What she said at 20:12 was so profound to me. "When you're depressed you aren't necessarily taking care of yourself ,so going to the store isn't just let me slip on my shoes and go to the store. Its let me start from scratch and take the bath that I haven't taken for a week" omg I've never heard anything that I've resonated with so much.
@@elanareynolds5024 If you have decent insurance or Medicaid you might check out Trintellix (vortioxetine). Nothing worked for me without side effects. Listening to this woman is I don't know I can't really handle it. I lost my son in 2016 he was 21 years old and she's got a 17 year old but she wants to die I don't know I don't have much sympathy.
As a sufferer of depression & anxiety for 30 yrs, my advice would be find a way to help people, volunteeer with homeless, chiildren or animal shelters...Practicing gratitude you will find your purpose I promise & it will be so fulfilling💕 I wish you the best Buffy
I normally would never allow strangers to know this about me but sadly, she has just put into words exactly how I feel and have felt for ever. Just went 12 days without a proper shower. Went so long my hair follicle started to bleed and was very tender. I’ve always been aware that I’m not alone in this feeling but hearing her have this opportunity to express herself in all her truth rings so true for myself. All the way fromthe not being believed about childhood molestation to the faux forgiveness for myself to the not leaving the house for months at a time. I’ve been in a loveless and sexless marriage for over 8 years of our 23. Married the first guy who said he would have me. Had three daughters who are all adults now doing their own things. I’ve lost my identity and my purpose. I am not suicidal and I pray it stays that way. I needed to hear this video more then any other you’ve had. Thank you Mark for allowing her to tell her story.
Have you looked into things to help with executive dysfunction? (Like having trouble showering) it’s fairly common, please don’t ever feel alone. If you look up tips for “showering with executive dysfunction “ “cleaning with executive dysfunction “ etc. there’s so much information available in videos and instagram. It can help you understand things a little better and maybe find things that help you. When I have trouble with things, I call it a day where im “being gentle with myself” too much noise and effort to dry my hair? Be gentle, wrap it in a towel and that’s it. Can’t brush teeth? Swish mouthwash. Something is always better than nothing.
So sorry about that. Try to work through it. I am sure you are a wonderful person. I hope you feel better. Don't let your trauma define you. There is so much more to you than pain and hurt.
What I learned from this video is that people with low self-esteem have a hard time accepting love, even though they deserve it. It's like they're building a fortress to protect themselves from getting hurt again, but it also keeps them from letting anyone in. I can't imagine what Buffy's been through, but I admire her strength for living her life despite the weight of her past.
Yes so much yesss to what you said! SIMPLEST WAY TO EXPLAIN IT…. WE TRY TO LEAVE BEFORE WE GET LEFT!! CAUSE THEN NO FEELINGS!!! WE DO NOT LIKE THE FEELS ESP REJECTION!!!! Oh yeah that’s a big BIG ONE WE DO NOT LIKE!!! BUT YEAH SO Basically we go into fight or flight mode anytime anything goes wrong or right in a relationship! And it’s not like we don’t love the person! We love them and we want to be with them! But it’s like our minds tell us we don’t deserve them… we don’t deserve to be loved. We don’t deserve anything. Your mind literally tricks you into HATING yourself so why would anyone else love you or want you around?! I mean it’s crazy how much your brain really can mess with you! ESP when you get super depressed and suicidal ideations!! I get both. And it’s so hard! SO SO HARD! To try and not listen to that part of myself! But when the economy is garbage! You can’t get decent pay unless you have a 4 year college degree or if you’re a man!!! It just sucks! Our whole country is just schfucked at this point!!! Like whole country 💥🔥🔥 so yeah shitty jobs all that!!! WHY WOULD WE WANNA STICK AROUND 😂🤣 I mean this place ain’t shit! Def not the vibe! But any whooo yeah it’s hard! I’ve been with my fiancé 6 years! And at this point… I… I… I honestly don’t even know where we are at! I’ve pushed him away so many times! And said so much hurtful shit. I wouldn’t be surprised if he breaks up with me… I mean I’m miserable in my OWN skin! He’s gotta be sick of me?!! But idk mental illness is HARD! It’s not this cool little sickness you have that you can post online and pretend you have it for sympathy! Cause I PROMISE YOU LIVING THIS SHIT DAILY IS NOT A JOKE! Literally hating yourself to the point YOU CANNOT LOOK INTO THE MIRROR WITHOUT CRYING! Because you hate yourself so much because in your mind and in your body dysmorphia and self loathing you think 💭 you’re fat, ugly, gross, disgusting, super just NOT. ATTRACTIVE WHEN IN ALL ACTUALITY NOT BAD LOOKING AT ALL!!! Mental health will MESS you up!!!
Yep parenting's a relationship not a role. authoritative will never understand conscious discipline. Feelings are ignored and considered weak, when a discussion about them can make a big difference instead of ignoring them or pretend they don't exist, not important. Relationships are what makes life worth living, but can be the best thing or worst.
Most working class families then struggled to survive. We had basics, but, as she said paying for additional education was never possible. Working class were self made people. Much intelligence wasted by lack of means to get to upper middle class, at a minimum. Lotta pervs in this era damaged many young girls and some boys. Buffalo N.Y. was filled with this too.😢
💯 I was abused on a scale only a few know by my mother; locked in a closet, room, & basement, tortured, isolated from all people, little primary education, CPS where I now know I was sexually abused while in their care. I finally escaped to a Christian college after forging HS transcripts & graduated with honors b/c I was scared that if I didn’t do well, I’d be forced back to my hell. I was eventually tricked & gaslighted back into my mother’s basement for a decade. The courts & abuse center saved my life; taught me everything I thought was normal was wrong & then freed me for good. Now I have a good in-home job & everyone says to me, “You’re beautiful, charismatic, & the world is your oyster if you want it.” Instead, I choose to self-isolate in the master bedroom of my huge house, don’t date, never married. It feels most comfortable & I’m scared of everyone/everything due to all the trauma. IMO, beauty is a curse.
How to stop time: Kiss How to travel in time: Read How to escape time: Music How to feel time: Write How to release time: Breathe Even the darkest night ends in a day. All of a sudden the long terrible drought ends with a slow gentle rain. Love and Light from the Heart of Texas.
My Dad was molested and also sold as a young kid. He became the most compassionate, helpful and wonderful Dad who broke the chains of dysfunction and helped many other survivors. He of course still struggled with depression. It was hard seeing this as a kid, because I loved him so much and didn't want him to continue to feel so low. You gotta read, "The body keeps the score" it will help you so much.
I think your dad is so strong 😢 such a heartbreaking story. You seem like you turned out pretty good yourself 😢 just here trying to understand why there's so much suffering.
I'm so sorry that happened to your father. I also commend his commitment to see that he became the loving parent that he himself should have had. What a great man.
You can't fake that kind of all consuming depression, loneliness and hopelessness. There comes a point where the shear audacity of hoping things will get better becomes too painful to bear. That kind of depthless, slow agony is something that can only be understood by people who have experienced it. Its like your soul is constantly bleeding out and every glimmer of hope feels like a wave of acid eroding the edges of the void within you, making it hurt even more. But you know that you can't give up because that choice has been taken from you. So you desperately try to cling to that hope even as it burns you. Worse yet, even though you cling to it as fiercely as your endurance will allow, it still trickles through your fingers, etching and burning as it goes. Until finally, all that effort was for nothing and the emptiness has only gotten larger. Until the next glimmer, where the whole process starts all over again. That sisaphistic (if thats a word) exsistance I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. My point is, you are not alone.
Pardon me ☝🏻for saying but you have quite the way with words. A wordsmith if you will. Tell me you write. Stories, poems, haiku’s? Or just expressed emotions put into words so honestly written from the heart? Either way, damn, I’m a fan.
@candyce6233 Thank you. I confess, this is just written from the heart. I really dont write very often, but occasionally, I feel compelled to comment on something.
@jillenegirvan4664 I can only speak to it because I have been through it. I know how it is to live like that. If you need someone to talk to, I'm a good listener. Just reply to this message, and we'll figure out how to connect.
I suffer the same from my molestation. 54 years old, hate my body, can’t stand to be naked. My poor husband just loves me anyway. Thank you for sharing such excruciating details.
As an outsider looking in...people can sense desperation in a person and healthy men especially are turned off to that. Not meant to be mean. I know that people get worn out trying to fill another's hunger all the time. Take care
Mark, if you're reading this, your portrait photograph of Buffy is one of the absolute best! You do amazing work but you outdid yourself with this one 😃👍
Im a 26 year old paraplegic. I've been one for 25 years now. These interviews/stories are so relatable. They bring so much light into what I've dealt with for so long. I'm so thankful mark shares these with the world. It's like my therapy 💞
I think it's therapy for many of us, certainly affordable! Plus reading the comments makes you realize how many others are deeply suffering. Sending light and love!
I feel this extreme, deep sadness for this wonderful woman. I can’t help but see my own mother in Buffy, and my heart absolutely aches. Buffy truly doesn’t know how beautiful and creative she is on the outside or on the inside, absolutely heartbreaking.
Amazing? you just keep drinking that cool aid like Mark is in this video. She's sick,,,,damaged goods. Her specialty is it getting people to feel sorry for her so she can manipulate you.
I've always wondered why I feel this way also as I haven't had any trauma near what Buffy experienced but relate to the depression and negativity about myself and the world
Finding the right therapist can be overwhelming. I went through 6 before the right one and it was helpful. Then she moved.... Don't give up. Please! I pray you meet someone who knows, appreciates, and acknowledges your worth. You deserve dignity, respect, and civility.
@Richandhealthy88 I have low self worth. So, I'm going to get a neck tattoo so this already very judgemental and superficial society can judge me harshly resulting in lowering my self worth even further. My life is so hard!
Ive been alone since 30 and now im 63 - it is painful to have no one to share life with nor have a close friend. I gave up hope. There are so many lonely people out there.
I need Jesus more than any other person. He is the only Way in of the torrents of being a human. He is truth, love, and life sustaining hope until He takes us back home again ❤
36:43 How to change feeling unlovable? Buffy, I totally understand. 🌻 Go outside yourself, help others. Lose yourself in helping others. See the joy you bring them. It sounds self-sacrificial, but it's a way of loving oneself. Been there, done that. I'm an oldster with broken dreams, no family of my own, no partner, scared of the future. But I decided to go out and help others as a caregiver, self-employed. I sit with the disabled and elderly who have no one. We do little things together. It sounds like I'm wasting my life, not having accomplished what I desired. But in the last stretch of my journey, at least I can say, I helped ease someone's sorrows. Tiny as that seems, I've finally come to love myself.☮ Do little things with great love. ❤
OMG, I'm just half way thru and I had to pause it for a breather! I lived your life and made it to 73 intact and married for 50 years to a man that saved my life with love. Your tattoos are beautiful. I'm so sorry for you. Sending you love and healing from South Florida.
“Low Self Worth Sufferer” just continues to frame Buffy’s story so negatively. I’d give Buffy more credit as a Child SA/Neglect Survivor. She is a productive, single working mother. That in itself is a “crescendo” and shame on anyone who thinks she needs to be married and have multiple children for her life to have meaning. Buffy is a success, and I hope she realizes that for herself someday soon.
Child SA/neglect and mental health sufferer, for sure, agreed. Though I also seem to understand why Mark titled this film the way he did. She seems quite stuck in her mindset about her life, not just her past but her present and future as well. And though she is saying she would love help or answers, she rejected all the help Mark was capable of offering her during these moments, even a small compliment. If she is this set on defending her cryptic view of her future with someone she just met, I'd imagine she tends to self sabotage herself in all personal relationships, too. She does suffer from severely low self-esteem. Even if there are many causes that led her to that suffering, that seems to be what her current suffering revolves around.
