How To Stop A Child From Lying
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- Опубліковано 27 сер 2024
- Do you always deal with your child lying? Kids lie because it's an effective strategy and to understand this will help us to empathize with them more and to help us grow a connection with them whenever they tell a lie. Here's how to stop your child from lying.
Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins
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I came from a disruptive household and I realised that many of parenting styles were adopted from what I thought parenting was.
Your channel has transformed my mindset and I was able to create great structure, communication and loving my child NO MATTER WHAT!
Gratitude
Starzs Aligned, thank you, honored to be on your team.
Good for you !
Thank you so much for this. I’m dealing with this right now with my 8 year old son lying & stealing from his sister & classmates. I have a short fuse & always do my best to remain calm but with a trauma history myself my disorders make it hard. But it isn’t an excuse & I’m going to keep working on this until we attain peace & trust in this house & within ourselves.
Thank you for always posting content I can resonate with that gives me hope !!!
Honored to be on your team.
I handled my kids lying this way until after the 3rd or 4th lie. Now lying is a separate offense punishable by grounding. So they get to deal with 2 punishments.
When I question them them I tell them to think carefully how they respond because they don't know what I already know. So they don't really have a choice but to tell the truth.
They have figured out that taking responsibility for their actions and dealing with the consequences head on is better than the alternative. Plus they feel good about themselves when they tell the truth.
Jeff Keil, I love it, remain calm and parent on. The kids know that lying will dig them in deeper.
Integrity is everything. You tested their integrity
Wow you sound like you are doing great 👍
"Accusation disguised as a question".. Yep,.. I felt that it was pointless to hear growing up.
Wendi Watson, people don't always realize that it is an accusation. Thank you for tuning in.
70 years old here. Needed this when I was 5. I do not lie so much but these are great communication skills.
Thank you so much.
You are very welcome.
I totally enjoy the silly kind of sarcastic way you explain things sometimes. The way you speak helps me remember these things. I am so grateful for your videos! Thanks!
Wow, thank you! In The Moment, glad you are here.
I just wanted to take some time to say thank you! Thank you for all the teachings you have done for parents. The more I watch of your channel I can slowly feel myself being matured and molded. I was having a hard time staying calm with their disobedience or other misbehaviors and what has been helping the most is your instruction about giving children two choices and the one is a choice that I control. I was being a control freak but now that concept has helped me stay focused on what I am in control of as the parent and it's really working. Thank you for what you put out! I am sharing a lot of it with my friends now too!
Sarah Henderson, thank you for sharing. We are honored to be on your team.
I just love your expressions so much, I keep watching your videos over and over again to keep reminding me of these principles...
Thank you, shreya bhat. I have had many years experience with the principles, over and over again.
I do that too!
I just love your videos! I need to have your videos on loop! Yes, my 7 year old told a lie yesterday and an older neighbor told her that she was sinning. I was not happy about that statement. Kids lie and it can be perfectly normal. Does not mean they are going to grow up to be pathological liars. Thank you for your videos.
Kandy Gibson, it is a part of normal development. Glad you are on top of it.
I find your methods psychological and at the same time spiritual. I have learned effective compassionate techniques to make life better.
Thank you so much and keep up the good work ❤
Thank you, Aparna Annie Gomes.
Great advice. Loved how you’re guiding to better communication with words instead of emotion. Wounded folks have a hard time being empathetic I find. Thank you for the reminder and the ease of functionality . You make a seemingly difficult task doable
Hi Ramona Queeney. I love breaking down the process and then people see that they can do this. You got it!
I never lied as a child, but it's hard to interpret exactly why children lie. They need to be stopped, however I'm not a parent myself.
Andrea Patane, usually to avoid a consequence. Same as adults.
OMG, you are truly a genius at handling the situations, but what if the child still continues to lie even after our subtle conversation?
sandeep kumar, then use consequences and don't save them when it starts to affect them from outside the family.
Yo I'm in love with this videos! I'm 5 months pregnant getting ready to practice these principles
Monica - you're going to be a great mom - keep watching! Also, get on the pre-order list for the Parenting Power-up Audio Course that's coming out soon. We have some specific tips and tricks for parents that you might find very helpful. Connect here: parentingpowerup.com - DrPaul
@@LiveOnPurposeTV, would you consider doing private sessions weather it be about parenting, work or etcetera?
Hy. Love your videos.
My 4 year old daughter is lying.... Thanks for the video. You opened my eyes with your videos
Ana - so glad to be on your team - I love that you can visit with me from across the globe. Best wishes to you and your family! DrPaul
It makes sense to me to love our children no matter what!
