6 months into my weightloss journey and cannot begin to tell you how much better I get treated the smaller i get! Thought I was going crazy so thank you for speaking about your experience and highlighting how often our relationship with our bodies and food is a direct result of childhood issues xx
Amen-- but really I dunno that anyone else even knows they are doing it. Like I dont get treated better in a romantic/attractive person way--- I get treated better in a more respectful/deferential way-- like they think I'm actually more competent. And I'm sure its all subconscious. Like no one chose to ignore me when I was fat, they were literally not noticing me. No one is chosing to think I'm more intelligent now, it just.....happens. maddening. Horrifying. But not conscious.
@@CeresIsABetterPlanetThanPlutoit's understandable though. Since 70% or more of the population is overweight/obese, people who are in shape will get more respect by virtue of exhibiting control over a problem that most ppl succumb to with ease. A minority of ppl are in good shape. In a time when society is built to cater to fat ppl, those who don't give in to it are rare. It takes self-respect to work on being fit and you cant be obese if you respect yourself. If you don't respect yourself, no one else will.
Yeah, I get treated like a human again. I’ve been super fit most my life but being a super high consumer of energy when I injured myself and had 2 kids I piled on weight like crazy. Feel like people stopped taking me seriously, straight up wouldn’t reply when I’d say good morning, goodbye, would abuse me verbally from passing cars when exercising in public and just generally crap treatment. I never understood it as I never did this crap, but now that I’m back down to a healthy weight I’ve been treated a lot more like a human again. It sucks that people are like this.
When I was 12 I had pneumonia. I was always a chubby, overweight kid but I lost a ton of weight very quickly as I was so ill. I went to a friend's house just after getting better and her mother wouldn't stop telling me how amazing I looked, what a difference and how much better I appeared. That has stuck with me forever :( This pattern repeated in my life as I struggled with food and lost and gained weight over and over.
I can totally relate to what you're saying. I was overlooked for years because I didn't fit the 'ideal' body standard. People seemed to gravitate towards those who looked a certain way, and I was always on the outside looking in. Then, like you, I had a health issue that caused rapid weight loss, and suddenly, the same people who ignored me before wanted to talk. It was such a weird feeling-part of me felt validated, but another part of me was frustrated because I knew it was all superficial. I’m not angry about it now, just more aware of how society often equates attractiveness with worth. Thanks for sharing your experience-it’s comforting to know I wasnt the only one.
kinda similar situation - i messed up my face a few years back and when i met up with my aunt (after i had to have stitches in my lip) the first thing she told me was "at least you might lose some weight now!" the worst thing was that she said it as if it was a completely normal and not insulting comment but it hurt me deeply and i still think about it now...
When you mentioned not even being looked at by men that hit deep. It’s so hurtful to not even be treated like a human. One time an old “friend” was seeing a man that turned to me and said “I don’t know why you’re here. No one wants you here.” And she couldn’t understand why that was so hurtful??
Idk I think it depends on the person because I’m fat like fat fat but a lot of my friends were guys just they didn’t like me romantically and funny enough I was dehumanized by women but I’m so sorry that happened to you I know how it feels to not been seen
How were you acting? Because for someone to say that and no one calling them out... Some nasty behavior must have precede it. Maybe your friend was like "well.... maybe next time try to be less of a c*** to my bf!"
@@ulizez89I think the point of their story was that she was treated poorly bc of her appearance not bc of her behavior. And most girls unfortunately side with their bf even if he's in the wrong and it sounds like all of them were shallow.
Idk I learned a lot about self worth and loving myself and others no matter their weight by being fat in my formative years. It was hard at times for sure but I don’t think I’d be the person I am today if I wasn’t fat in high school and college. And even when I gained weight back after losing 50lbs, I still had that self love and self worth that I gained in my formative years of being fat. So not matter my weight at whatever age, I know I will always love myself and be confident in who I am
@@Mnmn-xi6cj oooh love the fat phobia and skinny privilege just radiating from your comment. Not even sure why you’re watching a video criticizing fat phobia and still commenting fat phobic rhetoric. Weight doesn’t always equate to health
@@Mnmn-xi6cj I think my original comment was automatically d3l3ted so I'll have to purposefully misspell some words: oooooh I love your obvious f@t ph0b!a and sk!nny privilege from your comment! You don't actually care about someone's h3alth. You just care if they are f@t. Not sure why you came to a video that is so obviously criticizing f@t ph0b!c rhetoric just to say something f@t ph0b!c. And w3ight does not always equate to h3alth. I truly believe I learned A LOT of valuable life lessons from being f@t in my formative years that you clearly did not learn, otherwise you would not have made that comment. And oh my gosh guess what? I survived being f@t as a teenager! I did not undergo any serious life-thr3aten!ng distress from being f@t as a teenager. And being f@t as a teen actually motivated me to be h3althy as an adult. Am I still considered f@t by society? Probably yes. But do I workout hard 4 days a week, eat h3althy, and take care of my b0dy? Also yes. Which is why I say that w3ight does not always equate to h3alth. I may be f@t but I am actually very h3althy. Also, the reason why I commented on this original comment is because the person made it sound like being f@t in your formative years is the absolute worse thing that could happen to someone. It's not. There are so many more important and horrible things to worry about than someone else's w3ight.
It’s crazy the difference that 40lbs makes in how people treat you. I got so much attention at my smallest from everyone, mostly men. But at my biggest, I felt so isolated. I’m currently somewhere in the middle, mostly focusing on muscle growth. But I feel so much better.
Its very difficult to gain muscle, yo-yo dieters are likely to have lesser nuscle. And by some insane reason you do end up being very bulky before realising, it will easily go down. Most of the actresses work out, they have very defined arms. So ya keep working out.
“Nobody wants to talk to you.” Seriously! I would blame myself a lot because I watched lots of therapists videos and read self-help books saying ‘it’s not your weight or looks, it’s your attitude and lack of confidence that pushes people away and makes you unlikeable’. But in times where I’ve felt amazing, happy and positive-minded I still noticed that people didn’t treat me well, treated me differently to skinny people or left me out of a lot of activities intentional or not. It’s still hard not to blame myself, like there’s something wrong with me and that’s why people don’t really bother with me, but I try my best to focus on accepting myself instead of trying to gain it from others. It’s a hard road and I think fat people are embarrassed to share this part. Thank you for sharing your experiences, I relate to it a lot!
I lost weight and got in great shape because I knew women wouldn’t want me the way I was. But they still treat me awful because my face isn’t pretty and I’m not rich. So now next plan is to get rich so I can get a wife . At least women just have to put the fork down and men will want them. Not quite so easy for men. At least I’m 6’2 and not short too. Otherwise women would be even worse to me
@@Richie_Alpha_Rabbit69Richie putting the fork down doesn’t magically make them pretty in the face lol. Thats why plastic surgery suddenly skyrocketed. You are 6’2 as well if you have to do is get a stable job and your status goes up you are still at advantage then and ugly woman who can’t add degrees etc to make her valuable.
@Richie_Alpha_Rabbit69 Are you sure it's the woman and not your personality? You sound bitter. Did you take a second and thought 'Why ALL women I met keep treating me awful?' and have not reached the conclusion it could be because of you? I think you'd benefit working not ONLY on your body but ALSO your personality and mind and other traits...like do you have anything goal in your life other than 'get the riches and the bitches'.? "At least women have to put the fork down men will want them" Are you implying men are so shallow that they would want any good looking woman? But you turn around and complain when women do the same. Not all women are the same like how men aren't the same in the end we are all human what we want from the relationship is the connection. ( and other factors are to maintain this connection on a healty level). Ps. My writing is probably is a little off since english is not my native language
@@Richie_Alpha_Rabbit69 listen, when I met my fiancé he lost his job and gained a lot of weight due to depression. And now almost 2 years later we’re engaged. It had nothing to do with looks but who he was and how he makes me feel. I recommend you look inwards rather than outwards to make improvements. This way you can find a wife that loves you and not your looks or money. Also, you shouldn’t be choosing partners based on how fit they are, putting down the fork doesn’t get you a good husband.
@@marypadron6186 Well it improves your chances dramatically if you are not obese. Most Men don’t want that in a girlfriend or wife. I’m a man trust me I know how men talk . Unfortunately most women want money and status. It’s just the way it is. You should try dating women dressed as a man and see how it is. I get treated as if I’m on a job interview ha what’s my 1-2 year plan to become successful blah blah blah, I live with my mother though at age 31. She kind of treated me like a husband from an early age. Now she is broke and I can’t help her out and afford the insane cost of housing in Canada for my own place . She sold everything when I lived with a girlfriend for a while but when she died I moved back with mom . Now I feel stuck and if women didn’t care about money why do they get so stand offish when I tell them my living situation?
I had an ED most of my life and I was PRAISED and it broke my heart because when I was healing from my ED I obviously gained weight (as I should have) but I’ve never heard more horrible comments about my weight gain to myself ever in my life especially from my own family
i sill feel stuck in my own disorder just because now that ive lost so much and am treated so much better, i feel like im grasping on to weight loss for dear life because im so terrified of being treated horribly again. i hope you continue to stay recovered, and i know its never a linear progress but im rooting for you ❤
@@xxflameaminoxx thank you so so much for your kind words I am rooting for you as well. It is so SO tough to be in that position and my heart goes out to you. The main switch I made is not punishing myself (so much) for the things I ate, it was so hard and I still do it but it’s helped with my overall relationship with my health
I lost my weight in a way that wasn’t toxic to me mentally, ate clean, didn’t restrict crazy, moving my body more than I ever had. When I tell you gaining 15 lbs back this year put me into a mental spiral from hell where I was going insane about it is an understatement. I’m just now building a healthier mindset around it. Also at my thinnest that’s when I truly hated others the most. Getting treated better did not change the fact that I had trauma built up from being treated so poorly for my size for my entire life.
Mental health therapist here. Wow, you have made absolute STRIDES! So impressed with you and your courage in making this video. Thank you for sharing the highs and lows of your journey.
'in on the secret' made me SCREAM bc it's so real! & also the hangover feeling of 'that person must be getting romantic attention bc they're smaller than me' when you're objectively also... pretty small. it's like some diet culture demon in your brain & it can make you feel terrible to be vulnerable about it, when you know you look different now. maybe not a unique experience but one few people speak on, loved this.
not a lot of people even can comprehend the amount of anxiety you get when youre so far away from your parents, and not at the weight that they deem suitable, just thinking about the comments theyll make when youre all back together again. i lost a tremendous amount of weight during college literally due to cocain* addiction, and when i got back home my mom paraded me around and called me "model skinny". i remember she even asked me to go shopping with her, she never ever asked me before lol
Ngl I sobbed throughout this entire video. I relate almost exactly to your experience. I had a tiny mom who I realize now had eating disorders of her own, and she put so much value in my appearance and our appearance as a family. I developed a binge eating disorder and had to sneak to the kitchen in the middle of the night to eat, and hid wrappers around my room because she dug through the trash and reprimanded me for eating “bad.” Fast forward to college and I gained 40 pounds in my first semester because of the feeling of freedom for the first time. Shocked my family when I came home for the holidays and was threatened emotionally and financially to either lose weight or lose my family. I’m sorry you had to go through your experience. And I’m glad we’re both doing better now. I relate to you so much ❤
the fact that you were threatened to lose weight or lose your family is so sick on another level. im so sorry that happened to you, i hope you're doing better
I'm currently losing weight...i fantasize about being a normal size and have since I was a little girl. 60 pounds down and the obsession is only getting worse.
