It’s a systemic generational pattern of trauma and unconsciousness. My ex husband’s parents had it and I tried to set boundaries, call them out, etc… for 30 years and eventually I got very, very sick and suicidal. Now I have had to block three of my four adult children because even though they know their father beat me physically and cheated multiple times, as well as physically abusing them too, they kept attacking me and abusing me by proxy in the most cruel and inhumane ways I’ve ever experienced. My family is totally lost, but my older daughter and I have escaped all the scapegoating and bullying and while we grieve the loss of our family, we are so much more at peace and have no chaos.
We sound related...having the same family and terrible experiences with our children who are now adult narcarcists also...just like the rest of the cruel, dishonest, toxic gang called family. God Bless us all! We need it...👍💗🙏🏻
I agree with you that it's generational. I can relate to what you're saying. Had to cut off family of origion. Of course unknowingly I recreated the pattern. Divorced after 4 years of hell. And now have moved across the globe from my two daughters, to protect what's left of my sanity. It's a challenge beginning again at 64. But peace of mind is priceless. You are very lucky to have one child in your corner. Blessings for your continued healing.
@@craigtaylor8728bingo! He said that so many times! “I’m sorry that YOU feel that way about me gaslighting you”. That was pretty much what he meant, in substance! + the word salad that went with it and the “woe is me” victim card as the final dressing!
He told me he was sorry and it was a “catastrophic misunderstanding” , that he never meant to hurt me but why did it have to be all or nothing. So I felt like I wasn’t being fair and stayed connected to him for 8 more months in which he ignored me, devalued me, yelled at me anytime I tried to ask how long was this treatment going to last. He then blocked my number on May 5, stayed on my socials until Sept 8 when he called me to rant at me drunk about I post I restricted to just him, he ended the all wirh, “before I hang up and block you again I have a question, how is Gracie?” She’s my 16 year old dog. He then hung up and blocked me on everything. I’ve been disillusioned ever since. 4 years of some kind of situationshiip in which he texted, FaceTimed, sexted, sent me videos of him singing/dancing in the middle of the night, called me often to tell me his problems, uggggh.
Better still, just try to rid them, and their present and future fate, from your mind. Just forget about them, whether they prosper or perish, and move on.
This video is great. Their own control is there downfall Remember the only thing a narcissist truly has control of is their own actions and reactions. And your not responsible for their reactions.
I agree with you Goldilocks. In fact it's such a hard lesson (or lessons) that many of us hang on for way too long before doing what you say, walking away. IMHO, if you have a high degree of empathy, you take time to LOOK for the good in people, including a toxic person in your life. The fact that this hope is repeatedly dashed does not (IMHO) make you horrible. All the best Goldilocks 🙏☀️
Exactly! We must end our relationships with narcissists and toxic people in general, not stay in it just to fix them. Only the narcissist can change themselves.
We don't live WITH narcissists. We live FOR narcissists. Keeping away once identified and assessed as "dead-end," is healthy survival. The hard work or recovering ourselves starts after that. All the best to all those who are on that leg of the journey...
I spent 17 miserable years with a textbook narcissist. When I finally booted her out of my life, she found a new victim, immersed herself in a world of drugs and alcohol, and they both died in a car crash a few months later. I went to her funeral to make sure she was really gone! Life has been improving, day by day ever since.
My on and off again girlfriend I suspect to be a narc. I just started doing research. She is a major alcoholic and I believe she may be concealing drug use.
As I look back over the time I was with a narcissist, I’m amazed at how gullible I was believing all the lies and acquiescing to all the manipulation. They truly are well practiced and skilled at deception. The thing that really amazes me is that they knew exactly what they were doing and thought that it was all just really ok.
I too was naive and gullible. 4 yr friendship with someone of a lot of influence. It’s painful trying to recover. I was a victim, yet I feel bad and lonely that i stood up for myself. I screwed myself. Hopefully in time I will know i made the right decision to break the friendship.
@@artluvr6170 me to buddy 19 yrs. only learned about it after it was over. But it’s slowly helped me to come to terms and not blame my self. Sick people who can do those things to another 👍❤️🙃
@@artluvr6170 Not dumb, just unaware. Most of us, maybe all, become aware after the fact. The trick is to not make the same mistake twice. That, would be dumb.
I notice narcs are the type who can go out into the world and may actually achieve success. Problem is, none of them can KEEP it. They always self destruct.
Dayna Peterson I believe that many highly narcissistic individuals do self-destruct; however, a lot of them are professionals and work until they retire, then travel, or whatever. I've known people like this and still know some, who show no signs of destructing, but they do have issues with others in their lives, which is to be expected. I'm also aware that some of the ones who became dependent on alcohol and/or other drugs attend AA and NA meetings where they continue to get their supply, especially from the vulnerable what they call newcomers hanging on their every word! They can even become sponsors, then have immense power over one or more people's lives. Unfortunately, some take complete advantage of them as well, hence why a woman, who was a member of AA for many years, made a documentary called The 13th Step, which they don't like AT ALL! I'm thinking that I could write about all of the above to Dr Carter in the main thread, but I'm usually late with watching and responding to videos, so he might not get to read it anyway, due to being extremely busy. 😊
Its a tough realisation if it comes, i say... Trust your gut, when i stopped finding excuses, things started to get easier, slowly, painfully, but gradually better. be kind to yourself.
It was the same for me David. Many years spent (I won't say wasted) trying and hoping. Loving more, caring more, doing more. In the end I realised all I was doing was tolerating more craziness. Free now. Hope you are too. All the best.
@Jeffrey Sheldrake yes it's sad Jeffrey. I have similar feelings for certain family members. I'm resigned to the idea that they won't change.... So I just try to appreciate the "good" aspects of their character, and I grey rock in my mind the difficult traits. It's given me a certain sense of peace... "letting go" of any hope they might change allows the sadness and frustration to take a back seat, and my own self care and my future takes priority. I don't hate them.... I'm just "free" from false hope, which is quite liberating. All the best Jeffrey. Are you UK? I'm in Essex. Cheers 🙏👍☀️
@Jeffrey Sheldrake haha, not quite UK then! G'day to you. I have fam in Melbourne. We zoom every so often to keep in touch. No idea how far that is from you without consulting a map. Hope you're free from floods and crazy weather. Remember 61 isn't old... You have many good years ahead and plenty time to work on the whole self care thing and develop happy and healthy activities and friendships. Hope things improve with your family members. Do not beat yourself up, tho... Look for the good things. All the best Jeffrey☀️
Yeh that's because they won't acknowledged their bad behaviour. My mum would deny, deny, deny and demand we are HERS... she has told us so many times she wants us to behave like HER children. We tried confronting her about her kicking us out of home when we were teenagers. She wouldn't have a bar of it. She wouldn't say sorry or forgive me... instead she said it was us that left her and she was the victim of us leaving home. She's just ridiculous with what she comes out with.
@@SurvivingNarcissism sometimes they will say sorry, but it is not for the reasons we think it is for. They can do it to see how damaged you were, and when you show relief at their apology, they are gaining intel as to how effective their abuse was. Messed up people.
I have two family members who are narcissists who each self-destructed in spectacular ways. One was a sibling. It breaks my heart because I watched him go from being a sweet, kind, thoughtful little boy to a massively destructive human being. Although I love him deeply, I had to let him go years ago because he would become abusive if I suggested he get help. The other family member who self-destruct was our father. So, my father abused my brother enough and in such a way that my brother became a narcissist. Dysfunctional families are the cancer of our society.
@@outlander234 Yes. I say the same of my alcoholic narcissists father. It is a demon that I have fought with so long until today as an adult in my 30s.
story repeated here as it appears also with so many other people on this channel! Parents both narcs. Brother and sister as well! Father and brother in a co dependent, lets destroy each other lockhold for supremacy, all sad-maso tendencies if you ask me. Loved my younger brother when he was a child. Held hands until he went to sleep, cuddled him, played with him. Adored him. All gone from what about age 6? Recently had to break with my sister as well as she revealed herself to be a narc. Probably knew all along, but she played such a great game of subtle superiority that I naturally referred to her 'wisdom' of the older sister who isn't as crazy as me - yep crazy and unreasonable appeared to have been the role all of my narc family kept me in......broke out of the family firm aged 59. Can you believe how long it took me?? Now I am happy to have my own opinion and getting on with a lovely life thank you very much without the cloud of nonsense hanging over me anymore.
In a nutshell. They are never satisfied. So in the end when they are completely alone they will attack themself. Life's revenge! For the rest, have a great life everybody!!
They are exhausting relationships. They take up a lot of unnecessary energy. When you try and have an adult conversation with them, they avoid any accountability. At best, they make excuses and play the victim card. They might toss a few tears. Make no mistake, they have contempt for you and, IF you decide to listen to their heartbreaking story, they'll have nothing but disrespect for you. They need to go get help because it is clearly beyond our pay scale.
I’m free of the smartest malignant who takes the misogyny prize. His upbringing was classic narcissist, including an evil step mother and step sister. The narcissist married me because he couldn’t get back at them. People are objects and manipulating them is fun.
Do they really self destruct. They just move on to a new chapter of chaos. I was burned out on the nonstop cycle of drama. Narcissists are vampires. They suck the life out of you and move on to their next victim. My advice, wear garlic and a cross around your neck. Find someone who wears there flaws openly. It's a much happier set up, in the long run. I group with ab alcoholic parent. That was less dramatic than a narcissistic relationship. My favorite narcissists line was, "You know, it's very difficult to have to think for two people ". My response was to roll up my pants legs. "Why are you doing that?" Your bs is getting deep, my love. She turned purple and blasted off.
Had a Narc in my life that I helped endlessly until they pushed me over the edge one day & I finally got to the point where I could say "You're on your own" and my life has been so much better -- Walking away from them was 9 years in the making
Mine is 64 years in the making. I left when I was a young teen and again as a young adult (had to go back as I had nowhere else to turn and was 7 months pregnant) and now as a senior citizen I was the ONLY one in the family willing to take 90 year old Mother in. 3 months in and I’m so physically sick I can’t function some days so I’ve gotten her an apartment. She kept pushing for the apartment, then would come to me saying ‘I can’t live alone at my age’. Well, that’s not my problem anymore because I have secured an apartment and she IS GOING !!! I have to stick to my guns this time, even though the rest of the family may not agree. I can see now how her narcissism has affected the generations. My adult children haven’t been to my house in YEARS, but they will visit her several times a year. It’s really sad…
I am grateful for your commitment and knowledge. Last week I broke off my relationship with a very severe narcissist and this channel has a hand in it. I would also like to thank this community for exchanging experiences and for not being left alone in all this
Ditto. Thank you Dr. Carter. Your insights are spot on!! What an amazing help esp helping us all understand that we are not crazy….it’s the narcissist ploy to get our juice. Man, such revelations! Bless you x
I always thought it was a fear of their inhumanity being exposed, as I witnessed cruelty to animals, children, other people on the road, as well as myself. And they spoke viciously of others.