To me it implies that when we judge we are unloving.
He is stressing not to judge your child! Don’t attach to their behavior. Try to show understanding and empathy to your child.
Yes, detach from the outcomes and see the person.
This is the exact issue I’m experiencing with my daughter….I’ve watched this video before but when things happen in real life advice/strategies go out of the window so I’m grateful to come across this again…..it’s so so helpful thank you ❤️
What I felt I did do right was to acknowledge my angry reaction did not help my daughters anxiety about telling the truth and I’m promised I would also try to be less reactive and if she came across a piece of information that was giving her anxiety and she wasn’t sure how I’d react, to perhaps give me a heads up with an eg ‘mum, I feel like you won’t agree or want to hear this but I wanted to tell you anyway…….’ This way I’d have some time to wind down my knee jerk reaction. She seemed pretty happy with this strategy. Let’s see how it pans out (15/10/2021)
Jenny Li, I love how you are working with her and trying things to increase your communication. Keep at it.
OM I can totally relate to you I have the same situation with my daughter
I used to get beatings my kid don't know how lucky he is in looking at stuff like this 🤣
Kita Maria xo, so glad you have decided to do things differently with your child.
Thank you for the great tip. My kid is now 12 and he is showing lot of change in his behaviour. What he often do nowadays is that he hides lot of information from us. I hope I can bring him to talking and expressing himself by these tips.
ashish jain, just know this is typical behavior for a 12 year old. Be patient.
Dr. Paul,
I must say that, since I started listening to you, I have learnt a lot from your videos. They are really helpful to me. A friend from Australia sent it to me.
I very much thankful for your good work.
Esi Avorkpo, honored to be on your team.
You mentioned a song about lying so I looked it up. My 4 year old niece just VERY recently started to lie to me so I think I’m going to have to play this song for her and her mommy and daddy. Also thanks so much for the tips. Now I see why she has not been listening to my teachings of not lying.
Anna Annabella, I am grateful you took the time to look up the lyrics. You got this.
I love this My niece is lying and I know she is because her story has changed from every person she said it to now she has pulled my sister into believing it.
Anointed Minister of Mime, I don't know how old she is, might be a teaching opportunity.
She is 15
Sometimes I also feel like when they ask questions about it, their tone makes it sound like: "When you tell me then, I'll punish you", but they're trying to get you to say it. I also sometimes feel like I'm going to leave some sort of reputation. This video was very helpful even though I'm not a mom.
I'm glad you found the video helpful, Jayda Miller, thank you for watching. If you have some time to view more UA-cam videos, I encourage you to watch any of the videos on these 3 playlists, as they will help you be a more honest, mature, and responsible person:
"Just for kids and teens" - ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV.html
"N.O.V.A. Principles Foundation" - ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPDJY1YFhfsZACRem2Giildw.html
"Dr Paul Facebook Live Videos" (from the NOVAPrinciplesFoundation channel) - ua-cam.com/play/PL4YKHg7p9NcNAkyRCzlC5N-0LyEoyvMv2.html
You might want to start with:
"How To Think Before You Act" - ua-cam.com/video/ri5HGiJLOUU/v-deo.html
"How Do We Make Moral Decisions?" - ua-cam.com/video/PdkFh787Nug/v-deo.html
Very clever way to make them understand how bad lying is. Thanks for sharing
Thank you Muyassar - honored to have you here on the channel! DrPaul
Thank your for reinforcing “love them no matter what “
Calm face calm voice calm body if we can do this in all situations that would be a game changer
I love all the videos...I’m working my way through a whole bunch and now my husband wants to watch too! Wish I found you long ago!!
Diana S, glad you have your husband have found Live On Purpose TV, let us know if there are any topics you want covered.
I think you can ask "why ?" if you are sincere and calm.
To put it in your words, if you're calm you can talk about anything.(I think this is usually true, but not always😉)
Also, I would like to add, if parents don't want their kids to lie, then they should set a good example and not lie.
The reason I have told my kids not to lie is that we want to be trustworthy. I want to believe/trust them and I want them to believe/trust me.
Great topic, thanks !
Kerri Martin, it is the only way we can build true relationships with others. Thanks.
I came across your videos yesterday, and I can't stop watching them !
I would love it if you talkes about how to convince parents to respect their kids privacy, and if that has anything to do with kids stealing money. thank you for great content !
