People say that and then there someone is calling you toxic because you haven’t pretended to be happy in a while and that for “their own mental health” can’t be around you.
I was 22 years old when I drove home from college, after squatting on the cold slab of concrete in the dormitory where I sat for 3+ hours, after waking up and bleeding everywhere, not being able to comfortably sit down. I walked into the family room where my mother was sitting on the couch intoxicated, muttering to her that I had been raped the night before. She just sat there and stared at me for, it seemed, the longest minutes of my lifetime. Finally, my father came into the room, swept me up and took me to the hospital. My father tried to support me as much as he emotionally could, but my mother, to this day won't even acknowledged it happened. As a rape survivor, I can understand the need for support and acknowledgement. It wasn't until recently, 25 years later, that I participated in a womens' survivors group. This helped me look beyond my own pain, discuss similar feelings we all have experienced, and to be heard nonjudgementally. The kidnapping, drugging and torture I endured for a whole evening has made me hyper- vigilant, easily irritable, and ridged, to say the least. True malevolence is present in our society beyond comprehension, for most.
@@eustab.anas-mann9510 Yes. I drove with my father in the back of a policecar, to the apartment building inwhich they had me captive the night before. I identified him (the main assailant) as he was being arrested and brought down the apartment buildin's stairs. They let him go the next day. The college was informed and his football scholarship was evoked. My father told me that it was lack of evidence was the reason was they didnt charge him. I had 2 sips of a drink that I unknowingly (until after the fact) had GHB in it. I assumed that not being able to sit down for a week, the left side if my face being tore up (bloodly and bruised (not too long afterwards) due to them dragging me on the gravel parking lot (O was in and out of consciousness then), and bruises (that weren't visible at the time of the pictures), would been enough. I did what you're always told NOT to do and took a shower washing off all of the evidence (bodily fluids) away.
I started watching this, due to a fall I had, which felt like I was being clubbed by a bat...But after reading your post, my heart ached. I just want to say, I rarely if ever, verbalize things that I feel traumatized by. But I'm grateful to our heavenly Father, you can & did. I can be rigid. But being friendly to everyone I meet, with a simple Hello & smile, has served me, & those I see doing this well........🙏💓💪✌️💞 🌹🌼🌷🕊️
@@Bellathebear777 I am sorry to hear of your fall. That sounds excruciatingly painful. I hope that you recovered well. It's interesting that you mentioned, "our heavenly Father," in your response. I grew up in the Catholic religion. One of the places I sought refuge was a priest from my childhood church. I remember him saying to me, after I told him I was raped and sincerely (and naively) asked him why God would let this something so horrific happen? His response was vague, dismissive, and without emotion. I strayed from my faith for many, many years trying to find comfort in numbing myself with alcohol to escape from it all. In the long run, all that did was exaggerate the symptoms and prolong the healing process. I've learned that having faith in oneself, and an energy beyond myself has helped me learn how to take care within, finding compassion and love for me, instead of punishing myself further with destructive behaviors. I will never be the innocent, gullible, and unsuspecting women I once was, but I can learn to assimilate to the horrors that I've experienced, and adjust to them with dignity.
Fascinating and profound. I am a victim of childhood trauma with fallout from a parent at war with alcoholism and Korean war PTSD. I’ve seen the abuse, received the abuse, and am still coping with it 40 years later. I appreciate this video beyond words.
Thank you for sharing, i wise it could help me. Everytime those memory resurface, i always try to convince myself that out there someone have more bizarre experience than me. Even then i'm still unable to escape this victim mentality. I hope soon i will have the control over this damn life of mine.
What's the worst thing that's happened to us? This is for each one of us to ask, find out and heal from. In PTSD patients the answer seems obvious. The rest of us need to dig in and get to the truth.
I have a trauma brain and it is literally animal like I can still see others pov and have empathy but the fight or flight is like 24/7 since I was a baby. It’s so exhausting but when I’m in a known safe place I know I can drop my brains barrier a chill
Having that safe place is crucial if we are to have any chance of recovery. As a society we need to be more aware of people's need for safety and stop continuing the stress and trauma by allowing things like homelessness and home insecurity, poverty, and the constant pressure for people to give up all their time and energy just to survive. The rich, developed countries can afford to deal with these things, it's just that many choose not to. They refuse to recognize there even is a problem, and instead blame traumatized people for their own inability to fully function in society.
