Healing Trauma & How the Body Keeps the Score | Dr Bessel van der Kolk
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- Опубліковано 16 тра 2024
- Watch more of Dr Bessel here: • Bessel van der Kolk
#besselvanderkolk #trauma #stress
Bessel van der Kolk is a one of the world’s foremost experts on traumatic stress - his global bestseller The Body Keeps The Score showed us that the terror and isolation at the core of trauma literally reshape both brain and body, and demonstrated a new approach to recovery, moving away from standard talking and drug therapies to heal mind, brain and body.
In this exclusive conversation with psychotherapist and author of The Invisible Lion, Benjamin Fry, Bessel fuses insights from the cutting-edge of neuroscience with the weight of decades of experience as an active therapist, and discusses how both adults and children can reclaim ownership of their bodies and their lives.
In PART 1 of his How To Academy Event, Bessel discusses how the body keeps the score, how our brain's responses align with our body's, and how time and trust are key to recovering from trauma.
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This livestream was held in collaboration with MindHealth360
Watch more of Dr Bessel here: ua-cam.com/play/PLFIigLLitqDngXlnr07Gdpj0HNtkDesVR.html
Would any of these people except case studies?
I am homeless and desperately need help, (not with homelessness), with the abuse that has led to it.
@@hominidaetheodosia The book has many case studies; I'd give it to you if i could. But, you might want to find free stuff to attend that;s not therapy or research tapping therapy. Plays, dance, and any Yoga were the most helpful.
@@rachellechavez9739 - thank you from studying CPTSD groups online, they would tend to agree with that perspective- A lot of them say that those types of things end up being more therapeutic than the therapy in some ways- personally it would just be very vindicating to have some official acknowledgement of what I’ve been through for my own peace of mind- but I think General consensus seems to be that healing is kind of more important..
That said after so much gaslighting and people failing to acknowledge something is going on having formal recognition of the abuse feels like a huge deal..
@@hominidaetheodosia I just had to use me getting better as a marker because I had to stop making it about the abuser. I wanted that acknowledging too but its a dark task; keeps you in the shadows and isolated.
@@rachellechavez9739 - I definitely hear that- you’re in luck because it’s the right time for me to hear it, so thank you for that-
it’s great that you understand the struggle as well as what to do about it, really useful information-
A happy, healthy childhood is like winning the lottery. You are set, even if you face adverse events later on!
I agree 💯, ✌️💗
Right you are... good parents are the foundation for a good life. 6:29
Absolutely right on
Indeed, you’re 💯 correct. It’s everyone’s dream. But life happens. And it’s okay too to experience problems, difficulties, some stress in life, otherwise you won’t develop resilience.
Resilience is a powerful skill to cope with all - the beauty and ugly of life - in particular if you didn’t win the gold ticket of
happy & healthy childhood. Best 🙏🏼
@@beapq1154 as long as problems and difficulties are not from trauma or childhood neglect...
Most of humanity is traumatized and behaves like wounded animals not trusting others.
No wonder. We don't have the safety of a large leaderless group around us who knows us, and who we know, intimately, and who shares everything with us. As we need genetically to be truly relaxed.
There are those lucky people who had wonderful childhoods. When life throws them a curve ball, they handle it so healthily as they have the self-love and resilience. A happy, healthy childhood is like winning the lottery.
I think it’s normal not to trust strangers. Trust must be earned.
@@AprendeInglesConStephen totally on the money👍
@@robynhope219 Actually, game theoretically proven in real situations, the optimal approach is to trust ONCE, and withdraw trust if that didnt work. :)
When you are people pleaser since childhood the narcissistic abuse affects your social balance. It took me 40 years to find out and making sense of the traumatic memories that shaped your behavior and threshold for being abused.
Yes I agree even though I know I was abused I am almost 48 and now letting go of my family that abused me . I like your last statement it makes a lot of sense to me . I am really sorry that you were abused too .
It took me 60 years to fully see the covert and the not so covert narcissist abuse by narcissist “mother”and flying monkeys. Dad was abused too but don’t think he knew it had a name. They, the narcissistic family members invite the victim sback in and then begin the covert attacks again.
Dad is dead …my child dead…. but I’m still here.
Terribly traumatized now and can’t find appropriate help.
Do you believe trauma can be passed down in the DNA. I now realize I was traumatized in Narc damily My child’s father was terribly traumatized in his family.
