It might not be cold and detached but having proper boundaries. Many people who have become used to you having been easy to manipulate will accuse you of becoming cold because you changed in a more healthy way.
💜🙏💜🫂 It’s more than difficult and painful on all sides and levels to feel safe while having to still be around them… whether setting healthy boundaries ( ALOT of pushback with narcissists) or doing the opposite of placating , “ being cold and detached “ ( narcissists know this is not our true nature but their own) so none of it works for anyone except for themselves. Be careful with this one because this is ultimately their goal which is to get you to absorb what/ who they are so they can make “playing the victim “ more believable to others. While you are just trying to find a way/ solution/ feel safe, they are also doing the same in a sense on the opposite side. If this makes sense. The difference is, WE survivors ( surviving) try to understand and take actions to protect ourselves AND others who fall victim to them. The narrative in the narcissist is to ONLY protect their own image and how others perceive them in the light that they want. Hang in there and stay safe while always fighting to just be you💜
Are you a narcissist? Consider... 1. Your Capacity for Empathy. 2. Motive of Manipulation. 3. The Need for Admiration and Validation. End. (Very Good Video)
I started crying over a stranger's story of abuse and emotional neglect from his wife. Since I'm always questioning if I'm the one with the problem it made me realize I have pretty strong empathy. My coping mechanisms are still unhealthy, but at least I can heal.
I'm glad you spoke about people with empathy who have to LEARN how to be cold and detached. I had to teach myself to say "I don't give a damn", to keep from being manipulated.
You don't have to become cold, in the sense that no one has the right to make you feel worse. You are allowed to remain "selfish" and care about your emotional well-being, remaining open in warm, in general. Those that exhibit manipulative behaviors are better off in certain aspects, but harm themselves in others, more significant ways. They destroy their very being, their soul. You can still care for them, even if they're harmful and protect yourself, at the same time. You can pity them, you can see their inner child, in pain. But yeees! It's probably a very good idea to limit interactions, including thoughts about them, as-well, based on their harmful behavior.
the narcissist can have cognitive empathy, not emotional empathy. a narcissist can mimic empathy if it benefits them, and gives them control, and/or narcissistic supply. example: a narcissist is out driving, and they see a car that's been in an accident. they may help out, and call the emergency number in order to receive praise, and admiration for their heroic act. but under the facade, they could not give a damn about the person, or the car. only about their own narcissistic gain. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
@meadowdevor thank you for acknowledging my existence lol 😉 joking there...on a serious note excellent, informative video. please show some 💙 for your canadian fam! 🍁 -cheers, steven
This Christmas was our neighbours 1st Christmas without her husband. I got the children to go round with a box of chocolates. I asked my wife if she wanted to go. She scoffed at the idea, not interested. Saying why bother her. My children and I went round. The neighbour was elated, well she started crying and thanked us. It was an important thing to do for my children. A few months later this neighbour bumped into my wife. Tell ing my wife how good the children are, how much it meant for her. When my wife told us, she was visibly ecstatic about hearing all this good info. My wife actually said ''why do I not do this, why can't I do this?'' Seeing the result she could see why to do it. She doesn't have the genuine emotional motivation. It's as if she sees the reward now, the benefit, so therefore the reason why to do such a gesture. She'll now have the cognitive empathy in such a scenario.
I just get so sick of being the only one who feels guilt after a confrontation, or that I'm the only one who deserves punishment. Sometimes I just want to make them hurt the way they hurt me, but then if i do i go immediately back to guilt for treating them like they treat me.
This was most helpful. My ex had accused me of being a narcissist during the breakup and had some solid examples of behavior, though they could also be attributed to being on the spectrum which we had both recently discovered about ourselves. I had a full psych eval because I was worried she was right about the narcissism and wanted to fix that behavior so I don;t hurt anyone else. The eval only showed ASD and ADHD, but no Narcissism, but I've always worried that maybe it was wrong, or I was so much of a monster I subconsciously hid it during the evaluation. I was still resigning to stay single just in case I could hurt someone else. This video puts my mind at ease. While I was never good at outwardly showing my empathy, I sure did feel it when I saw people in pain, or in joy. My ASD would make that overwhelming at times, but I felt it. It's probably time to seek an appropriate therapist. Thank you for the videos.
I grew up thinking, and at times told people, that it was my purpose to keep my narcissistic parents happy. The script in my mind was that my worth was only as good as my ability to keep the peace between two grown adults and my golden child sister
Im deeply empathetic, i always attracted and wanted to help broken or less fortunate people, i always felt like i was the one person in their world (lucky them) strong enough to do it. It’s only when they’d taken so much that i was close to going down the hole myself, with nothing left in the tank to get myself back out, did i end it. My empathy is unconditional and immediate when it is ‘needed’, but not so much when it is simply wanted, expected or demanded (entitled to it). With recent ex-wife it was a ‘break glass in emergency’ button that was being pressed at her whim, to ensure her needs are my top priority at any given time. When you have mortgage, job and other foundational life responsibilities and problems to deal with, you have no choice but to filter and triage your empathetic emotions to prioritise subsequent response. It’s a way of protecting yourself, these people will keep taking more and slowly boil you alive, life is short, you need to be aware of your breaking point and exit before the damage you’ve allowed them to inflict becomes unfixable with the time you have left.
Shutting down to protect your boundaries is so true and loving yourself in a healthy manner! I prefer being alone as I cannot trust like I used to! Being used and abused to help others and wanting peace for them and me! But many didn’t want peace! They need help but project their hangups onto you! No more enabling and then they slander you!
