Spot on. I have finally realized that my friend of 30 years is no doubt a narcissist. I was married to a covert and related to a malignant. When you are finally well educated about them, it’s actually scary as hell how many are walking amongst us. I stay to myself more and more as I age and I’m perfectly fine with that. It’s better to be alone than with a demon in disguise.
The narcissist friend. That's the toughest one to let go of. That's the one that you confide to and they mirror you at that point. Then when the chips are down, here they come with everything they supposedly supported you on, hitting you over the head with THAT as a sledgehammer with. The biggest give-away of all things for me? Something that almost seems petty. This is one that I had gone no contact with a few times. The way they snapped at me to close their bathroom door, made me realize that this is the tip of the iceberg that's been there all along like I suspected. That if they're talking that way to me to my face as much of a friendly fake mask as they tried to put on at that moment, God knows how they're talking about me or to who behind my back? I have not been back since. I'm trusting my intuition on this one. Done. Just finally DONE with the cognitive dissonance I felt over the last two years or so
@@AZDC99 It's like the snap or the scream is almost designed to be both an outburst for them and so out of the blue that the person on the other end can't believe this is really the other person and it's some kind of anomaly and will put up with it - which is part of the narcissists conditioning process to make you put up with their outbursts. Unless you're educated in narcissists and then you just see a massive red flag or just call it then and there that for you they are not a safe person.
This is a very complex type of person, I was fooled for 18 years thinking she was a talented singer, lovely homemaker, great cook, love to entertain she also seemed to show empathy or kindness to others, but what I didn't pay attention to was her controlling ways, jealousy, gaslighting techniques, and inability to feel comfortable with my side of the family...social occasions were only acceptable when it was her friends, or family...then one day there was a massive emotional meltdown and the real person emerged which looked nothing like the person I married
This sounds exactly like my covert ex. It took me so long to see the slight changes over time. But she was exactly the same as you described. Seemed very nice to everyone else and she never got comfortable with my friends or family. Even to the point where my sisters pointed out she was more distant towards the end than closer. In the meantime I was getting close to her family and her nephews and nieces. Thats honestly what was the hardest part of leaving her and going no contact was i had to do it with her family too and I really liked them. But they were probably enablers unfortunately
My former friend. She used to use this line on me. I got so sick of listening to her puff her chest out while pretending to be some hugely intellectually gifted individual, that one day, I told her to pull her head out of her ass before she choked on all this shit that she was so full of. She laughed like an idiot before she realized that I had insulted her. Seriously, it was like she was on a taped delay. I often commented that if it rained brains, she would stay dry. Anyone who has to repeatedly mention how smart or in tune with their emotions they are, usually are neither of those things. My former friend was no exception to this rule. Despite having a four-year college degree, she couldn't even spell simple grade school level words correctly and would often use words incorrectly or claim a word wasn't a word. For example, she spelled repeatedly positive as posative (“spell check didn't catch it!” She could not grasp that her virtual keyboard on her phone would remember commonly used phrases she would type into it even if they were misspelled or grammatically incorrect), she thought crucial and cruel meant the same thing and vehemently declared that helm was not a word. Even simple conversations with her turned into heated debates because she had to get the last word. It was very exhausting being around her. I cut off all contact with her more than eight years ago and now she's someone else's problem.
My covert narcissist ex told me early on she was an empath and that is why her narcissist husband chose her as a victim. I'm sure you can deduce the plot twist that came next. :)
Yup that's spot on for the covert. Everything is a "tactic" to get what they want. What they want could just mean using you to protect their FACADE; making them gilmmer and shine like the perfect person they want the world to see.
Soon to be ex wife is doing this. Running over to the neighbors when I get home because I'm a narcissist and controlling so she can't be around me as I go into my 5th wheel in the driveway. Then she gets drunk with them comes back and yells at me saying she is going to commit suicide and pay guys to come over and get in my face, then tells me i dont know how this divorce feels also I took away all her dreams. Then says how she is afraid of what I'm going to do to her. So now that I moved my trailer, F trying to save money. She now is being all nice and normal since she can bring her boyfriend over anytime. I honestly felt like she was going to try something that I will not interact with her without video recording of any conversion.
I was in a relationship with a covert Narcissist for 7 years and had no idea what narcissism was. I thought narcissism was always like the grandiose. Mine was more passive-aggressive in his manipulation. He manipulated and used me throughout the entire relationship but he was also charming and boyish and it was addictive to me. He also loved animals. We had several dogs together that were a huge part of our life. He discarded me after he devalued me because I wasn't receptive to helping him financially anymore. The discard came in the middle of cancer treatment but he spent the entire summer that I was going through chemo watching me get sicker and sicker. He pretended to be a loving and devoted partner but the entire time he was planning a wedding. He married her as I started radiation. Never said goodbye or ended the relationship. I was devastated and traumatized. The only thing I could do was learn about his behavior. These videos were the only thing that snapped me into reality and helped me move on. I wouldn't say I feel better knowing what he is but it has definitely helped me understand and most importantly, it is not my fault.
I had a friend of 20+ years. When he retired he plowed his time into his church. We went on hunting and fishing trips. In the beginning I was so happy to cook, do the scouting, drive etc. He could barely fit in a 3 day trip when he worked but even when he was retired and well to do, he couldn't find time. Something other than our excursions always had priority. He was not a very commited outdoorsman and I realized he was using my skills and energy as crutches for himself. Suddenly I umderstood why his volunteering was so important.. He drew his self esteem from being praised and needed. Once I stopped doing all the scouting, meal prep, etc for the trips our relationship collapsed. I went no contact. I've got other buddys now.
7:21 "Apologies from a narcissist should be taken with a grain of salt. Watch for their behavior instead." Even I used to hold out hope that maybe they finally GOT IT. The irony? It's true what other former targets of narcs say, that these monsters will actually resent the fact that you're asking them to act like a decent human-being---and then they even sometimes AVENGE your "ridiculous" demand. I don't know how you pack such a mighty punch in just 8 minutes, but this is definitely Narcissism 101 for ALL FORMS OF IT of it regarding NPD like family, friends, and ex-lovers
The occasionally perfect beast, (covert), is only revealed over time and many different situations. Sometimes it takes years if one is not up to speed, or has strong blind spots due to repressed childhood trauma of their own that hasn't been resolved.
My former friend. I wanted to help her do better, but she was a lost cause because she adamantly refused to admit that she was the one, the common denominator, the root cause of all of her problems. I could name close to 50 people whom she alienated with her toxic ways. I'm sure my former friend barely remembers even a fraction of these people or me, by teaching herself to forget that we all ridded ourself of her or, a more likely scenario, she tells flipped tales in which we were all the butthole and she is the perpetual victim. Tragically, narcissists will never ever change because they don't think they are the problem. That's the downside to free will. They have to have the inherent desire to turn over that new leaf and not give up when the going gets rough. That's another thing I've noticed is a very big trait in narcissism: apathy and lethargy. Specifically with the covert type. While I will always remember how my former friend treated me, I don't hate her anymore, but I do pray for her. Maybe one day she'll get a clue. Then again, that's about as likely as one of the Kardashians winning an Oscar.
@@cgc1581 The golden advice I got from the great Dr Ross was in a "Covert Narcissist" video of his. Spoiler alert: he says to quietly walk away. (Almost alien to when repressed hurt finally has a chance to express itself while walking out the door, but he's totally right from his own experience that these people have "too much to lose" to not let you get out the door "unscathed.")
I was married to a narcissist for 15 years and never knew it until she discarded me. I just want to thank you, Lisa, for these videos they have really opened my eyes to the truth. The fact that I was abused and became addicted to her for so many years. The discard and divorce has been devastating for me. I've spent the last six months try to reclaim who I was before and who I am. I felt like a shell of the man I used to be. Her being gone has been hard because of the addiction but I'm finally realizing the truth that she was toxic and abusive.
She discarded me. I'm going through the withdraw from her but getting slowly better. She made me feel like the shell of the person that I once was. I was down depressed.
Just when you think you've seen it all, you're actually going to see that smirk whether it be in person or is detectable in some other micro expression auditorily speaking. (It's hard to believe that there are people that are sadistic all over nothing but for the sake of being sadistic... These people are the hidden psychos amongst us )
Yea it's so evident, that you're left wondering how you got mindfucked for so long. For me, her whole game was clearly just to spark a reaction, so why would I keep trying to make sense out of it? I knew she would lie or deny or distort, and then start the story from me being irritated at this present moment. That's always the game, there is never intellectual honesty involved. And she's satisfied when I react. I could try to keep my cool and ignore her, but she would get as nasty as it would need to spark something soon after anyway. Yet I kept going in that circle for years.
My Ex was an expert to fool us all! He acted specially generously to others so they could not tell that he was a Narc. He was the perfect uncle! Always ready to help, so that his image was good. Yes Lise, he could pretend to be empathic! Nobody knew about his terrible rages at home and how he devaluated and gaslightet me.
My ex GF DA was amazing for the first 5 weeks, then disappeared. She would often talk about her exs, make inappropriate comments, have 2 horrible twins, aged 8. One of them tried to flush a kitten down the toilet. Then throwing a cat out of the first floor window. The ex scared me, didn't care, didn't love, was never wrong and told me that she'd never change. I sent her a text she didn't find funny 4 weeks, 2 days ago. Not her a thing from her. I've moved on and dating a normal woman. It's amazing, she's sane. Much love ❤️
4:30 "Narcissists can often be amazing aunts or uncles." When scapegoats finally stand up for themselves after decades of covert abuse turning overt, this is when all hell breaks loose! This is when the perpetually bullied gets twisted into falsely looking like the bully. I say, cut your losses!
Good video! I would point out one other odd thing about CNs. They can appear to make an adjustment in some not-so-great behavior, but at the same time, they will resent it being brought to their attention and be working behind the scenes to pay you back in some way. It's best if we keep "constructive criticism" at bay; something that rarely happens. But if it does, it will not go unpunished.
