Top 10 Tactics The Narcissist Uses To Get You Back in The Game
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- Опубліковано 6 чер 2024
- Congratulations, you went "no contact"... you think it's over, but beware! The narcissist often returns weeks, months, or even years later, trying to hoover you back into the toxic relationship cycle. In this video, I explain what it means to go "no contact" as well as the top 10 tactics that the narcissist will use to try to get you to break your no contact rule.
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About Me
Hi! I'm Lise Leblanc. I am a therapist, life coach, and author of 9 self-healing guides. I have over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. All content is for general information purposes only and does not replace a mental health care of consultation with a health professional.
If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:
Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.
Introduction (0:00)
No Contact Rule (1:18)
1: "Just checking in" (3:31)
2: Leverage (4:14)
3: Social Media (5:14)
4: "Let's be friends" (5:57)
5: Send You Things (6:41)
6: Friends/Family (7:11)
7: Begging/Pleading (7:26)
8: Bump into you (7:58)
9: Threats (8:54)
10: Empty Promises (9:26)
#narcissist #narcissism #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder
When they do the "just checking in" thing, they'll act like they're doing you a favor by contacting you. Makes me laugh.
Even if the narcissist doesn't want you, the narcissist still leaves a crack in the door so they know that they can control you mentally and emotionally.
The key is to discard THEM first and don't look back
The thing is they can detect when you are planning to cut your losses and walk away… they will usually start looking for your replacement when they realize you are becoming self aware and discard you just before you walk away. But to be honest, even if they do the final discard before you leave, it won’t matter. You will be free and it’ll be better for you.
Agreed
discarding them is the ultimate injury, they will never forget
" Be your own best friend" PERFECT! Be the President of your own mental, emotional and physical fan club.
Difficult at times but ultimately the correct path.
How about "never put anyone over yourself".
Narcs are so hard to deal with. You just gotta remove them from your life.
I,m trying hard but its my brother and i love him… but he,s to the point that i can call him evil
So true best advice you can give!!
You're not kidding
@@rikverbruggen3946😮ww😊😊
@@rikverbruggen3946😅😅kgea😊r t8😊 r😅
I blocked him and moved 1500 miles away. I am the one who ended it
I have opened the door repeatedly. Thank you for this video. Door is closed and locked.
Please don't break no contact. I fell to the hoovering before. The discards just get worse and worse. My ex narc bpd aka secondary-psychopath tried to get hooks back in. She's literally enrolled herself in two spots i used to be an instructor at. But I can't allow her to undermine the work I've been doing for last 6months. She tried this. Don't trust these people one bit. Soon as you see the signs. I don't care how big or small. You need to make an exit from that relationship. Immediately. They play games. They will play with your heart. They will play with your money. They will play with your children if you have them. Just go. These people are dangerous in more ways than one.
I gave in yesterday and she ghosted me after again 😂😂😢😢I was on a 2 week no contact from her. I took vacation and when I went back to work she kept tryna get my attention by passing in front of me or making noise to get my attention. Then she knocked on the window and waved at me. But I just waved and continued doing what I was doing. Then the following day which was yesterday she went to work all dolled up. Hair done make up done and she started conversation with me. And my dumbass fell for it again. She texted me after then I told her let’s hang out then she just stopped replying lol fuck that bitch she ruined me
They are even worse. They seek to destroy you because they know you’ve seen who they are.
For weeks I got the “Are you OK” text… then after a few weeks of NC she emailed me and begged me to please call her because it was about her kids and it was urgent. I love her kids so I of course called. We discussed the kids for 30 seconds and then it was on to talking about us again. 3 weeks No Contact today and hoping for the rest of my life.
Did she ever contact you again?
How has it been going
After blocking my narc ex GF from EVERYTHING, she actually went to the extent of creating a fake IG account with photo's, followers etc.
I have never received an IG request from a good looking woman in 5 years of having an account, so my curiosity got the better of me and I began chatting.
It only took a couple of days of chatting that the penny dropped and then came to the realisation that this was actually her!
