8 Questions A Narcissist Simply Cannot Answer
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- Опубліковано 1 лип 2024
- In order to grow and mature psychologically, you have to be willing to look inwardly with honesty. Dr. Les Carter describes how narcissists are not inclined toward inward examination, nor are they honest with themselves. He exposes 8 specific questions that they simply cannot come to terms with, but as you can ponder these questions, it will help you to know more clearly who you are as well as who the narcissist is.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 40 years he has conducted more than 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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M e wanting to make sure I'm not a narcissist, reading the title: 8 questions I have to make sure i can answer lol
That's a good way to look at it! Dr. C
Haha! Yes! I felt the same way! I could answer all 8 of those... I'm good lol😌
Guilty! I too am making sure I'm questioning
Not as protecting as you think. I'm great enough that I can answer all of those and still be narcissistic. It's those unwarranted and insecure narcissists that can't answer those questions. Aka, the ones that need to be destructive to others.
lol. I did the same thing.
THE NARCISSIST'S PRAYER:
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did...
You deserved it!
If I did I don't remember
And since you recall it you must be keeping score.... Not them ever! 🤦
AHAHAHA. So good. Good job on this.
described my sister to a T
@@bwair33 narcissist: that's not how it happened.
@@theliberatedplanet U pmcan have witnesses who heard and saw what u just said, video and even photos to prove they're lying but you're wrong. It's all bc of your 'insecurities' ... So weak! Then they have u apologizing for overreacting to totally unbelievable selfish acts against u. Ugghh!!
Finally got rid of her. That woman sucked the life out of me in just 2 years. After being alone for 3 months, I realised she wasn't special, I made her special. The pain will subside soon, focusing on myself now.
I stand with you.
Exactly what I told my ex, “you’re nothing special, a dime a dozen.” That made him mad because he believes himself superior and better.
I’m so very sorry I hope you’re doing better. Sending love your way!
I once invited a narcissist to role-play. I said, "I'll be you, and you be me." All I got back was a blank stare. The narcissist couldn't imagine being anyone else.
No capacity for empathy.
That sounds so cool
Yes there's a certain type of narcissist I forget what it's called, that will steal ur entire identity by trashing ur image and take over urs. My ex litteraly became me afterwards. Stole my colors and aesthetic, my taste in music, my spirituality, even had my password tattood, etc
"Why can't you just be yourself?!" is a phrase that 3 out of 3 my exes used, and all displayed lots of traits of vulnerable narcs.
Well, time for therapy has actually come.
Wow, that's really interesting. Thank you.
I have been married to a narc for 23 yrs. Early on he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I took care of him all these yrs. Now I am legally blind and in a wheelchair. I am 70 yrs old, have gotten my own apartment and am moving on. I am tired of being cursed and screamed at. Peace for me is right around the corner! I cheer for all of you!
Wish you the best. Good luck.
Good Luck. I just wonder how you could write or read stuff on the internet.
@@naturallyrestoredlivingwit7368 why tho?
Bravo ! You are inspiring!
Thats so sad.😓
You'll never get clarity from a narcissist. Clarity requires accountability.
well said and so true. no matter how many times - all i've asked for is accountability, all i receive is the blank stare. baffling.
@@MrLbg09 same or counter blame vindictiveness or passive aggressive. ... endless list leaving me in a tail spin
@@MrLbg09 OMG... that blank stare!! And the very subtle smirk of satisfaction when you ask them questions. I went to a counselor b/c I thought I was going crazy, but I was told my spouse Couldn't be a narc b/c they are extremely rare. She should get a new job I think. Narcs are pretty common, sadly.
Yep. They'd rather go in victim mode or straight denial before a "that's true, I'm sorry". Hell I don't think I've ever heard even just "that's true" from my nercissistic mom. I can repeat what she says right after she says it and it'll still be either "no I didn't say that" or "well you're being so mean and hurting me and you must think I'm a terrible mom". Never a "yes I said that".
My ex wife and I hardly ever argued during our 15 year marriage. I learned early on that it was a serious crime to let her know that I didn't agree with her. The emotional abuse was horrible if I ever questioned any of her many lies. She was a serial cheater so she had to lie plenty but she would even lie about petty things that didn't matter at all and were easily disproved. She got so mad at me one time (for doubting a petty lie) that she called me at work and told me that she swallowed every pill in the house. Of course, she was lying about that too. I hope she didn't expect me to call 911 because I didn't.
One of the most gut wrenching parts about learning that I was raised by a malignant narcissist is seeing so many of those traits in myself. But I want to give my son a good childhood and that’s what keeps me constantly examining myself for toxicity 😅
You're a good person if you can delete bad stuff from your childhood to help your children. Not like those assholes who think "well I suffered in my childhood so I'll make my children suffer too, they need to go through it, I'll take it out on them"
Dont ever stop searching how to be a better person by the day, I sadly did not realize i was emotionally unavailable for my daughter because i was too busy surviving (bills, work, being a single parent is hard). I also did not realize i was raising my heart with a heart of gold, full of empathy. Her narcissistic father was and is so abusive mentally and emotionally that he was able to take advantage of her empathy towards him and is using it against me. My daughter is starting to believe i was a horrible mother (he would always tell her mean things as a baby) she also seems to be filled with anger and now just says idk or i cant remember for anything she wants to immediately dismiss. He took her away by lying to her school that i tried to kms with her. He has always tried to hurt me throught her because he knows it was the only way i would give him any type of reaction. I wont say i was the best mother but i thank the lord for allowing me to see that I am able to search within myself first and now look forward to being better not for myself but for her. One day she'll grow up and see that her life wasnt what she believed it to be and i know I want to be there for her because it truly breaks one heart and soul to realize you are not what you thought you were. Always search to become better, I wish you the best sir.
This is why I don't think narcissistic traits = narcissism. You're capable of self examining yourself for toxic and narcissistic behavior and adjusting in accordance, which narcissists are usually incapable of. You're also putting your children first from what it sounds like, and narcissistic parents wouldn't do that either. No human is perfect or safe from narcissistic traits, many of those traits can be learned from growing up in rougher environments and needing to survive as a child.
Good idea, but hard to let control go.
People can have narcissistic traits if they have low self-esteem/ insecurities and learn certain bad behaviors like manipulation, but as long as you can learn and introspect, you can grow and become the best version of yourself. I would say it starts with healthy self-esteem building, learning healthy confidence and assertiveness, and also learning about manipulative behaviors so that you can stop yourself. Learning about “positive parenting” might also help. … and I’m not a doctor but just speaking from my experience…
Narcissism falls along the axis of what psychologists call personality disorders, one of a group that includes antisocial, dependent, histrionic, avoidant and borderline personalities. But by most measures, narcissism is one of the worst, if only because the narcissists themselves are so clueless. -Jeffery Kluger
Here are some characteristics of the Narcissist.
These characteristics apply to males and females
1. Self-centered. His/Her needs are paramount.
2. No remorse for mistakes or misdeeds.
3. Unreliable, undependable.
4. Does not care about the consequences of their actions.
5. Projects faults on to others. High blaming behavior; never their fault.
6. Little if any conscience.
7. Insensitive to needs and feelings of others.
8. Has a good front (persona) to impress and exploit others.
9. Low stress tolerance. Easy to anger and rage.
10. People are to be manipulated for their needs.
11. Rationalizes easily. Twists conversation to their gain at other’s expense. If trapped, keeps talking, changes the subject or gets angry.
12. Pathological lying.
13. Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, others.
14. No real values. Mostly situational.
15. Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses this to manipulate.
16. Angry, mercurial, moods.
17. Uses sex to control
18. Does not share ideas, feelings, emotions.
19. Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word.
20. Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentment.
Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Hackspyhub@gmail. Com , where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Narcissists NEVER apologize!
Good God, this settles it!!! To be a democrat is to be a narcissist.
Wakeup people.
Government is the ultimate means of control, it is a magnet for narcissists. President Trump has been exposing this for almost 8 years.
The truth is defined as the actual state of things, is it not?
Explain Trump derangement syndrome. Trump promised to give the government back to the people. Less government is less narcissists in our lives.
Narcissists hate it when you play their own behaviours back to them. They like to be able to abuse without consequences. They like to play victim when they are exposed.
oh hell yes!
