i feel like one of my friends has al-ot maybe even all of these traits. she kinda makes me feel like i always ruin everything but i love being her friend and dont know how to tell her that i want her to be less toxic without her getting mad at me
You’re needy You’re controlling You’re inconsiderate Giving unsolicited advice You act critical of them You talk too much about yourself You’re not happy for their success
my friend does most of these things and even if she don't trust me that much anymore (because i wanted to put limits because she was REALLY controlling) when i tell her something good i did or that happened to me she just compare and say "couldn't be me" *everytime* and then i feel guilty because something good happened
Reminder: you can have toxic behaviors without being a toxic friend. You being here shows a willingness to learn and grow. And the fact you're trying means a lot when compared to the millions who don't bother.
I came here thinking i was a toxic friend Turns out, i was just blatantly labelling people that talk to me nicely as "friends" then i have a massive breakdown (at home, not in public or in messages ofc, I'm am introvert) over why they dont bother tallk to me anymore. I need to remind myself that not everyone thats nice to me is my friend. They were just being respectful That being said, I will prob need a notification every now and then to remind me of that, so I'll let yt do its work here
To everyone who clicked on this video: if you recognise one or more of these signs within you, it doesn’t mean that you’re a terrible person. We’ve all made mistakes and no ones perfect. Recognising that you’re doing something wrong, even if you genuinely do love your friends, is the first step to getting better.
thank you so much for saying this. after watching this video, it made me want to distance myself, but I feel less terrible after reading this. I just want to be nice to people and treat them how I want to be treated.
I feel so bad, i am very controlling over my best friend ever since we went to separate schools. I have always been the loner, quiet one and always relied on her. Now she has new friends and I am just so scared she is going to replace me. I love her so much and would probably Jill myself if she wasn’t there. But I always check when she was last online and when she is not replying to me. And spam call her when she does, what should I do?
The unsolicited advice part is so confusing for me. When people vent to me, I've always been so confused on whether to give advice or not. I used to have friends that would vent to me almost every day and I'd listen with open ears and assure them that I'd always be there to support them. But afterwards, they would sometimes get mad at me and say that that was "useless" or that "saying that doesn't actually make anything better". Then I started giving advice whenever people vented to me, but they would get mad at that if my advice wasn't always what they wanted to hear. Now I'm just unsure. Edit: Thanks for all the responses and advice, I wasn’t expecting any but it’s all really helpful!
those people need to consider that you're there listening to them because that's what friends do, listen, confort and maybe give advice. But they can't expect you to always listen, sometimes you'll be mentally tired and not in the mood to hear others problems when you're also having problems, if they can't understand that you're a human too and that you have difficult times like them, then they're not good for you. You did well💜
It may be better to just… ask them which one they’re looking for. It directs you to what you need to do for them and also saves you the trouble of figuring out what they want. You’re a good friend, but you’re not a mind reader.
these people are really the bad one, youre listening to them and trying to help, youre very considerate friend and if your advices didnt work is ok!! not all advices would work on different person because advices are based mostly on our experience or what we heard, youre doing your best also, i dont think what you do is unsolicited, because if the replies are like "it didnt work" then just mean they want some advice, but if youre not sure you should ask them if they need advices
The comments that say “you’re not toxic because you clicked on this” make me feel better... But you have to understand it’s not true. You could easily be manipulative and hurt their feelings without exactly realizing or admitting it to yourself.
It's manipulation only of you know of it! It was one of my greatest fear to manipulate people without doing on purpose but its not if you dont know tht youre doing!
@@howdoichangenames I agree, but that doesn't mean that you are not hurting people unfortunately. You could manipulate them without the intention of really doing it maybe because of past abuse. The only thing that can actually help you become better, in my opinion, is self-awareness of your actions and the realization that you're no different than anyone else
@@sail491 @how do I change names : yea, you can manipulate others into getting what you want, but may not realize that what you are doing is manipulation, if that makes sense
I used to be like that but now I'd say I'm more confident and I prioritize myself more than anyone (thinking of yourself before others doesn't always mean you're selfish)
@@entyope I think you're missing the point, I'm not saying one is more important than the other. I'm just saying it's sometimes easier to ignore another person's hurtful actions when you know it's not your fault. But when you are the one to have caused pain to someone else and know and understand how you made them feel it's very difficult to live with yourself.
0:35 You are needy 0:58 You’re controlling 1:28 You’re inconsiderate 1:55 You give unsolicited advice 2:24 You act critical of them 2:47 You talk more about yourself than them(not true if you’re neurodivergent. It’s normal for neurodivergent people to do this.) 3:18 You’re not happy for their success
Thank you for the timestamps, but what do you mean by your comment on number six? I've met many people who had disabilities like autism who talked about themselves for hours. They never asked me about my interests or would always go back to themselves after I tried to share them, so I just stopped hanging around them. Are you saying there people who feel afraid to share their interests with others too? I'm like that. I only share them if people ask and genuinely take interest.
I disagree with the neurodivergent. I always used to think that and put myself second. In the end, I went mad and the relationship become very toxic. Some days ago I ended it
@@Meow_meowwww Same here, had a mate for over 5 years that was neurodivergent and I noticed that he was really just talking about himself everything we voice chatted and he only screen shared his games and didn’t even pay attention to me. My other friends usually called him a “chatterbox”
Also being a toxic friend is caring too much about the friendship. I’ve ruined so many friends by overthinking everything like this. Sometimes it’s better to just chill
@@tidepodpadthai2633 that's not stupid it is incredibly suffocating to have someone constantly worrying about you or being overly attached and clingy. Some people prefer to be alone sometimes to recharge, others prefer to have people around at all times. It isn't necessary to "mother" everyone just because you are very caring. Some people might find this annoying and might end up ignoring the friendship in the end.
I can relate to that, I’m ruining my friendship with my own best friend over this exact reason , I’m just learning to chill tf out and it’s showing everyone else’s true colours
I’m always so terrified that I’m a toxic friend, I really don’t try to be but I’m terrified I am, I related to about 2-3 of these, I just really don’t wanna be a toxic friend..
Nobody's perfect ❤️. I think that even if you do relate to some of these you can still be a good friend. For example, the unsolicited advice one could be good because you want to help your friend.
@@outofthewoodstv no, everyone is toxic to everyone in the beginning. Some peoples learn with that and get to be a better person, some just ignore that and are evil. Toxic ppls fake smiles a lot, so I see why you tought this.
I think I could very easily be a toxic friend if I didn’t try so hard not to be. I find I often have to stop myself from being too needy, controlling, giving advice they didn’t ask for, being critical, and talking about myself too much. I try very hard not to do those things though, and have to remember that sometimes it is best to just keep my mouth shut.
this is a completely normal feeling, its human nature to be jealous, controlling etc. but the fact that you’ve tried to make an effort to always be there for your friends no matter how toxic you feel speaks loud, the difference between you and people that constantly hurting their friends is that you’ve taken the time out of your day to watch this video and make an effort to keep the relationship between you and your friends healthy
Omg same😭😭😭 Like when my friends tell me about their problems I use my experiences to understand and help them but I always feel like I'm one upping then when I do that. But I also don't know how to understand them otherwise
Saaaaaaaaameeeeeee!!! I realize now that I used to be unknowingly toxic whith my old best friend and that is why we stopped being friend, however now, I have improved so much, even if sometimes it is exausting to try so hard to not accedentally do anything wrong, it is worth it because now I have much better friends that I “fit” better with! Now I have mich better friends that care for me more :)
Yes, you are right. inside us Humans there are good and evils both.when time arrives,it's up to us we want to become evil or good. sometimes that toxic ideas comes in my but i always erase them before i can become toxic friend. But I've received toxic friendships that's why I don't want to become toxic.I know how it feels.
@Aswathi Balan same,and when I try to tell them my problems or behaves like angry and rude they can't bear it. i tolerate their anger and other emotions so why can't they . i am also Human , can't remain with smiley face and cool all time. Really why they can't , like seriously?
You're right in a way, but I admit that I've been a toxic friend for a long time (I'm still a bit) and I never realised it before I had a toxic friend who did the same things to me... 😔 The thing is... How can I change? 🤔
Okay 1. I didn't expect this comment to get like, it was mainly just a reminder so that I wouldn't forget 2. It's heartwarming to see other people have the same flaws as me, makes me feel a little less alone
Same but I don't pray them a failure or something bad I just want to also get or accomplish what they did so I get jealous but then it just goes away late.
In all honesty i was very toxic last year and it took all of my friends leaving for me to understand that. Since then i’ve been owning up to my sh*t and trying to better myself, I’m still not fully there yet so this video helped me a lot. Thank you
To everyone watching this, congratulations! You’re not a bad person. The fact you even took the time to watch this says you want to try harder and make sure you’re not toxic without knowing. Good job.
You aren't,no worries :) I showed my friend this because I realized I might be becoming a bit toxic to her (I do 2-3 of these things 0_0) and she panicked thinking she was toxic lol. Sweetest person I've ever met. She's not toxic, and neither are you
❤️- 7 signs -❤️ 1- you are needy 2- you are controlling 3- you are inconsiderate 4- you give unsolicited advice 5- you act critical to them 6- you talk more about yourself then them 7- you aren't happy for their success
One of the worst qualities I have is getting jealous easily. I always think that one day my friends will think I’m so boring and stop talking to me or just find better friends. I had two friends last year and one of them I’ve known for six years and the other friend was someone I just met that year. I didn’t really have any problems with them until they both found a common interest and it wasn’t really my thing. This gave me a lot of worries that they would get closer and I’d be left behind and I let my jealousy get the better of me sometimes and acted like a total drama queen. This made us get into a lot of arguments and just became me and one of my friends just kinda competing for the attention or smth. That lasted until I moved out of the country and I feel like this was partly my fault although we were all wrong in a way. Till now I have jealousy issues and I’m trying to work on just telling myself “it’s okay for them to joke with others it’s okay that they have other friends too” makes me feel so toxic and I feel like a terrible friend. Hopefully I will stop being such a needy person at some point idk if it’s toxic to get jealous about small things but I’m trying my best. Not sure anyone will even read all of that tho
One of the big eye-opening moments for me in my romantic relationship was when I would let jealousy consume me and constantly ask about this female coworker my boyfriend had and voice how hurt I was that they would talk about so many different things and spend so much time together (duh- they're at work 8+ hours a day). One day my boyfriend turned to me and said "I have never once thought about her in the ways that you think and say, but because you keep saying these things time and time again, every time I'm around her it's all I can focus on". And damn. After that day I realized I need to chill and focus on my own good qualities that make him want to be with me, and ever since my jealousy has been little to none. I was single-handedly sabotaging my relationship by feeding my boyfriend my own insecurities that then manifested in his personal life. It's not that he started to like her or anything, but when he was around her he would think about all my worries and stress and it stressed him out, pushing him further from me. The fact that you're jealous means that you care a lot about yourself and the people you love, but expressing your love in ways like the video presented, is damaging to your friends and your own self image. There's a reason these people are your friends, they like spending time with you. You just need to focus more on valuing that time with them and how that makes you and them feel rather than focusing on other peoples' feelings that you likely just made up in your head :) It gets better, friend. Be kind to yourself.
Same tbh, I get so jealous of my friends and how they hangout even when I'm occasionally not there, even though the invite me when I can come and welcome me. Thankfully I've known that I should be careful to not act on my jealousy. Although, when I realize my jealousy, I get really guilty, even when I'm not acting on it, but I realize that I should atleast improve my mentality because, hey atleast I'm not acting on it so the only person I'm hurting is myself, so if I can't help nudge my mentality to be more positive and find things that I'm proud of about myself, then it wouldn't hurt anyone. Still a work in progress though..
When you’re watching this because you are scared that you’re being toxic but also don’t talk to any friends because you’re scared that they’ll think you’re clingy. Edit: that’s a lotta likes-
I feel so disgusted that I can't appreciate my friend and celebrate her accomplishments just because of some petty jealousy. I know I need help with my envious feelings, I just don't know where to get it. Hey, so I know this will ruin this comment, but I just want to thank everyone that liked this. I also want to let everyone that relates to this to know that they are loved and that I am praying for them.
