relationships!
@@beckyenglish4783 It is *these same love bombing techniques* that one experiences at the beginning of the recruitment process of *when one is being deceived into joining a distructive cult.* They too were manipulated in same way.
The dark veil in the eyes of the victims of narcisistic abuse has been lifted. Thank you Dr. Ramani for being the instrument of our awakening and enlightenment.
Yep...never met one before him or since. Never want to again and all the warning bells are set to highest level. They tell you who they are with the lying cheating using crazy making. If someone you xannot walk away from...set your limits and boundaries. If you can...just go No Contact. Save the best of yourself to the healthy caring relationships! Love that one!
Thank you Dr Ramani. I wonder if you know how many lives you are saving everyday. Right now you are a lifeline to me. I am in a 26 yr relationship with a malignant narcissist and psychopath. I am working my way out and cannot wait for the day I am free. I see in this comment section, that there are many other ppl who have been in relationships like mine for decades and it is a reminder to me to not be too hard on myself for taking a very long time to understand that I was being manipulated, controlled, abused. It seems like this is common for narcissistic abuse. I believe narcissists cannot survive without enablers and ppl who stay silent in the face of their abuse. I have seen that it is hereditary. I watched my mother in law abuse many ppl including me in public with countless witnesses and not a single person besides me ever said a word about it. Instead ppl were lining up to offer excuses for the destructive behaviour. These ppl are master manipulators who can easily deceive most ppl, including the police. They are masters at playing the victim to perfection and can lie with the most credible sounding story in a blink. At the same time they are cowards and inept ppl who cannot accomplish anything if they dont have props or someone to abuse, to feel superior to. They are incapable of emotional connection, even with their own children. Everything is superficial to them and all just for show. And yes, they are incapable of change for the exact reasons you laid out - they cannot admit to anything, they cannot recognize and acknowledge the pain and damage they cause and they have no will or moral compass to drive them to do the work that change requires. I had to learn these things the hard way after many many years of horrific abuse. Listening to you reminds me and confirms to me that I am not the unstable crazy person he tells me I am 100 times a day, 365 days of the year. I WILL get out of this and I WILL reclaim my life in full. Thank you for the work that you do. Your talks are a blessing to me.
You definitely aren't alone. As I was reading your comment, I had to check and make sure I hadn't typed this comment, lol. I hope you have gotten out already but if you haven't, we will get out of this we will be free again and we will heal! I'll be praying for you as I pray for everyone in this horrible situation.
You will make it out, in your own time , it does take courage to leave , i know this, it took me decades ,raising three children & far too many chances of taking the narcissist back, sadly just to experience exactly the same abuse , plan your escape wisely & stay safe, seek legal protection if possible, you can do this, i am rooting for you , if i can do this , so can you !
My ex died last month and i have only now learnt that he was a narcissist through and through. I never realised it or knew of narcissism during the 17yrs we were together up until he died. I realise now that there was nothing wrong with me, he made me believe i was sick, not good enough, to blame etc. I can now finally rebuild myself & move forward - wish I had seen this ages ago.
Happy Rebuilding & Moving Forward! Narcs have no redeeming qualities. They are relentless in their need to control, isolate, & render us crushed in every way.
I have an exact same experience. He died a year ago. I realized I put my life on hold, waiting for him to change and then he ws gone. He left me nothing. I wasted 20 years of my time. Don't wait on anyone to "change." They are not able to see anyone equal to them. I'm still trying to forgive myself. Healing is a process. Thanks for sharing.
I saw a Sam Vacknin video and he said "why should I change, I don't feel any adverse effects on my life". I said wow, he has a point. The only thing we can do is know the signs and run when we see them.
It benefits "ME," "ME," and "Me again." My needs are the only urges I am aware of in existence 24/7, so why do you matter? If I can't feel an adverse effect directly, it doesn't matter. That's how they think.
Yeah. They don’t care about the adverse effects on the rest of us, obviously. But karma does catch up eventually and they will also have adverse effects. I’m sure it will be a real shocker to them when that happens tho.
@730relationships com yet most people will believe their projections, look at mental institutions, no narcs in there, only their casualties. Ha, they're too powerful to be locked up
Unlike other narcs, he didn't use words to belittle me, instead he praised me from time to time, saying that I am beautiful, smart, passionate, the dishes I cooked were amazing, even it burned that day. His harm to me was thorough, a betrayal of his promises. Each time we got back together, his interestes in it could not exceed for 2 months, followed by silence treatment, intimacy avoidance, and finally discard. Each time I was beaten into the abyss of abandonment, I got more confused. If I really was what he said, why he'd abandon me? “ I'm not good enough.' This statement rang in my ears for 3 years. I began to find that my self-confidence was disappearing, and I didn't seem to dare to say no to anyone, even in situation where it would harm my own interests. Our last back up was in May. This time, the love bombing was more fierce than before: he video chatting with me day and night, even when we were working from home, the camera would open to keep connection. For the first time, he told me in the eyes affectionately that he loves me and in love with me and "This is different". I thought he finally became ‘able to express feelings normally’. I thought I was special. Because of the pandemic, we quarantined together 3 months tightly and red flags appeared everywhere. Soon enough, he was no longer interested in putting efforts on compromise, and needed more time and space. We were in the same apartment but I could barely see him or talk to him. I noticed that occasionally he'd out from his 'man cave' to try to talk to me, there were no eye contact. I literally felt that I was getting insane. In a conversation that was not easy to establish in the stonewalling period, he said: "I know that I am being extremely self-absorbed, I know I’m being extremely selfish, and I know it will hurt, but this is so natural to me." He then expressed his view in terms of intimacy. “I love my guitars. I buy them, play them, enjoy time being with them, but they never ask for anything in return. I play when I want to play, and I change strings when I want to do so, but they never ask for anything.” Girls, THIS IS WHAT YOU GET IN CORE! Now, final suggestion: remember, he needs you more than you need him, because you actually have something valuable to give, whereas he is empty. Don't give it to him. Walk away and stay away, and witness every time your ex narc's trying to get back to you, the reminder as well as the reward of your good quality, of your good worth.
Y he - oh wow. “Betrayal of promises.” Second and third and fourth chances. Your comment rang sooo close to home. I always fell into the trap of thinking that I was the mean and unforgiving one. Being with a person with strong narcissistic traits is like being infinitely stuck in one off those revolving doors: one day you see the beautiful safe inside of the building soon to just go back outside to see the street and get cold rain or snow or sweltering sun on your face again. Sometimes the door rotates slowly, and sometimes it rotates more quickly, yet it always rotates at the speed that is convenient for the narcissistic person. If you repeat that cycle enough times, it becomes the new normal, and your brain starts to lose the ability to distinguish the safety of the inside from the inclemence of the outside. And your ability to step out of the door is not even a consideration any more. Yep. You loose your true self. Thank you for your commentary because it helped me to wake up a little.
Y He, thank you for the comment! The guitar example is a great one! I feel the situation of quarantining together but not really being able to talk to them. I'm so happy I'm out of there, I hope you are too and doing well!
Paradoxically in society we reward it! Yes that comment is brilliant and so true. We victim blame and tell survivors of NPD abuse to “just get over it” and to move on. It doesn’t work that way because you can’t get rid of the aftermath of decades of abuse by just saying something magical. There’s no unicorn that just makes decades of abuse go away. Narcissistic people mean to harm, mean to damage and 100% mean to and choose to abuse! Abusing and being an abuser IS A CHOICE! This society is highly narcissistic and it rewards the ruthless the most while it pummels those less fit to compete and unwilling to harm others to achieve goals. A true narcissistic person will never change, they’re at no fault always. The happy ending is for the survivors that realize that they’ve always been good enough!
It is often the less talented or capable that play narcissistic games. Young people are conditioned to be narcissistic by narcissists who often see themselves as perfect, superior empaths. The twelve step programs help people raised in dysfunctional environments to recognize their own character defects and ways they distort reality to learn how to think and behave more functionally. The literature on parental alienation psychosis can be very helpful to understand how children are programmed to think in terms of lying and manipulating and dominating. They project narcissism onto more functional people.
what kind of books are those and what is the 12 step program? That is new to me thank you very much for sharing! I am looking for help to overcome my traumas and acting small pattern. I just recently realized that was abused by the mother narcissist all my life. @@misstmemrs
You're spot on about the happy ending. I find the narcissistic people are experts in making you feel not even closely to good enough! What a terrible feeling is this! From this point on they continue dismantling any sense of your existence piece by piece. They're criminals of souls. They practically kills souls and wills of soulful humans. The most soulful you are the more horrible the extent of their crime of killing your soul.
We validate narcissists mainly because many of them are either successful or they have convince you they are . This makes you doubt your own opinion and side with them to some extent . They sense this and use your own doubt to doubt yourself even more and then control you . You are now their emotional puppet . Someone who they can make happy ,make sad , confuse , doubt, panic feel insecure and basically lose all self sense. Their greatest drive is controlling you and pushing your buttons.
