Did any part of my story or experience resonate with you? Do you have a better idea of whether you have a father wound? If you're still unsure, I am doing a free 3-day training on May 29, 30, and 31! You can sign up here as replays will be provided: terricole.com/training + Don't forget to download the guide for steps on how to start healing: www.terricole.com/my-personal-father-wound-story-guide
I am the youngest of three sisters and yes your story gutted me, Terri. I relate 100% and am quite emotive after watching this - you teared me up in a good way tho as I really understand. Thank you for sharing. I know how it feels. You are super brave! The longing and the fear for my father seemed to have interlinked for me in the past - my dad was also violent with me only and this created a horrible trauma bond suitable for toxic relationships but after a lot of therapy, I now find myself attracted to completely different men - Emotionally available men who can do tantra (intimacy). Daddy issues is what I had and I hated men in the past spotting this and taking advantage too. Took me a long time to find out that there are actually also nice gentle men out there. I recently thanked my dad for all the things he DID do for me to try make amends and to show he cares, he is now 72 and he had an emotionally unavailable dad who was just never there for him so I find power in the forgiveness and letting go too. We are all merely human. See you in Wed for your course very excited to meet your tribe of warriors! J
Thank you for sharing your story with us ❤️ Healing can be so powerful and yes, it can lead us to meet different people with whom we can be in healthy relationships. So glad it has worked out for you! And I love that you thanked your dad for what he did do- that is one of the things I recommend doing, too (at least, recognizing the ways in which our fathers were capable of loving us, even if it didn't look how we wanted). Amazing!! ❤️
Lots and lots of ppl who seem normal intentionally attack others. I know them, they are sneaky and cunning and may be family, friends, or acquaintances. I made excuses for the meanness, their digs, and insults for years and put up with them. All are threatened by you and they want you gone.
What struck me when studying John Bowlby's attachment theory, was that unconsciously we tend to keep getting attracted to what's familiar, whether that's healthy for us or not.
I had a terrible childhood, so I vowed that if I had children they would be able to come to me for the things they needed. I am happy to say, I have done that with my son who will be 36 soon. He has told me so many times, how much he appreciated being able to talk to me about everything or anything.
@@danilaroche1156 Praise God, that's wonderful. He has healed my emotional wounds too. Very soon after I came to faith, God touched me and said "I won't let you down like your Dad did". He has, of course, been true to his word, and has comforted and strengthened me at the most difficult times of my life. I can't wait to come face to face with Him, I love Him so much and am so grateful for what He has done for me. 🙏
I’ve been the child. I’ve been the parent. We are all wounded because we’re imperfect. No one sets out to purposefully wound except for a very few evil people who are the most wounded of all. The rest of us “see through a glass darkly in this life” which causes us to misinterpret so much from birth to death. We live by perspectives, assumptions, and boxes we create for everyone and everything. So much of these three are distortions at best…erroneous at worst, and once in a blue moon are actually spot on. I’ve learned there are parent wounds…spouse wounds…sibling wounds…peer wounds…and one other no one ever talks about, but is very real-child wound. Kids grow up wounded, but never once consider how they wound parents. We are all broken to one degree or another. Most people have a genuine desire to be and do their best, but all fall short. Leaning, growing, forgiving, healing-these are the best things in life. They free us and bring us peace and healing joy. But we all have varying levels of awareness, understanding, willingness, energy, and consistency. We have varying levels of patience and grace. Because we are walking wounded, and all are broken.
My father would openly complain to us his disappointment with having only daughters. Also an alcoholic, also treated us with indifference. He passed away in 2005. I am haunted by my memories of how he treated me and spoke to me with so much contempt. I was also his favorite punching bag. I wasn't fortunate as you were to communicate my needs to him. I have been to so many therapists. I think my only option is to just get to a place where I don't care anymore about all the hurt and heartbreak delivered to me by my father.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending you love, Bonnie 💕 Have you tried downloading the guides associated with my father wound videos? They contain exercises to help folks raise their awareness about father wounds and heal. You can watch all the videos here: ua-cam.com/play/PLMaWdZCQtiJ998hZfFYuGWqN0RPxP4nyy.html Based on my personal experience, it's very difficult to get to a place where we don't care anymore. Of course we care! Even as adults, we seek our parents approval and praise. It's so, so painful when they don't see us. I see you 💕
I hated my father so much in a way that I wanted him gone in our lives, he was so abusive.. But day by day I managed to heal from Daddy issues seaing videos like those it keep me more healing
This is-my father wound too except I do have a brother who was the golden child.. I am the scape goat older child. My dad didn’t come to my graduation because “it’s not like you’re graduating with any honors or anything” I developed Codependency issues-but I am healing in all areas in thanks to you and your Boundary Boss Book! In a 20 yr marriage where I now have changed the way I relate to these men. It’s extraordinary. ❤
I am so sorry to hear that- how painful that must have been to hear. ❤️ Unavailable fathers can definitely lead to codependency- I'm exploring that more in next week's video. Way to go on healing and changing how you related to men!! I know it's not easy. Happy Boundary Boss could help ❤️
Wow - there is a connection I see to an “unavailable father.” My dad died of cancer when I was 12. I’ve never gotten over it fully, although I’ve seen multiple counselors and grieved as much as I can. It’s always a work in progress. My boyfriend broke up with me a couple days ago and the feeling of abandonment and like I’m going to die without him is really hard. I’m strong though, and I will get through this. I’ve been thinking lately that I may be codependent and yes this could be how there is a connection. Thank you.
@@nakinipeace codependency is a challenge to heal but it’s very possible! Setting healthy boundaries and commit to loving yourself is the first step. Much love to you
I can so relate to your father wound. We were afraid of my father. He was scary and unapproachable, and he died suddenly 3 years after my mother when he was only 68. I tried to get closer after my mother passed, as she was extremely difficult, and I felt I could relate better to my father without her constant criticism and intervention. We talked more, but it was still difficult to feel connected. I went thru a series of relationships with unavailable men, including my first husband. I sought out therapy and finally was able to feel safe on my own and after years of therapy I began to realize what I did not want in a relationship and finally connected to my present husband in a healthy way. He had also been in therapy and had raised 2 boys on his own. I had one son on my own, and now we are a family with 3 sons, and he is a beautiful person, but without help because of my father and mother wounds, I would not be in a happy marriage today. Thank you for your help and encouragement. Your help in recognizing and dealing with the wounds I experienced has made all the difference.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and insights with us, Marilyn ❤️ I am so glad to hear after therapy, you were able to healthily connect with your husband. Amazing!!
I always figured you must have had a mother wound, given the tremendous work you do on the subject. So that surprised me that it was your father. Thank you for sharing this. We were all afraid of my father too, and his temper tantrums. He still is an emotional bully, with or without alcohol. Even though he was "present" he was not present. In fact I would secretly wish my mother would divorce him so we could be free. She had her own career and didn't need him. The fact that she didn't stand up for us (or herself) made me never want to get married. So much to unpack there...
Good talk, thanks for being so open! Did you know that 70% of women who go through a divorce sink into poverty?? And these are the people who are raising all the children. So to think for one second that people can afford therapy is shaped by your income bracket or socioeconomic status. . Millions of women are single parents, like me and therapy is the last thing they can ever consider affording.
It is heartbreaking, Janet 💕 That's why I put out so much free content and will continue to do so. I want to reach as many folks as possible who need this.
Indeed I see close family live through the same. Single mothers are heroes. No question about it, the sacrifice is real on many levels. Thanking God for people who provide this kind of podcast it does help and many also give practical ways to cope.
