Staying Calm When Talking to A Narcissist by Lise Leblanc
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- Опубліковано 31 тра 2024
- Staying Calm When Talking to A Narcissist by Lise Leblanc
I often have clients asking me if MAYBE they ARE the problem. They want to know if there is anything they could say (or not say) that would make it possible to have a rational discussion with the person they love, who they also suspect is a narcissist. In this video, I provide 9 communication strategies to give you the tools to communicate effectively so you can eliminate any doubt that you are the problem. When you remain calm, it will allow you to see clearly that it is NOT possible to have a rational and productive conversation with a narcissist no matter what you do.
If this video resonates with you, please like, share, and subscribe so that others might find help in it as well! I would so greatly appreciate it. 💜
It's my intention that everyone who watches gets at least one important take-away. 🙏
/ @liseleblanc
About Me
Hi! I'm Lise Leblanc. I am a therapist, life coach, and author of 9 self-healing guides. I have over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
For more information, visit: www.liseleblanc.ca
#narcissist #npd #covertnarcissism
It took me over 50 years to realise that it's an absolute waste of time even trying to communicate with a narcissist.
Ditto at 58 years.am 59 yo now
@@keithstewart7514 ??? not sure I understand what you're saying there - sorry!
don't feel bad...it took me 38 years to realize what I'm dealing with
@@tboned1 I'm glad you don't feel bad. And only 12 years till you're up to how long it took me eh!
@@hariowen3840 ....no...you should not feel bad...i was also duped
You don’t talk to a narcissist, you walk 😅
😉 Clever yet true 👏👏👏
Don't communicate just leave. You don't need evidence or proof of lies or manipulation. You need to respect yourself and your selfworth. If someone is making you feel bad about being you get out.
Unfortunately when you have children you can't just walk away.
@danielborrowdale3 My personal moral of the story during the relationship with my NEX is when l emboldened my walk away actions while she returned from her out of town and coming home surrounded by crickets….. Me en route for home!!!!!
In court you need one
I certainly get your point! RUN, however possible, to whatever extent!
Yes. I wish I could do that, but I'm trapped
It’s scary how fast they change their tactics, once you catch up to one, they go to another in the blink of an eye
They often have a sense of entitlement and believe they are above the rules. This can lead them to engage in risky behaviors, such as cheating on their partner
Don't fall for the old going super moral trick. Now everything you do is a super crime. You may have had a time when you both talked like drunken sailors to one day wake up and every word you say is out of line.
Well sorry just Google Narcissism removed from DSM5 - Hello- oh and then ask yourself why the entire category of neurosis has been removed and replaced with anxiety disorders to be treated with drugs. I think the American psychiatric community needs to have the magnifying glass put on them by the general public. This is not me talking. This is me critical of the diagnostic process. It’s an illness model, and it is a self fulfilling prophecy. The creates a lot of problems.
"They will burn the evidence faster than you can find it" lollllllllll my God
The torture this puts you through
@@SmithWhite-pf9kq Fr 😭
One observation i have made is that the Narcissistic person will first create the problem and then blame the other person for their reaction. That is a 'tell tale' sign that narcissism is present : (
Precisely
Yes
It's called reactive abuse.
They drive you crazy and you react (preferably in public) so you're the crazy one and everybody can see it. It's not their fault.
I have decided that I will no longer identify as a victim . I need them out my life for good ✊🏻
Take these tips and have 1 last conversation. Tell them its over and walk away forever. Trust me its the only way off the hamster wheel of madness
I feel exhausted just listening to those instructions. You can't seriously believe a narcissist will have a patience to listen to any of your requests or reasoning 🤦♀️
Valid point
Of course they won't, but that's the whole point of this exercise--to determine if you're dealing with a narcissist.
@@kimrobinson6285 That's the best general alarm they're a narcissist probably, that they wear you the hell out. It's like listening to Jordan Peterson backtrack over what he just said to cover all the bases of possible objections and that subject is taking five times as long as it ought. Speaking with precision can at times be a royal PITA. I don't think Jordan is a narcissist BTW.
This is top notch advice! I feel I have been blind emotionally for a decade at the least. Unfortunately, I married narcissist woman. The insanity is too much to post, but I am glad I am awake to being played all this time and now have a strategy for moving forward. Unfortunately, she is brainwashing my kids as I type. I pray I get them out of her abusive, condemning, belittling tactics. Anybody listening, please pray for them at ages 2, 6, and 8 😞
Stand up to her in every way… Do it in front of your children.
