The book that changed my social life

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  • Опубліковано 25 лис 2024
  • There has been only one book that has fundamentally changed the way I interact with people.
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 1,9 тис.

  • @betterideas
    @betterideas  5 років тому +1360

    So I tried uploading this video like 13 times over the past few weeks but I've been experiencing some crazy hardware malfunctions. I had to delete a lot of the b-roll in this video to make everything work, so hopefully you guys still got something out of it. Everything is resolved now so I'm stoked to finally crank out more content. In any case, thanks for watching!

    • @kingberz
      @kingberz 5 років тому +10

      Do you like popcorn?

    • @MindNow
      @MindNow 5 років тому +1

      Hahaha wow! Seriously? Oh well, not it’s out.
      Looking forward to your videos bro!

    • @mr.guacamolestuffedunicorn7349
      @mr.guacamolestuffedunicorn7349 5 років тому +3

      Better Ideas just popped up on my recommendations and now I’m hooked 😁

    • @annkera
      @annkera 5 років тому +1

      Thanks, I enjoyed the information. :)

    • @playawesome8484
      @playawesome8484 5 років тому +1

      Please Can you review blue Ocean book.. and help me to buy

  • @jonatanamarante
    @jonatanamarante 5 років тому +9377

    The book that changed my social life forever was Orwell's 1984. Since I read it, I quit socializing with anyone.

    • @TheMarleyDavidson
      @TheMarleyDavidson 5 років тому +60

      @Cool Cool You're joking right?

    • @heinzmustermann8416
      @heinzmustermann8416 5 років тому +817

      *mission failed succesfully*

    • @jlinus7251
      @jlinus7251 5 років тому +66

      I mean I had to analyze it and write essays for it for my hsc in year 12 so that pretty much traumatized me :'D

    • @revenger211
      @revenger211 5 років тому +27

      Thoughtcrime is enough fam ;D

    • @dariosergevna
      @dariosergevna 5 років тому +8

      You mean that you’re not talking to anyone? Hard to believe

  • @ThatGuyNathan
    @ThatGuyNathan 5 років тому +2961

    1) Make the conversation about the other person
    2) Remember and use peoples names
    3) Give Genuine Compliments
    4) Focus on the person you are talking to

    • @connerlacefield8575
      @connerlacefield8575 5 років тому +57

      @Inner Voice ok sociopath 👌

    • @marianna380
      @marianna380 5 років тому +1

      @Inner Voice wtf u miserable asshole? What was it? Mommy issues?

    • @martin-krzywinski
      @martin-krzywinski 5 років тому +13

      1) Make conversation about something genuinely interesting, not just to the other person. Sometimes that is indeed the other person but most of the time it's not.
      2) Works if you're talking to a dog. People are more complicated than that.
      3) Only when they are deserved. Feel free to show scorn in equal balance.
      4) Only if they have your attention. Let them know when they're disappointing you.

    • @magotchii5225
      @magotchii5225 5 років тому +8

      I don't know, but I've been socializing like that since birth... I'm not manipulative, I'm a people pleaser.
      I hate socializing, but I'm so good at it, I just don't take the first initiative,but once the conversation start I make 'em feel special making them stick around longer. I don't mind it, but it sucks sometimes.

    • @cautarepvp2079
      @cautarepvp2079 5 років тому

      @@magotchii5225 yeah is worth it, most people welcome nice words

  • @Mukesh20
    @Mukesh20 5 років тому +6493

    Reading a book is easy but implementing it in your life is the real work

    • @673497
      @673497 5 років тому +229

      Most things that books cover, we already know... It's just implementing that into your lifestyle is the hardest part. You're facing the hindrances after all

    • @hm6052
      @hm6052 5 років тому +32

      the real work*

    • @mrnaizguy
      @mrnaizguy 5 років тому +18

      & when you manage that you can be proud of yourself

    • @nefelibata4190
      @nefelibata4190 5 років тому +13

      reading interesting books are easy.

    • @matthewellis663
      @matthewellis663 5 років тому +28

      That’s the part no one talks about. Being genuinely curious is an endearing quality when you’re subordinate. It is a playful challenge when you are seen as an equal. But when you are perceived as having a greater quality of life than another person, your genuine curiosity is a compliment. For most quality social advice to work, you have to put hard work into multiple areas at once.

  • @leigh6702
    @leigh6702 5 років тому +1263

    "If you want to be interesting, be interested."

    • @juntjoonunya9216
      @juntjoonunya9216 5 років тому +38

      'if you want to be cool turn down the ac'

    • @airuniverse10
      @airuniverse10 5 років тому +1

      My Ouma would say this. God bless her

    • @riyaansarfraz8136
      @riyaansarfraz8136 4 роки тому +1

      -spongebob

    • @almostmonk5523
      @almostmonk5523 4 роки тому +2

      Wrong
      There is nothing wrong if you are interesting or not , Cool or not
      All of it just rules created by society that u have to be cool and interesting to fit in this society and to make friends.
      But the fact I don't care about fitting in society or making friends if I have to change myself.

    • @ritzyllama
      @ritzyllama 4 роки тому

      people dont care how much you know until they know how much you care

  • @BlackBirds93
    @BlackBirds93 5 років тому +6212

    After 2 same people read this book
    1: How are you doing?
    2: No how are YOU doing?
    1: No you tell me about you
    2: No I want to hear about you
    1: I am fine but how's your life going
    2: It's good how's your day

    • @y_y1776
      @y_y1776 5 років тому +72

      Hahahaha

    • @dragonboyjgh
      @dragonboyjgh 5 років тому +288

      this is the very conversations I was hoping his advice could help me try and avoid.

    • @alwaysaravero5215
      @alwaysaravero5215 5 років тому +10

      ad nauseum

    • @PrioBak
      @PrioBak 5 років тому +73

      xD I know my boss probably read this book or some derivation of the book and she does whats in the book always.. it feels weird

    • @lancemclovlin6471
      @lancemclovlin6471 5 років тому +26

      Oblivion in a nutshell 😂

  • @uvotmin
    @uvotmin 4 роки тому +241

    I have social anxiety and I'm reading 'How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety' by Ellen Hendriksen who is a therapist who struggled with SAD herself. Definitely give it a read, it helps me a lot.

