Alternative Cuss Words - Tim Hawkins

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  • Опубліковано 30 січ 2025

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  • @mizzwriter13
    @mizzwriter13 7 років тому +2140

    One time, I accidentally stepped on my friend's mother's foot while I was wearing boots and she screamed, "GOD BLESS AMERICA" instead of cursing and to this day, that is one of the best alternative curses I've heard.

  • @abbeyhelmus7890
    @abbeyhelmus7890 5 років тому +429

    We also have "nincompoop," "what in tarnation?" and my friend made the word "conflabbit."

    • @abbeyhelmus7890
      @abbeyhelmus7890 5 років тому

      @@supermarioplumberbros4839 I'll tell her that!

    • @arandomuser9459
      @arandomuser9459 5 років тому +2

      Sometimes I call my brother “nincompoop”. Got it from a comic book and used it ever since.

    • @laceandribbonsviolin
      @laceandribbonsviolin 4 роки тому +1

      Nooo! You beat me to “tarnation”

    • @thesilverblader6714
      @thesilverblader6714 4 роки тому

      There's also" Buscuits!" Or the one I made up"Applesauce!" It can be used as an expletive of surprise or disappointment.

    • @ohome9893
      @ohome9893 4 роки тому +1

      For some reason a couple years ago I would say: "Poodle sticks!" XD So weird XD

  • @thevillageidiot990
    @thevillageidiot990 5 років тому +1137

    I have one friend who is really a spitfire, she likes to use Tim Hawkins Cristian cuss words.
    A guy bumped into her and knocked her over recently and instead of cussing at him she yelled "WHAT THE BLEEP!! WATCH IT YOU SON OF A MOTHERLESS GOAT!! "
    I could hardly contain my laughter when the guy turned around and said, " oh! You like Tim Hawkins too!" And he walked away.

    • @kaded_cat
      @kaded_cat 4 роки тому +44

      Omg that guy. Bumped into her at the right time

    • @andreahenning8076
      @andreahenning8076 4 роки тому +42

      @@kaded_cat More like it was the right guy to bump into her... can you imagine being called a "son of a motherless goat" in anger and not getting the reference?? lol

    • @kaded_cat
      @kaded_cat 4 роки тому +8

      @@andreahenning8076 yeah 😂😂😂 You son of a motherless goat!

    • @kaded_cat
      @kaded_cat 4 роки тому +15

      @@andreahenning8076 You tooting knocked me over!

    • @andreahenning8076
      @andreahenning8076 4 роки тому +3

      @@kaded_cat Lol, that works too.

  • @JoshuaMNielsen
    @JoshuaMNielsen 4 роки тому +226

    Having grown up Baptist, "Son of a Baptist Preacher" got me. XD

  • @veggiet2009
    @veggiet2009 3 роки тому +125

    I remember returning as an adult to my childhood church one Christmas, and I was standing towards the back of the sanctuary near by the table where they collected the christmas cards to exchange, and one of the sweet little old ladies that was just as sweet and little and old as I remembered her, came into the sanctuary took one look at the christmas cards, opened her mouth and I could not believe the words that came out of her mouth...
    "Ah Cranberries" ...
    I stifled both a laugh, and a shocked expression.

  • @ilovejesus8241
    @ilovejesus8241 8 років тому +398

    "Who's got the crapola?? I need it to color my tree trunk!" Hahaha!!! 😂😂😂

  • @sammymartin7947
    @sammymartin7947 6 років тому +606

    "Jeepers" - Scooby Doo anyone? We were already being taught alternate cuss words in childhood shows.

  • @jamie3boymom277
    @jamie3boymom277 5 років тому +653

    After being in labor for 29 hours I let out a “good gravy!” And everyone in the room started cracking up.

    • @MissRaex
      @MissRaex 5 років тому +16

      Lol xD I would have cracked up too!

    • @rianaahmed5462
      @rianaahmed5462 4 роки тому +6

      Lol

    • @indodinoyoutube
      @indodinoyoutube 4 роки тому +5

      😂

    • @cbsumm88
      @cbsumm88 4 роки тому +3

      Jamie 3boymom 😂😂

    • @Confoil
      @Confoil 4 роки тому +20

      That's an awful name for a kid... No wonder everyone in the room laughed.

