Abuse Left Me Paralysed | Unpacked with Relebogile Mabotja - Episode 6 | Season 3
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- Опубліковано 5 жов 2024
- She was abused and tortured then left to fend for herself and children, a guest shares how she's survived this experience.
Studio Guest: Lethu Lentsoe
#UnpackedWithRelebogile
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I'm proud of you Cuzzy for unpacking your story to the public. Most woman are inspired and some are doing self introspection. This is called saving lives. I love you and may the almighty one continue to shine the light on you. ♥️
Hi there, could you please give me a way to contact this woman. I would really like to talk to her one on one.
🌹
Strong woman who suffered in the hands of a narcissistic person
Please give her a big hug for me I don't know but listen to her story I just feel like giving her a big hug.
Give her a hug for me😪❤
One of the qualities that make Relebogile such a great interviewer is the ability to follow the rhythm of the guest. I have seen guests who can talk for days without stopping and those who are less talkative and require more probing. Either way, she probes those who need it to continue and avoids interrupting those who speak too much but still provides them direction. Coming from academia, I know this is a skill of a great qualitative interviewer.
Was looking for this comment because Relebogile is really carrying her so gently through the conversation.
Relebogile is amazing. Her interview skills are impeccable
I absolutely and totally agree. Shes a great interviewer.
I totally agree
..
SA fathers let's rise above, be fathers and try lead by example. Let's unite and build as men and women guys
ua-cam.com/video/ioVFyFJWqIk/v-deo.html
Marrying someone with low self esteem is such a pain , they cnt stand to see u doing better.
Facts
I am in that situation. 💔
Exactly
Please get out! Please. ✨👏🏾
@@Drnelsonmotau, run before its too late.
M pregnant but I just left a ruthless cheater fiancee, am rlly happy n i dnt regret a thing
Kudos to you my dearest, I'm glad you chose you.
Name: Ivan (Iven) Muthusi (Mothusi) Lentswe is his name, do whatever you may with this information
Name and shame!
About time
😡😡😡 just checked him out on fb...this person is living life to the fullest, apparently accepted Jesus, meanwhile he scarred another soul for life 🤬 hhai maan
😮😮😮😮😮
Thank you for that, this information can save lives. Anyone can literally be his next victim
I'm a married woman and it breaks my heart that some woman go through so much in the name of marriage because this can not be love. I remember when my husband came to pay Lobola my dad said to him this money won't go to the bank if you ever hurt my child in anyway I will give you back your money and take my child in those words I knew my dad loves me more than any one can say and in him arms I m safe
Wow, your dad ❤️🥺
That was not a nice thing for your dad to say. Shit I would have turned back immediately.
Our dads set the standard for us. My dad told his family. “ There is no amount of money that I can equate to what my daughter is worth”. He didn’t mince his words. He said “ people evolve and that’s human nature. If your son ever gets to a point where he feels that it’s not working out. Please let me know and bring back my daughter in the same way that you came to ask for her hand in marriage”. Ten years later, things are going great. If you know your value and what you bring to the table, you will not subject yourself to degrading behavior from anyone.
In the name of people are going to talk. N I have to stay.because of my children .that abuse is not only.affecting u ,most kids a in bad state bcz of seeing parents fight/argue
The sad part is some relatives and friends encourage people to stay in tumultuous relationships/marriages due to culture, religion and tradition etc
It still pisses me off that we have people that still say such to their daughters in this day and age. That is legit digging your child's own grave .
I know of a girl who was told to shake he rapists hand and forgive him by the pastor they'd never see me in that church ..... If you wanna get away with something do it to a woman
@@ksazobafit....2216 I believe that because for centuries churches have been protecting abusers, rapists and Peadophiles. Women are vilified for speaking out and are called Jezebels. And who’s at the “forefront” of hands off our prophets? Sick twisted power hungry people who’ve been given too much power by their followers.
To hell with all the laws oppressing woman. We don't derseve this.
This is so sad
Lesson learnt 👀Don't ignore signs, it doesn't matter how tiny it is...🤔...
