7 Signs Of An Abusive Friendship
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- Опубліковано 7 лис 2020
- When people talk about abusive relationships, they usually think about their parents or a romantic partner. However, being in an abusive friendship is just as real and just as serious a struggle, and it’s unfortunately one that’s often overlooked by many. Abuse can be difficult to recognize when it’s coming from a friend as it can easily be excused as a bit of “good-natured teasing” or “tough love”. Did you also watch our video about early signs of a toxic friendship here? • 10 Early Signs Of Fake...
#friendships
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Credits:
Writer: Chloe Avenasa
Script Editor: Parker Vanessa
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
VO: Amanda Silvera
Storyboarder: Yi Lin
Animator: Michelle Finlayson
UA-cam Manager: Cindy Cheong
References:
O’Hagan, K. P. (2014). Emotional and Psychological Abuse: Problems of Definition. Journal of Psychological Science, 19(4); 449-461.
Leisring, P. A. (2013). Physical and emotional abuse in relationships: Motivation for perpetration among college women. Journal of interpersonal violence, 28(7), 1437-1454.
Mayer, B. W., & Coulter, M. (2002). Psychosocial aspects of emotional abuse. The American Journal of Psychiatry, 102(6), 24AA-24CC.
Crick, N. R., & Nelson, D. A. (2002). Relational and physical victimization within friendships: Nobody told me there’d be friends like these. Journal of abnormal child psychology, 30(6), 599-607.
Cowan, G., Bommersbach, M., & Curtis, S. R. (1995). Codependency, loss of self, and power. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 19(2), 221-236.
Also, we did a voice reveal if you haven't seen it here: • The VOICE Behind Psych...
We did a voice reveal here :)
ua-cam.com/video/iIEsoJRZhOE/v-deo.html
Yes i saw it, it was like super amazing
Hi
Looks like I’m early
cool!!
Hi!
“If speaking kindly to plants helps them grow, imagine what speaking kindly to humans can do.” 🙏🏽
Oh I like that!! Going to try to remember this!! Have a happy week!! :)
Amazing!
Hi @@jenaepartida9052!! I LOVE how your profile picture blows kisses!!! Soooo cute!! Never seen that before on the profile pic! 🙂
@@melodythemassagetherapist6957 Awe thanks
@@jenaepartida9052 🙂
You’re supposed to feel comfortable around your friends but half the time I’m worried I won’t say the right thing to them...
That's called an enemy my friend. Always keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
This
same dudeee
Update: I got better friends :D
@@starpop3737 noice me still stuck with a fake friend with me ughhhh gotta get a way to get rid of her im a really quiet person its hard for me to speak up for my self oof
I used to be like this, I'm glad I started to recognize this earlier when one of them confronted me, I felt horrible realizing what I did, I don't deserve them, they still accepted me and helped me change, I feel really grateful for that.
Your a good person. I’ve confronted my verbal abuser before, multiple times, and she acted like what I had to say didn’t matter. And I know it’s verbal abuse, but nobody believes me because she pacts so angelic and we’re minors. You realized the problem and set out to fix it. I’m proud you decided to be a good person, unlike someone I know.
I wish my friend would’ve done done that when I confronted her all she said was I never did any of that
@@iateaturtle Thank you, it's been years since my incident with my friends. You need to get away from them as soon as possible, but do it slowly but surely, you are being abused and the fact that they didn't listen to your confrontations is just horrid, it's not healthy for you to stay with them for a while longer if you feel that way.
@@mistine5595 ik, she’s getting better at listening to people but I’m still keeping my distance.
I also did this and now i feel like sh*t
This. This made me realize I was in a abusive friendship. Thank you. I needed this.
Same here i am too 😢
I've known for a year but I don't know how to get away. I have my results day and I want to go with a close genuine friend of mine and she's guilt tripping me to go with her because I agreed almost a year ago to go with her when I was trying to concentrate in class
@@ItsTeaganXhorses u got this I just left mine.
@@gamingturkey57 I just left mine and she threaten me u can leave them u got thisl
@@zero_randomshit6848 Awh thanks
1. They intimated you
2. They don't respect you
3.They don't listen to you
4. They don't show remorse
5. They are overly possessive of you
6.They are overly dependent on you
7.They cant be trusted
I'm so sorry for anybody else who is going through this. Its okay we will find good friends
Thx
Thank u!!!
@@Irxsdiissxction more than welcome
@UCQFpYALQZT-FkkBZs-R9DXQ honestly, if they treat you badly then let them go. You’ll be fine. You can’t keep someone around just because you feel alone. Trust me just let them go, you’ll feel so much better.
@UCQFpYALQZT-FkkBZs-R9DXQ same , i have been homeschool for years now , i have only one friend and i dont want to ghost because i have no one to go to.
Dear Bad Friend:
"If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty "
I aint ever seen 2 pretty bestfriends
@@kurapika3217 smh same here
Lol XDD
Osm
@@kurapika3217 But one of them got the ugly
I always feel guilty for ending the friendship and even kinda long for them but watching this definitely reminded me of how toxic the relationship was and that it was best I got out of it. It definitely made me remember how i'd always push these things off, make excuses for them, plus even my friends tried to tell me but I just would defend them.
I can't help but feel grateful that my friends had abandoned me lately, I just realized that I was abusing them and did most of those harmful acts without knowing, I hope they find cure in each other company , and I will take a rest from making friends until I'm emotionally stable and safe to form any kind of relations without harming anyone, thanks for the video I now understand myself more.
I don’t need this, but hugs to those who do!
You too fren ⊂(・▽・⊂)
(: Thank you
tysm
Thanks and hugs to you back and also to those who needs this
social distancing
The dislikes are from abusive friends who are trying to deny it.
Or somehow justify treating their friends like shit because “they are going through it “😑
👀👀👀
Had to end a 6 year friendship yesterday with someone who displayed 5 of the 7 signs in this video. I felt confident I was doing the right thing, this confirmed it. Thank you for this video.
