How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent - Terri Cole
Вставка
- Опубліковано 22 тра 2024
- How would you feel if your own mother wore white to your wedding? If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, you’ve probably experienced something similar. Behaviors that would seem outrageous and even unbelievable to other people, for you, was just par for the course.
In this video, I want to share a story that came in from a woman whose mother insisted on wearing white to her wedding. Sound out of control? Yup.
Here’s the rub: Jamie (our bride), knows that her mom’s a narcissist. She wrote to me that she’s furious with her, and she’s afraid to cut off the relationship because her mother is so vindictive and mean…but she’s also torn because there’s a part of her that still loves her too.
Sound familiar? Do you have a narcissistic parent?
If it does, watch this video on what can you do start to heal from the incredibly painful and isolating reality of having a narcissistic parent. Learning how to protect yourself is definitely what is needed and what’s in order.
Drop me a comment and let me know what resonated with you after watching this video.
Download the free guide that goes along with this video here: terricole.com/how-to-handle-a...
More information on The Gray Rock Method: www.psychologytoday.com/gb/bl...
TIME STAMPS:
0:00 - Introduction
2:05 - Traits of a narcissistic parent, and how the experience impacts children
8:55 - Creating distance from a narcissistic parent (rather than cutting them off)
12:00 - Tips for dealing with a narcissistic parent in the present
16:40 - Why it's you're right to draw boundaries with your parents to protect your family/children
RELATED VIDEOS:
How Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Can Survive and Thrive: • How Daughters of Narci...
Narcissistic Mother? 4 Protection Tips: • Narcissistic Mother? 4...
Is Your Parent a Narcissist?: • Is Your Parent a Narci...
The Impact of Narcissistic Parents: • The Impact of Narcissi...
Why Children of Narcissists Struggle With Romantic Love: • Why Children of Narcis...
ABOUT TERRI COLE:
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global leading expert in female empowerment. For two decades, Terri has worked with some of the world’s most well-known personalities from international pop stars to Fortune 500 CEOs. Terri has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible, and then actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change i.e. true transformation. She empowers over 250,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, Real Love Revolution and Boundary Bootcamp + her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. She is also the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free (April 2021)
CONNECT ON SOCIAL:
Facebook: www.terricole.com/fb
Instagram: www.terricole.com/ig
Terri Cole: www.terricole.com
RESOURCES:
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole I no longer offer one-on-one coaching/therapy sessions but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs.
As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp’s resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help’s service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust.
No No Narc: I created this course to teach you the strategies I’ve used for more than 2 decades in my psychotherapy practice to help women break free of dysfunctional patterns and learn how to prioritize themselves. www.terricole.com/nnn-special...
My book, Boundary Boss: boundarybossbook.com
Understand and Transform Your Mother Wound: I created this course to help you break free of the insecurity and confusion that comes from having a mother wound and learn how to prioritize your preferences, your pleasure and yourself. www.terricole.com/motherwound/
www.terricole.com/gethelp/ - If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
#narcissism #narcissisticparents #terricoleshow #terricolerealloverevolution - Розваги
“You can’t have any needs if you have a narcissistic parent”. I need to write this for myself.
Worst fear is becoming like them
They are “Emotionally untrustworthy.” Yes, it’s true.
It took me 3/4 of my life to realize I wasn't crazy. I've started doing my own research n bumped into this. Thank you.
You're welcome. I m glad you're here and doing research for yourself.
SO TRUE!!!
Even my father always Blaim me that I am mentally abnormal and crazy and weak and a piece of sh*t...
Some years later I realise I wasn't...
I am 17 Now and don't want to live with him and also very worried about my mother my father is toxic abusive and a phyco
@@anantgamer8952
What you described hit so close to my heart. I am 18 ..I just want to fucking leave but I am stuck. There is my sister and my mum. It is so difficult to study and focus in my house. I always keep my cooler with full flow as it makes enough noise so that I cant hear my shouting father. On that og that he is an alcoholic. I dont know why to do.
Me too just realized it last year at 40 years old. I feel so free now though.
I get so sick and tired of people saying, that’s your mother you should respect her,she’s the only mother you will ever have!!!Well they don’t know what that mother has put you through and how she has ruined your life!!!
Yes, not everyone has the same reference point. Your experience is valid and it's important you honor that for yourself.
Exactly my family said the same. I don’t give a fuck about my mother. She’s ruined my life
100% - everyone thinks my mom is a peach. One time she gave me & my adult brother (in our 30’s) each a scale for a ‘present’ because we were each a little overweight. Who effing does that???? Passive aggressive much? She thought it was practical & ok. It gave me great pleasure to throw that thing in our giant city trash bin (but the sting remained.) When I told my brother what I did with mine, he was a little surprised (because we were taught not to disrespect our parents) but it was like a light bulb 💡 went off - he could choose to do that, too, if he wanted. My brother died by suicide at 48. My father passed awhile back, so now I’m left caring for my mom as an elder. She’s 89 & I’m 57. It’s been torture to be around her this much. She was doing pretty good but the last 2 weeks has been so cutting, mean & she seems to hate me, definitely disrespects me, and the all too familiar & painful NEVER GOOD ENOUGH, never enough, never satisfied. Dementia is setting in so I think it’s heightened this bullshit. I won’t shut her out, I won’t leave her because I just won’t, it’s not who I am (and my brother had shut her out for 6 years before he died) so I’m seeking out info like this to help me.
@@terri_cole my mom is so sickly ‘savvy’ that she gives me shit for not sharing my personal details of my life with her [she realizes I’m not sharing much at all] so now THAT pulling back to protect myself has given her new ammunition to tell me I’ve become “too independent, a selfish loner & don’t care about anyone else. I give up
@@melindatimpf7737 So sorry, I pray that God takes her soon,so you won’t have to suffer long with her,you could put her in a nursing home that would not be wrong of you to do......I pray it gets better for you🙏🏻
You will either submit to them or you will compete with them. For the longest time, I tried to rise above this dynamic. Family is not supposed to be a competition but for some, it becomes exactly that.
You have a third option. You can remove yourself from the situation. You don't have to compete or be in that energy.
I agree 100%!! My NFather-in-Law competes with my husband & acts like he isn’t. Then shifts blame to me.
Yes .I can understand
When I get the guilt messages, on my phone, I just remember the little girl she neglected and hurt instead of uplifting and comforted. That keeps my boundaries in place.
Thank you. I needed to hear exactly that :)
Omg...I just got a "guilt message". She was upset that she got an invitation to my baby shower 🤦♀️. She told me she wishes me luck with my baby. Smh...I def need boundaries.
good one👍🏽
That's what I do. From a very young age I realised I owe her nothing.
omg. So true. "The child within each of us wants to be ever hopeful that the parent can change. But the grownup in you needs to look at the evidence that you have that this parent is incapable of loving you the way that you want to be loved and is definitely emotionally untrustworthy." TC Boom Terri. Mic drop moment.
