I Was Mentally, Emotionally and Physically Abusive (Can I Get Her Back?)
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- Опубліковано 1 січ 2023
- I Was Mentally, Emotionally and Physically Abusive (Can I Get Her Back?)
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"My victim escaped, how do I get her back? I miss my litlle punching bag 😢"
Seriously. F this guy.
For real! He doesn't see a human but a punching bag!
Yep/
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT MY MOUTH SAID OUTLOUD! PISSED OFF ALERT. NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE!
@jacquidanke1263 wait does he squally say these words? Like Is this a quote?
The truly repentant thing to do is to RESPECT HER DECISION TO LEAVE YOU.
Yep. Respect her wish for freedom.
He needs to give her what she deserves!
Her peace, and calm without him!!!
Hundred percent, bro.
EXACTLY
absolutely
Never go back into a relationship with someone who spits in your face. That person hates you.
💯💯💯💯
YES!
That part
Absolutely!! To spit in someone’s face is horrific!!!
Me right now😢😢
As a DV emergency councilor, I feel the need to mention something. This bullshit? The crying, the begging, is glorified by romance books. He does not mean it. I’ve seen all kinds of abusers, police officers, doctors, and the like, fall all over themselves in court and in front of the survivor. It is always 110% of the time a manipulation tactic. True remorse is leaving you alone. True remorse is understanding you lost the relationship. Don’t buy it
@user-uc7vp2dx5k i have a question , where would a DV couselor be found?
@@sthrnbll2u65 Most DV agencies in your city would have one or contact or the National DV Hotline
Even before starting the actual conversation, this dude was throwing red flags around. The hyping John up, the saying how he was honored to talk to a fine man like John? Men don't do that, unless they want something from the other guy. In this case; sympathy.
This!!!
Exactly!
He overcame his trauma. Bravo! 10 months. Are you kidding?
What about HER trauma!
Right? I left my ex 9 years ago and I'm still single with severe PTSD and brain damage but he still dreams about us getting back together. It's sick. It's always a fantasy in their head. And when you're actually with them, the fantasy becomes about other people and you become the obstacle in their head, a burden and "the problem." Sick.
I'm sure her trauma is way worse that wimpy cry baby James. I seriously doubt he'd even attempt to hit a man. He cries and is remorseful only for himself and the impact that her leaving had on him. Where is his concern for her mental well being? Has he sent her money or tried to help her financially in any way she she left him? He only loves himself.
@@stdeborah460They're never brave with men coz they there are consequences
That’s how you know it’s not meaningful change. It’s manipulative. This is the cycle of abuse.
I worked in one place longer than he has ever done when I was a teenager. 10 months of working is not a long time😂
Love how he responds to “my wife” with “your EX wife?”
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 exactly
He's still VERY possessive of her....
I fist pumped the air when he did this!
That made me smile
Ouch 🤭🦂 haha
Right. He needs to remember she is GONE. I was abused and someone asked if I would go back. "HELL no-are you NUTS?" She was actually serious. Barf. No. Not going back.
If this guy isn't the universal RED FLAG to all women who ever considered going back because he "changed". THIS IS THAT GUY. Listen closely ladies.
These demons never change.
Amen!
Yah 10 months in! Come onnnnn
I feel so much compassion for his ex-wife. I hope she is feeling safe and supported as she puts the pieces together and moves on with her life.
@@annmariemarin5513John said it well when he stated that this man's wife is the poster of him at his worst and he wants to get her back to change that picture of him- but thankfully that's not his choice.
I'm glad he also pointed out that no matter how impressive all the work he's done on himself in terms of therapy/weight loss/work that this guy is still entitled in relationships and has done ZERO work on this.
This guy got some serious truth but that sigh he gave when John told him he couldn't do with work to get his trophy back... It was very telling.
This was everything this guy needed to hear but I can't help feel he's not gonna take it, just because they rarely do.
He called in to be validated and hoped he would get help on how to woo over his victim to get her back in his life. The finalization of the divorce was her nail in his coffin. He 100% doesn’t know how to cope with having absolutely no ties or control over this woman anymore. If she ever goes back, she might as well have planned her funeral because he’s not gonna let her leave again. Adopting 9 children was a way for him to keep her stuck. Thank God it didn’t go in his favor. He would have abused those children too.
💯
Exactly!! He just wants validation so he can tell her "see everyone thinks I should have a another chance bc I changed" gtfoh. He has YEARS to go if ever before real change happens. He's still an abuser
Dude is psycho. She needs to stay far far away from him.
It feels like he’s likely got a personality disorder. It doesn’t even occur to him, that this woman is her own person and it would do her well to stay the hell out of his life.
Ah stuck is too small of a word to describe that… omg the level of stuck she would have been in…
Does anyone notice how these men are so respectful toward other men, but they just don't think as highly of women?
Yep! In general, I believe males do not respect females in the same way they respect other males. Their is usually an undercurrent of violence and sizing up with male interactions. By default women are not as strong/violent and therefor cannot force their will in the same manner.
Honestly I believe that these men don’t actually even like women let alone love them. Women are objects to these types of men. Possessions that belong to them. So they treat them as such. And when they get to whining or trying to get back with them is because they haven’t found someone else to take her place to mistreat. Plus they put in all that work to break down that woman and it’s easier to just harass her or manipulate her to come back than to start over 🤦🏽♀️. I know from experience
That’s cause y’all play too many games. Y’all literally ruined our mental health it’s not even funny. You try being dumped relationship after relationship and see if you have a positive outlook still. I was 14 when I made my first abusive act and it took me ten years to realize you females ain’t s***
Yes!!!! I see this all the time
Depends on what circles you're running in. This is not true of "men", just some men. I guarantee you, the courtesy John was showing him was because he was on camera. The way he indicated what his inner circle of men would've done to him if he confessed what this man did is indicative of what most men would have done to this guy. There wouldn't be a need for respect, just painful accountability.
Men are so quick to ditch the wives if they cheat, but will expect women to forgive if they're being physically harmed by them. Unbelievable.