I’m the only one left alive.
Peer pressure is connected to narcissist. Just an assumption for now
Also to be duly noted, is the Fact that PTSD can also result from a traumatic and stressful romantic partner relationship where the individual may not have been physically abused, but mentally and emotionally damaged, so that their fight or flight/adrenaline/survival mode can also appear in connection with relationships, perhaps fear of being emotionally or physically abandoned or disregarded, etc. by your partner who is supposed to have love and affection for you and show that to you in a tender gentle loving way.
So true. I just left a narcissist relationship and feeling safe in my body again has been my work over the last couple months. I could feel my brain in pain from the psyche damage. Slowly starting to feel safe and not triggered by stuff, not jumpy. Just waking up in the morning, looking around and telling myself "I am safe," is healing.
go further back. It is exceptionally rare that the kind of relationship you describe is the beginning of the traumatic effects inside the brain. In the vast majority of cases, the subconscious mind intentionally chose an individual that has similar traits to that of a childhood attachment figure. It does this because it is trying to "resolve" the original wound. But because this person has similar personality traits as the original wounder you usually get the same result... which is reactivation of the original wound and a reinforcing the belief that the traumatic responses are the safe/correct/justified response.
@@ghostinside you're definitely onto something. It took me awhile to understand, the mind fuckery was epic. The partner behaved in many ways like my mom. Only thru therapy was I able to realize what I put myself thru.
@@ghostinside I have a similar background to what Krysta is describing and I agree with what you are saying that these relationships may not be the starting point but I know we re traumatise ourselves in them and it becomes as sort of CPTSD of complex trauma over time from the build up of small traumas ?
I lived in an abusive marriage and I know I came out in traumatised 😢 again
@@Teach.Experience.Dance-Vicky Same! The pattern is set within the familial relationships and dynamic. For me, it was my father who was the narcissist who targeted my mother - a classic empath. My dad in turn was carrying trauma via his father who was also a narc. I ended up being a perfect target for narcissists and was twice targeted and married to one for 17yrs (my ex was traumatised by his narc father but chose to imitate him as his coping mechanism). It took a long time, about 15 years, to research and figure out the whole puzzle of WHY! In the beginning there was no awareness or easily accessible information like there is now.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporesss
I think one of the hardest parts about trauma for me is that my body is not reacting to safe environments as if they're dangerous. I'm autistic; the world IS hostile to me continuously. Environments that non-autistic people deem "safe" and "non-threatening" are actually traumatic for me, and so I do actually have to continuously be ready to handle painful situations in everyday life, and control myself for the sake of others NOT shunning me for "reacting unreasonably."
I find myself often disappointed with discussions about trauma because they often talk about it as a past event, not something that is an ongoing experience for millions of people.
it unsafe in the body?
@@anjou6497 Dealing with both is hard.
I hear you
And it feels like all the research out there about us goes towards making us more palatable and less autistic-seeming for the comfort of allistics rather than figuring out how to make all this more livable.
@@dogfat. Now that I understand this better, that's no way to live, though.
It's still so wild to me how Dr. Van der Kolk consistently, casually, and conversationally explains and then expounds on how trauma brain works. It is comforting, surprisingly, the compassion in which he speaks about such dark issues within the mind. Thank you 🙏🏾.
It's the same with Dr Gabor Maté. He breaks my irrational fears with a simple example, over and over.
It's as is he is talking to you personally and he is so relaxed
@@stellaemeka-okoli2170 yes I noticed the same. His face is so relaxed and peaceful
People do you not realize these are two men who survived Hitlers Death & Torture camps as children. They chose to work towards understanding themselves having felt the nonsense of no human caring; and both are Jews which may also influence the warmth & love & behaviours they’ve both been able to hold. A position Early childhood also is fundamental to becoming a loving happy person.
YES, AND I HAVE EXPERIENCED THESE THINGS DUE TO CHILDHOOD TRAUMA...
GRATEFUL FOR MY HEALING 👍
Do you know of anyone who had no trauma? I didn't until the other day when i asked my 96 yr old woman neibor if she had childhood trauma, or any trauma, bc she looks and behaves like someone much younger. The answer was a resounding NO. Esther has three grown children who cant do enough for their mother, who still lives independently. She appears serene, open, and curious, and mentally sharp. Son and daughters are lovely and happy. I didnt know ppl like that exist. Good for them, but my heart hurts.😢
I love that he started off “traumatic stress is not the same as psychological stress” ❤
Yes! He had my full attention after that. I am looking forward to the content even more after his opening statement.