Narcissists fail to take into account people have long memories. Their vitriolic words leave deep emotional scars. My brother was the worst kind of narcissist. Never a kind word towards another human being ever passed his lips. Ridicule, condescending, hurtful remarks was all he was capable of uttering. He died five years ago. . . And to this day, he lays in an unmarked grave. Like I said, people have long memories.
My sister and I used to be close friends growing up, at least until the abuse started. Last I checked, she doesn't even remember why I hate her in the present day. I can't un-see what she's done, but, in her eyes, her ever-logical brother who she knows so well despises her for no reason.
@@winstonmoriarty1286 yes, they have a razor sharp perception of other people's faults and shortcomings, but are incapable of recognizing there own. In their eyes, the world is wrong. . . Never them.
Narcissists don't learn, but they do run away! That's why they move out of state when too many people start sussing out that they're not what they appear to be.
Yup. I recently came to this conclusion. I used to get mad and have large blow out emotional reactions (which I'm sure he loved) and say hurtful things. Then have huge remorse and days of feeling bad about myself. Now that I understand what I'm dealing with, I will no longer put myself in those positions AND I will monitor my own behavior because at the end of the day, I have to live with myself. I started to realize I was feeling worse about my reactions to the situation than the ugly situation itself. I have no control over what he does and he obviously isn't going to change.
I have BPD. My ex would emotionally abandon me and I would react too. You feel so alone. You find yourself physically isolated in the mountains with no people in sight. I only saw him. He would always tell me that he hates people. He was so abusive and mean to me. I lost myself completely trying to please him. Isolated from all my friends and family. Took me a whole year after the break up to speak out. He literally planned the discard around the same time my mom died. He sprayed allergen spray in my face, dragged me out of the house butt naked and locked the door in the cold and on and on. When they isolate you where there is no people or neighbors around, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. He tried poisoning me too. He is pure evil. Takes pleasure with pain. You never feel loved. A monster
@Montana Girl - Good on you, don't be too hard on yourself, i suspect you find better balance without folks actively pushing you off balance for some sad needless victory.
Me too! Isn’t it a weird thing to realize they liked us that way? Yelling sobbing acting like a loony thinking what’s wrong with me?! Them looking at our worst selves thinking That’s my girl oh how I love to hate you this way. Then when we wake up and become healthy they’re like Oh yuck! Your awful what an abomination
That self-destruction is one of the things that is most fascinating to me about narcissist. I dated a covert narcissist and as much as I lost in that relationship, emotionally, spiritually, financially - she lost more. I made her life better in every conceivable way, and listen, I'm not perfect, but I treated this woman like a queen, and she threw that all away. I always ask myself "why" and I guess they can't help it.
I understand. I kept saying to my therapist why he would do this, but she said not to ask why. I still can't help but ask why and I think it's because I never would treat anyone like this.
What goes around comes around. If you intentionally sow the scenes of pain and suffering among your fellow human beings through malicious gossip that's exactly what you'll reap in return.
@@Yummypoison0 do you think that Hitler has "gotten away with it?" I agree, I am all for justice, and am skeptical of the bromide that if you seek revenge against a narcissist, you'll be doing yourself in. They are the predators, we are the victims. However, you'd better have overwhelming proof before you go after one of these scum. You must realize that they lie without ceasing, and as Dr Gary Brucato said just last night, when he was the guest on The Interview Room here on UA-cam ( HIGHLY recommended, a riveting couple of hours ), lies repeated and repeated and repeated tend eventually to be believed by people. I have always thought this, that it wasn't as much The Big Lie as The Repeated Lie which enabled Hitler to succeed, and so many of the other monsters. That is why you must have overwhelming proof before you go after someone. And no, Hitler didn't get away with it, any more than any non Christian gets away with it. He's under the judgment of God everlastingly.
I told my ex-girlfriend who was a textbook narcissist exactly the same thing. I told her she was a narcissist, and she got mad I figured her out. She told me I called her on her shit and that I was right about everything. I told her what goes around comes around. She got defensive and got quiet. She asked me what was a narcissist, and I told her to look it up.
They believe in lying cheating and destroying. They are like crack heads. The one promoting the cocaine and crime in society are out of control perverts.
But a grounded person would say those not pro-mafia self destructed. ?? When the mob leans on you.. You did it to youself.. Sure. Thats so simple. Ever mindless one knows this. They know it as solid as the know anything. (The brain dead know every.)
My support to him was unconditional; my loyalty gladly granted. My love beyond words. When he made me leave him, I finally got convinced that he is self-destructing. He let me go just like that... In losing me, he lost perhaps the sincerest ally he had in life. It's still a riddle to me.
One of their issues is that they don't trust anyone regardless of another's loyalty. I think they believe everyone is as deceptive and corrupt as they are. I also believe they have a 'get them before they get me' mentality. It's total nonsense to behave this way but their lack of emotional maturity enables these illogical thought processes and behaviors.
I feel likewise! This sure rings of familiarity. I wonder if deep down ( deep, DEEP DOWN) they dont feel deserving? Their behavior is so bizarre...it is so counter intuitive to what is good, living, true, decent, honorable....
@@deblarosa1703 I think they carry a lot of shame. Many abuse substances to "escape" that shame. They just don't know how to process emotions normally.
My ex only got worse if I tried to say something to try to get my point across. His passive aggressive behavior was his self destruction as far as our relationship went. Total no contact after umpteen hoovers. I had to throw in the towel. 31 months next Monday. Thanks Dr C for getting me where I am today. A happy, kind, sweet and caring person. 💕
Yeah ... yeah ... you know, that's a cliche, 'throw in the towel' (of boxers or their seconds) throw a towel or sponge into the ring as a token of defeat. Cliches are bad news and suggest a narcissist. Counting up months ... wow, another dead ringer for a narcissist, 'who's counting?' Thanks to DRC for getting these two people apart, they're both so much happier.
Good for you! Your story at the beginning is my story and I'm still here. QPassive-aggressive Covert Narcissist I'm dealing with and I'm running out of time because this guy is turning into the devil himself. It's getting worse and worse. He's getting too dangerous for me. It's scary. Really.
When they realise you don't need them in your life to be happy, or even exist, or heaven forbid prosper from beyond their control, they implode, it all happens inside when you're too far away to lash out at.
My narc mom's shortsightedness is what led to her losing out completely when my Dad divorced her. She had won so many small battles that she thought she could win the war when she absolutely refused to give herself the very things we used to finally free ourselves of her. Patience and knowing when to keep our mouths shut. She was completely blindsided when served those papers and me cutting her off completely from my disabled brother so she couldn't use him to do her dirty work like she did to me when I was little. Divorce was granted December 18th of 2021, dad got his stuff and the house so he could sell it and move into my house with my brother and I.
It sure does. It was terrifying to me when I experienced this for the first and second time. I made him leave after the second time. I had no idea what was happening - what I was dealing with - and it was frightening.
My husband's mother is a compulsive lying narcissist. If I take issue with something she said, she will deny and blankly say she didn't say it. The fact that she knows in her heart that she is lying and doesn't care just shows how toxic these people are and they don't deserve anyone in their life. She also pretends she has an elusive illness but she is only sick when it's convenient for her or if there's an audience. When she stayed at our house once she made sure to take her pill in the living room where others could see her to get attention. She didn't think my husband would ask her to see the pill. He was curious about what she was actually taking because he too knows she's a compulsive lying narcissist. Sure enough, he saw the pill she was taking was five years expired. She obviously made an excuse. She is clearly mentally broken resorting to even expired medication because she refuses to work due to her made up illness. If you are dealing with a narcissist then cut them out completely or expect insanity and disrespect. It's delusional to expect anything other than dysfunction from these people. They're a lost cause. I've accepted it, and it's now been four years of not having to deal with her. It's better to be alone in silence than in company of chaos.
Want to see their face go from joy to confusion? Just tell them they're free to live the life they choose - they're just not free to treat you the same way anymore.
There are so many narcissist out there, how do we stop this from happening. Life is tough enough without dealing with these negative, mean behavior and just cold hearted people. These videos have been very helpful. Knowing I'm not the only one out there that fell into this trap.
Narcissists are like wind up dolls. They react to most situations in unhealthy behaviors like rage, criticism, and anything opposite of healthy or taking responsibility.
Love, peace, dignity, respect, civility and fairness are my guiding stars. The best response to a narcisist is silence and no response at all. Thank you and God bless you dr Carter ❤
Yeah talking to them is a waste of time and energy. I have a baby from my narc x and I literally can't tell him nothing about what my plans are for our daughter bc he just want to go against whatever I want to do bc he is mad I don't want to be with him.
Thank you Mr. Carter. After 20 years of marriage to a narcissist who has since passed, it’s taken me 6 years and a lot of prayer to heal. I listen now so I can avoid relationships with narcissists in the future.
The frustration and bewilderment of them not being able to be in the same team as you. They don't ever seem to want to find common ground to fix or mend anything with you.
This video is now in my top 5 of all time regarding narcissism. Everything you said, every single word describes my ex-husband. I knew I wasn't crazy. It was him the whole time. Very very accurate description. Thank you!!!
Nope, it wasn't him, you weren't a good couple and a words like 'whole' are a red flag: always, never, total, absolute ... get the idea? Narcissists use them.
@@markjayw666 me too my whole list of favs is full with his video's, I have to keep putting watch again or watch over and over to mark them for easy go to's. lol Agreed this is a top 5 , now to figure out how to mark it, to preview often, lol running out of things. Gotta leave the N word out of my titles as they are always over your shoulder wanting to be in your business even in your fav list. lol 😵💫How blessed we are to have Dr.C
Well put Dr Carter. I agonized over leaving him, giving up all hope. And my recovery took longer than it should have perhaps. It is so much better for partners of narcissists to realize sooner rather than later the total hopelessness of that person ever changing. I thought I was worth it. I found out I wasn’t, no one is more important to a narcissist than himself.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Hi Dr C. About finding my voice, I know that this chat should be a safe place to express our feelings. What do we do when someone in the chat comments on a comment and calls that person a narcissist. I know it's not my job to protect everyone but I feel bad for the person who shared her vulnerability and is trying to heal from a narcissist and then gets accused of being the narcissist. Without naming the person, you can find the comment beginning with "OMG..." in the main comment section. I'm at a loss to know what, if anything, should be done. Most of us are on here trying to heal and don't deserve to be hurt. Thank you Dr Carter ❤ PS Wendy, I hope you don't mind that I replied to Dr Carter under your comment. Wishing you a wonderful day ❤️
With my narcissistic mother who raised me - after I was all grown up and even after I got married, I said to her that at this point in our lives, we should be friends, with all that it entails - love, support and understanding... That did not go over well. She made it clear that my place was to be subservient to her and I must defer to her because she knows best. She made my Dad's life miserable but he died, and in some ways I find comfort that she can't destroy him any longer.
