AITA for not taking future MIL to the bridal appointment? Dusty Reads & Reacts!
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AITA for not taking future MIL to the bridal appointment?
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Nta But why isn’t the fiance stepping in? Thats a red flag for me.
NTA. The MIL isn't usually invited bridal gown shopping. I'm a former wedding planner and it was really rare. If they are close and the bride wanted her to go that's one thing. Future MIL sounds like a nightmare. Fiancee needs to handle it. I'm a MIL of two, I didn't go to either gown trip and I wasn't hurt.
OP! It isn't the venue, flowers, food, photographer, etc., that she hates: it is you. It sounds as if she would hate anyone and everyone she sees as competition with her for her son's affections. This is a foreshadowing of the life you're going to have as long as she is a part of that life. If your future husband doesn't sit her down and set explicit boundaries while emphasizing consequences if she crosses them, including criticizing any future wedding plans, trashing your relationship with her son, bad-mouthing you and/or your decisions/choices, that consequence will be to stay home the day of the wedding. Do you honestly think she'll be polite and sensitive AT the wedding when she's like this now? She'll be criticizing everything to everyone anywhere close to her and making everyone uncomfortable on your special day: knowing she's this way, you're also going to be on pins/needles the entire day wondering when and where she's going to strike. This behavior will not stop after you're married: she'll insert herself into any financial decisions you make as a husband and wife, she'll critique your home, your decor, your furniture choices, your cooking, your cleaning, your career and, if that isn't bad enough, once you start a family, she'll be all in your business there are well, most likely insisting on pushing the doctor out of the way while you're giving birth and insist on handling that herself. This is a nightmare in full swing and your future husband needs to put his foot down asap. If you were my sister, niece, granddaughter, great granddaughter, as a 72 year old woman, I would be sitting *you* down for a chat about reconsidering your choice in a husband if he doesn't take action immediately. This woman relishes in being in charge and she is shameless in her endeavor to be the controlling factor in her son's life: you, my dear, are collateral damage she *may* have to deal with if she doesn't break you two up. I urge you to take the people who are commenting on your plight (sorry, there is no other word to use here) on these public forums seriously. This woman is going to make your life a living hell if she's not reined in by her son: if he sees nothing wrong with her current behavior, he'll see nothing wrong with her trashing your life, your marriage and your home and he will always defer to her vs. you in any situation. He needs a sit down chat with you before he'll find his spine to sit her down and lay down the law. Either 'go get 'em, OP!' or get out of this impending nightmare. This sabotage of your wedding plans and making you feel guilty and ruining your already nice memories (i.e., finding a dress when you didn't really expect to on the first try), is her MO. This will not change - ever. And for the record, I am not a bitter woman with a horrid MIL: my MIL and I clicked the moment we met 52 years ago and are inseparable to this day. I adore my MIL so I know how far off the 'nice MIL' scale your future MIL appears to be. This is not normal behavior of a grown woman who is happy that her son is happy; this is the behavior of an immature, jealous, manipulative, controlling personality and her joy comes from steamrolling over those she deems less than she.
So well said and hits all the points. My MIL does a lot of crap behind my back, but instinctively knows that if she pulled this stuff where it hurt my feelings or where my husband was aware, she would be cut off. DH puts up with so much abuse himself, but is a papa bear for his wife and kids, and that is why we've gone very low contact at this point, we now know Abt the games she plays. It doesn't get better if the child protect their spouse.
NTA!
She has trashed your relationship. Don't talk to her about your wedding or include her in anything. Gray rock her on everything about it. She's an ahole. Your partner has to deal with her. Don't have anything to do with her and tell your partner this. If he doesn't like it, don't marry him!
NTA. Where is OP’s finance in all this and why isn’t he dealing with his own mother?
Mama's boy. Only child. Emotional incest.
NTA. At what point did it become protocol that the groom's mother had any input on anything but her own dress style? The bride and groom are in charge and traditionally only mother of bride and various members of bridal party go for look at wedding gowns. I'm stuck in the mid-1900s, I guess, because the groom's family doesn't get to throw fits and treat the bride like crap - EVER! If OP doesn't like how she is treated, and her future husband won't handle his mom or doesn't see a problem, it is time to step back and rethink things before the actual ceremony.
These are the exact reasons i didn't take my mother. I kept her out of everything. She was a guest.
Show this to fh. It is up to him to pull her into line.
This exactly!
I have been on many wedding dress shopping sprees, and I do not think I have ever been on one where the future MIL came along. Granted many of the MIL of the brides lived out of town. Things changed so much with wedding etiquette in the past twenty years, I am constantly shocked at the selfish stories, and weird expectations, people have these days.
NTA. I didn’t take my ML to any of my bridal appointments because she put her job over everyone and everything and at that time she was a thriving alcoholic. yes I said thriving because somehow she managed to keep her head so far up her bunghole she didn’t know she was an alcoholic. She was also the reason why we had a dry wedding. 😂
NTA. I felt guilty for a bit for not including my MIL, especially because my husband has no sisters, but like OP, I hadn’t planned on finding a dress the day I found mine, so people I thought would be involved weren’t. My MIL never expressed that she wanted to be involved either. Fast forward and after how she’s treated my husband recently, I feel way less guilty.
NTA. OP, pay very close attention to how that meeting with FMIL & fiance goes. Which of you is he humoring and which is he backing? Don't put any stock into what FMIL claims (like she wants you two to be close, she's just concerned for her son's best interests) pay attention to what she has done and how she is behaving. Same with your fiance. Because if he sides w/his mother; that will never change. That will be your marriage and your life. Far easier to face the embarrassment and hassle of a cancelled wedding than a divorce. And if you plan to have children; imagine how that will go. Even if you don't plan on it, and have an oops-a-baby; imagine how that would go.
Exactly!! Yeah I’d be leaving. I want to live a boring and mundane life WITHOUT drama or comments from MIL
My mom passed away years ago.
My remaining aunt is one to believe her opinion is the only valid one.
My besties and I have different tastes in fashion.
I plan to choose Top 5 gowns I like and have a pro/con discussion with my only sister and nobody else.
She's acting like she's OP's mother 🙄 It's not her wedding! It's her son's. He needs to step up and shut her down. Tell her to MYOB! Talk to your fiance about boundaries for her. If you two aren't united on this, she'll divide you soon enough. NTA
Absolutely NTA.
🤎
I love some Dusty righteous indignation, but this one was a little shouty.