Same here, but I did it 2 weeks ago
I was friends with a girl for nearly three years and our friendship covered exactly all seven of these points. At the beginning of the last school year we were friends, I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I was in a really bad place at the time, and I told four people, her being one of them. Literally the next day, we were walking home and she was talking to our other friend and leaving me kind of walking along behind them. I stopped to tie my shoelaces and they didn’t even notice. At this point I was kind of like, yeah, fine. So I let them walk ahead of me. At the time I lived in England and I took the train to my high school, and I’d walk to the station with this girl. I got to the station by myself, and, assuming they’d already got on the train, took a seat at the platform. They then proceeded to walk over and sit about six feet away from me and had their own conversation. I, having just being diagnosed and being a pretty big mes, had a panic attack, right next to them. And this girl, who was supposed to be one of my best friends, just ignored me. Turns out, she’d already told the other girl I used to walk with about my diagnosis, and when I asked what was going on, she said that being depressed wasn’t an excuse for the way I had acted. I was confused, until she told me I had been bullying her about her interests for the duration of our entire friendship. Strangely, it was me who was ignored when I spoke about my favourite things, me who had to change my schedule to revolve around hers, me who couldn’t hang out with anyone else except her, me who apparently ‘wasn’t the person I used to be’ in her eyes. Because the old me never would have stood up for myself the way I did. One thing I do remember clearly, however, is that I was the only one who made any effort at all to try and salvage our friendship. She refused to take time out of her oh so busy schedule to talk to me about mending a friendship we’d had for three fucking years. And she couldn’t be bothered to meet me once to talk about what had happened. What made things worse is that she was such a big personality, that when I stopped being friends with her, none of my other friends were allowed to hang out with me. So not only am I depressed, suicidal and a teenager, an awful combination on its own, but I’d also been stuck in an extremely toxic relationship and lost everyone I trusted at the hands of this girl. I was not in a good place then. But I am so glad that it eventually happened. I can imagine having to be in a relationship like that again. To anyone who relates to this video, I do urge you to leave this relationship sooner rather than later.
Thank you for taking the time to read this :)
Sad I feel bad for you
I’m really sorry to hear. Your other friends should’ve stayed with you if they were nice. It seems u’re out of that toxic friendship and that’s a relief ❤
That's awful, but glad you got out of that situation no one deserves to be treated like that. I hope you made new friendships that were really sweet😊❤
Wait why did I say this on this account
Can't have an abusive friendship when you don't have friends
Yeah i dont either
That feels like a personal attack
I feel you
Sometimes having no relationship is better than having an abusive relationship... Trust me. It sucks.
Can’t have abuse friends when you talk and people don’t respond
When I’m with my Friend group I feel like I’m constantly small and not a good friend. It sucks sometimes
Same😔
That's why I physically withdraws meeting people and making friends. people are crazy and abusive nowadays pimp
same. i feel too chatty and annoying so i always keep quiet.
SAME they ignore me a lot, its fucked up
Change your friends.
This makes me realize it was the right choice to stop the friendship with one of my former friends. I've felt so guilty about it for months, especially since her mom got sick and died a few months after our friendship stopped
My abusive relationship started in the second grade and lasted into the fifth. I never identified it as an abusive relationship, but rather, I've always identified it as bullying. The moment I realized was when our school social worker showed us a video on bullying and at the time, I didn't know ignoring someone counted as bullying, or that it had a specific category (silent bullying). Or that rumor spreading counted as verbal bullying. I wish in 2013 there were more videos like this, but now I'm glad that whenever I have kids, I'll be able to show them these videos so they are able to identify signs like these earlier.
How did you know I need this right now?
What type of black magic is this
The type of it is
In time
Lol same what is this magic
Honestly same
😅
@@samarakabir6432 The good kind :)
I 100% agree, idk how they just KNOW 🤯
I had a toxic, abusive friendship for two years until I had enough. I spoke up and they left me in the most hurtful way and as crazy as it sounds, I was very scared I'd lost the only thing that made me happy. It was the opposite. Now half a year on, it was the best decision ever. You are better on your own than with toxicity ♥️
I wish I can be in that phase where you realize you're better on your own... Right now I just miss the moments I've spent with my toxic friend and still blaming myself for being 'too sensitive' meanwhile it was never my fault.
@@justilbanin hurt is a part of the process
yes, me too!
Yes same here! My life has improved so much since my friendship broke down. It was hell at first but now I’ve figured out how to live my own life it’s been amazing. I’m proud of you for getting out of there!❤
I can relate to this! Its better to walk alone than with someone who emotionally drains you. Your story sounds a lot like mine!
I'm currently writing a novel about a very successful person who is actually the victim of a series of abusive relationships, where they live in constant fear of losing the prestige they conquered - this video helped me A LOT with building the character, but I only found it again today! So I must thank you, that's super helpful!!
What the name of thenovel
best wishes for your novel
ive been emotionally abused for the past 5 years and i only noticed last year. she does most of the stuff you listed and comments on my sexuality by saying sh!t like you'll never be happy with a girl. She's emotionally manipulated me for years and every time I even think of ending the friendship she become super nice and supportive but only for a little then she goes back to being homophobic and not trustworthy. Every time I tell her smth personal i'm not surprised that everyone knows by the end of the week. She made all my friends stop hanging out with me last year. they see her true self now but I used to cry myself to sleep and made a unhealthy habit of making friend on vr instead of irl. She says all of our secrets and when we tell her we don't wanna tell her more bc she tells everyone she says she never did that. I cant stand up for myself and I feel bad when other ppl need to stand up for me bc i cant return the favor. The only way I can stand up for my friends is when they cry or she hurt them more then normal. This is not physical abuse so i didn't know if it counted for awhile. I would like to add i am only 11 and have to deal with her sh!t. I need help...
So so glad I cut off most of my “friends”.
