'Gays Too Precious To Risk In Combat'

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  • Опубліковано 27 січ 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 28 тис.

  • @Paguo
    @Paguo 5 років тому +75046

    "Seven" no hesitation whatsoever

    • @Bartooc
      @Bartooc 4 роки тому +3271

      He did the math

    • @FinalJuice
      @FinalJuice 4 роки тому +1821

      Cue Ball no, there's a department in the military dedicated to calculating the value of gays to straights

    • @traskforge
      @traskforge 4 роки тому +310

      @Thuzar Because that's the conversion rate of homosexual life to heterosexual life

    • @mr_nobody6102
      @mr_nobody6102 4 роки тому +205

      well there are researchers and thesis its scientifically proven that the number is 7

    • @n0days0ff81
      @n0days0ff81 4 роки тому +96

      @@CraftedAITech because it's science.

  • @eddieandrews3335
    @eddieandrews3335 3 роки тому +65318

    His straight up no hesitation answer of "7" just bust me up everytime

    • @sandroselladore3506
      @sandroselladore3506 3 роки тому +1341

      dumbledore: so you split your soul into how many parts again?
      voldemort: 1:06

    • @chitterlingsrtasty
      @chitterlingsrtasty 3 роки тому +1266

      Lol yeah the straight faced short answer of 7 without any elaboration had me rolling.

    • @Dark-uj2jq
      @Dark-uj2jq 3 роки тому +449

      its just such an arbitrary number lmao

    • @Brian_Thoms
      @Brian_Thoms 3 роки тому +270

      7" busts me up every time, too.

    • @EinNameDenKeinerHat
      @EinNameDenKeinerHat 3 роки тому +174

      Of course the military has a doctrine for this, it couldn't go unregulated.

  • @thepuffin4050
    @thepuffin4050 3 роки тому +16635

    I love how he just said 7 without thinking about it

    • @casual_noot10
      @casual_noot10 3 роки тому +215

      Gay to straight conversion ratio

    • @ashakydd1
      @ashakydd1 3 роки тому +138

      Clearly, they had top men working on that answer.

    • @j0hncarp
      @j0hncarp 3 роки тому +57

      Its science

    • @Erin-Thor
      @Erin-Thor 3 роки тому +10

      It was either in the script or on the Que card.

    • @petitio_principii
      @petitio_principii 3 роки тому +12

      I was browsing old comedy videos I liked to add to a comedy playlist, as I clicked this I started actually laughing just from remembering this joke.

  • @robinsparrow1618
    @robinsparrow1618 7 місяців тому +3933

    he's just floating in the air near the pentagon

    • @thechuckleshow2470
      @thechuckleshow2470 7 місяців тому +32

      😂😂

    • @kratosdad1760
      @kratosdad1760 6 місяців тому +43

      Lmao i just noticed that

    • @z121231211
      @z121231211 6 місяців тому +70

      We're way too used to greenscreen.

    • @Delfy37
      @Delfy37 5 місяців тому +52

      he was in creative mode

    • @Carolina_Luke
      @Carolina_Luke 4 місяці тому +23

      Not to mention his jacket is buttoned wrong. He's got a female jacket.

  • @mikerowave1986
    @mikerowave1986 Рік тому +14201

    When he said "seven" he said it instantly without hesitation, firmly and confident, this number is not just an estimation, but the result of serious studies and assesments involving analysts, sociologists and military experts

    • @SickandTired95
      @SickandTired95 Рік тому +77

      Love it lol

    • @ster2600
      @ster2600 Рік тому +325

      One for each colour of the rainbow

    • @Resi1ience
      @Resi1ience Рік тому +206

      It also implies that although America's gays are precious, there is a certain number of soldiers that become more important.
      Now just imagine how valuable a gay soldier would be.

    • @SickandTired95
      @SickandTired95 Рік тому +13

      @@ster2600 🤣

    • @brendanmatrix9393
      @brendanmatrix9393 Рік тому +46

      @@Resi1ience Simple math; 7 times 7 is 49.

  • @KSmith-kp5jz
    @KSmith-kp5jz 4 роки тому +39161

    Me, bleeding out on the battlefield: “That was all for you, Neil Patrick Harris.”

    • @FriedrichHerschel
      @FriedrichHerschel 4 роки тому +1318

      Worth it.

    • @thebelen2359
      @thebelen2359 4 роки тому +857

      Kneel down to Neil, the king

    • @williamhall6651
      @williamhall6651 4 роки тому +229

      Thank you for "doing your part" (nobody choke on a crayon, Starship Troopers reference)

    • @youtubeaccount2302
      @youtubeaccount2302 4 роки тому +127

      Neil Patrick Harris is gay?!?!

    • @SM-ev6if
      @SM-ev6if 4 роки тому +370

      @@youtubeaccount2302 of course he is, he's an absolute chad.

  • @matthewmccoy7437
    @matthewmccoy7437 2 роки тому +14327

    i can’t handle how seriously he said 7. he didn’t even flinch. i’m crying laughing.

    • @mou5ecop
      @mou5ecop 2 роки тому +2

      me too, its laughable to think gays are worth 7 when in actuality they are worth 50.

    • @muhammadthefabulous
      @muhammadthefabulous Рік тому

      You stand by this bigot?

    • @meloncholy413
      @meloncholy413 Рік тому +77

      Lol that was pretty funny

    • @axepantherlinatiger
      @axepantherlinatiger Рік тому +32

      that's exactly where I lost it too :))

    • @willyjoerockhead
      @willyjoerockhead Рік тому +25

      I think there is an actual reason they did that...there have been so many times where i am watching a news interview and the person being interviewed will say something strange (really bazar) and the reporter doesn't follow up on what they had just said. As if they are just reading a list as they go.

  • @mvg1450
    @mvg1450 4 місяці тому +348

    I got fired for referencing this video at work.
    Thank you, ONN for helping this gay dodge a bullet

    • @Noy-ql9ez
      @Noy-ql9ez 4 місяці тому +10

      Huh this got you fired, what bullet did you dodge

    • @anonymous49276
      @anonymous49276 3 місяці тому +20

      ​@@Noy-ql9ezthe second one apparently

    • @AASJAG
      @AASJAG Місяць тому +4

      He dodged a real one I guess😂

    • @GenBrony
      @GenBrony 27 днів тому +10

      @@Noy-ql9ez Probably avoiding working in a hostile environment, and getting a wrongful termination lawsuit if its true.

  • @evanbergeron6233
    @evanbergeron6233 4 роки тому +9190

    That firm, matter-of-fact “7” fucking took me out

    • @xaviotesharris891
      @xaviotesharris891 3 роки тому +317

      Clearly they had formed a committee to study it and he had read that report.

    • @whichonespink7542
      @whichonespink7542 3 роки тому +20

      Same lol

    • @181cameron
      @181cameron 3 роки тому +39

      I had to replay the next 30 seconds or so because I couldn't concentrate. But I went back to the 7 and laughed again.

    • @JudahMaccabee_
      @JudahMaccabee_ 3 роки тому +6

      hahahahaha same

    • @JackRed6666
      @JackRed6666 3 роки тому +3

      Me too rofl

  • @connerbuettner19128
    @connerbuettner19128 3 роки тому +30225

    “how many mens lives equal one gay man?”
    *no hesitation*
    “seven”

  • @yueshijoorya601
    @yueshijoorya601 3 роки тому +3987

    That straightforward "seven", like they've been through this discussion many times and it's been unanimously decided upon.

