I'm hoping to handle any possible future repeat boundaries violations with centeredness& compassion, as you so kindly guide towards being gentle ❤. I think that , you are huge in that way. You keep that kindness and love flowing 🙏🏼
Needed this thank you!!! My biggest challenge is doing it in the positive and not out of frustration. Remembering that everyone is doing their best helps and that people aren't doing it on purpose. I realized it's so easy to forget ppls boundaries at first bc I've done it myself so it helps me not take it personal as much when someone else does it
I struggle with this soo much, because people are so sensitive... im very clear about my boundaries and then they take it as im being rude and now they throw side comments like i was going to call you last but i remember you dont want no one calling you so late, and its constantly being thrown back at me to the point that i get angry and then i do become rude and now youre crying and i donr care about you, so then i just cut people off, boom blocked. I keep my phone on DND all the time just because this
Same here. I’m very direct (not rude) and just had a white woman go to HR saying I yelled at her and it was so intense that she feels uncomfortable. I was in a priority work meeting with my door closed and she decided to walk on the floor and open another colleagues door and scream to scare her. I excused myself from my zoom meeting, opened the door and said “hey, I am in a meeting y’all got to keep it down” then closed the door. I didn’t raise my voice. So we had to have an hour long meditation with HR where she tried to say this is the third time I’ve addressed her like this. I’m like girl this is the third time you have done this nonsense and I’ve had to say something. Now as of today she is requesting a transfer to another floor and has been trying to provoke me. Sending me work emails saying when she’s in the office and when she’s leaving, requesting that I put a board on the door to tell when I’m in a meeting or not, and asking for my full last name. I’m like yeah I see what’s going on. But being called rude for setting a boundary or telling someone what they’re doing is affecting me always happens.
@@loria287 omg that sounds awful, that sounds like harassment, have you showed HR those emails? If not, you should! That is not right, your co worker sounds so immature! Screaming, scaring co workers, sending condescending emails, unbelievable
I think that is a really good point, that we see things differently sometimes, & can't read each other's minds so it's a good thing to try to remember, so we don't possibly misunderstand or misjudge other's.
If you have any dignity you cease contact. Repeated violations shouldn’t happen. If it happens once and the other person doesn’t apologize and respect your boundaries then they can get fucked. Bye 👋🏼
You get up and leave. Or you keep it at hi and bye with them. They have no interest in respecting you or anyone. If you need to constantly repeat yourself to that person(s), it means they really don't care. Of course when you say No they'll try and make it your fault and/or deflect and blame it on something or someone else for why they're acting like this. What other self respecting person is doing this song and dance with them? It's no one, by the way. On the same token, anecdotally speaking, if you always find yourself around these types then it means you're looking for some type of control or validation.
I believe you brought up clean eating once possibly, if so , I appreciate that because, although I'm pretty good with that, hearing someone talk about that helps to make me even more diligent. I believe that is a big step in the process of growth & centeredness.
I'm still struggling with setting boundaries especially with landlords when I rent a place, the last two landladies I had are APs who violated my boundaries constantly and as a healing AP feeling in a more vulnerable position as a tenant I don't know how to do that, I'm afraid of conflict
Yes, this will take reprogramming conflict as unsafe and then practicing proper conflict communciation. You can get to a point where you see conflict as beneficial, as if doen prooperly it can bring the two parties closer together
This was really helpful but I’m wondering when do you start implementing all of this? You may have just met the person and hung out a few times casually and things happen. Isn’t this trying to fix someone? I guess the question is how much do you give someone a chance to just show who they are and if you’re naturally compatible vs going into let me fix you mode? Or does that fix it mode scenario just kick in when you stay with the person and keep being upset about everything? I’m confused
Also, using your example, if someone says "I don't answer the phone after 10pm" but then sometimes they do sometimes they don't, does that show inconsistency in holding up boundaries with others.
I think the calling after 10 is not a boundarie and its easy to fix. You simply do not pick up. Boundaries are not there to control others. Idk... imo this was not a really good example.
Not necessarily. For me it wasn't just saying "don't text me late", I was trying to give some clarity to my already existing boundaries regarding constant texting. He couldn't envision what time was appropriate in general, no matter what I explained. So being specific (like a time limit) was sometimes helpful. When he respected that less and less, I muted him or turned off my phone. But it doesn't erase the fact that he showed no respect and effort. It really hit me the day he basically acknowledged "I know that's your boundary, but I'll still cross it cause I want to". Cause that obviously wasn't limited to that "small" late texting.
