@@gustav_a.mozumder2011 every narcissist's victim have an extreme hatred towards narcissistic people. everyone. I hate narcissists. they have destroyed my life several times. so yes. definitely true.... and no, we don't need to understand you. we just need to accept that your behavior says who you are. period. no excuses, no understanding, no negotiation.
@@gustav_a.mozumder2011It is interesting how narcissistic people, want us to excuse their behavior. When even God won't. And everyone else has the right to their Basic Survival Instinct, to get far away from self serving Narcissists.
@@gustav_a.mozumder2011 This 🩸is how 🩸you 🩸treat 🩸your 🩸white slaves🩸 AND NOTICED THAT HE ONLY CHOSE WHITE PEOPLE. JESUS IS WHITE WHO’S GOD IN THE FLESH AND NONE OF US ARE NARCISSIST. YOU COULD ALWAYS COME AND TALK TO US. THIS IS JUST ANOTHER HATE CRIME AGAINST WHITE PEOPLE THAT’S ALL IT IS AND THAT’S ALL IT WILL EVER BE THAT YOU THINK YOUR GOD OF THE EARTH, AND THAT YOU JUDGED MY WHITE FAMILY AND YOU ABSENTED US TO DEATH WHEN WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW IS WHITE PEOPLE WERE YOUR SLAVES AND EVERY SINGLE NATION AND HITLER’S HOUSES IN MEXICO IN THE TOP 10 DICTATORS WERE ALL MINORITIES.
@@gustav_a.mozumder2011 this guy hates my white family and hates Jesus and hates God and blames white people for all of his problems. You’re looking at a narcissist this guy is a narcissist, as if minorities never get mad and they’re all nice and all wonderful and all peaceful.
My dying father raged at his children...and wrote beautiful "goodbye letters" to his friends and extended family....so everyone was telling us what an "amazing" person he was...after a lifetime of his nastiness... I just smile...and say...he's at peace, now...and so am I.
That’s exactly what my narcissistic FIL did!! He spent the last few months of his life on sick bed polishing his obituary, basically tooting his own trumpet. He also left me out of the obituary and left nothing for my husband in his will coz he wouldn’t listen to him to divorce me.
The moment u stay away from them, their health start deteriorating badly. Their health starts declining, then they start begging u to come back. DO NOT GO BACK. They will treat u worse
My mother too .l slowly withdrew my presence over two years.Two weeks before she passed on l found myself my soul detaching from a message she sent me, l just read it and felt nothing.Two weeks she was gone with stroke
I was completely ostracised by my family and wasted years begging to return, fruitlessly. It was heartbreaking. This summer the main instigator of my disgrace, (it was religious) had a shock terminal diagnosis. On the actual day of her news she asked me to come to her. After 22 years since her final rejection of years and years previous to that, (40 years in total). I cried for a week as she relayed messages via other people but I wouldn't go. I knew she wanted to offload her bitterness and anger at the unfairness of her diagnosis onto me. If she could have me die instead she'd have preferred it. Since her death the flying monkeys are buzzing but I am resolute and mute. And safe.
My husband treated me horribly through his cancer journey and especially so in his last months - a continuation of how he’d treated me during our 20 year marriage. His nurses and doctors thought he was the best patient in the world. He treated them so well - a continuation of how he’d treated everyone else but me.
Sounds exactly like my narc relative carolniemann. Her "supply" will keep falling at her feet, buy her "act" & take all the money she heaps on them (+ the hopes of getting her estate) she keeps them around with. She had repeatedly pushed my hubby & I out of her life for several years, so we finally said "enough" last Summer & we decided she can have & use her flying monkeys as her "family." We weren't dysfunctional or phoney, & she couldn't manipulate us like she does her "supply," so she just couldn't stand us. We pray for her & we stay "discarded" ... living a life of sanity, peace, joy, & health.
My dying of cancer narcissistic mothers last words to me were: 'Jenny, how could you do this to me?!' Guilt tripping till the end! Side note: she had lived with me for 20 years and I supported her. I became sick after she died but now I'm rallying!
That's rough. My Father's last words to my Mother was: "I'm sorry. Thank you very much". He was not a narcissist and was always polite. I can't imagine what you've had to do to recover from a lifetime of abuse.
Jenny, sending my love. Believe me, I know my dear, I know ... She's gone now and gradually you'll release the shackles. You did nothing at all to deserve this. You were a wonderful daughter! Shame on this evil being for treating you like this. Hoping you find freedom and peace. ❤️
OMG!!!! I think the stories keep on topping the other! This tops anything I have heard before! I am sorry for you and please feel my healing vibrations!
That is insane... But so on brand and typical that I had to laugh (partially to keep from crying, as they say). I hope your healing journey is going well honey
So true, sadly. That tender deathbed reconciliation with Mom that my spouse had secretly hoped for was, instead, an abusive tirade and horrible curse uttered against our child, topped off with threats to call the police and report that we were stealing from her. We always gave her money, paid for her trips to see family, bought furniture, groceries, clothes, paid her cable bill. None of that made any difference. She hated us all. She even said that if she had to die she would take us all with her. The look on her face was purely demonic. However, I do not think she truly believed she was dying, even in the last days when she was, mercifully, on heavy pain meds and too out of it to speak. Her grandiose funeral requirements would have bankrupted us, so we agreed to everything, but quietly did things in our own way, which caused a lot of guilt, but there it is. She is not missed. On the contrary, our quality of life is immeasurably improved.
You have given me a lot more peace about not visiting my elderly and dementia ridden mother. Sometimes it's so hard to deal with the pain of knowing that I never had a mother who truly loved me.
I have an evil narc mother and I believe narcs are possessed by a demon/evil spirt that takes over their body and soul and that's why they're so evil all the time . Demons don't care about people's feelings and wants to destroy everyone. When they pass away they're going home to hell .
Please do not feel guilty. If someone wants a grandiose funeral, they need to leave funds to pay for it. So glad your lives are improving and you are free from this terrible situation.
My siblings and I had no emotions or tears when our drug addicted narcissistic mother died. We all sighed a huge relief when she breathed her last breath. She was horrible and neglected us until we all ran away. The three of us are in our 60s, successful, happy. The doctor at her death bed was shocked we were happy she was gone. My brother said, " That women gave birth to us, but she was never a mother. She tried to kill each of us multiple times." Doctor shut his mouth.
About 15 years before she died, my mother had an outpatient lumpectomy. In the recovery room afterwards, one of the nurses asked me and my brother who we were - she said she thought we were the mother's social workers.
I hope you can find forgiveness in your heart for her and what she did. The bible says if we don't forgive those who sinned against us than neither will God forgive us of our sins. Matthew 6:15 it's a tough realization, but we all don't deserve forgiveness, instead we deserve the wrath and judgement of God. The Lord is so merciful to make a way for us to have eternal life through the shed blood of Jesus.
I've had this experience a few times with family narcs and each of them were mean hateful to me only because I was the only one who stood up to them and would tell them they would regret it one day for their behavior. When each one got their diagnosis over the past 20 yrs they each remembered what I said and all were cruel and mean to me in their final days. One even started a smear campaign against me with their last breath. It hurt me because at that time I didn't know anything about Narcissist, but I did know something very evil and abnormal was going on with each of them. Seeing these videos I now have confirmation of what was going on with them. I feel vindicated.
I don’t think they believe there is an afterlife, even when they act religious. That’s why they’re so awful at the end. All they see is the empty black heartiness of themselves
I was No Contact for 8 years before my N mother died. But that didn't stop my father, her chief enabler and hit man, to contact me demanding I come to take care of my dying malignant N mother. I knew what was going on. He couldn't take her hideous aggression and toxicity he happily allowed her to direct at me all my life and admitted to me he knew. But that didn't stop him from joining in with her for decades to destroy my life. Better me than him was his motto. The gall of him to insist I return to my place as scapegoat to take the worst of her when dying because he couldn't handle it. ( It's you're turn now, Dad!) I moved out of state and blocked him. I heard she died months later. I felt relief but cried for the girl who never had a family that loved her. When I heard my father died...I felt nothing. To me, the enabler is worse than the N. They know what's going on but allow the N abuse of their child to keep themselves safe. Cowards!!
Grieve for the family that did not love you, but go on to make your own - whether it be finding a parent figure or getting a patent in law. You’d be surprised how it may come to be that the ‘parent love’, even a little, they give you is more than you got growing up and you eventually realize that turns out to be far better than what you never got/what you got growing up. That is a wonderful feeling. I had to live with my FIL for about 8 months last year. While my husband was overseas with our youngest child. The love, respect, treatment I got from that man in 8 months - even with his various quirks and requests (we all have them), was far more than what I got in my 52 years from my DNA father. My husband is a real loving dad to our kids and watching him be that has helped me learn how a real father treats his kids and me heal. My FIL filled in the gaps. I will forever be grateful. ❤️ My dear mum passed 2 years ago. I miss her so much. I saw an old school friend and met her Mum again after decades. I never really knew her Mum but sat and talked with her. She gave me a real Mum hug that reminded me of how my Mum gave me a hug. That gesture made me so happy. Her Mum was so kind to me. Such simple kindness goes a long way. Such kindness feared and abused by narcs, that once you are away from narcs you can learn to fully appreciate the beauty in things and people.
@diannetimpson6885: the enabler worse than the narc! Exactly why I feel this poisonous disgust for Joe Biden, chatting up genocidal Bibi every night. What a dark sick pair.
It's a version of the bully on the playground. The bully picks one to bully and the other kids join in being grateful that it's not directed towards them and the bully likes them. However it's just a matter of time before he turns on one of them once his scapegoat removes themselves from the situation.
I needed this information about how a dying narcissist dies because as an empathist I've blamed myself for the terrible frightening person my husband became as he died while I nearly died with him seeing my promise through to give him hospice at home. At one point when I tried to moisten his mouth he suddenly came at my face as though to bite it and kill me. I have guilt because I wanted him to die, but his son was there so I played the part of a grieving wife. I will never be that inauthentic person again! Your information has freed me of confusion and guilt.
My narcissist mother was very angry and upset that everyone was so accepting of her terminal illness. I guess we were supposed to be horrified and rail against the gods, saying, "No, no, this can't be happening!! Not to her!!" She was stunned that we all were like, "Okey dokey." The irony of it was rich, that everyone she had so evilly abused outlived her.
Seems typical behaviour that. They expect a specific reaction from you and if they don't get it they turn on you. It's weird but just shows them up for the fakeness they are. Especially when they act out exactly how you're supposed to respond to them when they're ill, hurt or dying.
Many years ago, a good friend of mine called me on the phone. "Sylvi!! I have the BEST NEWS EVER!" she said. "Your mother died." I replied. "I KNEW you would understand!" she said. Absolutely! Her mother had been a toxic bee-yotch, doing and saying things that would shatter those who loved her. I have never forgotten that call. I resolved right then to never be the kind of person at whose death others would rejoice.
When my grandmother died, during her funeral I heard someone saying that it was more like a party than a funeral. And truly I did hear laughter like her death didn't affect anyone. I don't really know that grandmother as she was all about herself. I didn't hate her or love her but for someone to say that at her funeral..don't think she'll be miss.
My narcissistic mother became dement many years ago and became, just as you described about a dying narcissist, even more hostile, mean and angry towards all the people who tried to help her. At last we succeeded in placing her in a home for people with dementia and there she did okey, the nurses there knew how to manage her. For me it was a relief, but after the abuse of an entire life and the most horrible last year with her, I collapsed and became ill for an entire year. She lived 4 years in that home until she died suddenly. I was not there, so I don’t know how she behaved in her last days. But every time I visited her in that home, I was amazed that even though she had lost all of her memory, she still had her manipulative skills, her envy and her entitlement intact!
I am seeing my grandmother turning into something like that. I really need to talk to somebody about that because I am so scared and don't want to go there anymore.
My father is dying and has reached out to everyone he can think of, even my daughter, to try to contact me. I am very grateful that the few who DO have my contact info refused to give it to him. This video really helped cement my decision to NOT go see him.
I took care of my dad in home hospice (I’m an RN) and couldn’t believe how he treated me . After he died I read the book The Narcissist Next Door ( ironic because he lived next door) and a light bulb went off in my head. It explained why he was the way he was for my whole life. Since I now see him through the lens of mental illness, it’s so much easier to forgive him.
I am taking care of my father & have been for several years now. He now has Dementia & I bear the brunt of everything. I can never do anything right and all his nastiness is saved for me. My brother, the Golden Child & namesake son, only calls for $ and to berate me. He hasn't even seen my Father in 11 years! The daytime caregivers always say he's so sweet & nice, but once they are gone, I am his target. We have an occasional good day, but I am afraid of what the future will hold for me as he progresses. 😔
I loved a man who I believe is a narcissist. One thing that helped me was realizing that if he got alz, he would be even worse to me. I had to have him TELL me to move out because I was so depressed and raw that I could not stand up for myself. I am healing now. I am GLAD that he didn't love me! If he had loved me, I would have been stuck and he would have destroyed me.
@@tanacollier3267 😢 Oooof sorry.. I've been talking care of mine for 5 ½ years & remodeling/restoring /renovating his house.. Pure torchure, ungrateful & just ugggh!! Urinates in cups, Urinates in trash cans so I get to see the 🥒, won't clean up, doesn't like to bathe or go... outside.. Has injured himself because of pride, ego & by being hell bent on being in control & fighting against my recommendations... .... Because I said so or suggested it .. 😒
Absolutely this could apply to anyone N abusive pitfall. Family Co worker friend neighbor anyone just RUN it's not easy ppl can think what they want what they believe UNTIL THEY HAVE LIVED WALKED IN YOUR SKIN THEY HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT YOUR TRUTH YOUR TRUTH MATTERS😮
So true, tested on my own skin. I made a big mistake of breaking no contact and I went to see my mother on her deathbed...looking back I have a feeling that she survived because she attacked me in the hospital, being half conscious, but still, the witch came to life ...she probably got that dark, evil elixir of life from the shock and pain and she survived for another 7 years. Next time around I kept myself away from her and I restrained myself to even think about her in any way, to feel anything whatsoever, when she was in the hospital in coma... to prevent her from sucking the life out of me.
Your comment is on point. I firmly believe that narcs surround themselves with good people so that the narc may suck the life out of them. These people are like blood-sucking monsters - almost like the stories we see in movies where an old person remains young for ever by draining the energy out of young people. Speaking for myself, narc mother would look a tired, old person when alone. The minute she would be in the company of someone nice and youthful, she would look dramatically different. Narcs are perfectly capable of putting an empath in an asylum or an early grave, while living on healthily for a long time with countless supply.
@@simonpegg1196 Yes, I can very well imagine the change! The vampire and similar stories surely have their basis on real life....many old narcs live almost forever....up to 100 yo. They even tell on themelves sometimes ...it's in their own words. This reminds me on something else that my narc mother said to my father when she was in a hospital and I was NC...she said I should come and see her and that she would not even look at me. These words sent shivers down my spine.
@@lejci38 you are exactly right. Narcs live forever. They are very regimented. And because they don't have empathy they can't feel stress.. It's totally a fitness advantage evolutionary speaking! We are owned by Narcs and they get to live longer than us! The good die young because the evil live forever!
MY mother is dying and I have her on Hospice in our house. That said, I have to stay away in my RV. I clean the house at night and go home with my husband after work. She is a monster. Yesterday she said , "You just don't take my orders." "You must do what I want always." I'm trying to keep my sanity, Danish. I will not be alone with her. 'Can't wait for "the day" to come. THANK YOU!!!
I wonder if straight speaking isn't the best thing you can do in this kind of situation? She will hate it, but once you have stated your position very clearly you can at least refer back to it when you need to. This isn't to make things better for her, it's to make things better for you, as well as more sensible. "I don't take orders from anyone but myself -- but if you tell me what you want I will try to help you out as far as I can, and I'll tell you what I can't do." And "You must do what I want always" -- actually, mom, that would be insane. I will do whatever I think is best in the situation. Always.