THIS!!!!
Exactly
Oh they are very very quick with a vengence, and rightfully so. The frustrating part is the fact that women don't react this way.
@@veggieeaterexactly! I left my husband after cheating and encourage all women to do so because they don’t stop.
That was a powerful episode ❤
I hate how he keeps on saying "my wife" and when he was corrected he said "Yeah that" What an absolute creep 😮
Also the divorce has been done for months
My ex husband had the most amazing tansformative and spiritual turnaround after I left. I should have stayed gone. It was all an act.
Mine even "became born again" 😂😂😂😂 thank God I didn't fall for that because he went on and became worse and when all else dialed told people I tried to kill him that's why he didn't take me back (at this point I had not seen him for 8 years and because I refused so that was his way if trying to get me to react - through rumours)
I used to believe that my abuser would change and I would leave and he would do exactly this. I honestly believe that this man could have changed. However, I also feel like the chances are slim.
@@user-on2lw7ip5b Close to zero. This is a power thing. They're egotistical and narcissistic beings. They don't know how to accept a "no" for an answer, and much less if it's coming from a person they see as an inferior to them.
This creep calling should actually be locked up forever. They don't even regret their doings in all honesty. All women with psychos like that should just dispose of them. There's NO change you as a woman or anyone else can do in such a mind, so just leave it be (leave it follow its course), and that's it. You can't help what doesn't wanna be helped.
Mine too
Men are unaliving their spouses at an enormous rate. She got away once; he won’t allow her to be able to escape him again.
Should see it in Australia. A man ran his wife over on a tractor with a slasher attachment. I'm a migrant here and never heard anything like this before I came here but these types of stories are so regular and nonchalant on the news it's scary!!!
My gosh my heart for her 😩🌸. A man almost k’d me by essentially choking me. Seeing his face as he was over me with pure rage knowing death was what he wanted for me. He even tried to bite my face while he was “choking” me. But being on the other side of that. Seeing it up close. Feeling your body getting weaker like you’re about to fade away. Your vision starting to darken. It feels so wild and frightening to be up that close and seeing this person coming towards you is nothing like witnessing it secondhand or hearing it through an outside source. The feeling is almost indescribable but you can feel the evil. I cannot imagine through her eyes to see that coming at her and then penetrating, the sound of the tractor, knowing someone you slept next to is now k’llng you. Knowing this is the end in just a gruesome, barbaric, gory way. My gosh that’s horrifying. It saddens me to hear that it’s almost normalized.
It isn’t easy to hear but grave yards are saturated with women who we unalived by men who “loved them.” One of my cousins was shot to death by her husband while holding their baby. The caller only wants his possession bk. These unalivers are getting younger.
This is so true and it is not talked about enough.
That's why so many states file the battery charges against the husband when she has to call them. So many women give in to his and his family's pleas to drop the charges. When she drops the charges, the police take her from her home in a body bag because the husband swore that no woman would ever have him locked up again. When the state files the abuse charges, the wife can't drop them. I know this from personal experience before i finally divorced him and moves three states away.
As an abuse survivor, this one was hard to listen to. At his core, James still believes his EX-wife "belongs" to him. It's always about what the abuser wants. They always put their own needs above their victim's. And here we are again: James wants her back so James will call a radio show with the express purpose of getting what he wants. Red flag!!!! I hope his ex-wife stays far away from him.
That was my thought too… what does Ex Wife want? CLEARLY, to stay away from him. She deserves a NEW life- without him, ever around again. He won’t like that.
I totally agree 💯
I'm so glad that attempt to adopt NINE children fell through
He's still struggling with his entitlement. I liked the doc pointing out "You mean your EX wife."
Dude has to realize his wife don't need him and that he don't need her either.
It's okay to love people but people are free beings.
The best way to love is to let go and allow people to stay. Not manipulate and beg.
Dude has gotta learn to become a patient and loving for the sake of becoming patient and loving.
Sorry you had to go through that, you didn’t deserve that and deserve so much more, a protector not a weak minded individual
Listening to an abuser lay out the path of how verbal abuse turns into punching walls, turns into physical abuse is wild.
Right! Like, so you know exactly what tf you are doing!???? Disgusting!!
Literally!! the verbal abuse is the lightning and then we all know what the thunderclap is…
To think that this almost happened to me is insane.
They perfectly show it in the series Maid. Before hurting you they start hurting space around you.
@@ingrid5944 so glad you’re safe now♥️
The only reason i can think of why james would have called in is because he knows his victim listens to the show and is now trying to get her pity
Racheltarentino: I agree with you 100%! Everything coming out of his mouth is a manipulation and lies! He thinks that if he says the “right things” and he can get John Delony to agree with him, it gives him credibility! He knows she listens to this show and I’m betting, she’s blocked him on every avenue and that’s why he’s using Delony’s show to get his message to her. I hope she runs far, far away and never looks back!
Exactly. This whole thing is a manipulation tactic.
I agree
😢totally
Bingo! 🎯 More manipulation from a pos.
It is not your ex wife’s obligation to help YOU feel better about the horrific things you did to her. Go away, leave her alone. Show your love by letting her live her best life without you
Exactly. He still feels entitled to her time, understanding, empathy, and forgiveness.
THIS
PERIOD!
Well said.. ❤
Well said.
He wants control. He wants power. He cant handle the fact that a woman found the strenght to leave him. He is dangerous.
Extremely! And I'm disgusted Dr. John didn't say more to put him in his place 😠
@liveyourlifeextra4576
Eh Dr John reads people well.
He even said. I want to say things but won't say it.
So he's aware..
Or he wants to change.
He’s even trying to manipulate the conversation with Dr John by opening up with how much he loves him… trying to win him over lol
@@KingOfKings__ Maybe, but that ship sailed for that particular woman.
I hope his ex-wife hears this and gets a restraining order against him. Girl RUN!!!!! As far as you can....
"Malignant narcisist" need I say more? Kudos to her for leaving him.