Antifat bias exists, but know that you can deserve to have/do all the things that a straight size person deserves. Coming from someone who lost weight and realized being normal size didn't change all the things
I understand. I’ve been so obsessive to the point of weighing myself everyday multiple times. You have to take a minute to keep doing what you’re doing just because. I say that because if you’re doing it for a number, for a certain look, any deviation from that can send you down a horrible spiral. All your work could be reversed. We all know we’re doing the work to lose it (hopefully forever) but obsessing over it places your self worth on it and can cause you to binge and end up in the same place once you have enough days of “failure.” You begin to feel worthless for what you’re not losing. I’m proud of you and wish you luck. Remember you will always be you no matter the outer shell.
I don't know if this would be helpful, but I find focusing on only the things that affect me (health, more energy, more comfort in clothes shopping), can be better than allowing societial reasons to flood in. It's great that youre working on your goal and doing well, let the reasons for you sing louder.
Look after yourself, prioritise your mental health because without that, nothing is worth it. You are worth so much. Clean sheets a long shower face mask always helps me ❤ sending love
Just a few days ago I reached 100 lbs down from my highest weight and I just wanna say I hear you and I relate to you. People who were never fat will never understand the depth of the pain you experience at the hands of other people
"i accept horrible treatment because i've never even been looked at before. i'll take what i can get." such a succinct way to phrase this crazy phenomenon!! after losing weight i dated the very first guy to show absolutely any interest in me because it was so novel, so incredible. i wasn't even attracted to him--i was attracted to his attraction to me.
needed this. i lost roughly 60+ lbs, and while it may not seem like a lot, im very short so i look like a completely different person. ur experience mirrors mine so so so much, except for the fact that i'm FROM massachusetts lmao and moved down south where being thicker is actually considered BETTER! so while i was down there and i was overweight, i had never felt more beautiful in my life. adding the fact that i'm also black, and black women get more love in the south than they do up in the north east, it was kind of jarring to feel the difference. when i moved back up & had lost the weight by then, it was crazy how differently men especially, but everyone, treated me. it's like i got an instant halo effect. it makes me weep for my younger self, but i'm really happy i experienced both sides of the coin. i learned a lot about fatphobia & am now really happy with my results
The way the constant bullying I experienced for my appearance basically disappeared overnight when I came back to middle school after losing 30lbs (due to disordered eating unfortunately) and the stark difference in treatment from my peers and teachers was so different and positive it basically reinforced all the feelings i was having and actions I was taking. I feel like that’s really common for people and it unfortunate how society almost rewards disordered eating over just being “fat”
The biggest disservice anyone ever did to me when I was fat (6'2 285) was to not tell me that all my problems in life were related to my weight. Yes, I feel great and look better now at 209 but I know I've got 30 more lbs to go. I'm not fatphobic since I've lost weight, but it did open my eyes to how the world really works. Society's moralization of body composition is inescapable, and fighting against that truth will only cause damage to people mentally and physically.
The place of privilege comment is so true. It is so hard to put energy into looking after ourselves when life is work and trying to afford any food let alone healthy food.
My girlfriend and I just had this conversation while sitting at a Starbucks after a morning workout. To be in a position to eat healthy, afford a gym membership and have the time to dedicate to being fit and healthy is financially out of reach for most. It’s pretty sad.
I get $250 a month on EBT and I just get frozen veggies and make my own sauces and stuff. I wish more people could get more money to get food bc it's really beneficial
And the healthcare for weight management is abysmal. You shouldn’t have to feel like you’re in this alone with no expert you can readily rely on when you need help. I feel this way because I was diagnosed with PCOS which can cause rapid weight gain and random fluctuations. My doctor just said “lose weight! Weight watchers maybe?” While also telling me that a dietitian who could help me is expensive and doesn’t accept insurance - the person I’d rather talk to. Oh well…. Instead of weight watchers I bought some creatine powder. My plan is to eat at my normal calorie maintenance rate (which is 2500; I ain’t doing that 1200 stuff) and see how that might aid in body composition. I also have my adult tricycle and a pair of 10 lb dumbbells at home. (I do have good news; in my experience you don’t have to spend hours to grow your muscles; I like Madfit’s 6 minute arm workout videos and most days I just rest how many bicep curls I can get away with without struggling- I’m seeing some muscle definition poke through so that excited me enough to buy creatine) So far on day 1 creatine does give you more energy for workouts. $17 from Walmart.
@@bigpynk visiting my local supermarket shows otherwise. 10 bags of crisps £2, a punnet of grapes £2.50, a bag of salad £2, a bag of frozen chips £1. I work hard to make healthy choices and don't buy branded food, but my comment stands. Families are struggling and will go for the cheaper longer lasting options.
I grew up as a dancer, so for me to be as thin as the other girls (who were younger than me mind you) took a LOT of dance and not feeding myself properly. It fully messed up my perception of my body and I always thought I was fat despite being very skinny. Once I quit dance, got into a long term relationship and went on birth control, I started gaining weight. Comments like "you're so boney" "Flat ass" "wow you really have no boobs" turned into "You're a cow" "Little piggie" "what's this?" (as a family member grabbed my back fat). I was only 10kg heavier but people started treating me so much worse which only made me spiral and made my body dysmorphia worse. But you know what? Yes maybe I am bigger than I once was. But I'm a WOMAN now, not a child, and I'm slowly gaining back my confidence :)
Know how that feels, i became so, so sneeky with what i would eat because of not just the "bullying" my mum wohld do but also the constant acknowledgement that someone had eaten something, her dad (my grandad) was just as bad - being autistic, i find it nauseatingly uncomfortable having unexpected attention drawn to me, but it was constant with food, whether it was how i was eating a meal or the fact i was eating anything outside (even it it was fruit/veg snack) no one else got these comments in the family, just me.
I'm a man, but I relate a lot to your story, especially sneaking to the snack cabinet as a kid to avoid my parents' judgement. We actually graduated the same year. Although I did have a few stretches of significant weight loss (30-50 pounds) in college I always gained it back. Covid did the opposite for me and lead to me gaining an additional 50 pounds. I moved to a new city to start graduate school. Between the stress and a large reduction in activity, it was way too easy to gain weight. Fortunately, I now finally feel like I am heading in the right direction.
This video really spoke to me. 😭 I relate to you SOOO much it hurts. From a previously very overweight girlie to a now considered “normal” lower end of weight girlie… no one seems to understand how much I still identify with the feelings I did being overweight. The shame, the insecurity, it all still carries mentally. Noticing how people treat you differently just stings. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies after the weights finally off. There is still pain to be dealt with. And we’re still very much the same person inside as before that deserves love and respect at any shape! Thank you for sharing your personal story. ❤
@@janessalopezzzonly some on my arms since I did a lot of strength training during the weight loss. But it’s a bummer, my arms are still a big insecurity. 😩
@@Erinnestatici've been trying to look up ways to prevent it, i know you can take fish oil and vitamin c pills and they seem to be pretty affective so i might try that! i did hear how weight training is good though because it builds muscle around the fat so that's interesting but it is different for everyone! but honestly you are beautiful no matter what! my arms are an insecurity for me too and getting loose skin is kind of why i'm scared to lose weight but i think if it as "would i rather be overweight or would i rather be healthier and potentially maybe have loose skin?" and it kind of helps me. i know stretch marks and loose skin shouldn't be what i'm concerned about but i can't help it 😭
@@janessalopezzzit’s totally normal to feel hesitant and even nervous or scared of your body changing! I was too. Your body is so smart and will automatically know what to do when change is occurring - it definitely feels weird watching it change… but it’s also wonderful knowing it can move & grow with us in so many different ways!❤😊
It’s horrible. Started my weigh loss journey at 12 and lost 100 pounds by 15 cause of COVID. It was actually the comments from the people around me that made me gain all the weight back. Now I’m a year into my weight loss journey because my self esteem was so low and I felt like I had to do something, I’m 40 pounds down, healthily🙏. Fatphobia is so dehumanizing.
Girl, my heart goes out to you, you started at 12, sending hugs and love. Please try only focus on the reasons for you and not what other people say, if need be, think, "theyre only fatfobia, because they dont understand, too closed minded" i know that probs sounds like the start to a superiority complex, but, it can help in bringing attention back to you, yourself and you health (physical and mental).
As men were not really allowed to talk about these types of experiences and my heart goes out to all the women who have to go through this shit.I remember loosing weight in high school and literally developing anorexia which i disguised as "fasting/calorie deficit". It wasn't, it was just starving myself for days on end until i had to eat something in order to stay alive. The experience that stuck with me was my at the time girlfriend intoxicatedly telling me that shes proud of me for going from "fat fuck" to a "skinny legend". That shit sticks with me to this day. My younger self didn't deserve to be talked about like that because i know how much i tried in elementary school to loose the weight and how alien i felt because of it
You articulated everything so well. It never feels enough. Never feel small enough. Never feel validated enough. Never feel as if anyone is actually seeing the real you. I'm half of what I used to be (73lbs and counting) and I'm unrecognizable to myself at times. But I also still feel like the big girl I've always been, especially in photos.
I feel exactly how you feel. I have always been on the bigger side. It left me feeling unseen, unwanted, undesirable. Then I lost an insane amount of weight when my parents divorced and I went through the greatest depression of my life, suddenly I was thin and “beautiful”. People treated me differently, much much better but I didn’t know how to handle it because I still felt like the same chunky ugly girl I was my whole life. Right as I started to get use to being a thin person, I developed PCOS and have gained 10 pounds every year since I was 23. I’m almost 29 now, and now I’m in a bigger body again trying to renavigate life. This time, I’ve only just realized how big I’ve become because for so long I thought I was still small, like some type of opposite body dysmorphia? It’s like I can never fully understand my body and how I look. Being perceived is so scary to me because I struggle so much to perceive myself. I accept treatment that isn’t healthy or loving because at least it is attention. I just want to feel happy and healthy in my body, I want to heal my self esteem and make better choices and accept better treatment. The human experience can be so confusing and exhausting!
Being attracted to men while fat is DIFFICULT. In high school, guys would rate us gals. I was always seen as "disgusting", "inhuman", etc. I was always ranked as the least attractive. It makes me angry that I NEVER saw women do that (not saying women aren't shallow). Even when a guy I liked said he had a girlfriend, the memories of past rejections just crept. I was also on a diet so that made me binge eat.