My closest circle today does none of this. Deciding who’s in and out of your life based on how they treat you can change your entire life.
Thank you♡
Very true
They're going to hurt you at some point
@@corvidaesapiens Every relationship does, literally.
Heck, even the one with your parents. Humans hurt each other. NO relationship will be all sunshine and roses all of the time.
The important thing is to keep close people who *legitimately care about you* and appreciate your role in the relationship, and keep away the ones who don't.
Exactly ❤I did the same thing
Okay, random story:
I used to be a really terrible friend
I hated when my friends hung out with other people, I didn't ever listen to what they were saying, and I pushed my own beliefs onto them. Because of that, our friendship was hurt beyond repair and we rarely talk anymore.
Value your friendships and treat your friends like human beings and not objects, because you might not realize how amazing they were until they stop talking to you.
Tell me how to do this
@@ravenna5098 How to do what?
I used to be like this too.
bro i used to be toxic and controlling, i saw my ex friend (we're friends again now) as toxic for reasons i don't wanna explain and i practically made my other ex friend stop talking to them. i got so jealous when she would talk to others i would self harm and then tell her about it. i didn't try to be an attention-seeker but I really was tbh- im happy we're both better now! still have jealousy issues and the fear of being replaced but I don't show since I know it's unnecessary ^^
@Xpired Thank you!
I can relate to
3-They don't listen to you
4-They don't show remorse
7-They can't be trusted
But it's not a friend, it's a cousin. She mocks me a lot and with all of her chit chats, I can barely tell her what are my problems
“Oh you must have misunderstood”
“I don’t remember that”
Something my Online BFF/older sibling says to me all the time…
Most of my bullies have been “friends”. They acted as if I needed to follow certain rules to hang out with them, left me out of things and eventually verbally abused me on a daily basis.
Sorry you had to go through that! That reminded me of "Mean Girls"
It's sad that I can relate, but I'm too nervous to end the friendship, hopefully you have!
Are you me lmao. Hope you found someone real
same. I started verbally abusing them back but eventually one of them started fake crying and painted me as a bully when they were the ones who started it.
same im just baraded with abuse from my "friends" all day saying that i gave a fat mum and never take what i have to say into acount and leave me out of everything im not in a single group chat and then when im upset because they are being mean to me they just say ive gone emo and try to cheer me up so i dont stop being friends with them its like they think i need them when i actually have another group of friends that are way less toxic then them
I was in an abusive friendship for about 8 years. We stopped talking about two years ago and still here I am watching videos like this. It takes a toll. It's so hard to recover and it's hard to believe I will ever recover all the way. But on the other hand, I still find myself questioning my own experiences and needing validation from videos like this. So if you're here while still in, or having ever been in any kind of abusive friendship, you're not alone. And if it was a long time ago and you're still struggling to to get close to being the undamaged person you were before all of it, you're definitely not alone.
It's ok, I think we all get tired of making the same mistakes but it's understandable. In your case, 8 years is quite a lot and you'll have adapted a way of being because of this person. Healings means to confront that consciously every day while also feeling guilty along the way
Same. Spent like 7-8 years being friends and I'm starting to realise that it was more because there was no one else/few others that cared to hang out with us and that pushed us together. But it also didn't equip us to actually handle a friendship, and steadily it grew... exhausting, unnerving, frustrating and ultimately, I couldn't take it. And when I tried getting out of it, they'd often drag adults into it just to pull me back in. I should've realised the first time that happened that it might have been a sign we'd - or at least, I'd - be better off being around other people or alone, but it took me pretty much until the end of highschool and I still hear those intrusive thoughts of anger and sadness whenever I think to even just that part of highschool, without even having to think directly to my former best friend for my mind to go there. It's become so deeply entwined with how I perceive my highschool years and friendship in general that I struggle with the concept of friendships, close relationships and that period of my life and generally don't like highschool being brought up in conversation between former classmates of mine.
So yeah, I don't envy your friendship, because those kinds of friendships suck. I wish you luck on your journey of healing, and hope you'll only find good, healthy relationships from now on.
@@js66613 hello, reading your experience is something that I relate to, except the adult part, and i want you to know that, there are amazing people out there. I also have trouble forming relationships but I have some good ones but I suck at telling them what I need or proposing stuff. I have always had difficulties, so I won't blame everything on the toxic friend, but she was my reference for relationships and I'm trying to break out from that terrible notion, but I see that it follows me even now, with the difficulties I described earlier.
I have lost a good relationship because of my insecurities and paranoias and I know I got no one to blame but myself, but I feel sad about it, I'm tired of making the same mistakes even when I'm trying my best.
You will recover and will be the happiest you have ever been, it will come
I feel that, man.. abusive friendships are difficult to get over for sure
The fact the Internet is a safer place then the battle ground out there in the real world. Love you guys
I just recently broke off with my "friend" who always didn't listen, disrespected my boundaries, and was never really sorry for everything she did, from lying to me to hurting my feelings, to even leaving me out on purpose just to keep me in line with her, but I kept on holding on, even if everyone around me kept on telling me against it, until my "friend" just suddenly ignored me then very abruptly broke off for incredibly selfish reasons. I can tell you, it took an extreme emotional and mental toll on me, I experienced anxiety and panic attacks, I cried nonstop for weeks because of the stress, and until now, I'm still recovering from what happened...
Ultimately I learned that I had to take care of myself and surround myself with better friends cuz ik that there are better people than her but it still hurts that I have put so much effort on her, more than anyone, just for that to happen..
I didn’t watch this to figure out if I’m in a abusive friendship I watched it to figure out if I’m the abusive one.
that means you’re a good person, a toxic person wouldn’t want to know. :)
Same
Self knowledge is important. I think we all have the potential to be toxic at times, but we can recognize it, apologize for it as appropriate, and work towards healthier relationships. Good for you for realizing that and taking the first steps!