If you start giving them consequences for their bad behaviour though...just look how hard they buck at it!
They want to be able to abuse you in any way they like, and you're meant to just sit back, take it, and smile throughout. Oh...and for some reason, you're also meant to keep on being nice to them, even though they treat you lesser than dirt.
Could never comprehend that one...
@@TheMurlocKeeper Precisely. Sick people.
@@TheMurlocKeeper Reaping what they sow!!!!!!! My narc. husband did alot of that in our joke of a marriage.
@@TheMurlocKeeper nailed it.
Facts I learned all of this recently
I begged my ex for us to go to therapy and her response was, “why would I pay someone tell tell you exactly what I’ve been tell you for years?” The thought of her being part of the problem or her not being perfect absolutely would not register in her mind. It was crazy
I told my ex to stop purposefully demeaning and degrading me for years and therapy didn't change a thing. It's true. Therapy cannot help you tell somebody something you've been trying to tell them for years.
My ex told me often that i needed therapy/counseling. Blamed me for every single fight we had. To be honest, I did, but mostly to deal with family issues/upbringing. Soon after stopping I realized I was dealing with a bigger issue I didn't realize before. He then threw it in my face "YOU'RE the one who went to counselung, clearly YOU'RE the problem."
@@Stierguy1 I get that but that’s not what I’m saying. I knew we needed help bc we BOTH had things we needed to work on in our relationship. She was telling me that she was perfect and that a therapist was Just going to confirm that. I was trying my best to work on everything she told me she didn’t think she had any room for improvement
I went to therapy with an ex many years ago, after the first session the therapist said to me.... " He's NEVER going to change" I left him shortly after
Definitely been there!!!
The complete disinterest for self improvement is a dead give away. It's always other people who need to change - not them!
100%
Absolutely, I've offered my roommate many different opportunities all of which he deemed impossible for one reason or another.
I recently offered my ex to purchase a birthday card for our son and she changed the subject. When I offered again later at the store with her, she did it again. I didn't tell my son, but he absolutely despises her despite my urging that he try to talk to her. Smart Young Man.
Because of this I've decided it's time to tell her that I need her to stop visiting because it was supposed to be about our son, and now she tries her old tricks and expresses general ungratefulness in my home like I owe her something for her leaving us. Ridiculous.
My father whom I left 10 years ago had NPD and I’ve (sadly) been w ppl w narc traits and they seem to fake self improvement only for the tyrant to resurface later. I’m sure there are many who have a complete disinterest however.
My dad is narcissistic and I recently went no-contact with him. The sad thing is for 10 years I've wanted nothing but a good relationship with him, and when I was a kid we were so close. 10 years ago I was disowned for not getting good grades my first year of college (I deal with high anxiety and shut down my second semester).
Two years ago he came to my city to visit me and my sister. During his stay, my wife expressed concern for him and told him about some of the hurt he caused me in the past (his wife, my step mother, is also a narcissist, but I didn't realize he was too at the time; we had something of an intervention planned to try and offer him a way out of the abusive situation). My dad entered into a rage when my wife insinuated his actions had hurt his son (me) and he shouted her out of the room. When I intervened, my dad continued yelling at her, red in the face - I took my wife and left my sister's house because he simply could not stop himself.
I was convinced this was a misunderstanding, and that I could talk to my father man to man and explain everything to him. My feelings about our relationship, the hopes I had for us, the hurt he had caused me in the past - and specifically, that my wife had only shared my own experiences with him. She wasn't making things up or plotting. The next morning I went to my sister's house to talk to my dad. I thought we would talk and resolve the situation logically. We would air our hurts and grievances and come together as father and son.
What followed was the most deranged, unhinged, frustrating encounter I have ever experienced. My dad refused to apologize for brutalizing my wife. He refused to acknowledge my emotions or experiences. He deflected any hint he had ever hurt me or made any mistakes in our relationship. While I bent over backwards validating his feelings and saying sorry for all the wrongs I'd caused him in an attempt to placate his mania, Dad pulled every trick in the book - crocodile tears, deflection, changing subjects, playing dumb, claiming he didn't remember - all to avoid ever doing the same thing for me.
Somehow he even added to the travesty by suggesting that my marriage was a mistake and that I should leave my wife. This coming from a man who had met my wife all of three times and who hadn't seen me in years. I realized I had never seen my dad's true face until the moment he lost his temper with my wife. In that moment, he slipped up and dropped the mask, and I cannot unsee his true face.
The dumbest thing is that if my dad would say sorry, I would forgive him. But his willful narcissism prevents him from admitting fault or treating me respect. To have a relationship with me, he needs to admit he isn't perfect.
The most hurtful thing about all this was seeing that when my dad had to choose between me and his pride, he chose his pride.
I can relate so much, and I am so sorry. I know it hurts. I know how it is to feel like you want to fix things with them, and to expect to come together as parent and child... but they won't admit to doing wrong.. and how it is to want them to apologize.. and how it is to placate them and validate their feelings while they don't do it for you.. and how they keep you around with worries about their health, and offering olive branches that aren't really what you need..
I had a narcissistic father too and he passed away 2 months ago due to cancer. My father was abusive against my mother, brother and me and 3 years ago he got aggressive against my mother and we called the police and he wasn't allowed to come back anymore because we have been protected by laws. He took me to court for that and made stuff up. My mother divorced and we cutter contact. It was during the pandemic and he had to sleep in the car and then he got diagnosed lung cancer. I wanted to have contact again because I didn't want to regret it that I didn't took the opportunity to have peace again. I often pressured him and told him all the stuff he has done to us and I said the only thing we want is an apology. He never did it to my family. Only once he apologize with crocodile tears because he was sick and couldn't handle the situation anymore. He apologized and said please let's never talk about it again. If he really were sorry then he would have apologize to my mother and brother too, but he didn't. He choosed to die with pride instead of fixing the issues. My mother and me also took care of him because he was weak. There was never a thank you and behind our backs he tried to play us out again but we were cautious. At least he didn't want to sell the apartment anymore and my mother can keep it. Alone for that it was worth it to take care and because we are better then him. Just cut and move on. Narcissistic people should be avoided at all costs, even if it is the father.
I really hope you peace, it's hard having narcissistic parents. I've learned to let them be in their world now, I know she's ok. Roof over her head, financially stable, and eating well. It would be nice to have a proper family syndicate unfortunately I don't with her and would never get it.
I forgave her in my own space, I wrote a letter forgiving her then burnt it. Just so I could let it all go, and free myself
I know you've heard it, but you can't quench thirst at a dry well. I suspect your rough time at college was due to HIS DAMAGE. I got the same empty garbage "opportunity" while the golden child got a free ride........into an early grave.
Now I'm a lazy worthless trash person according to IT, for not graduating college (HE refused to sign for the financial aide crap---AFTER I got As and Bs in the first year despite being kicked out--"You'll just drop out and waste it!") and for my life situation which OF COURSE has nothing to do with twenty years of damage and literal sabotage. Tell me again EARTH how we can "rise above" when denied any underpinning to even stand on?
Love how even if you get out, your narcs determine YOU GETTING EDUCATION...GREAT SYSTEM, def "not" (huge elaborate theatrical cough goes here!) being run by narcs.......
And then, they scream at you for having symptoms of the damage THEY INFLICTED ON YOU.
This is not your fault. You deserved much more than that.
Don't go into "The Light." It's an express ticket right back to this. Be well.
Your dad is built like Walter White
When you tell a narcissist how they made you feel, they talk about how that makes them feel. It's hurtful.
Yes!!!
Nailed it!
Yess..I had a friend tell me not be sad all the time cause it was annoying them and killing their vibe😑
It's very hurtful & it makes you feel invalid.
No lie!!
it’s so wild living with a parent who is a narcissist because it feels as if it’s impossible to express any genuine feelings or opinions to them, because they deny them and tell you that you’re wrong.
“You aren’t allowed to have valid points with researched information with hundreds of studies because that’s disrespectful and rude”
WhiteBacon Jeb exactly. and talking politics is absolutely no use, it’s always “you are wrong, my stance is right”. there’s just no understanding.
John Gillett right! it’s similar with my dad, I cant ever talk about anything really genuine, or i will get told that i’m wrong. it’s amounted up to doing it their way or all hell breaks loose.