In the wrong hands forgiveness doesn’t mean a chance for growth but to stick with the status quo. Yup!!! She’s got it! also loved the comments about how our self-talk can become what the abuser wants us to believe about ourselves
My abusive narc ex had a sociopath/narc father, and an extremely pious (devoutly religious) good catholic wife mother, who believed highly in forgiving everything. His parents together created the most enabling environment I've ever seen, even for criminal acts. Forgiveness is not the answer.
the best quote I've ever heard 2 Timothy 3 You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. 2 For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. 3 They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. 4 They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. 5 They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE LIKE THAT!
Narcissists cannot change because they never self reflect. They will not acknowledge their flaws or mistakes, and so they are not accountable for them. They are too busy focusing on you and your faults and mistakes and they avoid ever reflecting on their own.
True, I totally agree but I want to point out that once a Narcissist acknowledges their flaws, it can either go 2 ways: 1 they seek additional help and humble themselves by reflecting that they can't do it on their own, 2 or just carry on in self-pity, sulking becoming self absorbed to the point they take pride in themselves again. Starting this whole cycle and the reason they come into acknowledgment it was either someone was better than them or pivotal events took place.
@@luckyme3014 they must not be very high on the spectrum if they can reflect and humble themselves or seek help. In my experience the response is usually the second one.
I relate to every single word that she said in this video.. I grew up in an environment filled with narcissists, and they always got away by calling it "Indian culture". It is sad how so many people have experienced that kind of abuse, and start believing that is what they deserve.
Can you elaborate on this? I am dating an Indian girl and she fits the profile of a narcissist. I am so “out of it” right now like I am not sure whats up or down. I asked her after 3 years if she ever thinks about my happiness, she said plainly “no” and didnt even realize there was something wrong with it. I always try and make her feel good and loved. ( well not so much anymore)
@@Godshonestruth if she's directly saying no when she's asked a question like that, then that might point towards her taking you for granted; but then it also depends upon the context and tone of the conversation you both were having. The red flags in the beginning are subtle, especially for people in romantic relationships, but constant gaslighting, refusal to respect boundaries or acknowledging the partner's needs in any manner, being delusional and dishonest to a fault are some of the main ones. If you walk away from each conversation or disagreement with feelings of shame and lowered self-esteem, then there is something off about the relationship.
@@malvikajain102 I walk away thinking I am in some bizarre world often because it seems the simplest of emotional needs/requests are not only ignored but so many common human respects can be missed altogether. Thank you for your kind response.
Everything they use to hurt is just them projecting their own insecurities. That's why it works because we all have similar anxieties You can literally just say no u to any narc statement and they will fall apart in your hands
I was best friends with a narcissist for over 30 years. I finally couldn't deny it any longer and confronted her, hoping to resolve things and become better friends to each other. It ended in her discarding me and spreading lies about me to people who wanted to believe it because they bullied me way back in junior high. Apparently, bullies don't change with time but I do believe in Karma.
2 Timothy 3 You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. 2 For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. 3 They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. 4 They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. 5 They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!
HITS THE NAIL ON THE HEAD!!! grew up with severely narcissticic mother AND father! Luckily I have strong intuition and haven't turned out like them...and was wise enough to figure it out and not let it kill me..instead I'm a big old empath :) THANK YOU Dr. RAMANi!
Great!!!. Be carefull to select a partner with awerenesss. Because sometimes if we do not know, we select familiar patterns. Selecting with eyes opened is the best, now that you know. ;)
Imagine being her student! She speaks so clearly and is so reassuring and confident at the same time, thank you for this talk and for all your important content Dr Ramani.
Not all narcs have a bad temper......TRUST ME ON THIS ONE!! They just stew and plan another manipulating head game to play on you, for fun!!! They fine tune their games over the years as well. Like a guitarist playing with a fiddle!!
Thank you. Seriously, sometimes I feel like an outcast even among other survivors. I never knew what he was for 14 years. No beating or physical abuse. Yes, there were signs, but not enough to call it out. That is why it is so hard to get over. All those moments, for years, with the kids, with the family, and to find out that none of it was real, I still don't know how to digest it.
@Tracy , I know exactly what you are talking about. It took me a couple years to recognise the emotional abuse. Although, never thought much about the covert narc aspect you brought up. This is all fairly new to me. I wonder if there is Covert Malignant Narcissist?
I agree!! I actually thought about finding a human rights attorney to help me gain a restraining order against my mother....but i back down because i feel she will come out winning because she will tell the judge i love her and shes just crazy!! Smh
I'm a recovering narcissist. It took me a really long time to overcome it and it took a really novel treatment approach of psychedelic therapy, which also alleviated extremely bad trauma and guilt, and allowed me to completely forgive those who had harmed me throughout my life. And once I was able to do that, I was able to forgive myself for the harm I inflicted on others. Once that occurred, and I saw how the narcissism was harming my relationships with everyone, it was easy to drop the narcissism. Much better since then.
Also, it's worth mentioning that it does NOT feel good to be a narcissist. As full of themselves as they may seem to be, they actually feel very fragile and constantly need to have their ego stroked for fear that they are worthless. At least that's how it was in my case.
Another thing using psychedelics showed me was true empathy. I was able to fully understand and appreciate other people for the first time. Those experiences allowed me to see people as they truly were and myself for how I truly was, and these revelations were startling. I felt extremely bad for how I'd treated people and immediately changed it for the better. It's too bad they can't be used for official treatment, but it seems like that might be changing soon, as they are being studied successfully for various uses.
So true, I used to be married to one. It was all about himself - everything! And if I showed any talent anywhere, I was immediately put down, all to destroy any self-confidence I had. He could not bear me being good at ANYTHING. So glad I'm not with him anymore.
This video has opened my eyes. I’m now realizing that there is an narcissistic epidemic. I wonder how our mental health as a whole will be 10 years from now.
Amazing talk! I had a friend who was a narcissist and hung out with them a few times in the past two years. What I realized from listening to this talk is that I was focusing a lot of my energy on someone who didn't care as much about me as I did about them. It's important to spend time with friends who really care about who you are as a person rather than a narcissist who might just be hanging out with you to gain something or to feel important by hanging out with you. It took me a long time to realize who my true friends were.
I've struggled to leave an extremely toxic relationship. Protype of narcissist. On every single level: the insecurity, profound lack of empathy, vindictive, and always enraged by anything I did, or said. I have watched so many videos, gone through brief therapy, read books on boundaries, cut ties with my narcissist mother and family and I have JUST walked into the light in your talk. Your passion is incomparable. thank you immensely for the work you do.
I think trust in a relationship is overrated. When my husband started getting frequent night calls, i would ask and he would just wave off those calls as unimportant. At a time i could take no more of his lies, i decided i deserve to know what was going on. A friend of mine referred me to this great ethical hacking team( Cyberhackingsage@gmail ) who helped clone his cellphone without having to touch the device. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad i found out all his secrets and infidelity and how he planned on using this pandemic to get back to me. I got access to his Facebook, iMessage, GPS location, WhatsApp, Call Logs and Text Messages (both deleted and incoming ones) with a remote link to a programmed App on my phone. I’m here in Florida and able to access my husband’s phone even while he was away in Canada cheating on me. Thanks to Cyberhackingsage, now i have enough evidence for my divorce. If you need help or that little bit of closure, i advice you get in touch with them Via Gmail ( cyberhackingsage@gmail )Or Text and WhatsApp them on +15713758467...thank me later.
That was beautiful, loved it!!!! I especially liked what she said at the end. I don't want to be a tragedy. I've been through so much, just being a naturally sensitive and empathic person with severe depression that narcisstic people love to target. I know I usually end up being the one who takes down the bully at school or at work. I really don't go looking for trouble, but too many times I've been in situations where I'm saying to myself someone needs to do SOMETHING here, and I guess that someone is going to be me. I've also made two serious suicide attempts. Narcissists steal hope and love and joy from everyone, they wear people out.
As most survivors can say, Me Too. However, there comes a point when you must realize that every soldier has comrades and a captain. Learning when to say I don't have to be the martyr will also save you a lot of stress and pain in the long run. The battle does not always have to be ours. Stay strong! 💜
Don’t let the N win. You are better and have worth. These types are soul killers and slowly sink their claws in you and watch you bleed. Find safety and safe people. I have found that even well meaning people who want to help you, may not know or say the right words to you. Listen to Dr. Ramani over and over again until you can Do affirmations. So glad she mentioned the platitudes of “hope” and “forgiveness” we are told to give to the abuser. They don’t care if you have hope. Their main objective is to keep the flying monkeys close by for supply. So they can maintain a false persona and hide behind their own self-promotion. I ramble due in part to watching 100’s of videos in search of confirmation. I give this one a definitive A++ and also the MedCircle talk on Borderline Personality. Please, please keep yourself a priority and do self-love and care.