Your story resonated with me. I was extremely skinny growing up and was teased throughout school and my formative years. In my adult years, I’ve gone from extremely fit to pretty overweight. I wasn’t obese, but I did have the stereotypical dad bod plus some. Over the last year, I got back into working out and look more like a personal trainer than a photographer. You are absolutely correct. I see how differently I am treated now that I’m very fit. Body dysmorphia is real. I still see myself as not fit enough, because of my childhood. I never had a problem dating, but had extreme insecurity because I felt I wasn’t enough or worthy. I masked it by being extremely outgoing. I was very much a people pleaser. I have managed to finally let go of my value being based on what others thought or felt about me. It was hard and is still a conscious effort. I know everyone’s story is different, but I felt I could relate to yours in some ways.
I want to give you hug. Thank you for being so vulnerable and articulating this tough experience. I relate do much to your experience and I’m really working on it.
I've experienced a similar shift since becoming a better looking guy in my later 20s. I'm surprised at how people are inviting me to things and following my recommendations of things to do. And obviously the attention and more importantly the reciprocity from women is so different. I'm very thankful for growing up in such a safe and loving home bc I'm sure I too would be in intense therapy otherwise, now I feel like I can handle the shift bc my family always loved me and complimented me even when it was more 'aspirational'!
"Sometimes we wouldn't have food in the house" Same. So many of us that become fat seem to share that history. I'm so happy for you that you are better now. I am too although it took me about 4 decades longer than it took you, up down up down for years until I finally figured things out. I decided my past doesn't matter, it's what I do now that does and for me that has worked well.
So relatable! When I was like 240 and obviously pregnant, strangers still treated the skinny me better than the pregnant version. I also have something almost like grief for my younger/hotter version of myself on bad days. Workin' thru it but its not ok! I don't want to pass these things down to my girlies.
Thank you for sharing, I related to a lot of what you shared after losing 70ish pounds, especially the compliments hurting your self esteem. I've never been able to quite explain why that hurt so much and you have helped me to understand myself a little better. Much love
Thank you for acknowledging how it can be hard to be physical in a big body. I’ve been starting to incorporate physical activity in my life and I get down on myself because I can’t do all the things I want and my body hurts and gives out. Hearing that is validating ❤
Good for you for increasing your movement! There’s a quote I’ve found helpful, which is “Don’t let what you can’t do keep you from doing what you can do.” Baby steps! You got this!
I’m diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder and binge eating disorder. & it’s crazy how my brain thinks about weight and the overall way I look. I genuinely can’t imagine treating anyone different based on their weight, but the way I speak to myself is so bad. I also find myself thinking, “they are so gorgeous. If they lost weight, they would be unstoppable.” So unconsciously, I add to the problem.
at my heaviest i was 263 lbs... just last week i reached 210lbs and have already received so much more attention from men then i have literally my whole life. btw i am 4'11 so i still have a long way to go... but honestly, rather than being happy i am kind of annoyed. like just a few days ago some guy literally bent over backwards to open the door for me, he had already gotten in the store and walked backwards to open it for me as i was leaving... i have social anxiety so i would rather keep going unnoticed but my health is more important. weightloss for me is to have better health and i have actually started enjoying working out. i just wish people didn't judge others based on weight but here we are 🤷♀
What did you expect though? People are built that way, and just because someone is too lazy to go and work out, others should not have to adjust to them, change their preferences and go against the way they were built by nature lol, I recommend the channel - "Think Before You Sleep", very well explains about this topic and gives tips on weight loss, etc
As someone who grew up as a fat kid and has gained and lost weight multiple times in my life, I found this so relatable! Thanks for putting yourself out there and sharing 💙
I was also a lot heavier in college, and I was met with some SHOCKING cruelty from other gay men. It was as if my audacious attempts to approach them (all thru apps, natch) was a profound disrespect to them and I needed to be thoroughly punished for my transgressions. I don’t think people who have never been fat truly understand how deeply it cuts to be treated as completely disgusting
I relate so much to this, the unstable home life, stressful managing of life (social/financial), food is the only source of joy and comfort. The part about ppl having something to say about weight loss and the overall better (humane) treatment from ppl is so freaking true. It really does feel like a slap to the face, especially since you're very much the same person (you're still YOU) just physically smaller. It's very jarring to see the the difference in treatment-- even if it's for the better.
Love the honesty and vulnerability. I relate so much to this all the way from the childhood trauma and being the biggest friend and feeling unattractive. Love this and you!! You’re gorgeous no matter what
bro literally everything you said, sneaky eating in childhood, end of middle school early high school parent divorce and moved out of childhood home, apartments, abuse (from stepdad and real dad) just so many similar sentiments and gained some weight in high school and fat phobic comments early on. like why did we have the same childhood. gained most of my after high school. i'm 26 now almost 27 and am now starting my weight loss journey and trying to be more healthy.
thank you for sharing your experience ❤️ i relate a lot to your experience in college but covid made it worse for me, it finally hit me i had to lose weight during summer of 2022 and i was able do it but then again i was in a position of privilege because i didn’t have a job and i had stopped going to classes for a while. it’s just so hard to control your weight when your life is so busy and you have a million things to do everyday AND you have to deal with mental health issues. being a person is really really hard
This really spoke to me. So thanks for sharing. I have been feeling really down about the lose skin after 120lbs loss and I just feel like the loose skin is a constant reminder of the abuse I went through as a child. It very sadly comforting to know someone can relate.
Hey girlie I had the same problem with men. I want to let you know that it’s not worth it to let these men take advantage. Because it can lead to weight gain too because it’s another loop to emotional weight gain. I’m so glad you’re learning to love yourself
I was very ill and was struggling with and ED at the same time (the lack of control over my health just made me tip over the edge), but I went from very overweight, to very thin, VERY FAST. I was very confident as a large girl. VERY confident. As I got thinner, I lost my confidence and my will to wear clothing that I liked (nothing fit me anymore), and I never wanted to be seen. But I was treated better. Men talked to me, people wanted to be around me, I was suddenly so much funnier to everyone than I used to be, just everyone's vibe around me was SO different. When I asked my friends about it, they told me that it wasn't my weight, I was just more confident now! I just exuded confidence! I was so shocked because no?? No I didn't?? Not only did I not have the ENERGY for confidence (zero fuel in my body for anything, really), but I had so much more anxiety about my body because I was able to hide it and the effects that rapid weight loss had on me. As a big girl, your only option is to be confident because you've got literally nothing to hide because you can't! I had never felt worse and had never been treated better in my life. I get upset whenever I see people trying to convince others that "no, it's not your body! It's your vibe!" Yeah, the vibe of being skinny now. Just say that! If we address it then we can talk about it.
It's always interesting listening to other people's weight loss stories. I lost 50+lbs in 2019-2020 (5ft) and didn't notice a difference in how I was treated. Other than dating. I had a boyfriend while I was obese and also had one after losing weight. However, I definitely get more male attention post weight loss. Which I don't mind, never really found overweight or obese men attracting so I can't blame men for not being attracted to me at my heaviest.
When I was 12, my mom battled with addiction. I also used food for a coping mechanism and gained so much weight while my body was developing. I got so many stretchmarks that I hated how I looked, not to mention how everyone pointed it out. I ended up at a behavior center to get help. So, thank you for sharing your experience it helps ppl feel like they're not alone.
Thank you so much for your honesty. As someone who fluctuates weight a lotttt it’s hard to deal with the fat phobia I have towards myself. Such a crazy hard experience. You put it into words so well. Thank you!
"You need to be in place of privilege to lose weight" YES, YES AND YES!!! people need to talk more about this, I also had a time of my life when I could focus more on my weight, it usually was stress free time whit a lot of sticking to routine. Some people just have other things going on and it's hard to start diets when you have other responsibilities.
We definitely have a long way to go when it comes to how we talk about health and body composition, thank you for sharing your experience with the world so that others can see what a toll our society's views of body shape can have on us!
I was treated exactly like this too. I can't believe how much it resonates. It was disheartening because I was always kind to others. I became a people-pleaser because everyone except my parents was always dissatisfied with me. I never really had good quality friends either. Always felt out of place being taller and bigger than most. Some of them treated me differently when I lost weight, but it was still bad. I was disgusting to most girls in elementary school, and by the end of middle and into high school everything changed. Those same ones were crazy for me it was becoming too much. Some of the popular jocks wanted to be my friends. Some were cool to me before, and some were not. The mean ones I'd see treat someone overweight or nerdy horribly, and I was no longer interested in being friends. They'd get so mad and jealous of me for not wanting to be their friend, and it was a competition against them every day. They'd call me names or cheat in games we play at gym. It was wonderful to feel wanted at first, but it wore its welcome out fast. I felt more alone and miserable than ever. I felt like an object instead of a human being with feelings. I always loved food and found comfort in it. My mom is a great cook and I enjoy what I make. When I got into a relationship with my ex, I gained it all and then some. It was so long since I had a lot of the foods, and with the social expectation of eating more, it was hard to say no. The mexican and Italian food was a dream come true. Feeling "loved and valued" was what I was truly seeking from somewhere. Being a weightlifter, it was my excuse to bulk, and I shot up to 275 lbs. I'm 225 lbs now. I want to have a healthier relationship with myself and food. Then be the person I was lacking for people who earned it. I have nothing but empathy for people who are overweight or used to be. Hard not to when I experienced many similar feelings they did and am disgusted by the lack of humanity from some. My first go, there were a few people I mistreated to fit in, and I regret that. I was able to apologize since high school to one, and it felt so good. I'm scared of falling to any extreme; it sticks with you. I don't have much confidence in my ability to succeed this time but I'm giving it a go because the worst that can happen is I make a mistake. As long as I'm breathing I have a chance to do better. Hopefully this inspires someone or puts words to what you experience or how you feel. It might help from a guy's perspective because I understand that some girls feel alone in this battle. We can only join together to overcome it.
I have never heard anyone call it "straight" size. I remember many years ago when I had the physical before high school, I was 170 pounds and 5' 9" and the doctor wrote on the document "OBESE". Never forget it and it was 40 years ago!!
As a girl who’s been struggling heavily with weight gain/loss and body dysmorphia the majority of my life can definitely relate to this video. I always felt that I wasn’t enough because of my looks and my weight. It’s so deranged that people really do treat you differently based on your appearance. I’m still on my weight loss journey and it’s been a roller coaster and how my perspective of myself can change drastically every day makes me think I won’t ever escape and be truly happy with myself. However I met the love of my life after finally breaking free from a toxic and abusive relationship and I can finally hear the voices in my head quieting down. I feel like I’m finally getting to get a break from the anxiety and depression revolving around my appearance and I get reminded everyday how loved and beautiful I really am. Life does get better no matter how impossible it seems, and it’s been proven to me time and again. Don’t ever let yourself forget your worth, no matter your size.
i've watched many videos on this topic but i feel like you've read a diary of mine with this one. from turning to food for comfort as a child due to trauma (i even took money from my mom's wallet, unfortunately, bc at some point she wanted to keep my comfort foods from me). i hope you're in a better place mental health wise and overall.