The phrases and language in the conversation were exactly mirroring how we interacted, including asking "was I was OK"...
Narcs are deeply disturbed individuals..
The end game with a narcissist is hurt.
@Red NLS Because i didn't hurt the other person.
The narcissist seems to draw you into their darkness... I am thankful for the ability to recognize the traits and stay clear...
I went completely no contact. He made that very easy to do with his lying, cheating, manipulative toxic behavior.
I think this applies more to male narcissists. Female covert narcissist are too proud , arrogant and stubborn to ever back down after discard. They would expect to see you begging to have them back but they would never ever give away that they want you. They would rather die of loneliness than admit that they made a mistake in losing you
Mine will find an excuse. A.B.C. always block cunts
They wouldn't apologize, ever, no narc will, but they need the apreciation and adoration, so yeah, men and women do. Personal experience.
Pretty much but my narcissist wife came back many many times, don't let them back the first time, totally toxic period
Sometimes the narcissist (male or female) will not come back if they see you as too much of a threat to their ego, either because they've attached too much of their shame to you, they feel too exposed and humiliated by you, or they know that they can't control /manipulate you anymore, etc.. But, if you're dealing with a narcissist, just know that IF they do come back, there is a hidden agenda (i.e. to punish you, extract more resources, etc.).
@@LiseLeblanc huge respect for you Lise. You have great insight into this and you tell it straight and clear. Really appreciate this!
She contacted me after 2 months. I was kind of surprised but I shouldn’t have been. Thank God, I was able to summon up the self-control to completely ignore her phone calls and texts. The next day, I got the social media contact, followed by another call and another voice mail.
The message said “how are you? why is it so easy for you to forget about me? I don’t understand” at which point her voice broke as if she was starting to cry, then she hung up.
A very insightful female friend told me “the sadness and desperation are not an act; she’s losing control over you”.
After this, I blocked her number and her email address.
I made the mistake of returning to her twice and I learned the hard way, how foolish that was.
I understand completely! Try 16 times in the past 3 1/2 years. That is insanity! I am finally done!
My ex (who's married now) contacted me at 4 a.m. via dm inquiring about information she could've simply googled. It makes sense now.
Yep and mine had text me the day after the last election asking me who won for Governor. She doesn't even live in this state. She could have easily googled it...AS I DID when I woke up.
They are on a fishing expedition. Hoping you sniff the bait. Maybe even take a bite.
I'm in a great relationship now. But yeah, no contact with crazy lady!
My girl (ex now as of 6 weeks ago) dated on and off for 8 years and when we weren't together she was always texting me randomly to ask how I was doing. This last time we were together (for a little over a year) I finally realized this was completely unhealthy and that her words never matched her actions. I always felt like I was begging for her to meet my needs (there was always an excuse that she couldn't somehow because she needed to heal from her childhood trauma and needed me during that time) When I finally for once called her on her crap she made it clear that she didn't feel safe with me and that I was disrupting her peace. When she realized I wasn't going to continue this unhealthy relationship she went into meltdown mode, covered her ears like a child, and called me an abuser for raising my voice when I had finally had it with her BS. Her parting shot was... Well, now you can take care of your own needs. I got my voice back, turned to her, and said... Well, there's nothing new there, I've been doing that for 9 months, but the difference is that I won't be taking care of yours now, and don't even try to contact me again because I'm going to delete you, and everything about you as if you never existed. (Don't know where that all came from but it felt good to say what I felt for once) Now, this doesn't mean that these last 6 weeks have been easy because I know that I put my all into the relationship. It's getting easier every day. And the peace is amazing. These videos are helping to validate what I went through... Thank you!
Never attempt to explain why or what you plan to do with a narcissist that you want to detach from. They will read this as doubt in your mind that they might be able to work with. Just go complete no contact, and don't look back. It's a lesson all of us empaths need to learn.