I suffer from CPTSD, I grew up with a mother who did not know how to be loving. She beat me with a belt from a young age. Sometimes it was her fists ( although never in the face). I’ve been kicked, dragged by my hair, screamed at with horrible words… told girls like me are a dime a dozen. The list goes on. I now have severe medical issues such as Lupus, Fibromyalgia, severe, osteoarthritis, Sjogrens, depression…the list goes on. My therapist had me get the book but honestly, I was already aware that a lot of my illnesses could have been exacerbated by trauma or maybe even caused by it.
I asked my fibromyalgia group one day how many in the group had been abused- it was almost everyone.
Dance! My mother was a pathological narcissist who made our father hit me when I was “bad.” Naturally I became attracted to abusive men. I am finally healing. Dancing has helped me. Best wishes to you!
@@KatWoodland always be kind to self, hugs
Both my parents were narc addicts/alcohol and I had actually no parents most of the time. My parents were young and not very smart and alocholic as well. What helped me heal more was seeing my broken parents as the children they were and learning to forgive them and teach myself that it WAS NEVER ME, that I AM worthy of someone's attention and love. That in itself is comforting. I believe that knowledge and understanding the dynamics assist in healing and more importantly, learning to forgive and set our hearts free.
Dysregulated nervous system / vagus nerve damage. I believe in Robert Scaer’s book he discusses how childhood trauma can cause autoimmune disorders.
🙏
Anyone else here have PTSD from childhood sexual abuse? I’ve found it extremely difficult to get help for this over the years and have been immensely grateful for Bessel’s work.
I had ART therapy and it helped a lot. I feel free of the worst of my past.
Yes. I had been in counselling twice about 10 years apart to try and talk it out, and while it helped my understanding, it didn't stop the flashbacks, hypervigilance, my ability to trust others, etc.
It wasn't until l went to reiki sessions (which involves being touched by another) that l started to feel my body again & learned what safety felt like it, then l started to move forward. Now, I'm in compassion focused trauma therapy. lm learning how to regulate myself without using pain, stay connected, and actually feel my my emotions.
I'm still seeing my reiki therapist, l relate to her what l discussed in trauma therapy that week, and she works on that part of my body/psyche.
I also joined a Tai Chi class (trusting a whole group now, not just an individual) to learn how to move without tension and be aware of my breathing.
It feels like everything is starting to come together, and it all feels gentle, thoughtful, and loving.
So don't give up on your healing. It is possible. It's worth it, and so are you 🙂🤗🥰
It will get better, once I was able to see that my healing is a journey and that it will never be "cured" but mostly there is peace now. I have found that young girl now and my work now is to be with her. To give her what she needed then. I wish you well on your journey of healing.
Also yes, I kept it hidden for close to 45 years until heading for a mental breakdown. No local therapists specialized in child sexual abuse but I did connect with a therapist that was willing to learn with me (she also had other therapists who were some distance away that worked in child sexual abuse to help her). During therapy many other childhood issues cropped up, only after my mother passed one of my brothers related a rare conversation that he had with her starting with her not being concerned about me even after over a year with no contact - basically after three boys she was sure that I would be a girl, I bonded with one of my brothers instead... Yes, my childhood was more F'd up then I realized, I did manage pretty well with raising my children (well they did say to themselves "don't get dad mad") until youngest neared the age that I was abused (he is most like myself compared to the others). All are understanding of my issues now, the youngest has taken to heart my warnings regarding addictive drugs and alcohol.
Tossed into those many years of keeping the secret was developing migraines from a number of different foods then some years later asthma from perfumes and colognes. Since therapy getting diagnosed with ASD and ADHD which when I was young were not acknowledged but luckily I had two teachers that knew how to work with me along with a tutor that helped me deal with dyslexia.
dr jerry tennant, google and youtube him, created essential oils and scaler energy devices that can help erase traumatic stored emotions , and balance the autonomic CNS
I have severe PTSD from combat. A few days after my stressor event I couldn't keep food down and that was part of my diagnosis. Trauma attacks your digestive system.