It's intriguing how he transitioned from addressing personal trauma to tackling systemic issues such as poverty, and ultimately to fostering a sense of community (as seen in team sports). Due to negative experiences in my childhood, I don't enjoy sports.
0:11 " As I like to say to people, life sucks most of the time..." Trying to teach kids about this is a world of unlimited immediate self-gratification is a huge challenge.
im literally reading his book right now..! I found this video while looking up to dig in a bit more how the brain works. Very interesting to learn. Definitely important for healing process.
Its a degredation of self - destruction of 'natural' boundries - this, in my opinion, is what causes 'trauma'. Like he said, ptsd is most often associated with veterans - or at least was, - it destroyed (damaged) their natural inate boundries of what humans should and shouldnt do. He hit on a very valuable point - where was your safety net? same thing when it comes to sexual abuse - degredation of self. Thats why a child would not normally block out the memory of a near fatal car crash, even if it was the parent driving - but often does block out memories of sexual abuse. See the difference? this is what defines a 'trauma' to some, while the same thing might not be traumatic to someone else.
I wish more people were knowledgeable about trauma and the ways it csn effect people. Non-epileptic psychogenic seizures for example, many people dont know whst they are. I was having seizures back to back & was put on meds for awhile only to find out later on that no drugs could stop it because it was trauma related. The epilepsy center told me that 25% of their patients have seizures feom trauma. Thats alot! And should be more well known. Abuse and bad experiences can change the way the brain functions beyond what we ever thought
Lots of work, lots of patience, lots of compassion. And hopefully at least one person you can talk to that validates what happened to you, how you survived all these years, and what you’re currently feeling and thinking.
Psilocybin really does help. Sometimes one or two doses alleviates symptoms for years. It works for mental, emotional, physical and spiritual traumas and disorders. It is often described as a lifesaver and have personally found that to be true.
This video triggers a few things we can all do: 1) Be part of a supportive community. We can all support those around each other. Give help, ask for help. Kindly. 2) Remember: trauma is not what happens, but how we respond to it. Our thoughts change our brains. Stop believing an unkind thought that persists. Is it even true? 3) Trauma is so wide spread that we better assume everyone in your life, everyone we meet, even the politicians in the news are traumatized. That's three. Anyone else?
Dr. van der Kolk, what effects do a sense of victimization by the injured and the social benefits for having been victimized have on the intensity of PTSD? What is the most effective way for friends and family members to behave toward the sufferer to promote healing, or reduce long term suffering?
@@handcrafted30 Females and males are differently socialized. Females tend to be coddled while males are essentially chastised for whining. Both scenarios are often damaging. What do you think is an appropriate way for a parent, let’s say, to respond to a victimized child? I’d like to have discussion on that point. Note how affecting victimization to be coddled seems to lengthen and deepen the problem. Dr. Peterson, for example, tells us we are not to think of ourselves as victims. Is that true only for males? What would be a better way, in your opinion? Can an idea be evaluated and debated based on its individual merits alone?
@@stevenjbetofemales get coddled? I’m guessing your being chastised has more to do with your personality and style than your gender. Because you’re wrong and confident, aka unlikeable.
Sorry to hear about your situation. If you found this video helpful, you might also benefit from this one with Bessel van der Kolk, "6 ways to heal trauma without medication:" ua-cam.com/video/ZoZT8-HqI64/v-deo.html If you share your location we can try to connect you to services in your area.
What trauma does to your brain and body? It are like a hobbie that after time becomes an addiction, because it might have become my only alternative. It seems like the need to produce becomes very great and in demand, like if you were a hotel key. It might cause levels of high alert in the brain, lack of sleep, anxiety. The body starts to decay.