    • @dhondiramshinde6932
      @dhondiramshinde6932 4 роки тому +6

      Hey may I recommend a very good book to give your brain stretch " how not to be yourself "

    • @tito4820
      @tito4820 4 роки тому +5

      i kako ide

    • @johnrute8557
      @johnrute8557 2 роки тому +1

      How was the book? How much did you like it?

  • @HumansOfVR
    @HumansOfVR 5 років тому +3178

    “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”Carnegie. Thanks as always! Your a BIG inspiration to my channel

    • @xLuky
      @xLuky 5 років тому +3

      - Justin McElroy

    • @Rumil_
      @Rumil_ 5 років тому +1

      1000%

    • @sharithajayanandan6691
      @sharithajayanandan6691 5 років тому

      Did he establish Carnegie Mellon school

    • @peace7482
      @peace7482 5 років тому +10

      Sure, butt kissing does magic 😉

    • @thelegendkillersshittyduff1335
      @thelegendkillersshittyduff1335 5 років тому +22

      Becauss people are selfish sacks of fucking shit and only care about there shitty ass lives

  • @pantera29palms
    @pantera29palms 4 роки тому +170

    “The Lost art of Listening”
    You’re welcome.

    • @Mohammed-747
      @Mohammed-747 4 роки тому +3

      Perfect description.

    • @stupidrainbo
      @stupidrainbo 3 роки тому +6

      That reminds me of something... "The Lost art of Listening". Have you heard of it?

    • @susantunbridge4612
      @susantunbridge4612 2 роки тому

      I'm ordering it.

  • @NiahGouki
    @NiahGouki 5 років тому +3364

    "searching reddit for answers" pretty much my life

    • @truealiban
      @truealiban 5 років тому +9

      😂😂😂

    • @a.m.9096
      @a.m.9096 5 років тому +6

      Ohhhh my god shouldn't be laughing this much 😂😂😂

    • @srb__
      @srb__ 5 років тому +46

      @Lawman Don't be like that my guy

    • @LiftOffLife
      @LiftOffLife 5 років тому +3

      Red Pill Reddit.

    • @AlexsaurusRex
      @AlexsaurusRex 5 років тому +16

      Reddit should start it's own browser

  • @teravega
    @teravega 5 років тому +67

    As someone who started reading this book because of this video, I want to point out towards the end about you saying some people need someone pretending they care, I refer back to the book about people hearing cheap praises and that people don't like flattery but genuine appreciation. So although some people need to hear some sort of validation of their day, it should come from a genuine place because if you fake it, people will notice it and think less of you. I just thought of reminding that from the book. I really think you made a great video that peaked my interest of this book so I'm grateful to come across your channel. Thank you for your incite and sharing your views.

  • @QueenZsWorld
    @QueenZsWorld 5 років тому +1329

    Too many compliments can make people think you're disingenuous so use them wisely and time them well

    • @ellanica
      @ellanica 5 років тому +88

      yes! it's best to compliment when people are proud about something or work hard on something.

    • @discoofary
      @discoofary 5 років тому +64

      You also have to be honest with your compliments.

    • @Champ.offisiell
      @Champ.offisiell 5 років тому +31

      Queen Zey the fewer compliments you give, the more powerfull each becomes.

    • @jonathan1391544
      @jonathan1391544 5 років тому +9

      leanderdigerud my compliments my be life changing then

    • @Plethorality
      @Plethorality 5 років тому +2

      My compliments are given because beauty moves me and often makes me cry. Its easier to say, you look beautiful, than ball my head off! : ) I say that to strangers too.. No underlying agenda. It just spills out of me, like for art or a garden.
      But thank you for prompting me to look up "disingenuous". I didn't know what it meant.
      And I am NOT being sarcastic. Nor disingenuous. : ) Though your comment does help me to understand some people's reactions to me. Most frustrating though, when I don't feel believed. But those who know me, know its real. I don't give them out if its not real.

  • @stephanierojas3185
    @stephanierojas3185 5 років тому +148

    I’m definitely gonna read this book. I’m tired of this constant social anxiety. I just want friends...

    • @jhonny9378
      @jhonny9378 5 років тому +3

      Me too

    • @yeeli7989
      @yeeli7989 5 років тому +7

      Don't waste your time. It isn't going to help much and everything written isn't anything you don't know

    • @gustavschnitzel
      @gustavschnitzel 3 роки тому +1

      How it's going now?

    • @Shshshiykyk
      @Shshshiykyk 3 роки тому

      Hey be friend add me on snap.m ejaga792

    • @davidkramer194
      @davidkramer194 3 роки тому

      ua-cam.com/video/_NQGQImrpx4/v-deo.html

  • @jober1905
    @jober1905 5 років тому +2188

    *Sees title*
    My initial thought: DEATHNOTE

    • @GoogleAccount-po1gl
      @GoogleAccount-po1gl 5 років тому +82

      Person doesn't want to be freinds with me? DELETE!

    • @cruz.c
      @cruz.c 5 років тому +39

      after writing the cause of death, details of the death should be written in the next 6 minutes and 40 seconds. if the cause of death is written within 40 seconds of writing the persons name it will happen. if the cause of death is not specified, the person will simply die of a heart attack.

    • @Y2Kvids
      @Y2Kvids 5 років тому +6

      Light

    • @jjj555
      @jjj555 5 років тому +3

      First thing that came to my mind too😹😹

    • @boslyporshy6553
      @boslyporshy6553 5 років тому +7

      *The Bible*

  • @rifan_j
    @rifan_j 5 років тому +20

    "Sometimes people just need somebody who pretends like they care..."
    I couldn't agree more.

  • @enlightenedtrucker739
    @enlightenedtrucker739 5 років тому +210

    Smile. Remember and use a persons name. Be lavish with your compliments. Can confirm that book is a masterpiece.