I also feel like that sometimes and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it, you can't help but be jealous sometimes but what you can do is to proactively make them and yourself better, if you have a test encourage your friend to read and as you do that you will slowly but surely get better
Hi! I think it's important to realise that your thoughts aren't you and your emotions are simply that; emotions. Give meditation and mindfullness a go, I think it provides a good avenue in dealing with these types of emotions and learning about yourself.
@addison k I get where you're coming from and have been there, too. Try talking to them. Sure, you might lose some of them, but if they're really your friends, they will understand. Also, if you *do* lose them, there will always be more friends to come in the future.
There’s nothing wrong with reaching out to people in times of need. It’s just important to know that as humans, it’s okay and needed to go through things alone sometimes. Regardless of how much advice or listening ears you have, ultimately, you’re gonna have to figure things out for yourself because you’re the only one in control of your life.
@@choutzuyu8915 same here, I tend to feel I am controlling in a way though my friend keeps saying it's fine. The only things I really boss them around to do is if they have to do it in order to be mentally or physically okay just sometimes I feel like I've gone too far and so I tend to talk to my friend about it
I thought i was toxic because i would hate replying to her all the time and answering her never ending questions about my life. she would give me advices even when i don't ask and i thought i was ungrateful and toxic for not liking all those advices.but watching this video i think she is the toxic one. She always wants to know what i am up to. She becomes furious when i get better grades than her. She always says that i shouldn't be friends with anyone else. She makes me feel sry for everything like not replying immediately. From past few days im realising that she is the toxic one. I don't think its my fault for not meeting her expectations.i hate being around her cause it makes me soo uncomfortable and feel guilty sad and hopeless all the time. I think i should cut connection with her and i have tried it before but honestly it's not easy. what do i do?
It’s just so pleasant to watch this video, and realize how much I’ve grown as a person… like a year and a few months ago I was the majority of the things this video says, but thanks to my family, friends and specially myself, and my goals on being more secure in order to love myself, I get to change a lot trough last year and this year, becoming the person I’m now. This video just make me so happy. Though I’m not totally perfect, but I’ve grown and that’s my biggest achievement. And for those who feel bad, don’t worry! It’s just a process! Trust the process! You’ll get to be the person you wanna be starting with yourself. My best wishes and the best luck to everyone!
Talk with them about it. If they react with more toxicity, cut off all contact with them. You’ll be able to rest. It’s better for you and could be better for them if they realize how wrong they were at some point.
@@gwynethmadelo8146 I isolated myself from my friendship in 7th grade cuz my friend liked my ex but my ex still liked me so I left (I moved) and they’re prob dating and I’m honestly not hurt by it. I do miss them tho they were great friends. Now I’m currently going to 9th
I'm so glad I found this comment, reading it helped me feel I wasn't alone in this place I'm in rn and I really hope everyone who's come to this place for help sees this
@@nutterbutter6667 well you were only a baby in the very middle of middle school. Your not going to be thinking about it when your 20 so it’s always good to move on.
I’ve been homeschooled since the 4th grade and I’m going back to public school for high school. I’ve been raised to act more adult, so I can’t relate to anyone my own age. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I think of everyone my age as if their so much younger than me. My perception of how people should behave has been seriously altered.
Yea but this really sounds like one of my friends that I’ve known for years :/ They do hurt my feelings quite a bit, i dont know if im just being sensitive or what theyre doing is just not nice at all. She does point out my insecurities, things I think I’m really good at until she says something lik “Oh come on, I bet I can do that too.” Like drawings I draw for her 🤗 Until she barely shows any interest. That part is probably just me but it still bothers me a little
Yeah I watched the video to see if I am being toxic but realized it's what one of my friends does all the time, so I guess the maker of this video really did a great job of making me watch this :)
@@matheussanthiago9685 well there's a reason why you weren't given that option isn't it..you are supposed to rise above all that..and realise the goodness within...and the fact that you are watching this shows somewhere you wanna be better.. Your inner child has only one person he trusts the most..and that is you.. don't talk to him like that.. You are amazing!!!
I almost cried after watching this that Im toxic. I asked my friend if I am and she answered that if i think im toxic - I'm not. "Toxic people won't admit that they are toxic"
I had a similar experience. I’d started to actually talk to my friend about some personal issues that I’d been dealing with and had been really scared to talk to any of my friends about, and I got really worried that I was being toxic by talking about my problems that my friend didn’t need to hear about. She was super nice and was always good with listening and offering advice, but I was really worried that I was being annoying or talking about something she didn’t want to hear about. One day I asked her if I was being a bad friend and she said that friends listen to each other’s problems, and she was actually happy to know that I trusted her with something I had never trusted anyone with before. It was just a whole experience in a lot of ways, and I try to always make sure I’m not talking too much or anything like that, but now I know not to feel guilty about being more open about stuff.
breaking point of realizing my friend was toxic was when i called to tell her i’d put my old dog to sleep. i was crying and devastated, and only managed to get out the sentence “had to put my baby to sleep” before she answered “that sucks. anyway-”. it was so jarring that i immediately tried to come up with a reason to leave the call and it made me evaluate the friendship. realized she’d treated me that way about much less important things too.
@@firmwhere when you “out an animal to sleep” it means something happened that they can’t take anymore, so you take them to the vet and they will inject them with something that makes them die. My condolences to the owner and they’re dog
Denon everyone doesn’t have to like you, it may get though always being worried about people liking you or not. I'm sure that once you think about it, there are many other things you rather spend your energy on. Be a nice person but don't overdo it. There’s no need to spend a lot of energy on trying to get everyone to like you. Love yourself instead. It feels nice.
To everyone who is reading this, there is no such thing as the perfect friend. Because we are imperfect. That's okay! But there is a reason why we have an option to change to be better..we can do this!!
true! and a real friend will not demand you to be perfect, but instead they will accept your imperfections, which is what you should also do with theirs ^_^
I always try to remind myself to work on two things I have become aware I do. 1. I get clingy, but it’s usually in relationships not friendships 2. I need to balance my talking about myself and them talking about themselves
dude i always accidentally make things about myself without realizing so ive been trying to limit how many times i start a sentence with different variations of “i” when no one asked me about myself. it’s actually really helped!! growth is possible and i love you all :)
It's something I'm trying to get better at too since I always add myself into the situation when I'm trying to make somebody else feel better. It's not about me, it's about them
@@mjhtv5397 Honestly felt, sometimes I think I am helping by adding myself in while comforting a friend with situations that might be similar to theirs by adding in my own experiences and end up making it up about me of what happened and how I did things and I hate it when I do that cause I dont mean to since to myself I always thought that maybe it would help them feel better when they find out their not alone in those things yet realized that not everyone feels like that. Sometimes they dont mind it cause it helps with someone who has experience but sometimes they dont like it cause they just wanna talk and have someone just listen til they ask for their input. I really need to reel it in but gosh its hard when I always forget. A mixture of No. 4: Giving Unsolicited Advice and No. 6: Talking more about Myself is the worst combo :c
Today I have realized that I've also been at fault with my friends and I've been a problem in my friend ship for the longest time. I've been toxic without knowing and I haven't been the best person for my friends, my parents, my siblings, and everyone in general. I've been a selfish human being, I've been crying not because of what my friends told me but because of what I've been doing to my friends and not realizing it. My apologies have become empty and I'll never be forgiven until I take a step to change. I would also ask my friends to get me food and I would always be selfish with every chance that I got and today I've realized that I've been a guilt tripping, narcissistic, selfish and prideful friend and I need to become better. And I hope one am about to become better because most of my promises have been empty, and it's time for me to change.
@Vishakha Singh Same. I'm a pain in her butt. I call her every single time something small happens. I think I need to change that! Edit- thx ppl 👁️💧👄💧👁️ Lmao I talked it out with her and she said she doesn't feel that way about me. To sum up, all I'm trying to say is communicate with your loved ones. 💖🌸
@@junsdangerousenglishteache1079 hm, doesn’t sound like you’re toxic, it sounds like you’re just a little bit clingy, maybe give them a little more space sometimes, but honestly that’s it! doesn’t seem toxic as to say
Haven't seen a summary so here ya go 1. you are Needy 2. you are controlling 3. You're inconsiderate 4. You give unsolicited advice 5. You act critical of them 6. You talk more about yourself than them 7. You're not happy for their success Hope this helped
Watching this awakened something in me. Especially the last point, which is enabled by several parents by making their child feel smaller and compare so often to their friends. I know one of my ex friends who did this to me. She was envious of me and even started bullying me, to the point where my grades fell. We were such good friends before, I always wondered why she changed like that. Now I know, her origin story starts from her parent's trash parenting skills.
Needy: Yes Controlling: Yes Inconsiderate: Yes Unsolicited advice: Yes Self absorbed: Yes Critical: Yes Jealous: No You are a toxic friend to yourself.
0:35 You're needy 0:58 You're controlling 1:26 You're inconsiderate 1:52 You give unsolicited advice 2:21 You act critical of them 2:45 You talk more about yourself than them (you're selfish) 3:15 You're not happy for their success
I feel like I'm that and I don't want my friendships with anyone being taken away from me. Even along with my family. after watching this, I'm starting to know my own faults. It feels like I'm the one controlling others because I'm in need these days.
You're needy-YES You're controlling- YES You're inconsiderate- NO Giving unsolicited advice- YES You act critical of them- NO You talk too much about yourself- YES Not happy about their success- NO Guess I'll go fix myself then
The same. But there is a NO to giving unsolicited advice. Never ever. Still, we almost broke up with two friends and now i guess we are all toxic. Because they also have a lot of points.
You're needy- yes You're controlling-no You're inconsiderate-yes giving unsolicited advice-no you act critical of them-yes You talk too much about yourself- yes Not happy about their success- yes Maybe that's why she blocked me ☺️☺️☺️🤣🤣🤣 I can never be fixed 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Watching this video from start to finish, I’m starting to realize that I have some of those toxic tendencies without even realizing it and I hate it. I’m a good person at heart, I’m just trying so hard to shake off the insecurities that I have that created those toxic tendencies and I’m trying so hard to drain them out of me.
My bestie was once just like this, she thought it's a burden to have friend and close friend. But she said just few days ago, if she were never meet me, she wouldn't have known that befriend can be so chill and comfortable. It's all about mutual interest, as long as you and ur friend have interest on each other and is considerate to each other level, befriend with someone won't be that much of a burden ☺️ i seek to her out of my curiosity of her thoughts, i totally love how her perspective to the world, i need her to keep on learning new things. For her, she find me comfortable and not controlling, she also have the need of someone like me to feel the freedom. Soo now my besties too are just like her, i love it now. I hope you'll find yours, cus it's actually really nice to have someone you're comfortable with☺️
Good for you man...I spent 13 years of my having friends come and go so fast but Whenever they come I think They are gonna be the one that I will be friends with forever...But I get replaced anyway
This gave me anxiety. I do call my friends when I'm upset and try my best to apologize when I feel like I've done something. I do say the wrong thing sometimes. Sometimes I do think about myself. I do feel like I'm generally a bad person nowadays, which is one of the reasons why I tried taking my life last week. I shouldn't be sharing this, I've just got absolutely no body to talk to, my parents won't even let me get a therapist or have me diagnosed for anything.
Hey I hope you are doing alright! Don't feel guilty for always calling your friends if you genuinely need it, if I was the one getting calls from you I'd be grateful you trusted me enough to express your emotions. Keep fighting friend
Also please don't take your life, think of those who will miss you even if it seems like nobody will, there definitely are. Your parents, friends, classmates.. death may seems like an easy way out but I beg you please do not!