I feel like needs and boundaries don't need to be communicated. If a person really loves and cares about you they should be able to finish your sentences for you and know you better than you know yourself. That's true love
@@florencecattedrale2083 not mind reading just being attuned to each other needs and feelings. Just being in someone's presence means you can feel what they feel and think what they think
People come from different programming and attachment styles based on how love was modeled to them, so it wouldn’t be fair to expect them to simply know. They might really love and care for you, but that still doesn’t make them psychic. I get where you’re coming from. For a lot of empaths, the ability to “read” a person’s needs and feelings might come naturally, but not everyone operates that way and there’s still nuances we might not know or realize unless they get communicated to us clearly.
@Nirosha101 but how can you not know what someone is feeling? Like even if you don't want to know how anyone is feeling, you can still pick up on it. How can anyone go even a second without at least being curious about how others are feeling and thinking. How can people just not care? That doesn't even make any sense
@@hadleybranham182 I hear you. I used to feel the same way. I’ve learned over the years some people just don’t know how to and it’s hard for them to read facial expressions, to pick up on stuff. They might care a lot, but might be very logical and not as emotionally attuned, so they do best when things are communicated clearly : “hey could you be mindful of how I’m feeling and try to ask me how I’m doing if you sense something is off” - saying something like this might help. I’m saying this coz I know people who have genuinely expressed to me how much they care but have told me they have no idea how I’m feeling in a certain moment based on my expressions: they said please communciate if you need something or I would never know how to support you.
@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool I’m in a long distance relationship (5,000 miles). Time difference is difficult to manage. But, how do I approach a “personal space” boundary? She wants to video chat every night and every morning (1-2hr each), with constant texting throughout the day - it’s tough to maintain. I want to show her she’s important but I also want to have time for myself (just to hear my own voice and be within my own space/self). …I enjoy our interactions, but it’s too much to maintain, on a daily basis. I don’t want her to feel like I’m stepping away from her.
As I'm listening to you,I think like I'm moving forward in the process of growing, healing, & hopefully becoming centered . I definitely think I'm getting closer to having a good understanding of what boundaries are and how not to cross them and listen to people's wants & desires. Thank you Dr Gibson. I hope this comment isn't( Hella weird) as someone else recently commented, I don't want to be a weird person.
I was very intimidated by this, manipulation, rudeness and plainly domination; that's why I don't like most people: friendship is only at the beginning, so I tend to warn and make a getaway ASAP, the relationship is over, that's the only safe option IMO
This is an interesting thought process. I'm very interested in all of these view points. I wish it was this simple for me, but I feel like we can't read each other's minds, some people communicate differently. Maybe it's possible for one to see themselves as a safe / good friend, person,but then another might mispercieve them as unsafe because of unhealed wounds? I'm definitely trying to understand all of this including pain & wounds that I may carry.
@@JacobCarlson-uq1my"some people communicate differently. Maybe it's possible for one to see themselves as a safe / good friend, person,but then another might mispercieve them as unsafe because of unhealed wounds?" Yes, I agree 100%, sometimes I or the other person get suceptible for some reason, and is important to reevaluate the attitude and approach, apologize when a fault is detected; logical behavior, will make sense for most people I think; it requires more work but it could be a safe option too
@saultube44 Hmmm , interesting,I was real scared I might have gotten met with a negative reply on that one. Thank you for such a seemingly positive remark.
How do YOU handle repeating boundary violations? Comment below! ❤
I'm hoping to handle any possible future repeat boundaries violations with centeredness& compassion, as you so kindly guide towards being gentle ❤.
I think that , you are huge in that way.
You keep that kindness and love flowing 🙏🏼
Needed this thank you!!! My biggest challenge is doing it in the positive and not out of frustration. Remembering that everyone is doing their best helps and that people aren't doing it on purpose. I realized it's so easy to forget ppls boundaries at first bc I've done it myself so it helps me not take it personal as much when someone else does it
You'll get there! It takes practice :)
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Thank you ❤️🫶
I struggle with this soo much, because people are so sensitive... im very clear about my boundaries and then they take it as im being rude and now they throw side comments like i was going to call you last but i remember you dont want no one calling you so late, and its constantly being thrown back at me to the point that i get angry and then i do become rude and now youre crying and i donr care about you, so then i just cut people off, boom blocked. I keep my phone on DND all the time just because this
Same here. I’m very direct (not rude) and just had a white woman go to HR saying I yelled at her and it was so intense that she feels uncomfortable.