This is helpful. I have never watched one of these videos on narcissism and felt the PAIN of the presenter as much as this. This video is very good for addressing the constant questioning of myself being a narcissistic monster. Using the word “desperation” really helped confirm what I go through in seeking the approval of others 😭 It can be so confusing. Thank you for making this video ❤❤❤
Thank you for this , this is sooo beautiful . And yes those are beautiful words " I need the space to process this" . I realized I was becoming toxic and don't want to be, I was groomed by Narcs most of my life and then was soo naeve to get into a 26 year relationship with one ,and have never understood myself or built boundaries and I am now 45 . I love this.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’m getting a much better understanding of my husband (the narcissist) and myself, than I could have ever hoped for from just reading books. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this type of manipulation when you were a kid but it also made you who you are today and for that I am grateful.
For me, after seeing all of the textbook definitions of what Narcissism is and how they conduct themselves. I am very confident I'm not a Narcissist. I've just been fighting an uphill battle trying to get others to see that as well
The first point for me currently. And really how it's been for a while. Is that I've barely had the resources available to take care of myself. Much less to try and help others. I would help everyone I could if I could. And even still, when I have nothing to give. I still try and find ways to give back
It can be extremely hard to know your own worth when you are constantly being manipulated and coerced into believing lies. Don't be hard on yourself if you struggle to stand up for yourself. You're worth the effort.
Thank you. Once again you've answered some of my questions as to why I have reacted or behaved in a certain way. It's always good to examine oneself too.
Here's a quick test to differentiate yourself from a narcissist: would you be willing to anonymously help someone in need? A few winters ago, we had a bad blizzard. My narc partner and I were home at the time, and spent quite awhile clearing our driveway of over a foot of snow with high drifts. My next-door neighbor was away on a trip, and, since I didn't want him returning home to a snowed-up/blocked driveway, I suggested to my partner that we shovel him out... He begrudgingly agreed to it, but was APPALLED that I didn't let my neighbor know who had done it... he wanted the recognition, you see... he was upset with me for weeks about keeping it a secret. I just felt good about being helpful - but understanding that was beyond his capability.
My husband and I did the exact same thing and kept the secret for a year. Then the neighbor got into an argument with us and was unbelievably rude so we told him it was us who had shoveled his driveway, so back off. We are not the kind of people he was accusing us of. That snapped him out of his bad behavior. We had never planned on telling him.
Im in no way trying to disagree with what youre saying but rather im explaining why i would try to let the neighbour know. If i knew there had been a blizzard (im from Australia and have nevet experienced a blizzard) i would feel wary of who had been in my yard and whether there may have been people in my house. So it would relieve my anxiety to know that a neighbor or a person i feel like i could trust had helped shovel the snow. So i would feel like i was helping to eliminate any stress /worry/confusion by letting the neighbour know it was just me/us and not some random who mightve been scoping out my place while i wasnt there.
@@musothreads9069 Snow-removal can be quite time-consuming as well as physically taxing... a petty thief wouldn't bother to go through all that. Also, scoping out a house in winter is a tricky thing... you leave telling foot-prints in the snow! But I get what you're saying... I'm not really spelling out a one-size-fits-all proposition; rather, just an example... each circumstance or opportunity for a "random act of kindness" would need to be assessed by the volunteer for potential perceived transgressions.
Narcissists seem to have no real sense of humor, at least the ones I've interacted with. Just to crack a genuine smile seems impossible for them, so humor is like a foreign language to them.
I've noticed that too. My narc wants to watch a comedy, but never laughs. Honestly humor or any other interest is all contrived. None of it is genuine. Larping.
@@cassiebennet4262 Sometimes they laugh or smile. It is rare, though, in the covert narcissists I know. For the more gregarious and loud kinds it seems much easier.
Re narcissists and empathy, I know 2 that call themselves 'empaths' so you have to be careful. What there is, is a disconnect between what they say and what empathy actually is when you look more closely. They love to virtue signal to audiences that they're empathic but I tested one, onetime because I wasn't buying it and I wanted to expose them. I baited her about preventable deaths from malaria in Africa and infant mortality. The response I got was a cold yet scalding dismissive laugh, "That's nature's way of limiting population growth, it isn't nice but really you should grow up." I pointed out, "Considering most of it is preventable, that isn't empathetic is it?" Next thing I was subject to an out of context rancorous character assassination in front of these people which had exactly the desired effect. I simply replied, "So now you're playing the man rather than the ball - I was talking preventable about infant mortality, but instead you decided to attack me personally as if it's your right." They abuse detractors in such a way that is very convincing to others within earshot. They have them believing that you're the problem with the world when it's them. There is a cost to exposing them, and that by exposing them you're branded a trouble maker and isolated, so I wouldn't recommend it. Either way they seem to somehow win because even a defeat is an opportunity to usurp by playing the victim.
Y'know, being around that type of personality pretty much since childhood were the strong concerns of me even being a narcissist myself. The strength of such an influence or personality at hand and you're against that for so many damn years. By far was this a need Meadow, so much thanks there.
