Destroy a Narcissist's Gaslighting Using Three Sentences
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- Опубліковано 26 чер 2024
- Break the Trauma Bond in 5 Steps:
www.emotionalabuserecovery.co...
Chapters
00:00 introduction
01:36 They try to change the Narrative
02:32 Be firm in your opinion and don't fumble
03:03 Technique 1
( When a Narcissist says I never said that )
05:30 Technique 2
( When a Narcissist says you need help )
07:20 Technique 3
( When Narcissist says you're imagining things)
09:04 Technique 4
(When a Narcissist becomes violent)
Break the Trauma Bond in 5 Steps:
www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/breaking-the-trauma-bond
I've told them that it's their lie and they can tell it anyway they want too. But the truth is I'm sticking to it. And give them a quick look in their eyes as I walk away from them. It shuts them down.
From my personal experience with a narcissist who is easily triggered,the less said the better.
No… why should you keep quiet for them… mind you, I did, the more you try and explain things, the more angrier they get til they end up storming out or absolutely foaming at the mouth with rage.
After years of abuse from a covert narcissist, I just can't keep quiet any longer. I have call this person out on her lies.
Yes, my father takes EVERYTHING personally.
@jasonryan1199 Very true, she just kept it up! Slander, lies and much worse!
Agreed
It took me years of being abused and gaslit before I found what works with the Narcs in my life. I say in a calm voice…”We both know what really happened, so for what purpose are you doing this” And then I walk away or hang up the phone and let them deal with their own toxic emotions.
This is the one💭
this is what I needed
Thank you
good ONE
God bless you.
Silence is golden with narcissists. Nothing you say will help.
Gaslighting me was actually their biggest mistake, it's then that I resolved to fire them from my life.
Same here! She over reached. Now she's lost her supply.
This is so helpful. Everything with a narcissist is fake, dodgy, uncomfortable, twisted and filthy. Thank you, Danish 🙏🏻
The best response could be just a smirk, a short laugh, and then you simply walk away.
Total indifference after that.
Full stop.
But that could trigger revenge feelings? It's like leading a war with them. Exchanging mean things to each other? Ignoring, Grey Rock, Yellow Rock, no contact, low contact are the best weapons against narcissists.
That's just passive-aggressive
@shairaptor1865 you're right, really. But no matter what you do, you're always wrong, and there'll always be revenge.
@maxsymons3572 hmmmm .... you're right. Maybe it is passive-aggressive.
But no matter what you do, you're never right, and you're never enough. The real solution seems to be to simply leave and never look back, ever!
@@shehlatanveer2731 Exactly!
My Response to a Narcissist is, "I see you. I see you for who and what you are". My divorce from my narcissistic ex will be finalized in about 2 months. I met him when I was 17, he was 27. I am now 45. After seeing the real him, I can now say that I have seen true evil.
Yep my ex too. Everything is about usurping. It's like they have an addiction that can never be filled.
In fact I'd change the description of NPD to Usurping Disorder.
I have had almost the same experience with my husband of 25 years, soon to be ex (I pray for a quick and least painful divorce possible)
I have worked as a health care provider for 30 years now and I will say, that you are 100% correct, I have also seen evil in its truest form and I saw in his eyes the day I told him I knew who and what he really was. It was the pure evil and those eyes told me clearly without saying a word that he would destroy me for this.
Evil that hurts you so bad your heart and soul break, and when you find out that your person who you have loved and did everything for, didn’t not love you, they tried to high jack your soul. They murdered who your were and you know you will never be the same. So you are in shock. Unable to defend yourself, or even run at first. You know that your world will never be the same. You feel confused and find yourself asking “what just happened?”
You shake your head and focus and you see a look in his eyes that tells you he WILL destroy you for this.
He will destroy you for finding out who he was and how he had betrayed, lived, manipulated and abused me… and I knew he would destroy me.
And he did
Same here
I hear you. It happened to me too
... can never be filled. 👍 Like a Black Hole.
Yes , you can’t win with them. Just remember that you’re not crazy , they are!
Silence and facts are the best responses to a narcissist. Avoiding them is crucial.
Stay away from narcissists lobbies is the only option
I have been told “I never said that” a million times, and that I am crazy! Thank you for sharing, and letting me know I did hear it, and I am not crazy.
What if you are misquoting them? That is call a “straw man”. They could legitimately say “I never said that”.
Your channel helps me stay right in my head, through the Narcissist's manipulative narrative.
💯💯💯💜🙏🕊️🕊️
"They want to disconnect you from your intuition so that it becomes your enemy." 💯. Even after leaving the narc I met ppl who were narcs, but I kept doubting myself, and gaslighting myself and not trusting my intuition. You start to gaslight urself so much that u start to question the facts that are right in front of u.
Absolutely
Always trust your intuitions and his actions, not his words.
My narc was always using the "you need help you're crazy" statement. It was his way of taking the attention off of him and to divert the blame elsewhere.
After he would say, "I never said that" I would then ask, "What did you say?" And he would reply, "I am not going to go over this again, I will not repeat myself. You know exactly what was said; don't even try to deny it and put words in my mouth." I would say "I think we should discuss this" and he replies, "That was in the past, I will not discuss the past it is pointless." I said that was only 10 min ago! Talking to him was like going around in circles!