I do wonder if narcs of that level can be considered to have full capacity to consent get married, because essentially they have an empathy deficiency which means they will probably always have essentially a 3yr old's understanding of marriage. Like when the little girl says she'll marry Daddy because in that moment she's sure she wants Daddy to herself for the rest of her life. She's not thinking about providing for her Dad's needs for the rest of his life at all.
If his ex wife ever hears this, she will hear all of his tone of voice changes, his sickening chuckle, and his crocodile tears, and her skin will crawl knowing he has not changed.
She’s in the comments. He’s repeated this behavior with two more girlfriends and apparently did a single day in jail. She has no intentions of going back. Thank god.
@@veverest2155 I’m so glad she didn’t go back to him!!
100% agree it’s so fake. He’s just doing this to look like he is doing something while not doing anything.
@@veverest2155Where is her comment? Has it been deleted?
@@DinnerthedaythebanksareopenI'm also curious about her comments.
He’s still an abuser. He says he lost control when he beat his ex wife up. But he didn’t. He was so much in control that he knew how much beating she could take before it would cause permanent injuries. He was exact in how he treated her. He has not changed one bit as he still hasn’t fully taken responsibility for his abuse. If he had, he would never consider trying to work his way back into his ex-wife’s life.
Yes absolutely!
Thank you for saying this! This is my ex husband. And then so sorry and do so much self work and then I stay, but only a matter of time before he doesn't feel he is getting what he is owed and the cycle goes again. Almost like he felt because he did all this good stuff, I owed him. Actually the more 'good' he did the more control he felt he had over me. He almost killed me 2x during our marriage but stopped choking me just in time for me not to die(still had bruised vocal chords and passed out). Spent 1 day in jail for his multiple 'misdemeanor ' domestic assults. Took me 7 years to leave. I'm ashamed at myself for staying so long.
@@Chantilly907you are strong ❤
@@Chantilly907The fact that you stayed a long time has nothing to do with you. It’s all about programming and automatic behavior, and you were thoroughly programmed to stay and take it. The only thing you willfully caused was breaking the program. Congratulations.
@@Chantilly907I'm so glad you escaped. Even if it tool 7 years. You found a way out, cause if you hadn't he probably would've killed you.
The extent abusers go to get their supply back is unbelievable. I hope she is safe.
No one gave him a high like she did!
My late grandma was killed by my granddad, when I was younger. I then later heard he was abusive to her all their life they were together. Woman if you in an abusive relationship run.... Don't look back.
No women who was abused should ever take the abuser back.. not ever.
Exactly. Do abusers typically change? No. Can abusive people change? Sadly, it doesn’t happen often but it can happen. Should an abuse victim go back to someone who has changed ( meaningful or not)? No.
If you have abused someone, especially for an extended period of time, then your relationship to that person has fundamentally changed. You cannot walk back the dynamic you have established. You will always be the person in power and they will always be the person trying to comply.
Being a shitty ex is something you can grow from. Being an abusive ex is something you move on from.
If only it was that easy. Does trauma bonds there's PTSD there's coercive control. There's gaslighting. There's manipulation. There's love bombing. There's the sunk cost fallacy. There's so much to why people stay with abusers. Least of all is the most dangerous time for a domestic abuse. Victim is when they're leaving the relationship. The only other time in the relationship that comes close to being as dangerous is when they are pregnant or recently postpartum. There's a reason why you always hear about men murdering their pregnant wives or The wise that they recently just gave birth.
They shouldnt, but it happens like 90% of the time. All the excuses in the world, they leave once their tipping point has been reached. Men and women go back to their abuser if not the same day, within a week or two. men and women mostly abuse differently, but there are enough women who abuse like men do and vice versa. People are horrible, but i would make it gender neutral statement. Men arent the only abusers and women arent only victims. Everyone is capable of being abusive
I agree even if tomorrow my ex-husband came to me and apologize for everything that you did to me and the way he feels like he didn’t abuse me although he was doing it the whole time I would never take him back in fact the abuse is the one thing that makes you stay away for good!!!!
Or man, just saying
“We we’re trying to adopt nine children, but it fell through.” Thank God!!!
What a baby cry. He wanted those kids as a possession to show everyone how wonderful he is. Then his wife would feel guilty to try to get away.
Right? Adopting ONE child is difficult enough, and it should be difficult. How in the hell did he think he, an abusive 20-something dirtbag addicted to Marijuana and unable to hold a steady job would be able to adopt NINE CHILDREN???
So it's true. I did hear correctly. I will be dannngggg!!!
Those 9 kids dodged some major bullets
He wanted to burden her to stay with him
I always find it ironic that controlling people will attempt to control everything around them, which is impossible to actually do. But refuse to control the only thing they have any ability to control….. Themselves…
Perfectly said... The only control we have, is of ourselves.
DAMN!
Oh, they control themselves pretty well. They don’t hurt people because of lack of control, they do it intentionally
My mother, who was abusive, was also very controlling. My husband pointed out to me that she thought she could control outcomes of situations too, as well as other people’s behavior. She was a very weak person.
My Dad, towards the end of his life when he was old & sick, admitted just this - that he refused to be controlled but wanted to control those around him. Still insisted on paying the bills from his hospital bed when on chemo/radiation therapy in his second marriage. She was earning most of the money in their marriage so hopefully it wasn't as physically abusive as his first.
NEVER, NEVER RETURN to an abuser. In case I didn't stress this enough, NEVER.
Say it again NEVER !
NEVER
The audacity. His tears were very well timed
. You blew it dude. Stay away from her and every other female until you've done YEARS of intensive therapy.
He miraculously switched them off very quickly too.
I'm sure he wasn't crying while he spit and hit her.
@@summerdowlig exactly, that's what I meam by his well timed tears it's always when they are required by someone else to address what they did
The night before I left, my ex finally came home. He sat across from me and cried, "I just don't know what to do anymore ". All well timed crap . He has the audacity all these years later to ask....."how is your mom".
Men like James don't change, they just get better at how they hide their abuse.