"and called me an abuser for raising my voice when I had finally had it with her BS" this is such a classic. They push you to the brink of insanity, sometimes after hours on end of circle arguments which are impossible to solve because they dont want them solved and as soon as you say 1 bad word out of nothing but pure frustration the victim-hood card comes flying like a turbo-jet and slaps you in the face. Been there many times... My ex hated nothing more than when I spoke my mind, didnt matter if she'd disrespect me and almost dehumanize me if I dared to tell her to shut it and listen for once she'd freak out totally as if I had killed her relative or cat. It's so insane and scarring for the person being on the receiving end of the narcissist, it's traumatic, and it's so easy to back-peddle and think you are the one overreacting and that you are the "bad guy" in the drama when every seed is planted (or watered) by the narcissist so that they get to wear their victim-hood shirt... 😅
I've been through it bud it's a lose lose big shame cause they reel you in with the great sex !!!!! 😂 I've had them threatening to take pills or turn me in somewhere they will invent arguments and go off to seek a high by gettn smashed the list goes on
@@porkypile God I've been in the hurricane u hit thenail on the head I had one that did these exact things comn over lookn smashed out so u raise your voice they r threatening to go to the cops then they've got something on you
Stay strong!❤
People, please understand no contact is not about getting them back or making them realize they messed up.
It’s about protecting yourself and moving on. Like she said, you will experience withdrawal! And man will it hurt!! But once you get over it, you will feel so much better and they will have absolutely no more power over you!
It will feel so good to be free.
My ex wife destroyed me. She left me mentally, physically, emotionally and financially ruined with 2 little kids. 13 years later I found myself mixed up with another one. Thankfully my prior experience helped spot this one pretty quickly. Unfortunately 13 years later I have been unsuccessful in being in a normal healthy relationship. Permanently damaged goods from my ex wife.
I thought that for awhile but I know it's not me ...I've just gotten way better in spotting them and unfortunately I think most people are shity and my peace means so much more then being in a relationship
Dont give up brother, they give up on healing so make sure you do not
I’m sorry man .
Nothing and no-one is "permanently' damaged. You have already healed to a healthy level & you demonstrate this by recognising this in the next one that you met. You have already created a healthy boundary. Good for you ❤️ embrace your own self worth, self care and know what / who you would like to attract. Get manifesting on this and get yourself into good surroundings with lovely people who deserve you ❤
Take it from me it's horrible, after over 20 years then the discard almost two years ago I still love this demon, I know I'm broken but still hurting it is getting better daily but I still find myself in pain I should hate or at least not care for her. Thank you for your help along my journey 💖
I was discarded after 15 years together and that was two years ago. I've been disentangled from her for a very long time now. I found that listening to content creators like this one and HG Tudor helped me a lot. I was able to emotionally disengage to the point where when I got a text from her out of the blue I didn't have any kind of emotional response. Also, I realized there was something wrong with me continuing to want her after I realized she is a covert narcissist with the emotional maturity of a 13 year old. You got to move on and things get way better. Otherwise you are a spiritual slave to this person that never loved you in reality. Best to you.
Once you get over the weird games, the gaslighting, and the flying monkeys it’s when you begin to truly realize how sad and bizarre these individuals are. All us normal people want to do is enjoy life in the present moment, why are their brains constantly conspiring against us. Life as a narcissist just seems like an utterly sad and boring existence.
So glad you make these videos.My narc wife has almost killed me twice with my own 170 Boerboel mastiff.Drove myself to the hospital both times.Almost bled out.Barely managed to get out the door,she ran out after me and screaming look what you made hime do,as I was bleeding out in my driveway.Manged to make it to the ER in my Jeep, standard transmission.Wasnt easy, passing out on the way, happened twice,six weeks apart, thankful for life and the smell of flowers.No more terrifying of a feeling of having a dog bread to kill munching on your shoulder trying to get to your throat and kill you.Im an Army Ranger and I have never been so terrified.Thank you Lise, you give me strength.
Sounds like the dog is under her control too. Not safe for you there.
Im surprised the police haven’t arrested her or put the animal down.