These topics are interesting to talk about but only in a purely scientific, non-clinical space. We should be careful not to pathologize trauma lest we undermine individual resilience and agency. We should take note of the damage done by popularizing and commodifying concepts such as "depression," "anxiety," and "PTSD" a la the "hot girl pill" and the "SSRI pill plushie." Giving people yet more things to be hypochondriacally hyperaware of does them no good and does not build strong persons with the courage and resilience necessary to brave this chaotic and dangerous world. A more philosophical approach (along the lines of Stoicism, Buddhism, or Ubermenschism) would be far more helpful.
Ppl actually bring children into the world for this. Kool. Now we have adapted to trauma. Perhaps we love it. It's a motivator. Religious terrorism. Childhood trauma begins in church where your parents made you go although you hated it.
And then pro creators will justify somehow creating life also they can not logically deny how cruel it is to impose such suffering on other human beings
They need less Jesus and more breathing in fresh air mindfully or mindlessly distracted by the natural world until meditation points become focused on objects and subjects while breathing!
The trauma really sets back their evolution, it sets them back from their true path and their true selves that they have been desiring to be.
Sad to hear. Glad we are learning more about trauma and hopefully gaining more tools to address it.
This is so accurate, I can attest to that
My mom responded to my trauma by laughing, minimizing, and shaming. It made me furious, and it showed me that I would not be protected.
Social support is an ever-neglected and ever-present aspect of mental health.
100%.
So true
People say that and then there someone is calling you toxic because you haven’t pretended to be happy in a while and that for “their own mental health” can’t be around you.
@@AnxietyFreak The toxicly possitive people are among the ones preventing people from getting social support.
Can you not attack me…
im trying to neglect any support and or confrontation
I was 22 years old when I drove home from college, after squatting on the cold slab of concrete in the dormitory where I sat for 3+ hours, after waking up and bleeding everywhere, not being able to comfortably sit down. I walked into the family room where my mother was sitting on the couch intoxicated, muttering to her that I had been raped the night before. She just sat there and stared at me for, it seemed, the longest minutes of my lifetime. Finally, my father came into the room, swept me up and took me to the hospital. My father tried to support me as much as he emotionally could, but my mother, to this day won't even acknowledged it happened.
As a rape survivor, I can understand the need for support and acknowledgement. It wasn't until recently, 25 years later, that I participated in a womens' survivors group. This helped me look beyond my own pain, discuss similar feelings we all have experienced, and to be heard nonjudgementally.
The kidnapping, drugging and torture I endured for a whole evening has made me hyper- vigilant, easily irritable, and ridged, to say the least. True malevolence is present in our society beyond comprehension, for most.
Was the attacker caught?
@@eustab.anas-mann9510 Yes. I drove with my father in the back of a policecar, to the apartment building inwhich they had me captive the night before. I identified him (the main assailant) as he was being arrested and brought down the apartment buildin's stairs. They let him go the next day. The college was informed and his football scholarship was evoked. My father told me that it was lack of evidence was the reason was they didnt charge him. I had 2 sips of a drink that I unknowingly (until after the fact) had GHB in it. I assumed that not being able to sit down for a week, the left side if my face being tore up (bloodly and bruised (not too long afterwards) due to them dragging me on the gravel parking lot (O was in and out of consciousness then), and bruises (that weren't visible at the time of the pictures), would been enough. I did what you're always told NOT to do and took a shower washing off all of the evidence (bodily fluids) away.
I started watching this, due to a fall I had, which felt like I was being clubbed by a bat...But after reading your post, my heart ached. I just want to say, I rarely if ever, verbalize things that I feel traumatized by. But I'm grateful to our heavenly Father, you can & did. I can be rigid. But being friendly to everyone I meet, with a simple Hello & smile, has served me, & those I see doing this well........🙏💓💪✌️💞
🌹🌼🌷🕊️
P.s. ck out Orion philosophy, here on u tube, & the four agreements narrated by Peter coyote. ✌️
@@Bellathebear777 I am sorry to hear of your fall. That sounds excruciatingly painful. I hope that you recovered well.
It's interesting that you mentioned, "our heavenly Father," in your response. I grew up in the Catholic religion. One of the places I sought refuge was a priest from my childhood church. I remember him saying to me, after I told him I was raped and sincerely (and naively) asked him why God would let this something so horrific happen? His response was vague, dismissive, and without emotion. I strayed from my faith for many, many years trying to find comfort in numbing myself with alcohol to escape from it all. In the long run, all that did was exaggerate the symptoms and prolong the healing process.