  • @buffalo8694
    @buffalo8694 4 роки тому +117

    you can really hear the country boy come out when he says " H E double hockey sticks"

    • @fredmckinney8933
      @fredmckinney8933 3 роки тому +1

      He's from here in Missouri, albeit the greater St. Louis area, aka "that other Missouri" to the small Ozarks town we're in.

  • @velda3884
    @velda3884 5 років тому +69

    I was at Chick-fil-A with my mom, and someone zoomed passed her. She yelled “you actually have a stop sign DILWEED I say that all the time now. 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

    • @RosesR4U
      @RosesR4U 4 роки тому +1

      Oh wow , that’s a good one ❗️👏🏻👏🏻my new favorite to use

    • @Axolotl-z-q6g
      @Axolotl-z-q6g 2 місяці тому

      It’s funny you were at Chick-fil-A!

  • @mayah16
    @mayah16 5 років тому +1427

    Does anyone else think it's even more funny when he laughs at his own jokes? LOL

    • @graceho7479
      @graceho7479 4 роки тому +27

      It makes me laugh because it’s so wholesome!

    • @mickib1592
      @mickib1592 4 роки тому +19

      Him and the shrieking women. Totally lose it...

    • @robertrupnow6409
      @robertrupnow6409 4 роки тому +6

      Yeah

    • @listeningeyes9990
      @listeningeyes9990 4 роки тому +11

      Miss Mayan, It makes his routine that much more funnier when he tries hard not to laugh😊.

    • @codyhannahmary83
      @codyhannahmary83 4 роки тому +4

      Like Billy Connolly!

  • @sicariius7682
    @sicariius7682 6 років тому +2545

    My one friend, when he is angry; while he never cusses, he lets everyone know.
    He screams "*PROFANITY*" at the top of his lungs.
    Makes everyone laugh so hard.

    • @stormyphillips251
      @stormyphillips251 6 років тому +94

      Your friend sounds freaking amazing 😂😂

    • @nightwarper1760
      @nightwarper1760 6 років тому +29

      Does he actually say the word profanity or just actual profanity

    • @NathanWhitt23
      @NathanWhitt23 6 років тому +37

      Savitar Shut the front Door you Fart Knocker.🤣

    • @madam-mint
      @madam-mint 6 років тому +26

      I need to try that one

    • @berwynsigns4115
      @berwynsigns4115 6 років тому +53

      @@nightwarper1760 It sounds like he actually yells the word "profanity"

  • @IntrepidFraidyCat
    @IntrepidFraidyCat 6 років тому +105

    I watched this while working in the kitchen..... my 10 year old son found me keeled over, wheezing with tears streaming from my eyes. He thought I was upset! I haven't laughed this hard in years. My stomach muscles are sore!😆🤣😆🤣

  • @kellydyer4840
    @kellydyer4840 3 роки тому +76

    When my daughter was having her fractured arm set she kept saying things like “fart nuggets” and “cheesy pizza” and I swear I have never gotten so many strange looks from a doctor.

  • @aubreysummers1729
    @aubreysummers1729 4 роки тому +66

    My friend, brother, and I scream "AW TOOT" every time we see each other.😂

  • @yaboidpaul9842
    @yaboidpaul9842 5 років тому +56

    I asked my friend how to stop cussing, and she sent me the link to this video...I regret nothing

  • @billiusdoe6813
    @billiusdoe6813 6 років тому +349

    The first goats were motherless.

  • @Soothing_Chaos
    @Soothing_Chaos 6 років тому +211

    I've been trying to work on not cussing, so now when I get cut off in traffic I just yell out, "BLESS YOU!"

    • @geraldfrost4710
      @geraldfrost4710 5 років тому +3

      The Southern Lady phrase "That's nice, that's real nice!" is the translation from "Fuck y'all to h E double hockey sticks!"

    • @raydoestuff
      @raydoestuff 4 роки тому +3

      me too!!!!!!!!!!!

    • @NBK1122
      @NBK1122 4 роки тому +10

      The other Southern Lady phrase: Bless your heart!

    • @vickiweber4718
      @vickiweber4718 4 роки тому +3

      I say "fudge you"

    • @thesilverblader6714
      @thesilverblader6714 4 роки тому +3

      @@vickiweber4718 woah that was close! To close.

  • @paulaclark9729
    @paulaclark9729 2 роки тому +28

    Still one of my favorite bits. There actually is such a thing as a crud muffin, made with leftover ice cream, chocolate chips, marshmallows, and other sweet remnants you have laying around. I think I'll make some. Thanks for the idea.