I wish my father would have protected me from what you are describing.
You have the ability to protect your children. Be a man, and do it.
I have better advice than making all the futile effort to communicate with a narcissist.
Just do everything you can to get away from and out of this toxic relationship
I agree! Why go to these great efforts to communicate with a narcissist? You're just wasting time giving them their supply. It's a lesson in futility and self abuse
Exactly. There may be a few situations, such as work or family, where you must deal with the narcissist. But in most situations, seems the best approach is to expand the energy figuring how to get away from them.
True, sounds just like too much work, life is hard as is already.
Sure, but if they are a part of your family, and not every member is able to spot the patterns, and just wants to be forgiving at heart, then you are going to have to deal with the narc sporadically, unless you want to get away from your whole family.
Absolutely
If I so much as asked my ex to talk about an issue, he’d just give me the silent treatment and ignore me. Conversation over before it began lol
She'd go into a rage about something that she caused and then when she was exposed she'd start a huge fight then shut her phone off and then go to sleep. Not my fault she decided to go to casino with a guy who was seeing someone I went to school with and then lie about it until I find the proof. Then get mad at me for messaging this girl , hey is this your dude ? And send a pic of my gf and him together going to casino. lol wtf
Sadly it's not possible to talk with a narcissist. They never view you as a person so relating is no go. Wish them well. (Dot)
I never dealt with a woman I couldn't get through too... she has no empathy. She only cares about her feelings and nobody else.
My covert narc ex wife would listen to logic and reason and tell me she was in complete agreement. Then she'd just go and do the complete opposite.
It took years to realize that her goal was never to achieve the best outcome for everyone. Her only goal was to be able to portray herself as a victim.
She could have walked away with tens of thousands of dollars, but she deliberately chose to lose money and take nothing in order to be a victim. She cost me six figures to do it as well. And she cost her own kids just as much. All so she could portray herself as a victim to her friends who don't really even care about her very much.
Some people are just plain crazy and can't be figured out.
Mine did the same. Made both if us spend tens of thousands on lawyers just to achieve the same outcome. It's a shame they cut off their nose to spite their face.
what you said is the right description for the covert ex girlfriend. I do not call her crazy i say they are pathetic for a human being.
"My covert narc ex wife would listen to logic and reason and tell me she was in complete agreement. Then she'd just go and do the complete opposite.."
This is excrutiating. I only just learned what a covert narc can even be, thanks to this wonderful woman's channel. She'd continously professed herself as an 'empath', which I explicitly believed, because I loved her.
Well said bro. I just told someone you need to get help and they said they don't need help, nothing is wrong with them. They just turned the tables around.
@@M3mphix I never thought about it before until you said it. But my ex constantly told me she was an empath too. She said she had a better instinct for reading people.
I see now that she convinced me of that so that she could control my relationships with friends and family. She was always trying to separate me from both. Narcs do that.
One of the ways I stopped the madness was to openly audio record our conversations. However, the only effect this had was to get them to stop attacking me. It did not open communication. It shut all communications down. With a more violent person, they would probably have just destroyed the recorder. I’m good at cornering people. You should not need to corner your partner. Be well.
This. When it gets so bad you feel like you need to record your conversations so you can get some objectivity around the gaslighting insanity. And seeing an instant turnaround in their behaviour when they know they're being recorded or suspect they might be. Then getting told they would ONLY communicate in the presence of a professional and blocking on messaging app so that there is no written evidence now. So how the hell are you supposed to communicate an entire relationship in one hour a fortnight or whatever you can get?
If you start recording your loved one's conversations with you to prove to yourself that you heard what you heard, you've already hit rock bottom.
🤣 iv gone through a few phones due to recording her and she snaching it out my hands and throwing it against brickwall
@@simonw9332 ouch.
Good one, something I would do
My wife routinely fell into rages during conflicts in our relationship, whereas my approach was always to stay calm and try to reason together to solve the problem. When I would ask her, "Why are you getting so angry?" she would shriek, "I'm not angry! I'm passionate!" Then she would say, "I can't be as manipulative and unfeeling as you"....as if by trying to solve our differences in a supportive and loving way I was somehow trying to trick her or something. Crazy making stuff.
This comment just really helped me, thank you!
Alfred Adler said that all anger is intentional. It is a tool.
I had exactly the same experience. I stayed calm and he was so 'passionate', interrupting when I tried to utter one full sentence, he even waved hands in front of my face. I had to show him the door.