I don’t think I have ever watched a video where I related to 100% of what was said. It’s crazy. Especially when you are between skinny and fat. I’m older now and I have some kind of peace treaty with my body but the urges to go for extreme diets when you’re on a platform are terrible. And I also still feel left out, misunderstood cause they don’t get it if they were not fat/ugly. People being attracted to me feels like a fraud. When everyone made silly experiences dating I was alone. And now with 20 I had to repeat the same things.. but I can say it does get better with time. Thanks so much for sharing. I feel understood! ♥️
As someone who has fluctuated between being skinny and fat for the past 20 years or so, I love when people notice my weight loss. It’s hard to loose weight, wether you do it the healthy way or unhealthy way (I had an eating disorder in my early 20s) I like when my hard work gets noticed and it actually motivates me.
Well said! I’m currently on a weight loss journey and lots of what you said of how people treat you differently when in reality you are exactly the same person you were before, is so true and so hurtful.
Im so happy to hear you’re at peace with the fact that bodies change. I have OCD and the need to control my weight through restriction and I’ve mostly overcome a lot of that stuff but it’s so important to understand everyone’s bodies change and if your body is happy where it’s at and your properly fueling yourself then accept yourself where you are
i feel so seen. i have never been able to hear from anyone else describe exactly what i went through. ive been 175 + pounds all of highschool, until last year over the course of 3 ish months i went down to 135. and let me tell you; the better treatment, the “reverse body dysmorphia” in a way, suddenly feeling seen… i never realized just how invisible i was when i was fat. and yeah, i unfortunately did end up having to distance myself from a lot of people i considered “friends” when i realized how they REALLY felt about me. looking at old photos now still feels so detaching, and all that changed was 40 something pounds. thank you so much for making me feel less alone ❤
as someone who is fat and was part of a sorority, i can definitely resonate a lot with how guys don't really talk to you. my university is smaller so there were a few guys that would talk to me as friends, but never strictly find me attractive. a lot of my sisters who were skinnier than me never really understand it is like as someone who is bigger the different reactions i get from them. thank you for sharing and highlighting this sad truth and for making this video!
i related sooo much to feeling invisible and unattractive. I've never really considered myself really fat, but i am 6th tall with a broad frame, and throughout high school and university i dont really have any memories of dating or someone being interested in me. its so sad that if you're outside the norm of looks, you are invisible
Your story made me realize some things about myself and my relationship to food, thank you for being vulnerable. I know it's hard, but also know that it helps people feel not alone 💝
this is honestly whats making recovery so hard for me. i lost weight unhealthily and i know i cant keep living this miserable life but im so attached to the way people treat me now that im not overweight and im scared of losing it
I’m sorry to hear you lost weight unhealthily. Are you at a healthy weight now (not underweight)? If so, you can switch to healthier habits to maintain your current weight. If you’re interested I’d be happy to share things I did to lose weight when I was overweight and to maintain it once in the healthy weight range. Baby steps! You got this!
So unrelated but your make up in this video is AMAZING. I’m anticipating this video is going to make me challenge some mental brainwashing I’ve experienced - as a straight sized person who grew up with a really toxic environment (including body sizes & physique/eating)
I want to give this a million likes because it's all true. What hurt the most was when I talked with a close friend about the mistreatment that I used to receive when I was overweight, and she said I needed to change. "U need to change! and not the bullies. It's you." No amount of therapy can fix this or me.
As someone (woman) who was never perceived small or thin in my entire life (overall tall + very broad shoulders and hips + extra weight due to depression + endocrinology issues since 2nd grade) the desperation and isolation are so, SO strong. There was never a time when anybody approached me to take my number on the street, nor has never anybody expressed a want to become my partner romantically or sexually who has met me (on the internet from someone in other country with no immediate possibility of meeting? Sure. In real life? Never) People don’t tell to my face that I am ugly, but the feeling of not being physically attractive to anybody my whole life is dehumanizing. I don’t think it is possible to understand the depth of this feeling for anybody who didn’t experienced it I grew up from a little girl who dreamed of being “cute”, “petite”. Now, when I look in the mirror, on good days, I can manage to feel neutral. On bad days, I see a monster and I want to tear excess fat off of me with my teeth
I wasn't obese, I was chubby. I am 5'7, and more than 2 years ago I had 171 pounds. A bit too much for me. I didn't get rid of the baby weight, as 6 years ago I became a mother. And I am struggling with an eating disorder since I was a teenager. Anyway, for more than 2 years, I have a stable and healthy weight, 132 pounds. And I am very proud of me for my achievement. Nevertheless, I had the sheer shock to observe how kindly people treated me after the weight loss. This was just sad. The fact that you treat someone better just because of their weight and looks.
I gained around 40 pounds after my second endometriosis surgery and a really bad/nonexistent recovery period, where I was thrust into work and responsibility immediately afterward again...these pounds have stayed with me over the last 2 years and I have found nothing that works for me losing that weight... On top struggling with an ever worsening, chronic and incurable disease, it's hard to stay kind to yourself. It honestly is really hard facing all the fatphobia I have internalised over the course of my life through media and my upbringing, and I see myself differently now (less worthy, lazy, unattractive, etc.). I still struggle with self love and I try to be kind to myself every day. My body is keeping me alive and I have to make right by it and treat it well, until I am healthy enough to start losing weight again.
I've always been a fat kid as a little girl and I remember being FOURTEEN and losing a bunch of weight really quickly (because of silly little ✨~traumas~✨) and the amount of compliments on my "new body" I would get from the parents and adults in my life was crazyyyyy, I could never imagine being anything but concerned if a child I knew crashed weight in either direction suddenly, and being in the performing arts industry the culture of feeling like you can never be skinny enough gets worse and worser lmao
All my life I was obese, lost 68 pounds and the way people treat me is completely different. I'm no longer seen as a bother to have around, I'm treated as a human being now. And how can I not hate and feel disgusted to how I used to look? I have no idea. I'm very cruel when it comes to talking about my past self, and I also feel the impulse to be hurtful towards plus size people. It's a bumpy road to self acceptance but I'm still willing to change, it happens :/ 17:44 that part is 100% accurate. I too feel super insecure if I'm not "picked". Thoughts of still being "fat" or "not normal" ruin my night, very unhealthy.
I was told as a child I was going to be fat when I grow up as all the women in the family were fat. It had the opposite impact and suffered with anorexia to the point I was in hospital for months trying not to not be here anymore. Yes I have an actual phobia of getting fat but I really have no opinion on others. I just want people around me to be happy and healthy. I have watched my mum be on a permanent diet since a little kid. Diet culture was in my face from a young age. The only time I was bigger was in pregnancy. I have got balance now but that fear remains
Hi from Boston! So nice to come across other East coast people:) I definitely feel you so much on the childhood issues , hiding food and the unstable family life. Side note: loveeee the nails and lip combo 🔥
been following you on instagram for a while now and just learned you had a youtube! this video was really touching cause everything you said I could relate to. its nice to hear someone else talking about it cause whenever i bring it up to my family members they don't get it cause they've never been overweight. ❤
and when you brought up hiding wrappers in the couch or putting garbage on top of the wrappers i totally felt that. i used to do that a lot but i've been working on feeling less shame eating what and how much i want. especially cause when something gets eaten everyone usually blames me which makes me feel worse. and the worst is when people say "are you really gonna eat that much?" LIKE YES I AM
The only thing I can say about dating and men who only flirt with the "skinny" friend is to just discuss that with your girlfriends. It means men are only approaching the smaller girls for a reason, be it that men gain social status the skinnier their partners are or perhaps it's just their type but either way the conversation around male-gaze granting worth to women only if they are skinny does need to be a topic discussed amongst girlfriends.
It was interesting to watch this but I had a different experience. I feel like people liked me more when I was fatter and deep in my binge eating disorder. But I feel so much better now that I lost the weight and I have normal eating habits
You're so right. I broke with some family members over their comments and treatment of me and my weight. My friends on the other hand were happy that i felt healthier and looked happier but didn't care otherwise and i love them for that.
Totally relate to a lot of what you are saying. I was never plus size but I was very overweight. When I went to college the stress led to to redeveloping my ED and I lost almost 30 lbs. I gained a bit and maintained but recently I lost more weight (healthily this time!!) and I’m the smallest I’ve been since I was 14. It feels so completely different. The attention from men is extremely noticeable. It suddenly seems as if all these people find me attractive yet sometimes it feels like a joke. I’m perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop and to realize this is all fake. It’s strange because none of my friends can really understand how surreal this feels. Even tho I’m much happier at my new weight and I plan on maintaining it does make me sad for the 18 year old girl who was ignored and ate her feelings.
I’m a college athlete who’s never been overweight but I also get ignored by boys 😆 for real, no one’s ever expressed any romantic interest in me whatsoever at school - probably b/c I’m more of a nerd & don’t wear makeup. But the way I see it, college guys r immature and being ignored in school doesn’t mean there’s something wrong/unlovable about you. After graduation things r bound to change for the better regardless of the reason u were rejected 😉
everytime im serving food or eating I could always see my mum staring at me, in like a really judgemental way. Even when I would say I didn't want to eat or had no appetite, she gets excited and tells me how that's great. I now have a wierd relationship with food aswell, I always eat in my room.
I'm in a cycle of loss and gain. I don't even care about if men like me anymore. I got married at 22 and had two sons 18 months apart. I'm the heaviest I've ever been and I hate not being able to fit in my clothes. To make matters worse, my husband also criticizes my body. Yet, he won't do anything to help me get time to exercise.
6 months into my weightloss journey and cannot begin to tell you how much better I get treated the smaller i get! Thought I was going crazy so thank you for speaking about your experience and highlighting how often our relationship with our bodies and food is a direct result of childhood issues xx
Amen-- but really I dunno that anyone else even knows they are doing it. Like I dont get treated better in a romantic/attractive person way--- I get treated better in a more respectful/deferential way-- like they think I'm actually more competent. And I'm sure its all subconscious. Like no one chose to ignore me when I was fat, they were literally not noticing me. No one is chosing to think I'm more intelligent now, it just.....happens. maddening. Horrifying. But not conscious.
@@CeresIsABetterPlanetThanPlutoit's understandable though. Since 70% or more of the population is overweight/obese, people who are in shape will get more respect by virtue of exhibiting control over a problem that most ppl succumb to with ease. A minority of ppl are in good shape. In a time when society is built to cater to fat ppl, those who don't give in to it are rare. It takes self-respect to work on being fit and you cant be obese if you respect yourself. If you don't respect yourself, no one else will.
Please explain to me then why I get treated horrible for being thin. It goes both ways
Yeah, I get treated like a human again. I’ve been super fit most my life but being a super high consumer of energy when I injured myself and had 2 kids I piled on weight like crazy.
Feel like people stopped taking me seriously, straight up wouldn’t reply when I’d say good morning, goodbye, would abuse me verbally from passing cars when exercising in public and just generally crap treatment.
I never understood it as I never did this crap, but now that I’m back down to a healthy weight I’ve been treated a lot more like a human again.
It sucks that people are like this.