Did you have her arrested?
In the olden olden olden days, women like this would get deleted
Somehow...I found myself being pulled into a narcissist for over 2 years. This last time was the final straw. Thanks to your video, I can finally and fully understand what is happening. And while each time I got sucked in and while this hurts....it hurts less and now I can finally free myself. What a dark chapter of my life. Thank for everything Lisa. Moving on to bigger and better relationships now.
I got this narc , the perfect revenge is wishing them well and living an amazing and successful life , slow and painful but the results last forever not just for a few months
When my wife saw me watching this she bust through the roof and I’m still going through it , it’s flipping hard
I'm so sorry... i know it's very distressing. I know your nerves hurt. But the fact that she blew up over you watching a video that made her feel guilty is hilarious.
2 years no contact with people we thought were friends! It is a great video Lisa, and an excellent subject.
Fake friends. Watch out for the poison.
My covert narc wife kept telling me we the marriage was "over" and asking me to leave the house. She steadfastly refused to go to couples counseling, but when I would ask whether there was any hope of reconciliation, she would say "I won't say there's no hope." This kept me hanging on, which I now realize is exactly what she wanted. We are still working on selling the house, after which I plan to move to a different state and cut all ties to her. I'm curious how she will react when that happens. Once again, thank you, Doctor, for these helpful videos.
Wow!!!!!!!!!!!! That is my life.
These evil creatures are all the same . Broken and twisted.
My ex wife is once again trying to pull me back in by professing her undying love for me, I told I'll remarry her when she admits to all her lies, owns up to her infidelity, and apologises by saying "I was a horrible, you did nothing to deserve that treatment, I was wrong"... so basically telling her It'll never happen, and if she actually did I'd pulling one over on her... I divorced her for a reason. One thing that helped keep me from going back was keeping a diary of all her bad behavior, any time I miss her (very rare) I read from it... Boom! Problem solved.
The narcissist I was with "set up" the return game by imbuing ordinary and good objects, words, and places with secret and special meaning only for us. It basically ensures that no matter where I go or what I do the rest of my life I'll encounter those insidious reminders. It's what I imagine a haunting would be like.
Same. I am struggling with this as well.
Can I just say a massive thank you to you Lise. I so wish I come across your channel a few years ago. I found this today and you have given me so much inner peace and clarification. Please people spread this lady around because you may not actually see who it’s happening too and not many men would approach anyone with this type of behaviour because we all know it’s happening and that it’s wrong but we just can’t see how another human being could actually treat someone else like that so we spend our whole relationship trying to see a good person in what is basically a walking disaster. I hope this finds whoever needs to see this to make the step and go and be treated how you’re meant to be ❤️
deleted all txt, deleted and blocked her number, blocked on all media platforms and above all I have not nor will I stalk her to 'see' what she's doing because I see it as a window that will allow evil to come back in. Also, that 'last meeting or coverstation' sounds absolutley scary in a very dark and evil way, when you did that bit here on this video I got goosebumps! 👻
It is sooo hard when you love their family & friends...
I just moved out less than a week ago (because he refused to leave because he said it's his house). He's being far more reasonable than I ever expected, so I'm suspicious of everything. At the same time, I'm happy he's not being icky. But while I welcome that, maybe it's just all a game. It's messing with my mind. I feel like I'll never feel normal again.
Quietly disconnect from them on all digital platforms. Be discreet. Turn off read receipts if you're using iMessage to communicate. Just make a clean cut. Begin going your own way.
Good luck and I wish the best for you
Well that's fair if it is his house
Not fair to our 14-year-old. He works full-time and can't really take care of her like I can.
I just discovered I am a narcissist. I genuinely thought I was employing these tactics because I loved my ex. Thank you for the video. I will try not to engage with her anymore
How did you break through the fog to make this realization?
Perhaps you have BPD. They can be quite similar in some regards and men are often misdiagnosed.