Thank you Hafsa - I'm going to put your suggestion into our production plan. Also, you might be interested in the Parenting Power-up course. Get a free sneak peek here: parentingpowerup.com - thanks for watching! DrPaul
Auntie here, this helped me out a lot! Caught the little one trying to sneak out fireworks from storage at age 5, but I was able to stay calm, asses the problem and deal with the lie of " daddy asked me to help him get them." Oh boy
o0Avlon0o, 5? Yikes, that is a bit scary. Glad you were able to remain calm.
Great vids doc👍!!! My request is to make a video on dealing with a narcissist spouse.
Ran Jam, I have had this request. Will have to think about it, thanks.
Also more guidance on how to deal with the narcissistic spouse who has elevated the child status above mine. it’s been crippling trying to get the child to acknowledge that I am the other parent. Spouse runs interference when I call it out. My son is copying his father’s derogatory demeanor. and His dad does nothing but encourage it.Needless to say it’s caused parental alienation to such a degree that I can barely recognize my happy go lucky sun. In his place is a monotone boy with a flat expression who seems like drained of love and memories. Watched a Dracula movie and the character was the perfect representation of my husband really...how well it is for some people to brainwash, suck the life out of you , all in the process of seeming harmless and charming , classy, well intentioned, and out of the public eye . The parental alienation was the last straw for me to decide on divorce. I am worried however that my husband will keep controlling and sucking the life out of my son and we’ll struggle with incomplete attachments.
I love all your videos, you are amazing and ever so inspiring. I just love your positive and caring approach about everything. Your family is ever so lucky to have you around to ground them with love, respect, confidence and maturity. Thank you for helping so many of us with all your videos which are life changing
I can't thank you enough for your very kind words, Giuseepe Fdm. It's truly an honor to be on your team.
Dr. Paul, please what can I do to stop my son from lying. I tried to encourage him to just speak the bitter truth but his first instinct is always to lie.
Esi, reward him when he tells the truth.
Answer:
Be consistent, call the behaviour for what it is “ you are telling lying “ and give consequences “ he will eventually learn. You can also say “ thank you for being honest.” There must be an internal reward they should feel good when you say thank you for… 😊
you are just amazing and i'm happy to find your channel
Thank you so much!
This works so well
Thank you! Please share with others.
Great video! It helps a lot, specially with the examples you mentioned... Yes, I'm the guy for the examples ;) one example worth a thousand words. It just works! Thank you very much!
Thank you Rui - glad you're here! DrPaul
Another excellent and practical video. Thank you!
alyson Maxwell, thanks for watching.
I love your videos! Thank you for your great advices. I do need them in so many levels. I have a wonderful, but sometimes difficult 3.5 years old, and an almost adult very negative stepson.
I would love to hear actually more some advice about how to deal with step children in difficult situations.
Looking forward to see them.
My stepson constantly redirecting with his upsetting behavior our conversation. I try to stay calm or bring him back to the original issue.....because I already know his plans.....but he is just so good about it. I just loos it after a while, and many times we couldn’t really talk about the real issues. Things turn into arguments.
Although it happened when he really needed help or he was in a kind of a difficult situation he seat down with us to have a calm, and looked like real conversation.
For so long I thought, maybe now his transition will happen and learned from his mistake, he is going to change....BUT I can’t anymore. He cried wolf too many times for me. I do believe, in those situations he just said many times what we as I and my husband want it to hear. I say that, because soon as he felt his situation was stable again, he transferred back to be his old himself. My husband is doing what you say: “Love your kids wherever, even if....”but I got hurt so many times. I can’t do it anymore.
From that reason we do have disagreements with my husband as well , how we should deal with him in some situations.
How to deal with a basically talented, smart 21 years old who just moved back to our house again. He is very lazy, not motivated, constantly lying, doesn’t really look like wanted to get a job, but wants to play on X-box, and even he does not have much saved money and doesn’t even know when he’s going to have a job, constantly spending on energy drinks and sodas.
Please direct me on some of your lectures if you already have some about these issues. I keep watching them, but couldn’t find what I am looking for. Thank you!
Zsuzsanna, I think you might get some good ideas from this one. You can also browse around in the Positive Parenting playlist here on the channel. Stay tuned as well for a more intensive course that Vicki (my lovely wife) and I are just completing called the "Parenting Power-up" audio course. That should be ready by next month. Honored to be on your team! DrPaul
ua-cam.com/video/pCK1FYW3z4o/v-deo.html
My 8 years daughter lies so good to me about almost everything. I just don't trust her anymore. Problem is that I have hard time managing my anger with her. If talk to her calmly she does it again and again if I get angry she follows the rule. But I am so tired. Knowing that I just got out from a divorce. How to fix this Dr PAUL?