On my 15th birthday my father (we would have only once a month/weekend seeings) sent me very cold, dry b-day wishes. I didn't respond. He felt so incredibly offended that he cut the contact with me.... It's been 20 years now. I forgave him. But I don;t think I want to see him ever in my life. I'm healing. Growing stronger and building myself practically from the scratch.
Thank you. I guess the hardest and most powerful thing for me was to actually shut that little voice inside me that I'm nobody & deserve nothing. It's like magic, wh3n I finally learned to separate that voice from real me (if that makes sense:)
That is a huge accomplishment, Lina! That voice can be really, really difficult to recognize and distinguish from our own. So often it's the voice of a caregiver from long ago that's overstayed its welcome and no longer serves us 💕 Way to go!
I've got father and mother wounds. Both parents were highly educated professionals; a doctor and an elementary school principal. Both had multiple marriages. There priorities were work, marriage and children. My last conversation with him was asking him to get to know him. Two weeks later he was killed in a car accident. Currently my elderly codependent mother is in an abusive marriage isolated from her family. Unfortunately,I inherited her codependent traits ...I always give too much. I believed in his potential, gave up my power and am isolated. I feel ashamed and helpless. 💔😢
I am witnessing you with SO much compassion, Lynne, and sending lots of love 💕 I truly believe we can heal from these things, even if it takes time and a lot of work. If you haven't yet, I recommend checking out my videos on high-functioning codependency, as it's about over-giving. You can start with this one: ua-cam.com/video/JqdCXjxM7MQ/v-deo.html
I’ve done a lot of self work over the last five years. I am just mind blown that the simple explanation of why I am insecure & controlling - only in my romantic relationships and only after about a year, when the honeymoon phase is over - is because I couldn’t control my mostly absent and definitely emotionally stunted father🤯! So simple (if only it were that simple, right? !)!!Excited to learn more, thank you.❤
Well done Miss Terri! You are always so gifted to share painful experiences but always with hope at the end. You are truly a gift to us all. Thank you.
Thankyou for sharing that. I believe that is the first time I've ever heard anything at all about father wounds. Like ever. I wonder why that is. There must be a lot of father wounds in society and yet its unaknowledged. I cannot help but think a lot about the poorest in society and how we cannot afford therapy and how vids like yours help us to gain so much insight. Thankyou. So appreciated.😊
It is being talked about a little more these days, but I think we're on the edge of hearing about it much more because it's so needed. ❤️ I am elated whenever I hear my videos help anyone for whom therapy is unaccessible! That's my goal with all my free content ❤️
Terri, I thank you from the bottom of My Heart for sharing so much of Yourself and this crazy journey we call life. This video was like a massive hug coming through the screen... saying it's not just you sister I know, I understand. I look forward to the 3 day event. You are making such a big difference in so many lives. Thankful for you.
wow! This is interesting I always blamed my Mom for my low self esteem and co-depedency. I think my Father wound needs to be looked at as well. My Father was calm, cool and hard working. I know he loved all 4 kids but I gthink he didn't show it or express it. Looking forward to learning about this and starting to heal it. Thanks!
Yup, just figuring out how my dad was totally, unemotionally available. I sought his approval for connection, but nothing ever moved him. I tried to connect in vain, Gave up but I really should try again for me!
I feel you on that ❤️ I think you should try just for you! If it's helpful at all, depending on your relationship, my therapist also asked me if I could recognize any of the ways my father *did* show his love. He provided for us financially, and he always told me to buckle up when leaving the house. I realize this was how he showed he cared. Even if it didn't match up with what I wanted (more affection), seeing these things helped me feel a bit more connected to him.
Oh Teri! This all hits sooo hard! Im signing up for the course. I finally have healed so much of the other stuff that was piled on top. This is the deepest most impactful part of me that needs to be healed so that I can achieve the things that I want to in my life and find the kind of partner that I deserve. I'm so grateful for you!
I look forward to having you inside and guiding you on this journey ❤️ I fully believe you can achieve what you want and find the kind of partner you deserve!
Thank you. The algorithm, divine send this for my view. But,Oh wow, your story is quite similar to my personal story , iam soon to be 52 - until this day I miss my chats with father over the phone , 3 yrs has passed & I still morn knowing he is gone but it is just physically, his spirit still lives, I know he shows up when i am the most sad or go through difficult days 🦅 I sense him or comes in dreams.. - anyways ,my dad also passed in month of November it was a sudden departure-after his bday in October.. we were getting kinda close like he would share personal stuff that never did to anyone. he also started to send me cards and such months before he passed. Well my learning here on this earth was matters of the hearts , relationships. Then mom was another story. My household was dysfunctional. Love, peace & Compassion for my self and others is AlI I have. I am so grateful for your video and to know I’m not alone in this. 💚 🙏🏼 ☕️
Thanks for sharing My father had issues with his mom, and my mom did things that hurt me and my brother, but dad helped out my brother and turned his life around Dad tried to do the same thing. I was stubborn or my way, and we clashed so I ran away las Vegas to my brother who lived in Cal we finally Apologize and I moved to Indiana than back home in Buffalo Still looking for acceptable people pleaser😊
Thank you Terri❤. This is so true and I identity in all you revealed in your personal story. I started a healing journey and thank God I had already identified the issue stemming in my heart. I pray that God helps me to fully heal so that I am whole emotionally, mentally and otherwise. God bless you❤
I thought i had issues with my mother only. Now i relaize listening to this i have father wound as well. Two parents who due to whatsoever reason were emotionally zoned out..thank you for the video
I look for older wiser more understanding men for understanding compassion in romantic relarionship. I always seek out group of older women for guidance due to mother wound. My father was present but dismissive in weird tone and unsaid word was girls were not needed.