I believe you're a great person if you know when to apologize if you think you've done something wrong! One of the first steps to becoming a better person is knowing when you go wrong. The fact that you're getting anxious over the possibility of being a toxic person (however know anxiety is not great at all.) shows you care about how you treat others, and that is amazing. Besides all of this, you have your own talents and quirks, your own interests, your own interesting view on life. Your love towards other people makes you a good person! We all have our errors and we can never be squeaky clean, so remember that
Just because you do one or two things, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad friend. Some people need to talk to others more, so if you call your friends every time something goes wrong then as long as they are okay with it and you are willing to do the same for them, it’s not worth worrying about. Also it’s normal to talk about yourself. Humans are pretty selfish creatures and we like talking about our lives because what else is there to talk about? You’re not gonna talk about when your neighbor took out the trash, you’re gonna talk about what you did on Saturday afternoon because it’s your life and your experiences, so as long as there is some back and forth and you recognize when someone has something of more importance, you’re okay. Also you sometimes have more to talk about than others. I’ve run into plenty of times where I’d ask someone about their week and they would say nothing happened, so I’d be left carrying the conversation with what I did, so if there’s an unbalance of interesting things to talk about, that can happen too. Don’t try to take your life either. You never know what you could be missing out on. If things get really painful and your parents don’t let you try therapy, look things up. The internet has a lot of therapies that you can do without the help of someone trained
Get help from your school? That’s how I got connected to my therapist Everything started from the chat my form teacher has w everybody in the class to try help them/ get to know them better. I broke down in tears from the pure concern that I’ve never felt for my wellbeing before, and after da chat she got me connected w the school therapist. That’s right lol my school is good like that, and my teacher is amazing like that. Anddd I’m just lucky like that. Actually now that I think back on it I might be dead rn if not for her, or be spiralling deeper into depression without even knowing it until I’m on my last breathe and be like, oh, so I’m actually so... sad. Huh. Who knew lol
The constant sharing about myself instead of my friend is a habit for me that apparently strains friendships. I am even at high risk of losing them because of it 😓 now I know I may become toxic myself when I am genuinely a nice person
Here’s a tip to make you you don’t give unsolicited advice: Whenever your friend asks to talk to you about something serious always ask if they just want you to listen or if they would like to have your opinion/advice. I’m usually the person that my friends come to when they need someone to talk to and this creates a bond of trust and comfort and it also gives you an idea of what to do in the situation.
I always want my friend to be honest with me and tell me if I am being stupid though, even if that can be hard to take. I really prefer my friends to tell me what they think, so I can learn from it and grow as a person.
If you don't mind me asking, what could I say when they just want me to listen to them? Usually I end up either accidentally giving advice or going on a "that sucks" loop, so I would like advice on what else I could reply so that they know I'm listening to them ^^;
i just realized I’m kinda toxic, even though my friends got my back whenever I’m feeling down, I should let them know they can also come to me about how they feel. I am also kind of pressuring, thank you for letting me know :) I will change from now on and be a better friend
good job! Just make sure not to push yourself onto them either cause that can also be a bit suffocating for them. But I’m really proud of you, keep it up!
I’m mostly a straightforward person who talks too much and interrupts my friends but I try to get my friends to talk with me about their issues like I do with them I tell them that I’m here for them but sometimes I feel like I’m being a bad friend for being a bit too attached but I’m trying my best to become better cause the only thing I want from people is loyalty and just friendship in general, that’s all I ask for but most of the time I feel like I’m asking too much of them. I’m sorry for this large rant I just felt the need to say my feelings
Its totally ok if you are trying your best to improve. Sometimes my friends also do such things like talking a lot of themselves or interrupting me but I don't feel hurt or bad cause I know they just need someone to tell all that and I know for a fact that when I need them, they'll be with me. Honestly I think you are doing great by trying to improve and trying to get them to talk about there issues too. I cant tell for a fact that you are not a bad friend so don't worry :)
this really helped me. i'm in a bit of a dark spot right now, and this genuinely helped me so so much with knowing i dont absolutely suck. this video is damn magnificent and i love that it was made.
I honestly give unsolicited advice a lot, and it usually comes from a place of love. I was in the middle of texting a friend and offering support while watching this video and I'm so happy I watched it. Sometimes we all just need someone to listen to our issues. I just wanna say thankyou guys for the channel and everything you guys are putting out into the world. It's so wholesome and pure and it makes my heart so happy.
yo same whenever someone’s like “hey can i talk to u abt something?” my brain always thinks of ways to problem solve bc that’s how i approach my own life and i have a hard time just understanding that they just want me to listen and i never know exactly what they want to hear, so i’ve developed a system where sometimes i’ll ask whether they want me to try to help come up with solutions for it or just want me to listen because i can never tell which they want me to do unless they explicitly tell me.
Yeah I agree. I myself also give themselves a ton of advise just because I don't want them to go through what I have and I just want the best of them. But sometimes... you just need to sit back and listen them cause that's important as well.
I don’t think they are acting like that on purpose. If you tell them that they are being a toxic friend, tell them slowly and help them improve if they want you to.
I’m thankful I found this video honestly. I felt like I was becoming more of a toxic/bad friend than I realized as the years went on and forgetting to greet my friend on their birthday was the final straw. I just want to be a better friend, I wish I was a better friend. I don’t deserve them.
this actually showed me that i’ve had really big personality glow up because in the past i was like really toxic but nowadays i have healthy friendships that are awesome :)
"And the fact that you were honest enough with yourself to admit that you're being a bad friend shows a willingness to grow change for the better." This hits me hard. Nice words 🥺❤
this made me realize how much my bff is toxic to me my family her family and people at school she does everything in this vid😭😭😭😭😭😭 Sorry if I came off selfish or someone who to into them self
Never work with your friend. That will become toxic. My friend is my boss and the fact that I was actually being liked and smart, she did not like it and had to overpower me and belittle me. I now see who she is and I am already looking for another job. Because of this made me realize the lack of respect she has towards me
The way I realized that my best friend was toxic is when she only talks about her issues and pushes it on me to try and give her advice even though I don’t know how to answer. Then she calls me toxic and selfish even though all she ever talks about is herself and she doesn’t care about me as a person. She is also really judgmental and talks trash about my other friends- she ruined so many relationships that I had with other friends because of that. Like she thinks that I’m her therapist and not a friend. Edit: thank y’all for the support! I didn’t expect this to get much attention, but I am distancing myself from her and I’ve been feeling so much relief from that. I’ve started to realize that she’s been dragging me down with her problems and I’m feeling so much better by staying away from that.
@@thesilentsheep7573 sorry, but did you even read it properly? they clearly mentioned that the friend calls them toxic and selfish and doesn’t care about them as a person. even if she’s struggling, it doesn’t give her the right to treat her friend like that. friends are not personal therapists.
Do try to tell them at some point... Communication might help... If she still acts like this take care of yourself your well-being is more important than pleasing her
sadly i am becoming a toxic friend, i'm glad i watched this video because now i can fix the things i do wrong. I wouldn't like to throw away a 10+ years friendship just because i have toxic actions. Thanks for this video, helped a lot
Is it bad that I feel like the friends I have aren’t really what I want. Like I don’t really feel like a real connection with them and it feels like I’m forcing it because it’s the only friendship I have. I have so much guilt built up inside for feeling this way.
I was in the same situation, and it’s not fun. The best thing I did was step up for myself and tell them that I want to hang out with other people. They took it maturely and I started hanging out with people that I feel comfortable with. Changed how I looked at people. :)
I don’t really have a best friend, or any best friends anymore. I used to have one, but then I moved, and we grew apart. Then I had another best friend, but there were some problems there, so that went out of the window too. I do have really nice friends, it’s not that, it’s just that they have other friends too you know. They have someone else. I don’t. I don’t have a friend of my own you know? They all have SOMEONE ELSE they can lean on, and I don’t have that kind of ‘safety net’. Not to sound selfish, because of course everyone is allowed to have other friends, but I just feel like I’m not first choice, and whenever that is, I feel the sudden urge to distance myself, or run somewhere, where no one knows who I am. Somewhere, where I can start fresh.
@@bread4life.142 I have that mindset too but in my case I don’t have anyone else. If I don’t have the friends I currently have, then there’s no one else so I have to somehow put up with the friends I currently have. And I’m not happy. I don’t even like these people most of the times but I don’t have any choice.
My “friend” once called me toxic so I clicked on this video and it made me realise that she’s jealous. I’m always supportive and considerate of her feelings and it’s made me think of my friendship with her. To anybody reading this please know to choose your friends wisely and surround yourself with people that will support and respect you
I relate, I clicked when I saw this in my recommended because I got lied about being toxic by my friend, so I was trying to figure out if it was my fault.
Same for me- One of my ex friend one day messaged me that I am becoming toxic for his mental health. So, He is dropping our friendship. Followed by two of our common friends messaging me that I am acting weird and when I asked them what i did wrong, their reply was that, "I don't but he is hurt.", "It's good to see that you are reflecting". None of them gave me a proper explanation, ( and i was more confused because before I was quite inactive due to my studies before their message ). LMAO looking back it was so dumb 💀💀
This was a great reality check. It was informative and doesn't hurt to hear the harsh reality. Fortunately I don't think I do most of these but sometimes I do have some of these when I get angry, but that isn't common for me.
A terrible quality I have is lashing out at loved ones when they cause me any inconvenience. I hate it and I’ve tried to work on it so many times but I’m afraid one day it’ll be too much for them.
Tbh, i think we arent really toxic, just understood and different. I wish i met more people that understood we can’t always be nice and we have to be stubborn towards certain things.
@@lesedikhupari3181 She said she does none of these bad things and then proceeded to act humble. Which no longer makes her humble if you get what I mean.
I have a friend that constantly makes me worry if I’m annoying her or if I’m being too clingy or inconsiderate. She doesn’t tell me whenever she doesn’t like something and I can never tell if she’s enjoying a conversation. I try to keep talking to her without talking too much but it feels almost like a give-and-take with nothing to receive. I constantly try to engage and make plans and I’ve been told that my calls are sometimes ignored when they could be answered, so I stopped calling or texting first. I don’t know how to tell her that the comment hurt me, but it was so long ago I feel that if I bring it up it’ll be insignificant. I’m really lost, but there’s not much I can say because she’s one of my only friends. (probably won’t ever be seen but the mini rant was nice)
I'm sorry that you both feel this way, but the only thing I can tell you is to tell them straightforwardly, like hang out together the both of you and talk it out and then from there I can't judge because there are multiple outcomes but what's the worst that can happen? and I'll tell you what, no one is deserving of feeling anxious in any way, so if they understand the situation and is looking forward to keeping up with your friendship then that's good for the both of you, but if they flip it off as if it's nothing or starts complaining then respectively leave them (I don't mean to sound harsh but I hope I was useful) and best of luck :)
Dude I gotta tell you, people who don’t make time for you like that and don’t communicate aren’t doing those things because they probably don’t care enough to do so. She might actually not give a shit or doesn’t know to do this. The best thing you can do is communicate your feelings no matter how much it hurts. If she really cares, she’ll listen to you. If she doesn’t nothing is going to change. Just because she’s your only friend now, doesn’t mean it’s gonna be that way forever. A real friend is gonna be there for you and want to spend time with you cuz you’re awesome bro. Please don’t waste your time trying to fix a friendship that might not be there to begin with. Figure it out for your mental health sake. You’ve got support man, we’ve all been through a toxic friend or two
Ah- that’s relatable.. I have a friend also who I feel that I annoy, we got into our first argument last night and it made me feel like I was being toxic even if I wasn’t. I had told her about me dating my best friend and she didn’t act very supportive and I had been dealing with that for months. I finally snapped and mentioned it to her as kind as possible that it was bothering me and we ended up venting to each other. She said that she had been shamed by her loved ones, and various other things. Mean while my only “excuse” was that I wanted to feel loved and the reason why I dated him was because he made me feel loved, and I just wanted something I did to be accepted for once. (I have very controlling parents who judge me for everything I do) So, I understand your struggles, and I’m here for you. You can talk,vent, etc to me, I’ll always be here to listen ^^
I felt this I had one friend and one day she just stopped answering my texts all I did was try to make plans she kept turning them down she was my only friend and I hate it bc once school starts guess who’s gonna try to have a conversation w me
My answers: 1. Sometimes, but not all times. *(Meaning: I have tough times at school, but I also help my friends when they need it)* 2. In the past, but not anymore. *(Meaning: I used to be controlling of my friends when i was little, but i changed and don't make them do what they don't want to do and they can be friends with whoever they want if the friend is friendly and kind)* 3. Sometimes but i try to not to. *(Meaning: usually I do this because they usually cut in and talk when I'm talking, but I don't do it when they are talking. Unless its something i relate too, I also get used to it.)* 4. I give advice when they are in need. *(Meaning: I don't usually give advice and listen to others instead because I don't really know how to give advice, but when they are in need I usually give them advices to help if i could.)* 5. Sometimes I do, but sometimes I keep it myself. *(Meaning: sometimes they want to do their own thing and I get it but sometimes I have to be critical or else they will get into trouble.)* 6. Ah yes, i was waiting for this one but mostly no. *(Meaning: sometimes I want to talk about myself but they say they don't want to hear about my day because they didn't ask for it but always talk about there's instead and I didn't ask for it.)* 7. No *(Meaning: I'm always happy for their success and support them.)* Am i a toxic friend? *Answer: I don't know.* (you can help me answer bc im getting mixed emotions)
“You may not even realize you are hurting people you love until it’s too late” lost a friend a few months ago. She meant everything to me. That one comment hit me in the gut man. No hate, love your channel, this will help me try to not make the same mistakes I did with *PRIVATE NAME*. Maybe someday she will give me another chance…
I think it's more that they're able to reflect on your actions and admit where they're wrong. That's the first step in changing. Everyone seems to act toxic from time to time (some more than others) but self reflection can hopefully show people their motives for why they're acting like that so that they can change.