    • @notmyrealpseudonym6702
      @notmyrealpseudonym6702 5 років тому +9

      Be genuinely interested. other peeps know shit you don't, you know shit they don't.

    • @UncleRuckuss
      @UncleRuckuss 5 років тому +15

      I hate it when people keep pronouncing my name every other sentence.

    • @JohnStockton7459
      @JohnStockton7459 5 років тому

      @@fealdorf i hate u

    • @nicksmith-cx1fx
      @nicksmith-cx1fx 5 років тому +1

      Problem with this attitude is 99% of the people won't reciprocate in kind, they will be endlessey talking about themselves. This will drain you. I don't want the 99% to like me. I want to be with the 1% who also like me and are interested in me or i will rather be alone. My goal is not other people liking me.

    • @inkshermit9055
      @inkshermit9055 5 років тому

      @@nicksmith-cx1fx Did you just contradict yourself?

  • @myrtila
    @myrtila 4 роки тому +35

    There is this girl in my class who always gives out compliments to people but they don’t seem genuine and it’s like she’s doing to make friends. Compliments are tricky

    • @susantunbridge4612
      @susantunbridge4612 2 роки тому +4

      Complimenting cynics and cold people is always tricky. I feel for her, trying to connect with people like you.
      I live in a cold city, where people look at you with suspicion if you suggest going for coffee.

  • @tagtraumerin5077
    @tagtraumerin5077 5 років тому +117

    This book and "How to stop worrying and start living" have been changing my life since the first time I read them. I sometimes just listen to the audio book on Spotify or read a chapter when I have the need to. I never thought a book could have this impact on my life.

    • @designingjuan
      @designingjuan 5 років тому +2

      I'll have to check this one out. Probably not related but one book I find myself going back to is "From Poverty to Power". I can literally flip to any page and be mesmerized with the wealth of knowledge.

    • @tagtraumerin5077
      @tagtraumerin5077 5 років тому +12

      @Inner Voice who's the one here that needs a life, someone who writes comments about books or comments telling people to get a life? Hope this is a troll hahaha

    • @burpie3258
      @burpie3258 5 років тому +2

      that Inner Voice bitch is a looooser

    • @burpie3258
      @burpie3258 5 років тому +3

      @Inner Voice hm still a loser lmao

    • @PixelSheep
      @PixelSheep 5 років тому

      I'll try this one too 👍

  • @DaveWard-xc7vd
    @DaveWard-xc7vd 4 роки тому +6

    Once the people around me realize that they are in the presence of greatness we all get along just fine.

  • @sovietelectioncollidingtro6231
    @sovietelectioncollidingtro6231 5 років тому +388

    It's funny... as soon as I read the title I was thinking about that exact same book without even watching the video. Great book!

    • @SalemPhiladelphia
      @SalemPhiladelphia 5 років тому +4

      Law of attraction

    • @bendavis2459
      @bendavis2459 5 років тому +1

      Holy crap me too

    • @VibhorDubey99
      @VibhorDubey99 5 років тому +1

      I was thinking of this book in college today, and came home to see this video in my recommendations

    • @scorpions7153
      @scorpions7153 5 років тому

      Law of attraction is the worst book ever

  • @mrunseen3797
    @mrunseen3797 5 років тому +331

    I genuinely ask people about their life's. But the conversation dies anyway, because I run out of questions and they don't ask me something...

    • @LyoneWoWro
      @LyoneWoWro 5 років тому +86

      Because they are not doing their part, they focus on what they care only...

    • @eliasstrandell
      @eliasstrandell 5 років тому +43

      I'm 100% certain that you can still be the one getting the conversation going...
      What kind of questions do you ask?
      Open or closed? Yes or no or questions that require more of an answer?
      And what do you ask about?
      Boring stuff or stuff that they actually like to talk about?
      When yoy talk to them, are you listening and build the conversation out of what they say? Or just like yeah yeah yeah, next question

    • @sofiaduran4241
      @sofiaduran4241 5 років тому +13

      I have just started preparing things like "what do you think about endgame?" I haven't had the opportunity yet but I hope it gets me somewhere:D

    • @David-cm4ok
      @David-cm4ok 4 роки тому +29

      It's very common. Many people I know talk only about themselves. Annoying.

    • @altobonifacio8936
      @altobonifacio8936 4 роки тому +15

      It happens to me and I always end up thinking that people perceive me as a weirdo and I cry

  • @jarrettthomas4865
    @jarrettthomas4865 4 роки тому +47

    I’ve kept “how to win friends and influence people” and Marcus Aurelius “meditations” in my book bag every where I go for the past 5 years. Good stuff

    • @mohak1990y
      @mohak1990y 4 роки тому +2

      Is meditations a good read?

    • @z4nn7
      @z4nn7 Рік тому +1

      @@mohak1990y Reading the Bible is a better choice, Mediations if you read close enough is the Bible without God.

  • @SharonTseung
    @SharonTseung 5 років тому +37

    I'm currently reading that book! It's all about listening and being interested in others

    • @aylex1974
      @aylex1974 Рік тому

      You get tired of doing that. The things that you received are that they forget about you when they found their tribe.

  • @josiahb1207
    @josiahb1207 4 роки тому +4

    Agreed, I personally try my best to always let the other person talk about themselves and listen but whenever I talk about myself to someone who is genuinely listening, it can be a powerful feeling.

  • @GinoBrouwers
    @GinoBrouwers 5 років тому +396

    It's insane when you realize how much value can be taken from a couple pieces of paper with words on them. I can safely say that picking up the habit of reading books has changed my life for the better!

    • @CH-tv1cy
      @CH-tv1cy 5 років тому +3

      @@fnchrstphr truth

    • @GinoBrouwers
      @GinoBrouwers 5 років тому +2

      @Inner Voice

    • @GinoBrouwers
      @GinoBrouwers 5 років тому +3

      Inner Voice Haha I'm natural man :) appreciate the compliment!