Hi Terri, you are about to hear my story. Wow, where were you 12 yrs ago.?! This is a life long story that I carry. As children we can know something isn’t right. That’s how I have been all my life. 12 Years ago when I was 62 yrs old I shared with my “new narcissistic partner” that I was a “love child”. This guy jumped on that info and started helping me put things together. Both of my parents died in the early 2000’s. I had one Uncle living…and I went to him and asked who was my father. He gulped and finally disclosed that my “dad” was not my biological father. My Mother had an affair and I was the result. He told me who my biological father was. Then I put together that I went to grade school with his daughter…we were only 4 months apart and we were not allowed to play with each other. Obviously our Mothers were not on speaking terms. We were oblivious and we definitely “didn’t like each other “ and had no idea why. As I dug into the story that non of my siblings knew about it turned up so many lies and deceptions it collapsed a lot of beliefs! The story is horrific. My biological father rejected me and never made any effort to reveal himself or validate me! My Dad totally rejected me and announced to my first ex husband that I was NOT his daughter, didn’t love me or care for me and never would! I learned that at 62 directly from my ex’s mouth! He was one of the people that validated the story. I asked my Mom on her death bed if there was something she wanted to tell me and she was livid and said there were secrets she would take to her grave! When I uncovered these lies I cannot tell you how horrible it was…everything I thought to be true was a lie! These people lied to me and resented and hid the truth from me! It’s even worse…..my sister that is supposedly 4 months younger than me looks like we could be twins! Odd story…we married brothers! I married the older brother and she married the younger one. We never had a “sister in law “ relationship. It was as if we could not see each other or feel each other. We were both so brain washed. i was so brainwashed by my parents! I was trained NOT to trust or value my feelings! I got married at 17 (the summer after my junior yr). It was during the Vietnam war. We had 2 boys and at 32 I divorced him and until now I could not have told you why I divorced. I married again….narcissist #2 and stay in it for 23 yrs and at 52 I divorced again! Then after 5 yrs I attracted another narcissist that triggered all my “father wounds”!!!! I say he burned my house of cards down! Crushed me and discarded me! I have been putting myself back together since 2021. I have never thought of the “father wound”. I could only see my mother and how I didn’t understand her. After listening to just a couple of your videos I see and understand better than ever….being rejected by my indifferent Dad….he never lifted a hand to me..he told my mother she was on her own with me….and he watched. At times he would give me the silent treatment! I was afraid of him. The criticism the teasing and silent treatment and then marrying me off so young was WEIRD! I WAS GLAD TO LEAVE…but he made it known I was his property being handed off to my husband. He even told my husband that he should “spank” me!!!! And husband #1 at one time said if he was anybody else he would beat me! What?????!!!! I look at my life and shake my head…the lens that I used to navigate my life was so messed up I can hardly understand how I can heal at this late stage. Trust me I’m working hard at it. I’ve sought counseling since I WAS IN MY 20’s but nobody, not one counselor, mentioned a father wound. I am interested to know how your work could assist me to heal more. I will continue to watch your videos and see what I can get out of it. But I would really appreciate your input. Thank you for all you do and sharing your story. “
I am witnessing you with so much compassion, Nayla 💕 I just put out several videos on the father wound, and did a free 3-day training last week (that you can catch here: terricole.com/training), which might help you connect more dots. I also recommend downloading the guides for each video and working through the journal prompts. I also think an upcoming interview I have with Ross Rosenberg will be of interest, as Ross is an expert on how codependency and narcissism intertwine. I recommend checking out his channel here for more, too. As a preview you can check out our last conversation: ua-cam.com/video/L8DvPY7JCk0/v-deo.html
Thank you for sharing your very insightful story. It's a mine of useful information.Mine is a mother wound but the vulnerability really struck home. I too was scared of my mom and in my dysfunctional family vulnerability was equal to certain death. With therapy I overcame that. Even tho like you I choose who I reveal things to very carefully. Seeing my family unable to be vulnerable and constantly relying on aggressive angry behaviour as the go to emotion no matter what makes me realise how far I've come.
Thank you for sharing your experience ❤️ I have videos about the mother wound, too, in case anyone is curious to explore that: ua-cam.com/play/PLMaWdZCQtiJ8cIK6K5juupfnQEZSlh7Qk.html
Thank you so much for sharing. I know I have a mother wound and this is my first contact with father wound. I really connected with the emotional unavailability, the missing heart connection. And it hurts…
Hi, Ms. Terri! I think a big factor in healing is forgiveness. Forgiving parents who harmed you….it takes a load off your shoulders and allows you to walk in peace. PS This is my first time watching. I will be subscribing. Thank you ♥️
I have a lot of thoughts around forgiveness, and I don't think it's that simple for everyone. But if it has worked for you, that's all that matters 💕 I hope you continue to enjoy my videos!
This video resonates so much with me. My story is a little different than yours in that my father was not present in my life since I was a little girl so it has affected me in my relationships with men too. It's been hard to be vulnerable with men. It's so hard to bring those walls down. It takes work.
Listening to your childhood experience is like listening to my own one, I had the same exact experience. ❤ i feel blessed that I come across your content
Woah my absolute heartfelt condolences on that father wound. That was rough at the end to hear how you had to even ask your father to attend your graduation just that alone is sad enough. And he didn’t come. Uh my heart is broken
Thank you so much for sharing such a personal journey with us. It definitely resonated with me. My father has dementia now and has completely changed toward me. He has apologized so many times and we have some very nice conversations now. It is HARD to wrap my head around this being the same man, but I am very grateful.
I'm glad you liked it 💕 Since that wasn't my personal experience I can't really speak to those wounds specifically, but broadly speaking all my father wound content applies if someone feels like they have a father wound, regardless of the origin.
Hi Terri, at first I didn't think that it applied to me because I did have a father figure in my life in my step father. However, on listening to you further, I did notice that there were gaps in what he did - not that he didn't try. My mom and own father divorced early on and she remarried my step dad when I was 3. When I was told at 15 that he wasn't my father, it was devastating for me as I only had 1 brother who was his child so this left me feeling like a cast out member of the family. At the time I embraced the fact that I now had 2 fathers, 1 that I didn't know and 3 sets of grandparents - 1 that I didn't know. My mother was the one who was extremely dysregulated for the most part and when she wanted to manipulate my brother and I, she would blame dad and play the victim. I never received any affection from her and when I was told that dad wasn't my dad, I withdrew and was never told that he loved me. He was also one who would drink a lot but would go and sleep it off when he had had too much. He was also absent most of the time on business trips. I think he chose to have work that he would be away for 3 weeks of the month to get away from mom's tantrums so I was left most of the time to my own devices since mom and my brother had a good relationship. I found out recently that things between him and mom weren't has rosy as I thought because she did the same things to him as to me such as selling his bike that he paid for and kept the money. She sold one of my cars "for me" and when I asked years later what happened to the money, I was told that it went to car repairs that they paid for which wouldn't have had to be repeated had I done what I eventually done in the end which was to take it to my work's workshop and got the repairs done properly instead of a "friend/customer" of my dad's who was looking at him as a repeat customer and not repairing the car properly each time. Anyway, mom passed away last year after I took her in and found her to be very difficult to manage. Both my brother and I couldn't manage her and dad passed away in 2015. (I think that his death set mom off with dementia). I am now left in a state where my emotional state is very heightened and I need to find a way to not become dysregulated and end up like mom.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending you love 💕 It's entirely possible you have both a father wound and a mother wound. Any of the experiences you listed would be so difficult to navigate as a child, especially feeling cast out. I recommend downloading the guide for this episode as it contains a few steps you can take to heal which might help: www.terricole.com/my-personal-father-wound-story-guide There's also this video I did about self-parenting in regards to the mother wound: ua-cam.com/video/PcmeWkZXKB4/v-deo.html
A HUGE thank you for sharing this story with us ❤. I resonate so much with your experience. Unfortunately, my dad died when I was young, which created a void inside of me that I've been working to fix. I'm looking forward to the 3 day event you'll be providing next week.
I have a father wound this video resonates with me thanks for sharing your story. My mom and i were both afraid of my father. He was intimidating i personally think he might have narcissistic traits big time but im not qualified to diagnose him. All i want to do is heal my father wound and live my life in peace without him. He told me once that he didn't believe id finish school/college. I got 3 associates degree one in psychology and made deans list in 2021 and inducted into national society of leadership and success in 2022 all while in college. He said id never be an author or i cant be one because he thought it was too hard. I write poems and quite a few of mine i submitted made it into some books. All my life hes underestimated me and ive always proved him wrong. Even though i obviously have resilience from having clubfeet since before i was born to having autism at two i have low self esteem because of him. With my mom even though she told me shes always believed in me sided with him and also thought i wouldn't finish college after having my son. So when she did that it was a huge betrayal. I feel i have a little bit of a mother wound too. Whats funny is my parents divorced when i was almost seven and as long as i can remember ive heard them bad mouth each other and feel i was always in the middle. They told me not to tell the other what was being said but i did it anyway because i wanted them to talk even encouraged it. I used to think i triangulated them, but honestly i think they were triangulating me maybe even pairing up together. And the stuff ive said about my father barely scratches the surface. So im interested in this father wound healing.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love ❤️ It was not okay for your parents to bad mouth each other in front of you. That's one of the first things I tell my therapy clients if they're getting divorced- after all, kids are one half of that parent! It makes them feel worse. I have a video coming out next week on the impact of unhealed father wounds and I think you'll find some insights there. My ambition was also driven by a desire to prove my father wrong, and when it comes from a place of "I'm not good enough" it's hard to enjoy it. I also have videos about the mother wound you can watch here: ua-cam.com/play/PLMaWdZCQtiJ8cIK6K5juupfnQEZSlh7Qk.html
My father is a narcissist. I went no contact with him in 2016. He tries to hoover me sometimes because he knows where I live. I usually don't answer the door. A few weeks ago I accidently opened the door. I used Grey Rock Method on him and he left in about 5 minutes. He went from insulting me to love bombing me in 5 minutes.