They blame everyone else for the misery and destruction THEY cause... so they can't learn. They blow up and burn thru every car and person around them until they have no assets, family or friends. So they die alone, hating you for abandoning them.
Yes. The pattern is astonishingly predictable. Their collapse is horrible to watch. I left him. He died within 18 months, alone and discarded by his entire family. He refused help from everyone. Most importantly I know it was not my fault. His well being was never my responsibility.
@@jodizellmer994 you are correct. the lies, the hate filled things they say about everyone else, you soon find out that they make nice with all of those same ones and say crap about YOU!
I felt so emotionally abandoned in a relationship with a malignant self righteous narcissist. If I said that I don't feel loved, he would rage. He controlled me with his rage. He even dragged me out of the house butt naked and locked the door because I wanted to be heard. You can't say nothing is wrong or they will hurt you .
They all act the same. A narc did the same to my cousin after hovering her and having sex, he threw her out naked after starting an argument. Terrible people they are.
I was married to my now ex spouse for 32 years. He meets 8 of the 9 criteria for NPD listed in the DSM. In all those years, I honestly cannot recall one single time that he took responsibility for any of his agregious behaviors or horrible decisions. He blamed me for everything- even when I wasn't with him. He tried to control minute things that no reasonable adult would even think to care about and he only got worse over time. When I tried to explain that we both had strengths that we brought to the table in an attempt to foster collaboration and fairness, he completely ignored me. He not only wanted total control, he wanted me to be a clone of himself. He has a successful career but I honestly do not know how people can stand to work with him. There is only one way to do things and it's always whatever he decides. I look back now and do not know how I survived inside that total toxicity. He told me he will never marry or be in a relationship again, and although I have my doubts, for the sake of women everywhere, I hope he means it. He has become totally selfish now and only wants to indulge himself, so perhaps he will satisfy himself with his greed and addictions and leave good people alone. 🤞
I SO relate to this. 15 years with mine… no amount of love and patience does the trick. He was managing to destroy so much of the good in me. I was going crazy wondering and self-doubting… I finally left and I am still dealing with the aftermath. But the one thing that I could not see then is that life is definitely so much better without all that drama, crazy mood changes, crazy accusations, the blame shifting, the gaslighting, the lack of reliability.. the egg shell walking. His delusions of grandeur became comical if it were not for the emotional abuse. Dr. C has been one of the great helpers in my journey to finding myself again and remembering who I am and all that I have to offer and what I can be in any community I am… I consider myself blessed that I did not let all that trauma take away my “service” nature, my kind choices and my ability to stop and smell the flowers whenever possible. I am glad you found your way out too Nancy! Much peace, we truly deserve love and peace after allowing them to take so much from us.
Yup. True that. Everyday without a narcissist is a happy day. Narcissist by default control people + angry personality. They have a highly disagreeable personality. We normal people do not deserve to be part of the anger filled up hellish life they swim everyday. Truth is, they have deep insecurity + self hatred = wanting to "feel superior" with everyone. Life is short normal people. We have to be surrounded by happy, inspired people who love peace, calmness, no arguments & fights, growth, abundance
Wow, I am so glad I stumbled onto this. My mother is 92 and has left a swath of destruction so wide that I doubt the pain will ever be healed. Both of my dear brothers are gone now; both died directly or indirectly from alcoholic behavior at a relatively young age. One she embraced and one she rejected. And the deep trauma she caused has taken me about 15 years to come to terms with and I have a long way to go. She lives about 7 minutes away, but I have decided to stop most of our interactions as I have come to realize that the trauma has to stop and I am done with it. I'm 62 and have somehow, hopefully, managed to not pass a bunch of her garbage down to our children. I have made the decision to gather up as much of her BS as I can, lay it at her feet, turn my back and walk away. Enough. Thank you for the great, affirming talk.. :)
OH gosh thank you for mentioning the fear of having passed a "bunch of garbage" down to the children. I had parents both narcs (Father passed now), sister (covert, I didn't see that coming until recently, but it's obvious in hindsight) and brother (malignant, disgusting). The mother I speak to occasionally and if it becomes a problem, I don't for a while. Manageable. I now constantly tell my children that I love them and I am sorry, but they are young adults and I don't know what already is brewing in them from all my rubbish behaviours, because I didn't have good role models. My husband is very patient with me, thank goodness. I tried so hard to create a happy family, but you can't help some subconscious patterns to seep through when you are stressed with a young family....
@@marian9410 , well said! Every once in awhile I have to ask my wonderful, patient husband if he thinks I screwed up anywhere and if I need to talk to our adult kids.. So far, I think I've managed to hit the high points and have asked for forgiveness where I needed to. And hopefully, the kids will be able to see past my glaring shortcomings. I totally get what you're saying about not having good role models. I was guessing at normality while raising children. Most of the time my instincts were good, but there were times when I just totally blew it. This is the sort of thing that could keep me up at night rolling around in my head if I let it..
My soon-to-be Ex husband constantly said "even if I loose, I win" When I asked him why he said that and what he meant, he stopped talking, which was rare for him to stop talking, because he went on for hours and HOURS long "word salads" that often made no sense at all.
I find it works really well to simply see a narcissist as a machine that is programmed in the narcissistic way and that I cannot change the programme! Then, I am free of feelings about them. I no longer feel guilty for doing what suits me and doesn't suit them!
@@pamb2656 Aw, Pam B! Thank you! I am just going through being divorced by my entire family now because I have become a Catholic in the SSPX. I was raised by bout 30 atheists! I was sent to a non religious infant school three miles away as a 5 year old all alone there and back on buses morning and night and all my school up to aged 18 yrs, life because my family would not allow me to attend my local school only a 20 minutes walk away because it was a Church of England run school and my whole family LOATH AND DETEST ALMIGHTY GOD! I told my m last week that Catholics do not attend cremations and they have all completely cut me off! But I am free, now and I have never been free until today! So, I am a very very happy bunny!!! 😃🙏🐕🐈🦔🐿🐰🐇🦢🦆Praise God! Hallelujah! I am free.
God bless this gentleman. This video came at the most perfect time, and that is definitely divine intervention to present this video to me. To everybody battling, remember there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Love you all stay strong!
I agree Gian. Hope you are good now my friend. I am only at the start of the end of a bad un loving relationship with a narcissist. I appreciate your comment.
I think I may actually be a narcissist. I was recently dating a gorgeous woman whom I met at the strip club while she was working as a dancer. She confided in me about a lot of her own personal struggles, and I had many of my own. Our affair was intense, but we were both in dark places. When she left our situational relationship to be with someone that could take of her I immediately went into a toxic spiral of alcohol and cocaine abuse. I think we were actually both narcissistic. I lashed out at everyone. I started many fights with random people and the family until eventually I was completely fucked up as addiction consumed my life. Because deep down I can’t take that hit, or face that blow to my ego. I stand up straight with my shoulders back, I present as very confident, but deep down I feel inferior and unworthy of love. We were one and the same her and I. I’m a self centered pleasure loving dangerous focus person just like she was. I think that’s why I connected with her so much. My life a cycle of charming my way into good paying jobs, going back into addiction, forming relationships based upon physical beauty and sex, only to inevitably self destruct and end up with nothing and no one. Maybe it is me.
I have seen many narc abusers kind of shed their mask to reveal the severe untreated mental illness beneath it is terrifying not fun, horrifying, damaging (to all living things) I look forward to playing this now, thank you for making this for us.
It breaks my heart to see my narcissist spouse go down this self destructive route.. She’s going backwards and backwards towards even more unhappiness. In her quest to find affirmation, she’s going through even more hardship. It’s tough because you are watching the slowest and inevitable train-wreck in the world and passively letting it claim the love of your life. If only they could snap out of their delusions and victim mentality, they will be okay.. But no. It’s full steam ahead and there’s nothing you can say or do to make them change…
lucky for us we are the actual demonstration of team health, my joy is sharing our doc with you and hopefully yours with me. somehow there is enough to go around, quite amazing for a gentle kind soul as the Doc. but for a moment, could you imagine daddy carter, how the world would have been different. but we found him now.
Feels so true..... Some many of them (at least the ones that seemed like crazy narcissists to me, I'm obviously not educated to make that call) seem to just want to bring the whole world down with them just from ageing (not even incredibly old, but around the ages of about 45-55 and they "still want to party"). God bless you Dr. Carter!!!
My ex-narc betrayed me by being with another man. She didn't think that when she made that choice she also made the choice to kick me out of her life. Now she's trying to hoover me back to help her dire financial situation. No self-awareness of the consequences of her action. She may end up getting evicted - all because her inability to contain herself over a much younger man.
The problem is the narcissists diversify how, and from whom, they procure supply. And they learn, to an extent, about what works and what doesn't. Then as they progress in their lives they just become more effective narcs. And while the victims they leave in their wake are much wiser and better prepared to prevent future narcissistic abuse....after all is said and done, the narc seeks out new victims who are uninitiated to their ways. This is how they perpetuate that cycle of abuse. They never completely lose. They just move on and continue being themselves.
I'm dealing with someone who is putting me through all this. I'm to blame I'm stupid it's my fault. They are the victim. They are carrying out major character destruction of me now trying to turn people against me. The mind games he plays is enough to make me doubt my sanity.
Thanks again for a great video. This is spot-on. I endured my ex-narcissist slowly but surely unraveling for years. I could check off everything you said in this video as something he said or did. The days of my life started to become very dreary because even though I tried ending it with him, he refused to leave. It wasn't "over" because he hadn't said it was over. Things continued to spiral until a violent night about thirteen months ago. He got arrested, I got an order of protection, and the huge weight of HIM is gone from my life now. How absolutely freeing. The dysfunction of these people in our lives is like a dark, heavy shroud. It's life changing to get out from under it.
My narcissist ex was able to look within at his part of the problem only when he knew I was serious about leaving. I think they always know what they're doing, they just don't care until it affects them.
How can it be that ~100% of attributes described in these videos are spot on? Its like there is no gray erea, it's all so accurate. Like the presenter knows the actual person. What? Are all narcissist the same? All were put together in the same doomed assembly line??
I have never heard Dr. Carter say anything that doesn't ring true. With gratitude, with his insight and honesty, I was able to finally end my 6 year relationship in November. I have had no contact. The fog has lifted; I am feeling myself again. I am not all that proud of how I almost self-destructed to end it, yet I understand why. It literally took 2 years to end, though instinctually I knew it was over at the start. It is wonderful to breathe again. I can now continue to watch these videos and heal and learn and grow without pain. Thank you, Dr. Carter. You are a Godsend.