  • @melanne7901
    @melanne7901 2 роки тому +24

    Was in the hospital having an outpatient procedure done, no anesthesia, in a triage area. There were curtained cubicles, no walls, knowing there were children there, I was trying very hard not to curse, what flew out of my mouth caused a wave of giggles, and I cannot live it down to this day..."Holy Banana Peels!"

  • @rm2399
    @rm2399 5 років тому +81

    I don't know why I find the "Pat Sajak" one so funny. I've heard people use "Bob Saget" the inflection makes it really sound like a cuss word. But the "Pat Sajak?" LOL

    • @taylorboys3791
      @taylorboys3791 4 роки тому +3

      I thought he was going to say "AND VANNA WHITE!"

  • @latentsymphony2746
    @latentsymphony2746 7 років тому +405

    For some reason he reminds me of Robin Williams

  • @LuckyBadger
    @LuckyBadger 7 років тому +452

    I laughed so hard at these, I scared my dogs! They're looking at me like "What the Bob Barker is going on? Shut the front door!"

  • @racingfuel28
    @racingfuel28 5 років тому +77

    I love how he uses a NY accent when he says "hey who's got the crapola over here?" lol

  • @powderkegsuga5598
    @powderkegsuga5598 4 роки тому +62

    When my husband is really angry: *"Son of a bean-dip, mother-FRITO."*

  • @deuce860
    @deuce860 5 років тому +123

    I’m eating Mac-n-cheese while watching this and I almost had to clean my screen a second time.

  • @Kjoyful419
    @Kjoyful419 5 років тому +171

    😂😂😂 we love this guy!!!! He is even funnier in person we laughed so hard it was hard to breathe!!! Thank God for Tim Hawkins Clean Christian Comedy🤗🤗🤗

    • @llamasarus1
      @llamasarus1 2 роки тому +1

      Clean, except the "fart-knocker" and "suck eggs" part that really means something NSFW and he was oblivious to.

  • @future_doctor_sam
    @future_doctor_sam 7 років тому +1613

    So....why isn't he more popular? You don't need to be all sexual and explicit to be funny! This guy is proof!

    • @Reubentheimitator6572
      @Reubentheimitator6572 7 років тому +22

      Sam Cuentas Well, maybe we as Christians would be the only ones who would like him.

    • @Scarlett-Hofferson
      @Scarlett-Hofferson 7 років тому +30

      you shouldn't have have to hide what you believe just because you want to liked

    • @randomfangirlqueen
      @randomfangirlqueen 7 років тому +20

      I also like John Crist and Studio C

    • @jimforjzs777
      @jimforjzs777 7 років тому +1

      He goes against word of God.
      I don't think He is funny period.

    • @xcardzx-1395
      @xcardzx-1395 6 років тому +11

      jimforjzs777 uh no he doesnt stop being so religious

  • @bizzy_kornher5454
    @bizzy_kornher5454 4 роки тому +165

    Nobody:
    The women in the front who's never heard a joke: HAHAHAHA

  • @futureseven
    @futureseven 4 роки тому +12

    Blessings! I am writing for myself and the young man I work with (special needs). David my client came to see you in Edmonton and was allowed to meet you (thx for gas money offer, he made it home😁) Thank you on his behalf for the meet and greet. He mentioned watching you on Facebook , although this is true he also watches you on DVD as he owns most of your collection. In the last 500 or so weeks your name or your jokes have come up at least 500 times. Thank you for enriching our lives with your wacky sense of humor and ministry.😁✌️

  • @TheLEGOCantina
    @TheLEGOCantina 8 років тому +534

    I lost it at fartknocker 😂😂😂

    • @MasterAnakinSkyWalker
      @MasterAnakinSkyWalker 8 років тому +6

      The LEGO Cantina- I used to say fartknocker all the time

    • @VueiyVisarelli
      @VueiyVisarelli 8 років тому +3

      Me, too, +Wingfan...in _middle school_ ...

    • @adammilette3076
      @adammilette3076 7 років тому +9

      I lost it when he started knocking

    • @jamesonsummers
      @jamesonsummers 7 років тому +11

      The LEGO Cantina I lost it at "Crud Muffin" but I laughed so hard that I cried at 'Fart Knocker"!