This is an extremely challenging dynamic to navigate. My circumstances are very similar to yours, based on what you've shared. I feel isolated as no one in my circle contends with a blatant father wound. When I've tried explaining why I needed to have extremely limited contact(letters and gift exchanges only), I would receive responses like, "oh, but that's your dad and he's getting older..."
Appreciate you sharing your experience Terri and by doing this helping others with understanding and awareness that is so relevant and necessary. 💕🙌 It must had been difficult to feel that your father was not interested in taking part in your graduation day, but so good that your therapist found what you really wanted to do regardless, and there was an emotional shift ~thereafter. 💓🌷 Amaizing!!
My dad has passed away, so I have to do my healing without him, but the thing I struggle with the most in relationships is, I am so afraid of the rejection. I can’t bring myself to ask and the times I am only left to be rejected again
My father was an abusive POS. But I don’t remember it being abusive, I was so young, but age 6 I came home from school and the cops were there and we (my mom and my 3 sisters) all went to live with my aunt. But I know whatever happened in my early childhood affected me. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety from a young age. My mom did a lot for the family, but was neglectful at times, she was a more hands off parent. I needed more love, guidance and support growing up. I wish I could have gotten therapy as a child/teen after all that trauma. Sometimes I wonder why did they even have me.
As I shared toward the end of the video, doing this work absolutely helped me relate to my father differently and changed our relationship for the better ❤️
I have a massive father wound because he abused me for years from the ages of 6-12. I was scared of him because he was angry all the time and would yell at me too. I grew up hating myself and I thought I was a horrible child. I still struggle with self-hate in my 40's but have done a lot of work in therapy. I don't know if I can ever heal from my massive father wound.
My father really loved me up until I was about 11-12 years old. Don''t get me wrong, he was a hard worker and a provider. He gave us everything he could, sent me to a good private school, bought us everything we asked for. But he never hugged me. He never told me he was proud of me. He also started criticizing everything about me. He used to drink every night while watching kids' talent shows and call me out of my room to tell me how worthless I am, how fat I am and how I'd amount to nothing. He'd fight and scream at my mother for "raising me wrong" and in turn it made her resent me a little and be really rude to me all the time. It got to a point where I dreaded him coming home everyday, and wishing I could just die. At 11 years old. When I turned 21, he died. I was in a different city and I never got to say goodbye or tell him how he made me feel. I'm anxiously attached now with a crippling fear of abandonment.
Hi Terri is their a difference between a helicopter parent and a narcissistic parent where you can tell them apart ? I have wondered many times what it was for me but have difficulty figuring it out. My take on things is that a helicopter parents is over protective of the kids will be there for them all the time and so on. Where as a narcissistic parents won't be there for the kids at all unless they want to put on a false front to others or the kids ?
I think it might depend on context but generally, helicopter parents are overly involved in their children’s lives and might even seek to control their children. Typically narcissistic parents are more interested in their own desires and getting their own emotional needs met, even if it’s at the expense of their children. They may also put on a front of taking care of their children’s needs, but there might be selfish motivations.
We met through a mutual friend and it actually took us years to get together- I tried setting him up with a few of my friends in the years between as I wasn't interested at first!
Sometimes you say your needs and make your needs vocal but these are shut down or mocked or taken as personal attack and you regret about not going cold turkey😅
I don't think I have a father wound. I am interested in better understanding your father wound. I don't understand in what sense you, your sisters and your mother were afraid of him. Perhaps you will explain this in your 3 day training.
I don't believe I recommended getting back in touch with an abusive father, I was just sharing my own experience. I am all about whatever keeps folks safest. Healing a father wound does NOT require the active participation or involvement of a father- we can heal after they've passed or while maintaining no contact. ❤️
I don’t know - I’d have to hear a bit more about Vic to understand how this was a victory over over giving and being in overdrive with men and helping those with broken wings. I haven’t heard much about these guys but losing a wife and a mother I would imagine would make any family pretty broken and in need of ‘fixing’. I’m not sure this is a victory yet or the disease hit the jackpot with 4 men to look after ?? 3 children and a grieving man … I just don’t know how much they had to give her 🤔 I’m sure vic and his children are wonderful people I’m just not hearing the victory over over giving
I go into it more in these videos (it's a two-parter): ua-cam.com/video/JqdCXjxM7MQ/v-deo.html & ua-cam.com/video/bPSNBn_V9vM/v-deo.html I've been with Vic for 27 years now and I am grateful for our relationship and our family every day. ❤️
Did any part of my story or experience resonate with you? Do you have a better idea of whether you have a father wound? If you're still unsure, I am doing a free 3-day training on May 29, 30, and 31! You can sign up here as replays will be provided: terricole.com/training + Don't forget to download the guide for steps on how to start healing: www.terricole.com/my-personal-father-wound-story-guide
I am the youngest of three sisters and yes your story gutted me, Terri. I relate 100% and am quite emotive after watching this - you teared me up in a good way tho as I really understand. Thank you for sharing. I know how it feels. You are super brave! The longing and the fear for my father seemed to have interlinked for me in the past - my dad was also violent with me only and this created a horrible trauma bond suitable for toxic relationships but after a lot of therapy, I now find myself attracted to completely different men - Emotionally available men who can do tantra (intimacy). Daddy issues is what I had and I hated men in the past spotting this and taking advantage too. Took me a long time to find out that there are actually also nice gentle men out there. I recently thanked my dad for all the things he DID do for me to try make amends and to show he cares, he is now 72 and he had an emotionally unavailable dad who was just never there for him so I find power in the forgiveness and letting go too. We are all merely human. See you in Wed for your course very excited to meet your tribe of warriors! J
Thank you for sharing your story with us ❤️ Healing can be so powerful and yes, it can lead us to meet different people with whom we can be in healthy relationships. So glad it has worked out for you! And I love that you thanked your dad for what he did do- that is one of the things I recommend doing, too (at least, recognizing the ways in which our fathers were capable of loving us, even if it didn't look how we wanted). Amazing!! ❤️
Lots and lots of ppl who seem normal intentionally attack others. I know them, they are sneaky and cunning and may be family, friends, or acquaintances. I made excuses for the meanness, their digs, and insults for years and put up with them. All are threatened by you and they want you gone.
Very spot on with me. Major father issues they were similiar type men. Fact is your father just could not do it
What struck me when studying John Bowlby's attachment theory, was that unconsciously we tend to keep getting attracted to what's familiar, whether that's healthy for us or not.
We absolutely do!
Only the Lord can break these patterns. He gives us a new heart & a renewed mind .
Oh for sure. I'm attracted to angy men. WTH?
I had a terrible childhood, so I vowed that if I had children they would be able to come to me for the things they needed. I am happy to say, I have done that with my son who will be 36 soon. He has told me so many times, how much he appreciated being able to talk to me about everything or anything.
I'm so glad to hear that ❤️ Way to go on breaking the cycle!
Trying to get people to love you by trying hard to please is a sad outcome of family rejection.
