@@CommonEgo would you say she is a narcissist? Because everything was about her . I was such a fool I know . Even my day had concerns. Lust is powerful. This is putting it politely. The push and pull was exhausting. The good to come was I sailed to a tropical island with my dog and I don’t have addictions of any sort . Alcoholics that smoke cigarettes and chase young men ? I was delusional
I never considered the idea of someone lacking empathy because it always came so natural to me. Once you see there are people like this and some very close to you, you can't unsee it. It changes your perspective forever.
You really need to stay alert especially if you're dealing with the covert narcissist, because they are under the radar and listen to your gut feeling that's your intuition telling you something is wrong 👍 Christina thanks for the video 🦋
Trust your gut. That knot that you always have in the pit of your stomach. The overthinking you have to do about every conversation or interaction. The thinking through how you’re going to have a conversation to get them to notice you or understand you… All of it is not normal. They will tell you that you’re overreacting or dramatic. They will tell you that you’re being overly sensitive… But you’re spot on. Give yourself time to analyze and unpack the turmoil/living hell you lived in, but don’t live in the analyzing . I continued, and still continue, to realize… Oh… So this was all part of the narcissism too… it is so deep and sick that you could spend the rest of your life analyzing and unpacking it. You have to give your thinking some boundaries. I actually had to set a timer and tell myself… OK you get an hour to think about this today and then you’re doing what is on your agenda. Oh… and… make yourself an agenda or list and DO IT …. Sometimes I had to force myself just to brush my teeth and get a shower… But you must stick to some sort of schedule. Forgive yourself for being vulnerable. I couldn’t get over the 23 years I had wasted. I couldn’t stop beating myself up for not being smarter and stronger quicker. I had to remind myself that I was the perfect match. As an only child of older parents, I was younger when they died and I had no family. His family became my family and he knew he had me. I had to remember my intentions were good and decent and God will honor what I did. I wanted to keep the family together and believe that no one could be as evil as his actions were showing me. Make safe changes. You don’t want to make big changes like changing jobs or moving across the country, although there are people that have no choice and have to do this. But make small changes like your hair color. Drive a different way to work. Wear a different style. As much as possible… spoil yourself. Do what you need to make yourself feel pretty or handsome. Order the decadent chocolate cake. Never feel ashamed. I remember that some people treated me like I was that homeless person that they felt sorry for but if they didn’t look it would all go away. I was embarrassed and ashamed. The beautiful part about it is I found out who really does care about me. You don’t have to have a lot of blood relatives to have family. You will find the people that mean the most; There will be loyal friends who you can let yourself be raw with… let it happen. Do no start looking for a relationship! I initially remember feeling as though I had to go out with people to feel desirable and flattered. I was in no way ready to be a partner to anyone until I could tell myself “You still got it girl!” and really believe it. NEVER look back or second guess yourself! It will never get better if you go back. And they will try to get you back. There’s never break up with a narcissist. As long as you allow it, they will continually try to get in touch with you and lead up to begging you to come back. It feels flattering but it is empty and meaningless. My ex-husband who ended up with a very young girl who has emotional and mental problems (I was her mentor in our church) has recently tried to ask me to give him just “one more chance” 5 days after the girl broke up with him. Every single time he did this In the past, The forgive me speech and crying was the same and his behavior was even worse with each time I went back. This is an addiction for you.. not love and addiction is hard to kick. Speaking of addiction… be careful not to pick up any others … pills, alcohol, shopping Train your thoughts. Don’t let the tail wag the dog. When you start to go down that path of negative thoughts and telling yourself life is going to be forever gloom and doom, remember that being apart from this monster is THE BEGINNING of a new life and the pain will lift. You were more alone and in danger with them than away from them. That’s it… buoy…. Ya! Take care of yourself. This healing needs all the healthy habits you can muster. When you’re feeling as though you’re having a strong moment, and you will see a pattern of times that you feel a bit stronger, pre-plan meals so that when you’re feeling really bad all you have to do is get in the refrigerator and heat something up. Put toothpaste on the brush so all you have to do is pick it up. Take melatonin to get rest. Take vitamins/supplements. NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT…. Forever… you are doing this to heal not to get a reaction out of them or try to get them to love you. Keep talking to other survivors and remember that you are just that… A SURVIVOR. There will come a day that you will be helping others. Never