@@pattimartin859 Yeah. And for him to know to squeeze her leg so no one could see the bruise, that’s planned just like his tears. He beat her up and spit on her because she couldn’t find where he went for a walk. That poor woman was probably always walking on eggshells with him. I’m glad she got away.
I have no empathy for this guy. He's saying all the "right" things, reminds me of my abuser too. Nice and highly aware for others, and a frightening jerk to me.
He's crying now but he didn't care when he made her cry numerous times and had no compassion. Give me a break.
Yep I'm getting sociopath vibes from him
It's only been what, a year or 10 months? or so.... that's not enough time to truly heal and transform into a virtuous person. I've been trying to change for 2 years and it's not easy, and that's just with the small stuff. But if he has any humility at all, he'll accept the hosts' advice and let her be and work on himself.
I don't trust an abuser. He's looking for a 2nd chance until he gets triggered. He's dangerous to me and doesn't deserve her. He just can't find a new woman to beat up. I don't trust him and I don't believe he is in a better place. He's just waiting for the day he can beat someone up because of his own childhood issues.
@@catholicfemininity2126the vibe I got from him is he's doing all this stuff to appear to change so when she ultimately rejects him he will turn people against her and whine about her not giving him another chance.
That's EXACTLY how they are. They're so likeable and when you listen to them you'll feel so enlightened and even empathize with them more than yourself or even others will feel sorry for the abuser.
My dad was an abusive alcoholic. When I finally confronted him as an adult, he spoke in self-diagnosing terms just like this guy. “I was raging from the alcohol”, “This, this and that from my childhood”. Even trying to disarm the criticism by agreeing before the words settle.
He could never speak about his actions or decisions in that moment because he didn’t want to confront the person he was. Sounded just like this.
This is not taking ownership of your actions or yourself. And you’re still dangerous. Screw this guy.
My dad is still like this. Or he blames us for the abuse saying we were so terrible we deserved it. Have not spoken to him since he told me to kill myself. He’s in therapy now, but I don’t hold out hope for him. It’s court ordered.
"The past is the past" so I'm not going to take ownership of those decades of abuse.
His constant laugh/chuckle is so scary. Makes you wonder if he would laugh in her face as she cried or begged for him to stop
Disagree. The chuckle could easily be from the fact that he has to declare on UA-cam that he is an abuser and an addict. I’m not saying he’s a cool guy, but I can’t imagine that he’s nervous about outing himself like this.
"I want my wife back". This could turn into a stalker situation real quick. He needs to accept she is NEVER coming back and truly being sorry would be accepting that.
Are you looking for a husband?
Exactly. If he was actually sorry he’d realize the trauma he inflicted on her and would stay away from her forever. And he’d know he needs years of therapy before ever attempting a relationship with anyone again
Yep!!!
@@Shadowwind4????
She’s not his wife, she is a survivor.
You don't get to "be proud" of your ex wife who had the wherewithal to escape your abuse. This guy is unreal!
YES - Just saying " I am proud of her " in this context is a RED FLAG!
Agreed. It made my skin boil. You don’t get to be proud of her, you don’t own her.
@@rebeccashields9626 Dr. Delony doesn't own James either yet he said more than once that he was proud of him. What on earth are you guys talking about?
@@tubeloobs CONTEXT - this guy reached out to Dr Delony for help. His EX ran away from him and his abuse - he is in no position to comment on her actions as if he is an authority over her. Parents/teachers/best friends/health staff can be proud of others' progress and choices, an abuser doesn't have that jurisdiction or right. He is basically making himself the authority over her by saying this.
@@anyagee9467 this. What this person said. Like her position in life is beneath this guy or she should look up to him. I hope she's healing from him without looking back. And hiding from him effectively.
He scares me. He needs to just leave his ex wife alone! She has the right to heal and move on.
My wife divorced me and I'm overcoming my traumas. I started a business and lost weight and I miss controlling my ex ... Basically.
Oh just leave her alone! She’ll never recover from what you’ve done … never. All this is about you … it’s not, it’s about her.
This was a well-rehearsed story from a person that closely monitors, controls, and attempts to disguise what they say and what they do to protect their true character. This is a deeply manipulative, small, weak person. He starts off by trying to flatter John in an effort to ingratiate himself. Then, he puts himself down (describes himself a 5 year-old) and pretends to cry in an attempt to disarm John and to lessen John's reaction, which he can expect will be strong. (You wouldn't kick a guy while he's down, would you?) The problem is, five year olds don't beat up women and spit in their faces. I'm sure calling into the show only inflated his ego and furthered this narcissistic charade. (His ex-wife probably blocked him, so he had to find a way to get his message out.)
This is the best comment.
I noticed this as well…he is extremely manipulative but the cracks in his narrative are very clear…I guarantee the abuse was much much worse than he describes
I'm so glad the wife got away from him but she should have done it a lot sooner. Better yet, to make sure this guy doesn't one day show up at her door, she should have taken care of the problem when he first touched her
@@user-oq4ow9rr6zevery after the "but" was literally blaming the wife.
Sociopathic behavior
I'm thinking he emotionally blackmailed her into the adoption of 9 kids telling her they needed to SAVE them but his real intention was his version of "barefoot and pregnant" and keep her trapped!! What a manipulator this guy is. Always the victim. Tears and all.
Or worse. 😢
He tried to entrap her with children.
You've just identified the true reason women bear children with male sperm. If the purpose of that change (from asexual to sexual reproduction) was this, then it CANNOT have been a natural change, it was FORCED. Which means men and women relationship is a LIEEEEE!!! XYs came, invaded women's world and altered them somehow.
That's ridiculous. She's a grown ass woman who made a choice. No one can be "forced" to adopt a child, much less a whopping NINE children.
@@TrueWalker88you obviously no nothing about psychology abuse. Most common form and imo even worse than physical. They do it slowly over time that you don’t even know yourself anymore. They take all your self worth that you think you could never survive without them. You become a shell, a puppet and they pull your strings.