Exactly
It's hard being raised by a narcissistic person. My Mother doesn't know who I am as a person. They just want to hear "I'm ok."
My mother was a narcissistic sociopath her entire life, I was her go to punching bag. She beat me so bad this one time that some force came over me and I heard “Run! Run now she is going to kill you.” I froze because if I moved an inch she would beat me worse but again I heard “RUN NOW HIDE DONOT COME OUT” And I finally did what I was told to do.
I am safe since she died. I breath comfortably since. 🙏
You ended up running or taking it? Sucks either way sorry that happened
@@j3arnold You are very kind, thank you.
I did run and hide. I stayed hidden and did not make a sound or move an inch until my father got home from work, he had to find where I was hiding, because I was in freeze mode/shock.
This is one of her countless and vile acts of cruelty, abuse, viciousness she targeted me with. People, and I apologized to the world for calling her a person, like her put on their false mask to pretend to be human but that false face vanished the second they close the front door as soon as they are home. 🙏
Look up Third Man/Person Syndrome, you had it there
@@antonio7334 thank you, I will look into the third man syndrome.
@@antonio7334 You are absolutely right! There are many other situations where I’ve been told to stop, turn around and walk away now, I was really sick and in a deep sleep when I started hearing some one urgently telling me to get up - wake up - and I thought it was a dream and said I can’t I’m really sick, I can’t even sit up. I was forced to wake up, run to the top side of the boat and dive off the back into the Chesapeake Bay to save one of the guests who fell off the boat, couldn’t swim and not one person had a clue the person fell over.
I have been saved many many times, by the third man. I really appreciate you telling me about the third man. 🙏❤️🙏
Thank you 😊
I'd like to add that manipulative narcissists WILL admit mistakes. But they will twist that admission into a guilt trip. They will crank the drama up to 11 and go "I'm such a horrible person! I don't know why you put up with me I'm the absolute worst!" and sometimes do a dramatic "I'm going to leave for a while" (or worse) to try and guilt the wronged person into going after them, comforting them and telling them "oh it wasn't that bad, there there..." and still make it about them.
Yup my bf!!
@@justicespirit4581 the break up with them lol
So being guilty is not right, not being guilty is not right. What would be the right reaction in your world?
@@KingStyer That's not what I said at all. The right reaction would be to apologize for your mistakes. That's it.
Manipulative narcissists will not just apologize to the person. They will overbear the situation by drawing pity and make it all about people feeling bad for them, instead of the person being wronged. And will make the person who was wronged feel bad about calling out the behavior because suddenly the narcissist is the one with the dramatic meltdown.
Damn that's fucked up
I know I’m not a narcissist because that’s a character fault and I don’t have any.
I like your humor 😄
lol
🤣
😂🤣 Narcissist!
Lol😂
Here’s how I spot a narcissist: (1) they care way too much about their persona and public appearance, (2) they lie about the dumbest things, and (3) they are incapable of genuinely apologizing.
You make sense, Jason.
Yes😊😊😊
That last one is sooo true!
BROOOOOO
Spot on, they will lie about things that don’t even matter. Just create lies
I asked my brother why he calls me if he can’t stand me so much. He always responds with, “You’re my brother “. Says it every time.
This is so helpful thank you ❤
1. What are your deepest hurts?
2. Why is it so difficult for you to admit flaws and mistakes?
3. Why do you feel the need to impress strangers?
4. Why do my differences threaten you so much?
5. Do you honestly believe that your opinions, cancel out the validity of other peoples opinions?
6. In what ways do you need to grow and change?
7. If I make you feel so frustrated why do you keep coming back?
8. Why do you go silent?
I answered all of them quickly. I've been accused twice in my life of this but only twice. Women did this. Only question 4 and 5 might be construed as narcissistic. I'm pretty much mostly a loner
Lara thank you so much for ding this outline of the 8 questions narcissist can’t answer. It is extremely nice of you and very helpful and appreciated!❤
#3, - I think my need to boost myself to new people is due to low self esteem, I just don't want other people to think as badly of me as I do
Nah they would just make something up. Ex/ number 8. “Oh I’m busy. I have anxiety. Blah blah blah.”
1. I genuinely, honestly don't know, and that terrifies me because I can't fix my problems.
2. I can admit my mistakes, I just wish others would also admit their own. I also fear feeling guilty and being hated for them.
3. I don't think this applies to me, nor do I fully understand it.
4. If we disagree, then we can't become friends, or get any closer. Trying to find common ground or ignore our differences only exaggerates the fact that we are different.
5. please refer to number 4
6. I take things too seriously and have gotten in a lot of trouble for trying to force my thoughts on others. I don't know how to relax and not let things get to me, nor do I know why I can't let people be.
7. You're likely the only one left who cares about me in any way.
8. This one does not apply.
I have a narcissist as a father. My advice to people who encounter narcissists: leave them and don't ever look back.
I can relate to that. I have a sociopath father and a narcissist step-father, both if thrm are toxic.
Yes. Life will get better and better the more space you put between you! 💚
My mother is Narsasistic & brother is sociopathic, I done the worst mistake ever & opened my front door to them when they lost their home. The next time I leave, I wont look back! These types of ppl are toxic!
SAME
DevotionsVisage, so Did you leave your Father? I am curious to know more about your relationship with him, and i can tell you some details of how i deal woth mu narc father. I have been trying to reach people out that i could relate to so i could see things better.
Imagine watching this and not being able to answer any of these questions
they would say this guy is stupid lol
“Why would someone ask these questions?” “it’s his fault anyways, who cares”. “I don’t want to hear your opinion, I’m grown and you are the one who needs to change”.
I am a habitual over thinker, so it would take me quite some time. The first question alone is a loaded question, and depending on what you are going through there could be a multitude of things or just one main one that is dominant in your life.
😂🤣😂
Honestly I can't reply to the first, I'm ok with the others tho
‘Narcissists don’t want team work’
I have found this to be an excellent way to spot a narcissist in the workplace, I have worked with a few colleagues over the years who are seemingly very confident capable individuals but they just have complete meltdowns trying to work in a team and just create a lot of conflict. They seem to prioritise their individual position of hierarchy within the team over the team objectives and that becomes detrimental to the whole project. I also think that TV shows like ‘The Apprentice’ purposely select people with narcissistic personality traits because they know that conflict creates entertainment.
well, thats not entirely 100% the case, because someone could just be annoyed that their team isnt helping.
true,I worked with narcissists and they wanna be above others even tho they are on the same level of work. ask them for advice on something they just say "u figure it out".and when they are about to do something that is wrong and they are asked to stop it they just keep on and fail miserably xD. when they have trouble doing a job they never ask for help they just proceed to make solutions super expensive for the customer. a mechanic i worked with got stuck on a job cos i didnt knew how to use welding and blowtorch equipment to seperate some parts that us other do all the time.he then went on to order al new parts giving the customer a mega bill vs when we do those jobs.they are so comicial and pathetic in how they still belive they are gods tho xD
you dont have to be a narc to not want idiots slowing you down at the workplace. if I can do something 100x faster without having to repeat the task 90 times to everyone else, that's called efficiency.
Narcissists want a dictatorship!
Yes, starkly obvious with a cooperative board-game (Pandemic). My mother can't wrap her mind around the concept, and believes we're somehow maliciously manipulating her to accomplish less, though we technically all win or lose as a team. She keeps trying to make some kind of plot where she'll help a player if that player grants a greater favour to her. Also insists on playing easiest difficulty because "It's no fun when you feel like you're losing".
I couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong with my husband. After 20 years I had a aha moment and realized he’s a narcissist. All his childish behavior boils down to be a narcissist.
I hate to sound negative, but if it took you 20 years to figure out a narcissist...
@@chesshooligan1282 Not everybody processes things quickly. Why shame thi person? My dad called me "brickhead" throughout my entire childhood. I didn't realize he had mental problems until I was in my 30s. All I knew was that I had a hard time looking at him in the eyes. Now I realize that I can't look him n the eyes because I have no respect for him. It took me decades to igure that out. Not everybody proceses emotions, feelings, and lif, as quickly as you apparently do. Have mercy and try not to shame others for not being like you.
@@bostonjackson9384
Okay boss
Me too I just thought he was an asshole. Had no idea there was a medical term for it.