    • @GandalftheWise
      @GandalftheWise 3 роки тому +17

      You know. I'm not gay. And you are very pretty. How would you like to earn some American citizenship

    • @yueshijoorya601
      @yueshijoorya601 3 роки тому +247

      @@GandalftheWise God, no, why the f would I wanna downgrade.

    • @leatherlass6730
      @leatherlass6730 3 роки тому +23

      @@GandalftheWise what

    • @demolisherinfinite8606
      @demolisherinfinite8606 3 роки тому +98

      @@GandalftheWise Fuckin yikes dude

    • @kevinboros7427
      @kevinboros7427 3 роки тому +65

      @@yueshijoorya601 Savage

  • @Love-wz4vg
    @Love-wz4vg 2 місяці тому +351

    MY SON JOINED MILITARY im so proud of him serving and protecting our precious homosexuals

  • @linuxtgirl
    @linuxtgirl Рік тому +6983

    "7"
    No hesitation. He knew that. It's basic logic.

    • @thepotatoportal69
      @thepotatoportal69 11 місяців тому +91

      It's basic maths. They teach it in year 1

    • @Badcaseoflovingyou55
      @Badcaseoflovingyou55 11 місяців тому +50

      It's the first thing they teach you in military school

    • @fawfulmark2
      @fawfulmark2 11 місяців тому +7

      777 Likes. Perfection.

    • @CarbonatedCondensation
      @CarbonatedCondensation 11 місяців тому +9

      I mean duh, who doesn’t know it?

    • @elitecoder955
      @elitecoder955 10 місяців тому +6

      He look like the kind of general that did a PHd in War Studies to come up with that conclusion

  • @blindness134
    @blindness134 3 роки тому +31680

    "How many soldiers' lives is a gay's life worth?"
    "Seven."
    And that's where I lost it.

    • @ajorngjdonaydbr
      @ajorngjdonaydbr 3 роки тому +414

      And you have 7 likes now, i dare not ruin it.

    • @tanimiah7127
      @tanimiah7127 3 роки тому +116

      @@ajorngjdonaydbr 71 now

    • @ancientslav4863
      @ancientslav4863 3 роки тому +101

      Homosexuals in army are a common thing. Gays in army? I already hear Chinese, Russian and North Korean tanks bruming.

    • @NeloAngelo2012
      @NeloAngelo2012 3 роки тому +251

      @@ancientslav4863 what?

    • @jaypocaigue3997
      @jaypocaigue3997 3 роки тому +20

      @@ajorngjdonaydbr i dare not be the 8th like for YOUR reply

  • @williammcghie3443
    @williammcghie3443 2 роки тому +17047

    "How many soldiers lives is the life of one gay man's worth?"
    "Seven"
    No hesitation or second thought.
    This calculation has been made before.

    • @fish-froggs2662
      @fish-froggs2662 2 роки тому +84

      i wanted to like but then i saw the current count and just take this as a like

    • @Dr.Crocso
      @Dr.Crocso 2 роки тому +350

      He almost says it with some disdain as if he's questioning himself how the reporter doesn't already know the information lol

    • @rosalindchapman9035
      @rosalindchapman9035 2 роки тому +43

      Incredibly based

    • @kevinqi7992
      @kevinqi7992 2 роки тому +128

      @@Dr.Crocso the education system has really failed us, this study should be part of the common core

    • @bionecktide
      @bionecktide 2 роки тому +21

      Rainbow bro. 7 colours

  • @krazi77
    @krazi77 7 місяців тому +67

    I had to watch it again to read the headlines scrolling across the bottom of the screen. "30,000 people drafted to live in nebraska"

  • @TheGlitched-NPC
    @TheGlitched-NPC 8 місяців тому +10799

    16 years later and this is just now showing up on my feed?

  • @michaelfort143
    @michaelfort143 3 роки тому +14748

    Honestly, I think the funniest part is the news scroll on the bottom.
    "US Mathmaticians Round Pi Down to Three," killed me.

  • @mercster
    @mercster 6 років тому +45058

    It has been the solemn oath of every man in uniform to lay down his life in defense of America's precious, precious homosexuals.

    • @zdavis9091
      @zdavis9091 6 років тому +295

      mercster You know, when I saw your prof pic, I thought you would say something that's the oppisite. Good on you.

    • @washyrose5904
      @washyrose5904 6 років тому +604

      The Elders Plot twist: you’re the judgmental one.

    • @e.jenima7263
      @e.jenima7263 5 років тому +162

      Or to lay down with Americas precious , precious homosexuals too. Lighten up just trying to have a chuckle no disrespect intended. I admire the army for the sacrifices they make.

    • @jakebrian2659
      @jakebrian2659 5 років тому +19

      Sarcasm lol

    • @Y.M...
      @Y.M... 5 років тому +34

      Good on you, you watched the same video as everyone else, here's a trophy.

  • @Dmanz67
    @Dmanz67 3 місяці тому +57

    UA-cam decided I need to see this 16 years later.

  • @angelofthedead1886
    @angelofthedead1886 4 роки тому +10106

    “God bless America and her gays.” -Gen. Robert Mcbrayer

    • @ViViVex
      @ViViVex 4 роки тому +21

      (-.-)ゝ

    • @dyawr
      @dyawr 3 роки тому +79

      This should be written on the dollar bill. 🤔

    • @ViViVex
      @ViViVex 3 роки тому +17

      @hafs reader yes yes, and a hail Satan to you as well my friend!

    • @homosapien.a6364
      @homosapien.a6364 3 роки тому +7

      Why is America feminine?
      Who decided that?

    • @jerf2121
      @jerf2121 3 роки тому +2

      amen

  • @QuilloManar
    @QuilloManar 2 роки тому +5672

    "30,000 people drafted to live in Nebraska" The text crawl is fucking genius.

    • @Professorlicme8
      @Professorlicme8 Рік тому +100

      Lmao never noticed that

    • @meloncholy413
      @meloncholy413 Рік тому +41

      Oh my god

    • @meloncholy413
      @meloncholy413 Рік тому +328

      “Boring man dies”

    • @lohcantfail
      @lohcantfail Рік тому +158

      you should see the text on the subway one "fast places insist food servings should not be measured in feet"/

    • @Sn0wjunk1e
      @Sn0wjunk1e Рік тому +50

      sometimes on onion vids i don't even pay attention to the ppl talking and just read the scrolling news headlines XD

  • @MoonshineYT
    @MoonshineYT 3 роки тому +23355

    Anyone else get this randomly recommended after 13 years!??

  • @elliot6166
    @elliot6166 7 місяців тому +27

    “Seven.”
    HIS IMMEDIATE ANSWER FUCKING KILLED ME

  • @80slimshadys
    @80slimshadys 3 роки тому +20023

    _I'm not usually homosexual_
    _But when I am, it's because there is a war happening_

    • @coolconduct2495
      @coolconduct2495 3 роки тому +348

      I know this is a joke, but i'd rather prefer dying in the war than to kiss a guy on the lips🤢.