feel bad for them. My ex-husband‘s mask has finally come off and he can’t keep the façade up anymore. It is pathetic. My adult children know not to discuss what is going on with him with me and I don’t ask. Don’t ask!!! They will look for every opportunity to tug on your heartstrings. Don’t wallow in thinking they are happy. They are desperately unhappy. They will never be happy and will delight in any weakness they see in you, so again…. ZERO ZILCH CONTACT or GRAY ROCK flat, noncommittal tone with as few words as possible. Count your blessings I remember looking at everybody around me and thinking how happy and lucky everybody else looked. Everybody has stuff going on. Yours is just super big at the moment. So look for blessings . I thanked God for little things that weren’t so little… a job close to home, my frig worked, I didn’t catch a cold from my first grade class (again.. take care of yourself). Some days it seemed ludicrous that there was a blessing, but sometimes the blessings were the things God Prevented from happening. Keep track of your progress. Three years away from my husband, looking back at my journey, I cannot believe how far God has brought me. You will be a new, better version of you if you don’t let the tail wag the dog. Knowledge is power. Read everything you can about this but again… Set boundaries for yourself… don’t stay stuck Boundaries boundaries boundaries I started to realize that I didn’t have boundaries set for myself at all. It was easy for people to tell me the way it was going to be and just assume that it would just be that way without me standing up for myself. Find confidence in putting your needs and emotional health first. You are not being selfish. Additionally, That feeling when your cheating narcissist partner betrays you, but you don’t have the courage to leave, so you endure the pain, questioning your self-worth every day. It’s a different kind of hurt living with them, seeing them everywhere, and constantly fearing when they’ll do it again. The best decision I made was reaching out to *MetaspyHub@gmail.com* They helped me remotely spy on my partner’s cellphone and uncover the truth, just like they did for me. Don’t suffer in silence get the answers you deserve.
In times when these parasites are multiplying rapidly, it is worth remembering the above flags to protect ourselves (and even others). Thank you for this reminder🤗, even if I am already hypersensitive to the symptoms mentioned
Around 7:02, I realized I like when someone asks for the favor because I am flattered by someone being vulnerable with me; something I struggle with myself. I often misinterpret the asking of a favor as a form of trusting me.
@haneefahmuhammad3447 The great thing is we are taking the time to learn and hopefully heal using our newfound knowledge! The best to you on your journey ❤️.
6:13 This is crazy and absolutely true!!! You need to stop being the masculine in your relationship with people especially men. You don’t need to be in your masculine unless it’s for your needs or your children (if you had any) You need to heal the people pleaser,nice girl,cool girl, performative femininity.(whatever you may call it) But to have a healthy long lasting relationship with a man you need to be predominantly in your dark feminine receiving energy. It’s not even your light feminine. You can be in your light feminine once you are officially committed to that person and he has proven himself worthy of your love and respect and admiration. This is why narcissists rush everything. So you won’t take your time to assess and reflect on the person. They know that eventually you will leave once you see the truth of who they are. Because they know they aren’t sh*t. But they want all the benefits they can have as fast as possible before you wake up !!! 😮 Even being married to them sounds like a friends with benefits situation. Devoid of mutual respect! 🥴🤢
I seriously don’t think that narcissism is rare. I think it’s so prevalent!!! Especially in this day and age for many reasons!! And let’s all acknowledge that no narcissist is willing to go get a check up. They like how their life is going so why the hell would they change or think something is wrong with them?!
25 year old neighbor moves onto our street 3 years ago and she begins to socialize with us. Charming and funny she say's she only hangs around people that are over 60 as the 20 somethings are immature and stupid. Her grandmother and relatives ignore her and call her a monster ? We become her family and throw her a big expensive birthday party. Then she asks for rides to several stores to save money instead of being independent and taking an Uber or ordering in food ? I ask her and she flails her arms and say's she will definitely die in an Uber accident. She finishes College with her early childhood degree but she hates children and her placement at the school say's DO NOT HIRE !! Then she begins to call me a pervert and crazy all the time. The wife told her to apologize but Emily said she had not and would not ever be disrespectful. All the signs of the dark triad and the steps. She is angry and upset now that no one will hire her as she is creepy and weird as hell. We have no contact with her but she is triangulating with a neighbor next to us that she hates and would not talk to before as she wants info and the histrionic neighbor wants attention. lol
I was going to watch this but now I've got to even avoid hearing about these things after having to survive these red flags you'll mention and then some.