I have a friend who's exactly like this and she's actually starting to get on my nerves - like whenever we call she talks about nothing but herself, uses me as her therapist and is very pushy
god same you shd just leave her. like talk to her one day explain how u feel and therefore tell her that u dont wanna continue your friendship bc its draining you. always prioritise yourself love
I’m just glad I’m not any of these things. However, it does make me think about my actions a lot more and how to be careful, I appreciate this channel as it has changed me for the better, since it help me evolve and get better in certain situations and more.
Last sign hit me hard. Me and my friend like to draw and sometimes when she posts the picture of her drawing in the group chat everyone is like "Wow", "So realistic", "You draw so good" (even tho it is traced somewhere) while when I post something I don't get any attention. At first I thought that people just didn't see my message but many people saw it and just ignored it! I feel this- sadness when I hear/see them talking about my friend how she draws so good and nothing about me. But even tho this happens I still say to her that her works are "Amazing", "Cool" bc it is not her fault. I don't know what to do :^( I saw so much replies and likes and its just- crazy. So much people have this problem. I hope everything will be fine and you will be noticed! ✨
Ah, same :,) I drifted off with some people because I’m always the one who calls out the cute one, even though she does some things wrong. Its kinda obvious they prefer her over me, since I’m more straightforward and in my world, while shes sugarcoaty and outgoing. Same thing like you, if she shows something to our groupchat, everyone screams underrated and shower her with compliments, but once I do, I usually get left on seen. Its tough, but its best to leave them :,) ---- Also, small side note, if you want, we can be friends :D (if you want though) - uhH I can talk in discord, Instagram, google chats, and google duo ^^
it's the same for me, it makes me sad but then I'm happy for her too T-T but then even tho I'm at the same level than her, people are more interested in her drawing and T-T it kinda hurts.. it's been like this since the last 4 years, when I draw beside her people will only come and ask to see her drawing saying woow, beautiful, amazing and then they see me but ignore me 😕 (maybe it's because I'm intimidating? ) and when people watch her sketchbook they are always saying you draw so good or add comment at each drawing, abd when the same person watch mine that say nothing but smile (*'へ'*) idk it kind of made me feel very insecure about my drawing ... And when she send me some of her drawing I always try to be positive and tell her it's good, but when I send her mine she just say like "cool" it seems like she doesn't care a bit or she points the thing I've messed up in the drawing T-T and one time she laughed at my drawing and ;_; (it was when we didn't draw well both and were young) it was a very emotional drawing for me so I just died inside and did not want to show her anything else, now she doesn't mock my drawing anymore and I show her sometimes but yeah.. It's still the same she gets all the attention and I'm bit jealous sometimes :/ But after all her and me our personnslity is different maybe it has a role in that? I'm less talkative and more introvert maybe they feel like they don't want to disrupt me, but still.. it makes me feel bad about my own art..
@@akadefisss8909 dont worry about it :) know your own worth and if u think ur art is gud, then thats all that matters. if she doesn't care about your art as much as u do to hers, then maybe talk to her about how u feel. but at the end of the day it doesn't matter about other people. u r a beautiful person and theres so many people that support u. dont change urself for others pls cuz ur amazing! and everyone is different so its ok. ly, hope this helps a bit.💖 also if u want, we can be friends :D
Two things I’ve seen when someone talks about their emotions: Love- You listen to the person carefully looking at each detail and giving your honest opinions and thoughts Pity- You try to boil the conversation down instantly when it gets a bit negative reassuring them before they have said everything they actually needed to so you can avoid guilty emotions towards them
i can be a bit self-centred and can give unsolicited advice. but i'd gone through a lot so i'm working on it. and i'm actively trying to talk more about them. i'll totally celebrate their successes and be there for them though.
Does this remind you of someone?
yes myself
Is someone trying to give me a hint?
yeah, one of my friends now that I actually think about it-
i feel like one of my friends has al-ot maybe even all of these traits. she kinda makes me feel like i always ruin everything but i love being her friend and dont know how to tell her that i want her to be less toxic without her getting mad at me
It reminds me of my best friend
Who else clicked this because they were paranoid that they are the toxic one?
Like 60% of the people
*i feel called out*
felt lmaoo
oh god yeah
I
You’re needy
You’re controlling
You’re inconsiderate
Giving unsolicited advice
You act critical of them
You talk too much about yourself
You’re not happy for their success
godsend
my friend does most of these things
and even if she don't trust me that much anymore (because i wanted to put limits because she was REALLY controlling) when i tell her something good i did or that happened to me she just compare and say "couldn't be me" *everytime* and then i feel guilty because something good happened
Shit that's me
My friend tried to seperate me and my bsf cause she was jealous
I feel like 6 and 3 but I’m trying okay-
Can’t be a toxic friend if you don’t have friends.
I feel you-
I just came to feel better and the I saw this
*BIG BRAIN*
*Yeah, this is big brain time.*
Agreed
Reminder: you can have toxic behaviors without being a toxic friend. You being here shows a willingness to learn and grow. And the fact you're trying means a lot when compared to the millions who don't bother.
Amen, this is so important to remember.
Amen 🙏
Thank you I try to a good friend
I came here thinking i was a toxic friend
Turns out, i was just blatantly labelling people that talk to me nicely as "friends" then i have a massive breakdown (at home, not in public or in messages ofc, I'm am introvert) over why they dont bother tallk to me anymore. I need to remind myself that not everyone thats nice to me is my friend. They were just being respectful
That being said, I will prob need a notification every now and then to remind me of that, so I'll let yt do its work here
"I'd rather have an enemy who admits he hates me, than a friend who secretly put me down"
Have a great day
ooohh, dats truee for me
Me toooo
Word bruh
thumbs up
Wow, how did you insert image in your comment?
To everyone who clicked on this video: if you recognise one or more of these signs within you, it doesn’t mean that you’re a terrible person. We’ve all made mistakes and no ones perfect. Recognising that you’re doing something wrong, even if you genuinely do love your friends, is the first step to getting better.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
This need more like
Sorry if my eng bad
thank you so much for saying this. after watching this video, it made me want to distance myself, but I feel less terrible after reading this. I just want to be nice to people and treat them how I want to be treated.
I feel so bad, i am very controlling over my best friend ever since we went to separate schools. I have always been the loner, quiet one and always relied on her. Now she has new friends and I am just so scared she is going to replace me. I love her so much and would probably Jill myself if she wasn’t there. But I always check when she was last online and when she is not replying to me. And spam call her when she does, what should I do?
Thank you for that ^^
moral of the story: dont treat your friend like how you treat your sibling(s).
Bruh...XD
LMAO IKRRRR
lol yasssssssss
I don’t have siblings 😕😐
@@Hannah-le1dh be grateful 😭
The unsolicited advice part is so confusing for me. When people vent to me, I've always been so confused on whether to give advice or not. I used to have friends that would vent to me almost every day and I'd listen with open ears and assure them that I'd always be there to support them. But afterwards, they would sometimes get mad at me and say that that was "useless" or that "saying that doesn't actually make anything better". Then I started giving advice whenever people vented to me, but they would get mad at that if my advice wasn't always what they wanted to hear. Now I'm just unsure.
Edit: Thanks for all the responses and advice, I wasn’t expecting any but it’s all really helpful!
those people need to consider that you're there listening to them because that's what friends do, listen, confort and maybe give advice. But they can't expect you to always listen, sometimes you'll be mentally tired and not in the mood to hear others problems when you're also having problems, if they can't understand that you're a human too and that you have difficult times like them, then they're not good for you. You did well💜
It may be better to just… ask them which one they’re looking for. It directs you to what you need to do for them and also saves you the trouble of figuring out what they want. You’re a good friend, but you’re not a mind reader.
I always ask "do you need an advice or do you just wanna talk ?" it's better off this way, so there's no confusion
these people are really the bad one, youre listening to them and trying to help, youre very considerate friend and if your advices didnt work is ok!! not all advices would work on different person because advices are based mostly on our experience or what we heard, youre doing your best
also, i dont think what you do is unsolicited, because if the replies are like "it didnt work" then just mean they want some advice, but if youre not sure you should ask them if they need advices
Awwww ☹
The comments that say “you’re not toxic because you clicked on this” make me feel better... But you have to understand it’s not true. You could easily be manipulative and hurt their feelings without exactly realizing or admitting it to yourself.
It's manipulation only of you know of it! It was one of my greatest fear to manipulate people without doing on purpose but its not if you dont know tht youre doing!
@@howdoichangenames I agree, but that doesn't mean that you are not hurting people unfortunately. You could manipulate them without the intention of really doing it maybe because of past abuse. The only thing that can actually help you become better, in my opinion, is self-awareness of your actions and the realization that you're no different than anyone else
@@howdoichangenames that’s not true, you can manipulate others without knowing
@@sail491 @how do I change names : yea, you can manipulate others into getting what you want, but may not realize that what you are doing is manipulation, if that makes sense
Agree. Videos like these make me realize I was once a toxic friend. I have to admit that in order for me to improve as a friend.
The thought of hurting others hurts me even more than when others hurt me.
felt
this.^
I used to be like that but now I'd say I'm more confident and I prioritize myself more than anyone (thinking of yourself before others doesn't always mean you're selfish)
Same
@@entyope I think you're missing the point, I'm not saying one is more important than the other. I'm just saying it's sometimes easier to ignore another person's hurtful actions when you know it's not your fault. But when you are the one to have caused pain to someone else and know and understand how you made them feel it's very difficult to live with yourself.
advice: you can't be a toxic friend if you don't have friends.
i don’t have friends ‘cause i’m toxic 💅😭
@@sanije6428 oop
Thank you! I've been following your words for quite a long time, and I have to say, they work like a c h a r m.
thanks
Bro that's genius
0:35 You are needy
0:58 You’re controlling
1:28 You’re inconsiderate
1:55 You give unsolicited advice
2:24 You act critical of them
2:47 You talk more about yourself than them(not true if you’re neurodivergent. It’s normal for neurodivergent people to do this.)
3:18 You’re not happy for their success
Thank you for the timestamps, but what do you mean by your comment on number six? I've met many people who had disabilities like autism who talked about themselves for hours. They never asked me about my interests or would always go back to themselves after I tried to share them, so I just stopped hanging around them. Are you saying there people who feel afraid to share their interests with others too? I'm like that. I only share them if people ask and genuinely take interest.
I disagree with the neurodivergent. I always used to think that and put myself second. In the end, I went mad and the relationship become very toxic. Some days ago I ended it
@@Meow_meowwww Same here, had a mate for over 5 years that was neurodivergent and I noticed that he was really just talking about himself everything we voice chatted and he only screen shared his games and didn’t even pay attention to me. My other friends usually called him a “chatterbox”
Damn the replies are just neurotypicals talking shit about neurodivergents that's wild
@@LiaMakesContentWow im neurodivergent but you have to understand that not everyone is built to deal w us constantly. Others have their needs too
Also being a toxic friend is caring too much about the friendship. I’ve ruined so many friends by overthinking everything like this. Sometimes it’s better to just chill
This is me rn
That's stupid
@@tidepodpadthai2633 that's not stupid it is incredibly suffocating to have someone constantly worrying about you or being overly attached and clingy. Some people prefer to be alone sometimes to recharge, others prefer to have people around at all times. It isn't necessary to "mother" everyone just because you are very caring. Some people might find this annoying and might end up ignoring the friendship in the end.