Why would they feel so threatened when you tell them you made a mistake? I mean, I was reasoning with my wife after she told me she had cheated on me after our engagement. And why would they open up about that, knowing that it wouldn’t go well? Instead, when told you made a mistake, they feel threatened and say, 'I thought you would feel better because I was honest with you.' It's too late, to be honest now. That’s when I realized I a dealing with an idiot. Leave her for good.
Did she have borderline personality disorder?
In my life experience I have NEVER EVER seen or heard of a case of a narcissist really changing. Like it or not they will ALWAYS be who they are up until the day they draw their very last breath.
You know everything we agree as a couple lasted around 2 to 4 weeks with her. After that she would be back to herself and when confront her with what was discuss she would turn everything on blame to me or find an excuse why she did it or finally play the victim. So i believe you when you say they will never change because i know she will not change.
Yeah it’s all implied deep in to them it’s part of them and who they are!
You'd need to bully, abuse, control and gaslight them back, till they are broken. They'd probably have you arrested though, so leaving them, permanently, is the thing to do.
I have seen a narcissist change towards me, and towards my husband - but it took a lot of personal growth to tame him. And that change was long lasting -30 years. He is still the same to everyone else. It's a combination of him changing and you growing and healing, so that you aren't affected by him. You understand why he does the things that he does - so it doesn't affect your self-worth.
I absolutely hate that I would have to be the one to put all this effort into a conversation while the arrogant psycho I'm talking to gets to continue on being an arrogant psycho
It's up to you to change that dynamic. 😊 Hoping you got out! ✨🙏🏽
Exactly!!
You have to let go of that to heal
Furthermore THEY DONT GIVE A SHIT about what you have to say so you'd just be wasting your breath and time. S.O.S Save your sanity.....and leave!
“See.. this is why I can’t talk to you” just wow😮
From my experience for all the good it does to try to get through to a narcissist you might as well be trying to strike up a conversation with a mannikinn or statue. In summary a narcissist is a TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE YOUR TIME ON.
the only gift the narcissist can give is a freedom when (s)he leaves the partner that cannot be controlled
Why anyone would even want to communicate or even deal with someone like this is beyond me... I'm a huge fan of ghosting these people once you find out... great vid doc.... thank you
Facts ghost them and fucking live your life fuck that crazy shit
This is like a trip to the gym to build 'immunity to narcissist' muscles! lol I love it! The biggest challenge is going to be my own pride and defensiveness.
I listen to many many psychologists on these topics. I think you are the best of all I have seen because you are (1) Very logical. You just don't say things. You give examples (they are so terrifying true) and (2) You interconnect things, as in connect the dots. Like you did with BPD and NPD (3) You choose a soothing voice and speak with almost no drama but a lot of emphasis where needed (4) It feels like you truly care (5) You are helping men and I am a man, so that is super focused. I thank you for all that you have given. I truly appreciate your help and all the goddesses and gods bless you.
I need to watch this every day. unfortunately I have never been in a relationship with a stable woman. I need these tools. i really don't expect i ever will. I am not perfect but at least I am willing to work on my own issues and issues in the marriage.
at least once or twice a day i need to review.
apparently I am only attractive to narcissists. I need to have more going for me than just narcissistic supply. I'm 61 yrs old. I feel like the 3rd monkey boarding the ark and it it starting to rain. dying and resurrecting every few years is exhausting in every way. I want to be in a good place for more than a couple months.
i've watched this 5 times today. but then, I am grieving very deeply. and in a terrible place financially and their are people who depend on me to take dare of them, yet i can't even take care of myself for reasons that can't be fixed just by me making a decision and working hard. I cannot find any help or even who to contact to guide me in any of this. but i'm sure this video and channel will be crucial down the road and ongoing should i find a way to survive.
I love when they say "okay, I'll let you communicate " then they proceed to monopolize the convo and call you the problem.
I have found myself glued to your channel. Wow. Your presentation style and the things you are saying are literally 100% real and accurate.
Hi I'm Stephanie I'm listening to you now and I have to share this he pop up with out of nowhere and I was very cool and calm and in a very calm voice I was talking to him and he started talking about the last time we was together and I cut him off very quickly and he said that he was coming back and I said still in a calm way NO DO NOT COME BACK.and I closed my door BOY THAT FELT GOOD
What you said right at the end. When you get through a experience like that you become a lot more appreciative and positive about every situation. So yes it was a massive loss of your time, self respect, confidence and esteem. But that will never happen to you again 🤞🏽
Ugh, my wife is EXACTLY this. Were it not for some serious self-control, I would have already abused her. Badly. I honestly would almost rather be in jail than with her. We have children and I would never leave them alone with her. I am the only sane person our children have. It's so painful...