Same, around two or three months ago I stopped being friends with one of my closest friends to this day, and I know that I was mean before the pandemic, but I did stop with most of my bad actions after the pandemic started the zoom-era. I'm just watching to see where I went wrong, and thankfully I didn't do most of what was shown in the video.
At least you’re aware! It’s one step to becoming a better friend
That feeling when you feel like you are the _abuser._
Lol
I am for sure
it's okay to get help too ! :)
😃 we both are abusing eachother
Bro right here
I find myself in every situation. But I am too affraid to tell them: "I don´t want to be friends anymore." I can´t say a simple "no". I don´t know why. Glad psych2go is here!
reminder that every single one of these behaviors is abusive. even if someone only does ONE of these things to you habitually, that is still one form of abuse and does not excuse it.
This is giving me flashback... Stay strong for those who are still in an abusive friendship, you can be free from them I believe in you!
thank you. What good advice too. When I see someone making more errors than usual it may be because they need more help and so I need to do something for them without being asked first.
I had a group of friends like this just last year. It took me years to realize how toxic they really were. They belittled me, kept me around just to talk behind my back, thought I was to sensitive for having triggers, and disrespected those triggers constantly. In the end im so glad that they're out of my life, but I can't help but think about them from time to time and blame myself. I know deep down it wasn't my fault that they were jerks, but something in my head like to try and get me to believe that it was my fault. Thank you for this video, it really helped me out
It’s the trauma bond we’re an empath and cannot imagine treating people in such way or manner
I feel the exact, same way. The good and bad memories of them still haunt me, but I too am realizing that cutting them off was one of the best decisions I made.
@@carlineswarakumar6222 Me too. I had a couple friends who were toxic & I was afraid to stand my ground. When I got older, my instincts started to kick in more often & I stood up to them.
I am going through the exact same thing right now. I feel like it's my fault for being the one to end our friendship. But I knew I had to make this decision for myself. I never felt supported, I couldn't trust them because they constantly lied to me. I know people are selfish and take advantage of others, and the fact that they treated me like that too hurt me. I think I still miss them because I had fun memories too. But then the bad memories come back as well. And a foolish part of me still wishes they would care or think about me. That's what toxic relationships do. I lost sight of who I truly was, what I enjoy doing, and even what true friendships feel like. Focus on other good people in your life and on yourself. Hope we grow strong enough to get rid of all their toxicity!
I was always treated like a trash by my friends. They act like they are doing me a favour with their friendship. They disrespected me, even like didn't worth my tears. Also made me feel inferior, worthless and at the same time guilty. They always wanted me to be understanding. They always blamed me to be the spoiler. Then one day one of my friends told me "I was never bothered about you anyways, you just harass yourself by talking to us, we don't give a f about u", I was devastated, they were my 14years bestfriends. They just proved their point. I felt so helpless but worthy for the first time. It hurts like hell for sure. I still blame myself somewhere for messing our friendship n the best part is they never really cared about me.
Thank you, I have ended a "friendship" that was toxic and I feel so much better now that she's gone.
I related to two of those, I’ve already realized this friendship is toxic though and have been working on taking steps in the other direction, and yeah, it’s really hard leaving a friendship, even if it has become toxic, it used to be pretty good. But it’s for the better and will make me happier. ❤ best of luck to all of you!! Thanks for the video!!
Before therapy I never knew that friends could be emotionally abusive. I'm 40 and in the last year I ditched a whole circle of emotionally abusive friends. Bunch of manipulative, egotistical, gaslighting, narcissistic, immature jerks that gave a crap about only themselves. Getting them out of my life was the absolute best thing that I've ever done for myself : )
it’s hard when all your friends are like this.
They keep you isolated. It gives them more power over you. They will have other friends but you will never get to meet them.
I am actually still stuck in a toxic friendship and all these 7 things actually happened to me, I'm in a friend group I go with them to school so it's really hard to get them off my back, the group I am in is 5 people including me, they always hurt eachother and sometimes on the group chat talk bad things about me, then any time I tell my friends sorry I can't make it they would get so mad and say that I was ignoring them, then say if I was talking to someone in my class my so called friends would grab me away from them. Thank you so much this really helps but I still don't know how to say goodbye to that friend group.
To everyone who's in this kind of friendship. It's really easy to get out of it. (I used to be in a few). All you have to do is:
1- Start spending less time with your abusive friend (decline offers as you are busy). Cut this time down at all cost
2- Start spending time with other people regardless of what your abusive friend might think/say.
3- Notice people who see value in you, and start spending more time with them.
4- Be sure you don't do this kind of behavior to other people. Let the negative energy out through healthy forms (e.g. prayers, charity, reflection, meditation, etc)
5- If your friend starts acting crazy or inappropriate, promptly seek help.
by doing what u say=no friends for me alrdy lol-
All my friends are abusive
@@lazzyshineng9917 better no friends at all than friends who scare you for a lifetime. I hope you get out of your Group 💖
You're right.. its gonna be so hard T.T.. But thanks for sharing pal!
Awww thank so much this means alot to me🥺
Mind : let's watch signs of abusive friends
Also mind : but you don't even have friends
Lol same T_T
@Darth S the Pyro main imaginary ones just kidding
Oh no 😔
*sends you a hug* 🥺
It be like that, hopefully we’ll find some friend in the future
Went through this last year and I still haven’t gotten over it. I had a “friend” who was like this in middle school theatre and I left him in January 2022. High school theatre has gone a lot better without him
i have left toxic relationship of 7 years. Im happy now and really living to see more and explore, i wish you guys nothing but happines ❤
Me, whos terrified of one of my friends who can get upset at me over small things 👁️👁️
That person is not your friend.
@@graywalkerjoin3rdparty74 Well i uh. I dont wanna leave them or confront them. I know theyll get upset and then get sad about it and ill feel guilt af-
Idek what i did wrong :/
Although I’m no expert, if you are scared of someone, they probably aren’t your friend. Try talking to them, asking if something is wrong, or explaining how they make you feel. It doesn’t have to be confronting, just ease your way into the conversation. But the most important thing is that you do what feels right, and know that anyone who treats you badly isn’t deserving of you. Hope this helps!