It will take time, Maji b. She has to have consequences when she lies, that is the only thing that will work. The more natural the consequence, the better.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I totally agree with you. I've also learned from you to give something we control as an option to a kid. i.e: eather you do this or (something we control) BUT what do you mean by natural consequences??
I asked my sister to say wallahi,idk but it worked,my family very religious
Thank you for watching the video.
Hello Doctor.. just yesterday my son lied to me.... Though I explained him on your lines.. but I was not sure whether he got it... With this video I'm clear... I can make it now... Thank you Doctor. All Your videos are of great help to me
You are welcome, ranjitha singh. It usually takes more than one time for children to learn the lesson. Glad you are there for him.
Thank you. You just ensured my son makes adulthood.
You’re welcome 😊
Noone stops loving their child-it is a little sickening for you to say, and kind of makes it harder. And yes, I'm tipped over by it, whether calm or not.
Tara Harrison, I have seen times when it has happened, unfortunately.
Unfortunately your view on this is incorrect. Also, he’s probably reminding the viewer more so than trying to convince them that they love their child. It’s about putting a positive thought first so that a positive action follows.
But don't we sometimes forget to show them we love them?
Misunderstood the context.
This is definitely in the top 1o parenting videos. Thank you.. 😃
Tips I haven't heard before.
My favorite is "what do you think you could do next time?
Wendi Watson, thank you for the kind words. I'm glad the videos are helping.
A parent should already know why the child lied. At least a parent who's aware of circumstance and surroundings. A parent should show the child that lying comes with consequence and in my opinion that's where parents fail the child. My girlfriend has a child that lies with all calmness and pays no price for it... I tried telling her that its going to be a bigger problem for him once he's a teenager. She thinks he'll grow out of it. I highly disagree. i have yet to see a consequence in 3 years and when i correct him, she doesn't like it at all.
Pedro Cobos, sometimes people have to experience it for themselves before they believe.
Children often lie or tell you something that is untrue, because they wish it had happened that way. For instance if they tell you they did something far better, jumped far higher than they did. They wish they had done it...
I just ask them then if it really happened or if they wished it had happened they normally admit it was untrue.
LaBella1987, this behavior is typical of a younger child and your approach is great for getting them to realize the difference.
Good evening. Can you give advice for child 6 years old to eat . I change his diet to dairy and gluten free and i have very difficult time encouraging him to eat . Thank you for all your previous videos it's helpful 💕
It is difficult for a child to understand why things have changed so keep trying new foods that meet the criteria and ask for your child's input when putting together the shopping list or cooking. The more they are involved, the more likely they are to eat. Thank you for watching, reem sharp.
Stay calm,don't ask why question just identify the issue, make sure that both you and your kid stay calm,ask them what they will do in the next time,solve the problem with them,tell them about the reason why they shouldn't lie.
Yes, make it a learning experience.
This is by far the best video I’ve watched on this subject. Excellent tips!! Thanks for sharing 😊
Thank you Anita - so pleased that it is helpful. DrPaul
I am very bad at this empathy pary. I was not raised with it. And I have been trying,but it seemed to not be in my tool belt when I need it.
Jeani R., practice, practice, practice, you can become better at it, not a natural, but better.
Thank you For sharing again your helpful thoughts about that topic. They are incredible! I am even going to ride them down, because probably in some heated situations I will going to forget these phrases.
They are gold!
I would love to know more about some deeper thoughts. ...What we can do with those spoiled kindergarten age child whose lyings are specifically made up for make others to take a blame for their behavior/ actions or put others in difficult situations?
How can a (not family related, but related grownup )can clear the other child’s innocence and give them a good feeling if the lier/accuser is not yours and the accused child it is, or in other situation, if both the accuser and accused is not yours?
I know in every a situation the honesty is crucial but what about in some of those situations when the trust /respect is not there or hard to get ? Worse, the child is not want to seat to talk, keep making excuses and running away. Also the child knows from past experiences, if you can’t make any clarity on your own at the same day, to bring up the past is impossible because seems to be no right moment or the guardian of a child is brushing off the situation?
How we can clear the situation?
Is it anyway to prevent/solve those difficult times, when the lier child’s trust is almost or absolutely impossible to get? What about if they resisting and feel and show with their actions as they say:” I do what I want, whatever I want!”
Is it anyway their lying or behavior can be helped or change when they feel, others, including grownups are title to obey for them?
I know it’s a complex question, but hoping, you can give me some tools to work with.