I find it so hard to understand how someone can be so totally selfish and evil. I have only had one narcissist in my life - my paternal grandmother. She was hypersensitive, demanding and obnoxious and my father barely survived growing up in her home. But when she was on her death bed, she was senile, and just the most gentle person. It was like the hardness and wickedness just left her. So I got to say goodbye on the best of terms. I am someone who is gentle, unassuming and happy and I always just assumed everyone was like that. Listening to Danish is like reading a horror story. I can't believe it's real sometimes.
@@dougodyssey50 She was a true monster. She became a bitter tyrant as she was dying. So upset that she wasn't outliving everyone. She was really evil. Still healing 4 months after she left this this plane of existence. I'm still recovering- horrible allergies , but I'll bounce back.
@@jacquipotgieter5821 I cleaned 4 apartments she left. I dunno, she was just very mentally ill. I took on too much that's for sure. I'm healing now that she's passed on .
As a hospice nurse, it all became so much more clear as I listened to you! I kept thinking, “No wonder their children stopped coming around years ago!” Spouses were long-gone. I never knew who “Flying Monkeys” were until you explained it! Wow - I feel so much better now. Thanks for taking the time to do this vid.
It's almost impossible for a parents child to not like their parents. If the children don't visit the parent it's 98% of the time the parents who mentally/ physically abused them or never validated their feelings. As adults you no longer have to tolerate their abuse
This is total truth. Oh, dear God, my narcissistic Mother was horrible the way she treated the staff before she passed. And she said something so despicable to me that she actually doubled down on it. I actually never thought of my Mother as a narcissist until after her death. And I learned I was the “scapegoat”. I just knew my Mother was “difficult”. (I have an older sister who is an abusive narcissist. Who was also the “golden child.) The hard part is shaking off the horrible memories and feelings.
If I got a call from a family member telling me he was dying and wanted to see me, I wouldn't even consider it. I'm not giving him another shot at me. Even if he was sincere, I wouldn't trust myself to act like a civilized human being. I don't give him the gift of my tears, and I won't give him the gift of my anger, either.
You made the right choice. I didn’t know what a narc was till 6 months after my narc mother passed. I had gone no contact when I was 22. I was the truth teller black sheep. I didn’t know it was *no contact”. I severed for my wellbeing. I had attempted one last time to get her answers why and told her if she wouldn’t discuss, she wasn’t my mother. She dismissed denied mocked and demeaned very quickly. I said, we are done. You are not and never have been my mother. Apparently my siblings knew she was dying for months. One finally called days before she passed. I felt nothing. She w as already dead to me. Except, I felt more relief as time went by. It was good to know she expired. Good to not have. This dead mother breathing out there. Gone. Poof. Finally done altogether. I had wondered if there would be upheaval. Did so much healing before she died. It just felt like a present. I shed only a couple seconds of tears a few times, but those tears were for me and happy tears I spared mysel all these years. I’ve learned a Lot about narcs these few years since she passed, including how it programmed my nervous stem response to be sucked in by the many narcs in my life. Had no idea why I had men I loved so much end in cruelty. Spent most of my adult life single, because I’d isolate myself, not trusting myself to choose right. I didn’t know I was being manipulated and conditioned. So the narc mother set me up for narcs and isolation, never married and no children. 60 now. Now, I can choose, because I could never be fooled by one of these scumbags from hell again. A massive benefit to my mother dying and finding out about narcs is I can understand from a spouse of narc just how deep my father’s pain was from her. He stayed with her for us children. I saw the pain, though he sure wasn’t a coward or enabler as some commenters say. My life would have been beyond repair if my father hadn’t stayed for the children. I left at 16. My father did leave when the children all grown. He didn’t divorce. He got a house and refurbished real estate. He was the happiest I ever saw him. There was peace, feeling good about himself and happy, though he was lonely, because he was 65 when he left 9my father 25 years older than the narc wife). If someone hasn’t gone no contact, do. I had the secret when I did. You must resolve to not need answer or anything from the narc. It’s not there. You give yourself closure, validation, love, e tc. If you need the narc anything, then you’ll still be enmeshed. This is how you sever mentally, besides working on yourself. And, you will have so much more to work with than I did. You have great teachers and docs on UA-cam. To understand what these narcs r made of, how they think, all they did to you was not personal. It was ALL about the, their selfish and twisted needs, their cruel and cold heart. They needed to steal and murder your heart to give life to their dead heart. They hate compassion pure heart lover of life etc. that provokes them to beat it out by deception. You never knew the narc. They can’t be truthful. God bless everyone unfortunate to be target of a narc. Don’t iso;ate yourself as I did. You can learn to recognize them and respond healthy and conscious to toxicity, abuse, and manipulation by others, and cut it offf. So many good therapy channels too. You deserve love, marriage, and a best friend to grow old with. And you are perfect for the one you find perfect for you. Never settle for less than someone adding to your happiness and which appreciates you adding to theirs.
@TraciDoering-hw8hu This particular item is about my alas still living ex, although I pretty much severed my ties with my mother not too long ago. She is 83, and we are "in contact" via very rare and completely neutral texts. 1 or 2 times a month. She’s probably not a narc - severe cPTSD and 60 years of abuse by my father, who also had severe cPTSD but showed a lot of narc tendencies. Doesn’t matter. The behavior is the same. My father impolitely died in the midst of me catching on to my abuser and leaving. My mother was abusive but not intolerable until then, but I think breaking the trauma bond was more than she could take. Let's just say that my loving but difficult mother turned into someone I don't know.
🙏 Danish is very correct in this video. My mother is a covert narcissist, currently unwell and possibly dying. I have been No Contact with her for over a decade, so my information is limited through my father as he tries to lovingly protect me while keeping me informed. He does not want me to be surprised and shocked by her death, although he understands the lack of relationship. I was her Scapegoat when I was a child, so caring for her myself would not be an option for me psychologically or emotionally--nor would I recommend it. On the other hand, my younger sister was her Golden Child/mini-me, and she is now her caretaker living with her. She is treated terribly, as Danish describes. I am No Contact with my sister as well due to her treatment of me; as I said, she turned into my mother. The pair would also tend to hide their ways from my dad, saving the more severe abuse for when he was not home. You can imagine how it was growing up and even as a young adult to have both of them (two covert narcs) triangulating and ganging up on you constantly....now, you understand. As for my mother and her current health, her mom passed due to dementia which my mother now shows signs of also having. A covert narcissist with dementia is not a good thing. She does not care for herself or her personal hygiene. I don't know if she doesn't care or if she doesn't realize she needs to, but she does not. My dad recently divorced in the past few years from my mother but is trying to encourage my sister to contact Adult Protective Services to obtain help for my mother. I am trying to support him but keep my distance where I can, and living in another city helps. The stories I hear are awful, and sometimes I ask my dad not to tell me anymore that conversation. I grieved for the mother and sister I never really had years ago, so when Danish said that in the video, it also resonated with me. It's a healthy step to take. I do not wish either of them any ill will, and I honestly feel the most honorable thing I can do is to maintain my distance so they can no longer harm me. For anyone else who may be going through this now, too, you are not alone. It is not a pleasant experience, even when you keep your distance. Most importantly, you are not a bad person or a bad child if you do not take care of a parent who has abused you your entire life. I don't think you should feel that obligation. I don't. Again, you honor them by maintaining a distance so that the abuse cannot be repeated--so they cannot do wrong. You are not alone. I'm sure others will offer similar words of comfort as well. I pray for peace, comfort, and safety for all who may read this...🙏💖
You might encourage your father to get a good therapist. He is someone that was married to a narc for a long time. I divorced 1.5 years ago after 42 years with a narc. I never told anyone about the abuse until I deep dove in to narc traits, realized what was actually happening, and spent the next 1.5 years in a panic. The healing takes a long time. I was desperate to get out of the marriage. Then I told everyone. Your father probably needs to talk. The primary source of narc abuse is 3 times more likely to committ suicide. Your father might need that suggestion and follow up with him. Men are far less likely to be convienced to go to therapy. Help him make sure the therapist is good.
doctor Ramani said the same thing in a general way: she said narcissists tend to worsen with time. because they think they are perfect and the world around them is wrong, they never change and become more and more angry and frustrated as time goes by and things turn different from their wishes. with time they loose their youth and charisma, attract less people (less supply) and meet more and more older people (older like themself) who are now aware of how the world turns round, and so are less likely to fall for their tricks (less supply). so, old and sick narcissists are always the worse. doc Ramani said all this to warn narcissists partners that the relationship will become more difficult with time. this was her way to explain that the best option is always the way out. asap.
I really needed to hear this topic. I took care of my spouse of 28 yrs,who was on hospice this past 9 months. In some ways I wish that I didn't as he was more cruel, and never expressed any thankfulness. I guess I was hoping to hear that he was sorry for all the pain he caused, but those words were never spoken. He left this world the way he lived, and part of me felt guilty for feeling relief, and the other part of me still mornes a relationship I could never have with him. TY for speaking on this topic.
We lived very similar lives. My Narc husband died after 28 yrs of marriage and was one of the worst people I've ever known. I tried to love him but he made my life a living hell. When he died, I did feel sad because he was my first boyfriend and I married him at 20, but I felt he robbed me of my youth. I tried so hard to keep hope alive for us but he refused to get help. When he died, I felt guilt for feeling relief. For someone to put you through that kind of abuse is a horrible person. They know exactly what they are doing to you, because it's done in private but in public they show their FAKE self so if I ever said anything negative about him, I would look like the bad one. I feel you. Just know you are not alone. You are free🎉
All your feelings are okay and valid. Please give yourself plenty of time and space to heal, and also seek support from anyone who is consistently supportive! ❤
I'm dealing with the same thing now a dying narcissist. 87 year old male that I tried to get medical care for his abusive behaviors thinking he was just becoming meaner and more hateful with everyone. Could make anyone believe it because he was soooo nice and had no anger issues. Now I just want to find a nursing home for him
My mom passed away a few months ago. She almost made it home after having a stroke. She stayed kind and generous. And then my cluster B narcissist sociopathic sister and brother put her away in a nursing home where they watched her die a horrible death and then stole everything she had.. Need to do more videos on sociopathic narcissistic sons and daughters.. i will never forgive them for what they did for greed and selfishness..
There is a hospice nurse on UA-cam who said something similar to you, Danish. She said that the people who lived horribly die horrible deaths while the nice people die beautiful deaths ❤ I have never been around someone as he passed. I would love to be with a friend or loved one, praying with them as they go, but there's nothing that could get me to stay with a narc at its deathbed ☠️
@@SatanenPerkele Is this in your own experience or are you just theorizing? I've been with dying people.... What was stated is true in all those cases. The only case that differed was a man who was repentant in his final illness.
I do believe life is fair but we may not understand it. If we have things we have not repented for then we will carry the guilt with us.......people do not always repent of their bad actions and only God knows, not you, not me. Peace with God is the answer. so sometimes people fear consequences because they know they are guilty and only God can forgive them. just pray for them if you love them, they will feel your prayers. @@SatanenPerkele
true. peace in your heart means that you know you are able to meet God because you are repentant. those who are not and hang onto their sins, will have a hard time letting go because they have a fear of consequences. your choice to accept this or not. this is why evil doers have a hard time sleeping at night, alone with their thoughts as God will be there waiting for them. @@donnahalsted7718
When my mother was dying from leukemia , I traveled monthly to spend time with her and now she was rushed to the hospital. I arrived in town very early, around 5 AM (it was a 14 hour trip). The ward was dark and quite, but when a nurse saw me she came quickly down the dark hall. This ward had dozens of incredibly sick patients and as she approached me she actually said, are you ***** son? I said yes and now was fearing the worst, but instead she brought me into a greiving room and then broke down in tears and said, I just want you to know, I am a good person (I had long ago learned to set boundaries while not abandoning her entirely). I instantly hugged her and then proceeded to tell her that she doesn't have to give my mom care if she is this hostile towards her. I then said, I have spent my life apologizing to decent people and I know my mom is not well (I did not even know what narcissim was at the time), but she has not right to treat you this way. I did say, if and only if you have the strenght to help her without harming yourself, I believed that my mom would ultimately appreciate the help, but it is almost impossible for her to acknowledge. Long story short, my mom passed and when I went through her camera's roll, the last picture was of that nurse sitting on her bed with her hand on my mom's leg. I will never forget the care this nurse gave to my mom, who really was unable to be decent to anyone in those last days. She was blind to this fact and it is just so sad.
No, they don’t think they’re above death. They fear death most of all. That’s why they kick and scream and fight all the way, destroying anyone in their path to fight it. Fight family, fight care staff, fight doctors. It’s their worst fear.
I really felt this video. My mother is very narcissistic and I am the black sheep. She is 90 and hands down the most hateful person I know 😠. I appreciate your videos ❤
My mom is 90 and hateful, too! I've distanced myself since she moved into a ritzy assisted living center. As the scapegoat, there's really no point, and I embarrass her because I'm not rich, like my older golden child sister.
I went no contact with my malevolent narcissist sister. The last thing I said to her was that I would pray for her because she needed it and that she should prepare for God's judgments because they were coming for her. And I was absolutely correct. She died of covid-19 in less than a year, two days after Thanksgiving into 2021 and yes I felt relief and ever so thankful.
You used the word relief I felt the same not having to deal with curve balls that were delivered from no where anymore. My sense of empathy and responsibility out of family ties to this person is over.
@@mikemcternan8249 Thank you for your honesty Mike I'm going through these feelings now and have been feeling guilt over it but now I know it's a normal reaction after years of abuse you can breathe again
@@ang3956 Hi Drays Thanks for responding to my comments/feelings It was a bit like having a boil that after so much pressure that it just burst. I felt that guilt too but also the relief If you been kind and helpful to people and you’ve been abused you’re/we’re now free.
@@mikemcternan8249If you stay too long with a narcissist, you might become them; it's perversion and it can kill your empathy and your soul. You did right and we know there's no way to help a narcissist since they have a God-like complex. I also wonder how I would feel when my mother dies but I realize I might die before her; she doesn't have any kind of health issue since she doesn't know what stress or anxiety means. I just hope and pray I don't have to see her again, ever.
When my grandma died I was afraid to go to her funeral because I knew my narc mother would be there and knew she would do or say something to hurt and humiliate me but I had to go because my grandmother raised me. I had been no contact for 8 years by then. We were sitting around the table at the homestead and I was giving the women in my family some earrings that I had made, letting them pick out their fav colors when someone asked my mother if she had any regrets in life and she said yeah I wish I never had any kids. It startled me and I said What? Then someone asked me if I had any regrets in life and said Yeah I wish I didnt have a mother. Then those 2 people who asked got up and left. Felt like a setup. Thats what I had to deal with but anyway Im not going to hers.
Your better than she will ever be capable of as a human being in this plain and the next if she takes it with her she is trapped with herself In the Web she's weaved. Not long ago I had a similar occurrence my grandmother whom I adored passed away and I was compelled to be in the same room as mine even seeing them out front in their car as I passed made me feel the need to stop off at a pub and I'm not a barfly I couldn't bring myself to be pulled into having interaction with them outside of the service I ignored them and my mother came to put her hands on my shoulders I couldn't even muster words just nods as she said hollow words I think the reminder of her mortality she felt the need to put on some sort of show of feeling she hasn't reached out not even after all the feel good hallmark put on in the presence of family because I think she knows the gig is up that's a strange thing when your narc abuser realizes you've willfully severed them. they like the imagery of the mother but I severely doubt they ever actually feel a connection or a desire to be provide that supportive present parental love it's just one of their many self serving costumes. Id gotren through that day without lowering myself to their level being stoic throughout I told her i was there for my grandmother nothing more nothing outside of it or drama mattered that was my verbal line in the sand. I hope it's some small comfort to know that where you may lack familial dynamics there are many out here who are fighting just like you that your situations isn't an island unto itself. If more people opened up they'd find brothers, sisters, family with open hearts. So many of my family are not kin today but a small circle of confidants build your tribe where fate didn't provide earlier by blood. What I can tell you from personal experience is the children of narcissistic abusers sometimes turn out to have high level empathy and I believe a narcissist others like them fear us because we can see what they conceal we are able to process trauma or help others heal in a way they themselves never can. What helped me was telling myself that my abuser is broken in a way that cannot be addressed nor was it my fault but she's was a human being doing what she could with what she was that I'd save myself grief by not expecting her to ever be normal while she might appear successful in a professional setting or on paper there were crucial areas she as a human being couldn't be all there even if she tried as children we view mother as God as adults they become mortal the way she spoke to you was a reflection of her own shortcomings as a being as much as it may have stung and lingered know that it was hollow the narcissist lives in a space without meaning other than to create emotional responses like misery there may he some internal monolouge saying to withdraw and self censor they are compelled to be hurtful when they feel control slip death can be described as a loss of control with my parent I see only glimpses of their actual identity that aspect seems to be self loathing really damaged but I've always had to question sincerity or if I'll see that person when that closing chapter sort of strips the facade backing them into a metaphysical corner. Possible A narcissist parent may be checked out even to themselves.