I was in a priority work meeting with my door closed and she decided to walk on the floor and open another colleagues door and scream to scare her.
I excused myself from my zoom meeting, opened the door and said “hey, I am in a meeting y’all got to keep it down” then closed the door. I didn’t raise my voice.
So we had to have an hour long meditation with HR where she tried to say this is the third time I’ve addressed her like this. I’m like girl this is the third time you have done this nonsense and I’ve had to say something.
Now as of today she is requesting a transfer to another floor and has been trying to provoke me. Sending me work emails saying when she’s in the office and when she’s leaving, requesting that I put a board on the door to tell when I’m in a meeting or not, and asking for my full last name. I’m like yeah I see what’s going on.
But being called rude for setting a boundary or telling someone what they’re doing is affecting me always happens.
@@loria287 omg that sounds awful, that sounds like harassment, have you showed HR those emails? If not, you should! That is not right, your co worker sounds so immature! Screaming, scaring co workers, sending condescending emails, unbelievable
@@loria287to me this feels like it has racist undertones like she's trying to stereotype you as angry or aggressive when you simply set a boundary
are u by any chance a dismissive avoidant? 😅
I think that is a really good point, that we see things differently sometimes, & can't read each other's minds so it's a good thing to try to remember, so we don't possibly misunderstand or misjudge other's.
If you have any dignity you cease contact. Repeated violations shouldn’t happen. If it happens once and the other person doesn’t apologize and respect your boundaries then they can get fucked. Bye 👋🏼
Yikes. This actually indicates that you have issues with setting boundaries.
I love your videos and your channel. You are great and we are lucky to have you share your knowledge. Thank you.
Things can also shift and change sometimes and then our minds are already set in the prior way so then one has to retrain the way.
I like how you emphasize not a dramatic way, & how you focus on staying positive, gentle, & open. Very good teacher/ guide.
You get up and leave. Or you keep it at hi and bye with them. They have no interest in respecting you or anyone.
If you need to constantly repeat yourself to that person(s), it means they really don't care. Of course when you say No they'll try and make it your fault and/or deflect and blame it on something or someone else for why they're acting like this. What other self respecting person is doing this song and dance with them? It's no one, by the way.
On the same token, anecdotally speaking, if you always find yourself around these types then it means you're looking for some type of control or validation.
You walk away. They won't change and will keep disturbing your inner peace.
I believe you brought up clean eating once possibly, if so , I appreciate that because, although I'm pretty good with that, hearing someone talk about that helps to make me even more diligent.
I believe that is a big step in the process of growth & centeredness.
This was helpful. Thanks!
You're welcome!
I'm still struggling with setting boundaries especially with landlords when I rent a place, the last two landladies I had are APs who violated my boundaries constantly and as a healing AP feeling in a more vulnerable position as a tenant I don't know how to do that, I'm afraid of conflict
Yes, this will take reprogramming conflict as unsafe and then practicing proper conflict communciation. You can get to a point where you see conflict as beneficial, as if doen prooperly it can bring the two parties closer together
This is excellent
Glad you think so!
This was really helpful but I’m wondering when do you start implementing all of this? You may have just met the person and hung out a few times casually and things happen. Isn’t this trying to fix someone? I guess the question is how much do you give someone a chance to just show who they are and if you’re naturally compatible vs going into let me fix you mode? Or does that fix it mode scenario just kick in when you stay with the person and keep being upset about everything? I’m confused
Also, using your example, if someone says "I don't answer the phone after 10pm" but then sometimes they do sometimes they don't, does that show inconsistency in holding up boundaries with others.
What if the boundary is being violated by a parent and the parent has no intention of changing?
What about if it’s your husband and you can’t pull away from the relationship??
When does the 14 day trial offer end?
This is a continuous offer. Thais offers the 14 day trial after all of her videos. Try it! 👍🏻 The courses are excellent!
No it's usually 7 days.
university.personaldevelopmentschool.com/pages/14day-free-trial
I think the calling after 10 is not a boundarie and its easy to fix. You simply do not pick up. Boundaries are not there to control others.