Yup happened to me too she got extremely violent if I queried a contradictory odd behaviour or trying to freak out our son which was just wrong and weird like at Halloween it's scary to whisper in your ear lots of things ring alarm bells feel strange compared to what undamaged people say and act .For them it means a course in therapy but has any cn sought therapy .I would guess some would rather commit suicide and admit to the flaws which is what is happening in this world right now .Mother's are killing their children or dads then killing themselves I wonder why but there's a weird surge in mother's doing this right now it's really quite sad and tragic and scary .God bless all .
I spent 26 years with my wife (CoNarc). The condition is insidious. She seemed just as genuine whether she was being loving and compassionate or when she would verbally eviscerate me in a 6 hour rage. It would not stop until I "got it" and apologized. To this day, she cannot tell me one thing she regrets doing. No matter what she has done, it was because I put her in the situation to have to. I left a month ago. She is past the love bombing and moving into the smear campaign. In the meantime, I haven't seen my kids in 3 weeks and she claims they don't want to see me. Of course, now that I'm gone, she immediately started going to church to get supply (pity) for all the wrongs of done to her and for a prayer group to pray for our marriage. She is so subtle and skilled and extracting supply while playing the victim. The trauma bond part of me is still trying to consider how I can help her without giving in. Truth is, I can't.
This is possibly the most important thing about understanding narcissism. I even see it as an essential tool for the Narcissist to get what they want and need. Narcissism thrives on being in the shadows. Even overt narcissism will need to shade itself and recede back to show a non-narcissist side to others. Understanding that even the primary supply source can experience high levels of imitated empathy, love and tenderness is vital to unraveling the crazy-making nature of these kinds of relationships. Few videos really focus-in on this reality. Future faking is another method of diverting and deflecting. It gives a false sense of commitment. Love bombing is the introductory fake-out. The manipulative behavior must live in shadows. A primary tool is creating a non-narcissistic appearance while performing the manipulations and gaslighting along with all the other associated negative behaviors.
That gaslighting still not too long after they find out exactly what their motive was. But they've been love bombed so badly that they'll stick with tolerating the sweet/mean cycle like I used to years ago
Future faking is something my ex did alot. Like we will be together and that we would settle down apparently that would resolve all our issues when reality that isn't the truth. Then she would gas light me to say that it was my fault for saying that I gave her flase impressions. When all I said is let's see where our relationship goes..
I have someone in my life who is narcissistic towards me. But ,towards other people they are very considerate and kind . So I don’t think they see themselves as narcissistic. I could never talk to them about it because they would get upset and think I’m attacking them.
I uncovered a covert female narcissist two and a half weeks into the relationship. The education I got on YT helped immenesly and saved me time and grief. It was a life lesson that I wouldn't change for anything.
@@GG-mx9fj She was always the victim in her stories of past romantic or workplace relationships. Passive aggressive, entitled, petty, spoiled and immature. Cold. A bottomless pit sucking your life energy day by day. If she turns out to be one, just leave her and go NO CONTACT. You can never change those people and life's too short to be wasted on someone so self absorbed and incapable of loving.
I guess this explains why my narc mom still cried when our pets died and when bad things happened to me and my sister. Even though she did some horrible things a mother should never do to their child, she still seemed to care on some level. She was not just faking it either. There was nothing to gain by her faking it and I have pondered this for many years now.
They can definitely feel empathy, typically, although with grief it often seems to centre on feeling sorry for themselves, what they have lost. My mother felt empathy to her children and my son when we were very small, then lost it as we got older
We all have some low level narcissistic traits and may not be a narcissist. When the narcissistic traits dominate our behaviour to become inappropriate all the times, then you may be a narcissist.
@@edwinswift2646 Most people are selfishly motivated,it’s difficult to think of anything we do in life that isn’t directly or indirectly selfish.I think when someone deliberately sets out to destroy another person for what ever reason, then you clearly see the narcissist.These days we’re extremely quick to label people with popular traits,without spending enough time with them to be sure they are what we think they are.I do appreciate and understand what your saying.
@@howardhdavidson Everyone is narcissistic. Like any personality trait or defect, narcissistic tendency is a bell curve spectrum. Some people are very low on the spectrum and some very high. Everyone else falls in middle somewhere. Having just gone through an intensely narcissistic abusive relationship with my ex wife, I have been learning about this in depth for a couple of months. I think the biggest indicator of a true narcissist is extremely exploitive and entitled behavior. For example, my wife (now ex) started an affair with another man before we had even separated. I started to realize that she found true joy in my pain. In one conversation she started and forced, she kept asking about my pain. Without provocation or me even asking any questions, she blurted out that she had had sex with him in our marital bed. After she said that, she couldn't hold back her smirk even though she was trying to play off the conversation as genuine concern for my well being. Highly narcissistic people, or what people may just flat out diagnose as people with NPD or "narcissists", will exploit you to make themselves feel better no matter the cost. They feel entitled to act whatever way necessary to get what they feel they want, need, and deserve no matter how bad it may hurt the other person. So, it's true that everyone is narcissistic to some degree. But not everyone is a narcissist. (Edit: me talking about the subject like I'm some sort of expert is an example of one of my narcissistic tendencies. Not an expert on the matter... Just sharing my opinion based on what I've learned recently.)
It makes my hair stand on end as I learn more and more about covert narcissists and I see how perfectly the behaviour of my ex-gf matches typical CN behaviour. I had no idea these people even existed and she took me for a ride that lasted 9 months. I knew there were things in her behaviour and her words that didn't compute but I wrote those off as quirks of her personality. I did, however, push back against the things she said that just didn't correspond with reality and I think eventually she realised she wouldn't be able to fool me long term and so discarded me. I was confused because up until the very end she had been telling me that we would have this wonderful life together but then I found out that she was a covert narcissist and suddenly ALL the lightbulbs came on at once and ALL of her behaviours made sense.
My "MIL" is as sweet as pie to everyone, really gregarious, and laughs at EVERYTHING, including others' misfortunes. I've been living with her for over a year and she had me fooled even though the signs were all there. It wasn't until I had a recent health scare when she started laughing about it that I finally realized. That's bad enough, but when you add in a toxic sociopathic bf and his mean, racist, bigoted father, it makes it a living hell. Yes, I am working on getting out of here ASAP!
Haha, me too. Looking back I should have said nothing about all the tactics. What I also noticed was how some of the stuff she did seemed to be 'learned' from her previous relationships. Like she made some mistake back then and got corrected by her partner. Learning from it and taking the lesson to all new relationships afterwards. But there was something off, my intuition told me it was fake learned behavior. Anything but genuine.
Identifying a clever narcissist can take a lot of time, never ever underestimate their craft and talent to be diabolical and the ability to deceive you into thinking it is something magical and wonderful. I fell for that with two partners, as a child of two narcissists I was pre-disposed to the situation.
Yeah, at 48 years old, I finally had to admit that the shrinks were right in the 1980s about their general theory about people emulating subconsciously at least what they grew up with. Same thing happened to me!
I pity my friend who I love very much. I wish I didn’t go through this the hard way. I refer to him as a friend because I care for him. Yes he is a narcissist and his toxic, abusive patterns are harmful to those he encounters and unfortunately he has hurt me in so many ways. He will reap the consequences and going no contract was best. Thx for all this info. I’m still going through the pain because I fell for him. I cannot hate although I had moments of anger, which is justified. But I finally stood up for myself with God’s help. I finally have peace.
I’ve watched thousands of these videos. They have been helpful to me in seeing the world in a different light with new eyes. The more I inwardly reflect the more I think that I have some selfish tendencies and maybe even grandiose to a bridle that passion. I’d like to think I have a very interesting story and I could probably tell it very well. I feel like I’ve been in a war for years. I’m very grateful for video such as this it is carried me through some dark spaces and so has God. A character flaws I see in myself are hard pills for me to swallow I just don’t understand why my spouse will not reflect inwardly I even think that I am to some degree a narcissist probably an overt narcissist I am often the fun person at a party. Pretty sure I’m married to covert narcissist she is very fragile in her ego a beautiful very intelligent woman. She will never see what she does to me or her children… i’m tired of thinking things are my fault I just want to be healthy and to be in healthy relationships. I want to be raw and vulnerable and heal she does not. Coming up on 20 years with five children nobody really wants to talk about the scenarios this is still it seems better for me to remain married… All I have to say is thank you for the mini videos that you’ve put out. Genuinely grateful for your time and your gifts I wanna sound as grateful as possible without anything in return thank you. Although I would welcome reaching out to me with open arms.
People with CPTSD are often taken as narcissist due to their emotional deregulation (disregulation?). Empaths get the so-called, narcissistic fleas by co-living with narcissists; nobody gets out of hell untouched.
This might be the most important video on the subject. It’s what made me stay for 10 years. Because of those other peaceful relationships I thought that I could do something differently to live in harmony with him. But he only saw those other people a couple of times a year so it’s mighty easy to keep up appearances that way.
A narcissist may not know they are one, if they have never heard of narcissism exists and their non-neurotypical brain believes their behaviour are normal and appropriate. I am glad you mentioned that some narcissists will try to change their behaviour once realising they are hurting and harming someone. It may be rare, but it does occur. The narcissist often does not realize what quality they have demined themselves of. Thank you for an informative presentation.
My covert narc ex husband proposed to me, we got married, within that first year of marriage he took my wedding ring and sold it and proceeded to “help me look for it” and scolded me about how I’m so dumb to have lost it etc and whether I lost it at work, when the previous night he saw me place it in the drawer next to our bed, I never took it to work as it’s easy to lose things when you do manual labour. They love nothing, they’re incapable of loving anything even themselves lol, sometimes you’ve just gotta laugh at them and give them zero attention because it must feel like sh*t waking up and hating who you are 24/7 🤣. It’s basically what they’re jealous of about others. That we’re able to actually enjoy life the way we do.
AWESOME SHARING LISE LEBLANC! YOU ARE OPENING MY EYES TO UNDERSTANDING THE NARCISSIST AND THEIR MANY WAYS AND TACTICS! I AM 74 YEARS OLD AND I KNOW THAT ONE NEVER STOPS LEARNING! THANK YOU! SHALOM!😊
You're so accurate in your descriptions of a Narcissist, Lisa ✔️ Sadly I recognize ALL of these in my relationship, which makes me sad to admit to myself. I know how his behaviour will not change, and have been through the Narsissistic cycles several times already. Still I'm in it..