@@amber76OHI agree that she seems very dead-set on perceiving herself and the world and her future in a certain way. On one hand I found her rigidity to be incredibly infuriating even to just observe, but on the other hand I am glad she was being radically honest because I think her stubborn frame of mind is something many, many people suffer from to one degree or another. I think there is a sliver of hope in that she felt safe enough to explain her frustrating rationale, even if it isn’t what Mark or us as an audience would want to hear… being able to connect to how her mind really operates is so important, and I hope that maybe if she gains some additional awareness about how self-condemning and self-defeating her self-narratives actually are, that she might be able to gradually confront them over time. Some of what she said was very difficult to hear as a viewer though- I felt like I wanted to jump through the screen and shake her shoulders and try and talk her out of the way she paints herself and the world and why her interpretations are so very flawed. I came to realize though, that maybe the person I really wanted to shake wasn’t Buffy, but was… me. It felt like some parts of Buffy mirrored the worst parts of me, and maybe that’s why I felt so stirred by her words, why I felt like I wanted to argue with her- because perhaps it would feel much easier to argue with her and place that frustration on someone outside of myself, rather than realizing the person I really want to argue with is me, for being stuck in my ways just like Buffy.
@Amber24426 Oh my goodness...amber (also!), I literally couldn't have said it better myself. After watching about halfway through, going through all the emotions you mentioned, I realized that I also have some of the very habits about her that I was catching myself getting a bit irked by. Nice job, calling it out. Perfectly written!
Buffy what I've come to realize in my life(66 years) that you have to not look for anyone to make you happy but yourself. I had a traumatizing childhood myself. I have a therapy dog & take Lexapro. Meditation and going out in nature is very helpful. Sending you love and light ✨️💖✨️🕯✨️🧘♀️✨️
@@grantp4022Sometimes you do all of the above. Go out in the nature, exercise and meditate and it’s still not enough. Then you may wanna consider meditation for depression and/or anxiety. It saved my life at my lowest, when my kids were struggling at school cos of ADHD. My depression is not a one time episode. It is cyclic. Comes and goes. Also traumatic childhood with violent parents and alcoholism. So for me these things did the job; - cutting of toxic people including my mother out of my life. - sleeping regularly, - ZERO alcohol and drugs/cigarettes, - reading everything that I could about dysfunctional families, - exercising 3-4 times a week, - focusing ONLY on myself and my kids, But one without the other wouldn’t have worked. It’s a combo of things. I still can relapse and invite my psychopathic mother into our lives, just to realize, that there was a reason for, why I kicked her out.
@@grantp4022 I agree. Find something you love doing and do a lot of it. I love gardening, and it brings me much joy, even though I am COMPLETELY alone at 72.
She articulates all the thoughts , feelings & emotions I've ever had. I have watched so many videos of addicts & of homeless people and heard them say things that I related to & that I understood . I have compassion. and empathy for them all. But Buffy is describing exactly what I think & feel. And my heart aches for us both.
Buffy, I pray to God that you read this comment. I have listened to you speak, watched your mannerisms, and I truly believe you are suffering from PTSD and you have been since childhood. There is a therapy called EMDR therapy that you are a perfect candidate for. It’s not a standard talk therapy, it is much different as you reprogram your own brain with the assistance of a LPC. I had C-PTSD and within 3 months of EMDR therapy, it was as if the world went from black and white to color. That’s how profound an effect trauma had on how I saw the world. 7 years have passed since I completed EMDR therapy and I’m a different person, the person I was meant to be before I was abused as a child. I know how confused you are, I know how hard you’re trying to find normalcy and peace; you need to fix your trauma before you work on anything else. I’m praying for you!!
Caitlankelly...ty for giving that info! I am getting ready to do this myself! Life is all ours to live & we are deserving of ❤️ We have to do the work and love ourselves before we can ❤️ or receive another's ❤️. I thought PTSD was for Vet's only...WRONG. Recover & see the purpose your life has!
Completely agree, I also have PTSD due to childhood trauma and felt the way Buffy describes for a long time. EMDR with my amazing psychologist has completely changed my life, as you say, it’s like everything is in colour now and I feel alive again. It truly has gives me my confidence back. Such an incredibly effective therapy for complex trauma.
I had asked about EMDR therapy,about 12 years ago. I was told they didn't think I'd be able to handle it. Would you have any guess what that meant?? I of course failed to ask, myself. Smh
Buffy, Hang in there, Life does improve. I'll be turning 60 next year and I am actually looking forward to the day and have decided to live extra long to make up for the crappy beginning. I hope you will do the same. Feel the prayers and love surround you
I have never been molested, but I can relate to the low self worth. I'm a sixty-four year old woman who has been married to the same man for forty-seven years. He loves me unconditionally, but I can't understand why. I've never felt like anyone could love me. I feel ugly, unworthy, and not deserving of anyone's love. I had great parents and an awesome childhood, but still feel this way. I hope Buffy finds love, contentment, happiness, and hope. I wish her all the best in life.
@@birdseye2239 so what? i know 70 year old women that train, and are beautiful. theres so much you can get from the internet now, theres no excuse. im not telling her in an aggressive manner. im saying theres hope, build confidence. its that kind of attitude that will keep people down.
@@kenthebigbadwolfsounds like you have no idea how difficult it can actually be to build up your self worth. you should be grateful and stop trying to give people advice on something you have no knowledge about
I'm really struck by the inner work that SO many of these interviewees have done. Most have higher self-awareness than the majority of folks I know. To me, this speaks to how desperately they want to process, heal, and move forward. Wishing Buffy nothing but the best.
This is my ex-wife to a tee. You have got her completely wrong. In other words, you're just the type of personality she's looking for either as a friend or romantically.
I wish I was near this woman. I could coach her. I will say, when a guy tells you that you're pretty, he is looking at your face. If he tells you you're hot, he's looking at your body. If they say you're beautiful, they are looking at your soul. You are beautiful. No doubt. You WILL find the person you need.
@dejectedveteran4485 Whether or not she's a liar or fourth right is irrelevant. But mark my words. This person is definitely a narcissistic manipulative soul. And now that she's no longer in her prime years and still in her epiphany phase in her mid-40s, the insecure/traumatized woman says she just needs someone to share her life with. A PARTNER she can use and eventually control to take care of her, What's really interesting is that with all of her admissions of low self-esteem and unworthiness, she apparently has high standards in mate selection because she can't find anyone good enough to meet her needs. I wasn't going to respond to your question about her being a liar or a manipulater. But it made me think . You read my comment, and it bothered you enough to respond questioning what I wrote, even though I was perfectly clear. This woman had her man. She evan had a child with her man. When this came up in the interview, the first thought that occurred to me was that if her husband was asked to describe her personality, what would he say? I'm not trying to pick a fight or debate your reaction to the interview. In fact, your reaction falls in the norm of the typical viewers of this content. What you saw was a portrait on a canvas without a complete storyline. The only difference between you and I got out of this interview is that perhaps I'm a little bit more experienced in having dealt with people just like this lady.
I’m in the same boat. I’m just not as brave as Buffy to admit it out loud. After may last relationship, I got a cat. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. Seriously.
I see a beautiful, strong, incredibly courageous women whom I admire for speaking her truth. You deserve love, compassion, comfort & full joy in your life. Be very proud of yourself, Buffy! All the best to you.
When she said "the pain is all here" and motioned to her face and chest....... I felt that. As someone who was molested, that's where it manifests. I never noticed until now. Shes so right.
I relate to you so much, Buffy! You are not alone! I wasn’t sexually abused but I have other trauma and I suffer from BPD. I really felt it when you said something along the lines of that the things that you think about yourself aren’t just thoughts, they’re true cuz others point them out. I feel that so deeply, especially when people try to tell me otherwise. I would totally be your friend and go to concerts with you. I used to be able to never find anyone to go to concerts with, I even went with strangers a couple times and was excited about possibly having some new friends to attend with, but none of those people wanted to continue being my friend and I didn’t understand why. I live in California so if you ever want to maybe make a new friend, I’m open to it, Buffy!
Volunteer work with disabled or the elderly might give her purpose and help her self esteem. These groups of people have nothing but gratitude for those who help them. Taking the focus off your own problems and focusing on others who need your help gives a sense of worth.
So absolutely relatable, right down to the details and the adult life results/ torments. I too know I have so much potential but cannot seem to break out. I hope Buffy knows its a help simply just to hear someone else so similar. Hats off to Mark with wonderful insights to offer. I hope there is a follow up!
That’s a striking portrait. Buffy if you read these you looked great. It takes courage to expose your inner problems to a huge audience, I just hope you’re not inundated by online stalkers now. There are people who prey on others who have low self esteem. Good luck you’re stronger than you think.
I’ve had similar feelings and thoughts as Buffy. Pristiq, Bupropion and a book called “Stop Thinking, Start Living” have helped me greatly. I only think about my past for a few seconds a day. I used to think about it all day. I was traumatised from 1986 to December 2021. I just need to build my self-esteem now.
I can relate to her. We overthink so many things. Living in the moment helps a lot, and yes I also suffer from low self-worth. What's best about her, is she is so very honest, she seems incapable of lying. That might be the thing that scares some of her suitors off. She seems like she'd be excellent company! Virtual hug to her, if she wishes.
A dog will love you. A dog will cause you to love something other. A dog can provide a safety. A dog will cause you to go out. A dog will be there at the end of every day. Try it, if you are ready for the biggest responsibility of your entire life. Never let them down. Never.
Blown away by this story as it rings so close to home. Way to many similarities with my own life and self. Trauma can ruin your life and even after 30yrs of counciling and treatment I still suffer greatly. I wish you nothing but happiness and love for your future, you are a survivor and a mum. Keep going Candy you are worthy and beautiful.
Neural plasticity is what I would put faith in. Meaning, if you can strive to be in emotionally positive environments, do your CBTs, put the work in, with time, your brain can make some changes, and you can feel better. Not perfect, but better. Thank you Buffy for sharing your story. That feeling of "nothing helps, nothing changes", yeah, I feelya homegirl.
Buffy, I can relate to your story. I’m someone with a tragic childhood and I suffer from low self worth. Most of my past relationships have been abusive, I don’t have any close friends and I’m not close to my family. Everyday I have to choose whether I want to be depressed about being isolated and alone or feel positive about my situation. I’ve gone through so much and I’m so resilient. I can see you are too. The last chapter of your book is totally up to you. You are loveable and I wish I could be your friend. I have a feeling your life will begin at 46, you just need to believe that you are worthy of happiness and love. Write your book, I’d love to read it. Much love to you ❤
Buffy - i'm not going to try to make you feel better except to say, I see you and I feel you. Your story resonates with mine in many ways, and I struggle daily with self worth and purpose. I am setting intentions and hope for courage and strength for both of us, and anyone else living through the same struggles.
There are so many things that Buffy said that applies to me. Everything from staying heavy to protect myself to wanting friends and hobbies but not knowing how to get them. It always helps to hear someone else with the same concerns and issues. Thank you for sharing Buffy.
Hearing the words I love you truly hold no value if you don’t feel the love that’s trying to be sold to you. On the other hand feeling the love and hearing that person loving you say those words have to be priceless.
Buffy, I hope you read this because you did inspire me as I am sure you did many others. When you said that people are waiting at home for a text or phone call. I am going to reach out to friends I haven't seen in a long time to check in. I would hate to see a friend as wonderful and special as you being so sad and lonely. I know you have had bad luck in the past with cruel people especially men but there are many wonderful people out there that you have yet to meet!!! You are kind, interesting, smart and have great style! Also, because of the abuse you went through you have an ability to empathize and support others that have been through similar experiences. Your story has the potential to make an impact on the lives of others to heal. Sharing your story is a wonderful start to touch the lives of others. Thank you for sharing.