Why did you have children with her?
@@soldatintelectual6544How could you say that to him in the midst of his struggle?
"Don't spend time beating on a wall hoping to transform into a door" Coco Chanel .... You can't reason with a narcissist it's completely pointless is my experience
When confronted with facts behavior they simply deny them or will say they don't recall the past as you do,
I walk away sometimes when i dont fall for the trap - a response no matter good or strained is extremely taxing mentally and emotionally....my entire lifetime of marriage was is a farce and an act....for him and an escape from previous marriage and a chance to recreate a new persona, ID and life....i never knew he was married or have kids...until my friend who knows his ex recognissed him
18:31 that opens my eyes. Lise Leblanc, thank you! Please realize that every second of your time and energy for making this video is worth it. You have just delivered me from years of insecurities and doubts! thank you so very much!!
Lise Leblanc is by far the best when it comes to knowing and understanding narcissism. Lise professionally ability of explaining to having you understand is next level. I stopped watching all narcissism Chanel’s over a year now and only recently Lise Leblanc just appeared and came from no where and finding myself watching every episode. Mesmerising to watch
It drove me crazy! When you know you are doing your best by the person but you still get attacked and told you are the problem, you absolutely can't help but doubt yourself! I think my last partner has bpd but she used to act very narcissist too. After a blow-up, I used to sit down with her and calmly ask exactly what I did to cause it and she never could say after the fact and she used to say it was her not me. Despite this, I'm pretty sure she's telling people I'm a narcissist. However she's done this with her ex husband and other partners to deflect any blame from her
I have been with my partner for 3 years.
It is exactly as you have portrayed and explained.
I have had good and bad times as you would expect.
The amount of times I have wanted to run away, but the good her keeps me there.
I know eventually I will leave her and always say to myself, one more time that I am treated with toxicity, then I'll go, but I keep staying.
We currently live at our own houses, so live quite far apart.
We rely on phone conversations, while we are apart, which happens often, because things happen and we move away from each other.
Last night we talked for over an hour and a half.
It was fantastic and I followed your advice about being cool, calm and other pointers you made.
She even messaged back and said how nice I was and how our phone call was lovely.
I know I can't continue like this for too long, because I wasn't being me and felt my personality was being restricted.
It was good that I enjoyed a long conversation albeit it might only keep things good until something else bad happens.
I really appreciate your advice and I continue to watch your videos, which give me comfort and support.
Thank you Lise.
I guess courage is the key in resisting narcistic pushing us into drama. If we don't panic our brain is calm. A calm brain is smart and wise computer thinking clearly giving us insight and clarity. On the other hand a panicking brain allows narcists to push us into angrily defending ourselves. It takes courage not to respond narcissistic baiting. They love drama. It is a narcistic supply. It is brave to remain cool, calm and collected in the face of humiliation.
When they are talking, just listen. Don't try to figure out what they are going to say next. I like this rule. Very inspiring.
No contact only! I quite literally don't have time to deal with anyone whose main objective is to emotionally or intellectually dominate another person. This is what their entire life revolves around. They are hopeless cases. They must be hugely insecure and unhappy. They will probably never change because quite frankly, they are mentally damaged. Let them go! My mother is our narcissist. Life is much better when there is no contact.
indeed
it's almost scary how spot on you describ the narcisist. I got out of a short relationship with a narc and several experts like yourself have what I think personally described my experience. It was an awful experience to say the least. I feel sorry for the next man who she gets ahold of. I wouldn't wish it on my enemies. Also that comment about the narc actually giving me something to grow and develop is so true. As painful as it was, I am stronger and more aware.
It seems the better approach is to identify the situations where one can get out of such a relationship, and proceed to do so.
Only in situations such as work, or unavoidable familial situation, should one even attempt to deal with a narcissist. And at that, how to minimize interaction should be the best strategy.
While this video is valuable, I'm surprised "recognizing when one can get out, and determining how to do so," isn't mentioned as a prime strategy.
Oh my goodness, your entire video was so true to life, but the last 15 seconds - - pure gold! Thanks.