I'm so glad this resonated for you 🙌❤️
No ability to empathize with their children !
That stands out !
Thank you for sharing.
I was always the bad child. Everything I did was nothing but the other family members even when they mess up, it's not a big deal. I went through hell until I decided to cut off most of the people and just focus on me.
I think you should do a video about no contact. Narc parents train their kids to be codependent. So it if difficult to function without thinking of the parents. You have to get to a point where you put yourself first without thinking a decision the parent wants you to do.
yes definitely put yourself first. When you have a Narc parent you can have no needs, you feel like a nobody, I had to start thinking of my needs and myself for a change
@@anitamartini8161 give it time and take of yourself. Do things you always wanted to do. You will slowly realized how stupid you were to listen to the bs. Be careful not to be mad at yourself. That comes up when you snap out of the narc programming.
Yes, please do. I’ve been no contact with my mother since August. It is so difficult sometimes, but so necessary. She called and left voicemail today. I haven’t responded. I’m reviewing these videos for strength and reassurance. I have this feeling of a flashback... a sense of putting on a heavy cloak of fragility and guilt; weakness and weight that I can’t afford. *Yes, I’m in the midst of a small contact withdrawal. Yuck.* I refuse to put it on fully. It gets easier, slowly. I’m not ready and I won’t go there until I am (if ever). I am safe and secure in distance and I’m not ashamed to need to maintain it. Thank you so much Terri Cole.
Shelli I’m NC too since August. They grey rock & low contact wasn’t working. Plqying pretend every time I saw her she thought she had me in the palm of her hand. I had to go no contact! Most narcs get worse and research shows they have a higher probability of getting dementia! Mean and broken mind! Ugh 😑
Yes, it took me a few years but That’s when I didn’t find Terri yet! It’s a work in progress, but you WILL manage to get stronger, and before you know it, the atitudes you have to take to draw boundaries, will come automatically. You can definitely set yourself free. Keep watching her videos. Much love and blessings your way!
The most pivotal point in my life was when I realized I wasn't a child and that I'm a grown ass woman that my mother can no longer punish. That was HUGE, because it released any false responsibility I felt that kept me believing I owed her anything. All the fear of her left because I realized I am her equal. All she can do is slander me to people I don't care about anyway. She has no real power to hurt me, and when I realized that?.....the game was over, no contact was easy. That was 5 years ago.
Tessa. May I ask how old you were when you did no contact with your mother?
Tess This is TRUTH! You have hit the nail on the head ! And the fact is, they want to keep you as a dependent emotional juvenile for the remainder of your life! Always controlling you! Always belittling you! Always keeping you dependent upon them, even when it comes in the form of abuse! Consider this analogy, that of an owner of a dog. Kept on a short chain in the yard. The chaim doesn't allow the dog to come in from the rain, or mud, or places it has to relieve itself. So owner says, "Bad dog, you are a filthy, stinking dog, no way are you going to come inside this house looking and stinking like that, how did you get that dirty, you are lucky I even feed you, here's your cold bowl of gruel, you filthy good for nothing dog, you aren't even a good watch dog!" Fact is, you can't chase strangers off the property, you are on a 3 1/2 foot chain, are very weak and slowly starving to death, and were kicked in the mouth the last time you barked.
Thank you for sharing your insights here with us!!
@@SomeBuddy777
I apologize if this gets long, but you said so much that is flooding my mind. I don't even really think about my mother anymore unless prompted by something.
But your analogy sounds about right. It's sad, but going by that analogy, my mother was a chained up dog too. She just went further into disorder than I did. My grandmother is a narcissist as well, and my mom was the scapegoat. And I am an only child who became codependent. And even though my mother doesn't speak to my grandmother, my mother still refuses to acknowledge she was abused by my grandmother. She prefers to call it *"not being a perfect mother."*
She chased my grandmother's love only to realize she'd never get it. And she just prefers to think her mother "just wasn't a perfect mother."
Also ,I should mention, my mother is a clinical therapist and has an MSW in social work. Her specialty is family therapy...go figure😂
I got the cream of the crop narc abuse.
She gaslights herself like that so she doesn't have to acknowledge herself as an abuser, since she did the same things to me that her mother did to her. But my mother went through some horrible emotional and mental abuse at the hand of my grandmother. I actually pity her. But I can't stand being around her.
Life is so great now. No fear of having friends turned against me, no fear of criticism for not bending over backwards to do things *her way* . My relationship with God is soaring because I got rid of the false god she was, controlling my life. No more phone calls listening to her complain for a half hour about who did what to her that day, until I start to talk and she falls asleep on the phone. Hahaha!
(what better way for her to communicate my lack of importance)
LMBO... she fell asleep every single time blaming it on her medication! Funny how the medication kicked in only when she was done talking about herself.🤣🤣😂😅
And this particular issue really highlighted her entire attitude towards me my whole life.... I'll explain....
One day, my boyfriend and I took a non verbal IQ test, we were laughing because he went to university for computer engineering and his nickname for me is "doofus". He and I were laughing because my IQ score came out 30 points higher than his. He's a funny guy, he calls me "doofus" as kind of a misnomer. But when I related this story to my mother.....soon after that, the attack came about how she *"finds me unintelligent and boring."*
All of a sudden everything that she did in my life was made clear. Her whole purpose was to always make sure I never found out how great I could be. Anything that could have given me confidence was torn down, so I never got *"too big for my britches"* (in her mind).
Then I realized what a pitifully weak individual she is. To have a child that she sees so much potential in, and for her goal to become tearing her child down so she never realizes her potential.
I went to school for Art Therapy and painting, I only paid $400 for my freshman year, because they were so impressed with my art. I may have fared better had I not been interviewed 2 weeks before the first semester.
The sad part is that I was *forced* to go to that particular school because it was nearby home, but it was also $20,000 a year. That means I would stay home for my entire 4 years of college. What happened is she *hid* all my acceptance letters from other schools, until it got so late I *HAD* to choose that school because I thought I had no other options. After I got accepted and enrolled, then she gives me a stack of letters from other colleges that had come in the mail. One of those schools offered me a free 4 year scholarship, a free ride including room and board. But going there would have meant I would have left home for college. And she wasn't gonna let that happen because she needed to hold onto that control. All of the schools that replied were far away.
Then she proceeded to blame it all on *GOD* , saying "He must've known that you weren't ready to leave home."
What a "Christian" thing to do ,eh?
But it all follows as she told me when I was 22 years old, during a fight we we're having, "I AM GOD IN YOUR LIFE!"
Such an ego trip. SMH
So now I'm in $25,000 student loan debt at 50 years old. But that's ok because I'm free of all those destructive tentacles that were wrapped around my life. The debt is the only residue of a life that was spent being stuck to an IV feeding me a slow drip of self hate. The debt is nothing compared to what I've been freed from.
Edit: I don't mean to offend anyone by laughing in certain parts of my story. When you're trying to heal past this stuff, there's nothing funny about it at all. But since I've healed, her behavior has become nothing but humorously absurd. Please don't take offense.