Just say 'no' to a narcissist. They will reveal their true selves quick enough.
Happened to me! No more money. Then the punishing started. In his mind, what was mine was his but not the other way around.
You're mistaking narcissist with asshole lol.
Exactly. Seasoned veteran here from living with a psychopathic narcissist. They want to abuse without consequences.
@Krishna Patel Well done my friend. I have had to do the same thing. I was abused to the point of suicide and the police saved me.
I wrote a 800 page document of that abuse with evidence attached. That now sits with a number of trusted people in the legal fraternity and I can pull the trigger for court filings for attempted murder, financial extortion and defamation whenever I want.
It was very therapeutic. If they make one more abusive step or false claim I will have no choice but to proceed. At this stage I am choosing to move forward.
Just happened to me yesterday. I already suspected that person to be one. Weirdest thing is I'm getting this video in my suggestions today
A narcissist doesn't connect...they collect.
The only thing I collect is Yugioh cards 🤣
Whoa, that's a keeper right there. Good one.
David,I luv this one. Sad true 💔
@Krishna Patel There is a socially acceptable amount to share, as well as a socially acceptable time to share.
Experience in relationships says that those lines are almost never clear. Life is, if nothing else, a learning experience.
BTW, I'm in no way saying this in you, but my own personal experiences.
Bingo
I assumed my father was a narcissist for the longest time but it was mostly my insecurities that made me think that way. Last December he apologized and noted the biggest issues that he struggled with as a parent. Seeing that proved to me that he's not a narcissist, he just has a difficult time controlling his pride like I do.
That must have been a breakthrough moment for each of you.
Beautiful. Keep communicating. Keep admitting your mistakes to each ofher. We are humans. We usually do more wrong than right. If we are concious to that we maybe can turn the sail and do more good than bad. Being 51% good and 49% evil is better than 99% of people. None of us are the reincarnation of Jesus Christ.
Don't be a chuunibyou.
Suffer towards something.
Thats what life is about imo.
I certainly do my best and hope it's enough. I certainly can always do more.
Narcissism is a range on the human emotional spectrum just like any other, happiness, depression, anxiety, joy.
It's when those things become hyper prominent, that they indicate a problem. All of us are a little narcissistic, most of us are able to keep a lid on it so it doesn't make too much of a mark on our lives. At least, that's how I understand it. It's an oversimplification to call it an emotion, I know.@thatsmeINFJ
No growth or change! Two narcs I know proudly announced that are now (in their 40s and 60s) the same person they were in high school! It makes me so sad for them. I've grown so much since high school 20+ years ago.
They can answer some of these questions by mimicking what other people say. And they can be pretty good at it
So pretty much they are a robot.
I think the first question will call them out pretty good. Any question that requires self analysis with depth will be avoided. At least in my experience.
Only coverts.
I had someone like this in my life. As long as they aren't stupid they can usually fake their way through things.
Those are psychopaths lol
Asking these questions will just make the narcissist angry for putting them on the spot. They hate being called out on anything.
So true. They are really easily irritated.
I tried asking these to my husband and he asked me why I was trying to start a fight.
I put volume on 100 and watched knowing mine could hear. Did not go well😂
True!!!!! Sometimes, I don't even say anything , or I will be accused (sometimes shedding a tear or 2 ) for being so rude😶
Yep! Argument is almost certain 😂
I like the gentleness of this man. I wrote once and got a sweet response -- just a gentleman.
You are kind, Harriet!
@@SurvivingNarcissism what are
This is so true. You never feel like a part of something with a narcissist. There is no teamwork, only what they want.
They will always prioritise strangers and casual friends because it's a perfect environment for them. They get their ego stroked by people who think they are great with little-to-no chance of them discovering what they are truly like.
Who else has to grow up with a narcissistic parent ?
It’s the hardest thing to go through
When you’re younger you blame yourself, now that I’m older I see 😭
Yep it's not fun. My mother died 6 yrs ago age 88 and was narcissistic with her dying breath, literally. They do not ever change that I know of. The only thing that I know of that can help you is for you to leave.
@@engleharddinglefester4285 there been many times where I try to talk some sense into her nicely and calmly it never works, and she’s ‘never wrong’ I love her and forgive her now that I know but man it’s hard
@@CasandraLeahhh Has she really caused some straight-up damage though? My mother was a serious case and I cannot think of a single problem we suffered as individuals or as a family that cannot be ascribed directly back to her. She made a holy mess and simply died in the end. Is your mother seriously narcissistic, or does she just have traits?
@@engleharddinglefester4285 she is seriously narcissistic and manipulative, in every situation possible and she never sees wrong , she’s also has ppd and it just never ends
@@engleharddinglefester4285 my sis had to leave at 15 cuz she couldn’t deal w it
When a narcissist goes silent they’re planning your downfall.
What happened?
Oh my yes. Watch out.
Bcus they feel the threat of being exposed they fucking hate that shit they cant handle my ass lol I'm so fucked in the head now I'll never be happy fo sho so I'll be damn if I don't put em in the spot light on every thing and if they do it once they gonna keep on cuz they walking life like a circle track never change you can't fix what you can't accept is broken
I say bring it on . How dare they even so this to us. Rip their mask off!
@@chrisgould101 I know the feeling, but they can really ruin your life in revenge. If you expose them, you have to be very careful. It's safer to just get away from them if you can. I wish I'd known this years ago. :(
"I wanna be free, and freedom means not having to hide behind pretenses", yes this! I've tried to explain this concept to my roommate when he does the obvious 'trying to impress strangers' thing and it's like he can't comprehend living for anything but the admiration of others.
This describes exactly the woman I was with for 8 years... so happy to be out of that. When I was in it, I kept trying to figure it out but never could until I was out. It is such a hard thing to endure, losing all relevance in a relationship.
I read somewhere that when the devil can't reach you, he'll send you a narcissist.
Good one!
That is true just ask my Current Wife, Ex Wife and Girlfriend
Where have you heard this? Is it something I would be able to find an article?
Very true
I prefer the devil than a Jehovah's witness.
Yes a Narcissist will constantly misinterpret what you say so that they can control the conversation...
True. It happens to me every time I try to have a conversation. He misunderstands
Oh my yes. I was always informed by them, of what I really meant.
Make you repeat yourself until you catch that sly grin that creeps across their face. Imps.
Can you give us an example of a misinterpretation that someone used to then control you?
So true. Wish I had known this twenty years ago.
I'm crying right now.....this is so true! My narcissist abuser threatened me physically last night and I left. You are helping me so much right now. Thank you 🙏
I'm working on leaving too. It's Hell
You're lucky he left! My narcissistic dad ignores me and gives me excuses why he doesn't acknowledge my efforts. He's not worth the effort!
When I rightly complain to my narc dad, he dumps his blame onto me, saying I am the one who the problem: yeah. Him!
Good for you! Now that you are out... Stay out. Don't go back because nothing will change. Take care.
After watching this video, I feel that I might have some narcissistic tendencies. I have a hard time expressing my flaws and my emotions, trying to seem like I am unaffected by any negativity in life. But truly, it is just a fear of showing my weakness and vulnerability. Thank you for blessing me with this video, and I hope to grow from my tendencies.
Normal people can have some narcissistic traits but it doesn’t make you a narcissist… sounds like maybe you’re on the spectrum of having some insecurities or low self-esteem and might just need to learn some skills to grow into confidence and healthy relating to others. I wish you the best and hope it comes easily for you!
There's no value in sitting around expressing your flaws work to fix them, that's what real men do with flaws they fix them they don't just sit around crying about them😎
If you're constantly crying and talking about how weak you are you're going to focus on that believe it more and be it more!
Narcissistic personality disorder is both fascinating and tragic. Not only are narcissists pretty awful, frustrating and hurtful to be around. But they are also very often very lonely people, alienating friends, partners, family, unable to change or even see the need to change. Always makes me feel that weird mixture of anger and pity.
Narcissists often have many superficial friends.
Especially if they are your child, the pity is so great, you can't even leave and end up having to put up with their toxicity
I agree...
In this new age of enlightenment the light is now shined on narcissism but the truth is these people have existed in society wreaking havoc in the shadows for many centuries they are as old as sin.