    • @anna7_8476
      @anna7_8476 3 роки тому +487

      @@coolconduct2495 cool, now go back to your normal life

    • @dickartist
      @dickartist 3 роки тому +338

      @@coolconduct2495 thats kinda gay bro

    • @popsikern5848
      @popsikern5848 3 роки тому +295

      @@coolconduct2495 Mmh, I'd kiss a girl for $100. You do you I guess-

    • @xxlianxx708
      @xxlianxx708 3 роки тому +453

      @@coolconduct2495 even if he is a handsome guy? It's just a kiss bro haha not something to be so dramatic. As a bisexual I can assure you that there is not too much difference

  • @cn0412
    @cn0412 6 років тому +18327

    "God bless America and her gays."

    • @steelrarebit7387
      @steelrarebit7387 5 років тому +875

      "God save the Queens."

    • @cageybee7221
      @cageybee7221 5 років тому +101

      @@steelrarebit7387 underrated comment

    • @ThatGuyCanmanNC
      @ThatGuyCanmanNC 5 років тому +7

      War Inc. hahahha

    • @stumbling
      @stumbling 5 років тому +26

      @@joksizantos7520 No. The Queens. You made it worse.

    • @microearthquake
      @microearthquake 4 роки тому +62

      "I did it for the girls and the gays that's it"

  • @noahbarnes9770
    @noahbarnes9770 3 роки тому +26475

    Satire is so hard to pull off, this is perfect

    • @canadianroot
      @canadianroot 3 роки тому +225

      Even the welcome, “Thank you for coming”.

    • @qualitycontent7854
      @qualitycontent7854 3 роки тому +615

      It's not satire the onion is the most reliable news source in the world

    • @benreilly5951
      @benreilly5951 3 роки тому +30

      @@qualitycontent7854 oh like The Enquirer?

    • @qualitycontent7854
      @qualitycontent7854 3 роки тому +116

      @@benreilly5951 yeah, just more reliable

    • @noahbarnes9770
      @noahbarnes9770 3 роки тому +12

      @@qualitycontent7854 true my bad

  • @iflykaya
    @iflykaya 7 місяців тому +118

    I agree 100% my fragile psyche absolutely shouldn’t be subjected to the horrible sights that occur on the battlefield 🏳️‍🌈✨💅😤

  • @xnopyt647
    @xnopyt647 3 роки тому +11058

    "why are you gae?"
    "because I'm precious"

  • @kepobola7128
    @kepobola7128 6 років тому +6562

    1:12 "Boring guy dies". Poor boring guy 😢

    • @a_sandw1ch
      @a_sandw1ch 5 років тому +151

      F

    • @Hero_Puddle
      @Hero_Puddle 5 років тому +317

      Eh, he was a 7th of a man anyways.

    • @InHumanoXY
      @InHumanoXY 5 років тому +32

      Same as the episode about Annoying man get his First Amendment rights taken away hahaha.

    • @hannibalburgers477
      @hannibalburgers477 5 років тому +8

      He will be missed

    • @hannibalburgers477
      @hannibalburgers477 5 років тому +8

      😐😑😔🙁😢😭

  • @ObscuredByTime
    @ObscuredByTime 3 роки тому +5145

    "How many soldiers' lives is one gay man worth."
    "Seven."
    lmfao

    • @DanT-dh8lz
      @DanT-dh8lz 3 роки тому +11

      I dont get it

    • @sydnxymee5967
      @sydnxymee5967 3 роки тому +130

      @@DanT-dh8lz they're saying that one gay mans life is "worth" 7 soldiers life. so saying that a one gay man is equally as important and precious then 7 soldiers. (if that makes sense)

    • @sssenatorarmstrong3280
      @sssenatorarmstrong3280 3 роки тому +250

      He didn’t even stutter 💀

    • @Good_Baby_Dog
      @Good_Baby_Dog 3 роки тому +101

      @@DanT-dh8lz it funny bc his bullshit sentence sounds so natural.

    • @ki2319
      @ki2319 3 роки тому +26

      They’re not wrong though

  • @ouranos0101
    @ouranos0101 8 днів тому +9

    "All of the TOP commanders love them too much."
    Sneaky. You guys are geniuses.

  • @infernalisopod3344
    @infernalisopod3344 3 роки тому +2113

    The scrolling text at the bottom
    "30,000 people drafted to live in Nebraska" LMAO poor souls

  • @arturiapendragon9642
    @arturiapendragon9642 2 роки тому +13361

    “God Bless America and her gays” gets me every time

  • @Redacted_Ruler
    @Redacted_Ruler 4 роки тому +2096

    This has aged like a fine wine

    • @oz7919
      @oz7919 4 роки тому +13

      How?

    • @comicconcarne
      @comicconcarne 4 роки тому +56

      ​ @Oz Acceptance of gay people has risen since this video was published in 2008. A lot of (lgbt) kids say their gay friends are "precious" and that they want to protect them. This art has grown to imitate life even more as time has progressed.

    • @mandoy2080
      @mandoy2080 4 роки тому +1

      That's not how that works

    • @thedeliveryboy1123
      @thedeliveryboy1123 3 роки тому +8

      yeah, they used to be 7 but now they're 8 and a half

    • @LorcanG
      @LorcanG 3 роки тому +2

      @@Lefy2007 "maybe we going to war with Russia" haha you don't have a clue

  • @-Juney-
    @-Juney- 5 місяців тому +59

    As a gay dude myself, I can confirm that we regularly have rituals where 7 straight people come together and form one gay person. I don’t know what 7 people formed me, but I am thankful for them.

    • @TianmenSquare1989
      @TianmenSquare1989 5 місяців тому +24

      As a straight man myself, I am perfectly aware that I will soon be a part of something greater

    • @youwishyoucould12
      @youwishyoucould12 4 місяці тому

      do you take it up the rear or do you put it in some elses log cutter

    • @nuggethewarrior279
      @nuggethewarrior279 4 місяці тому +5

      @@youwishyoucould12 they form a circle, each man penetrating and recieving at the same time. this acts as the catalyst for the formation of a gay people.

    • @vulpevulpevulpevulpevulpevulpe
      @vulpevulpevulpevulpevulpevulpe 4 місяці тому +1

      @@nuggethewarrior279 i like to call it the Sexipede

    • @-Juney-
      @-Juney- 4 місяці тому +3

      @@TianmenSquare1989thank you for your sacrifice brother.

  • @thatguythere6161
    @thatguythere6161 3 роки тому +5924

    Ok, I’m looosing my mind seeing how many people are asking if this is real or not. Cmon guys. It’s obviously real. The onion has never lied before, so I’d doubt they would start now

    • @PTEC
      @PTEC 3 роки тому +101

      Exactly

    • @misterprop9089
      @misterprop9089 3 роки тому +75

      I hope that one day they will understand

    • @Jotari
      @Jotari 3 роки тому +29

      Well it would have been 13 years ago, not now.

    • @LemuelDunleavy
      @LemuelDunleavy 3 роки тому +5

      "C'mon man!"