@@terri_cole
Thank you for doing what you do. You helped me through the last leg of my thorough healing in 2018!
Thank you for making these videos. I’ve felt like a horrible daughter and like I’m crazy for thinking poorly of my mom. Now I realize I’m doing my best and that will never be enough for her- I gotta live life for myself.
My dad is the narcissist! I am expected to put up with his b.s. And I was told I had to work things out with him. No one said he had to do anything. Unfair!
There is evil in the world and it starts in families👿
I'm witnessing you with compassion.
If you look deep ALCOHOLISM is ALWAYS in the mix. And the rich have been taking in blood money off of thier evil products since capitalism took hold and allowed bullies with weapons and torches to subjugate the population
"The Lack of Capacity to Love You"- I always was trying to survive on my own. Thank You!
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
The “why” is exactly what kills you even if you have taken great strides to comprehend and acknowledge your Narcissistic parent’s’ limitations. Allowing a Narc into your life is like being a life support donor that sucks your vitality out of your life, quite literally! This is precisely why cutting out the interaction is the only way to heal. If you continue, the only relationship you will be able to entertain is a superficial one that is governed by walking on a minefield. It’s exhausting, painful, and continues to be a toxic poison.
ABSOLUTELY
So true, the moment I forget and share something I deeply regret it..."Protect the internal life", "they are never going to be what you want them to be" - brilliant.
As a daughter of a narcissist, I agree that it is a very painful situation. Like Bri Lee below, it took me YEARS to realize that I was raised by a narcissist. Throughout my life, my mother gave me the silent treatment whenever I went against her wishes (i.e., didn't date the person she wanted me to, planning my wedding in a way she didn't like, etc.) The breaking point came when she scolded ME when I cried out to her for help when my stepfather sexually assaulted me. She instructed me "not to EVER tell anyone what had happened."
I’m so sorry you had to go through this I had go through something similar, i ran out the night it happened and she picked me up the next night and drove me to his work and brought him in the car.. I was so scared it was like taking a survivor to her captor💔 to then say I was lying but his silence said other wise. So she processed to cry and ask “why did you do this to me are you trying to hurt me?”… it broke me that night that my pain was not even mine I was just an accessory. Not once did she call the police on him…
I am so sorry you had to go through this. I also went through something similar. I was assaulted as a child. I reached out to my mother (stupid me) and she did nothing. When I was a teenager and had my first period, she scolded me and yelled at those same words “don’t tell anyone” and then threw a sanitary pad in my face. She’s done more. Worst part is that she has denied it all. She abused my older sibling. It’s crazy how I’m 46 and dealing with all of these pent up sadness now. But i have decided to go no contact. It’s painful and it’s difficult. But I choose myself now over her needs and wants. I’m wishing you all the best and love & light. You are not alone
What I struggle with the most (48 hrs after realizing my parents are both narcs) is “what if I’m wrong”….. they check all the boxes of the checklist….. “but what if I’m wrong? What if I do this (not let them into my life except on the fringe) and I’m wrong?” still plays in my head. I KNOW I’M NOT WRONG! But this sick abuse they’ve done makes unwinding the trauma, and not continually blaming yourself/second guessing difficult.
I AM going to overcome this! Survived this far….
you got this! ITS FREKIN HELLISH BUT STAY STRONG ❤
I feel you. I been tormenting myself fearing this same thing. Wat if I AM THE CAUSE? She's told me that my entire life. I'm 54, didn't even know what a narcissist was. She gatekeeps so much of the things in life I should have been aware of. Even harder she tells you not to do all these things SHE DOES. Furthermore it's a humiliating discovery to accept. Wishing you the best
I also have two narcissistic parents. Neither of them really care that I have serious illness. They still want to use me in different ways.
If they make you unhappy. If it is constantly feeling like your walking on eggshells. If the relationship interactions leave you feeling confused, hurt, manipulated...leave
My sister and I have just started researching this and our mother ticks EVERY box for a narcissist mother. I am the oldest child and have had to be the adult most of my life. We have a younger brother who is the Golden Child and our mother keeps him attached to the apron strings by helping him financially and basically treating him like a "husband" to her ( our father passed away in 1992) She is now 80 years old and we dont want to cut her off but have been telling her less and less lately, she has tried and still tries to cause problems between my sister and I but thankfully we know her games now. She tells her friends horrible stories about us and how badly we treat her so thats awkward when we see them and we have had people ignore us as they believe what she says. It feels like its a dirty little secret in the family because she is so nice to outsiders and they would no way believe us if we said otherwise. I feel that once she passes it will be an incredible weight lifted off us as sad as that sounds. :(
I feel with you ❤ It almost sounds like you are talking about my mother. Much love to you and your siblings ❤
This hit home for me. Totally understand this. My mom bad mouths us, plays a victim on social media and makes us out to be these terrible people when in fact she is the terrible one who spills lies. It's wild. So sorry you have to go through this. We have to stay strong and not give them power over us.people don't understand us when we say our lives will be so peaceful once they go, it's the sad thing to say but when we go through what we go through it's the only way to feel.
welcome to my life.
I just cut her off. I love my life now. every part I healed and built what I wanted. and she is trying everything to ruin it but can't because she can't travel or know anyone where I live.
I am so glad I found this community of people who have the same experiences as me. I used to think nobody else could possibly have a Mother as awful to them as mine is to me and my family. My Mother also badmouths me, my Husband and our adult children, her 1st Husband (my Dad when he was alive) and 2nd Husband (my stepdad when he was alive too) . She complains to her friends and neighbours about us and it’s embarrassing and humiliating. Especially when some of her friends have been quite rude to me and confronted me, because they have believed my Mothers lies and they think she needs them to back her up. My Mother is 78 yrs old now and I am 49, soon to be 50 and her only child. Then she wonders why her friends don’t like us and why they didn’t like my Stepdad. When he was the most giving person and did everything for her, made her meals, looked after her very well. She even tells people lies in front of us and then we have to defend ourselves and set them straight. My Mother also tries to undermine my relationship with my children and also to come between them and their siblings. It never works because we are a close family who trust each other. Nobody in my family trusts my Mother. It’s sad really, but there have been many times in my life where her behaviour towards me has been so bad and upsetting, I have felt completely paralysed mentally and depressed for many weeks after one of her dramatic outbursts/confrontations. It’s a feeling of despair. I am having to keep her at a distance and limit the time I spend with her now, because every meeting with her is negative and she is always critical of me. That never ever ends. She is relentless in her attempts to take me down and make me feel worse. It’s so exhausting and wears me down. She zaps my energy. So I do my best not to enable her. Thankyou for sharing your story.❤
It’s me… I’m alone in my family. My elder brother and sister in law sort of realised it…. But it took 50 years for him and 40 years for me 😢😢
Dont forget, they also have the ability to cast themselves as the golden child and making you the scapegoat. I always get, "I never treated my mother the way you treat me." Like she was perfect. She actually deeply dissapointed my grandmother, who was passive, and couldn't fight with her anymore.