They ignore the fact that the only thing you CAN talk about is the past.
It's insane to talk as if you could see the future.
JC That is literally almost the same shit I dealt with verbatim
💯
@@lindac6919 It's ridiculous! We couldn't talk about his past marriage, past jobs, where he lived in the past or what he said or did in the past. He also had a time frame when he would accept an apology even though I had no idea I was supposed to be apologizing for something. His time frame was 10 min. If I didn't apologize to him for whatever infraction I did within 10 min but said it after that, it was unacceptable and I lost my right to apologize and then received the silent treatment with scorching laser eye treatment for a week or two. Of course I was never told what exactly I did that I had to apologize for, "You know what you did, I won't tell you." Talk about wanting to bang my head against the wall.
@@joshuagonzalez3249 It's crazy. I swear they must have some type of manual. But just the fact they all say the same exact thing, act the same exact way, think the same exact way is creepy as hell. Ugh, they are probably demonic 😵💫
My famous saying to my narcissist husband is " You know this morning I woke up in my own body , with my own mind and thoughts. Stop trying to micro manage my thoughts and body as if it was your own.
Silence wins and left them guessing all the time. I carry on living my life and left them to karma
The saddest thing about narcisistic abuse is that it's needless, makes no sense, occurs for no reason, and can permanently damage the victim's sense of identity, self-worth, and ability to trust in others. I don't have any mental- healthcare credentials, to be clear. However, I could write ten books about how it feels to be a victim of such abuse; and how difficult it can be to recover from. Victims of narcissistic abuse will often suffer for years, even long after the abusive relationship has ended. This kind of abuse has one sole purpose, which is to feed the narcissist's need to feel; superior, dominant, and omnipotent by draining the victim of their mental, emotional, and often financial stability. Narcissistic abuse is not just about someone “temporarily losing it” after a bad day. It's not about stress or even dishonesty, falling out of love or cheating etc. Although narcisists may engage in such behaviors; not every cheating, dishonest, or even self-absorbed person is a narcissist. Not all batterers are necessarily narcissists ( although many probably are). Narcissism is like the worst possible behaviors towards others, multiplied by at least 10; then added to that is the narcissist's inability to feel conpassion or empathy for others. Narcissistic Abuse is a calculated means of controlling someone else's behaviors and thought processes via extreme mental, and emotional bullying and outright emotional blackmail; commonly (but not alway) accompanied by physical abuse. Narcissists will tell you the sky is red. If you disagree and say the sky is actually blue, they'll tell you you're crazy, stupid, and incapable of distinguishing different colors. When you go outside and point to the sky and say, “ The color of the sky is clearly blue”, the narcissist will respond with, “ Of course it is, that's what I've been saying all along!” Do you see how insane this is? It would be quite hilarious if it weren't for the fact that the entire purpose of an argument such as the one above, is to cause the victim to start questioning his or her own sanity. If the victim of such abuse doesn't recognize what's going on, they will slowly begin questioning their own judgement and sanity. These techniques are also frequently used with gaslighting. Gaslighting is the act if purposefully confusing someone through circular, unending arguments; or may occur by moving or removing a victim's objects such as keys, phone, other items- all in an effort to trick the person into thinking they're going crazy. An example: “Where is my wallet? I know I put it in my purse last night. Now I don't have my checkbook, cash, etc. I must be losing it!” Most people can't imagine why someone would purposely cause such confusion and chaos for someone else, therefore never suspect the narcissist unless they're caught. Even then, the narcissist will likely deny any accusations… The narcissist's main goals- is to reap havok, chaos, and dysfunction into an otherwise mostly normal person's life. What's more, the perpetrator will purposefully cause the victim into a reaction, then use that reaction to gain support from their”flying monkeys”. These agents of narcissists are carefully picked, so that the narcissist's view cannot be debated by an objective observer. This triangulation also causes the victim to further doubt or dismiss their own thoughts and feelings. Narcissistic abuse is complete and total psychological warfare against another human being. The targeted person can be the NPD's children, but is often the NPD's spouse or significant other. Children of narcissists are also more likely to become narcissists themselves due to genetic and environmental factors. Or, they may have BPD or BPD tendencies. That's not to say that ALL children of NPD's have personality or mental-health disorders. Targets of those with NPD are usually very generous, often sensitive, and friendly people that have their lives at least somewhat together. NPD'S choose these kinds of people for a reason, because the reality is NPD's are empty human beings full of self-hatred. They are inwardly chaotic, and this chaos often translates into either an extremely neat and tidy exterior facade or may manifest into complete disorder and mess. I don't sympathize with those with NPD because they aren't psychotic- they do know the difference between right and wrong. They just choose to do wrong, choose to purposely hurt others because it boosts their often very tiny, fragile egos. These are dangerous people, and the only difference between most of them and a common murderer is that they haven't physically murdered anyone yet. Well, most of time. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..
Excellent!
Well some are psychotic. They are on a spectrum from narcissism, borderline, to secondary or primary psychopathy especially later in life.