Get out while you can man! You can do it. It will probably be hard in the short term but it will be so much better for your spiritual health to be out of that situation. Sorry if this is obvious. Just hope you can get out and treated right soon.
I am currently trying to co-parent with a woman like this, a covert type I think. It's been very difficult. While she seems to love our daughter, I don't believe she is capable of allowing her to become her own person. She encourages our daughter to hate me. I am a constant and loving presence in her life so I don't think it will work long term. But she has primary custody and I have visitation, so she has the ability make hell for our daughter if she doesn't go her mother's way. I knew nothing about narcissism while I was with my ex. I ended the relationship after I figured out that a lot of her behavior towards me was abuse. I don't know anything outside of what I've read and watched in videos like this about narcissism. From my experience: If my ex is a narcissist, which I'm not qualified to say, I believe there is a bedrock of fear and insecurity that lies at the heart of their often hateful and destructive behavior. I always caught that vibe from my ex. My ex believed she was entitled to treat other people poorly because of perceived slights she suffered from those same people, no matter how disproportionate her reaction was. She spent a lot of energy looking for reasons to treat others poorly. She was often exhausted. I believe her intense hatred of people, and the stress of maintaining the veneer of normalcy, consumed a lot of her energy. I'm not perfect, but I believe strongly in doing the best for other people. What she got out of me is a kid, a punching bag, and piggy bank. I am simultaneously the most pathetic person on earth and the most diabolical monster depending on how it fits her needs. She has been married for over 5 years now, so she must be doing something right.
She must be fooling her couple rather well, you mean. Don't be too hard on yourself; you are not the only one who has been fooled. There are tons of comments of abused people in UA-cam; just imagine how many people don't know who they are dealing with.
My ex would go out to Restaurants and pay for food for the entire family everyone in the community would always say ur husband is so kind but I caught he'll at home
This! Exactly! My niece and nephew thought he was great. So did my sister. He was brilliant with the nieces and nephews on his side of the family too. To me, not so much.
Boy this can be confusing ,I understand what you ‘re saying , but it makes me wonder about myself also,am I the covert narcissist? I do come from a very traumatic abusive background ,or do I have some tendencies,that create situations? and I love animals! Just something for me to look at as well as the people I’m dealing with, self awareness and self inventory is something we all need check in with , thank you again Lise🙏
We all have traits. Some are more then others because they lose touch with themselves. To self reflect and take accountability means you saw poor behaviors and strive to correct them.. A narc acknowledges poor behavior but refuses to correct it unless it gets them the supply they want.
This whole conundrum with especially the usual dark triad personality disorder suspects is indeed a very tricky business even for philosophers. If it could be said that life is a game of ego then the dark triad personality disorders are the clear dominating winners. Only there are couple of issues with that. First, in order to "win" and to top at the game of life you must "lose" your humanity in the process of winning against and the expense of others. Second, being uninhibitedly willing to do whatever it takes to get what you want is a prerequisite for being succesful. Play or get played. If the rest of us decide to play the game but not at the expense of our values, morals and humanity then we are surely to get played by a dark triad personality in the future. Half-assed measures doesn't cut it. We must always level the playing field or be and think several moves ahead with these people it seems. Third, the famous saying: "everything about the world is sex except sex. Sex is about power" comes to mind. If we live for things like truth, justice, love, pursuit of happiness/excellence and freedom and not power, sex, money and success then we are bound to get played by the dark triad personalities. We will get manipulated or deceived by these people because the aforementioned values are the very things that will expose them for the shitbags that they are. I hate to say this and hope that I'm dead wrong but it's only a matter of time before we get fucked over. The best thing one can do is to know this in advance and brace yourselves to mitigate the potential damage done. It's also helpful to understand the dark triad "creed" or "golden rule" which is to "do unto others BEFORE they do it to you". If there is one commonality that stands out the most between the dark triad personalities then it's manipulation. The functioning world view of manipulation is this: everyone is your enemy and life is just a zero-sum game. Ironically, in their twisted psychology they believe everybody else are just as selfish and manipulative given the opportunity. They can't believe that others don't think like them as it was proven with the Prisoner's dilemma. Take care everyone and strive to be the best versions of yourselves.
you are so correct, One and Only. But please, do not let this (correct) outlook spoil your noble nature. the devils are not worth it. thank you for sharing your thoughts. Let's count our blessings, of which there are still many. one if those being able to recognize what goes on in the sick minds if narcs.
@Gabrielle Aumont No problem. Hope it was helpful and reaffirming and complementary to Lisa's videos. Lisa does a very job at exposing these selfish foxes. Do you have experience with the Dark Triad gang? If so, just know that it's never about you. It's all about them. They are the problem. Ironically, the void they can't seem to "foolfill" is the very thing that's bigger than their ego which explains the term narcissistic supply. I'm quite lucky myself to stay out of their crosshairs or they stay out of mine. They don't like challenges, they like easy victims. But as an example if I were to get duped by them and lose money in a business deal it would be a lot better then losing my life. I forgot to write that invisibility or covering who they are with masks is what makes them so dangerous. Work on yourself to be the best you can be but always know that you are good enough and capable enough and smart enough as you are right now. Not tomorrow, not yesterday or only if you had something or someone that is currently out of reach then you would be enough. When you have both these two firmly under your belt meaning a strong and healthy self-esteem and self-confidence, you are now integrated. You are now bulletproof. Most. if not all victims of the Dark Triad gang are low self-esteemed and insecure men and women or the opposite: very confident and self-loving but still somehow the bastards manage to break you down and bring you down but I say don't let them. Nobody pisses on me because I don't piss on nobody else. They do that because they truly believe you would do the same to them given the chance or opportunity. The insults, degradations and hurtful words thrown at you from The Dark Triad gang won't matter because you know you are worthy enough and can walk away if you happen to be in a relationship with one of the Dark Triad personalities. Don't argue with them, let them keep the furniture or whatever and most importantly don't engage them and let them think they have won. In reality, they lost you and you won your life back but they can't see that because their head is so far up their asses. Unless there is some serious trauma bond or you share children together then yes it's tricky. Enjoy your life :D
It's a fact we will get manipulated and it's very sad. We will get betrayed. We will get hurt. But it's not good for our souls to be playing their game. For myself, I stick with my spirituality. Sometimes I cry in prayer but I feel comforted. To me all this stuff is a spiritual battle. I win by sticking with my morals.
@@blahblahblah4544 The worst thing they can do to you beside violence is to make you mistrust and hate others. If you are a woman, it's men. If you are a man then it's women. Don't let one toxic Asshole or toxic bitch convince you that all others are the same trash. Take care
Such a great list! I have always been able to pinpoint these tactics in my biological family, as well as the family I married into. Thankfully my strong intuition and ability to read body language has allowed me to keep a distance and notice when there's an inconsistency, meaning I can never trust these individuals because they have a game or two up their sleeves when they're being fake-nice.
The kind part is most confusing. It makes you confused because they were nice and suddenly they started to me nasty to you. Or they are nice and then they are not. Its on off button. It makes hesitate in yourself. And for sure they are super nice when they want something out of you.
One of the things I loved about my ex was that she was so charming and had so many friends. My dear cousin introduced her to me as a perfect match. She was also quite religious (more than myself) and would not miss communing every Sunday. HOW could I know???
... I've volunteered for a animal charity, for a Number of years. I loved doing it, feels great to help etc. But I do believe,a certain percent of people,do it,in a fake,have people say, oh, your so good, look at me etc,none genuine. Indeed possible narcissists!. Those types,seem to almost , resent you, if you appear to be more natural with the animals,or putting in more time,than them!.
I have only just realized my boss is one, even though I still don't fully understand it yet. She is the 1st one I have ever had to deal with. Her traits are manipulative, entitled, fake empathy, if I challenge her she gets real narkie. She has the manager wrapped around her fingers because he only hears what she wants him to here. There is no way to call her out because it will go to the manager, basically she has cornered the market. So I'm in a bit of a predicament at this point in time.
#2 I actually noticed this before, but never heard about it. Very interesting, I think that to them it must be like dealing with something that isn't "part of the game" so they don't feel a need to try and control or manipulate because the animals are "off limits." Its also a way of showing people just how 'truly empathetic and loving they really are', but 'everyone else is so cruel to me except for dogs'.
Simply 100% nailed it again, especially covert and communal. Wish I knew all of this 37 years ago. Fake empathy. Communal positive relationships - "isn't she wonderful". Animal friendly - never got the connection that those relationships are safe. But when our pet was sick, then it was a pain/nuisance. Occasional apologies that seem sincere. Walking on eggshells Never say No to her Nothing is ever good enough, or good things quickly followed with: "The next will be better!" Mine suffered analysis paralysis, never could make a decision. So I would be the one - but if things went bad it was always my fault. Bottom line: Always my fault. Even though she was the one inflicting that perfectionism onto herself, me, the kids from her childhood abuse.
I am still trying to figure out narcissism. It appears that it is a phenomena that has been going on since modern times. But is only in the beginning phases of being defined. And narcissism is also commonplace. I found out about narcissism from my younger brother, who has recently started therapy brought on by our narcissist mother. It is a relief for me to learn about narcissism, where before I suffered confusion and anger dealing with my mother. Also my deceased older sister, possibly my father. Now I see narcissism greatly manifest in our society today. It also answers the question I had about why there are so many abrasive people on internet comment sections. The comment sections are designed to be an exchange of ideas and people sharing, instead there are many seeking narcissistic supply that simply ruin the online experience.
"Im sorry youre right i should be respectful and i DO love you and appreciate you. I dont want to talk to you this way anymore." Then in the end right before a discard you get scorned with the evil stare and tone followed by a 5 paragraph letter telling you how horrible you are and they were only ever telling you what you wanted to hear, followed by a list of hateful low blows to every fiber of your being saying they were never in love with you, that you are crazy and a narcissist and then use your past to weaponize emotional trauma against you. In the end you are left destroyed and it takes years of hard work to heal from. A covert narc, is the biggest Jezebel youll ever meet.