I can relate to that, I’m ruining my friendship with my own best friend over this exact reason , I’m just learning to chill tf out and it’s showing everyone else’s true colours
I hate how much I relate to this...
I’m always so terrified that I’m a toxic friend, I really don’t try to be but I’m terrified I am, I related to about 2-3 of these, I just really don’t wanna be a toxic friend..
Nobody's perfect ❤️. I think that even if you do relate to some of these you can still be a good friend. For example, the unsolicited advice one could be good because you want to help your friend.
Same here
it's really scary, I definitely understand.
well, awareness is the first step to improvement :))
Everyone is going to mess up from time to time, but recognizing your toxic behavior/traits can help prevent conflict in friendships! :)
The sad part is that probably the wrong friend is watching this
This hit too close
yeah .. u rite
Do not hit this close...
@@outofthewoodstv no, everyone is toxic to everyone in the beginning. Some peoples learn with that and get to be a better person, some just ignore that and are evil. Toxic ppls fake smiles a lot, so I see why you tought this.
Nykew 34 D. A. No, I don’t think they’re toxic, they are toxic to me
I think I could very easily be a toxic friend if I didn’t try so hard not to be. I find I often have to stop myself from being too needy, controlling, giving advice they didn’t ask for, being critical, and talking about myself too much. I try very hard not to do those things though, and have to remember that sometimes it is best to just keep my mouth shut.
That is completely normal! It's all about an active effort to treat people well :)
this is a completely normal feeling, its human nature to be jealous, controlling etc. but the fact that you’ve tried to make an effort to always be there for your friends no matter how toxic you feel speaks loud, the difference between you and people that constantly hurting their friends is that you’ve taken the time out of your day to watch this video and make an effort to keep the relationship between you and your friends healthy
Same bruh
Omg same😭😭😭
Like when my friends tell me about their problems I use my experiences to understand and help them but I always feel like I'm one upping then when I do that. But I also don't know how to understand them otherwise
Saaaaaaaaameeeeeee!!! I realize now that I used to be unknowingly toxic whith my old best friend and that is why we stopped being friend, however now, I have improved so much, even if sometimes it is exausting to try so hard to not accedentally do anything wrong, it is worth it because now I have much better friends that I “fit” better with! Now I have mich better friends that care for me more :)
I’m sure we’ve all been a toxic friend at one point or another. We just don’t like to admit it. And We cry and complain about it when others do it us.
This. Absolutely this.
Yes, you are right. inside us Humans there are good and evils both.when time arrives,it's up to us we want to become evil or good.
sometimes that toxic ideas comes in my but i always erase them before i can become toxic friend.
But I've received toxic friendships that's why I don't want to become toxic.I know how it feels.
@Aswathi Balan same,and when I try to tell them my problems or behaves like angry and rude they can't bear it.
i tolerate their anger and other emotions so why can't they . i am also Human , can't remain with smiley face and cool all time.
Really why they can't ,
like seriously?
Ouch 😞
You're right in a way, but I admit that I've been a toxic friend for a long time (I'm still a bit) and I never realised it before I had a toxic friend who did the same things to me... 😔
The thing is... How can I change? 🤔
This actually made me realise how much I talk about myself wherever I'm with friends. I do need to fix that and my insecurity
It’s great that you are working to improve yourself!
I’m glad you noticed and are going to work on it!
Same here, I’ll have to work on that!
fr same here i really try hard not to but sometimes i just don’t notice it 🥲
Okay 1. I didn't expect this comment to get like, it was mainly just a reminder so that I wouldn't forget 2. It's heartwarming to see other people have the same flaws as me, makes me feel a little less alone
I’d say I relate to the last one. When my friends accomplish big things, I congratulate them, but on the inside I feel inferior and jealous of them.
Same but I don't pray them a failure or something bad I just want to also get or accomplish what they did so I get jealous but then it just goes away late.
It normal to feel that way. Whats bad is not celebrating their success and not feeling happy for them.
Well i dont want them to fail irl i just want them to fail in a video game 😄
same but my friend is in middle school and getting scholarships already so ofc i feel pretty inferior
Same
In all honesty i was very toxic last year and it took all of my friends leaving for me to understand that. Since then i’ve been owning up to my sh*t and trying to better myself, I’m still not fully there yet so this video helped me a lot. Thank you
To everyone watching this, congratulations! You’re not a bad person. The fact you even took the time to watch this says you want to try harder and make sure you’re not toxic without knowing. Good job.
im still a bad person i just dont want to be
Fr it's like I'm becoming the person I didn't want to be
Nah I’m just a toxic friend man I got all those stuff
"Knowing you’re a bad person doesn’t make you a better person"
Ty!
I feel like I’m a toxic person but I don’t do any of these things I-
these are only some I guess 🌚
Well then ur probably not
You aren't,no worries :) I showed my friend this because I realized I might be becoming a bit toxic to her (I do 2-3 of these things 0_0) and she panicked thinking she was toxic lol. Sweetest person I've ever met. She's not toxic, and neither are you
Adira DiLiberto thank you so much🥺
@@aimeeannan Yw :)
I need videos like this. I need to figure out how to be a better person.
Same tbh.
:))
same:(
I wish everyone was like you 🥺
Same here
*When people consider you a friend but it's hard to consider them a friend*
THIS
YES
Yeah just worked through that feeling
❤️- 7 signs -❤️
1- you are needy
2- you are controlling
3- you are inconsiderate
4- you give unsolicited advice
5- you act critical to them
6- you talk more about yourself then them
7- you aren't happy for their success
Thank u friend!
Edit: friend!
Wtf
Stfu bots
These bots..
Tysm❤️
It hurts when you realize that you are becoming toxic😭
Yea
Yea :((
It hurts more to know you've always been toxic ಥ‿ಥ
Well hey that doesn’t make you terrible people.
I mean now you know so now you can make an effort to improve yourself
@@nevergonnagiveyouup1180 yeah it does, because nowadays, people are toxic as a trend
UA-cam: signs your becoming a toxic friend
Me: 👁👄👁
Ikr 😂
i don’t even talk to the “friends” that i had before quarantine so i’m just kinda lonely now lol i have me myself and i :’)
@@_jisko3973 U GOOD?
@@bobhehe8810 uhhh yeah i think so!
@@_jisko3973 gurllll u sure?😀
One of the worst qualities I have is getting jealous easily. I always think that one day my friends will think I’m so boring and stop talking to me or just find better friends. I had two friends last year and one of them I’ve known for six years and the other friend was someone I just met that year. I didn’t really have any problems with them until they both found a common interest and it wasn’t really my thing. This gave me a lot of worries that they would get closer and I’d be left behind and I let my jealousy get the better of me sometimes and acted like a total drama queen. This made us get into a lot of arguments and just became me and one of my friends just kinda competing for the attention or smth. That lasted until I moved out of the country and I feel like this was partly my fault although we were all wrong in a way. Till now I have jealousy issues and I’m trying to work on just telling myself “it’s okay for them to joke with others it’s okay that they have other friends too” makes me feel so toxic and I feel like a terrible friend. Hopefully I will stop being such a needy person at some point idk if it’s toxic to get jealous about small things but I’m trying my best.
Not sure anyone will even read all of that tho
you literally describe my feelings
One of the big eye-opening moments for me in my romantic relationship was when I would let jealousy consume me and constantly ask about this female coworker my boyfriend had and voice how hurt I was that they would talk about so many different things and spend so much time together (duh- they're at work 8+ hours a day). One day my boyfriend turned to me and said "I have never once thought about her in the ways that you think and say, but because you keep saying these things time and time again, every time I'm around her it's all I can focus on". And damn. After that day I realized I need to chill and focus on my own good qualities that make him want to be with me, and ever since my jealousy has been little to none. I was single-handedly sabotaging my relationship by feeding my boyfriend my own insecurities that then manifested in his personal life. It's not that he started to like her or anything, but when he was around her he would think about all my worries and stress and it stressed him out, pushing him further from me. The fact that you're jealous means that you care a lot about yourself and the people you love, but expressing your love in ways like the video presented, is damaging to your friends and your own self image. There's a reason these people are your friends, they like spending time with you. You just need to focus more on valuing that time with them and how that makes you and them feel rather than focusing on other peoples' feelings that you likely just made up in your head :) It gets better, friend. Be kind to yourself.
I feel good about myself for reading all of that
Same tbh, I get so jealous of my friends and how they hangout even when I'm occasionally not there, even though the invite me when I can come and welcome me. Thankfully I've known that I should be careful to not act on my jealousy. Although, when I realize my jealousy, I get really guilty, even when I'm not acting on it, but I realize that I should atleast improve my mentality because, hey atleast I'm not acting on it so the only person I'm hurting is myself, so if I can't help nudge my mentality to be more positive and find things that I'm proud of about myself, then it wouldn't hurt anyone. Still a work in progress though..
So relatable 💔 I experienced that too. Huhu hope we can work this out.
Acknowledging being toxic is tough, but it’s better to acknowlegde and apologize for your actions instead of acknowledging it and denying the factual.
Unless the recipient refused to accept your apology :/
Welp, that's four nearly identical accounts, probably bots, trying to scam you. That's rough...
Casey Flores, that is so true.
Keks Dose yeah it's tough. I struggle with the physical change part. It is truly easier said than done, but I accept your comment
Yeah I did one of them tho but that’s cuz my friend is sus sometimes
When you realize you’re a toxic friend but so are all your friends: “Let’s see who is the backstabber today??”
It's a non-stopping cycle of talking behind each others back.
That’s messed up
@@olafandsamantha9027 lmao it’s all so messed up
No. Cut them off and try to stop being toxic.
No lol you all are 😭
When you’re watching this because you are scared that you’re being toxic but also don’t talk to any friends because you’re scared that they’ll think you’re clingy.
Edit: that’s a lotta likes-
Yes
this
Well only one of them but yeah
So true 😭
or because you dont wanna bother them :')
The worst part is that most people who watch this, even if it's true about them, they either won't realize they're like this or they're in denial.
I feel so disgusted that I can't appreciate my friend and celebrate her accomplishments just because of some petty jealousy. I know I need help with my envious feelings, I just don't know where to get it.
Hey, so I know this will ruin this comment, but I just want to thank everyone that liked this. I also want to let everyone that relates to this to know that they are loved and that I am praying for them.
I also feel like that sometimes and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it, you can't help but be jealous sometimes but what you can do is to proactively make them and yourself better, if you have a test encourage your friend to read and as you do that you will slowly but surely get better
@@mercye6151 thanks for the advice, I will try to better myself.
Hi! I think it's important to realise that your thoughts aren't you and your emotions are simply that; emotions. Give meditation and mindfullness a go, I think it provides a good avenue in dealing with these types of emotions and learning about yourself.
@addison k Hi those people are toxic. Ill be your friend if you want but I understand if not. 💗🎀
@addison k I get where you're coming from and have been there, too. Try talking to them. Sure, you might lose some of them, but if they're really your friends, they will understand. Also, if you *do* lose them, there will always be more friends to come in the future.
God, this is why I struggle to reach out to people, I'm worried I'm being too invasive
There’s nothing wrong with reaching out to people in times of need. It’s just important to know that as humans, it’s okay and needed to go through things alone sometimes. Regardless of how much advice or listening ears you have, ultimately, you’re gonna have to figure things out for yourself because you’re the only one in control of your life.
Thats why i try to first love myself, and observe till i know how to be a good person to myself abd others as well
Olives are invasive to Florida like everything else go back to Italy
@@Walter_hartwell_white87104 I'm British ;-;
@@justanolive1960 you spread to Florida
No one can avoid being a least a little toxic sometimes, if u relate to some, it’s okay atelast you’ve made yourself aware so you don’t hurt anyone
thank u for saying this, i tend to worry a lot about it. I wanna be a good friend
@@choutzuyu8915 ^^^^
@@choutzuyu8915 same here, I tend to feel I am controlling in a way though my friend keeps saying it's fine. The only things I really boss them around to do is if they have to do it in order to be mentally or physically okay just sometimes I feel like I've gone too far and so I tend to talk to my friend about it
Yeah, I agree. I've done a few of these things sometimes. Always try to keep the toxicity to a minimum...