    • @autumnchandler7744
      @autumnchandler7744 7 років тому +4

      The LEGO Cantina I was freaking in tears when he said FART KNOCKER!!!! I dead lol

  • @TheSupernaturalguy7
    @TheSupernaturalguy7 7 років тому +196

    "Stop taking my crapola!"

    • @LizardBrick
      @LizardBrick 5 років тому +1

      wolf moon and Potterheadtexan Studios suck eggs!

  • @pepper341
    @pepper341 8 років тому +726

    "Son of a motherless goat" 😂

    • @EddyGurge
      @EddyGurge 8 років тому +23

      Great line from The Three Amigos.

    • @that1shadyfella779
      @that1shadyfella779 8 років тому +5

      EddyGurge I used to use that before I knew what the three amigos was. Which was up until about 6 months ago... but still.

    • @de_smith
      @de_smith 7 років тому +5

      So, that one time, God created the first two goats and they had a son....

    • @NotSteveCook
      @NotSteveCook 7 років тому +9

      ORANGE juice From "The Three Amigos". It's an insult spoken by Steve Martin's character.

    • @joshmorgan9374
      @joshmorgan9374 7 років тому +4

      This poor baby goat's mother was probably shot by a hunter in the middle of a meadow. Oh wait wrong thing.

  • @avacosby7435
    @avacosby7435 4 роки тому +32

    Couple things.... I love how Tim gets a kick out of himself and ALSO TIM DOESNT GET ENOUGH CREDIT FOR HIS VOICES!!!!!!!!!

    • @maryerb6062
      @maryerb6062 3 роки тому

      Tell me about it. He knows just how to use 'em!

  • @albertrichards7137
    @albertrichards7137 10 місяців тому +5

    my aunt uses flippin all the time.
    when she visited us in Arkansas a few years ago, we had to take to the small town of Flippin Arkansas where she nearly flippin died laughing. she passed the sign "welcome to Flippin" the Flippin fire department, the flippin police station and directly to the flippin wal mart.
    I tell you,
    it made her flippin day.

  • @DavidThrower1969
    @DavidThrower1969 6 років тому +44

    I have watched this over a dozen times, and it never gets old - LOL! This guy is hilarious.

  • @jewelkoca1633
    @jewelkoca1633 6 років тому +155

    No matter how many times I watch this, I can't stop laughing 😂

  • @jonathanhollis5764
    @jonathanhollis5764 5 років тому +46

    Tim Hawkins is very funny, I met Him once after one of his comedy shows. It was awesome.

  • @eleaya_rebekah
    @eleaya_rebekah 4 роки тому +149

    Once i got made at someone and just yelled "FOR THE LOVE OF VEGGIETALES" at them

    • @jamesfair9751
      @jamesfair9751 3 роки тому +4

      Well if someone made you I would think you would be appreciative and thank them. Most people go their whole lives trying to get made and someone did it for you!!??!!

    • @RyanClark-gr9yb
      @RyanClark-gr9yb 3 роки тому +2

      People who don’t use auto correct are going straight to heel.

    • @hollyburbach9917
      @hollyburbach9917 2 роки тому

      Bob and larry would like a word lol

  • @DaddyBeanDaddyBean
    @DaddyBeanDaddyBean 4 роки тому +27

    A friend uses "turdbug" and "turdbucket" interchangeably. I closed a sharp folding knife on my thumb and started to shout something, but redirected when I realized my 12yo daughter was right there, and ended up shouting "SON OF A SEABISCUIT".

  • @beth_the_fake_ginger
    @beth_the_fake_ginger 8 років тому +382

    I know someone who literally says "bad word" every time she wants to cuss.

    • @MasterAnakinSkyWalker
      @MasterAnakinSkyWalker 8 років тому +13

      beththeREDfan - if you've seen the movie Ramona & Beezus, Ramona says the word "guts" when she tells her family she's gonna say a bad word. She just yells "Guts" at the top of her lungs. It's funny. The movie was crap, but that line was hilarious.

    • @lemoncoconut7402
      @lemoncoconut7402 7 років тому

      what the cuss is smth i heard someone use.

    • @carolecook1116
      @carolecook1116 7 років тому +3

      beththeREDfan ~ Heard that & also sweet "oh cuss." A relative says "sassafrass," & louder, when extra perturbed, "SASSAFRASS TEA!"😂

    • @sharonbertolet3272
      @sharonbertolet3272 7 років тому

      beththeREDfan XD

    • @randomfangirlqueen
      @randomfangirlqueen 7 років тому +1

      beththeREDfan bleep.