I've learned that having faith in oneself, and an energy beyond myself has helped me learn how to take care within, finding compassion and love for me, instead of punishing myself further with destructive behaviors.
I will never be the innocent, gullible, and unsuspecting women I once was, but I can learn to assimilate to the horrors that I've experienced, and adjust to them with dignity.
Finally! A Dr that thinks like I do. A Dr I will listen to. A man I could trust. 😊
Fascinating and profound. I am a victim of childhood trauma with fallout from a parent at war with alcoholism and Korean war PTSD. I’ve seen the abuse, received the abuse, and am still coping with it 40 years later. I appreciate this video beyond words.
You're not alone.
Thank you for sharing, i wise it could help me. Everytime those memory resurface, i always try to convince myself that out there someone have more bizarre experience than me. Even then i'm still unable to escape this victim mentality. I hope soon i will have the control over this damn life of mine.
Yeah truly believe one never "gets over it"
I appreciate your post beyond words. You are a special soul.
L
What's the worst thing that's happened to us? This is for each one of us to ask, find out and heal from. In PTSD patients the answer seems obvious. The rest of us need to dig in and get to the truth.
I have a trauma brain and it is literally animal like I can still see others pov and have empathy but the fight or flight is like 24/7 since I was a baby. It’s so exhausting but when I’m in a known safe place I know I can drop my brains barrier a chill
Having that safe place is crucial if we are to have any chance of recovery. As a society we need to be more aware of people's need for safety and stop continuing the stress and trauma by allowing things like homelessness and home insecurity, poverty, and the constant pressure for people to give up all their time and energy just to survive. The rich, developed countries can afford to deal with these things, it's just that many choose not to. They refuse to recognize there even is a problem, and instead blame traumatized people for their own inability to fully function in society.
It's intriguing how he transitioned from addressing personal trauma to tackling systemic issues such as poverty, and ultimately to fostering a sense of community (as seen in team sports). Due to negative experiences in my childhood, I don't enjoy sports.
0:11 " As I like to say to people, life sucks most of the time..." Trying to teach kids about this is a world of unlimited immediate self-gratification is a huge challenge.
im literally reading his book right now..!
I found this video while looking up to dig in a bit more how the brain works. Very interesting to learn.
Definitely important for healing process.
Its a degredation of self - destruction of 'natural' boundries - this, in my opinion, is what causes 'trauma'. Like he said, ptsd is most often associated with veterans - or at least was, - it destroyed (damaged) their natural inate boundries of what humans should and shouldnt do. He hit on a very valuable point - where was your safety net?
same thing when it comes to sexual abuse - degredation of self. Thats why a child would not normally block out the memory of a near fatal car crash, even if it was the parent driving - but often does block out memories of sexual abuse. See the difference?
this is what defines a 'trauma' to some, while the same thing might not be traumatic to someone else.
I wish more people were knowledgeable about trauma and the ways it csn effect people. Non-epileptic psychogenic seizures for example, many people dont know whst they are. I was having seizures back to back & was put on meds for awhile only to find out later on that no drugs could stop it because it was trauma related. The epilepsy center told me that 25% of their patients have seizures feom trauma. Thats alot! And should be more well known. Abuse and bad experiences can change the way the brain functions beyond what we ever thought
How do you reverse the effects of years of trauma on the brain
There are videos from this author about how to heal from trauma.
ua-cam.com/video/ZoZT8-HqI64/v-deo.html
Lots of work, lots of patience, lots of compassion. And hopefully at least one person you can talk to that validates what happened to you, how you survived all these years, and what you’re currently feeling and thinking.
Psilocybin really does help. Sometimes one or two doses alleviates symptoms for years. It works for mental, emotional, physical and spiritual traumas and disorders. It is often described as a lifesaver and have personally found that to be true.
@@Intheemorningdangerous to recommend this..
Inspiring. Thank you for uploading 🙏🏻
Thank you for watching!
It affects there reaction in the long term. Makes it hard to stay relaxed when outer response.