That's one of the most helpful videos so far. Not so focused on blaming and accusing as it's widespread, and more focused on practical advice. The examples also make a lot more sense.
I forgot mentioning that once you know that they’ll deflect, attack then attempt switching their role into being the victim after you address them as offender, you’ll know at which places in the communication algorithm to hold your breath and to look out for propelling their agenda through the usual means (offensive defenses and silent rage of anger to maintain grandiosity, to your detriment). They are like a song you’ve heard a million times - you know the verses and the chorus and you know the bridges , all you need to know is yourself in that dynamic, or they’ll take you on their crazy ride. They’ll try to take the wheel and no amount of patience will keep them off this fixation. But that patience will help you observe the pattern over 3 attempts and compare the barer with himself so that you stop maintaining the illusion that things can go differently. They can’t, because it’s the same person with the same deficiencies and the same needs. The methods can slightly vary, but if you are patient and keep them in the communication to reveal themselves - you’ll notice how consistent they are in what their goals are and how consistently ready they are to sacrifice you relentlessly.
I was with one for 7 years and she would say I am giving her attitude when I was perfectly calm.
It used to send me off on one until I came to the point when I mentioned "you love pointing out my amped up moods but you never address why I'm in that mood in the first place".
This almost always killed off her drama sessions with a childish fk you then she would give me the silent treatment for half the day which is exactly what I wanted.
Watched this yesterday. Narcissist initiated a conversation that night and I fell into the trap. Doing everything wrong of course. So hard not to respond emotionally. Watched it again today. Making notes and preparing for the next bashing.
I think I have a better understanding. It was a painful lesson but a humbling one. A narcissist holds venerablilty to the highest reward. Whether they are conditioned, circumstance or environment. They cut themselves off from their venerablilty, thus losing half of their entity. With that void, they seek the strongest venerable people. When the relationship starts, they use their charm as a mask. Once the empath opens fully, the narcissists start their rewarding work. They feel that temporary venerablilty that is twisted in their head, making themselves feel like a complete partner. Once the empath catches on, the venerablilty stops. Then there nothing to talk about anymore😂.
There's no such thing as an emphat. They are covert or vulnerable narcissists. They are wolves in sheep's clothing.
I have kids with one. It's exhausting . I thought I was crazy before these last 3 days STRAIGHT OF RESEARCH. Now that my perspective has shifted, I can see the lies soooo easily that it's almost comical. I'm practicing no contact ( as much as I can with kids) and she just made up a whole elaborate story for no reason. Or at least a reason I could see . I'm pretty sure she was baiting me. I almost bit down on it. But now that I didn't I can literally feel her wheels turning thinking of anything she can do to rope me back in as have been an important supply for her. Now that I see it , I'm thinking I need to be very careful.any person who would like the way she just did, would probably be very irrational if she runs out of options and becomes panic. I fear for me and the kids. So I'm trying to play nice but I do not intend to throw hooks or bite them. Remain calm, stay completely even and understand that she can not control my emotional state. She can try to influence it, but I ultimately am in control. I'm scared of what's coming next when she realizes that I'm only playing nice and she doesn't stand a chance of ever using me as a " supply source" again. I wish I knew before. Feel so dumb and knowing that she has no empathy and never loved me almost broke me. I think I can navigate this but I MUST remain calm cool, collected while maintaining my distance, mentally and emotionally. I can't say I'm fully detached as the break up only just happened. I left when I found her narc stash. No apologies, no remorse. I got the silent treatment and didn't understand what the hell was happening. How do YOU get to be mad and what about? She went and got right back on her phone. She keeps trying to guilt trip me, get me to be her "hero" again. Just trying it Al and I see it so clear. I feel bad for her really .it must be a miserable existence but they do it to themselves. I wonder what would happen if they put that same amount of energy into self improvement. Probably wouldn't feel the need to wear the mask anymore. I only wish I was never involved and I feel forever damaged. It made me better in a lot of ways, but I'm gonna need to be alone for a while in order to have a healthy trust in my next relationship. Right now it's hard, I question everything now, I feel like a detective that doesn't get paid to detect. I'm a very emotionally sensitive person. Stuff bothers me easily and she knows EXACTLY what to do. So this, this will be hard and a never ending thing until my kids are adults. They are only 1 and 2 years old
Hope you're doing better now, that's a really tough situation
👏👏👏🍀
You're in a no-win situation, as I was. I stayed for the kids and here I am, trying to work out WTF just happened.
