THE NARCISSIST'S PRAYER: That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did... You deserved it!
@@theliberatedplanet U pmcan have witnesses who heard and saw what u just said, video and even photos to prove they're lying but you're wrong. It's all bc of your 'insecurities' ... So weak! Then they have u apologizing for overreacting to totally unbelievable selfish acts against u. Ugghh!!
@@champsdontdrive OMG... that blank stare!! And the very subtle smirk of satisfaction when you ask them questions. I went to a counselor b/c I thought I was going crazy, but I was told my spouse Couldn't be a narc b/c they are extremely rare. She should get a new job I think. Narcs are pretty common, sadly.
Yep. They'd rather go in victim mode or straight denial before a "that's true, I'm sorry". Hell I don't think I've ever heard even just "that's true" from my nercissistic mom. I can repeat what she says right after she says it and it'll still be either "no I didn't say that" or "well you're being so mean and hurting me and you must think I'm a terrible mom". Never a "yes I said that".
My ex wife and I hardly ever argued during our 15 year marriage. I learned early on that it was a serious crime to let her know that I didn't agree with her. The emotional abuse was horrible if I ever questioned any of her many lies. She was a serial cheater so she had to lie plenty but she would even lie about petty things that didn't matter at all and were easily disproved. She got so mad at me one time (for doubting a petty lie) that she called me at work and told me that she swallowed every pill in the house. Of course, she was lying about that too. I hope she didn't expect me to call 911 because I didn't.
I have been married to a narc for 23 yrs. Early on he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I took care of him all these yrs. Now I am legally blind and in a wheelchair. I am 70 yrs old, have gotten my own apartment and am moving on. I am tired of being cursed and screamed at. Peace for me is right around the corner! I cheer for all of you!
Finally got rid of her. That woman sucked the life out of me in just 2 years. After being alone for 3 months, I realised she wasn't special, I made her special. The pain will subside soon, focusing on myself now.
Narcissists hate it when you play their own behaviours back to them. They like to be able to abuse without consequences. They like to play victim when they are exposed.
oh hell yes! If you start giving them consequences for their bad behaviour though...just look how hard they buck at it! They want to be able to abuse you in any way they like, and you're meant to just sit back, take it, and smile throughout. Oh...and for some reason, you're also meant to keep on being nice to them, even though they treat you lesser than dirt. Could never comprehend that one...
Not as protecting as you think. I'm great enough that I can answer all of those and still be narcissistic. It's those unwarranted and insecure narcissists that can't answer those questions. Aka, the ones that need to be destructive to others.
Absolutely, I've offered my roommate many different opportunities all of which he deemed impossible for one reason or another. I recently offered my ex to purchase a birthday card for our son and she changed the subject. When I offered again later at the store with her, she did it again. I didn't tell my son, but he absolutely despises her despite my urging that he try to talk to her. Smart Young Man. Because of this I've decided it's time to tell her that I need her to stop visiting because it was supposed to be about our son, and now she tries her old tricks and expresses general ungratefulness in my home like I owe her something for her leaving us. Ridiculous.
My father whom I left 10 years ago had NPD and I’ve (sadly) been w ppl w narc traits and they seem to fake self improvement only for the tyrant to resurface later. I’m sure there are many who have a complete disinterest however.
Beware, I just dated one who noisily professed his focus on self improvement and healing. All the time, he talked about his inner child, "heal what ails" (his social media tagline 🤮), reparenting himself, introspection and meditation, etc etc. Idk what he *used* to be like ... But the version of him that I met was like an absolute toddler, wearing the mask of adult and parent.
I begged my ex for us to go to therapy and her response was, “why would I pay someone tell tell you exactly what I’ve been tell you for years?” The thought of her being part of the problem or her not being perfect absolutely would not register in her mind. It was crazy
I told my ex to stop purposefully demeaning and degrading me for years and therapy didn't change a thing. It's true. Therapy cannot help you tell somebody something you've been trying to tell them for years.
My ex told me often that i needed therapy/counseling. Blamed me for every single fight we had. To be honest, I did, but mostly to deal with family issues/upbringing. Soon after stopping I realized I was dealing with a bigger issue I didn't realize before. He then threw it in my face "YOU'RE the one who went to counselung, clearly YOU'RE the problem."
@@Stierguy1 I get that but that’s not what I’m saying. I knew we needed help bc we BOTH had things we needed to work on in our relationship. She was telling me that she was perfect and that a therapist was Just going to confirm that. I was trying my best to work on everything she told me she didn’t think she had any room for improvement
I went to therapy with an ex many years ago, after the first session the therapist said to me.... " He's NEVER going to change" I left him shortly after
My mother is Narsasistic & brother is sociopathic, I done the worst mistake ever & opened my front door to them when they lost their home. The next time I leave, I wont look back! These types of ppl are toxic!
DevotionsVisage, so Did you leave your Father? I am curious to know more about your relationship with him, and i can tell you some details of how i deal woth mu narc father. I have been trying to reach people out that i could relate to so i could see things better.
it’s so wild living with a parent who is a narcissist because it feels as if it’s impossible to express any genuine feelings or opinions to them, because they deny them and tell you that you’re wrong.
John Gillett right! it’s similar with my dad, I cant ever talk about anything really genuine, or i will get told that i’m wrong. it’s amounted up to doing it their way or all hell breaks loose.
I felt the not expressing thing so hard, I've been struggling with that problem since I can honestly remember, I've always been scared to be open with them cuz every time they find something out just from other people they judge and ridicule me. It's gotten to the point where I feel as though I need to permanently end all communication with them so I can actually be myself finally, and it's not like they're bad parents, but I just feel like I'm suffocating under their rule. Idk if anyone else is in the same situation but it's truly something I wouldn't wish upon anyone to have to experience
I once invited a narcissist to role-play. I said, "I'll be you, and you be me." All I got back was a blank stare. The narcissist couldn't imagine being anyone else.
Yes there's a certain type of narcissist I forget what it's called, that will steal ur entire identity by trashing ur image and take over urs. My ex litteraly became me afterwards. Stole my colors and aesthetic, my taste in music, my spirituality, even had my password tattood, etc
"Why can't you just be yourself?!" is a phrase that 3 out of 3 my exes used, and all displayed lots of traits of vulnerable narcs. Well, time for therapy has actually come.
@Krishna Patel Well done my friend. I have had to do the same thing. I was abused to the point of suicide and the police saved me. I wrote a 800 page document of that abuse with evidence attached. That now sits with a number of trusted people in the legal fraternity and I can pull the trigger for court filings for attempted murder, financial extortion and defamation whenever I want. It was very therapeutic. If they make one more abusive step or false claim I will have no choice but to proceed. At this stage I am choosing to move forward.
My dad is narcissistic and I recently went no-contact with him. The sad thing is for 10 years I've wanted nothing but a good relationship with him, and when I was a kid we were so close. 10 years ago I was disowned for not getting good grades my first year of college (I deal with high anxiety and shut down my second semester). Two years ago he came to my city to visit me and my sister. During his stay, my wife expressed concern for him and told him about some of the hurt he caused me in the past (his wife, my step mother, is also a narcissist, but I didn't realize he was too at the time; we had something of an intervention planned to try and offer him a way out of the abusive situation). My dad entered into a rage when my wife insinuated his actions had hurt his son (me) and he shouted her out of the room. When I intervened, my dad continued yelling at her, red in the face - I took my wife and left my sister's house because he simply could not stop himself. I was convinced this was a misunderstanding, and that I could talk to my father man to man and explain everything to him. My feelings about our relationship, the hopes I had for us, the hurt he had caused me in the past - and specifically, that my wife had only shared my own experiences with him. She wasn't making things up or plotting. The next morning I went to my sister's house to talk to my dad. I thought we would talk and resolve the situation logically. We would air our hurts and grievances and come together as father and son. What followed was the most deranged, unhinged, frustrating encounter I have ever experienced. My dad refused to apologize for brutalizing my wife. He refused to acknowledge my emotions or experiences. He deflected any hint he had ever hurt me or made any mistakes in our relationship. While I bent over backwards validating his feelings and saying sorry for all the wrongs I'd caused him in an attempt to placate his mania, Dad pulled every trick in the book - crocodile tears, deflection, changing subjects, playing dumb, claiming he didn't remember - all to avoid ever doing the same thing for me. Somehow he even added to the travesty by suggesting that my marriage was a mistake and that I should leave my wife. This coming from a man who had met my wife all of three times and who hadn't seen me in years. I realized I had never seen my dad's true face until the moment he lost his temper with my wife. In that moment, he slipped up and dropped the mask, and I cannot unsee his true face. The dumbest thing is that if my dad would say sorry, I would forgive him. But his willful narcissism prevents him from admitting fault or treating me respect. To have a relationship with me, he needs to admit he isn't perfect. The most hurtful thing about all this was seeing that when my dad had to choose between me and his pride, he chose his pride.
I can relate so much, and I am so sorry. I know it hurts. I know how it is to feel like you want to fix things with them, and to expect to come together as parent and child... but they won't admit to doing wrong.. and how it is to want them to apologize.. and how it is to placate them and validate their feelings while they don't do it for you.. and how they keep you around with worries about their health, and offering olive branches that aren't really what you need..
I had a narcissistic father too and he passed away 2 months ago due to cancer. My father was abusive against my mother, brother and me and 3 years ago he got aggressive against my mother and we called the police and he wasn't allowed to come back anymore because we have been protected by laws. He took me to court for that and made stuff up. My mother divorced and we cutter contact. It was during the pandemic and he had to sleep in the car and then he got diagnosed lung cancer. I wanted to have contact again because I didn't want to regret it that I didn't took the opportunity to have peace again. I often pressured him and told him all the stuff he has done to us and I said the only thing we want is an apology. He never did it to my family. Only once he apologize with crocodile tears because he was sick and couldn't handle the situation anymore. He apologized and said please let's never talk about it again. If he really were sorry then he would have apologize to my mother and brother too, but he didn't. He choosed to die with pride instead of fixing the issues. My mother and me also took care of him because he was weak. There was never a thank you and behind our backs he tried to play us out again but we were cautious. At least he didn't want to sell the apartment anymore and my mother can keep it. Alone for that it was worth it to take care and because we are better then him. Just cut and move on. Narcissistic people should be avoided at all costs, even if it is the father.
I really hope you peace, it's hard having narcissistic parents. I've learned to let them be in their world now, I know she's ok. Roof over her head, financially stable, and eating well. It would be nice to have a proper family syndicate unfortunately I don't with her and would never get it. I forgave her in my own space, I wrote a letter forgiving her then burnt it. Just so I could let it all go, and free myself
I know you've heard it, but you can't quench thirst at a dry well. I suspect your rough time at college was due to HIS DAMAGE. I got the same empty garbage "opportunity" while the golden child got a free ride........into an early grave. Now I'm a lazy worthless trash person according to IT, for not graduating college (HE refused to sign for the financial aide crap---AFTER I got As and Bs in the first year despite being kicked out--"You'll just drop out and waste it!") and for my life situation which OF COURSE has nothing to do with twenty years of damage and literal sabotage. Tell me again EARTH how we can "rise above" when denied any underpinning to even stand on? Love how even if you get out, your narcs determine YOU GETTING EDUCATION...GREAT SYSTEM, def "not" (huge elaborate theatrical cough goes here!) being run by narcs....... And then, they scream at you for having symptoms of the damage THEY INFLICTED ON YOU. This is not your fault. You deserved much more than that. Don't go into "The Light." It's an express ticket right back to this. Be well.
“Why would someone ask these questions?” “it’s his fault anyways, who cares”. “I don’t want to hear your opinion, I’m grown and you are the one who needs to change”.
I am a habitual over thinker, so it would take me quite some time. The first question alone is a loaded question, and depending on what you are going through there could be a multitude of things or just one main one that is dominant in your life.
Here’s how I spot a narcissist: (1) they care way too much about their persona and public appearance, (2) they lie about the dumbest things, and (3) they are incapable of genuinely apologizing.
Who else has to grow up with a narcissistic parent ? It’s the hardest thing to go through When you’re younger you blame yourself, now that I’m older I see 😭
Yep it's not fun. My mother died 6 yrs ago age 88 and was narcissistic with her dying breath, literally. They do not ever change that I know of. The only thing that I know of that can help you is for you to leave.
@@engleharddinglefester4285 there been many times where I try to talk some sense into her nicely and calmly it never works, and she’s ‘never wrong’ I love her and forgive her now that I know but man it’s hard
@@CasandraLeahhh Has she really caused some straight-up damage though? My mother was a serious case and I cannot think of a single problem we suffered as individuals or as a family that cannot be ascribed directly back to her. She made a holy mess and simply died in the end. Is your mother seriously narcissistic, or does she just have traits?
@@engleharddinglefester4285 she is seriously narcissistic and manipulative, in every situation possible and she never sees wrong , she’s also has ppd and it just never ends
I think the first question will call them out pretty good. Any question that requires self analysis with depth will be avoided. At least in my experience.
I started listening to the Doc. last year. I am 50 years married to a narc for 28 years. We run a family business but I have zero control over our finances. Early January I registered my own company and by good luck I immediately got two contracts to supply ppe to hospitals. I borrowed money to help me deliver the order from my sister since i don't have access to our money since he keeps all the cheque book. Last month I requested him raise float for kitchen and was told to keep off his money. Last week I was paid good money. Yesterday I shopped for a two bedroom apartment and got a very good deal. I have already started the process of acquiring it. I am planning to exit quietly by September. One thing I have learnt about narscs is that they really underestimate their partners. Thank you so much dr. Les for empowering us.
Samsung Tab S5e very smart move! To move in silence with them ! I wish you more good luck! I can’t wait until I can break free from the narc I live with! Best wishes!
Happy for you. All the best! Though I am not able to exit. But agree with you that the narc under estimate us, even we are unable to exist their evil world, at least we know what is going on and know what is right and wrong.
This is so helpful thank you ❤ 1. What are your deepest hurts? 2. Why is it so difficult for you to admit flaws and mistakes? 3. Why do you feel the need to impress strangers? 4. Why do my differences threaten you so much? 5. Do you honestly believe that your opinions, cancel out the validity of other peoples opinions? 6. In what ways do you need to grow and change? 7. If I make you feel so frustrated why do you keep coming back? 8. Why do you go silent?
I answered all of them quickly. I've been accused twice in my life of this but only twice. Women did this. Only question 4 and 5 might be construed as narcissistic. I'm pretty much mostly a loner
Lara thank you so much for ding this outline of the 8 questions narcissist can’t answer. It is extremely nice of you and very helpful and appreciated!❤
1. I genuinely, honestly don't know, and that terrifies me because I can't fix my problems. 2. I can admit my mistakes, I just wish others would also admit their own. I also fear feeling guilty and being hated for them. 3. I don't think this applies to me, nor do I fully understand it. 4. If we disagree, then we can't become friends, or get any closer. Trying to find common ground or ignore our differences only exaggerates the fact that we are different. 5. please refer to number 4 6. I take things too seriously and have gotten in a lot of trouble for trying to force my thoughts on others. I don't know how to relax and not let things get to me, nor do I know why I can't let people be. 7. You're likely the only one left who cares about me in any way. 8. This one does not apply.
1. what are some of your deepest hurts? 2. why is it so difficult, to the point of impossible, for you to admit flaws & mistakes? 3. why do you feel the need to impress strangers? 4. why do my differences threaten you so much? 5. do you honestly believe that your opinions cancel out the validity of others opinions? 6. in what ways do you need to grow and change? 7. if I make you feel so frustrated, why do you keep coming back? 8. why do you go silent?
I'm just realizing who I'm with after being told by him for the last two years that I am one, and now I'm worried that I am and I second guess every thing in say and do all day long because I think "if I say this or do this he is analyzing it to prove that I am" I'm going crazy I think...
@@lilyraestudios8289 You gotta cut off contact! That's the way to regain your sanity, peace, and control. Honestly, being with these toxic people is such a whirlwind of emotions that you can't think straight.
I can't. We are married with 4 kids and he had made it very clear that he will not divorce me and that if I start the process that life will be living hell. I can't put my kids through it.
Thank you - these were really helpful, I made a short list to make it easy to go back. ~ 1. 2:08 - What are some of your deepest hurts? 2. 3:20 - Why is it so difficult to the point of impossible to admit flaws or mistakes? 3. 4:20 - Why do you feel the need to impress strangers? 4. 5:31 - Why do m y differences threaten you so much? 5. 6:20 - Do you honestly believe that your opinions cancel out the validity of others opinions? 6. 7:16 - In what ways do you need to grow and change? (Living w/hidden shame) 7. 8:12 - If I make you feel so frustrated, why do you keep coming back? 8. 9:05 - Why do you go silent?
1. Myself and my own mind 2. I fuck up too many times and I feel foolish when I do mess up 3. I can change their perspective on me most likely 4. They don't 5. No I do not 6. I don't know anymore 7. Because I always come to the conclusion that I'm wrong 8. So that you don't know what I'm thinking I'm really a narcissist huh
My mother was a narcissistic sociopath her entire life, I was her go to punching bag. She beat me so bad this one time that some force came over me and I heard “Run! Run now she is going to kill you.” I froze because if I moved an inch she would beat me worse but again I heard “RUN NOW HIDE DONOT COME OUT” And I finally did what I was told to do. I am safe since she died. I breath comfortably since. 🙏
@@j3arnold You are very kind, thank you. I did run and hide. I stayed hidden and did not make a sound or move an inch until my father got home from work, he had to find where I was hiding, because I was in freeze mode/shock. This is one of her countless and vile acts of cruelty, abuse, viciousness she targeted me with. People, and I apologized to the world for calling her a person, like her put on their false mask to pretend to be human but that false face vanished the second they close the front door as soon as they are home. 🙏
@@antonio7334 You are absolutely right! There are many other situations where I’ve been told to stop, turn around and walk away now, I was really sick and in a deep sleep when I started hearing some one urgently telling me to get up - wake up - and I thought it was a dream and said I can’t I’m really sick, I can’t even sit up. I was forced to wake up, run to the top side of the boat and dive off the back into the Chesapeake Bay to save one of the guests who fell off the boat, couldn’t swim and not one person had a clue the person fell over. I have been saved many many times, by the third man. I really appreciate you telling me about the third man. 🙏❤️🙏 Thank you 😊
Narcissistic personality disorder is both fascinating and tragic. Not only are narcissists pretty awful, frustrating and hurtful to be around. But they are also very often very lonely people, alienating friends, partners, family, unable to change or even see the need to change. Always makes me feel that weird mixture of anger and pity.
In this new age of enlightenment the light is now shined on narcissism but the truth is these people have existed in society wreaking havoc in the shadows for many centuries they are as old as sin.
My sister is a narcissist, and a psychopath. She was also smart, and manipulative. She used her family, and when she was done she left us. I haven't heard from her in months. And, we still love her, because she's family. I love the rest of my family enough that I'm unhappy with the way she abused us, and I won't trust her again.
I was once told that a narcissist is the rooster, who believes that when HE crows, the sun comes up ! And then spends all day bragging about it ! I always like picturesque examples !
That picturesque example is SO funny & if we could learn to remember that as those humans do it ,like they can't help it just like a rooster ,then maybe we would be able to just chuckle within ourself & get on with life emotionally strengthened,even happy despite the human roosters!
The bragging type is not narcissist, he's overcompensating a self-perceived weakness. A true narcissist would crush you under his larger than life, all encompassing, unrepentant modesty. That particular modesty is his mandate to subvert and criticise, in short to dominate. Bragging is no domination unless we're talking about courtship rituals and even then it's make believe. It's your fault, not his.