Agreed. We tend to ignore signs and explain them away thinking they will disappear.
my former high school administrator, still looking young and gorgeous. lots of love aus' Lebo
I'm grateful for my family for fetching me from an abusive marriage before it got physical ,,, this could have been my story.
Praise God
Me too cc I went back home😭
I wonder if Relebogile gets to offload. I hope she has a way to recharge and switch off. Most of the issues she tackles are heavy. She is great at what she does but she is human and I can't imagine how these interviews affect her on personal level.
Very heavy I.salute her
We really need to make seeing a Therapist normal. A lot of people are going through a lot and we end up thinking its normal. Someone who won't judge you or isn't bias
I agreed but I think that first we need to make therapy affordable and accessible for all people
@@relebogilemabotja215 true coz therapy its hella expensive yhooo
We never talk about how polished Lebo is everytime she is presenting...you are beautiful girl both inside and outside
She still traumatized, I will say she need to see a therapist with her kids because this abuse is still showing itself in her life and the kids are also living with this trauma. Even this day I remember how abusive my father was to my mother and I'm going to therapy it's been 10 years. These abuse take something away from you so you do need help. I'm so sorry you have to go through so much pain. One thing I know trauma doesn't identify you and doesn't take your worthy. In order to love yourself again seek help though so even if he come back any shape you strong enough to choose yourself and knowing he is not your responsibility.
Thank you. These are sound words of advice for anyone who is reading it
God give women strength to leave abusive marriage... Hai your well-being is more important... I refuse to bakezela nna
It is so painful dear,my ex husband was doing the same. But I had to leave him bcoz I couldn't bear the hurt from his cheating and abuse.
He fell ill and he was HIV positive.
Apologising asking me to be a happy family, he's alone now licking his wounds. None of the girlfriends do care about him now
She's still hurting from the experience. I wish her healing❤🕯
It's something you don't get over you just learn to live with
One never heals from the trauma that men put women through. Ka mo you try to heal, ka mo you blame yourself for not moving on soon enough. Ka mo there is the society abusing you and calling you names...
She looks so young and beautiful...doesn't look 40 at all 😍😍
I have said it a million times and will keep saying it. Some Mothers are the gatekeepers for toxic abusive masculinity. A lot of women have lost their lives after being told by the family matriarch to “ endure rubbish in their marriages and relationships”. Any mother that tells another woman to endure abuse in their marriage needs to have their head checked. But they will protect their psycho sons at all costs.
But at the same time alot of woman got murdered in their relationship not in marriage and they are endured rubbish in the relationship.. Let's not only think this is abt marriage also relationships hav got problems these young girls endure rubbish..
@@sivuyilemaqokolo7900 I said “marriage and relationships”. Never did I isolate the issue to marriage. Any person that reads or watches global news knows that femicide is not isolated to married women. It affects all women of ages, races, culture, single or married. These types of “sick twisted broken” men-are everywhere and they pounce on any female irrespective of their relationship status.
So true talking from experience I know that some mothers 🙆♀️
Amen sister! 💯
This is heartbreaking a.Thank you for naming him, they must be named and shamed. No use to hide abusers.
What a coward of a man. May God bless her with all she deserves
I felt something when Relebogile asked 'is it worse than the abuse'. As woman we have an unnessacary high tolerance for abuse. It seems in our minds we justify the abuse and tell ourselves. ' Well he hits me/ abuses me but atleast he provides for me or hasn't infected me....etc
It happened to me once I left and I had no family or anybody I knew overseas
If you are reading this and you are in an abusive relationship, please leave your partner TODAY!
Physical or emotional abuse. Even if the abuse is far in between… LEAVE! Please! It never ends well!!
💔 He destroyed her life in 5 years 😭 yoh and to think they're still married to this day is sickening. Can't divorce be granted in his absence 🤷🏽♂️. I'm thinking twice now about this institution of marriage.