My favorite one: Covert narc ex has an "Are You a Narcissist?" test app on her FB page, and of course she scores 0% narc, 1000% empathy. She's even an expert at fooling the tests that call her out on being a narc.
The more videos I listen to about what a narcissist does, I begin to think I am the narcissist. Then I realize the examples are things most people have done. So in some way, we are ALL narcissistic??
Pretty sure there are a good number of narcissists in the field of psychology, and that I've seen videos of them explaining how they get away with it/telling on themselves (though they don't realize it/think they are fooling everyone - and they do fool most.) They ARE pervasive through society, so of course, but I mean a higher ratio than a lot of other professions.
I was fooled for years, I did not see the red flags for a long time. I justified the behaviors and words with taking all the accountability myself. It took therapy and knowing something wasn’t quite right in the relationship. It’s very hard to see a younger adult grow into this disorder, if I had know them as a teen or any history I would’ve been able to spot it earlier. Now years later people are warning me, and telling their stories of toxic interactions, a lil late, 😮 This person is unaware consciously, but they definitely know subconsciously they are not treating me well. It’s very hard dealing with this especially when you’re empathetic and love this person.
Try loving yourself; he will hate it. I tell you this because the longer you stay trauma-bonded, the harder will be your recovery and believe me; they don't let you go until you're useless to them.
I am a very empathetic towards others. I have no ideas of grandiosity no spotlight. I do apologize when I’m a doofus. Yet I have this idea I may be one but most likely have low self esteem
they don't fake *EMPATHY,* rather they display *SYMPATHY* Sympathy is showing emotions towards something that has already happened. Empathy is putting yourself in the other person's shoes or kinda merging emotionally with someone. Empathy is that thing in human beings that drives us to do for others because we connectively feel what they're going through or are about to face. You can have a display of sorrow without putting yourself in the other person's shoes. Empathy acts as a kinda boundary the prevents us from doing wrong to others. You can do wrong to someone because you lacked the empathy to tell you how they would feel, and then feel sympathy for them after the fact. Sympathy won't prevent you from doing something. It's feeling bad after the fact
Narcs don't have empathy. They cannot put themself in the shoes of someone with a different/opposite perspective. They are rigid and fixed-minded. The narc I know actually claimed to be an empath... in reality, she merely assumed everybody else "felt" the same as she did.
This is scary tbh! My ex wife 100% is a covert narcissist and I don't think she knows. The problem is always with everyone else always but she could turn emotions off and on like a switch. She now only has contact with people that sing her song (flying monkeys) My last parter also displays narcissistic traits but upon research 100% fits BPD. Makes me really scared to fall in love again!! Is it me???
I always say of my covert narc husband; he made himself my servant to become my master. He was almost cloyingly subservient and would hold my hair off of my neck and blow on it if I was hot, make me coffee in the mornings and ask me every time if he'd made it right. He was just at my beck and call which honestly made me uncomfortable, but I just dismissed it because I thought maybe it was that I wasn't used to being treated well in a relationship. 😆 let me tell you...as SOON as he had me in a situation where I had no escape route, the REAL person came out with a vengeance. Absolutely the complete opposite in every way. I knew things were bad, but I had no idea just how bad things were until the woman he'd been cheating on me with at work and her husband contacted me. I saw through the text messages he'd sent her exactly his whole plan to destroy me, smear my name, and leave my son and I homeless. I've never seen anyone more ruthless than that. It was a real slap-in-the-face wakeup call!
Hi Lisa, thank you for all of this great content. I very much enjoy your videos. Have you ever considered creating some videos on mental issues besides narcissism? And, is there a reason why you focus on narcissism? .. Once again, thank you.
My mom, my whole life she’s so fake it’s got everyone fooled the part where it said they appear normal around other people they try to make you look nuts, but yet behind peoples backs, they say bad things about everyone who supposedly they friend keep her fingertips length. my mom Even had another man in the house to give her attention while my dad was dying, and she realize he was useless to her. At that point he couldn’t serve her needs. She had his bank account and pension.
my ex was like a covert narc- didn't figure it out until the third silent treatment... i'll never be fooled again! anyway, i'll never forget how he told me early on he was an "INFJ." tried to pretend his "shyness" was introversion. it was actually just a way to control the situation, and dock out on social obligations whenever he wanted to. including breaking dates with me, which i learned later, is a favorite thing for narcs to do- they will make a date then break it, to test how sad/ mad/upset you get.... what a LOSER! anyway- don't fall for the INFJ thing- a true INFJ would never give someone a silent treatment and not want to make the other person feel good/ok/supported. an INJF wouldn't emotionally abuse you. a narc would.
@@derekmarks8969 exactly. he bragged that only 1 or 4 per cent are that... whatever. i took a "test" and found out i probably was one, too. difference is, he's a pathological liar! ha! hope you went no contact. they really should "read from a playbook" given how "cookbook" they all are!
My husband is, I think, a covert narcissist. And I was a fool cause he was very loving with children and his blood related family. He loves his mom unconditionally, no matter how terrible she behaves. He is maybe angry for a moment , but he forgives her everything and also have always excuses for her. Because i Saw this empathy he had for children and his family I thought he is a great empath. But he is the opposite to me.
In the two year charade with the narc I didn't want to believe she was one, even though I was privately doing my own enquiry. At one point she asked me if I thought she was a narcissist and I replied, "No, you have empathy." without realising I had been hoodwinked by a pro in a long programme to do just that. What I came to learn later is that it was obviously all faked. In the final throes of the relationshit we went to a movie and saw "Lion", a beautiful film around Indian children - homeless, adopted, etc. Pretty much everyone in the cinema was quietly weeping at the end - me included. Through crocodile tears she exclaimed, "I'm going to India to save all those poor children". My brain exploded with how grasping that was and just confirmed what a real idiot she actually is. Don't get me wrong; I am overloaded with empathy and compassion, but realise that it would take sacrificing beyond my capacity to make a difference.
Narcissists are such great storytellers, they are able to bullshit themselves into believing and preaching their bullshit 😂 If only they healed their trauma and used their talents to good use!!!
I wouldn't let what you're describing about criticism against narcissists confuse anyone with those who were verbally abused and maybe they're not ready to take criticism Another thing is to remember how criticism is delivered. How it's delivered will determine how well it's received. If it's delivered wrong, it's going to be rejected. If it's delivered right, it's more likely to be received. If criticism involves someone let's say the criticizer meddling in someone's personal life regarding something innocent like say where you have outdoor items such as in a landlord tenant relationship, it can be crossing the line into harassment. This is especially true if you've had that item in the same spot for a number of years with absolutely no issues whatsoever. It's even more true if you've been using that item for specific multiple purposes. Sometimes it's the landlord who can become narcissistic, especially if they're drunk. Just pointing some stuff out here because it needs addressed
I watched my gf absolutely lose it on multiple occasions. One time, I remember I brought up how I felt like I couldn’t share my feelings after a devaluation stage. She slammed her head into the dashboard like screaming, so I said I was gonna pull over and walk home. She started slaying me at the top of her lungs, I’m leaving her, please don’t, she’s telling me not to get out or we’re over, she’s grabbing me not letting me get out of the car, I slid out without hurting her, and darted. She ran for 30 yards maybe yelling my name. Someone called the cops on her. When my family member picked me up and drove me home, we showed up at the same time. She got in a blowout with my family member, and wouldn’t let me leave the house trying to make sure I stayed and talked it out. Which I couldn’t understand because that’s all I wanted in the first place
Spot on. I have finally realized that my friend of 30 years is no doubt a narcissist. I was married to a covert and related to a malignant. When you are finally well educated about them, it’s actually scary as hell how many are walking amongst us. I stay to myself more and more as I age and I’m perfectly fine with that. It’s better to be alone than with a demon in disguise.
Yes! The pandemic allowed me to let go of many!
Politics consists out of 90% of these people
The narcissist friend. That's the toughest one to let go of. That's the one that you confide to and they mirror you at that point. Then when the chips are down, here they come with everything they supposedly supported you on, hitting you over the head with THAT as a sledgehammer with.
The biggest give-away of all things for me? Something that almost seems petty. This is one that I had gone no contact with a few times. The way they snapped at me to close their bathroom door, made me realize that this is the tip of the iceberg that's been there all along like I suspected. That if they're talking that way to me to my face as much of a friendly fake mask as they tried to put on at that moment, God knows how they're talking about me or to who behind my back?
I have not been back since. I'm trusting my intuition on this one. Done. Just finally DONE with the cognitive dissonance I felt over the last two years or so
@@AZDC99 It's like the snap or the scream is almost designed to be both an outburst for them and so out of the blue that the person on the other end can't believe this is really the other person and it's some kind of anomaly and will put up with it - which is part of the narcissists conditioning process to make you put up with their outbursts. Unless you're educated in narcissists and then you just see a massive red flag or just call it then and there that for you they are not a safe person.
So true!
This is a very complex type of person, I was fooled for 18 years thinking she was a talented singer, lovely homemaker, great cook, love to entertain she also seemed to show empathy or kindness to others, but what I didn't pay attention to was her controlling ways, jealousy, gaslighting techniques, and inability to feel comfortable with my side of the family...social occasions were only acceptable when it was her friends, or family...then one day there was a massive emotional meltdown and the real person emerged which looked nothing like the person I married
This sounds exactly like my covert ex. It took me so long to see the slight changes over time. But she was exactly the same as you described. Seemed very nice to everyone else and she never got comfortable with my friends or family. Even to the point where my sisters pointed out she was more distant towards the end than closer. In the meantime I was getting close to her family and her nephews and nieces. Thats honestly what was the hardest part of leaving her and going no contact was i had to do it with her family too and I really liked them. But they were probably enablers unfortunately
sounds like my ex always. Like something makes then crack and they become someone else all of sudden.
The reply of AlanForde- Cheyne reflects exactly my experience; the only difference is that I have 30 years more experience. They get worse with age.
I lived this exactly .A nightmare.