Thanks to all of you for being so nice to me! It means a lot to me to get some caring comments on UA-cam instead of all the haters. One motto I try to live by that was said by Maya Angelou is be the rainbow in someone else's cloud. Now sometimes I am the cloud, but sometimes just a small act of kindness really goes a long way. Thanks again!!!!☺
I had dated a covert narcissist for three months, it was the worst relationship experience in my life, I don’t think there can be a happy ending with a narcissist because they are genetically defected.
Qian G ....mine lasted four months. Once I had proof of the lies and cheating I had suspected for two of those months, I got out! Classic narcissist... love bomb, devalue ( while chasing the long term supply), I did the discard though 😊 I hope you’re now well.
diane taylor Thank you, I’m doing great now, a bit narc phobia thou, haha... mine did exactly the four steps that psychologist says, even triangulated me and hovering, I cut all the contact with that narcissist once I got out, he tried reconnecting with me, but I never responded and never went back, hope you’re doing great as well
You were lucky that his mask fell off that early on so you were able to see the red flags. I've been with mine for 17.5 years and we have four children together. I finally filed for divorce 6 months ago.
Mine lasted 8 months did everything I was supposed to do as a great boyfriend helped with 4 kids helped got her a better vehicle and house repair and still went around cheating
My sister has what she calls heart to hearts, says she cares with a tear in her eye what you think then uses the information to steamroll over the problem and shuts you out. She’s our new matriarch, the apple doesn’t fall far.
I had never met a narcissist until a bit over 11years ago. He entered my life just after my mother died followed by the illness & death of my father. He feigned empathy & I welcomed his support (big mistake), but I was soon walking on eggshells during a hugely vulnerable time of my life. Horrific. He thankfully left after tearing my reputation to bits, villanizing me to friends and acquaintances and shoring up himself in the process. Several years later he had the audacity to call me his friend! I have since gone no contact, strengthened my boundaries, educated myself on narcissism and am moving forward again. I hope you never encounter a narcissist in your personal lives!!
"these days, with the world in such disarray, anyone who is surviving with their empathy unbroken, their heart sound, their integrity in place, and their sense of humor intact, is nothing short of dauntless" those words are exactly what every survivor needs to hear dr ramani, thank you.
Sadly, the narcissist in your life will probably hate the good and kind people and do everything he/she can to separate you from them. Then you have to be covert which makes you feel guilty.
Dr. Ramani, you are truly saving lives. This speech is beautiful! It's so inspiring that I'm considering going back to school at 41 years old to help people overcome this unfathomable cycle of emotional abuse. It leaves people BROKEN. They bulldoze through everyone that loves them lives gaing REAL LOVE AND APPRECIATION to use as supply/fuel, and when they've sucked out the last drop, they're left so hurt they can't function. Their lives are ruined. They never get over it in some cases. They spend the rest of their lives wondering why they weren't good enough when all they did was LOVE THEM😥
She is a machine. 100% expert and secure. What is interesting to me here in the comments section is that everybody knows a narcissist, but nobody is one. We all fighting against our own ghosts, some admits some not. Admitting is the "first step towards a change". Thank you Dr.
Wow that was prophetic. I am considering my own behaviors and dont think I line up with what a narcissist is and frankly anyone who is coming here to better themselves probably isnt a true narcissist. Narcs do not do self evaluations.
WOW you are on fire 🔥 and dead on! I was married to a narc/demon for almost 50 years...finally escaped and lucky to be alive! Thank you for validation and inspirational message...God bless you.XOXOXO
The truth... we can't turn empathy into money!!!!!! that's why narcissism is growing empathy is losing its power we need to show that empathy is necessary and useful we need to show empathy has greater values than narcissism otherwise, we are not changing anything because at least some part of narcissism is somehow useful in some way for survival
We all need to be on the look out for Narcissistic people. When we spot them in business we should all need to choose not to use their services. Don't use a narcissistic real estate agent when buying or selling your home. Don't give promotions to narcissists. Don't follow them on social media, go and unfollow some now. Don't vote for them.
@@Playboysmurf1 this is too idealistic. Most people don't even know what narcissism is and how to accurately spot them. Maybe we should teach people with empathy to compete and win narcissistic people.
BBB , in a partnership, narcissists choose empaths ( people who have loads of empathy). An empath can be bullied, manipulated and violated. An empath is forgiving till it’s too late
@@Daisy00984 I mean if empaths can win or grow business-wise in a way that is valuable to the society. Otherwise, if narcissism is more competitive and make more money then they can have more resources and more people will be narcissistic
Dr Ramani is so right. My mother was a malignant narcissist so I equated love with complexity & struggle of constant demand without reciprocation., Sadly I overlooked people who treated me well without complication. I feel bad that I hurt those few people as I remained trapped in old narcissistic relationships of control, criticism & demand. This was my normality & it took years to realise I was just always trying to satisfy those who lived in a state of perpetual discontent.
There needs to be a prime time TV programme on narcissism just so millions of people can sit there next to their abusers and have it all suddenly click.
Narcissists can cry and show their vulnerable side, but beware, because as soon as you feel sorry for them and drop your guard they'll slash you! And blame you for hurting them!
karen stauffer absolutely
karen stauffer exactly what I’ve been through. He cried, said sorry, said that I’ve hurt him, I felt like killing my self with the guilt that I’ve hurt him, he cried because of me. 2 months later he said he didn’t feel anything, he wasn’t sorry at all. Those tears were all fake,
Exactly
This by far.
Yeah, they usually become sad or vulnerable when their supply of validation runs dry. My mom is biopolar which is actually very similar to narcissism in some aspects of behavior, but I'm pretty confident she's a narcissist as well. She has a huge sense of entitlement, she is very big on manipulation and lies, she never admits faults, will never admit to lying even when confronted but will laugh while denying it, she will talk bad about ppl and feed on insecurities, if ur stressed she goes in to push you over the edge. Any time someone moves on from her ready to never have anything to do with her that is when she says I want us to get along, plays on ur heart strings. If she really needs help she'll cry and beg. But as soon as ur hooked and she's up again she's back at it. So narcissist only cry when they need someone, otherwise everyone's emotions are a play ground. No empathy. Submit or else is their motto.
"Sadly, most of us put 90% of our hearts, minds, and souls into our most dysfunctional, unhealthy and invalidating relationships, and save the little bit that's left for the people who are good and kind to us." Dr Ramani, that's powerful!
Dont do this, you have to use your inner guidance, intuition to distinguish from the people, who are in ned from the people who are not. Help the ones, who ned you.....ignore the strong ones.
@@keepcreationprocess "ignore the strong ones." I don't think so! As one of the strong ones, I needed more than anyone else. I'm all about paying attention to those who bring good energy and light to my life.
Who needs windows with a smile as bright and beautiful as yours.
You've likely been through a lot of abuse and emotional torture because you thought that you didn't deserve better. Well, I'm here to tell you that you have the beauty and soul of a queen and you deserve BETTER 💖
I would love to share a big warm bowl of quinoa with you, stare into your eyes, hold the hand not occupied by your spoon...and tell you..."you're the sun to my solar system baby".
@soulfulveg yesssss!!! So true. And it kinda stings (a lot) cuz sadly that’s been true for me. Working on it though cuz I’m surrounded by beautiful people 💜💜💜💜
@@weisabunny I'm not spending my time like that anymore. I have such wonderful people around me. And I'm pouring myself into them
"Forgiveness for a narcissist is hey, let's keep things how they are."
8:09
So true. According to them let's keep things with us how they are (Which means I am going to keep things just as they are only to your face so I can live a double life while pretending that is helping to spare your feelings while telling you a lie of omission)
@@francesbernard2445 yes. I got rid of mine for good. Will I heal and get better...truly horrific
👏👏 spot on
Yes, they don't apologize for your sake, if they do, its so they prepare their image so you can put your guards down so they could do it again
This needs to be played on national television 24/7 on a non-stop loop.
YES!!!! I CONCUR.
Hahahaha no one on MSM would have a job 😂
Haaaaaaaa.
She has an amazing channel called DoctorRamani. She goes into detail about NPD like no other on this platform. I credit her channel with helping me understand and deal with the aftermath of abuse and scapegoating by my own narcissistic family and how to undo so much of the damage they caused to my self worth and patterns of thinking.
Where do I sign? Can't agree more!
Yup having narcissistic parents killed my soul. But I am slowly rebirthing into my own person!
Same. This is hard
Me too
Same here. Narcissistic Mom
Me too @ Jo Star me too
You can do it, u can be free once again. Its hard but its worth it, keep trying. I renounced everything. To be free.
I had to learn meditation, zen meditation, power of concentrating my thoughts, and learned how the mind works, den retrained my thinking, cos our thinking is everything. But i realised our feelings are more powerful than our thinking, so i learned how to change my feeling and i started my journey to freedom.
