Our Unfiltered Thoughts on Sex Within Marriage | Episode 22
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- Опубліковано 16 чер 2024
- Is it better to test-drive the car before buying it? What about sex toys, masturbation, and pornography? Do they have a place in marriage?
In this episode of "At Home with the Beveres," no topic is off-limits as we discuss cultivating a healthy, thriving sex life.
Join Addison, Juli, Alec, and Maddie Bevere as they tackle common myths and misconceptions, unpack biblical truths, and uncover the transformative power of God's design for sex within marriage.
#athomewiththebeveres #addisonbevere #julibevere #alecbevere #madeleinebevere #sextalk #godlyfamily #familypodcast #christianpodcast #godlymarriage #marriage #relationshipadvice #dating #datingadvice #redflags #marriagemyths #sexmyths #marriageadvice #sexadvice #marriagetips #sextips #sextoys #masturbation
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Chapters:
0:00 - Episode Teaser
0:29 - Introduction
4:06 - First Myth: It's Better to Test Drive the Car before Buying It
10:08 - Sex within Marriage
12:20 - Alec Bevere: Would I Go Back and Do It Different?
13:52 - Navigating Sex within Marriage after Having Sex outside of Marriage
16:23 - God's Design for the Marriage Bed
20:01 - Sex Has a Place in Conversation
21:53 - Second Myth: Anything Goes in Marriage: Masturbation, Pornography, Sex Toys
26:10 - Perfection: Being on the Right Journey
29:45 - Sex Is Not Just about Physical Satisfaction
31:54 - Truths vs Opinions
38:06 - Closing Prayer
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We love hearing from you! Drop a comment to tell us what spoke to you in this episode. If you have any questions you'd like us to tackle in future episodes, drop them in the comments as well, and we'll work hard to get to them!
SyncID: MB010FYMRDJ0HMO
It's true the saying 'the devil will try to get you in bed before marriage and keep you out of bed when you're married"
Yeah, it's a very painful experience to be rejected in marriage.
So true
My husband has PTSD from war and is refusing treatment right now. I didn’t realize how much that would effect our sex life. He never wants it and then the devil uses that to put evil in my mind about the why’s. It’s forced me to cry out to God more than ever before. Please pray for him if you think of it.
Jan’24 update: couple months later he decided to find help and is currently in treatment with the VA. God is behind the scenes working. What a great God we have who listens to our prayers.
@@janellecovington6905I’m not sure how things are right now but I’d like to pray for you.
Father in the Name of Jesus, I thank you for the life of your daughter and son. Father, I ask that you will please heal your son of any trauma oh God and please reign in this marriage and I pray that you’ll cause healing to take place in it, in Jesus’ Name Amen. God is with you my sister in Christ 🙏🏾
@@eatjinskookie7156 thank you sister❤️
Yes “ THEY SAVED EACH OTHER”
That is totally correct
He looked out for her
She looked out for him
This is soo beautiful. As a 21 year old girl, God has Really been debunking soo much I learned from the wrong places. This is Beautiful and inspiring to listen to. I will hopefully come listen to this with my future spouse when God brings him.
This episode made me cry...I was deeply convicted about saving myself for marriage, however when I met my now husband, we began fooling around immediately. I lacked the backbone and the confidence of my identity in Christ to say no. it is now 24 years later and we are separated due to porn use, masterbation, anger issues, emotional abuse and I believe the fall out of the lack of respect that we demonstrated right from the very beginning. Over the 24 years, sex actually created a false sense of security and belief that things were ok even though the deeper issues were never addressed and worked through. I am in now in counseling and biblical coaching to begin the healing in my own life. I do appreciate this episode and pray that it will resonate with so many in their marriage journeys. However, there are so many people in abusive coersive situations where sex is weaponized and the journey to be free is very lonely and hard.
❤❤sending you so many prayers and healing. Praying for God to comfort you 🙏🏽
May God continue to Strengthen you and use you as a instrument to heal others ❤
Most porn addicts bring their addiction into their marriage. It is not your fault!!