Indeed, it's painful ❤️
Both my mom and father were abusive, alcoholic and unavailable. It was the love of Christ that healed me .
@@danilaroche1156
Praise God, that's wonderful. He has healed my emotional wounds too. Very soon after I came to faith, God touched me and said "I won't let you down like your Dad did". He has, of course, been true to his word, and has comforted and strengthened me at the most difficult times of my life. I can't wait to come face to face with Him, I love Him so much and am so grateful for what He has done for me. 🙏
I’ve been the child. I’ve been the parent. We are all wounded because we’re imperfect. No one sets out to purposefully wound except for a very few evil people who are the most wounded of all. The rest of us “see through a glass darkly in this life” which causes us to misinterpret so much from birth to death. We live by perspectives, assumptions, and boxes we create for everyone and everything. So much of these three are distortions at best…erroneous at worst, and once in a blue moon are actually spot on. I’ve learned there are parent wounds…spouse wounds…sibling wounds…peer wounds…and one other no one ever talks about, but is very real-child wound. Kids grow up wounded, but never once consider how they wound parents. We are all broken to one degree or another. Most people have a genuine desire to be and do their best, but all fall short. Leaning, growing, forgiving, healing-these are the best things in life. They free us and bring us peace and healing joy. But we all have varying levels of awareness, understanding, willingness, energy, and consistency. We have varying levels of patience and grace. Because we are walking wounded, and all are broken.
Spot on!
Best comment ever ❤
My father would openly complain to us his disappointment with having only daughters. Also an alcoholic, also treated us with indifference. He passed away in 2005. I am haunted by my memories of how he treated me and spoke to me with so much contempt. I was also his favorite punching bag. I wasn't fortunate as you were to communicate my needs to him. I have been to so many therapists. I think my only option is to just get to a place where I don't care anymore about all the hurt and heartbreak delivered to me by my father.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending you love, Bonnie 💕 Have you tried downloading the guides associated with my father wound videos? They contain exercises to help folks raise their awareness about father wounds and heal. You can watch all the videos here: ua-cam.com/play/PLMaWdZCQtiJ998hZfFYuGWqN0RPxP4nyy.html
Based on my personal experience, it's very difficult to get to a place where we don't care anymore. Of course we care! Even as adults, we seek our parents approval and praise. It's so, so painful when they don't see us. I see you 💕
I hated my father so much in a way that I wanted him gone in our lives, he was so abusive.. But day by day I managed to heal from Daddy issues seaing videos like those it keep me more healing
I'm so glad I could be part of your healing journey ❤️
This is-my father wound too except I do have a brother who was the golden child.. I am the scape goat older child. My dad didn’t come to my graduation because “it’s not like you’re graduating with any honors or anything” I developed Codependency issues-but I am healing in all areas in thanks to you and your Boundary Boss Book! In a 20 yr marriage where I now have changed the way I relate to these men. It’s extraordinary. ❤
I am so sorry to hear that- how painful that must have been to hear. ❤️ Unavailable fathers can definitely lead to codependency- I'm exploring that more in next week's video. Way to go on healing and changing how you related to men!! I know it's not easy. Happy Boundary Boss could help ❤️
Wow - there is a connection I see to an “unavailable father.” My dad died of cancer when I was 12. I’ve never gotten over it fully, although I’ve seen multiple counselors and grieved as much as I can. It’s always a work in progress. My boyfriend broke up with me a couple days ago and the feeling of abandonment and like I’m going to die without him is really hard. I’m strong though, and I will get through this. I’ve been thinking lately that I may be codependent and yes this could be how there is a connection. Thank you.
@@nakinipeace codependency is a challenge to heal but it’s very possible! Setting healthy boundaries and commit to loving yourself is the first step. Much love to you
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending you love, @nakinipeace ❤️
Wow. I am so sorry.
Appreciate your courage, honesty and vulnerability with this.
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I can so relate to your father wound. We were afraid of my father. He was scary and unapproachable, and he died suddenly 3 years after my mother when he was only 68. I tried to get closer after my mother passed, as she was extremely difficult, and I felt I could relate better to my father without her constant criticism and intervention. We talked more, but it was still difficult to feel connected. I went thru a series of relationships with unavailable men, including my first husband. I sought out therapy and finally was able to feel safe on my own and after years of therapy I began to realize what I did not want in a relationship and finally connected to my present husband in a healthy way. He had also been in therapy and had raised 2 boys on his own. I had one son on my own, and now we are a family with 3 sons, and he is a beautiful person, but without help because of my father and mother wounds, I would not be in a happy marriage today. Thank you for your help and encouragement. Your help in recognizing and dealing with the wounds I experienced has made all the difference.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and insights with us, Marilyn ❤️ I am so glad to hear after therapy, you were able to healthily connect with your husband. Amazing!!
I always figured you must have had a mother wound, given the tremendous work you do on the subject. So that surprised me that it was your father. Thank you for sharing this. We were all afraid of my father too, and his temper tantrums. He still is an emotional bully, with or without alcohol. Even though he was "present" he was not present. In fact I would secretly wish my mother would divorce him so we could be free. She had her own career and didn't need him. The fact that she didn't stand up for us (or herself) made me never want to get married. So much to unpack there...
I can relate- I didn't think marriage was for me before I met my husband and healed my father wound, either. It affects us in so many ways! ❤️
Good talk, thanks for being so open! Did you know that 70% of women who go through a divorce sink into poverty?? And these are the people who are raising all the children. So to think for one second that people can afford therapy is shaped by your income bracket or socioeconomic status. . Millions of women are single parents, like me and therapy is the last thing they can ever consider affording.
It is heartbreaking, Janet 💕 That's why I put out so much free content and will continue to do so. I want to reach as many folks as possible who need this.
Indeed I see close family live through the same. Single mothers are heroes. No question about it, the sacrifice is real on many levels. Thanking God for people who provide this kind of podcast it does help and many also give practical ways to cope.
@@terri_cole❤
On my 15th birthday my father (we would have only once a month/weekend seeings) sent me very cold, dry b-day wishes. I didn't respond. He felt so incredibly offended that he cut the contact with me.... It's been 20 years now.
I forgave him. But I don;t think I want to see him ever in my life. I'm healing. Growing stronger and building myself practically from the scratch.
I'm so glad you're healing. Sending love 💕
My granddaughter is going through the same atm. You're brave and you matter, wishing you all the best
Thank you. I guess the hardest and most powerful thing for me was to actually shut that little voice inside me that I'm nobody & deserve nothing.
It's like magic, wh3n I finally learned to separate that voice from real me (if that makes sense:)
That is a huge accomplishment, Lina! That voice can be really, really difficult to recognize and distinguish from our own. So often it's the voice of a caregiver from long ago that's overstayed its welcome and no longer serves us 💕 Way to go!
I've got father and mother wounds. Both parents were highly educated professionals; a doctor and an elementary school principal. Both had multiple marriages. There priorities were work, marriage and children. My last conversation with him was asking him to get to know him. Two weeks later he was killed in a car accident. Currently my elderly codependent mother is in an abusive marriage isolated from her family. Unfortunately,I inherited her codependent traits ...I always give too much. I believed in his potential, gave up my power and am isolated. I feel ashamed and helpless. 💔😢
I am witnessing you with SO much compassion, Lynne, and sending lots of love 💕 I truly believe we can heal from these things, even if it takes time and a lot of work. If you haven't yet, I recommend checking out my videos on high-functioning codependency, as it's about over-giving. You can start with this one: ua-cam.com/video/JqdCXjxM7MQ/v-deo.html
I’ve done a lot of self work over the last five years. I am just mind blown that the simple explanation of why I am insecure & controlling - only in my romantic relationships and only after about a year, when the honeymoon phase is over - is because I couldn’t control my mostly absent and definitely emotionally stunted father🤯! So simple (if only it were that simple, right? !)!!Excited to learn more, thank you.❤
I am so glad it led you to this insight! Thank you for sharing ❤️
Well done Miss Terri! You are always so gifted to share painful experiences but always with hope at the end. You are truly a gift to us all. Thank you.