@@40yearoldpirate ppl with bpd have strong empathy ultimately. Def not as spitefull and cold as a narc
Also do you have any other issues. Have you had a TBI. Like myself which destroyed my life and upbringing which has me with all new emotions, energy, feelings. Things that typically kids and teens go through I am absorbing all of those things at a rapid state with the concussion symptoms as well as anger, frustration and lack of control plus depression and paranoia. Sooooo what you got?
Narcissistic people don't admit to mistakes or faults they've made.
Hi,
I have been living with this for 12 years. I ended up feeding in loosing my cool after persistent abuse. She ended up getting a pfa for harassment on me. Im having such a hard time dealing with this. She then came back into my life recently for 3 days only to crush me once again. I now have open charges and im most likely going to jail for violating the pfa. My life is ruined. Im homeless , no vehicle and on the run from the law. She tells me I need professional help and blames everything on me after I treated her like god for years on end. Everything makes sense the control with sex was one of her biggest. And she was the best thing to me in the begining. Your videos helped me understand more but I still want her back. I’m not sure what to do.
Your videos have been a massive help. Thank you with all my heart❤
You are so welcome
Amazing as always Lise! Thank you for making this video! My ex is so on point with the narcissistic behaviour that I'm almost using your videos as a bingo card! Your tips super help us on better preparing and healing!
I have no problem going strictly no contact myself the second someone tries pushing me too far but the funny thing is how they act afterwards when they realize you have escaped their clutches (comparatively speaking) and as a result of their own rotten attitude and stupidity they have lost any influence they once thought they had... it is almost laughable to me to see how desperate the person I have in mind has become as a result of being absolutely ignored!😀
Omg you hit it on the nail thank you for your video it has put my situation in perspective
2019, she’s in psych therapy, now @250lbs. Not religious but tells me endtimes are a-coming. 6 months later Covid hits, Manhattan’s deserted. 3yrs later, “I miss you” postcard from “Floriduh.” Where else?
Something I've experienced is 3rd party hoovering by a family member that my ex knows I was very close to. After sending me gifts, multiple social media connecting attempts etc I never responded to her so I get a "Just hoping you are doing ok?" mail from this family member twice, although a year or two had passed. Another one just beyond the three year period even though I never responded to these either. It's so very sad.
It's so hard to stay no contact when they're your ageing mother. But right now imma enjoy my peace.
these videos give me peace, thank you Lise
You sure hit the nail on the head on this one.
You are 100% correct girl! When I finally listened to my therapist and quit responding to her tactic to re-engage me so she could beat on me more. She gave me a list of things to ship her and I inventoried it and sent it, but of course there was a rug or a favorite pencil I didn't send as an excuse to keep me engaged for more beatings. She would not let me leave but at the same time she moved off 1000 miles away in a borderline fit and then became intimately involved with another man (she didn't know I knew that). They are insane and there is zero moderation, they are a sick emotional process looking for victim! There is a person there somewhere but I kept treading where angel fear!
Wowsers. That's crazy. Borderlines are a nightmare.
As informative and helpful as usual. Thanks, Lis.
Thank you so so much Lise You’ve given me exactly what I needed to completely cut the string that she has been holding me by 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽You have described my relationship to a tee, and now I feel like it all makes sense. I started No Contact little over a week ago, and I’m not looking back. Granted she hasn’t respected my boundaries so I’m sure she will show up at my place, but I’m not engaging anymore. I’m going to throw away all the mementos. To anyone reading this, please don’t make anymore contact it’ll only set you back and life is too short. Thanks again Lise 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR SHARING THIS I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS I HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING TO DISCONNECT FROM THE NARCISSITS /ABUSER FOR SO MANY YRS IM STRUGGLING TO DISCONNECT I WAS BROKE DOWN FROM MONTHS AND YRS OF THE SILENT TREATMENT I WAS EMOTIONALLY ABUSE IM STRUGGLING WITH LOW SELF WORTH LOW SELF ESTEEM
Thank you for your videos. As someone with quiet BPD who is basically a fish lure for narcissists, watching your content has helped me learn to deal with my PD and the PDs of others in a much healthier way
Lifesaving video! Thank you so much.