Took me almost 13 years and I finally figured this is what my ex wife was. Crazy to back and think about everything I went through with her. I thought she was just bat shit crazy but nope she is a full blown narcissist.
Narcissism falls along the axis of what psychologists call personality disorders, one of a group that includes antisocial, dependent, histrionic, avoidant and borderline personalities. But by most measures, narcissism is one of the worst, if only because the narcissists themselves are so clueless. -Jeffery Kluger Here are some characteristics of the Narcissist. These characteristics apply to males and females 1. Self-centered. His/Her needs are paramount. 2. No remorse for mistakes or misdeeds. 3. Unreliable, undependable. 4. Does not care about the consequences of their actions. 5. Projects faults on to others. High blaming behavior; never their fault. 6. Little if any conscience. 7. Insensitive to needs and feelings of others. 8. Has a good front (persona) to impress and exploit others. 9. Low stress tolerance. Easy to anger and rage. 10. People are to be manipulated for their needs. 11. Rationalizes easily. Twists conversation to their gain at other’s expense. If trapped, keeps talking, changes the subject or gets angry. 12. Pathological lying. 13. Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, others. 14. No real values. Mostly situational. 15. Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses this to manipulate. 16. Angry, mercurial, moods. 17. Uses sex to control 18. Does not share ideas, feelings, emotions. 19. Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word. 20. Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentment. Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Hackspyhub@gmail. Com , where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Good God, this settles it!!! To be a democrat is to be a narcissist. Wakeup people. Government is the ultimate means of control, it is a magnet for narcissists. President Trump has been exposing this for almost 8 years. The truth is defined as the actual state of things, is it not? Explain Trump derangement syndrome. Trump promised to give the government back to the people. Less government is less narcissists in our lives.
@Krishna Patel There is a socially acceptable amount to share, as well as a socially acceptable time to share. Experience in relationships says that those lines are almost never clear. Life is, if nothing else, a learning experience. BTW, I'm in no way saying this in you, but my own personal experiences.
The most painful thing about dating a narcissist is when you didn’t see it right away and their toxic behavior bleeds into your own. And now I’m having to unlearn all these behaviors. That’s how I knew I needed to leave him. I lost the empathetic caring person I was and was becoming someone who lashed out every time they were hurt.
I'm right here with you. 💕 I left my toxic ex in October, and met a new guy. I've noticed how much of a jerk I can be, bleeding from the horrible relationship I was in for 4 years. So I'm unlearning too. Therapy and self love!
Me ex. wife is a psychologist. Talk about a difficult narcissist to spot. It took me three years of therapy to get to a good place. It was made.worse by spending a year in couples counseling with her destroying my identity, as the psychologist doing our couples work ended up an unwitting acomplice. If you get fooled, learn, and forgive yourself. Some of them are masters of manipulation.
Admitting a mistake is HIGHLY THREATENING to a narcissist. so true. Also - they never say they are sorry even after a complete meltdown & annihilation of you.
I'd like to add that manipulative narcissists WILL admit mistakes. But they will twist that admission into a guilt trip. They will crank the drama up to 11 and go "I'm such a horrible person! I don't know why you put up with me I'm the absolute worst!" and sometimes do a dramatic "I'm going to leave for a while" (or worse) to try and guilt the wronged person into going after them, comforting them and telling them "oh it wasn't that bad, there there..." and still make it about them.
@@KingStyer That's not what I said at all. The right reaction would be to apologize for your mistakes. That's it. Manipulative narcissists will not just apologize to the person. They will overbear the situation by drawing pity and make it all about people feeling bad for them, instead of the person being wronged. And will make the person who was wronged feel bad about calling out the behavior because suddenly the narcissist is the one with the dramatic meltdown.
That comment made me say WOW also. Have a narcissistic and gaslighting wife and have been dealing with health anxiety and depression for over 3 years. I haven't told anyone about her and everyone thinks she is this super kind person because she can turn on the charm in the company of others. Even my family tells her how good and caring she is. I want to leave but don't have any supports at the moment. No one knows what is going on. Sorry, did not mean to dump all this stuff on you, but just have a feeling you would understand. No need to reply if you are not comfortable doing so.
@@leapingjoseph8462 It is OK to say no, to ask for your needs to be met, to get your peace, walk away, and tell the truth under your own roof. That includes being blunt and honest. Expose her by asking her whether there is a real problem with a solution, or if she's just making up conflicts to antagonize and complain.
@@leapingjoseph8462 I have a co worker that is a narcissist, its almost unbearable...100% sure would break me if would be married to one. There is only one cure= Leave. Don really think that can be worse than what You have now, even without support.
Yup. My Dad died when I was 2 and my Mom's bf stabbed her in front of me when I was 7. That had a strong affect on me. Then, an animal attacked my single Mom and she needed a lot of help. Instead of having a good life after that, the doctor's blamed me, as a 12 year old, as to the source of my Mom's problems while continually switching her medications to eventually be put on oxycotin. This really disrupted my teenage years and I don't want to seem selfish because my Mom was going through so much hard times, but no one ever seemed to find or have a place for me to go. That's just one thing. I had to line up apartments for us to live in when I was in highschool BC no one was able to. I held a lot of guilt from that bad doctor who tried to divide my Mom and myself rather than help or treat her well and make us functional. I had a lot of struggles with homelessness in life and I still have people trying to sabotage me based on other lies that have been used against me. I honestly don't know why I'm having this sort of issue with not being liked. But the good part is by re-connecting with my Mom and helping her for that past 5 years and talking to her everyday and seeing her a lot. Our grown up relationship is a world different than growing up because we have so much in common. The thing is, she didn't know her Father either. So, it's two generations of absent Father's, for whatever reason, it's been quite a challenge and I'm hopeful I succeed at my new good job and move back in with my Mom. I'm dreaming big. 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂
This is so true. You never feel like a part of something with a narcissist. There is no teamwork, only what they want. They will always prioritise strangers and casual friends because it's a perfect environment for them. They get their ego stroked by people who think they are great with little-to-no chance of them discovering what they are truly like.
"Never make someone a priority, when all you are to them is an option". - Maya Angelou I'm in my 60's and I am sadly learning this IS the way of the world...
This can only be taken so far. If you make only what you want a priority, you will always just be an option. At anytime someone can make you that option. You can also choose to make them an option. When you realize this, you can then adjust your priorities and at the same time other's will adjust as needed. Help other's with their priorities and you will remain a priority. Just don't cross your moral boundaries in the process of adjusting your priorities. That's where I made so many mistakes and lost myself in the process.
After a dysfunctional family of origen and two sociopathic so-called husbands, I don't want to "engage" deeply with anyone. I am in a period of REST, and it might last for the rest of my life. Peace.
A narcissist once accused me of being manipulative and self-centered. My therapist pointed out that this was a masterful piece of projection. So I asked her, "If I'm so manipulative and self-centered why do you want to be my friend? Doesn't that say you have poor taste in friends?"
That is gold man. Ive pulled that on my mom when she tries to turn the tables on me in an npd rage (usually by me calling out a passive aggressive move). Its like if im the awful, confused person u say i am.. why is it only ever ME trying to politely keep my distance & u forcing yourself into my life.
Bcus they feel the threat of being exposed they fucking hate that shit they cant handle my ass lol I'm so fucked in the head now I'll never be happy fo sho so I'll be damn if I don't put em in the spot light on every thing and if they do it once they gonna keep on cuz they walking life like a circle track never change you can't fix what you can't accept is broken
@@chrisgould101 I know the feeling, but they can really ruin your life in revenge. If you expose them, you have to be very careful. It's safer to just get away from them if you can. I wish I'd known this years ago. :(
I wouldn't agree with that statement, he seems to pretty clearly have an agenda against those with narcissism, he directly said to always avoid them more than once
I have struggled with my 56 yr old narcissistic son for 40 years. I have gained strength from you podcasts. I have a tremendous amount of guilt when you refer to the redeem seeded pain. I've learned to forgive myself, but how can I recover from knowing his pains were caused by my weaknesses as single parent? Thank you for what you do.
One of the most gut wrenching parts about learning that I was raised by a malignant narcissist is seeing so many of those traits in myself. But I want to give my son a good childhood and that’s what keeps me constantly examining myself for toxicity 😅
You're a good person if you can delete bad stuff from your childhood to help your children. Not like those assholes who think "well I suffered in my childhood so I'll make my children suffer too, they need to go through it, I'll take it out on them"
Dont ever stop searching how to be a better person by the day, I sadly did not realize i was emotionally unavailable for my daughter because i was too busy surviving (bills, work, being a single parent is hard). I also did not realize i was raising my heart with a heart of gold, full of empathy. Her narcissistic father was and is so abusive mentally and emotionally that he was able to take advantage of her empathy towards him and is using it against me. My daughter is starting to believe i was a horrible mother (he would always tell her mean things as a baby) she also seems to be filled with anger and now just says idk or i cant remember for anything she wants to immediately dismiss. He took her away by lying to her school that i tried to kms with her. He has always tried to hurt me throught her because he knows it was the only way i would give him any type of reaction. I wont say i was the best mother but i thank the lord for allowing me to see that I am able to search within myself first and now look forward to being better not for myself but for her. One day she'll grow up and see that her life wasnt what she believed it to be and i know I want to be there for her because it truly breaks one heart and soul to realize you are not what you thought you were. Always search to become better, I wish you the best sir.
This is why I don't think narcissistic traits = narcissism. You're capable of self examining yourself for toxic and narcissistic behavior and adjusting in accordance, which narcissists are usually incapable of. You're also putting your children first from what it sounds like, and narcissistic parents wouldn't do that either. No human is perfect or safe from narcissistic traits, many of those traits can be learned from growing up in rougher environments and needing to survive as a child.
People can have narcissistic traits if they have low self-esteem/ insecurities and learn certain bad behaviors like manipulation, but as long as you can learn and introspect, you can grow and become the best version of yourself. I would say it starts with healthy self-esteem building, learning healthy confidence and assertiveness, and also learning about manipulative behaviors so that you can stop yourself. Learning about “positive parenting” might also help. … and I’m not a doctor but just speaking from my experience…
I get really antsy when a person I will initially accept as being the leader of a non-profit organization or they want to recruit me to provide services to their business uses "team" or "family." They want you in their clutches. They picture a team like a rowing team where everyone stays in step and they are the one with no oar, shouting out the beat. If it's family, they're going to try to be the godfather and lord help you if you "betray" the family. You don't get paid either because, We're Family!!! :)
or, as in my former marriage, "We work as a team, we do everything my way, but YOU do all the work, and you support me because I'm too important, good-looking, and precious to get a real job."
‘Narcissists don’t want team work’ I have found this to be an excellent way to spot a narcissist in the workplace, I have worked with a few colleagues over the years who are seemingly very confident capable individuals but they just have complete meltdowns trying to work in a team and just create a lot of conflict. They seem to prioritise their individual position of hierarchy within the team over the team objectives and that becomes detrimental to the whole project. I also think that TV shows like ‘The Apprentice’ purposely select people with narcissistic personality traits because they know that conflict creates entertainment.
true,I worked with narcissists and they wanna be above others even tho they are on the same level of work. ask them for advice on something they just say "u figure it out".and when they are about to do something that is wrong and they are asked to stop it they just keep on and fail miserably xD. when they have trouble doing a job they never ask for help they just proceed to make solutions super expensive for the customer. a mechanic i worked with got stuck on a job cos i didnt knew how to use welding and blowtorch equipment to seperate some parts that us other do all the time.he then went on to order al new parts giving the customer a mega bill vs when we do those jobs.they are so comicial and pathetic in how they still belive they are gods tho xD
you dont have to be a narc to not want idiots slowing you down at the workplace. if I can do something 100x faster without having to repeat the task 90 times to everyone else, that's called efficiency.
Yes, starkly obvious with a cooperative board-game (Pandemic). My mother can't wrap her mind around the concept, and believes we're somehow maliciously manipulating her to accomplish less, though we technically all win or lose as a team. She keeps trying to make some kind of plot where she'll help a player if that player grants a greater favour to her. Also insists on playing easiest difficulty because "It's no fun when you feel like you're losing".
I removed a sibling out of my life since I had enough of their narcissist behavior. If one can't treat with me nicely with respect, then they aren't worth my time. And a narcissist sure doesn't like that since they have lost the control which we all know they thrive on control. I tried to make up with this person on MY terms. They apologize, stop the abuse and treat me nicely with respect. Needless to say this person ignored that request. And I was not out of line for what I had asked for. So that just shows, they will only try to lure you back and manipulate you so they can abuse and control you again. So a narcissist will never change, just like you stated. Which proves that control means more to them then you do. Since in their eyes it's all about them.
@@ladyladychickchick9133 "I don't remember", "I don't recall" is a classic for narcissists. My mother uses it as well. Even when it's about a thing she did or said a day ago. I'm sorry that you have to deal with such a person. I hope you will take care of youerself
@@SicYennefer it's part of the disassociative state they constantly live in. Unpleasent feelings, memories, vulnerabilities are disassociated and none of their own trauma is actually confronted. Being wrong is unpleasant and therefore suppressed. She knows she behaved poorly, but doesn't have the ability to acknowledge she did anything wrong.
@@sarahbarth7267 oh, hell yes. It's very helpful to know narc's insight, it's easier to cope with it. To anyone interested I wholeheartedly recommend www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com. Great source of knowledge. Remember - you're not crazy!
I have one sister who brought me to tears so many times I stopped talking to her. Doing the most damage with the least vulnerability is a perfect description of her.
"I don't remember it so it didn't happen" "I didnt hurt your feelings you chose to feel that way" "I've never argued with you"(during an argument) - some quotes from my ex narcissist
Mind blown, literal lines from mine.... especially the "I didnt hurt your feelings, you chose to feel that way"..... that ish used to f with my head sooo bad because in a way its true... but in another way its completely false... still feel insecure, even about my own thoughts, from dealing with that for soooo long. And the arguing part as well... would be yelling and screaming at me and then say "I'm not yelling! " Then starts the abuse, name calling, and hours of badgering for calling him out.....
I assumed my father was a narcissist for the longest time but it was mostly my insecurities that made me think that way. Last December he apologized and noted the biggest issues that he struggled with as a parent. Seeing that proved to me that he's not a narcissist, he just has a difficult time controlling his pride like I do.
Beautiful. Keep communicating. Keep admitting your mistakes to each ofher. We are humans. We usually do more wrong than right. If we are concious to that we maybe can turn the sail and do more good than bad. Being 51% good and 49% evil is better than 99% of people. None of us are the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. Don't be a chuunibyou. Suffer towards something. Thats what life is about imo. I certainly do my best and hope it's enough. I certainly can always do more.
Narcissism is a range on the human emotional spectrum just like any other, happiness, depression, anxiety, joy. It's when those things become hyper prominent, that they indicate a problem. All of us are a little narcissistic, most of us are able to keep a lid on it so it doesn't make too much of a mark on our lives. At least, that's how I understand it. It's an oversimplification to call it an emotion, I know.@thatsmeINFJ
I've had narcissistic tendencies all my life. But I can confirm that it was from fear. Basically my parents were mentally abusive at times and I believe my narcissistic behavior and thoughts were driven by fear primarily.
I've done a lot of growing in the past few years. 24 now and I believe I'm more open and loving than ever before. I'm proceeding to work on myself one day at a time. In my experience. 80% (rough estimate) of the time, people will tell you you're going to hell instead of noticing you may be in hell/ going there and helping you out of it. But then again. Why would you want to help someone you perceive as a monster?
@@Some3xRandomGuy I feel like I'm in the same shoes as you. My parents made me be afraid of admitting my mistakes. Same for my girlfriend, she always says I could just say sorry but when I do she still doesn't stop. I don't really get it. Additionally I'm a leader in every team or organisation I am in, so I need to make sure I'm perceived as a capable person to keep winning elections. I feel like this defensiveness is required for my life.
Being a narcissist it can be extremely difficult to open your eyes and look at all the damage you've done & all the hurt and insecurities inside yourself. It's also difficult because people treat narcissists like that's all there is, no actual human behind the mask who is hurting. This drives the spike of lies deeper into our own heart as we cling onto it. After being outed by my entire friend group, exploited, and made fun of, it hurt me terribly. You may not be able to change fundamentally, but at least it's possible to understand *why* you do certain things, so you can take preventative action and live more holistically. And it's been *totally* worth it.
I'm kinda feeling for people that has the disorder they didnt choose their childhood or wanted to be this and that. I think its wrong blindly hating someone for it...
My husband walked in while I was watching this and got MAD but could not tell me why. It hit WAY too close to him for him I guess lol.. He literally could not listen to this & it ran him out of the room angry then he came back a few minutes later and asked me if I was working on my flaws lol. This is GOLD information.
Read "Unmasking Narcissism". If you love someone who is a narcissist, and don't want to just conclude "the narcissist is bad and you should remove them from your life", that book will help you understand what has made them narcissistic and figure out how to have a healthier relationship with them (emotional boundaries, etc).
For a long time I felt that I was a narcissist. Only recently I've found out that these symptoms are actually a result of my upbringing. I'm going to start asking myself these 8 questions or a variation of them every day to try and grow more comfortable being a person, flaws and all.
@@rosen9425 You know, I've worried that I myself was possibly an undercover narcissist and after watching this video and connecting emotionally to almost all of these, I'm pretty sure I'm not. I've definitely known some though.
Being raised by a narc gives us narc tendencies. We can unlearn them and heal. If you're worried about being a narc, you probably aren't one lol. Narcs don't worry about that.
I had an intimate relationship with a narcissist and her “go to” reply to a simple question I would ask her was, “Why do you want to know?” Think about it, I would say “How was your day honey?” Her reply, “Why do you want to know?” This blew my mind until I began understanding her condition. Incapable of self reflection and in a constant state of camouflage.
Ceridwen Schache I’ve noticed that people who’ve had traumatic and abusive backgrounds usually fall into one of two categories: 1) they become highly empathic and compassionate due their own experience and knowing what it feels like to be hurt 2) they become narcissists or psychopaths
8 Questions narcissists can't answer: 1. What are some of your deepest hurts? 2. Why is it so difficult for you to admit flaws and mistakes? 3. Why do you feel the need to impress strangers? 4. Why do my differences threaten you so much? 5. Do you honestly believe your opinions cancels out the validity of others' opinions? 6. In what ways do you need to grow and change? 7. If I make you feel so frustrated why do you keep coming back? 8. Why do you go silent?
1. Being alone, being talked about behind my back. 2. Admitting flaws shows that I am incapable of something, I would rather eliminate the flaw once I notice it instead of having to admit it. It helps escape the feeling of weakness. 3. Strangers are a blank slate, I feel as though showing them my "best side" brings new possibilities to my life and potentially new opportunities. 4. Differences, I'm assuming this is from the perspective of a relationship. In that case, differences can be threatening in a committed relationship and are daunting as they make it more difficult to come to common ground. However, differences are perfectly healthy. 5. No, however i will often try to change other peoples opinions with logic and reason. It can be frustrating to be unable to but I've learned to deal. 6. This one is tough, because if i knew what i needed to do to grow and improve i would already be working on it... But I suppose, I should learn to control my stress better and not take it out on others when I'm frustrated. 7. Because I Love her. Over exposure and my own internal issues may cause frustration, even if sometimes it's actually my fiance being a dufus, but it also challenges me to be in a relationship with someone who can be as intelligent and reasonable as she can be irrational and moronic. At the end of the day, I care deeply about her and my son, and that's the reason I've never left even though I get frustrated beyond belief sometimes. 8. I never go silent, I kind of do the opposite actually... If we have an issue, it gets discussed until we figure out where it stems from, who (if anyone) is the problem in that instance, and how we'd go about fixing it. She's never refused to talk it out even though I'd say 70% the discussion ends with us agreeing that I'm right. If she's right, I'll usually back down and admit it so I don't have to go through the whole argument knowing I'm wrong. So, am I a narcissist? XD
My answers would be as follows 1 what the fuck does this even mean?? 2 I honestly don't know of any flaws that I might have 💀 3 I don't feel the need to impress strangers and honestly could give two fuck about what anyone thinks 4 your differences don't threaten me at all in fact as long as they don't affect me in any way then I don't care what differences you mat have 5 only if their opinion is stupid 6 no idea 7 again what the fuck does this mean? No one in my life really makes me feel frustrated so I don't really have an answer? 8 again the fuck does this mean??? Some of these questions are really stupid wtf I'm not a narcissist and never will claim to be but seriously how the hell are you supposed to answer some of those I haven't watched the video yet this so maybe he'll explain the questions better
Their feelings are WAY more important than yours. I used to say of my ex- that she's the kind of person who might stab you, and then berate you for "whining" about being stabbed. It was incredible.