Dr. Ramani knows this stuff like the back of her hand. What a life changing video! We need to keep exposing these abusive narcissists and continue to educate more and more people about narcissism. Surviving narcissism can be very traumatic, but like she said, we can rise out of the ashes and become something even more beautiful. We need to "push back on narcissism " and walk in light and love!
She is as compassionate and thoughtful as she is intelligent, experienced, educated and hardworking. An extremely powerful combination of traits.
Fabulous! Her book changed my life. I had been married to a Narcissist for 40 years when I realised the hope that things may get better was my absolute downfall. It took me 4 years of planning to escape with my life and sanity in tact. I have been free for 10 months!!
Bless you, better now than never
I'm happy for you. You are a very strong determined person.
bravo !!!!
I am so pleased for you! Enjoy the freedom. It sounds like you deserve it! :-)
Bless you. What's the name of her book?
It’s hard to remember that forgiveness is permission to a narcissist.
Thank you.
A person can forgive without reconciling. Reconciliation and forgiveness are 2 totally different things. Not knowing the difference is why most ppl cannot forgive.
@@duxuxuufi5393 what's the difference?
So true. Forgiveness to them means they did nothing wrong. To them forgiveness shows weakness
The difference is I can forgive them and then have nothing to dowiththem again. Forgiveness doesn't mean accepting them back into your life or allowing them to do it again.
@@duxuxuufi5393 True that friend, also people tend to mistakenly see sincerity for honesty, same concept.
“No matter how much we turn up our noses to narcissism, paradoxically as a society we reward it” wow that was heavy.... and unfortunately true.
Dr. Ramani is a psychopath and the narcissist who is rewarded for violating strangers, preying on their life, abusing them, stealing personal information from them, exploiting them, defaming and enslaving them for years. She has been paid a lot of money using my life to promote herself for years. She is a complete creep.
Sadly this is true. My parents tried everything with my sister, but sadly relatives and society placated her to such an extent that it rewarded her behaviour. The best decision I ever made was cutting my sister out of my life.
E.g.-suits. That show is so good but basically glorifies narcissistic behaviors
This woman is gorgeous in every way. Her passion, empathy, humour, intelligence, spirit. I can't get enough!
Really a powerful person she is!
Gorgeous... ? I beg to differ... Cheerio !!!
I just get the idea that she's intelligent and well-educated.
how about her info?
Such a clear communicator too! She just nails. it.
Dr. Ramani teaches at my campus at Cal State University Los Angeles! She is impeccable at her work.
Wow! You're so lucky to have a professor like her at your university!
You are the luckyyy one!! I'd attend that college just to have her class.
valerie arellano ikr I was one of her student
Lucky you Val,shes great.
Cath Hall yeah she’s awesome! I enjoy her class
‘Pushing back narcissism is a human rights issue.’ Finally somone said that. 😌
Having narcissistic parents is the worst. They will wreck you emotionally and psychologically before your life even begins and keep you dependent on them and subject to their abuse.
it can be changed ....
@@katerynamisko5675 Not so easy when not only are you raised by narcissistic parents but you also are a target for disintegration by the intelligence agencies. This also leaves one unable to seek professional help since psychologists/psychiatrists are trained to categorically consider anyone complaining of surveillance and harassment as schizophrenic.
@@undeadpresident so true!
Life. With these parents. Terrible tyrannical parents
Can’t get a job cause I don’t have a bank account, they won’t let me I am being stopped from literally just having my own money and they already broke me enough if needed I will move in with my friends family because I am not staying here
"Practice kindness and empathy even when other people are not"- Hardest thing in life.
Ruth Henao nope. Been there. Done that. Fresh out of kindness and empathy for parasites.
its draining you, better run!
Treat people the way you want to be treated but don't let people take advantage of you and don't be fooled and trust peoples charm.
@Ruth Henao. Have you seen the video? Did you understand what is talking about? You really don't get it , do you? All those qualities can be a weapon or misused in the wrong hands. As she told.
Don't speak about things that you have no idea what WE been talking about.
This people can ruin your life just for fun.
@Tianna A. And is never enough....or you aren't good enough.
She In my opinion is one of the top three narcissistic experts in the world she has definitely helped me a lot to grow and to heal
@Lonjemariesfashions Agreed! Will you share who are the other two?
Yes-- please share the names of the other two--- could be. HG Tudor, could be Dr.C...
Sam Vaknin is also great!
No one that I have found - in over a decade of searching - comes close to Dr. Ramani. She is The Great Explainer; the Rachel Maddow of narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships.🙏🏽❤️🖖🏽
@@juanagallo7497 To me the other 2 are Dr. Les Carter and Terry Real. :)
“Second chances are accelerants for narcissism”!!! Good lord! You hit the nail on the head! That’s why no matter how many times i forgave him and came back to give him another chance after 15 years he just kept on doing the same things. I would have gone my whole life like that. I finally realized he would never change. And now that I’m gone, again, the charm is back, again. But i know better now.
What things did he do specifically?
thats the game they are playing. There are no feelings behind just a game..
I'm trying to keep telling my self that
right?? that line is so good. read us to filth dr ramani oof...
The Good Choice I feel relationship shouldn’t be love-oriented alone. Smartness is also important. Mostly, people end up with a Narcissist partner because they’re being skeptical about running a background check-up on who they’re dealing with. My worst experience was discovering my 8 years husband cheating on me through the help of Cyberhackingsage who helped cloned his cell phone. All i did was share my husband’s number with Cyberhackingsage and i got access to his Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram and text messages, both deleted and incoming ones without having to touch his phone. In case you need help, Contact him, he’s a Genius ( cyberhackingsage@gmail ) thank me later
QUEEEEENNNNNN!!! She saved my life. My ex was making me insane. Her book, "Should I stay or should I go" is the bible for relationships...
Just downloaded it.
Can you give me a quick overview?
Amen. I have read a few times... Feels so right!
Queen huh?
That's awesome
Give the bare minimum to narcissist people. Give your good energy to those who help you grow. She helped me heal.
Yip... it's what I say too. I've grown in bounds and leaps as a result of my relationships with narcissistic people. They have made me face many of my own demons. They've exposed the monsters under my own bed and the skeletons in my closet. So thanks to them, I am more authentically ME 🙏🏾💜
give the the bare minimum! ❤ noted
@@dabeezkneez8716 🤙🏼
I wish society would stop rewarding abuse, jerks, narcissists, or any other maladaptive behavior/corrupted personalities. It is so sad 😞
Flying monkeys or apaths: They are people who act on behalf of a narcissist to a third party, usually for an abusive purpose (e.g smear campaign).The phrase has also been used to refer to people who act on behalf of a psychopath, for a similar purpose - wiki
Narcissism has been woven into our society they are all over. Thank the Lord we can now recognize them'
in the end I just figured this must be purgatory, so the minions aka "Legion" get to live it up
@@stopabuse2011 you still have to recognise it on "their" terms though
Narcissists have been here since mankind began. Social media is just making people more aware of it. That is a good thing.
This is gold. Only a person who had a close relationship with a narcissitic person can tell.
Joana R, you are too precious to be with a narcissist!
This is Gold jerrry, Gold.
Or a person who has been abused by a narcissist can tell. Dr. Ramani has preyed on, violated, stolen from, exploited, defamed, and enslaved strangers for years to promote herself. She says "there is no excuse for abuse" as she continues to abuse for years in extreme ways. She talk about narcissism as a narcissist and psychopath. She is a pathological liar and predator, and she needs to be stopped and held accountable for her actions
@@patricehoward9831 please clarify that, because her content has helped a lot if people a lot.
My aunt continuously makes excuses for my father who is an alcoholic and has severe NPD. When I listened to this video I felt like screaming because she absolutely nailed what a narcissist is.
This woman should be canonized a saint for the countless number of people she continues to save from the insidious effects of narcissism. The education, awareness, clarity and relatability she tirelessly provides is, for many of us, a godsend. I'm eternally grateful.
Agreed
Well said! I agree completely!
Yeah, since even exorcist say that true narcissism are traits of the diabolic so she relieved many people from the abuse of demons. You're quite right.
Dr. Romani explains the epidemic in a way no one can, she speaks from the heart. Blessss
People need to replace themselves with the real center of the universe. Our creator. Read and actually apply the bible to your life and you will be as far from a narcissist as you could be.
She really put this in a new perspective for me. By focusing on healthy relationships, being kind and empathetic ourselves, and by not worshiping these qualities, it's almost like we can collectively starve it out.
It's really the only way those with NPD seek help - if it causes distress. I'm not talking about being mean. I'm talking about there being no reward for behaving this way.
She doesn’t talk specifically about the cycle of abuse or the distortions and extremes in thinking and behavior. Pathological narcissists label more functional people narcissists and see themselves as perfect and superior. They learn about narcissism superficially to be even more manipulative and dominating. They alienate siblings and parents and condition children to think in terms of lies. Cognitive therapy and twelve step programs work on these issues.