My sister is a narcissist, and a psychopath. She was also smart, and manipulative. She used her family, and when she was done she left us.
I haven't heard from her in months. And, we still love her, because she's family. I love the rest of my family enough that I'm unhappy with the way she abused us, and I won't trust her again.
"They can't access the interior of themselves." DEAD ON. Interacting with narcissists is exhausting.
And they are the most boring people aren't they?
@@Joolz111 Agree
Yeah, I had those exact thoughts while watching the person in my life w this, and that really is what it is. Funny thing is, THERE'S A LOT ON THE INSIDE! A lot of pain, mainly. But, they're so insecure they create a self-fulfilling proficy by ending up lashing out (defense mechanism), hurting u, & effectively creating the impression that there's nothing inside- which is exactly what they did all that to avoid anyway! I don't hate them, I actually pitty him (mine) because, now that I understand this, I can see he's full of envy for me, so in a very dysfunctional way, it's flattering lol
@Mon Desire Agree 100%.
It's really interesting when they think they're extremely self-reflective and analytical when they're so not. I'm just baffled how they can say and think that and then continue making the same mistakes over and over and over and over and over again.
This hit so hard. I went no contact with my parents a decade ago. My dad recently died and I have been trying so hard to make a meaningful connection with my mom. I thought my dad was just an influence on her. I was dead wrong. She is continuing the same pattern of abuse. I have tried every method to get around the narcissism. It is breaking my heart all over again. Every single question of this video is EXACTLY my mother. It is so hard to face.
I personally feel this same pain. My heart goes out to you.
I wish to never know that pain. I do hope you find your way through this.
My grandpa was narcissistic. Thankfully she saw and accepted him for who he was and what he was and wasn't capable of.
I'm sure you're very resilient, and if your mother were capable of seeing herself and witness your response and efforts of keeping a relationship with her would be extremely moving.
Idk, hoping the best for you and yours.
@@jakdaxter641Thank you. It is sad when strangers show a person more compassion and understanding than their own parent is capable of.
no offense but I bet it was your mom all along.
@@nwerd7584 omg, you might be right...................my dad did ask her to call me a lot before he died. she said calling me wouldn't change anything, so she didn't. wow...................my dad was an asshole at times but now that I think about it, I wonder if my mother's influence just made him 10x worse. you have given me something to consider
I’m glad I was able to identify my narcissistic tendencies before it was too late
I still have some episodes when I’m angry, but once my nerves are calm I’m able to control myself
Way to go, Tanmay. Make sure you watch one of my older videos, A 7 Part Plan For Overcoming Narcissism. Let me know how you progress! Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism
Will definitely check it out
Thank you so much
Also, If you tell a narcissist how they are making you feel, they just tell you "it's not all about you, you know"... 😔
Possible projection on the part of the narcissist.
Wifey Dearest used to say that same thing to me.
I was told my option is irrelevant..
@@Muchjoy.. I hope you are free now
My sister is a narcissist.
I was once told that a narcissist is the rooster, who believes that when HE crows, the sun comes up ! And then spends all day bragging about it !
I always like picturesque examples !
That picturesque example is SO funny & if we could learn to remember that as those humans do it ,like they can't help it just like a rooster ,then maybe we would be able to just chuckle within ourself & get on with life emotionally strengthened,even happy despite the human roosters!
That's funny 😄 thanks for the smile!
That is awesome!
The bragging type is not narcissist, he's overcompensating a self-perceived weakness. A true narcissist would crush you under his larger than life, all encompassing, unrepentant modesty. That particular modesty is his mandate to subvert and criticise, in short to dominate. Bragging is no domination unless we're talking about courtship rituals and even then it's make believe. It's your fault, not his.
Lol 🤣 The rooster and the sun is definitely a good one.
Recently got sober and come to the conclusion that the love of my life was a narcissist I'm going to subscribe
Keep learning!! Glad you're on board.
My husband proudly stated, "There is nothing wrong with me, I do not need to change nor give anything up, tolerance is all that is needed".
That is terrible. I hope if he doesn't get help, you do.
Wow . I've experienced similar it's so sad .
I think context is required. If he's happy doing the things he likes and isn't harming others, then he's right. However, if he's harming other people or himself, then he is wrong.
Youre both bad people just opposite sides of the extreme
My dad has the same crappy attitude, and that I should "compromise"/give in to his game(sick) and I am the one with the problem. He gives nothing in return. He thinks if he shows any emotional engagement, that I should be grateful he bothers at all(rare). No. I deserve better!
1. what are some of your deepest hurts?
2. why is it so difficult, to the point of impossible, for you to admit flaws & mistakes?
3. why do you feel the need to impress strangers?
4. why do my differences threaten you so much?
5. do you honestly believe that your opinions cancel out the validity of others opinions?
6. in what ways do you need to grow and change?
7. if I make you feel so frustrated, why do you keep coming back?
8. why do you go silent?
.
@@LeftyCrusher9000 eh? How is any of that acting gay?
@@LeftyCrusher9000 also both men and women can be narcissists, don't feel defensive dude!
@@LeftyCrusher9000 tf you on about ?
Why does your crowd need to go " muh sjw cancelled manhood " on every comment section?
@@LeftyCrusher9000 okay chad
I started listening to the Doc. last year. I am 50 years married to a narc for 28 years. We run a family business but I have zero control over our finances. Early January I registered my own company and by good luck I immediately got two contracts to supply ppe to hospitals. I borrowed money to help me deliver the order from my sister since i don't have access to our money since he keeps all the cheque book. Last month I requested him raise float for kitchen and was told to keep off his money. Last week I was paid good money. Yesterday I shopped for a two bedroom apartment and got a very good deal. I have already started the process of acquiring it. I am planning to exit quietly by September. One thing I have learnt about narscs is that they really underestimate their partners. Thank you so much dr. Les for empowering us.
Samsung Tab S5e very smart move! To move in silence with them ! I wish you more good luck! I can’t wait until I can break free from the narc I live with! Best wishes!
I do not mean to frighten you, but be very careful. Also, if you were in partnership, he legally owes you. Good Luck.
Happy for you. All the best! Though I am not able to exit. But agree with you that the narc under estimate us, even we are unable to exist their evil world, at least we know what is going on and know what is right and wrong.
Good for you and good luck! Be very careful.
Samsung Tab S5e: Good luck. You may want to consult an attorney as well.
The covert mother narcissist will often play the victim role and say this person did this to me etc snd admit that they are in pain…but it’s used as ammunition to get sympathy.
As a narcissist I’m actually shocked that I couldn’t answer these questionss. Although I will say that I can’t give an answer to number 8 couse I don’t really give people the silent treatment and also I am already aware that I stay with some friends despite their flaws, because I find them interesting and it’s fun seeing everyone else’s reaction to those people and their behavior. I will also say that despite what you believe. I can actually feel a bit of empathy for those who are closest to me however it is pretty hard and it’s more of a survival instinct in the sense that I feel a strong willingness to protect them from the evil world.
So if you are worried about being a narcissist you're probably not one
thank u for this.
Ooooof I felt this.
Lol! I was curious too! Turns out I'm good! :-)
Thank you I needed that
true - a narcissist is NOT HUMBLE humble people care and seek opinions or advice a narcissist DOESN'T
Being with a narcissist is the worst! It's like suffering in silence and you doubt yourself wondering if you're just overreacting. ☹
Yes
I'm just realizing who I'm with after being told by him for the last two years that I am one, and now I'm worried that I am and I second guess every thing in say and do all day long because I think "if I say this or do this he is analyzing it to prove that I am" I'm going crazy I think...
@@lilyraestudios8289 You gotta cut off contact! That's the way to regain your sanity, peace, and control. Honestly, being with these toxic people is such a whirlwind of emotions that you can't think straight.
I can't. We are married with 4 kids and he had made it very clear that he will not divorce me and that if I start the process that life will be living hell. I can't put my kids through it.
@@lilyraestudios8289 oh no! I'm so sorry :(
I keep on questioning myself with each point he made. Then I realized that if I'm doing that, I'm not a narcissist.
this is literally exactly what a narcissist would say
There’s a type of narcissist that will tell you all about their deepest hurts to craft the perfect sob story where they’re the helpless victim who needs everyone to lay right down and help them
I've known a few of those. That's why I don't talk to those people anymore.