I went to my grandma’s funeral even though I hadn’t talked to my father in 17 years because she was my grandma. My brother also went. Our father acted as if we were invisible. Thank you for confirming my suspicion that we got off light with that treatment. 😬
My father is dying right now so I’m going through this exact thing. I think the saddest part is realizing after all these years of thinking and fearing that this is who he is, but shaking that thought out of my head. Narcissists have this ability to gaslight you into thinking that you’re the narcissist - that you’re selfish - it’s just projection and now I see it. Unless you set up ethical controls of what you would never do but they have, you can’t really discern which is which.
I'm sorry you're going thru this. But one key thing to remember is that while they have done harm to themselves and others, they are this way as when they were a child it was exactly how they were treated. This is where forgiveness comes in, for them and you. To always seek to be loving, kind, and compassionate and act with mercy and grace as they truly know not what they do. To be grateful, for knowing the difference is your superpower. That's what we are thankful for, and the power to show them their antics have no affect on us. Always be in control of your emotions and smiling at them helps lol. Even say things like hopefully in your next life, you'll come back in a world of love. Always give a dying person hope because that's who you are. Period.
@@ladydragonrider421 well said and thank you. Forgiveness is key, absolutely. I absolutely forgive all because I love all. My father relies on our forgiveness to proceed with his torture. Time passes and we forgive because that is who we are. I have realized I can forgive without succumbing to the torture. I must forgive the past of torturing myself if I am to love myself. He tortures, just to say, ‘is this torture?’, and for us to reply, ‘yes’, and for him to reply, ‘no it isn’t’. I can only show him what torture is by allowing him the time and space to think about the torture he’s caused. Anything other than that is a denial of his torture and a denial of truth. Truth is forgiveness, so to show him truth is to allow him to forgive himself. Forgiveness is love, so it’s an opportunity for him to love himself.
@@ladydragonrider421 smiling at them will enraged them, and telling them about love will drive them mad. And It’s not possible to simply forgive a narc, there’s layers of buried hurt. Only time will allow the things to surface and then forgive what had happened. I’m speaking from the perspective of a child to parent relationship. Maybe it’s easier to move on from a narc lover. But parental narcs influence the first major years of life and shapes how ones brain is wired. There was many injustices, the best thing to be done isn’t forgiveness, it’s anger, anger fuels one’s drive to get out of a bad deal and separates the enmeshed illusion reality the narc has created, that everything is your fault. Getting angry about your unjustified treatment is the cure. Love isn’t just about softness, love has thorns like the rose, so that narcissist won’t easily be able to step on you. The thorns are veritable boundaries. And a dying narc won’t have hope, they don’t believe in a high power nor afterlife that’s why they do what they do because there’s no punishment for their acts and that there’s only one life to be had. They themselves have to seek god for the first time or first in a long time once they can’t bear themselves anymore. Deprive them of supply, (remember these people don’t believe in love , only in supply) allow them to severe their own connections then the only source available will be God. Best way to save a narc is to leave them.
@@nocomments5029 Its unhealthy for yourself to continue in anger. That emotion is normal in traumatic situations TEMPORARILY. Love is the total answer. And, as you elude, love can be tough as well as soft. It must be. Anger is self destructive..
Thank you Danish! This is another piece of the puzzle for me. I have been affected for decades by narcissist, from my mother to narcissistic spouses in my life. Knowledge and understanding of narcissist behavior has been key to dispelling their destructive effect and trauma in my life. Now at age 68, for the first time in my life I have inner peace and happiness.
Thank you for discussing this difficult topic. Staying away is so true. I went to visit one time after not seeing my parent for 6 months. Confined to a bed, I thought my visit would keep the attacks away but I was wrong. The same body shaming that I endured all through my teens (even though I was not overweight at all. Size 5) well after waiting until the room was full of visitors, I was asked why I was bigger than they are. I could have said so much to put them in their place but instead I just said something that went along with their claim and let it go. To me, that set me free. I have no guilt because I know that was on purpose to hurt me in front of all those people. Any way they could make me look bad and make themself look better than me. Even on their death bed. I really underestimated the evil cruelty i have endured all my life because of them. I never did drugs, drank alchohol or anything self harming but having s relationship has been hard. I have always ended up with a narcissist. Now that I have learned what happened to me, I can start healing. I don't think I will ever take a chance on a relationship because of the high possibility of finding another narcissist. But at least I know what happened to me won't happen to my kids. My sister (also a narc) actually thinks I'm crazy when I show empathy or bring up sentimental memories of the past. I have lost all my family but actually now I know, i really never had a family. Much love to you and thank you for your channel. You have helped me so much and I just ffg ound you a few weeks ago. ❤
Of this, you can be certain: People who are present for such ugly performances can see who is the genuine human being and who is not. All Best Wishes to You!
If you get through the healing process you won’t be attracted to narcissists anymore, Don’t give up on finding a decent person. Just do the hard work and then live a beautiful life. You can do it!
Your comment really hit home. Especially "thinks I'm crazy when I show empathy or bring up sentimental memories of the past." and "I have lost all my family but actually now I know, i really never had a family." Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for this...I am going through this very thing. It's been 44 years and it will come to a close soon. The work you do is so greatly appreciated. ❤
Thank you for this video!! I live in a different state and went to see my dying father a month ago. When I was young I was the scape goat, black sheep. I thought we had gotten beyond that years ago, but suddenly now we were right back there. It was awful. I brought my 3 grown kids and husband along and all he could do was talk about himself and put down me and my dead mother. For 3 days. Ugh. But through this I've finally grasped the fact that he is a narcissist and I've started to heal.
Thank you Danish. My father died 10 years ago & acted as you’ve described here. I took it personally as I didn’t have the education yet. He was a very abusive parent and after he died I never shed 1 tear. That’s when I realized how deep the wounds were for me. Now I don’t take his behavior personally. He was a very selfish person. I let go of the pain and have healed, thank goodness. 💐
This is so true. I'm witnessing this right now with my covert narcissistic mother. I wrote her off last March, not to be mean, but to protect myself, my marriage, my life.
I am mind-blown. This is exactly what my family and I are experiencing as my mother is getting the news that this is the end. It is so validating to know that we aren't just making this up. I am one of four daughters and out of all of us, I experienced the most abuse, but my other sisters were also abused. They're Christian and in turn, more empathetic than I could have been. But at this point, even they are suffering. Thank you for this. I had tears by the end of the video.
So, towards the end of life narcs treat their targets even worse, because facing their undeniable deaths makes them feel even more out of control. And feeling more out of control makes them try EVEN MORE to compensate for their increased lack of control. Plus, their most scapegoated, and most compassionate caregivers (i.e., those who try to help them to make the dying process easier) are the ones who get the worst of their INCREASED abuse. Hmm. 🤔 ... Got it. 👍🏼 Thank you.🙏🏼🌷
This really gave me some insight and peace. I have realized since doing research on my cruel ex, that I have been involved with narcissists all my life. My mother was a narcissist and my father was cruel and scary. My mother became her very grouchy self in the last days of her life. I could never understand this but do now. You would think they would reach out and take loving support. I couldn't say or do anything right. When she died, all our family was around her bed but no one touched her. I wanted to hold her hand but was afraid, so was everyone else. Thank you!!! After 28 years I understand and have peace concerning this horrible situation. No more guilt!
So true. My hardcore 87 year old narcissist father in law is on hospice. He's been bedridden since March. His body is covered in bed sores, blood clots and more. Three weeks ago, prior to hospice, he tells me that he will survive and grow muscles and hire a fitness instructor to walk again. All this was expressed in the hospital. Literally 1 hr later, thr doctor came in his room and recommended hospice. Hell broke out, he became ferocious. His health has deteriorated fast and still cries out to God why this is happening to him. He still dreams of walking. He even has visions of his dead mother which is annoying him.
Was his mother a compassionate, loving person unlike him?? Yeah, she may be telling him where he is going to after he dies because of his evil narcissistic ways his whole life??
She was a very loving, kind lady. My father-in-law died a year ago. It was a horrible death . He literally died scared to death as he was looking up in the ceiling in pure terror. So unfortunate.
Thanks. This is so true. My mom’s big narc move was the emotional bait and switch. Offer candy but give a sour pickle. Then laugh. In hospice care she wanted to paint one last picture. Of me. A first. So she painted a really nice one of me and my horse. And then gave it to her nurse - who was a man that she liked. It was such a cruel but typical move that I just laughed when I was told. Held her hand when she passed and didn’t shed a tear. The last of those were dropped decades before. She became worse as she aged. Way worse.
STRAIGHT FACTS. I wish I would have known this before engaging in a couple of final runs for these family members. I was abused by them all the way to the "dead end". Thank you so much for the confirmation. Now I know I was not "imagining things"...I was so unaware and naïve as to what was happening for years prior also.
I'm reading these and thinking OMG, my mother was a narcissist and I didn't know it. She's been dead 23 years, and I'm just learning this! Helps explains some of my own protective behaviors with specific personalities who try to tell me what I'm feeling or should be feeling/thinking/doing for example. She had many good qualities though, and over the years I glossed over the other things. We hired a care manager for her (she had moved to a deep southern state and we were in a northern state, but she fired the wonderful person because we were supposed to move to take care of her. It's like she used illness to get needs met? We had children and jobs so that wasn't realistic. Will be doing some reading now because of this information. Maybe I'm just ready to hear it.
This is absolutely TRUE. More of their true selves comes TO THE SERVICE. My ex narcissist husband told me that the reason he cheated on me while he was deployed in Afghanistan was because he thought he was going to DIE. He begged my forgiveness and I forgave him. HUGE MISTAKE. He told me this right after I found out I was pregnant with our second child, whom HE ASKED ME FOR. Almost 18 years later he decided to finally come clean about an affair he was having because that same child was about to turn 18 and he was all about YOLO. He said that he was tired of being responsible for me and his children. Basically, he was tired of being my husband and their father. This therapist is spot on. The realization of certain death MAKES ALL THAT DEMON IN A NARCISSIST COME TO THE FOR FRONT. They feel NO NEED to act respectfully nor responsibly. All of the ugly things they have ever wanted to say comes out of them casually as if they're talking about the weather. 💯💯💯
I worked in nursing homes and even the least narcissistic person feels anger and acts out when they are dealing with accepting that their life is ending. That's normal and natural. NOW, that being said. I can say what a narcissistic person dying actually looks like and it's not that. My step dad abuser molester was real narcissist and he left me a cassette tape recording with him apologizing and blaming me at the same time he said things I always needed to hear but then twisted it and left me with his voice on a recording after his death that destroyed my heart and mind in a way I can't even say to him because he truly ghosted. NOW, that's a REAL narcissist.
The posthumous stuff....yeah. I was in a life threatening tizzy for weeks after reading The Last Word. They want to nail their judgment of you, to you, for the rest of your life. Send that tape straight to hell with a good squirt of charcoal lighter and a match. Ashes, just like he is. Love you, forget it, be strong.
Needed to hear this. I arrived to the same conclusion after analysing the situation. They become worse and would take it in you no matter how much you try to help so leave them with their flying monkeys
Yes my ex left me for another woman I guess she has to take care of him now I'm so glad I got out of he left me for another woman so glad I can move on she has to deal with him
The narcissist I have been living with since 2012 just died on Dec 11, 2023. Although I saw some of his former attitude, it was more like he gave up and had no will to live. Always talking about death or dieing, like he wanted it to happen or he knew it was going to happen. He went in for back surgery (7days) and after that a nursing home for 5 days, then to the hospital (5days) with fever and possible pneumonia and an unknowninfection, then back to the nursing home 5 more days before going back to the hospital again (12days) but this time he was more out of it with confusion, something similar to dementia, he came out of it and called the night before he passed with a joy in his voice, he also talked to his brother that night and the next day his blood pressure tanked and CPR was performed with no success. I miss him because I'm used to having him around but then I remember when I mourned the passing of my female dog and he said get over it, she was just a dog, well I'm over him, he was just a man who is replaceable (by a loving, caring dog). And so far I've cried more for my dogs than him or any person I've known who has died to date, am I mean - nope been though a hard life with narcissistic parents who made me withdraw in myself and not feel about people what I can and do for animals.
You just explained a loved ones dying behavior perfectly, thankfully as the “black sheep” I mostly did what you suggested. But boy, one time time she became so unhinged I was so scared I thought she was going to hurt me physically and not just a little, she would have hurt me a lot. I didn’t see her alone after that.
@@deanayer3822 Nothing happens, they see the light that marks the beginning of the process and that's it, that's what my niece PN told me, which makes sense since they are already dead inside.
My late husband’s narcissistic father was suffering from heart problems. When my husband asked him if he had a will or made any arrangements (mind you my late husband worked like a dog for him. He wasn’t allowed a bank account or any friends) He outright told my husband to “off yourself and meet me on the other side” Pure evil.
I've been wondering whether I should go see my dying narcissist father. I haven't seen him in twenty years. It's like he's dangling this "prize" of me making peace with him, asks me to visit, to bring my daughter too who he's never met. Thanks for the confirmation. There's nothing to be gained by me visiting. There's no making things right before he dies. What happened, has happened.
Thank you. I am going through this with my mother right now. I'm the family scape goat. My older brother is her precious golden boy. I greatly appreciate your videos.
I was hoping that when my narcissistic mother lies on her deathbed, she will finally realise, regret and apologise for all the abusive, cold hearted and selfish behaviour towards me and my younger sister throughout our whole lives. After watching this video that hope is forever gone now.
Afraid that’s the work you have to do for yourself not expecting anything. What helped me is to really forgive and even be thankful for the experience. It’s a long way but possible and the only real peace you can make
True. My mother was really nasty towards me in the last weeks of her life when she was beginning to understand that not only was she in decline, but she was, in fact, dying, and needed help with basic activities like bathing and using the restroom. To her credit, I was with her 3 days before her passing and she didn't exactly apologize, but she somewhat acknowledged that she had made mistakes. The next day, they started giving her morphine for her pain and she was in a semi-conscious state until she passed. I accepted that deathbed semi acknowledgment as the best I could get. She herself was a very damaged person.
Yeah my narcissistic/bully brother said several years ago about his bad behavior after retiring, "oh I have made a few mistakes in life", but he has committed occupational, financial & social suicide by living his narcissistic ways all of his life!!
My dad passed a few weeks ago. He has always verbally abused mom. I thought him being sick and mom taking care of him would slow him down. He continued to argue with her to the end. He went unconious a few days before he passed. I'm hoping the last time he talked to mom he was not angry and calling her names. I want to ask my mom what their last converation was like, but I'm scared it's too soon to ask her. It was hard to watch my mom take care of him and he was just hostile. My aunt said he even yanked equipment from his body out of anger. He was difficult with some of the staff at the hospital. My mom has cried multiple times since he has passed. I have not cried yet. I came close, but I can't cry. At the same time, I feel depressed and want to isolate as much as possible. I can't explain these feelings, it feels very compicated.