They are master actors, but If you take a real close look you can see the fake energy hanging around their muppet(show) face. It is hard being so alert all the time. One thing...Your gut feeling nevers lies.
I fell for a alcoholic woman which I knew wasn’t going to be easy . She did all you describe but she would hook up with other men . Once even in front of me which was confronting. Over time I sailed away to another country but stayed in touch daily to encourage her to go to rehab again. But as I knew hooked up with a young guy in there x meth user . She is 48 mother of 3 boys which she lost to her x husband because of her drinking. This new guy is 35 . She put me into friends zone and I challenged her behaviour. Of course I got blocked. I spent 2.5 years emotionally supporting her . We were lovers but the sneaky lies and wanting me to be on the end of a phone all the time . She always uses sex to hook men and certainly has a hi body count which I told her is low level. In the nearly 2 years away I havnt has anyone. I tried to show her the value in this . I called her a narcissist.I havnt heard a word in weeks now . I was very depressed but relief at the same time . I think I was codependent on chatting daily.I was her rock but got sick of the dysfunction behaviour.in the end she said the new guy is a real man . But now they are living together 2 addicts one can only imagine.
So true. Six months was love bombing at it's finest! Once the mask fell off, I broke it off with him. He has not even apologized or owned up to raging. Unfortunately, he is my neighbor!
@patriciaboyette1358 whats so sad...is in most cases....with narcissists....their narcissism being their defense mechanism does not even allow them to self reflect so they dont see what they do wrong....only their warped perception of everything you did to deserve what they did to you...its twisted....but how their minds work....in such a disordered manner
I don't know if this is breaching the anymous part of alcoholic anymous, but the more I watch channels like this. The less I start to trust "recovering" alcoholics. Both male and female.
U aren't wrong. People w addictions often have tendencies to manipulate, lie, and betray in order to be able to still engage in their addictions. Very self serving and self focused decision making, not caring abt the long or short term consequences, nor how it impacts others, as long as they can still live a double life.
I haven’t even watched much further than the beginning. But I’m eating dinner as I watch and I like your enhanced ‘visual’ literacy, including your name…
Trusting is very difficult for survivors- Once you understand this dynamic it no longer has the power to control you. (It really is a wicked construct). Finding meaning can be as simple as doing things to help others. If people are too difficult then try helping at an animal shelter. Go where you are truly appreciated. Get a pet, find a hobby you enjoy, rearrange furniture, donate stuff (especially "triggers" ). Read the bible. Mostly, build a support system. I dont know if survivors ever really, get-over this. You just learn how to move-on.
Definitely get a pet. Think of narcs like a toddler saying stuff you wouldn't take seriously. Be vigilant but remember they're more afraid of you. Take care if they are violent ❤
this start next door tik tok noise facebook disgusting fault respect thanks cant sleep hotel Portugal shame noise block my friends family start 2020 apple on hospital im tired liers sabotage thanks need sleep
Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
@@CommonEgo would you say she is a narcissist? Because everything was about her . I was such a fool I know . Even my day had concerns. Lust is powerful. This is putting it politely. The push and pull was exhausting. The good to come was I sailed to a tropical island with my dog and I don’t have addictions of any sort . Alcoholics that smoke cigarettes and chase young men ? I was delusional
I never considered the idea of someone lacking empathy because it always came so natural to me. Once you see there are people like this and some very close to you, you can't unsee it. It changes your perspective forever.
This is VERY true
The faking of empathy is so hard to detect when we’re blinded by our desire to see the best in people.
@ashleynoelle7429 yes...yes....yes....so true
Couldn't of said it better
You really need to stay alert especially if you're dealing with the covert narcissist, because they are under the radar and listen to your gut feeling that's your intuition telling you something is wrong 👍 Christina thanks for the video 🦋
Trust your gut. That knot that you always have in the pit of your stomach. The overthinking you have to do about every conversation or interaction. The thinking through how you’re going to have a conversation to get them to notice you or understand you… All of it is not normal. They will tell you that you’re overreacting or dramatic. They will tell you that you’re being overly sensitive… But you’re spot on.