Hi Lise, thank you for your video's, they are by far the best I've seen in understanding and dealing with the narcissist. My ex discarded me but when I told her to send my house key back, she absolutely lost her shit, I couldnt understand why on earth she feel she had the right. Of course then, I didnt really know anything about what a narcissist actually was. Thank you so much for the insight. Peace to you and all the people who are commenting about their experiences.
Thank you so much for this ❤…. The Lady I thought I would spend the rest of my life with true colors came out before I put a ring on it, thankfully 🙏🏽 Your words helped a lot, understood, no contact. Thanks for all your vids ❤
Hello. New subscriber here. It's cool how I can be going through something and the UA-cam algorithm has an answer.
A couple hours ago I found a discarded narcissist in the bathroom. He is friends with the person I rent a room from. He tried to say something, but all I heard was mumbling as I walked away and closed my door. I actually felt like a b for being so rude. Now I'm proud of myself for not caring about his yap yap and for not being a lot ruder.
Thanks for the wonderful content.
Im so addicted to this content ❤
Thank you for sharing this video with me ❤️
Nailed it. All 10. You are good ❤
Thank you for these videos! Took me 18months, and 3rd time lucky - will never go there again ✋
Thank you 🙏, much needed.
✌️❤️
I love how crystal clear you are. There is no going back. Done and over. This is the real message of no contact. Life saving
Recently, I experienced a man who behaved with his divorce-filing spouse precisely in the same way as illustrated here. I did not know the man was a narcissist. This is like a picture. I am so happy to watch this UA-cam and express my deep gratitude to its creator. I admire her for this excellent presentation and beneficial guidelines for all concerned. Congratulations.
I really like this lady and she just has that voice that makes you feel comfortable , and I know we all need comfort in these situations that we have been in. Anyways thank you for your channel , and your information.
Lise you are such a beautiful human being, thank you for existing and sharing your beautiful light xo
Thanks so much for your kind words! I am definitely a work in progress but much better than former versions of me 🥰
ua-cam.com/video/u8Nx7hhJ-BY/v-deo.htmlsi=OZf2WWSnP6VnqIr9
Wow! You’re so knowledgeable.
Drinking makes things so much worse.
So true.
Amen
Choose loneliness and heartbreak 💔 over misery and manipulation every time.
Oh God yes
Choose self love!
While I don't foresee my narcissistic ex attempting this, I have seen how in the limited amounts of conversation we have she tries to tell me about her life as if I asked or care. The only reason I still keep in contact is because I pay her to take my son to and from work but once I get more reliable transportation that's over with until she gets all her garbage from my place I'm at. I think the only reason she will attempt this more and more is if I delay breaking our lease which I am in no rush to do because this was not my choice. I'm taking my time packing and moving lol. But I will keep an eye out for these tactics especially since I know given our history, her new source won't even measure up.
Excellent, thanks
Thank you ma’am 💯👌
3:30 I know what this means. You are always right.
In the past few yrs I know 3 women that lost the ❤ of their lives. Like true loving normal relationships...I feel waaay more sorry for them...
My narcissist said he doesn’t feel good and said he’s going to die soon. Now that is manipulation if I have ever heard one.
That’s not as easy as most people think, especially if you have common children who live together with their Mom - children who you love!
But thanks for the tips!!!! I will try my very best!
You might be interested in this video on how to coparent with a narcissistic ex: ua-cam.com/video/GA0EzwSbn4A/v-deo.htmlsi=TPqXMxwqi4apfI6N
Good parallel with the analogy regarding the cat
It's tough when you have to make these tough choices when it is family.
Thank you so much
Love you. I finally blocked and deleted all numbers I was hurt ,discarded all the above confused.. I'm recovering addict clean-n-sober now 37yrs I really feel more addicted than when I got high 😢 thank you you describe exactly what my person was doing. I blocked I pray for her but I have to be out ❤
Normally before they discard you they already have a replacement lined up. But you should discard them before they discard you. Either was once they go let them go. Let them leave you alone in peace..