I'm crying right now.....this is so true! My narcissist abuser threatened me physically last night and I left. You are helping me so much right now. Thank you 🙏
@@theinvisibleman2070 There are many ways to say the same thing. An existential position never works like a line, unless you already walk, but it only does so if it'd be your instinct to automatically pass by, when you assume something instead of calculate it out. I rather look at them as circles or cores from which you could choose a million ways and go as far or as extreme with them as you'd like. If this is what you would name it, then we could know where you stand or what you skipped and where you know something as you do, but where the question is, is what. Sounds to me it doesn't hold much value for you, which means you wouldn't look much closer at the void where you don't belong or hold feeling for it, which means you'll underestimate it's power and overestimate it's weakness. You'll fit with those who've been in it for a little while, and probably agree, or nothing at all. But you wouldn't understand those that wallow in it, those that try to get answers from that place. Those who don't mind the pain it brings or don't even notice it. Every path has pain. The question is what fits perfectly into your world as something that makes your identity as a tattoo would on your skin. (Just fixed a typo)
@Jamie Pritchard Yeah, so there is a choice in front of all of us. It comes down to the pain that you want to endure or can not see if that's how you could see it. You'll probably recognise this best when we'll get way older and even then, choice. The end offers freedom from that, but we are only here, in this grey place, for as long as we are. It forces us to truly become the person that we are, but there are many places in the mind we could stay.
@@diederickkruse3821 Freedom left unchained can lead to a lost sense of freedom. Freedom nurtured and natured is the binds which sway morality. But a false freedom is like a bird caged under its own illusions. Although, there is the anti-freedom. Not tyranny, but the reality that one can make many choices which don't truly amount to anything, regardless of the gain. But all of this is a part of human nature, so on its own. Freedom is incomplete.
@@absolstoryoffiction6615 Chaos is yet another way to look at freedom and the most common perspective. It's true, freedom can be quite a chaotic thing, so there. The thing is that it's usually hard to control, because the moments freedom is most desired, are those at which we'd very much want to be 'unchained' and choose for ourselves. Usually to find out who we are, but that is the truly chaotic thing for which freedom is required. Freedom offers its potential. I wouldn't call it an empty virtue that doesn't amount to anything and I wouldn't call it incomplete, but a necessary step to take in our lives. It's just not everything. That's why I was looking, in a more difficult period, for people to stand by my side and to hear it, but I ended up quite alone and had to make the choice to stay there for a while, making it okay. If you'd call it incomplete, I'd say it's best to truly look at what it all holds and could mean for you, instead of what it means for you right now, which is probably what you're feeling about it. Its momentary use with your current existential position aka instinct. When you feel nothing for the meaning of freedom, but everything for the reasons of use (thus acquiring clarity through contrast), you're probably quite close to making good calculations. And with that contrast you see everything else more clearly, too, as there are now less jammers, blocking your ways. To be a little cringe: Assassin's Creed actually offers a great contrast on those jammers with their creed, saying "nothing is true, everything is permitted". Of course there isn't much to go on here and if this is all I say it is just chaos for most. This strange, little and apparent code feels vastly incomplete for something so wise and ancient and just seems utterly chaotic (which, of course, at times in their history, it was). That little bit of reflection could mean all the difference when you'd find, say "Where other men blindly follow the truth, remember nothing is true. Where other men are limited by their morality or law, remember everything is permitted.". Of course this one is still a very wild code to have and is thus quite dangerous, but it gives the proper contrast to have something to easier go on with, as you'll find new issues to solve to get to bottom lines. With the right perspective, though, this could also be seen as a warning, to know that, if not you, others may only be seeing something like this and that you need to understand your 'enemy' by becoming them. Obviously there is more to freedom than this creed, but not everything about it is obvious, obviously. Certainty is the dangerous tool in most cases, since it breeds stubbornness. What shouldn't be forgotten, is that psychological stuff is usually not objective. Try to not for now look at the limits of freedom, but the inevitability. Pfoo long story, but I hope it clarifies or even raises some questions! Anyway, could you explain your anti-freedom a little?
Yes, I like how you said that a narc's feelings "cancel out" facts. That is very true. When you ask them to substantiate their claims, their word salad gets tossed all over the place! They become even angrier and deflective and you will just become even more confused and exhausted trying to get a simple answer from them!
Yeah, I had those exact thoughts while watching the person in my life w this, and that really is what it is. Funny thing is, THERE'S A LOT ON THE INSIDE! A lot of pain, mainly. But, they're so insecure they create a self-fulfilling proficy by ending up lashing out (defense mechanism), hurting u, & effectively creating the impression that there's nothing inside- which is exactly what they did all that to avoid anyway! I don't hate them, I actually pitty him (mine) because, now that I understand this, I can see he's full of envy for me, so in a very dysfunctional way, it's flattering lol
It's really interesting when they think they're extremely self-reflective and analytical when they're so not. I'm just baffled how they can say and think that and then continue making the same mistakes over and over and over and over and over again.
"I wanna be free, and freedom means not having to hide behind pretenses", yes this! I've tried to explain this concept to my roommate when he does the obvious 'trying to impress strangers' thing and it's like he can't comprehend living for anything but the admiration of others.
My favorite test for empathy is "how do you think I felt when you (did or said) that?" Keep asking it no matter how the person tries to wiggle out of it. I actually had one tell me how THEY felt, as if their brain was incapable of processing the question in any way that wasn't about them. It can be a hard question for anyone, but someone who is willing to truly engage with you and consider your feelings will at least try
The narcissist I dated claims he is an empath, but when I asked him questions like “how do you think that makes me feel?” he could never answer. I think maybe he’s a covert narcissist though, because he was pretty vulnerable at the beginning.
so.... i found that these people, covert narcs, in my life think they are SUPER empathetic... yet they can't understand the effects of their actions, and even if you TELL them how a situation is making you feel they don't get it, sidestep, deflect, take no accountability, or just hit you with the ol' "well, now you're just making me feel bad". which, flips it right back to them and how THEY feel. "but what about MY feeeEEEEeeeeeeeEElings~~~!?" is like their battle cry. (but more often than not, there will be a pause after you speak, and then a *complete* topic change with zero acknowledgment.)
It’s very healthy to ask yourself when in a relationship these questions . Sometimes I question if it’s me… makes me sad but then I google what I need answering and try figure out this life of ours. I think because of past events we all have hidden trauma somewhere along the way that wasn’t expressed. Just my thoughts x
If you in a relationship keep asking yourself over and over again: "What the hell is going on? Nothing makes sense" please understand 2 things: 1. There's NOTHING you can do to 'save' him/her and 2. LEAVE!
I wish I new he was a narc :(. I was always constantly confused and sad. I even got suicidal and I didn’t know why. I realized after the relationship that he is in fact a narcissist.
And it's a perfect storm of opposites because a normal person or an empath will try to save the narc and be loyal to the narc because that's what good people do. But when the other person is a narc, that's all out the window.
This hit so hard. I went no contact with my parents a decade ago. My dad recently died and I have been trying so hard to make a meaningful connection with my mom. I thought my dad was just an influence on her. I was dead wrong. She is continuing the same pattern of abuse. I have tried every method to get around the narcissism. It is breaking my heart all over again. Every single question of this video is EXACTLY my mother. It is so hard to face.
I wish to never know that pain. I do hope you find your way through this. My grandpa was narcissistic. Thankfully she saw and accepted him for who he was and what he was and wasn't capable of. I'm sure you're very resilient, and if your mother were capable of seeing herself and witness your response and efforts of keeping a relationship with her would be extremely moving. Idk, hoping the best for you and yours.
@@nwerd7584 omg, you might be right...................my dad did ask her to call me a lot before he died. she said calling me wouldn't change anything, so she didn't. wow...................my dad was an asshole at times but now that I think about it, I wonder if my mother's influence just made him 10x worse. you have given me something to consider
Flashbacks to conversations with my mother when I started to realize it wasn't just me. When I was a young teen and we are always butting heads very hard. I'd beg her to respect my different opinions, she would say there is no such thing as an opinion, there is only right and wrong (and of course, she was the champion of all things right). I remember asking her if we could go to therapy, she said she didn't need to go, i should go so the therapist could explain how wrong I was about everything, then we'd be fine. I remember how I was always having to apologize or grovel to get back on her good side and I asked her if she could for once admit to me something she's sorry for-- she reflected a moment then said, "I don't think I've ever really done anything wrong." I pressed her a little and she finally came up with something: apparently, her only fault was being too nice and other people (like me) took advantage of her because of it. Whooo boy. Yeah I'm messed up from her.
When you hear narcissistic it relates to the wife, husband, girlfriends and boyfriend but when it comes to parents we can't call them narcissistic because the love of our parents can not be compared with the love of partners. Whatever they do it's all about guidance. If you could feel the pain of our mother's during birthing and during in the womb you could have not been said narcissistic. Finally you are going to be a mother and you will remember this one day.
A narcissistic mother is the ultimate narcissist. She won't turn on you until you're older. She'll pull you down, and only try to be your mom when she feels like it. She'll call you a failure and try to kill your ambition. She'll cut deep because you gave her the knife by opening up to her when you were little. She knows you, but only the old you, you can cut her off by not confiding within her. Living under the same roof is tough, you can only speak with her when necessary, be as straightforward and clear as possible, because anything can blow up into an argument. Think of it like starving an ant infestation by vacuuming up crumbs. I'm trying to get myself set up to move out, because I'm not playing this game she's stuck in.
Yup, this was both my parents. My father literally called himself “perfect” and said that everyone else is the problem. My mother twisted everything until it fit with her own twisted reality. These people honestly can’t see beyond themselves.
Not that learning cell biology is a bad thing, but somehow I can't help and feel that learning stuff like this in high school would have been more useful.
@@SqueakySassy I agree I have a parent still alive who I and my siblings have catered to at least 4 decades of my adult life. I really believe I was aware and knew how tools to deal with it . Things may have been better for me, my siblings and other relatives and relationships even the narssis's life.
This describes exactly the woman I was with for 8 years... so happy to be out of that. When I was in it, I kept trying to figure it out but never could until I was out. It is such a hard thing to endure, losing all relevance in a relationship.
ask them what they like about you...... there will be silence, a puzzled look,,, (wait for it) then after and eternity they will say "I guess that you care so much for me" yes folks that's the best you're going to get...... forever.
Really? I have not even got that once after marrying him. Instead of a puzzled look, he would give me a disgusting dirty look, rolling eyes and such and ignore me. Lucky for you to get answer.
bluefishbeagle1 my grandson won’t answer right away. Give him a few minutes especially if you interrupted something he was working on and ask him again. He will answer you. He has autistic tendencies. Hand flapping, his own body sound scare him, some lights, being thirsty or hungry all bother him to the point where he cannot listen to others while he’s trying to deal with all the other stuff. Send him to school with a new shirt with a tag and he can’t listen.
True. When I broke up with the narc in my life he asked me why. I told him that the relationship wasn't going anywhere. His response? I was planning a vacation. Seriously? Yup. Talk about no personal growth.
Yeah, mine literally told me that he liked that I took care of our son and was a housewife. That’s it. Nothing about me, just about what I did for him. disgusting.
I did ask.. after the discard bc he claimed he still loved me. I asked, what is it do you love about me? He stared at me for a while not knowing what to say and finally blurted out: bc I just do. After the divorce, he did mention that he wanted our graves right next to each other. Now I had already known he already had new supply for the past year. She’s the reason he discarded me. When asking him why about the graves bc that’s just weird to me, for the first time in his life he replied honestly with: I don’t want to be alone forever. It was quite telling and gave me chills only bc I know now that abandonment is their biggest fear. Seems even in death he’s afraid of being alone - whoa!
1. What are some of your deepest hurts? 2. Why is it so difficult for you to admit flaws and mistakes? 3. Why do you feel the need to impress strangers? 4. Why my differences threathened you so much? 5. Do you honestly believe that your opinions cancel out the validity of others? 6. In what ways do you need to grow and change? 7. If I make yoy feel so frustrated, why do you keep coming back? 8. Why do you go silent?
The most frustrating thing is when they turn around their own words and say "I didn't say it like that, I said this or that." Like when they said something offensive and I call them out, they just deny that that happened.
Narcs build their own world with one reality only. Their reality. What they say is the only truth. Turning your words around and making it look as if you’re at fault all the time. It’s called gaslighting.
Every time I would attempt to explain to my narcissist ex how his words or behavior hurt me, he would respond with “your misunderstanding is very unhealthy.” So basically I am wrong for being hurt by his behavior.
•••••• li4nn3.5iu •••••• bring back the death sentence, shoot on first sight , culling needed. Kill. Them. If we counted the suicide from narc abuse or trauma it would tripple Covid number every year. It bloody would.
•••••• li4nn3.5iu ••••••, not always an option when they are family. My dad is a narcissist. And I actually try to keep a relationship with him. However I always keep in mind that he is a narcissist. I keep trying to educate my brother on this. My brother still approach my dad as if he is a normal person who can be shamed and argued with. That he can be made to feel remorse or change. I keep telling my brother, that whenever my dad shows up or does something positive, you just have to take that as bonus. It is not something you can expect. You cannot expect anything of him. I am not really close to my dad, but we are in family gatherings and talk on the phone on occasion. It is usually pleasant. I find that I can have an okay relationship with my dad as long as it is not a too close relation. Living in the same house and going on vacation together was just a disaster. When my parents divorced I got a much better relationship with my dad. It is easy to say one should just cut out narcissists. But when they have been part of your life for a long time, such as parents. It is hard to ignore them completely. That is just human emotion. That is who we are. My dad is fortunately not the worst narcissist. He has never really been cruel. It is more like he plays the victim card all the time and make you feel bad about not giving him enough attention or praise.
@@BlahBlah-kp2ic the reason why going silent is a good idea is because Narcissists only like to gain reactions from you... the more you show them any kind of interaction the more they stop bothering you.. they just want to see what kind of weaknesses or triggers that can possibly make you feel like you are not yourself towards that certain person.. cutting those kinds of people off and following along these tactics can always help because once you stop talking to them they feel like they aren’t giving you any kind of reason to mentally abuse you in any way
hippopolaxe they are learning it formable years and that goes back for decades longer than all of us of been alive.There are certain teachers that rape students and the districts protect them is highly dysfunctional on a government level. Institutional child abuses and rapes public abuse. They’re literally teaching it in school. And government imposing silence its widespread generations of citizens & families . It is a choice They have to make a choice that they never should have to make to get a good education in the United States of America. Those at risk classrooms environments are toxic Risk exposures outbreaks epidemics it’s a public health crisis Way older than Coronavirus. I’m more inclined to be concerned for the safety of the present children in predatory USA GOVERNMENT SCHOOLS current state before Corona of Unaccountable institutions Especially in the wake of their multi generational meets the criteria for Governmental act of war against students and families. The allowances of the government to continue known predator teachers employment further extends Predator employee residual prey access to student populations. The hazardous to human health environments leads to childhood illnesses digressed health over lifetime and 20+ years premature enough for every student exposed. We need to secure the children whether they can be cured or not is not a priority their ability to infect student populations is PRIORITY STAT ALLYSHIP Anything less is consentual child abuse Whether it be on behalf of the government schools lack of accountability And or refusal to implement surveillance in schools to reduce public health crisis CDC institutional ACES STUDY, also a framework of accountability for the district and the students. And human safety The toxic environments are not only a threat to the children they’re also a threat to the teachers. Trauma informed community development based out of classrooms for widespread outreach community development. Or on the behalf of the parents sending the children into known predatory environments with toxic environments. In my educated opinions
The younger the get to the children the more it’s atmosphere is normalized. Children are less likely to question it. Keep kids at home until you have to send them to school and only send them to school with if their surveillance. Being a responsible parent is making sure ones child gets an education and it’s also making sure that they are not exposed to teacher rapists school employees with already known governmental allowances for it it’s also the parents job to not send them into clear and present danger. I’m not trying to belittle anyone in anyway but trust me the government will use it against (Whoever they have to to cover their own collective classes )make sure you do it the safest way then the only fingers they have pointing are the ones that are pointing back at them for decades of government allowances for multigenerational predator employees students rape slavery where they belong since the 1970s. No I don’t know about all of you but I had a local district public leader say oh we’re not the ones who abuse it’s the families. Now this is coming from a public leader who was as I here in the 1970s as well as the public leader Only I was a student and I watched my whole community they raped some physical some months or some emotional I watch the predator teacher teach boys how to touch girls straight up in the middle of class. That wasn’t the families that was the governmental school allowances and their predator teacher but see how they try to push it off on the families. Then he says well there’s no records proud almost as if they had a clean slate. Didn’t know he was talking to a 35+ year adult survivor of the 15 year district allowed police known I’ll turn their heads away student rapes well they continued his employment. So for whatever you think it’s worth I’m sharing my experience because maybe it might help somebody else. Most people are brainwashed and they don’t even realize they already have a automatic response to protect the schools. In my opinion it’s a it is what it is mindset. Through my recovery I see it it is what it was. Hope the best for everyone Through all of our ups and downs we’re in this together. All of it not just coronavirus.
Mine admitted that he never apologizes or accepts apologies. He means what he says and says what he means. In the 14mths he only apologized once for getting physical with me. Even then he placed it on me. He said he apologized and realized just cause i disrespect him doesn't mean he should disrespect him back. BtW me failing 2 give him eye contact during arguments was what disrespected him
Exact same thing here. Here's to hope we don't gradually eventually end up like them. You're still young and willing to improve. Our fathers lived in a different world. They didn't have narcissist parents themselves to see how incredibly damaging that is, and the internet docs to help them.
You just adapted some of his mannerisms, and you're at no fault for that. The fact you are aware and reflect on it shows you're FAR from being a narcissist
my mother is a narcissist and an enabler. i am 2 years sober now and working through the hurt and anger of this realization but im distancing and making her significantly less important to me everyday❤
I d never ask a narcissist these questions directly. They'd go ballistic and get defensive like nobody's business. As they say, don''t try this at home.
Was looking for this comment. This needs to be. Disclaimer at the beginning of the video. If you piss off a Narcissist you can't even pretend you wana ask them these questions.
Absolutely ask these questions directly if you're in a personal relationship with a suspected narcissist! Just be safe and careful about potential physical retaliation when you confront them. I know conflict is uncomfortable for many of us but it is much better to have your relationship blow up now and for you to get out now so you don't waste any more of your life.