I thought i was toxic because i would hate replying to her all the time and answering her never ending questions about my life. she would give me advices even when i don't ask and i thought i was ungrateful and toxic for not liking all those advices.but watching this video i think she is the toxic one. She always wants to know what i am up to. She becomes furious when i get better grades than her. She always says that i shouldn't be friends with anyone else. She makes me feel sry for everything like not replying immediately.
From past few days im realising that she is the toxic one. I don't think its my fault for not meeting her expectations.i hate being around her cause it makes me soo uncomfortable and feel guilty sad and hopeless all the time. I think i should cut connection with her and i have tried it before but honestly it's not easy. what do i do?
It’s just so pleasant to watch this video, and realize how much I’ve grown as a person… like a year and a few months ago I was the majority of the things this video says, but thanks to my family, friends and specially myself, and my goals on being more secure in order to love myself, I get to change a lot trough last year and this year, becoming the person I’m now. This video just make me so happy. Though I’m not totally perfect, but I’ve grown and that’s my biggest achievement. And for those who feel bad, don’t worry! It’s just a process! Trust the process! You’ll get to be the person you wanna be starting with yourself. My best wishes and the best luck to everyone!
This literally described EVERYTHING my “best friend” does
Same here :(
Oh no 😨😥
Same
Talk with them about it. If they react with more toxicity, cut off all contact with them.
You’ll be able to rest. It’s better for you and could be better for them if they realize how wrong they were at some point.
Uff
The talking about myself is just because I have isolated myself for so long I have literally nothing else to talk about lol
I can relate to this so much bc I isolate myself to after being tired of friendships since they turn out to be toxic
@@gwynethmadelo8146 I isolated myself from my friendship in 7th grade cuz my friend liked my ex but my ex still liked me so I left (I moved) and they’re prob dating and I’m honestly not hurt by it. I do miss them tho they were great friends. Now I’m currently going to 9th
I'm so glad I found this comment, reading it helped me feel I wasn't alone in this place I'm in rn and I really hope everyone who's come to this place for help sees this
@@nutterbutter6667 well you were only a baby in the very middle of middle school. Your not going to be thinking about it when your 20 so it’s always good to move on.
I’ve been homeschooled since the 4th grade and I’m going back to public school for high school. I’ve been raised to act more adult, so I can’t relate to anyone my own age. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I think of everyone my age as if their so much younger than me. My perception of how people should behave has been seriously altered.
Me: actually being a good friend.
My friends: You're a really good friend to me.
My paranoid ass: Am I toxic?!
Well you did just call yourself a good friend 😂
same
fr tho 😩✌️
Same lol😂
Me:
I just realized I do some of this to my boyfriend. I feel really bad, he's like the sweetest and kindest person I wasn't even aware of my own actions.
Congratulations!! Now you are aware💜
The fact that you are true to yourself about it shows that you really are willing to change.
Good to know u took time to watch this video, understand and change.
it’s good when the lesson is about ourselves, this way we don’t always blame others, we have flaws too, it’s not always about someone else, thanks ❤️
Yeppp really agreed with youu. Feel more comfortable if it's about our self
Yea but this really sounds like one of my friends that I’ve known for years :/
They do hurt my feelings quite a bit, i dont know if im just being sensitive or what theyre doing is just not nice at all.
She does point out my insecurities, things I think I’m really good at until she says something lik “Oh come on, I bet I can do that too.”
Like drawings I draw for her 🤗 Until she barely shows any interest. That part is probably just me but it still bothers me a little
Yeah!
Yeah I watched the video to see if I am being toxic but realized it's what one of my friends does all the time, so I guess the maker of this video really did a great job of making me watch this :)
Since 2019 I’ve always known or thought it was my fault not only but if it is about me yes
Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship
if I could I'd block myself
@@matheussanthiago9685 well there's a reason why you weren't given that option isn't it..you are supposed to rise above all that..and realise the goodness within...and the fact that you are watching this shows somewhere you wanna be better..
Your inner child has only one person he trusts the most..and that is you.. don't talk to him like that..
You are amazing!!!
This comment truly gave me pause. I need to work on my relationship with myself then
Damn, I must have terrible relationships then 😕
Wrong
I almost cried after watching this that Im toxic. I asked my friend if I am and she answered that if i think im toxic - I'm not. "Toxic people won't admit that they are toxic"
I have no frens ahahah Dam I will try tho
@@steve9203 You’ve got this, wishing you the best!
@@GtheCatLady I got frens just not a lot
I had a similar experience. I’d started to actually talk to my friend about some personal issues that I’d been dealing with and had been really scared to talk to any of my friends about, and I got really worried that I was being toxic by talking about my problems that my friend didn’t need to hear about. She was super nice and was always good with listening and offering advice, but I was really worried that I was being annoying or talking about something she didn’t want to hear about. One day I asked her if I was being a bad friend and she said that friends listen to each other’s problems, and she was actually happy to know that I trusted her with something I had never trusted anyone with before. It was just a whole experience in a lot of ways, and I try to always make sure I’m not talking too much or anything like that, but now I know not to feel guilty about being more open about stuff.
@@steve9203 Okay, well I still hope you have a great day!
POV: you clicked this to see if your FRIEND, not you, is toxic.
seriously though, the fact that my "friend" matches all of these is overwhelming.
I wish you better friends and I hope that friend realised that he/she/them are being toxic💜
@@ayeshamurudkar3380 thank youu, same for you
breaking point of realizing my friend was toxic was when i called to tell her i’d put my old dog to sleep. i was crying and devastated, and only managed to get out the sentence “had to put my baby to sleep” before she answered “that sucks. anyway-”. it was so jarring that i immediately tried to come up with a reason to leave the call and it made me evaluate the friendship. realized she’d treated me that way about much less important things too.
That’s really rude, hope you are good now. Sending my condolencens for you pup🤍
I’m so sorry. I hope you find friends and loved ones who will comfort you when that happens. Sending love to you and the pupper ❤️
Is the dog.... ded?
(Sorry, didn't mean to be rude. Just curious.)
@@firmwhere when you “out an animal to sleep” it means something happened that they can’t take anymore, so you take them to the vet and they will inject them with something that makes them die. My condolences to the owner and they’re dog
Honestly that would be my breaking point too, i hope you have better friends now
I always analyze my actions because I really don’t like people disliking me, it just feels like a bad decision in a video game.
Denon everyone doesn’t have to like you, it may get though always being worried about people liking you or not. I'm sure that once you think about it, there are many other things you rather spend your energy on.
Be a nice person but don't overdo it. There’s no need to spend a lot of energy on trying to get everyone to like you.
Love yourself instead. It feels nice.
Me too.
same
@@angelalalo8189 try to give some thought into my earlier comment to Denon😊
@@aliza1802 you too, try to give some thought into my earlier comment.😃
To everyone who is reading this, there is no such thing as the perfect friend. Because we are imperfect. That's okay! But there is a reason why we have an option to change to be better..we can do this!!
true! and a real friend will not demand you to be perfect, but instead they will accept your imperfections, which is what you should also do with theirs ^_^
Bear in mind being self aware isn’t enough. You must change if you have toxic behaviour.
Disagree, all my friends will tell you I’m the perfect friend
I always try to remind myself to work on two things I have become aware I do.
1. I get clingy, but it’s usually in relationships not friendships
2. I need to balance my talking about myself and them talking about themselves
dude i always accidentally make things about myself without realizing so ive been trying to limit how many times i start a sentence with different variations of “i” when no one asked me about myself. it’s actually really helped!! growth is possible and i love you all :)
It's something I'm trying to get better at too since I always add myself into the situation when I'm trying to make somebody else feel better. It's not about me, it's about them
@@mjhtv5397 Honestly felt, sometimes I think I am helping by adding myself in while comforting a friend with situations that might be similar to theirs by adding in my own experiences and end up making it up about me of what happened and how I did things and I hate it when I do that cause I dont mean to since to myself I always thought that maybe it would help them feel better when they find out their not alone in those things yet realized that not everyone feels like that. Sometimes they dont mind it cause it helps with someone who has experience but sometimes they dont like it cause they just wanna talk and have someone just listen til they ask for their input. I really need to reel it in but gosh its hard when I always forget.
A mixture of No. 4: Giving Unsolicited Advice and No. 6: Talking more about Myself is the worst combo :c
Honestly I dont why we end up doing these things but I rlly wanna improve this
I just got out of a “friendship” with a person who was like this. I couldn’t do anything but now I’m actually happy for the first time in 6 years :).
girl i swear i can relate but the problem is i still didn't get out of the "friendship" and it's been 8 years already it's sickening
exactly my situation
@@abirsaidi9740 good luck
@@alice_so_kattish5445 thanks
I did the same, and it was a 4-year friendship, and i truly feel happy and way MOREE comfortable.
A message to anyone watching this:
The fact you clicked on this video proves that you care about your friends,
Therefore you're not toxic :)
you can care but still be toxic
@Kim have u lived my life or something?
@Kim i said it due to my experience with toxic friends and being toxic person myself in the past
i love u
@@Alan_Shv they were agreeing with you
Today I have realized that I've also been at fault with my friends and I've been a problem in my friend ship for the longest time. I've been toxic without knowing and I haven't been the best person for my friends, my parents, my siblings, and everyone in general. I've been a selfish human being, I've been crying not because of what my friends told me but because of what I've been doing to my friends and not realizing it. My apologies have become empty and I'll never be forgiven until I take a step to change. I would also ask my friends to get me food and I would always be selfish with every chance that I got and today I've realized that I've been a guilt tripping, narcissistic, selfish and prideful friend and I need to become better. And I hope one am about to become better because most of my promises have been empty, and it's time for me to change.
Signs you're not a toxic friend: You clicked this.
@Vishakha Singh Same. I'm a pain in her butt. I call her every single time something small happens. I think I need to change that!
Edit- thx ppl 👁️💧👄💧👁️
Lmao
I talked it out with her and she said she doesn't feel that way about me.
To sum up, all I'm trying to say is communicate with your loved ones. 💖🌸
@@junsdangerousenglishteache1079 hm, doesn’t sound like you’re toxic, it sounds like you’re just a little bit clingy, maybe give them a little more space sometimes, but honestly that’s it! doesn’t seem toxic as to say
👁️👄👁️👍
not necessarily, some people can be insecure and think they are toxic when they aren’t :)
Eehh no.
UA-cam: Are you toxic to your friends?
Me: But I dont have fr-
UA-cam : *but are you though*
So trueeee.. Just wanted to chill watching UA-cam, but this video made me believe I'm indeed a toxic friend lol
@@hareemkhawaja it made me realize that my friend is lol.
@@dheais that shit hurts
😂😂😂😂
haha
Haven't seen a summary so here ya go
1. you are Needy
2. you are controlling
3. You're inconsiderate
4. You give unsolicited advice
5. You act critical of them
6. You talk more about yourself than them
7. You're not happy for their success
Hope this helped
Watching this awakened something in me. Especially the last point, which is enabled by several parents by making their child feel smaller and compare so often to their friends. I know one of my ex friends who did this to me. She was envious of me and even started bullying me, to the point where my grades fell. We were such good friends before, I always wondered why she changed like that. Now I know, her origin story starts from her parent's trash parenting skills.
Needy: Yes
Controlling: Yes
Inconsiderate: Yes
Unsolicited advice: Yes
Self absorbed: Yes
Critical: Yes
Jealous: No
You are a toxic friend to yourself.
*YES*
My goals are beyond your understanding
Eh
Eh
No
No
No
Yes
Yes based on vids order
I need to stop relying on myself.
This is so deep. And so true.
0:35 You're needy
0:58 You're controlling
1:26 You're inconsiderate
1:52 You give unsolicited advice
2:21 You act critical of them
2:45 You talk more about yourself than them (you're selfish)
3:15 You're not happy for their success
I feel like I'm that and I don't want my friendships with anyone being taken away from me. Even along with my family.
after watching this, I'm starting to know my own faults.
It feels like I'm the one controlling others because I'm in need these days.
2:34 mans straight up called her a clown 💀XD
PLS😭💀
That made me feel a ton better 😂😂
😂
Lol
youtube: **recommends me this**
me: **starts to have an existentional crisis**
You're needy-YES
You're controlling- YES
You're inconsiderate- NO
Giving unsolicited advice- YES
You act critical of them- NO
You talk too much about yourself- YES
Not happy about their success- NO
Guess I'll go fix myself then
just know that those characteristics arent inherently bad, at least in moderation they arent bad. Good luck improving yourself and growing though
The same. But there is a NO to giving unsolicited advice. Never ever. Still, we almost broke up with two friends and now i guess we are all toxic. Because they also have a lot of points.
gee yeah you better.