She needs to go to trauma therapy. Get a therapist that specializes in complex trauma, not just talk therapy. Your brain has been changed by trauma and doing trauma work is what changes those neural pathways that have been changed by that trauma. It's a very insidious thing. She reminds me so much of me. She's pushing people away while she's so desperate for love and people can completely sense that. She doubts everything she is and nothing but negative self talk comes out. You deserve love, woman! Read The Body Keeps the Score and seek a therapist that does that.
Her saying that guys reinforce these bad ideas she has about herself, being traumatized like this causes you to pick people who treat you like shit. Once she gets healed itll change. I know she's going to be healed one day.
Buffy, I just want you to know you seem like a very nice person. I’m deeply depressed and in a dark place myself, and I’m actually glad and it feels a little like a relief to hear you say you’re feeling that way yourself. You could never drag me down. I’m sorry your Dad did that terrible thing to you when you were young. My Dad never sexually abused me, but I’ve always felt like he hates me and I have had a bad dream that he’s chasing me and I’m trying to run away from him. Thank you for opening up on here, you’re amazing and I hope you find a great guy who loves and respects you. 😊
Buffy, I have had a very similar story as you. Early childhood abuse, neglect, at the hands of adults. When you speak, I hear myself. I have searched, and searched for an answer. Finally, in the later years of my life. I found AA. I worked the steps and finally gained freedom in the areas that you speak of. You will never know love until you learn to love and accept yourself.
I consider myself so lucky that I have so much love for animals. The only human relationship I had was ruined mainly because whenever I was told 'I love you', 'you are beautiful', 'you are smart', my mind went 'no those are lies, why do you love me? why? I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm a horrible person'. That constant negative thinking brought me to a very toxic place, brought out the worst version of me. I didn't want to see myself like that anymore and ruin other people's lives, so I made the decision to give up on romantic love. People will always say 'you first have to love yourself, before you receive and give love' but with animals, I've found that to be false. Especially when you start rescuing them - holding these newly born kittens, puppies, injured animals, abused animals and you know you have the power to change their lives and give them the love they deserve - that's what my life is all about. Just today I met 3 timid stray kittens, and I told them 'ok, this human in front of you is here to make you purr, will you let me?' And yes, 20 minutes later, we were all purring! That's pure happiness for me. I wish all broken souls the same kind of happiness and love ... ❤
We have 6 cats, they were born on my wife's birthday so we decided to keep and care for them. It's a big job but so00o worth it. I've grown a big attachment to them. I wished I could share pictures of them on here, oh well😅 💜🙏from one stranger to another, I'm wishing the best for you. Keep fighting to be a better person, that's all we can do. Have a great day❤
@@wesleyAlan9179 Thank you so much for your kind words! I would LOVE to see pictures of your 6 cats, all siblings, how amazing!!! I started a UA-cam channel CUTE CATS OF ISTANBUL to show the world the love and cuteness that is out there. We have many stray cats here, many have difficult lives, yet they are still so full of love and affection. Despite waking up depressed every morning, they are the reason why I get up, get dressed and go out and keep going. Love to you and your family incl. the furry ones (please give them an extra cuddle from me!) ❤
Wow that sounds so similar to my story! I am proud of you for not looking to substance abuse for that big loss u feel! We tend to abuse ourselves with drugs when we have depression and negative self worth! At least I struggle with addiction on top of exactly how she described! Have a lovely day Mark and swu crew! ✌🏽🙃
I have had these feelings before. I went 12 years without a significant other after my divorce. I met a man at 54 that blew me away. We are married and I am living my best life. Don't over think things. Decide what's worth worrying about and what's not. You know what you want now is the time you do it. You won't be good for anyone else until you love yourself. You can't change a second of the past, don't let it define your future. Live for today, tomorrow and the next day. Be happy with you!
I think it’s admirable that you have accomplished so much in life yourself. You will meet someone some day, but until then, you DON’T need anyone. You have proven that, and are doing great. Now, don’t give up hope, and think about Mark’s advice. All the best!
Isolation is deadly.....Fear prevents action and those of us who are so traumatized as children have double doses of it; you are very relatable and I completely understand the push/pull dynamic of wanting love/partnership so very much but......I constantly try to remind myself of the saying "80% of life is simply showing up" Courageous baby steps could be the answer, this video was an excellent starting point imo. Hoping you find peace/love and healing at whatever pace you can manage. I do not think you realize how many people can totally relate to you so thanks for sharing.
Psych nurse of 16 years here-We all need 2 things to keep going: 1) to feel loved and 2) to have purpose. Without one or the other it’s easy to slip into depression and hopelessness. That’s why the lonely/widowed elderly often do so well with pets. Pets gives them love and purpose. 💙
Absolutely. I'm older & live in a retirement community. This is what I hear residents say over & over: If it wasn't for my cat/dog/parakeet, I'd have no reason to live. And meaning. If you lose your meaning, there's also no reason to stick around when you're in pain & everything else that comes with old age. A lot of poverty, too.
I’m very similar to this woman. I’m a 50 year old man who is alone in life. I’ve been married twice and both women left me. I’m a combat veteran and suffer from ptsd, anxiety, and depression. I’m not religious at all and think the whole heaven and hell thing is nonsense but I don’t begrudge anyone their faith. I don’t have friends and like this woman, I fall asleep hoping I don’t wake up the next morning. I don’t have kids and can’t figure out why something always stops me when I think about ending my own life. I have nothing or no one but for whatever reason I just can’t pull the trigger. So I force myself to go out and do things. I went out last night to a concert. I felt so alone in that venue filled with people. I only stayed for three songs and it was so overwhelming I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I feel invisible when I go out because I’m completely alone and just the one weird guy who is alone. Eventually I’ll probably stop trying and I do hope that some night I go to sleep and don’t wake up. I see happy couples and people in friend groups and it just seems to foreign to me.
It's not the same as a partner but I think having a dog/cat is helpful. It gives you a reason to get up in the morning and someone happy to see you when you get home. If it's from a rescue there is a good chance that it was mistreated also and you can be the one to help it. It gives you a purpose to live till you can get the trauma work addressed. If you don't want a pet and have free time just volunteering at a local animal shelter and spend some time can also help both you and the animals. Animals in general are healing. (If you're not allergic) P.S. Sorry that happened to you. I've heard it said "It just happened one time." However one time is all it takes.
As part of me understood why she feels and is the way she is.. this was so exhausting. I hope one day she finds a way to be less negative and finds happiness. Let’s get a update after her move
Hearing Buffy’s story reminds me so much of my best friend, Angela. She committed suicide this Easter. She was also assaulted by her father and given away by her mother. As a result of her trauma, she was very codependent and really latched on the people in her life in ways they normally couldn’t handle. She was such an innocent, pure soul full of love but didn’t know how to receive it. I hope Buffy is able to find love and closeness she craves, but most of all… I hope she’s able to find love for herself and her life.
I have been struggling with an amphetamine addiction for four years, i only started getting into puberty around age 16 and the questions you have such as “who am I” and “what do others think of me” seriously ate away at me. I graduated high school and suffered serious panic attacks in college, I quit college and not long after started taking speed on a daily basis thinking I’d never make anything of my life anyway so dying young was something I cold accept. This ignorance caused a complex where I have such a strong fear of finding out who or what I am, that I need the comfort of being high & having social interaction going on Auto Pilot to somewhat express myself or even function in daily life. I’m 21 now and tried twice to quit speed to no avail, I’m soon going to rehab for 6 months. A Low self image is like a handbrake on life which seems to be stuck. Thanks for your story Buffy
@@WaitWhatsMyNameif it was so easy I wouldn’t be in the situation I am right now. I agree that I have a weak spirit & my cynical way of thought doesn’t help with that. Why put in the effort when the future only seems to get bleaker & you yourself are a worthless person anyway? It’s all mindset and that’s exactly what I hope to change in rehab, things that are simple logic to you don’t appear as such to others.
The courage and bravery it took to tell your story and to open yourself up about your past and even current pain… you are so relatable and amazingly strong. i’m so I’m so sorry that you had to endure this and it’s disgusting that the family didn’t protect you. You are beautiful and raised a beautiful and talented child, which is so inspiring! Sending you love, positive vibes and healing prima.
0:17: 🎓 The speaker grew up in a small town in Michigan, moved to Dallas after high school, and initially planned to become a police officer before switching to a career in the legal field. 5:53: 😢 A survivor of sexual abuse in Michigan recounts her traumatic experience with her father. 10:58: 😢 The speaker shares their experience of growing up without drugs and alcohol, but later encountering them through their father and feeling overwhelmed. 16:18: 😔 The speaker feels like a victim and has internalized self-hate, leading to a lack of hope and purpose in life. 21:53: 💔 The speaker discusses the challenges of living without love and dealing with depression. 26:56: 😔 The speaker expresses their feelings of constant rejection and how it affects their self-esteem. 32:04: 💔 The speaker discusses the unique problems faced by their sisters and the denial of one sister, as well as the love and support they received from their stepdad. 37:23: 😔 The speaker discusses the challenges of finding love and the potential for traveling to change one's perspective. 42:40: 💔 The speaker feels unused and unneeded, questioning how their life can be successful given their circumstances. 47:28: 🌈 The speaker discusses their shock and acceptance of their child's decision to transition from being a lesbian to being transgender, and how it affects their dreams and aspirations. 52:48: 😕 The speaker discusses their insecurities in relationships and their belief in miracles. Recap by Tammy AI
I relate to you at lot. I suffer from low self worth. I feel like in your case, it's like to the max. I'm like damn, I thought I suffered from low self worth, which I do sometimes very badly for periods, but hearing another's story so palpably , it just brings thing into perspective for me. I'll try harder to remember what I've learned so far, which is that it's extremely important to say positive things about myself, and to know that I am lovable and that is the truth. We are meant to be loved, that's why we literally die without it. We're wired to receive love, so inherently, that is what we are made of, so that's why we're worthy of it. We were meant to receive it, and if we don't, we are broken until we re wire what was done to us. But love can also be pain. But Buffy, just the fact that you can sit here and share your story, and TRY.. wow. You ARE strong, you're beyond worthy, I'm like wow. You're playing the game of life on hard mode. You're here today. Even if you don't think anything of it, your story has affected me. From one person to another, you affected me in a good way. Thanks for keeping it real
I’m 73 married 53 years with 3 successful sons and 7 grandchildren but I can identify with so much of what she has shared. At 65 my mother shared I was the worse thing that ever happened to her and she wished I was never born. She is a beautiful person with so much to offer don’t let time go by and rob you and the world of what you have to offer. Your mind is lying to you. Don’t let it take away the gifts of the beautiful person you are.
What would you suggest for her? Is there a support group or something that would have people in her situation, and do you know what it would be called?