Thanks to his videos. I learned a lot. And realized some people who I kicked out of my life were narcissists. Life without narcissist is a happy day everyday. Narcissist by default control people + angry people combo. They dictate your opinion & choices in life.Blame people or circumstances. Even if in the future these narcissist will " reconcile" with me, I will still keep them at "arms length" Life is short. I will find more people to become new friends who are normal & calm, collected, peace maker, not argumentative, optimistic, growth oriented, inspired people.
Hi Dr. Carter, Gus and Team Healthy from California. A narcissistic person is never responsible for anything and will always blame us. They will never change and only get worse as they get older. So get out of this empty relationship as soon as you can. Great video Dr. Carter.
My father is the narcissist. His end goal was to get everybody sick just like he is sick. Growing with an alcoholic narcissist is a process of trying to make you into a sick person as a child and as an adult becoming ill and dependent so that he can gloat on how he achieved his end goal. Their self-destruction is ultimately to destroy everybody along with them. This is what narcissists do, but when you are a child and your father is the one who is the narcissists it is a hell that I desire on anybody.
I helped a female family member and her adult son relocate to our area at great effort and expense to me over several months. I was warm and supportive and we shared visions of us strengthening our family bond and mutual support. They lured me into their nightmare behaviors with that enticement. A few months into their arrival I realized it had all been love bombing and they became very demanding of me and disregarding to living up to their part to any promises made. Within a few months of their arrival, I could see clearly the narcissistic pattern evolving. They were emotionally abusive and very untruthful and tried to cower me with angry displays. I cut them off and felt so much relief to be free and clear from them and repulsed later when she tried to entice me back into involvement with her. By then, I heard all the lies they'd told on me to other relatives. The last I heard, they'd squabbled with most everyone else in the extended family, the son had moved away and the female relative has tried to reach out to other extended family and had been rebuffed.
Oh how I wish I could share this with the narcissist in my life. All of your talks are excellent but for me, this one has been a 100% spot on description of the relative who is the narc in my life. We recently had a fall out when I asked her what her reason was behind her verbal attack on me when I had just found out and shared with her, that I had terminal cancer. She now believes she is punishing me by going no contact. What she doesn't realize is that she has made it so much easier for me to finally cut loose from her. If she ever resumes contact, I will not respond. It's a lonely situation being on the receiving end (I hate the word victim) of narcissistic treatment. You can't share your problems with anyone because you become the constant whiner, complainer. Just like physical pain, no one can truly feel what you are going through, even when they've experienced the same, we all suffer differently.
I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis, i hope your raining time is all for yourself and what you neex. I dont have a terminal disease but I'm very sick and getting radical surgery due directly to narcissistic ppl in my life. I can't fully relate with you but I feel I can somewhat in how you may be feeling being on the receiving end of toxic at such a difficult time in life. I was hit by anger hurt shock pain grief and on and on.... a roller coaster. If you are feeling this way too then I'd like you to know you're not alone in your pain, that there are people who care. I wish you the best in your journey and whatever comes next. As they say life's a b*tch then you die..... perhaps the best is yet to come and maybe we'll meet one day. All the very best ✌
so sorry for your situation. i am fortunate that the sister who was the 'problem' has alienated all the rest of my family too so they understand what i have been through. you can always have others to talk to here, God bless and keep up the fight.
The pain of being on the receiving end of narcissistic relationship is devastating. I isolated myself because words could not describe what I felt. I felt ashamed of being a failure until I realised I no longer needed to be a victim. It has been a long rehabilitation to regain myself through meditation and journaling but it has been worth it! At last I have found love and compassion for my self and am determined to live a happy and a meaningful life.
The more I walked on eggshells and tolerated putdowns, the more the narcissist in my life felt that we were "getting along better". When they got mad and turned on the sullen and pouting behavior when I got very sick when visiting during the holidays, that was the limit!!!! As if I deliberately became ill to mess up their plans or expectations! And while I was down in bed, they still went out and did all the things THEY wanted to do! I couldn't take it any more! I wonder when their other relationships are going to collapse, but these relationships are with flying monkeys with whom they can keep up a facade of NICEY NICEY NICEY! Their main "relationships" are with dependent animals and needy elders. With me, it was a one-way street in their direction. Very rivalrous, hostile, controlling, and resentful with no explanation. I was treated to the Jekyl-and-Hyde treatment, and never knew when Mr. Hyde would suddenly pop out and treat me with utter contempt, as if I am inherently disgusting and intolerable. Is it typical, Dr. C, for covert narcissists like this to be emotionally dysregulated and unable to give any reason why they overreact in the extreme?
You put my situation into exact words. The NICEY NICEY NICEY part lmao you hit the nail in the coffin with that one. Your last few lines about utter contempt with NO explanation is perfectly put. Thanks for this validation, no one seems to understand what I'm going through currently. He puts on a kind face for friends and family even strangers but he treats me like he hates me but also wants to sleep with me on command? Very confusing relationship. Thank you for this well put comment.
Thank you Dr Carter. I’ve been listening to you for about six months now. It is because of you I have learned that I’m married to a narcissist. My emotions have gone from, oh my goodness how did I get here to now, I’ve made a plan and I’m almost out. I just want to thank you for making me realize I deserve a better life for myself. Blessings to you and yours.
Damn get out quietly these ppl will try to ruin you if you expose them. I found out I was with a narcissist after I got pregnant by him. Fortunately I broke up with him before we got 💍
That was beautiful. Ultimately , when you choose to live in joy and peace and don't respond to their negeitivity , the game is up . Oh , they will still continue the digs , but they can no longer cross those boundaries of yours .
Fighting a narcissist is like trying to use a broom to sweep the sand off of the beach. Possible but not probable. Best move is to move.
Exactly that.
@@holmavik6756 yeah..
😂 Perfect 👍🏻 Analogy!
Great analogy
Ready to start packing next week
I am thrilled, some may follow I will find a attorney once I get settled!
Once I understood they aren't people, everything clicked.
demons
They don’t see you as a sovereign person
I see them now clear as day like they're demons. They don't sit right with my soul
@@MissyMuthaTruckiNabsolutely
I have said Exactly that ! Once You figure out they have no Soul , and are Demon Possessed 👺Everything makes sense !
I just love how comfortable the dog snuggled on the sofa sleeping, so peaceful.
Dachsund
So cute!
It’s a systemic generational pattern of trauma and unconsciousness. My ex husband’s parents had it and I tried to set boundaries, call them out, etc… for 30 years and eventually I got very, very sick and suicidal. Now I have had to block three of my four adult children because even though they know their father beat me physically and cheated multiple times, as well as physically abusing them too, they kept attacking me and abusing me by proxy in the most cruel and inhumane ways I’ve ever experienced. My family is totally lost, but my older daughter and I have escaped all the scapegoating and bullying and while we grieve the loss of our family, we are so much more at peace and have no chaos.
So good to hear that you saved yourselves
We sound related...having the same family and terrible experiences with our children who are now adult narcarcists also...just like the rest of the cruel, dishonest, toxic gang called family. God Bless us all! We need it...👍💗🙏🏻
I agree with you that it's generational. I can relate to what you're saying. Had to cut off family of origion. Of course unknowingly I recreated the pattern. Divorced after 4 years of hell. And now have moved across the globe from my two daughters, to protect what's left of my sanity. It's a challenge beginning again at 64. But peace of mind is priceless. You are very lucky to have one child in your corner. Blessings for your continued healing.
Thank you all who share and God's blessing on you all be the light and salt folks.
@@gloriacoleman7012 Absolutely 💯
Two words you’ll never come out of a narcissist mouth : “ I’m sorry.”. 🙄
Or they sorry..... But
Or they say sorry and pout, cry (for themselves).
I'm sorry that YOU feel...
@@craigtaylor8728bingo!
He said that so many times! “I’m sorry that YOU feel that way about me gaslighting you”. That was pretty much what he meant, in substance! + the word salad that went with it and the “woe is me” victim card as the final dressing!
He told me he was sorry and it was a “catastrophic misunderstanding” , that he never meant to hurt me but why did it have to be all or nothing. So I felt like I wasn’t being fair and stayed connected to him for 8 more months in which he ignored me, devalued me, yelled at me anytime I tried to ask how long was this treatment going to last. He then blocked my number on May 5, stayed on my socials until Sept 8 when he called me to rant at me drunk about I post I restricted to just him, he ended the all wirh, “before I hang up and block you again I have a question, how is Gracie?” She’s my 16 year old dog. He then hung up and blocked me on everything. I’ve been disillusioned ever since. 4 years of some kind of situationshiip in which he texted, FaceTimed, sexted, sent me videos of him singing/dancing in the middle of the night, called me often to tell me his problems, uggggh.
Hurting other people is a deadly sin and in the end their narcissism will prove to be their OWN destruction.
Thank God we have rational thinkers like this in a world where narcissism is so common, and egotistical thinking is the default.
Its gets real angry when its power is taken away.
Once you stop caring just get the popcorn, sit back and enjoy the show lol.
Better still, just try to rid them, and their present and future fate, from your mind. Just forget about them, whether they prosper or perish, and move on.
Yesssss!!
Extactly just like that 😅🍿
😂😂😂😂😂
This video is great.
Their own control is there downfall
Remember the only thing a narcissist truly has control of is their own actions and reactions. And your not responsible for their reactions.
Yes. It is an extremely hard lesson for an empathic person to learn but the win for us is learning to walk away: both physically and emotionally 😇
I agree with you Goldilocks. In fact it's such a hard lesson (or lessons) that many of us hang on for way too long before doing what you say, walking away. IMHO, if you have a high degree of empathy, you take time to LOOK for the good in people, including a toxic person in your life. The fact that this hope is repeatedly dashed does not (IMHO) make you horrible. All the best Goldilocks 🙏☀️
@goldilocks - I hear you, i agree, lets all walk together towards peace. we are allowed, it's ok, we are ok.
Run if you can. But haul rear end and get out.
@@KoolT It is so difficult to get out when you have been w/the person for 36 years. The insecurity is crippling.
Exactly! We must end our relationships with narcissists and toxic people in general, not stay in it just to fix them. Only the narcissist can change themselves.
Narcissistic people are legends in their own minds poor souls ❤
We don't live WITH narcissists. We live FOR narcissists. Keeping away once identified and assessed as "dead-end," is healthy survival. The hard work or recovering ourselves starts after that.
All the best to all those who are on that leg of the journey...
I spent 17 miserable years with a textbook narcissist. When I finally booted her out of my life, she found a new victim, immersed herself in a world of drugs and alcohol, and they both died in a car crash a few months later. I went to her funeral to make sure she was really gone!
Life has been improving, day by day ever since.
Studies show they end up alone or die alone or in a tragic manner.
fucking perfect reply lol. these fucking evil people deserve it
Wow good for you. Karma is real.