She has the added empathy and sensitivity to communicate to us targets and victims of narcissistic abuse, that all the narcissists lacked. Bravo Dr. Ramani.. please keep educating people about the realities of narcissism.
Dina H
Dr Ramani understands narcissism backwards and forwards. She has been able to easily articulate every trick narcissists play. I had major epiphanies of what went wrong in my life because of Dr Ramani.
I lost myself after marrying a narcissist.... divorced now. and still can't believe how I let him treat me- so badly... ... I am working on loving and forgiving myself... so appreciate DR. Ramani !!
Exactly how I feel.
awe... best of luck ad wis you all the needed strengths and love!what helps you to recover ? for me it was my own self believe, best friends and self care. would love to hear your experience
Good choice
You got out! Good for you! The world is your oyster. You actually won the lottery!!
SO easy to lose yourself in their MIRROR of THEMSELVES!
"Narcissists are so seductive that we get drawn in."
3 C's- Charm, Charisma, Confidence.
They are extremely charming😔 The key is to realize the charm is fake as others commented. I was very naive and gave the benefit of the doubt many many times.Lesson learned.
It's a Fake Charm, Fake Charisma and Fake Confidence
4th C- cunts
She's a rockstar in psychology!Love her!
I like how she doesn't have that annoying tone of voice and pattern of speech that everyone else on Ted Talks uses. She is awesome!
Nikki Sainte-Marie---
Huh... You're right. I felt her presentation was better than many others but could not put my finger on why. I only realized it when you pointed it out.
Agree. Strong, direct, no ums, no fillets or giggles. She is a very good speaker.
She's a professor at Cal State L.A
@@TS-rd7oy ya she was straight forward without being pushy. And made very few jokes which was good. Got to the point.
Agree! She is so strong and powerful she broke the TED talk mold! I did hear one or two trademark TED words but used her own way. I figured she negotiated something out there when she got her talk coaching, lol.
I love that she gives a solution at the end. We need to stop investing so much in our bad relationships and give more to the good ones.
I'm going to write that down.
Absolutely!!!
Yes. I liked that solution as well.
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highly narcissistic (if that is even a thing) I believe you have a greater chance at salvaging your relationship if the narcissistic person is way close to 1. You would have to completely redo your ideas/standards of what a relationship is in order to maintain that relationship. I kind of figured that out but had never heard anyone put it in words. I guess therein lies the question of whether to stay or go.
This TED talk is the most informative, straightforward, and even inspiring- if that’s possible to say when referring to narcissists. Bravo Dr. Ramani!
Yes, a beautiful end!
When she said "your mantra slowly becomes "I am not enough" chills ran through me and i could have cried a little if i wanted to. This observation is absolutely spot on. This entire speech is spot on in fact.
Exactly!!
I cried at the same sentence.
9:40
"Sadly most of us put 90% of our hearts minds and souls into our most disfuntional unhealthy invalidating relationships and save the little bit that is left for the people who are good and kind to us, its time we flip this" - This got me
Yee yee
“Out of sufferings have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive charactersare seared with scars.” 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
My cousin was an honours student, graduated from Columbia university with a law degree and made the unfortunate mistake of dating and than marrying a narcissist. He was confident, handsome and well settled. A perfect catch, boy were we wrong. In two years he made her into an insecure, dependent damsel. We literally had to drag her out of that marriage. She’s still in therapy.
Wow!! I've seen this happen. It's horrible to watch.
She's blessed to have family that helped her to leave that marriage. It takes courage and strength as well as having value for yourself to walk away. I left just after 4 months of marriage and i am in my final stages of divorce.
I am so glad your cousin had you to help her out! I sincerely wish to have had that type of family support and you were absolutely right about the timing.
It happened to me in 2 year time span also. I had no idea there were vampires like that in the world.
Narcissists are extremely high functionally and manipulative. So it's very difficult to pick one out at first glance, unless you've been scapegoated before and you are wired to smell one out. Sorry to hear that she has suffered, but glad to know that she's out from the relationship.. hang in there, the future ahead of you is the upside.
Dr.Ramani is incredible. Made me realize after years of emotional abuse by my father that he's in fact a narcissist. Well in my 30s I decided to completely cut ties, and since then I'm a better person for it. Sending love to all the survivors, you're not alone and you're not crazy! Peace
Thank u
My father is definitely one. My mom is sucked into thinking it’s “as good as it gets,” especially since the majority of relationships she told me she had were cheaters. I’m old enough to walk away, but due to circumstances I cannot completely.
so sort it happened to you :( I am on the same page... with my mother and in my 27 have completely cut the ties. that is the only way! I would love to hear more of your story... where you able to change your mindset and recover mentally after such ? thank you ...
@@katerynamisko5675 It's a process. I'm not sure I'll be able to completely change my mentality. I still get frequent flashbacks but overall I just feel better and less stressed. That said, my anxiety issues are still there. But now I know that they derrive from this toxic relationship and it seems easier to confront them. And hey, I'm happy for you, like you said sometimes it's the only way!
Be careful of the people who act like empaths(narcs in disguise)
damn, that "in the wrong hand, hope and forgiveness may not represent an opportunity for growth or change or restoration, but rather permission to just keep things going as they are. because with narcissists, forgiveness is interpreted as “hey, lets just keep this status quo” hits home
I cried when I got validated by her. This is the best truth about narcissism I've ever heard. Thank you Dr. Ramani
Found Dr. Ramani about a year ago on “med circle” on utube. So amazing. Breath of fresh air. Didn’t know I was married to one until divorced after 19 years. Explains everything. Actually my therapist enlightened me but I furthered my knowledge of narcissism on line. There is a lot of info out there but not many experts like this pioneer. Love her so much.
I wish you all the best of luck with finding yourself and recovering. My first boyfriend was one, and that 4 year period damaged me in ways I still can't fully understand so I can't imagine how you must feel after 19 years.
I found her through Ned circle as well. She is amazing ❤️ gives me hope
@Halina Alexander yes, you never forget!
Susan Brown wow - I’m in preparation mode to leave my narc after 19 years, too. Once I identified him as one, and everything that came out of his mouth was shown to be typical of one, his power really stopped.
If only we were aware of those “love bomb” red flags at the beginning of our relationships!
@@beckyenglish4783 It is *these same love bombing techniques* that one experiences at the beginning of the recruitment process of *when one is being deceived into joining a distructive cult.* They too were manipulated in same way.
The dark veil in the eyes of the victims of narcisistic abuse has been lifted. Thank you Dr. Ramani for being the instrument of our awakening and enlightenment.
I had to meet a Narc and live with him to really know about the disorder. Other wise I would have never understood how bad this is.
We are targeted for our empathy
Ditto
No one, but no one, understands it, unless they have lived it.
Yep...never met one before him or since. Never want to again and all the warning bells are set to highest level. They tell you who they are with the lying cheating using crazy making. If someone you xannot walk away from...set your limits and boundaries. If you can...just go No Contact. Save the best of yourself to the healthy caring relationships! Love that one!
It's NOT a disorder, as the speaker states, it's a CHOICE.
Damn - she's SO badass and she COMPLETELY nails it. I bow to this wonderful lady.
Thank you Dr Ramani. I wonder if you know how many lives you are saving everyday. Right now you are a lifeline to me. I am in a 26 yr relationship with a malignant narcissist and psychopath. I am working my way out and cannot wait for the day I am free. I see in this comment section, that there are many other ppl who have been in relationships like mine for decades and it is a reminder to me to not be too hard on myself for taking a very long time to understand that I was being manipulated, controlled, abused. It seems like this is common for narcissistic abuse. I believe narcissists cannot survive without enablers and ppl who stay silent in the face of their abuse. I have seen that it is hereditary. I watched my mother in law abuse many ppl including me in public with countless witnesses and not a single person besides me ever said a word about it. Instead ppl were lining up to offer excuses for the destructive behaviour. These ppl are master manipulators who can easily deceive most ppl, including the police. They are masters at playing the victim to perfection and can lie with the most credible sounding story in a blink. At the same time they are cowards and inept ppl who cannot accomplish anything if they dont have props or someone to abuse, to feel superior to. They are incapable of emotional connection, even with their own children. Everything is superficial to them and all just for show. And yes, they are incapable of change for the exact reasons you laid out - they cannot admit to anything, they cannot recognize and acknowledge the pain and damage they cause and they have no will or moral compass to drive them to do the work that change requires. I had to learn these things the hard way after many many years of horrific abuse. Listening to you reminds me and confirms to me that I am not the unstable crazy person he tells me I am 100 times a day, 365 days of the year. I WILL get out of this and I WILL reclaim my life in full. Thank you for the work that you do. Your talks are a blessing to me.
Best of all best to you. May blessing and peace be with you. Stay strong and proud.
You definitely aren't alone. As I was reading your comment, I had to check and make sure I hadn't typed this comment, lol. I hope you have gotten out already but if you haven't, we will get out of this we will be free again and we will heal! I'll be praying for you as I pray for everyone in this horrible situation.