I have seen so many videos on the topic of narcissistic abuse generally. I've watched two of your videos and they both have been spot on for me. I am hearing it here as if for the first time and very moved by how much it is already helping me to cope with my current situation. TY very much
Thank you for these important insights. Definitely doing the self-protection and approaching all new interactions with caution. Relieved to know that my empathy isn't disappearing. Feels like walking around in new shoes, slightly uncomfortable and tight, needing to wear them in for a while. These videos are really helpful 🙏💖
When I hear myself say, "It's complicated," I recognize now, that I'm stalling because I don't want to talk about whatever controversial topic they've brought up. That's been helpful!
I have wondered for years if it was me that was the source of our family issues. However, after 47 years of marriage and nearly 50 years with this woman which has lead me to years of therapy I now know the source. My wife has very little to NO empathy towards people, even our own children! She was always a "tough love" advocate. Thinking back through the years now my heart hurts thinking about how she treated our kids. Her history with past bosses at jobs and past friends that were turned off or pushed away by her has a distinct pattern. Thank you Meadow -
Thank you so much for sharing this video. It truly answered a lot of questions that I had. And it all makes so much sense. Thank you thank you thank you. I’m so appreciative of your videos. Thanks to UA-cam for showing me your videos.
Wowwww. Wowwwwwwwwwww. This was so illuminating. I can’t thank you enough for the substance of this content. All three major points were expressed so well.
I also am glad that I just came across this… I’m in a very unhealthy relationship. I feel like I will never be that person I once was.. she is gone!! I never realized the disfunction until I got into this relationship over 8 years ago 😢
Im definitely not a narccisist allthough i definitely feel some distain and detestment towards them...that made me a little concerned because thats emotions they feel towards others for no reason.
What I’m having difficulty with now is responding to deliberate self serving actions that invade my life. I’ve set boundaries but they ignore them, then drop off food to give the appearance of their generosity. I’m overwhelmed and physically having trouble sleeping, my stomach’s hurting. I want to be Christ-like in my responses, but right now all I feel is sick.
I understand your situation to a degree. Your nervous system is in flight fight or freeze because you feel “ danger” or overwhelm because you’ve been mistreated. Part of the healing journey I’ve been to heal narcissistic abuse has led me to recognize the nervous system in myself. Healing is three parts. Psychological, physical and spiritual. Don’t neglect your nervous system! ❤
Narcissist cryptonite here- May’s we’ll own it! They check out who you are and where you’re at then test you. They open up our inner critic. That allows room for negativity which is sort of an addiction. You have to get your nervous system under control and reali😎 what happened.
My husband and I were in Christian counseling, and during one session, the counselor asked my hubs how something made him feel. He was like a deer in headlights. No idea. So there's no way he could ever imagine how anyone else feels. Sad.
For many years I didn't even know what my family situation was I thought that I was the one with the problem until one day my mother called me a narcissist and I researched the topic. I couldn't get anyone to listen they would tell me that it was all in my head but now after going no contact for a couple years her social media posts are proving my point like today for instance she has posted 38 politically-charged posts in less than 24 hours and the day isn't over yet I've noticed that no one likes them either .. one thing about narcissist is they think that everyone is stupid
Here’s the way I see it:) Love it! Authenticity check and I sometimes had agreed then brought all the information down to the real truth again. Something about that I didn’t like- like I allowed a manipulator to frustrate me. Like give them the benefit of the doubt while the person was obviously just wasting my time to even give it any consideration.
LOL……….I do have empathy but only for unfortunate events that could not have been foreseen or deaths. I don’t gaslight except in jest and I can’t keep a straight face when I do. If somebody gaslights me I just start laughing.
I was raised (at least for some of my childhood, part time) by a NPD mother. As a result I have more empathy for animals than I do people. I know I’m broken, and am very ashamed of it.
If you feel pangs of conscience when you think you've hurt someone, you are definitely NOT a narc. Narcs don't give a rip about the feelings of others. It's all about them, and nothing but them.
I’m not a narcissist. I’m empathetic and I also I’m not gonna call manipulation either. I did things to keep the peace like try to please them so they wouldn’t abuse me as much because they felt they had that upper hand over me all the time. And that’s how I dealt and deal with narcissism. But in my old age, I have been very outspoken when I feel that someone is a narcissist and I want others to know, what manipulative abusive individuals they are. It’s like confronting a bully in a schoolyard who is been picking on you and abuses you and gets away with it. And I will come to the stage in my life but I’m not putting up with it anymore and people need to know about these bullies. Because that’s exactly what they are.
Having been raised by someone with covert narcissistic tendencies (not full blown npd though), having been the truth teller/scape goat/golden child at various times (yeah it was weird), I know it messed me up for life.
Great question. Yes, you can... but that doesn't mean they will honor it. It means that you have to be the one to honor it if that makes sense. For example, don't call me anymore -- is a boundary that they will happily cross. But you can refuse the call or block the number. So, the boundary is really set by your own actions.
Funny, we have a narc at work that everyone hates. It's deserved--he bullies everyone, including me. Then I feel sorry for him because he's so despised and he grovels for my attention when no one else will talk to him. Nah, I ain't no narc.😏🤷♂️
Is Narcissism on the same spectrum of a wounded empath? Is that the same thing or completely different? If so can you make a video explaining the difference
I have Begun to find I feel less and less empathy for the narcissist in my life and I do try to manipulate situations to get her to go into her crazy making scenario so that I can record it and hopefully try to dissect it with her and have it so that I have it so that I can get the third one which is the validation I'm attempting to verify who is the narcissist in the circumstances
Three different questions unrelated: What does it mean when you don’t feel the need to have the credit for something you’ve done? Or when you’re willing for others to have the credit? Or when another has been taking the credit that belongs to you for years and you just let them do it?