My on and off again girlfriend I suspect to be a narc. I just started doing research. She is a major alcoholic and I believe she may be concealing drug use.
@@paulgreen2524 nice I'm happy for you
As I look back over the time I was with a narcissist, I’m amazed at how gullible I was believing all the lies and acquiescing to all the manipulation. They truly are well practiced and skilled at deception. The thing that really amazes me is that they knew exactly what they were doing and thought that it was all just really ok.
I too was naive and gullible. 4 yr friendship with someone of a lot of influence. It’s painful trying to recover. I was a victim, yet I feel bad and lonely that i stood up for myself. I screwed myself. Hopefully in time I will know i made the right decision to break the friendship.
That is so true. My thoughts exactly. But when I look back I could kick my self. I think it only work coz they mess with your head
I was really dumb. All the classic narcissistic games were played on me, but I was not educated about narcissism. Never again!!!
@@artluvr6170 me to buddy 19 yrs. only learned about it after it was over. But it’s slowly helped me to come to terms and not blame my self. Sick people who can do those things to another 👍❤️🙃
@@artluvr6170 Not dumb, just unaware. Most of us, maybe all, become aware after the fact. The trick is to not make the same mistake twice. That, would be dumb.
I notice narcs are the type who can go out into the world and may actually achieve success. Problem is, none of them can KEEP it. They always self destruct.
Dayna Peterson I believe that many highly narcissistic individuals do self-destruct; however, a lot of them are professionals and work until they retire, then travel, or whatever.
I've known people like this and still know some, who show no signs of destructing, but they do have issues with others in their lives, which is to be expected.
I'm also aware that some of the ones who became dependent on alcohol and/or other drugs attend AA and NA meetings where they continue to get their supply, especially from the vulnerable what they call newcomers hanging on their every word! They can even become sponsors, then have immense power over one or more people's lives.
Unfortunately, some take complete advantage of them as well, hence why a woman, who was a member of AA for many years, made a documentary called The 13th Step, which they don't like AT ALL!
I'm thinking that I could write about all of the above to Dr Carter in the main thread, but I'm usually late with watching and responding to videos, so he might not get to read it anyway, due to being extremely busy. 😊
not true most people in power are narcs aka the goverment ! This is a problem because bad behavior gets rewarded
It has taken years for me to accept that it's not salvageable.
Its a tough realisation if it comes, i say... Trust your gut, when i stopped finding excuses, things started to get easier, slowly, painfully, but gradually better. be kind to yourself.
It was the same for me David. Many years spent (I won't say wasted) trying and hoping. Loving more, caring more, doing more. In the end I realised all I was doing was tolerating more craziness. Free now. Hope you are too.
All the best.
@Jeffrey Sheldrake yes it's sad Jeffrey. I have similar feelings for certain family members. I'm resigned to the idea that they won't change.... So I just try to appreciate the "good" aspects of their character, and I grey rock in my mind the difficult traits.
It's given me a certain sense of peace... "letting go" of any hope they might change allows the sadness and frustration to take a back seat, and my own self care and my future takes priority.
I don't hate them.... I'm just "free" from false hope, which is quite liberating.
All the best Jeffrey.
Are you UK?
I'm in Essex. Cheers 🙏👍☀️
@Jeffrey Sheldrake haha, not quite UK then! G'day to you. I have fam in Melbourne. We zoom every so often to keep in touch. No idea how far that is from you without consulting a map.
Hope you're free from floods and crazy weather.
Remember 61 isn't old... You have many good years ahead and plenty time to work on the whole self care thing and develop happy and healthy activities and friendships.
Hope things improve with your family members.
Do not beat yourself up, tho... Look for the good things.
All the best Jeffrey☀️
It’s really about accepting that we will no longer get played or? Be foolish
Another thing they seem incapable of is an apology. It seems to hear themselves say the words "Please forgive me" is unthinkable.
Unfortunately you got that right!
Yeh that's because they won't acknowledged their bad behaviour. My mum would deny, deny, deny and demand we are HERS... she has told us so many times she wants us to behave like HER children. We tried confronting her about her kicking us out of home when we were teenagers. She wouldn't have a bar of it. She wouldn't say sorry or forgive me... instead she said it was us that left her and she was the victim of us leaving home. She's just ridiculous with what she comes out with.
@@SurvivingNarcissism sometimes they will say sorry, but it is not for the reasons we think it is for. They can do it to see how damaged you were, and when you show relief at their apology, they are gaining intel as to how effective their abuse was. Messed up people.
They need to ask God for forgiveness,
I have two family members who are narcissists who each self-destructed in spectacular ways. One was a sibling. It breaks my heart because I watched him go from being a sweet, kind, thoughtful little boy to a massively destructive human being. Although I love him deeply, I had to let him go years ago because he would become abusive if I suggested he get help. The other family member who self-destruct was our father. So, my father abused my brother enough and in such a way that my brother became a narcissist. Dysfunctional families are the cancer of our society.
Imo this has to be demonic in nature.
@@outlander234 100% agree
@@outlander234 it certainly is.
@@outlander234 Yes. I say the same of my alcoholic narcissists father. It is a demon that I have fought with so long until today as an adult in my 30s.
story repeated here as it appears also with so many other people on this channel! Parents both narcs. Brother and sister as well! Father and brother in a co dependent, lets destroy each other lockhold for supremacy, all sad-maso tendencies if you ask me. Loved my younger brother when he was a child. Held hands until he went to sleep, cuddled him, played with him. Adored him. All gone from what about age 6? Recently had to break with my sister as well as she revealed herself to be a narc. Probably knew all along, but she played such a great game of subtle superiority that I naturally referred to her 'wisdom' of the older sister who isn't as crazy as me - yep crazy and unreasonable appeared to have been the role all of my narc family kept me in......broke out of the family firm aged 59. Can you believe how long it took me?? Now I am happy to have my own opinion and getting on with a lovely life thank you very much without the cloud of nonsense hanging over me anymore.
In a nutshell. They are never satisfied. So in the end when they are completely alone they will attack themself. Life's revenge! For the rest, have a great life everybody!!
They are exhausting relationships. They take up a lot of unnecessary energy. When you try and have an adult conversation with them, they avoid any accountability. At best, they make excuses and play the victim card. They might toss a few tears. Make no mistake, they have contempt for you and, IF you decide to listen to their heartbreaking story, they'll have nothing but disrespect for you.
They need to go get help because it is clearly beyond our pay scale.
My child's mother to a T...sometimes I think I'm the Narc and then after hearing the doctor I'm like shit...is it her?
Problem is, they won’t and DON’T get help. They see themselves as perfect, victim, not their problem, don’t believe in therapy, etc. Heard them all…
@@pulidobl 100% agree with the victim role
Amen
Way, way above our pay scale. Couldn't have said it better👏👏👏!
yes. They do eventually self-destruct. Just have to be patient. Truth prevails.
I’m free of the smartest malignant who takes the misogyny prize. His upbringing was classic narcissist, including an evil step mother and step sister. The narcissist married me because he couldn’t get back at them. People are objects and manipulating them is fun.
I’ve known more than one narcissist who would happily agree their life is defined by failure-but it’s all someone else’s fault! Never theirs. 🤣
Amazing.
My ex husband to a “t”. Destroyed his entire career…but he’s the perfect victim
Mine destroyed a retirement that most would have greatly looked forward to.
Do they really self destruct. They just move on to a new chapter of chaos. I was burned out on the nonstop cycle of drama. Narcissists are vampires. They suck the life out of you and move on to their next victim. My advice, wear garlic and a cross around your neck. Find someone who wears there flaws openly. It's a much happier set up, in the long run. I group with ab alcoholic parent. That was less dramatic than a narcissistic relationship. My favorite narcissists line was, "You know, it's very difficult to have to think for two people ". My response was to roll up my pants legs. "Why are you doing that?" Your bs is getting deep, my love. She turned purple and blasted off.
Had a Narc in my life that I helped endlessly until they pushed me over the edge one day & I finally got to the point where I could say "You're on your own" and my life has been so much better -- Walking away from them was 9 years in the making
Well done for having the courage.
9 years tells me it wasn't easy.
Now you can look forward to better times. 🙏☀️
Me too! A boyfriend of about 7 years. I watched in horror as he just fell apart and became a liar, a cheat and a thief🥲
Good for you!!! I hope I can do the same!
@@marysuzannajayne1340 that was my ex husband, a liar, a cheater, a m-fer & a thief!
Mine is 64 years in the making. I left when I was a young teen and again as a young adult (had to go back as I had nowhere else to turn and was 7 months pregnant) and now as a senior citizen I was the ONLY one in the family willing to take 90 year old Mother in. 3 months in and I’m so physically sick I can’t function some days so I’ve gotten her an apartment. She kept pushing for the apartment, then would come to me saying ‘I can’t live alone at my age’. Well, that’s not my problem anymore because I have secured an apartment and she IS GOING !!! I have to stick to my guns this time, even though the rest of the family may not agree. I can see now how her narcissism has affected the generations. My adult children haven’t been to my house in YEARS, but they will visit her several times a year. It’s really sad…
I am grateful for your commitment and knowledge. Last week I broke off my relationship with a very severe narcissist and this channel has a hand in it. I would also like to thank this community for exchanging experiences and for not being left alone in all this
You are not alone. Best wishes as you move forward.
“They have a deep fear of their own humanity being exposed.” Wow, got it. Thank you Dr. Carter!
Ditto. Thank you Dr. Carter. Your insights are spot on!! What an amazing help esp helping us all understand that we are not crazy….it’s the narcissist ploy to get our juice. Man, such revelations! Bless you x
...or their lack of humanity being exposed.
I always thought it was a fear of their inhumanity being exposed, as I witnessed cruelty to animals, children, other people on the road, as well as myself. And they spoke viciously of others.
I don’t think they have it. They see it as weakness.
Some narcissist are utterly despised.
Inhumanity
Narcissist think they're one in a million and therefore special but they're really one of a million and quite common.
It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion, but then it speeds up towards the end.
Bloody GOOD !!😁
Narcissists fail to take into account people have long memories. Their vitriolic words leave deep emotional scars. My brother was the worst kind of narcissist. Never a kind word towards another human being ever passed his lips. Ridicule, condescending, hurtful remarks was all he was capable of uttering.
He died five years ago. . .
And to this day, he lays in an unmarked grave. Like I said, people have long memories.
My sister and I used to be close friends growing up, at least until the abuse started. Last I checked, she doesn't even remember why I hate her in the present day. I can't un-see what she's done, but, in her eyes, her ever-logical brother who she knows so well despises her for no reason.
@@winstonmoriarty1286 yes, they have a razor sharp perception of other people's faults and shortcomings, but are incapable of recognizing there own. In their eyes, the world is wrong. . .
Never them.
Narcissists don't learn, but they do run away! That's why they move out of state when too many people start sussing out that they're not what they appear to be.