The question is very complex, Zsuzsanna Matalucci and it sounds like there are some specific personalities involved. It is hard to say without observing and knowing more information. I wonder if there is a counselor that could be brought into the situation who is a little closer to the dynamics. Generally, the best I can say is to give consequences for the lying and allow the others to see there are consequences. Hope this helps, a little.
I keep on lying to my mom because I’m scared of getting in trouble I wish my mom can see this video
Leah AsheFan1, The lies will eventually catch up with you. Ask your mom to watch with you and then ask her what she thinks of the video.
But she won’t talk to me
@@leahashefan1170 Can you send her an email or text message? If nothing else, you can leave a note for her on the kitchen table. Best wishes.
I have a pathological liar in my home.
She has tangential issues with her behaviour that frequently cause situations where lies become a "viable" tool for short term gain and/or that works for gullible/uncomitted people. Those kinds of people do exist in her life, so I understand the why's. Nevertheless, it is my responsibility to deal with as her parent. I don't want her to become more alienated by her peers and support than she already has managed. You'd think that dealing with the issues that foment the lies would be the answer, but it turns out that every issue would resolve themselves if they were owned up to, without exception. So we're stuck at dealing with the dishonesty.
I have been through every stage in this video multiple times. The problem I find myself with is that no matter how many times I've talked to her about the compounding effects of lies, be that a web or lack of trust, it still persists. Even when I calmly bring up what has happened, how I know it was her and that nothing will come of it so long as she owns up to it without any lies or fakery.
Most often I end up giving consequences for the lies more than the things she lies about, because there is no end to how small a thing it can be. Trust me, she knows full well that if I'm on her case, I already know everything.
When the lies come despite forewarning that I know the truth and I prescribe a severe conseqence for attempting to lie as well as offering my help to fix whatever thing that has gone wrong, there's unfortunately not much I can do except be consistent and honest with what I do and say. Had it not been for the overt misery she expresses at being held accountable for her lies, I'd say she enjoys it.
Carl, this is a very well-thought out post. It sounds like this person might need some therapy and who knows if they will go for that? Consequences are the only thing that may work and natural ones are the best. I wish you luck.
This is so powerful! Thank you! And it was so fun to hear you mention Janine Brady! Her daughter Kirsten and I went to high school together at Olympus.
So you probably grew up on the songs also. She is so talented, Linda Hardy.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Yes and so did my children. She truly is amazing! Such a gift!
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Hi there Dr. Paul. Ok so we finally have our launch date for my son's UA-cam channel. March 27th. Thank you for taking the time to check it out!!! You can find the link on his Instagram page ky_smiles_official. I don't know if it will work yet or if you will have to wait until the 27th when his first two videos will be uploaded. But I just wanted to thank you again for taking the time to check it out! I would love any thoughts and/or advice you can give.
Sincerely, ~Linda
You and he must be so excited.Thanks for letting me know.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV He is very excited! I'm a revous nerck! LOL! Thank you again for all you do to help me and so many others!
I tried this, but my daughter lied over and over and over and over and over and over, it seems like it’s normal for her, I feel like we need see a professional help…
Maria M, that may not be a bad idea.
I love all of your advice. Thank you!
You are so welcome!
Stay calm is difficult with my 12 years old daughter, never getting tired of provoking.
Anca Santos, it can feel that way. Practice some self-care, it can really help.
What do you do when the lying is constant. It's not one lie day it's several all day long. Did you eat? "Yes". What did you eat? "I didn't eat." You just said you ate. "No I didn't". All day long. How do approach this kind of a behavior? This is my boyfriends daughter. He gets her every other weekend. At first I thought it was to get attention so she told big stories. You know to make life more interesting over the last two weeks apart. But now I can see it's consistent and never ending. He is at his wits end. How cane we approach this and handle it? She is nine almost 10.
Ashlie Simmons, don't ask her questions that you don't already know the answer to. It is for your boyfriend to discipline if he feels he needs to.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV so we shouldn't ask her if she already ate? Nothing about my comment said anything about discipline. An understanding of why lie when there is nothing to lie about question.
I have a 3 year old who was super honest and just recently started getting into things when I'm not looking, things she's not supposed to have or are even dangerous. She doesn't deny/lie about what she does most of the time but has started trying to hide it which to me is basically the same thing as lying. How do I help her make good choices when Im not around.