You Summarized my story. I am so disgruntled with this situation involving my son. Your narrative is clear and so true. The pain one goes through and particularly when there are children of the narcisist involved. The worry and the terror of leaving them in the hands of such a chaotic and unstable person. Bless those who have suffered from Narcisitic abuse. Lord hear our cry for direction and counsel.
I once accused my narcissistic sister of gaslighting me, and she (at 60 yrs old!) "agreed", only to not know what gaslighting even meant! Once I explained it, briefly, she was at a loss for words. Shut her up.
Lying, then trying to convince me that she's telling me the truth when I clearly know it's a lie. Good luck.
The advice and instruction you give is priceless. You understand. You've lived and breathed it. You've studied it. You teach and counsel it. You're highly respected and loved by all of us who "know". We know that you know.
THANK YOU!💚
I do the same. I send screenshots to my mother from Insta posts that describe exactly what she has been doing. But to no avail. My mother just doesnt realize or refuses to.
Narcissists don't gaslight (psychopaths do) but confabulate, due to extreme memory gaps.
Narcs are psychopaths 😂
@@ultimateoptimist5217 No. Psychopaths do it on purpose. Narcissists do it unintentionally or they can't do it better, or they show their love like that!
Yep. Love Danish. Hey. I have a narc sister from hell too who has been after my joy all of my life regardless of the distance kept. I sure wish I had a loving sister.
7 years of living a pure hell with a narcissist. Get out and leave as soon as you can and do not look back. The lovebombing, the gaslighting, the discard, family and friends acting different toward you in an unfavorable way. Let go and move on. That is where the healing begins.
I told her: "There is nothing you need to explain to me. I just need you to understand that I see you for what you really are. "
You rock!
Seducing, cunning, crafty ,twisting, convincing ,deceiving....AKA Leviathan
May God raise up his strong sword against him in Jesus name I stand and watch the Lord fight my battles
@@JesuisLord AMEN 🙏⚔️🙌
👍
Also why they rage when their looks start to go, they're losing a skill
@@JesuisLordAMEN AND AMEN AND AMEN JESUS HAD THE VICTORY!!! I cling to the ROCK of His Almighty Name!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
1. Pause; Look with soft gaze; Blink 5 times, focus on the blinks. Then say (verbatim), “Well…that is what I heard”….”I know what you said and I don’t think I can change that.”; “It doesn’t seem like you’re ready to have this conversation, let me know when you’re ready and we can pick it up again”.
2. I need somebody who is helpful. Well, that is your opinion of me, how you see me - I see things differently and that’s okay.
3. I do not imagine truth; I do not imagine facts.
4. I do not respond to that tone; to that volume. When you feel normal we can talk again.
3 words to say,"Dont gaslight me." Period. Works every time.
My best response to being told that something didn't happen is "Did you forget that I was there".
Thanks Danish for the continuous efforts to rescue the victims 💖
A few days ago, I had a big public argument with a narcissistic couple. The woman was raging, saying that she didn't do anything wrong. She was so adamant, I might have believed her...if I didn't have video showing what she did. And her husband defended her, even though he was with her and saw what she did. He called me stupid, crazy, etc. in front of several onlookers. I didn't care or took it personally...I stood my ground and pointed out the flaws or incongruities of their lies. I was angry but relatively calm, knowing that the truth is on my side...and I don't respect or care for anyone who doesn't believe it.
"Have respect", or "You've got no respect!" Have worked too.
Documentation is essential with them in all serious situations.
I was deadly serious, and concerned when I told him I wanted him to see a doctor, because his statements and memory, were faulty, and dementia is sometimes linked with sudden violent rages, which he had. I told him we needed to get on top of that possibility, because as things were, he was too, big and combative for me to be able to handle him.
He went absolutely ballistic, swearing, spittle flying from his mouth, and throwing everything he could lift. Scared the hell out of me.
I was a little burnt out last time I saw mom, that warranted being shoved around and I've never seen her again, 3 yrs later I called Adult Protection and she's been locked away, found out later she's a malignant covert, schock of my life, they're always twisted.
I told my narc sister in law who claimed she… couldn’t remember… that I didn’t think she had dementia but it was either that or she is lying and she went nuts too.
Silence. 5 blinks. "Keep telling yourself that." Then leave.
My abusive Ex won custody of our children, after I proved in court he abuses them, all because he attacked me legally, mentally, socially, etc. to the point where my daughter stopped going to school. He then used her schooling as a way to paint me as incompetent and neglectful. He no longer thinks he can fool me, and this change made him SO MUCH MORE DANGEROUS to me and my children. I am now fighting to get my kids back, fighting mountains of debt, trying to not lose my house, AND fighting false criminal charges he filed against me. PLEASE BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!!! And please pray for me and my children! The worst part… my youngest gets his abuse the worse because he is non verbal and highly dependent. 😢 they move in with him starting this school year and I only get them 3 weekends a month…
Things can always get worse!!! Move with caution!!!!
Prayers for you, Chelsea! You are going to be fine. I know this because you are strong and strengthening others in the midst of this chaos. God is near.
I like that blink strategy. Totally shows them who the dominant one really is.