I had a lot of narx in my life due to my upbringing in a enmeshed familysystem and a narc brother. Romantic partners were all narcs. You were talking in another video about sex bombing. That one opened my eyes big times. You are outspoken in details and that is what I needed. Thank you for that. Hugs from Amsterdam.
4:21 this reminds me of a nightmare i had where she kept saying "SAY THE LINE SAY THE LINE!!! " because by saying it, it coerced me into a promise. it contracts me/binds me and then they hold it against me...
Another tactics is leaving memory paths, or reasons for mutual contact in one´s house/flat/appartment. When I broke up with narcissist - and after her official withdrawal from my flat with two suitcases - I was constantly finding her belongings hidden elsewhere in my flat. Her T-shirts inserted between my clothes (although she had kept her clothes in separate wardrobe and left it empty) her photos - or our mutual photos - inserted in books, her cosmetics or bijou intentionally lost in dark corners of my flat, or a cheap necklace inserted between two pieces of furniture... It was surely not a coincidence, or a logical result of mutual life at one place, some of these items I have seen for the first time. The bijou was outdated plus she never wore a bijou, only a bit of jewelry. A lipstick was her brand, but not her shade (probably a result of some experiment that didn´t turn out well, so she "recycled" it for this purpose). Or a T-shirt with word "Sandy" on a chest - I have never seen her wearing such T-shirt, but Sandy was her name...
After finding approx. fifth such item, I´ve got angry and did a complete overhaul of my flat. I ended up filling one big bag of her "forgotten" belongings. I kept it in my car until she attempted to contact me. Then she received it. When I saw her pale face, I was completely convinced it was just her tactics. She had expected appearing these items coincidentally and slowly, causing me a constant return of memories, and giving me "a fair reason" to contact her continuously (just to return her some item, right...), slowly luring me back into her game. But she has got it all inclusive at once.
After living at a same place for another 20 years, I did a good job that day, as I have never found a single item of her ever since here.
haha, same here, she moved out with briefcases, but left few bags and things - to pick them up next week.
BPD Version (Personal Experience)
Tactic #1: Screams at you until you return
Tactic #2: Calls every phone you have continuously until you return
Tactic #3: Tells you how bad you are, how your parents, siblings and friends are all bad, evil, a**holes, until you return.
Tactic #4: Tells you they are sorry, so sorry, they are bad, sorry, bad, until you return.
Tactic #5: Threatens you to cut off all the money, credit cards, debit cards because you are bad, until you return.
Tactic #6: "Commits Suicide" at least a half dozen times, until you return.
Tactic #7: Sends 77 texts per night, until you return.
Tactic #8: Harrasses your kids, until you return, until one shoots himself (sorry, but this DID happen and I hurt so bad)
Tactic #9: Emails you for years, until you return
Tactic #10: Develops strange exotic diseases, until you return
I went no contact with my narcissistic mother 3 and a half years ago. She has a hold of my 4 sons and not too long ago she sent my sister, her “golden girl” to tell me that my sons want to patch things up with me but my mother wants to reconcile with me.. implying that she can help me repair my relationship with my sons if I agree to return to the narcissistic family cult, coincidentally, my mother needs my signature for a legal affair...
Thank you
Hi Lise, thank for another excellent post. I got to thinking, after evaluating other types of conditions, and I was curious as to whether there are levels of narcissism. I am an avid believer that different metals can cause de-myelination, which rrsult in prefrontal cortex dysfunction, which narcissism can be a part of. Alzheimers as various dimentia levels underneath it, and schizotypal disorders can ressult in schizophrenia. Does narcissism have levels of progressively getting worse in an individual?
Number 4 was a common approach for me by a narc ex.