Yes Danish, the one thing a narcissist thinks they are & that is they are on par with God, what the narcissist must realise is , is that God didn't make them exempt from sickness & death !!!. That is something only God has control over , not them.
Their final exit is proof of what we have seen all along. This video is validating and helps us to understand the confusion we have had to put up with. We need to lay it and them to rest, move forward and keep praying for understanding. Thank you.
You describe my dads death nearly 3 years ago on Xmas day 2020 at the hight of lockdown, perfectly. He died terrified and hating everyone and spitting venom at everyone. As the family scapegoat I just stayed away as I couldn’t face it, as he wasn’t worth catching covid for. Now I can’t face mum who is also extremely narcissistic, and ended contact with both my parents, before I knew dad was ill. So I’m isolated from most family now which is proving to be more rewarding as time passes. It’s interesting that you say even the flying monkeys finely see the real person as death comes.
With my mother, she knew that everyone dies. But never thought that it would actually happen to her. And , yes, she became worse in her old age. She was no longer able to conceal it or disguise it. It was impossible for me to be around her.
My mother was horrible at her death bed. The doctor told her not to drink water the day before her procedure. She lied to doctor said ok but when the doctor left she asked for water and when I refused to give her water she told me if gets of the bed she knows what she will do. She then called the nurse complaining, she called all her 9 children one by one. I regretted leaving my work for two weeks and looked after her. I would stay away if I knew what she would do. She behaved as if she was the only patient at the hospital constantly told me to call the doctor the nurse constantly complaining she deliberately ask me do things so I would not sit down. She was evil. I am so glad she is dead.
@@stevenhowe6677 I do not wish mine to suffer but they led me to wish that they do not have a long old age. If it's because of them I'm already dead, those souls are perverse
Excellent video!! Very insightful! I'd just been speaking to one of my siblings recently about whether or not to go to our parents deathbed when the time comes. For a long time, I thought I would until I really thought it all out. Giving someone one last episode to blast you isn't in anyone's best interest. I won't be going!
I'm glad you pointed this out as this phase of the aging narcissist is rarely talked about. But take the dying narcissist and add life long addictions to alcohol and or drugs, and you can't multiply the fear factor by 100. They don't want to hurt or destroy their victims. They will conspire with flying monkeys to have you killed. I know, from experience. I was one of the lucky ones to barely make it out alive and I still never feel safe knowing he's still alive.
My mom is dealing with an alcoholic narc right now who is very old and has bad cancer - I need to get the g.u.n.z. out of the house soon because I dont trust him.
@@canadianukranian509 Im so sorry. The hardest thing we will ever do is create strong boundaries. You get this life only once. Dont let anyone destroy that no matter who they are. Realize you are strong and sane because you know the difference. A narc can never know they are a narc bc they cant ever question that they are. If you want to see a great video about this, Im watching one right now - Sam Vaknin : Stop talking to the mentally deaf. When you hear this, it will blow you away. Take Care.
This video was validating! I’m 48 and 4 years separated from my 74yr old narcissistic mother. There’s a part of me that struggles with not communicating with her as my only sibling was murdered when I was 18 and bc I’m am also empathetic. She’s single race and I’m biracial, which tremendously contributes to the layers of delusions. This video compounds the truth I know in my heart and adds to the strength I need to stay away. Thank you.
Part of me was a codependent supply for an Alpha Narcissist. Another part of me is, I believe, an elderly collapsed Narcissist! I do NOT want to hurt anyone or be stuck in a mental disorder. And I appreciate your content. It is very helpful to me.
The healing has begun! Your video set my thinking straight and has given me peace in my heart. Thank you for your genuine resue efforts of the victim children of narcissistic abusive parents. Your wisdom and knowledge are precious. ❤
So true! I spoke with my elderly narc mom in hospital a couple of days before she died (the last few days she could not speak, but I was there). She was completely unrepentant. What's worse is she turned on my golden-child sister and made all sorts of false accusations and indicated she wanted to disinherit her. She had already disinherited me. Thinking she might regret how she treated me, I told her how she 'missed out' by not ever visiting me. She gave me the silent treatment. In hospital. The silent treatment.........
Just imagine when you were five years old and you needed so much mirroring and validation to know you were okay, and she just gave you the silent treatment, leaving it up to a five year old to figure out what they did wrong. That's why it still hurts
cruelty is the word that would sum up the behavior of my dark triad parents in old age. It's hard for them to hold on to their mask and someone has to pay for the reality that they don't like.
Validation. You’ve impeccable timing! I’m an elderly caregiver. Thanksgiving Day my mother fell, (she told my younger brother the day of, he called me later that day) she waited until the next Wednesday to tell me about it. When she told me, I said “If you keep on, I’ll be wiping your butt next!” She said “Neh.” and then didn’t speak to me for 5 days. 😂 Unfortunately, I live with her. Moving out after the first of the year, though, and not telling her where I’m moving to! She has absolutely treated me like dog 💩 since I’ve been there. She’ll be 77 next year.
At our core we carry the existential anxiety of our ending. The relationship we have with this existential anxiety decides the life we live. Any form of denial will cause harm. We must walk into the fire with humility.
“They will use you the most and treat you the worst.” That is so true. My narcissistic mother used me throughout my life. She even manipulated me into quitting school at 14 so I could work for below minimum wage in the family business. Four years ago I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and she called me just to talk about herself and wished me to “get well soon” knowing there is no cure for my condition. Yesterday I got a text from my covert narc sister saying mother has stage 4 cancer. I bet my family thinks I will jump head first into the caretaker role, but no. I told my sister that I gave our family more than enough and I have nothing left to give. I choose ME. Getting ready to sell my place and moving across the ocean to my dream country. Building a happy life bit by bit.
I know of a young man about age 50 & he has never worked outside of his narcissistic parents business & he told me, they never paid him for any work & he worked into his thirties & when he tried to get work afterwards at age 33 no one would hire him & now his mother makes him beg for money & if he don't make the quota he has to sleep outside for the night!! His mother always talks bad about him to everyone else & his father is another narcissistic story!!
Scary. My family is going through this except our narcissistic father will not die. One beneficial effect is that as a result of the increased abuse, cruelty, aggressiveness and hostility that he lashes out regularly to his family, it has brought the rest of the family CLOSER. Even the former flying monkeys have now become “fair game” and are targets of his abuse. The rest of the family now all realize and admit what a negative and toxic influence he has been in our lives. Now the rest of the family often support each other during his abuses and wonder out loud to each other when karma will come and when he will finally die. Seemed like a sin at first to say this out loud to someone else, but it was an incredible relief to realize that each of us was not alone in our feelings of bitterness and, yes, hate, towards him. May that day when he finally leaves us come soon. It cannot be soon enough and we have all already paid dearly for it.
I hope it stays that way for your family. While my mother was dying from cancer us kids- the 2 vile abusive ones - well one had stopped- I mean one hid her ‘true ugly’ for over 30 years. The other one was still a bit nasty but tolerable- just. He never once visited as mum was dying but he couldn’t be in the same vicinity of our father more than a ‘hello’. Our father is more putrid more decrepit in thought word and deed as he has aged and add early dementia- yeah he acts like is a dementor- literally. As soon as Mum was ‘out of the house for good’ the narc sister suddenly tookoff her mask she’s been wearing since she got engaged and went straight for me first spitting venom targeting one of my kids who was ill then my husband - then me. It’s only stopped coz I’ve gone no contact after our last conversation of “you e made everyone’s life a misery, “it’s your fault mum suffered as she was dying’ and it’s your fault Dad treats you the way he does”. That part about mum was a projection on her part in that as the nurse if family she refused to support me and mum getting mum access to a Dr specialized in 24/7 Pallative care whilst mum was still living at home. I’d organized it and took a 3 day break - from the domestic violence abuse my father was subjecting me, mum and a brother to. Came back and Mum suddenly changed her mind despite being in severe pain. My father had bullied her into staying with the part time Dr not available after hours. He was a ffffff monster to my mother. The only reason I didn’t get police involved was he did not use physical violence and I was always caught out not recording his verbal abuse and it would’ve been a long drawn out process without physical violence involved. I’m sure karma is creeping up on him. But the fantasy he lives in full of bigotry and irrational anger and vindictiveness- sucks to be him. The 2 sibling narcs one gets drunk every night alone and is hoovering with another good sibling for me to chase him and ring him to ‘say hello’. Yeah nah- he spoke to me like my father speaks to me. I called him out and he gloated saying he is his fathers son. For the first time in his life he is being held accountable for his abuse against me by me no longer being accessible to abuse and 4 of his nieces/nephews don’t really want to know him. My sister she too is finally being held accountable for her despicable behavior towards me and my kids since our mother passed. No contact no future opportunity for her to abuse and accuse and steal. She is the most perverted most cruel, most manipulative liar. She is present in gas the golden child again- coz she is the only one Dad won’t be extremely abusive and threatening to. She did a “you’re dead to me” offence to me 11 months after Mum passed. I am glad my dear Mum is dead coz if she knew what my sister has done once again - it would kill her.
I have experienced the same thing. My mother pitted my sister and me against each other our whole lives. I saw who my mother was much more clearly but my sister refused to acknowledge it until her husband died of meningitis, within 24 hours, at age 58. My mother managed to make this all about HER. Since then, my sister has gained some clarity into my mother's character and we have become much closer as a result.
Thank you for confirming g. I just experienced this & have been so shocked. I thought they would be so humble because of what they were about to face, but the badness of their personality trait just amped all the way up😲
My mother had stage 4 cancer she refused to apologize and tell the truth instead she kept manipulating both sides of the family so we would be enemies when she died & it worked I haven't spoken to my family in over 15 yrs
It's amazing how they all seem to behave in the same hurtful ways. Thank you for the insightful video. They give me a lot of comfort in dealing with the past abuse. I feel like I am not alone.
When my ex husband committed suicide a huge black cloud left our world. He harmed so many people. I just wish those that died before him could have experienced this brighter day.
So true! I used to volunteer for a hospice. Families would comment, "She was so sweet in life, and she's handling this like a trooper." Or, "She was difficult her whole life, but her temper is really out of control now "
My mother was diabetic & never took care of her diabetes. She wanted everyone's sympathy. I couldn't be sympathic knowing she did it to herself. I never understood why she didn't take care of her diabetes & now I understand, thank you. However, in the last year before she died, she got saved & became a believer in Jesus Christ. She didn't turn around completely, but it was easier to have a relationship with her. I'm grateful to God for it. The night before she suddenly passed away, she called me on the phone & we had a great conversation. We laughed together, we cried together. It was a wonderful gift from God to have that final happy phone call from her. She made life very difficult for me, but I'm at ease knowing how things ended.
You have reinforced the decision that I made to go no contact with my family and particularly my parents. While my father passed away nearly two years ago, you confirmed what I saw in him for the few years that I relocated back home. He had never changed, but I had relocated back to Tennessee before he passed and didn't return for his funeral. I have no doubt that his last days were the same as I always remember from childhood: it was all about him. Life for me is more peaceful, quieter, orderly, and better without them. I'm healthier away from them. The healing has begun 🙏
It's been No Contact for over twenty years. Have absolutely no desire to go back. Not sure if my brother is even still alive, as he'd be 85 by now. Jumping in the car and flooring it all the way to British Columbia from Ontario was the best move I've ever made.
Having volunteered for Hospice I always wondered why family members weren’t close to the dying person. I wonder if this is one of the reasons? These always seemed to be the person that didn’t want to be talked to etc. interesting 🤔!😊
Yes if the parent was a loving one, the children would be there. I too have done cataloging and wondered why the children wasn't around. After realizing and experiencing MT narcissist parent, I went no contact. It hury. I cried for the loss of a relationship I never had. Be thankful you have not experienced this type of family life.
Yes. I found this out the hard way. I knew my mother was a narcissist but at that time I hadn't fully absorbed the extent of it. I went to care for her in her final months. She had other carers but I arranged to go down to visit her for 5 days. I remembered the time I'd had with my cat when she was close to the end. I called it precious time and I thought it could be like that with my mother as she'd be the centre of attention and I'd be doing whatever she asked. She was worse than ever. I have lost people I loved before but the impact of losing someone so consistently nasty and the catastrophic legacy she left behind was something I mourned for a lot longer, without the comfort of having had a loving connection. I am glad to be free of her and it hurts to be reduced to that as I am normally loving and considerate.
Boy. You said it. I always think if my wasband was nasty but healthy and off on his own. No problem. If he was nice, but this sick, I would work so hard to help him. Crappy combination.
Here is the link to all my best resources:
beacons.ai/narcabusecoach/
@@gustav_a.mozumder2011 every narcissist's victim have an extreme hatred towards narcissistic people. everyone. I hate narcissists. they have destroyed my life several times. so yes. definitely true....
and no, we don't need to understand you. we just need to accept that your behavior says who you are. period. no excuses, no understanding, no negotiation.
@@gustav_a.mozumder2011It is interesting how narcissistic people, want us to excuse their behavior. When even God won't. And everyone else has the right to their Basic Survival Instinct, to get far away from self serving Narcissists.
@@gustav_a.mozumder2011 This 🩸is how 🩸you 🩸treat 🩸your 🩸white slaves🩸 AND NOTICED THAT HE ONLY CHOSE WHITE PEOPLE. JESUS IS WHITE WHO’S GOD IN THE FLESH AND NONE OF US ARE NARCISSIST. YOU COULD ALWAYS COME AND TALK TO US. THIS IS JUST ANOTHER HATE CRIME AGAINST WHITE PEOPLE THAT’S ALL IT IS AND THAT’S ALL IT WILL EVER BE THAT YOU THINK YOUR GOD OF THE EARTH, AND THAT YOU JUDGED MY WHITE FAMILY AND YOU ABSENTED US TO DEATH WHEN WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW IS WHITE PEOPLE WERE YOUR SLAVES AND EVERY SINGLE NATION AND HITLER’S HOUSES IN MEXICO IN THE TOP 10 DICTATORS WERE ALL MINORITIES.
@@gustav_a.mozumder2011 this guy hates my white family and hates Jesus and hates God and blames white people for all of his problems. You’re looking at a narcissist this guy is a narcissist, as if minorities never get mad and they’re all nice and all wonderful and all peaceful.
@@dianemoril7612so true they destroyed my life too.
My dying father raged at his children...and wrote beautiful "goodbye letters" to his friends and extended family....so everyone was telling us what an "amazing" person he was...after a lifetime of his nastiness...
I just smile...and say...he's at peace, now...and so am I.
Spot on! Spot on.
That’s exactly what my narcissistic FIL did!! He spent the last few months of his life on sick bed polishing his obituary, basically tooting his own trumpet. He also left me out of the obituary and left nothing for my husband in his will coz he wouldn’t listen to him to divorce me.
Most all of these N are those who end up with Dementia.
@@lees7340 Jeeze...
Street angel house devil yeah its a thing..😢
The moment u stay away from them, their health start deteriorating badly. Their health starts declining, then they start begging u to come back. DO NOT GO BACK. They will treat u worse
And their teeth start rotting even more bc they never went to the dentist anyways 🦷 🪥
true that.. my late father's health deteriorated after I left the country.. he died within 3 years. I was one of his major supplies.
My mother too .l slowly withdrew my presence over two years.Two weeks before she passed on l found myself my soul detaching from a message she sent me, l just read it and felt nothing.Two weeks she was gone with stroke
So true.
But between the lines there is hope?
I was completely ostracised by my family and wasted years begging to return, fruitlessly. It was heartbreaking. This summer the main instigator of my disgrace, (it was religious) had a shock terminal diagnosis. On the actual day of her news she asked me to come to her. After 22 years since her final rejection of years and years previous to that, (40 years in total). I cried for a week as she relayed messages via other people but I wouldn't go. I knew she wanted to offload her bitterness and anger at the unfairness of her diagnosis onto me. If she could have me die instead she'd have preferred it. Since her death the flying monkeys are buzzing but I am resolute and mute. And safe.