You know he is downplaying his abuse. I can only imagine how bad it was based on how bad what he admitted to was.
Within the first few minutes, I absolutely 110% know he is not a changed man. This is not a person who is truly taking accountability. I hope she has stayed away. Sending my love to her. A person who is truly sorry wont blame addiction, frustrations etc... they will take full responsibility for the trauma they caused and show through CONSISTENT long term changed behaviour before they even think of trying to actively be in a relationship with that person. It's not about winning her back, it's about making yourself into a better man for yourself not for a return. Not about words and speeches.
Why hasn’t he taken accountability?
"proud of her" my stomach turned.
Yup.
He needs therapy and meds, more importantly to be locked up
Like he’s taking a part of her exit as well.
That stuck out to me too. It’s giving “good girl” vibes…what a prick
Yeah right. Twisted f*cker. He’s probably said something to her like “why are you doing this to ME?” for leaving, but now he says he’s proud lmfao what a loser
“I don’t care about impressing people” what a LIE
All abusers want to impress people. That's why they are so pathologically addicted to control.
Seriously. Cuz if that were the case, he wouldn't have brought it up.
Brother, you called in to a show.
People with any sense of rationale and awareness first examine your actions then see the words. If they're contradicting, that is a sign of a mental illness or personality disorder, either way they have enough life experience to stay away from you as much as possible.
Right? I wanted to comment the same
Yup
When a man has been so abusive, trying to get her back is just more torture.
To this man's ex wife, if you're watching this or listening to this... never go back. Never. You deserve so so much better. He won't change.
I feel like this caller is trying to manipulate John too, not just his wife. He still wants to control her.
True!! He is a smooth talker and knows how to use words to his advantage and create a good public image
Definitely. Did you notice the flattery at the very beginning? It’s off the bat manipulative
@@CactusbrigadeI’m betting this guy has NPD
Totally
Yeah, rings false.
Guarantee you he wouldn't try to hit another man. Just a woman. These guys are always physical with women but when confronted by another man surprisingly get very timid.
Not the ones I know. This particular one fought with men Too and did not mind displaying this in public with anyone.
@@gailainsley6939 probably little or older men.
That's the case with some abusers, but not all. Some people are just angry and violent.
@@gailainsley6939 yeah my abuser was violent towards other men too
@@imveryhungry112 No. The guy I saw in particular were his friends and his age group. Mid 20’s - early 30’s. Forgot exact age but I remember.
"I miss my wife like crazy."
"Your EX-wife?"
Dr. John is totally onto him. It's not at all about her. It's about him.
Gaining the trust back of someone you physically abused is probably the most narcissistic ask of all time.
You haven't changed, your just not around her. Your ego wants her back.
He just wants to beat her one last time.
His narcissism is angry that she escaped from him because she outsmarted him and ran. Narcissistic abusers can't stand being beaten at their own game.
@@darksu6947last and final time I suspect
Of course he wants her back. She probably worked and brought home the bacon while he smoked pot all day seeing as he has only had steady employment for ten months. Now he has to be self reliant and he doesn't like it. This guy is disgusting.
❤
Having been abused myself, an abuser will ALWAYS downplay what they’ve actually done to their victim. If we were to ask his wife, her stories will be more raw, real, and horrible. Once a man abuses you, he will NEVER respect you again regardless of the work he has done on himself. The fact that he has a running list of what he’s accomplished already shows his narcissistic tendency. If she decided to get back with him, he would get upset if she does not recognize the changes he has made. DO NOT GO BACK TO YOUR ABUSER!!!
And get mad when she still flinches at his raised voice or doesn't trust him
1000000% this
His telling of how he "put pressure on her leg with his arm" wana bet that wasn't her leg?
@@Lilith6.6 what are you implying it was?
@@rachelm126 Not implying it was anything
“You cannot achieve love, you have to receive it.” That’s phenomenal and applicable to so many personality types.
Sure is! never heard it that way.
As someone who was abused, it's scary how normal he sounds before he states the question. This is why I'm cautious around everyone.
As an abuse survivor I strongly encourage you to leave that poor woman ALONE!!!
GLAD YOU ARE STILL HERE. I AM ALSO A SURVIVOR. WE DESERVE BETTER, FOR SURE. GOD BLESS!
@@jacquidanke1263yes we women are glad you both are here ❤
How did it start out for you guys? Was it verbal abuse first?
@@hopefulfilled9519emotional, verbal and psychological
@@Eph10c the physical abuse, it blindsided you? Like when it happened it didn’t seem real
10 mos is longer employment than he’s ever had, and he was trying to adopt 9 kids. Holy shitballs.
Haha, I laughed at how John took him down on his employment section.
Find it hard to believe that part of the story. Cannot be true that they were trying to adopt 9 children.
😂😂
@@julia190maybe he meant being foster parents. Or tried to adopt with the end goal of having 9 kids but not all at once.
The kids were a meal ticket somehow..he means foster
As a survivor of abuse, I can't believe this man. I don't feel he has much contrition for what he did to his wife. All I am hearing is that he's healing his trauma, how he's improved. But he never talked about her & where shes at. What damage has he done to her? How has he helped her? Did he pay for her therapy? Did he apologise? I can't believe he thinks he deserves her back. I believe if a man hits once, he'll do it again.
A gradian angel was watching over those 9 children the day that adoption fell through!
Ironically, the fact that he wants her back proves he doesn't love her. If he loved her, he'd let her go. He shouldn't want her to stay with someone who caused her such pain. Real love is selfless. There is no room for one more chance from the extreme he took it to. When an abusive man asks you to stay with him despite the past mistreatment he put you through, he is asking you to repress your hurt, instinct, and memory for purely his benefit. It NEVER benefits you to stay with someone who was ever capable of hurting you so badly.
Very well said! When some lines are crossed, there is no going back. There is no way she could ever truly feel safe with him again.
This.
He's in a pit of self pity. He doesn't want her back. He wants her services back because they made his life easier and he only realised it after she left.