Raw, brutal but such honesty from this woman. I’d like to be her friend if I were many years younger (I’m a Nana and on my out) I don’t live in the US. I hope she finds her special other. Low self esteem, she needs confidence, write your book lovely girl. You have bared your soul, damn brave of you. 🎸 🎶
She said she was not angry, then 20 minutes later she said she was mad at each of her parents and her situation. I would say she has to process the forgiveness farther to get free from the past…
You can hear it in her voice. Sexual abuse can destroy a person. Some survive and make it in the world, others can’t. I hope Buffy reads this and finds the strength to overcome this. Thank you, Mark! 🙏🏽
Wow! Thank you Buffy for sharing your life experience with us. I can see all the complexities at work within you. The turmoil. You didnt deserve anything thatwas done to you. I hope you find the love you're looking for, safe and honest. Whether it is a friend, a partner, or even a pet! To anyone else in the comments who is feeling this way, i see you. I hope you find the strength to take a chance. Life is beautiful and waiting for you. There are good people out there - you have to be willing to receive it. And reciprocate. ❤
Courage was the word that came into my mind way before the interviewer brought it up. Buffy has so much more courage than she realizes. Because we feel we have no choice than to continue life we keep fighting and hoping. Of course we do have a choice by leaving our difficult life but I have the feeling she thinks about that as an easy way out for herself. She still wants to fight for her son, helping him to become the woman he/she wants. I find it refreshing that she tells it like she experiences it. She is such an authentic person, no fake, so inspiring. She has the courage to tell it like it is and withstands all the compulsive positivity that is so fashionable nowadays but does not acknowledge how hard life is for many people, especially when they have had such a brutal abusive start in life. So who am I to tell her how to live! You, Buffy, please tell us by writing a book about your life, if you can, so we can learn from you! Lots of love, and I mean it! , from Anna Maria, 65, from the Netherlands. Please can you do a Ted Talk for us, where you tell it like it is, like in this interview? I and many others would be so gratefull, and maybe by helping others that way, it might give feel for you as if your life has meaning for you, but if you can t or won t, no problem!
I know you don’t believe in god. But god is love and that’s away to learn to love yourself. I’m so sorry about what happened to you the biggest thing you can do is help the next person to learn to survive they way you did
Omg too relatable…You’re right it’s always an inside job. When you think people have your best interest at heart…Umph they really don’t & only out to make their selves look good
Buffy, your story resonated with me so much bc we are both navigating adulthood similarly (mentally and emotionally). I wish i had the answers for you and was hoping you had them for me here! Thank you for sharing and feels great to know I'm not alone.
What an incredibly beautiful person 😃 Hard to hear this pain but I'm thankful Buffy came out the other side a champion! Thank you Buffy for opening up and sharing your story 🤍
This lady is amazing. She is lovely and beautiful both on the inside and the outside. She is eminently loveable. She expresses what I feel so well and far better than I could. This interview moved me more than any other SWB interview. I just wish she could read the comments on this page.
I resonate with Buffy’s story. I was at a similar place where I’d felt like I’d done “the work” but nothing was changing…but that was me, I hadn’t actually done the emotional work. I’m still working through it, and probably will be for the rest of my lived life. We all have choice, even when we don’t feel like it. Finding regular help with a trauma-informed therapist who educated me on Internal Family Systems and the book No Bad Parts have changed my life. I have hope for you, Buffy - with the right kind of help you can live a life you want.
Buffy, you are amazing. I too have C-PTSD from my childhood and have low self-esteem and self worth. I was lucky enough to find an angel here on Earth as a teenager. 42 years old and been together 26 years now. I am confident you will find your angel as well. Best of luck to you, sweet human! ❤
I think MANY women relate to her. Its not just physical relationships that create a sense of depleted self worth. She's REALLY beautiful woman, and so beat down that it literally beats the heart out of you. Or it's a hardening of tthe heart. I used to be very open with my feelings and helped anyone I could. I learned quickly how painful that can be when those you help don't appreciate it, USE YOU, and then destroy your life and friendships with others because of jealousy or whatever else they feel at the time. You rrealize just how many friends you have when your down and out and NOT the one with all the answers this time....and nobOdy shows up. I pray she finds a person fo share her life with. ..
This beautiful woman really seemed to lighten up as the interview progressed. Her body became more expressive, she laughed, and overall, in spite of what she was verbalizing, it seemed like possibilities may have felt a little bit more available to her. Thank you, Buffy, for sharing your story and your strengths. Thank you, Mark, for providing this very caring and compassionate platform.
Rescue a dog or cat or turtle. Volunteer at the animal shelter. Help orphaned and abused animals. Volunteer at a horse stable. There’s so many others like you and they are on the same path as you are. It’s not your fault you were a child. Please don’t be a victim forever. You are special and you have a lot to offer and give to this life. Keep trying there’s more for you in this life. Find one thing everyday to be happy about and love that thing with all you’ve got. To be happy is a decision a choice you make everyday. It’s not promised or given you have to find it within and share it give it to one thing everyday. Don’t doubt that you have love to offer this world.
I saw a post on reddit the other day and the question was, "what stopped you from killing yourself?" Hands down having a pet, dogs were mentioned a lot but pets in general, was the most common answer. Their pet is what kept them going. I agree with this comment so much.
I feel her pain i cannot find friends either, or the ones I did have are all dead now, no family members who care, but my mother. It's society that has changed, in the most part.
It’s not society’s job to make you happy. Comment after comment on this video is filled with women blaming others because they are unhappy. Since when is it anyone else’s job to make you happy or your neighbor happy or your co worker happy?? I was not put on this earth to be in charge of making sure you are happy. You continue to put out negative energy you will continue to receive negative energy. If you don’t love you then how would you show anyone else how to love and respect you? This is your life and you are in control of how you want to live that. Not society’s job. Take steps to learn your worth. I promise you once you know how incredibly unique and valuable you are that’s when the shift happens and others will be attracted to the same energy you are putting out. 💜
I can’t begin to describe how much I relate to Buffy’s story. With the exception of the terribly sad SA by her father, which I’m so thankful I never experienced anything even remotely similar to, I felt every emotion and feeling of lack of love or purpose in life, and fear of rejection that Buffy described. I’m 50, have had 2 failed emotionally dysfunctional marriages, and now just yearn for someone to come along and love me. Maybe take a little of the pressure off. A partner. A companion. I feel this so deeply. Thank you, Buffy, for sharing your feelings that so many of us can relate to but don’t know how to put into words! Please consider writing a book. ❤ And thank you, Mark, for helping so many share their inspiring and moving stories.
My heart breaks for her. I relate to soooo much of this story 😢 I would love to be able to share mine someday. Buffy, you are so beautiful, awesome style and well spoken. I hope all the kind words in these comments find you 🫶🏼
I am a teacher- trust me- people are not what they appear. Truly. I self-isolate. I am fearful a bit of love and rejection too....but I was so controlled by my dad and ex spouse that I honestly LOVE being alone!
OMG!! So crazy ...this lady's story isnt too far from mine...i grew up in Michigan, moved near LA after divorce, went through lots abuse, im 47, i have no friends anymore, have cptsd & depressive times, people tell me to write a book about ny crazy life, i wont go do things by myself, feel like i came through it all for nothing cuz all i do is sit in this apartment with a dog my daughter gave me when she needed to go live...hoping she comes for a weekly visit & i bump into the love of my life the only time i actually go out & thats only to walk the dog. So, a lot in common & i can definitely relate!! I wish there was a way to leave my info & ask her to get & touch with me!!!
I had a good childhood, but for personal reasons, I relate so much to her feelings. I struggle with my self worth since 14. The part when she said that experiences in life pile up and make you feel worst over the years, hit me hard because I am going through the same thing. After therapy and searching inside I gave my own explanations why I go through this. One of these, which I think apply to Buffy, is being kind and keeping that innocence which shows on her face and the way she speaks. Unfortunately, it is a cruel world out there and many people seeing a "clean" face and stare tend to destroy it for their own reasons. But that's not a flaw and of course not her fault. Keep being who you are. Nobody knows what the future brings.
So relatable. Thank you so much for telling your story. I also struggle enormously with self-worth. I didn't see an end too. But I promise you, if you get help (psychologist and psychiatrist) to get on meds to give you a leg up in life. You need a boost because what you are experiencing is not normal (of course, through no fault of your own).
What she said at 20:12 was so profound to me. "When you're depressed you aren't necessarily taking care of yourself ,so going to the store isn't just let me slip on my shoes and go to the store. Its let me start from scratch and take the bath that I haven't taken for a week" omg I've never heard anything that I've resonated with so much.
Relatable😞
Same, feel this everyday it’s unbearable
@@elanareynolds5024 If you have decent insurance or Medicaid you might check out Trintellix (vortioxetine). Nothing worked for me without side effects. Listening to this woman is I don't know I can't really handle it. I lost my son in 2016 he was 21 years old and she's got a 17 year old but she wants to die I don't know I don't have much sympathy.
💯
No truer words...
As a sufferer of depression & anxiety for 30 yrs, my advice would be find a way to help people, volunteeer with homeless, chiildren or animal shelters...Practicing gratitude you will find your purpose I promise & it will be so fulfilling💕 I wish you the best Buffy
I normally would never allow strangers to know this about me but sadly, she has just put into words exactly how I feel and have felt for ever. Just went 12 days without a proper shower. Went so long my hair follicle started to bleed and was very tender. I’ve always been aware that I’m not alone in this feeling but hearing her have this opportunity to express herself in all her truth rings so true for myself. All the way fromthe not being believed about childhood molestation to the faux forgiveness for myself to the not leaving the house for months at a time. I’ve been in a loveless and sexless marriage for over 8 years of our 23. Married the first guy who said he would have me. Had three daughters who are all adults now doing their own things. I’ve lost my identity and my purpose. I am not suicidal and I pray it stays that way. I needed to hear this video more then any other you’ve had. Thank you Mark for allowing her to tell her story.
💐
Have you looked into things to help with executive dysfunction? (Like having trouble showering) it’s fairly common, please don’t ever feel alone. If you look up tips for “showering with executive dysfunction “ “cleaning with executive dysfunction “ etc. there’s so much information available in videos and instagram. It can help you understand things a little better and maybe find things that help you. When I have trouble with things, I call it a day where im “being gentle with myself” too much noise and effort to dry my hair? Be gentle, wrap it in a towel and that’s it. Can’t brush teeth? Swish mouthwash. Something is always better than nothing.
So sorry about that. Try to work through it. I am sure you are a wonderful person. I hope you feel better. Don't let your trauma define you. There is so much more to you than pain and hurt.
I know how that feels. I just had a shower after 14 days of barely being able to get out of bed❤
Baby steps...be good to yourself. The first stop is self care force, a shower every day. That's just for you to have some respite. ❤
What I learned from this video is that people with low self-esteem have a hard time accepting love, even though they deserve it. It's like they're building a fortress to protect themselves from getting hurt again, but it also keeps them from letting anyone in. I can't imagine what Buffy's been through, but I admire her strength for living her life despite the weight of her past.
I'm sure Buffy would appreciate this. She seems like such a nice lady - complicated and fully human
Yes so much yesss to what you said! SIMPLEST WAY TO EXPLAIN IT…. WE TRY TO LEAVE BEFORE WE GET LEFT!! CAUSE THEN NO FEELINGS!!! WE DO NOT LIKE THE FEELS ESP REJECTION!!!! Oh yeah that’s a big BIG ONE WE DO NOT LIKE!!! BUT YEAH SO Basically we go into fight or flight mode anytime anything goes wrong or right in a relationship! And it’s not like we don’t love the person! We love them and we want to be with them! But it’s like our minds tell us we don’t deserve them… we don’t deserve to be loved. We don’t deserve anything. Your mind literally tricks you into HATING yourself so why would anyone else love you or want you around?! I mean it’s crazy how much your brain really can mess with you! ESP when you get super depressed and suicidal ideations!! I get both. And it’s so hard! SO SO HARD! To try and not listen to that part of myself! But when the economy is garbage! You can’t get decent pay unless you have a 4 year college degree or if you’re a man!!! It just sucks! Our whole country is just schfucked at this point!!! Like whole country 💥🔥🔥 so yeah shitty jobs all that!!! WHY WOULD WE WANNA STICK AROUND 😂🤣 I mean this place ain’t shit! Def not the vibe! But any whooo yeah it’s hard! I’ve been with my fiancé 6 years! And at this point… I… I… I honestly don’t even know where we are at! I’ve pushed him away so many times! And said so much hurtful shit. I wouldn’t be surprised if he breaks up with me… I mean I’m miserable in my OWN skin! He’s gotta be sick of me?!! But idk mental illness is HARD! It’s not this cool little sickness you have that you can post online and pretend you have it for sympathy! Cause I PROMISE YOU LIVING THIS SHIT DAILY IS NOT A JOKE! Literally hating yourself to the point YOU CANNOT LOOK INTO THE MIRROR WITHOUT CRYING! Because you hate yourself so much because in your mind and in your body dysmorphia and self loathing you think 💭 you’re fat, ugly, gross, disgusting, super just NOT. ATTRACTIVE WHEN IN ALL ACTUALITY NOT BAD LOOKING AT ALL!!! Mental health will MESS you up!!!