Right, don't listen to them!
Good for you. Stay strong, and continue to protect yourself.
I like that you added "and safe" at the end of your comment! That's what matters most, don't let anyone jeopardize that!
Very wise.
Thank goodness, more sisters n bros safe. Nice..next one pls♡♡
This comment section is my support system today. I literally love you all!
Me too
My husband treated me horribly through his cancer journey and especially so in his last months - a continuation of how he’d treated me during our 20 year marriage. His nurses and doctors thought he was the best patient in the world. He treated them so well - a continuation of how he’d treated everyone else but me.
Same with my ex except he hasn't died yet.
Something how they can hoodwink everyone.
Yes, because the show must go on to keep building that positive image of the beast....deception of the devil
Pray for your peace.
Sounds exactly like my narc relative carolniemann. Her "supply" will keep falling at her feet, buy her "act" & take all the money she heaps on them (+ the hopes of getting her estate) she keeps them around with. She had repeatedly pushed my hubby & I out of her life for several years, so we finally said "enough" last Summer & we decided she can have & use her flying monkeys as her "family." We weren't dysfunctional or phoney, & she couldn't manipulate us like she does her "supply," so she just couldn't stand us. We pray for her & we stay "discarded" ... living a life of sanity, peace, joy, & health.
My dying of cancer narcissistic mothers last words to me were:
'Jenny, how could you do this to me?!'
Guilt tripping till the end!
Side note: she had lived with me for 20 years and I supported her.
I became sick after she died but now I'm rallying!
That's rough. My Father's last words to my Mother was: "I'm sorry. Thank you very much". He was not a narcissist and was always polite. I can't imagine what you've had to do to recover from a lifetime of abuse.
Jenny, sending my love. Believe me, I know my dear, I know ...
She's gone now and gradually you'll release the shackles.
You did nothing at all to deserve this. You were a wonderful daughter! Shame on this evil being for treating you like this.
Hoping you find freedom and peace. ❤️
You felt guilty about that? Please help me to understand how that comment worked on you.
OMG!!!! I think the stories keep on topping the other! This tops anything I have heard before! I am sorry for you and please feel my healing vibrations!
That is insane... But so on brand and typical that I had to laugh (partially to keep from crying, as they say). I hope your healing journey is going well honey
'Your parent has already died years ago' - so true.
So true, sadly. That tender deathbed reconciliation with Mom that my spouse had secretly hoped for was, instead, an abusive tirade and horrible curse uttered against our child, topped off with threats to call the police and report that we were stealing from her. We always gave her money, paid for her trips to see family, bought furniture, groceries, clothes, paid her cable bill. None of that made any difference. She hated us all. She even said that if she had to die she would take us all with her. The look on her face was purely demonic. However, I do not think she truly believed she was dying, even in the last days when she was, mercifully, on heavy pain meds and too out of it to speak. Her grandiose funeral requirements would have bankrupted us, so we agreed to everything, but quietly did things in our own way, which caused a lot of guilt, but there it is. She is not missed. On the contrary, our quality of life is immeasurably improved.
You have given me a lot more peace about not visiting my elderly and dementia ridden mother. Sometimes it's so hard to deal with the pain of knowing that I never had a mother who truly loved me.
Hope you cremated her and no memorial.
I have an evil narc mother and I believe narcs are possessed by a demon/evil spirt that takes over their body and soul and that's why they're so evil all the time . Demons don't care about people's feelings and wants to destroy everyone. When they pass away they're going home to hell .
Please do not feel guilty. If someone wants a grandiose funeral, they need to leave funds to pay for it. So glad your lives are improving and you are free from this terrible situation.
Thank you for your story. It brought me peace. Hang in there and Heal On!
My siblings and I had no emotions or tears when our drug addicted narcissistic mother died. We all sighed a huge relief when she breathed her last breath. She was horrible and neglected us until we all ran away. The three of us are in our 60s, successful, happy.
The doctor at her death bed was shocked we were happy she was gone. My brother said, " That women gave birth to us, but she was never a mother. She tried to kill each of us multiple times." Doctor shut his mouth.
About 15 years before she died, my mother had an outpatient lumpectomy. In the recovery room afterwards, one of the nurses asked me and my brother who we were - she said she thought we were the mother's social workers.
My condolences for your loss -- of the childhood and parenting you deserved.
I hope you can find forgiveness in your heart for her and what she did. The bible says if we don't forgive those who sinned against us than neither will God forgive us of our sins. Matthew 6:15 it's a tough realization, but we all don't deserve forgiveness, instead we deserve the wrath and judgement of God. The Lord is so merciful to make a way for us to have eternal life through the shed blood of Jesus.
I've had this experience a few times with family narcs and each of them were mean hateful to me only because I was the only one who stood up to them and would tell them they would regret it one day for their behavior. When each one got their diagnosis over the past 20 yrs they each remembered what I said and all were cruel and mean to me in their final days. One even started a smear campaign against me with their last breath. It hurt me because at that time I didn't know anything about Narcissist, but I did know something very evil and abnormal was going on with each of them. Seeing these videos I now have confirmation of what was going on with them. I feel vindicated.
F that doctor, anyway. Glad your brother told him the truth. Glad you are at peace.
One last chance to be as cruel as possible and harvest as much energy as they can before meeting their maker 👿
That'll be a brief meeting! 😅 before being sent to their permanent deployment
deranged is why. evil influences due to their negative actions and thoughts attracting them. God is the healer.
I don’t think they believe there is an afterlife, even when they act religious. That’s why they’re so awful at the end. All they see is the empty black heartiness of themselves
True Leaches/Vampires, too bad...
Maker? No they only will see their master! 🤣
I was No Contact for 8 years before my N mother died. But that didn't stop my father, her chief enabler and hit man, to contact me demanding I come to take care of my dying malignant N mother. I knew what was going on. He couldn't take her hideous aggression and toxicity he happily allowed her to direct at me all my life and admitted to me he knew. But that didn't stop him from joining in with her for decades to destroy my life. Better me than him was his motto. The gall of him to insist I return to my place as scapegoat to take the worst of her when dying because he couldn't handle it. ( It's you're turn now, Dad!) I moved out of state and blocked him. I heard she died months later. I felt relief but cried for the girl who never had a family that loved her. When I heard my father died...I felt nothing. To me, the enabler is worse than the N. They know what's going on but allow the N abuse of their child to keep themselves safe. Cowards!!
Grieve for the family that did not love you, but go on to make your own - whether it be finding a parent figure or getting a patent in law. You’d be surprised how it may come to be that the ‘parent love’, even a little, they give you is more than you got growing up and you eventually realize that turns out to be far better than what you never got/what you got growing up. That is a wonderful feeling. I had to live with my FIL for about 8 months last year. While my husband was overseas with our youngest child. The love, respect, treatment I got from that man in 8 months - even with his various quirks and requests (we all have them), was far more than what I got in my 52 years from my DNA father. My husband is a real loving dad to our kids and watching him be that has helped me learn how a real father treats his kids and me heal. My FIL filled in the gaps. I will forever be grateful. ❤️ My dear mum passed 2 years ago. I miss her so much. I saw an old school friend and met her Mum again after decades. I never really knew her Mum but sat and talked with her. She gave me a real Mum hug that reminded me of how my Mum gave me a hug. That gesture made me so happy. Her Mum was so kind to me. Such simple kindness goes a long way. Such kindness feared and abused by narcs, that once you are away from narcs you can learn to fully appreciate the beauty in things and people.
Sin of omission not commission. Vocabulary- the shortcut to essays.
indeed@@ZLLi661
@diannetimpson6885: the enabler worse than the narc!
Exactly why I feel this poisonous disgust for Joe Biden, chatting up genocidal Bibi every night.
What a dark sick pair.
It's a version of the bully on the playground. The bully picks one to bully and the other kids join in being grateful that it's not directed towards them and the bully likes them. However it's just a matter of time before he turns on one of them once his scapegoat removes themselves from the situation.
Yep. Use you the most and treat you the worse. “You’re parent died long ago.” Truth.
I needed this information about how a dying narcissist dies because as an empathist I've blamed myself for the terrible frightening person my husband became as he died while I nearly died with him seeing my promise through to give him hospice at home. At one point when I tried to moisten his mouth he suddenly came at my face as though to bite it and kill me. I have guilt because I wanted him to die, but his son was there so I played the part of a grieving wife. I will never be that inauthentic person again! Your information has freed me of confusion and guilt.
" Before I go I just want to see you feel guilty one more time"
My narcissist mother was very angry and upset that everyone was so accepting of her terminal illness. I guess we were supposed to be horrified and rail against the gods, saying, "No, no, this can't be happening!! Not to her!!" She was stunned that we all were like, "Okey dokey." The irony of it was rich, that everyone she had so evilly abused outlived her.
No emotional reaction for her to get supply from. Very typical for a Narc.
😂
Seems typical behaviour that. They expect a specific reaction from you and if they don't get it they turn on you.
It's weird but just shows them up for the fakeness they are. Especially when they act out exactly how you're supposed to respond to them when they're ill, hurt or dying.
LMAO! But I know, just as many of us do, exactly how you felt/feel.
@@caveman85635 Ha, and thank you!
Many years ago, a good friend of mine called me on the phone. "Sylvi!! I have the BEST NEWS EVER!" she said. "Your mother died." I replied. "I KNEW you would understand!" she said. Absolutely! Her mother had been a toxic bee-yotch, doing and saying things that would shatter those who loved her. I have never forgotten that call. I resolved right then to never be the kind of person at whose death others would rejoice.
I have to say, it brings sweet relief… and closure. At least for me.
When my grandmother died, during her funeral I heard someone saying that it was more like a party than a funeral. And truly I did hear laughter like her death didn't affect anyone.
I don't really know that grandmother as she was all about herself. I didn't hate her or love her but for someone to say that at her funeral..don't think she'll be miss.
My narcissistic mother became dement many years ago and became, just as you described about a dying narcissist, even more hostile, mean and angry towards all the people who tried to help her. At last we succeeded in placing her in a home for people with dementia and there she did okey, the nurses there knew how to manage her. For me it was a relief, but after the abuse of an entire life and the most horrible last year with her, I collapsed and became ill for an entire year. She lived 4 years in that home until she died suddenly. I was not there, so I don’t know how she behaved in her last days. But every time I visited her in that home, I was amazed that even though she had lost all of her memory, she still had her manipulative skills, her envy and her entitlement intact!
Incredible
Woooooowwww!!! 😮😮😮😮 now you have me thinking are they demons on earth because that’s a deep deep dark vessel.
I am seeing my grandmother turning into something like that. I really need to talk to somebody about that because I am so scared and don't want to go there anymore.
Dementia is a spiritual disease.
Just thinking about the whole toxic existence of a narc is nauseating. How can someone live like that
My father is dying and has reached out to everyone he can think of, even my daughter, to try to contact me. I am very grateful that the few who DO have my contact info refused to give it to him. This video really helped cement my decision to NOT go see him.
I took care of my dad in home hospice (I’m an RN) and couldn’t believe how he treated me . After he died I read the book The Narcissist Next Door ( ironic because he lived next door) and a light bulb went off in my head. It explained why he was the way he was for my whole life. Since I now see him through the lens of mental illness, it’s so much easier to forgive him.
I am taking care of my father & have been for several years now. He now has Dementia & I bear the brunt of everything. I can never do anything right and all his nastiness is saved for me. My brother, the Golden Child & namesake son, only calls for $ and to berate me. He hasn't even seen my Father in 11 years! The daytime caregivers always say he's so sweet & nice, but once they are gone, I am his target. We have an occasional good day, but I am afraid of what the future will hold for me as he progresses. 😔
I loved a man who I believe is a narcissist. One thing that helped me was realizing that if he got alz, he would be even worse to me. I had to have him TELL me to move out because I was so depressed and raw that I could not stand up for myself. I am healing now. I am GLAD that he didn't love me! If he had loved me, I would have been stuck and he would have destroyed me.
@@tanacollier3267
😢
Oooof sorry.. I've been talking care of mine for 5 ½ years & remodeling/restoring /renovating his house..
Pure torchure, ungrateful & just ugggh!!
Urinates in cups, Urinates in trash cans so I get to see the 🥒, won't clean up, doesn't like to bathe or go... outside..
Has injured himself because of pride, ego & by being hell bent on being in control & fighting against my recommendations...
.... Because I said so or suggested it .. 😒
Narcissists are pure evil 😈. A danger.
They are not mentally ill.
Absolutely this could apply to anyone N abusive pitfall. Family Co worker friend neighbor anyone just RUN it's not easy ppl can think what they want what they believe UNTIL THEY HAVE LIVED WALKED IN YOUR SKIN THEY HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT YOUR TRUTH YOUR TRUTH MATTERS😮
So true, tested on my own skin. I made a big mistake of breaking no contact and I went to see my mother on her deathbed...looking back I have a feeling that she survived because she attacked me in the hospital, being half conscious, but still, the witch came to life ...she probably got that dark, evil elixir of life from the shock and pain and she survived for another 7 years. Next time around I kept myself away from her and I restrained myself to even think about her in any way, to feel anything whatsoever, when she was in the hospital in coma... to prevent her from sucking the life out of me.
I can imagine how hard this must be, but thank you for sharing.
Evil ppl
Your comment is on point. I firmly believe that narcs surround themselves with good people so that the narc may suck the life out of them. These people are like blood-sucking monsters - almost like the stories we see in movies where an old person remains young for ever by draining the energy out of young people. Speaking for myself, narc mother would look a tired, old person when alone. The minute she would be in the company of someone nice and youthful, she would look dramatically different. Narcs are perfectly capable of putting an empath in an asylum or an early grave, while living on healthily for a long time with countless supply.
@@simonpegg1196 Yes, I can very well imagine the change! The vampire and similar stories surely have their basis on real life....many old narcs live almost forever....up to 100 yo. They even tell on themelves sometimes ...it's in their own words. This reminds me on something else that my narc mother said to my father when she was in a hospital and I was NC...she said I should come and see her and that she would not even look at me. These words sent shivers down my spine.
@@lejci38 you are exactly right. Narcs live forever. They are very regimented. And because they don't have empathy they can't feel stress.. It's totally a fitness advantage evolutionary speaking! We are owned by Narcs and they get to live longer than us! The good die young because the evil live forever!
MY mother is dying and I have her on Hospice in our house. That said, I have to stay away in my RV. I clean the house at night and go home with my husband after work. She is a monster. Yesterday she said , "You just don't take my orders." "You must do what I want always." I'm trying to keep my sanity, Danish. I will not be alone with her. 'Can't wait for "the day" to come. THANK YOU!!!
I wonder if straight speaking isn't the best thing you can do in this kind of situation? She will hate it, but once you have stated your position very clearly you can at least refer back to it when you need to. This isn't to make things better for her, it's to make things better for you, as well as more sensible. "I don't take orders from anyone but myself -- but if you tell me what you want I will try to help you out as far as I can, and I'll tell you what I can't do." And "You must do what I want always" -- actually, mom, that would be insane. I will do whatever I think is best in the situation. Always.
I find it so hard to understand how someone can be so totally selfish and evil. I have only had one narcissist in my life - my paternal grandmother. She was hypersensitive, demanding and obnoxious and my father barely survived growing up in her home. But when she was on her death bed, she was senile, and just the most gentle person. It was like the hardness and wickedness just left her. So I got to say goodbye on the best of terms.
I am someone who is gentle, unassuming and happy and I always just assumed everyone was like that. Listening to Danish is like reading a horror story. I can't believe it's real sometimes.
Why do you clean her place? You deserve better.
@@dougodyssey50 She was a true monster. She became a bitter tyrant as she was dying. So upset that she wasn't outliving everyone. She was really evil. Still healing 4 months after she left this this plane of existence. I'm still recovering- horrible allergies , but I'll bounce back.
@@jacquipotgieter5821 I cleaned 4 apartments she left. I dunno, she was just very mentally ill. I took on too much that's for sure. I'm healing now that she's passed on .