“You should 100% be in jail.” Thank you for that comment - as someone who left this same situation about 2 months ago and constantly felt afraid …. Abusive people like him and my ex should be in jail. Fearing for your life over extensive lengths of time is beyond words. Entitlement, possession, being set off by relationships ….. AMEN to you John for calling him out. Being choked/strangled/dragged to the ground is life-fearing! I went through it and I hope this woman finds healing and peace. I’m sorry to this man who feels he is so self-important…..he needs extensive help
💯
The way he failed to actually mention techniques to overcome his temper and learn to honor another person's feelings. He doesn't even realize that she probably wants nothing to do with him and he needs to accept it
@@PhatseThat's the narcissism talking. Most abusers have some kind of narcissism component and so he still feels he's entitled to her. No mention of how he's dealt with his temper in an actual productive way. His ex-wife was right to run. I hope she stays away from him.
the psychological trauma we endure for YEARS after. like bro walk away. leave her be. and dont date anyone ever again. 😤
I PRAY YOU FIND PEACE AND HEALING IN YOUR LIFE, TOO, PRECIOUS ONE. YOU ARE WORTHY OF BEING HAPPY AND FREE FROM FEAR. GOD HELP YOU ON YOUR JOURNEY. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND IF NOBODY TOLD YOU THEY LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU. NOT TRYING TO BE WEIRD, JUST KNOWING HOW MUCH THOSE WORDS/ AND BEING LOVED ARE SO IMPORTANT TO WE SURVIVORS. I AM WORKING ON ME, TOO. WE ARE VERY WORTH IT-GOD SAYS SO BECAUSE HE MADE ALL OF HIS LOVELY DAUGHTERS! PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU.
His intermittent cackle is unnerving.
Kamala style....
@@allywolf9182 no kidding.....
9 children almost got adopted ? Thank god that didn’t happen ! Saved 9 children from physical abuse
He still feels entitled to his ex-wife. He needs to be thankful that he's not in prison where he belongs and move on with his life, and let her move on with hers.
Exactly
Totally agree
Ti!!!!!! You lurk in all the coolest places!😄
@@hismom5600 I do! LOL
I love this show.
YEP. He can’t even say “ex wife”
"What changes have you made since she left?"
"I go for a walk"
This guy is such a narcissist, it's clear even in this setting where he's trying very hard to hide it. I can't imagine what he's like behind closed doors.
This reminds me of my abusive narc dad. He always made a big deal about his daily walks alone. Why???
Even refers to what he has written down to discuss as his "script" around 8:15 in
@@burungpipitmakanpadithey brag about anything 😂
@@burungpipitmakanpadi they're usually lying.
He probably walks around the corner to the bar.
That was my experience with an ex that never shut up about the gym.
He was actually on dates lol
When I left my abuser I never wanted to see him again. He tracked me down knocked on my door 5 years later I moved the very next day put everything in my sons name and he never found me again.
Dr. Delony has incredible control to not say what he clearly wanted to say.
I think he should have said them.
I’m glad the comment section is pretty unanimously in support of that woman staying tf away from him.
"I miss her, I want her back, etc.". All I hear is him putting his desires before what is best for her. Girl, run
Yeah, it was about there that it got very clear.... and then he cooly finishes his list
He wants her back. It’s too hard to start from scratch with a different woman. He has her broken in pun intended. He is mad she’s not here at his disposal.
Seriously!? This guy is not truthful or self aware, so many red flags. He uses distancing language every time he speaks about the abuse, but is able to speak directly about all the "amazing" work he's done over the last year. He is only tearful about her leaving him. He is still dangerous.
*“Abusive people are entitled.”* WOW that hit home. My uncle abused the hell out of his wife and he’s the most entitled brat you’ll ever meet.
Yes, good point. I work in the field and one day it hit me that most "anger management" problems are really entitlement problems. They feel entitled to everything being how they want it and can't deal when it's not.
Is it entitlement though? Or is it more to do with stubbornness & ignorance (which usually goes hand in hand with abuse)?
@@sensimania It really is entitlement. It sits right at the core. The rest of it, stubborness etc. come after.
Like, a person who isn't entitled is going to be like "Aw you can't find me? Alrighty, I'll walk home. May you keep your phone on?" The entitled person is going to be angry and abused like he was because he expected his wife find him.
They're emotional toddlers, essentially.
@@sensimania Sounds a lot like entitlement. Seen it before, and it's pathetic.
**abuser gets half an hour to preach about himself and put himself on a pedestal**
We all make mistakes. But hurting people/ animals is a choice, not by accident. Also, his crying came and went so sharp. Like immediately stopped crying and then went back to crying
He kept forgetting he was supposed to be upset about his behavior.
100% manipulator, a dangerous, wretched individual. As if people would fall for the self depricating faux charm offensive? Jog on mate!
I heard that too 🤮
My abusive ex put a cd into my belongings when I went to collect them (I made SURE he was out and took my whole family and made him aware I wasn’t going to be alone). On that cd he’d recorded something like this, saying things like ‘you’re still my wife’, saying sorry for what he’d done (even though he was still being abusive via every medium available to him), and then crying….REALLY fake sounding crying and it cut off like a switch and he was talking normally again. Absolutely narcissistic. All this ‘change’ is bullshit, this guy would 100% abuse his wife again if she went back.
And how dare he say he's proud of her! How entitled. It is not his to be proud of. He should be ashamed and lock himself in a room with chains. Like in the werewolf movies.
He doesn't miss her..he misses having a scapegoat. Not once did he say I go to therapy, I go to anger management, I apologize and I take accountability. If you loved her, why would you hurt here?
I loved when he said child monster. What narcassists are. Adult children.
“I did all this work- now Take Me Back!” How many times must we hear about women who believe them take an abuser back and get even worse abuse? Did you know it takes an average of 8 breakups for a woman to break the cycle of abuse and finally NOT take them back?
This guy is terrifying.
“I’ll do anything to show her I’ve changed”
Great, leave her alone. Let her heal. Put her need to be away from you over your desire to possess her again.