It's a proper wakeup call when you go looking for coping methods and realise you've already applied some of these things before even discovering channels like this one.
You can stay, but you risk mental fuckery on a level you couldn't comprehend.
I didn't have this information when I was at your stage in the relationship but you do. (because you've recognised some signs at least or you wouldn't be here commenting)
There's so much to consider... and no easy answer for any of it.
And it's all through no fault of your own, which in itself, makes it harder to deal with.
I hope you make the right decision for you 👍
It so true.. a year ago my husband injured me because he was driving in anger...because he annoyed with sat nav directions bringing him wrong...i said best to switch off the sat nav & follow signs...he wouldnt . So we ended up driving crazy down a small back country road ,hitting 2 ramps , then him slamming on in anger. I got whipped & neck injured....mri ,cts ER...proof of injury .out of work 4 months injured. ..to this day he says, where is the proof, prove you were injured....if you werent annoying me...you wouldnt have been injured.
I keep questioning myself ,is it me,have I made it all up....lying as he said ....because I so destroyed by his lack of care
I feel for you. 💕 He would've lost it no matter what.
@@ElizaBeth-fh6wy Thank you...I keep blaming myself as I have so many times over many years, I have had to jump out of the car numerous times,or refuse to get in, or stand with my back up against the kitchen drawers when he angry, in case he grab something & use....
I ask him very gently & nice after any issues ( such as disagreement over a tv film) & he not spoken to me in days, when it suits you can we talk..... sort this out...he tells me .#!×+ you. did not speak to me for 5months because I said it stupid arguing over tv film
@@christinamaxwell3421 You're wise to recognize the unwarranted anger and not escalate the situation. No it's not your fault. A lot of people in this world are very sick with narcissism disorder and there are many victims of them. Educate yourself with channels like this to understand what's going on. Maybe sometime you will see your way through your plight. Don't give up hoping.
The only thing that you might question yourself on is why are you still in the relationship. His behavior, however, is not your fault.
@@christinamaxwell3421 😳🤯🤯🤯😵💫
Honestly , I don’t think this is even possible. All I will get is criticism about my personality and how terrible I am, everything will be my fault. Why should I have to sit and listen to someone attack who I am? It’s exhausting and all I want is out of this relationship but he won’t leave my house and move out.
Hire someone to kick him out!
Google it.
Good luck! 😎
I appreciate your help and advice. My concern is by the time one figures out what is going on, it is already too late and the victim's mind is already too messed up and weakened. Thereafter one can't stay calm enough to execute all these.
Please incorporate and address these concerns in future videos. Much appreciated.
This is true. I got to a point where I'd go nuts after probably 2 or three replies. As soon as there's a real disagreement she would begin the manipulation. It was disgusting. My wife's key win was to use guilt and pity. She'd cry and I'd give up.
@@IshtarNikeguilt - obligate - shame equals manipulation
Unfortunately the kind of conversation you describe where they get more and more emotional in an effort to get a reaction, well it can and will often end in violence. You should have this warning. The people doing this kind of abuse have no problem escalating to hurting you physically. The only solution is to leave, and if you have to communicate with them as part of later childcare, grey rock them. Matter of fact, via text as much as possible. Do not engage as you will lose.
So basically adopt the “ give no F#cks attitude 😎. Easy for a Scorpio. We live by the 50/50 rule . And yes, I’m dealing with a savage narcissist right now . But she’s learning real quick she can be replaced and give no f#cks. You get what you pay for.
Ah, _that_ gift!
Perhaps it's an endearing memory of their qualities?!
For me, it's more like a perpetual waking nightmare that's been seared into my very existence.
I'm learning slowly but surely. Once they become transparent, you can't ever see them in the same way again. Instead, you see their lies, their deception attempts, their blame, their tactics, everything. The learning curve to get to that point however, is especially difficult and drawn out given the number of 'realisations' and 'epiphany' moments you get along this curve - most are usually painful in some way because it forces us to accept things about our partner that have been too hard to accept before.
Thanks Lise, your videos are like the antidote to all their poison ❤️
This is valuable information, sounds like one of the best pieces of advice i ever got. However this will not be easy to master. We must train ourselves. One reason for narc epidemic is because we somehow allow their tactics to work for the narcissist.
I can relate all of that from the beginning of this topic..... NO CONTACT AT ALL..... That's all I do now....