Thing is, they never die when you hoped they would 😄
OUCH!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Right 😂
suehail: haha Not cruel. Realistic without malice 😄
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I know right? It's like being evil keeps them alive longer. Can't wait for my narcissistic parents to die, they fucked me up mentally.
As a hospice nurse, it all became so much more clear as I listened to you! I kept thinking, “No wonder their children stopped coming around years ago!” Spouses were long-gone. I never knew who “Flying Monkeys” were until you explained it! Wow - I feel so much better now. Thanks for taking the time to do this vid.
It's almost impossible for a parents child to not like their parents. If the children don't visit the parent it's 98% of the time the parents who mentally/ physically abused them or never validated their feelings. As adults you no longer have to tolerate their abuse
This is total truth. Oh, dear God, my narcissistic Mother was horrible the way she treated the staff before she passed. And she said something so despicable to me that she actually doubled down on it.
I actually never thought of my Mother as a narcissist until after her death. And I learned I was the “scapegoat”. I just knew my Mother was “difficult”. (I have an older sister who is an abusive narcissist. Who was also the “golden child.)
The hard part is shaking off the horrible memories and feelings.
If I got a call from a family member telling me he was dying and wanted to see me, I wouldn't even consider it. I'm not giving him another shot at me. Even if he was sincere, I wouldn't trust myself to act like a civilized human being. I don't give him the gift of my tears, and I won't give him the gift of my anger, either.
Either way, it fuels them. Good call.
You made the right choice. I didn’t know what a narc was till 6 months after my narc mother passed. I had gone no contact when I was 22. I was the truth teller black sheep. I didn’t know it was *no contact”. I severed for my wellbeing. I had attempted one last time to get her answers why and told her if she wouldn’t discuss, she wasn’t my mother. She dismissed denied mocked and demeaned very quickly. I said, we are done. You are not and never have been my mother.
Apparently my siblings knew she was dying for months. One finally called days before she passed. I felt nothing. She w as already dead to me. Except, I felt more relief as time went by. It was good to know she expired. Good to not have. This dead mother breathing out there. Gone. Poof. Finally done altogether.
I had wondered if there would be upheaval. Did so much healing before she died. It just felt like a present. I shed only a couple seconds of tears a few times, but those tears were for me and happy tears I spared mysel all these years.
I’ve learned a Lot about narcs these few years since she passed, including how it programmed my nervous stem response to be sucked in by the many narcs in my life. Had no idea why I had men I loved so much end in cruelty. Spent most of my adult life single, because I’d isolate myself, not trusting myself to choose right. I didn’t know I was being manipulated and conditioned.
So the narc mother set me up for narcs and isolation, never married and no children. 60 now. Now, I can choose, because I could never be fooled by one of these scumbags from hell again. A massive benefit to my mother dying and finding out about narcs is I can understand from a spouse of narc just how deep my father’s pain was from her. He stayed with her for us children.
I saw the pain, though he sure wasn’t a coward or enabler as some commenters say. My life would have been beyond repair if my father hadn’t stayed for the children. I left at 16. My father did leave when the children all grown. He didn’t divorce. He got a house and refurbished real estate. He was the happiest I ever saw him. There was peace, feeling good about himself and happy, though he was lonely, because he was 65 when he left 9my father 25 years older than the narc wife).
If someone hasn’t gone no contact, do. I had the secret when I did. You must resolve to not need answer or anything from the narc. It’s not there. You give yourself closure, validation, love, e tc. If you need the narc anything, then you’ll still be enmeshed. This is how you sever mentally, besides working on yourself. And, you will have so much more to work with than I did. You have great teachers and docs on UA-cam. To understand what these narcs r made of, how they think, all they did to you was not personal. It was ALL about the, their selfish and twisted needs, their cruel and cold heart. They needed to steal and murder your heart to give life to their dead heart. They hate compassion pure heart lover of life etc. that provokes them to beat it out by deception. You never knew the narc. They can’t be truthful.
God bless everyone unfortunate to be target of a narc. Don’t iso;ate yourself as I did. You can learn to recognize them and respond healthy and conscious to toxicity, abuse, and manipulation by others, and cut it offf. So many good therapy channels too. You deserve love, marriage, and a best friend to grow old with. And you are perfect for the one you find perfect for you. Never settle for less than someone adding to your happiness and which appreciates you adding to theirs.
@TraciDoering-hw8hu This particular item is about my alas still living ex, although I pretty much severed my ties with my mother not too long ago. She is 83, and we are "in contact" via very rare and completely neutral texts. 1 or 2 times a month.
She’s probably not a narc - severe cPTSD and 60 years of abuse by my father, who also had severe cPTSD but showed a lot of narc tendencies. Doesn’t matter. The behavior is the same.
My father impolitely died in the midst of me catching on to my abuser and leaving. My mother was abusive but not intolerable until then, but I think breaking the trauma bond was more than she could take. Let's just say that my loving but difficult mother turned into someone I don't know.
🙏 Danish is very correct in this video. My mother is a covert narcissist, currently unwell and possibly dying. I have been No Contact with her for over a decade, so my information is limited through my father as he tries to lovingly protect me while keeping me informed. He does not want me to be surprised and shocked by her death, although he understands the lack of relationship. I was her Scapegoat when I was a child, so caring for her myself would not be an option for me psychologically or emotionally--nor would I recommend it.
On the other hand, my younger sister was her Golden Child/mini-me, and she is now her caretaker living with her. She is treated terribly, as Danish describes. I am No Contact with my sister as well due to her treatment of me; as I said, she turned into my mother. The pair would also tend to hide their ways from my dad, saving the more severe abuse for when he was not home. You can imagine how it was growing up and even as a young adult to have both of them (two covert narcs) triangulating and ganging up on you constantly....now, you understand.
As for my mother and her current health, her mom passed due to dementia which my mother now shows signs of also having. A covert narcissist with dementia is not a good thing. She does not care for herself or her personal hygiene. I don't know if she doesn't care or if she doesn't realize she needs to, but she does not. My dad recently divorced in the past few years from my mother but is trying to encourage my sister to contact Adult Protective Services to obtain help for my mother. I am trying to support him but keep my distance where I can, and living in another city helps. The stories I hear are awful, and sometimes I ask my dad not to tell me anymore that conversation.
I grieved for the mother and sister I never really had years ago, so when Danish said that in the video, it also resonated with me. It's a healthy step to take. I do not wish either of them any ill will, and I honestly feel the most honorable thing I can do is to maintain my distance so they can no longer harm me.
For anyone else who may be going through this now, too, you are not alone. It is not a pleasant experience, even when you keep your distance. Most importantly, you are not a bad person or a bad child if you do not take care of a parent who has abused you your entire life. I don't think you should feel that obligation. I don't. Again, you honor them by maintaining a distance so that the abuse cannot be repeated--so they cannot do wrong. You are not alone. I'm sure others will offer similar words of comfort as well. I pray for peace, comfort, and safety for all who may read this...🙏💖
Really appreciate your comment. Thank you 🙏🏽
You might encourage your father to get a good therapist. He is someone that was married to a narc for a long time. I divorced 1.5 years ago after 42 years with a narc. I never told anyone about the abuse until I deep dove in to narc traits, realized what was actually happening, and spent the next 1.5 years in a panic. The healing takes a long time. I was desperate to get out of the marriage. Then I told everyone. Your father probably needs to talk. The primary source of narc abuse is 3 times more likely to committ suicide. Your father might need that suggestion and follow up with him. Men are far less likely to be convienced to go to therapy. Help him make sure the therapist is good.
Amen, and God Bless you and your family
Tmi...
Thanks😊
doctor Ramani said the same thing in a general way: she said narcissists tend to worsen with time. because they think they are perfect and the world around them is wrong, they never change and become more and more angry and frustrated as time goes by and things turn different from their wishes. with time they loose their youth and charisma, attract less people (less supply) and meet more and more older people (older like themself) who are now aware of how the world turns round, and so are less likely to fall for their tricks (less supply). so, old and sick narcissists are always the worse. doc Ramani said all this to warn narcissists partners that the relationship will become more difficult with time. this was her way to explain that the best option is always the way out. asap.
I really needed to hear this topic. I took care of my spouse of 28 yrs,who was on hospice this past 9 months. In some ways I wish that I didn't as he was more cruel, and never expressed any thankfulness. I guess I was hoping to hear that he was sorry for all the pain he caused, but those words were never spoken. He left this world the way he lived, and part of me felt guilty for feeling relief, and the other part of me still mornes a relationship I could never have with him. TY for speaking on this topic.
We lived very similar lives. My Narc husband died after 28 yrs of marriage and was one of the worst people I've ever known. I tried to love him but he made my life a living hell. When he died, I did feel sad because he was my first boyfriend and I married him at 20, but I felt he robbed me of my youth. I tried so hard to keep hope alive for us but he refused to get help. When he died, I felt guilt for feeling relief. For someone to put you through that kind of abuse is a horrible person. They know exactly what they are doing to you, because it's done in private but in public they show their FAKE self so if I ever said anything negative about him, I would look like the bad one. I feel you. Just know you are not alone. You are free🎉
All your feelings are okay and valid. Please give yourself plenty of time and space to heal, and also seek support from anyone who is consistently supportive! ❤
I'm dealing with the same thing now a dying narcissist. 87 year old male that I tried to get medical care for his abusive behaviors thinking he was just becoming meaner and more hateful with everyone. Could make anyone believe it because he was soooo nice and had no anger issues. Now I just want to find a nursing home for him
My father was a monster all his life, and was a monster right until his last breath.
I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I can sympathize, as it's happening to my mother right now.
I wish you peace.
@@RayeBlevins Thanks, Raye. Peace to you.
The fact that they don't think they will die just proves how delusional and non logical they are.
It's just not part of the "I control my life and everyone in it" belief.
My MIL is 79, but she says she is still young. I believe she believes it.
Narcissism is a type of schizofrenia, never forget that
My mom passed away a few months ago. She almost made it home after having a stroke. She stayed kind and generous. And then my cluster B narcissist sociopathic sister and brother put her away in a nursing home where they watched her die a horrible death and then stole everything she had.. Need to do more videos on sociopathic narcissistic sons and daughters.. i will never forgive them for what they did for greed and selfishness..
what is the cause for them growing up that way?
Probably more psychopaths than sociopaths.
Why didn't you take her in?
There is a hospice nurse on UA-cam who said something similar to you, Danish. She said that the people who lived horribly die horrible deaths while the nice people die beautiful deaths ❤ I have never been around someone as he passed. I would love to be with a friend or loved one, praying with them as they go, but there's nothing that could get me to stay with a narc at its deathbed ☠️
I'm sure the narcissist wouldn't want you there either 😉
My Dad who was one of the kindest people I’ve known and he died with the greatest of ease.
@@SatanenPerkele Is this in your own experience or are you just theorizing?
I've been with dying people.... What was stated is true in all those cases. The only case that differed was a man who was repentant in his final illness.
I do believe life is fair but we may not understand it. If we have things we have not repented for then we will carry the guilt with us.......people do not always repent of their bad actions and only God knows, not you, not me. Peace with God is the answer. so sometimes people fear consequences because they know they are guilty and only God can forgive them. just pray for them if you love them, they will feel your prayers. @@SatanenPerkele
true. peace in your heart means that you know you are able to meet God because you are repentant. those who are not and hang onto their sins, will have a hard time letting go because they have a fear of consequences. your choice to accept this or not. this is why evil doers have a hard time sleeping at night, alone with their thoughts as God will be there waiting for them. @@donnahalsted7718
When my mother was dying from leukemia , I traveled monthly to spend time with her and now she was rushed to the hospital. I arrived in town very early, around 5 AM (it was a 14 hour trip). The ward was dark and quite, but when a nurse saw me she came quickly down the dark hall. This ward had dozens of incredibly sick patients and as she approached me she actually said, are you ***** son? I said yes and now was fearing the worst, but instead she brought me into a greiving room and then broke down in tears and said, I just want you to know, I am a good person (I had long ago learned to set boundaries while not abandoning her entirely). I instantly hugged her and then proceeded to tell her that she doesn't have to give my mom care if she is this hostile towards her. I then said, I have spent my life apologizing to decent people and I know my mom is not well (I did not even know what narcissim was at the time), but she has not right to treat you this way. I did say, if and only if you have the strenght to help her without harming yourself, I believed that my mom would ultimately appreciate the help, but it is almost impossible for her to acknowledge. Long story short, my mom passed and when I went through her camera's roll, the last picture was of that nurse sitting on her bed with her hand on my mom's leg. I will never forget the care this nurse gave to my mom, who really was unable to be decent to anyone in those last days. She was blind to this fact and it is just so sad.
They’d be mad as hell they’re being treated the same as the rest of us mere mortals. They think they’re above death and dying.
they fear death, because they can't control that. and they know what's coming.
The only place of eternal rest for a narcissist is the deepest darkest depths of hell, imo!
No, they don’t think they’re above death. They fear death most of all. That’s why they kick and scream and fight all the way, destroying anyone in their path to fight it. Fight family, fight care staff, fight doctors. It’s their worst fear.
I really felt this video. My mother is very narcissistic and I am the black sheep. She is 90 and hands down the most hateful person I know 😠. I appreciate your videos ❤
My mom is 90 and hateful, too! I've distanced myself since she moved into a ritzy assisted living center. As the scapegoat, there's really no point, and I embarrass her because I'm not rich, like my older golden child sister.
I went no contact with my malevolent narcissist sister. The last thing I said to her was that I would pray for her because she needed it and that she should prepare for God's judgments because they were coming for her. And I was absolutely correct. She died of covid-19 in less than a year, two days after Thanksgiving into 2021 and yes I felt relief and ever so thankful.
You used the word relief I felt the same not having to deal with curve balls that were delivered from no where anymore. My sense of empathy and responsibility out of family ties to this person is over.
I know what you mean by that@@mikemcternan8249 and yes you must be a truth-teller too and thus were hated for it.
@@mikemcternan8249 Thank you for your honesty Mike I'm going through these feelings now and have been feeling guilt over it but now I know it's a normal reaction after years of abuse you can breathe again
@@ang3956 Hi Drays Thanks for responding to my comments/feelings It was a bit like having a boil that after so much pressure that it just burst.
I felt that guilt too but also the relief
If you been kind and helpful to people and you’ve been abused you’re/we’re now free.
@@mikemcternan8249If you stay too long with a narcissist, you might become them; it's perversion and it can kill your empathy and your soul.
You did right and we know there's no way to help a narcissist since they have a God-like complex. I also wonder how I would feel when my mother dies but I realize I might die before her; she doesn't have any kind of health issue since she doesn't know what stress or anxiety means. I just hope and pray I don't have to see her again, ever.
When my grandma died I was afraid to go to her funeral because I knew my narc mother would be there and knew she would do or say something to hurt and humiliate me but I had to go because my grandmother raised me. I had been no contact for 8 years by then. We were sitting around the table at the homestead and I was giving the women in my family some earrings that I had made, letting them pick out their fav colors when someone asked my mother if she had any regrets in life and she said yeah I wish I never had any kids. It startled me and I said What? Then someone asked me if I had any regrets in life and said Yeah I wish I didnt have a mother. Then those 2 people who asked got up and left. Felt like a setup. Thats what I had to deal with but anyway Im not going to hers.
Sorry you had to go through that.