Don't fall into the trap of thinking a narcissists actually cares about you. They only care about you when it's convenient for them to do so, but the minute it's not convenient for them, you're about as important to them as a winter coat is on a hot day. I fell for this trap more than once. I've had past girlfriends post about me on Facebook, telling their friends and family how lucky they were to find me, of course this made me feel good, but soon I began to realize the post wasn't really about me, it was about them. Sort of like when someone catches a big fish, the first thing they do is take a picture of it and post it online. That's all I was to them, a big fish they just caught.
Facebook can make you belive most people are shallow like that? But the dangerous ones are those without physical emphathy, whatever you call them. An antipathy and disgust for violence is more important than a strong conscience. I'm less afraid of an egoist or a "narcissist" than of people that seem to lose their barriers as soon as they get exited or drunk.
When your flashlight batteries run low and you replace them, do you feel bad for the empty battery? Of course not. That's how narcissists see us. We are batteries to feed supply from until we are used up. That is not who we are, but it is how they see us - batteries to feed off of.
@@menopillion9853 Yes, I do actually. I hate to throw away stuff and feel sad about it. But to the point: This american diagnosis hysteria is rigid, superficial and simplistic. All people do this to *some* people and to *some* extent, although much less so to the ones they love. Sure, some people are colder and more cynical than others, but there are no principal borderlines between normal people and "narcissists" or other trendy diagnosis.
@@Tony-Injection Biden has a number of genuine, well thought-out plans. He answers questions like a normal human and seeks the expertise of others. When given the chance to debate and not be interrupted by a gorilla on coke, he has many good answers. I don't know if he can keep his promises, but at least he has plans, an open mind, and respect for others' knowledge. Trump just gaslights, projects, lies, and answers questions like a kid who didn't read for a book report, while being racist and having no sense of humor or empathy. Trump is a narcissist. Many experts have skillfully made their case and the proof is irrefutable. I'd write more, but I think you're just trolling so screw it.
After watching this video, I feel that I might have some narcissistic tendencies. I have a hard time expressing my flaws and my emotions, trying to seem like I am unaffected by any negativity in life. But truly, it is just a fear of showing my weakness and vulnerability. Thank you for blessing me with this video, and I hope to grow from my tendencies.
Normal people can have some narcissistic traits but it doesn’t make you a narcissist… sounds like maybe you’re on the spectrum of having some insecurities or low self-esteem and might just need to learn some skills to grow into confidence and healthy relating to others. I wish you the best and hope it comes easily for you!
There's no value in sitting around expressing your flaws work to fix them, that's what real men do with flaws they fix them they don't just sit around crying about them😎 If you're constantly crying and talking about how weak you are you're going to focus on that believe it more and be it more!
Nah they spend all their time thinking they are the greatest...does not apply to them,they are perfect.they will skip these videos.They dont know what they are.
Let's be friends. Why? Because *I'M AWESOME. * Let's hangout. Why? Because *I'M AWESOME. * Everyone likes me. Why? Because *I'M AWESOME.* I will belittle you and you will take it as a compliment. Why? Because *I'M AWESOME. * Everyone is fuel for my egomania and narcissism and you will burn for me. Why? Because *I'M AWESOME.*
Or they’ll use another’s person life as their own. I knew a narcissist who told people he was in the military. He never was, but my guess as to why he told people was because he saw the respect and admiration his friend, who actually was in the military, got from strangers. He even tried to convince me and I knew him in the time frame he told people he served. He was a drunk roofer who lived in and grew up in a small town. But that’s not as good of a story, so he stole his friends life.
Are you guys sure you aren't mixing up narcissism with pathological lying and insecurity. I've known some kind people who have displayed these traits and they definitely weren't narcissistic. Is the new definition of narcissism just another name for somebody I don't like? Kinda like the if your political ideology doesn't align with mine you are literally Hitler?
No growth or change! Two narcs I know proudly announced that are now (in their 40s and 60s) the same person they were in high school! It makes me so sad for them. I've grown so much since high school 20+ years ago.
11:41 "Don't waste emotional energy on someone not willing to engage with you..." really resonated. The other side of this is that you should gird yourself for isolation after you disengage with those who aren't willing or able to accept you but before you find those who are willing. And do not yield to the temptation to compromise and build new, bad relationships purely out of loneliness! They will come, and those times of hardship will build character.
Not engaging doesn’t mean not accepting. Many ppl who need space & time alone will disengage if they feel you are constantly bombarding them or crowding them. Has less to do with accepting the person & more to do with respecting boundaries or limits. If you have to be engaged 100% of the time that seems far more unhealthy to me than wanting to take a break from ppl every now & then. As long as you go about it in a polite way & communicate that to the other person then it doesn’t have to be a stumbling block. Needs to be a balance. I’ll talk more than I want to, she’ll talk less than she wants to. Meet in the middle.
I loved your comment, people need to accept you for being you. Right and wrong are debatable by different people. Anger, strain and tension can be anyone on any bad day. Anyone can lose it doing anything. It's hard to control thoughts. I liked your comment, thank you. People can be a part of the world but stay away from it. Everybody needs space.
Very wise advice. You have to have experienced a narcissist to understand. I decided to re friend a narcisst( hadn't figured then they were a narc) out of lonelyness and kindness, I did see the pattern and figured it. Looking back , it was classic and hilarious. Came to my house once for a meal.I'd left some laundry to be folded on a chair , she commented " oh no, I couldn't live like this". Her new puppy was left to go downstairs at night ( into her carpeted lounge). She accused my house trained dog of urinating on her sofa and carpet, ( despite the fact I'd seen it cock it's leg up my coat, in a shop, her carpet, up someone's bag. ). There was no,way she could comprehend her puppy wasn't housetrained.
My god, yes. I cut most of my family off over the last two years, and aside from a couple old friends it has been terrifying and lonely. I've recently found someone I love, and it is such an incredible change being with a person who cares about me, thinks of doing nice things for me without me expecting or knowing, and even validates my reality! I wouldn't change the choices I made, but it is a hard path I could have easily been lost to.
Thank you. I am still trying to find people that will support me. I have made a decision to focus on women now since men in my area seem very narcissistic for some reason but the women aren't. I don't understand it either.
@@davidjohns4745 Or just use a nongendered word such as "their." This guy has clearly been hurt by women, so when he read the comment, he had to clarify for his own mind's sake.
1) Why do you ALWAYS tell lies ..Even when you have the OPTION to tell the truth 2) Why do you "Use people" 3) Why do you not cry ..EVER 4) Why do you like to take advantage of the few kind and genuine people there are left in this World 5) Why are you a FAKE 6) Why do you THINK you are smarter than everyone else 7) Why do you THINK the rules of society do not apply to you 8) Why are you disrespectful of other peoples time and boundaries
Best comment and all of those are so relatable. #9 hits closest to home currently about disrespecting people’s time. She would always make plans with me and cancel them last minute, or she would just ghost me for a couple days when it’s time for the plans. Then like a week later she’d reappear saying she was “busy” with no explanation. If I dared to address it or ask her questions, she would go into a narcissistic rage.
Nosferatu Zodd You have no idea about my situation nor do you know anything about my experiences to speak on them. I’m not illogical enough to assume someone is a narcissist simply because they ghost on plans consistently. It’s one of the MANY things she does, but you wouldn’t know because you’re simply commenting on something you’re ignorant about maybe because you feel a conviction? I’m assuming you always ghost on plans. Have a nice day. I won’t go back and forth
It is so sick, twisted and demonic. Lucifer was a beautiful angel. He was concieted. He thought he was greater than GOD. GOD tossed him out of heaven. He is now known as the father of lies. He kills steals and destroys. Left to oneself, the devil and his agenda, takes residents in the mind of the narcissist. It gives me chills, since I was married to one and have a woman who gave birth to me. Pray, Pray, Pray
My mother told me recently that she was asked, “what are your greatest strengths and weaknesses” on a job interview. She proceeded to name all the things she was good at, then said that she has no weaknesses. I already suspected that she was a narcissist, as I’ve been a victim of her abuse for 25+ years now, but that really drove it home for me.
I feel for you. My mother is similar, but much more dangerous because she realizes her narcissism (probably just partial), so she sometimes purposely makes herself look bad so she gets the attention to try and prove she's not a narcissist. I think she'd be a very rare specimen for some research. It is sometimes incredible and simply undescribable.
@@comment5398 It is not that easy, there are circumstances in each relationship that noone apart from those concerned understands. I always wanted to get away from my mother but there were always some situations. For example recently her son, my brother died at the age of 32 and even though she's a narcissist, I'm not going to stop any contact with her (even though I'd love to) just because she is who she is. Sometimes you gotta bite through it.
I was at a concert with a guy who convinced this stranger, sitting next to us, that he was a doctor. My date was in fact only a vocational nurse, which is lower than an RN. Needless to say, it was a huge red flag. He could have spent that time, before the show, to connect with me. Instead he used it to practice lying and he enjoyed how this stranger reacted to his banter.
What the fuck… I cannot stand people like that. I have developed a cautious skepticism towards strangers abt anything they say because of the fact that people like this exist.
Nothing wrong with being a vocational nurse. We went to school, studied, took exams and was licensed by our state to practice. Most cases it's to work in medical while taking the RN course. Nursing school is not cheap. Most nursing homes use LPNs for nursing care. Sorry your friend felt the need to talk crap to a stranger instead of enjoying you. TFS.
I wish everyone could watch this before they get into any long-term relationships. Had I only been aware, so much time would've been saved! Bravo! Thank you, sir!
Yes - I'm with you and so many other well-meaning people who trust and value the Wrong People, and I feel so damn dumb for not seeing the truth sooner. I knew the person made me feel bad, sad, mad and often glad, but I kept re-engaging with them. What damage this did to me -- now I can't trust anyone, don't want a mate or partner and failed at connecting with those potential GOOD partners for me. So many regrets.......this mental health topic needs to be taught in all schools.
That makes so much sense! I was always bewildered by my mom who would give me a birthday or Christmas present that was an unopened Amazon box, unwrapped, with some random trinket, but she'd spend months hand making intricate personalized gifts for strangers at her work and/or orchestrating elaborate parties for them taking hours and hours making food, decorating cakes, creating expansive themed decorations. She put so much time and effort into impressing strangers and zero effort on her loved ones, and I just never could understand what that was about, why strangers meant more to her than her own family. thank you for the insight!
Hey Julie. I was commenting on when I come across you and all what you just said in your comments is great and amazing, I will like us to been a friend's, is that's okay with you..??
I remember the year, 1991, when my mother called me at work and told me she couldn’t spend Christmas with us anymore because she had a “new family.” I was 40 at the time, married to my husband with 2 children. She was 74, just met her 4th husband, and his 3 adult “children” who were older than I. GEEZE!!! I was shocked and hurt, but oh well. 😢😢😢
THE NARCISSIST'S PRAYER:
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did...
You deserved it!
If I did I don't remember
And since you recall it you must be keeping score.... Not them ever! 🤦
AHAHAHA. So good. Good job on this.
described my sister to a T
@@bwair33 narcissist: that's not how it happened.
@@theliberatedplanet U pmcan have witnesses who heard and saw what u just said, video and even photos to prove they're lying but you're wrong. It's all bc of your 'insecurities' ... So weak! Then they have u apologizing for overreacting to totally unbelievable selfish acts against u. Ugghh!!
You'll never get clarity from a narcissist. Clarity requires accountability.
well said and so true. no matter how many times - all i've asked for is accountability, all i receive is the blank stare. baffling.
@@champsdontdrive same or counter blame vindictiveness or passive aggressive. ... endless list leaving me in a tail spin
@@champsdontdrive OMG... that blank stare!! And the very subtle smirk of satisfaction when you ask them questions. I went to a counselor b/c I thought I was going crazy, but I was told my spouse Couldn't be a narc b/c they are extremely rare. She should get a new job I think. Narcs are pretty common, sadly.
Yep. They'd rather go in victim mode or straight denial before a "that's true, I'm sorry". Hell I don't think I've ever heard even just "that's true" from my nercissistic mom. I can repeat what she says right after she says it and it'll still be either "no I didn't say that" or "well you're being so mean and hurting me and you must think I'm a terrible mom". Never a "yes I said that".
My ex wife and I hardly ever argued during our 15 year marriage. I learned early on that it was a serious crime to let her know that I didn't agree with her. The emotional abuse was horrible if I ever questioned any of her many lies. She was a serial cheater so she had to lie plenty but she would even lie about petty things that didn't matter at all and were easily disproved. She got so mad at me one time (for doubting a petty lie) that she called me at work and told me that she swallowed every pill in the house. Of course, she was lying about that too. I hope she didn't expect me to call 911 because I didn't.
I have been married to a narc for 23 yrs. Early on he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I took care of him all these yrs. Now I am legally blind and in a wheelchair. I am 70 yrs old, have gotten my own apartment and am moving on. I am tired of being cursed and screamed at. Peace for me is right around the corner! I cheer for all of you!
Wish you the best. Good luck.
Good Luck. I just wonder how you could write or read stuff on the internet.
@@naturallyrestoredlivingwit7368 why tho?
Bravo ! You are inspiring!
Thats so sad.😓
Finally got rid of her. That woman sucked the life out of me in just 2 years. After being alone for 3 months, I realised she wasn't special, I made her special. The pain will subside soon, focusing on myself now.
I stand with you.
Exactly what I told my ex, “you’re nothing special, a dime a dozen.” That made him mad because he believes himself superior and better.
I’m so very sorry I hope you’re doing better. Sending love your way!
good for you brother, stay special for special people
I got 2 years out of me and my pocket aswell, Jesus some people are just freaking NUTS!
Narcissists hate it when you play their own behaviours back to them. They like to be able to abuse without consequences. They like to play victim when they are exposed.
oh hell yes!
If you start giving them consequences for their bad behaviour though...just look how hard they buck at it!
They want to be able to abuse you in any way they like, and you're meant to just sit back, take it, and smile throughout. Oh...and for some reason, you're also meant to keep on being nice to them, even though they treat you lesser than dirt.
Could never comprehend that one...
@@TheMurlocKeeper Precisely. Sick people.
@@TheMurlocKeeper Reaping what they sow!!!!!!! My narc. husband did alot of that in our joke of a marriage.
@@TheMurlocKeeper nailed it.
Facts I learned all of this recently
M e wanting to make sure I'm not a narcissist, reading the title: 8 questions I have to make sure i can answer lol
That's a good way to look at it! Dr. C
Haha! Yes! I felt the same way! I could answer all 8 of those... I'm good lol😌
Guilty! I too am making sure I'm questioning
Not as protecting as you think. I'm great enough that I can answer all of those and still be narcissistic. It's those unwarranted and insecure narcissists that can't answer those questions. Aka, the ones that need to be destructive to others.
lol. I did the same thing.
When you tell a narcissist how they made you feel, they talk about how that makes them feel. It's hurtful.
Yes!!!
Nailed it!
Yess..I had a friend tell me not be sad all the time cause it was annoying them and killing their vibe😑
It's very hurtful & it makes you feel invalid.
No lie!!
The complete disinterest for self improvement is a dead give away. It's always other people who need to change - not them!
100%
Absolutely, I've offered my roommate many different opportunities all of which he deemed impossible for one reason or another.
I recently offered my ex to purchase a birthday card for our son and she changed the subject. When I offered again later at the store with her, she did it again. I didn't tell my son, but he absolutely despises her despite my urging that he try to talk to her. Smart Young Man.
Because of this I've decided it's time to tell her that I need her to stop visiting because it was supposed to be about our son, and now she tries her old tricks and expresses general ungratefulness in my home like I owe her something for her leaving us. Ridiculous.
My father whom I left 10 years ago had NPD and I’ve (sadly) been w ppl w narc traits and they seem to fake self improvement only for the tyrant to resurface later. I’m sure there are many who have a complete disinterest however.
Beware, I just dated one who noisily professed his focus on self improvement and healing. All the time, he talked about his inner child, "heal what ails" (his social media tagline 🤮), reparenting himself, introspection and meditation, etc etc. Idk what he *used* to be like ... But the version of him that I met was like an absolute toddler, wearing the mask of adult and parent.
I begged my ex for us to go to therapy and her response was, “why would I pay someone tell tell you exactly what I’ve been tell you for years?” The thought of her being part of the problem or her not being perfect absolutely would not register in her mind. It was crazy
I told my ex to stop purposefully demeaning and degrading me for years and therapy didn't change a thing. It's true. Therapy cannot help you tell somebody something you've been trying to tell them for years.
My ex told me often that i needed therapy/counseling. Blamed me for every single fight we had. To be honest, I did, but mostly to deal with family issues/upbringing. Soon after stopping I realized I was dealing with a bigger issue I didn't realize before. He then threw it in my face "YOU'RE the one who went to counselung, clearly YOU'RE the problem."
@@Stierguy1 I get that but that’s not what I’m saying. I knew we needed help bc we BOTH had things we needed to work on in our relationship. She was telling me that she was perfect and that a therapist was Just going to confirm that. I was trying my best to work on everything she told me she didn’t think she had any room for improvement
I went to therapy with an ex many years ago, after the first session the therapist said to me.... " He's NEVER going to change" I left him shortly after
Definitely been there!!!
I have a narcissist as a father. My advice to people who encounter narcissists: leave them and don't ever look back.
I can relate to that. I have a sociopath father and a narcissist step-father, both if thrm are toxic.
Yes. Life will get better and better the more space you put between you! 💚
My mother is Narsasistic & brother is sociopathic, I done the worst mistake ever & opened my front door to them when they lost their home. The next time I leave, I wont look back! These types of ppl are toxic!
SAME
DevotionsVisage, so Did you leave your Father? I am curious to know more about your relationship with him, and i can tell you some details of how i deal woth mu narc father. I have been trying to reach people out that i could relate to so i could see things better.
it’s so wild living with a parent who is a narcissist because it feels as if it’s impossible to express any genuine feelings or opinions to them, because they deny them and tell you that you’re wrong.
WhiteBacon Jeb exactly. and talking politics is absolutely no use, it’s always “you are wrong, my stance is right”. there’s just no understanding.
John Gillett right! it’s similar with my dad, I cant ever talk about anything really genuine, or i will get told that i’m wrong. it’s amounted up to doing it their way or all hell breaks loose.
Exactly
It's hard being raised by a narcissistic person. My Mother doesn't know who I am as a person. They just want to hear "I'm ok."
I felt the not expressing thing so hard, I've been struggling with that problem since I can honestly remember, I've always been scared to be open with them cuz every time they find something out just from other people they judge and ridicule me.
It's gotten to the point where I feel as though I need to permanently end all communication with them so I can actually be myself finally, and it's not like they're bad parents, but I just feel like I'm suffocating under their rule.
Idk if anyone else is in the same situation but it's truly something I wouldn't wish upon anyone to have to experience
I once invited a narcissist to role-play. I said, "I'll be you, and you be me." All I got back was a blank stare. The narcissist couldn't imagine being anyone else.
No capacity for empathy.
That sounds so cool
Yes there's a certain type of narcissist I forget what it's called, that will steal ur entire identity by trashing ur image and take over urs. My ex litteraly became me afterwards. Stole my colors and aesthetic, my taste in music, my spirituality, even had my password tattood, etc
"Why can't you just be yourself?!" is a phrase that 3 out of 3 my exes used, and all displayed lots of traits of vulnerable narcs.
Well, time for therapy has actually come.
Wow, that's really interesting. Thank you.
Just say 'no' to a narcissist. They will reveal their true selves quick enough.
Happened to me! No more money. Then the punishing started. In his mind, what was mine was his but not the other way around.
You're mistaking narcissist with asshole lol.
Exactly. Seasoned veteran here from living with a psychopathic narcissist. They want to abuse without consequences.
@Krishna Patel Well done my friend. I have had to do the same thing. I was abused to the point of suicide and the police saved me.