Amen to that.
I understand Buffy...fully.
The words " I love You " 8 cringe.
This comment could not be more accurate
Listening to this video as I work from home, I am struck at how bad parents can really ruin someone's life. She deserves better!
Yep parenting's a relationship not a role. authoritative will never understand conscious discipline. Feelings are ignored and considered weak, when a discussion about them can make a big difference instead of ignoring them or pretend they don't exist, not important. Relationships are what makes life worth living, but can be the best thing or worst.
2
Most working class families then struggled to survive. We had basics, but, as she said paying for additional education was never possible. Working class were self made people. Much intelligence wasted by lack of means to get to upper middle class, at a minimum. Lotta pervs in this era damaged many young girls and some boys. Buffalo N.Y. was filled with this too.😢
That's the reason he starts by asking about childhood and parents. They are often the common denominator
💯 I was abused on a scale only a few know by my mother; locked in a closet, room, & basement, tortured, isolated from all people, little primary education, CPS where I now know I was sexually abused while in their care. I finally escaped to a Christian college after forging HS transcripts & graduated with honors b/c I was scared that if I didn’t do well, I’d be forced back to my hell. I was eventually tricked & gaslighted back into my mother’s basement for a decade. The courts & abuse center saved my life; taught me everything I thought was normal was wrong & then freed me for good. Now I have a good in-home job & everyone says to me, “You’re beautiful, charismatic, & the world is your oyster if you want it.” Instead, I choose to self-isolate in the master bedroom of my huge house, don’t date, never married. It feels most comfortable & I’m scared of everyone/everything due to all the trauma. IMO, beauty is a curse.
How to stop time: Kiss
How to travel in time: Read
How to escape time: Music
How to feel time: Write
How to release time: Breathe
Even the darkest night ends in a day.
All of a sudden the long terrible drought ends with a slow gentle rain.
Love and Light from the Heart of Texas.
That is so beautiful and profound ❤
Can I put this on a sweatshirt? It catches attention and would be a great conversation starter.
On Point! How beautiful
My Dad was molested and also sold as a young kid. He became the most compassionate, helpful and wonderful Dad who broke the chains of dysfunction and helped many other survivors. He of course still struggled with depression. It was hard seeing this as a kid, because I loved him so much and didn't want him to continue to feel so low.
You gotta read, "The body keeps the score" it will help you so much.
Third time I’ve seen the book referred in the last 20 or so comments. I’m heading to the library later today to pick it up.
I think your dad is so strong 😢 such a heartbreaking story. You seem like you turned out pretty good yourself 😢 just here trying to understand why there's so much suffering.
I'm so sorry that happened to your father. I also commend his commitment to see that he became the loving parent that he himself should have had. What a great man.
Great recommendation 🎉
Let go of the past
You can't fake that kind of all consuming depression, loneliness and hopelessness. There comes a point where the shear audacity of hoping things will get better becomes too painful to bear. That kind of depthless, slow agony is something that can only be understood by people who have experienced it.
Its like your soul is constantly bleeding out and every glimmer of hope feels like a wave of acid eroding the edges of the void within you, making it hurt even more. But you know that you can't give up because that choice has been taken from you. So you desperately try to cling to that hope even as it burns you. Worse yet, even though you cling to it as fiercely as your endurance will allow, it still trickles through your fingers, etching and burning as it goes. Until finally, all that effort was for nothing and the emptiness has only gotten larger.
Until the next glimmer, where the whole process starts all over again.
That sisaphistic (if thats a word) exsistance I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
My point is, you are not alone.
Pardon me ☝🏻for saying but you have quite the way with words. A wordsmith if you will. Tell me you write. Stories, poems, haiku’s? Or just expressed emotions put into words so honestly written from the heart? Either way, damn, I’m a fan.
So well said.
You have just described my life the past five years
@candyce6233 Thank you. I confess, this is just written from the heart. I really dont write very often, but occasionally, I feel compelled to comment on something.
@jillenegirvan4664 I can only speak to it because I have been through it. I know how it is to live like that.
If you need someone to talk to, I'm a good listener. Just reply to this message, and we'll figure out how to connect.
I suffer the same from my molestation. 54 years old, hate my body, can’t stand to be naked. My poor husband just loves me anyway. Thank you for sharing such excruciating details.
God bless you. Sorry that happened to you, you deserve to move forward and be happy. Forgive yourself and not the person who did that.
As an outsider looking in...people can sense desperation in a person and healthy men especially are turned off to that. Not meant to be mean. I know that people get worn out trying to fill another's hunger all the time. Take care
God bless u hun I hope u can get better hun
Your husband stays because he’s addicted to your sexual prowess developed by whoever trained you in the art of penis stimulation
Mark, if you're reading this, your portrait photograph of Buffy is one of the absolute best! You do amazing work but you outdid yourself with this one 😃👍
Im a 26 year old paraplegic. I've been one for 25 years now. These interviews/stories are so relatable. They bring so much light into what I've dealt with for so long. I'm so thankful mark shares these with the world. It's like my therapy 💞
All The BEST to YOU Girl ! 💗🌺💗🌺
Sending hugs to you!❤
Thank you for sharing.
I think it's therapy for many of us, certainly affordable! Plus reading the comments makes you realize how many others are deeply suffering. Sending light and love!
I feel this extreme, deep sadness for this wonderful woman. I can’t help but see my own mother in Buffy, and my heart absolutely aches. Buffy truly doesn’t know how beautiful and creative she is on the outside or on the inside, absolutely heartbreaking.
She is almost childlike and innocent,I hope she realizes how amazing she is ,it’s a shame her family traumatized her ,she has a loving personality.
Beret 😂
She has a great sense of style. Cheeky. I like that on her.
Amazing?
you just keep drinking that cool aid like Mark is in this video.
She's sick,,,,damaged goods.
Her specialty is it getting people to feel sorry for her so she can manipulate you.
@ugoneatchocornbreadcalm down now
childlike and inoocent are symptoms of childhood trauma, when you go through shit you can't resolve as a kid you carry it with you
It was nice of the interviewer to try to encourage her. Very genuine.
This is VERY relatable. I don't have abuse in my past but I can relate to her SO much in what she is feeling.
And i love u:) 💐 you have tremendous value! Any thing undiscovered does not equate non existence . I hope u and wish u well
Neglect is abuse. Do you have any of that?
@@sk8nchill52 In a way, yes.
I've always wondered why I feel this way also as I haven't had any trauma near what Buffy experienced but relate to the depression and negativity about myself and the world
Finding the right therapist can be overwhelming. I went through 6 before the right one and it was helpful. Then she moved.... Don't give up. Please! I pray you meet someone who knows, appreciates, and acknowledges your worth. You deserve dignity, respect, and civility.
I relate to this woman so much. It was extremely painful for me to get through this. Bless you Buffy for telling your story.
Do you have neck tattoos too?
Me too. Many of her problems are exactly the same as mine but my depression is crushing. This is a great interview.
@@EarthsGeomancerdon’t be foolish..
@Richandhealthy88 I have low self worth. So, I'm going to get a neck tattoo so this already very judgemental and superficial society can judge me harshly resulting in lowering my self worth even further. My life is so hard!
I can truly say, I can relate to Buffy! My father was an alcoholic. I felt relief when he died.
Ive been alone since 30 and now im 63 - it is painful to have no one to share life with nor have a close friend. I gave up hope. There are so many lonely people out there.
"All the lonely people. Where do they all belong?"
Sorry to hear that. Loneliness seems to be a hidden modern epidemic. Is there anything you wish you'd done differently, looking back?
I fear this to be my inevitable destiny
Take care❤❤❤
I need Jesus more than any other person. He is the only Way in of the torrents of being a human. He is truth, love, and life sustaining hope until He takes us back home again ❤
36:43 How to change feeling unlovable? Buffy, I totally understand. 🌻
Go outside yourself, help others. Lose yourself in helping others. See the joy you bring them. It sounds self-sacrificial, but it's a way of loving oneself. Been there, done that. I'm an oldster with broken dreams, no family of my own, no partner, scared of the future. But I decided to go out and help others as a caregiver, self-employed. I sit with the disabled and elderly who have no one. We do little things together. It sounds like I'm wasting my life, not having accomplished what I desired. But in the last stretch of my journey, at least I can say, I helped ease someone's sorrows. Tiny as that seems, I've finally come to love myself.☮ Do little things with great love. ❤
💫 ❤💫❤️Ty
❤
SWEET HUGS TO YOU🌹
OMG, I'm just half way thru and I had to pause it for a breather! I lived your life and made it to 73 intact and married for 50 years to a man that saved my life with love. Your tattoos are beautiful. I'm so sorry for you. Sending you love and healing from South Florida.
“Low Self Worth Sufferer” just continues to frame Buffy’s story so negatively. I’d give Buffy more credit as a Child SA/Neglect Survivor. She is a productive, single working mother. That in itself is a “crescendo” and shame on anyone who thinks she needs to be married and have multiple children for her life to have meaning. Buffy is a success, and I hope she realizes that for herself someday soon.
I wholeheartedly agree. She is successful. Success can feel and look different for different people
Child SA/neglect and mental health sufferer, for sure, agreed. Though I also seem to understand why Mark titled this film the way he did. She seems quite stuck in her mindset about her life, not just her past but her present and future as well. And though she is saying she would love help or answers, she rejected all the help Mark was capable of offering her during these moments, even a small compliment. If she is this set on defending her cryptic view of her future with someone she just met, I'd imagine she tends to self sabotage herself in all personal relationships, too. She does suffer from severely low self-esteem. Even if there are many causes that led her to that suffering, that seems to be what her current suffering revolves around.
@@amber76OHI agree that she seems very dead-set on perceiving herself and the world and her future in a certain way. On one hand I found her rigidity to be incredibly infuriating even to just observe, but on the other hand I am glad she was being radically honest because I think her stubborn frame of mind is something many, many people suffer from to one degree or another.
I think there is a sliver of hope in that she felt safe enough to explain her frustrating rationale, even if it isn’t what Mark or us as an audience would want to hear… being able to connect to how her mind really operates is so important, and I hope that maybe if she gains some additional awareness about how self-condemning and self-defeating her self-narratives actually are, that she might be able to gradually confront them over time.
Some of what she said was very difficult to hear as a viewer though- I felt like I wanted to jump through the screen and shake her shoulders and try and talk her out of the way she paints herself and the world and why her interpretations are so very flawed.
I came to realize though, that maybe the person I really wanted to shake wasn’t Buffy, but was… me. It felt like some parts of Buffy mirrored the worst parts of me, and maybe that’s why I felt so stirred by her words, why I felt like I wanted to argue with her- because perhaps it would feel much easier to argue with her and place that frustration on someone outside of myself, rather than realizing the person I really want to argue with is me, for being stuck in my ways just like Buffy.
Ah yes, soft language makes everything better: r@pe - involuntary affection, domestic violence - emotional reaction, Degeneracy - exotic tastes.
@Amber24426 Oh my goodness...amber (also!), I literally couldn't have said it better myself. After watching about halfway through, going through all the emotions you mentioned, I realized that I also have some of the very habits about her that I was catching myself getting a bit irked by. Nice job, calling it out. Perfectly written!