Your better than she will ever be capable of as a human being in this plain and the next if she takes it with her she is trapped with herself In the Web she's weaved. Not long ago I had a similar occurrence my grandmother whom I adored passed away and I was compelled to be in the same room as mine even seeing them out front in their car as I passed made me feel the need to stop off at a pub and I'm not a barfly I couldn't bring myself to be pulled into having interaction with them outside of the service I ignored them and my mother came to put her hands on my shoulders I couldn't even muster words just nods as she said hollow words I think the reminder of her mortality she felt the need to put on some sort of show of feeling she hasn't reached out not even after all the feel good hallmark put on in the presence of family because I think she knows the gig is up that's a strange thing when your narc abuser realizes you've willfully severed them. they like the imagery of the mother but I severely doubt they ever actually feel a connection or a desire to be provide that supportive present parental love it's just one of their many self serving costumes. Id gotren through that day without lowering myself to their level being stoic throughout I told her i was there for my grandmother nothing more nothing outside of it or drama mattered that was my verbal line in the sand. I hope it's some small comfort to know that where you may lack familial dynamics there are many out here who are fighting just like you that your situations isn't an island unto itself. If more people opened up they'd find brothers, sisters, family with open hearts. So many of my family are not kin today but a small circle of confidants build your tribe where fate didn't provide earlier by blood. What I can tell you from personal experience is the children of narcissistic abusers sometimes turn out to have high level empathy and I believe a narcissist others like them fear us because we can see what they conceal we are able to process trauma or help others heal in a way they themselves never can. What helped me was telling myself that my abuser is broken in a way that cannot be addressed nor was it my fault but she's was a human being doing what she could with what she was that I'd save myself grief by not expecting her to ever be normal while she might appear successful in a professional setting or on paper there were crucial areas she as a human being couldn't be all there even if she tried as children we view mother as God as adults they become mortal the way she spoke to you was a reflection of her own shortcomings as a being as much as it may have stung and lingered know that it was hollow the narcissist lives in a space without meaning other than to create emotional responses like misery there may he some internal monolouge saying to withdraw and self censor they are compelled to be hurtful when they feel control slip death can be described as a loss of control with my parent I see only glimpses of their actual identity that aspect seems to be self loathing really damaged but I've always had to question sincerity or if I'll see that person when that closing chapter sort of strips the facade backing them into a metaphysical corner. Possible A narcissist parent may be checked out even to themselves.
Nope.
Don't go to her hospice, doctor appointment, or grave.
@@patrickedwards7107 Yeah my mother has been checked out and only Jezebel is left. I got tired of dealing with it.
I went to my grandma’s funeral even though I hadn’t talked to my father in 17 years because she was my grandma. My brother also went. Our father acted as if we were invisible. Thank you for confirming my suspicion that we got off light with that treatment. 😬
My father is dying right now so I’m going through this exact thing. I think the saddest part is realizing after all these years of thinking and fearing that this is who he is, but shaking that thought out of my head. Narcissists have this ability to gaslight you into thinking that you’re the narcissist - that you’re selfish - it’s just projection and now I see it. Unless you set up ethical controls of what you would never do but they have, you can’t really discern which is which.
I'm sorry you're going thru this. But one key thing to remember is that while they have done harm to themselves and others, they are this way as when they were a child it was exactly how they were treated. This is where forgiveness comes in, for them and you. To always seek to be loving, kind, and compassionate and act with mercy and grace as they truly know not what they do. To be grateful, for knowing the difference is your superpower. That's what we are thankful for, and the power to show them their antics have no affect on us. Always be in control of your emotions and smiling at them helps lol. Even say things like hopefully in your next life, you'll come back in a world of love. Always give a dying person hope because that's who you are. Period.
@@ladydragonrider421 well said and thank you. Forgiveness is key, absolutely. I absolutely forgive all because I love all. My father relies on our forgiveness to proceed with his torture. Time passes and we forgive because that is who we are. I have realized I can forgive without succumbing to the torture. I must forgive the past of torturing myself if I am to love myself. He tortures, just to say, ‘is this torture?’, and for us to reply, ‘yes’, and for him to reply, ‘no it isn’t’. I can only show him what torture is by allowing him the time and space to think about the torture he’s caused. Anything other than that is a denial of his torture and a denial of truth. Truth is forgiveness, so to show him truth is to allow him to forgive himself. Forgiveness is love, so it’s an opportunity for him to love himself.
So true, the closer to death, the worse their behavior towards you. Best to continue no contact.
@@ladydragonrider421 smiling at them will enraged them, and telling them about love will drive them mad. And It’s not possible to simply forgive a narc, there’s layers of buried hurt. Only time will allow the things to surface and then forgive what had happened. I’m speaking from the perspective of a child to parent relationship. Maybe it’s easier to move on from a narc lover. But parental narcs influence the first major years of life and shapes how ones brain is wired. There was many injustices, the best thing to be done isn’t forgiveness, it’s anger, anger fuels one’s drive to get out of a bad deal and separates the enmeshed illusion reality the narc has created, that everything is your fault. Getting angry about your unjustified treatment is the cure. Love isn’t just about softness, love has thorns like the rose, so that narcissist won’t easily be able to step on you. The thorns are veritable boundaries. And a dying narc won’t have hope, they don’t believe in a high power nor afterlife that’s why they do what they do because there’s no punishment for their acts and that there’s only one life to be had. They themselves have to seek god for the first time or first in a long time once they can’t bear themselves anymore. Deprive them of supply, (remember these people don’t believe in love , only in supply) allow them to severe their own connections then the only source available will be God. Best way to save a narc is to leave them.
@@nocomments5029 Its unhealthy for yourself to continue in anger. That emotion is normal in traumatic situations TEMPORARILY. Love is the total answer. And, as you elude, love can be tough as well as soft. It must be. Anger is self destructive..
Thank you Danish! This is another piece of the puzzle for me. I have been affected for decades by narcissist, from my mother to narcissistic spouses in my life. Knowledge and understanding of narcissist behavior has been key to dispelling their destructive effect and trauma in my life. Now at age 68, for the first time in my life I have inner peace and happiness.
They try to destroy you even when dying
Yep, from the cradle to the grave they’re evil arse holes.
Thank you for discussing this difficult topic. Staying away is so true. I went to visit one time after not seeing my parent for 6 months. Confined to a bed, I thought my visit would keep the attacks away but I was wrong. The same body shaming that I endured all through my teens (even though I was not overweight at all. Size 5) well after waiting until the room was full of visitors, I was asked why I was bigger than they are. I could have said so much to put them in their place but instead I just said something that went along with their claim and let it go. To me, that set me free. I have no guilt because I know that was on purpose to hurt me in front of all those people. Any way they could make me look bad and make themself look better than me. Even on their death bed. I really underestimated the evil cruelty i have endured all my life because of them. I never did drugs, drank alchohol or anything self harming but having s relationship has been hard. I have always ended up with a narcissist. Now that I have learned what happened to me, I can start healing. I don't think I will ever take a chance on a relationship because of the high possibility of finding another narcissist. But at least I know what happened to me won't happen to my kids. My sister (also a narc) actually thinks I'm crazy when I show empathy or bring up sentimental memories of the past. I have lost all my family but actually now I know, i really never had a family.
Much love to you and thank you for your channel. You have helped me so much and I just ffg ound you a few weeks ago. ❤
Of this, you can be certain: People who are present for such ugly performances can see who is the genuine human being and who is not. All Best Wishes to You!
If you get through the healing process you won’t be attracted to narcissists anymore, Don’t give up on finding a decent person. Just do the hard work and then live a beautiful life. You can do it!
Your comment really hit home. Especially "thinks I'm crazy when I show empathy or bring up sentimental memories of the past." and "I have lost all my family but actually now I know, i really never had a family." Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for this...I am going through this very thing. It's been 44 years and it will come to a close soon. The work you do is so greatly appreciated. ❤
I’m glad it’s coming to an end for you. And when it does. Be happy.
Thank you Margaret.
Thank you for this video!! I live in a different state and went to see my dying father a month ago. When I was young I was the scape goat, black sheep. I thought we had gotten beyond that years ago, but suddenly now we were right back there. It was awful. I brought my 3 grown kids and husband along and all he could do was talk about himself and put down me and my dead mother. For 3 days. Ugh. But through this I've finally grasped the fact that he is a narcissist and I've started to heal.
Yes, my mother puts my dead father down constantly. I hear you.
Thank you Danish. My father died 10 years ago & acted as you’ve described here. I took it personally as I didn’t have the education yet. He was a very abusive parent and after he died I never shed 1 tear. That’s when I realized how deep the wounds were for me. Now I don’t take his behavior personally. He was a very selfish person. I let go of the pain and have healed, thank goodness. 💐
This is so true. I'm witnessing this right now with my covert narcissistic mother. I wrote her off last March, not to be mean, but to protect myself, my marriage, my life.
My mom, the narcissist, just died a few days ago. It has been six months of hell and the last two years were brutal. She was insufferable.
Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ you fine have to deal with her EVER AGAIN
When mum died I felt deep grief which slowly settled into relief. I get it.
Well, that perfectly describes what I experienced. Used, abused, and thrown away like trash.
I am mind-blown. This is exactly what my family and I are experiencing as my mother is getting the news that this is the end. It is so validating to know that we aren't just making this up. I am one of four daughters and out of all of us, I experienced the most abuse, but my other sisters were also abused. They're Christian and in turn, more empathetic than I could have been. But at this point, even they are suffering. Thank you for this. I had tears by the end of the video.
So, towards the end of life narcs treat their targets even worse, because facing their undeniable deaths makes them feel even more out of control. And feeling more out of control makes them try EVEN MORE to compensate for their increased lack of control.
Plus, their most scapegoated, and most compassionate caregivers (i.e., those who try to help them to make the dying process easier) are the ones who get the worst of their INCREASED abuse.
Hmm. 🤔 ... Got it. 👍🏼
Thank you.🙏🏼🌷
well said.
This really gave me some insight and peace. I have realized since doing research on my cruel ex, that I have been involved with narcissists all my life. My mother was a narcissist and my father was cruel and scary. My mother became her very grouchy self in the last days of her life. I could never understand this but do now. You would think they would reach out and take loving support. I couldn't say or do anything right. When she died, all our family was around her bed but no one touched her. I wanted to hold her hand but was afraid, so was everyone else. Thank you!!! After 28 years I understand and have peace concerning this horrible situation. No more guilt!
Never mind their anxiety knowing they’re about to have to answer to their maker for all the pain they’ve caused…
So true. My hardcore 87 year old narcissist father in law is on hospice. He's been bedridden since March. His body is covered in bed sores, blood clots and more. Three weeks ago, prior to hospice, he tells me that he will survive and grow muscles and hire a fitness instructor to walk again. All this was expressed in the hospital. Literally 1 hr later, thr doctor came in his room and recommended hospice. Hell broke out, he became ferocious. His health has deteriorated fast and still cries out to God why this is happening to him. He still dreams of walking. He even has visions of his dead mother which is annoying him.
Was his mother a compassionate, loving person unlike him?? Yeah, she may be telling him where he is going to after he dies because of his evil narcissistic ways his whole life??
She was a very loving, kind lady. My father-in-law died a year ago. It was a horrible death . He literally died scared to death as he was looking up in the ceiling in pure terror. So unfortunate.
Thanks. This is so true. My mom’s big narc move was the emotional bait and switch. Offer candy but give a sour pickle. Then laugh. In hospice care she wanted to paint one last picture. Of me. A first. So she painted a really nice one of me and my horse. And then gave it to her nurse - who was a man that she liked. It was such a cruel but typical move that I just laughed when I was told. Held her hand when she passed and didn’t shed a tear. The last of those were dropped decades before. She became worse as she aged. Way worse.
STRAIGHT FACTS. I wish I would have known this before engaging in a couple of final runs for these family members. I was abused by them all the way to the "dead end". Thank you so much for the confirmation. Now I know I was not "imagining things"...I was so unaware and naïve as to what was happening for years prior also.
I'm reading these and thinking OMG, my mother was a narcissist and I didn't know it. She's been dead 23 years, and I'm just learning this! Helps explains some of my own protective behaviors with specific personalities who try to tell me what I'm feeling or should be feeling/thinking/doing for example. She had many good qualities though, and over the years I glossed over the other things. We hired a care manager for her (she had moved to a deep southern state and we were in a northern state, but she fired the wonderful person because we were supposed to move to take care of her. It's like she used illness to get needs met? We had children and jobs so that wasn't realistic. Will be doing some reading now because of this information. Maybe I'm just ready to hear it.
Tysm for this video Danisha... last shred of guilt at abandoning elderly Narc parents now dissolved
This is absolutely TRUE. More of their true selves comes TO THE SERVICE. My ex narcissist husband told me that the reason he cheated on me while he was deployed in Afghanistan was because he thought he was going to DIE. He begged my forgiveness and I forgave him. HUGE MISTAKE. He told me this right after I found out I was pregnant with our second child, whom HE ASKED ME FOR. Almost 18 years later he decided to finally come clean about an affair he was having because that same child was about to turn 18 and he was all about YOLO. He said that he was tired of being responsible for me and his children. Basically, he was tired of being my husband and their father. This therapist is spot on. The realization of certain death MAKES ALL THAT DEMON IN A NARCISSIST COME TO THE FOR FRONT. They feel NO NEED to act respectfully nor responsibly. All of the ugly things they have ever wanted to say comes out of them casually as if they're talking about the weather. 💯💯💯
I worked in nursing homes and even the least narcissistic person feels anger and acts out when they are dealing with accepting that their life is ending. That's normal and natural. NOW, that being said. I can say what a narcissistic person dying actually looks like and it's not that. My step dad abuser molester was real narcissist and he left me a cassette tape recording with him apologizing and blaming me at the same time he said things I always needed to hear but then twisted it and left me with his voice on a recording after his death that destroyed my heart and mind in a way I can't even say to him because he truly ghosted. NOW, that's a REAL narcissist.
The posthumous stuff....yeah. I was in a life threatening tizzy for weeks after reading The Last Word. They want to nail their judgment of you, to you, for the rest of your life. Send that tape straight to hell with a good squirt of charcoal lighter and a match. Ashes, just like he is. Love you, forget it, be strong.
Leaving a messy estate leaves a mess that will put the heirs to unending dispute.
Needed to hear this. I arrived to the same conclusion after analysing the situation. They become worse and would take it in you no matter how much you try to help so leave them with their flying monkeys
Yes my ex left me for another woman I guess she has to take care of him now I'm so glad I got out of he left me for another woman so glad I can move on she has to deal with him
Leave them with lots of heavy medication!
The narcissist I have been living with since 2012 just died on Dec 11, 2023. Although I saw some of his former attitude, it was more like he gave up and had no will to live. Always talking about death or dieing, like he wanted it to happen or he knew it was going to happen.
He went in for back surgery (7days) and after that a nursing home for 5 days, then to the hospital (5days) with fever and possible pneumonia and an unknowninfection, then back to the nursing home 5 more days before going back to the hospital again (12days) but this time he was more out of it with confusion, something similar to dementia, he came out of it and called the night before he passed with a joy in his voice, he also talked to his brother that night and the next day his blood pressure tanked and CPR was performed with no success. I miss him because I'm used to having him around but then I remember when I mourned the passing of my female dog and he said get over it, she was just a dog, well I'm over him, he was just a man who is replaceable (by a loving, caring dog). And so far I've cried more for my dogs than him or any person I've known who has died to date, am I mean - nope been though a hard life with narcissistic parents who made me withdraw in myself and not feel about people what I can and do for animals.
You just explained a loved ones dying behavior perfectly, thankfully as the “black sheep” I mostly did what you suggested. But boy, one time time she became so unhinged I was so scared I thought she was going to hurt me physically and not just a little, she would have hurt me a lot. I didn’t see her alone after that.
I had thought Narcissists needed a Near death Experience to be Awakened…
They Truly Live a Long Miserable Life, trying to Bring Everyone Down w them..
funny how you never read about a narc having an NDE - maybe they have them then go back to their old ways and never mention them LOL.
@@deanayer3822 Nothing happens, they see the light that marks the beginning of the process and that's it, that's what my niece PN told me, which makes sense since they are already dead inside.
My late husband’s narcissistic father was suffering from heart problems. When my husband asked him if he had a will or made any arrangements (mind you my late husband worked like a dog for him. He wasn’t allowed a bank account or any friends)
He outright told my husband to “off yourself and meet me on the other side”
Pure evil.
It's very sad your husband experienced that and I'm sad for myself that it's very relatable.