@@meggo329if you were fat, you’d be treated even worse, it’s the problem from the people around you
When I was 12 I had pneumonia. I was always a chubby, overweight kid but I lost a ton of weight very quickly as I was so ill. I went to a friend's house just after getting better and her mother wouldn't stop telling me how amazing I looked, what a difference and how much better I appeared. That has stuck with me forever :( This pattern repeated in my life as I struggled with food and lost and gained weight over and over.
I'm so sorry )): people just need to stop commenting on others bodies. Just remember, you're beautiful and worthy no matter what size you are.
I can totally relate to what you're saying. I was overlooked for years because I didn't fit the 'ideal' body standard. People seemed to gravitate towards those who looked a certain way, and I was always on the outside looking in. Then, like you, I had a health issue that caused rapid weight loss, and suddenly, the same people who ignored me before wanted to talk. It was such a weird feeling-part of me felt validated, but another part of me was frustrated because I knew it was all superficial.
I’m not angry about it now, just more aware of how society often equates attractiveness with worth. Thanks for sharing your experience-it’s comforting to know I wasnt the only one.
kinda similar situation - i messed up my face a few years back and when i met up with my aunt (after i had to have stitches in my lip) the first thing she told me was "at least you might lose some weight now!" the worst thing was that she said it as if it was a completely normal and not insulting comment but it hurt me deeply and i still think about it now...
When you mentioned not even being looked at by men that hit deep. It’s so hurtful to not even be treated like a human. One time an old “friend” was seeing a man that turned to me and said “I don’t know why you’re here. No one wants you here.” And she couldn’t understand why that was so hurtful??
I’m so sorry:/ she is/was a horrible person.
Ok that was a horror story
Idk I think it depends on the person because I’m fat like fat fat but a lot of my friends were guys just they didn’t like me romantically and funny enough I was dehumanized by women but I’m so sorry that happened to you I know how it feels to not been seen
How were you acting? Because for someone to say that and no one calling them out... Some nasty behavior must have precede it. Maybe your friend was like "well.... maybe next time try to be less of a c*** to my bf!"
@@ulizez89I think the point of their story was that she was treated poorly bc of her appearance not bc of her behavior. And most girls unfortunately side with their bf even if he's in the wrong and it sounds like all of them were shallow.
Being fat in your formative years is honestly something I would never wish upon ANYONE.
Idk I learned a lot about self worth and loving myself and others no matter their weight by being fat in my formative years. It was hard at times for sure but I don’t think I’d be the person I am today if I wasn’t fat in high school and college. And even when I gained weight back after losing 50lbs, I still had that self love and self worth that I gained in my formative years of being fat. So not matter my weight at whatever age, I know I will always love myself and be confident in who I am
@@j3nnacat thats nice and all but you an also learn to love yourself without putting your health at risk 🙏
@@Mnmn-xi6cjwhy would you even say this? She literally just explained her situation and how it shaped her. Why invalidate that?
@@Mnmn-xi6cj oooh love the fat phobia and skinny privilege just radiating from your comment. Not even sure why you’re watching a video criticizing fat phobia and still commenting fat phobic rhetoric. Weight doesn’t always equate to health
@@Mnmn-xi6cj I think my original comment was automatically d3l3ted so I'll have to purposefully misspell some words: oooooh I love your obvious f@t ph0b!a and sk!nny privilege from your comment! You don't actually care about someone's h3alth. You just care if they are f@t. Not sure why you came to a video that is so obviously criticizing f@t ph0b!c rhetoric just to say something f@t ph0b!c. And w3ight does not always equate to h3alth. I truly believe I learned A LOT of valuable life lessons from being f@t in my formative years that you clearly did not learn, otherwise you would not have made that comment. And oh my gosh guess what? I survived being f@t as a teenager! I did not undergo any serious life-thr3aten!ng distress from being f@t as a teenager. And being f@t as a teen actually motivated me to be h3althy as an adult. Am I still considered f@t by society? Probably yes. But do I workout hard 4 days a week, eat h3althy, and take care of my b0dy? Also yes. Which is why I say that w3ight does not always equate to h3alth. I may be f@t but I am actually very h3althy. Also, the reason why I commented on this original comment is because the person made it sound like being f@t in your formative years is the absolute worse thing that could happen to someone. It's not. There are so many more important and horrible things to worry about than someone else's w3ight.
It’s crazy the difference that 40lbs makes in how people treat you. I got so much attention at my smallest from everyone, mostly men. But at my biggest, I felt so isolated. I’m currently somewhere in the middle, mostly focusing on muscle growth. But I feel so much better.
You don't need to focus on muscle growth as a woman you'll just look manly and masculine no man is asking you to look like that
Its very difficult to gain muscle, yo-yo dieters are likely to have lesser nuscle. And by some insane reason you do end up being very bulky before realising, it will easily go down. Most of the actresses work out, they have very defined arms. So ya keep working out.
@@ykonratev At no point did she ask how men want her to look like.
Thats not even true. You SHOULD focus on muscle growth as a woman @ykonratev
Excellent job! Keep it up!!
“Nobody wants to talk to you.” Seriously! I would blame myself a lot because I watched lots of therapists videos and read self-help books saying ‘it’s not your weight or looks, it’s your attitude and lack of confidence that pushes people away and makes you unlikeable’. But in times where I’ve felt amazing, happy and positive-minded I still noticed that people didn’t treat me well, treated me differently to skinny people or left me out of a lot of activities intentional or not. It’s still hard not to blame myself, like there’s something wrong with me and that’s why people don’t really bother with me, but I try my best to focus on accepting myself instead of trying to gain it from others. It’s a hard road and I think fat people are embarrassed to share this part. Thank you for sharing your experiences, I relate to it a lot!
I lost weight and got in great shape because I knew women wouldn’t want me the way I was. But they still treat me awful because my face isn’t pretty and I’m not rich. So now next plan is to get rich so I can get a wife . At least women just have to put the fork down and men will want them. Not quite so easy for men. At least I’m 6’2 and not short too. Otherwise women would be even worse to me
@@Richie_Alpha_Rabbit69Richie putting the fork down doesn’t magically make them pretty in the face lol. Thats why plastic surgery suddenly skyrocketed. You are 6’2 as well if you have to do is get a stable job and your status goes up you are still at advantage then and ugly woman who can’t add degrees etc to make her valuable.
@Richie_Alpha_Rabbit69 Are you sure it's the woman and not your personality? You sound bitter. Did you take a second and thought 'Why ALL women I met keep treating me awful?' and have not reached the conclusion it could be because of you?
I think you'd benefit working not ONLY on your body but ALSO your personality and mind and other traits...like do you have anything goal in your life other than 'get the riches and the bitches'.?
"At least women have to put the fork down men will want them" Are you implying men are so shallow that they would want any good looking woman? But you turn around and complain when women do the same.
Not all women are the same like how men aren't the same in the end we are all human what we want from the relationship is the connection. ( and other factors are to maintain this connection on a healty level).
Ps. My writing is probably is a little off since english is not my native language
@@Richie_Alpha_Rabbit69 listen, when I met my fiancé he lost his job and gained a lot of weight due to depression. And now almost 2 years later we’re engaged. It had nothing to do with looks but who he was and how he makes me feel. I recommend you look inwards rather than outwards to make improvements. This way you can find a wife that loves you and not your looks or money. Also, you shouldn’t be choosing partners based on how fit they are, putting down the fork doesn’t get you a good husband.
@@marypadron6186 Well it improves your chances dramatically if you are not obese. Most Men don’t want that in a girlfriend or wife. I’m a man trust me I know how men talk . Unfortunately most women want money and status. It’s just the way it is. You should try dating women dressed as a man and see how it is. I get treated as if I’m on a job interview ha what’s my 1-2 year plan to become successful blah blah blah,
I live with my mother though at age 31. She kind of treated me like a husband from an early age. Now she is broke and I can’t help her out and afford the insane cost of housing in Canada for my own place . She sold everything when I lived with a girlfriend for a while but when she died I moved back with mom . Now I feel stuck and if women didn’t care about money why do they get so stand offish when I tell them my living situation?
I had an ED most of my life and I was PRAISED and it broke my heart because when I was healing from my ED I obviously gained weight (as I should have) but I’ve never heard more horrible comments about my weight gain to myself ever in my life especially from my own family
i sill feel stuck in my own disorder just because now that ive lost so much and am treated so much better, i feel like im grasping on to weight loss for dear life because im so terrified of being treated horribly again. i hope you continue to stay recovered, and i know its never a linear progress but im rooting for you ❤
@@xxflameaminoxx thank you so so much for your kind words I am rooting for you as well. It is so SO tough to be in that position and my heart goes out to you. The main switch I made is not punishing myself (so much) for the things I ate, it was so hard and I still do it but it’s helped with my overall relationship with my health
I lost my weight in a way that wasn’t toxic to me mentally, ate clean, didn’t restrict crazy, moving my body more than I ever had. When I tell you gaining 15 lbs back this year put me into a mental spiral from hell where I was going insane about it is an understatement. I’m just now building a healthier mindset around it.
Also at my thinnest that’s when I truly hated others the most. Getting treated better did not change the fact that I had trauma built up from being treated so poorly for my size for my entire life.
Mental health therapist here. Wow, you have made absolute STRIDES! So impressed with you and your courage in making this video. Thank you for sharing the highs and lows of your journey.
'in on the secret' made me SCREAM bc it's so real! & also the hangover feeling of 'that person must be getting romantic attention bc they're smaller than me' when you're objectively also... pretty small. it's like some diet culture demon in your brain & it can make you feel terrible to be vulnerable about it, when you know you look different now. maybe not a unique experience but one few people speak on, loved this.
not a lot of people even can comprehend the amount of anxiety you get when youre so far away from your parents, and not at the weight that they deem suitable, just thinking about the comments theyll make when youre all back together again. i lost a tremendous amount of weight during college literally due to cocain* addiction, and when i got back home my mom paraded me around and called me "model skinny". i remember she even asked me to go shopping with her, she never ever asked me before lol
I hope you’re doing good now x 💖
Ngl I sobbed throughout this entire video. I relate almost exactly to your experience. I had a tiny mom who I realize now had eating disorders of her own, and she put so much value in my appearance and our appearance as a family. I developed a binge eating disorder and had to sneak to the kitchen in the middle of the night to eat, and hid wrappers around my room because she dug through the trash and reprimanded me for eating “bad.” Fast forward to college and I gained 40 pounds in my first semester because of the feeling of freedom for the first time. Shocked my family when I came home for the holidays and was threatened emotionally and financially to either lose weight or lose my family. I’m sorry you had to go through your experience. And I’m glad we’re both doing better now. I relate to you so much ❤
the fact that you were threatened to lose weight or lose your family is so sick on another level. im so sorry that happened to you, i hope you're doing better
I'm currently losing weight...i fantasize about being a normal size and have since I was a little girl. 60 pounds down and the obsession is only getting worse.