    • @korobkov1
      @korobkov1 5 років тому

      This reminds me of the book 'the fifth agreement'

    • @jockeralex21
      @jockeralex21 5 років тому +6

      @Inner Voice Get a life and stop insulting people that haven't done anything to you.

  • @ryanellion
    @ryanellion 4 роки тому +388

    The book? “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carniege

    • @deanj6722
      @deanj6722 4 роки тому +1

      Heyy fatty!!

    • @johnathonlequinta1333
      @johnathonlequinta1333 4 роки тому +7

      Na that's deathnote

    • @ll-sz9fl
      @ll-sz9fl 4 роки тому

      Thanks

    • @skulptor
      @skulptor 4 роки тому

      Total carnage.

    • @frarfarf
      @frarfarf 4 роки тому +18

      great comment for people who don't have the patience to wait 55 seconds into the video

  • @borednsleepy
    @borednsleepy 5 років тому +25

    i like it very much when people say my name when starting a conversation instead of just “hey you”

    • @rrastamarian
      @rrastamarian 5 років тому +6

      Good morning mr shelby

    • @amberleaf9823
      @amberleaf9823 3 роки тому

      By the owdahh of the peaky fakinn blinders!!

  • @TChoppy46able
    @TChoppy46able 2 роки тому +3

    This really got me deeply:”even carrying on basic human conversation was something I didn’t really know how to do very well”. Infact, my case it’s not WAS and DIDN’T, it always has been that way for 30++ years to the point i start questioning the point of my existence

  • @gyccowrites
    @gyccowrites 5 років тому +132

    U should start a podcast i would listen

    • @gyccowrites
      @gyccowrites 5 років тому +6

      @Inner Voice omg my inner voice is telling me to do that

    • @nss490
      @nss490 5 років тому +1

      JustMeGina #metoo

    • @ahmednasser9962
      @ahmednasser9962 5 років тому +2

      Inner Voice u clearly have issues based on how u speak. Someone give this man a hug

    • @CN-wt2bj
      @CN-wt2bj 5 років тому +1

      Gaawwd the last thing the internet needs is another Podcast.

  • @jasha7579
    @jasha7579 4 роки тому +9

    That's literally active listening, which I do whenever my friends want to talk about their issues. The goal for me is to try and get as much information laid out as possible, so that both of us have a clearer perspective of what's going on. Main rule in it is to not talk about yourself

  • @emiki6
    @emiki6 5 років тому +971

    "...focus on what Peter Parker was saying." 😂👌

    • @knivesinmediaog
      @knivesinmediaog 5 років тому +14

      Was planning to comment this lol

    • @bjk837
      @bjk837 5 років тому +10

      Hahaha I'm glad he didn't Google his name I actually thought it made it pretty funny ! 😂

    • @emiki6
      @emiki6 5 років тому +5

      @@bjk837 agreed. I never thought ignorance can be this kind of good humor source. Joey always teaches us something. :D

    • @andrewnguyen4827
      @andrewnguyen4827 5 років тому +2

      Power comes with great responsibility

    • @zimasajam
      @zimasajam 5 років тому

      @Apple Zheng Yang That guy will always be known as spider-man

  • @Howitchewstofeel5gum
    @Howitchewstofeel5gum 5 років тому +14

    Social anxiety is the fear of negative judgement from others. So you're worried about how others perceive YOU. You're focused on yourself and your image, how you come across. Being in the moment and focusing on the other person is the natural antidote to that. A.k.a. "getting out of your head".
    I also find that the more I meditate (with Holosync), the more I am genuinely interested in other people because over time, my perspective widens more and more. You naturally start to become curious how other people see the world instead of wanting to convert everybody to your way of thinking.

  • @mariamalnahdi4483
    @mariamalnahdi4483 5 років тому +501

    Why UA-cam is recommending this to me 🙂 is my social awkwardness that obvious 🙂

  • @mr.leoallan4353
    @mr.leoallan4353 2 роки тому +7

    1. In order to become better socially, you have to be interested in what the other person has going on in their life. Genuine question them.
    2. Make them feel valued. Compliment them. Use their name liberally. Compliment their personality. Focus on the other person.

  • @Smaltese93
    @Smaltese93 4 роки тому +69

    Amazing book. Rereading it currently. This book actually helped ask a girl out(she said yes) get a job and promotion, and deal with my kids.
    Definitely a must read

  • @maria.3.3.3
    @maria.3.3.3 4 роки тому +17

    This book is amazing. I'm a 17 years old teenager and used this book to feel more comfortable around partys and it helped me so much but also the way I interact with my friends has changed.

  • @moazzamtahir7574
    @moazzamtahir7574 5 років тому +65

    i always had that book on my desk but never read it. Now, I definitely will!!

    • @Manuel-gu9ls
      @Manuel-gu9ls 5 років тому

      Moazzam Tahir I have books that I read and read back the part that are read

    • @petra5323
      @petra5323 5 років тому

      Same! I was thinking 'that sounds familiar'...

    • @Alyssa18633
      @Alyssa18633 5 років тому

      Lol I threw the book out a few days ago because it’s been on my bookshelf for years & I’ve never read it

  • @sazluqman8056
    @sazluqman8056 5 років тому +6

    I read that book 4 years ago and it literally changed my life and my relationships with ppl ❤

  • @Name-fk8zk
    @Name-fk8zk 5 років тому +17

    I knew EXACTLY what book you were going to talk about.
    When growing up I had social anxiety due to childhood physical and mental abuse to the point where I would physically shake when someone spoke to me.
    A few years ago I met a diagnosed sociopath. Honestly not the first person you’d trust or expect to help, but he talked to me through text (I found it easier that way) and we had a lot of things in common (surprisingly) he understood what I went through.
    He talked a lot about himself and the way he views people and the world. He introduced me to psychology; pointing me in the right directions to self improvement. He gave me this book on our last day together.
    He told me, “this book will change your life. Once you read it, you can’t go back.”
    I read it. I read it again. I cherish it.
    After that book I wanted more. I read, did more research on my own and discovered so many amazing and wonderful things... I gained confidence and started to love myself. I lost my bad habits, lost weight and lost almost all my ‘friends’ who used me when I was vulnerable. I stand up for others when they need me. I’m hard to criticise.
    The curse is that I find myself manipulating people all the time. I get bored easily when I have to carry a conversation and I’ve started judging a lot. Relationships are also a struggle because my standards are too high.
    I have a good amount of patience but when I snap I can bring the person to tears and make them feel awful. I just hope I don’t become what I’ve always hated.
    At least I don’t shake anymore.