The most painful thing about dating a narcissist is when you didn’t see it right away and their toxic behavior bleeds into your own. And now I’m having to unlearn all these behaviors. That’s how I knew I needed to leave him. I lost the empathetic caring person I was and was becoming someone who lashed out every time they were hurt.
I'm right here with you. 💕 I left my toxic ex in October, and met a new guy. I've noticed how much of a jerk I can be, bleeding from the horrible relationship I was in for 4 years. So I'm unlearning too. Therapy and self love!
@@julesv5670 amen to that y’all☺️🤙🏾you’re not alone.
Me ex. wife is a psychologist. Talk about a difficult narcissist to spot. It took me three years of therapy to get to a good place. It was made.worse by spending a year in couples counseling with her destroying my identity, as the psychologist doing our couples work ended up an unwitting acomplice. If you get fooled, learn, and forgive yourself. Some of them are masters of manipulation.
@@menopillion9853 I have the same situation! Also, the head games never end!
Me too! It was so not me, either.
If you are probably going to leave them in 15 years or so...... do it now and save yourself 15 years of grief. Life is short.
15? Wowww. I handle it 6 years and I thought it was too long😁
Took me 10 to figure it out. Divorced her. Found her total opposite. Married her happier than ever!!!!
I agree. Not easy but worth it.
Took me almost 13 years and I finally figured this is what my ex wife was. Crazy to back and think about everything I went through with her. I thought she was just bat shit crazy but nope she is a full blown narcissist.
Best thing that I ever did
Sometimes it's just really hard to accept having flaws because each flaw feels like a grievous failure that will cause people to dislike and eventually abandon you.
If you have one friend that accepts you flaws and all, that is a blessing.
Ouch.
I kind of panicked once when asked about growth and change. I really had no answer. I immediately panicked and went defensive and even into denial.
Then the inability to look into myself, the going silent, the never dropping the mask or letting the guard down, the ultimate disinterest in other people. How could I have not seen this as pathological? I was always thinking: that’s just the way I am. People are different, and it’s just me being me: why would I be anybody else’s problem: just ignore me, I am an island of and onto myself. - But the truth is: I am not alone in this world, and people have to deal with me, and always keeping everyone at a distance and only let them deal with me at the surface level not only deprived me of any real interaction, it also must have frustrated and hurt them to the point that any attempts to reach out finally stopped.
Then the thing about broadcasting my opinions unprompted: guilty as charged. - It’s the flip side of going silent. Falling silent whenever it comes to my own matters, but not holding back my theories on everything else. Maybe it is not so much about seeking validation for my inner world model, but in truth seeking substitute validation, for true validation about myself can never be given anyway, as long as I do not open up or seek true connection. - I thought it was a nerd thing, or a male thing to be interested in things rather than people. But there really might be a psychological condition / narcissism behind it: the disability to truly accept other people as on par, as equals. In abstract I recognize them as humans and citizens of this world with equal rights, gifted and burdened with the same impulses and emotions, grappling all with a reality of their own, which here and there intersects and interacts with my slice of this world, prompting opportunities and challenges of interactions, of required work and help on each others journeys through space and time and meaning. - But somehow I never truly accepted that I would be or could be on a truly common journey: I always assume that I am ultimately alone, which makes it a self fulfilling prophecy.
This way too self-reflective and aware to be full narc.
@@jennicholson7976 it's still good that they're able to have this realization and were able to look at themselves and how they view the world before whatever narcissism they did have spiraled into full-on narcissism. Living with my father being a narcissist, it's rubbed off a bit on me and I'm constantly self reflecting and looking at the world around me to make sure those traits do not take root in who I am.
@@gigijohnson9250 I love love love Neon Genesis Evangelion. Such amazing psychological insight we get into each character. Gendo Ikari is a classic narcissistic parent. All that matters to him is his own agenda, at the expense of the children in his care and especially his own son, Shinji. The only one he expresses anything like kindness toward is Rei, who he can create and destroy over and over as much as he wants. He can't stand to even interact with Shinji because Shinji is the expression of the traits he is suppressing: fear, vulnerability, the desire and need to bond with others. His actions finally manage to break the only one of the kids who has any self-esteem (albeit inflated due to her history with an unavailable parent), Atsuka. "Disgusting."
some ppl have a hole in their heart from a bad childhood...no matter how much love you pour in...it just runs out
frick. it's true.
it's me.
******well said******
That is profound....
That’s the absolute truth. That’s why it’s not about us…
Yup. My Dad died when I was 2 and my Mom's bf stabbed her in front of me when I was 7. That had a strong affect on me. Then, an animal attacked my single Mom and she needed a lot of help. Instead of having a good life after that, the doctor's blamed me, as a 12 year old, as to the source of my Mom's problems while continually switching her medications to eventually be put on oxycotin.
This really disrupted my teenage years and I don't want to seem selfish because my Mom was going through so much hard times, but no one ever seemed to find or have a place for me to go. That's just one thing. I had to line up apartments for us to live in when I was in highschool BC no one was able to. I held a lot of guilt from that bad doctor who tried to divide my Mom and myself rather than help or treat her well and make us functional.
I had a lot of struggles with homelessness in life and I still have people trying to sabotage me based on other lies that have been used against me. I honestly don't know why I'm having this sort of issue with not being liked.
But the good part is by re-connecting with my Mom and helping her for that past 5 years and talking to her everyday and seeing her a lot. Our grown up relationship is a world different than growing up because we have so much in common.
The thing is, she didn't know her Father either. So, it's two generations of absent Father's, for whatever reason, it's been quite a challenge and I'm hopeful I succeed at my new good job and move back in with my Mom. I'm dreaming big. 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂
Admitting a mistake is HIGHLY THREATENING to a narcissist. so true. Also - they never say they are sorry even after a complete meltdown & annihilation of you.
Admiting a mistake or a failure is very shameful for them
Absolutely correct. No matter how well you set them up for an apology, even After apologizing yourself, they will not do it of their own volition.
@@devinsmith5926 apology is admiting to a mistake
Mistake is weakness. Ouch😂🤣😆🙂
I guess my ex isn’t a narc because he tended to apologize a lot after a meltdown
@@jorgevalencia6926 and did he keep repeating the same shit? Lol? And keep apologizing? Lol
At first I came here fearful that my partner was a narcisistic person, but as I learn more I realised that I have some of these traits myself. So I guess it's time to think how to overcome the insecurities that lead me to these behaviours if I'm ever gonna help anyonelse.
Any piece of advice would be apreciated.
Check out the video, A 7 Part Plan For Overcoming Narcissism.
@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you
Very true, basically, being vulnerable is ok, admitting you can be wrong and you fucked up is okay if you're able to learn from the experience and not commit it the next time. I love an honest person who can admit something like that
Some people mature , a narcissist just gets older. Lol.
and get worse with age
& I (pushing half a century) thought... His narcissistic behavior might have dissipated. Unfortunately, it did not. Evidently, a neverending story... one which excludes beauty...
nou
18 forever baby - I'll never mature :)
Yes, narcissistic patterns are normal in childhood. Most kids are narcissist and show it when they get caught in a lie... its just not normal to not grow out of it.
"Never make someone a priority, when all you are to them is an option". - Maya Angelou
I'm in my 60's and I am sadly learning this IS the way of the world...
With healthy-minded people it's not really that way, as you and they mutually prioritize each other.
Wow!! You nailed it!! You are absolutely correct!!
This can only be taken so far. If you make only what you want a priority, you will always just be an option. At anytime someone can make you that option. You can also choose to make them an option. When you realize this, you can then adjust your priorities and at the same time other's will adjust as needed. Help other's with their priorities and you will remain a priority. Just don't cross your moral boundaries in the process of adjusting your priorities. That's where I made so many mistakes and lost myself in the process.
Yes but there are also good people and i hope you find them and cherish it wholeheartedly. 🍀
Damn man, thank you for passing ur wisdom
Thank you. This is so healing to hear these. I have tears running down my face. All this trauma I'm processing. I don't want to ever fall into this again. I love myself. I deserve so much more than this.
For a long time I felt that I was a narcissist. Only recently I've found out that these symptoms are actually a result of my upbringing. I'm going to start asking myself these 8 questions or a variation of them every day to try and grow more comfortable being a person, flaws and all.