The funny one is when a narcissist tells you they are a empath when it is abundantly clear they are narcissistic 😂
My former friend. She used to use this line on me. I got so sick of listening to her puff her chest out while pretending to be some hugely intellectually gifted individual, that one day, I told her to pull her head out of her ass before she choked on all this shit that she was so full of. She laughed like an idiot before she realized that I had insulted her. Seriously, it was like she was on a taped delay. I often commented that if it rained brains, she would stay dry.
Anyone who has to repeatedly mention how smart or in tune with their emotions they are, usually are neither of those things. My former friend was no exception to this rule. Despite having a four-year college degree, she couldn't even spell simple grade school level words correctly and would often use words incorrectly or claim a word wasn't a word. For example, she spelled repeatedly positive as posative (“spell check didn't catch it!” She could not grasp that her virtual keyboard on her phone would remember commonly used phrases she would type into it even if they were misspelled or grammatically incorrect), she thought crucial and cruel meant the same thing and vehemently declared that helm was not a word. Even simple conversations with her turned into heated debates because she had to get the last word. It was very exhausting being around her. I cut off all contact with her more than eight years ago and now she's someone else's problem.
That’s my wife
EXACTLY!!!
My covert narcissist ex told me early on she was an empath and that is why her narcissist husband chose her as a victim. I'm sure you can deduce the plot twist that came next. :)
@@piotrdubiel7214 that sounds exactly like my recent covert ex of 2 years
Yup that's spot on for the covert. Everything is a "tactic" to get what they want. What they want could just mean using you to protect their FACADE; making them gilmmer and shine like the perfect person they want the world to see.
Soon to be ex wife is doing this. Running over to the neighbors when I get home because I'm a narcissist and controlling so she can't be around me as I go into my 5th wheel in the driveway. Then she gets drunk with them comes back and yells at me saying she is going to commit suicide and pay guys to come over and get in my face, then tells me i dont know how this divorce feels also I took away all her dreams. Then says how she is afraid of what I'm going to do to her. So now that I moved my trailer, F trying to save money. She now is being all nice and normal since she can bring her boyfriend over anytime. I honestly felt like she was going to try something that I will not interact with her without video recording of any conversion.
@@rizin2213 It sounds like you are in a world of pain, take care of yourself.
I was in a relationship with a covert Narcissist for 7 years and had no idea what narcissism was. I thought narcissism was always like the grandiose. Mine was more passive-aggressive in his manipulation. He manipulated and used me throughout the entire relationship but he was also charming and boyish and it was addictive to me. He also loved animals. We had several dogs together that were a huge part of our life. He discarded me after he devalued me because I wasn't receptive to helping him financially anymore. The discard came in the middle of cancer treatment but he spent the entire summer that I was going through chemo watching me get sicker and sicker. He pretended to be a loving and devoted partner but the entire time he was planning a wedding. He married her as I started radiation. Never said goodbye or ended the relationship. I was devastated and traumatized. The only thing I could do was learn about his behavior. These videos were the only thing that snapped me into reality and helped me move on. I wouldn't say I feel better knowing what he is but it has definitely helped me understand and most importantly, it is not my fault.
That’s definitely not your fault. Humans can be so cruel. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Hope you get treated much better in the future.
I had a friend of 20+ years. When he retired he plowed his time into his church. We went on hunting and fishing trips. In the beginning I was so happy to cook, do the scouting, drive etc. He could barely fit in a 3 day trip when he worked but even when he was retired and well to do, he couldn't find time. Something other than our excursions always had priority. He was not a very commited outdoorsman and I realized he was using my skills and energy as crutches for himself. Suddenly I umderstood why his volunteering was so important.. He drew his self esteem from being praised and needed. Once I stopped doing all the scouting, meal prep, etc for the trips our relationship collapsed. I went no contact. I've got other buddys now.
7:21 "Apologies from a narcissist should be taken with a grain of salt. Watch for their behavior instead." Even I used to hold out hope that maybe they finally GOT IT. The irony? It's true what other former targets of narcs say, that these monsters will actually resent the fact that you're asking them to act like a decent human-being---and then they even sometimes AVENGE your "ridiculous" demand.
I don't know how you pack such a mighty punch in just 8 minutes, but this is definitely Narcissism 101 for ALL FORMS OF IT of it regarding NPD like family, friends, and ex-lovers
The occasionally perfect beast, (covert), is only revealed over time and many different situations. Sometimes it takes years if one is not up to speed, or has strong blind spots due to repressed childhood trauma of their own that hasn't been resolved.
This is the truth
You're so on point! The Human Magnet Syndrome by Ross Rosenberg. It's changing my life 🥰
My former friend. I wanted to help her do better, but she was a lost cause because she adamantly refused to admit that she was the one, the common denominator, the root cause of all of her problems. I could name close to 50 people whom she alienated with her toxic ways. I'm sure my former friend barely remembers even a fraction of these people or me, by teaching herself to forget that we all ridded ourself of her or, a more likely scenario, she tells flipped tales in which we were all the butthole and she is the perpetual victim. Tragically, narcissists will never ever change because they don't think they are the problem. That's the downside to free will. They have to have the inherent desire to turn over that new leaf and not give up when the going gets rough. That's another thing I've noticed is a very big trait in narcissism: apathy and lethargy. Specifically with the covert type. While I will always remember how my former friend treated me, I don't hate her anymore, but I do pray for her. Maybe one day she'll get a clue. Then again, that's about as likely as one of the Kardashians winning an Oscar.
YES!
@@cgc1581 The golden advice I got from the great Dr Ross was in a "Covert Narcissist" video of his. Spoiler alert: he says to quietly walk away. (Almost alien to when repressed hurt finally has a chance to express itself while walking out the door, but he's totally right from his own experience that these people have "too much to lose" to not let you get out the door "unscathed.")
I was married to a narcissist for 15 years and never knew it until she discarded me. I just want to thank you, Lisa, for these videos they have really opened my eyes to the truth. The fact that I was abused and became addicted to her for so many years. The discard and divorce has been devastating for me. I've spent the last six months try to reclaim who I was before and who I am. I felt like a shell of the man I used to be. Her being gone has been hard because of the addiction but I'm finally realizing the truth that she was toxic and abusive.
She discarded me. I'm going through the withdraw from her but getting slowly better. She made me feel like the shell of the person that I once was. I was down depressed.
100%
Just when you think you've seen it all, you're actually going to see that smirk whether it be in person or is detectable in some other micro expression auditorily speaking. (It's hard to believe that there are people that are sadistic all over nothing but for the sake of being sadistic... These people are the hidden psychos amongst us )
how about Lise Leblanc herself? Could you tell if she is surely isn't a narcissist? Or another personality disorder..
Yea it's so evident, that you're left wondering how you got mindfucked for so long. For me, her whole game was clearly just to spark a reaction, so why would I keep trying to make sense out of it? I knew she would lie or deny or distort, and then start the story from me being irritated at this present moment. That's always the game, there is never intellectual honesty involved. And she's satisfied when I react. I could try to keep my cool and ignore her, but she would get as nasty as it would need to spark something soon after anyway. Yet I kept going in that circle for years.
that motherfucking smirk!! 🤬🤬🤬
Lol this is quite scary to think about because they are great actors!
My Ex was an expert to fool us all! He acted specially generously to others so they could not tell that he was a Narc. He was the perfect uncle! Always ready to help, so that his image was good. Yes Lise, he could pretend to be empathic! Nobody knew about his terrible rages at home and how he devaluated and gaslightet me.
My ex GF DA was amazing for the first 5 weeks, then disappeared. She would often talk about her exs, make inappropriate comments, have 2 horrible twins, aged 8. One of them tried to flush a kitten down the toilet. Then throwing a cat out of the first floor window.
The ex scared me, didn't care, didn't love, was never wrong and told me that she'd never change. I sent her a text she didn't find funny 4 weeks, 2 days ago. Not her a thing from her. I've moved on and dating a normal woman. It's amazing, she's sane. Much love ❤️
4:30 "Narcissists can often be amazing aunts or uncles." When scapegoats finally stand up for themselves after decades of covert abuse turning overt, this is when all hell breaks loose! This is when the perpetually bullied gets twisted into falsely looking like the bully. I say, cut your losses!
My ex was like this. She used buy them nice stuff and act like the cool aunty
Good video! I would point out one other odd thing about CNs. They can appear to make an adjustment in some not-so-great behavior, but at the same time, they will resent it being brought to their attention and be working behind the scenes to pay you back in some way. It's best if we keep "constructive criticism" at bay; something that rarely happens. But if it does, it will not go unpunished.
Well said! This exact thing happened in my marriage to a covert.
Yup happened to me too she got extremely violent if I queried a contradictory odd behaviour or trying to freak out our son which was just wrong and weird like at Halloween it's scary to whisper in your ear lots of things ring alarm bells feel strange compared to what undamaged people say and act .For them it means a course in therapy but has any cn sought therapy .I would guess some would rather commit suicide and admit to the flaws which is what is happening in this world right now .Mother's are killing their children or dads then killing themselves I wonder why but there's a weird surge in mother's doing this right now it's really quite sad and tragic and scary .God bless all .
Yes, absolutely!
I spent 26 years with my wife (CoNarc). The condition is insidious. She seemed just as genuine whether she was being loving and compassionate or when she would verbally eviscerate me in a 6 hour rage. It would not stop until I "got it" and apologized. To this day, she cannot tell me one thing she regrets doing. No matter what she has done, it was because I put her in the situation to have to. I left a month ago. She is past the love bombing and moving into the smear campaign.
In the meantime, I haven't seen my kids in 3 weeks and she claims they don't want to see me.
Of course, now that I'm gone, she immediately started going to church to get supply (pity) for all the wrongs of done to her and for a prayer group to pray for our marriage. She is so subtle and skilled and extracting supply while playing the victim.
The trauma bond part of me is still trying to consider how I can help her without giving in. Truth is, I can't.