A video on the relationship between the condition fka Asperger's/inattentive ADD and NPD? I've been called a narcissist by more than one person I believed myself to be close to. I experience pathological demand avoidance, which may look identical to weaponized incompetence, but was not allowed to explain what I felt to be the difference. Though psychology is a special interest, I may not fully understand it, and may also have it. Thanks
Does having a narcissistic parent stunt your ability to become empathetic? I am average on being empathetic. Did not having a great example reduce my ability?
Definitely possible. When you're raised by narcissists you're mostly taught to be transactional rather than empathetic. I will research this, though and slate it for a future episode. Great question.
Oof, that is a terrible thing to be told. I can see why you might question your empathy... my guess is that your empathy is probably high to normal, but you were taught that it was 'never enough' to satisfy the narcissist. 💔
Yes please do an avoidant narc difference video… I am an older avoidant INFJ female and tend to keep to myself unless I am being a “ hidden help a holic”. I help those less fortunate that I meet (intensely for weeks ) then hide away when someone expects me to keep helping with no end in sight. I tend to be the broken wing fixer, rescuer etc…then when I stell them that I’ve got to get back to my life… they accuse me of being narcissistic and manipulative and all I am doing is letting them know that it is time for me to be turning my attention back to me. I’ve analyzed WHY I help people too much and then they expect it… what I’ve come up with is that I need to feel needed. I suppose that’s me being selfish to get my own “needs” to feel needed fulfilled.
Hey… I’m Comment #143… woohoo lol anyway.., maybe adding 3 signs that you might be a narcissist to the title and video. This way it’s more balanced and doesn’t become a slippery slope of self delusion… idk, just a thought
If someone is a narcissist then that person never quwstions himself or herself if he or she was a narcissist. They are not searching for these kinds of proofs because that does not even come up for them.
If you are an empath, I don’t think it’s a choice to turn it on or off. Also to reverse it at consciously hurt someone is highly hypocritical and contradictory. A self aware empath would know that walking away is the best option for both parties. If the empath realises they are a source of pain, staying is not very empathic. Empaths most of the time are actually covert narcissists in disguise. It actually very intelligent. Much like feminism, people will stop identifying as an empath because it’s lost its true meaning. There’s still way too much stigma attached to narcissism in a world where it’s very prevalent and growing. Narcissism makes sense today. Look at how disconnected and distracted we are, in this live to work, work to live society. We done this to ourselves. Parents of previous generations failed and now those same parents complain the we are the problem. And that’s a problem.
I love your videos, but you need to know that UA-cam runs multiple ads for scams on your channel. On this video, it showed me the same scam ad 4 times. It features an AI deepfake of Jordan Peterson offering a "opportunity" to "all Canadian citizens" to gain astronomical wealth. Think about the targeting here: The algorithm has linked the needs of your clients with a susceptability to financial scams and a blind admiration for Peterson. It is predatory, ruins the user experience of your well-crafted and informative video, and reveals a deep ethical problem.
algorythm, you are creating your content. If you don't like the content, don't click. You will have your content as well as publicity changing slowly. As simple as that.
Great question. Yes, you can... but that doesn't mean they will honor it. It means that you have to be the one to honor it if that makes sense. For example, don't call me anymore -- is a boundary that they will happily cross. But you can refuse the call or block the number. So, the boundary is really set by your own actions.
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Do you have a medical degree in any of the topics you promote on your channel? If so, please state which with references coach.
Thank you for this video! I hope you are well, in general :) It made my evening better. Your presence feels good :)
I feel my empathy has gotten me taken advantage of, so I’ve intentionally become cold and detached to avoid being targeted.
I understand that well, but keep love in your heart. Use your wisdom and intuition.
I'm with you but my love and empathy is so strong a narc cannot break it. The more they try the stronger I become ❤
It might not be cold and detached but having proper boundaries.
Many people who have become used to you having been easy to manipulate will accuse you of becoming cold because you changed in a more healthy way.
💜🙏💜🫂
It’s more than difficult and painful on all sides and levels to feel safe while having to still be around them… whether setting healthy boundaries ( ALOT of pushback with narcissists) or doing the opposite of placating , “ being cold and detached “ ( narcissists know this is not our true nature but their own) so none of it works for anyone except for themselves. Be careful with this one because this is ultimately their goal which is to get you to absorb what/ who they are so they can make “playing the victim “ more believable to others. While you are just trying to find a way/ solution/ feel safe, they are also doing the same in a sense on the opposite side. If this makes sense. The difference is, WE survivors ( surviving) try to understand and take actions to protect ourselves AND others who fall victim to them. The narrative in the narcissist is to ONLY protect their own image and how others perceive them in the light that they want. Hang in there and stay safe while always fighting to just be you💜
@@tabithab33 Your response made perfect sense.
Are you a narcissist? Consider...
1. Your Capacity for Empathy.
2. Motive of Manipulation.
3. The Need for Admiration and Validation.
End.
(Very Good Video)
I started crying over a stranger's story of abuse and emotional neglect from his wife. Since I'm always questioning if I'm the one with the problem it made me realize I have pretty strong empathy. My coping mechanisms are still unhealthy, but at least I can heal.
I'm glad you spoke about people with empathy who have to LEARN how to be cold and detached. I had to teach myself to say "I don't give a damn", to keep from being manipulated.