I wrote a 800 page document of that abuse with evidence attached. That now sits with a number of trusted people in the legal fraternity and I can pull the trigger for court filings for attempted murder, financial extortion and defamation whenever I want.
It was very therapeutic. If they make one more abusive step or false claim I will have no choice but to proceed. At this stage I am choosing to move forward.
Just happened to me yesterday. I already suspected that person to be one. Weirdest thing is I'm getting this video in my suggestions today
I know I’m not a narcissist because that’s a character fault and I don’t have any.
I like your humor 😄
lol
🤣
😂🤣 Narcissist!
Lol😂
Yes a Narcissist will constantly misinterpret what you say so that they can control the conversation...
True. It happens to me every time I try to have a conversation. He misunderstands
Oh my yes. I was always informed by them, of what I really meant.
Make you repeat yourself until you catch that sly grin that creeps across their face. Imps.
Can you give us an example of a misinterpretation that someone used to then control you?
So true. Wish I had known this twenty years ago.
My dad is narcissistic and I recently went no-contact with him. The sad thing is for 10 years I've wanted nothing but a good relationship with him, and when I was a kid we were so close. 10 years ago I was disowned for not getting good grades my first year of college (I deal with high anxiety and shut down my second semester).
Two years ago he came to my city to visit me and my sister. During his stay, my wife expressed concern for him and told him about some of the hurt he caused me in the past (his wife, my step mother, is also a narcissist, but I didn't realize he was too at the time; we had something of an intervention planned to try and offer him a way out of the abusive situation). My dad entered into a rage when my wife insinuated his actions had hurt his son (me) and he shouted her out of the room. When I intervened, my dad continued yelling at her, red in the face - I took my wife and left my sister's house because he simply could not stop himself.
I was convinced this was a misunderstanding, and that I could talk to my father man to man and explain everything to him. My feelings about our relationship, the hopes I had for us, the hurt he had caused me in the past - and specifically, that my wife had only shared my own experiences with him. She wasn't making things up or plotting. The next morning I went to my sister's house to talk to my dad. I thought we would talk and resolve the situation logically. We would air our hurts and grievances and come together as father and son.
What followed was the most deranged, unhinged, frustrating encounter I have ever experienced. My dad refused to apologize for brutalizing my wife. He refused to acknowledge my emotions or experiences. He deflected any hint he had ever hurt me or made any mistakes in our relationship. While I bent over backwards validating his feelings and saying sorry for all the wrongs I'd caused him in an attempt to placate his mania, Dad pulled every trick in the book - crocodile tears, deflection, changing subjects, playing dumb, claiming he didn't remember - all to avoid ever doing the same thing for me.
Somehow he even added to the travesty by suggesting that my marriage was a mistake and that I should leave my wife. This coming from a man who had met my wife all of three times and who hadn't seen me in years. I realized I had never seen my dad's true face until the moment he lost his temper with my wife. In that moment, he slipped up and dropped the mask, and I cannot unsee his true face.
The dumbest thing is that if my dad would say sorry, I would forgive him. But his willful narcissism prevents him from admitting fault or treating me respect. To have a relationship with me, he needs to admit he isn't perfect.
The most hurtful thing about all this was seeing that when my dad had to choose between me and his pride, he chose his pride.
I can relate so much, and I am so sorry. I know it hurts. I know how it is to feel like you want to fix things with them, and to expect to come together as parent and child... but they won't admit to doing wrong.. and how it is to want them to apologize.. and how it is to placate them and validate their feelings while they don't do it for you.. and how they keep you around with worries about their health, and offering olive branches that aren't really what you need..
I had a narcissistic father too and he passed away 2 months ago due to cancer. My father was abusive against my mother, brother and me and 3 years ago he got aggressive against my mother and we called the police and he wasn't allowed to come back anymore because we have been protected by laws. He took me to court for that and made stuff up. My mother divorced and we cutter contact. It was during the pandemic and he had to sleep in the car and then he got diagnosed lung cancer. I wanted to have contact again because I didn't want to regret it that I didn't took the opportunity to have peace again. I often pressured him and told him all the stuff he has done to us and I said the only thing we want is an apology. He never did it to my family. Only once he apologize with crocodile tears because he was sick and couldn't handle the situation anymore. He apologized and said please let's never talk about it again. If he really were sorry then he would have apologize to my mother and brother too, but he didn't. He choosed to die with pride instead of fixing the issues. My mother and me also took care of him because he was weak. There was never a thank you and behind our backs he tried to play us out again but we were cautious. At least he didn't want to sell the apartment anymore and my mother can keep it. Alone for that it was worth it to take care and because we are better then him. Just cut and move on. Narcissistic people should be avoided at all costs, even if it is the father.
I really hope you peace, it's hard having narcissistic parents. I've learned to let them be in their world now, I know she's ok. Roof over her head, financially stable, and eating well. It would be nice to have a proper family syndicate unfortunately I don't with her and would never get it.
I forgave her in my own space, I wrote a letter forgiving her then burnt it. Just so I could let it all go, and free myself
I know you've heard it, but you can't quench thirst at a dry well. I suspect your rough time at college was due to HIS DAMAGE. I got the same empty garbage "opportunity" while the golden child got a free ride........into an early grave.
Now I'm a lazy worthless trash person according to IT, for not graduating college (HE refused to sign for the financial aide crap---AFTER I got As and Bs in the first year despite being kicked out--"You'll just drop out and waste it!") and for my life situation which OF COURSE has nothing to do with twenty years of damage and literal sabotage. Tell me again EARTH how we can "rise above" when denied any underpinning to even stand on?
Love how even if you get out, your narcs determine YOU GETTING EDUCATION...GREAT SYSTEM, def "not" (huge elaborate theatrical cough goes here!) being run by narcs.......
And then, they scream at you for having symptoms of the damage THEY INFLICTED ON YOU.
This is not your fault. You deserved much more than that.
Don't go into "The Light." It's an express ticket right back to this. Be well.
Your dad is built like Walter White
Asking these questions will just make the narcissist angry for putting them on the spot. They hate being called out on anything.
So true. They are really easily irritated.
I tried asking these to my husband and he asked me why I was trying to start a fight.
I put volume on 100 and watched knowing mine could hear. Did not go well😂
True!!!!! Sometimes, I don't even say anything , or I will be accused (sometimes shedding a tear or 2 ) for being so rude😶
Yep! Argument is almost certain 😂
Imagine watching this and not being able to answer any of these questions
they would say this guy is stupid lol
“Why would someone ask these questions?” “it’s his fault anyways, who cares”. “I don’t want to hear your opinion, I’m grown and you are the one who needs to change”.
I am a habitual over thinker, so it would take me quite some time. The first question alone is a loaded question, and depending on what you are going through there could be a multitude of things or just one main one that is dominant in your life.
😂🤣😂
Honestly I can't reply to the first, I'm ok with the others tho
Here’s how I spot a narcissist: (1) they care way too much about their persona and public appearance, (2) they lie about the dumbest things, and (3) they are incapable of genuinely apologizing.
You make sense, Jason.
Yes😊😊😊
That last one is sooo true!
BROOOOOO
Spot on, they will lie about things that don’t even matter. Just create lies
I like the gentleness of this man. I wrote once and got a sweet response -- just a gentleman.
You are kind, Harriet!
@@SurvivingNarcissism what are
Exactly my thoughts while listening to him, all positive energy.
Who else has to grow up with a narcissistic parent ?
It’s the hardest thing to go through
When you’re younger you blame yourself, now that I’m older I see 😭
Yep it's not fun. My mother died 6 yrs ago age 88 and was narcissistic with her dying breath, literally. They do not ever change that I know of. The only thing that I know of that can help you is for you to leave.
@@engleharddinglefester4285 there been many times where I try to talk some sense into her nicely and calmly it never works, and she’s ‘never wrong’ I love her and forgive her now that I know but man it’s hard
@@CasandraLeahhh Has she really caused some straight-up damage though? My mother was a serious case and I cannot think of a single problem we suffered as individuals or as a family that cannot be ascribed directly back to her. She made a holy mess and simply died in the end. Is your mother seriously narcissistic, or does she just have traits?
@@engleharddinglefester4285 she is seriously narcissistic and manipulative, in every situation possible and she never sees wrong , she’s also has ppd and it just never ends
@@engleharddinglefester4285 my sis had to leave at 15 cuz she couldn’t deal w it
They can answer some of these questions by mimicking what other people say. And they can be pretty good at it
So pretty much they are a robot.
I think the first question will call them out pretty good. Any question that requires self analysis with depth will be avoided. At least in my experience.
Only coverts.
I had someone like this in my life. As long as they aren't stupid they can usually fake their way through things.
Those are psychopaths lol
I started listening to the Doc. last year. I am 50 years married to a narc for 28 years. We run a family business but I have zero control over our finances. Early January I registered my own company and by good luck I immediately got two contracts to supply ppe to hospitals. I borrowed money to help me deliver the order from my sister since i don't have access to our money since he keeps all the cheque book. Last month I requested him raise float for kitchen and was told to keep off his money. Last week I was paid good money. Yesterday I shopped for a two bedroom apartment and got a very good deal. I have already started the process of acquiring it. I am planning to exit quietly by September. One thing I have learnt about narscs is that they really underestimate their partners. Thank you so much dr. Les for empowering us.
Samsung Tab S5e very smart move! To move in silence with them ! I wish you more good luck! I can’t wait until I can break free from the narc I live with! Best wishes!
I do not mean to frighten you, but be very careful. Also, if you were in partnership, he legally owes you. Good Luck.
Happy for you. All the best! Though I am not able to exit. But agree with you that the narc under estimate us, even we are unable to exist their evil world, at least we know what is going on and know what is right and wrong.
Good for you and good luck! Be very careful.
Samsung Tab S5e: Good luck. You may want to consult an attorney as well.
This is so helpful thank you ❤
1. What are your deepest hurts?
2. Why is it so difficult for you to admit flaws and mistakes?
3. Why do you feel the need to impress strangers?
4. Why do my differences threaten you so much?
5. Do you honestly believe that your opinions, cancel out the validity of other peoples opinions?
6. In what ways do you need to grow and change?
7. If I make you feel so frustrated why do you keep coming back?
8. Why do you go silent?
I answered all of them quickly. I've been accused twice in my life of this but only twice. Women did this. Only question 4 and 5 might be construed as narcissistic. I'm pretty much mostly a loner
Lara thank you so much for ding this outline of the 8 questions narcissist can’t answer. It is extremely nice of you and very helpful and appreciated!❤
#3, - I think my need to boost myself to new people is due to low self esteem, I just don't want other people to think as badly of me as I do
Nah they would just make something up. Ex/ number 8. “Oh I’m busy. I have anxiety. Blah blah blah.”
1. I genuinely, honestly don't know, and that terrifies me because I can't fix my problems.
2. I can admit my mistakes, I just wish others would also admit their own. I also fear feeling guilty and being hated for them.
3. I don't think this applies to me, nor do I fully understand it.
4. If we disagree, then we can't become friends, or get any closer. Trying to find common ground or ignore our differences only exaggerates the fact that we are different.
5. please refer to number 4
6. I take things too seriously and have gotten in a lot of trouble for trying to force my thoughts on others. I don't know how to relax and not let things get to me, nor do I know why I can't let people be.
7. You're likely the only one left who cares about me in any way.
8. This one does not apply.
1. what are some of your deepest hurts?
2. why is it so difficult, to the point of impossible, for you to admit flaws & mistakes?
3. why do you feel the need to impress strangers?
4. why do my differences threaten you so much?
5. do you honestly believe that your opinions cancel out the validity of others opinions?
6. in what ways do you need to grow and change?
7. if I make you feel so frustrated, why do you keep coming back?
8. why do you go silent?
.
@@1920WasAMistake eh? How is any of that acting gay?
@@1920WasAMistake also both men and women can be narcissists, don't feel defensive dude!
@@1920WasAMistake tf you on about ?
Why does your crowd need to go " muh sjw cancelled manhood " on every comment section?
@@1920WasAMistake okay chad
Being with a narcissist is the worst! It's like suffering in silence and you doubt yourself wondering if you're just overreacting. ☹
Yes
I'm just realizing who I'm with after being told by him for the last two years that I am one, and now I'm worried that I am and I second guess every thing in say and do all day long because I think "if I say this or do this he is analyzing it to prove that I am" I'm going crazy I think...
@@lilyraestudios8289 You gotta cut off contact! That's the way to regain your sanity, peace, and control. Honestly, being with these toxic people is such a whirlwind of emotions that you can't think straight.
I can't. We are married with 4 kids and he had made it very clear that he will not divorce me and that if I start the process that life will be living hell. I can't put my kids through it.
@@lilyraestudios8289 oh no! I'm so sorry :(
Thank you - these were really helpful, I made a short list to make it easy to go back.
~
1. 2:08 - What are some of your deepest hurts?
2. 3:20 - Why is it so difficult to the point of impossible to admit flaws or mistakes?
3. 4:20 - Why do you feel the need to impress strangers?
4. 5:31 - Why do m y differences threaten you so much?
5. 6:20 - Do you honestly believe that your opinions cancel out the validity of others opinions?
6. 7:16 - In what ways do you need to grow and change? (Living w/hidden shame)
7. 8:12 - If I make you feel so frustrated, why do you keep coming back?
8. 9:05 - Why do you go silent?
Best comment. I was looking for this list
Thanks. Very helpful!!
Thank you
1. Myself and my own mind
2. I fuck up too many times and I feel foolish when I do mess up
3. I can change their perspective on me most likely
4. They don't
5. No I do not
6. I don't know anymore
7. Because I always come to the conclusion that I'm wrong
8. So that you don't know what I'm thinking
I'm really a narcissist huh
My sister in law, totally.
My mother was a narcissistic sociopath her entire life, I was her go to punching bag. She beat me so bad this one time that some force came over me and I heard “Run! Run now she is going to kill you.” I froze because if I moved an inch she would beat me worse but again I heard “RUN NOW HIDE DONOT COME OUT” And I finally did what I was told to do.
I am safe since she died. I breath comfortably since. 🙏
You ended up running or taking it? Sucks either way sorry that happened
@@j3arnold You are very kind, thank you.
I did run and hide. I stayed hidden and did not make a sound or move an inch until my father got home from work, he had to find where I was hiding, because I was in freeze mode/shock.
This is one of her countless and vile acts of cruelty, abuse, viciousness she targeted me with. People, and I apologized to the world for calling her a person, like her put on their false mask to pretend to be human but that false face vanished the second they close the front door as soon as they are home. 🙏
Look up Third Man/Person Syndrome, you had it there
@@antonio7334 thank you, I will look into the third man syndrome.
@@antonio7334 You are absolutely right! There are many other situations where I’ve been told to stop, turn around and walk away now, I was really sick and in a deep sleep when I started hearing some one urgently telling me to get up - wake up - and I thought it was a dream and said I can’t I’m really sick, I can’t even sit up. I was forced to wake up, run to the top side of the boat and dive off the back into the Chesapeake Bay to save one of the guests who fell off the boat, couldn’t swim and not one person had a clue the person fell over.
I have been saved many many times, by the third man. I really appreciate you telling me about the third man. 🙏❤️🙏
Thank you 😊
Narcissistic personality disorder is both fascinating and tragic. Not only are narcissists pretty awful, frustrating and hurtful to be around. But they are also very often very lonely people, alienating friends, partners, family, unable to change or even see the need to change. Always makes me feel that weird mixture of anger and pity.
Narcissists often have many superficial friends.
Especially if they are your child, the pity is so great, you can't even leave and end up having to put up with their toxicity
I agree...
In this new age of enlightenment the light is now shined on narcissism but the truth is these people have existed in society wreaking havoc in the shadows for many centuries they are as old as sin.
My sister is a narcissist, and a psychopath. She was also smart, and manipulative. She used her family, and when she was done she left us.
I haven't heard from her in months. And, we still love her, because she's family. I love the rest of my family enough that I'm unhappy with the way she abused us, and I won't trust her again.
I was once told that a narcissist is the rooster, who believes that when HE crows, the sun comes up ! And then spends all day bragging about it !
I always like picturesque examples !
That picturesque example is SO funny & if we could learn to remember that as those humans do it ,like they can't help it just like a rooster ,then maybe we would be able to just chuckle within ourself & get on with life emotionally strengthened,even happy despite the human roosters!
That's funny 😄 thanks for the smile!
That is awesome!
The bragging type is not narcissist, he's overcompensating a self-perceived weakness. A true narcissist would crush you under his larger than life, all encompassing, unrepentant modesty. That particular modesty is his mandate to subvert and criticise, in short to dominate. Bragging is no domination unless we're talking about courtship rituals and even then it's make believe. It's your fault, not his.
Lol 🤣 The rooster and the sun is definitely a good one.
If you are probably going to leave them in 15 years or so...... do it now and save yourself 15 years of grief. Life is short.
15? Wowww. I handle it 6 years and I thought it was too long😁
Took me 10 to figure it out. Divorced her. Found her total opposite. Married her happier than ever!!!!
I agree. Not easy but worth it.
Took me almost 13 years and I finally figured this is what my ex wife was. Crazy to back and think about everything I went through with her. I thought she was just bat shit crazy but nope she is a full blown narcissist.
Best thing that I ever did
Narcissism falls along the axis of what psychologists call personality disorders, one of a group that includes antisocial, dependent, histrionic, avoidant and borderline personalities. But by most measures, narcissism is one of the worst, if only because the narcissists themselves are so clueless. -Jeffery Kluger
Here are some characteristics of the Narcissist.
These characteristics apply to males and females
1. Self-centered. His/Her needs are paramount.
2. No remorse for mistakes or misdeeds.
3. Unreliable, undependable.
4. Does not care about the consequences of their actions.
5. Projects faults on to others. High blaming behavior; never their fault.
6. Little if any conscience.
7. Insensitive to needs and feelings of others.
8. Has a good front (persona) to impress and exploit others.
9. Low stress tolerance. Easy to anger and rage.
10. People are to be manipulated for their needs.
11. Rationalizes easily. Twists conversation to their gain at other’s expense. If trapped, keeps talking, changes the subject or gets angry.
12. Pathological lying.
13. Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, others.
14. No real values. Mostly situational.
15. Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses this to manipulate.
16. Angry, mercurial, moods.
17. Uses sex to control
18. Does not share ideas, feelings, emotions.
19. Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word.
20. Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentment.
Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Hackspyhub@gmail. Com , where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Narcissists NEVER apologize!
Good God, this settles it!!! To be a democrat is to be a narcissist.
Wakeup people.
Government is the ultimate means of control, it is a magnet for narcissists. President Trump has been exposing this for almost 8 years.
The truth is defined as the actual state of things, is it not?
Explain Trump derangement syndrome. Trump promised to give the government back to the people. Less government is less narcissists in our lives.
scam
A narcissist doesn't connect...they collect.
The only thing I collect is Yugioh cards 🤣
Whoa, that's a keeper right there. Good one.
David,I luv this one. Sad true 💔
@Krishna Patel There is a socially acceptable amount to share, as well as a socially acceptable time to share.
Experience in relationships says that those lines are almost never clear. Life is, if nothing else, a learning experience.
BTW, I'm in no way saying this in you, but my own personal experiences.
Bingo
The most painful thing about dating a narcissist is when you didn’t see it right away and their toxic behavior bleeds into your own. And now I’m having to unlearn all these behaviors. That’s how I knew I needed to leave him. I lost the empathetic caring person I was and was becoming someone who lashed out every time they were hurt.
I'm right here with you. 💕 I left my toxic ex in October, and met a new guy. I've noticed how much of a jerk I can be, bleeding from the horrible relationship I was in for 4 years. So I'm unlearning too. Therapy and self love!