Well said Lisa. They run away rather than putting their hand up to the hurt they caused.
Yup. An ex of mine literally had to move every few months. He's dying now. Alone.
That is one reason that there are so many narcissists as managers in the workplace, many have to conform to their sick ways of control
Yup. I recently came to this conclusion. I used to get mad and have large blow out emotional reactions (which I'm sure he loved) and say hurtful things. Then have huge remorse and days of feeling bad about myself. Now that I understand what I'm dealing with, I will no longer put myself in those positions AND I will monitor my own behavior because at the end of the day, I have to live with myself. I started to realize I was feeling worse about my reactions to the situation than the ugly situation itself. I have no control over what he does and he obviously isn't going to change.
Great to read this, Montana Girl. BTW, my wife and I spent some time 2 summers ago in Whitefish...Wow!
I have BPD. My ex would emotionally abandon me and I would react too. You feel so alone. You find yourself physically isolated in the mountains with no people in sight. I only saw him. He would always tell me that he hates people. He was so abusive and mean to me. I lost myself completely trying to please him. Isolated from all my friends and family. Took me a whole year after the break up to speak out. He literally planned the discard around the same time my mom died. He sprayed allergen spray in my face, dragged me out of the house butt naked and locked the door in the cold and on and on. When they isolate you where there is no people or neighbors around, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. He tried poisoning me too. He is pure evil. Takes pleasure with pain. You never feel loved. A monster
@Montana Girl - Good on you, don't be too hard on yourself, i suspect you find better balance without folks actively pushing you off balance for some sad needless victory.
I'm in it too and agree w your thoughtful commentary. I really appreciate your share ❤️
Me too! Isn’t it a weird thing to realize they liked us that way? Yelling sobbing acting like a loony thinking what’s wrong with me?! Them looking at our worst selves thinking That’s my girl oh how I love to hate you this way. Then when we wake up and become healthy they’re like
Oh yuck! Your awful what an abomination
That self-destruction is one of the things that is most fascinating to me about narcissist. I dated a covert narcissist and as much as I lost in that relationship, emotionally, spiritually, financially - she lost more. I made her life better in every conceivable way, and listen, I'm not perfect, but I treated this woman like a queen, and she threw that all away. I always ask myself "why" and I guess they can't help it.
Feel exactly the same way about my ex wife.
I did the same, but she knew she lost alot, but you can't unring a bell, there was too much hurt.
Same
I understand. I kept saying to my therapist why he would do this, but she said not to ask why. I still can't help but ask why and I think it's because I never would treat anyone like this.
Ohhh it was hard getting here but im so happy im free
What goes around comes around. If you intentionally sow the scenes of pain and suffering among your fellow human beings through malicious gossip that's exactly what you'll reap in return.
Whatever it is they do, if they get away with it, they're encouraged to keep being destructive. One day, they go just a bit too far...
Nope. Not reality. Lots of ppl do horrible shit and get away with it. Why ppl need to bring justice, not rely on woo and superstition
@@Yummypoison0 do you think that Hitler has "gotten away with it?" I agree, I am all for justice, and am skeptical of the bromide that if you seek revenge against a narcissist, you'll be doing yourself in. They are the predators, we are the victims. However, you'd better have overwhelming proof before you go after one of these scum.
You must realize that they lie without ceasing, and as Dr Gary Brucato said just last night, when he was the guest on The Interview Room here on UA-cam ( HIGHLY recommended, a riveting couple of hours ), lies repeated and repeated and repeated tend eventually to be believed by people. I have always thought this, that it wasn't as much The Big Lie as The Repeated Lie which enabled Hitler to succeed, and so many of the other monsters.
That is why you must have overwhelming proof before you go after someone.
And no, Hitler didn't get away with it, any more than any non Christian gets away with it. He's under the judgment of God everlastingly.
I told my ex-girlfriend who was a textbook narcissist exactly the same thing. I told her she was a narcissist, and she got mad I figured her out. She told me I called her on her shit and that I was right about everything. I told her what goes around comes around. She got defensive and got quiet. She asked me what was a narcissist, and I told her to look it up.
Narcissism runs in families
I can totally see why they self destruct.
They believe in lying cheating and destroying. They are like crack heads. The one promoting the cocaine and crime in society are out of control perverts.
But a grounded person would say those not pro-mafia self destructed. ?? When the mob leans on you.. You did it to youself.. Sure. Thats so simple. Ever mindless one knows this. They know it as solid as the know anything. (The brain dead know every.)
My support to him was unconditional; my loyalty gladly granted. My love beyond words. When he made me leave him, I finally got convinced that he is self-destructing. He let me go just like that... In losing me, he lost perhaps the sincerest ally he had in life. It's still a riddle to me.
One of their issues is that they don't trust anyone regardless of another's loyalty. I think they believe everyone is as deceptive and corrupt as they are. I also believe they have a 'get them before they get me' mentality. It's total nonsense to behave this way but their lack of emotional maturity enables these illogical thought processes and behaviors.
It's not worth figuring out. Be glad you overcome this and be good to yourself. Many like him out there, not enough like you.
My exact story except I will say I have solved the riddle and totally free of him.
I feel likewise! This sure rings of familiarity. I wonder if deep down ( deep, DEEP DOWN) they dont feel deserving? Their behavior is so bizarre...it is so counter intuitive to what is good, living, true, decent, honorable....
@@deblarosa1703 I think they carry a lot of shame. Many abuse substances to "escape" that shame. They just don't know how to process emotions normally.
My ex only got worse if I tried to say something to try to get my point across. His passive aggressive behavior was his self destruction as far as our relationship went. Total no contact after umpteen hoovers. I had to throw in the towel. 31 months next Monday. Thanks Dr C for getting me where I am today. A happy, kind, sweet and caring person. 💕
Yeah ... yeah ... you know, that's a cliche, 'throw in the towel' (of boxers or their seconds) throw a towel or sponge into the ring as a token of defeat. Cliches are bad news and suggest a narcissist. Counting up months ... wow, another dead ringer for a narcissist, 'who's counting?' Thanks to DRC for getting these two people apart, they're both so much happier.
@Rodleen McDuffie thanks
Good for you, keep moving forwards -your best is yet to come.
Good for you! Your story at the beginning is my story and I'm still here. QPassive-aggressive Covert Narcissist I'm dealing with and I'm running out of time because this guy is turning into the devil himself. It's getting worse and worse. He's getting too dangerous for me. It's scary. Really.
Do you see how inadequate these Narcissists are? It takes a toll on us. None of it is worth it. Not worth putting up with their bad ways.
When they realise you don't need them in your life to be happy, or even exist, or heaven forbid prosper from beyond their control, they implode, it all happens inside when you're too far away to lash out at.
I love your comment. For me it sums up years of a narsasistically abusive relationship in just a few words.
I definitely hear you. 🙏☀️
@@sturobertson6791 thank you, and I'm glad you could take something from it. 🙏
unfortunately, they find some other compassionate person to suck dry.
This man is telling the truth about this woman I’m dealing with 😢😢
I suggested to my narc once that he is defensive and he went ballistic. This was before I realized he is a narc.
My narc mom's shortsightedness is what led to her losing out completely when my Dad divorced her. She had won so many small battles that she thought she could win the war when she absolutely refused to give herself the very things we used to finally free ourselves of her. Patience and knowing when to keep our mouths shut. She was completely blindsided when served those papers and me cutting her off completely from my disabled brother so she couldn't use him to do her dirty work like she did to me when I was little. Divorce was granted December 18th of 2021, dad got his stuff and the house so he could sell it and move into my house with my brother and I.
Exposing a narcissist is met with fiery wrath.
Hell yeah! They will literally make up life destroying rumours about you
Yeah. The threats and the smear campaigns. The worst are the malignant narcissists.
It sure does. It was terrifying to me when I experienced this for the first and second time. I made him leave after the second time. I had no idea what was happening - what I was dealing with - and it was frightening.
@@cherobinson6371 Hes dine that I don't live in the same village & ppl hate him around here.
Yes - everything is about them and their defense - reality is a house of mirrors.
My husband's mother is a compulsive lying narcissist. If I take issue with something she said, she will deny and blankly say she didn't say it. The fact that she knows in her heart that she is lying and doesn't care just shows how toxic these people are and they don't deserve anyone in their life.
She also pretends she has an elusive illness but she is only sick when it's convenient for her or if there's an audience. When she stayed at our house once she made sure to take her pill in the living room where others could see her to get attention. She didn't think my husband would ask her to see the pill. He was curious about what she was actually taking because he too knows she's a compulsive lying narcissist. Sure enough, he saw the pill she was taking was five years expired. She obviously made an excuse. She is clearly mentally broken resorting to even expired medication because she refuses to work due to her made up illness.
If you are dealing with a narcissist then cut them out completely or expect insanity and disrespect. It's delusional to expect anything other than dysfunction from these people. They're a lost cause. I've accepted it, and it's now been four years of not having to deal with her.
It's better to be alone in silence than in company of chaos.
thelast time i communicated with my sister was to tell her i couldn't help her, she needed PROFESSIONAL help. my life is much more happy now
5 years expired lol. That's crazy. That basically catches her in a lie because if she really needed it it couldn't be 5 years expired.
Want to see their face go from joy to confusion? Just tell them they're free to live the life they choose - they're just not free to treat you the same way anymore.
Yep!
Calling their bluff. Suddenly everything's fine.
Just leave. No Contact.
There are so many narcissist out there, how do we stop this from happening. Life is tough enough without dealing with these negative, mean behavior and just cold hearted people. These videos have been very helpful. Knowing I'm not the only one out there that fell into this trap.
Read 2nd Timothy Chapter 3 ! It explains everything going on now ! We are in Perilous Times 🙏❤️
read The Human Magnet Syndrome
“You’re on your own, Dude.” What a useful phrase to remember. Thanks, Dr. C.
I told the narcissist 'I'm Done' She staggered back. Did I just cause a narcissist injury 🤣🤣🤣
I told mine, I'm swimming out to save you, but if your going to drown us both, I'll let go...
Narcissists are like wind up dolls. They react to most situations in unhealthy behaviors like rage, criticism, and anything opposite of healthy or taking responsibility.
Yes let's tell them this .... "unravel at your own risk."👍
Love the pup on the couch.
Love, peace, dignity, respect, civility and fairness are my guiding stars. The best response to a narcisist is silence and no response at all. Thank you and God bless you dr Carter ❤
She told me, “I’m my own worst enemy.”
Yes, yes you are.
I get told to stay out of my feelings, stop being so defensive and so forth... I'm standing up for myself by not communicating.
There you go cassie,don't talk to them PERIOD.
Yeah talking to them is a waste of time and energy. I have a baby from my narc x and I literally can't tell him nothing about what my plans are for our daughter bc he just want to go against whatever I want to do bc he is mad I don't want to be with him.