I felt the same way. Try to talk to them and if they don't agree with you to some degree, block and cut them out of your life. You'll feel happier later. I feel sm better after doing so
Just tell them: A la via! (Hit the road!) They never get any better.
You’re videos have really helped me. My mother has always been an abusive parent, and my friend just recently left me for a new friend group that was more “popular” than me. She bullied me and gossiped about me to them behind my back. I was thinking of suicide. But then I found your channel and I got the help I needed. I just wanted to say thank you so much.
Same, though different challenge. I just got out of a horrible conflict with a father like figure who was really a con man. And watched my mother fall apart. These videos really helped me move past it, and learn to identify pains and what I could do about it.
But Clumsy! I hope you keep healing!
@@changed587 Same with you! Best of luck!
@Dora Stephania Campoverde then I hope you keep healing too!😁 Everyone needs a Heal!
@@oreotwinspresso653 🙂 thanks!
When i was younger, I had a lot of so called friends who have done toxic actions like these scrion you stated in the video. I have already started to not contact with these people as they didn't help to change themselves. Thank you for raising awarenesss about the different types of people that are like these. I wish that i see these videos and learn from these videos more often.
I can relate to all the points. My friend just never acknowledged my emotions even today, instead she gaslighted me for feeling what I felt. All of these is so emotionally draining. Been there for her but she has never been there for me. I'm soo exhausted, I want to go somewhere quite and cry myself out or just scream.
I was in one with my best friend, it may be hard to break off one especially a bestie but your going to feel much better in the long run
😶 you maybe mind explaining how you did it? I think I one of mine has become toxic, how did you break it off?
@@changed587 k here’s some tips I have for you and all you guys out there.
if at all costs do not do it in person, but, if there is no other way but too do it in person, do it with a trusted person by your side, I’m a fan of scripting things out before I usually say them on important things like this. So try to give yourself some pointers on what to say, here is mine.
Say I don’t want to be friends with you and why, tell them how you feel.
Don’t apologize, no one should ever apologize for someone’s manipulation, or just being a general jerk.
Leave, or block them right after. Then do something you like with your family, or other friends. Unless you want to be alone I don’t judge.
At least that’s how I did it. If you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask me! :D
@@Trubactor 🙂 Thanks. I will keep an eye open and if it comes to it. this will be a lot of help!
Even I broke up with my bestest friend
@@Trubactor I did the same time
Other things you could add is "They don't respect boundaries "
My bestfriend is toxic, but whenever I tell her I found a new friend she gets mad and says she is scared to lose me. Tough love.
My friends always make me feel like I don't even exist... They only notice me if they need something from me and say something behind my back after they got what they wanted...
I didn’t need this but I just like watching these types of videos.
ya same....XD
same
Kinda same, but i have an abusive friend.
Im watching to see if my friend is toxic
So far she's like the first 3
A "friend" of my friend was always doing her harm, criticizing, speaking badly, disrespecting and isolating her from the rest of the people, when I confronted her I even recorded what she said badly about my friend and when I showed the audio to my friend she said that I was lying because her "friend" would never do that, it took her a long time to notice that she was in a toxic friendship, many times I had to distance her from that person and protect her from various physical and psychological abuses.
I have a friend like that now. But hey their "narc friend can do no wrong" In the end I was burned for showing concern. So I left them to it.
You are a good friend Kommy. Sorry I'm a bit emotional, kinda losing faith in humanity these days...
@@miirasaika6437 Yeah, It sucks sometimes...T~T
@•It's Miyako Creator• We all need a friend like you. You might not realise it, but I'm saying this from my experience as someone who's childhood friend was 7/7 on the things criticized on the video. You are a godamn hero.
Have you checked out resource videos on narcissism being offered by Dr. Ramani too?
Recently I actually did remove myself from a toxic friend group because they made me feel useless and the sad thing is the things they've done in the past affect me now in the current time I don't know what to do anymore 😔💜
I agree. Your abusive behavior towards me is coming to an end.
Yep, my ex friend of 12 years was like this, most of the signs she had. All she had to say when I told her that we couldn't be friends with her anymore was "lmao bye". Yep after more than half of our lives being friends that's what she said.
Edit: this comment is nearly 2 years, so here's an update: almost exactly a year after the friendship ended, she apologized to me; however that does not mean we're friends again, the two of us have moved on with our lives. Thanks for all the love.
That's sad Katelyn
I'm so sorry for you :(❤
That sounds like a sociopath almost.
that's so harsh, don't think about them THERE are always better people out there. It's kind of like when you have a crush that rejects you, then you find someone 10000000 times better that makes you feel amazing and isn't anything like the other person. i know we don't know each other, but all the best to you Kat :)
@@fatashi9254 thanks
I clicked on this cause I’m bored... but I see my friend doing atleast 4 of these things DAILY! But I also noticed that I myself do one...
i used to had all the signs too so you're not the only one, but i do have 1 sign though, i admit that
thank you for this, opened my eyes.
You forgot, they make you cry and laugh when it happens
I used to be in an abusive relationship with my friend since 1st grade, I recently broke off with them and honestly I've been free ever since. After I broke it off with them though they tried to spin the narrative into me overreacting, being a baby (after they invalidated my triggers and refused to respect them), said it was my fault for not telling them all the details of my abusive relationship, gas-lighted me, said I was mad at them for opening up to me, called me a liar, and lost their shit. All I wanted was for them to respect my boundaries and my triggers and to stop treating me like a therapist. When I asked for an apology they accused me of talking behind their back, but I'd never done anything like that. They tried to make my current friend group into the liars. I was so afraid of them hurting themself when I left which is why I ignored all the red flags for up to two years after they started showing up. It's been months since I've last spoken to them and I've never felt more free.