I'm only 31 years old and I've been abused for several times in so many different ways in my past relationships, I have no kids and my family and friends are still nagging me about marriage and kids. I am just unbothered. I'm very sensitive to a point that I even walk away from the date before it even begins.
I choose myself and I don't care who says what.
@Naledi Remotely yoh dali singashona phela. The saddest thing is that women are dying every single day and still nothing is happening. I mean when a girl child is raised to be a good woman, also boys must be raised to be good men and not heartless monsters.
With every fiber in me, f**k the family and friends who are nagging you about YOUR life. It’s none of their business. I wish progressive happiness and peace for you. ✨👏🏾
SA fathers let's rise above, be fathers and try lead by example. Let's unite and build as men and women guys
ua-cam.com/video/ioVFyFJWqIk/v-deo.html
@@mbalenhlezulu8075 yu are not alone dear
The thing with abuse is people think you wake up one day and get slapped. If it worked like that a lot more women would probably leave sooner...Instead it’s a slow process of indoctrination...with the abuse taking on new levels gradually...
I think we need to empower women to see this red signs and be strong enough to leave
That's a valuable perspective and note to ALWAYS look out for red flags
Yea we people are stupid like that, thats why its easy to ask why u never left
You have said a mouthful 👏
Facts
It breaks my heart every time when someone says "If God had not put me in this situation then abcd..." thats not the case... God loves you WAY to much sis
WE AS HUMANS HAVE A FREE WILL!! WE MAKE OUR OWN CHOICES!!! AND SOMETIMES WE CHOOSE TO IGNORE THE RED FLAGS(FOR WHATEVER REASONS). Instead of blaming God, i pray for a generation that will start to question WHY?! Why am i still with this person? Why am i still making this choice?
I pray for her healing!
You are right, sometimes we need to be selfish and put ourselves first
I pray that the show follows the case and help her finalise the divorce and assist with counselling 💔
What breaks my heart is that, the Uncle & Step-father allowed her to go back to the Husband after they were made aware of the circumstances...
They are men themselves, how do we know that they were also abusers themselves???
Been there ,her story brings back terrible traumatic experience,he left me with permanent ugly scars but im glad im still alive and able to singlehandedly raise my kids.Thank you for sharing your story...#Wee madoda sabelani 🎶🎶.
I am so sorry hun
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Wish you continued strength and healing ❤️
So sorry darling. Where r ur scars? If u don't mind me asking
@@boikhutsoonline3834 bums and thighs
@@ThePrincess-vb8ql ok. Mine on my face... Huge scars
She has been through a lot 💔. I hope one day, she can be truly happy.
One thing also with abuse,after experiencing physically and you call it out,it moves on to different type of abuse emotionally,financially etc.
This is heartbreaking. So devastating and uncalled for. She's still not Okay! - Abuse is terrible, it's sick. Very evil, and any form of it is from hell. The damage has tainted many lives. Just because you are stronger it doesn't mean you should flex your muscle power on anyone, Gosh! I won't even say anything about the husband he's not worth it. May God punish the devil and protect His children. Speedy healing for our dearest guest.
I'm so glad she survived her marriage ordeal and is a beautiful woman. I'm just puzzled that she married him because the signs were there before the wedding. His family should be ashamed for raising such a monster. Wish Lebogang well 🤗🙏🏽
Plus she was working and he was not, meaning she didn't stay for roof. So my question is 'What was she gaining from the relationship?' What was the reason for staying because guy was bringing nothing to the table except pain and sorrow?
@@mishwilliams8373 It's really sad because it's a common situation for many and t they unfortunately believe that once officially married, things will change while they normally go downhill and if you advise otherwise, our African communities will look at you as the bad guy. Always saddens me to hear older women give advice to keep praying for the perpetrator, for God to change their heart. Too much enablement goes on for some of these monsters.
This is one of the worst cases of spousal abuse. I'm so sorry for what you went through sis Lebo. You deserve better ❤️
Women have to endure so much pain, it's heartbreaking
Men as well!