Oh no... it would take real remorse to do that. He still thinks she owes him, creepy man cant take a hint!
"What changes have you made in your life?" Lost weight, have a mentor who "pours his life into mine," (yikes!). refused drug rehab, maintained employment for 10 months (whoop de-doo), "started" this and that, garnered pity over his "ton of depression," and his "traumas." What a piece of work. He misses "My Wife" - Dude, she's not "your" anything anymore.
Maybe he should reconsider drug rehab, find a professional counselor that doesn't pour his life into someone else's, and let the people you tried to destroy alone to heal.
💯
Right? And he says that about a mentor, in the same conversation that he's learned that he isn't owed help.
The gaslighting is insane...
For real.
He was all me me me.
Self depricating to try to avoid backlash.
Coercive controlling coward
Exactly. Hasn’t even done the work….
He would just go back to old ways with her. That's only a year of changes vs like 4 years of escalated abuse.
This dude makes my skin crawl.
He’s saying the right things but there is nothing meaningful about what he is saying.
He still thinks that this is whole person, this whole independent person who HE put hands on, still belongs to him. Dude doesn’t love her, he loves the submission under his power.
I hope the ex runs far and fast and never looks back.
I love how the comment section and host are just not falling for it on any scale lmao
He’s doing everything he can to show her he’s “ changed” and win her back. and the minute he realizes she doesn’t accept it all? Has no interest in going back to him? The rage will rear its ugly head once again
Yeah, id like to see him continue this little "journey" if she met another man. Be interesting to see if he had _really_ reformed, my guess is not, its all an act to recapture his prey 🙄
Yup. Totally manipulative.
He did not verbalize for a SECOND how he empathized with his ex-wife's broken heart, her disillusionment with love, her fear and shattered trust, her gutwrenching pain. Not a SECOND did he consider what SHE needs to feel whole again. He did give any emotionally intelligent cue of understanding that SHE needs trauma therapy, counseling, somatic body work, friendship, self-discovery into her hobbies, likes, wants, boundaries, traveling alone, dating another man, in order to feel like herself again after the ordeal that he put her through. 10 months of separation is barely scratching the surface of that kind of PTSD-inducing menacing hurt and fear of an abusive rageful child-man. He really thought that being a semi-decent guy for 10 months entitled him to want her back. This dude is going to stalk her for 5 more years before he learns. He needs to be single for a decade. He should learn to be genuinely joyful that she may meet a better man who can give her a wholesome love, and then maybe, he can start to emulate that. He won't get there before he is 40 and his testosterone production is low.
All the changes he did sound good until he still calls her, "his wife"! Dr John pointed it out, your EX-wife! She is merely a possession and he wants its back period. I hope she doesn't take him back because it usually only escalates.
❤
The world’s longest “that’s a no for me dawg.”
😂 this is awful but you made me spit my coffee
Coming from a guy (me) that was dumped by the love of his life for being FAR less of a dickhead than this guy: she's gone. Stop scheming up ways to get her back, since that's what you're doing. The best you can hope for is for her to move on without the thought of you haunting her.
A word about triggers if I may. If you have triggers, they’re YOUR responsibility to manage! No one else’s!!!!
Right; it’s one thing to ask for courtesy as you protect yourself, it’s another thing to expect everyone to tiptoe around you
My ex was cheating and lying. I left and he cried, begged, promised the world, we went to therapy. Then he kept lying. Then I found out he had a girlfriend while we were going to couples therapy. Now he is out on bail cause he dragged her down the street and broke down her door. I don’t believe the callers crying. I think he’s crying cause his ego is hurt because she dared to leave him.
You don’t think this guy can feel emotional pain and loss from all of his horrific behaviors and choices? I disagree. It sounds like you’re assigning a very specific meaning to what is meant by a person crying.
@@l-train7876 I’m probably just traumatized by what I’ve been through. My ex sounded extremely genuine and like he was in emotional pain… and he was cheating on me and lying to me from day one all the way till I left him. Looked in the the eyes with tears running down his face… and he way lying.
It’s hard to believe this guy… who was beating his wife and abusing her that way… finally saw the light… after she left him. They always see what they did wrong, but only after you dump them. The monsters like that tend to be very good at saying all the right things.
@@AnusiaLA it sounds like you’re saying “bad people” cannot cry or feel pain. I think you’re definitely projecting.
Girl your right.. Its more that likely he will revert back to it.. take that L..
@@l-train7876 they can feel pain. Doesn’t mean the pain is caused by the suffering they caused. Doesn’t mean they understand what they did. They could be crying cause the victim left or that they’ve been caught. They could also pretend they’re in pain to manipulate and get sympathy.
My exhusband broke my jaw after yrs of verbal abuse. I filed for divorce once the courts opened and he stalked me for 2yrs afterwards. He has assaulted every woman he's gotten with afterwards & is a dangerous individual. He even assaulted another girlfriend in front of our kids. He deserves nothing & I pray no woman ever has to experience him .
I am so sincerely proud of you. I have daughters and I’d hope they’d have half the guts you had to leave and stay away. I could never imagine hurting my wife. I hope you found a truly loving partner and your kids are able to stay away from him. I wish dv was treated more seriously by the law.
Thank you for that. It's been a tough road for us but we're strong & have navigated some perilous waters. He's continued to be problematic and currently owes his children 34k in back child support 😒.
As someone whose mom had been with an abusive narcissist for a time, I feel so much for you. It’s definitely not easy to have to hear someone being abused especially as a child, and the fact your ex husband was able to do that with another women in front of your children really sickens me. Thank god you left that situation and hopefully your kids will never experience that type of trauma again because it really leaves a mark seeing something like that. Thank you for sharing such a story because they are important.
😢 ❤
I wish there was a law for people like that to be banned from dating.
He must be in jail for abusing his woman.
SPOT ON Dr. Delaney!!!! It’s not about getting her back. It’s about not being a POS and menace to society!!!