I get that a lot too. Recently had to go no contact with my narc mother and she kept repeating how I "broke" her heart and how she can't even believe her only child is doing this to her...
I am low contact at the moment and the guilt is at times overwhelming. I’m blessed to have a very supportive husband but it is so hard. You are so brave for going no contact. I hope to be there some day.
@@CK-er4fx how are things now with no contact?
My mom says that a lot too
Interesting!
The moment I realized something was really wrong was when my mom started calling me lazy because I didn't clean the house. When my doctor told me that I had to go the ER because I was having difficulty breathing she started screaming at me and blaming me for being sick. I had mononucleosis and I was working a full time job and went to college full time.
I’m witnessing you with compassion, Marig. That must have been incredibly difficult and painful. I help you recovered in spite of your mother ❤️ Thank you for being here and for being brave enough to share your story
People really judge too....especially when we are negative about mothers!.....
Yes, I am witnessing you with compassion. You are not alone!!
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
So true id be scared to talk about my mum to anyone pure evil abuse is terrible gone no contact and still getting abusuve voicemails and my self esteem goes down when this happens I suffer with anxiety
My mother was not that bad when I was a child, although she had episodes of obvious narcissism and control. Now shes 84 yrs old and just awful to deal with, it's all about her. She mistreats me the most because I live with her. When people meet her she is the sweetest old lady, nice as can be, although I think she wants attention badly. I need to move out, she is affecting my health and well being. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster with her mood swings. I have developed blood pressure issues. I feel I'm not taking care of myself.
I hear you. I'm sending you strength and protection. I am glad you're here.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
Totally agree with you.
Yes. Move out. Unless you are strong enough within yourself to say 'ok, she can be that way, but I still feel this way. I am an individual' then yes, I also got high bp from that horrible environment. Oh, and when you do move, get ready for the meanest of meanness and cruelty from them if u stay in touch.
@@terri_cole As far as the Wedding thing, the narcissist would say to daughter 'you're crazy! (tsk). A lot of people wear white to Weddings! Oh, I am not" , or they will say their outfit is off-white.
Ohh my God, i just found out that i am living with a narcissist mom.
Now i found the answers for my questions.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
So sorry for you my mums a narc I’m 56 I only found out a couple of years ago gone no contact now this last few weeks still getting abusuve emails . I truly feel for you ❤️ hopefully now like me you can find ways to set boundaries and be happy ❤️
Her antics have been so normalized my entire life that when i cane to this conclusion i felt betrayed and tricked even. Like how could i not see it before!!??
I am the scapegoat and I endure constant gaslighting.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
I was the golden child growing up. That's how I got so manipulated because as an adult ,you start to have your own mind. My mom would even shame me for trying to get my own food. Can you imagine that ? Other parents used to celebrate their kids independence and I got shamed for it. That's how I quickly slipped into the realm of 'scapegoat'.
I was the golden child too. Then I gave birth to what I like to call my son. My awakening. I became a mother then I woke up.
Sometimes the grey rock theory doesn't work. My Nmother started planting seeds with my wife and oldest son about "why is your dad so sad and depressed all the time" and more nonsense like that once I started showing no emotion and not letting her into the intimate details of our life.
I had a boundaries talk with Nmother, but don't think that is going to be enough.
I think moving may be the only option.
I'm witnessing you with compassion Gabe. Thank you for sharing your story here.
Wow Gabe...my Mom triangulates like this.....it makes me really resent her....I pray to God to help me figure out why I don't like my own Mother's behavior....
@@eunicedetoiles9901 I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
Unfortunately, moving doesn't end it. They will cyberstalk, cyberhack, cybercontrol your life. And tell themselves how smart they are for still being able to reach into your life. If you can explain to your wife and children that your mother has a mental problem (we know it's actually a personality disorder) that makes her feel she has to do these things, and that it is best for her (🤣) and all of you as a family, to not be in the same city until she gets well (😅) I put the smileys to show that although this is a benign way to explain the situation, time and science have proven that the Narcissists choose not to engage in counseling or psychiatric aid, and never change.
This was so liberating to hear ,I always felt so ashamed that I have such relatshioship with my mother
I'm glad it brought you liberation, and I am sending you light and protection mama.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. Many of us have endured the same and we shall overcome.
Sophia Gaia it’s not your fault ((hugs))
Even my father always Blaim me that I am mentally abnormal and crazy and weak and a piece of sh*t...
Some years later I realise I wasn't...
I am 17 Now and don't want to live with him and also very worried about my mother my father is toxic abusive and a phyco
My whole adult life my Nm wanted me to get married. When I got engaged she was visibly disappointed and very obstructive to wedding plans. I called everything off because she had poisoned everything so much. A few years later I met someone else. We’ve been together for 11 years and he has never met her. I will not allow her to meet him because she will do the same thing and poison this relationship. Everything has to be about her and so I share very little about my life with her. It’s only recently that I have understood that she is a narcissist but I’ve been protecting myself for years.
I am witnessing you with compassion.
Well done ❤️
This describes my situation exactly ..I my mother passed last Sept ..and in her final days she made many comments .. she said things like .. I was a mean Momma to you .. and I messed you up and I went around telling a bunch of lies about you and so on ...She tried to pit my son against me and she successfully turned my brother against me from the beginning ..She and my brother just cliqued...
Two things in the end that I finally concluded in the final years of trying to care for her is that I was trying to love someone that was unable to love in return .. it was not in her ..and her back biting used to bother me until i finally realized that most intelligent people were not going to buy into a mother publicly running down her own child ...
And that her back biting was not going to do her much good with the people that really would matter to me ..
... these final years were healing in a way as I was able to see some realities ..
Thank you for sharing! I am so glad to hear you are getting some healing. Keep going mama, you are worthy and you matter.
Hugs to you.❤️
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
me and my siblings were so traumatized by my parents that none of us had children of our own....then others in the family are asking why don't any of you have kids and I so want to tell them....because my parents were horrible and we don't want anyone else to suffer like that so medal us because its an act of mercy and by the way...mind your own effing business....is what I want to tell them...meanwhile my parents prance around acting like they both shpuld have won Parent of the Years awards...completely oblivious to all of the damage they caused..
I’ve also decided to not have kids for the same reason, you’re not alone❤️
Me too, couldn't risk any children of mine being around my parents and getting treated like I was
They know what damage they caused. They know to hide it too. Same here no kids and my golden child younger brother as well. It ends with me and so does the reptiles name. Our families name dies with us because of his treatment towards his own children. I'm not ashamed of ME anymore. JUST HIM AND THE LINE OF ALCOHOLIC ABUSERS BEHIND HIM.
Your videos are helping me save myself. I left my narcissistic husband and was left with no choice but to move back home to my narcissistic mother. I've been there for over a year and she broke every promise to me that things would be different. I am working very hard to establish boundaries until I can afford to get out. My mother had the nerve to say my husband cheated on me because I didn't make him happy.