    • @kyojin336
      @kyojin336 3 роки тому +3

      This Is fake no doubt

  • @held1599
    @held1599 3 роки тому +2485

    the definitive "seven" killed me

    • @shixuo
      @shixuo 3 роки тому +5

      Rip

    • @Flash4ML
      @Flash4ML 3 роки тому +87

      He said it like it’s an elementary fact that everyone already knows lol

    • @ironkill-jz2oi
      @ironkill-jz2oi 3 роки тому +5

      Comedic genius

    • @basicsimp8798
      @basicsimp8798 3 роки тому

      Literally is your straight. We have to protect our precious homosexuals.

    • @ABDULBASIT-po2lv
      @ABDULBASIT-po2lv 3 роки тому

      YES

  • @80VAIN08
    @80VAIN08 7 місяців тому +7402

    "how many-"
    "seven."

  • @heather2701
    @heather2701 5 місяців тому +17

    I feel like some people won't realise this is The Onion 😭

    • @thecursed01
      @thecursed01 5 місяців тому +5

      reading some of the comments...you are correct. also...nobody tell that general about the navy XD

  • @LaMarcheFutilé101
    @LaMarcheFutilé101 Рік тому +19775

    Due to inflation, the life of a gay person is now worth eleven soldiers. But aside from that, still very accurate.

    • @panzerofthelake506
      @panzerofthelake506 Рік тому +285

      Gays immune to inflation 😂

    • @ZenClark0
      @ZenClark0 Рік тому +406

      ​@@panzerofthelake506But the straight people being compared to are not, which is why the value of the gay person does not trail by the losing value of the hetero variety.

    • @williamzayas7866
      @williamzayas7866 Рік тому

      Ignorant butthole

    • @PlateletRichGel
      @PlateletRichGel Рік тому +131

      Biden : " I made gays worth more! That's Bidenomics folks!"

    • @ThickmoidYeast
      @ThickmoidYeast Рік тому +201

      We have since moved from the "gold standard" as a measure of economy, switching to the much more valuable and stable "gay standard"

  • @muscalay7516
    @muscalay7516 3 роки тому +7793

    I love how quickly he was able to respond S E V E N

    • @AxxLAfriku
      @AxxLAfriku 3 роки тому +7

      OH NOOOOOO!!! Most people agree that my vids are the worst on UA-cam. I agree to disagree. Please agree to disagree with the haters, dear sev

    • @SeZ_LeZ
      @SeZ_LeZ 3 роки тому +31

      7

    • @cyclemono4286
      @cyclemono4286 3 роки тому +22

      They did the math

    • @Hug0Pro
      @Hug0Pro 3 роки тому +65

      The confidence is what killed me. As if he was ready to bust out a equation in case u pressed him.

    • @ClownWorld69420
      @ClownWorld69420 3 роки тому +10

      LOL at that part i had to pause it for a second. after hysterically laughing i realized this wasnt a real news thing. especially when the ticker said boring man dies and of course after watching the rest of the video.

  • @astroboystan
    @astroboystan 4 роки тому +11771

    If I ever become a streamer, that's going to be one of my sound effects:
    "God bless America and her gays,"

    • @byeebitch
      @byeebitch 4 роки тому +139

      Do it. Plz.

    • @suqmaddiqq
      @suqmaddiqq 4 роки тому +75

      Send channel link right now or it'll never happen

    • @flameBMW245
      @flameBMW245 4 роки тому +17

      No one is stopping you

    • @astroboystan
      @astroboystan 4 роки тому +145

      @@flameBMW245 my empty wallet and school laptop are tho

    • @flameBMW245
      @flameBMW245 4 роки тому +56

      @@astroboystan damn man, i was looking forward to a new streamer popping up, hope you can go through with your wishes i guess

  • @davidstrorm5797
    @davidstrorm5797 6 місяців тому +17

    I mean, the General's not wrong... special, pure, rare ... precious.

    • @FawnTheCreator
      @FawnTheCreator 5 місяців тому +2

      Absolutely false

    • @keck4022
      @keck4022 5 місяців тому

      Sharif’s that, except special, was correct?

  • @emeraldgohan5255
    @emeraldgohan5255 2 роки тому +11530

    One gay soldier's life is equal to seven straight soldiers' lives because that's how many colours there are in the rainbow.

    • @me_youtube4666
      @me_youtube4666 2 роки тому +385

      Oh! I didn't catch that, thanks!

    • @Fire-kv9lg
      @Fire-kv9lg 2 роки тому +126

      indigo doesn't belong in the rainbow smh

    • @manwhoismissingtwotoenails4777
      @manwhoismissingtwotoenails4777 2 роки тому +30

      Red orange yellow green blue purple

    • @iroga9764
      @iroga9764 2 роки тому +51

      The pride flag is not a real rainbow

    • @RandomPerson-fg1jf
      @RandomPerson-fg1jf 2 роки тому +39

      Pride flag has 6 colours though. It used to have 8, but then it was brought down to 7, and then to 6. There's just one purple on it. I think the removed colours were turquoise and pink, but I'm not certain on that, if someone knows more, feel free to correct.

  • @TJ0510
    @TJ0510 3 роки тому +3552

    "It has been the solemn oath of every man in uniform to lay down his life in defence of America's precious, precious homosexuals" is something I thought I would literally never hear

    • @cye2310
      @cye2310 3 роки тому +121

      So my father didn't serve his country because of me? It was for his boyfriend?

    • @raawesome3851
      @raawesome3851 3 роки тому +40

      Honestly, I don't know whether that's cursed or wholesome

    • @alexander1902
      @alexander1902 3 роки тому +14

      @@cye2310 no, it was for the general wearing pvt. rank pins

    • @ronancoster8910
      @ronancoster8910 3 роки тому +9

      But you are better off for knowing the truth

    • @handleb00ba
      @handleb00ba 3 роки тому +38

      Well, God bless America and her gays

  • @nikolajw.2098
    @nikolajw.2098 4 роки тому +50480

    I feel bad for Onion. They can't make stupid news anymore cause the real news already too stupid.

    • @MazdaRX7007
      @MazdaRX7007 4 роки тому +736

      Lol, I'm dead 😂

    • @fikrifahrizal482
      @fikrifahrizal482 4 роки тому +1346

      and people getting offended by anything now

    • @aislinndrew
      @aislinndrew 4 роки тому +713

      and then we have the ones that think satirical news is real news 🥴🙄

    • @baldoggie
      @baldoggie 4 роки тому +224

      cringe unoriginal comment that you will find in every satirical video on youtube

    • @Thot_Patrol_USA
      @Thot_Patrol_USA 4 роки тому +16

      Corona too

  • @SO-Negative
    @SO-Negative 4 роки тому +16559

    I think he's just afraid that his boyfriend would get enlisted

  • @GreenshirtMr1023
    @GreenshirtMr1023 3 роки тому +9867

    Life, liberty, and the pursuit of protecting homosexuals

  • @kurimiaisukurimu
    @kurimiaisukurimu 5 років тому +31813

    *WW3 about to start*
    You know, I'm something of a homosexual myself.

    • @crappyaccount
      @crappyaccount 4 роки тому +258

      😂😂

    • @CrimeaRiver
      @CrimeaRiver 4 роки тому +518

      Praise Canada for the invention of self-identification.

    • @gaberamirez9261
      @gaberamirez9261 4 роки тому +121

      Underrated comment lmfao

    • @nicksurfs1
      @nicksurfs1 4 роки тому +121

      Profile pic checks out.