Definitely ♥️♥️♥️♥️
Thank youuu ❤️❤️❤️
Thankyou for sharing that. I believe that is the first time I've ever heard anything at all about father wounds. Like ever. I wonder why that is. There must be a lot of father wounds in society and yet its unaknowledged.
I cannot help but think a lot about the poorest in society and how we cannot afford therapy and how vids like yours help us to gain so much insight.
Thankyou. So appreciated.😊
It is being talked about a little more these days, but I think we're on the edge of hearing about it much more because it's so needed. ❤️ I am elated whenever I hear my videos help anyone for whom therapy is unaccessible! That's my goal with all my free content ❤️
What a beautiful story of redemption ❤
Thanks for watching 💕
So sorry for the sudden loss of your Dad. Thanx for sharing your personal story. I can relate for sure. Lucky me, i had a mother wound too. Sad
I'm so sorry to hear that ❤️ I have a lot of videos on the mother wound here: ua-cam.com/play/PLMaWdZCQtiJ8cIK6K5juupfnQEZSlh7Qk.html
Your wisdom confirms my idea that to speak in a straightforward way (without expectations) helps you to move and flow and therefore heal.
Thanks for sharing that insight 💕
Terri, I thank you from the bottom of My Heart for sharing so much of Yourself and this crazy journey we call life. This video was like a massive hug coming through the screen... saying it's not just you sister I know, I understand. I look forward to the 3 day event. You are making such a big difference in so many lives. Thankful for you.
I am so glad it was helpful and resonated with you ❤️❤️ I'm looking forward to the training, too! Glad to have you there.
wow! This is interesting I always blamed my Mom for my low self esteem and co-depedency. I think my Father wound needs to be looked at as well. My Father was calm, cool and hard working. I know he loved all 4 kids but I gthink he didn't show it or express it. Looking forward to learning about this and starting to heal it. Thanks!
Father wounds really tend to fly under the radar for a lot of us ❤️
Yup, just figuring out how my dad was totally, unemotionally available. I sought his approval for connection, but nothing ever moved him. I tried to connect in vain, Gave up but I really should try again for me!
I feel you on that ❤️ I think you should try just for you!
If it's helpful at all, depending on your relationship, my therapist also asked me if I could recognize any of the ways my father *did* show his love. He provided for us financially, and he always told me to buckle up when leaving the house. I realize this was how he showed he cared. Even if it didn't match up with what I wanted (more affection), seeing these things helped me feel a bit more connected to him.
I heard them called the silent generation 😮 it was very hurtful, no guidance or encouragement 😢😮
@@iw9338wow, that made soooooo much sense. I realized it wasnt their fault. They didnt know how.
Oh Teri! This all hits sooo hard! Im signing up for the course. I finally have healed so much of the other stuff that was piled on top. This is the deepest most impactful part of me that needs to be healed so that I can achieve the things that I want to in my life and find the kind of partner that I deserve. I'm so grateful for you!
I look forward to having you inside and guiding you on this journey ❤️ I fully believe you can achieve what you want and find the kind of partner you deserve!
Thank you. The algorithm, divine send this for my view.
But,Oh wow, your story is quite similar to my personal story , iam soon to be 52 - until this day I miss my chats with father over the phone , 3 yrs has passed & I still morn knowing he is gone but it is just physically, his spirit still lives, I know he shows up when i am the most sad or go through difficult days 🦅 I sense him or comes in dreams.. - anyways ,my dad also passed in month of November it was a sudden departure-after his bday in October.. we were getting kinda close like he would share personal stuff that never did to anyone. he also started to send me cards and such months before he passed. Well my learning here on this earth was matters of the hearts , relationships. Then mom was another story. My household was dysfunctional. Love, peace & Compassion for my self and others is AlI I have. I am so grateful for your video and to know I’m not alone in this. 💚 🙏🏼 ☕️
I am witnessing you with so much compassion 💕
Thanks for sharing
My father had issues with his mom, and my mom did things that hurt me and my brother, but dad helped out my brother and turned his life around
Dad tried to do the same thing. I was stubborn or my way, and we clashed so I ran away las Vegas to my brother who lived in Cal we finally Apologize and I moved to Indiana than back home in Buffalo
Still looking for acceptable people pleaser😊
Thank you Terri❤. This is so true and I identity in all you revealed in your personal story. I started a healing journey and thank God I had already identified the issue stemming in my heart. I pray that God helps me to fully heal so that I am whole emotionally, mentally and otherwise. God bless you❤
Way to go on identifying the issue- I am cheering you on 💕
I thought i had issues with my mother only. Now i relaize listening to this i have father wound as well. Two parents who due to whatsoever reason were emotionally zoned out..thank you for the video
I look for older wiser more understanding men for understanding compassion in romantic relarionship. I always seek out group of older women for guidance due to mother wound. My father was present but dismissive in weird tone and unsaid word was girls were not needed.
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕 You might like this video as well: ua-cam.com/video/GF_24BNdR2o/v-deo.html
Hi Terri, you are about to hear my story. Wow, where were you 12 yrs ago.?! This is a life long story that I carry. As children we can know something isn’t right. That’s how I have been all my life. 12 Years ago when I was 62 yrs old I shared with my “new narcissistic partner” that I was a “love child”. This guy jumped on that info and started helping me put things together. Both of my parents died in the early 2000’s. I had one Uncle living…and I went to him and asked who was my father. He gulped and finally disclosed that my “dad” was not my biological father. My Mother had an affair and I was the result. He told me who my biological father was. Then I put together that I went to grade school with his daughter…we were only 4 months apart and we were not allowed to play with each other. Obviously our Mothers were not on speaking terms. We were oblivious and we definitely “didn’t like each other “ and had no idea why. As I dug into the story that non of my siblings knew about it turned up so many lies and deceptions it collapsed a lot of beliefs! The story is horrific. My biological father rejected me and never made any effort to reveal himself or validate me! My Dad totally rejected me and announced to my first ex husband that I was NOT his daughter, didn’t love me or care for me and never would! I learned that at 62 directly from my ex’s mouth! He was one of the people that validated the story. I asked my Mom on her death bed if there was something she wanted to tell me and she was livid and said there were secrets she would take to her grave! When I uncovered these lies I cannot tell you how horrible it was…everything I thought to be true was a lie! These people lied to me and resented and hid the truth from me! It’s even worse…..my sister that is supposedly 4 months younger than me looks like we could be twins! Odd story…we married brothers! I married the older brother and she married the younger one. We never had a “sister in law “ relationship. It was as if we could not see each other or feel each other. We were both so brain washed. i was so brainwashed by my parents! I was trained NOT to trust or value my feelings! I got married at 17 (the summer after my junior yr). It was during the Vietnam war. We had 2 boys and at 32 I divorced him and until now I could not have told you why I divorced. I married again….narcissist #2 and stay in it for 23 yrs and at 52 I divorced again! Then after 5 yrs I attracted another narcissist that triggered all my “father wounds”!!!! I say he burned my house of cards down! Crushed me and discarded me! I have been putting myself back together since 2021. I have never thought of the “father wound”. I could only see my mother and how I didn’t understand her. After listening to just a couple of your videos I see and understand better than ever….being rejected by my indifferent Dad….he never lifted a hand to me..he told my mother she was on her own with me….and he watched. At times he would give me the silent treatment! I was afraid of him. The criticism the teasing and silent treatment and then marrying me off so young was WEIRD! I WAS GLAD TO LEAVE…but he made it known I was his property being handed off to my husband. He even told my husband that he should “spank” me!!!! And husband #1 at one time said if he was anybody else he would beat me! What?????!!!! I look at my life and shake my head…the lens that I used to navigate my life was so messed up I can hardly understand how I can heal at this late stage. Trust me I’m working hard at it. I’ve sought counseling since I WAS IN MY 20’s but nobody, not one counselor, mentioned a father wound. I am interested to know how your work could assist me to heal more. I will continue to watch your videos and see what I can get out of it. But I would really appreciate your input. Thank you for all you do and sharing your story.