He is saying what I have thought for years, but in a more complete way and in more detail. After being asked to leave places like home depot and a cell phone store because of my anger I had to realize it's ME. So I stay to myself and have learned to just shut up. I get my human contact on social media, so thank you for that.
Thank you for your service, Sir.
@@evelynovercash1147 You are welcome sir !
I hope you find recovery from your suffering.
thank you so much for your service sir! I pray you will find shalom!
I have PTSD after working in a trauma unit after a deadly earthquake. That one event has caused me so much pain and distress. I can not imagine being in combat 24/7 for months, seeing the most horrific things, feeling under treat all the time and living in a constant state of fight of flight.I thank you for being brave enough to serve your country and for your sacrificing so much. It must be incredibly hard coming back to civilian life, An old boyfriend who was an Officer in the NZ Navy served in Afghanistan, although there is only so much he could tell me, the stories he did share where not nice and his experience changed him. It must be very hard coming back into civilian life, leaving your “brothers” those that understand the military culture, and life. We civilians do not understand what you have gone through and do not understand the complexities of what you have been through. I really hope that you can find strategies to help calm you down, prevent triggers, better sleep patterns and stop flash backs. It must be totally terrifying and scary for you. Have you tried mindfulness? Meditation as a place to start? Please do not feel bad for your PTSD it is not your fault you are a casualty of war! Our brains get injured too and it takes time to work through your thoughts feelings and fears. Good luck you deserve happiness and peace in your life. Hugs
I wish it would be more acceptable to talk about emotional neglect as a cause of this. Most people was never raped as a child, but if your parents never gave you love when you was a child, you could go down the same route.
You are right that is also my experience. I really like Lisa A Romano and Jerry Wise because they focus on the emotional abuse.
100%
we have to heal our inner child in order to feel safe again. EMDR did wonders for me.
where do i find out more?
What was the before and after results for you personally?
To feel safe you have to find a place where there is no one else.
Only works for intrusive thoughts. Doesn’t work for somatic reactions.
@@trudyfox938 That is not true at all. I do EMDR for body-based sensations and the associated emotions and/or mind patterns. It's different for everyone of course, but for me the most prevalent part of EMDR has been staying with bodily/somatic sensations and processing them.
This man saved my life.
I love him. Did you have treatment with his clinic? Or like myself did you find his work in other ways that made the crucial difference?
@@lisbethbird8268 I read his book. He showed me why I'm angered at the slightest trigger and it helped me stop
@@OrdinaryPeopleLikeYou that's amazing, wonderful.
@@OrdinaryPeopleLikeYou I feel exactly the same thing. Finished the book around two weeks ago! I feel you dear human!
@@OrdinaryPeopleLikeYou thank you for your input. im going to buy his book as i think it will help me move on from past trauma. as a 41yr old adult i am still troubled by trauma as a child which i feel i have no right to feel as others had it much worse than me.
How true and brilliant that information is. It is through the body - movement, dancing, singing, holding hands, hugging that our brains get calmer and in This way we can slowly begin our healing from trauma. What a brilliant talk backed by scientific research. We need to look back to the ways people have always lived and behaved - there is so much wisdom in their simple and widely accessible ways to soothe and ease the pain. We should love people, listen to them, be present with them and give them the feeling of safety though loving acceptance and not harsh judgement. It is absolutely true that when the body feels unsafe, the mind will follow in the same path. Trauma makes us behave in many strange, unpredictable ways and leads us, victims , to isolation and harsh social judgement, while we are trying to survive the side effects of persecution and abuse we have undergone in our lives. Thank you so much for your life saving work.
Very well said & could not agree more
Interesting that during the past two years we were not permitted to hold hands, sing, dance and hug each other. During this time people were experiencing trauma from the lockdowns and mandates.
💜🌈💜
Omg how does one recover from that 😢..
I’m reading The Body Keeps the Score, and it’s giving me so many emotionally powerful moments where I need to stop and process how much I see myself in it.
Same!
Is it a page turner, or dry and academic? I’m considering if I should read it.
@@marcdellorusso180 It’s not dry at all. He writes in a way that keeps you engaged with the research he’s done, and he also talks about the different therapies available. I’d say he writes in a way that you know he gets it and gets you.