Thank you Mr. Carter. After 20 years of marriage to a narcissist who has since passed, it’s taken me 6 years and a lot of prayer to heal. I listen now so I can avoid relationships with narcissists in the future.
read The Human Magnet Syndrome
The frustration and bewilderment of them not being able to be in the same team as you. They don't ever seem to want to find common ground to fix or mend anything with you.
And that’s exactly what I said, “get out!” This happened after 27 years of marriage and 30 years of being together. I’m over it. He’s on his own.
This video is now in my top 5 of all time regarding narcissism. Everything you said, every single word describes my ex-husband. I knew I wasn't crazy. It was him the whole time. Very very accurate description. Thank you!!!
Nope, it wasn't him, you weren't a good couple and a words like 'whole' are a red flag: always, never, total, absolute ... get the idea? Narcissists use them.
I agree with Jay B!
He has so many lol, tons saved to my favs
@@markjayw666 me too my whole list of favs is full with his video's, I have to keep putting watch again or watch over and over to mark them for easy go to's. lol Agreed this is a top 5 , now to figure out how to mark it, to preview often, lol running out of things. Gotta leave the N word out of my titles as they are always over your shoulder wanting to be in
your business even in your fav list. lol 😵💫How blessed we are to have Dr.C
So liberating to finally know what the problem is!
Well put Dr Carter. I agonized over leaving him, giving up all hope. And my recovery took longer than it should have perhaps. It is so much better for partners of narcissists to realize sooner rather than later the total hopelessness of that person ever changing. I thought I was worth it. I found out I wasn’t, no one is more important to a narcissist than himself.
I'm so glad you're finding your voice, Wendy!
THAT is the absolute truth!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Hi Dr C. About finding my voice, I know that this chat should be a safe place to express our feelings. What do we do when someone in the chat comments on a comment and calls that person a narcissist. I know it's not my job to protect everyone but I feel bad for the person who shared her vulnerability and is trying to heal from a narcissist and then gets accused of being the narcissist. Without naming the person, you can find the comment beginning with "OMG..." in the main comment section.
I'm at a loss to know what, if anything, should be done. Most of us are on here trying to heal and don't deserve to be hurt. Thank you Dr Carter ❤
PS Wendy, I hope you don't mind that I replied to Dr Carter under your comment. Wishing you a wonderful day ❤️
With my narcissistic mother who raised me - after I was all grown up and even after I got married, I said to her that at this point in our lives, we should be friends, with all that it entails - love, support and understanding... That did not go over well. She made it clear that my place was to be subservient to her and I must defer to her because she knows best. She made my Dad's life miserable but he died, and in some ways I find comfort that she can't destroy him any longer.
They blame everyone else for the misery and destruction THEY cause... so they can't learn.
They blow up and burn thru every car and person around them until they have no assets, family or friends. So they die alone, hating you for abandoning them.
Yes. The pattern is astonishingly predictable. Their collapse is horrible to watch.
I left him. He died within 18 months, alone and discarded by his entire family. He refused help from everyone. Most importantly I know it was not my fault. His well being was never my responsibility.
That is so true! They cause so much misery and destruction because deep down they fear all their lies are going to be exposed.
In a nutshell! Well expressed. Thank God for Dr. C and wise survivors, enlightened …like yourself 💕
@@jodizellmer994 you are correct. the lies, the hate filled things they say about everyone else, you soon find out that they make nice with all of those same ones and say crap about YOU!
Nuts
I felt so emotionally abandoned in a relationship with a malignant self righteous narcissist. If I said that I don't feel loved, he would rage. He controlled me with his rage. He even dragged me out of the house butt naked and locked the door because I wanted to be heard. You can't say nothing is wrong or they will hurt you .
💔💔💔💔I'm so sorry you experience such dehumanising abuse. Hope you're healing and doing well ☀️❤️💐🤗
They all act the same. A narc did the same to my cousin after hovering her and having sex, he threw her out naked after starting an argument. Terrible people they are.
I was married to my now ex spouse for 32 years. He meets 8 of the 9 criteria for NPD listed in the DSM. In all those years, I honestly cannot recall one single time that he took responsibility for any of his agregious behaviors or horrible decisions. He blamed me for everything- even when I wasn't with him. He tried to control minute things that no reasonable adult would even think to care about and he only got worse over time. When I tried to explain that we both had strengths that we brought to the table in an attempt to foster collaboration and fairness, he completely ignored me. He not only wanted total control, he wanted me to be a clone of himself. He has a successful career but I honestly do not know how people can stand to work with him. There is only one way to do things and it's always whatever he decides. I look back now and do not know how I survived inside that total toxicity. He told me he will never marry or be in a relationship again, and although I have my doubts, for the sake of women everywhere, I hope he means it. He has become totally selfish now and only wants to indulge himself, so perhaps he will satisfy himself with his greed and addictions and leave good people alone. 🤞
That sound just like my nex girlfriend of 14 years. Good thing we are out of that toxic behavior
Wow, I think you spoke for many of us there. Glad you are now in a position to look back at it.
All the best 🙏☀️
I SO relate to this. 15 years with mine… no amount of love and patience does the trick. He was managing to destroy so much of the good in me. I was going crazy wondering and self-doubting… I finally left and I am still dealing with the aftermath. But the one thing that I could not see then is that life is definitely so much better without all that drama, crazy mood changes, crazy accusations, the blame shifting, the gaslighting, the lack of reliability.. the egg shell walking. His delusions of grandeur became comical if it were not for the emotional abuse. Dr. C has been one of the great helpers in my journey to finding myself again and remembering who I am and all that I have to offer and what I can be in any community I am… I consider myself blessed that I did not let all that trauma take away my “service” nature, my kind choices and my ability to stop and smell the flowers whenever possible. I am glad you found your way out too Nancy! Much peace, we truly deserve love and peace after allowing them to take so much from us.
Wow!!!! Yep all day long
Often their ultimate intention is to drag you down with them to join them in the Gulf of Misery. The sooner you exit the scene the better.
Yup. True that.
Everyday without a narcissist is a happy day. Narcissist by default control people + angry personality. They have a highly disagreeable personality.
We normal people do not deserve to be part of the anger filled up hellish life they swim everyday.
Truth is, they have deep insecurity + self hatred = wanting to "feel superior" with everyone.
Life is short normal people. We have to be surrounded by happy, inspired people who love peace, calmness, no arguments & fights, growth, abundance
I love your dog, Les. I have no doubt Gus would make an amazing therapy dog.🐕💜
For several years, before I retired from my practice, Gus would come to my office with me. My patients loved it.
I tried treating him the way he treated me. That blew up in my face.
Wow, I am so glad I stumbled onto this. My mother is 92 and has left a swath of destruction so wide that I doubt the pain will ever be healed. Both of my dear brothers are gone now; both died directly or indirectly from alcoholic behavior at a relatively young age. One she embraced and one she rejected. And the deep trauma she caused has taken me about 15 years to come to terms with and I have a long way to go. She lives about 7 minutes away, but I have decided to stop most of our interactions as I have come to realize that the trauma has to stop and I am done with it. I'm 62 and have somehow, hopefully, managed to not pass a bunch of her garbage down to our children. I have made the decision to gather up as much of her BS as I can, lay it at her feet, turn my back and walk away. Enough. Thank you for the great, affirming talk.. :)
I'm glad you stumbled onto it as well. Stick around!
When my mother died it was the upmost relief. The world became quiet when the endless criticism stopped.
I have a abusive step mom a complete Narcissistic. I to made the mistake of not let go fir years feeling oh she’s Family I can’t do that…
OH gosh thank you for mentioning the fear of having passed a "bunch of garbage" down to the children. I had parents both narcs (Father passed now), sister (covert, I didn't see that coming until recently, but it's obvious in hindsight) and brother (malignant, disgusting). The mother I speak to occasionally and if it becomes a problem, I don't for a while. Manageable. I now constantly tell my children that I love them and I am sorry, but they are young adults and I don't know what already is brewing in them from all my rubbish behaviours, because I didn't have good role models. My husband is very patient with me, thank goodness. I tried so hard to create a happy family, but you can't help some subconscious patterns to seep through when you are stressed with a young family....
@@marian9410 , well said! Every once in awhile I have to ask my wonderful, patient husband if he thinks I screwed up anywhere and if I need to talk to our adult kids.. So far, I think I've managed to hit the high points and have asked for forgiveness where I needed to. And hopefully, the kids will be able to see past my glaring shortcomings. I totally get what you're saying about not having good role models. I was guessing at normality while raising children. Most of the time my instincts were good, but there were times when I just totally blew it. This is the sort of thing that could keep me up at night rolling around in my head if I let it..
My soon-to-be Ex husband constantly said "even if I loose, I win"
When I asked him why he said that and what he meant, he stopped talking, which was rare for him to stop talking, because he went on for hours and HOURS long "word salads" that often made no sense at all.
One gets the impression that you gave his argument more thought than he did.
I find it works really well to simply see a narcissist as a machine that is programmed in the narcissistic way and that I cannot change the programme! Then, I am free of feelings about them. I no longer feel guilty for doing what suits me and doesn't suit them!
i couldn't have said said it better. no guilt!
@@pamb2656 Aw, Pam B! Thank you! I am just going through being divorced by my entire family now because I have become a Catholic in the SSPX. I was raised by bout 30 atheists! I was sent to a non religious infant school three miles away as a 5 year old all alone there and back on buses morning and night and all my school up to aged 18 yrs, life because my family would not allow me to attend my local school only a 20 minutes walk away because it was a Church of England run school and my whole family LOATH AND DETEST ALMIGHTY GOD!
I told my m last week that Catholics do not attend cremations and they have all completely cut me off! But I am free, now and I have never been free until today! So, I am a very very happy bunny!!! 😃🙏🐕🐈🦔🐿🐰🐇🦢🦆Praise God! Hallelujah!
I am free.
@@elizabethdarley8646 finding God is never wrong. good for you
@@elizabethdarley8646 the Light Of Heaven to You !!
@@realitywinner7582 Thank you! 😃
God bless this gentleman. This video came at the most perfect time, and that is definitely divine intervention to present this video to me. To everybody battling, remember there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Love you all stay strong!
Hi...trying ....I'm 8 weeks out ... Started new job...and they gave shown they are narcs....
I agree Gian. Hope you are good now my friend. I am only at the start of the end of a bad un loving relationship with a narcissist. I appreciate your comment.