When I got anxious and tried to get my ex back after she made false allegations. I reached out to her to try and work things out. I feel some of these can relate to the victim too
I started with the video from Lise telling me I am not to blame. Since then I have watched most of her advice and taken on board all the good points she made that were relevant to my own situation. My ex wife has made the comment about remaining friends but my mind is made up and I am strong enough to block her and keep it that way. I am thinking my way through this and putting things in place where my ex will have no way back. That is how determined I am. If anyone in the future walks into my sights then I want a full CV and sight of their family tree going back two hundred years.!
Well done Lise, you brought me back from near suicide (I am not joking) to where I am now. Surrounded by solid family and friends and given back my sense of pupose. I cannot thank you enough for what you gave me.
Thank you for sharing your experience, I am really happy to hear that my videos helped you so much! I wish you all the best as you move forward in your life
@@LiseLeblanc Lise, if you were not aware of how important you and your videos are then I am sure you do now.
A narc with 5 years no contact try to get back to me today. That's why im here😂
Should learn this years before, I wasted so much time fallin for this kind person
You forgot to mention smearing your name to get you to confront them and break no contact.
You're right, I should have elaborated under #9 more (threats to your reputation), but yep smear campaigns are definitely a "go-to" strategy they use to try to get you to break no contact. Thanks for pointing this out:)
@@LiseLeblanc Mine is coming up with more and more elaborate stories, but i never confront her. Thanks.
Yes, to break no contact and/or to push the other women away, too...👀
Facts. Of reality of what is the truth. Save yourself.
The reason I had to go no contact is that the person always said to me "I'm not going away, you can't get rid of me." And when I was upset about something and said I needed a little time to process and I'd get in touch in a day or two, they called the very next day and said "I couldn't wait any longer." I just had a very tough time with that, and I am not good at setting adult boundaries.
Thank you for posting. I watch you and listen to you throughout the day. So glad you're here.
They sense when your getting over them it's like the can feel it and they will start getting desperate because they don't want to lose you
Not because they love you, they are incapable of love but because they need your supply of attention...
My narcissistic ex was completely a control freak , and now as an ex , she still is. She has to have all the power & control. Everything has to be her way , but yet she acts like she doesn’t care about me at all. It’s like I’ve been stuck in this never ending cycle of chasing her . We were together for a year and a half , and we loved one another , but the more I tried with her , the more powerful she felt. I would try spoiling this woman with love , affection , intimacy , and even materialistic things , but nothing was ever good enough. All I ever got from her were lies , rejection , deceived , and then I was the reason our relationship went bad. She blamed me for everything because I would confront her on how she was treating me , but then I was the one starting fights and the one who loved the drama. Now that we split up , it’s even more worse. It’s all about making me out to be a horrible person , and it’s not about what she has done to make things this way . The bad thing about it is , I still feel like I love this woman and hate to think of the future without her. I wish she could get help , but i don’t think that’s going to happen. She also has Borderline Personality Disorder, and she’s a Dismissive Avoidant.
Keep in mind, every narc is different but all do some of the same things
Can confirm.
My NM has done all of this since I went no contact in 2021. The last communication she tried was a text in Sept 2023 where she started off with playing the victim while making me seem like a monster for not tolerating her bs, then claiming to want to find common ground in the next sentence. Then she asked what she did to make me remove myself from any involvement with her, citing that I was raised the same as my siblings and we were all loved equally. (We were all also mentally, emotionally, and at times physically abused "equally", and that's NOT love.) Then she went back to playing the victim by telling me "You're not the only one who is sensitive. Think about how insensitive you are to me." Next, claiming to worry about me all the time - the same excuse she gave for demanding that I call her once a week or she would report me as missing after I moved out. Then said I was welcome to call, text, email or whatever.
No thanks. I'm good. Go live your life. Leave me out of it.
They use every opportunity to make you feel guilty.
I must have gotten out lucky. It's been a month since I got discarded but my narc ex blocked me everywhere and immediately went on dating apps. A huge part of her wants me to reach out just so I can reject her and feel good about it, but I can't ever hope for that to happen.
Thanks