Clue #1: you even entertained the thought. A narcissist wouldn't even come close to something resembling introspect
@@rosen9425 You know, I've worried that I myself was possibly an undercover narcissist and after watching this video and connecting emotionally to almost all of these, I'm pretty sure I'm not. I've definitely known some though.
@@rosen9425 Right. They aren't that self-aware.
A self aware narcissist is not real
Being raised by a narc gives us narc tendencies. We can unlearn them and heal. If you're worried about being a narc, you probably aren't one lol. Narcs don't worry about that.
I've had narcissistic tendencies all my life. But I can confirm that it was from fear. Basically my parents were mentally abusive at times and I believe my narcissistic behavior and thoughts were driven by fear primarily.
I've done a lot of growing in the past few years. 24 now and I believe I'm more open and loving than ever before. I'm proceeding to work on myself one day at a time. In my experience. 80% (rough estimate) of the time, people will tell you you're going to hell instead of noticing you may be in hell/ going there and helping you out of it. But then again. Why would you want to help someone you perceive as a monster?
@@Some3xRandomGuy I feel like I'm in the same shoes as you. My parents made me be afraid of admitting my mistakes. Same for my girlfriend, she always says I could just say sorry but when I do she still doesn't stop. I don't really get it. Additionally I'm a leader in every team or organisation I am in, so I need to make sure I'm perceived as a capable person to keep winning elections. I feel like this defensiveness is required for my life.
@@djwaltoaram7052 damn I feel the same
Being a narcissist it can be extremely difficult to open your eyes and look at all the damage you've done & all the hurt and insecurities inside yourself. It's also difficult because people treat narcissists like that's all there is, no actual human behind the mask who is hurting. This drives the spike of lies deeper into our own heart as we cling onto it.
After being outed by my entire friend group, exploited, and made fun of, it hurt me terribly. You may not be able to change fundamentally, but at least it's possible to understand *why* you do certain things, so you can take preventative action and live more holistically. And it's been *totally* worth it.
I'm kinda feeling for people that has the disorder they didnt choose their childhood or wanted to be this and that. I think its wrong blindly hating someone for it...
For a long time I didn't recognize the narcissism in my friend. It took messages like these to get me to see the light. Thank you
"Love me; love my dog." That brought a smile.
After a dysfunctional family of origen and two sociopathic so-called husbands, I don't want to "engage" deeply with anyone. I am in a period of REST, and it might last for the rest of my life. Peace.
Wishing you strength
@Malinda Allen -- I couldn't agree more and exactly my thoughts.
that's sad, I hope you're able to have healthy relationships one day
Agreed. He's answering these questions more like their inner monologue as opposed to how they verbally respond.
I can totally relate to that. Hugs
A narcissist once accused me of being manipulative and self-centered. My therapist pointed out that this was a masterful piece of projection. So I asked her, "If I'm so manipulative and self-centered why do you want to be my friend? Doesn't that say you have poor taste in friends?"
That is gold man. Ive pulled that on my mom when she tries to turn the tables on me in an npd rage (usually by me calling out a passive aggressive move). Its like if im the awful, confused person u say i am.. why is it only ever ME trying to politely keep my distance & u forcing yourself into my life.
Wow 😯
wow, that's so clever. thanks for sharing that.
Curious. Do you feel you won the argument by that? Or do you feel that you just got yourself into the same game play as the other narcissist?
I am glad your therapist cought it.
Thank you Dr. Les Carter, watching this video allowed me to truly spot some narcissists in my live, which I didn't cared as much before due to doubt... my ability to create and maintain personal relationships have been drastically diminished due to them, and after watching this critical video I finally came to realisation and made clear cut decisions to block them from my life. My best wishes to you and please keep educating!
You are very welcome
Their feelings are WAY more important than yours. I used to say of my ex- that she's the kind of person who might stab you, and then berate you for "whining" about being stabbed. It was incredible.
Correction, their feelings are the only ones that matter period!
Been there
That’s my current situation. I’m always at fault for feeling a way after he does something to bring it about.
The will kill and slice and then blame the body for bleeding over their carpet.
That's why you reflect it all back! /hj then berate them for the sad look on their face lol
"Conflict enables them to go to their fake place of superiority". WOW. Thank you.
That comment made me say WOW also. Have a narcissistic and gaslighting wife and have been dealing with health anxiety and depression for over 3 years. I haven't told anyone about her and everyone thinks she is this super kind person because she can turn on the charm in the company of others. Even my family tells her how good and caring she is. I want to leave but don't have any supports at the moment. No one knows what is going on. Sorry, did not mean to dump all this stuff on you, but just have a feeling you would understand. No need to reply if you are not comfortable doing so.
@@leapingjoseph8462 It is OK to say no, to ask for your needs to be met, to get your peace, walk away, and tell the truth under your own roof. That includes being blunt and honest. Expose her by asking her whether there is a real problem with a solution, or if she's just making up conflicts to antagonize and complain.
@@leapingjoseph8462 I have a co worker that is a narcissist, its almost unbearable...100% sure would break me if would be married to one. There is only one cure= Leave. Don really think that can be worse than what You have now, even without support.
Wow is right. Awesome point and crazy true!
very difficult to talk to them about anything they did that was wrong
So many of these different comments encompass both why I watched this and the reasons for it. Thanks to you all for sharing and helping me confirm that although we may have narcissistic tendencies it's from dealing with narcissistic personalities not our own shortcomings!
Again, spot on! I see a great amount of competition and jealous behavior with these types of individuals. It is sad because they are missing out on healthy relationships.
A narcissist’s feelings will cancel out facts, because they fit facts to their feelings. Actual facts are irrelevant; their feelings are facts.
Great point.
TED Schmitt absolutely, spot on!
Yes, I like how you said that a narc's feelings "cancel out" facts. That is very true. When you ask them to substantiate their claims, their word salad gets tossed all over the place! They become even angrier and deflective and you will just become even more confused and exhausted trying to get a simple answer from them!
Sounds like you are describing modern-day Democrats.
@TED Schmitt Lol•I see Someone been listening to The Little Shaman......
this explains why our politicians can't answer anything
Yeah no kidding. And they can’t face reality. No teamwork. No acceptance of reality.
Donald***cough***Trump
Brilliant observation.
@@pranayr9284, he answers. When did he not? Basement Biden does not answer.
@@Tony-Injection Biden has a number of genuine, well thought-out plans. He answers questions like a normal human and seeks the expertise of others. When given the chance to debate and not be interrupted by a gorilla on coke, he has many good answers. I don't know if he can keep his promises, but at least he has plans, an open mind, and respect for others' knowledge. Trump just gaslights, projects, lies, and answers questions like a kid who didn't read for a book report, while being racist and having no sense of humor or empathy.
Trump is a narcissist. Many experts have skillfully made their case and the proof is irrefutable. I'd write more, but I think you're just trolling so screw it.
Intellect and honest observation meets kind, simple, and ciccinct language. Good work bud. Spelling it out for folks without talking down or insulting any party involved.
Thank you Dr Carter!
You articulate the way I want to live life so well.
Happiness is best shared and to commit yourself to "insightful' transparent and honest" and to be conscientious is a way to make sure you aren't a toxic person to be around.
Thanks to all of team healthy. ❤❤
Not that learning cell biology is a bad thing, but somehow I can't help and feel that learning stuff like this in high school would have been more useful.
I'm glad you didn't blame on learning cell...I love Biology 😔
There are psychology classes (at least there were in my school), but I agree, this stuff can be pretty useful and is kinda interesting
Wow..i am in highschool and started taking psychology this year, and philosophy last year
Don't trivialize basic knowledge. You don't run into narcissists all the time, but being basically ignorant will affect you every day.
There's room for both!
Me, clicking on this video: "am I a narcissist? Jeez I hope I can answer these questions"
Question 1: what are your deepest hurts?
Me: Nope. Definitely not a narcissist.
Bruh!
@ same 🤷🏻♂️😂
What did that question mean? English is my second language so I don't quite get what he's referring to. What has hurt me in the past? What someone did that hurt me? I'm at a bit of a loss here
@@HampusTman I heard it as "what has caused you the most pain either from other events or people in your life" so yeah, you're right with that meaning buddy
@@Cweatherill3 Ah alright, thanks for the explanation ^_^
The world is becoming increasingly difficult due to this kind of behavior in people, I thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences, now I know how to deal with it.