Just know, if you're in an abusive relationship you have the power to walk out. If you're genuinely scared of what your abuser may do then seek help, talk to a trusted adult (if you're a minor) or someone you know. It may be hard but just know you don't owe anyone anything, and if a relationship is bad for you then you don't need to stay.
I went through the same exact situation!
Same story but from class 6th l want to narrate the whole story to you . Friendship breakup happened in class 10 . I suffered a lot mentally . Reply if you want to know my story.
@Trey Smith this sounds exactly like my situation with a friend that I split from in May of this year. I felt like she kept manipulating me and gaslihhting me and guilting me into doing what she wanted. Yes I could have been more communicating and stood up for how I felt, but years of her treating me like that lead to me keeping quiet more and more. So I TRY to not beat myself up about what I could have done
@@allyrose6437 🙂 Good . Now will learn many things in life.
@@allyrose6437 You will discover that you will be able to overcome
Good enemies ( bad friends ).
Hoping everyone that reads this finds loving friendships that they deserve! 💗
Thanks BEAUTIFUL 💕💕. You too💕
@@kaykiss226 🤗💗
Thanks you too girl
@@keiron.4612 im sorry that you feel that way real talk pimp
Remember guys you can always be friends with your self
I had a friendship that 5 out of the 7 listed. I finally broke off the friendship after 10 years of knowing them. The kast several years just were so bad with them, and no amount of expressing how they made me feel did anything. I snapped and told them off in what was our group Discord, but because I decided to no longer be friends with them specifically I got banned, as did all of my friends, and the friend group we had in common did this weird picking sides thing. A few didn't, which was preferred since I didn't want it to completely turn into a war over my finally getting tired of being treated like dirt by them for even existing basically. Thank you for posting this video. Really helped me accept it for what it truly was and not feel as guilty about it 3 years later.
Thank you so much for what you do. Your channel has helped me to get through a lot of stuff. Im currently in a toxic relationship with my best friend. She ignores me and she criticizes me, always trying to change me to who she wants me to be. Im in middle school and this is a lot to take in. Ill be breaking up with her bc of your videos
I’ve definitely been in more than one abusive “friendships”
I’ve had one and I couldn’t talk to any other friends I have
I’m no longer their friend to cut a long story short
Me too unfortunately 😔
Same here
Me too, and the sad thing was at the time I didn’t realise.
@@veryestherly yeah. I didn't like some of the things she did (for example, hit me all the time, hard enough to leave bruises, even when I told her to stop, among other things) but I didn't really think of it as abuse back then, idk why
My friend has been telling lies to people about me, and this in this video, this relates to everything from my social life
Woa, nice advice.
End your friendship of u even have one. Don't end up like me, I had no friends before cause my so called friend told everybody something I don't even know I did, then everybody kept their distance from me. I told everybody those things wasn't true, and told my 'friend'to never talk to me again she'll only talk to me if she apologized of what she did and thank goodness I have a friend helped me. 🥺Now I have real friends.
this actually made me realise how absolutly amazing my friends are. the openness we have with each other and the way we trust each other is amazing! I am really happy to have them as my friends.
I had that problem recently thank you for making that video and helping everyone some of the things you said is what I had to deal with like being told what to do, always had to attend their needs, only want me to care about their interests and not mine, keeps asking me to spend money on him and always wants me to be on call with him and if I mess up on a video game or leave the call he will get mad at me and the hardest part is letting go that friendship. They can be nice to you at first but over time they can get the best of you and it can take away your freedom like what it did to mine. Sorry if the comment is long but I am away with words
My ex friend was like this "your the reason I have anxiety" "of course you can't hang out with me" "you never listen to me" "you made my whole year horrible" " are you stupid" these are just some of the things she would say to me
i’m so sorry you had to go through that. i had a similar friend so i get how much it hurts :( it really is painful when those things get repeated at you over and over again
Yeah I had a friend of mine get pissed off at me because I wasn't cool with his obsession with having many many affairs with this girl we work with. He told me I need to worry about myself..... I told him he needed to worry about being a father and a husband. He's eating klonopin like candy and he does that same thing with his phone. And the only reason I know he gossips is everyone else told me that just because he's my cousin doesnt mean I should trust him or anyone really. Toxic friends gossip.
2 years late but like same. Towards the end of our friendship he gaslit me into think I've changed to become a worse person when the reality of it was that I never REALLY changed. The world changed. And I just became honest about when he would hurt me. And he didn't like it.
This is my first time doing one of these! I hope I did it right! 😊
7 signs of an abusive friendship.
1. They intimidate you 0:43
2. They disrespect you 1:27
3. They don't listen to you 2:10
4. They don't show remorse 2:49
5. They're overly possessive of you 3:29
6. They're overly dependent on you 4:03
7. They can't be trusted 4:36
No one should have to go through an abusive friendship/relationship, and if you are going through one, I hope you are able to get out of it. Love you guys, stay safe and take care of yourselves.💖
this video helped me a lot, recently ive had only 3 friends that i trusted bit two of them seemed off. they always forgot about our plans and ignored me when i was with them. she would also take all of my things and lie when i asked if she had it. this vid helped me get out of two toxic friendships and it has made me feel a lot better abt myself. thank you for this vid!
I don’t want my friends spending time with others because I’m scared they’ll like them more and leave me behind. I’ve been replaced, forgotten etc and I know it’ll happen again
I was abused emotionally, physically, and s3xually by my "best friend" for 3 years and everything they did to me haunts me to this day. And the hardest part is when my trauma isn't validated because it wasn't a parent or partner abusing me. Because of that I started to think I was just weak and fake. But this video made me feel heard and validated for the first time in a long time. To anyone else who's in or has been in an abusive friendship, you're not alone. Stay strong and know that you are important and loved by someone even if you don't know it. 💚
(Edit: To everyone in the comments, thank you so much for being so supportive and kind it seriously means so much to me. It's been awesome being able to connect with others who have been through similar traumas, and I hope all of you are safe and in the process of healing now. You guys are amazing.)