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I am witnessing you with so much compassion, Nayla 💕 I just put out several videos on the father wound, and did a free 3-day training last week (that you can catch here: terricole.com/training), which might help you connect more dots. I also recommend downloading the guides for each video and working through the journal prompts.
I also think an upcoming interview I have with Ross Rosenberg will be of interest, as Ross is an expert on how codependency and narcissism intertwine. I recommend checking out his channel here for more, too. As a preview you can check out our last conversation: ua-cam.com/video/L8DvPY7JCk0/v-deo.html
Thank you for sharing your very insightful story. It's a mine of useful information.Mine is a mother wound but the vulnerability really struck home. I too was scared of my mom and in my dysfunctional family vulnerability was equal to certain death. With therapy I overcame that. Even tho like you I choose who I reveal things to very carefully. Seeing my family unable to be vulnerable and constantly relying on aggressive angry behaviour as the go to emotion no matter what makes me realise how far I've come.
Thank you for sharing your experience ❤️ I have videos about the mother wound, too, in case anyone is curious to explore that: ua-cam.com/play/PLMaWdZCQtiJ8cIK6K5juupfnQEZSlh7Qk.html
I just love your inner and outer beauty.
Thank you for being here ❤️
Thank YOU for being here and watching ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing. I know I have a mother wound and this is my first contact with father wound. I really connected with the emotional unavailability, the missing heart connection. And it hurts…
I am holding space for your hurt and sending love ❤️
Hi, Ms. Terri! I think a big factor in healing is forgiveness. Forgiving parents who harmed you….it takes a load off your shoulders and allows you to walk in peace.
PS This is my first time watching. I will be subscribing. Thank you ♥️
I have a lot of thoughts around forgiveness, and I don't think it's that simple for everyone. But if it has worked for you, that's all that matters 💕 I hope you continue to enjoy my videos!
This video resonates so much with me. My story is a little different than yours in that my father was not present in my life since I was a little girl so it has affected me in my relationships with men too. It's been hard to be vulnerable with men. It's so hard to bring those walls down. It takes work.
You can say that again ❤️ I totally understand and feel you on that.
Seeking inner healing? Recommend book “THE SUN ALWAYS PIERCES THROUGH”
Listening to your childhood experience is like listening to my own one, I had the same exact experience. ❤ i feel blessed that I come across your content
I'm so glad you came across my content, too! Thank you for being here ❤️
Woah my absolute heartfelt condolences on that father wound. That was rough at the end to hear how you had to even ask your father to attend your graduation just that alone is sad enough. And he didn’t come. Uh my heart is broken
Thank you so much for sharing such a personal journey with us. It definitely resonated with me. My father has dementia now and has completely changed toward me. He has apologized so many times and we have some very nice conversations now. It is HARD to wrap my head around this being the same man, but I am very grateful.
I am so happy to hear that, Denise 💕
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Thank you for sharing❤
Thanks for listening 💕
Oh wow. This really hit a cord for me. Thank you!!
You're so welcome ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing vulnerably! Your channel is a treasure trove. Wishing you continued healing and success!
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Great video. Would luv to hear u speak to the wounds for those of us who grew up without a father.
I'm glad you liked it 💕 Since that wasn't my personal experience I can't really speak to those wounds specifically, but broadly speaking all my father wound content applies if someone feels like they have a father wound, regardless of the origin.
Thank you so much for this. Well done to you for doing the right thing for you. It was worth putting yourself out there. You have your peace😊
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Hi Terri, at first I didn't think that it applied to me because I did have a father figure in my life in my step father. However, on listening to you further, I did notice that there were gaps in what he did - not that he didn't try. My mom and own father divorced early on and she remarried my step dad when I was 3. When I was told at 15 that he wasn't my father, it was devastating for me as I only had 1 brother who was his child so this left me feeling like a cast out member of the family. At the time I embraced the fact that I now had 2 fathers, 1 that I didn't know and 3 sets of grandparents - 1 that I didn't know. My mother was the one who was extremely dysregulated for the most part and when she wanted to manipulate my brother and I, she would blame dad and play the victim. I never received any affection from her and when I was told that dad wasn't my dad, I withdrew and was never told that he loved me. He was also one who would drink a lot but would go and sleep it off when he had had too much. He was also absent most of the time on business trips. I think he chose to have work that he would be away for 3 weeks of the month to get away from mom's tantrums so I was left most of the time to my own devices since mom and my brother had a good relationship. I found out recently that things between him and mom weren't has rosy as I thought because she did the same things to him as to me such as selling his bike that he paid for and kept the money. She sold one of my cars "for me" and when I asked years later what happened to the money, I was told that it went to car repairs that they paid for which wouldn't have had to be repeated had I done what I eventually done in the end which was to take it to my work's workshop and got the repairs done properly instead of a "friend/customer" of my dad's who was looking at him as a repeat customer and not repairing the car properly each time. Anyway, mom passed away last year after I took her in and found her to be very difficult to manage. Both my brother and I couldn't manage her and dad passed away in 2015. (I think that his death set mom off with dementia). I am now left in a state where my emotional state is very heightened and I need to find a way to not become dysregulated and end up like mom.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending you love 💕 It's entirely possible you have both a father wound and a mother wound. Any of the experiences you listed would be so difficult to navigate as a child, especially feeling cast out.
I recommend downloading the guide for this episode as it contains a few steps you can take to heal which might help: www.terricole.com/my-personal-father-wound-story-guide There's also this video I did about self-parenting in regards to the mother wound: ua-cam.com/video/PcmeWkZXKB4/v-deo.html
This is such a wonderful video demonstrating how to view your circumstances in a way to reclaim you power. Major props 🎩✨️🌿
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A HUGE thank you for sharing this story with us ❤. I resonate so much with your experience. Unfortunately, my dad died when I was young, which created a void inside of me that I've been working to fix. I'm looking forward to the 3 day event you'll be providing next week.
I am witnessing you with compassion, Jan ❤️ I am looking forward to the training, too!
Thank you for sharing, Terri. This story resonated with me and it brought sweet tears.
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I absolutely subscribe everything you said.