Give yourself time to analyze and unpack the turmoil/living hell you lived in, but don’t live in the analyzing . I continued, and still continue, to realize… Oh… So this was all part of the narcissism too… it is so deep and sick that you could spend the rest of your life analyzing and unpacking it. You have to give your thinking some boundaries. I actually had to set a timer and tell myself… OK you get an hour to think about this today and then you’re doing what is on your agenda. Oh… and… make yourself an agenda or list and DO IT …. Sometimes I had to force myself just to brush my teeth and get a shower… But you must stick to some sort of schedule.
Forgive yourself for being vulnerable. I couldn’t get over the 23 years I had wasted. I couldn’t stop beating myself up for not being smarter and stronger quicker. I had to remind myself that I was the perfect match. As an only child of older parents, I was younger when they died and I had no family. His family became my family and he knew he had me. I had to remember my intentions were good and decent and God will honor what I did. I wanted to keep the family together and believe that no one could be as evil as his actions were showing me.
Make safe changes. You don’t want to make big changes like changing jobs or moving across the country, although there are people that have no choice and have to do this. But make small changes like your hair color. Drive a different way to work. Wear a different style.
As much as possible… spoil yourself. Do what you need to make yourself feel pretty or handsome. Order the decadent chocolate cake.
Never feel ashamed. I remember that some people treated me like I was that homeless person that they felt sorry for but if they didn’t look it would all go away. I was embarrassed and ashamed. The beautiful part about it is I found out who really does care about me. You don’t have to have a lot of blood relatives to have family. You will find the people that mean the most; There will be loyal friends who you can let yourself be raw with… let it happen.
Do no start looking for a relationship! I initially remember feeling as though I had to go out with people to feel desirable and flattered. I was in no way ready to be a partner to anyone until I could tell myself “You still got it girl!” and really believe it.
NEVER look back or second guess yourself! It will never get better if you go back. And they will try to get you back. There’s never break up with a narcissist. As long as you allow it, they will continually try to get in touch with you and lead up to begging you to come back. It feels flattering but it is empty and meaningless. My ex-husband who ended up with a very young girl who has emotional and mental problems (I was her mentor in our church) has recently tried to ask me to give him just “one more chance” 5 days after the girl broke up with him. Every single time he did this In the past, The forgive me speech and crying was the same and his behavior was even worse with each time I went back. This is an addiction for you.. not love and addiction is hard to kick. Speaking of addiction… be careful not to pick up any others … pills, alcohol, shopping
Train your thoughts. Don’t let the tail wag the dog. When you start to go down that path of negative thoughts and telling yourself life is going to be forever gloom and doom, remember that being apart from this monster is THE BEGINNING of a new life and the pain will lift.
You were more alone and in danger with them than away from them. That’s it… buoy…. Ya!
Take care of yourself. This healing needs all the healthy habits you can muster. When you’re feeling as though you’re having a strong moment, and you will see a pattern of times that you feel a bit stronger, pre-plan meals so that when you’re feeling really bad all you have to do is get in the refrigerator and heat something up. Put toothpaste on the brush so all you have to do is pick it up. Take melatonin to get rest. Take vitamins/supplements.
NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT…. Forever… you are doing this to heal not to get a reaction out of them or try to get them to love you.
Keep talking to other survivors and remember that you are just that… A SURVIVOR. There will come a day that you will be helping others.
Never feel bad for them. My ex-husband‘s mask has finally come off and he can’t keep the façade up anymore. It is pathetic. My adult children know not to discuss what is going on with him with me and I don’t ask. Don’t ask!!! They will look for every opportunity to tug on your heartstrings.
Don’t wallow in thinking they are happy. They are desperately unhappy. They will never be happy and will delight in any weakness they see in you, so again…. ZERO ZILCH CONTACT or GRAY ROCK flat, noncommittal tone with as few words as possible.