Antifat bias exists, but know that you can deserve to have/do all the things that a straight size person deserves. Coming from someone who lost weight and realized being normal size didn't change all the things
I understand. I’ve been so obsessive to the point of weighing myself everyday multiple times. You have to take a minute to keep doing what you’re doing just because. I say that because if you’re doing it for a number, for a certain look, any deviation from that can send you down a horrible spiral. All your work could be reversed. We all know we’re doing the work to lose it (hopefully forever) but obsessing over it places your self worth on it and can cause you to binge and end up in the same place once you have enough days of “failure.” You begin to feel worthless for what you’re not losing. I’m proud of you and wish you luck. Remember you will always be you no matter the outer shell.
I don't know if this would be helpful, but I find focusing on only the things that affect me (health, more energy, more comfort in clothes shopping), can be better than allowing societial reasons to flood in. It's great that youre working on your goal and doing well, let the reasons for you sing louder.
Same
Look after yourself, prioritise your mental health because without that, nothing is worth it. You are worth so much. Clean sheets a long shower face mask always helps me ❤ sending love
Just a few days ago I reached 100 lbs down from my highest weight and I just wanna say I hear you and I relate to you. People who were never fat will never understand the depth of the pain you experience at the hands of other people
"i accept horrible treatment because i've never even been looked at before. i'll take what i can get." such a succinct way to phrase this crazy phenomenon!! after losing weight i dated the very first guy to show absolutely any interest in me because it was so novel, so incredible. i wasn't even attracted to him--i was attracted to his attraction to me.
The way you talk about weight comments really resonates. Things people told me over a decade ago still ring in my brain
needed this. i lost roughly 60+ lbs, and while it may not seem like a lot, im very short so i look like a completely different person. ur experience mirrors mine so so so much, except for the fact that i'm FROM massachusetts lmao and moved down south where being thicker is actually considered BETTER! so while i was down there and i was overweight, i had never felt more beautiful in my life. adding the fact that i'm also black, and black women get more love in the south than they do up in the north east, it was kind of jarring to feel the difference. when i moved back up & had lost the weight by then, it was crazy how differently men especially, but everyone, treated me. it's like i got an instant halo effect. it makes me weep for my younger self, but i'm really happy i experienced both sides of the coin. i learned a lot about fatphobia & am now really happy with my results
The way the constant bullying I experienced for my appearance basically disappeared overnight when I came back to middle school after losing 30lbs (due to disordered eating unfortunately) and the stark difference in treatment from my peers and teachers was so different and positive it basically reinforced all the feelings i was having and actions I was taking. I feel like that’s really common for people and it unfortunate how society almost rewards disordered eating over just being “fat”
The biggest disservice anyone ever did to me when I was fat (6'2 285) was to not tell me that all my problems in life were related to my weight. Yes, I feel great and look better now at 209 but I know I've got 30 more lbs to go. I'm not fatphobic since I've lost weight, but it did open my eyes to how the world really works. Society's moralization of body composition is inescapable, and fighting against that truth will only cause damage to people mentally and physically.
The place of privilege comment is so true. It is so hard to put energy into looking after ourselves when life is work and trying to afford any food let alone healthy food.
My girlfriend and I just had this conversation while sitting at a Starbucks after a morning workout. To be in a position to eat healthy, afford a gym membership and have the time to dedicate to being fit and healthy is financially out of reach for most. It’s pretty sad.
I get $250 a month on EBT and I just get frozen veggies and make my own sauces and stuff. I wish more people could get more money to get food bc it's really beneficial
And the healthcare for weight management is abysmal. You shouldn’t have to feel like you’re in this alone with no expert you can readily rely on when you need help.
I feel this way because I was diagnosed with PCOS which can cause rapid weight gain and random fluctuations.
My doctor just said “lose weight! Weight watchers maybe?” While also telling me that a dietitian who could help me is expensive and doesn’t accept insurance - the person I’d rather talk to.
Oh well…. Instead of weight watchers I bought some creatine powder.
My plan is to eat at my normal calorie maintenance rate (which is 2500; I ain’t doing that 1200 stuff) and see how that might aid in body composition.
I also have my adult tricycle and a pair of 10 lb dumbbells at home. (I do have good news; in my experience you don’t have to spend hours to grow your muscles; I like Madfit’s 6 minute arm workout videos and most days I just rest how many bicep curls I can get away with without struggling- I’m seeing some muscle definition poke through so that excited me enough to buy creatine)
So far on day 1 creatine does give you more energy for workouts.
$17 from Walmart.
Healthy food is affordable. Stop capping for billion dollar companies
@@bigpynk visiting my local supermarket shows otherwise. 10 bags of crisps £2, a punnet of grapes £2.50, a bag of salad £2, a bag of frozen chips £1. I work hard to make healthy choices and don't buy branded food, but my comment stands. Families are struggling and will go for the cheaper longer lasting options.
I grew up as a dancer, so for me to be as thin as the other girls (who were younger than me mind you) took a LOT of dance and not feeding myself properly. It fully messed up my perception of my body and I always thought I was fat despite being very skinny. Once I quit dance, got into a long term relationship and went on birth control, I started gaining weight. Comments like "you're so boney" "Flat ass" "wow you really have no boobs" turned into "You're a cow" "Little piggie" "what's this?" (as a family member grabbed my back fat). I was only 10kg heavier but people started treating me so much worse which only made me spiral and made my body dysmorphia worse. But you know what? Yes maybe I am bigger than I once was. But I'm a WOMAN now, not a child, and I'm slowly gaining back my confidence :)
They didn't treat you worse they made fun of you when you were thin too. They are just assholes doesn't matter what you weigh
I fluctuate with weight A LOT. and the fatphobia is so reallllll. like everyone hates you if you gain any weight back
It's all in your head, professional victimhood claiming dunse 😂
I would get hungry and sneak a piece of cheese from the fridge, only to hear my mom barking "do you really want to be as big as a house?"
i am so sorry. i am constantly wishing you the best on your journeys and your relationship with food, you are never alone, i promise.
Know how that feels, i became so, so sneeky with what i would eat because of not just the "bullying" my mum wohld do but also the constant acknowledgement that someone had eaten something, her dad (my grandad) was just as bad - being autistic, i find it nauseatingly uncomfortable having unexpected attention drawn to me, but it was constant with food, whether it was how i was eating a meal or the fact i was eating anything outside (even it it was fruit/veg snack) no one else got these comments in the family, just me.
I'm a man, but I relate a lot to your story, especially sneaking to the snack cabinet as a kid to avoid my parents' judgement. We actually graduated the same year. Although I did have a few stretches of significant weight loss (30-50 pounds) in college I always gained it back. Covid did the opposite for me and lead to me gaining an additional 50 pounds. I moved to a new city to start graduate school. Between the stress and a large reduction in activity, it was way too easy to gain weight. Fortunately, I now finally feel like I am heading in the right direction.
This video really spoke to me. 😭 I relate to you SOOO much it hurts. From a previously very overweight girlie to a now considered “normal” lower end of weight girlie… no one seems to understand how much I still identify with the feelings I did being overweight. The shame, the insecurity, it all still carries mentally. Noticing how people treat you differently just stings. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies after the weights finally off. There is still pain to be dealt with. And we’re still very much the same person inside as before that deserves love and respect at any shape! Thank you for sharing your personal story. ❤
girl did you ever get loose skin?
@@janessalopezzzonly some on my arms since I did a lot of strength training during the weight loss. But it’s a bummer, my arms are still a big insecurity. 😩
@@Erinnestatici've been trying to look up ways to prevent it, i know you can take fish oil and vitamin c pills and they seem to be pretty affective so i might try that! i did hear how weight training is good though because it builds muscle around the fat so that's interesting but it is different for everyone!
but honestly you are beautiful no matter what! my arms are an insecurity for me too and getting loose skin is kind of why i'm scared to lose weight but i think if it as "would i rather be overweight or would i rather be healthier and potentially maybe have loose skin?" and it kind of helps me. i know stretch marks and loose skin shouldn't be what i'm concerned about but i can't help it 😭
@@janessalopezzzit’s totally normal to feel hesitant and even nervous or scared of your body changing! I was too. Your body is so smart and will automatically know what to do when change is occurring - it definitely feels weird watching it change… but it’s also wonderful knowing it can move & grow with us in so many different ways!❤😊
@@Erinnestaticyou have no idea how comforting this was for me! thank you so much 💞, everything will work out!
It’s horrible. Started my weigh loss journey at 12 and lost 100 pounds by 15 cause of COVID. It was actually the comments from the people around me that made me gain all the weight back. Now I’m a year into my weight loss journey because my self esteem was so low and I felt like I had to do something, I’m 40 pounds down, healthily🙏.
Fatphobia is so dehumanizing.
Girl, my heart goes out to you, you started at 12, sending hugs and love. Please try only focus on the reasons for you and not what other people say, if need be, think, "theyre only fatfobia, because they dont understand, too closed minded" i know that probs sounds like the start to a superiority complex, but, it can help in bringing attention back to you, yourself and you health (physical and mental).
As men were not really allowed to talk about these types of experiences and my heart goes out to all the women who have to go through this shit.I remember loosing weight in high school and literally developing anorexia which i disguised as "fasting/calorie deficit". It wasn't, it was just starving myself for days on end until i had to eat something in order to stay alive. The experience that stuck with me was my at the time girlfriend intoxicatedly telling me that shes proud of me for going from "fat fuck" to a "skinny legend". That shit sticks with me to this day. My younger self didn't deserve to be talked about like that because i know how much i tried in elementary school to loose the weight and how alien i felt because of it
As a woman, I feel that. In my experience, guys are worse about looks but women can be awful too.
You articulated everything so well. It never feels enough. Never feel small enough. Never feel validated enough. Never feel as if anyone is actually seeing the real you. I'm half of what I used to be (73lbs and counting) and I'm unrecognizable to myself at times. But I also still feel like the big girl I've always been, especially in photos.
I feel exactly how you feel. I have always been on the bigger side. It left me feeling unseen, unwanted, undesirable. Then I lost an insane amount of weight when my parents divorced and I went through the greatest depression of my life, suddenly I was thin and “beautiful”. People treated me differently, much much better but I didn’t know how to handle it because I still felt like the same chunky ugly girl I was my whole life. Right as I started to get use to being a thin person, I developed PCOS and have gained 10 pounds every year since I was 23. I’m almost 29 now, and now I’m in a bigger body again trying to renavigate life. This time, I’ve only just realized how big I’ve become because for so long I thought I was still small, like some type of opposite body dysmorphia? It’s like I can never fully understand my body and how I look. Being perceived is so scary to me because I struggle so much to perceive myself. I accept treatment that isn’t healthy or loving because at least it is attention. I just want to feel happy and healthy in my body, I want to heal my self esteem and make better choices and accept better treatment. The human experience can be so confusing and exhausting!
Being attracted to men while fat is DIFFICULT. In high school, guys would rate us gals. I was always seen as "disgusting", "inhuman", etc. I was always ranked as the least attractive. It makes me angry that I NEVER saw women do that (not saying women aren't shallow).
Even when a guy I liked said he had a girlfriend, the memories of past rejections just crept. I was also on a diet so that made me binge eat.