I mean we don't have to but we do not victim blaming either but sometimes we really can walk away with the first incident but we always think we can heal and change people
@@sbonzama7013 this is true, men as well, I just wish men were given a platform were they share their stories
She needs therapy ASAP, thank God you’re still alive to tell your story and thank you. Women, we need to advocate for ourselves, no relative or parent will tell me to bekezela. This behavior of telling women to bekezela, nyamezela, has to stop 🛑
This woman's story breaks my heart because as a product of domestic abuse I am shattered and my heart breaks for her kids...I grew up watching my father abusing my mother and the trauma is still with me till this age 32 yrs of age😭
I can relate to your story, my mom died this year because of chronic diseases she got as a result of high stress and abuse.
I'm sorry you experienced that. Please do talk about it with a professional. Childhood trauma never goes away, it stays fresh until we unpack it ❤️ yes you can
Marriage is for you to enjoy not to endure,this broke my heart
One thing I have learned about my own abuse experience is how hard it is to forgive and forget no matter how hard you try...
Yaz i have to write a book about rules and cultural practices that were supposed to be left in 1900. Insecure men are a serious problem
"Bekezela" my foot.
I don't Bekezela BS
I don't submit to BS
If a man ever beat or rape me, I swear to God if don't die I'm going to jail.
I've had enough.
Heaven knows I have tried.
The worst thing to deal with...an insecure man.
The sad thing are so called culture in most African homes, is just rules from foreign religions, like Christiany and Islam.
Problem we as african we put yonke into and say its culture, so annoying ngoba le culture abuse us some how. On thing i told myself is that i will never do anything that im not comfortable with..
@@nomxhosapekani7966 very true
The signs are always there..but the tolerance women have is beyond my understanding for such.. I'm soo sorry you went through this sis
Ladies someone who claims to love you, will not abuse you .
But then our parents/elders are failing us, how can you have patience in an abusive relationship/marriage.
They are failing us gagolo Koketso
Relebogile I respect u for the job u do... Half of ur Interviews makes me cry every day 😭.
Can't she be granted those kind of divorces that can be filed without the other spouses signature?? I'm not sure about the nitty grities of it, but I hope her lawyers explore it. Such a sad story 💔
Yes there are cases where it can be ordered under certain circumstances.
You are right! My cousin was divorced like that because the ex husband kept refusing to receive the summons or come to court for the divorce hearing. So eventually they court put a notice in the newspaper and obviously he ignored that too. That's how my cousin got her divorce granted. It took a few months but it happened and with no lawyer just the state resources
Please seek help with the court. You can get divorced even if the spouse doesn't sign the papers.
Please sister organize counseling for yourself. This is too painful
De lady still hurting 😭😭 askies sesi ❤️
This is heartbreaking. This beautiful Queen still needs to work through this trauma with a therapist- there's so much (unresolved) pain there. If not for herself, them for her children. Her strength might just be her weakness 😔
J
I feel sorry for her. Thank you for sharing your story.
Abuse also erases all the good memories and the good times you had with an abuser even if it happened once
Thank you for sharing your story you really went through alot and its a lesson to other ladies who are in abusive relationships to leave while it's early cause they will never change
Neuropathy is so often caused by extremely constant high cortisone levels. This happened to me personally too. I was also paralyzed for 3 months and the Drs said slipped disk, or sciatica. I then realised that many females had this due to this type of abuse by an intimate partner. I recovered after lots of Chiropractic work on me, neurobion and pilates. It took me 5 years to fully recover. This woman is extremely strong and endured a lot! I cried when I listened to this as a lot of people think you are making it up and this is cruel and ignorant. Abuse on women causes the cortisone levels to rise and this can create severe neuropathy which includes paralysis. I thought my ex cursed me when it happened, until I understood the science of what abuse does to your body biologically. I am free of it all today! Pilates and boxing is my new passion. Thank you Relebogile for your subject matters and wisdom. I love your channel. X
Family ya her husband are the reason why us black women end up cutting ties. You can't even hold ngwana wa lena accountable even though you know he is a monster. This lady deserves a divorce so she can rebuild her life.