I am aware that Mark is not a therapist, and he clearly states that, but nonetheless, he truly makes a great one for so many people.
lol seriously ?
Buffy what I've come to realize in my life(66 years) that you have to not look for anyone to make you happy but yourself. I had a traumatizing childhood myself. I have a therapy dog & take Lexapro. Meditation and going out in nature is very helpful. Sending you love and light ✨️💖✨️🕯✨️🧘♀️✨️
This is helpful. Thanks.
Going out in nature, and exercising is very therapeutic, and people should
force themselves to do it, as it will improve their lives.
@@grantp4022Sometimes you do all of the above. Go out in the nature, exercise and meditate and it’s still not enough. Then you may wanna consider meditation for depression and/or anxiety. It saved my life at my lowest, when my kids were struggling at school cos of ADHD.
My depression is not a one time episode. It is cyclic. Comes and goes. Also traumatic childhood with violent parents and alcoholism.
So for me these things did the job;
- cutting of toxic people including my mother out of my life.
- sleeping regularly,
- ZERO alcohol and drugs/cigarettes,
- reading everything that I could about dysfunctional families,
- exercising 3-4 times a week,
- focusing ONLY on myself and my kids,
But one without the other wouldn’t have worked. It’s a combo of things. I still can relapse and invite my psychopathic mother into our lives, just to realize, that there was a reason for, why I kicked her out.
@@grantp4022 I agree. Find something you love doing and do a lot of it. I love gardening, and it brings me much joy, even though I am COMPLETELY alone at 72.
She articulates all the thoughts , feelings & emotions I've ever had. I have watched so many videos of addicts & of homeless people and heard them say things that I related to & that I understood . I have compassion. and empathy for them all. But Buffy is describing exactly what I think & feel. And my heart aches for us both.
Buffy, I pray to God that you read this comment.
I have listened to you speak, watched your mannerisms, and I truly believe you are suffering from PTSD and you have been since childhood.
There is a therapy called EMDR therapy that you are a perfect candidate for. It’s not a standard talk therapy, it is much different as you reprogram your own brain with the assistance of a LPC.
I had C-PTSD and within 3 months of EMDR therapy, it was as if the world went from black and white to color. That’s how profound an effect trauma had on how I saw the world.
7 years have passed since I completed EMDR therapy and I’m a different person, the person I was meant to be before I was abused as a child.
I know how confused you are, I know how hard you’re trying to find normalcy and peace; you need to fix your trauma before you work on anything else. I’m praying for you!!
As a Therapist, I agree EMDR would be a great intervention for Buffy.
Caitlankelly...ty for giving that info!
I am getting ready to do this myself!
Life is all ours to live & we are deserving of ❤️
We have to do the work and love ourselves before we can ❤️ or receive another's ❤️.
I thought PTSD was for Vet's only...WRONG.
Recover & see the purpose your life has!
Completely agree, I also have PTSD due to childhood trauma and felt the way Buffy describes for a long time. EMDR with my amazing psychologist has completely changed my life, as you say, it’s like everything is in colour now and I feel alive again. It truly has gives me my confidence back. Such an incredibly effective therapy for complex trauma.
I had asked about EMDR therapy,about 12 years ago. I was told they didn't think I'd be able to handle it. Would you have any guess what that meant?? I of course failed to ask, myself. Smh
Brings tears to my eyes as I too know this. I’ve been in EMDR for over a year now. Lots to unpack ❤️🩹 but seeing color finally
Buffy, Hang in there, Life does improve. I'll be turning 60 next year and I am actually looking forward to the day and have decided to live extra long to make up for the crappy beginning. I hope you will do the same. Feel the prayers and love surround you
I have never been molested, but I can relate to the low self worth. I'm a sixty-four year old woman who has been married to the same man for forty-seven years. He loves me unconditionally, but I can't understand why. I've never felt like anyone could love me. I feel ugly, unworthy, and not deserving of anyone's love. I had great parents and an awesome childhood, but still feel this way. I hope Buffy finds love, contentment, happiness, and hope. I wish her all the best in life.
🫂❤
So then why don't u work out, invest in urself if u feel bad about urself. Build confidence?
ok gym bro. she said she's 64@@kenthebigbadwolf
@@birdseye2239 so what? i know 70 year old women that train, and are beautiful. theres so much you can get from the internet now, theres no excuse. im not telling her in an aggressive manner. im saying theres hope, build confidence. its that kind of attitude that will keep people down.
@@kenthebigbadwolfsounds like you have no idea how difficult it can actually be to build up your self worth. you should be grateful and stop trying to give people advice on something you have no knowledge about
I'm really struck by the inner work that SO many of these interviewees have done. Most have higher self-awareness than the majority of folks I know. To me, this speaks to how desperately they want to process, heal, and move forward. Wishing Buffy nothing but the best.
I hope she can read these comments and see that she’s not alone and she can build a life she wants! I hope this can give her the motivation!
This is my ex-wife to a tee.
You have got her completely wrong.
In other words, you're just the type of personality she's looking for either as a friend or romantically.
What are you saying shes a liar? Or manipulator?
I wish I was near this woman. I could coach her. I will say, when a guy tells you that you're pretty, he is looking at your face. If he tells you you're hot, he's looking at your body. If they say you're beautiful, they are looking at your soul.
You are beautiful. No doubt. You WILL find the person you need.
@franzgeil422 wow!!!!
Thats great coach 👍 👏
@dejectedveteran4485
Whether or not she's a liar or fourth right is irrelevant. But mark my words. This person is definitely a narcissistic manipulative soul.
And now that she's no longer in her prime years and still in her epiphany phase in her mid-40s, the insecure/traumatized woman says she just needs someone to share her life with.
A PARTNER she can use and eventually control to take care of her,
What's really interesting is that with all of her admissions of low self-esteem and unworthiness, she apparently has high standards in mate selection because she can't find anyone good enough to meet her needs.
I wasn't going to respond to your question about her being a liar or a manipulater. But it made me think .
You read my comment, and it bothered you enough to respond questioning what I wrote, even though I was perfectly clear.
This woman had her man. She evan had a child with her man. When this came up in the interview, the first thought that occurred to me was that if her husband was asked to describe her personality, what would he say?
I'm not trying to pick a fight or debate your reaction to the interview.
In fact, your reaction falls in the norm of the typical viewers of this content.
What you saw was a portrait on a canvas without a complete storyline.
The only difference between you and I got out of this interview is that perhaps I'm a little bit more experienced in having dealt with people just like this lady.
I am 55 and finally found my true hero. Thank you for sharing your story Buffy.
I’m in the same boat. I’m just not as brave as Buffy to admit it out loud. After may last relationship, I got a cat. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. Seriously.
{{{vistalite}}} What a fortunate kitty to find a loving owner.
Agreed! I have 2 cats which for me are therapeutic
@@Etriellecatlady
Cats are awesome and very therapeutic, with their happy purring. Love my little dude.
cats rule
I see a beautiful, strong, incredibly courageous women whom I admire for speaking her truth. You deserve love, compassion, comfort & full joy in your life. Be very proud of yourself, Buffy! All the best to you.
When she said "the pain is all here" and motioned to her face and chest....... I felt that. As someone who was molested, that's where it manifests. I never noticed until now. Shes so right.
That's sad. 😟
He inflicted great pain upon her
It's because your right to be heard gets annihilated, squashed down to a choked squeak and the pain is the pain trying to make it's way out.
Mar,k, I love how you heard her, supported her, and encouraged her her to have courage.
I relate to you so much, Buffy! You are not alone! I wasn’t sexually abused but I have other trauma and I suffer from BPD. I really felt it when you said something along the lines of that the things that you think about yourself aren’t just thoughts, they’re true cuz others point them out. I feel that so deeply, especially when people try to tell me otherwise. I would totally be your friend and go to concerts with you. I used to be able to never find anyone to go to concerts with, I even went with strangers a couple times and was excited about possibly having some new friends to attend with, but none of those people wanted to continue being my friend and I didn’t understand why. I live in California so if you ever want to maybe make a new friend, I’m open to it, Buffy!
Volunteer work with disabled or the elderly might give her purpose and help her self esteem. These groups of people have nothing but gratitude for those who help them. Taking the focus off your own problems and focusing on others who need your help gives a sense of worth.
It's true. They need so much help.
She would be a great fit
Find a local Veterans Ctr.. they would love the company....I know....🤍
Does she not deserve the type love and affection that so many receive, the type we all truly crave? I do what you suggest and its not the same.
@michaelshannon9169 try gratitude expression on a daily or hourly basis. We always have something to be grateful for. 🙏🏽
Should be titled “Low Self Worth due to Severe Childhood Trauma / SA” Giving you much LOVE from a fellow Michigander 💙🕊️
So absolutely relatable, right down to the details and the adult life results/ torments. I too know I have so much potential but cannot seem to break out. I hope Buffy knows its a help simply just to hear someone else so similar. Hats off to Mark with wonderful insights to offer. I hope there is a follow up!
That’s a striking portrait. Buffy if you read these you looked great. It takes courage to expose your inner problems to a huge audience, I just hope you’re not inundated by online stalkers now. There are people who prey on others who have low self esteem. Good luck you’re stronger than you think.
I’ve had similar feelings and thoughts as Buffy. Pristiq, Bupropion and a book called “Stop Thinking, Start Living” have helped me greatly. I only think about my past for a few seconds a day. I used to think about it all day. I was traumatised from 1986 to December 2021. I just need to build my self-esteem now.
I can relate to her. We overthink so many things. Living in the moment helps a lot, and yes I also suffer from low self-worth. What's best about her, is she is so very honest, she seems incapable of lying. That might be the thing that scares some of her suitors off. She seems like she'd be excellent company! Virtual hug to her, if she wishes.
😊Boom
A dog will love you.
A dog will cause you to love something other.
A dog can provide a safety.
A dog will cause you to go out.
A dog will be there at the end of every day.
Try it, if you are ready for the biggest responsibility of your entire life.
Never let them down.
Never.
Nice❤❤❤
My chihuahua is 9 years old. She's my everything at this moment!!
Blown away by this story as it rings so close to home. Way to many similarities with my own life and self.
Trauma can ruin your life and even after 30yrs of counciling and treatment I still suffer greatly.
I wish you nothing but happiness and love for your future, you are a survivor and a mum. Keep going Candy you are worthy and beautiful.
Neural plasticity is what I would put faith in. Meaning, if you can strive to be in emotionally positive environments, do your CBTs, put the work in, with time, your brain can make some changes, and you can feel better. Not perfect, but better.
Thank you Buffy for sharing your story. That feeling of "nothing helps, nothing changes", yeah, I feelya homegirl.
Exactly.
Yeah , canibus will fix this train wreck for sure
@@gregmacklin9758CBT=Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. They weren’t talking about CBD.
@enigmaticfeeling8312
I'm not sure who they are, but out west here in Cali. CPT=CBD.
@@gregmacklin9758she said CBT
Buffy, I can relate to your story. I’m someone with a tragic childhood and I suffer from low self worth.
Most of my past relationships have been abusive, I don’t have any close friends and I’m not close to my family.
Everyday I have to choose whether I want to be depressed about being isolated and alone or feel positive about my situation.
I’ve gone through so much and I’m so resilient. I can see you are too.
The last chapter of your book is totally up to you. You are loveable and I wish I could be your friend. I have a feeling your life will begin at 46, you just need to believe that you are worthy of happiness and love. Write your book, I’d love to read it.
Much love to you ❤
Buffy - i'm not going to try to make you feel better except to say, I see you and I feel you. Your story resonates with mine in many ways, and I struggle daily with self worth and purpose. I am setting intentions and hope for courage and strength for both of us, and anyone else living through the same struggles.