This is possibly the most important thing about understanding narcissism. I even see it as an essential tool for the Narcissist to get what they want and need. Narcissism thrives on being in the shadows. Even overt narcissism will need to shade itself and recede back to show a non-narcissist side to others. Understanding that even the primary supply source can experience high levels of imitated empathy, love and tenderness is vital to unraveling the crazy-making nature of these kinds of relationships. Few videos really focus-in on this reality. Future faking is another method of diverting and deflecting. It gives a false sense of commitment. Love bombing is the introductory fake-out. The manipulative behavior must live in shadows. A primary tool is creating a non-narcissistic appearance while performing the manipulations and gaslighting along with all the other associated negative behaviors.
That gaslighting still not too long after they find out exactly what their motive was. But they've been love bombed so badly that they'll stick with tolerating the sweet/mean cycle like I used to years ago
Future faking is something my ex did alot. Like we will be together and that we would settle down apparently that would resolve all our issues when reality that isn't the truth. Then she would gas light me to say that it was my fault for saying that I gave her flase impressions. When all I said is let's see where our relationship goes..
I have someone in my life who is narcissistic towards me.
But ,towards other people they are very considerate and kind .
So I don’t think they see themselves as narcissistic.
I could never talk to them about it because they would get upset and think I’m attacking them.
Have 58 years experience of being around convert narcissist. You lose, they win. One sided relationships. Not fun
Because they are cheaters who abuse CHILDREN
I uncovered a covert female narcissist two and a half weeks into the relationship.
The education I got on YT helped immenesly and saved me time and grief.
It was a life lesson that I wouldn't change for anything.
How did you uncover her? I think my girlfriend may be one.
@@GG-mx9fj
She was always the victim in her stories of past romantic or workplace relationships.
Passive aggressive, entitled, petty, spoiled and immature.
Cold.
A bottomless pit sucking your life energy day by day.
If she turns out to be one, just leave her and go NO CONTACT.
You can never change those people and life's too short to be wasted on someone so self absorbed and incapable of loving.
Dang you found out in 2 weeks, took me 6 years!
I guess this explains why my narc mom still cried when our pets died and when bad things happened to me and my sister. Even though she did some horrible things a mother should never do to their child, she still seemed to care on some level. She was not just faking it either. There was nothing to gain by her faking it and I have pondered this for many years now.
They get upset when someone else hurts us, but they can’t own their own behavior.
As long as it's family abusing me it still ok 6 decades long...
I'm the Escaped Goat❤
They can definitely feel empathy, typically, although with grief it often seems to centre on feeling sorry for themselves, what they have lost. My mother felt empathy to her children and my son when we were very small, then lost it as we got older
Seems I don’t know anyone who isn’t a narcissist including myself.
We all have some low level narcissistic traits and may not be a narcissist. When the narcissistic traits dominate our behaviour to become inappropriate all the times, then you may be a narcissist.
@@edwinswift2646 Most people are selfishly motivated,it’s difficult to think of anything we do in life that isn’t directly or indirectly selfish.I think when someone deliberately sets out to destroy another person for what ever reason, then you clearly see the narcissist.These days we’re extremely quick to label people with popular traits,without spending enough time with them to be sure they are what we think they are.I do appreciate and understand what your saying.
@@howardhdavidson Everyone is narcissistic. Like any personality trait or defect, narcissistic tendency is a bell curve spectrum. Some people are very low on the spectrum and some very high. Everyone else falls in middle somewhere. Having just gone through an intensely narcissistic abusive relationship with my ex wife, I have been learning about this in depth for a couple of months. I think the biggest indicator of a true narcissist is extremely exploitive and entitled behavior.
For example, my wife (now ex) started an affair with another man before we had even separated. I started to realize that she found true joy in my pain. In one conversation she started and forced, she kept asking about my pain. Without provocation or me even asking any questions, she blurted out that she had had sex with him in our marital bed. After she said that, she couldn't hold back her smirk even though she was trying to play off the conversation as genuine concern for my well being.
Highly narcissistic people, or what people may just flat out diagnose as people with NPD or "narcissists", will exploit you to make themselves feel better no matter the cost. They feel entitled to act whatever way necessary to get what they feel they want, need, and deserve no matter how bad it may hurt the other person. So, it's true that everyone is narcissistic to some degree. But not everyone is a narcissist.
(Edit: me talking about the subject like I'm some sort of expert is an example of one of my narcissistic tendencies. Not an expert on the matter... Just sharing my opinion based on what I've learned recently.)
@@edwinswift2646 I could be wrong, but I do think if someone shows the narcissistic traits daily and not once in a while, they may be a narcissist.
@@Dj.D25 Agree, but someone will the skills of Lise Leblanc is required to formally determine if a person is a narcissist or a fledging narcissist,
It makes my hair stand on end as I learn more and more about covert narcissists and I see how perfectly the behaviour of my ex-gf matches typical CN behaviour. I had no idea these people even existed and she took me for a ride that lasted 9 months. I knew there were things in her behaviour and her words that didn't compute but I wrote those off as quirks of her personality. I did, however, push back against the things she said that just didn't correspond with reality and I think eventually she realised she wouldn't be able to fool me long term and so discarded me. I was confused because up until the very end she had been telling me that we would have this wonderful life together but then I found out that she was a covert narcissist and suddenly ALL the lightbulbs came on at once and ALL of her behaviours made sense.
You are so great at articulating a very complicated subject, thank you
My "MIL" is as sweet as pie to everyone, really gregarious, and laughs at EVERYTHING, including others' misfortunes. I've been living with her for over a year and she had me fooled even though the signs were all there. It wasn't until I had a recent health scare when she started laughing about it that I finally realized. That's bad enough, but when you add in a toxic sociopathic bf and his mean, racist, bigoted father, it makes it a living hell. Yes, I am working on getting out of here ASAP!
That last line got me!! Ugh… I basically told my NPD everything she did over 4 years that proved to me she was a Narcissist. She has the playbook… 😩😂
Haha, me too. Looking back I should have said nothing about all the tactics. What I also noticed was how some of the stuff she did seemed to be 'learned' from her previous relationships. Like she made some mistake back then and got corrected by her partner. Learning from it and taking the lesson to all new relationships afterwards. But there was something off, my intuition told me it was fake learned behavior. Anything but genuine.
Identifying a clever narcissist can take a lot of time, never ever underestimate their craft and talent to be diabolical and the ability to deceive you into thinking it is something magical and wonderful. I fell for that with two partners, as a child of two narcissists I was pre-disposed to the situation.
Yeah, at 48 years old, I finally had to admit that the shrinks were right in the 1980s about their general theory about people emulating subconsciously at least what they grew up with. Same thing happened to me!
Thankyou for that. Sounds like everyone, to varying degrees. Just the human condition; the ego I guess. My main concern is for the malignant ones.
I pity my friend who I love very much. I wish I didn’t go through this the hard way. I refer to him as a friend because I care for him. Yes he is a narcissist and his toxic, abusive patterns are harmful to those he encounters and unfortunately he has hurt me in so many ways. He will reap the consequences and going no contract was best. Thx for all this info. I’m still going through the pain because I fell for him. I cannot hate although I had moments of anger, which is justified. But I finally stood up for myself with God’s help. I finally have peace.
❤
I’ve watched thousands of these videos. They have been helpful to me in seeing the world in a different light with new eyes.
The more I inwardly reflect the more I think that I have some selfish tendencies and maybe even grandiose to a bridle that passion. I’d like to think I have a very interesting story and I could probably tell it very well. I feel like I’ve been in a war for years. I’m very grateful for video such as this it is carried me through some dark spaces and so has God.
A character flaws I see in myself are hard pills for me to swallow I just don’t understand why my spouse will not reflect inwardly I even think that I am to some degree a narcissist probably an overt narcissist I am often the fun person at a party.
Pretty sure I’m married to covert narcissist she is very fragile in her ego a beautiful very intelligent woman. She will never see what she does to me or her children… i’m tired of thinking things are my fault I just want to be healthy and to be in healthy relationships. I want to be raw and vulnerable and heal she does not.
Coming up on 20 years with five children nobody really wants to talk about the scenarios this is still it seems better for me to remain married…
All I have to say is thank you for the mini videos that you’ve put out. Genuinely grateful for your time and your gifts I wanna sound as grateful as possible without anything in return thank you.
Although I would welcome reaching out to me with open arms.
People with CPTSD are often taken as narcissist due to their emotional deregulation (disregulation?). Empaths get the so-called, narcissistic fleas by co-living with narcissists; nobody gets out of hell untouched.
This might be the most important video on the subject. It’s what made me stay for 10 years. Because of those other peaceful relationships I thought that I could do something differently to live in harmony with him. But he only saw those other people a couple of times a year so it’s mighty easy to keep up appearances that way.
I re-watch your videos from time to time. They are gospel in narcissism/bpd. Thank you for your excellent work.
A narcissist may not know they are one, if they have never heard of narcissism exists and their non-neurotypical brain believes their behaviour are normal and appropriate. I am glad you mentioned that some narcissists will try to change their behaviour once realising they are hurting and harming someone. It may be rare, but it does occur. The narcissist often does not realize what quality they have demined themselves of. Thank you for an informative presentation.
My covert narc ex husband proposed to me, we got married, within that first year of marriage he took my wedding ring and sold it and proceeded to “help me look for it” and scolded me about how I’m so dumb to have lost it etc and whether I lost it at work, when the previous night he saw me place it in the drawer next to our bed, I never took it to work as it’s easy to lose things when you do manual labour.
They love nothing, they’re incapable of loving anything even themselves lol, sometimes you’ve just gotta laugh at them and give them zero attention because it must feel like sh*t waking up and hating who you are 24/7 🤣. It’s basically what they’re jealous of about others. That we’re able to actually enjoy life the way we do.
AWESOME SHARING LISE LEBLANC! YOU ARE OPENING MY EYES TO UNDERSTANDING THE NARCISSIST AND THEIR MANY WAYS AND TACTICS! I AM 74 YEARS OLD AND I KNOW THAT ONE NEVER STOPS LEARNING! THANK YOU! SHALOM!😊
You're so accurate in your descriptions of a Narcissist, Lisa ✔️ Sadly I recognize ALL of these in my relationship, which makes me sad to admit to myself. I know how his behaviour will not change, and have been through the Narsissistic cycles several times already. Still I'm in it..
Get out while you can man! You can do it. It will probably be hard in the short term but it will be so much better for your spiritual health to be out of that situation.