You Are So Right! Stay Strong!
Good luck ! Be safe 🫂
You will make it out, in your own time , it does take courage to leave , i know this, it took me decades ,raising three children & far too many chances of taking the narcissist back, sadly just to experience exactly the same abuse , plan your escape wisely & stay safe, seek legal protection if possible, you can do this, i am rooting for you , if i can do this , so can you !
My ex died last month and i have only now learnt that he was a narcissist through and through. I never realised it or knew of narcissism during the 17yrs we were together up until he died. I realise now that there was nothing wrong with me, he made me believe i was sick, not good enough, to blame etc. I can now finally rebuild myself & move forward - wish I had seen this ages ago.
I am sorry for your loss, Leanne. You probably spent so much time trying to love him that you just weren't going to see the signs.
Happy Rebuilding & Moving Forward! Narcs have no redeeming qualities. They are relentless in their need to control, isolate, & render us crushed in every way.
I have an exact same experience. He died a year ago. I realized I put my life on hold, waiting for him to change and then he ws gone. He left me nothing. I wasted 20 years of my time. Don't wait on anyone to "change." They are not able to see anyone equal to them. I'm still trying to forgive myself. Healing is a process. Thanks for sharing.
I saw a Sam Vacknin video and he said "why should I change, I don't feel any adverse effects on my life". I said wow, he has a point. The only thing we can do is know the signs and run when we see them.
adaku75 wow. I’m not shocked they think that way, but the zero empathy still makes my head spin.
Of course, its the others around the narc who get the negative effects of his/ her miserable existence.
It benefits "ME," "ME," and "Me again." My needs are the only urges I am aware of in existence 24/7, so why do you matter? If I can't feel an adverse effect directly, it doesn't matter.
That's how they think.
Yeah. They don’t care about the adverse effects on the rest of us, obviously. But karma does catch up eventually and they will also have adverse effects. I’m sure it will be a real shocker to them when that happens tho.
@730relationships com yet most people will believe their projections, look at mental institutions, no narcs in there, only their casualties. Ha, they're too powerful to be locked up
Unlike other narcs, he didn't use words to belittle me, instead he praised me from time to time, saying that I am beautiful, smart, passionate, the dishes I cooked were amazing, even it burned that day.
His harm to me was thorough, a betrayal of his promises. Each time we got back together, his interestes in it could not exceed for 2 months, followed by silence treatment, intimacy avoidance, and finally discard. Each time I was beaten into the abyss of abandonment, I got more confused. If I really was what he said, why he'd abandon me? “ I'm not good enough.' This statement rang in my ears for 3 years. I began to find that my self-confidence was disappearing, and I didn't seem to dare to say no to anyone, even in situation where it would harm my own interests.
Our last back up was in May. This time, the love bombing was more fierce than before: he video chatting with me day and night, even when we were working from home, the camera would open to keep connection. For the first time, he told me in the eyes affectionately that he loves me and in love with me and "This is different". I thought he finally became ‘able to express feelings normally’. I thought I was special.
Because of the pandemic, we quarantined together 3 months tightly and red flags appeared everywhere. Soon enough, he was no longer interested in putting efforts on compromise, and needed more time and space. We were in the same apartment but I could barely see him or talk to him. I noticed that occasionally he'd out from his 'man cave' to try to talk to me, there were no eye contact. I literally felt that I was getting insane.
In a conversation that was not easy to establish in the stonewalling period, he said: "I know that I am being extremely self-absorbed, I know I’m being extremely selfish, and I know it will hurt, but this is so natural to me." He then expressed his view in terms of intimacy. “I love my guitars. I buy them, play them, enjoy time being with them, but they never ask for anything in return. I play when I want to play, and I change strings when I want to do so, but they never ask for anything.” Girls, THIS IS WHAT YOU GET IN CORE!
Now, final suggestion: remember, he needs you more than you need him, because you actually have something valuable to give, whereas he is empty. Don't give it to him. Walk away and stay away, and witness every time your ex narc's trying to get back to you, the reminder as well as the reward of your good quality, of your good worth.
Y he - oh wow. “Betrayal of promises.” Second and third and fourth chances. Your comment rang sooo close to home. I always fell into the trap of thinking that I was the mean and unforgiving one. Being with a person with strong narcissistic traits is like being infinitely stuck in one off those revolving doors: one day you see the beautiful safe inside of the building soon to just go back outside to see the street and get cold rain or snow or sweltering sun on your face again. Sometimes the door rotates slowly, and sometimes it rotates more quickly, yet it always rotates at the speed that is convenient for the narcissistic person. If you repeat that cycle enough times, it becomes the new normal, and your brain starts to lose the ability to distinguish the safety of the inside from the inclemence of the outside. And your ability to step out of the door is not even a consideration any more. Yep. You loose your true self. Thank you for your commentary because it helped me to wake up a little.
Y He, thank you for the comment! The guitar example is a great one! I feel the situation of quarantining together but not really being able to talk to them. I'm so happy I'm out of there, I hope you are too and doing well!
That is bad, but it isn't NPD.
@@chloeme3589 Hi Chloe, I'm out! I'm glad you are doing well. In fact, I doubt that anyone out of this ( for a while) would not feel relaxed/clam.
@@johnatwell2753 agreed it sounds more like anti social PD
Paradoxically in society we reward it! Yes that comment is brilliant and so true. We victim blame and tell survivors of NPD abuse to “just get over it” and to move on. It doesn’t work that way because you can’t get rid of the aftermath of decades of abuse by just saying something magical. There’s no unicorn that just makes decades of abuse go away. Narcissistic people mean to harm, mean to damage and 100% mean to and choose to abuse! Abusing and being an abuser IS A CHOICE! This society is highly narcissistic and it rewards the ruthless the most while it pummels those less fit to compete and unwilling to harm others to achieve goals. A true narcissistic person will never change, they’re at no fault always. The happy ending is for the survivors that realize that they’ve always been good enough!
Well said!
It is often the less talented or capable that play narcissistic games. Young people are conditioned to be narcissistic by narcissists who often see themselves as perfect, superior empaths. The twelve step programs help people raised in dysfunctional environments to recognize their own character defects and ways they distort reality to learn how to think and behave more functionally. The literature on parental alienation psychosis can be very helpful to understand how children are programmed to think in terms of lying and manipulating and dominating. They project narcissism onto more functional people.
what kind of books are those and what is the 12 step program? That is new to me thank you very much for sharing! I am looking for help to overcome my traumas and acting small pattern. I just recently realized that was abused by the mother narcissist all my life. @@misstmemrs
You're spot on about the happy ending. I find the narcissistic people are experts in making you feel not even closely to good enough! What a terrible feeling is this! From this point on they continue dismantling any sense of your existence piece by piece. They're criminals of souls. They practically kills souls and wills of soulful humans. The most soulful you are the more horrible the extent of their crime of killing your soul.
Your ending brought me to instant tears
I have but nothing but admiration for this woman. Her book "Should I stay or should I go" is life-changing.
Ryan David where can I buy her book?
We validate narcissists mainly because many of them are either successful or they have convince you they are . This makes you doubt your own opinion and side with them to some extent . They sense this and use your own doubt to doubt yourself even more and then control you . You are now their emotional puppet . Someone who they can make happy ,make sad , confuse , doubt, panic feel insecure and basically lose all self sense.
Their greatest drive is controlling you and pushing your buttons.
What a special woman. The world needs more like Dr Ramani ❤️
She is a terrific speaker.
Yed
Yes! I love the way she uses her hands as she speaks.
@@victoriadorgu3207 Bruh 💀
louise she is! Last 4 minutes were powerful. I watched her red table talk today as well. 👏
Her passion is amazing!
"Alone, despite being married." Run, don't walk away from a narcissist.
Actually it's the other way; walk don't run from them.
In the wrong hands forgiveness doesn’t mean a chance for growth but to stick with the status quo. Yup!!! She’s got it!
also loved the comments about how our self-talk can become what the abuser wants us to believe about ourselves
Setting boundaries and managing expectations are great pieces of advice, thank you :)
"choose your friends and romances with care"
Having a narcissist friend abusing me has made me google it after 13 years of friendship! And I found this fabulous lady doctor
Thank you!! Someone finally explained how forgiveness culture can be toxic! Thank you!
l believe we have to forgive but from a distance.
My abusive narc ex had a sociopath/narc father, and an extremely pious (devoutly religious) good catholic wife mother, who believed highly in forgiving everything. His parents together created the most enabling environment I've ever seen, even for criminal acts. Forgiveness is not the answer.
There's nothing wrong with forgiveness. Forgiveness Heals you and allows you to truly learn from your experiences. This video is about narcissism.
“Every life story can be a miracle or a tragedy...it just depends on how you write it” -ooo that was good.
the best quote I've ever heard
2 Timothy 3
You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. 2 For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. 3 They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. 4 They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. 5 They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE LIKE THAT!