Hilarie Joy atleast Yours didn’t say we never wanted you to get married because it wouldn’t last !! Like who says this ! Now it’s left me feeling that my personal life will never happen. Aww good luck with your life progression
@@SimranKaurLikes she said he cheated on me because I didn't make him happy.
Hilarie Joy yes that’s also bad too !! Aww hugs but we will be fine since we have recognised the problem is with them x
Hilarie Joy oh my.
I hope you’re thriving and have gotten out of there.
So profound. Plus out of the narcissist reality. Plug into your reality. The narcissistic reality is so disordered, dysfunctional and wrong 99.9% of the time. It's necessary to separate yourself.
Absolutely, Carla. Thank you for sharing.
Mine used to keep us home from school just to keep her company.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
Omgosh, same here!
mine hid me from everyone and even now if someone is over with her she would say something like: oh come later I'm going out soon... just so others don't see or interact with me. I guess it's her way of hiding the truth from others- incase I talk. She told people it was me who preferred to hide- like some weirdo. So now people think im crazy
yeah my narc parents homeschooled me and brothers too!
@@najla4359 homeschooling in it's self isn't bad but the motives behind why you are. Don't do it to hide your kids but to help them excel and always make sure they have friends to play with.
I agree with doing a video on no contact. Recently had to go no contact with my narc mother, and I've truly never been more at peace. She still tried to contact me and send me things about how I broke her heart and how devastated she is.
Thanks for the feedback!
I am 63 and My Evil Narc Mom Is 85 🙄I have made a conscious decision to go no contact! I simply can’t take the hurt and pain anymore!
I drew a big, firm boundary when my Nmom began trying to turn my autistic son against his dad. The mama bear in me rose up and did something that should have been done eons ago. Nmom crossed the boundary one more time and suffered the consequence for the first time in her life. I'm still in (low) contact, but it is all very surface and I am the grayest of the gray rocks. Lol. I'm thankful and glad that the generations of narcissistic abuse in my family stops here!
Thank you for your videos! I find them so helpful. Your presentation is wonderful, compassionate.
I'm so glad to hear that!!
Well done ❤️
I HATE that stupid saying. We are not wild animals! You are not a bear, you are a human being. Show some sense.
My adoptive Mother always said to me , you are a cold fish. She only said things to get a reaction. It's a long time ago now, but you never forget.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
Scapegoated to the point of being completely disinherited. That really hurts! No contact with narcissistic mother or 'golden child' brother now for 3 years. Anyone else experienced this?
Yep, well, my adopted sister got the house, I got a bit of cash. But I'm not poor, sucking up to a non human wasn't an option. I lived in a different country to my parents for over 40 years and visited only occasionally. They all hated me for not dancing to the my Mother's tune. But at my Mothers funeral, a family friend joked I was the white sheep of the family. My home life as a child was a misery , I enlisted into the British Army at 18 years old and never looked back.
I have. Exactly same history as yours. I am oldest. Scapegoat child. Educated.
Abandoned after death of my
Father at age 16. She took care of golden children very
Well. I was discarded completely. No Hx of thefts,
Drug abuse, rehabs etc.
not like her flying monkeys
Who do. I could never understand why until
I began searching on Internet
About family dynamics,
Dysfunctional families and
Games mentally ill parent
Will do to one child. Found
Teri Cole. Now I know it was
Nothing I did or can do to
Make her stop. Just leave
Her alone and stay away from
Her. She is very conniving
And very very mean to me only. Left me out of her will
Which is very very typical
Of the Narcissistic Pos
Parent to do. Listening to
Dr. Teri Cole I now realize
I could do nothing to change
My mentally ill Mother. sick,
Dangerous mind. I had
Horrible self esteem and depression due to no family
Support.
Yes, with a snarling beast of a godmother who treats me as her servant
Yes, with a snarling beast of a godmother who treats me as her servant
You
You get it Terri!
Tell everybody about the Damaging Female Narcissists. Everyone is scared to touch this taboo subject. Millions of us have survived Narcissistic Abuse from Chameleon Female parents.
It was criminal the NPD Mothers did in the 70s and 80s. EVERYONE IS TERRIFIED TO SPEAK THIS TRUTH.
I thought for years that mom was co dependent, because she is a physical, emotional and psychological abuse survivor. However, mom had no empathy for me growing up. I had to learn to care for myself as she took care of us generally, enough for others to feel we were normal. By the time I was an adult, I loathed myself, very shy. As I am getting therapy now, I realize that she is actually a narcissist, even though she pairs herself with overt narcissists in her life. I am stuck here living with her because of finances (trying to find a full time job now). But your description is spot-on! I am getting my head around the idea of my mom (not just her partners) as being narcissistic. I can't diagnose her but I am needing boundaries and to escape at some point from here. Yes, my needs are invisible is exactly right. Thank you for this very needed validation!! It is so hard not to tell her everything. I am leaning not to reveal my plans or information. A conversation is not a conversation, it is an interrogation. I am tired of defending myself and trying to correct the disinformation that she gives to other family members and her friends. It hurts so deeply for them to look at me side-eyed as I am serving them at dinner and washing all the dishes...like a maid...when she has company. I am trying to understand so I can free myself.
I'm going through the same exact thing w/ my mother now. I also thought my mother was the codependant because she was a survivor of abuse. Now that I'm in my 40's, and keep getting into relationships with narcissistic men.. I started watching these videos on narcissism, and realized my mother is a narcissist! I never understood why we had such a bad relationship until now! I never had a normal attachment that a mother and daughter should have. She never validates my feelings, every conversation we have she interrupts me when I talk, the topic of conversation ALWAYS goes back to her, she never has empathy for me, and never truly seems to care about what's going on in my life because she's so wrapped up in her own world! I moved away from home when I was 21 because I always felt like I was her parent! Now recently I've relied on her for financial help, and she makes me feel ashamed for it. I have to beg her to call me, and I'm lucky if she ever answers her phone! You are not alone! Thank God for channels like this or I never would've understood it!
@@reneegardner2286 That's too familiar. Having a parent like that is so strange. I'm not sure I've wrapped my head around it, after years of learnig about it. How is this possible? W T F, how can anyone be like this.
I typed so much about my life with a narcissistic Mother, it was too long and it wouldn’t let me post it. Now I’ve lost it all. I am 49 yrs old and only recently started watching videos and a few months back started reading books on this subject. It’s taken me most of my life to work out what’s wrong with my Mother, and why the relationship never gets any better, no matter how old me and my Mother get. I really appreciate the videos. They are a lifeline to people like me, who havn’t been believed by others except for my close family and friends. I have been watching your videos, talking back to the screen, saying ‘Yes, yes, my Mother does that, and she does that. That’s exactly what it’s like’.❤
I am so glad my videos are a lifeline for you ❤️ I see you, and I am holding space for your painful experiences with your mother.