I want to thank you for the great tips. I have struggled with my girlfriend for a long time and I believe that I have taken a hardline approach towards her. I’ve refused to allow her to attack me, gaslight, change reality, and every time I get upset I simply walk away angry with a flurry of text messages between us flying. I tell her what she is doing and she says that I am doing it. I see some really good qualities in her half of the time and we really enjoy each other’s company. I understand that she can’t change and I don’t mind stroking her ego because we really do have a lot of fun together. I’m going to try your method here and if it keeps me calm and cool I can deal with her. We shall see how she reacts to the change.
Do not have a child with her!!! U will be trapped for years!!
I wish that I would have found these videos earlier. My ex was the exact person she describes in these videos. For so long I blamed myself for being in the situation I was in and these videos really helped me rationalize everything and helped me not feel crazy. Thank you for helping us work through the trauma that relationships with these women can bring you truly are helping.
Omg omg omg ... this is such a good representation of what i've been through it's eerie to watch. Thank you Lisa!
Ive commented on dozens of your videos, and my comment stays the same every time. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for you videos, Mrs. Le blanc! Best wishes from Switzerland!
You cannot communicate with these fruitcakes. Run and maintain no contact
I was spinning but then I realized that it showed me how little control I have over my own anger. I can accept the gift of that through the experience.
My narcissist divorced me 6 years ago. Only contact occurs around grandchildren. When we do interact I limit it to gray/ yellow rocking. I tell her that I have peace in my heart and clarity of mind and I hope she finds the same. End of conversation!
I just want to tell you how much you've saved my sanity - the old me would be watching tarot videos dreaming of his return - the new me is using logic and your videos to discern that this is a dead end road on a loopy cul de sac ❤❤❤ THANK YOU
If i take Hari's story to heart, then i must strategize the end of this "relationship".
"Spending less time on our phones". This statement heard by a person in the year 2000 would elicit bafflement. ' What does she mean by 'on our phones'? Why would we be on the phone so much ?😂
Don’t ever think you’re done anything wrong. They want you to question yourself. You’ll never know how you’ve upset them so don’t even bother to think about it. Just avoid where possible and stay calm.
If you don’t have to deal with them just ignore them.
18:51 that’s some dark dark humor but sadly so true
after listening to all the rules i decided It aint worth my time
So what you’re saying is there’s really no way to get anything out of a conversation with them, just get out if it if that’s where you find yourself guys, there is really no point in trying to improve this type of relationship.
This is great advice, much easier said than done. But it is possible with practice. One way to get a narc off of you and away from you in their moment is to stay calm and be non-reactive.
No contact is one of the best ways to deal with a narcissist, especially a nasty covert one. My wife's daughter married one and he and his mother have ripped our family in two. They have completely brainwashed my stepdaughter to be in lockstep with everything he believes by playing victim, shaming, and guilt tripping her. Our son-in-law has manipulated my stepdaughter to the point that it's a loosing battle to try and reason with her. We are villainized no matter what. Our son-in-law is good at trying to get a emotional rise out of his opponents. My stepdaughter "cancelled" us, so we said "Ok" and backed off. My wife and I decided, that our daughter has to figure this out herself, if ever. All we can do is pray for her and move on with our lives.
It is so shocking how many of these points are exactly how my gf behaves. I just made the decision to break up. Now I have to ask her to leave and to finally pay rent while she lives in my apartment. I assume she will freak out. And I am reallyscared of that situation but it has to be. I do not want to go through such a relationship again. And when she is gone I can finally go back to live in peace.
When I was younger I would get roped in. Now starting 2 or so years ago when I talk too long to a narcissist, regardless of the type, I don’t stay calm around them, I always seem to get upset or angry or frustrated. That right there is my tell that someone is a narcissist, and it usually happens early. I just see bad behavior, that usually ends up in the person being a narcissist or some other disorder.
Wow... I'm dealing with a female narcissist,who happens to be the mother of my son. You are so right. I've seen some similar situation with her before, I had a son from her...
no - unless its something they want
That's gangster. Lisa is the sweetest O.G. LOL! I'm learning so much. Thank you.
Lol i always go into a conversation with good intentions...then find myself jumping up and down, yelling and being just like him
IN THE ART OF PEACE we never attack.
An attack is proof that one is out of control.
Never run away from any challenge, but do not try to suppress or control an opponent unnaturally..
Let attackers come any way they like, and then blend with them.
-Morihei Ueshiba
I simply think of myself as the mirror reflecting back their obvious malicious intentions.