Now, my trauma has understood what to do next 👍
And what is that
What are you going to do?
🫠
Video doesn't show solutions, is he being sarcastic?
This video triggers a few things we can all do:
1) Be part of a supportive community. We can all support those around each other. Give help, ask for help. Kindly.
2) Remember: trauma is not what happens, but how we respond to it. Our thoughts change our brains. Stop believing an unkind thought that persists. Is it even true?
3) Trauma is so wide spread that we better assume everyone in your life, everyone we meet, even the politicians in the news are traumatized.
That's three. Anyone else?
Dr. van der Kolk, what effects do a sense of victimization by the injured and the social benefits for having been victimized have on the intensity of PTSD? What is the most effective way for friends and family members to behave toward the sufferer to promote healing, or reduce long term suffering?
Social benefits?
@@handcrafted30 Females and males are differently socialized. Females tend to be coddled while males are essentially chastised for whining. Both scenarios are often damaging. What do you think is an appropriate way for a parent, let’s say, to respond to a victimized child? I’d like to have discussion on that point. Note how affecting victimization to be coddled seems to lengthen and deepen the problem. Dr. Peterson, for example, tells us we are not to think of ourselves as victims. Is that true only for males? What would be a better way, in your opinion?
Can an idea be evaluated and debated based on its individual merits alone?
@@stevenjbetofemales get coddled? I’m guessing your being chastised has more to do with your personality and style than your gender.
Because you’re wrong and confident, aka unlikeable.
Can't even properly convince someone(s) i can bare their trauma. Why should i seek/want someone(s) to bare mine?
Hello.
Immediately after meeting Vietnam veterans.... Is and I quote
"Blown Away?"....
Am I alone there?
Lulz
Good luck.
Someone please help me & not just “send prayers” please I really need help
Sorry to hear about your situation. If you found this video helpful, you might also benefit from this one with Bessel van der Kolk, "6 ways to heal trauma without medication:" ua-cam.com/video/ZoZT8-HqI64/v-deo.html
If you share your location we can try to connect you to services in your area.
@@The-Well I’m homeless
2:49 Uh... Is that Stark Tower on the left skyline??
😂 It's 30 Hudson Yards
Hahahahahahaa😂
Also make video about CPTSD
What is cell memory or muscle memory?
What trauma does to your brain and body? It are like a hobbie that after time becomes an addiction, because it might have become my only alternative. It seems like the need to produce becomes very great and in demand, like if you were a hotel key. It might cause levels of high alert in the brain, lack of sleep, anxiety. The body starts to decay.
These topics are interesting to talk about but only in a purely scientific, non-clinical space.
We should be careful not to pathologize trauma lest we undermine individual resilience and agency.
We should take note of the damage done by popularizing and commodifying concepts such as "depression," "anxiety," and "PTSD" a la the "hot girl pill" and the "SSRI pill plushie."
Giving people yet more things to be hypochondriacally hyperaware of does them no good and does not build strong persons with the courage and resilience necessary to brave this chaotic and dangerous world.
A more philosophical approach (along the lines of Stoicism, Buddhism, or Ubermenschism) would be far more helpful.
©️5:39
2©️5:33
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Ppl actually bring children into the world for this. Kool. Now we have adapted to trauma. Perhaps we love it. It's a motivator. Religious terrorism. Childhood trauma begins in church where your parents made you go although you hated it.
Religious trauma is definitely one kind of trauma.
😊
LIFE is trauma. Literally every person in existence is REACTING TO TRAUMA.
Life is not trauma!
@@rahsunallah2825 Wrong.
Some people have real problems.
@@Pushing_Pixels name one that isn’t self-induced.
@@mickeywicked478 rape
And then pro creators will justify somehow creating life also they can not logically deny how cruel it is to impose such suffering on other human beings
They need less Jesus and more breathing in fresh air mindfully or mindlessly distracted by the natural world until meditation points become focused on objects and subjects while breathing!
Young gay children in poverty in the ghetto or hiv those are daily repeated traumas for some to no end .
Poverty and homelessness are traumatic. We as a society are inflicting this on so many people by failing to address it properly.
@@Pushing_Pixels indeed