    • @hemenkalita6582
      @hemenkalita6582 5 років тому +3

      The Female definitely you too are a self centered psychopath.

    • @douglasjunior9245
      @douglasjunior9245 5 років тому

      Lol so you’re a demon now?

    • @wronglayerbutok
      @wronglayerbutok 5 років тому +4

      With great power comes great responsibility. The downside of having a lot of knowledge is that daily matters and small talk isn't stimulating enough and we don't know how to implement what we've learnt into the real world.
      However, you may not shake anymore, but leaning over to manipulating and getting bored of people can just be a new way your symptoms are showing? That makes sense to me , at least. I hope you get the support you need and deserve!

    • @lisztomaniacenid
      @lisztomaniacenid 5 років тому

      guess you're a sociopath now

    • @sproutlove
      @sproutlove 5 років тому

      Sounds like you read and put into practice too much the 48 laws of power?

  • @UncleRuckuss
    @UncleRuckuss 5 років тому +101

    Is it just me or does anyone else feels uncomfortable when a person uses your name more than twice in a conversation and starts to ask too many questions about you?

    • @VuongNgocHieu99
      @VuongNgocHieu99 5 років тому +16

      Its all about the balance

    • @heavycurrent7462
      @heavycurrent7462 4 роки тому +8

      The question has to be tailored into something the asker can follow up with his own input. That‘d make a healthy and normal conversation instead of an interview.

    • @ethelbarton6668
      @ethelbarton6668 4 роки тому +1

      Ime not giving intrviews this week.

    • @jackiew6598
      @jackiew6598 3 роки тому +3

      I had a coworker who was very curious and also very aggressive so he would excitedly and aggressively ask lots of questions about peoples lives. Noooooo! Too much!

    • @maebunny5298
      @maebunny5298 3 роки тому +2

      You can always redirect the question back to them. Usually that’s how it goes and you both learn more about each other

  • @cianadsouza
    @cianadsouza 4 роки тому +4

    I once gave a genuine compliment to my friend for her gym regime, and my other friend tells me when would I begin, to which I said I don't know but atleast i can encourage this girl to continue her regime. This girl instantly said I don't need any sort of motivation. I said good for you. That's the end of conversation!

    • @sanaknik581
      @sanaknik581 4 роки тому

      You could have continued the conversation by saying something about self-discipline.
      It's like a game of associations: regime-motivation-discipline-procrastination-things to do when procrasrinating-youtube-... Ha ha

  • @navyforeveryoungjean-phili5940
    @navyforeveryoungjean-phili5940 5 років тому +7

    This can be a turnoff to me. I am someone that will notice others investigating me and flattering me so they can feel good about their own insecurities

  • @tagtraumerin5077
    @tagtraumerin5077 5 років тому +745

    Better Ideas: You should remember names
    Also better Ideas: When Peter Parker met Leonardo DiCaprio... Whatever I forgot his name

    • @betterideas
      @betterideas  5 років тому +69

      HAHAHA

    • @laxyamusic8162
      @laxyamusic8162 5 років тому +2

      @UCwjimEU25P7j6brm3IzZWuQ He was going for the real name, not the character name. As he said he forgot Peter Parkers name - Tobey Maguire.

    • @yanzi8543
      @yanzi8543 5 років тому +2

      How to forget Tobey Maguires name? :D

    • @sagelioneldsouza8230
      @sagelioneldsouza8230 5 років тому

      @@yanzi8543 *swoosh"... Just like that..

    • @yanzi8543
      @yanzi8543 5 років тому +2

      @@sagelioneldsouza8230 and just like that Peter Parker became a person in real life :D

  • @RideNBite
    @RideNBite 5 років тому +1

    Spider man meets Gatsby

  • @martinv.-
    @martinv.- 5 років тому +29

    This was my first self-improvement book also, the beginning of something really big!

    • @Hadezul2
      @Hadezul2 5 років тому

      I think mine too, although I now see it a grossly flawed, it at least started a new paradigm shift

    • @alexbecker4149
      @alexbecker4149 5 років тому +1

      @@Hadezul2 *flawed how?*

    • @Hadezul2
      @Hadezul2 5 років тому

      @@alexbecker4149, the book promotes a submissive mind and behaviour that works great in some circumstances, but not others. It assumes that everyone around you is shy, repressed and self-absorbed. The problem with this book is its advice is absolutely not a good idea for anyone who finds themselves in an environment where they are bullied, ostracised, and pitied. It makes no account for the existence of sociopaths, cliques, or people who simply see you as beneath them.

    • @alexbecker4149
      @alexbecker4149 5 років тому +1

      @@Hadezul2 *yeah, that's a tricky situation. if someone is not open to being your friend, because they don't need you and have leverage over you, you can't win their heart.*
      *That's like a war situation, either get out or acquire enough leverage over them so that you can fight back.*
      *Did you read about the Gervais principle / power talk / identifying psychopaths?*
      *I also recommend reading the book The 48 laws of power and The art of War. For understanding how psychopaths operate.*
      *Also if they just seem like assholes but aren't psychopaths you can still turn them around.*

    • @Hadezul2
      @Hadezul2 5 років тому +1

      @@alexbecker4149 Hi thanks. I've not read them, but I did read People Skills by Robert Bolton and highly regard that book over HTWFAIP

  • @Stryfe52
    @Stryfe52 2 роки тому +2

    This is cool, since my dad had actually recommended this book to me.