NGL... Narcissistic people are all over the place in the workplace.
That means one must either live in fear of the never ending adrenaline of narc bullies or one must call it out.... COMPASSIONATELY.
prefacing everything with I tell you this out of compassion.... [explain their toxic behaviors) then send em to the narc definition page.
In the end you want them to recalculate the price of preying on you.
Hell yeah. It is the tree in empire strikes and you were found wanting. Heal thyself, give your best, be humble,be honest, clean more around you as yhe chaos swells within. Sit with your feelings. No words. Just sit with it.
Thank you and all the commenters. Learning and understanding what is happening to me makes it easier to navigate.
Richard Oliver, you have the exact name as my father. Nice.
We can throw facts and logic at a narcissist and they still argue with you as if nothing you've said makes any sense. I feel that even setting boundaries for these types of people doesn't help much either since they will eventually try to overstep those boundaries you've set with them and then they will try to manipulate and guilt-trip you for setting those boundaries. It's a vicious cycle!
my personal tip that worked is instead of directly insulting them i said something I guess we are both not capable of being adults right now and we should allow the courts to handle this situation . This sent them into a panic and I could hear their inner childs voice come out .
I been catalyzed by narcissists… them narcs all got one thing in common… they move through the same deep shadow 🐁
I don't think any of this is possible The sad and ironic thing about watching all these videos though is that most poeple don't discover them until they have left and it's too late when we try to find out what the hell just happened.
thank you for your devotion to this channel. It is important and life changing illumination. I have spent many years in ignorance, never suspecting that there are those so close to us who would weave such web of deliberate chaos and causing such emotional harm. Yet, with understanding and compassion I grow grateful for these lessons. More and more I exchange the mask of pain and anger I had to wear for one of joy. Perhaps I would never have learned of the profound love available within. Your beauty is far greater than anything you've experienced. Be encouraged, be the love of your life.
Great video as always! It’s always disturbing to unravel how disturbed they are and desperate to control the narrative, with zero consideration of other people’s experiences and zero personal investment in their comfort (unless these people are idealized or feared strangers and impression management is full on to secure access to supply). Ime, it’s extremely important to maintain your own focus on the topic, despite their frantic attempts to spin you alongside their chaos to just rip your self-possession off your hands - both of you have different agendas - yours is to get the point resolved , theirs is to NOT and to ensure new territory for imposing wrongdoing. Anyways, I like your video because I can see what you did there - only non-narcissist (excluding HF ASPD) can manage such communication strategy. A narcissist is fully incapable to sustain such off-self-centered course from the regardful place a non-narcissist is capable of.
And it’s true - self-growth is amazing from interacting and observing narcissists. They are like software QA, if you dare hiring one to test the limits to how outraged you can get by trying to find moral sanity in them. They aren’t trained as therapists to protect you in running scans and diagnostics. They are simply a toddler with a pickaxe getting off on having their way amidst instant gratifications and variety of distractions in between. Anything goes for them, but they surely can get you to work on yourself and find your own glitches and treasures to polish.
Omg this is pure gold
That is realy helpfull! I realized already that it is so hard to stay on topic with them because they push the buttons (accuse you, blame shift on your beloved ones, say simply irrational things and stick to those, they try to trigger you and loose your stability) . And once you are derailed they take ower the conversation (by pointing out that you are agressive, threatening, or they are affraid because you said certain words you are not alowed to say... even if you tried your best not to). Sometimes so perfectly calculated that you forget even what you wanted to talk about...
When I would pay high compliments to my narc ex she would actually say "That is the biggest turn-off in the world."
This video is scarily accurate to my situation... I suffer with BPD among other issues, so I am aware of how I can be, or act, or things I can say.... failing to not respond to my buttons being pushed has been my downfall. I have certainly added to the toxicity of that relationship, because usually I end up going off on one! Watching you videos has really helped me with having more awareness and insight into myself and my output into the world. Thank you for creating this content, it is absolutely valuable and appreciated for the time you have taken to educate the masses... thank you Dr LeBlanc🙏🏽
I think my most recent breakup was a narcissist. Her arguments kept reminding me of the old Chico Marx line: "Who you gonna believe, me or your own eyes?"
Man, I’ve really needed this channel. Thank you.
Such good training for life in general. Everyone should meet one once in their life
Best advice I’ve ever heard so far !! Thanks
You are so good 🙂
Love your examples. They’re really helpful.
Brutally honest and completely correct last sentence 👊