Yrs back at ny dad's 65th older overt coke head sis handed me a slice of cake 🎂 I said no (previously throwned out at Thanksgiving just b4 my pie tossed too, my boyfriend not around giving sis' friend a ride home) and she lied about the reason but that I said a hard no to the cake seemed too much for her to bare and I got a shocked 😲 hard blink!
Um…, what? I couldn’t understand what you wrote Jose
Me Too! Very insightful, indeed. 🦋
I tried the blink strategy. Since he was refusing to look at my face, it did at least accomplish a healthy pause.
A good line is 'whatever you say' with a return smirk. ☺️
THAT SMIRK THAT YOU WANT TO SMACK OFF THEIR EVIL, UGLY FACE! I remember that smirk all too well and at very bad times. He was evil.
I was bent over with stomach pains (CA) he was on one elbow In the bedroom grinning at my pain. He didn't know I saw him, maliciously grinning.
@@csc8697 omg, what an unbelievable monster - not only lacking any empathy, but taking delight in your pain. What an epic asshole! 😯
I have learned to say, "I'll take that into consideration." Hard for them to argue with that.
I like that. Thanks much! Just like a parent, actually. 😊
After trying everything with our trespassing neighbour, we decided to cut to the core issue: "You've got no respect! You've got no respect! You've got no respect, do you?" This was yelled out, on repeat, overriding his lie that we were on his property, and his friend telling us to stay off his property. We just kept saying it.
He stopped after that!
@@jomansson5742 EXCELLENT. Ya spoke Truth - short+sweet, Clear & Openly - then left the rest to the nutz.
@@TargttdGma Exactly, because then he had to prove that he DID have respect lol
@@jomansson5742 Maybe ... or they have a mental blockage from open humiliation ... and must recharge.
Whenever You site an example of a past conversation where the narcissist said something inflammatory, very negative or absurd . "I don't recall saying that" is a typical standard response from them.
This is so helpful. Their gaslighting is insane and the damage they cause is awful, it has to stop. Thank you, Danish 🙏🏻
Emails only!
Everything is in writing, their own writing. So now when they say I never said that, I say go read your emails. lol works great. Now they say, oh that’s not what I meant, you’re being too sensitive, you read it wrong…. Even tho it’s in black n white written by them…
I simply never acknowledge their response. They know very well at that point, they are busted. Conversation over.
I am so glad to be out of the grips of narcissistic abuse after 25+ years. I have ADHD, so the narcissist had his way with me until I finally got diagnosed and started to figure my whole life out.
Congrats on good diagnosis, few and far between I'm sure, it stays with you, I've lots of self-confidence although they tried differently, my strength may have been my want of giving them time of day but not much else!
Good job
Danish can you do a video on how Narcissts don't like witnesses to their true behaviors
I let the narcissist have the last say so that I could keep my sanity and it worked .
Friggin round and round tennis 🎾 match making no sense, are we dumb for thinking we're dealing with people of equal maturity? Definitely not intelligence but we're up for trying 🤷!
I have said, I can see you need to have the last word. I give you my permission.
Takes the wind out of their sails. And anything they say after that has lost it's power.
I only realized in my 30s that most of the women in my family were narcissists. If I didn't act or be like them, all hell broke loose. They couldn't accept the fact I wanted to be their exact opposite LOL Let's just say I cut ties because they wanted to rule my life.
I am not an unreliable narrator in my own story, and treating me as such undermines my mental health. New affirmation today.
I caught the Narc well and good evidence in paper work print outs and photos etc and from that moment he says NOTHING! Perfect for me - except for a few times to connect and then try to assess some sort of narc treatment etc etc.. I take any moment when it happens & show nothing , say nothing , look uninterested etc etc just the same way I’ve been treated for yrs. But I do it just to stay safe in my mind set and stay healed🙏🏼. If you can’t leave for any reason - put all the energy back to yourself & know you’re okay and you are a solid great rounded human❤. Never give up on yourself and keep working at your peace and joy 🎉I can happen🤸♀️🥰
Constantly they twist every word. Every interaction. Every ATTEMPT at discussion.
I learned my favorite phrase from another Narcissist Specialist on UA-cam, and here it is; "I'm happy with the way I do me" . John who normally has his comeback at the ready, is always floundering when I say that. It's brilliant and works every time. The Man said it would work when the Narcissist is turning your best efforts into bitter criticisms, just dismiss all of it with that one sentence. I tried it expecting it to fail miserably, but no, it worked. His criticism fell flat! And after a brief pause, he moved on with other subjects, and all that tirade of his bull, just evaporated. Use it, it's great.
Could you explain that phrase in different words please? Because i'm polish and i can speak english quite well but i cant translate it into my language so i would reeeaaaly appreciate if you could just say it in different way so i could understand it better haha
@@klejjxd I am happy with the way I do things, I am happy with my life.
Silence is best around them as anything you say can & WILL be used against you. They will turn around & lie about you, using your own words & making it all about you.
I say, "I KNOW the truth, what you think you know is irrelevant." OR "You have every right to your opinion, but I DON'T have a right to your opinion. OR "You have every right to say what's on your mind, I have the right NOT TO LISTEN."