I think I may actually be a narcissist. I was recently dating a gorgeous woman whom I met at the strip club while she was working as a dancer. She confided in me about a lot of her own personal struggles, and I had many of my own. Our affair was intense, but we were both in dark places. When she left our situational relationship to be with someone that could take of her I immediately went into a toxic spiral of alcohol and cocaine abuse. I think we were actually both narcissistic. I lashed out at everyone. I started many fights with random people and the family until eventually I was completely fucked up as addiction consumed my life. Because deep down I can’t take that hit, or face that blow to my ego. I stand up straight with my shoulders back, I present as very confident, but deep down I feel inferior and unworthy of love. We were one and the same her and I. I’m a self centered pleasure loving dangerous focus person just like she was. I think that’s why I connected with her so much. My life a cycle of charming my way into good paying jobs, going back into addiction, forming relationships based upon physical beauty and sex, only to inevitably self destruct and end up with nothing and no one. Maybe it is me.
Check out self aware narcissist videos and seek help.
I have seen many narc abusers kind of shed their mask to reveal the severe untreated mental illness beneath it is terrifying not fun, horrifying, damaging (to all living things) I look forward to playing this now, thank you for making this for us.
I have seen it also. Twice the Anti Christ revealed itself.
It breaks my heart to see my narcissist spouse go down this self destructive route..
She’s going backwards and backwards towards even more unhappiness. In her quest to find affirmation, she’s going through even more hardship.
It’s tough because you are watching the slowest and inevitable train-wreck in the world and passively letting it claim the love of your life.
If only they could snap out of their delusions and victim mentality, they will be okay..
But no. It’s full steam ahead and there’s nothing you can say or do to make them change…
You’re the father figure I wish had had but at least I’m gaining a lot from your wisdom today. Thank you ♥️
Seriously he is so wise and comforting 💕 such a reprieve from my narcissistic mother and absent father who just buries his head in the sand.
lucky for us we are the actual demonstration of team health, my joy is sharing our doc with you and hopefully yours with me. somehow there is enough to go around, quite amazing for a gentle kind soul as the Doc. but for a moment, could you imagine daddy carter, how the world would have been different. but we found him now.
💕 Father, uncle, neighbor, friend and ultimately ….our ALLY. Thank you Dr. C. You are heaven-sent!! 💕
And Professional
Hi Gus, you're a good boy!
Feels so true..... Some many of them (at least the ones that seemed like crazy narcissists to me, I'm obviously not educated to make that call) seem to just want to bring the whole world down with them just from ageing (not even incredibly old, but around the ages of about 45-55 and they "still want to party").
God bless you Dr. Carter!!!
My ex-narc betrayed me by being with another man. She didn't think that when she made that choice she also made the choice to kick me out of her life. Now she's trying to hoover me back to help her dire financial situation. No self-awareness of the consequences of her action. She may end up getting evicted - all because her inability to contain herself over a much younger man.
Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect. Keep that as your standard!
stay strong, stay away.
@SurvivingNarcissism lol poor guy! IM STILL STANDING! 😂
The problem is the narcissists diversify how, and from whom, they procure supply. And they learn, to an extent, about what works and what doesn't. Then as they progress in their lives they just become more effective narcs. And while the victims they leave in their wake are much wiser and better prepared to prevent future narcissistic abuse....after all is said and done, the narc seeks out new victims who are uninitiated to their ways. This is how they perpetuate that cycle of abuse. They never completely lose. They just move on and continue being themselves.
I'm dealing with someone who is putting me through all this. I'm to blame I'm stupid it's my fault. They are the victim. They are carrying out major character destruction of me now trying to turn people against me. The mind games he plays is enough to make me doubt my sanity.
NO CONTACT!!! That's all a narcissist understands. 🙄
Thanks again for a great video. This is spot-on. I endured my ex-narcissist slowly but surely unraveling for years. I could check off everything you said in this video as something he said or did. The days of my life started to become very dreary because even though I tried ending it with him, he refused to leave. It wasn't "over" because he hadn't said it was over. Things continued to spiral until a violent night about thirteen months ago. He got arrested, I got an order of protection, and the huge weight of HIM is gone from my life now. How absolutely freeing. The dysfunction of these people in our lives is like a dark, heavy shroud. It's life changing to get out from under it.
No boundarys with these people. Run and run fast
They dismiss differences yet don't want to look for agreement.
My narcissist ex was able to look within at his part of the problem only when he knew I was serious about leaving. I think they always know what they're doing, they just don't care until it affects them.
How can it be that ~100% of attributes described in these videos are spot on? Its like there is no gray erea, it's all so accurate. Like the presenter knows the actual person. What? Are all narcissist the same? All were put together in the same doomed assembly line??
A damaged mould.🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿
I have never heard Dr. Carter say anything that doesn't ring true. With gratitude, with his insight and honesty, I was able to finally end my 6 year relationship in November. I have had no contact. The fog has lifted; I am feeling myself again. I am not all that proud of how I almost self-destructed to end it, yet I understand why. It literally took 2 years to end, though instinctually I knew it was over at the start. It is wonderful to breathe again. I can now continue to watch these videos and heal and learn and grow without pain. Thank you, Dr. Carter. You are a Godsend.
Thanks to his videos. I learned a lot.
And realized some people who I kicked out of my life were narcissists.
Life without narcissist is a happy day everyday.
Narcissist by default control people + angry people combo.
They dictate your opinion & choices in life.Blame people or circumstances.
Even if in the future these narcissist will " reconcile" with me, I will still keep them at "arms length"
Life is short.
I will find more people to become new friends who are normal & calm, collected, peace maker, not argumentative, optimistic, growth oriented, inspired people.
@@dianaverano7878 This is truly beautiful! We are fellow sojourners!
I get that. Ended when began ..
@@franceshaggitt3104 ... uncanny, isn't it
Hi Dr. Carter, Gus and Team Healthy from California. A narcissistic person is never responsible for anything and will always blame us. They will never change and only get worse as they get older. So get out of this empty relationship as soon as you can. Great video Dr. Carter.
My father is the narcissist. His end goal was to get everybody sick just like he is sick. Growing with an alcoholic narcissist is a process of trying to make you into a sick person as a child and as an adult becoming ill and dependent so that he can gloat on how he achieved his end goal. Their self-destruction is ultimately to destroy everybody along with them. This is what narcissists do, but when you are a child and your father is the one who is the narcissists it is a hell that I desire on anybody.
My mother, a covert narcissist self distructed. By refusing to accept diabetic diet and accused me of mistreatung her when I tried to help her
I helped a female family member and her adult son relocate to our area at great effort and expense to me over several months. I was warm and supportive and we shared visions of us strengthening our family bond and mutual support. They lured me into their nightmare behaviors with that enticement. A few months into their arrival I realized it had all been love bombing and they became very demanding of me and disregarding to living up to their part to any promises made. Within a few months of their arrival, I could see clearly the narcissistic pattern evolving. They were emotionally abusive and very untruthful and tried to cower me with angry displays. I cut them off and felt so much relief to be free and clear from them and repulsed later when she tried to entice me back into involvement with her. By then, I heard all the lies they'd told on me to other relatives. The last I heard, they'd squabbled with most everyone else in the extended family, the son had moved away and the female relative has tried to reach out to other extended family and had been rebuffed.
Oh how I wish I could share this with the narcissist in my life. All of your talks are excellent but for me, this one has been a 100% spot on description of the relative who is the narc in my life. We recently had a fall out when I asked her what her reason was behind her verbal attack on me when I had just found out and shared with her, that I had terminal cancer.
She now believes she is punishing me by going no contact. What she doesn't realize is that she has made it so much easier for me to finally cut loose from her.
If she ever resumes contact, I will not respond.
It's a lonely situation being on the receiving end (I hate the word victim) of narcissistic treatment. You can't share your problems with anyone because you become the constant whiner, complainer. Just like physical pain, no one can truly feel what you are going through, even when they've experienced the same, we all suffer differently.
I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis, i hope your raining time is all for yourself and what you neex. I dont have a terminal disease but I'm very sick and getting radical surgery due directly to narcissistic ppl in my life. I can't fully relate with you but I feel I can somewhat in how you may be feeling being on the receiving end of toxic at such a difficult time in life. I was hit by anger hurt shock pain grief and on and on.... a roller coaster. If you are feeling this way too then I'd like you to know you're not alone in your pain, that there are people who care. I wish you the best in your journey and whatever comes next. As they say life's a b*tch then you die..... perhaps the best is yet to come and maybe we'll meet one day. All the very best ✌
so sorry for your situation. i am fortunate that the sister who was the 'problem' has alienated all the rest of my family too so they understand what i have been through.
you can always have others to talk to here, God bless and keep up the fight.
The pain of being on the receiving end of narcissistic relationship is devastating. I isolated myself because words could not describe what I felt. I felt ashamed of being a failure until I realised I no longer needed to be a victim. It has been a long rehabilitation to regain myself through meditation and journaling but it has been worth it! At last I have found love and compassion for my self and am determined to live a happy and a meaningful life.
The more I walked on eggshells and tolerated putdowns, the more the narcissist in my life felt that we were "getting along better". When they got mad and turned on the sullen and pouting behavior when I got very sick when visiting during the holidays, that was the limit!!!! As if I deliberately became ill to mess up their plans or expectations! And while I was down in bed, they still went out and did all the things THEY wanted to do!
I couldn't take it any more!
I wonder when their other relationships are going to collapse, but these relationships are with flying monkeys with whom they can keep up a facade of NICEY NICEY NICEY! Their main "relationships" are with dependent animals and needy elders. With me, it was a one-way street in their direction. Very rivalrous, hostile, controlling, and resentful with no explanation. I was treated to the Jekyl-and-Hyde treatment, and never knew when Mr. Hyde would suddenly pop out and treat me with utter contempt, as if I am inherently disgusting and intolerable. Is it typical, Dr. C, for covert narcissists like this to be emotionally dysregulated and unable to give any reason why they overreact in the extreme?
You put my situation into exact words. The NICEY NICEY NICEY part lmao you hit the nail in the coffin with that one. Your last few lines about utter contempt with NO explanation is perfectly put. Thanks for this validation, no one seems to understand what I'm going through currently. He puts on a kind face for friends and family even strangers but he treats me like he hates me but also wants to sleep with me on command? Very confusing relationship. Thank you for this well put comment.
Het is de toon die de muziek maakt. Ik sta open voor kritiek . De wijze waarop een boodschap gebracht word is voor mij belangrijk.
I like that last part, Just grow in love, peace & harmony, working towards bettering myself.
Thank you Dr Carter. I’ve been listening to you for about six months now. It is because of you I have learned that I’m married to a narcissist. My emotions have gone from, oh my goodness how did I get here to now, I’ve made a plan and I’m almost out. I just want to thank you for making me realize I deserve a better life for myself. Blessings to you and yours.
Damn get out quietly these ppl will try to ruin you if you expose them. I found out I was with a narcissist after I got pregnant by him. Fortunately I broke up with him before we got 💍
That was beautiful. Ultimately , when you choose to live in joy and peace and don't respond to their negeitivity , the game is up . Oh , they will still continue the digs , but they can no longer cross those boundaries of yours .