Kendra Tydings, please remember that you can't "make" your daughter do anything. You can only teach, encourage, and reward her for good behavior. She might be afraid of the consequences of getting into something she shouldn't, so maybe you can have a discussion (or multiple discussions!) about the importance of being honest. Let her know that usually hiding something or lying about it is often more wrong than the original act. You want her to be safe, and you also want to be able to trust her. Here is another video that may have more ideas: "What To Do When Your CHILD LIES" - ua-cam.com/video/xHUDpx8aImk/v-deo.html Thank you for watching Live On Purpose TV.
Another great video!
Thank you, Smee.
Great video! 👌
Thanks, Alvina Rayne Keto Lifestyle & Vlogs.
I do think sometimes I really want to know why. Why did you feel the need to lie to me and hide that information? You do not trust me? Are my reactions disproportionate to the situation? Are you scared of me? Because sometimes as parents we need a bit of a reality check and I. Always up for improving to make things go better for everyone. I want my kids to be able to come and talk to me even if they did something they think is bad. I need to know why you lied in order to fix it.
Inga Taylor, I hope you can get the answer you need.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV i appreciate that. I was talking in general. I would prefer open lines of communication where they feel safe coming to me even if i dont agree with their decisions. We will work it out. That unconditional love stuff, cause its our job, right? Lol If its something mew and they are not sure my reaction, we make it understood there.
Thank you.
You're welcome!
I told my kids if they lie to cover up something they have done 2 things wrong. Lying and what ever they are trying to coverup. I told they if they lied they would be punished for both severely. But, if they told the truth and we talked about it then punishment if any would be minimal. For me, it worked. Lying is misbehavior for which they would be severely punished.
Randi Brown, sounds like a good system.
Hi I'm a kid and I have a problem with lying. :( The reason is bc I feel like the questions are manipulating me and I often get scared of the consequence and don't want to admit it bc I don't want to everyone to view me as "oh she did this, she's bad!" you know?
Well thank you for being honest here, Jayda Miller. It is true that you will most likely have consequences for your choices, and perhaps some of the questions are manipulative. I still believe it's best to tell the truth; habitual lying will lead to more expensive problems in the future. Many times lies are worse than the original poor choice. There may be some people who think you're "bad" because of things you have done, but what about others who look at you and think "Wow, that must have been really hard to admit. She's brave!" Remember nobody is perfect; everyone makes mistakes. While you can't control what people think of you, and you can't control the consequences of your choices, you do control 2 things: the choices you make and whether or not your are honest. Are you willing to try an experiment? Over the next couple of days, try really hard to make better choices. If you slip up and make a mistake, own it - go to your parents before they come to you and admit it; then tell them how you can do things better next time. This shows responsibility, maturity, and honesty. Verbalizing what better choice you can make next time will help you see that there is a different way to handle the situation that will have a more positive outcome.
What if you have two kids fighting and aren’t sure who exactly is lying ?
Yeya Music, put them both in time out and don't try to get to the bottom until everyone is calm. You may not be able to figure it out.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you
You are great sir 🙂
Team H&H, thank you, honored to be on your team.
Should we reward for bad behavior? Example. They lied, we figured all that out.. had the convo.. what happens after?
FB ShadowNinjuhh, There are consequences for poor behavior. Figure out what the consequence is and implement.
Hi! I work at school as teacher’s assistant and I noticed that one of the kids in my class always comes to me and tell a lot of made up stories, such as he has many siblings, father and their relationships and how they all hang out together, although he has just his mother. He’s 7 years old. Can you advise me how should I react and if I should tell him that I know that it is made up the next time when he will tell me stories? Thanks!
Brigita, the child could be wishing for something different or is a bit behind on learning the difference between make believe and reality. I have never talk to them and don't know what is going on. Ask the teacher how it should be handled. The child may just want to be heard by someone and all you have to say is, thanks for telling me and redirect to the work.
I love your advice!!!
Thank you!
You're welcome! 😊
I get very triggered when my child is hurting me physically (probably not intentionally but still). It is really hard to maintain calm Voice/face when he os hurting or just hurt me physically like jumping on me or throwing smth on me. Suggestions? 😅😅
It is very difficult. You might have to disengage for a bit to calm yourself and then try again.
It is very hard to not get triggered. We have to not take their behaviour personally and separate the behaviour from the child.
My partner stepson slapped my on the face and showed no remorse plus denied what he did.
Do what you need to to be safe.
How about making a video on how we get them to tell the truth and not hide things from us.
Miguel carmona, thank you for the suggestion.
If I have been a terrible example as a parent because I yelled and threw tantrums and have curbed my behavior and am doing better and want to be a better model. If she is seven, is it too late to fix this all?