Thankyou for the reply ❤
My mother also wore white to my wedding with a huge white hat! I will be 57 this summer. She tells me in a condescending tone, that she sees me as a three year old. I will NEVER be an adult in her eyes, and I felt that her comment was very disrespectful and rude. No surprise though. She has been this way my whole life.
Witnessing you with compassion Amy.
This is surprising. I did not have this happen, but have read several times about narky mothers wearing a white dress to an offspring's wedding.
I understand. I’m in the same boat being seen as a child. Though I’m an adult. Stay strong.
Nathalie Kaupp Thank you Nathalie. You stay strong too! Blessings to you.
I finally had enough of my narcissistic mother. I am 37 years old. My sister is the “golden child.” (Also a narcissist/I cut ties with her fully a year ago after she bad mouthed me to family after my wedding) I’m the “scapegoat.” I realized this after listening to your videos so thank you by the way. I tried everything. Gray rock (tea cup) conversations, not talking to her, etc. And things never changed. It also doesn’t help that I’m a daddy’s girl and I want a relationship with him. But after getting a new home with my husband and my mom refusing to bring furniture to us because she couldn’t stay at my sisters home even though we offered our home to her. (My sister and I live near each other) I was done. I wrote a letter saying I was done with her treatment and wanted no more contact with her. Not having sent until yesterday after I get a text from my dad saying that mom wants me to call her. I was fed up. So I wrote a letter to my dad and sent both letters yesterday. And I’ve been really scared like I’m still that little girl and standing up and pulling away officially. And this video helped because I had done everything and my husband has gotten to the point where he doesn’t want us visiting my parents because of the abuse she spews on me. I had to do something because she isn’t going to change.
I was the maid of honor in a past friends wedding in 2016. When we went to the bachelorette weekend to New York City, the brides mother came with us. She made the whole weekend about herself! When the bride came out with her special backless pants suit jumper that looked gorgeous on her, Her mother had a complete breakdown and locked herself in our room. She was going on and on about how the bride looked better than her etc. It wasn't until the bride changed into a simple white top and jeans that the mother was OK and we left. This was one of many issues that revolved around this wedding! I truly felt heartbroken for the bride, and at the time didn't know that her mother was a narcissist, we all comforted her mom! Not realizing what she was doing. The wedding day was rough as well, the mother of the bride kept breaking down, crying and shifting attention to herself instead of on the bride, the one who should have had all of the attention!😢
Thank you for validating everything I've ever felt but never had the words and was trained to feel guilty about them. Truly.
You're not alone. I see you and you matter.
You have totally described my mom and yes it's sad and it hurts. I live with guilt everyday everyday I wake up and have to tell myself I am worthy i am not a bad person. Thank you Terri listening to you is really helping better cope with what I have had to accept.
If you’re the only child of a narcissist mom, you switch between scapegoat and golden child all the time.
I hear you and I'm witnessing you with compassion.
I have to move on. I do not know how but she is killing me. I want to heal and never see her again.
I am holding space for you and sending you strength.
@@terri_cole thank you so much. I love your work!
I absolutely believe that some parents were never meant to be parents.
Great video! Thank you. I'm the only child of a Narc mother who is living with her because she's older now (89) and just doesn't want to be alone. It's so toxic! I've been here nearly 2 years and I just want to leave. She's fairly healthy and can take care of herself, she just doesn't want to. A friend of mine said that just because I don't have a partner or kids, it doesn't make my life invalid and non-worthwhile. Another friend said I'm just serving as a second body so she can function.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
Leave, live your life, she’s trapping you, my parents try to do the same and we can’t give in 💘 she’s isn’t on her death bed
I hope you get out and 💓
@@raquelt5342 run fast
I really admire you I couldn’t do it I’d end up killing her ❤️
@@raquelt5342 oh wow. Just saw this. I did leave to Vietnam, but came back to her. Thanks
I had to learn to not let my NMom push my buttons. My Nexhusb left me and my Mom is buddy buddy with her and I use to react. Now when she tells me she talked to the woman my ex left me for I don't react. My covert Dad and overt Mom would try to upset me all the time over her saying how pretty she was and how she had come to see her and visit her. Now I just say that is nice and change the subject. It took me a long time to learn this. They love to push buttons and make you feel bad.
I would like to tell you how story ends, my Nexhusb died last year leaving his wife penniless (could have been me) yes My NMom and her are good friends and I just ignore it. No use argueing or trying to get them to understand, doesn't work. You are right they will never be the Mom you wanted.
My MIL is malignant npd who horribly scapegoated by husband who suddenly unexpectedly had a fatal heart attack in July ‘18 - he had cptsd, high blood pressure, anxiety - thankfully he had several yrs of healing & enjoying his sons - please take your health and recovery seriously - the fallout of a narcissistic parent can be deadly
Thank you for sharing.
My parents are still together and I've gone no contact because of the toxic relationship between them and also the abuse inflicted on me by narc parent. I love my parents so much dispite how they hurt me and didn't protect me. it hurts so much because I feel like when they r gone I'm going to regret everything. they don't see things like I do so it doesn't feel like there's closer. I hate to think Im hurting them by acknowledging that they hurt me
Acknowledging your experience is not causing hurt to anyone. You have a right to your feelings, and you have a right to healing. It is not blaming someone else, it is actually taking responsibility for yourself by owning how you feel. I encourage you to seek the support of a therapist that can guide you in your process of healing. I am sending you strength and compassion.
Literally in my freshman year of college and my parents just cut me off because I wanted to stop being controlled. Watching these videos have allowed me to stop blaming myself for the things I can’t control with my narc parents.
I'm so glad this resonated with you and helped you continue to heal your inner child and current adult self ❤️
I’m so sorry. Honestly though, it’s probably a good thing. I wish mine would cut me off. Your sanity and peace is too precious
Narcissist destroying their own childrens wedding is extremely painful but very common.
I think i can guess that a lot of Narcissist are undiagnosed cause thats the nature of the disorder. They genuinely believe that nothing is wrong with them because of the Narcissism.
Love this so much, thank you so much. I feel like the sad fact of the “why would a parent do this? “ question is that the answer will always to come down to “they’re sick”. There are reasons for every behavior, but they will always boil down to some specificity of their trauma. My mother would use disingenuous questions to invalidate me, not on purpose but because her mother, and others, had done that to her so much she just thought it was normal. It’s sad to see that a narcissist is traumatized, but it doesn’t excuse them.
alot of narcassit parent damage thier children ability to grow into adult, so that they do not become independent. the narc has financial power and admires from other and is not intrested in thier children succeeding. they make sure its all about them. healthy father are the one that listen to the needs of every family member before considering their.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm witnessing you with compassion and sending you strength.