The most frustrating thing is when they turn around their own words and say "I didn't say it like that, I said this or that." Like when they said something offensive and I call them out, they just deny that that happened.
I literally just went through that yesterday, which is how I got here. Frustrating is an understatement lol!!!
Narcs build their own world with one reality only. Their reality. What they say is the only truth. Turning your words around and making it look as if you’re at fault all the time. It’s called gaslighting.
So a misunderstanding on your part makes gaslighting on another's part?
Also known as "gaslighting".
A variation: "I have never said that, you dreamed it over..." + contemptuous smirk. 😡
Every time I would attempt to explain to my narcissist ex how his words or behavior hurt me, he would respond with “your misunderstanding is very unhealthy.” So basically I am wrong for being hurt by his behavior.
"I don't remember it so it didn't happen"
"I didnt hurt your feelings you chose to feel that way"
"I've never argued with you"(during an argument)
- some quotes from my ex narcissist
"I didn't say that."
Yo I used to say that shit all the time, damn
Mind blown, literal lines from mine.... especially the "I didnt hurt your feelings, you chose to feel that way"..... that ish used to f with my head sooo bad because in a way its true... but in another way its completely false... still feel insecure, even about my own thoughts, from dealing with that for soooo long. And the arguing part as well... would be yelling and screaming at me and then say "I'm not yelling! " Then starts the abuse, name calling, and hours of badgering for calling him out.....
Same as my husband
"I'm sorry it affected you that way"
Or when he cheated on me. "I'm sorry you went through that"
I’m glad I found this channel. I used to struggle a lot more when I was younger, but still more work to be done! I love life and wish everybody good fortune
So pleased!
I'm revisiting after some time. I can say that your videos have some of the absolute best free advice and wisdom available here. Thank you, I can now look back and laugh with clarity and resolution.
I like how he's not attacking anyone. He is helping us all to learn what Grace really means. To put ourselves in check.
You get it, Latasha.
I wouldn't agree with that statement, he seems to pretty clearly have an agenda against those with narcissism, he directly said to always avoid them more than once
@@prussiaball1871 Do you believe the talking points of this video were wrong?
@@prussiaball1871 And what do you propose instead?
@@prussiaball1871And what's wrong with that?
Thank you - these were really helpful, I made a short list to make it easy to go back.
~
1. 2:08 - What are some of your deepest hurts?
2. 3:20 - Why is it so difficult to the point of impossible to admit flaws or mistakes?
3. 4:20 - Why do you feel the need to impress strangers?
4. 5:31 - Why do m y differences threaten you so much?
5. 6:20 - Do you honestly believe that your opinions cancel out the validity of others opinions?
6. 7:16 - In what ways do you need to grow and change? (Living w/hidden shame)
7. 8:12 - If I make you feel so frustrated, why do you keep coming back?
8. 9:05 - Why do you go silent?
Best comment. I was looking for this list
Thanks. Very helpful!!
Thank you
1. Myself and my own mind
2. I fuck up too many times and I feel foolish when I do mess up
3. I can change their perspective on me most likely
4. They don't
5. No I do not
6. I don't know anymore
7. Because I always come to the conclusion that I'm wrong
8. So that you don't know what I'm thinking
I'm really a narcissist huh
My sister in law, totally.
Thank you for this channel. It was one of my primary go-to channels on UA-cam when I had become aware of this topic in my own life. It really helped me to learn about and understand what seems to have become an epidemic in our modern society. Now I can actually recognize a covert one early on when people around me don't see anything amiss and steer clear of their tactics even though new ones I meet still try. Be well.
So pleased on your behalf!!
Im very blessed to be a young teenage male who isnt a narcissist. Ive grew up my whole life with a dad like that, and even my sister’s boyfriend. Everything you fucking say he tries to one up you or turn it into his past issues or life story. It has driven me crazy. But i delt with both of them. All alone , no friends nothing. I have complete control over my mental capabilities. Im happy ill grow into a man who doesn’t have process of thinking like these other male figures i grew up around. I have that fire in me where I could’ve potentially turned into a narcissist, but then there is the women’s perspective. Which has kept me fine. The thought of having a peaceful life and not repeating my parents. Is all i want. They turned me into a hybrid thinker. Sometimes i can mirror them in way’s and act like my parents but 95% of the time I keep control and am aware of what im doing. Unlike these filthy narcissists
Just avoid what is toxic in masculinity, not everything masculine. In order to 'protect' it seems that some narcissistic traits are necessary perhaps if only temporary.
I d never ask a narcissist these questions directly. They'd go ballistic and get defensive like nobody's business. As they say, don''t try this at home.
True true true!
Very true
Was looking for this comment. This needs to be. Disclaimer at the beginning of the video. If you piss off a Narcissist you can't even pretend you wana ask them these questions.
Absolutely ask these questions directly if you're in a personal relationship with a suspected narcissist! Just be safe and careful about potential physical retaliation when you confront them. I know conflict is uncomfortable for many of us but it is much better to have your relationship blow up now and for you to get out now so you don't waste any more of your life.
I will be asking these questions as I start dating again.
Nice video.
Let's not forget the golden rule of the narcissist: "We work as a team, and we do everything my way."
Spot freaking on sadly. It is my way or now way. Your way does not mean shyte😔 This is my mother
I get really antsy when a person I will initially accept as being the leader of a non-profit organization or they want to recruit me to provide services to their business uses "team" or "family." They want you in their clutches. They picture a team like a rowing team where everyone stays in step and they are the one with no oar, shouting out the beat. If it's family, they're going to try to be the godfather and lord help you if you "betray" the family. You don't get paid either because, We're Family!!! :)
or, as in my former marriage, "We work as a team, we do everything my way, but YOU do all the work, and you support me because I'm too important, good-looking, and precious to get a real job."
Yes yes yes yes yes! And so , nothing ever gets done . Hell , nothing ever gets started ! And that’s all MY FAULT, ofcorse . Ewwwwwwwwggggrrrggg!!
Hearing you speak is like hearing a cool uncle I never had, giving me important life advice. Thank you for this video, I needed it.
Thanks so much!
As someone with a Narcissistic father I'm glad i could answer all of those questions
I had an intimate relationship with a narcissist and her “go to” reply to a simple question I would ask her was, “Why do you want to know?” Think about it, I would say “How was your day honey?” Her reply, “Why do you want to know?” This blew my mind until I began understanding her condition. Incapable of self reflection and in a constant state of camouflage.
What was her childhood like? Or what trauma has she experienced?
or "do I have to answer this question?"
@@ceridwenschache9745 "Why do you want to know?"
“Incapable of self reflection and in a constant state of camouflage” beautifully sums up every narcissist I’ve encountered in my lifetime.
Ceridwen Schache I’ve noticed that people who’ve had traumatic and abusive backgrounds usually fall into one of two categories: 1) they become highly empathic and compassionate due their own experience and knowing what it feels like to be hurt 2) they become narcissists or psychopaths
Passive-Aggressive: "They get their anger out with the least amount of vulnerability." I have never heard this definition, but it is perfect!
My mother, once beat the glass out of the China Cabinet with a baseball bat..... she says she doesn't remember it.
@@ladyladychickchick9133 "I don't remember", "I don't recall" is a classic for narcissists. My mother uses it as well. Even when it's about a thing she did or said a day ago. I'm sorry that you have to deal with such a person. I hope you will take care of youerself
@@SicYennefer it's part of the disassociative state they constantly live in. Unpleasent feelings, memories, vulnerabilities are disassociated and none of their own trauma is actually confronted. Being wrong is unpleasant and therefore suppressed. She knows she behaved poorly, but doesn't have the ability to acknowledge she did anything wrong.
@@sarahbarth7267 oh, hell yes. It's very helpful to know narc's insight, it's easier to cope with it. To anyone interested I wholeheartedly recommend www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com. Great source of knowledge. Remember - you're not crazy!
I have one sister who brought me to tears so many times I stopped talking to her. Doing the most damage with the least vulnerability is a perfect description of her.
Thank you for this video! I finally understand why my husband loves to impress strangers, even at the cost of our finances!