I have a covert narcissist neighbor who entertains himself by engaging in passive aggressive behavior to trigger people then denies he did anything wrong. For example soon after my gardener finishes cleaning my yard he will get out a leaf blower and blow leaves from the front of his yard into mine. So I waited for him to do it and I confronted him standing in the middle of the street with his leaf blower and he began trying to gaslight me and later sent a text to all the neighbors trying to triangulate them against me. I responded with my own text that put the situation into its true context exposing his deception. I then privately confronted him again about compounding his passive aggressive behavior by deceptive misrepresenting the situation and triangulating with the neighbors. Realizing I was on to his games he exploded responding with rage rant text that exposed his maline intent to everyone. Now he's gives me the silent treatment, which is fine with me, but he doesn't blow leaves in my yard anymore.
Bravo! Well done! You should be proud of yourself for refusing to take his unacceptable and childish behaviour and exposing him for who he really is.
I'm always waiting for you to upload a new video. Keep doing your good work
My ex husband used to love to tell me (after insulting me) that I was being too sensitive. My response to that was that if I have told him before that it was a hurtful thing to say or do and you continue to do it, than you are being insensitive. This was powerful for me.
All of the things you have discussed in this episode were part of my life for 20 years. I didn’t even know what was happening to me and I went to therapy and did so many things to try to improve myself and the relationship. It wasn’t until years after my divorce that I started to hear the term gaslighting. When I looked it up, I was so relieved to know that it was a real and true thing that happened to me. Finding your videos has been a blessing f and I thank you for your work, Danish Bashir!
I am watching this over and over so it sinks in. Best advice I have ever heard on how to heal, how to create personal space, to shut down, sever the circular conversation. And walk away. In PEACE. 😊 My God in Heaven May we have your Perfect Peace.❤
I say, " Well, I suppose that's how you see it." I sometimes feel as though I need to defend myself. When my narc mother would call me, I would return the call a few days later. Then she would forget why she even called, and then I would talk about the weather and ask how she was doing, but would not share anything about myself and she would never ask because she didn't care. And then the conversation was finished and I had to move on because I knew she didn't care about me, only herself. They are the ones who miss out, and because of her gas lighting and abusive behavior, she was not able to have a relationship with me. Praise God I know He loves me, and that's all that counts anyway. I would pray for her, that God would change her heart and that's the best thing to do for a narcissist, but you can never change them. Just stand firm in who you are and have a relationship with Jesus Christ and you will have peace.
I love your channel❤
Now that i am seeing everything clear i am just disgusted by this person
He is gone for good. He always said it was my way or the highway. That was him! Praise God he is outta here
You are right 100% They will not change no matter😢
A lot of these techniques are ones that I've witnessed narcissists employing, themselves, and that makes me a bit uncomfortable to use them.
Yes,
What to say when they say you need help. Sometimes i ask them where and when they got their medical degree. Wouldn't do that with a violent narcissist though!
This is so true... "I know what happened, I am not crazy..." is the exact sentence that saved me.. even when I was in as early as in 1st grade.... No matter what I was steadfast in thinking and protecting this thought... throughout the school time and later, even now. Our subconscious brain is truly remarkable even when we are children... Maybe this is why I was able to protect my mind, at least even though I suffered so many bodily problems and pains...
Sadly, it wasn't the same case with some others in the family...
I need one answer more from you; to no.1: "I have heard". The narc. will respond sharply: "Who told you so, tell me?" - When I have no answer to this, he will aggressively attack me: "Ah, you're talking about me behind my back!" There the problem begins!!!😢
say: "not me. People just know."
maybe that will help shut them up.
is he shizo? sounds like it
"No...I was listening to others who were talking behind your back. You'd be surprised how many of them there are."
@@lindac6919 oOoOO good shade💯🔥🔥😬
Want to avoid gaslighting? Don’t engage. Don’t play the game.
This is it! It's the only response that works in all relationships whether workplace, family, friends, etc. And stick to facts/truth especially if it's a work related or other dynamic issue that you can't walk away from
Well if it's a workplace and it's your boss you do have to explain yourself unless you're prepared to lose the job.
In fact I did what you suggested to a regional branch manager at a global steel company. I got sick of it and walked out.
How I did it was I used what I say to my cat when I try to pat her and she plays hard to get by walking away every time I get near her. Now, after the first time she walks off I turn away and say, "I'm not playing that stupid game."
I said that to the manager and walked out when he for about the 54th time blamed me for something utterly beyond my control.
Eventually one Tuesday morning 5mins after I started I got in my car, drove to a local coffee shop sat there for 4 hours pondering my future and never went back.
Even when you stay silent to avoid aggravating the situation, he will start talking louder and louder to the point of screaming feeding himself on his own hate spoken , like he build up upon his own wrath, No reaction causes him more wrath
I love the way Mr. Bashir delves into the specifics.
He trys to bring us 10 steps ahead of these manipulative malignant narcissists, the way he understands these scenarios, you finally get a soothing sense of validation.🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
The 5 blink response really made sense to me…thank you
"if you choose to lie, (or choose this path of deceit) then man up and own it! Let's keep this moving. " otherwise don't say it in the first place! This delivered in a very calm monotone with an equally disinterested face. And then don't respond in case it doesn't shut them up, in case they try justifying, deflecting, just silently calmly stare at them until they shut up.