Not Telling Thank You 🙏🏻So very true- I on;y wish I had been less gullible in life. But my lessons where learned ....all be it the hard way!
@@lisaariottiart yes these creatures are very vicious and have no virtue
Narcissists cannot change because they never self reflect. They will not acknowledge their flaws or mistakes, and so they are not accountable for them. They are too busy focusing on you and your faults and mistakes and they avoid ever reflecting on their own.
That's why they will never seek mental health resources, because they'll never think there's anything wrong with them
@@williamzhang100 Yep. They don't even consider it for a moment!
True, I totally agree but I want to point out that once a Narcissist acknowledges their flaws, it can either go 2 ways: 1 they seek additional help and humble themselves by reflecting that they can't do it on their own, 2 or just carry on in self-pity, sulking becoming self absorbed to the point they take pride in themselves again. Starting this whole cycle and the reason they come into acknowledgment it was either someone was better than them or pivotal events took place.
@@luckyme3014 they must not be very high on the spectrum if they can reflect and humble themselves or seek help. In my experience the response is usually the second one.
Actually, narcissists can change. It takes a lot of work, and if they self reflect, which is hard for them, they could go get help.
I relate to every single word that she said in this video.. I grew up in an environment filled with narcissists, and they always got away by calling it "Indian culture". It is sad how so many people have experienced that kind of abuse, and start believing that is what they deserve.
Can you elaborate on this? I am dating an Indian girl and she fits the profile of a narcissist. I am so “out of it” right now like I am not sure whats up or down. I asked her after 3 years if she ever thinks about my happiness, she said plainly “no” and didnt even realize there was something wrong with it. I always try and make her feel good and loved. ( well not so much anymore)
@@Godshonestruth if she's directly saying no when she's asked a question like that, then that might point towards her taking you for granted; but then it also depends upon the context and tone of the conversation you both were having. The red flags in the beginning are subtle, especially for people in romantic relationships, but constant gaslighting, refusal to respect boundaries or acknowledging the partner's needs in any manner, being delusional and dishonest to a fault are some of the main ones. If you walk away from each conversation or disagreement with feelings of shame and lowered self-esteem, then there is something off about the relationship.
@@malvikajain102 I walk away thinking I am in some bizarre world often because it seems the simplest of emotional needs/requests are not only ignored but so many common human respects can be missed altogether. Thank you for your kind response.
@vishsagi2011 well put
She couldn’t have described it better. The passion and empathy she has for the people and the society bombarded with this type is just admirable.
Her hand gestures are so on point, as well as every single word she is saying.
Dr. Ramani is the bomb! :)
Dr. Ramani rocks!
Totally agree! Love her!!😍😊
Yes she is 💣💣💣💥💥💥
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐❤
Joshua Jo..
The more the narcissist knows about you the more ways they know how to hurt you. Believe me I know, just run away from them.
Everything they use to hurt is just them projecting their own insecurities. That's why it works because we all have similar anxieties
You can literally just say no u to any narc statement and they will fall apart in your hands
That’s such a sad reality I came to realize married and now divorced a malignant narcissist
💯
I was best friends with a narcissist for over 30 years. I finally couldn't deny it any longer and confronted her, hoping to resolve things and become better friends to each other. It ended in her discarding me and spreading lies about me to people who wanted to believe it because they bullied me way back in junior high. Apparently, bullies don't change with time but I do believe in Karma.
This lecture give me chills, it labels my mom a narcissistic woman, I was raised by a narcissistic mother for sure, I see it clearer now than ever
2 Timothy 3
You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. 2 For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. 3 They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. 4 They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. 5 They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!
I love that Dr. Ramani speaks on parental narcissism. Society is quick to label men narcissistic but looks over women, particularly mothers.
Dr. Ramani's work is nothing short of humanitarianism!! Thank you so much!
@@lioydwilliams1850 you’re a pest. Go away!
HITS THE NAIL ON THE HEAD!!! grew up with severely narcissticic mother AND father! Luckily I have strong intuition and haven't turned out like them...and was wise enough to figure it out and not let it kill me..instead I'm a big old empath :)
THANK YOU Dr. RAMANi!
you are awesome :) may I ask if you were able to build your own family after all? thats my biggest fear and struggle after parents abuse...
Great!!!. Be carefull to select a partner with awerenesss. Because sometimes if we do not know, we select familiar patterns. Selecting with eyes opened is the best, now that you know. ;)
Congratulations
Melissa St. Aubin, you deserve better
Imagine being her student! She speaks so clearly and is so reassuring and confident at the same time, thank you for this talk and for all your important content Dr Ramani.
One of the best Ted talks I've seen. It's insightful, well presented and most importantly, absolutely significant nowadays!
this lady had her speech down pat. Matter of fact, it didn't sound like a speech at all. It was like she was having a natural conversation. Excellent!
She was badass! 30 seconds in and I knew her talk was gonna be good just from her demeanor.
Not all narcs have a bad temper......TRUST ME ON THIS ONE!! They just stew and plan another manipulating head game to play on you, for fun!!! They fine tune their games over the years as well. Like a guitarist playing with a fiddle!!
Thank you. Seriously, sometimes I feel like an outcast even among other survivors. I never knew what he was for 14 years. No beating or physical abuse. Yes, there were signs, but not enough to call it out. That is why it is so hard to get over. All those moments, for years, with the kids, with the family, and to find out that none of it was real, I still don't know how to digest it.
OMG....yes!
Are you a psychologist? Lmao
@@nikkik3263 , I LIVE with a malignant narc so I know this to be true.
@Tracy , I know exactly what you are talking about. It took me a couple years to recognise the emotional abuse. Although, never thought much about the covert narc aspect you brought up. This is all fairly new to me. I wonder if there is Covert Malignant Narcissist?
I've been watching TED talks for years, this one is the most important one to me.
Dr Ramani, you are our fearless leader. Thank you so much for exposing narcissism and it’s abusive pattern. You have saved lives. Thank you.
"Pushing back narcissism is a human rights issue"
I agree!! I actually thought about finding a human rights attorney to help me gain a restraining order against my mother....but i back down because i feel she will come out winning because she will tell the judge i love her and shes just crazy!! Smh
I'm a recovering narcissist. It took me a really long time to overcome it and it took a really novel treatment approach of psychedelic therapy, which also alleviated extremely bad trauma and guilt, and allowed me to completely forgive those who had harmed me throughout my life. And once I was able to do that, I was able to forgive myself for the harm I inflicted on others. Once that occurred, and I saw how the narcissism was harming my relationships with everyone, it was easy to drop the narcissism. Much better since then.
Also, it's worth mentioning that it does NOT feel good to be a narcissist. As full of themselves as they may seem to be, they actually feel very fragile and constantly need to have their ego stroked for fear that they are worthless. At least that's how it was in my case.
Another thing using psychedelics showed me was true empathy. I was able to fully understand and appreciate other people for the first time. Those experiences allowed me to see people as they truly were and myself for how I truly was, and these revelations were startling. I felt extremely bad for how I'd treated people and immediately changed it for the better. It's too bad they can't be used for official treatment, but it seems like that might be changing soon, as they are being studied successfully for various uses.
Thanks. Very interesting
@@vickielawson3114 What psychedelics did you use ?
@@vickielawson3114 Also, you say about fragile ego. But then, why do you rage even at people that show you love ? It doesn't make any sense.
So true, I used to be married to one. It was all about himself - everything! And if I showed any talent anywhere, I was immediately put down, all to destroy any self-confidence I had. He could not bear me being good at ANYTHING. So glad I'm not with him anymore.
This video has opened my eyes. I’m now realizing that there is an narcissistic epidemic. I wonder how our mental health as a whole will be 10 years from now.
It's a pandemic actually; a pandemic which helped spread the Covid-19 pandemic.
Amazing talk! I had a friend who was a narcissist and hung out with them a few times in the past two years. What I realized from listening to this talk is that I was focusing a lot of my energy on someone who didn't care as much about me as I did about them. It's important to spend time with friends who really care about who you are as a person rather than a narcissist who might just be hanging out with you to gain something or to feel important by hanging out with you. It took me a long time to realize who my true friends were.
I've struggled to leave an extremely toxic relationship. Protype of narcissist. On every single level: the insecurity, profound lack of empathy, vindictive, and always enraged by anything I did, or said. I have watched so many videos, gone through brief therapy, read books on boundaries, cut ties with my narcissist mother and family and I have JUST walked into the light in your talk. Your passion is incomparable. thank you immensely for the work you do.