You are totally valid, idk why people invalidate something as serious as abuse. 😔
@@Average_Dominos_Employee Thank you
I am so sorry you have to go through that. I hope you can find closure and move on from it one day, you deserve better friends
same. But for 5 years (and sadly still am) :/ hope you’re good now
@@Latte0809 Thank you
When my friend does something wrong they say “I’m sorry if I did something wrong”, IF, no matter how obvious it is that they did, in fact do something and if I say something about what they did they say I’m attacking them
@@pepsitead1001 I’m not attacking them though, and they’re deliberately not saying sorry
The weirdest part of it is that their profuse sounding first apology is only going to ever turn out to be in a way only another one way street sign going only ever their own way only. In fact they are sometimes even being willing to admit it while still trying to take over the direction you want your boat to go in. It is always going to be their schedule, their timing, only their idea first including the idea to ever apologize at all etc. etc. etc. And so don't ever expect that one of them when being forced to apologize by the courts is miraculously through court required treatment going to change any time soon into a pussy cat. Believe it or not that is what my legal aid appointed lawyer tried to convince me was possible once while a male social worker along with all the rest of the social workers in town were telling me they already tried that number for them ordered by the courts. The social workers all said in truth there was only less than a 1% chance that the court ordered treatment was going to help them change their ways. So much tax payer money going out the window to make sure only the 'good old days' stick around.
That sounds like something my toxic "friend" would say...
@@fantastic_fern9135 if I was your friend and didn't something wrong...I'd admit it and say sorry for my mistake. And if you pointed something out that you don't like...I'd actually thank you for pointing it out.
I've been in my fair share of abusive friendships. After this happening several times I got to where I learned not to emotionally invest in the relationship when I realized what was going on, and would ignore them. When confronted, I'd use their own tactics on them. Boy were they quick in leaving. Because of these experiences, I learned to be a good friend. Some of the friends I've made had also been in abusive friendships, and I'd point the things their "friends" did. I believe that on hearing that I've been through that kind of thing helped them feel validated. It is sad that people don't talk about this kind of thing. For those going through it, it does take time to heal but it's worth it
Thank you for this video, this really helped ❤
Friendships can be just as damaging as romantic relationships and other relationships too.
My childhood friend was incredibly abusive- to the point the special ed teacher told my ma to discourage our friendship outside of school. The friendship has left me with incredibly deep rooted issues with self worth, self esteem, self confidence, paranoia, anxiety, abandonment etc. still working through it all in therapy.
I used to be in an abusive friendship for months and I'm so glad that I got away. Abuse comes in many ways and forms. Thank you for making this! 💕
me too, i had like all the signs but now i only have one, but i still have improvements i need to learn
wow.. thanks a lot I had my suspicions but this really helped me realize it, thanks to you I'll try build confidence to get out of this 7 year old 'friendship', thank you so much honestly
i feel like its important to mention that sometimes people dont know what theyre doingh is wrong and they're willing to change. i was codependent towards one of my friends for a while, but i realized what i was doing was wrong and im actively putting in effort to change.
this vid is 6 years late, I have a deteriorating mental health bc of this lmao. I'm so glad videos like this exist now because it helps people identify the situation and make them aware of what's going on.
Finally a video that’s super on the nose for what my abusive ex-friend was like. If she tries to contact me again I’m sending her this. She does not deserve any more of my words or head space after I laid out quite plainly and easy to understand what the issues with our friendship was.
To any of the abusers who landed on this video: wake up. They don’t want you back. You hurt them so much that after all the years they put up with you they finally escaped and cut ties. Let them heal. Figure yourself out. Do not initiate contact. They probably have you blocked on everything anyway
i used to be that toxic friend and im deeply ashamed of it, I was young so I was still growing and learning from my mistakes but I really was overly toxic and immature for that age. I've been trying to improve myself during the past few years and its sorta getting better, I hope at least. thank you for making this video, as it helps me reflect even more on the bad things I've done
Anecdote time : When they come to you for all their problems and say that its a sign of incredible trust, but when times are good they return to their main friendgroup for all other interactions.
When there is a clear but unspoken difference between how they interact with "You the friend" and "Them the friends", yet insist that there is no difference.
Thats them using YOU to avoid tracking drama into their actual friendgroup so that interactions there can remain completely positive-- But pitch the situation as some sort of incredibly intimate privilege for you.
This was a childhood friend of mine. I always look back and think "Why did I hang out with her?" or "Why did I believe that this was a normal friendship?". She would prioritize other friends over me, even if we already had something planned. She would openly belittle me and even distance herself from me when we were around our school peers. She'd act like I was unworthy and would frequently make negative comments on my appearance. I actually thought I was unattractive as a kid/teen because of her criticisms all those years.
Eventually, when we got to high school she decided I wasn't cool enough to hang with her new friends. She became even more standoffish and rude, rolling her eyes whenever I would talk to her. In the middle of freshman year, I stopped trying to reach out to her.
It hurt at the time, but it was for the best. I had to redefine what "friendships" were to me and what they weren't going forward.
Same exact story for me. Except your highschool section happened when her and I went to college.
Heh she convinced me I was a bad artist
I recently got out of an abusive friendship and it was one of the most challenging things I've had to do. Even after realising that the friendship wasn't healthy, it took me so long to be able to get out of it. As you mentioned in the video, people don't tend to think of friendships when they talk about abusive relationships, and even though my other friends wanted to support me and agreed it wasn't a healthy relationship, I don't think anyone quite understood how much of a challenge it was to get out of it. The abusive friend in question seemed to know exactly how to keep pulling me back in each time they did something that should have made me walk away for good. I almost completely lost my sense of self, and I was so vulnerable as a result. Even though I am much happier now that the friendship has ended, I still have days where I wonder if I did the right thing, where I blame myself for the failure of the relationship or wonder if I was too harsh. I'm realising this is ok, and like the end of any relationship, it can be complicated and messy and my feelings are valid, despite their changing nature. But, as time goes on, I have more good days than bad days and I am beginning to find myself again, and gaining a newfound confidence I didn't have before. I'm not glad I had to go through it, but I have certainly learned a lot from the situation.