"that is what I heard" = "RUBBISH! I DIDN'T SAY THAT!".. and on and on circular argument; shouted at you.
I think you nailed it yourself Danish.."what I heard will not be dictated by you". That's better. You've got to be direct, and this line let's them know in no uncertain terms that you are aware of what they're trying to do.
Those are exactly the sort of things my mother says to me: “That is not what I said or did, although I remember so clearly. My problem is that I am bipolar and have had delusional episodes. She uses that to her advantage in any discussion, although I’m obviously not always delusional. She also tries to deflate me when I’m happy or positive about something good; she’ll say something like, “ I don’t know why you aren’t more confident. You should be.” It’s as though when I feel good she wants to remind me there is something wrong with me. Now that I know what is going on I just let it slide and smile. It was so awful when I was a child because she obviously hated me. I would have so enjoyed having a loving mother but it wasn’t meant to be. I try now to be compassionate but it is difficult. One horrible day she berated me over and over for drying my hands on the wrong towel. She looks at me with what my sibling calls “the stink eye.” Pure hatred. Good grief.
my mother is EXACTLY the same way and it's only getting worse as she's getting older. It seems like she is drastically becoming more and more evil every day. She's in her early 70's now and thanks to some major hardships in my life, along with her getting hurt and now being semi-disabled I chose to move back to my childhood home (thank God I was able to build a tiny house on the property to give me some separation from her, but she made sure to make the construction process a living hell while I was building it. At one point she was sneaking up behind me to startle me while I handled potentially dangerous power tools and even tried putting herself in harms way a couple times in what I guess was an attempt to be able to say I injured her had I not had keen awareness of my surroundings and seen her) Her newest thing is to bring up old "memories" of my childhood that didn't actually happen or weren't the way she is telling them. Then when I tell her I don't remember what she's talking about, she will get all nasty and tell me. Well maybe if I bothered remembering then I'd be a happier person lol All I can do is roll my eyes and walk away for quietly laugh to myself and walk away because it's just so uncalled for and always just out of the blue. Or she liked to just be as nasty and cruel as possible nonstop for days and if I finally break and snap at her she will say something along the lines of don't take my anger out on her, I need to direct it towards who ever pissed me off or don't take out my problems on her as though she didn't just push every button I have until she got under my skin. That was the worst as a kid and teenager, she made me feel insane because she would do something to set me off, then look at me stone faced and tell me she did nothing wrong, and I am just lashing out at her for no reason. She could slap me across the face and in the same moment tell me "No I didn't" if I asked why she would hit me? I suffer from depression (haha wonder why that is) on and off and she loves to stir the pot when I'm happy as though she can't stand it. But I am thankful to have finally learned what she is now that I'm a little older and I am able to stop myself from falling for her traps now that I know what she's doing. Now when she goes into her rages I just tell her I am not engaging with you if you cannot speak to me like I'm a human being and walk away. Or my new favorite defense weapon, threaten to take us to family therapy on my dime so we can hear what a professional has to say about things lol That has worked wonders, and she will usually fake being pleasant for a week or 2 after I play that card. My heart breaks for children of narcs because as kids we are defenseless against them and have no understanding for the sad fact that they play with our emotions to get a sick gratification from the pain and confusion they bring us. It's so cruel. I lived so many years not understanding and feeling crazy because no one believed me when I tried telling them how she treated me, she is a master at gas lighting unsuspecting people. Even her own family, I say hers because she made certain she told lies about me when I was still a teenager to alienate me from my aunts and uncles and cousins, so they didn't deal with me once I had gotten old enough to start trying to stand up for myself or speak out against things. I'm 39 now and I only finally learned after all these years that it wasn't me and I'm not delusional and crazy over the last 5 or 6 years and she absolutely HATES that she can't play me and my emotions like a game anymore.
You & Dr. Ramani literally “The Best” thank you Danish for all you do in this community 🙏🏻
I said some of these things to my (ex) husband. This was in the mid 90’s. He got physical and he knew I couldn’t leave. I am so grateful there are better resources now.
Instead of rolling over and accepting his laziness, which has recently escalated. I called him on it. He raised his voice to and demanded why I couldn’t just do it. I responded with a higher voice that why should I.
Well… he threw his headphones got up slammed his fist into the wall and then the door and then once in kitchen pounded the counter. I saw the brief thought to hit me. I have a door now with a hole in it. Living with these people is not easy. It’s hard to constantly take their crap. His escalating rudeness, laziness and entitlement got me. It’s hard. My narcissistic Parents have passed, I’ve written my narcissistic sister and friend from my life. I have a life long now out of state narcissistic friend currently in town. I only see him in small bursts now. But my son who lives with me due to the fact he can’t support himself is very hard.
Thank you for this. I am trying to break a lifelong cycle of dealing with narcissists. I’m the youngest of six. The oldest was 17 when I was born and is completely narcissistic. My sweet dad passed away when I was very young. My mother was in a very vulnerable place and married an abusive narcissist. I’ve noticed that I keep getting involved with narcissists. As friends or boyfriends. I even married one.