    • @benslyfink
      @benslyfink 4 роки тому +78

      I'm glad it was shit five months ago too. Time has lost meaning

  • @h.a.9880
    @h.a.9880 7 місяців тому +15

    Putin saw this 16 years ago and thought it was real.

  • @nicksurfs1
    @nicksurfs1 7 років тому +16150

    I remember watching this as a young closeted gay boy and it was comforting to know that my life is seven times more valuable than a straight man's

    • @Ghekkoo
      @Ghekkoo 6 років тому +819

      7

    • @johnnybgood8698
      @johnnybgood8698 6 років тому +216

      nicksurfs1 that’s pretty stupid

    • @bluewuppo
      @bluewuppo 6 років тому +1005

      i hail you, almighty gay lord

    • @isaacisnotonfire
      @isaacisnotonfire 6 років тому +822

      Same, God bless America and her gays.

    • @stza16
      @stza16 6 років тому +831

      Thank you for your gayness. America is forever in your debt.

  • @KingCeeza119
    @KingCeeza119 8 років тому +3340

    "Precious, precious homosexuals"...lmao oh man!

    • @peachypeachworth3974
      @peachypeachworth3974 5 років тому +2

      DJ Diabeetus AKA young beetus I dare not break the 333 likes :p

    • @hr473
      @hr473 4 роки тому

      @@peachypeachworth3974 now its 3.3k Likes. Propably 3.333

  • @TicklishCrown
    @TicklishCrown 3 роки тому +6759

    The Onion has always been a shining beacon of unbelievably good satire

    • @affjdjdndachdndndm5371
      @affjdjdndachdndndm5371 3 роки тому +69

      Satire? this isn’t satire, ma’am.

    • @art_00000
      @art_00000 3 роки тому +73

      If this video was released today people wouldn't even doubt it's real

    • @zettour.
      @zettour. 3 роки тому +21

      Eh, this is 13 years ago. They haven't put out anything this good in the last half decade.

    • @wetherbyvevo5393
      @wetherbyvevo5393 3 роки тому +10

      @@zettour. idk the one about teaching a Gorilla to fear death was a banger and I believe it’s only a year old

    • @ignatiusjackson235
      @ignatiusjackson235 3 роки тому +16

      @@wetherbyvevo5393 That was 11 years ago, bud. He's right. Their headquarters moved from New York to Chicago some time around 2012-14, changed up most of their staff, and they haven't been the same since. The good times were truly swell, though.

  • @awesomeprograms4433
    @awesomeprograms4433 3 місяці тому +9

    I love reading these comments because of the fact that there's people who actually think these are real.

  • @lcclower
    @lcclower 10 років тому +11916

    oow I know why they call it the Onion, because I laughed to the point of tears.

    • @Elwood128
      @Elwood128 9 років тому +572

      L. C. Clower I thought it was because they're unraveling the layers of propaganda that the US media has crafted over the decades.

    • @deployedkitty
      @deployedkitty 7 років тому +350

      No no. It was because grandpa tied an onion to his belt, as was the style back then.

    • @JonatasAdoM
      @JonatasAdoM 6 років тому +12

      I had never seen it that way!

    • @Enel97
      @Enel97 5 років тому +76

      No its because the secret founder of the whole "channel" was the billionaire king Shrek

    • @jonnda
      @jonnda 5 років тому +12

      I thought it was because they were based in Chicago. I don’t know if that’s true though.

  • @yoshi2413
    @yoshi2413 2 роки тому +9696

    “It has been the solemn oath of every man in uniform to lay down his life in defense of Americas precious precious homosexuals” well said general.

    • @slinky911
      @slinky911 2 роки тому +16

      *[this comment isn’t relevant anymore, fuck off]

    • @drewstaser9726
      @drewstaser9726 2 роки тому

      Honestly, sounds kinda gay me... Laying down your life for a gay person? I'm a bit suspicious

    • @calvadosmatinez3100
      @calvadosmatinez3100 2 роки тому +10

      @@slinky911 do you people have a brain

    • @slinky911
      @slinky911 2 роки тому +23

      @@calvadosmatinez3100 Bro is up at 5 am replying to 6 month old comments get a job ☠️

    • @calvadosmatinez3100
      @calvadosmatinez3100 2 роки тому +32

      @@slinky911 maybe on your side of the world but when I live it's still morning and I'm at job in fact

  • @nullbeyondo
    @nullbeyondo 3 роки тому +4772

    "God bless America and her gays" I died

    • @IvanM272
      @IvanM272 3 роки тому +47

      I died on seven.

    • @bryanmavis8771
      @bryanmavis8771 3 роки тому +32

      I died seven times

    • @comradekratos927
      @comradekratos927 3 роки тому +5

      😂 😂 😂

    • @chakigun
      @chakigun 3 роки тому +7

      I bet Lady Gaga stole that line from the general lmao
      "for God and the Gays"

    • @iiiioands2
      @iiiioands2 3 роки тому +1

      WTF 😂😂😂😭

  • @MommyOfZoeAndLiam
    @MommyOfZoeAndLiam 4 місяці тому +15

    So as a bisexual is it a 50/50 split on the value am I worth 3.5 straight soldiers? Or is it an all or nothing thing?

    • @jaredknapp8886
      @jaredknapp8886 4 місяці тому +20

      As a former soldier, I can confirm your worth is actually 4.5. The straight part of you is worth one plus 3.5 for all the boxes you eat.

  • @kalebfrench7942
    @kalebfrench7942 4 роки тому +13245

    Sometimes I believe the onion is just a news network from an alternate dimension where humanity is just slightly more wholesome and weird.

    • @JustNatax3
      @JustNatax3 4 роки тому +883

      Me, thinking back to the report on cutting off a childs life support because she just looks at her smartphone and rolls her eyes.

    • @astroboystan
      @astroboystan 4 роки тому +40

      ah, yes.

    • @nodezsh
      @nodezsh 3 роки тому +44

      One where the hapless fuckwits can't even handle an omelette.

    • @YGXP.
      @YGXP. 3 роки тому +22

      Wholesome?

    • @uMaud
      @uMaud 3 роки тому +49

      Isn't it satire ? Isn't the point of satire to make fun of concepts and people by showing how ridiculous they can get ?
      Aren't some people already idolising homosexuals ?
      Oh and most importantly... How is that wholesome ?

  • @colechapman6976
    @colechapman6976 3 роки тому +22097

    Protecting the precious lives of homosexuals in our nation has always been a priority for America. I believe that it was President Kennedy that said “ask not what your homosexuals can do for you, ask what you can do for homosexuals.”

    • @Aman-qr6wi
      @Aman-qr6wi 3 роки тому +105

      😂

    • @xiijinpingthesupremeleader1349
      @xiijinpingthesupremeleader1349 3 роки тому +78

      😂😂🤣🤣🤣

    • @fishyc43sar
      @fishyc43sar 3 роки тому +392

      You know it's Murica when people exchange the terms "nation" and "Gay" with each other and it still makes sense.

    • @nevink4717
      @nevink4717 3 роки тому +55

      lmao, The Onion is fucking gold. If only George Carlin was still alive, holy shit the world would've been a brighter place.