Your story resonated with me. I was extremely skinny growing up and was teased throughout school and my formative years. In my adult years, I’ve gone from extremely fit to pretty overweight. I wasn’t obese, but I did have the stereotypical dad bod plus some. Over the last year, I got back into working out and look more like a personal trainer than a photographer. You are absolutely correct. I see how differently I am treated now that I’m very fit. Body dysmorphia is real. I still see myself as not fit enough, because of my childhood. I never had a problem dating, but had extreme insecurity because I felt I wasn’t enough or worthy. I masked it by being extremely outgoing. I was very much a people pleaser. I have managed to finally let go of my value being based on what others thought or felt about me. It was hard and is still a conscious effort. I know everyone’s story is different, but I felt I could relate to yours in some ways.
I want to give you hug. Thank you for being so vulnerable and articulating this tough experience. I relate do much to your experience and I’m really working on it.
I've experienced a similar shift since becoming a better looking guy in my later 20s. I'm surprised at how people are inviting me to things and following my recommendations of things to do. And obviously the attention and more importantly the reciprocity from women is so different. I'm very thankful for growing up in such a safe and loving home bc I'm sure I too would be in intense therapy otherwise, now I feel like I can handle the shift bc my family always loved me and complimented me even when it was more 'aspirational'!
"Sometimes we wouldn't have food in the house" Same. So many of us that become fat seem to share that history. I'm so happy for you that you are better now. I am too although it took me about 4 decades longer than it took you, up down up down for years until I finally figured things out. I decided my past doesn't matter, it's what I do now that does and for me that has worked well.
So relatable! When I was like 240 and obviously pregnant, strangers still treated the skinny me better than the pregnant version. I also have something almost like grief for my younger/hotter version of myself on bad days. Workin' thru it but its not ok! I don't want to pass these things down to my girlies.
Thank you for sharing, I related to a lot of what you shared after losing 70ish pounds, especially the compliments hurting your self esteem. I've never been able to quite explain why that hurt so much and you have helped me to understand myself a little better. Much love
Thank you for acknowledging how it can be hard to be physical in a big body. I’ve been starting to incorporate physical activity in my life and I get down on myself because I can’t do all the things I want and my body hurts and gives out. Hearing that is validating ❤
If you eat nothing but fruit from the Time you wake up - 4pm at night , then eat a hardy meal for dinner you will lose weight regardless of exercise
Good for you for increasing your movement! There’s a quote I’ve found helpful, which is “Don’t let what you can’t do keep you from doing what you can do.” Baby steps! You got this!
I’m diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder and binge eating disorder. & it’s crazy how my brain thinks about weight and the overall way I look. I genuinely can’t imagine treating anyone different based on their weight, but the way I speak to myself is so bad. I also find myself thinking, “they are so gorgeous. If they lost weight, they would be unstoppable.” So unconsciously, I add to the problem.
at my heaviest i was 263 lbs... just last week i reached 210lbs and have already received so much more attention from men then i have literally my whole life. btw i am 4'11 so i still have a long way to go... but honestly, rather than being happy i am kind of annoyed. like just a few days ago some guy literally bent over backwards to open the door for me, he had already gotten in the store and walked backwards to open it for me as i was leaving... i have social anxiety so i would rather keep going unnoticed but my health is more important. weightloss for me is to have better health and i have actually started enjoying working out. i just wish people didn't judge others based on weight but here we are 🤷♀
What did you expect though? People are built that way, and just because someone is too lazy to go and work out, others should not have to adjust to them, change their preferences and go against the way they were built by nature lol, I recommend the channel - "Think Before You Sleep", very well explains about this topic and gives tips on weight loss, etc
Humans are just like that. Being fat looks sloppy and unattractive to most people, it's nothing personal.
@@CenitelSnosnogoBytiya not you justifying the dehumanization of fat people because "it's their nature"
As someone who grew up as a fat kid and has gained and lost weight multiple times in my life, I found this so relatable! Thanks for putting yourself out there and sharing 💙
I was also a lot heavier in college, and I was met with some SHOCKING cruelty from other gay men. It was as if my audacious attempts to approach them (all thru apps, natch) was a profound disrespect to them and I needed to be thoroughly punished for my transgressions. I don’t think people who have never been fat truly understand how deeply it cuts to be treated as completely disgusting
Yup.
I relate so much to this, the unstable home life, stressful managing of life (social/financial), food is the only source of joy and comfort. The part about ppl having something to say about weight loss and the overall better (humane) treatment from ppl is so freaking true. It really does feel like a slap to the face, especially since you're very much the same person (you're still YOU) just physically smaller. It's very jarring to see the the difference in treatment-- even if it's for the better.
thanks for making this video. i think people need to hear stories like this.
Love the honesty and vulnerability. I relate so much to this all the way from the childhood trauma and being the biggest friend and feeling unattractive. Love this and you!! You’re gorgeous no matter what
This is probably the most relatable video I have ever seen
bro literally everything you said, sneaky eating in childhood, end of middle school early high school parent divorce and moved out of childhood home, apartments, abuse (from stepdad and real dad) just so many similar sentiments and gained some weight in high school and fat phobic comments early on. like why did we have the same childhood. gained most of my after high school. i'm 26 now almost 27 and am now starting my weight loss journey and trying to be more healthy.
God I just want to give you a hug
thank you for sharing your experience ❤️
i relate a lot to your experience in college but covid made it worse for me, it finally hit me i had to lose weight during summer of 2022 and i was able do it but then again i was in a position of privilege because i didn’t have a job and i had stopped going to classes for a while. it’s just so hard to control your weight when your life is so busy and you have a million things to do everyday AND you have to deal with mental health issues.
being a person is really really hard
The last sentence is so true !
Hearing your story I think the most underrated thing is that being overweight is easier than being skinny if you're poor and/or stressed
This really spoke to me. So thanks for sharing. I have been feeling really down about the lose skin after 120lbs loss and I just feel like the loose skin is a constant reminder of the abuse I went through as a child. It very sadly comforting to know someone can relate.
Hey girlie I had the same problem with men. I want to let you know that it’s not worth it to let these men take advantage. Because it can lead to weight gain too because it’s another loop to emotional weight gain. I’m so glad you’re learning to love yourself
I cried watching this because this hits home and is healing
Omg UMass Alumni here!! So proud of you and everything you’ve had to overcome! You are SOO inspiring and strong 💗💗💗💗
I was very ill and was struggling with and ED at the same time (the lack of control over my health just made me tip over the edge), but I went from very overweight, to very thin, VERY FAST. I was very confident as a large girl. VERY confident. As I got thinner, I lost my confidence and my will to wear clothing that I liked (nothing fit me anymore), and I never wanted to be seen. But I was treated better. Men talked to me, people wanted to be around me, I was suddenly so much funnier to everyone than I used to be, just everyone's vibe around me was SO different. When I asked my friends about it, they told me that it wasn't my weight, I was just more confident now! I just exuded confidence! I was so shocked because no?? No I didn't?? Not only did I not have the ENERGY for confidence (zero fuel in my body for anything, really), but I had so much more anxiety about my body because I was able to hide it and the effects that rapid weight loss had on me. As a big girl, your only option is to be confident because you've got literally nothing to hide because you can't! I had never felt worse and had never been treated better in my life. I get upset whenever I see people trying to convince others that "no, it's not your body! It's your vibe!" Yeah, the vibe of being skinny now. Just say that! If we address it then we can talk about it.
this is spot on… thank you for putting into words this experience!!! people said the exact same thing to me and i knew it wasn’t true
to paraphrase dr.suess, "A person is a person, no matter how big or how small."
It's always interesting listening to other people's weight loss stories. I lost 50+lbs in 2019-2020 (5ft) and didn't notice a difference in how I was treated. Other than dating.
I had a boyfriend while I was obese and also had one after losing weight. However, I definitely get more male attention post weight loss. Which I don't mind, never really found overweight or obese men attracting so I can't blame men for not being attracted to me at my heaviest.
sidenote..your makeup is AMAZING, looks so so so good- had to say it 🫶🏻
When I was 12, my mom battled with addiction. I also used food for a coping mechanism and gained so much weight while my body was developing. I got so many stretchmarks that I hated how I looked, not to mention how everyone pointed it out. I ended up at a behavior center to get help. So, thank you for sharing your experience it helps ppl feel like they're not alone.
Thank you so much for your honesty. As someone who fluctuates weight a lotttt it’s hard to deal with the fat phobia I have towards myself. Such a crazy hard experience. You put it into words so well. Thank you!
thank you for shedding your light 🤲
oh this video is so relatable especially how much I’ve been treated during my weight loss journey.
"You need to be in place of privilege to lose weight"
YES, YES AND YES!!!
people need to talk more about this, I also had a time of my life when I could focus more on my weight, it usually was stress free time whit a lot of sticking to routine. Some people just have other things going on and it's hard to start diets when you have other responsibilities.
We definitely have a long way to go when it comes to how we talk about health and body composition, thank you for sharing your experience with the world so that others can see what a toll our society's views of body shape can have on us!
I was treated exactly like this too. I can't believe how much it resonates. It was disheartening because I was always kind to others. I became a people-pleaser because everyone except my parents was always dissatisfied with me. I never really had good quality friends either. Always felt out of place being taller and bigger than most. Some of them treated me differently when I lost weight, but it was still bad.
I was disgusting to most girls in elementary school, and by the end of middle and into high school everything changed. Those same ones were crazy for me it was becoming too much. Some of the popular jocks wanted to be my friends. Some were cool to me before, and some were not. The mean ones I'd see treat someone overweight or nerdy horribly, and I was no longer interested in being friends. They'd get so mad and jealous of me for not wanting to be their friend, and it was a competition against them every day. They'd call me names or cheat in games we play at gym.
It was wonderful to feel wanted at first, but it wore its welcome out fast. I felt more alone and miserable than ever. I felt like an object instead of a human being with feelings. I always loved food and found comfort in it. My mom is a great cook and I enjoy what I make. When I got into a relationship with my ex, I gained it all and then some. It was so long since I had a lot of the foods, and with the social expectation of eating more, it was hard to say no. The mexican and Italian food was a dream come true. Feeling "loved and valued" was what I was truly seeking from somewhere. Being a weightlifter, it was my excuse to bulk, and I shot up to 275 lbs.
I'm 225 lbs now. I want to have a healthier relationship with myself and food. Then be the person I was lacking for people who earned it. I have nothing but empathy for people who are overweight or used to be. Hard not to when I experienced many similar feelings they did and am disgusted by the lack of humanity from some. My first go, there were a few people I mistreated to fit in, and I regret that. I was able to apologize since high school to one, and it felt so good. I'm scared of falling to any extreme; it sticks with you. I don't have much confidence in my ability to succeed this time but I'm giving it a go because the worst that can happen is I make a mistake. As long as I'm breathing I have a chance to do better. Hopefully this inspires someone or puts words to what you experience or how you feel. It might help from a guy's perspective because I understand that some girls feel alone in this battle. We can only join together to overcome it.
I have never heard anyone call it "straight" size. I remember many years ago when I had the physical before high school, I was 170 pounds and 5' 9" and the doctor wrote on the document "OBESE". Never forget it and it was 40 years ago!!