I hate the fact that I have to attempt being that type of person, simply so I can exist in some semblance of peace.
Exactly
You don't have to become cold, in the sense that no one has the right to make you feel worse. You are allowed to remain "selfish" and care about your emotional well-being, remaining open in warm, in general.
Those that exhibit manipulative behaviors are better off in certain aspects, but harm themselves in others, more significant ways. They destroy their very being, their soul. You can still care for them, even if they're harmful and protect yourself, at the same time. You can pity them, you can see their inner child, in pain. But yeees! It's probably a very good idea to limit interactions, including thoughts about them, as-well, based on their harmful behavior.
the narcissist can have cognitive empathy, not emotional empathy. a narcissist can mimic empathy if it benefits them, and gives them control, and/or narcissistic supply.
example: a narcissist is out driving, and they see a car that's been in an accident. they may help out, and call the emergency number in order to receive praise, and admiration for their heroic act. but under the facade, they could not give a damn about the person, or the car. only about their own narcissistic gain.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
SO TRUE! ❤️
@meadowdevor thank you for acknowledging my existence lol 😉
joking there...on a serious note excellent, informative video.
please show some 💙 for your canadian fam! 🍁
-cheers, steven
Glad you enjoyed Steven! And always happy to see you here.
Not unlike the majority of the fake news reporters!!
This Christmas was our neighbours 1st Christmas without her husband. I got the children to go round with a box of chocolates. I asked my wife if she wanted to go. She scoffed at the idea, not interested. Saying why bother her. My children and I went round. The neighbour was elated, well she started crying and thanked us. It was an important thing to do for my children.
A few months later this neighbour bumped into my wife. Tell ing my wife how good the children are, how much it meant for her. When my wife told us, she was visibly ecstatic about hearing all this good info. My wife actually said ''why do I not do this, why can't I do this?'' Seeing the result she could see why to do it. She doesn't have the genuine emotional motivation.
It's as if she sees the reward now, the benefit, so therefore the reason why to do such a gesture. She'll now have the cognitive empathy in such a scenario.
Narc has the ability to make a sane insane.
Seemingly maybe 🤔 not in reality though
Indeed
this is correctttttttt.
Making 2 stones fight...
I just get so sick of being the only one who feels guilt after a confrontation, or that I'm the only one who deserves punishment. Sometimes I just want to make them hurt the way they hurt me, but then if i do i go immediately back to guilt for treating them like they treat me.
I didn't realize how badly I needed to come across a video on this topic. Thank you.
So glad it was helpful!
This was most helpful. My ex had accused me of being a narcissist during the breakup and had some solid examples of behavior, though they could also be attributed to being on the spectrum which we had both recently discovered about ourselves. I had a full psych eval because I was worried she was right about the narcissism and wanted to fix that behavior so I don;t hurt anyone else. The eval only showed ASD and ADHD, but no Narcissism, but I've always worried that maybe it was wrong, or I was so much of a monster I subconsciously hid it during the evaluation. I was still resigning to stay single just in case I could hurt someone else. This video puts my mind at ease. While I was never good at outwardly showing my empathy, I sure did feel it when I saw people in pain, or in joy. My ASD would make that overwhelming at times, but I felt it. It's probably time to seek an appropriate therapist. Thank you for the videos.
I grew up thinking, and at times told people, that it was my purpose to keep my narcissistic parents happy. The script in my mind was that my worth was only as good as my ability to keep the peace between two grown adults and my golden child sister
I know I am not a narcissist. I am constantly reminded.
Im deeply empathetic, i always attracted and wanted to help broken or less fortunate people, i always felt like i was the one person in their world (lucky them) strong enough to do it. It’s only when they’d taken so much that i was close to going down the hole myself, with nothing left in the tank to get myself back out, did i end it.
My empathy is unconditional and immediate when it is ‘needed’, but not so much when it is simply wanted, expected or demanded (entitled to it).
With recent ex-wife it was a ‘break glass in emergency’ button that was being pressed at her whim, to ensure her needs are my top priority at any given time. When you have mortgage, job and other foundational life responsibilities and problems to deal with, you have no choice but to filter and triage your empathetic emotions to prioritise subsequent response. It’s a way of protecting yourself, these people will keep taking more and slowly boil you alive, life is short, you need to be aware of your breaking point and exit before the damage you’ve allowed them to inflict becomes unfixable with the time you have left.
Shutting down to protect your boundaries is so true and loving yourself in a healthy manner! I prefer being alone as I cannot trust like I used to! Being used and abused to help others and wanting peace for them and me! But many didn’t want peace! They need help but project their hangups onto you! No more enabling and then they slander you!
These practical advice tips are really helpful, especially for those of us who can't leave/end these narcissistic relationships just yet. Thanks!
So glad to hear that the tips are helpful. ❤️
This is helpful. I have never watched one of these videos on narcissism and felt the PAIN of the presenter as much as this. This video is very good for addressing the constant questioning of myself being a narcissistic monster. Using the word “desperation” really helped confirm what I go through in seeking the approval of others 😭
It can be so confusing. Thank you for making this video ❤❤❤
Thank you for being here. I'm so glad this was valuable. ❤️
Thank you for this , this is sooo beautiful . And yes those are beautiful words " I need the space to process this" . I realized I was becoming toxic and don't want to be, I was groomed by Narcs most of my life and then was soo naeve to get into a 26 year relationship with one ,and have never understood myself or built boundaries and I am now 45 . I love this.