@@marcdellorusso180 you can listen to it for free on UA-cam
I still haven’t completed the book as I kind of use it as a “Trauma Diary or Dictionary”. I got it when my therapist recommended the book Immediately. Its been over 1 year I think now but I have since gotten into plenty of NICABM Modules for my own understanding and learning. Always the sane doctor of course and wonderful scientists!
This is essential for trauma survivors.... especially helpful to me :)
Any further detail re how it helped?
@@puk4763 Detox the mind-body from within to feel better with a simple practice. Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing negative thoughts-anxiety. For a relaxed life sit on a chair, back straight, eyes closed and observe the sensations of your incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for around 5-10-15 minutes or more. Avoid moving too much. Don’t fight your thoughts. Slowly the mind will relax. No deep breathing needed. Day or night before sleep sit or lie down and observe your breath. Like me, make this a lifetime daily habit to have a good life. Avoid constipation as it affects the mind. Best wishes Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.
@@shyaaammeneen63 Good advice if somewhat off the point. Thanks.
@@puk4763 Nothing comes easy in life. Effort and practicals are needed for personal transormation. Detox the negative energies, vibrations from within your subconscious mind and life will become much better. Try to slowly reach a state of equanmity or "no thought" state of mind. Do the simple practice daily. I have been observing my breath even when taking a walk, on the phone, before sleep and feeling relaxed and healthy. No deep breathing needed. Best wishes are with you. Shyaaam Sir-Coun sellor.
@@shyaaammeneen63 Indeed. I have been doing something similar for many years. What about society though? How is the person to deal with the many evils of the world? Thanks.
😭Every time I hear this man speak I start crying like a baby
I have experienced this & healed myself not💯 but I have come full circle alone ✔️❤️
Im interested to know how you managed to do it alone without external help.
What did you do to get there?
My bf triggered me the other day.. I have ptsd from childhood abuse but he also has trauma , his though goes much deeper where he will lie and gaslight me. He said something after a pleasant day together out of the blue so mean over some tiny thing and it was so unexpected that i just started crying.. he blamed me for overreacting instead of just apologizing .. he dod try later but the relationship is all ready in the ditch. I cried for two days is was so traumatic to me.. and I remember saying to him it reminded me of my dad.. he would occasionally say really hurtful things. Even if you realize that these things are coming from a past event but the person your with isn’t there to hear and feel you then what? I was crying so hard I could barely get the words out when trying to explain to him over the phone and he just said so unemotional .. I’m not getting into this with you I have to go to a birthday party. He left without a care in the world. When your with someone who has little sensitivity your left to self soothe, there is no emotional support. Much like my childhood with sibling abuse and an unavailable mother i was left to find ways to cope in my own. It sucked to be afraid of your own brother all the time and not have a parent to go to for safety. He usually was anusive when they were working so no matter what happened if i was crying and called my mom she yelled at me for calling her at work. I know i have carried these emotions into my life. Abusive relationships etc.. i pick men who are insensitive and not supportive emotionally.
Leave him!!!!! Find and replace him with a good hearted man who loves you truly!!! He is out there!!!
@@chantellucky4565 i have left moved out only to return again. He does have charm at times but usually short lived. I feel compassion but also bitterness toward him. I still live apart from him but I’m tired of the repeat offenses.
His whole family has this unapologetic passive aggressive way of being.
The battle has been ongoing but The most recent events I told him goodbye and not to call me again and I deleted his number. My only worry is my dogs he is watching for me and he is part owner of my car. When we had planned to get married , he bought a house and bought a car he put my name on but then started being super controlling and many things started to happen. His daughter in her 30’s married with kids became super jealous had nothing good to say about me and tried to control dad by yelling at him if we went places. I became super upset but I was silenced. The whole family turned a bling eye to it. People pleasing was rampantly. In some ways it turned into a triangulation thing and he said Nothing.
I was left confused and heartbroken so many times.
My kids would never act this way. So here i am now alone but i feel free and scared at the same time. No family near me all 12 hours away. But maybe a miracle will happen when this load is finally lifted.❤️
Karen , I am saddened hearing your story, but It sounds like you are gathering strength through self understanding. I hope you will be able to rebuild your life, and find people who do not keep score, but rather are genuine and caring people. All good wishes to you.😉
@@carole3734 I am getting on the other-side and I appreciate your hope.❤️
I really feel for you. Something that helped me in life is that all the love, kindness and compassion you need is inside you. It took many years to recognize this but it is sooooo true. These days I don’t let anyone disturb my peace. Any drama or conflict-ridden people can move along. I don’t engage.