    • @boukheitabbeldjalil9574
      @boukheitabbeldjalil9574 3 роки тому +118

      1Gay = 7 straight People
      The general is straight I think

  • @clownsey3382
    @clownsey3382 4 роки тому +22818

    I am a straight heterosexual man currently on the way to enlist in the military. Don't worry gays, I and seven other soldiers will be ready to protect you and even risk our lives doing so. Consider this as a promise.

  • @DalilaReaper
    @DalilaReaper 7 місяців тому +20

    Why did it take me 16 years to see this lmfao

  • @berbal9658
    @berbal9658 3 роки тому +10569

    ‘YOU KILLED 7 OF OUR MEN!!!!’
    ‘But you killed one of our gays.’
    ‘Fair enough.’

  • @BroBuster
    @BroBuster 3 роки тому +30391

    For those who are unsure if this is real or not in the comments, I'd like to clarify that this is 100% authentic, serious, real footage.

    • @onyebuchiemordi4852
      @onyebuchiemordi4852 3 роки тому +649

      Are you serious, I thought it was joke😆.... So you mean this actually aired on TV.🤣🤣

    • @chief_mourner
      @chief_mourner 3 роки тому +1618

      @@onyebuchiemordi4852 yeah

    • @abbaker553
      @abbaker553 3 роки тому +2237

      @@onyebuchiemordi4852 Everything from the Onion is 100% true. It is the only reliable media organization in the world.

    • @well_as_an_expert_id_say
      @well_as_an_expert_id_say 3 роки тому +1019

      @@onyebuchiemordi4852 Honestly, you can't really trust anything nowadays EXCEPT for The Onion. They're straight shooters

    • @spacecore_2068
      @spacecore_2068 3 роки тому +676

      @@well_as_an_expert_id_say The MSM media is so BIASED nowadays. only the Onion tells the facts straight😤😤😤😤😤

  • @sneakyj9683
    @sneakyj9683 3 роки тому +5427

    “30,000 people drafted to live in Nebraska”
    As a Nebraskan myself, I find this absolutely hilarious 😂

    • @TheGreenReaper
      @TheGreenReaper 3 роки тому +335

      America thanks you for your sacrifice! 🇺🇸

    • @Random7303
      @Random7303 3 роки тому +203

      You guys are so brave! Thank you for your service

    • @spudowmahbrethren9392
      @spudowmahbrethren9392 3 роки тому +112

      The Onion was way ahead of their time, sneaking Nebraska into their broadcasts

    • @desolate4523
      @desolate4523 3 роки тому +4

      Well this was a joke so😉

    • @Fadhil_Tjandra
      @Fadhil_Tjandra 3 роки тому +51

      bro tried to sneak in nebraska💀

  • @Taym-b7q
    @Taym-b7q 5 місяців тому +4

    He said “seven” like it was a quick time event.

  • @johnwhittington2998
    @johnwhittington2998 4 роки тому +24331

    I will risk mine and 6 other heterosexuals lives in the name of protecting the gays

  • @AngelMass
    @AngelMass 2 роки тому +11550

    You know when a satire is well done when 14 years later is still funny and relevant all the same

    • @vincentseng
      @vincentseng 2 роки тому +87

      it's becoming even more relevant, and it's accurate so much like God watch Onion videos and decide to let it happpen

    • @KennaDeMerkedo
      @KennaDeMerkedo 2 роки тому +12

      it's even more funny and relevant when you put t***s in place of gay

    • @zoeysiddiqi1532
      @zoeysiddiqi1532 2 роки тому +33

      @@KennaDeMerkedo t***ts=? i might be having a sped moment right now my apologies

    • @KennaDeMerkedo
      @KennaDeMerkedo 2 роки тому

      @@zoeysiddiqi1532 no worries, you probably confused yourself with that second t there...Letters sponsoring today's episode are :a, p and s.....or alternatively: r , o and n. Either one will take you to the correct group

    • @Socom1994
      @Socom1994 2 роки тому +5

      Satire?

  • @zeeshchamp979
    @zeeshchamp979 5 років тому +5390

    "30,000 people drafted to live in Nebraska" o my god 😂😂😂

    • @JulianneHannes
      @JulianneHannes 5 років тому +190

      The horror

    • @frisianesc6905
      @frisianesc6905 4 роки тому +161

      Oof that's worse than getting drafted for the hunger games

    • @thomastruant8837
      @thomastruant8837 4 роки тому +73

      So if you can get drafted to live in nebraska and I have lived there all my life doesn't that make me a professional Nebraskan?

    • @thomastruant8837
      @thomastruant8837 4 роки тому +40

      @Mansoor Shakeel achievement unlocked! The good life! Be recognized as a veteran Nebraskan.

    • @bringanotebook28
      @bringanotebook28 4 роки тому +56

      "Served two tours in Omaha... lost a lot of men. Something that always comes from war is regret, and I have a lot of regrets that follow me like ghosts that haunt graves. I still hear the screams, sometimes..."

  • @thatoneperson-thatyoucantr3652
    @thatoneperson-thatyoucantr3652 7 місяців тому +13

    This video is older than me but im JUST now getting it on my FYP.

  • @manyerrors3719
    @manyerrors3719 4 роки тому +2966

    *This* is how you do satire/comedy about touchy subjects. It's funny and uses stereotypes without being just flat out rude

    • @Quetzalcoatl-Dragon_97
      @Quetzalcoatl-Dragon_97 4 роки тому +19

      Fr

    • @someone3195
      @someone3195 3 роки тому +14

      Is it making fun of rules that keep LGBT members out of military?
      Was it the case 12 years ago too? Or did I misunderstand...?

    • @giordanocoresi2934
      @giordanocoresi2934 3 роки тому +65

      @@someone3195 iirc 12 years ago there no rules like these, just the "don't ask don't tell" policy, obviously that changed under trump in regard to trans people

    • @someone3195
      @someone3195 3 роки тому +1

      @@giordanocoresi2934 then what's the joke...?

    • @bradleycortes9161
      @bradleycortes9161 3 роки тому +15

      @@someone3195 Youre kidding right?

  • @purpleater1336
    @purpleater1336 3 роки тому +2132

    Only the Onion can reach this level of satire while still being weirdly wholesome at the same time.

    • @IsraelCountryCube
      @IsraelCountryCube 3 роки тому

      Just like joker satire and wonderful get bullied becasue you're gay? Its gonna happend again hahahaha! That's so wholesome aahhh.............:]

    • @purpleater1336
      @purpleater1336 3 роки тому +41

      @@IsraelCountryCube I don't seem to understand what point you're coming from here. Care to elaborate?

    • @GenusOfficial
      @GenusOfficial 3 роки тому +19

      @@IsraelCountryCube What? lmao

    • @hypn0__.
      @hypn0__. 3 роки тому +12

      @@IsraelCountryCube What are you talking about

    • @ajmorales5748
      @ajmorales5748 3 роки тому +10

      @@IsraelCountryCube are you joe biden and your dementia kick in?

  • @just_abald_guy_who_love_to9324
    @just_abald_guy_who_love_to9324 3 роки тому +2407

    The confidence during the "7" shows the combined efforts of all researchers scientists and great brain to get the approximate number

    • @arne8158
      @arne8158 3 роки тому +90

      Approximate? That's number is a stone cold fact just like the existence of Sasquatch and the science of Crystal Healing.