@@julesv5670 amen to that y’all☺️🤙🏾you’re not alone.
Me ex. wife is a psychologist. Talk about a difficult narcissist to spot. It took me three years of therapy to get to a good place. It was made.worse by spending a year in couples counseling with her destroying my identity, as the psychologist doing our couples work ended up an unwitting acomplice. If you get fooled, learn, and forgive yourself. Some of them are masters of manipulation.
@@menopillion9853 I have the same situation! Also, the head games never end!
Sometimes we are attracted to toxic people because that was how we were raised. It's a familiar thing.
Admitting a mistake is HIGHLY THREATENING to a narcissist. so true. Also - they never say they are sorry even after a complete meltdown & annihilation of you.
Admiting a mistake or a failure is very shameful for them
Absolutely correct. No matter how well you set them up for an apology, even After apologizing yourself, they will not do it of their own volition.
@@devinsmith5926 apology is admiting to a mistake
Mistake is weakness. Ouch😂🤣😆🙂
I guess my ex isn’t a narc because he tended to apologize a lot after a meltdown
@@jorgevalencia6926 and did he keep repeating the same shit? Lol? And keep apologizing? Lol
I'd like to add that manipulative narcissists WILL admit mistakes. But they will twist that admission into a guilt trip. They will crank the drama up to 11 and go "I'm such a horrible person! I don't know why you put up with me I'm the absolute worst!" and sometimes do a dramatic "I'm going to leave for a while" (or worse) to try and guilt the wronged person into going after them, comforting them and telling them "oh it wasn't that bad, there there..." and still make it about them.
Yup my bf!!
@@justicespirit4581 the break up with them lol
So being guilty is not right, not being guilty is not right. What would be the right reaction in your world?
@@KingStyer That's not what I said at all. The right reaction would be to apologize for your mistakes. That's it.
Manipulative narcissists will not just apologize to the person. They will overbear the situation by drawing pity and make it all about people feeling bad for them, instead of the person being wronged. And will make the person who was wronged feel bad about calling out the behavior because suddenly the narcissist is the one with the dramatic meltdown.
Damn that's fucked up
"Conflict enables them to go to their fake place of superiority". WOW. Thank you.
That comment made me say WOW also. Have a narcissistic and gaslighting wife and have been dealing with health anxiety and depression for over 3 years. I haven't told anyone about her and everyone thinks she is this super kind person because she can turn on the charm in the company of others. Even my family tells her how good and caring she is. I want to leave but don't have any supports at the moment. No one knows what is going on. Sorry, did not mean to dump all this stuff on you, but just have a feeling you would understand. No need to reply if you are not comfortable doing so.
@@leapingjoseph8462 It is OK to say no, to ask for your needs to be met, to get your peace, walk away, and tell the truth under your own roof. That includes being blunt and honest. Expose her by asking her whether there is a real problem with a solution, or if she's just making up conflicts to antagonize and complain.
@@leapingjoseph8462 I have a co worker that is a narcissist, its almost unbearable...100% sure would break me if would be married to one. There is only one cure= Leave. Don really think that can be worse than what You have now, even without support.
Wow is right. Awesome point and crazy true!
very difficult to talk to them about anything they did that was wrong
Also, If you tell a narcissist how they are making you feel, they just tell you "it's not all about you, you know"... 😔
Possible projection on the part of the narcissist.
Wifey Dearest used to say that same thing to me.
I was told my option is irrelevant..
@@Muchjoy.. I hope you are free now
My sister is a narcissist.
some ppl have a hole in their heart from a bad childhood...no matter how much love you pour in...it just runs out
frick. it's true.
it's me.
******well said******
That is profound....
That’s the absolute truth. That’s why it’s not about us…
Yup. My Dad died when I was 2 and my Mom's bf stabbed her in front of me when I was 7. That had a strong affect on me. Then, an animal attacked my single Mom and she needed a lot of help. Instead of having a good life after that, the doctor's blamed me, as a 12 year old, as to the source of my Mom's problems while continually switching her medications to eventually be put on oxycotin.
This really disrupted my teenage years and I don't want to seem selfish because my Mom was going through so much hard times, but no one ever seemed to find or have a place for me to go. That's just one thing. I had to line up apartments for us to live in when I was in highschool BC no one was able to. I held a lot of guilt from that bad doctor who tried to divide my Mom and myself rather than help or treat her well and make us functional.
I had a lot of struggles with homelessness in life and I still have people trying to sabotage me based on other lies that have been used against me. I honestly don't know why I'm having this sort of issue with not being liked.
But the good part is by re-connecting with my Mom and helping her for that past 5 years and talking to her everyday and seeing her a lot. Our grown up relationship is a world different than growing up because we have so much in common.
The thing is, she didn't know her Father either. So, it's two generations of absent Father's, for whatever reason, it's been quite a challenge and I'm hopeful I succeed at my new good job and move back in with my Mom. I'm dreaming big. 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂
This is so true. You never feel like a part of something with a narcissist. There is no teamwork, only what they want.
They will always prioritise strangers and casual friends because it's a perfect environment for them. They get their ego stroked by people who think they are great with little-to-no chance of them discovering what they are truly like.
Im too much of a people pleaser and I talk too much but those are from my adhd.
"Never make someone a priority, when all you are to them is an option". - Maya Angelou
I'm in my 60's and I am sadly learning this IS the way of the world...
With healthy-minded people it's not really that way, as you and they mutually prioritize each other.
Wow!! You nailed it!! You are absolutely correct!!
This can only be taken so far. If you make only what you want a priority, you will always just be an option. At anytime someone can make you that option. You can also choose to make them an option. When you realize this, you can then adjust your priorities and at the same time other's will adjust as needed. Help other's with their priorities and you will remain a priority. Just don't cross your moral boundaries in the process of adjusting your priorities. That's where I made so many mistakes and lost myself in the process.
Yes but there are also good people and i hope you find them and cherish it wholeheartedly. 🍀
Damn man, thank you for passing ur wisdom
So if you are worried about being a narcissist you're probably not one
thank u for this.
Ooooof I felt this.
Lol! I was curious too! Turns out I'm good! :-)
Thank you I needed that
true - a narcissist is NOT HUMBLE humble people care and seek opinions or advice a narcissist DOESN'T
After a dysfunctional family of origen and two sociopathic so-called husbands, I don't want to "engage" deeply with anyone. I am in a period of REST, and it might last for the rest of my life. Peace.
Wishing you strength
@Malinda Allen -- I couldn't agree more and exactly my thoughts.
that's sad, I hope you're able to have healthy relationships one day
Agreed. He's answering these questions more like their inner monologue as opposed to how they verbally respond.
I can totally relate to that. Hugs
I asked my brother why he calls me if he can’t stand me so much. He always responds with, “You’re my brother “. Says it every time.
A narcissist once accused me of being manipulative and self-centered. My therapist pointed out that this was a masterful piece of projection. So I asked her, "If I'm so manipulative and self-centered why do you want to be my friend? Doesn't that say you have poor taste in friends?"
That is gold man. Ive pulled that on my mom when she tries to turn the tables on me in an npd rage (usually by me calling out a passive aggressive move). Its like if im the awful, confused person u say i am.. why is it only ever ME trying to politely keep my distance & u forcing yourself into my life.
Wow 😯
wow, that's so clever. thanks for sharing that.
Curious. Do you feel you won the argument by that? Or do you feel that you just got yourself into the same game play as the other narcissist?
I am glad your therapist cought it.
When a narcissist goes silent they’re planning your downfall.
What happened?
Oh my yes. Watch out.
Bcus they feel the threat of being exposed they fucking hate that shit they cant handle my ass lol I'm so fucked in the head now I'll never be happy fo sho so I'll be damn if I don't put em in the spot light on every thing and if they do it once they gonna keep on cuz they walking life like a circle track never change you can't fix what you can't accept is broken
I say bring it on . How dare they even so this to us. Rip their mask off!
@@chrisgould101 I know the feeling, but they can really ruin your life in revenge. If you expose them, you have to be very careful. It's safer to just get away from them if you can. I wish I'd known this years ago. :(
I like how he's not attacking anyone. He is helping us all to learn what Grace really means. To put ourselves in check.
You get it, Latasha.
I wouldn't agree with that statement, he seems to pretty clearly have an agenda against those with narcissism, he directly said to always avoid them more than once
@@prussiaball1871 Do you believe the talking points of this video were wrong?
@@prussiaball1871 And what do you propose instead?
@@prussiaball1871And what's wrong with that?
I have struggled with my 56 yr old narcissistic son for 40 years. I have gained strength from you podcasts. I have a tremendous amount of guilt when you refer to the redeem seeded pain. I've learned to forgive myself, but how can I recover from knowing his pains were caused by my weaknesses as single parent? Thank you for what you do.
One of the most gut wrenching parts about learning that I was raised by a malignant narcissist is seeing so many of those traits in myself. But I want to give my son a good childhood and that’s what keeps me constantly examining myself for toxicity 😅
You're a good person if you can delete bad stuff from your childhood to help your children. Not like those assholes who think "well I suffered in my childhood so I'll make my children suffer too, they need to go through it, I'll take it out on them"
Dont ever stop searching how to be a better person by the day, I sadly did not realize i was emotionally unavailable for my daughter because i was too busy surviving (bills, work, being a single parent is hard). I also did not realize i was raising my heart with a heart of gold, full of empathy. Her narcissistic father was and is so abusive mentally and emotionally that he was able to take advantage of her empathy towards him and is using it against me. My daughter is starting to believe i was a horrible mother (he would always tell her mean things as a baby) she also seems to be filled with anger and now just says idk or i cant remember for anything she wants to immediately dismiss. He took her away by lying to her school that i tried to kms with her. He has always tried to hurt me throught her because he knows it was the only way i would give him any type of reaction. I wont say i was the best mother but i thank the lord for allowing me to see that I am able to search within myself first and now look forward to being better not for myself but for her. One day she'll grow up and see that her life wasnt what she believed it to be and i know I want to be there for her because it truly breaks one heart and soul to realize you are not what you thought you were. Always search to become better, I wish you the best sir.
This is why I don't think narcissistic traits = narcissism. You're capable of self examining yourself for toxic and narcissistic behavior and adjusting in accordance, which narcissists are usually incapable of. You're also putting your children first from what it sounds like, and narcissistic parents wouldn't do that either. No human is perfect or safe from narcissistic traits, many of those traits can be learned from growing up in rougher environments and needing to survive as a child.
Good idea, but hard to let control go.
People can have narcissistic traits if they have low self-esteem/ insecurities and learn certain bad behaviors like manipulation, but as long as you can learn and introspect, you can grow and become the best version of yourself. I would say it starts with healthy self-esteem building, learning healthy confidence and assertiveness, and also learning about manipulative behaviors so that you can stop yourself. Learning about “positive parenting” might also help. … and I’m not a doctor but just speaking from my experience…
Nice video.
Let's not forget the golden rule of the narcissist: "We work as a team, and we do everything my way."
Spot freaking on sadly. It is my way or now way. Your way does not mean shyte😔 This is my mother
I get really antsy when a person I will initially accept as being the leader of a non-profit organization or they want to recruit me to provide services to their business uses "team" or "family." They want you in their clutches. They picture a team like a rowing team where everyone stays in step and they are the one with no oar, shouting out the beat. If it's family, they're going to try to be the godfather and lord help you if you "betray" the family. You don't get paid either because, We're Family!!! :)
or, as in my former marriage, "We work as a team, we do everything my way, but YOU do all the work, and you support me because I'm too important, good-looking, and precious to get a real job."
Yes yes yes yes yes! And so , nothing ever gets done . Hell , nothing ever gets started ! And that’s all MY FAULT, ofcorse . Ewwwwwwwwggggrrrggg!!
I read somewhere that when the devil can't reach you, he'll send you a narcissist.
Good one!
That is true just ask my Current Wife, Ex Wife and Girlfriend
Where have you heard this? Is it something I would be able to find an article?
Very true
I prefer the devil than a Jehovah's witness.
‘Narcissists don’t want team work’
I have found this to be an excellent way to spot a narcissist in the workplace, I have worked with a few colleagues over the years who are seemingly very confident capable individuals but they just have complete meltdowns trying to work in a team and just create a lot of conflict. They seem to prioritise their individual position of hierarchy within the team over the team objectives and that becomes detrimental to the whole project. I also think that TV shows like ‘The Apprentice’ purposely select people with narcissistic personality traits because they know that conflict creates entertainment.
well, thats not entirely 100% the case, because someone could just be annoyed that their team isnt helping.
true,I worked with narcissists and they wanna be above others even tho they are on the same level of work. ask them for advice on something they just say "u figure it out".and when they are about to do something that is wrong and they are asked to stop it they just keep on and fail miserably xD. when they have trouble doing a job they never ask for help they just proceed to make solutions super expensive for the customer. a mechanic i worked with got stuck on a job cos i didnt knew how to use welding and blowtorch equipment to seperate some parts that us other do all the time.he then went on to order al new parts giving the customer a mega bill vs when we do those jobs.they are so comicial and pathetic in how they still belive they are gods tho xD
you dont have to be a narc to not want idiots slowing you down at the workplace. if I can do something 100x faster without having to repeat the task 90 times to everyone else, that's called efficiency.
Narcissists want a dictatorship!
Yes, starkly obvious with a cooperative board-game (Pandemic). My mother can't wrap her mind around the concept, and believes we're somehow maliciously manipulating her to accomplish less, though we technically all win or lose as a team. She keeps trying to make some kind of plot where she'll help a player if that player grants a greater favour to her. Also insists on playing easiest difficulty because "It's no fun when you feel like you're losing".
The best advice is leave and never let them back in. They won’t see they are the problem so won’t ever change
I made a mistake on that but now I can say I finally learned my lesson
Give a good bye kick on there ass as well.
I removed a sibling out of my life since I had enough of their narcissist behavior. If one can't treat with me nicely with respect, then they aren't worth my time. And a narcissist sure doesn't like that since they have lost the control which we all know they thrive on control. I tried to make up with this person on MY terms. They apologize, stop the abuse and treat me nicely with respect. Needless to say this person ignored that request. And I was not out of line for what I had asked for. So that just shows, they will only try to lure you back and manipulate you so they can abuse and control you again. So a narcissist will never change, just like you stated. Which proves that control means more to them then you do. Since in their eyes it's all about them.
Passive-Aggressive: "They get their anger out with the least amount of vulnerability." I have never heard this definition, but it is perfect!
My mother, once beat the glass out of the China Cabinet with a baseball bat..... she says she doesn't remember it.
@@ladyladychickchick9133 "I don't remember", "I don't recall" is a classic for narcissists. My mother uses it as well. Even when it's about a thing she did or said a day ago. I'm sorry that you have to deal with such a person. I hope you will take care of youerself
@@SicYennefer it's part of the disassociative state they constantly live in. Unpleasent feelings, memories, vulnerabilities are disassociated and none of their own trauma is actually confronted. Being wrong is unpleasant and therefore suppressed. She knows she behaved poorly, but doesn't have the ability to acknowledge she did anything wrong.
@@sarahbarth7267 oh, hell yes. It's very helpful to know narc's insight, it's easier to cope with it. To anyone interested I wholeheartedly recommend www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com. Great source of knowledge. Remember - you're not crazy!
I have one sister who brought me to tears so many times I stopped talking to her. Doing the most damage with the least vulnerability is a perfect description of her.
"I don't remember it so it didn't happen"
"I didnt hurt your feelings you chose to feel that way"
"I've never argued with you"(during an argument)
- some quotes from my ex narcissist
"I didn't say that."
Yo I used to say that shit all the time, damn
Mind blown, literal lines from mine.... especially the "I didnt hurt your feelings, you chose to feel that way"..... that ish used to f with my head sooo bad because in a way its true... but in another way its completely false... still feel insecure, even about my own thoughts, from dealing with that for soooo long. And the arguing part as well... would be yelling and screaming at me and then say "I'm not yelling! " Then starts the abuse, name calling, and hours of badgering for calling him out.....
Same as my husband
"I'm sorry it affected you that way"
Or when he cheated on me. "I'm sorry you went through that"
I assumed my father was a narcissist for the longest time but it was mostly my insecurities that made me think that way. Last December he apologized and noted the biggest issues that he struggled with as a parent. Seeing that proved to me that he's not a narcissist, he just has a difficult time controlling his pride like I do.
That must have been a breakthrough moment for each of you.
Beautiful. Keep communicating. Keep admitting your mistakes to each ofher. We are humans. We usually do more wrong than right. If we are concious to that we maybe can turn the sail and do more good than bad. Being 51% good and 49% evil is better than 99% of people. None of us are the reincarnation of Jesus Christ.
Don't be a chuunibyou.
Suffer towards something.
Thats what life is about imo.
I certainly do my best and hope it's enough. I certainly can always do more.
Narcissism is a range on the human emotional spectrum just like any other, happiness, depression, anxiety, joy.
It's when those things become hyper prominent, that they indicate a problem. All of us are a little narcissistic, most of us are able to keep a lid on it so it doesn't make too much of a mark on our lives. At least, that's how I understand it. It's an oversimplification to call it an emotion, I know.@thatsmeINFJ
I've had narcissistic tendencies all my life. But I can confirm that it was from fear. Basically my parents were mentally abusive at times and I believe my narcissistic behavior and thoughts were driven by fear primarily.
I've done a lot of growing in the past few years. 24 now and I believe I'm more open and loving than ever before. I'm proceeding to work on myself one day at a time. In my experience. 80% (rough estimate) of the time, people will tell you you're going to hell instead of noticing you may be in hell/ going there and helping you out of it. But then again. Why would you want to help someone you perceive as a monster?
@@Some3xRandomGuy I feel like I'm in the same shoes as you. My parents made me be afraid of admitting my mistakes. Same for my girlfriend, she always says I could just say sorry but when I do she still doesn't stop. I don't really get it. Additionally I'm a leader in every team or organisation I am in, so I need to make sure I'm perceived as a capable person to keep winning elections. I feel like this defensiveness is required for my life.
@@djwaltoaram7052 damn I feel the same
Being a narcissist it can be extremely difficult to open your eyes and look at all the damage you've done & all the hurt and insecurities inside yourself. It's also difficult because people treat narcissists like that's all there is, no actual human behind the mask who is hurting. This drives the spike of lies deeper into our own heart as we cling onto it.
After being outed by my entire friend group, exploited, and made fun of, it hurt me terribly. You may not be able to change fundamentally, but at least it's possible to understand *why* you do certain things, so you can take preventative action and live more holistically. And it's been *totally* worth it.
I'm kinda feeling for people that has the disorder they didnt choose their childhood or wanted to be this and that. I think its wrong blindly hating someone for it...
My husband walked in while I was watching this and got MAD but could not tell me why. It hit WAY too close to him for him I guess lol.. He literally could not listen to this & it ran him out of the room angry then he came back a few minutes later and asked me if I was working on my flaws lol. This is GOLD information.
Read "Unmasking Narcissism". If you love someone who is a narcissist, and don't want to just conclude "the narcissist is bad and you should remove them from your life", that book will help you understand what has made them narcissistic and figure out how to have a healthier relationship with them (emotional boundaries, etc).
Tell him you BOTH should be working on your flaws.
Red flag. Divorce him
🤦🏻♀️
LOL ya "youuu're" flaws the audacity
For a long time I felt that I was a narcissist. Only recently I've found out that these symptoms are actually a result of my upbringing. I'm going to start asking myself these 8 questions or a variation of them every day to try and grow more comfortable being a person, flaws and all.