It's amazing what shame vs love will do !
watch the video you'll get it!
How do you feel when your shamed or when you shame yourself,
This is why forgiveness and love is so important!
In the book, Love at Goon Park, about Harry Harlow’s research with rhesus monkeys-
He was able to main stream the ones he had tortured bye putting them in a population of relentlessly hugging baby monkeys. Within a few months they were healed up their trauma through hugs and able to be with their peers.
That book changed my life as did this one ,The Body Keeps Score.
Thank you soooooo much!❤️
Hug long and a lot.
Not allowed to hug or touch each other now, .......wonder what that’s all about????hhhmmm????? Wear Masks INDOORS ???? smh.......
Thank you so much, I'm hoping I can conquer my traumas and have a successful career.
Mary, Detox the mind-body from within to feel better with a simple practice. Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing negative thoughts-anxiety. For a relaxed life sit on a chair, back straight, eyes closed and observe the sensations of your incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for around 5-10-15 minutes or more. Avoid moving too much. Don’t fight your thoughts. Slowly the mind will relax. No deep breathing needed. Day or night before sleep sit or lie down and observe your breath. Like me, make this a lifetime daily habit to have a good life. Avoid constipation as it affects the mind instantly. . Best wishes Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.
Mary! Sending you much love. It takes courage to face your trauma. Thank you for being brave. It inspired me today.
This explains clearly what is happening when I am triggered due to PTSD. I am saving this video and will watch again and again to help me with my attacks.
Thank you for this information 🙏🏻💜🌟
Read the book, too! It’s a tough read, emotionally. I got the audiobook version and realized that it was a bad idea to listen while driving due to all the emotions that come up from the book.
I switched to listening while walking my dog on the beach, and the results were therapeutic.
Thank you for the stunningly informative conversation.
Wonderful information. Thank you!
I love the parallels between the man being chased versus not. We think only of what we can see!
How Wonderful Dr. Van der Kolk is yesterday and today explaining in ..practically layman’s terms, how trauma is working and affecting the brain. I think that some 2 years ago I thought “trauma had to do with the veterans or badly injured and attacked individuals “. Now, I know and have learned so much on trauma and trauma stories that I find it a passionate kind of work. (Passionant in french). Maybe one day I will be able to go to a conference and meet the doctor in person. That would be perfect. After I am fully recovered.
This is wonderfully helpful, thank you!
This video hit the very core of me. Thank you
Thank you a little more to the puzzle piece, we are affecting each other consciously and subconsciously
He just explained my life.
I am very excited that you have brought the actual effects of trauma to the masses, it has been a long time that Mothers of lost children suffer from these symptoms and how our family, friends and courts do not understand when a mother walks into the courts fighting for their children and no one participating in these custody battles are aware the mother is suffering from server trauma.
That is so true. I had to save my daughter from being taken away by the court a nd given to her abusive father. It was a harrowing experience and I nearly lost her.
Yet I didn't get to debrief with anyone. I had to go back to work the next day after he threatened to kidnap her in the future. I lived for 16 years in terror. No one understood or cared.
@@reallythere I don't think that's the same as actually losing your child to the abuser like hundreds of thousands of mothers have including myself. What you experienced was traumatic but nothing like losing a child.
@@jenniferg6818 i spent next 18 years in hypervigilence because he promised one day i would turn around and not find her. I lived in agony and fear. It ruined my parenting of her. I'm sorry you lost your child, really that is horrible.
Also, fathers can experience this too. Women can be abusive as well.
I lived the same hypervigilence and my child too until they were 18 our lives were lived as if in Protective Custody due to exposing a criminal without the protection... hiding triplechecking avoiding connection with places People or activities that would possibly reveal our patterns of movement or school being attended ... losing your child (death?custody? you were not clear about this...) to the abuser .... is tragic.... through the eyes of my experience your child is lost at the time they were abused... stunted curtailed in their ability to function in this world due to a primary caregiver disconnecting them from this essential development criterion SAFETY IN A NUTURING ENVIRONMENT .... thereafter for the child a continuous seeking for what they cannot resurrect the feeling of calm and bliss in the implicit irrevocable trust that was before the abuse
My left ear really enjoyed this.