  • @RETVRNAVGVSTVS
    @RETVRNAVGVSTVS 5 років тому +10

    This is what Gary Vee preaches:
    “Perspective”
    As you mentioned in your video, it is your perspective that changed and as a result everything else changed with it

  • @MuhammadSaad-bq5vv
    @MuhammadSaad-bq5vv Рік тому +1

    Summary of the video:
    Just make people feel valued. Care about them.
    1) Show interest in others. Talk to others about what's going on in their lives because everyone thinks about themselves.
    2) Give complements, use their names.
    3) Focus. Pretend the person in front of you is the only person in the world.

  • @babys8640
    @babys8640 5 років тому +22

    i have the opposite problem, i make everybody feel valued just bc im nice and i focus on the good things in ppl (as long as they are not evil or sth), idk it comes naturally to me. and then everybody thinks they’re special to me because i was nice to them and basically i do what you say all the time without having read that book or watched your video. i didn’t talk much as a kid but i listened to everybody so i think i just noticed what people wanted to get from a „good conversation“.
    the „problem“ with that ist that i do it everytime unless somebody is mean or rude or sth, but then i seem to disappoint them when i treat everybody the same. and im like dude i was just being nice lol. and no, i don’t flirt or anything, it’s the same for both sexes. so be careful and only use these strategies on ppl you really want to get closer to

  • @john2914
    @john2914 3 роки тому

    I am 53. For the last 5 yrs or so I have stopped being social in any way. I am not sure what happened? Life gets hard as we age.

  • @myecolife4333
    @myecolife4333 5 років тому +9

    When I was about 12 years old, my Dad started giving me financial economic and investing books to read and I was successfully investing money as a teenager.....then when I was about 16-17 my friend gave me novels about the war in the jungles of Vietnam and that made me a bit crazy and made me want to go into the Special Forces and I eventually became a Recon Ranger (Special Forces) in the Marines and that changed me and my life and gave me discipline and also made me a bit crazy and wild, but all ended well.....then in my early 20's I started reading the positive self help books and listened to tons of tapes and eventually CD's and many courses all in the arena of Think and Grow Rich and How To Win Friends and Influence People and the list goes on, and that was very helpful and life changing and I should have never stopped those books audios and courses but between those books and the Marine Corp it gave me discipline and helped to do well in college.......then I was balanced enough to become a serious successful currency trader in the Futures markets....but then all my positive life and investing and business success started going down hill from a bad relationship that turned my life upside down and I lost my focus and just started bouncing around and traveling and partying and fun and way too many different girlfriends looking for the right one, but the right one never appeared. So I started spending more and more time in South America looking for something that wasn't there....so I thought maybe Miami Beach would be the answer to whatever I was looking for and eventually I realized South Beach and Miami was the last place I should be.....So I left the country again over 10 years ago and I never moved back to the US....I finally realized that it must be me or at least that is what I thought....then 9 years ago down here someone gave me a Bible and that is the book that has changed everything in me and my life....so I've come to the conclusion that it isn't really me with the problem, even though I have problems and I am not perfect, but I was looking for something that is very hard to find because we live in a fallen world that is owned and controlled by an evil fallen entity known as the Devil .. Satan .. Lucifer and many more names. He is the King of this world and pure evil.....and like most people, I was oblivious to the fact that he is real and does exist. To make a long story shorter, I will end it here. Read your Bible first (KJV) and foremost. Life is short. You must get on track with GOD or things won't go well for you, especially when you leave this world. Read and watch tons of Godly UA-cam videos and watch what happens to your life. Adios from the mountains of Guatemala Lake Atitlan.............and by the way, I am 53 years old now and a completely different person I AM now because of the Bible....its the only book that has saved my life and hopefully it will save my soul..............

    • @woobertdoo
      @woobertdoo 5 років тому +4

      I had an aneurysm trying to read this. Punctuation goes a long way, my friend.

    • @projectfulfilledlife1340
      @projectfulfilledlife1340 5 років тому

      Thank you for wasting my time :(

    • @Marixpress2
      @Marixpress2 4 роки тому

      *NKJV 😛

    • @Sebastian_Thimm
      @Sebastian_Thimm 4 роки тому

      KJV, that's most probably the version of the bible from which Satan stole all the commas and full stops to then make dick pics in ASCII-art.

  • @minarinrin2850
    @minarinrin2850 2 роки тому +1

    I read it before I had amazing social circle at high school , now I got to college and it's a whole different society so I felt like reading it again and now this vid from 3 years pops up on my fyp it's kinda crazy

  • @TripleIProductions
    @TripleIProductions 5 років тому +14

    Glad I watched this. Quite inspirational - also thanks for explaining that there is actually something to be gained from liking it. Never understood why people used to ask for it before.

  • @jdsilvestri
    @jdsilvestri 4 роки тому +17

    I definitely don't want to talk about myself all the time, I can't imagine I am alone in that lol.

  • @Hadezul2
    @Hadezul2 5 років тому +18

    I was in a similar place when I discovered and read that book. When I applied its advice I had much less positive experiences. I recommend People Skills by Robert Bolton. This book made me realise I was surrounded by aggressive people who will never appreciate the "submissive" behaviour practices encouraged in HTWFAIP.

  • @tranphuongthao8965
    @tranphuongthao8965 4 роки тому +2

    1) focus on the person ur talking with in your conversations
    2) make them feel valued: use there names, give genuine compliments, compliment on their Personality (ur a good listener..)
    3) focus on the person ur talking with and show that you care about them

  • @bongs1995
    @bongs1995 5 років тому +526

    You just described the introvert king, our Lord and saviour, Keanu Reeves

  • @lyfemanager1647
    @lyfemanager1647 3 роки тому +1

    Bro i literally watch ur videos every time I have free time...... It's like I am attending classes in school except I like the classes..... Ur are awesome 👍

  • @osse1n
    @osse1n 5 років тому +7

    *The Power of Now*

  • @vionhosea4226
    @vionhosea4226 2 роки тому +1

    thank you so much,this video help me a lot in my social life especially when i try conversation with the people that i never met,the first action that i did is give them a compliment to start a conversation,and remember all people have their own anxiety and main character in their life so when you making a mistake just dont give a damn to what other people think about you,they dont acctually think about every single mistaken that you made they worried about their own life (im in progress learning english so please if you feel their mistake in this comment feel free for give me a compliment thank you)