    • @dipokane-5321
      @dipokane-5321 2 роки тому +23

      @@Paonporteur it’s the amount of colors in the rainbow

    • @mmayer1558
      @mmayer1558 2 роки тому +24

      The 7 was rounded down from 7.14159

    • @DoiInthanon1897
      @DoiInthanon1897 Рік тому +3

      @@mmayer1558Who knew pie was the bottom of it.

    • @matthewvaughan8192
      @matthewvaughan8192 Рік тому

      great brain

  • @dragnostic
    @dragnostic 5 місяців тому +7

    UA-cam recommending me this video after 16 years is pure savagery

  • @dangbassist5225
    @dangbassist5225 2 роки тому +3537

    Even after all these years his straight faced response of "7." is still too goddamn funny.

    • @shriaaravji
      @shriaaravji Рік тому +12

      FR

    • @ericsilver9401
      @ericsilver9401 Рік тому +22

      I’m always amazed he was able to keep a straight face

    • @lazarskrbic
      @lazarskrbic Рік тому

      @@ericsilver9401 he's not worthy enough for a gay face

    • @stopdroptroll1465
      @stopdroptroll1465 Рік тому +72

      It's not just him being straight faced but also giving the answer right away without a moment of pause. Like it's a number that people came up with after careful consideration

    • @neonoir__
      @neonoir__ Рік тому

      this has 777 likes and must stay that way

  • @Lameashellcosplay
    @Lameashellcosplay 7 років тому +22995

    does that mean bisexuals are worth 3 1/2 ?

    • @twirlipofthemists3201
      @twirlipofthemists3201 7 років тому +1535

      Lameashellcosplay Bisexuals are equal to three fifths of a man, so gays are worth 11.666 bisexuals.

    • @bilibiliism
      @bilibiliism 6 років тому +852

      No, it worth 8, 7+1

    • @itsyaboychipsahoy.7989
      @itsyaboychipsahoy.7989 6 років тому +268

      Aight wtf.

    • @carllewis8940
      @carllewis8940 6 років тому +938

      That's so stupid, this the problem with this law. It's clearly 5. 50% of 1 straight person is 0.5 plus 50% of 1 gay person is 4.5. it's fundamental algebra. 1s /2 + 1g/2 =1b.

    • @handburgerman4224
      @handburgerman4224 6 років тому +360

      How much are pansexuals worth

  • @Takumi_Did_Nothing_Wrong
    @Takumi_Did_Nothing_Wrong 3 роки тому +3703

    1:25 "All of the TOP commanders know we love them too much."
    What about the bottom commanders?

  • @juantamad6576
    @juantamad6576 5 місяців тому +4

    1:05 He said it with a straight face "Seven".

  • @bitterleafcastle1552
    @bitterleafcastle1552 4 роки тому +472

    I mean, I'd fight to protect Ian McKellen

  • @aetheryourfriend4001
    @aetheryourfriend4001 4 роки тому +2057

    LMAO. HE SAID “7” SO QUICKLY.
    God bless America and her gays lmao

    • @hemanthsunny983
      @hemanthsunny983 4 роки тому +17

      i am so weak from laughing rn

    • @Uncleanwiener1231
      @Uncleanwiener1231 4 роки тому +2

      No

    • @whocares3959
      @whocares3959 4 роки тому +1

      🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • @oklmao892
      @oklmao892 4 роки тому +3

      @Maria Garcia he literally said her gays but pop off🥴

    • @jasmine7735
      @jasmine7735 4 роки тому +2

      Day 640 of adding useless pronouns wherever they fit:

  • @Xpistos510
    @Xpistos510 3 роки тому +4279

    When you're so woke that you discriminate against gays because you love them.

    • @natevanderw
      @natevanderw 3 роки тому +111

      and you are onion and start 10 years before everyone else

    • @BadDayLp
      @BadDayLp 3 роки тому +171

      Twitter movements in a nutshell

    • @diligentsun1154
      @diligentsun1154 3 роки тому +62

      God bless America and her gays

    • @BradySpector
      @BradySpector 3 роки тому +13

      You know, I like murder but war is just too noisy so thanks for the discrimination bestie😌

    • @MrRaui
      @MrRaui 3 роки тому +33

      That's transcending being woke and becoming a full-on insomniac instead

  • @alinvornicu7734
    @alinvornicu7734 3 місяці тому +7

    Gayflation in year 2059: 1 gay man = 20.748 normal humans. Invest in gays. Stonks only go up

  • @iampotterweeb8914
    @iampotterweeb8914 4 роки тому +8538

    "They're special. Pure and rare, like a gleaming diamond"
    Wait, that's really touching to hear.
    Edit: When the fuck did I get these likes-?

    • @krinos1
      @krinos1 4 роки тому +486

      Are you of legal age?

    • @rds7696
      @rds7696 4 роки тому +399

      Call the authorities

    • @abrahamcruz2200
      @abrahamcruz2200 4 роки тому +310

      You are a victim

    • @The_Peach_Rings
      @The_Peach_Rings 4 роки тому +51

      I don't cuz I'm not gay.
      I think...

    • @bov6566
      @bov6566 4 роки тому +22

      me too

  • @9Crow
    @9Crow 4 роки тому +351

    don't shoot if he's too cute

    • @9Crow
      @9Crow 3 роки тому +2

      @Ariana Grande lol

    • @czechmate6916
      @czechmate6916 9 місяців тому +1

      😆😂🤣👍👍

  • @raullruizz3883
    @raullruizz3883 8 місяців тому +2173

    "Seven"
    Hes asked this question monthly

    • @thatsickkidjaz1749
      @thatsickkidjaz1749 7 місяців тому +33

      He said it likes its a factual thing that has been researched 😅

    • @fart63
      @fart63 7 місяців тому +1

      I thought it was because he said they protect the gays like they’re Snow White? As in the soliders are the seven dwarves for each gay man

    • @Idontwannashutup
      @Idontwannashutup 6 місяців тому +5

      @@thatsickkidjaz1749the studies show

  • @ShaiCoke
    @ShaiCoke 3 місяці тому +4

    “7” forever hilarious

  • @nah_.
    @nah_. 3 роки тому +6267

    "How many soldiers lives is the worth of one bisexual man?"
    "3.5"

  • @dimthecat9418
    @dimthecat9418 4 роки тому +2851

    If WW3 ever breaks out I’m kissing the first guy I see

    • @nightsregalia8641
      @nightsregalia8641 4 роки тому +97

      Rules have changed fool. If you did that you would just be gay. Pretend to be transgender. That's what works now I think.
      (Btw 2010 was the year the military allowed gays to serve.)

    • @bryan0x05
      @bryan0x05 4 роки тому +99

      So you're confessing you are gay if we are all going to die?
      I mean alright but I think you shouldn't be afraid to come out before then.

    • @dimthecat9418
      @dimthecat9418 4 роки тому +66

      @@bryan0x05 I’m not gay but I’d kiss a dude idk what the means

    • @bryan0x05
      @bryan0x05 4 роки тому +89

      @@dimthecat9418 that sounds pretty gay to me.

    • @soberanisfam1323
      @soberanisfam1323 4 роки тому +31

      @@dimthecat9418 that means gay or bi

  • @johnconnervsskynet
    @johnconnervsskynet 3 роки тому +4370

    *When war breaks out*
    Me: You know, I'm somewhat of a homosexual myself.