I think trust in a relationship is overrated. When my husband started getting frequent night calls, i would ask and he would just wave off those calls as unimportant. At a time i could take no more of his lies, i decided i deserve to know what was going on. A friend of mine referred me to this great ethical hacking team( Cyberhackingsage@gmail ) who helped clone his cellphone without having to touch the device. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad i found out all his secrets and infidelity and how he planned on using this pandemic to get back to me. I got access to his Facebook, iMessage, GPS location, WhatsApp, Call Logs and Text Messages (both deleted and incoming ones) with a remote link to a programmed App on my phone. I’m here in Florida and able to access my husband’s phone even while he was away in Canada cheating on me. Thanks to Cyberhackingsage, now i have enough evidence for my divorce. If you need help or that little bit of closure, i advice you get in touch with them Via Gmail ( cyberhackingsage@gmail )Or Text and WhatsApp them on +15713758467...thank me later.
Check out her youtube channel
She is one of the best Mental health therapist.
That was beautiful, loved it!!!! I especially liked what she said at the end. I don't want to be a tragedy. I've been through so much, just being a naturally sensitive and empathic person with severe depression that narcisstic people love to target. I know I usually end up being the one who takes down the bully at school or at work. I really don't go looking for trouble, but too many times I've been in situations where I'm saying to myself someone needs to do SOMETHING here, and I guess that someone is going to be me. I've also made two serious suicide attempts. Narcissists steal hope and love and joy from everyone, they wear people out.
Please don't let the narcissist win. Keep fighting. Pray to the Lord above and meditate daily.
@@howdidyadodat123 Thank you for being so kind.
As most survivors can say, Me Too. However, there comes a point when you must realize that every soldier has comrades and a captain. Learning when to say I don't have to be the martyr will also save you a lot of stress and pain in the long run. The battle does not always have to be ours. Stay strong! 💜
Don’t let the N win. You are better and have worth. These types are soul killers and slowly sink their claws in you and watch you bleed. Find safety and safe people. I have found that even well meaning people who want to help you, may not know or say the right words to you. Listen to Dr. Ramani over and over again until you can Do affirmations. So glad she mentioned the platitudes of “hope” and “forgiveness” we are told to give to the abuser. They don’t care if you have hope. Their main objective is to keep the flying monkeys close by for supply. So they can maintain a false persona and hide behind their own self-promotion. I ramble due in part to watching 100’s of videos in search of confirmation. I give this one a definitive A++ and also the MedCircle talk on Borderline Personality. Please, please keep yourself a priority and do self-love and care.
Thanks to all of you for being so nice to me! It means a lot to me to get some caring comments on UA-cam instead of all the haters. One motto I try to live by that was said by Maya Angelou is be the rainbow in someone else's cloud. Now sometimes I am the cloud, but sometimes just a small act of kindness really goes a long way. Thanks again!!!!☺
Amazing. I feel like I’m recovering and understanding certain people in my life and I feel relieved that I wasn’t imagining things
I had dated a covert narcissist for three months, it was the worst relationship experience in my life, I don’t think there can be a happy ending with a narcissist because they are genetically defected.
Qian G ....mine lasted four months. Once I had proof of the lies and cheating I had suspected for two of those months, I got out! Classic narcissist... love bomb, devalue ( while chasing the long term supply), I did the discard though 😊 I hope you’re now well.
diane taylor Thank you, I’m doing great now, a bit narc phobia thou, haha... mine did exactly the four steps that psychologist says, even triangulated me and hovering, I cut all the contact with that narcissist once I got out, he tried reconnecting with me, but I never responded and never went back, hope you’re doing great as well
good job
You were lucky that his mask fell off that early on so you were able to see the red flags. I've been with mine for 17.5 years and we have four children together. I finally filed for divorce 6 months ago.
Mine lasted 8 months did everything I was supposed to do as a great boyfriend helped with 4 kids helped got her a better vehicle and house repair and still went around cheating
Dr. My narc bro HATES when I listen to your videos! IM LOVING IT!!!!!!!
My sister has what she calls heart to hearts, says she cares with a tear in her eye what you think then uses the information to steamroll over the problem and shuts you out. She’s our new matriarch, the apple doesn’t fall far.
She speaks absolute truth. I keep going back and forth to give it another chance with him but it's scary and I can't.
No contact. He'll never stop.
DO NOT GO BACK!
don't give him any more chances. he won't change.
I had never met a narcissist until a bit over 11years ago. He entered my life just after my mother died followed by the illness & death of my father. He feigned empathy & I welcomed his support (big mistake), but I was soon walking on eggshells during a hugely vulnerable time of my life. Horrific. He thankfully left after tearing my reputation to bits, villanizing me to friends and acquaintances and shoring up himself in the process. Several years later he had the audacity to call me his friend! I have since gone no contact, strengthened my boundaries, educated myself on narcissism and am moving forward again. I hope you never encounter a narcissist in your personal lives!!
"these days, with the world in such disarray,
anyone who is surviving with their empathy unbroken,
their heart sound,
their integrity in place,
and their sense of humor intact,
is nothing short of dauntless"
those words are exactly what every survivor needs to hear
dr ramani, thank you.
Amen. Managing expectations, setting boundaries and pouring your energy into the good and kind people in your life. Thank you for speaking this truth.
Sadly, the narcissist in your life will probably hate the good and kind people and do everything he/she can to separate you from them. Then you have to be covert which makes you feel guilty.
I just love her! Been learning from Dr Ramani for 2 years. Never gets old. I’m recovering, thank goodness.
You've said what i have tried to say to my wife for over 10 yrs and yet she's in total and utter denial. This is an eye opener thank you..
Dr. Ramani, you are truly saving lives. This speech is beautiful! It's so inspiring that I'm considering going back to school at 41 years old to help people overcome this unfathomable cycle of emotional abuse. It leaves people BROKEN. They bulldoze through everyone that loves them lives gaing REAL LOVE AND APPRECIATION to use as supply/fuel, and when they've sucked out the last drop, they're left so hurt they can't function. Their lives are ruined. They never get over it in some cases. They spend the rest of their lives wondering why they weren't good enough when all they did was LOVE THEM😥
She is a machine. 100% expert and secure. What is interesting to me here in the comments section is that everybody knows a narcissist, but nobody is one.
We all fighting against our own ghosts, some admits some not. Admitting is the "first step towards a change".
Thank you Dr.
Narcissists don't watch videos like this lol
Wow that was prophetic. I am considering my own behaviors and dont think I line up with what a narcissist is and frankly anyone who is coming here to better themselves probably isnt a true narcissist. Narcs do not do self evaluations.
WOW you are on fire 🔥 and dead on! I was married to a narc/demon for almost 50 years...finally escaped and lucky to be alive! Thank you for validation and inspirational message...God bless you.XOXOXO
14:58
I love her! This gives me hope & more strength
The truth...
we can't turn empathy into money!!!!!!
that's why narcissism is growing
empathy is losing its power
we need to show that empathy is necessary and useful
we need to show empathy has greater values than narcissism
otherwise, we are not changing anything because at least some part of narcissism is somehow useful in some way for survival
We all need to be on the look out for Narcissistic people.
When we spot them in business we should all need to choose not to use their services.
Don't use a narcissistic real estate agent when buying or selling your home.
Don't give promotions to narcissists.
Don't follow them on social media, go and unfollow some now.
Don't vote for them.
@@Playboysmurf1 this is too idealistic. Most people don't even know what narcissism is and how to accurately spot them.
Maybe we should teach people with empathy to compete and win narcissistic people.
BBB we can’t win narcisstic people. The only way is, out!
BBB , in a partnership, narcissists choose empaths ( people who have loads of empathy).
An empath can be bullied, manipulated and violated. An empath is forgiving till it’s too late
@@Daisy00984 I mean if empaths can win or grow business-wise in a way that is valuable to the society.
Otherwise, if narcissism is more competitive and make more money then they can have more resources and more people will be narcissistic
I never thought I could be manipulated in the way my ex did, it happens so quickly and quietly you don’t know it’s happening till it is too late.
The more I dive into this subject matter ,the more I realize that I have never had a healthy relationship in my life .....🧐
Funny ... i feel the exact same way.
Just dive deeply as much as you can.....after you will recognize these people from a mile away............. creepy ,this was my experience....
I realized I have never in my life set a boundary.
Same
Me neither and I'm 40 now. I think i'm going to end alone. I feel it's to late to break the cycle.
This is me. I have grown over the last ten years. I am surrounded by strong, loving supportive, friends.
Project Queen, you are too precious to be with a narcissist!
The most incredible, empowering and motivating ted talk I have ever seen. So well articulated, and the messages really hit home. Wow.
Dr Ramani is so right. My mother was a malignant narcissist so I equated love with complexity & struggle of constant demand without reciprocation., Sadly I overlooked people who treated me well without complication. I feel bad that I hurt those few people as I remained trapped in old narcissistic relationships of control, criticism & demand. This was my normality & it took years to realise I was just always trying to satisfy those who lived in a state of perpetual discontent.
There needs to be a prime time TV programme on narcissism just so millions of people can sit there next to their abusers and have it all suddenly click.
Yep!
It still won’t 😢. Sadly they’ll prob twist and use the info against you, and call you the narcissist. That’s their thing.