I have narcissistic parents who Illtreated me as a child and now that they are old and miserable want me to help them financially when they blew their own investment on scams and now they need me to help them financially but when I helped them financially that was not enough, it was like they are entitled to more money than I gave them . And they were showering me with love till they realized the money I have them wasn’t enough so now they ignore and my children. Not even text messages and I was feeling all the shame . Now after listening to you I am glad I didn’t give in to their tantrums and enjoy my freedom and my distance from them. All they did was make me feel sad and hurting .
I am so sorry you experienced that from your parents 💕
Yes! The problem itself is invisible.
Another tactic you can use other than grey rocking method (depending on what flavor of narc your dealing with) is to be "the good news guy" Basically you always have good news.
The narcissist wants to hurt you, control you, relish in your pain...they do NOT want to hear that you're doing so well or that good things are happening in your life.
They're going to be repelled by "something good is always happening around you or to you" (Especially when it's something they can't directly brag about, or find a way to control.) Examples : Your friend bought a big new house, so you're going to be going to a house party next weekend. You were invited on a cruise with an old college buddy, so you'll be out of town. You're packing for a weekend get away in the mountains and are just so exciting. (It needs to be distant enough so that they cannot track down the people blessing you and try to ruin it) This works for some narcs to encourage them to stop chasing you down. You want them to be repelled by you, so you're not a target. They will be so offended by "how good" your life is.
No you can not draw boundaries because they absolutely will not respect it
It most devastating to learn the truth about your family. Thank u for explaining grey rock.
I'm witnessing you with compassion. Healing is possible.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
Dear Terry Thank u so much for your videos about narc moms. I am å daughter of a narc mom and have gone no contact after 40 years of abuse. I have children in early teens and it is difficult to know how much to involve the children in the story. They know why but not that she is a narc. My wish is for u to make a video about families and especially children with narc mom/grandma. Also I am interested in a video of siblings who the mom has split all through life. My sister has gone no contact with me because of her relationsship with my mother. At last, but not least THANK U FOR SHARING. My road is a bit less lonier than before🌷
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
The first time I “stepped back” and told her I was not going to leave work in the middle of the day to take her to the rehab center where my father was became the first step in a five year total breakdown in our relationship. She would not accept me at all on any terms except her own. I finally found the voice she had beaten out of me half a century ago and she did not want to hear now, or ever, what I had to say. Because we both know how terrible she is and she cut me out of her life rather than hear my truth. It was the kindest thing she has ever done to me. Now this 87 year old woman will go into the final stretch of her life without her daughter in her life. You are right, nothing I ever did was enough and I just exhausted myself over my life trying to please her. All for naught. One denial and the entire relationship fell apart. I choose me.
I am celebrating you choosing yourself and also witnessing you with compassion for what you went through ❤️
Spot on. The child in me is ever hopeful and tempted to trust them. The adult in me knows they are profoundly untrustworthy. I NEVER tell them anything about myself, and haven´t since I was a teenager. The few times I have let the child be tempted to trust them, it hasn´t taken long for that information to be used as a weapon against me. The next argument, basically. I told them straight out I would never tell them anything because they used it against me. They deny it vigorously, offended, even though it´s happened countless times and I´ve pointed it out to them countless times the reasons why I never tell them anything. Thank God their hurt silent treatment is like a holiday to me.
Also, the problem with grey rock, which I´ve been using unconsciously since I was a child, is that you start to act that way with everyone else and you end up not having a personality - or rather, suppressing your personality, leading to depression. It´s not easy.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
Thank you so much for your videos. I am 24 and I am learning (step by step) how to remove myself from my mom's wrath. I really thought I was crazy until someone told me to look up Narcissistic disorder. Then I found you! I subscribed and I appreciate your insight!
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
I never got married to avoid having to deal with my narc parents - my 21st was all about them and navigating it was extremely difficult for me - my man died and parents was awful and everyone does think they’re awesome. I’ve just been brave (for me) and sacked narc cleaner who resembled my mother - am super proud of myself today. Every word you’re saying is true - don’t trust narc parent with anything ever. Am rebuilding myself and my life with as little to do with narc parents as possible. My grandparents were lovely so no idea why my parents are narcs other than it suits and feeds them as way of being and means they never take responsibility for themselves and are spiteful nasty children always. I have geographical, financial and life distance with them but am annoyed didn’t spot red flags over narc cleaner sooner. Still learning but cannot thank you enough for your podcasts - as only child narc parents make me golden child/ scapegoat as they feel - spend time disconnecting from them as their reality is insane. Wish I could go no contact but these patterns of behaviour end with me. Thank you for all you’ve done and are doing to help those of us stuck with narcs and working on ourselves xxx
Thank you for sharing here. I'm witnessing you with compassion and holding space for your healing.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
Thank you very much! This video helped me immensly. No more scapegoat to my mother, at 60 years old, i finally had enough.
My poor children live with my soon to be ex wife who is an extreme Narcissist. It's truly scary. She is text book. Took me 16 years of an abusive marriage to realise that she will never change and is a Narcissist. All these years a believed I was shit trash nothing. Now I fear for my poor 10 year old son who she puts down just to bring herself up. I need help!
Thank you so much for your videos. My mother is a narcissist and has depression. So when she goes through an episode it cycles and gets worse. We are going through it right now. I am debating on cutting off contact because I don’t want her to do this to my son.
Witnessing you with compassion. Thank you for sharing your journey, and I am sending you strength and light.
I wish I knew what NPD was as a child and teen in the 80s and 90s. I was sure she was crazy by my early 20s, but only in my thirties after having my own kids did I have the revelation of npd, and realisation she will never change or meet my needs. You just can’t have a relationship with someone you can’t trust. Someone who purposefully hurts you. She is completely oblivious of the abuse she inflicted on me. I tried to bring it up years ago and she gaslighted me. NPD is scary especially for parent / child
I see you ❤️ Thank you for sharing.
I was feeling so down today, so I started praying. It made me sad that it took my husband and I so much work to finally have our own home built and now my Narc mother will not come and see it or even take my phone calls. Silly me, Ive been on the path of recovery for some years now and honestly I made huge progress, but I have learned not to give up! I had my hopes up for while, and that is a lesson to be learned. Thank you so much for your wonderful work.
I'm witnessing your sadness about your mother, but also celebrating you and your new home. I'm glad you're here and thank you for watching.
I am beyond happy that I found Teri Cole. My Mother
Is a Drinking, Smoking, snorting full blown (all done
In the closet Narc). Like you
She would never call or visit me( a single parent working
Double shifts at hospital)/ or
Call her grandson. Listen!!!!
If she did call she would
Only make belittled remarks
(You are always stumbling)
( no one will ever love you).
So like Dr. Teri Cole is telling
Us. They will not give us the
Love we need. But will tear
Us down every chance they get. So be happy the dirty,
Mean, sour, POS is not
In your environment!!!!
Nor her flying dead beat
Children.
Terri Cole Real Love RevolutionTM thanks, love!