Not too late, Tired of it! Maybe you can benefit from watching my video, "How To Apologize To Your Child For Yelling" - ua-cam.com/video/qdI64bs8Ia0/v-deo.html. Then I recommend browsing through the Positive Parenting playlist to see if there are some specific topics that would be useful to you: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCYtqYUCuzsyYpAlzKZDVVV.html. I am honored to be on your team!
Can you post a link to the music you mentioned? I can't find it.
Thanks for watching, Stephanie Blew. Here's the link to Janeen Brady's song, "When You Tell One Lie" - ua-cam.com/video/1whBS7nuXqk/v-deo.html
Thank you very much,
I am trying to help my step-daughter overcome habitual lying. However at the other home it is an efficient way for her to survive. She is dealing with unpredictable discipline at the other home. Lying is becoming a problem with school and socially as she is now entering her pre teen years. How would you advise to help her with this?
Toni Eustace, I hope the video has some suggestions for you. As far as the separate houses, let her know that this won't be happening forever and the one person she is going to live with forever is herself. Not lying will make her the best person she can be.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you very much!
What about curious lying, not to get out of trouble, just to see what happens. Sometimes its tiresome and I really dont know about the thruth until following through.
The reason behind the lying can vary, we still don't want the child to lie, Vida Dimovska. I would still hold them accountable.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thanks 👍
What if they are pathological liars?
Bonna S, get them into therapy.
My 5 year old just started kindergarten and just started lying. He got his first "think sheet" from the teacher, aka your child did something wrong or that needs attention. Today he got his second stating a teacher confronted him on something he said and he lied to the teacher. Then when we got home he tried to hide the sheet from me but I got to it first with out him knowing. He then came up to me and told me he didn't get any sheets telling me to look in his folder. So I will follow your advice. Do you think it would be profitable to write out a list of punishments and let him choose his punishment for lying?
ChrisAndTay TV, I might ask him what he thinks his consequences should be, but I wouldn't let him pick, that is yours to decide. Make sure you role play with him about the type of situations he will have at school so he can practice making the right decision and think things through.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV we did exactly that and it went really well! I really appreciate your time and commitment! Getting into this stage of development, I not understand what every parent I have ever talked to said "I wish kids came with an instruction manual!" They are all so unique. Having them be on their own at school, making their own choices, being influenced by the "good kids" and the "trouble makers", I'm so thankful for people like you who keep people like me from losing it. Haha
Can this be for a 4 year old? I’m not sure. Do you have tips for lying 4 year old?
Es W, talk to them about what is real and what isn't. At 4 they might not have a great grasp on reality.
At 4 they know it’s wrong but the may not have the full concept of lying. So I would call it out “ you are telling a lie “ and do it from day 1.
Be consistent because I have a now 10 year old who has been lying a lot and I was questioning how did we to this point and when I reflect I realize that when he was younger I don’t think he understood so I never acknowledge it. Now his the lying has evolved and it will continue to evolve if I don’t stop it now. Good luck 😉
Is this for a specific age? Would this work for a 3-4year olds? Or for older kids?
There has to be a level of understanding. 3-4 year olds are still not able to always understand what is real and what isn't.
my 7 year old lies all the time. I dont believe anything he says. I'm a single dad and it's tough go make it stop cause his mom doesn't help with it
This is a tough one. For now you will have to give him consequences for lying. Verify what you can.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you. I will try that
No.. I don’t agree with your strategy
Akire, and that's o.k.
nice! tips
: )
Never lie to your parents. They're testing you to see if you have the integrity to be honest with them.
If your parents ask you a question, be honest.
So always have the integrity to be honest.
If you lie to your military parents, you are going to be destroyed for it.
Some parents love mass punishments. For example: let's say... A teenager did something he's not supposed to and his parents caught him doing that. They ask him a question and he didn't have the integrity to be honest with them. Just because he did something he's not supposed to and he gets caught doing that. Not only that he's gonna get in trouble, but his siblings are gonna pay for the mistake that he did. If you get caught lying, you and your siblings are paying the price for it. It's not just them.
It is very good for people to be honest and have integrity, dominique Jackson. However, I hope most parents don't respond this way. Consequences should be in appropriate proportion to the action, and only the person who was dishonest should be punished, not their siblings. Thank you for watching.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV when they're done the punishment, I'll say this "Let this be a lesson to you that you'll always be truthful in the household especially integrity" have Integrity so don't lie to your parents because you are guaranteeing yourself PT corrective training
I thought the title should be "how to prevent a child from lying"..