Yesterday I was in church and heard the pastor say when you are facing a lion, dont fear be equip yourself with courage something like that. Prior to that hearing, I had a dream that an invisible growling lion was walking around I didnt see it, it was pitch black, just space and a sensation that a beast is walking around me, I was terrified, but the interesting thing is that I am somehow lead here to this conversation and the book invisible lion. I asked God for help because I am very unstable emotionally and I have huge anxiety its driving me nuts, but now I am here.
Give yourself a few seconds, just breathe .. before reacting to anything.
You are not alone, the Lord is with you always, holding you by your right hand. 🙌
This video hit the very core of me. Thank you!
Looking into my life and the why's.... hard to explain things.... this hit the nail on the head. Bedankt🙏
Grounded. Held. Safe. Have loved Bessel before he gave up drugging. So glad to see him on UA-cam.
You've just hit the nail on the head of a major dilemma of mine! Thank you, Doctor! You've helped me enormously today!
I love you Bessel!
i feel when my mind is safe, i can nurture my body to be safe.
Best interview I've seen in a while. Hope to see you go deeper soon❤
Oh wow, what a very beautifully high grade way of introducing the opening question 👏🏾
You can tell these guys have some clinical training. They actually LISTEN to each other until whoever is speaking has actually finished their point.
The movement thing I have experienced so clearly recently as I have been going through frequent anxiety episodes where I just freeze up and almost become catatonic and just sit and stare with racing hormones.. I ran into a Qi Gong follow along video by Lee Holden here on youtube and when I am present enough to get up I will do that 20 minute evening Qi Gong and sometimes it changes my whole state of being from frozen and afraid into calm and relaxed.. Just by moving and breathing intentionally in this calm and soothing way. Sometimes the change is spectacular and sometimes just enough but so far it always helps and I am so grateful. I love this man for appreciating non- western approaches as I am very anxious seeking help here in the west. Where it seems like Jung and the ripping open of old wounds is all they seem to care about. I hope I will find someone like this man to talk to..
Qi Gong can be a great way to access your parasympathetic nervous system. The more that becomes active, the less of the fight/flight state you will be in. I work with people to help them program out of fight/flight states, so your experience is similar to "coming out" of a fight/flight state.. at least for the moment as you mentioned. There is a level of connection/ neuro connectivity through physical movement/awareness + breathing that can absolutely shift us to the parasympathetic. It isn't always consistent, because often the baseline programming from trauma, or the baseline "unsafe" state has not been fully reprogrammed. But for the moment, you do feel relief. I hope this helps!
@@antonvannelli9085 Yes. Thank you for you kind reply. I also found "HRV Breathing" about a month ago. This is working wonders so far. Have not had a panic attack since the day I began doing that breathing exercise (pretty much) daily. Things like this should be taught in school. So grateful there are people on the internet sharing this type of life-changing knowledge so generously on the internet. I went from a nervous wreck to someone who can get by in a matter of 20 minutes.. Seriously. I'm beyond grateful! Have a great day Anton.
Very inspiring ! Thank you. I have had both therapists and theater directors recommend that I practice movement to break out of my very ingrained, “ladylike” movement, but also, just to have fun. Can you recommend a good Qi Gong video?
So gr8full bessel gets it! Powerfull truths❣🌠🦅👑🧚🏾♀️🙏🏾🙏🏾
Very helpful. Thank you!
I am reading Bessel van Der Kolks book "Body Keeps the Score." It is a brilliant and fascinating read and is very helpful.
Yes I got the book I highly recommend!!! I am thankful for the videos too even my canceller got it we work together with this very helpful book !
Have u also read When the Body says No, by Mate. Which is better?
Thanks 2 both of you💓
our way of expressing these concepts always attracts me, and nothing, but nothing compares with it-- the tone, the depth of spirituality, I can't put it into words. Your Manifesting Manual is something I can read over and over and soak up. ua-cam.com/users/postUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq I am in process of making the routine a solid part of my life, and it has made a difference! I LOVE your 12 meditations too! I know I am a different person after 9 months with Super Manifestor, and in process of continued positive change! You deserve accolades every day of the year! Keep on with everything, and as we say in Spanish, ANIMO! Lots of love and every blessing to you both.
Healing starts first with how we think. Perspective creates emotion. Emotions expresses itself in the body.