Praying for healing and reconciliation in your marriage. Much love and peace to you both.❤❤
Praying for your healing sister 🤍🙏
Thanks guys!!! Sex is a sacred act of two people becoming one, it is so necessary for the church to communicate about this ❤❤
My reason for waiting: I knew and agreed with God's plan and purpose for sex, and I agreed with His protective boundaries around sex. I also knew that going outside of those parameters carried natural (physical) and spiritual (heart) consequences that I wasn't willing to face. So my husband and I waited :) It was VERY challenging at times for sure in our dating and engagement season, because we loved (and still love) each other, but it was worth being obedient to God. However, I love that with God, there is always hope! So when the situation is much different for some (which I know that is often is), His mercy, grace and healing power restores to better than before!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
This is a great conversation. I wish I had this before I gave up my virginity. But I'm happy to be redeemed and walking about my journey differently!
i really appreaciate how honestly and genuinely she explains both her regret + how she is using her own life choices to teach her children around min 16! i think more teenagers would make better decisions if their parent's honestly spoke with them. not just handing down spiritual concepts or rules but speaking from a relatable place - whether their testimony is that they saved themselves or whether they gave themselves to another. kids should be equipped to discern what is good and right and they can learn from ppl they trust! parents cannot avoid this topic.
this is good!
I'm from Belarus and will try to make my thought understandable. I heard about one girl who came to college or university to study in. When she was living in a hostel, her classmate started making fun of her because she was a vergine. And she answered to that girl something like that" I can always became a person as you are (not a vergine) , but a person as me-you can never become. After what the discussion stoped
This podcast was so wonderful. I’m 61. I’ve been married 40 years. I was not raised as a Christian. I was raised in religion. Episcopal. My father told me as a young lady you don’t have sex before marriage or you will be considered a whore. Yet when I hit 15, he said if you are in love, it’s ok to have sex. You can guess the rest of the story. This podcast gave me so much confirmation of the Lord giving me directions in our sex life. Sex is a gift from God.
Addison Bevere! I must say carries the Father's Heart! Super Powerful!
I'd love to add a perspective as a military wife. I looked quickly through the comments and didn't see anything on this, so I thought I would briefly share! When my husband is away for MANY weeks or months out of the year, we have had to get creative to keep our sex life and connection ongoing during those times apart. So that we do NOT fall into the default of "taking care of it ourselves" and having no desire to reconnect when he returns. It is something we have navigated together and both feel safe, valued, and good about how we handle those times - keeping that desire and connection alive. Just an outlier perspective for the military families out there, as Julie mentioned situations they may not have even thought to consider when it comes to these conversations. As always - just an opinion of mine to get a little creative, in a way BOTH husband and wife feel good about. To keep that connection ongoing during long times of seperation. So that neither party feels the need or temptation to look to outside sources alone to meet that desire. Love this show/podcast and all of the wisdom you guys share with us! Be blessed. ❤
Wow! I have never heard of anyone talk about this. As a military wife, I totally agree with you. My husband and I are about to be one year married next month and he recently got deployed as well. Your comment was a great reminder to just get creative with our sex life and connection in this moment of separation. Communication with you parter is absolutely key!!!
Genuinely loved your comment, God bless♥️🙌🏽
Premarital sex between Christian couples who end up married
creates deep resentment between the couple in the marriage. I call this the AMNON EFFECT
He resents her - she should have had a higher standard. He no longer values her
She resents him- he should have set the boundary and protected her.
In each others eyes- they are LESS
LESS VALUABLE
Going forward- this specific issue has to be addressed for the marriage to thrive
2 Sam 13:10-15 Amnon had no reason to blame Tamar. He raped her after she said "do not force me . . . do not do this disgraceful thing!" v12 NKJV
While I think there is a grace, yes it does have an effect that is often minimised and must be worked through
I don't think you can compare an example of rape outside of marriage as the same as sex. It's not the same! And I don't think we would expect ppl today to marry someone that has harmed them.
This was kinda cool. I like how the first couple was real about how they struggled early on but kept trying until they really knew each other. It makes me realize some of the unrealistic expectations that I may have about sex with my spouse.
These conversations are great. Thank you for going there. Hearing your journeys and experiences is helping my husband and i start some of these topics with our kids earlier than we would have. I think it is so needed in today's world where they'll hear the lies so early on. We can be on the offence and lay the truth down first in the hope of avoiding the mistakes we made growing up. Anyway, thank you. Very much appreciate you guys 🙏💕
Y’all are amazing!! Thank you for sharing!! I always gain so much more wisdom and understanding after watching ❤
Amazing and vulnerable conversation here…y’all are discipling me for this parenting thing through your podcast and I really just want to say thank you for bringing so much light and perspective to me in this season even as I learn,unlearn & relearn certain things in my singleness while trusting God to prepare for what’s ahead.