Breaking it down like you just did, is so very helpful. It helps me understand what’s really going on. I’m grateful for your advice.
At the age of 35 now I'hv acquainted with all these terms,ie, gaslighting, narcissism etc & hv found myself sorrounded by extremely narcissistic personalities & feeling totally helpless...😌😌
Keep on watching Danish's videos and you won't feel helpless any more, but empowered! 😃
With the narcissists in my life, any response is a Q for them to continue to drag you in and argue. I try not to respond at all.
In situations like these, I have said that they are free to think whatever they want, since I don't put any value on it. I have also said that they're clearly not ready yet to accept that their bad behaviour has consequences, so we're done until such time as they do. Finally, I have said that their relentless abuse means there has to be a state of permanent distance between us from now on.
My response to a narcissist who is engaging in gaslighting has become the following:
Initially, at the very beginning when I call the narcissist out, I set my position by saying:
"I have been down this road many times. You have met your match. You're full of shit. This conversation is over with." -- And that's where I try to end it.
I don't explain. I don't justify. I don't beg or plead.
Of course, they usually don't stop there. They usually try to get some form of validation and vindication by provoking me. I don't engage with them after I tell them they met their match.
After setting my position, then all I try to say is, "you're full of shit" or "that's bullshit." I do not say... "and you know it." That just begs for an argument.
From that point on, what the narcissist says gets my reply of, "bullshit." or "that's bullshit."
If the narcissist escalates the situation, and they usually do, I tell them "you are 'full of shit,' leave me alone." I tell them "I am not interested in listening to your 'bullshit'." "Stay away from me." "Go find someone else to listen to your 'bullshit'."
I focus on "you're full of shit" and "that's bullshit" because it IS bullshit. I call them out for what it is. Those short phrases gives me less to focus on and puts it in their lap where it belongs, and I do not argue with them. Because I know they are trying to gaslight me, it's a fact, then, that I know it's bullshit.
This is not easy to do, though. The temptation to argue back with them is pretty provoking. Sticking to "bullshit" or "you're full of shit" is pretty effective, but I have run into problems where I had to back it up with 'gray rocking' them and telling the narcissist to "stay away from me." I have even had to tell three narcissists on three separate occasions, "I am not your friend. Leave me a lone. Don't approach me. Stay away from me." I had to add, once, "don't approach me in public."
Each situation is different, though, based on how persistent a narcissist is. "Bullshit" and "you're full of shit" is pretty clear and solid. 'Gray rocking' after that is usually necessary, though.
Oh, this is absolute GOLD. You can't get much clearer with a narc than that. I bet the looks on their faces are PRICELESS. 😂👍
I love that, “you don’t have any power here!” As was said to the wicked witch of the West - “Be gone with You, You have NO Power here!!” Best saying 🥳🤸♀️even if you silently think it over again-it’s a very good building block back for yourself❣️
You doing the Lord’s work. Thank you 🙏🏾
My sister has been doing this to me for years ... She's so mean, I could never explain what she was doing until one day I saw something on UA-cam about narcissists I watched it, and there it was a word that describes exactly what she's been doing to me all these years. It's really sad knowing that your own sister is constantly trying to destroy you to friends and your family members. Everything is so clear once I found out what a narc is. But I love her, and she says she loves me, but I don't understand why she hates me at the same time. And she actually thinks in her head that I want things in her life to go wrong when I only want her to excel at everything. I do deal with her this way ...but instead of us getting closer, which is what I want, it's driven us farther apart, it suck knowing I will never have that loving relationship with my sister.
Her kids are so messed up in their lives, and she's tried to convince my kids that it's OK to go against what I say or want from them. Except I raised my kid to respect me and respect themselves, So her tactics don't work on them, and they figured out how she is on their own, my son now can't stand her because she's always talking lies about me and my daughter just looks the other way for now and patronize's her. Which is what I did for years. I told her one day she was a narcissistic person, so now she tells everyone she knows that I'm narcissistic. Hahaha, she even says that famous Frase " hold my beer," which I found out that narcissistic people say that....and I thought that was her made-up famous, brilliant line. But no, it's not it's what Narc's say. One thing I've noticed about her is she's always right, she's the best, and she won't have a conversation with anyone unless she can talk about herself, she will leave the room. I guess it's a sickness that will never cure. It's really a sad thing. But she's still my sister, and I love her with all my heart. But I guess our loving sisterly friendship will have to wait until we're both in heaven. 😢
That's when everything will be perfect 😊.
I am so glad i keep a diary and I record them
Besides us living with this nightmare , which by the grace of God we are escaping- watch Big Eyes- rich, middle class, poor- anyone, anywhere, is susceptible to this type of abuse. We are NOT ALONE! DO NOT STOP FIGHTING FOR YOURSELF! YOU WILL SUCCEED! ❤❤❤
Great advice, done it , it works. Had a chance to escape on time forever to freedom.
I think the crybaby 'pity me, I'm suicidal' narcissist is the one I hate the most.
My mother is not a narcissist (I pray to God that she's not one) but her gaslighting me is so bad that she just refuses to acknowledge the truth of things that very well did happen.