  • @beentheredonethat7365
    @beentheredonethat7365 6 років тому +128

    He forgot “Go forth and multiply!

    • @elihenline6089
      @elihenline6089 4 роки тому +6

      or "Be fruitful and multiply, just not in those exact words."

    • @donnaevans5131
      @donnaevans5131 4 роки тому

      Never heard that one but I like it!

    • @shyowl3453
      @shyowl3453 3 роки тому

      Go ingest a satchel of bananas

    • @abigails5273
      @abigails5273 3 роки тому

      Hold on I need to write this one down

    • @edgepixel8467
      @edgepixel8467 3 роки тому

      The cute hypocrisy of yearning for a good old classic “go fuck yourself,” but without the guilt.

  • @jasonscott201
    @jasonscott201 7 років тому +878

    They should have had cottonheadedninnymuggins

  • @RedT...TheOriginal.NotANumber
    @RedT...TheOriginal.NotANumber 3 роки тому +7

    Don't forget the Southern swear that everyone knows is a swear but is always rendered with a smile: Bless your heart!

  • @sadgary6144
    @sadgary6144 4 роки тому +12

    This made me laugh so hard i started crying. Why isnt this guy more popular he is funnier than some comedians nowadays

  • @paigecote4014
    @paigecote4014 8 років тому +121

    Where did you guys put my crapola crayon?! I seriously needed that to color my tooting picture. Nice one you crud muffins. XD

  • @ajsamano7869
    @ajsamano7869 7 років тому +56

    I want a ringtone of Hawkins saying toot so whenever someone I don't like texts me it's like, "aweeee toot!"

    • @ana-xp7qd
      @ana-xp7qd 5 років тому

      AJ Samano lmao good idea

  • @considerthewildflowers5533
    @considerthewildflowers5533 7 років тому +123

    Going to memorize these just so I can use them when I drive 😂

  • @hhairston43
    @hhairston43 5 років тому +87

    When my friend, who is a pastor, gets upset she says “pooty squabbles!”

  • @sweetteaandsucculents3730
    @sweetteaandsucculents3730 4 роки тому +131

    Where is “elderberry”?
    As in, “your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries?”

    • @benjaminnewlon7865
      @benjaminnewlon7865 4 роки тому +5

      i bleepin' love that movie

    • @boldthaddeusquil4700
      @boldthaddeusquil4700 4 роки тому +1

      @@benjaminnewlon7865 fuck yea where is it

    • @margaretbonnette678
      @margaretbonnette678 4 роки тому +3

      @@boldthaddeusquil4700 It's from Monty Python...I think it's from their Holy Grail movie. British comedies, especially
      the old ones, are rather good.

    • @Ravel.Alex43
      @Ravel.Alex43 4 роки тому +1

      Sweet Tea and Succulents, 5 is WAY out there.

    • @pathwalkermmjdh6346
      @pathwalkermmjdh6346 4 роки тому

      Yaaas!! Monty Python!

  • @timeandspace7480
    @timeandspace7480 7 років тому +434

    What happens when the son of a biscuit meets the son of a biscuit eater?

    • @ursaminor9780
      @ursaminor9780 6 років тому +33

      Time And Space Well, then everything goes to H-E--double-hockey-sticks.

    • @phoenixx435
      @phoenixx435 6 років тому +6

      Mind.......blown.

    • @littlejoe9381
      @littlejoe9381 6 років тому +12

      The son of a biscuit eater apologizes to the son of a biscuit for all of the biscuits his parent has eaten in the past. Apology is accepted, they shake hands, give a pat on the back and all is well. No more biscuit eating.

    • @SnakeEyesOfficial42
      @SnakeEyesOfficial42 6 років тому +6

      Bad things, my dude, bad things...

    • @annemchurchwell
      @annemchurchwell 5 років тому +4

      They date each others sisters and get married and have biscuit children of course.

  • @SpecificLove7
    @SpecificLove7 8 років тому +279

    Always loved this clip

  • @dariancremer4519
    @dariancremer4519 7 років тому +20

    Tim is just the best. They say that there are actors who are triple threats, they can sing, dance and act. Well, Tim is a quadruple threat, he can sing, he can dance, he can act, and he can laugh at himself while he does it. Thanks, Tim.