Wendi Watson, thank you for commenting
Problem is...she ain't my kid .-. I hate to say this but the little girl is my friends daughter and she ALWAYS lies.Worst part is my friend just lets her get away with it.She is 4 and told her mom that her dad broke the Tv when 1.the tv didn't have a scratch and 2.The dad wasn't even home.Help me please I want the best for her because she is my god daughter but she is a monster with her lies 😢
RandonHuman PassingBy, help her see the difference between the truth and a lie. It can be fuzzy at this age. Give consequences so she sees that it doesn't pay to lie.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank You for the advice I will be sure to use it next time she is over! 😁
If the child lies to get attention, how we can sort it out ?
Thanks for watching, fatimaezzahra daouhany. In addition to applying the principles in this video, try to give the child positive attention whenever possible. Some children need more than others, so do the best you can and keep is positive. Verbally recognize her/him whenever they do something good. At the same time, encourage them to be honest, explain why it's important, and don't give much attention when they do lie.
But lies to lead to kids hiding things and in the future can lead them to having drugs in the future and hiding and lying to the parents!!
Zaynab Ali, I see what you are saying. We want to teach kids that the truth is always best and part of that is learned as they see us react to different situations.
We have a saying “ Behaviours unresolved inevitably evolves “ ~ Donna Palmer
Behaviours will evolve if we don’t take action.
What is Jeanine 's full name?
Her name is Janeen Brady, and the song is "When You Tell One Lie". : )
I'm on here for my 4years old... got 4 smaller so I need to tackle it asap especially because of this ..
Andreea Boloca, you got this!
Thanks...that was nice if you to say..bless
Being introverted nobody's lying
DRADE, thanks for watching.
My 9 year old lie to me about marks in school.....how to handle him??
Sana Mansoor, give consequences for lying and praise for the truth. Thank you for watching.
Why not make sure that you speak to the school so that your child knows lying is futile...??
Make him do PT corrective training and make him learn the word: integrity
Tell me how to love them
Marwa Gad, smile, be interested in what they say or what they show you, be available in the moment.
Marwa Gad believe in Christ and repent and he will begin to soften your heart so that you can love others well. He can help you, seek Him.
What?
Thanks for watching.
I Thought u were going to explain how to stop child from lying before it even happens.
But lying makes me psycho!!!!
Psycho? Not sure where you are going here.
Sometimes I tell the kids to do something like go to the toilet or brush your teeth and they'll say I've done it, when I'm sure they haven't I tell them "well do it again anyway", that way the lying strategy doesn't work and they lie much less often and you avoid an argument about them lyeing. But it doesn't address the moral issue of lyeing.
As their brains develop and they have more experience, they will usually align their moral values with those around them.
Does this work with teens?
Yes, pull out the principle and then the application might be a little different.
I love you men 💕
Ervand Alaverdyan, thank you.
I messed up and go so mad. Dang, it. I didn't ask why at least.
You get a do over, Jessica Salmonson. You can do this.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV It's a new day! I can do better!
Hello Dr. Paul. My 7 year old girl always makes things up. I ask her about her day, and I never know what really happened. The teacher asks about her weekend, and she makes up stories that never happened. What do you suggest?
יעל גרוזמן , look back over your day at times that you were together and recap the day. Use two scenarios, the made up one and the what really happened. Ask your daughter to tell you which one really happened. As you go through this several times, she might pick up on what you mean so that you can begin asking her, is that the fantasy story or the real story. Don't get upset, just talk to her and she will come around.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you for your advice. :)
All points correct. But doesn't work to/with a child with parental alienation that changes personalities, effects/affects and behaviours that are or say one thing to one parent, but on occasions th target parent, when child has been coached/plan on occasions to what alienating parent says or what they think the alienated parent wants to do or say, even if effects/affects the targeted parent, but they are emotionallly bound/manipulated to the alienating parent. I might be an amazing person. But listern or don't hear (or visa versa) when they say or acknowlege what you say, to make you happy or situation when with you, short term, but go back and behave the way they do/are with the alienting parent, master/slave relationship, or the one they think that pulls thier strings or general environment, they lie to appease the alienting parent, they lie to the target parent, both so they doesnt get in trouble by either, as even with 50/50 contact and positvie can not overcome an alenating parent, a narcissist...
I hope the child will be able to see the difference once they are older and understand the other parents point of view. Things almost always eventually blow up for the narcissist, that is why it isn't a good choice, Bradley Yates.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you for your time to reply and I hope so. Kind regards, Brad