You're needy- yes
You're controlling-no
You're inconsiderate-yes
giving unsolicited advice-no
you act critical of them-yes
You talk too much about yourself- yes
Not happy about their success- yes
Maybe that's why she blocked me ☺️☺️☺️🤣🤣🤣
I can never be fixed 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@lucianalopesstein2590 um yeah go change
Watching this video from start to finish, I’m starting to realize that I have some of those toxic tendencies without even realizing it and I hate it. I’m a good person at heart, I’m just trying so hard to shake off the insecurities that I have that created those toxic tendencies and I’m trying so hard to drain them out of me.
Seeing this in your reccomend: panik
You have no friends: kalm
Realizing you’re starting to get friends: PANIK
Breezy TV- XD loll this made my day and its only 7.36 AM LOL
SAme. it's real panic
Take my like 👍
yes YES
My bestie was once just like this, she thought it's a burden to have friend and close friend. But she said just few days ago, if she were never meet me, she wouldn't have known that befriend can be so chill and comfortable. It's all about mutual interest, as long as you and ur friend have interest on each other and is considerate to each other level, befriend with someone won't be that much of a burden ☺️ i seek to her out of my curiosity of her thoughts, i totally love how her perspective to the world, i need her to keep on learning new things. For her, she find me comfortable and not controlling, she also have the need of someone like me to feel the freedom. Soo now my besties too are just like her, i love it now. I hope you'll find yours, cus it's actually really nice to have someone you're comfortable with☺️
i think ill just live without friends because ill always fear the fact they can replace me
Comfort yourself with the fact that the same goes the other way around
Imaginary friends won't ditch you.
Good for you man...I spent 13 years of my having friends come and go so fast but Whenever they come I think They are gonna be the one that I will be friends with forever...But I get replaced anyway
Long distance is the worst!!!
They can indeed replace any of us.
I guess for me, it is the memories that count, no matter if it ends
This gave me anxiety. I do call my friends when I'm upset and try my best to apologize when I feel like I've done something. I do say the wrong thing sometimes. Sometimes I do think about myself. I do feel like I'm generally a bad person nowadays, which is one of the reasons why I tried taking my life last week. I shouldn't be sharing this, I've just got absolutely no body to talk to, my parents won't even let me get a therapist or have me diagnosed for anything.
Hey I hope you are doing alright! Don't feel guilty for always calling your friends if you genuinely need it, if I was the one getting calls from you I'd be grateful you trusted me enough to express your emotions. Keep fighting friend
Also please don't take your life, think of those who will miss you even if it seems like nobody will, there definitely are. Your parents, friends, classmates.. death may seems like an easy way out but I beg you please do not!
I believe you're a great person if you know when to apologize if you think you've done something wrong! One of the first steps to becoming a better person is knowing when you go wrong. The fact that you're getting anxious over the possibility of being a toxic person (however know anxiety is not great at all.) shows you care about how you treat others, and that is amazing. Besides all of this, you have your own talents and quirks, your own interests, your own interesting view on life. Your love towards other people makes you a good person! We all have our errors and we can never be squeaky clean, so remember that
Just because you do one or two things, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad friend. Some people need to talk to others more, so if you call your friends every time something goes wrong then as long as they are okay with it and you are willing to do the same for them, it’s not worth worrying about. Also it’s normal to talk about yourself. Humans are pretty selfish creatures and we like talking about our lives because what else is there to talk about? You’re not gonna talk about when your neighbor took out the trash, you’re gonna talk about what you did on Saturday afternoon because it’s your life and your experiences, so as long as there is some back and forth and you recognize when someone has something of more importance, you’re okay. Also you sometimes have more to talk about than others. I’ve run into plenty of times where I’d ask someone about their week and they would say nothing happened, so I’d be left carrying the conversation with what I did, so if there’s an unbalance of interesting things to talk about, that can happen too. Don’t try to take your life either. You never know what you could be missing out on. If things get really painful and your parents don’t let you try therapy, look things up. The internet has a lot of therapies that you can do without the help of someone trained
Get help from your school? That’s how I got connected to my therapist
Everything started from the chat my form teacher has w everybody in the class to try help them/ get to know them better. I broke down in tears from the pure concern that I’ve never felt for my wellbeing before, and after da chat she got me connected w the school therapist. That’s right lol my school is good like that, and my teacher is amazing like that. Anddd I’m just lucky like that.
Actually now that I think back on it I might be dead rn if not for her, or be spiralling deeper into depression without even knowing it until I’m on my last breathe and be like, oh, so I’m actually so... sad. Huh. Who knew lol
The constant sharing about myself instead of my friend is a habit for me that apparently strains friendships. I am even at high risk of losing them because of it 😓 now I know I may become toxic myself when I am genuinely a nice person
Here’s a tip to make you you don’t give unsolicited advice: Whenever your friend asks to talk to you about something serious always ask if they just want you to listen or if they would like to have your opinion/advice. I’m usually the person that my friends come to when they need someone to talk to and this creates a bond of trust and comfort and it also gives you an idea of what to do in the situation.
I LOVE YOUR PROFILE PIC I FOLLOW THAT DOG ON IG
I always want my friend to be honest with me and tell me if I am being stupid though, even if that can be hard to take. I really prefer my friends to tell me what they think, so I can learn from it and grow as a person.
If you don't mind me asking, what could I say when they just want me to listen to them? Usually I end up either accidentally giving advice or going on a "that sucks" loop, so I would like advice on what else I could reply so that they know I'm listening to them ^^;
@@potat4137 saying "oh wow" is my go-to. I find that staying silent and nodding is most helpful
@@potat4137 sometimes I ask them more questions about their situation
i just realized I’m kinda toxic, even though my friends got my back whenever I’m feeling down, I should let them know they can also come to me about how they feel. I am also kind of pressuring, thank you for letting me know :) I will change from now on and be a better friend
that's soo cool, not many people can say they are in the wrong. you go girl!
sending love and sunshine your way❤️🌻
awesome! wish you the best and thank you for being a good friend
Same
good job! Just make sure not to push yourself onto them either cause that can also be a bit suffocating for them. But I’m really proud of you, keep it up!
I’m mostly a straightforward person who talks too much and interrupts my friends but I try to get my friends to talk with me about their issues like I do with them I tell them that I’m here for them but sometimes I feel like I’m being a bad friend for being a bit too attached but I’m trying my best to become better cause the only thing I want from people is loyalty and just friendship in general, that’s all I ask for but most of the time I feel like I’m asking too much of them. I’m sorry for this large rant I just felt the need to say my feelings
@Phoenix Spirit I feel the same exact way you're not alone in that feeling (=
sammy cat thanks
i feel the same.
Same tbh
Its totally ok if you are trying your best to improve. Sometimes my friends also do such things like talking a lot of themselves or interrupting me but I don't feel hurt or bad cause I know they just need someone to tell all that and I know for a fact that when I need them, they'll be with me. Honestly I think you are doing great by trying to improve and trying to get them to talk about there issues too. I cant tell for a fact that you are not a bad friend so don't worry :)
this really helped me. i'm in a bit of a dark spot right now, and this genuinely helped me so so much with knowing i dont absolutely suck. this video is damn magnificent and i love that it was made.
i love how everyone in the comment section is trying to grow into a better person ❤️
I agree, it's really inspiring.
Ahem. Ah yeah not everyone
I honestly give unsolicited advice a lot, and it usually comes from a place of love. I was in the middle of texting a friend and offering support while watching this video and I'm so happy I watched it. Sometimes we all just need someone to listen to our issues. I just wanna say thankyou guys for the channel and everything you guys are putting out into the world. It's so wholesome and pure and it makes my heart so happy.
yo same whenever someone’s like “hey can i talk to u abt something?” my brain always thinks of ways to problem solve bc that’s how i approach my own life and i have a hard time just understanding that they just want me to listen and i never know exactly what they want to hear, so i’ve developed a system where sometimes i’ll ask whether they want me to try to help come up with solutions for it or just want me to listen because i can never tell which they want me to do unless they explicitly tell me.
Yeah I agree. I myself also give themselves a ton of advise just because I don't want them to go through what I have and I just want the best of them. But sometimes... you just need to sit back and listen them cause that's important as well.
Same....
Edit: it’s either I talk too much or I talk too less. *Social introvert intensifies*
Lmao I talk to much. I'm getting better tho
I want to but how to show that you're listening while charting without seeming that you're ignoring them?
HOLY WHY DOES THIS REMIND ME OF MY BESTFRIEND SO MUCH-
Same
If they’re doing that I don’t think they’re a best friend tbh.
I don’t think they are acting like that on purpose. If you tell them that they are being a toxic friend, tell them slowly and help them improve if they want you to.
Same
OMG SAMEEE
I’m thankful I found this video honestly. I felt like I was becoming more of a toxic/bad friend than I realized as the years went on and forgetting to greet my friend on their birthday was the final straw. I just want to be a better friend, I wish I was a better friend. I don’t deserve them.
this actually showed me that i’ve had really big personality glow up because in the past i was like really toxic but nowadays i have healthy friendships that are awesome :)
thats great! im so happy for you
I'm so happy for you! I can relate to this though 😀
I don't know you but i'm so proud of you!! Congrats for the glow up
We'll see
@@calebflatt2139 wdym
"And the fact that you were honest enough with yourself to admit that you're being a bad friend shows a willingness to grow change for the better."
This hits me hard. Nice words 🥺❤
This has made me realise how healthy my relationship is with my two friends, and how we always have each other's back :).
i knew i have toxic traits because my first thought was jealousy that you are able to say that lol
@@iCupcakeMelaniex3 oh... it's ok if you work on it, it can go away! I believe in you :)
@@miracle1842 thank you!
@@iCupcakeMelaniex3 no worries
this made me realize how much my bff is toxic to me my family her family and people at school she does everything in this vid😭😭😭😭😭😭
Sorry if I came off selfish or someone who to into them self
Never work with your friend. That will become toxic. My friend is my boss and the fact that I was actually being liked and smart, she did not like it and had to overpower me and belittle me. I now see who she is and I am already looking for another job. Because of this made me realize the lack of respect she has towards me
The way I realized that my best friend was toxic is when she only talks about her issues and pushes it on me to try and give her advice even though I don’t know how to answer. Then she calls me toxic and selfish even though all she ever talks about is herself and she doesn’t care about me as a person. She is also really judgmental and talks trash about my other friends- she ruined so many relationships that I had with other friends because of that. Like she thinks that I’m her therapist and not a friend.
Edit: thank y’all for the support! I didn’t expect this to get much attention, but I am distancing myself from her and I’ve been feeling so much relief from that. I’ve started to realize that she’s been dragging me down with her problems and I’m feeling so much better by staying away from that.
same thing happened to me!!
THIS!
Same here!
@@thesilentsheep7573 sorry, but did you even read it properly? they clearly mentioned that the friend calls them toxic and selfish and doesn’t care about them as a person. even if she’s struggling, it doesn’t give her the right to treat her friend like that. friends are not personal therapists.
Do try to tell them at some point... Communication might help... If she still acts like this take care of yourself your well-being is more important than pleasing her
sadly i am becoming a toxic friend, i'm glad i watched this video because now i can fix the things i do wrong. I wouldn't like to throw away a 10+ years friendship just because i have toxic actions. Thanks for this video, helped a lot
Yeah same
I came here thinking about how bad i might have become to my bestfriend, only to realise how bad she has become to me
OMG backfire
Damn me too👁💧👄💧👁
oof
Me too, I got flashbacks throughout this video.
This really helped, as someone who has lost many friends, even though it may have been there fault, I can look back and see where I’ve gone wrong to
Is it bad that I feel like the friends I have aren’t really what I want. Like I don’t really feel like a real connection with them and it feels like I’m forcing it because it’s the only friendship I have. I have so much guilt built up inside for feeling this way.