  • @saltymisfit6566
    @saltymisfit6566 Рік тому +10

    He actually reminds me of Robin Williams with his quick wit and love of his craft

  • @ContinuumFM
    @ContinuumFM 13 днів тому

    DANG MATE!! Ya just got a South African fan. Laying here after two surgeries, came across this video. Made me laugh so much I actually forgot about the pain. TRUELY God has create laughter to heal and daymmmn you're way better than my surgeon. BE BLESSED AND GOD BLESS

  • @ryah6943
    @ryah6943 6 років тому +119

    This is the cleanest try not to laugh video I’ve ever seen!! And the most helpful!!😂👍🏼🙏🏼

  • @Lucius51
    @Lucius51 5 років тому +73

    Who’s at the door daddy, oh some fartknocker tell him to go away😂

  • @lesevans7112
    @lesevans7112 6 років тому +39

    "Fartknocker!"
    Bad time to take a bite of my apple!

  • @emeyers5984
    @emeyers5984 4 роки тому +22

    My dear sweet Mom didn’t cuss/curse, but she would say “God bless a milk cow” or “Fudge!” or “Dagnabit!” or “Shoot fire and save matches” 🤣

    • @Ledgerfan2003
      @Ledgerfan2003 2 роки тому +1

      I say fudge all the time. That’s one of my favorite saying

    • @biliussteed2102
      @biliussteed2102 2 роки тому

      I love the, “Shoot fire and save matches!”

  • @smallsavage1297
    @smallsavage1297 3 роки тому +15

    I made a few myself: “Great clouds!”
    “Oh, for the love of mice!”
    “Holy cat!”
    “You little rat!” (I also use weasel)
    and my favorite from 6th grade:
    “That guy is such a Wexler.”

  • @KeepingitRealintheKitchen
    @KeepingitRealintheKitchen 8 років тому +591

    Not gonna lie, most of these are in my vocabulary! (I totally grew up in the church)

    • @eliserose3688
      @eliserose3688 7 років тому

      Keeping it Real in the Kitchen ikr i also say booty

    • @Janjelle1
      @Janjelle1 7 років тому

      Elsa Gilmore puddy not booty

    • @NotJayge
      @NotJayge 7 років тому

      same

    • @danaparzych4034
      @danaparzych4034 7 років тому +1

      Great Caesars ghost! , son of a motherless goat,

    • @christellehires
      @christellehires 7 років тому

      😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅

  • @isabellefrey7500
    @isabellefrey7500 7 років тому +54

    "shut the front door!" 'okay.' "I didn't even know it was open!" #bestoneyet

  • @katetooke3120
    @katetooke3120 5 років тому +46

    I work with children and one day I walked into a table and just yelled out: potato skins!!! Its the first thing that came into my head

  • @evangelineblackwell3047
    @evangelineblackwell3047 5 років тому +2

    Played this to so many people now and every time I get as far as 'fart knocker' and I'm done.....rib hurting, face aching laughter done!! Awesome!

  • @LilaFallang
    @LilaFallang 4 роки тому +29

    My favorite Christian swear word as a kid was, "crud diddly moo moo" . Ahh, those were the good ol' days.

  • @someonefemale4195
    @someonefemale4195 6 років тому +58

    I was having such a tooty day. Now I'm laughing so hard I am crying.

  • @oakleymondry
    @oakleymondry 7 років тому +300

    BOLSHEVIK! ... that was close.... *cracks up laughing*

  • @allisonjohnson6399
    @allisonjohnson6399 7 років тому +55

    Fart Knocker is always gonna be my favorite :)

  • @buckbuchanan4902
    @buckbuchanan4902 2 роки тому +29

    "Son of a motherless goat" gets me every time! I am still waiting for the perfect situation to say that to someone.
    As a Christian, I have been using alternative cuss words for over 45 years. My current go-to is "Poop on a Stick!"

  • @Kallys23
    @Kallys23 3 роки тому +2

    I feel like someone has been around me, having heard the "Motherless Goats"... I picked that up years ago from a book. Outstanding!
    Might I add "Mother of Jane" to your list.

  • @khloe9084
    @khloe9084 6 років тому +73

    “Kiss my grits”
    Me: dead lol

    • @BX138
      @BX138 5 років тому +2

      Thank you Flo

    • @margaretbonnette678
      @margaretbonnette678 4 роки тому +3

      from "Alice" . I loved that show, downright hilarious!