Sorry if this is obvious. Just hope you can get out and treated right soon.
I am currently trying to co-parent with a woman like this, a covert type I think. It's been very difficult. While she seems to love our daughter, I don't believe she is capable of allowing her to become her own person. She encourages our daughter to hate me. I am a constant and loving presence in her life so I don't think it will work long term. But she has primary custody and I have visitation, so she has the ability make hell for our daughter if she doesn't go her mother's way. I knew nothing about narcissism while I was with my ex. I ended the relationship after I figured out that a lot of her behavior towards me was abuse. I don't know anything outside of what I've read and watched in videos like this about narcissism. From my experience: If my ex is a narcissist, which I'm not qualified to say, I believe there is a bedrock of fear and insecurity that lies at the heart of their often hateful and destructive behavior. I always caught that vibe from my ex. My ex believed she was entitled to treat other people poorly because of perceived slights she suffered from those same people, no matter how disproportionate her reaction was. She spent a lot of energy looking for reasons to treat others poorly. She was often exhausted. I believe her intense hatred of people, and the stress of maintaining the veneer of normalcy, consumed a lot of her energy. I'm not perfect, but I believe strongly in doing the best for other people. What she got out of me is a kid, a punching bag, and piggy bank. I am simultaneously the most pathetic person on earth and the most diabolical monster depending on how it fits her needs. She has been married for over 5 years now, so she must be doing something right.
She must be fooling her couple rather well, you mean. Don't be too hard on yourself; you are not the only one who has been fooled. There are tons of comments of abused people in UA-cam; just imagine how many people don't know who they are dealing with.
My ex would go out to Restaurants and pay for food for the entire family everyone in the community would always say ur husband is so kind but I caught he'll at home
This! Exactly! My niece and nephew thought he was great. So did my sister. He was brilliant with the nieces and nephews on his side of the family too. To me, not so much.
Boy this can be confusing ,I understand what you ‘re saying , but it makes me wonder about myself also,am I the covert narcissist? I do come from a very traumatic abusive background ,or do I have some tendencies,that create situations? and I love animals! Just something for me to look at as well as the people I’m dealing with, self awareness and self inventory is something we all need check in with , thank you again Lise🙏
Right? I was thinking the same thing. Who else feels like a narcissist after watching this video? Yikes!
Yeah the "they can love animals" part got to me. I'm like, f__k me, am I a narcissist and a dismissive avoidant?
Do you guys have any empathy? If not there’s your answer…
We all have traits. Some are more then others because they lose touch with themselves. To self reflect and take accountability means you saw poor behaviors and strive to correct them.. A narc acknowledges poor behavior but refuses to correct it unless it gets them the supply they want.
Thank you for your videos which have been a great help to me once again after a peculiar relationship.
This whole conundrum with especially the usual dark triad personality disorder suspects is indeed a very tricky business even for philosophers. If it could be said that life is a game of ego then the dark triad personality disorders are the clear dominating winners. Only there are couple of issues with that. First, in order to "win" and to top at the game of life you must "lose" your humanity in the process of winning against and the expense of others. Second, being uninhibitedly willing to do whatever it takes to get what you want is a prerequisite for being succesful. Play or get played. If the rest of us decide to play the game but not at the expense of our values, morals and humanity then we are surely to get played by a dark triad personality in the future. Half-assed measures doesn't cut it. We must always level the playing field or be and think several moves ahead with these people it seems. Third, the famous saying: "everything about the world is sex except sex. Sex is about power" comes to mind. If we live for things like truth, justice, love, pursuit of happiness/excellence and freedom and not power, sex, money and success then we are bound to get played by the dark triad personalities. We will get manipulated or deceived by these people because the aforementioned values are the very things that will expose them for the shitbags that they are. I hate to say this and hope that I'm dead wrong but it's only a matter of time before we get fucked over. The best thing one can do is to know this in advance and brace yourselves to mitigate the potential damage done. It's also helpful to understand the dark triad "creed" or "golden rule" which is to "do unto others BEFORE they do it to you". If there is one commonality that stands out the most between the dark triad personalities then it's manipulation. The functioning world view of manipulation is this: everyone is your enemy and life is just a zero-sum game. Ironically, in their twisted psychology they believe everybody else are just as selfish and manipulative given the opportunity. They can't believe that others don't think like them as it was proven with the Prisoner's dilemma. Take care everyone and strive to be the best versions of yourselves.
you are so correct, One and Only.
But please, do not let this (correct) outlook spoil your noble nature. the devils are not worth it.
thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Let's count our blessings, of which there are still many. one if those being able to recognize what goes on in the sick minds if narcs.
@Gabrielle Aumont No problem. Hope it was helpful and reaffirming and complementary to Lisa's videos. Lisa does a very job at exposing these selfish foxes. Do you have experience with the Dark Triad gang? If so, just know that it's never about you. It's all about them. They are the problem. Ironically, the void they can't seem to "foolfill" is the very thing that's bigger than their ego which explains the term narcissistic supply. I'm quite lucky myself to stay out of their crosshairs or they stay out of mine. They don't like challenges, they like easy victims. But as an example if I were to get duped by them and lose money in a business deal it would be a lot better then losing my life. I forgot to write that invisibility or covering who they are with masks is what makes them so dangerous. Work on yourself to be the best you can be but always know that you are good enough and capable enough and smart enough as you are right now. Not tomorrow, not yesterday or only if you had something or someone that is currently out of reach then you would be enough. When you have both these two firmly under your belt meaning a strong and healthy self-esteem and self-confidence, you are now integrated. You are now bulletproof. Most. if not all victims of the Dark Triad gang are low self-esteemed and insecure men and women or the opposite: very confident and self-loving but still somehow the bastards manage to break you down and bring you down but I say don't let them. Nobody pisses on me because I don't piss on nobody else. They do that because they truly believe you would do the same to them given the chance or opportunity. The insults, degradations and hurtful words thrown at you from The Dark Triad gang won't matter because you know you are worthy enough and can walk away if you happen to be in a relationship with one of the Dark Triad personalities. Don't argue with them, let them keep the furniture or whatever and most importantly don't engage them and let them think they have won. In reality, they lost you and you won your life back but they can't see that because their head is so far up their asses. Unless there is some serious trauma bond or you share children together then yes it's tricky. Enjoy your life :D
It's a fact we will get manipulated and it's very sad. We will get betrayed. We will get hurt. But it's not good for our souls to be playing their game.
For myself, I stick with my spirituality. Sometimes I cry in prayer but I feel comforted.
To me all this stuff is a spiritual battle. I win by sticking with my morals.
@@blahblahblah4544 The worst thing they can do to you beside violence is to make you mistrust and hate others. If you are a woman, it's men. If you are a man then it's women. Don't let one toxic Asshole or toxic bitch convince you that all others are the same trash. Take care
This one was funny. Loved the final comment..! E-gawd..!!
Such a great list! I have always been able to pinpoint these tactics in my biological family, as well as the family I married into. Thankfully my strong intuition and ability to read body language has allowed me to keep a distance and notice when there's an inconsistency, meaning I can never trust these individuals because they have a game or two up their sleeves when they're being fake-nice.
God bless you ma'am for your great efforts. 🙏🏾🙏🏾
The kind part is most confusing. It makes you confused because they were nice and suddenly they started to me nasty to you. Or they are nice and then they are not. Its on off button. It makes hesitate in yourself. And for sure they are super nice when they want something out of you.
One of the things I loved about my ex was that she was so charming and had so many friends. My dear cousin introduced her to me as a perfect match. She was also quite religious (more than myself) and would not miss communing every Sunday. HOW could I know???
Yes to everything here. ....But is also actually super brilliant perhaps even a genius.
... I've volunteered for a animal charity, for a Number of years. I loved doing it, feels great to help etc. But I do believe,a certain percent of people,do it,in a fake,have people say, oh, your so good, look at me etc,none genuine. Indeed possible narcissists!. Those types,seem to almost , resent you, if you appear to be more natural with the animals,or putting in more time,than them!.
I have only just realized my boss is one, even though I still don't fully understand it yet. She is the 1st one I have ever had to deal with.
Her traits are manipulative, entitled, fake empathy, if I challenge her she gets real narkie. She has the manager wrapped around her fingers because he only hears what she wants him to here. There is no way to call her out because it will go to the manager, basically she has cornered the market. So I'm in a bit of a predicament at this point in time.
Thank you for your videos! They are helping so many people!
Yes to everything! I had experience with a covert narc.
Again Lise, you just explained about my ex-girlfriend. Thank you for doing this video. I am happy to share my experience if you would like.
Fool me once, fool me again and again until you waste your life away.
A friend of mine told me his ex wife thinks he is a narcissist.
What a mocker .. I already new!
No contact !
I feel like in the beginning. A clue is communication patterns. They are very unstable with their communication.
Thank you for this information and the good vibe of your exposition. Your channel is a very nice discovery.
#2 I actually noticed this before, but never heard about it.
Very interesting, I think that to them it must be like dealing with something that isn't "part of the game" so they don't feel a need to try and control or manipulate because the animals are "off limits."
Its also a way of showing people just how 'truly empathetic and loving they really are', but 'everyone else is so cruel to me except for dogs'.
Simply 100% nailed it again, especially covert and communal. Wish I knew all of this 37 years ago. Fake empathy. Communal positive relationships - "isn't she wonderful". Animal friendly - never got the connection that those relationships are safe. But when our pet was sick, then it was a pain/nuisance. Occasional apologies that seem sincere.
Walking on eggshells
Never say No to her
Nothing is ever good enough, or good things quickly followed with: "The next will be better!"
Mine suffered analysis paralysis, never could make a decision. So I would be the one - but if things went bad it was always my fault.
Bottom line: Always my fault. Even though she was the one inflicting that perfectionism onto herself, me, the kids from her childhood abuse.
8:02 EXACTLY !!! MOST IMPORTANT!!!