Love you Terry 🤗
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I have a father wound this video resonates with me thanks for sharing your story. My mom and i were both afraid of my father. He was intimidating i personally think he might have narcissistic traits big time but im not qualified to diagnose him. All i want to do is heal my father wound and live my life in peace without him. He told me once that he didn't believe id finish school/college. I got 3 associates degree one in psychology and made deans list in 2021 and inducted into national society of leadership and success in 2022 all while in college. He said id never be an author or i cant be one because he thought it was too hard. I write poems and quite a few of mine i submitted made it into some books. All my life hes underestimated me and ive always proved him wrong. Even though i obviously have resilience from having clubfeet since before i was born to having autism at two i have low self esteem because of him. With my mom even though she told me shes always believed in me sided with him and also thought i wouldn't finish college after having my son. So when she did that it was a huge betrayal. I feel i have a little bit of a mother wound too. Whats funny is my parents divorced when i was almost seven and as long as i can remember ive heard them bad mouth each other and feel i was always in the middle. They told me not to tell the other what was being said but i did it anyway because i wanted them to talk even encouraged it. I used to think i triangulated them, but honestly i think they were triangulating me maybe even pairing up together. And the stuff ive said about my father barely scratches the surface. So im interested in this father wound healing.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love ❤️ It was not okay for your parents to bad mouth each other in front of you. That's one of the first things I tell my therapy clients if they're getting divorced- after all, kids are one half of that parent! It makes them feel worse.
I have a video coming out next week on the impact of unhealed father wounds and I think you'll find some insights there. My ambition was also driven by a desire to prove my father wrong, and when it comes from a place of "I'm not good enough" it's hard to enjoy it.
I also have videos about the mother wound you can watch here: ua-cam.com/play/PLMaWdZCQtiJ8cIK6K5juupfnQEZSlh7Qk.html
My father is a narcissist. I went no contact with him in 2016. He tries to hoover me sometimes because he knows where I live. I usually don't answer the door. A few weeks ago I accidently opened the door. I used Grey Rock Method on him and he left in about 5 minutes. He went from insulting me to love bombing me in 5 minutes.
This is an extremely challenging dynamic to navigate. My circumstances are very similar to yours, based on what you've shared. I feel isolated as no one in my circle contends with a blatant father wound. When I've tried explaining why I needed to have extremely limited contact(letters and gift exchanges only), I would receive responses like, "oh, but that's your dad and he's getting older..."
@@cozinha8945I'm in my 7th decade. They don't get any better. You did good.
Thank you for sharing your poignant story, Terri. I love that you got some emotional intimacy with him at the end 🤍
Me too ❤️❤️
I am so grateful terri for the calm energy and wisdom u share ..more power to ur good work ❤
I am so glad my work resonates with you ❤️
Appreciate you sharing your experience Terri and by doing this helping others with understanding and awareness that is so relevant and necessary. 💕🙌
It must had been difficult to feel that your father was not interested in taking part in your graduation day, but so good that your therapist found what you really wanted to do regardless, and there was an emotional shift ~thereafter. 💓🌷 Amaizing!!
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Thank you for this❤
You're so welcome, thanks for watching ❤️
My dad has passed away, so I have to do my healing without him, but the thing I struggle with the most in relationships is, I am so afraid of the rejection. I can’t bring myself to ask and the times I am only left to be rejected again
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending you love 💕 So many of us struggle with this piece. You're not alone.
I have wounds from mother,father and sister's side and the world is so difficult for me now that I am an adult
GE in Lynn? I live in Lynn…great video
My father was an abusive POS. But I don’t remember it being abusive, I was so young, but age 6 I came home from school and the cops were there and we (my mom and my 3 sisters) all went to live with my aunt. But I know whatever happened in my early childhood affected me. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety from a young age. My mom did a lot for the family, but was neglectful at times, she was a more hands off parent. I needed more love, guidance and support growing up. I wish I could have gotten therapy as a child/teen after all that trauma. Sometimes I wonder why did they even have me.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love 💕
Thank you for your vulnerability . It really resonates with me . Did you change by doing the work ?
As I shared toward the end of the video, doing this work absolutely helped me relate to my father differently and changed our relationship for the better ❤️
Exact situation, mother wound, father wound😊 I have my work cut out for me
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
Excellent video. She's very pretty. I'd like to see her with a lighter lip color. Maybe pink.
I have a massive father wound because he abused me for years from the ages of 6-12. I was scared of him because he was angry all the time and would yell at me too. I grew up hating myself and I thought I was a horrible child. I still struggle with self-hate in my 40's but have done a lot of work in therapy. I don't know if I can ever heal from my massive father wound.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️
My father really loved me up until I was about 11-12 years old. Don''t get me wrong, he was a hard worker and a provider. He gave us everything he could, sent me to a good private school, bought us everything we asked for. But he never hugged me. He never told me he was proud of me. He also started criticizing everything about me. He used to drink every night while watching kids' talent shows and call me out of my room to tell me how worthless I am, how fat I am and how I'd amount to nothing. He'd fight and scream at my mother for "raising me wrong" and in turn it made her resent me a little and be really rude to me all the time. It got to a point where I dreaded him coming home everyday, and wishing I could just die. At 11 years old. When I turned 21, he died. I was in a different city and I never got to say goodbye or tell him how he made me feel. I'm anxiously attached now with a crippling fear of abandonment.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love ❤️
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I'm so sorry ❤
What happened if my dad passed ? Can I heal my father wound ?
I think so ❤️
Hi Terri is their a difference between a helicopter parent and a narcissistic parent where you can tell them apart ? I have wondered many times what it was for me but have difficulty figuring it out. My take on things is that a helicopter parents is over protective of the kids will be there for them all the time and so on. Where as a narcissistic parents won't be there for the kids at all unless they want to put on a false front to others or the kids ?
I think it might depend on context but generally, helicopter parents are overly involved in their children’s lives and might even seek to control their children. Typically narcissistic parents are more interested in their own desires and getting their own emotional needs met, even if it’s at the expense of their children. They may also put on a front of taking care of their children’s needs, but there might be selfish motivations.
That's amazing. And where did you meet your husband?
We met through a mutual friend and it actually took us years to get together- I tried setting him up with a few of my friends in the years between as I wasn't interested at first!
What about maternal wounds?
I have a lot of videos on that! You can see them in this playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLMaWdZCQtiJ8cIK6K5juupfnQEZSlh7Qk.html
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Yes woman where safe for me also. I still. have no male friends
I see you, Gabby ❤️
Sometimes you say your needs and make your needs vocal but these are shut down or mocked or taken as personal attack and you regret about not going cold turkey😅
I'm so sorry to hear that- that is not an emotionally safe relationship 💕
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I don't think I have a father wound. I am interested in better understanding your father wound. I don't understand in what sense you, your sisters and your mother were afraid of him. Perhaps you will explain this in your 3 day training.
You clearly never experienced a grown man’s rage as a little girl. It’s not hard to be afraid of men.
What about abusive fathers?
This advice wont hold there.
We have go no contact with such parents and heal ourselves on peace and distance.
I don't believe I recommended getting back in touch with an abusive father, I was just sharing my own experience. I am all about whatever keeps folks safest. Healing a father wound does NOT require the active participation or involvement of a father- we can heal after they've passed or while maintaining no contact. ❤️
I don’t know - I’d have to hear a bit more about Vic to understand how this was a victory over over giving and being in overdrive with men and helping those with broken wings. I haven’t heard much about these guys but losing a wife and a mother I would imagine would make any family pretty broken and in need of ‘fixing’. I’m not sure this is a victory yet or the disease hit the jackpot with 4 men to look after ?? 3 children and a grieving man … I just don’t know how much they had to give her 🤔
I’m sure vic and his children are wonderful people I’m just not hearing the victory over over giving
I go into it more in these videos (it's a two-parter): ua-cam.com/video/JqdCXjxM7MQ/v-deo.html & ua-cam.com/video/bPSNBn_V9vM/v-deo.html
I've been with Vic for 27 years now and I am grateful for our relationship and our family every day. ❤️
@@terri_cole ok I’ll continue on
196 likes advocate queen👸👑💍
Has anyone read, “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents”?
My father … i feel like raised by the devil
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