This was amazing! I felt this in my soul: a lot of freedom has been granted to me through listening to this and I know it’s going to improve my marital sex life greatly! I didn’t feel judged in anyway despite making mistakes in that area of my life and so I thank you for the healing words and Biblical truth
Beautiful!!! Absolutely beautiful!!! Thank you for being willing to talk on this topic. So needed!!
This was an awesome conversation and I wish there hadn’t been a time limit cause there’s some aspects I wish went deeper. Like when there had been a struggle with those things mentioned outside of the marriage that carried in to the marriage and how to heal and navigate after those struggles and what things are “allowed”.
Thank you so much for your vulnerability and sharing your truth! I love this!
Loved this, my husband and I (married 11 years) are very very transparent and on the same page when it comes to our physical intimacy and we feel convicted about sharing with other couples how we talk about sex because of how much closer it’s made us. It’s uncomfortable to talk about sometimes but leaning into that discomfort knowing you’re safe within a covenant marriage is where the real blessings come. We also have two young boys and this episode made me feel more equipped in our talks with them about sex. I didn’t grow up in the church but have heard about “toxic purity culture” where the church emphasizes the negatives of sex, and I believe that what you shared about the beauty and intelligence behind the way God designed sex is way more convincing in terms of purity. Thank you so much, more of this please!
Thank you for always sharing wisdom with us!
This is not only good for us but provide us tools to help our future teens!
such a great topic to talk for all of the people who can't have a healthy information 👌 Thank you for your vulnerability and advices for the young generation and not only. I really appreciate all of you for who you are in Christ and what you bring through these podcasts 🙏 Bless u
Wow, such a precious, insightful and needed conversation, thanks to y'all. Please do more. It seems like the younger couple had such sound and practical premarriage counselling. I don't know if it would be possible to do an episode targeting unmarried people discussing expectations regarding sex in marriage etc. in more detail(like what was said to them during premarriage counselling.) Blessings.
Hey guys, love the vulnerability, honesty, authenticity of both sides of the fence. Our children are going into teenagers and I’m so happy I have some tools to share with them. Love you guys, praying for the greater measure of gods love To increase over all of you’s in Jesus name. Amen
Loved the authenticity, vulnerability and biblical truth you all shared. These conversations need to be normalised for young and old, God's design for his created children and marriage unashamedly proclaimed. Thank you for your courage and conviction for sharing your real journeys. It helps to make it relatable, believable and not just theoretical. Thank you Juli for continuing to bring the convo back to God's redemptive love. Especially around this topic which, as was shared, has had alot of heat, condemnation and often about "what's wrong" in the past, the concurrent msg of hope, repentance and His grace needs to shared and declared as available to all, no matter that their personal journey looks like currently or in the past. Your families are powerhouses bringing truth to our generation.
Thank you! This is a great topic to discuss. Thank you for being open to do so in such a God and spouse honouring way.
Thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability! I’ve been married for 30 years, and I wish I had someone to speak these truths into my life before I got married! I know this is going to help so many people!
So good! Hi from Malaysia! We Chrisitans should talk about sex in healthy way and openly! Our children need to be educated and have honest conversations with us about their sexuality.
Thank you for such beautiful conversation. ♥️
I thank God for these words of wisdom that keeps coming out of each episode. God bless you all for availing yourselves for His Kingdom.
Great talk. Please continue this conversation! This is life changing for me and I am so glad to have found this video. Helping me navigate life and finding more of what God says about sex in marriage.
I so appreciate their input on toys in the bedroom! This whole discussion was so helpful to me.
To be someone in a Godly relationship, this is a very insightful conversation 💙.
God bless 🙌🏾
I love listening to this conversation. Very good guys. Thank you so much.
Thank you all for this adult conversation, I did not have the language when my girls were younger but I do have grandchildren, that I can feel comfortable in moving forward in talking to them about this appreciate you all thank you 🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻
God's timing is soo good. I grew up in a household where this topic is taboo and I'm so happy how open y'all are to talking about this! I learned so much, thank you! Bless
LOVE IT! You are the parents/married couples I wish I had been....BUT I don't feel condemned or ashamed. Thank you. @ 60+ and widowed, I still want to live in fullness as a sexual being. Appreciate the Beveres!
Oh wow... i just love how transparent they are vulnerable yet they look so safe in the way the deliver this topics ♥️
Amazing work guys🎉
Thank You for this conversation
This was so profound and worth listening to over again!
Amen brother
MESS US UP BIG TIME
WE THANK GOD FOR HIS REDEEMING GRACE AND MERCY
AMEN
GLORY TO GOD
Great Episode.Amazing Insights and Revelations♥️
Very good counsel. ty
*Tears* I love this family so much. Juli, Maddie, I feel like we're best friends. God bless everyone and all the BTS crew.