  • @Aiden214
    @Aiden214 5 років тому +5

    There's an episode of Friends I like where Phoebe enters a party where she doesn't know anyone. She says something like, 'this is great I don't know anyone here so I don't have to bother talking to anyone or caring'. I love that! I think there is sometimes too much focus on pushing people to talk and have clunky awkward conversations when perhaps they just don't like the company!! Nothing wrong with that. I'm a big fan of going to parties and just eating and getting around for a bit. If noone talks to me, who cares! But more often than not while I'm over indulging in food, I somehow end up on the sidelines *omg I'm starving big workout today, you go to the gym? Yes I do have you been thinking of joining etc etc* with dte ppl or shy ppl having a chat and we become some kind of group together for the rest of the party.

  • @rewindthefuture1600
    @rewindthefuture1600 4 роки тому +1

    I read the Book after seeing this Video two Months ago and it Helped me a lot. Its not just super helpful advice but also some general Rules about how to interakt properly with people. Its unbelivable, I just didnt know such things bevor reading this Book. Thank you very much for influencing me in reading this Book, it was a trip. (a friend of mine is also reading it now and likes it a lot)

  • @GeekyMino
    @GeekyMino 5 років тому +18

    I knew it! Same here bro, that is THE book😊 Remembering people's names is so simple and yet so powerful. It's sad how very few people do it nowadays.

  • @savageantelope3306
    @savageantelope3306 Рік тому

    Important to rewatch this video because as much as I mostly prioritize the other person in the conversation and listen, I'm mostly good with it but I can still fall into trying to jump to talk about myself when I really don't need to.

  • @stormz4069
    @stormz4069 5 років тому +5

    I'm glad that I found one of the most underrated channels ever!
    NO DOUBT, NO REGRET
    You deserve my sub

  • @rodrigog.c.6047
    @rodrigog.c.6047 4 роки тому +1

    Tell me about this 10 years from now. It does not work. If you tease people into being selfish, that is what you get. You fall for this because you need people too much. Let them be and be yourself too.

  • @fredr6804
    @fredr6804 5 років тому +5

    That sounds like a great book. I just reserved it at the library. Can't wait to read it.

  • @marijnjanssen4736
    @marijnjanssen4736 3 роки тому

    I work in a gym and this book has helped me deal better with complaints and sales as well. It's a must read for everyone.

  • @pbies
    @pbies 5 років тому +4

    First hear, then listen, accept, receive, swallow, rethink, think what to say, then speak.

    • @kingcrumpet
      @kingcrumpet 5 років тому

      Then realise... They got tired of waiting and walked away.

  • @tr.all__
    @tr.all__ Рік тому +2

    The book that eradicated my hair

  • @adarsh915
    @adarsh915 5 років тому +13

    0:11 look at his eyes
    Smile triggers along with anxiety to calm the mind

  • @ethancohen12
    @ethancohen12 4 роки тому +1

    This book is the best book Ive ever read in my life. I read it every year to remind myself of its very powerful principles!

  • @zorigtnarangarav
    @zorigtnarangarav 5 років тому +6

    Wow, this was one of the best videos out there on human interactions. Nice summary of the book itself. Appreciate it. Awesome research and an amazing quality video. Good work.

  • @anntweardy4415
    @anntweardy4415 5 років тому +1

    I don’t like compliments. I feel people feel superior when they lend their judgement. Like “Oh. Hey Ann. I judge you as pretty. I judge you as smart. “. Like who cares what you like about me.

    • @shelberz1
      @shelberz1 5 років тому

      Ann Tweardy
      Deep:) (non-sarcasm)

  • @sambhullar5995
    @sambhullar5995 5 років тому +830

    0:09 Looks like joey did 100 PUSHUPS 100 SITUPS 100 SQUATS and 10 KM JOG till he became bald.

    • @toxicfart1913
      @toxicfart1913 5 років тому +101

      I see you are a man of culture..

    • @kamaldmomoh
      @kamaldmomoh 5 років тому +11

      👊👴

    • @SunSunSunn
      @SunSunSunn 5 років тому +2

      Lmao opm routine cracks me up everytime just because of how inaccurate it is

    • @ibrahimhakimi4097
      @ibrahimhakimi4097 5 років тому +1

      Toxic Fart hahahahhaha

    • @ratsalad178
      @ratsalad178 5 років тому +7

      don't forget, he probably also never uses the air conditioner

  • @wendallparker8420
    @wendallparker8420 5 років тому

    I read this book after graduating college. It is a great book. I’m so happy this changed your life. I combined this book with observing people in real life and social media, and my.life improved as well.

  • @h.hristov
    @h.hristov 5 років тому +42

    Great book. I can totally recommend. Helped me make friends at uni

    • @O.G.H.
      @O.G.H. 5 років тому

      Whats the name of the book tho?

  • @varsharajput4166
    @varsharajput4166 4 роки тому

    I too read the book, and that too many times..it helped me soo much understanding people, I could make friends easily, attract ppl in my life, n all...but it just made me more of a people pleaser too, if someone isn't interested in me at all, or smtimes ppl are backed off due to my keenness to know them..so I'd recommend sm more books to balance out its ppl focussed approach..how to value ur own time, sanity, build a self esteem, having less but genuine and caring friends, and being able to trust ppl with ur secrets, fears n all to form deep relationships. This book made me too much aware of ppl's psychology, and I stopped making any mistakes, I started being cautious n alert abt my behaviour n what I say..basically i stopped screwing up n making mistakes, which are smtimes necessary to form deep connections..fights, misunderstandings have got their own role.

  • @alishagupta7325
    @alishagupta7325 3 роки тому +4

    The main thing that Hurts me is that I was not socially awkward or shy before, as far as I remember..now I have become due to many circumstances..
    Now I have lost myself..I don't know how I am..I don't know how I was..or what I like. And that sucks.