I am still trying to figure out narcissism. It appears that it is a phenomena that has been going on since modern times. But is only in the beginning phases of being defined. And narcissism is also commonplace. I found out about narcissism from my younger brother, who has recently started therapy brought on by our narcissist mother. It is a relief for me to learn about narcissism, where before I suffered confusion and anger dealing with my mother. Also my deceased older sister, possibly my father. Now I see narcissism greatly manifest in our society today. It also answers the question I had about why there are so many abrasive people on internet comment sections. The comment sections are designed to be an exchange of ideas and people sharing, instead there are many seeking narcissistic supply that simply ruin the online experience.
I needed to hear this.
I’ve been married to one for forty years! Just now realized it. Should have left long ago. 5:12
This is brilliant! Thank you ❤
"Im sorry youre right i should be respectful and i DO love you and appreciate you. I dont want to talk to you this way anymore." Then in the end right before a discard you get scorned with the evil stare and tone followed by a 5 paragraph letter telling you how horrible you are and they were only ever telling you what you wanted to hear, followed by a list of hateful low blows to every fiber of your being saying they were never in love with you, that you are crazy and a narcissist and then use your past to weaponize emotional trauma against you. In the end you are left destroyed and it takes years of hard work to heal from. A covert narc, is the biggest Jezebel youll ever meet.
Wow. It gets deeper & deeper.
My favorite one:
Covert narc ex has an "Are You a Narcissist?" test app on her FB page, and of course she scores 0% narc, 1000% empathy. She's even an expert at fooling the tests that call her out on being a narc.
Fantastic help Lise!
Brilliant, as usual.. thanks again Lise
Thank you for another amazing video. They certainly change their tactics based on people speaking up about this issue.
The more videos I listen to about what a narcissist does, I begin to think I am the narcissist. Then I realize the examples are things most people have done. So in some way, we are ALL narcissistic??
I think people learn manipulative tactics to get by in life.
Everyone has narcissistic tendencies, this does not make you a narcissist however....
Pretty sure there are a good number of narcissists in the field of psychology, and that I've seen videos of them explaining how they get away with it/telling on themselves (though they don't realize it/think they are fooling everyone - and they do fool most.) They ARE pervasive through society, so of course, but I mean a higher ratio than a lot of other professions.
wendigo
I was fooled for years, I did not see the red flags for a long time. I justified the behaviors and words with taking all the accountability myself. It took therapy and knowing something wasn’t quite right in the relationship. It’s very hard to see a younger adult grow into this disorder, if I had know them as a teen or any history I would’ve been able to spot it earlier. Now years later people are warning me, and telling their stories of toxic interactions, a lil late, 😮 This person is unaware consciously, but they definitely know subconsciously they are not treating me well. It’s very hard dealing with this especially when you’re empathetic and love this person.
Try loving yourself; he will hate it. I tell you this because the longer you stay trauma-bonded, the harder will be your recovery and believe me; they don't let you go until you're useless to them.
@@Lyrielonwind yes I did start a couple years into therapy and left him as of last year.
I would think someone who is not only aware but have no issues using their narcissism as a tool for self gain are more of a sociopath.
I am a very empathetic towards others. I have no ideas of grandiosity no spotlight. I do apologize when I’m a doofus. Yet I have this idea I may be one but most likely have low self esteem
Great video for those raised by clever narcissists!
I have heard that narcissistic mothers are widespread in our society. Can you do a video telling me more about them.
Imagine if a narcissist is sitting at home watching YT videos about narcissism....🤯🤯🤯
The double edge sword of informative videos.
I've read that Albert Einstein was a narcissist that thrived on the adoration he recieved from the media and public.
You sure do make some good videos about narcissism. It's like you are hitting on all "cylinders."
My ex-wife was a talented covert narcissist. Never spotted anything until she discarded me for a new supply.
Thank you for the great videos. Subscribed
they don't fake *EMPATHY,* rather they display *SYMPATHY*
Sympathy is showing emotions towards something that has already happened.
Empathy is putting yourself in the other person's shoes or kinda merging emotionally with someone. Empathy is that thing in human beings that drives us to do for others because we connectively feel what they're going through or are about to face.
You can have a display of sorrow without putting yourself in the other person's shoes.
Empathy acts as a kinda boundary the prevents us from doing wrong to others.
You can do wrong to someone because you lacked the empathy to tell you how they would feel, and then feel sympathy for them after the fact. Sympathy won't prevent you from doing something. It's feeling bad after the fact
Narcs don't have empathy. They cannot put themself in the shoes of someone with a different/opposite perspective. They are rigid and fixed-minded. The narc I know actually claimed to be an empath... in reality, she merely assumed everybody else "felt" the same as she did.
This is scary tbh! My ex wife 100% is a covert narcissist and I don't think she knows. The problem is always with everyone else always but she could turn emotions off and on like a switch. She now only has contact with people that sing her song (flying monkeys) My last parter also displays narcissistic traits but upon research 100% fits BPD. Makes me really scared to fall in love again!! Is it me???
This was a great video 👏
Excellent work !
I always say of my covert narc husband; he made himself my servant to become my master. He was almost cloyingly subservient and would hold my hair off of my neck and blow on it if I was hot, make me coffee in the mornings and ask me every time if he'd made it right. He was just at my beck and call which honestly made me uncomfortable, but I just dismissed it because I thought maybe it was that I wasn't used to being treated well in a relationship. 😆 let me tell you...as SOON as he had me in a situation where I had no escape route, the REAL person came out with a vengeance. Absolutely the complete opposite in every way. I knew things were bad, but I had no idea just how bad things were until the woman he'd been cheating on me with at work and her husband contacted me. I saw through the text messages he'd sent her exactly his whole plan to destroy me, smear my name, and leave my son and I homeless. I've never seen anyone more ruthless than that. It was a real slap-in-the-face wakeup call!
True ,Thank you
Hi Lisa, thank you for all of this great content. I very much enjoy your videos. Have you ever considered creating some videos on mental issues besides narcissism? And, is there a reason why you focus on narcissism? .. Once again, thank you.
My mom, my whole life she’s so fake it’s got everyone fooled the part where it said they appear normal around other people they try to make you look nuts, but yet behind peoples backs, they say bad things about everyone who supposedly they friend keep her fingertips length. my mom
Even had another man in the house to give her attention while my dad was dying, and she realize he was useless to her. At that point he couldn’t serve her needs. She had his bank account and pension.
Same with my mother except for introducing a man while my father was dying. She has fooled everyone and I can't take her mask off.
my ex was like a covert narc- didn't figure it out until the third silent treatment... i'll never be fooled again! anyway, i'll never forget how he told me early on he was an "INFJ." tried to pretend his "shyness" was introversion. it was actually just a way to control the situation, and dock out on social obligations whenever he wanted to. including breaking dates with me, which i learned later, is a favorite thing for narcs to do- they will make a date then break it, to test how sad/ mad/upset you get.... what a LOSER! anyway- don't fall for the INFJ thing- a true INFJ would never give someone a silent treatment and not want to make the other person feel good/ok/supported. an INJF wouldn't emotionally abuse you. a narc would.
My gf also told me she’s an INFJ personality type, ‘the most rare personality’ turns out she’s just a covert narcissist
@@derekmarks8969 exactly. he bragged that only 1 or 4 per cent are that... whatever. i took a "test" and found out i probably was one, too. difference is, he's a pathological liar! ha! hope you went no contact. they really should "read from a playbook" given how "cookbook" they all are!
My husband is, I think, a covert narcissist. And I was a fool cause he was very loving with children and his blood related family. He loves his mom unconditionally, no matter how terrible she behaves. He is maybe angry for a moment , but he forgives her everything and also have always excuses for her. Because i Saw this empathy he had for children and his family I thought he is a great empath. But he is the opposite to me.
Omg maybe I'm a narcissist because I am good to my pets, I love them... How does one know if one is a narcissist? 😢
In the two year charade with the narc I didn't want to believe she was one, even though I was privately doing my own enquiry. At one point she asked me if I thought she was a narcissist and I replied, "No, you have empathy." without realising I had been hoodwinked by a pro in a long programme to do just that. What I came to learn later is that it was obviously all faked. In the final throes of the relationshit we went to a movie and saw "Lion", a beautiful film around Indian children - homeless, adopted, etc. Pretty much everyone in the cinema was quietly weeping at the end - me included. Through crocodile tears she exclaimed, "I'm going to India to save all those poor children". My brain exploded with how grasping that was and just confirmed what a real idiot she actually is. Don't get me wrong; I am overloaded with empathy and compassion, but realise that it would take sacrificing beyond my capacity to make a difference.
Narcissists are such great storytellers, they are able to bullshit themselves into believing and preaching their bullshit 😂 If only they healed their trauma and used their talents to good use!!!
So they selfish and conceal it well through outstanding acting. Dangerous....
I wouldn't let what you're describing about criticism against narcissists confuse anyone with those who were verbally abused and maybe they're not ready to take criticism
Another thing is to remember how criticism is delivered. How it's delivered will determine how well it's received. If it's delivered wrong, it's going to be rejected. If it's delivered right, it's more likely to be received. If criticism involves someone let's say the criticizer meddling in someone's personal life regarding something innocent like say where you have outdoor items such as in a landlord tenant relationship, it can be crossing the line into harassment. This is especially true if you've had that item in the same spot for a number of years with absolutely no issues whatsoever. It's even more true if you've been using that item for specific multiple purposes. Sometimes it's the landlord who can become narcissistic, especially if they're drunk.
Just pointing some stuff out here because it needs addressed
I watched my gf absolutely lose it on multiple occasions. One time, I remember I brought up how I felt like I couldn’t share my feelings after a devaluation stage. She slammed her head into the dashboard like screaming, so I said I was gonna pull over and walk home.
She started slaying me at the top of her lungs, I’m leaving her, please don’t, she’s telling me not to get out or we’re over, she’s grabbing me not letting me get out of the car, I slid out without hurting her, and darted. She ran for 30 yards maybe yelling my name. Someone called the cops on her. When my family member picked me up and drove me home, we showed up at the same time. She got in a blowout with my family member, and wouldn’t let me leave the house trying to make sure I stayed and talked it out. Which I couldn’t understand because that’s all I wanted in the first place
Oh behind closed doorsl😢😢😂
You wont be in a good relationship with them trust me