  • @loganflorea3165
    @loganflorea3165 5 років тому +368

    The one I used the most is, “WHAT IN THE HOLY JEHOVAH’S WITNESS!”

    • @arandomuser9459
      @arandomuser9459 5 років тому +10

      Logan Florea
      Mind if I steal that one? It’s hilarious. 😂

    • @fredmckinney8933
      @fredmckinney8933 4 роки тому +4

      One I use is "what in the ham and eggs...?"

    • @avianelixir
      @avianelixir 4 роки тому +2

      Logan Florea that’s a little long don’t you think?

    • @harriskids7312
      @harriskids7312 4 роки тому +2

      Soo funny 😂😂😂

    • @taylorcampbell4855
      @taylorcampbell4855 4 роки тому +3

      This one is great. Thanks for sharing.

  • @Breezy3401
    @Breezy3401 8 років тому +4

    I had a teacher in high school who, of course, couldn't curse at us, so she did the next best thing. She'd slam her hand down loudly on her desk & semi-shouted the word "Cuss"!! We quickly learned that meant somebody was about to get in trouble. To this day, I smile @ the memory. Sometimes, we acted out just to get her aggravated enough to say it!

  • @Manda-zf3qi
    @Manda-zf3qi Рік тому +1

    I've NÉVER laughed so long and hard at any comedian éver. This guy is great! Funny as hell! Good clean & funny humor. Brilliant!!! 😅🤣😂

    • @BLowefreezing
      @BLowefreezing 22 дні тому +1

      I believe you mean H. E. double hockey sticks. 😉😂

  • @russhoffman6301
    @russhoffman6301 3 роки тому +11

    One of his best routines. Never fail to laugh when I watch it.

  • @dragonborn9967
    @dragonborn9967 7 років тому +52

    I was finding it hard to control my laughing fits holy moly. this guy is seriously funny. I have not laughed this hard in a long time

  • @VictoriaEMeredith
    @VictoriaEMeredith 7 років тому +15

    Or my favorites, which I use at work: "bad word" and "son of a bad word." (Sixth grade teacher.) "Son of a bad word" is especially helpful when you drop something on your foot. Often accompanied by a long and drawn-out "Shhhhhhheboygan!" or possibly "shhhhhhhhhhhipyard!!!"

  • @makennaf3398
    @makennaf3398 8 років тому +109

    son of a motherless goat, I'm dead 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😋😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    • @hllthR-jv5pe
      @hllthR-jv5pe 7 років тому +2

      Faximumgirl5 bookworm my favourite was crud muffins

    • @rowynnecrowley1689
      @rowynnecrowley1689 7 років тому

      I say this all the time. But I've never heard anyone else say it. I thought I invented it.

    • @Kgbinks
      @Kgbinks 7 років тому +3

      It's from the movie, the three amigos

  • @bigmoecosmo8232
    @bigmoecosmo8232 5 років тому +14

    "Well, dat burn it, paw!"
    .....Hoss Cartwright from Bonanza.

  • @MasterAnakinSkyWalker
    @MasterAnakinSkyWalker 3 роки тому +15

    "Tall glass of milk and a crud muffin, ain't no better way to start the day!"

  • @RocknRoRose
    @RocknRoRose 5 років тому +67

    You and John Crist are my replacements for Jim Carey and Robin Williams. Love you guys.

  • @MissEricaBarnes
    @MissEricaBarnes 6 років тому +19

    As a born again Christian who's trying to defeat the cursing demon this video really comes in handy. I know I can stop cursing, I just need to increase my vocabulary!!!

  • @loravotaw2814
    @loravotaw2814 6 років тому +5

    This is hilarious!! I laughed so hard I had tears rolling down my face. Thanks Tim, and thanks for uploading this clip...... I needed that!

  • @andreaexceedsrubies
    @andreaexceedsrubies 4 роки тому +4

    "Bleep" got me and I thoroughly enjoyed this segment lol!

  • @susannahein7471
    @susannahein7471 3 роки тому +12

    Am I the only one who is laughing so hard but trying not to make any noise so people don't ask why I'm on the floor laughing?
    Just me? Ok

  • @fratpresky
    @fratpresky 7 років тому +103

    SON OF A MOTHERLESS GOAT THE WIFI'S OUT!

    • @cozylime_2006
      @cozylime_2006 5 років тому +3

      What the what!Shut the front door which son of a biscuit eater did that to me! They're such a fart knocker.