It's common that cheaters always suspect others of cheating. I doubt how this guy was raised
This lady must try again and go to a high court and apply to be divorced without the partner being there. It can be done that way after the sherif has failed after several attempts to get the guy to sign the divorce papers.
Advertise the devorce on a public newspaper or government gazette then the devorce will be granted
Yes indeed! I just remember with my cousin it included a notice on the newspaper and the after that received no response from the husband the divorce was granted
Ladies anyone who loves you will want you to succeed. The minute a person is jealous of your progression in life, LEAVE!
So this guy feels a lot more in control by controlling your life! Men like him are bitter about their own failures in life and are jealous to see others progress without them.
When love is no longer there atleast there should be humanity...😪
At the moment I see myself in an abusive relationship. He has beaten me twice, I never thought I'd find myself here and don't even know what to do about it
Baleka
You better ghost that good-for-nothing abuser.
Run
Watching this made me teary! You went through a lot😢
Oh my heart right now 😥😥 I just want to give her a hug. God is still God and has a plan for your life. Thank you for sharing your story sisi ❤ sending my love to you keep strong you are so beautiful❤
Sad indeed. Am glad you are still putting GOD first even in this situation. ❤️😍
Waitsi keng, I am soo glad you had the courage to get out eventually and that you have the courage to live. It's not easy to get through these things
Just searched him on Facebook
I’m so disgusted , he’s even living his best life 😭😭💔
Abuse strips you off your dignity in so many ways.
True
Let's normalize recognizing red flags in the beginning of every relationship. Do not ignore them because you're in love. It's easier said than done of course, but you could be saving yourself from a lot of abuse and trauma that you could have easily avoided. My heart goes out to this lady. But I am glad that she was able to come out of it, alive.
4 minutes in and really, men should deal with their insecurities. This is too much 😤
So sad, but she is still here, still beautiful, so I believe that she is not done.
I am sure if you stay more than five years in separation divorce is automatic if he doesn't sign papers. Just advertise if he does not challenge it, it has to be granted but take care security is vital
It's very sad but well done for being strong mama .some people don't even realize the pain they cause others the situations they put thier partners in all because of wanting to have fun out there
This sister is a TRUE SURVIVOR!
I too survived 10 years of extreme domestic violence here in London. My experiences are outlined in a book I had published in July. In it, I give similar advice to that given by our sister which is for others going through this hell, to GET OUT before they are killed! Peace is what we should all seek to LIVE in or else we may end up RESTING In it!
Wa e bona this kgotlhelela/bekezela business we get from our families is going to be the reason a lot of abuse victims will leave their marriages in body bags or physically and emotionally scarred.
Although he hasnt signed the divorce papers,she can still divorce. She should approach the courts
I'm saddened by the part that his friends still call her and inform her of where he is. Why do we like hurting people why can't they just talk to their friend ask him to account. Where is his family in all this? The notion that men are men and we women must accept their behavior needs to stop. Families need to account for their childrens sick behavior. We can't be infected killed or paralyzed due to your sons
The inlaws will always sides with their own, nomatter how wrong he is. That's inlaws for you.
But his friends were helping her to get him sign the divorce papers
Rebogile I love the way you ask your questions this is heartbreaking ohh God sometimes us women go through a lot,
I have often noticed that in most platforms, where abusive behaviors are discussed. I hardly see or hear men comment. Is it because they don't care? Or ignorant?
This is True. It is evident in the comments on this video. I always ask myself why the places where men should be built are not there, women are there in their numbers. This formula does not work men should stand up and say "THIS HAS TO STOP". Imagine a beautiful lady as such being equated to nothing because some is such a fool and do not value themselves and take that street at his wife. Some of us are never ready to even get into a relationship because of High level of insecurities mostly instilled but our upbringing so called Man. Preparedness for man is something not valued in our society. We think age is a gate pass. Maturity must be the Gate pass. Women must use law and forget fellings at time because that one of the contributions to where we are. Lastly Culture that uphold worsening society righteousness must be abolished and devorced for ever " Bekezela, no Bekezela amasimba yini" a human spirit is designed to endure any kind of pain but when we do that to it intentionally we're are abusing a God given gift, it like proving that the spirit never dies buy internationally falling from a 20 floor building. Women use Law, Men Respect law, Tradition create New Culture the old is killing us.