    • @ГлебНиколайчук-е1м
      @ГлебНиколайчук-е1м 3 роки тому

      what's happened?

    • @ItzSlashyyy
      @ItzSlashyyy 2 роки тому

      dude this is litterly what im going through, did you find a way out?

    • @alishagupta7325
      @alishagupta7325 2 роки тому

      @@ItzSlashyyy Not really! But now I think, it can be managed..don't worry, it will be fine♥️

    • @alishagupta7325
      @alishagupta7325 2 роки тому

      @@ГлебНиколайчук-е1м That's exactly what i don't know😂

  • @johndonaldson3619
    @johndonaldson3619 4 роки тому

    In a world more connected than ever, genuine listening is scarcer than ever

  • @Alyssa18633
    @Alyssa18633 5 років тому +21

    The pool guy at the hotel I’m staying at was like “good morning alyssa” as he handed me a towel and I was like.... dude.. we’ve only met once & you remembered? THANKS

    • @ChaosTherum
      @ChaosTherum 4 роки тому +1

      I wish I had the kind of brain that remembers names after one meeting.

  • @BadForYourHealth117
    @BadForYourHealth117 2 роки тому +2

    I didn't know Peter Parker was in The Great Gatsby. must've been a day I slept through class...What about focus?

  • @sebastianalcala1974
    @sebastianalcala1974 5 років тому +295

    recommended by youtube :p

  • @dashv2727
    @dashv2727 5 років тому

    I’ve always been the listener and the person who asks questions about others but they never do the same for me

  • @SaraMakeupCH
    @SaraMakeupCH 4 роки тому +2

    I was expecting another type of video, however it was also interesting because all of these tips are things I do naturally with people I meet or with my friends. But be careful to behave this way only with people who are deserving your attention, because a lot of people would love to talk about them and be sure to notice that a real friend will also have interest in you and ask questions about you. It never has to be a monologue instead a dialogue ! You all deserve to find a real friend that has interest in who you are, otherwise you better stay alone and wait to find a real one :-) Love

  • @natsax6351
    @natsax6351 4 роки тому

    I'm reading this book and this book changed my leading way and make me a better team player, which actually make me a better professional and give me a better position in the company. So yes, this book changed my life.

  • @jamezdfit
    @jamezdfit 5 років тому +5

    Aight wow that's honestly opened my mind so much already, and I can see other people I aspire to be like portraying these qualities. This channel is amazing, so much value. Subbed and definitely gonna pick us this masterpiece.

  • @Javier300k
    @Javier300k 4 роки тому

    Crazy that was the very first book I purchased because someone knew that I wanted to start a UA-cam channel and they recommend me that book🔥🔥🔥🔥

  • @dynastus
    @dynastus 5 років тому +8

    Great book. 📕 Read it the first time and now review the audiobook annually for a refresher. which I really need sometimes. Thanks for sharing. 👍

  • @sunmoon9574
    @sunmoon9574 4 роки тому

    You have a lovely sense of subtle comedic timing. Genuinely humourous while still taking the subject matter seriously.
    Very engaging! Thank you. 🙏🏽

  • @calt2161
    @calt2161 4 роки тому +12

    My anxiety always comes when one person inevitably asks a closed ended question. The conversation always has that brief, but painfully awkward silence, where both people are trying to decide to either end it or come up with an entirely new thread. That moment of tense silence has always been the biggest social landmine for me. I always find myself preemptively ending the conversation and leaving to find something else instead of trying to think of a natural transition to a new topic.

  • @airplane800
    @airplane800 5 років тому

    I read this book many years ago and I've applied the principals many times. After 30 years I am alone and have no friends though I've applied those principles and have helped many people through my life. Through the years I've realized that what people really admire is money and beauty. Handsome people can be jerks and don't do anything in this book but they attract people. Many scientific research showed that beauty and money make people respect you. A few years ago I've helped a female friend through a difficult time in her life. I've listen to her many times when she had no friends. I traveled once 6 hours so she wouldn't be alone on her birthday. I took her to a nice restaurant and the whole time she was talking about this handsome guy that sent her a card for her birthday. Many of those principles don't work anymore unless you are rich and beautiful. I know a loving woman that is a living example of Dale Carnegie principles. I see her at church events and I can tell that not many people come to talk to her. She is a little chubby, short and not the kind of very attractive but she has a good heart. She is always alone. I see her being rejected in parties all the time. I've been to a few meet up groups and I see the same pattern. The jerk Joe who owns a company and could care less about other people has all the attention.

  • @ForTheLoveOfGodForever
    @ForTheLoveOfGodForever 5 років тому +4

    *Bonus points if you learn...to care*

  • @yoututtime
    @yoututtime 5 років тому

    def feel valued when people listen and remember my name for sure it is a great feeling.

  • @michaeldubery3593
    @michaeldubery3593 5 років тому +11

    bonus points if you learn how to actually care :')

  • @socialanimal
    @socialanimal 5 років тому

    Very good book, I like to read it again every so often but as many people said, the challenge is not in knowing what it says but actually putting it into practice. Personally, I started to become self-aware of many moments in my daily life where I would want to interact with someone around me and did not and eventually started going for it every time. Not only did I met tons of people but it allowed me to learn a lot about myself and change my perspective on others and how I approach interacting with people.

  • @Jenna_Joseph
    @Jenna_Joseph 4 роки тому +32

    "People's favorite hobby and people's favorite topic and the one they're most comfortable talking about is things to do with themselves." Except INFJs. We would rather talk about you. And yes, I realize the irony of this comment.

  • @redfolgers2233
    @redfolgers2233 5 років тому +1

    focus is a foundational skill in the art of zen

  • @mezzdelta
    @mezzdelta 5 років тому +32

    I THOUGHT THE THUMBNAIL WAS THE DEATHNOTE OMG

  • @jasonbarney5587
    @jasonbarney5587 3 роки тому

    I've often that when I show interest in people, they talk about themselves, rarely reciprocate any interest in me, and it becomes this one-sided affair.