There are so many things that Buffy said that applies to me. Everything from staying heavy to protect myself to wanting friends and hobbies but not knowing how to get them. It always helps to hear someone else with the same concerns and issues. Thank you for sharing Buffy.
Hearing the words I love you truly hold no value if you don’t feel the love that’s trying to be sold to you. On the other hand feeling the love and hearing that person loving you say those words have to be priceless.
Buffy, I hope you read this because you did inspire me as I am sure you did many others. When you said that people are waiting at home for a text or phone call. I am going to reach out to friends I haven't seen in a long time to check in. I would hate to see a friend as wonderful and special as you being so sad and lonely. I know you have had bad luck in the past with cruel people especially men but there are many wonderful people out there that you have yet to meet!!! You are kind, interesting, smart and have great style! Also, because of the abuse you went through you have an ability to empathize and support others that have been through similar experiences. Your story has the potential to make an impact on the lives of others to heal. Sharing your story is a wonderful start to touch the lives of others. Thank you for sharing.
She needs to go to trauma therapy. Get a therapist that specializes in complex trauma, not just talk therapy. Your brain has been changed by trauma and doing trauma work is what changes those neural pathways that have been changed by that trauma. It's a very insidious thing. She reminds me so much of me. She's pushing people away while she's so desperate for love and people can completely sense that. She doubts everything she is and nothing but negative self talk comes out. You deserve love, woman! Read The Body Keeps the Score and seek a therapist that does that.
Her saying that guys reinforce these bad ideas she has about herself, being traumatized like this causes you to pick people who treat you like shit. Once she gets healed itll change. I know she's going to be healed one day.
yes- trauma survivor here too
I’m in EMDR, it’s helpful. Great interview….
Buffy, I just want you to know you seem like a very nice person. I’m deeply depressed and in a dark place myself, and I’m actually glad and it feels a little like a relief to hear you say you’re feeling that way yourself. You could never drag me down. I’m sorry your Dad did that terrible thing to you when you were young. My Dad never sexually abused me, but I’ve always felt like he hates me and I have had a bad dream that he’s chasing me and I’m trying to run away from him. Thank you for opening up on here, you’re amazing and I hope you find a great guy who loves and respects you. 😊
Tragic story but it needed to be told.
Thank goodness 🙏 Buffy had the opportunity and courage to tell her truth! And she is absolutely gorgeous!
Buffy, I have had a very similar story as you. Early childhood abuse, neglect, at the hands of adults. When you speak, I hear myself. I have searched, and searched for an answer. Finally, in the later years of my life. I found AA. I worked the steps and finally gained freedom in the areas that you speak of. You will never know love until you learn to love and accept yourself.
I consider myself so lucky that I have so much love for animals. The only human relationship I had was ruined mainly because whenever I was told 'I love you', 'you are beautiful', 'you are smart', my mind went 'no those are lies, why do you love me? why? I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm a horrible person'. That constant negative thinking brought me to a very toxic place, brought out the worst version of me. I didn't want to see myself like that anymore and ruin other people's lives, so I made the decision to give up on romantic love. People will always say 'you first have to love yourself, before you receive and give love' but with animals, I've found that to be false. Especially when you start rescuing them - holding these newly born kittens, puppies, injured animals, abused animals and you know you have the power to change their lives and give them the love they deserve - that's what my life is all about. Just today I met 3 timid stray kittens, and I told them 'ok, this human in front of you is here to make you purr, will you let me?' And yes, 20 minutes later, we were all purring! That's pure happiness for me. I wish all broken souls the same kind of happiness and love ... ❤
We have 6 cats, they were born on my wife's birthday so we decided to keep and care for them. It's a big job but so00o worth it. I've grown a big attachment to them. I wished I could share pictures of them on here, oh well😅
💜🙏from one stranger to another, I'm wishing the best for you. Keep fighting to be a better person, that's all we can do. Have a great day❤
Bless your sweet heart 😇💜
@@wesleyAlan9179 Thank you so much for your kind words! I would LOVE to see pictures of your 6 cats, all siblings, how amazing!!! I started a UA-cam channel CUTE CATS OF ISTANBUL to show the world the love and cuteness that is out there. We have many stray cats here, many have difficult lives, yet they are still so full of love and affection. Despite waking up depressed every morning, they are the reason why I get up, get dressed and go out and keep going. Love to you and your family incl. the furry ones (please give them an extra cuddle from me!) ❤
@@CuteCatsofIstanbul
I love your response to me!!💜🙏Thank you very much!!😁
I agree, I’m happier with animals than I am with most people. They are the best!
The Crappy Childhood Fairy here on UA-cam would be a great resource and community for you ! She's helped me so much with my CPTSD
Wow that sounds so similar to my story! I am proud of you for not looking to substance abuse for that big loss u feel! We tend to abuse ourselves with drugs when we have depression and negative self worth! At least I struggle with addiction on top of exactly how she described! Have a lovely day Mark and swu crew! ✌🏽🙃
I think this is super relatable. Thanks for sharing, Buffy! I think you're awesome. Love your style too.
Buffy, you're very courageous. You didn't do anything wrong. If it matters, many of us have similar backgrounds. You can do it!
I have had these feelings before. I went 12 years without a significant other after my divorce. I met a man at 54 that blew me away. We are married and I am living my best life. Don't over think things. Decide what's worth worrying about and what's not. You know what you want now is the time you do it. You won't be good for anyone else until you love yourself. You can't change a second of the past, don't let it define your future. Live for today, tomorrow and the next day. Be happy with you!
I think it’s admirable that you have accomplished so much in life yourself. You will meet someone some day, but until then, you DON’T need anyone. You have proven that, and are doing great. Now, don’t give up hope, and think about Mark’s advice. All the best!
The love, attention and kind words needs to comes from you Buffy. No one else can fill that void.
Isolation is deadly.....Fear prevents action and those of us who are so traumatized as children have double doses of it; you are very relatable and I completely understand the push/pull dynamic of wanting love/partnership so very much but......I constantly try to remind myself of the saying "80% of life is simply showing up" Courageous baby steps could be the answer, this video was an excellent starting point imo. Hoping you find peace/love and healing at whatever pace you can manage. I do not think you realize how many people can totally relate to you so thanks for sharing.
And her smile, when she laughs, wow. All that beauty yet pain behind it just wow.
Thought the exact same thing! Her sadness disappeared when she smiled..Her Smile…so beautiful! ❤
Psych nurse of 16 years here-We all need 2 things to keep going: 1) to feel loved and 2) to have purpose.
Without one or the other it’s easy to slip into depression and hopelessness.
That’s why the lonely/widowed elderly often do so well with pets. Pets gives them love and purpose. 💙
Well la dee freakin da we got ourselves a nurse here. Even psych doctors don't fully understand mental illness.
@@Seargent_Scraps😂
Amelia do u think a person can be made crazy or is it just genetic
Absolutely. I'm older & live in a retirement community. This is what I hear residents say over & over: If it wasn't for my cat/dog/parakeet, I'd have no reason to live. And meaning. If you lose your meaning, there's also no reason to stick around when you're in pain & everything else that comes with old age. A lot of poverty, too.
@@Seargent_Scrapswow, rude. Why?
I’m very similar to this woman. I’m a 50 year old man who is alone in life. I’ve been married twice and both women left me. I’m a combat veteran and suffer from ptsd, anxiety, and depression. I’m not religious at all and think the whole heaven and hell thing is nonsense but I don’t begrudge anyone their faith. I don’t have friends and like this woman, I fall asleep hoping I don’t wake up the next morning. I don’t have kids and can’t figure out why something always stops me when I think about ending my own life. I have nothing or no one but for whatever reason I just can’t pull the trigger. So I force myself to go out and do things. I went out last night to a concert. I felt so alone in that venue filled with people. I only stayed for three songs and it was so overwhelming I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I feel invisible when I go out because I’m completely alone and just the one weird guy who is alone. Eventually I’ll probably stop trying and I do hope that some night I go to sleep and don’t wake up. I see happy couples and people in friend groups and it just seems to foreign to me.
It's not the same as a partner but I think having a dog/cat is helpful. It gives you a reason to get up in the morning and someone happy to see you when you get home. If it's from a rescue there is a good chance that it was mistreated also and you can be the one to help it. It gives you a purpose to live till you can get the trauma work addressed.
If you don't want a pet and have free time just volunteering at a local animal shelter and spend some time can also help both you and the animals. Animals in general are healing. (If you're not allergic)
P.S. Sorry that happened to you. I've heard it said "It just happened one time." However one time is all it takes.
My dog saved my life.
I said that myself, presence of Animals are healing. Humans almost always disappoint. Animals, NEVER!
Does a hamster count? It works for me at least. :-)
@@ShempBob of course it counts, so glad that helps you!
@@ShempBob with a hamster you aren't spending $100+ every 3 weeks for better kibble lol. Dang right it counts!😁
As part of me understood why she feels and is the way she is.. this was so exhausting. I hope one day she finds a way to be less negative and finds happiness. Let’s get a update after her move
Wonderful interview where you brought her out of her shell . Brilliant interaction.
Hearing Buffy’s story reminds me so much of my best friend, Angela. She committed suicide this Easter. She was also assaulted by her father and given away by her mother. As a result of her trauma, she was very codependent and really latched on the people in her life in ways they normally couldn’t handle. She was such an innocent, pure soul full of love but didn’t know how to receive it. I hope Buffy is able to find love and closeness she craves, but most of all… I hope she’s able to find love for herself and her life.
I have been struggling with an amphetamine addiction for four years, i only started getting into puberty around age 16 and the questions you have such as “who am I” and “what do others think of me” seriously ate away at me. I graduated high school and suffered serious panic attacks in college, I quit college and not long after started taking speed on a daily basis thinking I’d never make anything of my life anyway so dying young was something I cold accept.
This ignorance caused a complex where I have such a strong fear of finding out who or what I am, that I need the comfort of being high & having social interaction going on Auto Pilot to somewhat express myself or even function in daily life.
I’m 21 now and tried twice to quit speed to no avail, I’m soon going to rehab for 6 months. A Low self image is like a handbrake on life which seems to be stuck. Thanks for your story Buffy
Quit crying, man up, Go get 2 hard labor jobs. You will be so worn out you wont even have time to think about drugs
@@WaitWhatsMyNameif it was so easy I wouldn’t be in the situation I am right now. I agree that I have a weak spirit & my cynical way of thought doesn’t help with that. Why put in the effort when the future only seems to get bleaker & you yourself are a worthless person anyway?
It’s all mindset and that’s exactly what I hope to change in rehab, things that are simple logic to you don’t appear as such to others.
It is possible to change. I wish you the very best.
@@Alexxx492Thank you friend
Good luck. You are worth it. Stay strong. Best wishes, from OZ 👋🇦🇺
The courage and bravery it took to tell your story and to open yourself up about your past and even current pain… you are so relatable and amazingly strong.
i’m so I’m so sorry that you had to endure this and it’s disgusting that the family didn’t protect you.
You are beautiful and raised a beautiful and talented child, which is so inspiring!
Sending you love, positive vibes and healing prima.
Thank you for sharing this Mark …..this was so powerful to me.
0:17: 🎓 The speaker grew up in a small town in Michigan, moved to Dallas after high school, and initially planned to become a police officer before switching to a career in the legal field.
5:53: 😢 A survivor of sexual abuse in Michigan recounts her traumatic experience with her father.
10:58: 😢 The speaker shares their experience of growing up without drugs and alcohol, but later encountering them through their father and feeling overwhelmed.
16:18: 😔 The speaker feels like a victim and has internalized self-hate, leading to a lack of hope and purpose in life.
21:53: 💔 The speaker discusses the challenges of living without love and dealing with depression.