As a girl who’s been struggling heavily with weight gain/loss and body dysmorphia the majority of my life can definitely relate to this video. I always felt that I wasn’t enough because of my looks and my weight. It’s so deranged that people really do treat you differently based on your appearance. I’m still on my weight loss journey and it’s been a roller coaster and how my perspective of myself can change drastically every day makes me think I won’t ever escape and be truly happy with myself. However I met the love of my life after finally breaking free from a toxic and abusive relationship and I can finally hear the voices in my head quieting down. I feel like I’m finally getting to get a break from the anxiety and depression revolving around my appearance and I get reminded everyday how loved and beautiful I really am. Life does get better no matter how impossible it seems, and it’s been proven to me time and again. Don’t ever let yourself forget your worth, no matter your size.
This has taught me so much thank you ❤ so glad you show empathy for your past self as what you've been through sounds awful xx
i've watched many videos on this topic but i feel like you've read a diary of mine with this one. from turning to food for comfort as a child due to trauma (i even took money from my mom's wallet, unfortunately, bc at some point she wanted to keep my comfort foods from me). i hope you're in a better place mental health wise and overall.
I don’t think I have ever watched a video where I related to 100% of what was said. It’s crazy. Especially when you are between skinny and fat. I’m older now and I have some kind of peace treaty with my body but the urges to go for extreme diets when you’re on a platform are terrible.
And I also still feel left out, misunderstood cause they don’t get it if they were not fat/ugly. People being attracted to me feels like a fraud. When everyone made silly experiences dating I was alone. And now with 20 I had to repeat the same things..
but I can say it does get better with time. Thanks so much for sharing. I feel understood! ♥️
As someone who has fluctuated between being skinny and fat for the past 20 years or so, I love when people notice my weight loss. It’s hard to loose weight, wether you do it the healthy way or unhealthy way (I had an eating disorder in my early 20s) I like when my hard work gets noticed and it actually motivates me.
love that makeup look! thank you for sharing your thoughts & story 🥰
Well said! I’m currently on a weight loss journey and lots of what you said of how people treat you differently when in reality you are exactly the same person you were before, is so true and so hurtful.
Im so happy to hear you’re at peace with the fact that bodies change. I have OCD and the need to control my weight through restriction and I’ve mostly overcome a lot of that stuff but it’s so important to understand everyone’s bodies change and if your body is happy where it’s at and your properly fueling yourself then accept yourself where you are
i feel so seen. i have never been able to hear from anyone else describe exactly what i went through. ive been 175 + pounds all of highschool, until last year over the course of 3 ish months i went down to 135. and let me tell you; the better treatment, the “reverse body dysmorphia” in a way, suddenly feeling seen… i never realized just how invisible i was when i was fat. and yeah, i unfortunately did end up having to distance myself from a lot of people i considered “friends” when i realized how they REALLY felt about me. looking at old photos now still feels so detaching, and all that changed was 40 something pounds. thank you so much for making me feel less alone ❤
as someone who is fat and was part of a sorority, i can definitely resonate a lot with how guys don't really talk to you. my university is smaller so there were a few guys that would talk to me as friends, but never strictly find me attractive. a lot of my sisters who were skinnier than me never really understand it is like as someone who is bigger the different reactions i get from them. thank you for sharing and highlighting this sad truth and for making this video!
i related sooo much to feeling invisible and unattractive. I've never really considered myself really fat, but i am 6th tall with a broad frame, and throughout high school and university i dont really have any memories of dating or someone being interested in me. its so sad that if you're outside the norm of looks, you are invisible
Your story made me realize some things about myself and my relationship to food, thank you for being vulnerable. I know it's hard, but also know that it helps people feel not alone 💝
This is so comforting
this is honestly whats making recovery so hard for me. i lost weight unhealthily and i know i cant keep living this miserable life but im so attached to the way people treat me now that im not overweight and im scared of losing it
I’m sorry to hear you lost weight unhealthily. Are you at a healthy weight now (not underweight)? If so, you can switch to healthier habits to maintain your current weight. If you’re interested I’d be happy to share things I did to lose weight when I was overweight and to maintain it once in the healthy weight range. Baby steps! You got this!
So unrelated but your make up in this video is AMAZING.
I’m anticipating this video is going to make me challenge some mental brainwashing I’ve experienced - as a straight sized person who grew up with a really toxic environment (including body sizes & physique/eating)
I want to give this a million likes because it's all true.
What hurt the most was when I talked with a close friend about the mistreatment that I used to receive when I was overweight,
and she said I needed to change.
"U need to change! and not the bullies. It's you."
No amount of therapy can fix this or me.
Thank you for being so transparent!
As someone (woman) who was never perceived small or thin in my entire life (overall tall + very broad shoulders and hips + extra weight due to depression + endocrinology issues since 2nd grade) the desperation and isolation are so, SO strong. There was never a time when anybody approached me to take my number on the street, nor has never anybody expressed a want to become my partner romantically or sexually who has met me (on the internet from someone in other country with no immediate possibility of meeting? Sure. In real life? Never)
People don’t tell to my face that I am ugly, but the feeling of not being physically attractive to anybody my whole life is dehumanizing. I don’t think it is possible to understand the depth of this feeling for anybody who didn’t experienced it
I grew up from a little girl who dreamed of being “cute”, “petite”. Now, when I look in the mirror, on good days, I can manage to feel neutral. On bad days, I see a monster and I want to tear excess fat off of me with my teeth
I wasn't obese, I was chubby. I am 5'7, and more than 2 years ago I had 171 pounds. A bit too much for me. I didn't get rid of the baby weight, as 6 years ago I became a mother. And I am struggling with an eating disorder since I was a teenager. Anyway, for more than 2 years, I have a stable and healthy weight, 132 pounds. And I am very proud of me for my achievement. Nevertheless, I had the sheer shock to observe how kindly people treated me after the weight loss. This was just sad. The fact that you treat someone better just because of their weight and looks.
I gained around 40 pounds after my second endometriosis surgery and a really bad/nonexistent recovery period, where I was thrust into work and responsibility immediately afterward again...these pounds have stayed with me over the last 2 years and I have found nothing that works for me losing that weight... On top struggling with an ever worsening, chronic and incurable disease, it's hard to stay kind to yourself. It honestly is really hard facing all the fatphobia I have internalised over the course of my life through media and my upbringing, and I see myself differently now (less worthy, lazy, unattractive, etc.). I still struggle with self love and I try to be kind to myself every day. My body is keeping me alive and I have to make right by it and treat it well, until I am healthy enough to start losing weight again.
I've always been a fat kid as a little girl and I remember being FOURTEEN and losing a bunch of weight really quickly (because of silly little ✨~traumas~✨) and the amount of compliments on my "new body" I would get from the parents and adults in my life was crazyyyyy, I could never imagine being anything but concerned if a child I knew crashed weight in either direction suddenly, and being in the performing arts industry the culture of feeling like you can never be skinny enough gets worse and worser lmao
All my life I was obese, lost 68 pounds and the way people treat me is completely different. I'm no longer seen as a bother to have around, I'm treated as a human being now.
And how can I not hate and feel disgusted to how I used to look? I have no idea. I'm very cruel when it comes to talking about my past self, and I also feel the impulse to be hurtful towards plus size people. It's a bumpy road to self acceptance but I'm still willing to change, it happens :/
17:44 that part is 100% accurate. I too feel super insecure if I'm not "picked". Thoughts of still being "fat" or "not normal" ruin my night, very unhealthy.
I stumbled upon your channel and this video truly resonated with me! Down to the family dynamic. Thanks 4 sharing ur experience
I unfortunately relate to this so much
I was told as a child I was going to be fat when I grow up as all the women in the family were fat. It had the opposite impact and suffered with anorexia to the point I was in hospital for months trying not to not be here anymore. Yes I have an actual phobia of getting fat but I really have no opinion on others. I just want people around me to be happy and healthy. I have watched my mum be on a permanent diet since a little kid. Diet culture was in my face from a young age. The only time I was bigger was in pregnancy. I have got balance now but that fear remains
Hi from Boston! So nice to come across other East coast people:) I definitely feel you so much on the childhood issues , hiding food and the unstable family life.
Side note: loveeee the nails and lip combo 🔥
been following you on instagram for a while now and just learned you had a youtube! this video was really touching cause everything you said I could relate to. its nice to hear someone else talking about it cause whenever i bring it up to my family members they don't get it cause they've never been overweight. ❤
and when you brought up hiding wrappers in the couch or putting garbage on top of the wrappers i totally felt that. i used to do that a lot but i've been working on feeling less shame eating what and how much i want. especially cause when something gets eaten everyone usually blames me which makes me feel worse. and the worst is when people say "are you really gonna eat that much?" LIKE YES I AM
The only thing I can say about dating and men who only flirt with the "skinny" friend is to just discuss that with your girlfriends. It means men are only approaching the smaller girls for a reason, be it that men gain social status the skinnier their partners are or perhaps it's just their type but either way the conversation around male-gaze granting worth to women only if they are skinny does need to be a topic discussed amongst girlfriends.
It was interesting to watch this but I had a different experience. I feel like people liked me more when I was fatter and deep in my binge eating disorder. But I feel so much better now that I lost the weight and I have normal eating habits
You're so right. I broke with some family members over their comments and treatment of me and my weight. My friends on the other hand were happy that i felt healthier and looked happier but didn't care otherwise and i love them for that.
Totally relate to a lot of what you are saying. I was never plus size but I was very overweight. When I went to college the stress led to to redeveloping my ED and I lost almost 30 lbs. I gained a bit and maintained but recently I lost more weight (healthily this time!!) and I’m the smallest I’ve been since I was 14. It feels so completely different. The attention from men is extremely noticeable. It suddenly seems as if all these people find me attractive yet sometimes it feels like a joke. I’m perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop and to realize this is all fake. It’s strange because none of my friends can really understand how surreal this feels. Even tho I’m much happier at my new weight and I plan on maintaining it does make me sad for the 18 year old girl who was ignored and ate her feelings.
I’m a college athlete who’s never been overweight but I also get ignored by boys 😆 for real, no one’s ever expressed any romantic interest in me whatsoever at school - probably b/c I’m more of a nerd & don’t wear makeup.
But the way I see it, college guys r immature and being ignored in school doesn’t mean there’s something wrong/unlovable about you. After graduation things r bound to change for the better regardless of the reason u were rejected 😉
everytime im serving food or eating I could always see my mum staring at me, in like a really judgemental way. Even when I would say I didn't want to eat or had no appetite, she gets excited and tells me how that's great. I now have a wierd relationship with food aswell, I always eat in my room.
I'm in a cycle of loss and gain. I don't even care about if men like me anymore. I got married at 22 and had two sons 18 months apart. I'm the heaviest I've ever been and I hate not being able to fit in my clothes. To make matters worse, my husband also criticizes my body. Yet, he won't do anything to help me get time to exercise.
This is so refreshing. All of this is exactly my own experience and I’m so happy to see you doing amazing despite similar hardships.