Awesome ! Thanks Bevere Family !❤❤
Could you guys touch more on the redemption, repentance and pivoting turn point. For the couples that slipped up in saving themselves for each other.
That have fell to temptation. But dont live that way!
Greay video! Brought tears to mt eyes.
informative conversation...thank you
I never thought about holding hands and what you’re saying about that now that I’m further into adulthood - and also wasn’t a Christian from a young age - but I do recall with my very first boyfriend how holding hands affected us. Thankfully years later I am saved after losing my virginity and a lot of sin.
Once again phenomenonal teaching ❤
Thank you for these rich insights and wisdom. Could you please recommend books, articles, etc. for further reading?
Such a great conversation, thank you all.
Amazing podcast! I want to pass this down directly to my children. My view of sex was not a very healthy one, but I have finally found the way.
Fantastic discussion guys!
Thank you for sharing God's word regarding this subject. The devil uses these subjects to lure people away from God Himself and His true purpose. The devil uses sex, music and money to steer us away from it's purity, good and beauty, the enemy is manipulating the world. What beautiful young people you are addressing these topics. God bless you Bevere family. Much love ❤
Incredible show..and incredible topic
Thank you so much
Big love from Egypt
شكرا الحلقة اكثر من مثمرة
I love you all so much!! Also, Juli-I would love to hear more videos from you all on how you navigate talking with your kids about all this. Mine are 2 and 3 so I’m not there yet, haha but I would love to learn. I don’t think it’s ever too early to prepare 😅
Yes agreed!! More conversations about raising kids in this world we are in right now would be so inspiring and helpful.
Great episode. Would love to hear more about how you are going through the book Atomic Habits with your kids.
Thank you for this, so much truth in it :)
I really love how vulnerable y’all are and so necessary for this time and culture. I appreciate all of you! God bless you❤
So good. So much is going to come from these honest chats you guys are having about these ‘sensitive’ subjects. So much shame is being lifted - & so much change is coming. To Christian marriages especially. Thanks to all of you for your bravery ❤️🙏🏼👌🏼
- also, timing wise? It’s just what I personally needed to hear. You guys are in God’s perfect timing with this. In fact He brought it about in the first place 👌🏼
This is a great conversation to have with my teen. Thank you so much for sharing. So full of wisdom
Thank you for sharing this episode! Especially love how you talk to your kids about sex in a positive light- it is a beautiful thing in the context for which God designed it 🙏🏻
The idea of applying "trying a car before buying it" concept to a relationship is simply thinking of your partner as an object and not as human with body, soul and spirit.
So true about being led down a dark road through seemingly innocent curiosity.
Oh! The Beveres! Y'all are such a GIFT to the world for your genuine willingness to navigate these crucial topics in light of God's TRUTH and design!!! Oh my goodness! This refreshed 'n' BLESSED my soul for the clarity gained in certain aspects surrounding this subject! Woooow!!! Thank Y'ALL SO SO SOOOO MUCH! It would be a DREAM come TRUE to sit at a table and share a conversation with Y'ALLLL!!! I am SOOO appreciative!!! Sending YOU ALL SOOO much LOVE 'n' POSITIVE WAVES from Montreal!!! :') :') :D
Thank you, this was a useful conversation. Good to hear these topics not be avoided by Christ followers. 👍
This is so true!! I am not married, had three kids outside of marriage. After choosing to pick up the cross following Jesus, and have not had sex in over a year, the relationhip i have alone with God has been so amazing that i now understand why He chose for us to save ourselves until Marriage. I only pray that when it i time, i will have that chance, blessing to be a wife. All these years all i ever wanted was a family children mom and dad. I made my life so much harder fhan it should have been.
Beautiful topic
Ive gained so much of wisdom❤
Love this!! Thank you for being so open about it!!❤️
Thanks for the candid conversation. Grew up in the hyper purity culture (hello church culture of the early 2000s), and if I remember correctly, it leaned heavily on not crossing the line, and minorly talked about the why. The heart of the matter, beside of "don't make the wrong decision", but more so, the why of how God designed sex makes it understandable in how to protect the sexual/romantic part of my life.
This
Wow!
God bless you guys
Muito bom este episodio!! 🎉
Thank you for your vulnerability😊. I am learning.
Love this conversation, thanks for being so open and transparent!