26:56: 😔 The speaker expresses their feelings of constant rejection and how it affects their self-esteem.
32:04: 💔 The speaker discusses the unique problems faced by their sisters and the denial of one sister, as well as the love and support they received from their stepdad.
37:23: 😔 The speaker discusses the challenges of finding love and the potential for traveling to change one's perspective.
42:40: 💔 The speaker feels unused and unneeded, questioning how their life can be successful given their circumstances.
47:28: 🌈 The speaker discusses their shock and acceptance of their child's decision to transition from being a lesbian to being transgender, and how it affects their dreams and aspirations.
52:48: 😕 The speaker discusses their insecurities in relationships and their belief in miracles.
Recap by Tammy AI
Thanks for saving my time! Very userful time stamps! Love it! Tammy AI
It's a "she".
Here we go, lol.
I relate to you at lot. I suffer from low self worth. I feel like in your case, it's like to the max. I'm like damn, I thought I suffered from low self worth, which I do sometimes very badly for periods, but hearing another's story so palpably , it just brings thing into perspective for me. I'll try harder to remember what I've learned so far, which is that it's extremely important to say positive things about myself, and to know that I am lovable and that is the truth. We are meant to be loved, that's why we literally die without it. We're wired to receive love, so inherently, that is what we are made of, so that's why we're worthy of it. We were meant to receive it, and if we don't, we are broken until we re wire what was done to us. But love can also be pain. But Buffy, just the fact that you can sit here and share your story, and TRY.. wow. You ARE strong, you're beyond worthy, I'm like wow. You're playing the game of life on hard mode. You're here today. Even if you don't think anything of it, your story has affected me. From one person to another, you affected me in a good way. Thanks for keeping it real
I’m 73 married 53 years with 3 successful sons and 7 grandchildren but I can identify with so much of what she has shared. At 65 my mother shared I was the worse thing that ever happened to her and she wished I was never born. She is a beautiful person with so much to offer don’t let time go by and rob you and the world of what you have to offer. Your mind is lying to you. Don’t let it take away the gifts of the beautiful person you are.
What a horrific thing for a mother to say. She sounds like a narcissist. Your strength is commendable.
I wish I could share my story with her. There are answers and people who she can relate to. I hope she can find someone she can lean on.
What would you suggest for her? Is there a support group or something that would have people in her situation, and do you know what it would be called?
Help. I’m her but younger.
@@rabblerousin8981 Same.
I would recommend the Crappy Childhood Fairy here on UA-cam. She's great and has a whole community to be apart of. She's really helped me a lot.
@@aprilstorm yes. It’s called getting out of yourself to help other people. I never said she should wallow around in it.
“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart.”
Raw, brutal but such honesty from this woman. I’d like to be her friend if I were many years younger (I’m a Nana and on my out) I don’t live in the US. I hope she finds her special other. Low self esteem, she needs confidence, write your book lovely girl. You have bared your soul, damn brave of you. 🎸 🎶
She said she was not angry, then 20 minutes later she said she was mad at each of her parents and her situation. I would say she has to process the forgiveness farther to get free from the past…
You can hear it in her voice. Sexual abuse can destroy a person. Some survive and make it in the world, others can’t. I hope Buffy reads this and finds the strength to overcome this. Thank you, Mark! 🙏🏽
Wow! Thank you Buffy for sharing your life experience with us. I can see all the complexities at work within you. The turmoil. You didnt deserve anything thatwas done to you. I hope you find the love you're looking for, safe and honest. Whether it is a friend, a partner, or even a pet!
To anyone else in the comments who is feeling this way, i see you. I hope you find the strength to take a chance. Life is beautiful and waiting for you. There are good people out there - you have to be willing to receive it. And reciprocate. ❤
Courage was the word that came into my mind way before the interviewer brought it up. Buffy has so much more courage than she realizes. Because we feel we have no choice than to continue life we keep fighting and hoping. Of course we do have a choice by leaving our difficult life but I have the feeling she thinks about that as an easy way out for herself. She still wants to fight for her son, helping him to become the woman he/she wants. I find it refreshing that she tells it like she experiences it. She is such an authentic person, no fake, so inspiring. She has the courage to tell it like it is and withstands all the compulsive positivity that is so fashionable nowadays but does not acknowledge how hard life is for many people, especially when they have had such a brutal abusive start in life. So who am I to tell her how to live! You, Buffy, please tell us by writing a book about your life, if you can, so we can learn from you!
Lots of love, and I mean it! , from Anna Maria, 65, from the Netherlands.
Please can you do a Ted Talk for us, where you tell it like it is, like in this interview?
I and many others would be so gratefull, and maybe by helping others that way, it might give feel for you as if your life has meaning for you, but if you can t or won t, no problem!
Her lack of self-love is palpable. It's always an inside job.
I know you don’t believe in god. But god is love and that’s away to learn to love yourself. I’m so sorry about what happened to you the biggest thing you can do is help the next person to learn to survive they way you did
Sorry that wasn’t a reply to your comment but a response to her!
Omg too relatable…You’re right it’s always an inside job. When you think people have your best interest at heart…Umph they really don’t & only out to make their selves look good
Buffy, your story resonated with me so much bc we are both navigating adulthood similarly (mentally and emotionally). I wish i had the answers for you and was hoping you had them for me here! Thank you for sharing and feels great to know I'm not alone.
What an incredibly beautiful person 😃
Hard to hear this pain but I'm thankful Buffy came out the other side a champion!
Thank you Buffy for opening up and sharing your story 🤍
This lady is amazing. She is lovely and beautiful both on the inside and the outside. She is eminently loveable.
She expresses what I feel so well and far better than I could. This interview moved me more than any other SWB interview. I just wish she could read the comments on this page.
I resonate with Buffy’s story. I was at a similar place where I’d felt like I’d done “the work” but nothing was changing…but that was me, I hadn’t actually done the emotional work. I’m still working through it, and probably will be for the rest of my lived life. We all have choice, even when we don’t feel like it. Finding regular help with a trauma-informed therapist who educated me on Internal Family Systems and the book No Bad Parts have changed my life.
I have hope for you, Buffy - with the right kind of help you can live a life you want.
“Internal family systems therapy”is that Family Constellations therapy by chance?
@@Seajunkie Not sure, I haven’t heard it called by another name. IFS was created by Richard Schwartz.
@@kwmuraguri4302 thank you for responding! I will look it up 🙏
Buffy, you are amazing. I too have C-PTSD from my childhood and have low self-esteem and self worth. I was lucky enough to find an angel here on Earth as a teenager. 42 years old and been together 26 years now. I am confident you will find your angel as well. Best of luck to you, sweet human! ❤
I think MANY women relate to her. Its not just physical relationships that create a sense of depleted self worth.
She's REALLY beautiful woman, and so beat down that it literally beats the heart out of you.
Or it's a hardening of tthe heart.
I used to be very open with my feelings and helped anyone I could.
I learned quickly how painful that can be when those you help don't appreciate it, USE YOU, and then destroy your life and friendships with others because of jealousy or whatever else they feel at the time.
You rrealize just how many friends you have when your down and out and NOT the one with all the answers this time....and nobOdy shows up.
I pray she finds a person fo share her life with. ..
This beautiful woman really seemed to lighten up as the interview progressed. Her body became more expressive, she laughed, and overall, in spite of what she was verbalizing, it seemed like possibilities may have felt a little bit more available to her. Thank you, Buffy, for sharing your story and your strengths. Thank you, Mark, for providing this very caring and compassionate platform.
Rescue a dog or cat or turtle. Volunteer at the animal shelter. Help orphaned and abused animals. Volunteer at a horse stable. There’s so many others like you and they are on the same path as you are. It’s not your fault you were a child. Please don’t be a victim forever. You are special and you have a lot to offer and give to this life. Keep trying there’s more for you in this life. Find one thing everyday to be happy about and love that thing with all you’ve got. To be happy is a decision a choice you make everyday. It’s not promised or given you have to find it within and share it give it to one thing everyday. Don’t doubt that you have love to offer this world.
beautiful comment.
I hope she sees this comment.
I like turtles 🐢
I saw a post on reddit the other day and the question was, "what stopped you from killing yourself?" Hands down having a pet, dogs were mentioned a lot but pets in general, was the most common answer. Their pet is what kept them going. I agree with this comment so much.
The low self worth comes from the abandonment and the neglect. The message she got was that she was'nt worth loving.
😢so damn sad
@@nolabooth2904 I speak from experience
I feel her pain i cannot find friends either, or the ones I did have are all dead now, no family members who care, but my mother. It's society that has changed, in the most part.
It’s not society’s job to make you happy. Comment after comment on this video is filled with women blaming others because they are unhappy. Since when is it anyone else’s job to make you happy or your neighbor happy or your co worker happy?? I was not put on this earth to be in charge of making sure you are happy. You continue to put out negative energy you will continue to receive negative energy. If you don’t love you then how would you show anyone else how to love and respect you? This is your life and you are in control of how you want to live that. Not society’s job. Take steps to learn your worth. I promise you once you know how incredibly unique and valuable you are that’s when the shift happens and others will be attracted to the same energy you are putting out. 💜
I can’t begin to describe how much I relate to Buffy’s story. With the exception of the terribly sad SA by her father, which I’m so thankful I never experienced anything even remotely similar to, I felt every emotion and feeling of lack of love or purpose in life, and fear of rejection that Buffy described.
I’m 50, have had 2 failed emotionally dysfunctional marriages, and now just yearn for someone to come along and love me. Maybe take a little of the pressure off. A partner. A companion. I feel this so deeply.
Thank you, Buffy, for sharing your feelings that so many of us can relate to but don’t know how to put into words! Please consider writing a book. ❤
And thank you, Mark, for helping so many share their inspiring and moving stories.
My heart breaks for her. I relate to soooo much of this story 😢 I would love to be able to share mine someday. Buffy, you are so beautiful, awesome style and well spoken. I hope all the kind words in these comments find you 🫶🏼
I am a teacher- trust me- people are not what they appear. Truly. I self-isolate. I am fearful a bit of love and rejection too....but I was so controlled by my dad and ex spouse that I honestly LOVE being alone!
I don’t know her but i love her. Her story and the way i resonate with her.. I hope she will realize how amazing she is.
You don’t love her
OMG!! So crazy ...this lady's story isnt too far from mine...i grew up in Michigan, moved near LA after divorce, went through lots abuse, im 47, i have no friends anymore, have cptsd & depressive times, people tell me to write a book about ny crazy life, i wont go do things by myself, feel like i came through it all for nothing cuz all i do is sit in this apartment with a dog my daughter gave me when she needed to go live...hoping she comes for a weekly visit & i bump into the love of my life the only time i actually go out & thats only to walk the dog. So, a lot in common & i can definitely relate!! I wish there was a way to leave my info & ask her to get & touch with me!!!
Thank you for having the courage to tell your story 💖
I had a good childhood, but for personal reasons, I relate so much to her feelings. I struggle with my self worth since 14. The part when she said that experiences in life pile up and make you feel worst over the years, hit me hard because I am going through the same thing. After therapy and searching inside I gave my own explanations why I go through this. One of these, which I think apply to Buffy, is being kind and keeping that innocence which shows on her face and the way she speaks. Unfortunately, it is a cruel world out there and many people seeing a "clean" face and stare tend to destroy it for their own reasons. But that's not a flaw and of course not her fault. Keep being who you are. Nobody knows what the future brings.
This one hurts to listen to more than many others for some reason. I hope she maybe one day learns to see what we see and finds some inner peace.
So relatable. Thank you so much for telling your story. I also struggle enormously with self-worth. I didn't see an end too. But I promise you, if you get help (psychologist and psychiatrist) to get on meds to give you a leg up in life. You need a boost because what you are experiencing is not normal (of course, through no fault of your own).