Count your blessings I remember looking at everybody around me and thinking how happy and lucky everybody else looked. Everybody has stuff going on. Yours is just super big at the moment. So look for blessings . I thanked God for little things that weren’t so little… a job close to home, my frig worked, I didn’t catch a cold from my first grade class (again.. take care of yourself). Some days it seemed ludicrous that there was a blessing, but sometimes the blessings were the things God Prevented from happening.
Keep track of your progress. Three years away from my husband, looking back at my journey, I cannot believe how far God has brought me. You will be a new, better version of you if you don’t let the tail wag the dog.
Knowledge is power. Read everything you can about this but again… Set boundaries for yourself… don’t stay stuck
Boundaries boundaries boundaries I started to realize that I didn’t have boundaries set for myself at all. It was easy for people to tell me the way it was going to be and just assume that it would just be that way without me standing up for myself. Find confidence in putting your needs and emotional health first. You are not being selfish.
Additionally, That feeling when your cheating narcissist partner betrays you, but you don’t have the courage to leave, so you endure the pain, questioning your self-worth every day. It’s a different kind of hurt living with them, seeing them everywhere, and constantly fearing when they’ll do it again. The best decision I made was reaching out to *MetaspyHub@gmail.com* They helped me remotely spy on my partner’s cellphone and uncover the truth, just like they did for me. Don’t suffer in silence get the answers you deserve.
If you feel manipulated it is because you are. Manipulation can always be felt.
If it feels wrong, it is wrong.
I cannot stress enough how badly someone like me needs these videos, so thank you so so much for helping me through these tough times
In times when these parasites are multiplying rapidly, it is worth remembering the above flags to protect ourselves (and even others).
Thank you for this reminder🤗, even if I am already hypersensitive to the symptoms mentioned
Its taken me a long time to understand we dont love them.. We love how they made us feel about ourselves..
And the same in reverse sadly…
Your channel is helping me understand to heal. I pray for those who aren’t aware, thank you
Around 7:02, I realized I like when someone asks for the favor because I am flattered by someone being vulnerable with me; something I struggle with myself. I often misinterpret the asking of a favor as a form of trusting me.
Science says you’re far from alone, but I think it’s so helpful for us all to pay attention to what’s happening there ❤🙏
@@AngeloftheNew I struggle with the same but was never able to articulate or identify it until today years old....
@haneefahmuhammad3447 The great thing is we are taking the time to learn and hopefully heal using our newfound knowledge! The best to you on your journey ❤️.
Day 4 after telling her I want a divorce… Bloody hell!
I love your speaking voice!! 🤷🏾♂️😂
6:13
This is crazy and absolutely true!!!
You need to stop being the masculine in your relationship with people especially men. You don’t need to be in your masculine unless it’s for your needs or your children (if you had any)
You need to heal the people pleaser,nice girl,cool girl, performative femininity.(whatever you may call it)
But to have a healthy long lasting relationship with a man you need to be predominantly in your dark feminine receiving energy.
It’s not even your light feminine. You can be in your light feminine once you are officially committed to that person and he has proven himself worthy of your love and respect and admiration.
This is why narcissists rush everything. So you won’t take your time to assess and reflect on the person. They know that eventually you will leave once you see the truth of who they are. Because they know they aren’t sh*t. But they want all the benefits they can have as fast as possible before you wake up !!! 😮
Even being married to them sounds like a friends with benefits situation. Devoid of mutual respect! 🥴🤢
Awesome video. All twelve for my ex! I thank God he’s my ex! ❤
I "love bomb" but because I'm very excited... Lol
I seriously don’t think that narcissism is rare. I think it’s so prevalent!!!
Especially in this day and age for many reasons!!
And let’s all acknowledge that no narcissist is willing to go get a check up.
They like how their life is going so why the hell would they change or think something is wrong with them?!
I agree with you ❤
25 year old neighbor moves onto our street 3 years ago and she begins to socialize with us. Charming and funny she say's she only hangs around people that are over 60 as the 20 somethings are immature and stupid. Her grandmother and relatives ignore her and call her a monster ? We become her family and throw her a big expensive birthday party. Then she asks for rides to several stores to save money instead of being independent and taking an Uber or ordering in food ? I ask her and she flails her arms and say's she will definitely die in an Uber accident. She finishes College with her early childhood degree but she hates children and her placement at the school say's DO NOT HIRE !! Then she begins to call me a pervert and crazy all the time. The wife told her to apologize but Emily said she had not and would not ever be disrespectful. All the signs of the dark triad and the steps. She is angry and upset now that no one will hire her as she is creepy and weird as hell. We have no contact with her but she is triangulating with a neighbor next to us that she hates and would not talk to before as she wants info and the histrionic neighbor wants attention. lol
I was going to watch this but now I've got to even avoid hearing about these things after having to survive these red flags you'll mention and then some.