Yes i have been through that as well with my poor husband, my father in law was a vile evil man, so very glad he has gone now..
I've been wondering whether I should go see my dying narcissist father. I haven't seen him in twenty years. It's like he's dangling this "prize" of me making peace with him, asks me to visit, to bring my daughter too who he's never met.
Thanks for the confirmation.
There's nothing to be gained by me visiting.
There's no making things right before he dies.
What happened, has happened.
Don't go! Stay strong!
Don't do it. A narcissist will stop at nothing to tear their supply apart even within an inch of death.
I hope you haven't visited him. He will only bring you down. Please look out for yourself and not him.
He wants a final ‘dig’ & it’ll be at your daughter.DONT GO
Thank you. I am going through this with my mother right now. I'm the family scape goat. My older brother is her precious golden boy. I greatly appreciate your videos.
Me too!
I was hoping that when my narcissistic mother lies on her deathbed, she will finally realise, regret and apologise for all the abusive, cold hearted and selfish behaviour towards me and my younger sister throughout our whole lives. After watching this video that hope is forever gone now.
Afraid that’s the work you have to do for yourself not expecting anything. What helped me is to really forgive and even be thankful for the experience. It’s a long way but possible and the only real peace you can make
True. My mother was really nasty towards me in the last weeks of her life when she was beginning to understand that not only was she in decline, but she was, in fact, dying, and needed help with basic activities like bathing and using the restroom. To her credit, I was with her 3 days before her passing and she didn't exactly apologize, but she somewhat acknowledged that she had made mistakes. The next day, they started giving her morphine for her pain and she was in a semi-conscious state until she passed. I accepted that deathbed semi acknowledgment as the best I could get. She herself was a very damaged person.
You were luckier. My mom said I. Her deathbed “I forgive you” for my stepdad molesting me!
Yeah my narcissistic/bully brother said several years ago about his bad behavior after retiring, "oh I have made a few mistakes in life", but he has committed occupational, financial & social suicide by living his narcissistic ways all of his life!!
My dad passed a few weeks ago. He has always verbally abused mom. I thought him being sick and mom taking care of him would slow him down. He continued to argue with her to the end. He went unconious a few days before he passed. I'm hoping the last time he talked to mom he was not angry and calling her names. I want to ask my mom what their last converation was like, but I'm scared it's too soon to ask her. It was hard to watch my mom take care of him and he was just hostile. My aunt said he even yanked equipment from his body out of anger. He was difficult with some of the staff at the hospital. My mom has cried multiple times since he has passed. I have not cried yet. I came close, but I can't cry. At the same time, I feel depressed and want to isolate as much as possible. I can't explain these feelings, it feels very compicated.
unbelievable. this explains exactly what i’m going through. didn’t expect someone could relate to this extent
Yes Danish, the one thing a narcissist thinks they are & that is they are on par with God, what the narcissist must realise is , is that God didn't make them exempt from sickness & death !!!. That is something only God has control over , not them.
we call 'em modern day pharisees.
Their final exit is proof of what we have seen all along. This video is validating and helps us to understand the confusion we have had to put up with. We need to lay it and them to rest, move forward and keep praying for understanding. Thank you.
You describe my dads death nearly 3 years ago on Xmas day 2020 at the hight of lockdown, perfectly. He died terrified and hating everyone and spitting venom at everyone. As the family scapegoat I just stayed away as I couldn’t face it, as he wasn’t worth catching covid for. Now I can’t face mum who is also extremely narcissistic, and ended contact with both my parents, before I knew dad was ill. So I’m isolated from most family now which is proving to be more rewarding as time passes. It’s interesting that you say even the flying monkeys finely see the real person as death comes.
With my mother, she knew that everyone dies. But never thought that it would actually happen to her. And , yes, she became worse in her old age. She was no longer able to conceal it or disguise it. It was impossible for me to be around her.
My mother was horrible at her death bed. The doctor told her not to drink water the day before her procedure. She lied to doctor said ok but when the doctor left she asked for water and when I refused to give her water she told me if gets of the bed she knows what she will do. She then called the nurse complaining, she called all her 9 children one by one. I regretted leaving my work for two weeks and looked after her. I would stay away if I knew what she would do. She behaved as if she was the only patient at the hospital constantly told me to call the doctor the nurse constantly complaining she deliberately ask me do things so I would not sit down. She was evil. I am so glad she is dead.
I am glad for you that the vile creature is dead, I am waiting on my father to die and I do hope he suffers.
@@stevenhowe6677
I do not wish mine to suffer but they led me to wish that they do not have a long old age. If it's because of them I'm already dead, those souls are perverse
Damn she said she's glad her mom is dead
@@dave63rdI'll feel that way about my dad
That is not a mother that's a monster!!!!
Excellent video!! Very insightful! I'd just been speaking to one of my siblings recently about whether or not to go to our parents deathbed when the time comes. For a long time, I thought I would until I really thought it all out. Giving someone one last episode to blast you isn't in anyone's best interest. I won't be going!
I'm glad you pointed this out as this phase of the aging narcissist is rarely talked about. But take the dying narcissist and add life long addictions to alcohol and or drugs, and you can't multiply the fear factor by 100. They don't want to hurt or destroy their victims. They will conspire with flying monkeys to have you killed. I know, from experience. I was one of the lucky ones to barely make it out alive and I still never feel safe knowing he's still alive.
My mom is dealing with an alcoholic narc right now who is very old and has bad cancer - I need to get the g.u.n.z. out of the house soon because I dont trust him.
@@canadianukranian509 Im so sorry. The hardest thing we will ever do is create strong boundaries. You get this life only once. Dont let anyone destroy that no matter who they are. Realize you are strong and sane because you know the difference. A narc can never know they are a narc bc they cant ever question that they are. If you want to see a great video about this, Im watching one right now - Sam Vaknin : Stop talking to the mentally deaf. When you hear this, it will blow you away. Take Care.
This video was validating! I’m 48 and 4 years separated from my 74yr old narcissistic mother. There’s a part of me that struggles with not communicating with her as my only sibling was murdered when I was 18 and bc I’m am also empathetic. She’s single race and I’m biracial, which tremendously contributes to the layers of delusions. This video compounds the truth I know in my heart and adds to the strength I need to stay away. Thank you.
This is so true. I've never heard my experience with my dying grandiose narcissistic parent expressed so rationally. Thank you ❤
Part of me was a codependent supply for an Alpha Narcissist.
Another part of me is, I believe, an elderly collapsed Narcissist!
I do NOT want to hurt anyone or be stuck in a mental disorder.
And I appreciate your content.
It is very helpful to me.
Nope. You are just incredibly injured. No narcissist EVER has considered that they might be one. ❤
The healing has begun! Your video set my thinking straight and has given me peace in my heart. Thank you for your genuine resue efforts of the victim children of narcissistic abusive parents. Your wisdom and knowledge are precious. ❤
So true! I spoke with my elderly narc mom in hospital a couple of days before she died (the last few days she could not speak, but I was there). She was completely unrepentant. What's worse is she turned on my golden-child sister and made all sorts of false accusations and indicated she wanted to disinherit her. She had already disinherited me. Thinking she might regret how she treated me, I told her how she 'missed out' by not ever visiting me. She gave me the silent treatment. In hospital. The silent treatment.........
Just imagine when you were five years old and you needed so much mirroring and validation to know you were okay, and she just gave you the silent treatment, leaving it up to a five year old to figure out what they did wrong.
That's why it still hurts
disinheriting! the last lever of power a narc has. they try to manage the whole world even after their death.
cruelty is the word that would sum up the behavior of my dark triad parents in old age. It's hard for them to hold on to their mask and someone has to pay for the reality that they don't like.
I totally understand
Very well stated.
Validation. You’ve impeccable timing! I’m an elderly caregiver. Thanksgiving Day my mother fell, (she told my younger brother the day of, he called me later that day) she waited until the next Wednesday to tell me about it. When she told me, I said “If you keep on, I’ll be wiping your butt next!” She said “Neh.” and then didn’t speak to me for 5 days. 😂 Unfortunately, I live with her. Moving out after the first of the year, though, and not telling her where I’m moving to! She has absolutely treated me like dog 💩 since I’ve been there. She’ll be 77 next year.
They only get worse, much worse
This is correct on every point. As the narc in my life is getting closer to death, they are becoming worse.
At our core we carry the existential anxiety of our ending. The relationship we have with this existential anxiety decides the life we live. Any form of denial will cause harm. We must walk into the fire with humility.
“They will use you the most and treat you the worst.” That is so true. My narcissistic mother used me throughout my life. She even manipulated me into quitting school at 14 so I could work for below minimum wage in the family business. Four years ago I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and she called me just to talk about herself and wished me to “get well soon” knowing there is no cure for my condition.
Yesterday I got a text from my covert narc sister saying mother has stage 4 cancer. I bet my family thinks I will jump head first into the caretaker role, but no. I told my sister that I gave our family more than enough and I have nothing left to give.
I choose ME. Getting ready to sell my place and moving across the ocean to my dream country. Building a happy life bit by bit.
I know of a young man about age 50 & he has never worked outside of his narcissistic parents business & he told me, they never paid him for any work & he worked into his thirties & when he tried to get work afterwards at age 33 no one would hire him & now his mother makes him beg for money & if he don't make the quota he has to sleep outside for the night!! His mother always talks bad about him to everyone else & his father is another narcissistic story!!
Scary. My family is going through this except our narcissistic father will not die. One beneficial effect is that as a result of the increased abuse, cruelty, aggressiveness and hostility that he lashes out regularly to his family, it has brought the rest of the family CLOSER. Even the former flying monkeys have now become “fair game” and are targets of his abuse. The rest of the family now all realize and admit what a negative and toxic influence he has been in our lives. Now the rest of the family often support each other during his abuses and wonder out loud to each other when karma will come and when he will finally die. Seemed like a sin at first to say this out loud to someone else, but it was an incredible relief to realize that each of us was not alone in our feelings of bitterness and, yes, hate, towards him. May that day when he finally leaves us come soon. It cannot be soon enough and we have all already paid dearly for it.
I hope it stays that way for your family. While my mother was dying from cancer us kids- the 2 vile abusive ones - well one had stopped- I mean one hid her ‘true ugly’ for over 30 years. The other one was still a bit nasty but tolerable- just. He never once visited as mum was dying but he couldn’t be in the same vicinity of our father more than a ‘hello’. Our father is more putrid more decrepit in thought word and deed as he has aged and add early dementia- yeah he acts like is a dementor- literally. As soon as Mum was ‘out of the house for good’ the narc sister suddenly tookoff her mask she’s been wearing since she got engaged and went straight for me first spitting venom targeting one of my kids who was ill then my husband - then me. It’s only stopped coz I’ve gone no contact after our last conversation of “you e made everyone’s life a misery, “it’s your fault mum suffered as she was dying’ and it’s your fault Dad treats you the way he does”. That part about mum was a projection on her part in that as the nurse if family she refused to support me and mum getting mum access to a Dr specialized in 24/7 Pallative care whilst mum was still living at home. I’d organized it and took a 3 day break - from the domestic violence abuse my father was subjecting me, mum and a brother to. Came back and Mum suddenly changed her mind despite being in severe pain. My father had bullied her into staying with the part time Dr not available after hours. He was a ffffff monster to my mother. The only reason I didn’t get police involved was he did not use physical violence and I was always caught out not recording his verbal abuse and it would’ve been a long drawn out process without physical violence involved. I’m sure karma is creeping up on him. But the fantasy he lives in full of bigotry and irrational anger and vindictiveness- sucks to be him. The 2 sibling narcs one gets drunk every night alone and is hoovering with another good sibling for me to chase him and ring him to ‘say hello’. Yeah nah- he spoke to me like my father speaks to me. I called him out and he gloated saying he is his fathers son. For the first time in his life he is being held accountable for his abuse against me by me no longer being accessible to abuse and 4 of his nieces/nephews don’t really want to know him. My sister she too is finally being held accountable for her despicable behavior towards me and my kids since our mother passed. No contact no future opportunity for her to abuse and accuse and steal. She is the most perverted most cruel, most manipulative liar. She is present in gas the golden child again- coz she is the only one Dad won’t be extremely abusive and threatening to. She did a “you’re dead to me” offence to me 11 months after Mum passed. I am glad my dear Mum is dead coz if she knew what my sister has done once again - it would kill her.
I have experienced the same thing. My mother pitted my sister and me against each other our whole lives. I saw who my mother was much more clearly but my sister refused to acknowledge it until her husband died of meningitis, within 24 hours, at age 58. My mother managed to make this all about HER. Since then, my sister has gained some clarity into my mother's character and we have become much closer as a result.
Thank you for confirming g. I just experienced this & have been so shocked. I thought they would be so humble because of what they were about to face, but the badness of their personality trait just amped all the way up😲
My mother had stage 4 cancer she refused to apologize and tell the truth instead she kept manipulating both sides of the family so we would be enemies when she died & it worked I haven't spoken to my family in over 15 yrs
It's amazing how they all seem to behave in the same hurtful ways. Thank you for the insightful video. They give me a lot of comfort in dealing with the past abuse. I feel like I am not alone.
Absolutely SPOT ON. Every word you have said is 100% correct.
in the middle of my parent's collapse and this video was so helpful, THANK YOU!
When my ex husband committed suicide a huge black cloud left our world. He harmed so many people. I just wish those that died before him could have experienced this brighter day.
So true! I used to volunteer for a hospice. Families would comment, "She was so sweet in life, and she's handling this like a trooper." Or, "She was difficult her whole life, but her temper is really out of control now "
My mother was diabetic & never took care of her diabetes. She wanted everyone's sympathy. I couldn't be sympathic knowing she did it to herself. I never understood why she didn't take care of her diabetes & now I understand, thank you.
However, in the last year before she died, she got saved & became a believer in Jesus Christ. She didn't turn around completely, but it was easier to have a relationship with her. I'm grateful to God for it. The night before she suddenly passed away, she called me on the phone & we had a great conversation. We laughed together, we cried together. It was a wonderful gift from God to have that final happy phone call from her.
She made life very difficult for me, but I'm at ease knowing how things ended.
Thank God! Wow
You have reinforced the decision that I made to go no contact with my family and particularly my parents. While my father passed away nearly two years ago, you confirmed what I saw in him for the few years that I relocated back home. He had never changed, but I had relocated back to Tennessee before he passed and didn't return for his funeral. I have no doubt that his last days were the same as I always remember from childhood: it was all about him.
Life for me is more peaceful, quieter, orderly, and better without them. I'm healthier away from them.
The healing has begun 🙏
It's been No Contact for over twenty years. Have absolutely no desire to go back. Not sure if my brother is even still alive, as he'd be 85 by now. Jumping in the car and flooring it all the way to British Columbia from Ontario was the best move I've ever made.
Having volunteered for Hospice I always wondered why family members weren’t close to the dying person. I wonder if this is one of the reasons? These always seemed to be the person that didn’t want to be talked to etc. interesting 🤔!😊
Yes if the parent was a loving one, the children would be there. I too have done cataloging and wondered why the children wasn't around. After realizing and experiencing MT narcissist parent, I went no contact. It hury. I cried for the loss of a relationship I never had. Be thankful you have not experienced this type of family life.
Yes. I found this out the hard way. I knew my mother was a narcissist but at that time I hadn't fully absorbed the extent of it. I went to care for her in her final months. She had other carers but I arranged to go down to visit her for 5 days.
I remembered the time I'd had with my cat when she was close to the end. I called it precious time and I thought it could be like that with my mother as she'd be the centre of attention and I'd be doing whatever she asked.
She was worse than ever.
I have lost people I loved before but the impact of losing someone so consistently nasty and the catastrophic legacy she left behind was something I mourned for a lot longer, without the comfort of having had a loving connection.
I am glad to be free of her and it hurts to be reduced to that as I am normally loving and considerate.
Boy. You said it.
I always think if my wasband was nasty but healthy and off on his own. No problem.
If he was nice, but this sick, I would work so hard to help him.
Crappy combination.