Idk... imo this was not a really good example.
Not necessarily. For me it wasn't just saying "don't text me late", I was trying to give some clarity to my already existing boundaries regarding constant texting. He couldn't envision what time was appropriate in general, no matter what I explained. So being specific (like a time limit) was sometimes helpful. When he respected that less and less, I muted him or turned off my phone. But it doesn't erase the fact that he showed no respect and effort. It really hit me the day he basically acknowledged "I know that's your boundary, but I'll still cross it cause I want to". Cause that obviously wasn't limited to that "small" late texting.
I feel like needs and boundaries don't need to be communicated. If a person really loves and cares about you they should be able to finish your sentences for you and know you better than you know yourself. That's true love
That's weird, cos ur expecting people to mind-read.
@@florencecattedrale2083 not mind reading just being attuned to each other needs and feelings. Just being in someone's presence means you can feel what they feel and think what they think
People come from different programming and attachment styles based on how love was modeled to them, so it wouldn’t be fair to expect them to simply know. They might really love and care for you, but that still doesn’t make them psychic. I get where you’re coming from. For a lot of empaths, the ability to “read” a person’s needs and feelings might come naturally, but not everyone operates that way and there’s still nuances we might not know or realize unless they get communicated to us clearly.
@Nirosha101 but how can you not know what someone is feeling? Like even if you don't want to know how anyone is feeling, you can still pick up on it. How can anyone go even a second without at least being curious about how others are feeling and thinking. How can people just not care? That doesn't even make any sense
@@hadleybranham182 I hear you. I used to feel the same way. I’ve learned over the years some people just don’t know how to and it’s hard for them to read facial expressions, to pick up on stuff. They might care a lot, but might be very logical and not as emotionally attuned, so they do best when things are communicated clearly : “hey could you be mindful of how I’m feeling and try to ask me how I’m doing if you sense something is off” - saying something like this might help. I’m saying this coz I know people who have genuinely expressed to me how much they care but have told me they have no idea how I’m feeling in a certain moment based on my expressions: they said please communciate if you need something or I would never know how to support you.
@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool I’m in a long distance relationship (5,000 miles). Time difference is difficult to manage. But, how do I approach a “personal space” boundary? She wants to video chat every night and every morning (1-2hr each), with constant texting throughout the day - it’s tough to maintain. I want to show her she’s important but I also want to have time for myself (just to hear my own voice and be within my own space/self).
…I enjoy our interactions, but it’s too much to maintain, on a daily basis. I don’t want her to feel like I’m stepping away from her.
As I'm listening to you,I think like I'm moving forward in the process of growing, healing, & hopefully becoming centered .
I definitely think I'm getting closer to having a good understanding of what boundaries are and how not to cross them and listen to people's wants & desires.
Thank you Dr Gibson.
I hope this comment isn't( Hella weird) as someone else recently commented, I don't want to be a weird person.
This is a very important topic! and the point about communication was spot on! You always have amazing communication scripts!
Thank you San!
Extremely helpful thank you. Very practical and high quality
I was very intimidated by this, manipulation, rudeness and plainly domination; that's why I don't like most people: friendship is only at the beginning, so I tend to warn and make a getaway ASAP, the relationship is over, that's the only safe option IMO
This is an interesting thought process.
I'm very interested in all of these view points.
I wish it was this simple for me, but I feel like we can't read each other's minds, some people communicate differently.
Maybe it's possible for one to see themselves as a safe / good friend, person,but then another might mispercieve them as unsafe because of unhealed wounds?
I'm definitely trying to understand all of this including pain & wounds that I may carry.
@@JacobCarlson-uq1my"some people communicate differently.
Maybe it's possible for one to see themselves as a safe / good friend, person,but then another might mispercieve them as unsafe because of unhealed wounds?"
Yes, I agree 100%, sometimes I or the other person get suceptible for some reason, and is important to reevaluate the attitude and approach, apologize when a fault is detected; logical behavior, will make sense for most people I think; it requires more work but it could be a safe option too
@saultube44 Hmmm , interesting,I was real scared I might have gotten met with a negative reply on that one.
Thank you for such a seemingly positive remark.
Clearer communication is action. Just don’t pick d call after Uve made a clear request. 2 steps r enough.
No need to say I’ll step bk, just step bk.