Some even become defensive, you'll sometimes see comments like, "women are also abusive." There's one I've seen twice in these comments being defensive and pretending as if abuse of males is as rife as the sheer violence we see in women.
Aus'Lebogang, I wish you healing in every way today and always. Thank you for sharing your story.
I couldn't finish watching this, it got me trembling and anxious. It's very sad💔💔😭😭😭
You can see that she’s still hurting 💔
This lady looks so humble😢. I do wish I could hug her
Many men out there are a pandemic. Mathata fela a batho. Jealousy and comparing themselves to women is a problem.
A police officer once told me when he was comforting me from am busive ex he had to spend the nightbin my house to ensure that I was safe. The guy came back for a fight and he was arrestted(taken in) for the night.
Getting into marriage wit the intention of building a happy home only to get disabled 😥. Th problem is that insecure people end up creating scenarios in thrir minds and convince themselves that their scenarios are real.
Insecure people are the worst to deal with
Kelebogile Mabotja thobela...
Thank you Lebogang, saddened to hear your experiences, but again thanks to the Lord for sparing your life, to see your kids grow up...
I believe some kind samaritans ( with Legal knowledge)are listening to your story, and can advise you accordingly regarding " the divorce matter ", for the sake of your children...better now than later... He left?...
May the good Lord grant you Justice...
SHALOM
Law makers should watch this!
But after so many years of seperation , divorce should be granted even in his absense or is SA law different ?
SA law is bullshit trust me
It can be granted if the sheriff fails to get him to sign papers a number of times. Granted by default
Then what's taking yoh
I wish you nothing but peace, love and all the joy in the world ❤
Please ask her to get the services of an attorney. She can serve the divorce papers differently and if they cannot find him, the court will grant the divorce even without him.
Yhooo mara why would a person treat the person they are supposed to love like this?
Thank you kelebogile you are matured and real. Ware aga together with your guests
After my fiance was a murderer yall are showing us this. You're scaring us
Exactly! We will fear men!
@@jaiyaalexandra144 I mean you should who kills and assaults women the most in this world yeah sure some are nice but do we know them?
Mine seems pretty nice lol
These are the painful realities of so many relationships. We can’t ignore this unfortunately
@@relebogilemabotja215 😔
Diagnoses doesn't make sense it's unfortunate ...and it's sad not that enough was done to help with her situation. The interviewer asks perfect questions with need to understand.
But why is the high court not grating divorce. Because it's over 5 years now. This is just so unfair for the lady.
NEVER ignore red flags, NEVER think that abusers will stop being abusive...even if some eventually stop (apparently), DO NOT stay to find out, just a little push or throwing of things around when angry, that's good enough for you to leave. No conditions can justify why you should stay, there is absolutely no reason why you should stay.
I hope this story will help many other women out there.
Time for my favorite show ❤❤❤❤ location Sila!
Isn't there a time limit for these hanging divorces to be finalized? A default judgement can be made against the party evading the proceedings if a certain amount of time has passed.
Your show stresses me out but I keep watching. Yoh ha humans go through a lot.
Such a beautiful and calm woman, some are so ungrateful shem💔
Oh God this person is still carrying the pain😭😭😭😭 ppl go through alot
This lady needs to have a will and ask her lawyers about other divorce processes. I think the law will favor her especially if they have been living separately for more 8 years. Also she can have this guy arrested for infecting her with HIV consciously so, its a crime and that wont mean she is bitter. But this guy deserves his piece of pain for all that she has costed this beautiful lady. Re leboga modimo for his grace upon your life ma'am.
I’m willing to volunteer my services to assist this lady get a divorce first she’s needs to do an application for substitution of service if she doesn’t know where his located! then gets an uncontested divorce order!!!!!