  • @stephenrainda5838
    @stephenrainda5838 5 років тому +145

    Your forgot the Mormon favorite. "Cheese and rice! " lol

    • @geraldfrost4710
      @geraldfrost4710 5 років тому +2

      You'd have to be from California to use it, but:
      "Conn Dam, Sanoma Beach!"

    • @giantclaw138
      @giantclaw138 5 років тому +3

      It'd be the first I've heard of that. Then again, I don't live in Salt Lake

    • @giantclaw138
      @giantclaw138 5 років тому +2

      Or Provo

    • @tornadogirl9099
      @tornadogirl9099 5 років тому +3

      Or the favorite on the movie Rio "Cheese and Sprinkles!"

    • @raydoestuff
      @raydoestuff 4 роки тому +1

      yes!!!!!!!!!!! i use that one all the time!!!

  • @Jlove-hf9xw
    @Jlove-hf9xw 7 років тому +24

    that's so useful and hilarious. my mom sometimes say son of a biscuit and son of a biscuit eater. i do need those christian cuss words, because I'm a christian and might need them when necessary. it will be our secret weapon as christians to cuss up the storm if necessary. thanks for the list of christian cuss words. i appreciate it. god bless.

  • @sabrinarhodes6273
    @sabrinarhodes6273 5 років тому +17

    Holy flippin-flip-flop. I haven't laughed this hard in so long.
    😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • @jmw9904
    @jmw9904 Рік тому +1

    A good many of these I've heard from older people, TV shows and older movies.

  • @mr.mauricemoss6709
    @mr.mauricemoss6709 6 років тому +202

    i used to tell my brother “SHUT THE FRONT DOOR” all the time when i was mad at him.
    my parents dont like it
    lets just say ive gotten grounded a lot in the past....

    • @West-rk7dz
      @West-rk7dz 5 років тому +16

      That's unfortunate. There should be litteraly nothing wrong with that at all. If anything it should be funny.

    • @donnaevans5131
      @donnaevans5131 4 роки тому +1

      😂😂😂😂😂

  • @samantha5384
    @samantha5384 6 років тому +17

    But you missed my favorite- “Oh fudge!” I also use “Sugar!” I’m a candy maker by trade though so... 🤗 Might have picked these up from Chef.

  • @aneesamack7255
    @aneesamack7255 7 років тому +18

    Jumping Johosaphat. *Jumps* calm down Johosaphat, both feet on the ground J-ho, J-ho. Deep breath J-ho.
    The best part😂😂😂😂

  • @reginaturner8705
    @reginaturner8705 5 років тому +8

    My grandmother says, "Oh fig leaves!" ☺💕

  • @TrapperCreek
    @TrapperCreek Рік тому +1

    I was at work and wasn't actually working but I was laughing so hard I got caught not doing anything, so I showed them and now they are laughing too🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @ryah6943
    @ryah6943 6 років тому +79

    You forgot one(from the elf movie) “I’m a cotton-headed ninny muggins “

  • @Armitage112a
    @Armitage112a 6 років тому +62

    "Son of a...gun! Gosh Almighty! Cheese and crackers!"--from the highly-underrated film "Oscar" (1991), where Sylvester Stallone is a frustrated 30's gangster walking past a priest.

  • @meghanrye8647
    @meghanrye8647 6 років тому +34

    Mother, father, sister brother!! 😂😂 Holy SPIRIT! I used those words at work... heard them from my Christian boss

  • @ruthashe9840
    @ruthashe9840 2 роки тому +2

    I just saw your post. It's funny. I used to cuss a lot when me kids were little. Till the pre-k school called me in because my 3yr old was using them. So I came up with Jimmynee crickets and Jimmynee freakn crickets and all is blooming merry men. That worked till he started 1st grade. After about 3months the school called me in to talk about my son. When I get there I am met by the teacher, the The principal the school counselor and the 504 department. They now want to talk to me because my son is saying Jimmy crickets like it's a bad word and they're concerned over his mental status. That meeting lasted all of 10 minutes... My response to that was prique want him to use non curse words for being upset... What do you want him to use? They told me not curse words that made sense... So I sounded like a sailor for 10 minutes and asked them which one of those words they preferred... After that they said they would take jiminy crickets and apologized for wasting my time.

  • @senecamorton7242
    @senecamorton7242 3 роки тому

    I have no idea why I'm just now finding this video. He is hilarious!! His commentary and accents made me die of laughter.