    • @stephenpmurphy591
      @stephenpmurphy591 3 роки тому +354

      You'll be required to prove your orientation in front of seven seven star Generals..It's the law.

    • @TrulyBS-QJ
      @TrulyBS-QJ 3 роки тому +144

      @@stephenpmurphy591 RAM RANCH

    • @1Bepractical
      @1Bepractical 3 роки тому +14

      @@TrulyBS-QJ 😂

    • @smoochfa973
      @smoochfa973 3 роки тому +21

      @@TrulyBS-QJ bro wtf😂

    • @BoosterDuck9
      @BoosterDuck9 3 роки тому +7

      (・_・;)

  • @nemeczek67
    @nemeczek67 18 днів тому +5

    Adjusted for inflation, it is eight now.

  • @ElonMuskegon
    @ElonMuskegon 3 роки тому +1141

    "Boring guy dies"
    Now that's breaking news.

    • @CG-ug6bn
      @CG-ug6bn 3 роки тому +2

      Death's less important when the Lakers lose
      There's lead in that baby food
      If ya kno, ya know

    • @deathstroke4630
      @deathstroke4630 3 роки тому

      Bill burr is that you 👀

    • @toiletbomber55
      @toiletbomber55 3 роки тому +1

      @@CG-ug6bn Classic Doris

    • @ThelastEmperor4444
      @ThelastEmperor4444 3 роки тому +1

      I don't know why, but I read that in Norm's voice.

  • @peterbarlow5709
    @peterbarlow5709 4 роки тому +600

    Not only do they leave girls for the rest of us, but they take other men with them. Quite frankly they are the pinnacle of male kindness, selflessness and quality.

    • @slevinhyde3212
      @slevinhyde3212 4 роки тому +41

      same for soldiers, damn...

    • @cantseewhatcantbeseen4485
      @cantseewhatcantbeseen4485 4 роки тому +25

      Well when you put it that way...

    • @foreskinpolice
      @foreskinpolice 4 роки тому +31

      God I love men 🤤 lmAo

    • @yusha1059
      @yusha1059 4 роки тому +21

      @@foreskinpolice did you capitalise A in lmao because you like ass or because you are a capitalist??

    • @nelsonth
      @nelsonth 4 роки тому +52

      Then you must hate lesbians?

  • @DarkseidJoshua
    @DarkseidJoshua 4 роки тому +4729

    Gay person) "Oh I broke a nail"
    Army General) "Get that man a Medic sergeant!"

    • @hollybutler4885
      @hollybutler4885 4 роки тому +200

      Soldier in the corner with a bullet wound: *:')*

    • @Dontpopanypillskids
      @Dontpopanypillskids 4 роки тому +188

      @@hollybutler4885 It’s fine he’s one of seven lmao

    • @frostyskeletons8950
      @frostyskeletons8950 3 роки тому +48

      Don’t worry my nails are too short to break. God bless.

    • @galaxychill9578
      @galaxychill9578 3 роки тому +30

      @@frostyskeletons8950 -America and her gays

    • @galaxychill9578
      @galaxychill9578 3 роки тому +16

      @@frostyskeletons8950 you do Not know how much Joy I got from just making that joke

  • @Godyeater
    @Godyeater 3 місяці тому +10

    They are neither conservative nor progressive.
    They are onions.

  • @Ssstone3.14
    @Ssstone3.14 3 роки тому +2965

    Worst thing about the YT dislike block: you can no longer see how many people are too dumb to get the joke on onion vids. Big rip

    • @confusedcay8845
      @confusedcay8845 3 роки тому +29

      3.3 dislikes I think that feature is based on location

    • @Ssstone3.14
      @Ssstone3.14 3 роки тому +8

      @@confusedcay8845 huh. Mabye your on a non up to date version? Cause the same's ture for a mate of mine. I also think that these changes come thru on the app before the browser so that could be it as well

    • @Ssstone3.14
      @Ssstone3.14 3 роки тому

      @@confusedcay8845 also, that's very very low for what I've seen of people missing the joke. Espesly for somthing as ''''contentious'''' as this

    • @confusedcay8845
      @confusedcay8845 3 роки тому +2

      @@Ssstone3.14 I used a vpn but I can still see the dislikes also people in the us get so many ads I haven't gotten a ad this whole year

    • @dankwaifu2093
      @dankwaifu2093 3 роки тому +19

      I just use a plugin to get the dislike count back.

  • @PandoraKyss
    @PandoraKyss Рік тому +7409

    As a pure minded gay homosexual, I thank the heterosexuals who shield me from the horrors of war.

    • @za9393
      @za9393 Рік тому +120

      I thank the REAL MEN who shield me .....................

    • @Lalelailulo
      @Lalelailulo Рік тому +46

      Thank you for your service

    • @mixedvibes9613
      @mixedvibes9613 Рік тому +520

      ​@@za9393i dont know what youre implying. Nothing more manly than 2 men

    • @unconcernedcitizen4092
      @unconcernedcitizen4092 Рік тому +402

      @@mixedvibes9613Except for three men

    • @mixedvibes9613
      @mixedvibes9613 Рік тому +198

      @@unconcernedcitizen4092 ah, my apologies

  • @randomperson2078
    @randomperson2078 6 років тому +2367

    New calculations indicate the soldier-to-gay life value ratio has increased to 19:1, a level not seen since 2011.

    • @WolfPlayz294
      @WolfPlayz294 5 років тому +14

      You have to be kidding.

    • @totalweirdo8538
      @totalweirdo8538 5 років тому +37

      @@WolfPlayz294 Yes.

    • @randomperson2078
      @randomperson2078 5 років тому +101

      @Wolf Playz, No, now it’s at 13:1. I will continue to inform UA-cam as necessary.

    • @mr.narwhal9034
      @mr.narwhal9034 5 років тому +29

      Random Person good news, the ratio has jumped up to 14:1!

    • @tempname8263
      @tempname8263 5 років тому +28

      Due to recent wave of global gayification virus outbreak, the ratio now is 0.97:1

  • @dansby807
    @dansby807 7 місяців тому +142

    I know this was a joke but kinda made me feel loved

    • @VeiledSeer
      @VeiledSeer 7 місяців тому +12

      Ikr! But does that mean only half of me can go to war since I'm bi??

    • @justacanofbeans8217
      @justacanofbeans8217 6 місяців тому

      ​@@VeiledSeeryou too are too precious for war, you have the great potential to stare at the same sex longingly. Me and 6 other straight men would be honored to lay down our lives, for the purity and sanctity of your homosexual patriotism, and your gay democracy. Long live liberty, God, Bisexuals, tapbeer and long live America!

    • @mcpigeon6908
      @mcpigeon6908 6 місяців тому +2

      @@VeiledSeer shut up you really want that attention huh?

    • @VeiledSeer
      @VeiledSeer 6 місяців тому +10

      @@mcpigeon6908 it was just a joke bro -

    • @killswitch6361
      @killswitch6361 5 місяців тому

      @@mcpigeon6908 The video is about gays... It seems like your the one who wants attention.

  • @xXsoullessabominationXx
    @xXsoullessabominationXx 2 роки тому +10037

    A bisexual is worth 3.5 soldiers.