Thank you. I needed to be reminded of all of this.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’m getting a much better understanding of my husband (the narcissist) and myself, than I could have ever hoped for from just reading books. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this type of manipulation when you were a kid but it also made you who you are today and for that I am grateful.
For me, after seeing all of the textbook definitions of what Narcissism is and how they conduct themselves. I am very confident I'm not a Narcissist. I've just been fighting an uphill battle trying to get others to see that as well
The first point for me currently. And really how it's been for a while. Is that I've barely had the resources available to take care of myself. Much less to try and help others. I would help everyone I could if I could. And even still, when I have nothing to give. I still try and find ways to give back
@@Richard-n2w1g what you are saying proves you aren't a narc. They wouldn't want to help a single person without recognition or reciprocation.
It can be extremely hard to know your own worth when you are constantly being manipulated and coerced into believing lies. Don't be hard on yourself if you struggle to stand up for yourself. You're worth the effort.
Wow, you hit the nail on the head, I’m out of supply. Exhausted.
Thank you. Once again you've answered some of my questions as to why I have reacted or behaved in a certain way. It's always good to examine oneself too.
So glad to hear this. ❤️
Here's a quick test to differentiate yourself from a narcissist: would you be willing to anonymously help someone in need? A few winters ago, we had a bad blizzard. My narc partner and I were home at the time, and spent quite awhile clearing our driveway of over a foot of snow with high drifts. My next-door neighbor was away on a trip, and, since I didn't want him returning home to a snowed-up/blocked driveway, I suggested to my partner that we shovel him out... He begrudgingly agreed to it, but was APPALLED that I didn't let my neighbor know who had done it... he wanted the recognition, you see... he was upset with me for weeks about keeping it a secret. I just felt good about being helpful - but understanding that was beyond his capability.
Wow prime example of the difference between Narc and Not Narc.
My husband and I did the exact same thing and kept the secret for a year. Then the neighbor got into an argument with us and was unbelievably rude so we told him it was us who had shoveled his driveway, so back off. We are not the kind of people he was accusing us of. That snapped him out of his bad behavior. We had never planned on telling him.
Im in no way trying to disagree with what youre saying but rather im explaining why i would try to let the neighbour know.
If i knew there had been a blizzard (im from Australia and have nevet experienced a blizzard) i would feel wary of who had been in my yard and whether there may have been people in my house. So it would relieve my anxiety to know that a neighbor or a person i feel like i could trust had helped shovel the snow. So i would feel like i was helping to eliminate any stress /worry/confusion by letting the neighbour know it was just me/us and not some random who mightve been scoping out my place while i wasnt there.
I meant to say "if i knew there had been a blizzard i would be windering why there wasnt snow all over the driveway" and then that id be wary.
@@musothreads9069 Snow-removal can be quite time-consuming as well as physically taxing... a petty thief wouldn't bother to go through all that. Also, scoping out a house in winter is a tricky thing... you leave telling foot-prints in the snow! But I get what you're saying... I'm not really spelling out a one-size-fits-all proposition; rather, just an example... each circumstance or opportunity for a "random act of kindness" would need to be assessed by the volunteer for potential perceived transgressions.
Thank you!
Narcissists seem to have no real sense of humor, at least the ones I've interacted with. Just to crack a genuine smile seems impossible for them, so humor is like a foreign language to them.
I've noticed that too. My narc wants to watch a comedy, but never laughs. Honestly humor or any other interest is all contrived. None of it is genuine. Larping.
When they hurt someone or watch those fail videos they seem to laugh/smirk.
@@cassiebennet4262 Sometimes they laugh or smile. It is rare, though, in the covert narcissists I know. For the more gregarious and loud kinds it seems much easier.
Re narcissists and empathy, I know 2 that call themselves 'empaths' so you have to be careful. What there is, is a disconnect between what they say and what empathy actually is when you look more closely. They love to virtue signal to audiences that they're empathic but I tested one, onetime because I wasn't buying it and I wanted to expose them.
I baited her about preventable deaths from malaria in Africa and infant mortality. The response I got was a cold yet scalding dismissive laugh, "That's nature's way of limiting population growth, it isn't nice but really you should grow up."
I pointed out, "Considering most of it is preventable, that isn't empathetic is it?"
Next thing I was subject to an out of context rancorous character assassination in front of these people which had exactly the desired effect.
I simply replied, "So now you're playing the man rather than the ball - I was talking preventable about infant mortality, but instead you decided to attack me personally as if it's your right."
They abuse detractors in such a way that is very convincing to others within earshot. They have them believing that you're the problem with the world when it's them.
There is a cost to exposing them, and that by exposing them you're branded a trouble maker and isolated, so I wouldn't recommend it.
Either way they seem to somehow win because even a defeat is an opportunity to usurp by playing the victim.
Christina Applegate! :) Wow. Great channel and analysis.
Y'know, being around that type of personality pretty much since childhood were the strong concerns of me even being a narcissist myself. The strength of such an influence or personality at hand and you're against that for so many damn years. By far was this a need Meadow, so much thanks there.
Thank you so much for making this video!!
You are so welcome! Thank you for watching.
I have seen so many videos on the topic of narcissistic abuse generally. I've watched two of your videos and they both have been spot on for me. I am hearing it here as if for the first time and very moved by how much it is already helping me to cope with my current situation. TY very much
Thank you for these important insights. Definitely doing the self-protection and approaching all new interactions with caution. Relieved to know that my empathy isn't disappearing. Feels like walking around in new shoes, slightly uncomfortable and tight, needing to wear them in for a while. These videos are really helpful 🙏💖
When I hear myself say, "It's complicated," I recognize now, that I'm stalling because I don't want to talk about whatever controversial topic they've brought up. That's been helpful!