I was in the same situation, and it’s not fun. The best thing I did was step up for myself and tell them that I want to hang out with other people. They took it maturely and I started hanging out with people that I feel comfortable with. Changed how I looked at people. :)
It’s not, people change. It’s no one’s fault for changing and you aren’t hurting anyone anyways, so just go do whatever you want 💅🏻
I don’t really have a best friend, or any best friends anymore. I used to have one, but then I moved, and we grew apart. Then I had another best friend, but there were some problems there, so that went out of the window too. I do have really nice friends, it’s not that, it’s just that they have other friends too you know. They have someone else. I don’t. I don’t have a friend of my own you know? They all have SOMEONE ELSE they can lean on, and I don’t have that kind of ‘safety net’. Not to sound selfish, because of course everyone is allowed to have other friends, but I just feel like I’m not first choice, and whenever that is, I feel the sudden urge to distance myself, or run somewhere, where no one knows who I am. Somewhere, where I can start fresh.
I feel the exact same way, you're not alone.
@@bread4life.142 I have that mindset too but in my case I don’t have anyone else. If I don’t have the friends I currently have, then there’s no one else so I have to somehow put up with the friends I currently have. And I’m not happy. I don’t even like these people most of the times but I don’t have any choice.
My “friend” once called me toxic so I clicked on this video and it made me realise that she’s jealous. I’m always supportive and considerate of her feelings and it’s made me think of my friendship with her. To anybody reading this please know to choose your friends wisely and surround yourself with people that will support and respect you
I relate, I clicked when I saw this in my recommended because I got lied about being toxic by my friend, so I was trying to figure out if it was my fault.
@@xryātシ don’t worry it won’t be your fault people just need to learn to take responsibilities :))
@@Skiisdemise thank you :D
**sends virtual hug UnU**
@@Skiisdemise also sorry for not responding right away, I'm working on an FNF Ugh GFC (Gacha Fake Collab).
Same for me- One of my ex friend one day messaged me that I am becoming toxic for his mental health. So, He is dropping our friendship. Followed by two of our common friends messaging me that I am acting weird and when I asked them what i did wrong, their reply was that, "I don't but he is hurt.", "It's good to see that you are reflecting". None of them gave me a proper explanation, ( and i was more confused because before I was quite inactive due to my studies before their message ). LMAO looking back it was so dumb 💀💀
This was a great reality check. It was informative and doesn't hurt to hear the harsh reality. Fortunately I don't think I do most of these but sometimes I do have some of these when I get angry, but that isn't common for me.
A terrible quality I have is lashing out at loved ones when they cause me any inconvenience. I hate it and I’ve tried to work on it so many times but I’m afraid one day it’ll be too much for them.
I turned into a toxic friend and lost my best friend years ago. :( Still hurts.
we always make mistakes :((( i just wish you the best and hope that we can be better for ourselves and for others :'))
Tbh, i think we arent really toxic, just understood and different. I wish i met more people that understood we can’t always be nice and we have to be stubborn towards certain things.
yeah I lost my friend just a week ago bcoz of the same thing
Will you guys tell me how are you coping with this situation? Please!
@addison k then you have to take your stand
Me: literally does none of these
Also me: welp. I’m toxic.
Narcissistic comment
@@axkela ur right.
@@axkela how?
@@lesedikhupari3181 She said she does none of these bad things and then proceeded to act humble. Which no longer makes her humble if you get what I mean.
@@axkela oh, okay understood. I thought narcissists praise and see no faults in themselves
I have a friend that constantly makes me worry if I’m annoying her or if I’m being too clingy or inconsiderate. She doesn’t tell me whenever she doesn’t like something and I can never tell if she’s enjoying a conversation. I try to keep talking to her without talking too much but it feels almost like a give-and-take with nothing to receive. I constantly try to engage and make plans and I’ve been told that my calls are sometimes ignored when they could be answered, so I stopped calling or texting first. I don’t know how to tell her that the comment hurt me, but it was so long ago I feel that if I bring it up it’ll be insignificant. I’m really lost, but there’s not much I can say because she’s one of my only friends. (probably won’t ever be seen but the mini rant was nice)
Dude I feel you so much 😭😭, for now I don't have a solution, but I'll be here in the replies in case anyone does, then maybe we can both be helped
I'm sorry that you both feel this way, but the only thing I can tell you is to tell them straightforwardly, like hang out together the both of you and talk it out and then from there I can't judge because there are multiple outcomes but what's the worst that can happen? and I'll tell you what, no one is deserving of feeling anxious in any way, so if they understand the situation and is looking forward to keeping up with your friendship then that's good for the both of you, but if they flip it off as if it's nothing or starts complaining then respectively leave them
(I don't mean to sound harsh but I hope I was useful) and best of luck :)
Dude I gotta tell you, people who don’t make time for you like that and don’t communicate aren’t doing those things because they probably don’t care enough to do so. She might actually not give a shit or doesn’t know to do this. The best thing you can do is communicate your feelings no matter how much it hurts. If she really cares, she’ll listen to you. If she doesn’t nothing is going to change. Just because she’s your only friend now, doesn’t mean it’s gonna be that way forever. A real friend is gonna be there for you and want to spend time with you cuz you’re awesome bro. Please don’t waste your time trying to fix a friendship that might not be there to begin with. Figure it out for your mental health sake. You’ve got support man, we’ve all been through a toxic friend or two
Ah- that’s relatable.. I have a friend also who I feel that I annoy, we got into our first argument last night and it made me feel like I was being toxic even if I wasn’t. I had told her about me dating my best friend and she didn’t act very supportive and I had been dealing with that for months. I finally snapped and mentioned it to her as kind as possible that it was bothering me and we ended up venting to each other. She said that she had been shamed by her loved ones, and various other things. Mean while my only “excuse” was that I wanted to feel loved and the reason why I dated him was because he made me feel loved, and I just wanted something I did to be accepted for once. (I have very controlling parents who judge me for everything I do)
So, I understand your struggles, and I’m here for you. You can talk,vent, etc to me, I’ll always be here to listen ^^
I felt this I had one friend and one day she just stopped answering my texts all I did was try to make plans she kept turning them down she was my only friend and I hate it bc once school starts guess who’s gonna try to have a conversation w me
My answers:
1. Sometimes, but not all times.
*(Meaning: I have tough times at school, but I also help my friends when they need it)*
2. In the past, but not anymore.
*(Meaning: I used to be controlling of my friends when i was little, but i changed and don't make them do what they don't want to do and they can be friends with whoever they want if the friend is friendly and kind)*
3. Sometimes but i try to not to.
*(Meaning: usually I do this because they usually cut in and talk when I'm talking, but I don't do it when they are talking. Unless its something i relate too, I also get used to it.)*
4. I give advice when they are in need.
*(Meaning: I don't usually give advice and listen to others instead because I don't really know how to give advice, but when they are in need I usually give them advices to help if i could.)*
5. Sometimes I do, but sometimes I keep it myself.
*(Meaning: sometimes they want to do their own thing and I get it but sometimes I have to be critical or else they will get into trouble.)*
6. Ah yes, i was waiting for this one but mostly no.
*(Meaning: sometimes I want to talk about myself but they say they don't want to hear about my day because they didn't ask for it but always talk about there's instead and I didn't ask for it.)*
7. No
*(Meaning: I'm always happy for their success and support them.)*
Am i a toxic friend?
*Answer: I don't know.* (you can help me answer bc im getting mixed emotions)
“You may not even realize you are hurting people you love until it’s too late” lost a friend a few months ago. She meant everything to me. That one comment hit me in the gut man. No hate, love your channel, this will help me try to not make the same mistakes I did with *PRIVATE NAME*. Maybe someday she will give me another chance…
ok
Hey, at least you realised it. Your future relationships would turn out better if you keeo up with the improvements. Hope you guys make up :)).
did she die or did she just leave u..?
@@costumusername read the last line again
@@freerights6695 oh
The fact that people who think they're toxic and want to change that shows that they aren't actually toxic
It's an interesting paradox
Well, I guess it's not technically a paradox since there's an easy explanation, but still
Yeah. You can be toxic sometimes (mostly in anger) but be deeply feeling sorry about it.
I think it's more that they're able to reflect on your actions and admit where they're wrong. That's the first step in changing. Everyone seems to act toxic from time to time (some more than others) but self reflection can hopefully show people their motives for why they're acting like that so that they can change.
I have a friend who's exactly like this and she's actually starting to get on my nerves - like whenever we call she talks about nothing but herself, uses me as her therapist and is very pushy
ok
god same you shd just leave her. like talk to her one day explain how u feel and therefore tell her that u dont wanna continue your friendship bc its draining you. always prioritise yourself love
same here and she always victimize herself when someone confront her
Sometimes you just really need someone to be your therapist- can’t help it TvT
im going through the same thing, i hope everything works out love 💞
I’m just glad I’m not any of these things. However, it does make me think about my actions a lot more and how to be careful, I appreciate this channel as it has changed me for the better, since it help me evolve and get better in certain situations and more.
*Psy has blocked you*
Me:Gangnam Style
Nostalgia
Lmfao
Lol
Bro u got bots on your comment 🤖
@@callizto1964 The bots are everywhere. Probably not even just this video or channel.
XDDDD
Last sign hit me hard.
Me and my friend like to draw and sometimes when she posts the picture of her drawing in the group chat everyone is like "Wow", "So realistic", "You draw so good" (even tho it is traced somewhere) while when I post something I don't get any attention. At first I thought that people just didn't see my message but many people saw it and just ignored it! I feel this- sadness when I hear/see them talking about my friend how she draws so good and nothing about me. But even tho this happens I still say to her that her works are "Amazing", "Cool" bc it is not her fault. I don't know what to do :^(
I saw so much replies and likes and its just- crazy. So much people have this problem. I hope everything will be fine and you will be noticed! ✨
Ah, same :,)
I drifted off with some people because I’m always the one who calls out the cute one, even though she does some things wrong.
Its kinda obvious they prefer her over me, since I’m more straightforward and in my world, while shes sugarcoaty and outgoing. Same thing like you, if she shows something to our groupchat, everyone screams underrated and shower her with compliments, but once I do, I usually get left on seen. Its tough, but its best to leave them :,)
----
Also, small side note, if you want, we can be friends :D (if you want though)
-
uhH I can talk in discord, Instagram, google chats, and google duo ^^
it's the same for me, it makes me sad but then I'm happy for her too T-T but then even tho I'm at the same level than her, people are more interested in her drawing and T-T it kinda hurts.. it's been like this since the last 4 years, when I draw beside her people will only come and ask to see her drawing saying woow, beautiful, amazing and then they see me but ignore me 😕 (maybe it's because I'm intimidating? ) and when people watch her sketchbook they are always saying you draw so good or add comment at each drawing, abd when the same person watch mine that say nothing but smile (*'へ'*) idk it kind of made me feel very insecure about my drawing ... And when she send me some of her drawing I always try to be positive and tell her it's good, but when I send her mine she just say like "cool" it seems like she doesn't care a bit or she points the thing I've messed up in the drawing T-T and one time she laughed at my drawing and ;_; (it was when we didn't draw well both and were young) it was a very emotional drawing for me so I just died inside and did not want to show her anything else, now she doesn't mock my drawing anymore and I show her sometimes but yeah.. It's still the same she gets all the attention and I'm bit jealous sometimes :/ But after all her and me our personnslity is different maybe it has a role in that? I'm less talkative and more introvert maybe they feel like they don't want to disrupt me, but still.. it makes me feel bad about my own art..
Oops a bit long haha I needed to write it one day.. I can't keep it to myself forever bc it's gonna kill me otherwise..
@@akadefisss8909 dont worry about it :) know your own worth and if u think ur art is gud, then thats all that matters. if she doesn't care about your art as much as u do to hers, then maybe talk to her about how u feel. but at the end of the day it doesn't matter about other people. u r a beautiful person and theres so many people that support u. dont change urself for others pls cuz ur amazing! and everyone is different so its ok. ly, hope this helps a bit.💖 also if u want, we can be friends :D
OH ME TOO, i always just cry in silenxe
Two things I’ve seen when someone talks about their emotions:
Love- You listen to the person carefully looking at each detail and giving your honest opinions and thoughts
Pity- You try to boil the conversation down instantly when it gets a bit negative reassuring them before they have said everything they actually needed to so you can avoid guilty emotions towards them
i can be a bit self-centred and can give unsolicited advice. but i'd gone through a lot so i'm working on it. and i'm actively trying to talk more about them. i'll totally celebrate their successes and be there for them though.