I wanted to share this so that other people in this situation know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You are loved and respected, and deserve to be honoured in your friendships, not taken advantage of. I hope anyone in this situation is able to find their way out. Talk to your friends and family if you can. If not, see if there is a professional who may be able to help you. As always, if you are in any danger, call a crisis line or emergency services. Big love to you all
You did the right thing by ending the “friendship” and I’m proud of you for leaving
what you did was the right thing and I'm proud of you I know that it must've been hard to leave that friendship but never ever doubt leaving because staying would've destroyed you more than you already were
Absolutely how I feel rn. U deserve better. All of us deserve better. 😭 I just hate how this world is. I used to love it when I was young and as I grew up and became more mature. I don't like it no more, in fact, I hate it. 😭😭
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts! Its hard to leave a friendship when you are constantly being guilt-tripped but it feels so much better when they are out of your life!
Going through this right now, it's crazy how this particular video popped up
When I was a child my (late) Dad took me to a show. While we were in the venue getting our tickets there was this bum/scalper bothering customers. The security guard asked him to leave. This rubbie then starts giving attitude, even made "fighting motions".
The security guard then took him by the collar, practically picked him up, and threw him right out, and that was the end of it. Problem solved.
My Dad told me after that this is what you have to do with toxic people sometimes when you detect abuse that is constant. No, not violently as this was just an analogy. But he said to just GET RID OF THEM ASAP or they will erode your life, sanity, social life, finances, time, etc.
I took this advice and believe I have lived better because of it. And, every time I tell someone I wish to end a relationship with them I build more and more courage to do it again for the next bad person.
It's tough, but trust me - you gotta do this laundry sometimes. But, I assure you, that I have had NO REGRETS so far.
Bless you Dad. 🙏
ive had really toxic friendships. the quarantine is helping in one way to show me who really cares and wants to stay friends and who doesn't care
-Timelapse-
0:00 & 0:42 / Intro
0:43 & 1:21 / Sign 1-They Intimidate You
1:24 & 2:06 / Sign 2-They Don't Respect You
2:08 & 2:46 / Sign 3-They Don't Listen To You
2:47 & 3:28 / Sign 4-They Don't Show Remorse
3:29 & 3:58 / Sign 5-They're Overly Protective Of You
3:59 & 4:33 / Sign 6-They're Overly Dependent On You
4:34 & 5:23 / Sign 7-They Can't Be Trusted
5:24 & 5:52 / Outro
Correct me if I writed anything wrong!Have a nice day and take care of yourself!
As someone who’s had many fake friends here’s a list I made 😊
1. They leave you out when they make plans
2. They sneak diss you and make rude comments about how you look or what you do
3. They never congratulate you
4. They’re always on social media but never like or comment on your posts
5. They talk bad about you to others
6. They flirt with your partners or ex partners
7. They talk down on you even more when people are around especially when the opposite sex is around
8. If they let others talk bad about you and don’t defend you
9. They always want free car rides and to barrow money but never want to help you out
My biggest tip is to trust your intuition, every time I thought a friend was secretly jealous and trying to compete I brushed it off and it ended up hurting me. In astrology you have a full birth chart with multiple houses to them, if you have a 12th house you tend to have more hidden enemies not everyone has a prominent 12th house but if you do check if you have a 12th house see what signs fall into it and at what degrees to protect yourself because I have libra mars in my 12th so my biggest enemies are people I extend my heart to, the singer Selena who was killed by the leader of her fan club had this exact placement but I swear learning about it helped me a lot. Also the sign of your Chiron helps you learn about your biggest wound I think that helps people a lot to learn about this placement despite it not being friendship related. Just trying to help people heal with astrology 😬💗
I needed this thank you
Me watching this video the realizing that my friend is nothing in this is like him and that i have a functional friendship: *insert happy cat meme here*
I’ve been in this type of relationship. I cut it off. I’m not going to be abused.
Great 🙂👍
bro, i’m so glad i cut off all of the toxic ppl so called my friends back then. they don’t worth your comfort. sometimes it’s best to just let ‘em go.
3:04 there’s one time I never apologise to my friend because she was also in the wrong not telling me that she was in the toilet. I said it’s hard to apologise sometimes and she said if it’s hard, I’m not sincere. NO. It’s because she never told me and never answered my question when she was in the toilet, and I knew that if I apologise, I would have a feeling of emptiness because the apology is not completely fulfilled and lose trust in the friendship. I’m very sensitive to how I make best friends these days and I think it’s because I’m going through adolescent stage.
I’ve related to 6 of these signs and I’m starting to realize how terrible my “best friend” and “big sister” really is
I’ve been struggling with making/holding friendships since I graduated from high school (10 years ago now) and recently I realized I think it’s due to my “best friend” being extremely toxic and abusive. Been trying to do more research on it lately, I wasn’t really sure if “abusive friendships” were a thing, this video made me cry. I realized it’s real and it was my reality. It really feels like it’s ruined a big part of my life, struggling to make/maintain friendships...
I didn't want to comment this because I'm scared of what people will think but I'm doing it anyway
I watched this vid to know if I was being the victim of an abusive friendship, except it was the total opposite, listening the each one realizing I'm the one who's hurting them, I never realized my friends was actually always there for me, I've always thought they constantly ignore me/never hung out with me and they don't respect me at all, except they don't they would try to understand what I'm saying and will be there if I'm ever hurt I'm the one who doesn't respect them, we just don't have the same interest most of the time and I thought it means they hate me or they just don't want to be friends with me at all.
Thank you for making this video I had to realize I was the abuser, I want to change for the better for them thank you so so much for this, I might get hate but thank you so so so much.
Edit : Im 2 years late but idc