Clue #1: you even entertained the thought. A narcissist wouldn't even come close to something resembling introspect
@@rosen9425 You know, I've worried that I myself was possibly an undercover narcissist and after watching this video and connecting emotionally to almost all of these, I'm pretty sure I'm not. I've definitely known some though.
@@rosen9425 Right. They aren't that self-aware.
A self aware narcissist is not real
Being raised by a narc gives us narc tendencies. We can unlearn them and heal. If you're worried about being a narc, you probably aren't one lol. Narcs don't worry about that.
Recently got sober and come to the conclusion that the love of my life was a narcissist I'm going to subscribe
Keep learning!! Glad you're on board.
I had an intimate relationship with a narcissist and her “go to” reply to a simple question I would ask her was, “Why do you want to know?” Think about it, I would say “How was your day honey?” Her reply, “Why do you want to know?” This blew my mind until I began understanding her condition. Incapable of self reflection and in a constant state of camouflage.
What was her childhood like? Or what trauma has she experienced?
@@ceridwenschache9745 "Why do you want to know?"
“Incapable of self reflection and in a constant state of camouflage” beautifully sums up every narcissist I’ve encountered in my lifetime.
Ceridwen Schache I’ve noticed that people who’ve had traumatic and abusive backgrounds usually fall into one of two categories: 1) they become highly empathic and compassionate due their own experience and knowing what it feels like to be hurt 2) they become narcissists or psychopaths
Stonewallers!
8 Questions narcissists can't answer:
1. What are some of your deepest hurts?
2. Why is it so difficult for you to admit flaws and mistakes?
3. Why do you feel the need to impress strangers?
4. Why do my differences threaten you so much?
5. Do you honestly believe your opinions cancels out the validity of others' opinions?
6. In what ways do you need to grow and change?
7. If I make you feel so frustrated why do you keep coming back?
8. Why do you go silent?
1. Being alone, being talked about behind my back.
2. Admitting flaws shows that I am incapable of something, I would rather eliminate the flaw once I notice it instead of having to admit it. It helps escape the feeling of weakness.
3. Strangers are a blank slate, I feel as though showing them my "best side" brings new possibilities to my life and potentially new opportunities.
4. Differences, I'm assuming this is from the perspective of a relationship. In that case, differences can be threatening in a committed relationship and are daunting as they make it more difficult to come to common ground. However, differences are perfectly healthy.
5. No, however i will often try to change other peoples opinions with logic and reason. It can be frustrating to be unable to but I've learned to deal.
6. This one is tough, because if i knew what i needed to do to grow and improve i would already be working on it... But I suppose, I should learn to control my stress better and not take it out on others when I'm frustrated.
7. Because I Love her. Over exposure and my own internal issues may cause frustration, even if sometimes it's actually my fiance being a dufus, but it also challenges me to be in a relationship with someone who can be as intelligent and reasonable as she can be irrational and moronic. At the end of the day, I care deeply about her and my son, and that's the reason I've never left even though I get frustrated beyond belief sometimes.
8. I never go silent, I kind of do the opposite actually... If we have an issue, it gets discussed until we figure out where it stems from, who (if anyone) is the problem in that instance, and how we'd go about fixing it. She's never refused to talk it out even though I'd say 70% the discussion ends with us agreeing that I'm right. If she's right, I'll usually back down and admit it so I don't have to go through the whole argument knowing I'm wrong.
So, am I a narcissist? XD
Your the goat bruh I didn’t see it at the top figured I was gonna have to watch much love
My answers would be as follows
1 what the fuck does this even mean??
2 I honestly don't know of any flaws that I might have 💀
3 I don't feel the need to impress strangers and honestly could give two fuck about what anyone thinks
4 your differences don't threaten me at all in fact as long as they don't affect me in any way then I don't care what differences you mat have
5 only if their opinion is stupid
6 no idea
7 again what the fuck does this mean? No one in my life really makes me feel frustrated so I don't really have an answer?
8 again the fuck does this mean???
Some of these questions are really stupid wtf I'm not a narcissist and never will claim to be but seriously how the hell are you supposed to answer some of those I haven't watched the video yet this so maybe he'll explain the questions better
@@kingyoung5228 might be a narcissist buddy...
a thousand subscriber's with no videos challenge lol so ur so confused yet didnt even watch the video, narcistic you are not but 9 years old, maybe
Their feelings are WAY more important than yours. I used to say of my ex- that she's the kind of person who might stab you, and then berate you for "whining" about being stabbed. It was incredible.
Correction, their feelings are the only ones that matter period!
Been there
That’s my current situation. I’m always at fault for feeling a way after he does something to bring it about.
The will kill and slice and then blame the body for bleeding over their carpet.
That's why you reflect it all back! /hj then berate them for the sad look on their face lol
I'm crying right now.....this is so true! My narcissist abuser threatened me physically last night and I left. You are helping me so much right now. Thank you 🙏
I'm working on leaving too. It's Hell
You're lucky he left! My narcissistic dad ignores me and gives me excuses why he doesn't acknowledge my efforts. He's not worth the effort!
When I rightly complain to my narc dad, he dumps his blame onto me, saying I am the one who the problem: yeah. Him!
Good for you! Now that you are out... Stay out. Don't go back because nothing will change. Take care.
"Freedom means that you don't have to hide behind pretenses."
@@theinvisibleman2070 There are many ways to say the same thing. An existential position never works like a line, unless you already walk, but it only does so if it'd be your instinct to automatically pass by, when you assume something instead of calculate it out. I rather look at them as circles or cores from which you could choose a million ways and go as far or as extreme with them as you'd like.
If this is what you would name it, then we could know where you stand or what you skipped and where you know something as you do, but where the question is, is what. Sounds to me it doesn't hold much value for you, which means you wouldn't look much closer at the void where you don't belong or hold feeling for it, which means you'll underestimate it's power and overestimate it's weakness. You'll fit with those who've been in it for a little while, and probably agree, or nothing at all. But you wouldn't understand those that wallow in it, those that try to get answers from that place. Those who don't mind the pain it brings or don't even notice it. Every path has pain. The question is what fits perfectly into your world as something that makes your identity as a tattoo would on your skin.
(Just fixed a typo)
@Jamie Pritchard Yeah, so there is a choice in front of all of us. It comes down to the pain that you want to endure or can not see if that's how you could see it. You'll probably recognise this best when we'll get way older and even then, choice. The end offers freedom from that, but we are only here, in this grey place, for as long as we are. It forces us to truly become the person that we are, but there are many places in the mind we could stay.
@@theinvisibleman2070
Nothing to lose and everything to gain. Chaos comes under my command... Then nature calls me to use the toilet.
@@diederickkruse3821
Freedom left unchained can lead to a lost sense of freedom. Freedom nurtured and natured is the binds which sway morality. But a false freedom is like a bird caged under its own illusions. Although, there is the anti-freedom. Not tyranny, but the reality that one can make many choices which don't truly amount to anything, regardless of the gain.
But all of this is a part of human nature, so on its own. Freedom is incomplete.
@@absolstoryoffiction6615 Chaos is yet another way to look at freedom and the most common perspective. It's true, freedom can be quite a chaotic thing, so there.
The thing is that it's usually hard to control, because the moments freedom is most desired, are those at which we'd very much want to be 'unchained' and choose for ourselves. Usually to find out who we are, but that is the truly chaotic thing for which freedom is required. Freedom offers its potential. I wouldn't call it an empty virtue that doesn't amount to anything and I wouldn't call it incomplete, but a necessary step to take in our lives. It's just not everything. That's why I was looking, in a more difficult period, for people to stand by my side and to hear it, but I ended up quite alone and had to make the choice to stay there for a while, making it okay. If you'd call it incomplete, I'd say it's best to truly look at what it all holds and could mean for you, instead of what it means for you right now, which is probably what you're feeling about it. Its momentary use with your current existential position aka instinct. When you feel nothing for the meaning of freedom, but everything for the reasons of use (thus acquiring clarity through contrast), you're probably quite close to making good calculations. And with that contrast you see everything else more clearly, too, as there are now less jammers, blocking your ways.
To be a little cringe: Assassin's Creed actually offers a great contrast on those jammers with their creed, saying "nothing is true, everything is permitted". Of course there isn't much to go on here and if this is all I say it is just chaos for most. This strange, little and apparent code feels vastly incomplete for something so wise and ancient and just seems utterly chaotic (which, of course, at times in their history, it was). That little bit of reflection could mean all the difference when you'd find, say "Where other men blindly follow the truth, remember nothing is true. Where other men are limited by their morality or law, remember everything is permitted.". Of course this one is still a very wild code to have and is thus quite dangerous, but it gives the proper contrast to have something to easier go on with, as you'll find new issues to solve to get to bottom lines. With the right perspective, though, this could also be seen as a warning, to know that, if not you, others may only be seeing something like this and that you need to understand your 'enemy' by becoming them. Obviously there is more to freedom than this creed, but not everything about it is obvious, obviously. Certainty is the dangerous tool in most cases, since it breeds stubbornness. What shouldn't be forgotten, is that psychological stuff is usually not objective. Try to not for now look at the limits of freedom, but the inevitability.
Pfoo long story, but I hope it clarifies or even raises some questions! Anyway, could you explain your anti-freedom a little?
A narcissist’s feelings will cancel out facts, because they fit facts to their feelings. Actual facts are irrelevant; their feelings are facts.
Great point.
TED Schmitt absolutely, spot on!
Yes, I like how you said that a narc's feelings "cancel out" facts. That is very true. When you ask them to substantiate their claims, their word salad gets tossed all over the place! They become even angrier and deflective and you will just become even more confused and exhausted trying to get a simple answer from them!
Sounds like you are describing modern-day Democrats.
@TED Schmitt Lol•I see Someone been listening to The Little Shaman......
"They can't access the interior of themselves." DEAD ON. Interacting with narcissists is exhausting.
And they are the most boring people aren't they?
@@Joolz111 Agree
Yeah, I had those exact thoughts while watching the person in my life w this, and that really is what it is. Funny thing is, THERE'S A LOT ON THE INSIDE! A lot of pain, mainly. But, they're so insecure they create a self-fulfilling proficy by ending up lashing out (defense mechanism), hurting u, & effectively creating the impression that there's nothing inside- which is exactly what they did all that to avoid anyway! I don't hate them, I actually pitty him (mine) because, now that I understand this, I can see he's full of envy for me, so in a very dysfunctional way, it's flattering lol
@Mon Desire Agree 100%.
It's really interesting when they think they're extremely self-reflective and analytical when they're so not. I'm just baffled how they can say and think that and then continue making the same mistakes over and over and over and over and over again.
"I wanna be free, and freedom means not having to hide behind pretenses", yes this! I've tried to explain this concept to my roommate when he does the obvious 'trying to impress strangers' thing and it's like he can't comprehend living for anything but the admiration of others.
My favorite test for empathy is "how do you think I felt when you (did or said) that?" Keep asking it no matter how the person tries to wiggle out of it. I actually had one tell me how THEY felt, as if their brain was incapable of processing the question in any way that wasn't about them. It can be a hard question for anyone, but someone who is willing to truly engage with you and consider your feelings will at least try
they could never empathize with anyone ... it is all about them!!! Always
The narcissist I dated claims he is an empath, but when I asked him questions like “how do you think that makes me feel?” he could never answer. I think maybe he’s a covert narcissist though, because he was pretty vulnerable at the beginning.
This is great.
so.... i found that these people, covert narcs, in my life think they are SUPER empathetic... yet they can't understand the effects of their actions, and even if you TELL them how a situation is making you feel they don't get it, sidestep, deflect, take no accountability, or just hit you with the ol' "well, now you're just making me feel bad". which, flips it right back to them and how THEY feel.
"but what about MY feeeEEEEeeeeeeeEElings~~~!?" is like their battle cry. (but more often than not, there will be a pause after you speak, and then a *complete* topic change with zero acknowledgment.)
It’s very healthy to ask yourself when in a relationship these questions . Sometimes I question if it’s me… makes me sad but then I google what I need answering and try figure out this life of ours. I think because of past events we all have hidden trauma somewhere along the way that wasn’t expressed. Just my thoughts x
If you in a relationship keep asking yourself over and over again: "What the hell is going on? Nothing makes sense" please understand 2 things: 1. There's NOTHING you can do to 'save' him/her and
2. LEAVE!
I wish I new he was a narc :(. I was always constantly confused and sad. I even got suicidal and I didn’t know why. I realized after the relationship that he is in fact a narcissist.
Amen
And it's a perfect storm of opposites because a normal person or an empath will try to save the narc and be loyal to the narc because that's what good people do. But when the other person is a narc, that's all out the window.
100%!
Absolutely
Never talk or answer back with emotions, always give facts that can't not be argued with. That's one way to deal them.
Yes ! And, the facts piss them off even more. 😵😵😵
@@GFHanks I'm a narcissist... I love facts. So I guess y'all are wrong.
Oof. Very hard to do if you're a victim of Narcissistic abuse
I state facts and somehow they still twist them to their rational and try gaslighting me.
@@kj7653
So very true...I live with one.
This hit so hard. I went no contact with my parents a decade ago. My dad recently died and I have been trying so hard to make a meaningful connection with my mom. I thought my dad was just an influence on her. I was dead wrong. She is continuing the same pattern of abuse. I have tried every method to get around the narcissism. It is breaking my heart all over again. Every single question of this video is EXACTLY my mother. It is so hard to face.
I personally feel this same pain. My heart goes out to you.
I wish to never know that pain. I do hope you find your way through this.
My grandpa was narcissistic. Thankfully she saw and accepted him for who he was and what he was and wasn't capable of.
I'm sure you're very resilient, and if your mother were capable of seeing herself and witness your response and efforts of keeping a relationship with her would be extremely moving.
Idk, hoping the best for you and yours.
@@jakdaxter641Thank you. It is sad when strangers show a person more compassion and understanding than their own parent is capable of.
no offense but I bet it was your mom all along.
@@nwerd7584 omg, you might be right...................my dad did ask her to call me a lot before he died. she said calling me wouldn't change anything, so she didn't. wow...................my dad was an asshole at times but now that I think about it, I wonder if my mother's influence just made him 10x worse. you have given me something to consider
Flashbacks to conversations with my mother when I started to realize it wasn't just me. When I was a young teen and we are always butting heads very hard. I'd beg her to respect my different opinions, she would say there is no such thing as an opinion, there is only right and wrong (and of course, she was the champion of all things right). I remember asking her if we could go to therapy, she said she didn't need to go, i should go so the therapist could explain how wrong I was about everything, then we'd be fine. I remember how I was always having to apologize or grovel to get back on her good side and I asked her if she could for once admit to me something she's sorry for-- she reflected a moment then said, "I don't think I've ever really done anything wrong." I pressed her a little and she finally came up with something: apparently, her only fault was being too nice and other people (like me) took advantage of her because of it.
Whooo boy. Yeah I'm messed up from her.
When you hear narcissistic it relates to the wife, husband, girlfriends and boyfriend but when it comes to parents we can't call them narcissistic because the love of our parents can not be compared with the love of partners. Whatever they do it's all about guidance. If you could feel the pain of our mother's during birthing and during in the womb you could have not been said narcissistic. Finally you are going to be a mother and you will remember this one day.
A narcissistic mother is the ultimate narcissist. She won't turn on you until you're older. She'll pull you down, and only try to be your mom when she feels like it. She'll call you a failure and try to kill your ambition. She'll cut deep because you gave her the knife by opening up to her when you were little. She knows you, but only the old you, you can cut her off by not confiding within her. Living under the same roof is tough, you can only speak with her when necessary, be as straightforward and clear as possible, because anything can blow up into an argument. Think of it like starving an ant infestation by vacuuming up crumbs.
I'm trying to get myself set up to move out, because I'm not playing this game she's stuck in.
Wow
@@Idothinkysaurus 🙌 mine is my caregiver 😥 I'm 40 and I have a 19 Year old son. We are now trying to detoxify ourselves from her!! You got this 🙏
Yup, this was both my parents. My father literally called himself “perfect” and said that everyone else is the problem. My mother twisted everything until it fit with her own twisted reality.
These people honestly can’t see beyond themselves.
Not that learning cell biology is a bad thing, but somehow I can't help and feel that learning stuff like this in high school would have been more useful.
I'm glad you didn't blame on learning cell...I love Biology 😔
There are psychology classes (at least there were in my school), but I agree, this stuff can be pretty useful and is kinda interesting
Wow..i am in highschool and started taking psychology this year, and philosophy last year
Don't trivialize basic knowledge. You don't run into narcissists all the time, but being basically ignorant will affect you every day.
There's room for both!
Could have really used this 40 years ago. Got swept into toxic relationships with two narcissists. Young people need this!
Amen
Yes more people, especially young people, need to see things like this! Would have saved me a lot of distress but at least I know now!
@@SqueakySassy I agree I have a parent still alive who I and my siblings have catered to at least 4 decades of my adult life. I really believe I was aware and knew how tools to deal with it .
Things may have been better for me, my siblings and other relatives and relationships even the narssis's life.
Honestly we all could have used this sooner regardless of the time or age.
Yes I was also thinking that part was especially valuable, especially for... Maybe younger people
This describes exactly the woman I was with for 8 years... so happy to be out of that. When I was in it, I kept trying to figure it out but never could until I was out. It is such a hard thing to endure, losing all relevance in a relationship.
ask them what they like about you...... there will be silence, a puzzled look,,, (wait for it) then after and eternity they will say "I guess that you care so much for me" yes folks that's the best you're going to get...... forever.
Really? I have not even got that once after marrying him. Instead of a puzzled look, he would give me a disgusting dirty look, rolling eyes and such and ignore me. Lucky for you to get answer.
bluefishbeagle1 my grandson won’t answer right away. Give him a few minutes especially if you interrupted something he was working on and ask him again. He will answer you. He has autistic tendencies. Hand flapping, his own body sound scare him, some lights, being thirsty or hungry all bother him to the point where he cannot listen to others while he’s trying to deal with all the other stuff. Send him to school with a new shirt with a tag and he can’t listen.
True. When I broke up with the narc in my life he asked me why. I told him that the relationship wasn't going anywhere. His response? I was planning a vacation. Seriously? Yup. Talk about no personal growth.
Yeah, mine literally told me that he liked that I took care of our son and was a housewife. That’s it. Nothing about me, just about what I did for him. disgusting.
I did ask.. after the discard bc he claimed he still loved me. I asked, what is it do you love about me? He stared at me for a while not knowing what to say and finally blurted out: bc I just do. After the divorce, he did mention that he wanted our graves right next to each other. Now I had already known he already had new supply for the past year. She’s the reason he discarded me. When asking him why about the graves bc that’s just weird to me, for the first time in his life he replied honestly with: I don’t want to be alone forever. It was quite telling and gave me chills only bc I know now that abandonment is their biggest fear. Seems even in death he’s afraid of being alone - whoa!
1. What are some of your deepest hurts?
2. Why is it so difficult for you to admit flaws and mistakes?
3. Why do you feel the need to impress strangers?
4. Why my differences threathened you so much?
5. Do you honestly believe that your opinions cancel out the validity of others?
6. In what ways do you need to grow and change?
7. If I make yoy feel so frustrated, why do you keep coming back?
8. Why do you go silent?
The most frustrating thing is when they turn around their own words and say "I didn't say it like that, I said this or that." Like when they said something offensive and I call them out, they just deny that that happened.
I literally just went through that yesterday, which is how I got here. Frustrating is an understatement lol!!!
Narcs build their own world with one reality only. Their reality. What they say is the only truth. Turning your words around and making it look as if you’re at fault all the time. It’s called gaslighting.
So a misunderstanding on your part makes gaslighting on another's part?
Also known as "gaslighting".