Tatatatta. I was blushing the whole conversation. Nobody talks about these things! They just say premarital s e x is wrong and end of convo but there is more. Thank you so much. Lemme go put ice on my cheeks😂😂😂
In today's society we are saturated with porn and porn addictions. Technically the majority of people have experienced sex virtually before the actual experience and the majority of people enter marriage with porn addictions, which technically eliminates the sanctity of the marriage covenant. Many have never experienced fidelity in marriage. There is also much push back on purity culture because it supposedly has led to disappointment and did not reflect reality, which of course was fully saturated with porn and virtual sex.
Thank you,❤great video !!!
Amen 🙌🏻🙌🏻❤️🙌🏻 Thank you Jesus 🙌🏻🙌🏻
We need more video like this
LOVE THIS!!! AMEN!
Wow...brilliant
Wow…perfection:Being in the right journey🌻🌻….wow Thanks a lot for this
Thank you ❤️
Thank you..
This is great! Mom and dad didn’t want to join in on this one?🤣🤪
We read that sex is a 20 year warm up...that seemed like an eternity at the time. We've had some SERIOUS sex challenges but at 20 years now I look back and think "Wow, if we had given up, we would never know how good it could be!" Having open conversations with our kids to hopefully to prevent them from having our hang ups. We were both vigins at marriage. ❤
Can you share what those sex challenges were? Sometimes you feel like you are the only one dealing with sex problems in marriage and it is refreshing to see that this was something you’ve conquered through time and having problems is normal.
As a single person this helps me so much!
Nice one
I love the emphasis on the value of saving sex for marriage, while pointing to God’s grace for sin. Good job with that balance.
On the topic of frequency of sex in marriage, I’m curious if you are aware of research that shows that frequency of sex for women isn’t a cause but rather a symptom of marital health. Creating an obligation out of sex takes a steep toll on women’s sexual health. This research is found in the book “The Great Sex Rescue” by Sheila Gregoire and her co-authors. I would love for you to read her work and have a follow up episode to share your thoughts. Another great book on this subject, although not a Christian resource, is “Come as You Are” by Emily Ngoski.
Great conversation and one I always have felt should be brought up in Bible studies, but no one wants to talk about. However, it “is” a gift and needs to be brought to the surface .
However, I also feel taking care of yourself in order to continue sex is important to discuss. We must take care of our temple. You can’t say if you were not physically attracted right now, it would be the same. With that said, eventually it does change. Your physicality and how you look as you age changes.
Some of my friends admit their husbands suffers with ED. Then what? Or women with post menopausal issues which is never, ever talked about, but is so very prevalent and greater than one thinks. Those that have had a life hanging even such as becoming wheelchair bound or had a stroke or diagnosed with MS. It’s about intimacy. It doesn’t have to be sex.
I fully agree about the dependency on toys, but In certain cases, toys are totally fine in my humble opinion if actual intercourse is not possible. Sex isn’t just intercourse.
No offence please, but y’all are just too young to even know how to talk about these other topics to others nor should you.
Those topics need to be done by an older and much more mature adult with experience in disabilities and such.
However, I love seeing this topic exposed and I do enjoy the fact there is hope for the youth to abstain, and value, and cherish sex the way the Lord intended.
Wonderful 😊
Well done Bevere boys !
& beautiful wives 💜😌🙏🏼
Super long convo, but the basics are eternal.
Sex in marriage should give you the space to be intimate and vulnerable. Sex outside of marriage is spicy, but there is little room for vulnerability. And that lack of space creates anxiety.
The sole issue of sex is one degree apart from the relationship as a whole: compromise and cooperation.
Sex with your spouse is surrounded by compromise and cooperation. Frequency of sex, style of sex and the dance of initiation is all about learning your partner in an intentional and caring way.
First myth: Concerning the test drive before buying. Totally wrong analogy, right. Marriage and people are not objects. Also, you don't want to accidentally or purposefully think of other women or men when being and enjoying your partner because you have those experiences engraved into your soul, your memories and your emotions.
I wish this would be preached from the pulpit, having a hard time finding a man that will wait.
Great episode. Do you have content for teenagers? I have watched Moms with boys. maybe need to look for certain episodes speaking directly to teenagers, especially boys.
coming soon:)
Great conversation. Thank you. Would be great to hear Juli expand a bit more about the value she has found in saving herself for marriage even though she was not a Virgin by the time she got married. For instance, if two (born again believers) have been dating and we’re previously sexually active in their relationship, but have decided to stop having sex as they embark on their journey to marriage, pre-marital counselling, etc., …is there any point in saving each other for marriage if they have both already had sex?