I love the "Empathy Self Check" Really good stuff. Thanks Meadow!!
I absolutely love your messages. Gives us so much hope! I'm extricating myself from a covert narcissist and it's hell.
Oof, I have been there. It is difficult... but SO worth it. 💔
I have wondered for years if it was me that was the source of our family issues. However, after 47 years of marriage and nearly 50 years with this woman which has lead me to years of therapy I now know the source. My wife has very little to NO empathy towards people, even our own children! She was always a "tough love" advocate. Thinking back through the years now my heart hurts thinking about how she treated our kids. Her history with past bosses at jobs and past friends that were turned off or pushed away by her has a distinct pattern.
Thank you Meadow -
Thank you so much for sharing this video. It truly answered a lot of questions that I had. And it all makes so much sense. Thank you thank you thank you. I’m so appreciative of your videos. Thanks to UA-cam for showing me your videos.
So glad. I thought you might like this one. 🥰🥰🥰
This is just brilliant. A mature and deep understanding of a situation and so well communicated. Kudos.
wow, this is really helpful. ❤
I'm so glad to hear that. ❤️
Wowwww. Wowwwwwwwwwww. This was so illuminating. I can’t thank you enough for the substance of this content. All three major points were expressed so well.
I also am glad that I just came across this… I’m in a very unhealthy relationship. I feel like I will never be that person I once was.. she is gone!! I never realized the disfunction until I got into this relationship over 8 years ago 😢
Im definitely not a narccisist allthough i definitely feel some distain and detestment towards them...that made me a little concerned because thats emotions they feel towards others for no reason.
What I’m having difficulty with now is responding to deliberate self serving actions that invade my life. I’ve set boundaries but they ignore them, then drop off food to give the appearance of their generosity. I’m overwhelmed and physically having trouble sleeping, my stomach’s hurting. I want to be Christ-like in my responses, but right now all I feel is sick.
I understand your situation to a degree. Your nervous system is in flight fight or freeze because you feel “ danger” or overwhelm because you’ve been mistreated. Part of the healing journey I’ve been to heal narcissistic abuse has led me to recognize the nervous system in myself. Healing is three parts. Psychological, physical and spiritual. Don’t neglect your nervous system! ❤
Narcissist cryptonite here- May’s we’ll own it!
They check out who you are and where you’re at then test you.
They open up our inner critic.
That allows room for negativity which is sort of an addiction.
You have to get your nervous system under control and reali😎 what happened.
Great video. Thank You.
This is really helpful. Excellent timing, lol. Thank you!
Another one like me. Thanks.
My husband and I were in Christian counseling, and during one session, the counselor asked my hubs how something made him feel. He was like a deer in headlights. No idea. So there's no way he could ever imagine how anyone else feels. Sad.
For many years I didn't even know what my family situation was I thought that I was the one with the problem until one day my mother called me a narcissist and I researched the topic. I couldn't get anyone to listen they would tell me that it was all in my head but now after going no contact for a couple years her social media posts are proving my point like today for instance she has posted 38 politically-charged posts in less than 24 hours and the day isn't over yet I've noticed that no one likes them either .. one thing about narcissist is they think that everyone is stupid
Your content is awesome
Wish I had met you instead
Great work , it really helps many people .
Here’s the way I see it:)
Love it!
Authenticity check and I sometimes had agreed then brought all the information down to the real truth again.
Something about that I didn’t like- like I allowed a manipulator to frustrate me. Like give them the benefit of the doubt while the person was obviously just wasting my time to even give it any consideration.
Thank you!♥
Thankyou for this video,was very helpful!
Thank you. I was looking for this answer.
LOL……….I do have empathy but only for unfortunate events that could not have been foreseen or deaths. I don’t gaslight except in jest and I can’t keep a straight face when I do. If somebody gaslights me I just start laughing.
I was raised (at least for some of my childhood, part time) by a NPD mother. As a result I have more empathy for animals than I do people. I know I’m broken, and am very ashamed of it.
Leveraging affection to achieve their goals…..for 30 years! Courage! I left!!
If you feel pangs of conscience when you think you've hurt someone, you are definitely NOT a narc. Narcs don't give a rip about the feelings of others. It's all about them, and nothing but them.
Thank you so much!
I’m not a narcissist. I’m empathetic and I also I’m not gonna call manipulation either. I did things to keep the peace like try to please them so they wouldn’t abuse me as much because they felt they had that upper hand over me all the time. And that’s how I dealt and deal with narcissism. But in my old age, I have been very outspoken when I feel that someone is a narcissist and I want others to know, what manipulative abusive individuals they are. It’s like confronting a bully in a schoolyard who is been picking on you and abuses you and gets away with it. And I will come to the stage in my life but I’m not putting up with it anymore and people need to know about these bullies. Because that’s exactly what they are.
Having been raised by someone with covert narcissistic tendencies (not full blown npd though), having been the truth teller/scape goat/golden child at various times (yeah it was weird), I know it messed me up for life.
Very good video.
Thank you for the videos.
God bless you.
From JANESVILLE, WI
❤️❤️❤️
Well done.
I would doubt either of us is actually a narcissist, but the accusations are flying.