Marsha McDonald right??? Omg I was a single mum also, working crazy shift like you. I’m saying a prayer for you. If you’d like to chat, please drop me a line at Gerin.lais@yahoo.com ( you can call me Lala) xoxo
Thank you for telling me that I have the permission to cut off relationship with my toxic mother. And my brother, the golden child, hwo is always jealous of me for whatever reason.
This is sad. I feel so sad. And liberating. That rollercoaster of emotions. Confronting the past. That child in me. Thank you for this video
It’s hard to tell people and ask for help when my mom is a narcissist because if they meet my mom she puts on the fake face and she’s so good at manipulating I’ve watched it right infront of my eyes, I’ve watched her chat the most bs ever, I’ve watched her make fun of me, invalidate me, humiliate me, make me feel invisible, she always makes fun of me and makes others laugh at me and she has a partner that not only enables her but joins in on the bullying of me and ACTUALLY thinks IM in the wrong for the reactions I have had. She has absolutely no empathy at all, she does not care about me at all, she doesn’t cry but she doesn’t yell or get violent she just changes her tone of voice. It’s so hard to deal with because everytime I tell a councillor, THEY get manipulated, the only time someone saw through her bs was these two police officers, and even then they almost fell for it. The reason they saw through it is because of the evidence of what she’d done. I still live with her, and I have to save my brother. She has absolutely destroyed me and I don’t know where to start, I have no friends but she doesn’t control that she just made me have no self-esteem so now I have no escape other than meditation. I’ve been on my own all my life. I had one “good” friendship that THEY turned out to be a narcissist. Thank you for this video you are so kind. I hope someone reads this and understands me. ❤️
I can so relate to everything you are saying. Stay strong, I hope you are able to get away from her and be in a safe place eventually. You can make it happen.
I’m really struggling with getting other people to understand what my mother is like. She causes damage, has never given me any support. No one knows how bad my life has been. I was always trying to keep her in a good mood.She would always put me down. She plays me off against other people .She always creates arguments that she can win. I’ve never had any support. She makes friends with my friends and even my ex boyfriend. She’s good at not telling the truth. My dad is beaten down with her, he’s just trying to survive himself. There was always violence in the house when I was growing up. I can’t tell my mother about any good events in my life. She try’s to destroy everything. I’ve not spoken to her for a couple of years but recently I’ve had some bad news from the hospital. People already judge me for not talking to her, so I reached out, I was vulnerable and naturally wanted my mum. She’s causing so much trouble for me now. She sits outside my childrens school at lunch and break when they are playing out, she sits and watches them play football at the weekend, she follows us around the town, my dad drives her to do all of these crazy things. I have my house packed up ready to move and I stupidly told her I was moving. She has to be involved and has gone around to the mans house that I am buying swerving at him and was very abusive towards him. I’ve never even met the man .His solicitor has told me to tell my mother! I’ve heard this line most of my life. She wouldn’t listen to me. My little family are going through hell with her toxic behaviour. How can I get her out of my life for good. The years I’ve not spoken to her she hasn’t given me a days peace. I feel like it’s a horror film, she’s back again
I'm so glad that this video said there is no answer to the question why when it comes to these types of people
“Become boring” you are 100% right thank you for this video
my dad constantly criticizes my mother and brother to me, it’s constant, every time I’m alone with him. What a sad, what a miserable person. How sad.
Plz make a video on solutions only
Thank you for the feedback.
@@terri_cole That is still something that would be appreciated, in case you were wondering. Especially a way to effectively deal with the harangues from the Flying Monkeys when they are enmeshed in the extended family. Every victim of narcissistic parents know they exist, no therapist seems to be willing to make suggestions as to how to deal with them. It seems shutting everyone out / going NC with everyone cuts you off from a network you basically took a lifetime to nurture and build. I find it ... interesting how much of a challenge it seems for therapists to confront & deal with that constructively, or even talk about it ... given how large the community is who've been victimized and re-traumatized by the narcissist parents & their ... co-conspirators? Adopters of the Myth & Deniers of Any Cracks in the Wall of Personality?
Solutions to put in my tool boxes! Please this video!!
When I was 10 my neighbors family invited me on their family vacation to Disney (free for me, didn’t ask my parents to chip in) would invite me to their extended family vacations at a rented lake house during long weekends etc…. anyway my mom got me tickets to see my favorite boy band and made me go see my neighbor and tell her (brag) that I was going to see our favorite band with my mom. Even at 10 I realized what my mom was doing and how cruel she was acting towards my 10 year old FRIEND. I asked that my friend go to the concert too because her family was always taking me on trips and this would be a fun concert if my friend could go too. My mom said no, but insisted I go let my friend know that I was going and she wasn’t. As I got older I recognized my mom is simply an immature mean girl stuck in middle school and will never grow out of it. To this day she tells family friends and extended family how she didn’t live with a daughter, but i was a “big sister” not realizing that it means I didn’t grow up with a mother, but a younger sibling like figure I had to care for. These videos have helped immensely. Thank you.
I love the concept of the "grey rock". Something I can really use in going forward with the narc in my life!
Glad you found it helpful!
I’m just growing up and it’s felt so bad growing up like I just couldn’t deal with it. I would drive myself crazy like I couldn’t understand I thought I was messing up. I couldn’t keep up with my mom bcuz she would constantly brag and really just feed her ego until her last breath. Supporting my mothers needs , the families needs while barely taking care of myself was abrupt but realizing this and now being able to be bigger than this problem and realizing that her mood is not my mood and her problems are not mine, it is relieving. Wow
100% agree that zero contact is oversimplified and not always realistic or supportable for children of narcissists. that's a complicated math, aided in no way by cultural and gender norms.
Thank you for this!
I just learned that my mother is a narcissist and I'm finally feeling so validated. I thought my entire life that I was the problem and no matter what I did, I couldn't fix it. Its so validating to know I'm not crazy 😊
❤️❤️
Tried being the gray rock. She was livid and full of insults. Said I was dismissive because I wasn’t contributing interesting input. She lashed out and said she wouldn’t babysit my newborn. All because I was a gray rock.
That's very typical! They are trying to provoke you into responding and moving away from your commitment to grey rock. Stick with it.
Thank you for your videos!
Thank you Terrie
Thank you for this video ❤
'Emotionally Untrustworthy' an amazing comment. Useful in any relationship. Thanks.
Glad you think so!
Great vid, such awesome advice. Sometimes I light candles in front of a picture of myself when I was 15 and most damaged, I'd gone from being the golden child to the scapegoat. The trauma, physical, inc. was SO destructive then. I'm that girl's Mum now, and I give her love when she cries inside me.
I hear you. Giving that little girl the love and care that she deserves is so important.
This is so wise. Thank you so much.
Thank you, I feel, it is exactly as you described it is.
Thank you so so much
Thank you
Best best advise !
This video was very well done. The point that got me is that the relationship will always be in conflict. So sad, but true. To get along I have to let my mother have her way, when or how she wants it all the time, even if my way is better for her!
ty for the beauty you bring
Thank you this was very helpful x
Thank you thank you thank you