A variation: "I have never said that, you dreamed it over..." + contemptuous smirk. 😡
Every time I would attempt to explain to my narcissist ex how his words or behavior hurt me, he would respond with “your misunderstanding is very unhealthy.” So basically I am wrong for being hurt by his behavior.
They are always right and never say sorry, have to be at the centre of attraction and never compliment anyone.
How to deal with a narsc:
• Bring in no contact
• Give no reaction
• Don’t give in
•••••• li4nn3.5iu •••••• bring back the death sentence, shoot on first sight , culling needed. Kill. Them. If we counted the suicide from narc abuse or trauma it would tripple Covid number every year. It bloody would.
Why do you go silent?
4: Do what Mickey Mouse did on that profile picture.
•••••• li4nn3.5iu ••••••, not always an option when they are family. My dad is a narcissist. And I actually try to keep a relationship with him. However I always keep in mind that he is a narcissist. I keep trying to educate my brother on this. My brother still approach my dad as if he is a normal person who can be shamed and argued with. That he can be made to feel remorse or change. I keep telling my brother, that whenever my dad shows up or does something positive, you just have to take that as bonus. It is not something you can expect. You cannot expect anything of him.
I am not really close to my dad, but we are in family gatherings and talk on the phone on occasion. It is usually pleasant. I find that I can have an okay relationship with my dad as long as it is not a too close relation. Living in the same house and going on vacation together was just a disaster. When my parents divorced I got a much better relationship with my dad.
It is easy to say one should just cut out narcissists. But when they have been part of your life for a long time, such as parents. It is hard to ignore them completely. That is just human emotion. That is who we are. My dad is fortunately not the worst narcissist. He has never really been cruel. It is more like he plays the victim card all the time and make you feel bad about not giving him enough attention or praise.
@@BlahBlah-kp2ic the reason why going silent is a good idea is because Narcissists only like to gain reactions from you... the more you show them any kind of interaction the more they stop bothering you.. they just want to see what kind of weaknesses or triggers that can possibly make you feel like you are not yourself towards that certain person.. cutting those kinds of people off and following along these tactics can always help because once you stop talking to them they feel like they aren’t giving you any kind of reason to mentally abuse you in any way
They are the one who deny all mistakes they do, they never do wrong
That.s because they have no humanity. They are an abominable blight to humanity and should be branded and quarantined for life.
hippopolaxe they are learning it formable years and that goes back for decades longer than all of us of been alive.There are certain teachers that rape students and the districts protect them is highly dysfunctional on a government level. Institutional child abuses and rapes public abuse. They’re literally teaching it in school. And government imposing silence its widespread generations of citizens & families . It is a choice They have to make a choice that they never should have to make to get a good education in the United States of America. Those at risk classrooms environments are toxic Risk exposures outbreaks epidemics it’s a public health crisis Way older than Coronavirus. I’m more inclined to be concerned for the safety of the present children in predatory USA GOVERNMENT SCHOOLS current state before Corona of Unaccountable institutions Especially in the wake of their multi generational meets the criteria for Governmental act of war against students and families. The allowances of the government to continue known predator teachers employment further extends Predator employee residual prey access to student populations. The hazardous to human health environments leads to childhood illnesses digressed health over lifetime and 20+ years premature enough for every student exposed. We need to secure the children whether they can be cured or not is not a priority their ability to infect student populations is PRIORITY STAT ALLYSHIP Anything less is consentual child abuse Whether it be on behalf of the government schools lack of accountability And or refusal to implement surveillance in schools to reduce public health crisis CDC institutional ACES STUDY, also a framework of accountability for the district and the students. And human safety The toxic environments are not only a threat to the children they’re also a threat to the teachers. Trauma informed community development based out of classrooms for widespread outreach community development. Or on the behalf of the parents sending the children into known predatory environments with toxic environments. In my educated opinions
The younger the get to the children the more it’s atmosphere is normalized. Children are less likely to question it. Keep kids at home until you have to send them to school and only send them to school with if their surveillance. Being a responsible parent is making sure ones child gets an education and it’s also making sure that they are not exposed to teacher rapists school employees with already known governmental allowances for it it’s also the parents job to not send them into clear and present danger. I’m not trying to belittle anyone in anyway but trust me the government will use it against (Whoever they have to to cover their own collective classes )make sure you do it the safest way then the only fingers they have pointing are the ones that are pointing back at them for decades of government allowances for multigenerational predator employees students rape slavery where they belong since the 1970s. No I don’t know about all of you but I had a local district public leader say oh we’re not the ones who abuse it’s the families. Now this is coming from a public leader who was as I here in the 1970s as well as the public leader Only I was a student and I watched my whole community they raped some physical some months or some emotional I watch the predator teacher teach boys how to touch girls straight up in the middle of class. That wasn’t the families that was the governmental school allowances and their predator teacher but see how they try to push it off on the families. Then he says well there’s no records proud almost as if they had a clean slate. Didn’t know he was talking to a 35+ year adult survivor of the 15 year district allowed police known I’ll turn their heads away student rapes well they continued his employment. So for whatever you think it’s worth I’m sharing my experience because maybe it might help somebody else. Most people are brainwashed and they don’t even realize they already have a automatic response to protect the schools. In my opinion it’s a it is what it is mindset. Through my recovery I see it it is what it was. Hope the best for everyone Through all of our ups and downs we’re in this together. All of it not just coronavirus.
Mine admitted that he never apologizes or accepts apologies. He means what he says and says what he means. In the 14mths he only apologized once for getting physical with me. Even then he placed it on me. He said he apologized and realized just cause i disrespect him doesn't mean he should disrespect him back. BtW me failing 2 give him eye contact during arguments was what disrespected him
And when they do wrong or forget something its always projected to someone else.
My father is an extreme narcissist. Sadly, I took some of his personality but I am quite conscious about it and have learned to hold myself back.
Exact same thing here. Here's to hope we don't gradually eventually end up like them. You're still young and willing to improve. Our fathers lived in a different world. They didn't have narcissist parents themselves to see how incredibly damaging that is, and the internet docs to help them.
@@FilipGereg hopefully🙏🏼
Hoping you overcome this.
@@FilipGereg that’s true. My dad didn’t have all the resources we have now. I should cut him some slack.
You just adapted some of his mannerisms, and you're at no fault for that. The fact you are aware and reflect on it shows you're FAR from being a narcissist
my mother is a narcissist and an enabler. i am 2 years sober now and working through the hurt and anger of this realization but im distancing and making her significantly less important to me everyday❤
I d never ask a narcissist these questions directly. They'd go ballistic and get defensive like nobody's business. As they say, don''t try this at home.
True true true!
Very true
Was looking for this comment. This needs to be. Disclaimer at the beginning of the video. If you piss off a Narcissist you can't even pretend you wana ask them these questions.
Absolutely ask these questions directly if you're in a personal relationship with a suspected narcissist! Just be safe and careful about potential physical retaliation when you confront them. I know conflict is uncomfortable for many of us but it is much better to have your relationship blow up now and for you to get out now so you don't waste any more of your life.
I will be asking these questions as I start dating again.
Don't fall into the trap of thinking a narcissists actually cares about you. They only care about you when it's convenient for them to do so, but the minute it's not convenient for them, you're about as important to them as a winter coat is on a hot day. I fell for this trap more than once. I've had past girlfriends post about me on Facebook, telling their friends and family how lucky they were to find me, of course this made me feel good, but soon I began to realize the post wasn't really about me, it was about them. Sort of like when someone catches a big fish, the first thing they do is take a picture of it and post it online. That's all I was to them, a big fish they just caught.
That's also why they are so inconsistent with you: because they lack the ability to connect and stay connected.
Facebook can make you belive most people are shallow like that? But the dangerous ones are those without physical emphathy, whatever you call them. An antipathy and disgust for violence is more important than a strong conscience. I'm less afraid of an egoist or a "narcissist" than of people that seem to lose their barriers as soon as they get exited or drunk.
That’s an excellent analogy. They actually do seem to engage in this “catch and release” behavior, don’t they?
When your flashlight batteries run low and you replace them, do you feel bad for the empty battery? Of course not. That's how narcissists see us. We are batteries to feed supply from until we are used up. That is not who we are, but it is how they see us - batteries to feed off of.
@@menopillion9853 Yes, I do actually. I hate to throw away stuff and feel sad about it. But to the point: This american diagnosis hysteria is rigid, superficial and simplistic. All people do this to *some* people and to *some* extent, although much less so to the ones they love. Sure, some people are colder and more cynical than others, but there are no principal borderlines between normal people and "narcissists" or other trendy diagnosis.
this explains why our politicians can't answer anything
Yeah no kidding. And they can’t face reality. No teamwork. No acceptance of reality.
Donald***cough***Trump
Brilliant observation.
@@pranayr9284, he answers. When did he not? Basement Biden does not answer.
@@Tony-Injection Biden has a number of genuine, well thought-out plans. He answers questions like a normal human and seeks the expertise of others. When given the chance to debate and not be interrupted by a gorilla on coke, he has many good answers. I don't know if he can keep his promises, but at least he has plans, an open mind, and respect for others' knowledge. Trump just gaslights, projects, lies, and answers questions like a kid who didn't read for a book report, while being racist and having no sense of humor or empathy.
Trump is a narcissist. Many experts have skillfully made their case and the proof is irrefutable. I'd write more, but I think you're just trolling so screw it.
After watching this video, I feel that I might have some narcissistic tendencies. I have a hard time expressing my flaws and my emotions, trying to seem like I am unaffected by any negativity in life. But truly, it is just a fear of showing my weakness and vulnerability. Thank you for blessing me with this video, and I hope to grow from my tendencies.
Normal people can have some narcissistic traits but it doesn’t make you a narcissist… sounds like maybe you’re on the spectrum of having some insecurities or low self-esteem and might just need to learn some skills to grow into confidence and healthy relating to others. I wish you the best and hope it comes easily for you!
There's no value in sitting around expressing your flaws work to fix them, that's what real men do with flaws they fix them they don't just sit around crying about them😎
If you're constantly crying and talking about how weak you are you're going to focus on that believe it more and be it more!
The craftiest narcissists are watching this right now and memorizing every word...
How many psychologists do you suppose are narcissists? Sounds like the people you're describing.
Nah they spend all their time thinking they are the greatest...does not apply to them,they are perfect.they will skip these videos.They dont know what they are.
Why? The whole video was junk.
@No Bull what is?
Yh as if they watch this......self education ? Don't be silly
MY HUSBAND is A Narcissistic and the behavior health specialist thought he was a sociopath... he is horrible. I PLOT MY ESCAPE DAILY...
I’m sorry to hear that how is your plot going
@@TheRealAK05 She can't say to much on here 🤐🤐
@@jayjenkins4166 ooooopps ..... he’s watching sorry I’ll shush up 🤐
Psychopath, narcissist... Same thing
@@TheRealAK05 You never know 🤔
Impressing strangers... I know 3 that will tell a stranger their whole life story just for a moment's compliment.
Let's be friends. Why? Because *I'M AWESOME.
*
Let's hangout. Why? Because *I'M AWESOME.
*
Everyone likes me. Why? Because *I'M AWESOME.*
I will belittle you and you will take it as a compliment. Why? Because *I'M AWESOME.
*
Everyone is fuel for my egomania and narcissism and you will burn for me. Why? Because *I'M AWESOME.*
@@thatHARVguy wouldn't that be someone who is insecure?
@@therecanbeonlyonechris5019 Yes. Narcissists are incredibly insecure.
Or they’ll use another’s person life as their own. I knew a narcissist who told people he was in the military. He never was, but my guess as to why he told people was because he saw the respect and admiration his friend, who actually was in the military, got from strangers. He even tried to convince me and I knew him in the time frame he told people he served. He was a drunk roofer who lived in and grew up in a small town. But that’s not as good of a story, so he stole his friends life.
Are you guys sure you aren't mixing up narcissism with pathological lying and insecurity. I've known some kind people who have displayed these traits and they definitely weren't narcissistic. Is the new definition of narcissism just another name for somebody I don't like? Kinda like the if your political ideology doesn't align with mine you are literally Hitler?
No growth or change! Two narcs I know proudly announced that are now (in their 40s and 60s) the same person they were in high school! It makes me so sad for them. I've grown so much since high school 20+ years ago.
11:41 "Don't waste emotional energy on someone not willing to engage with you..." really resonated. The other side of this is that you should gird yourself for isolation after you disengage with those who aren't willing or able to accept you but before you find those who are willing. And do not yield to the temptation to compromise and build new, bad relationships purely out of loneliness! They will come, and those times of hardship will build character.
Not engaging doesn’t mean not accepting. Many ppl who need space & time alone will disengage if they feel you are constantly bombarding them or crowding them. Has less to do with accepting the person & more to do with respecting boundaries or limits. If you have to be engaged 100% of the time that seems far more unhealthy to me than wanting to take a break from ppl every now & then. As long as you go about it in a polite way & communicate that to the other person then it doesn’t have to be a stumbling block. Needs to be a balance. I’ll talk more than I want to, she’ll talk less than she wants to. Meet in the middle.
I loved your comment, people need to accept you for being you. Right and wrong are debatable by different people. Anger, strain and tension can be anyone on any bad day. Anyone can lose it doing anything. It's hard to control thoughts. I liked your comment, thank you. People can be a part of the world but stay away from it. Everybody needs space.
Very wise advice. You have to have experienced a narcissist to understand. I decided to re friend a narcisst( hadn't figured then they were a narc) out of lonelyness and kindness,
I did see the pattern and figured it. Looking back , it was classic and hilarious. Came to my house once for a meal.I'd left some laundry to be folded on a chair , she commented " oh no, I couldn't live like this".
Her new puppy was left to go downstairs at night ( into her carpeted lounge). She accused my house trained dog of urinating on her sofa and carpet, ( despite the fact I'd seen it cock it's leg up my coat, in a shop, her carpet, up someone's bag. ).
There was no,way she could comprehend her puppy wasn't housetrained.
My god, yes. I cut most of my family off over the last two years, and aside from a couple old friends it has been terrifying and lonely. I've recently found someone I love, and it is such an incredible change being with a person who cares about me, thinks of doing nice things for me without me expecting or knowing, and even validates my reality!
I wouldn't change the choices I made, but it is a hard path I could have easily been lost to.
Thank you. I am still trying to find people that will support me. I have made a decision to focus on women now since men in my area seem very narcissistic for some reason but the women aren't. I don't understand it either.
The narc sees YOUR weaknesses as HIS strength.
Or HER strength.
@@imnotu00 sorry you were hurt... I trust no one right now and really hope you are telling truth but wish you well
@@davidjohns4745 Or just use a nongendered word such as "their." This guy has clearly been hurt by women, so when he read the comment, he had to clarify for his own mind's sake.
Wow
What's with the HE?
1) Why do you ALWAYS tell lies ..Even when you have the OPTION to tell the truth
2) Why do you "Use people"
3) Why do you not cry ..EVER
4) Why do you like to take advantage of the few kind and genuine people there are left in this World
5) Why are you a FAKE
6) Why do you THINK you are smarter than everyone else
7) Why do you THINK the rules of society do not apply to you
8) Why are you disrespectful of other peoples time and boundaries
Best comment and all of those are so relatable. #9 hits closest to home currently about disrespecting people’s time. She would always make plans with me and cancel them last minute, or she would just ghost me for a couple days when it’s time for the plans. Then like a week later she’d reappear saying she was “busy” with no explanation. If I dared to address it or ask her questions, she would go into a narcissistic rage.
Nosferatu Zodd You have no idea about my situation nor do you know anything about my experiences to speak on them. I’m not illogical enough to assume someone is a narcissist simply because they ghost on plans consistently. It’s one of the MANY things she does, but you wouldn’t know because you’re simply commenting on something you’re ignorant about maybe because you feel a conviction? I’m assuming you always ghost on plans. Have a nice day. I won’t go back and forth
It is so sick, twisted and demonic. Lucifer was a beautiful angel. He was concieted. He thought he was greater than GOD. GOD tossed him out of heaven. He is now known as the father of lies. He kills steals and destroys. Left to oneself, the devil and his agenda, takes residents in the mind of the narcissist. It gives me chills, since I was married to one and have a woman who gave birth to me. Pray, Pray, Pray
#3 except for their crying game
That Not Ever 😢!!!
My mother told me recently that she was asked, “what are your greatest strengths and weaknesses” on a job interview. She proceeded to name all the things she was good at, then said that she has no weaknesses.
I already suspected that she was a narcissist, as I’ve been a victim of her abuse for 25+ years now, but that really drove it home for me.
They really are truly mad people.
It's really weird that you attack your mother in public
Why didn't you stop contact at 18?
I feel for you. My mother is similar, but much more dangerous because she realizes her narcissism (probably just partial), so she sometimes purposely makes herself look bad so she gets the attention to try and prove she's not a narcissist. I think she'd be a very rare specimen for some research. It is sometimes incredible and simply undescribable.
@@comment5398 It is not that easy, there are circumstances in each relationship that noone apart from those concerned understands. I always wanted to get away from my mother but there were always some situations. For example recently her son, my brother died at the age of 32 and even though she's a narcissist, I'm not going to stop any contact with her (even though I'd love to) just because she is who she is. Sometimes you gotta bite through it.
I was at a concert with a guy who convinced this stranger, sitting next to us, that he was a doctor. My date was in fact only a vocational nurse, which is lower than an RN. Needless to say, it was a huge red flag. He could have spent that time, before the show, to connect with me. Instead he used it to practice lying and he enjoyed how this stranger reacted to his banter.
What the fuck… I cannot stand people like that. I have developed a cautious skepticism towards strangers abt anything they say because of the fact that people like this exist.
Nothing wrong with being a vocational nurse. We went to school, studied, took exams and was licensed by our state to practice. Most cases it's to work in medical while taking the RN course. Nursing school is not cheap. Most nursing homes use LPNs for nursing care.
Sorry your friend felt the need to talk crap to a stranger instead of enjoying you. TFS.
So you were upset he lied.or didn't talk to u?
I wish everyone could watch this before they get into any long-term relationships. Had I only been aware, so much time would've been saved! Bravo! Thank you, sir!
Yes - I'm with you and so many other well-meaning people who trust and value the Wrong People, and I feel so damn dumb for not seeing the truth sooner. I knew the person made me feel bad, sad, mad and often glad, but I kept re-engaging with them. What damage this did to me -- now I can't trust anyone, don't want a mate or partner and failed at connecting with those potential GOOD partners for me. So many regrets.......this mental health topic needs to be taught in all schools.
Im diagnosed with Covert NPD, being completely honest i couldn't answer 90% of these. Very accurate and interesting!
That makes so much sense! I was always bewildered by my mom who would give me a birthday or Christmas present that was an unopened Amazon box, unwrapped, with some random trinket, but she'd spend months hand making intricate personalized gifts for strangers at her work and/or orchestrating elaborate parties for them taking hours and hours making food, decorating cakes, creating expansive themed decorations. She put so much time and effort into impressing strangers and zero effort on her loved ones, and I just never could understand what that was about, why strangers meant more to her than her own family. thank you for the insight!
Hey Julie.
I was commenting on when I come across you and all what you just said in your comments is great and amazing, I will like us to been a friend's, is that's okay with you..??
Her "loved ones", yeah... Not so much.
I remember the year, 1991, when my mother called me at work and told me she couldn’t spend Christmas with us anymore because she had a “new family.” I was 40 at the time, married to my husband with 2 children. She was 74, just met her 4th husband, and his 3 adult “children” who were older than I. GEEZE!!! I was shocked and hurt, but oh well. 😢😢😢
My ex was like this, I thought it was because he's an aquarius lol
@@christinalw19 that is pretty effed up!