Mirroring is the worst. You lose your repetoir cos it reminds you of them
Mirroring seriously messed my mind up. I didn't know who I was or what I liked anymore. Everything was about him.
The same thing happened to me at my former workplace . This is a video. A former work colleague didn't like me and lied about me.
They are master actors, but If you take a real close look you can see the fake energy hanging around their muppet(show) face. It is hard being so alert all the time. One thing...Your gut feeling nevers lies.
I fell for a alcoholic woman which I knew wasn’t going to be easy . She did all you describe but she would hook up with other men . Once even in front of me which was confronting. Over time I sailed away to another country but stayed in touch daily to encourage her to go to rehab again. But as I knew hooked up with a young guy in there x meth user . She is 48 mother of 3 boys which she lost to her x husband because of her drinking. This new guy is 35 . She put me into friends zone and I challenged her behaviour. Of course I got blocked. I spent 2.5 years emotionally supporting her . We were lovers but the sneaky lies and wanting me to be on the end of a phone all the time . She always uses sex to hook men and certainly has a hi body count which I told her is low level. In the nearly 2 years away I havnt has anyone. I tried to show her the value in this . I called her a narcissist.I havnt heard a word in weeks now . I was very depressed but relief at the same time . I think I was codependent on chatting daily.I was her rock but got sick of the dysfunction behaviour.in the end she said the new guy is a real man . But now they are living together 2 addicts one can only imagine.
So true. Six months was love bombing at it's finest! Once the mask fell off, I broke it off with him. He has not even apologized or owned up to raging. Unfortunately, he is my neighbor!
@patriciaboyette1358 whats so sad...is in most cases....with narcissists....their narcissism being their defense mechanism does not even allow them to self reflect so they dont see what they do wrong....only their warped perception of everything you did to deserve what they did to you...its twisted....but how their minds work....in such a disordered manner
8:40
My now ex would beg me to come out with him and his friends, and whenever i was out with them he would "jokingly" call me Yoko -____-
I don't know if this is breaching the anymous part of alcoholic anymous, but the more I watch channels like this. The less I start to trust "recovering" alcoholics. Both male and female.
U aren't wrong. People w addictions often have tendencies to manipulate, lie, and betray in order to be able to still engage in their addictions. Very self serving and self focused decision making, not caring abt the long or short term consequences, nor how it impacts others, as long as they can still live a double life.
Heal your own narcissism. Stop focusing on 'them'. Lose the victimhood and,you will not attract 'them'.
I haven’t even watched much further than the beginning. But I’m eating dinner as I watch and I like your enhanced ‘visual’ literacy, including your name…
It's not love, it's "cathexis".
Do you have any coping mechanisms for victims of narcissists? It’s a lonely life.
Trusting is very difficult for survivors-
Once you understand this dynamic it no longer has the power to control you. (It really is a wicked construct).
Finding meaning can be as simple as doing things to help others. If people are too difficult then try helping at an animal shelter.
Go where you are truly appreciated. Get a pet, find a hobby you enjoy, rearrange furniture, donate stuff (especially "triggers" ). Read the bible.
Mostly, build a support system. I dont know if survivors ever really, get-over this. You just learn how to move-on.
Definitely get a pet. Think of narcs like a toddler saying stuff you wouldn't take seriously. Be vigilant but remember they're more afraid of you. Take care if they are violent ❤
@@design2c436 Thank you so much. I got a dog last year, and she’s a wonderful companion.
@@nyxcole9879 Thank you so much. I got a dog last year, and I love spending time with her.
this start next door tik tok noise facebook disgusting fault respect thanks cant sleep hotel Portugal shame noise block my friends family start 2020 apple on hospital im tired liers sabotage thanks need sleep