Can you really ✨ever✨ set a boundary with a narc?
Great question. Yes, you can... but that doesn't mean they will honor it. It means that you have to be the one to honor it if that makes sense. For example, don't call me anymore -- is a boundary that they will happily cross. But you can refuse the call or block the number. So, the boundary is really set by your own actions.
lol. Ever since I’ve been watching videos about narcissists I have been wondering if I am the one.
Thank you, I wish that I could have listened to you 40 years ago... Now after 47 years of marriage I think it's just too late :~(
Thanks!
Thank you so much!
Funny, we have a narc at work that everyone hates. It's deserved--he bullies everyone, including me. Then I feel sorry for him because he's so despised and he grovels for my attention when no one else will talk to him. Nah, I ain't no narc.😏🤷♂️
Is Narcissism on the same spectrum of a wounded empath? Is that the same thing or completely different? If so can you make a video explaining the difference
I have Begun to find I feel less and less empathy for the narcissist in my life and I do try to manipulate situations to get her to go into her crazy making scenario so that I can record it and hopefully try to dissect it with her and have it so that I have it so that I can get the third one which is the validation I'm attempting to verify who is the narcissist in the circumstances
Three different questions unrelated: What does it mean when you don’t feel the need to have the credit for something you’ve done? Or when you’re willing for others to have the credit? Or when another has been taking the credit that belongs to you for years and you just let them do it?
A video on the relationship between the condition fka Asperger's/inattentive ADD and NPD? I've been called a narcissist by more than one person I believed myself to be close to. I experience pathological demand avoidance, which may look identical to weaponized incompetence, but was not allowed to explain what I felt to be the difference.
Though psychology is a special interest, I may not fully understand it, and may also have it. Thanks
Does having a narcissistic parent stunt your ability to become empathetic? I am average on being empathetic. Did not having a great example reduce my ability?
Definitely possible. When you're raised by narcissists you're mostly taught to be transactional rather than empathetic. I will research this, though and slate it for a future episode. Great question.
@@meadowdevor Thanks. What I was taught by narcissistic parent was that I treated her 'as if she had no feelings'.
Oof, that is a terrible thing to be told. I can see why you might question your empathy... my guess is that your empathy is probably high to normal, but you were taught that it was 'never enough' to satisfy the narcissist. 💔
I’m an avoidant, not a narc
I definitely want to do a video about this, because it's often misunderstood.
Yes please do an avoidant narc difference video… I am an older avoidant INFJ female and tend to keep to myself unless I am being a
“ hidden help a holic”.
I help those less fortunate that I meet (intensely for weeks ) then hide away when someone expects me to keep helping with no end in sight.
I tend to be the broken wing fixer, rescuer etc…then when I stell them that I’ve got to get back to my life… they accuse me of being narcissistic and manipulative and all I am doing is letting them know that it is time for me to be turning my attention back to me. I’ve analyzed WHY I help people too much and then they expect it… what I’ve come up with is that I need to feel needed. I suppose that’s me being selfish to get my own “needs” to feel needed fulfilled.
Thanks for this info! I appreciate hearing this. I'll work on a video about this.
Evidence that you're not a narcissist:
Not being so sure that you're not a narcissist.
That's a green screen behind you...isn't it??? I think that I saw the book case ripple
No... that's my studio ☺️
Hey… I’m Comment #143… woohoo lol anyway.., maybe adding 3 signs that you might be a narcissist to the title and video. This way it’s more balanced and doesn’t become a slippery slope of self delusion… idk, just a thought
On what side of this argument are people with Borderline Personality Disorder?
If someone is a narcissist then that person never quwstions himself or herself if he or she was a narcissist. They are not searching for these kinds of proofs because that does not even come up for them.
If you are an empath, I don’t think it’s a choice to turn it on or off. Also to reverse it at consciously hurt someone is highly hypocritical and contradictory. A self aware empath would know that walking away is the best option for both parties.
If the empath realises they are a source of pain, staying is not very empathic.
Empaths most of the time are actually covert narcissists in disguise. It actually very intelligent.
Much like feminism, people will stop identifying as an empath because it’s lost its true meaning.
There’s still way too much stigma attached to narcissism in a world where it’s very prevalent and growing.
Narcissism makes sense today. Look at how disconnected and distracted we are, in this live to work, work to live society.
We done this to ourselves. Parents of previous generations failed and now those same parents complain the we are the problem.
And that’s a problem.
❤
I love your videos, but you need to know that UA-cam runs multiple ads for scams on your channel. On this video, it showed me the same scam ad 4 times. It features an AI deepfake of Jordan Peterson offering a "opportunity" to "all Canadian citizens" to gain astronomical wealth. Think about the targeting here: The algorithm has linked the needs of your clients with a susceptability to financial scams and a blind admiration for Peterson. It is predatory, ruins the user experience of your well-crafted and informative video, and reveals a deep ethical problem.
algorythm, you are creating your content. If you don't like the content, don't click. You will have your content as well as publicity changing slowly. As simple as that.
immaturity is a trademark for narcissists.
not necessarily, some people mature in different intervals in life and / or maybe a physiological condition that prevents them to mature.
Can you really ✨ever✨ set a boundary with a narc?
Great question. Yes, you can... but that doesn't mean they will honor it. It means that you have to be the one to honor it if that makes sense. For example, don't call me anymore -- is a boundary that they will happily cross. But you can refuse the call or block the number. So, the boundary is really set by your own actions.