This guy is unbelievable - he should never have the audacity to say he wants her back after all the rubbish he put her through
Soul tie tho
@@dadthemillennial That's just an excuse. New age bullshit. The accurate term is trauma bond.
That's the thing about abusers, they are extremely entitled. He's all about ego and really doesn't care about her comfort. He never did. He never would have abused her. If narcissists have anything, it's audacity.
You have likely done disgusting things as well so you shouldn’t never have the audacity to say anything about anybody else
@@trumpisgod2535 WTH kind of messed up comment is this?!
This is a dangerous person.
Not just to his romantic partners, to everyone. And not just physically, this is a master manipulator who’s dead inside.
Sociopath 100%
Literally!
The fact that this guy is prepared to make a phone call about this, says he's got some audacity in the first place!
He's not sorry. He'd never changed.
He spit in her face!!!
Talking about he misses her..🤦🏿♀️
That is one of the worst thing’s you could do to me.
Right, he has some damn nerve
Honestly so triggering… I’m all about giving grace but how can you dehumanise someone to this point and then talk about loving/missing etc 🤮
We treat people the way we think of ourselves.....him spitting in her face was an expression of how he thought of himself.
And this doctor is treating him like a human being instead of an alien roach. God help women with these men! You CANNOT tell me relationships with things like is a NATURAL, when NO WOMAN WOULD WANT THIS!!!
Look at the doctor himself. He's the same. He says he too has triggers, which means he is the SAME, which means he too can turn around and beat his wife with such ferocious nastiness. ALL of them are like this. But look at the doctor able to act like he is not. But HE himself said his wife has to do interventions OFTEN. this (men) is not what a partner looks like. This what an enemy, alien usurpers look like.
@@user-je7db7bi7i I peeped that too!
Being single and living alone has been nothing but a god send.
Even if I do ever decide to get in a relationship, I would NEVER move in with them.
From the kiss a** moment with Doc, I knew he was psychopath.
Very telling
So true
People can't win once they've done bad things.
If they're rude they're a narcissist
If they are polite and kind they're psychopathic....
This man has done terrible deeds but his life isn't over and redemption is for all not just some sinners.
@@DAce-vu5ctHis life is absolutely over. That christian nonsense doesn't mean anything.
@@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sf It means a lot to billions of people , your voice is but one in the world .
Christ will return and his mercy will be upon people you and other heartless heathens deem as unforgivable and worthless due to their past mistakes .
You are one of those people who doesn't believe change or redemption can happen, because you've never seen it but I have.
I've seen a narcissist made whole.
Abusers get healing and go on to save life's after .
An update would be interesting. If the only reason he was trying to improve himself was to get his ex-wife back, what happened when it didn't work?
Telling the abuser that there's even a 1% possibility his ex will come back is like pouring a beer for an alcoholic. As someone who's been stalked after breaking up, please tell that monster to man up and leave her alone. He owes her that and so much more! Their dynamic was disastrous and fixating on getting back together is the magical thinking of a child rather than good mental health.
If he actually cared about her, he would care enough to leave her alone.
Amen.
And all womwn
I'm sayin!!!
Fact! Join a monastery! This call-in all about “me me me” or “poor me”! Thank God, the adoption fell through! Also, the fact that he keeps calling her “his wife” not “ex-wife” is disturbing…like he still owns her and not realize that the marriage has been over for a long time!
The guy is waaay to charming and complimentary to John and showing emotion when he knows it’s appropriate socially. Signs of an abuser who knows he did something wrong and is trying to minimize and deflect.
100% agree, he’s like an actor in a play.
Gonna say the same thing! Very manipulative and I guarantee he knows she listens to this show and he’s trying to get sympathy and show he has changed.
I’m sorry but when he says he wants his wife back in his life, my instincts scream that he just wants to finish the job. It doesn’t sound like love, it sounds like he lost control and feigning for the terror reign he had in her life. My blood ran cold when he spoke because he’s really still upset this woman left him. She should stay away. He would ruin her if she goes back
The BEST counsel I ever received was from my therapist (30 years ago): 1. My husband's behavior was on an escalating trajectory, and that I was a hair's breadth away from getting my face broken, 2. Leave, but if you have to do that in the middle of the night (I did), then please call so I know you're safe, and 3. ***here's what will happen after you leave: he's going to call you and say "__________________", so know it's part of the plan, his plan, so DON'T FALL FOR IT. It played out exactly as she said it would. I left, knew what to expect, never went back, never looked back.
As someone who was married and then left to a very abusive man, please for love of god, leave your ex wife alone. Mine didn’t for 2 years and it really inhibited me from moving forward because he kept popping up just when I was thriving. I was VERY clear for him to leave me be and he just couldn’t. Entitlement- perfect word. Please set her free. She’s been through enough. Work on yourself.
Are you looking for a new husband?
@@Shadowwind4 lol
@@anyagee9467 what about you do you need a husband?
I agree! He is still possessive of his ex-wife. In his entitled mind, he deserves his ex wife back just because he has certificates and held a job for 10 months. He should leave his ex wife alone.
@@JoyofRVing yeah "having her" back would be like proof that he's "ok now" or whatever and wouldn't need to keep up the mask anymore or put up those efforts.
He sounds so crazy.
Gives me chills how he giggles
Same. The giggling gives me a bad feeling.
Its a form of duping delight I gathered. Like teehee my plans working, got this guy fooled
He sounds like a creepy clown
@@IsthisjoebidenHe enjoys trying to dupe the host. His giggles are evil.
My mum does those laughs... the entitled manipulating narc laughs..
7:39 is absolutely haunting to me the way he said "I'm proud of her." You know he was angry as all hell when she left him. You can hear it in his voice.
Also his nervous giggle is this is really infuriating.
I’ve been in 2 abusive relationships. Both of them, it seemed that my ex had changed for the better after I left. The only one of them who actually did was the one who told me I was right to leave him and then never bothered me again.
You will never be the person that someone “gets better” for. People have to lose and let go in order to be pushed to change. They have to suffer consequences for their actions to learn from them. Getting back together with them is a reward and will never fix anything.