She simply deviates by making it about me and telling me that I'm a negative person and should learn to see things in a positive sense.
She's like a stone wall. She completely ignores the fact that the same things that happened to me, happened to my little brother too and my little brother is completely broken now. He lives a completely withdrawn life and has no contact with anyone. My mother has zero remorse, regret or empathy. I told her this and she tells me that she cant be sad all the time because of my brothers condition. She doesnt even acknowledge that both her children lives are destroyed because of her demon husband. She acts as if nothing happened.
There very well are things where a human being SHOULD cry and SHOULD feel bad.
My little brothers condition makes me wake up at night. I suddenly remember what happened to him and wake up and my sleep is just gone. I dont understand how my mother being his mother can just ignore this. Its so heart breaking!!!!!
Danish, thanks for your daily vlogs. Could you maybe kindly also cover the topic how not only to deal with your own wounds but also how to cope with the wounds of family members? Abuse in the family concerns many ppl and some ppl may not heal as fast as others or heal at all.
How can I even live knowing that I cannot help my little brother after I know exactly what he is going through and went he went through to get him into this condition. :(
Is your mom part of your dad's cult? If they're that destroyed.... Narc's are always victims and always deny wrong doing, keep watching and learning, this stuff's fascinating! ❤
Narcissists most glaring characteristic is that They Don’t Care.
They have no compassion
@@joseenoel8093 I dont know if she is. I dont know why she acts the way she does.
She has spent her entire married life fighting with the demon and its mother, her mother-in-law. I grew up listening to their screams and my grandmothers screams who surely was a narcissist.
Some 20 years ago, the demon even threatened to divorce her. I have always sided with my mother, helped her as much as I could, even as a child and even prayed for her welfare.
But just because she's my mother, maybe its me who's ignoring things and trying to frantically hold on to the idea that she's acting the way she is because of some dependency.
Because the truth is, she has witnessed some ghastly things done to me without any concern.
@@KBArchery She doesnt care. Thats the truth.
@@rahulm2827learn about trauma bind with a parent and also seek the truth who is Jesus Christ .
EXTREMELY HELPFUL!!! Thank You Danish 🦋
Thank you so much for spreading awareness and insight for victims ❤
Danish, thank you for speaking the truth. Your channel is saving my sanity and getting my life back
Mr. Danish,you save lives. We thank you, from our hearts.💕
Amen danish! As always a great video for all who have lived thru this crap! ❤
I want to thank you for sharing this information you sure have it on the nose and I am going to try this. As you spoke I just imagined the reaction of the narcissist in my life. Please continue with this sooo many people don't even realize this is what is going on with them... thanks again
Thank you for all your videos Danish, you have no idea how much they helped me,thanks
Just what I needed to know. These videos help so much. Thank you Respectfully!❤
I've been watching you a bit, thanks for validating what I thought was happening all along
When they try that BS just say "Oh, in your most dead-pan voice and ignore them.
Unfortunate sometimes for the narcissist(s) when they are in denial about the facts we are complaining about which have not affected them too yet. When they are constant trying to shut down any trauma survivors who are not from their pre-approved first communities.
Great work… helping millions of people to overcome and deal with Narcissistic abuse.
Excellent material to help yourself when trapped in this kind of relationship!!
I was 4 years in a narcissistic relationship. Six months into the relationship I realized that I was in an abusive relationship I worked on it a while. Until I realized that I had to get rid of him. Yes he was constantly gaslighting me. Extremely frustrating as I knew he was lying and I told him that. And he denied it vehemently and told me THAT I WAS CRAZY. I knew better. This drove him crazy. Finally after 3 more years I told him that he had to go. Get out of my house. Yes my house. After 6 more months I got him out of my home my life completely.
He never gave up his gaslighting me to even till the last conversation. I blocked home in every way possible. He was gone 4 years and then he died. He was probably telling others that I was what he always called me. A mean person. I did not care before and never cared after. His opinion of me never mattered to me
You can never change a narcissist. Just get rid of them.
Such good advice. This literally happened to me 2 days ago. It usually happens when am argument arises.
Excellent, well delivered information! Thank you!
Insightful. Some original thoughts and practical advice here in an ocean of UA-cam videos dealing with narcissistic behaviour. Well done.
Thank you for these wonderful videos. Really helpful.
Sooo helpful, the best presentation. Made sense. Thank you.
Thanks a lot for your interesting and helpful advice. It really helps. ❤❤❤
Thank you... I notice narcissistic behavior in so many people.... I need these tactics to avoid engaging in it with ANYONE I suspect is trying this gaslight shit 🎉❤🎉❤🎉
I prayed are answering prayers as if you were sitting right before me been giving me information as if God is for me himself telling me how to manage, and respond, so I won’t get entangledin circular abusive communication & conversations to make me doubt my OWN reality thank you for making it and providing so much ’CLARITY’ To me. I appreciate your intimacy and I’d love this intimate connect with you so that I can learn how to protect myself and not become part of this destructive behaviors with this relationship. He is my husband of 50 years. I am so grateful thank you.
I found your chanel by accident. It has helped me more than you know. Thank you and God bless you.