Neuroplasticity. Dr joe dispenza and Dr. Caroline leaf teaches how to not let the past affect our present (mind, emotions and body)
We can't change what happened to us ,but we can change how it affects us. But first, I had to learn to manage my MIND/subconscious and conscious.
you cant do that when ur in fight, flight or freeze mode
This is helpful & clarifying. BvdK is articulate and good at teaching and describing this new 'frame' of understanding trauma and how to address it. Also, 1) the point about psychological stress and TRAUMATIC stress is glossed over in the attempt to be 'nice' & smooth in introductory moments. It was not necessary or wise to gloss over this point. Please hear, take time to learn, and understand BvdK's point there. 2) What follows in the interaction between the two men is clarifying....but why is this discussion abruptly stopped? Is there a continuation of this talk?
What is BvdK's idea of how his discoveries can be used for those in distress from CPTSD or PTSD. How can it affect a) people's treatment of their own or therapists/helpers/healers treatment of other people's REAL trauma (and not just their 'psychological stress'), 2) our understanding of health and childrearing for well-being, and 3) how can it affect those who are trying to steer our world TODAY into a wise and civil society tomorrow which faces so many existential challenges, etc?
Good points. I am also frustrated. The interviewer is somewhat distracting and self absorbed. Objectivity and clarity would be better.
Good points. I am also frustrated. The interviewer is somewhat distracting and self absorbed. Objectivity and clarity would be better.
The first and only time I've heard this truth recognised by someone - acting out your trauma isolates you from normal social interaction, people just think you're gross not broken 😕
So grateful for his studies of complex ptsd and bringing awareness to the hidden epidemic of child abuse, and how he sees every patient as an individual with an important history, not just a collection of DSM labels. You could diagnose me with ADHD, BPD, OCD, bipolar disorder, and more but the root of most of my issues is trauma. The DSM aint all that-it’s preoccupied with symptoms and not causes of mental issues. Seeing how my behaviors developed as an natural survival response to real frightening experiences rather than some kind of innate brokenness helped me feel a lot less ashamed about myself as well as understand better how to calm that response. Physical activity helps calm anxiety I think bc I’m tricking the body into thinking I ran away and dealt with the danger
We need this doctor! 😞 our adopted son is suffering and noone will help him 😢 or us
Yes this is so true
I feel like a lot of this isn’t true in cases where the trauma is caused by isolation or neglect. I can be completely alone, say in a relaxing bath, or in my own bedroom, and my body feels completely safe but my brain is in free fall and i feel distress at being alone.
Those houses were MASSIVE!
I really do see a sad state of affairs. Working class people are always left out. And no country seems to talk about social class whatsoever. The poor and getting poorer and the rich, richer, yet when we discuss mental health, people from low so is-economic backgrounds are left out of conversation.
Not being able to afford therapy is a real issue.
Especially when statutory services are over run and just throw any therapy they want at you.
NO AUTONOMY NO LIFE.
Not just the lack of access to therapy, but the increased rate of traumas endured too. Some peer led mutual aid type operations exist but sadly few and far between.
Thank you🙏
Toward the end he mentions the value of people experiencing synchrony from singing, dancing, and making contact. I wonder if some institutions crack down on dancing to keep people from healing from sorrows, to keep them desperate and thereby succeptible to the destructive control these powers try to institute..
I thought the same thing!
ua-cam.com/video/RFWdV8f521E/v-deo.html. Yes.
Schools.
State of terror, my body or brain has been frozen or stuck in that terror state for 38 years
Do you shake and vibrate from the inside? I do, a constant state of panic,
I will read his book. I was in Primal Therapy in the 70s and the title reminds me of the late Dr. Arthur Janov.
Man, I checked my mail THREE TIMES while watching this video and I was like "where's the email???". It's the video.
Please know that the audio is only coming through the left speaker. thanks (love the show)
That's like when a baby cries the parents can rock the baby in their arms, so they are moving and holding the baby, and the parents can hum or sing to the baby so then they are singing and like was brought out, these are what we look for and also pass along to others during times of distress. These actions seems to be a reminder of reassurance and comfort from our past time as infants before we could speak or understand communication.
What you just described is what EMDR therapy felt like for me when I was having an emotional breakdown. It really helped soothe my brain back into a state of safety so that it calm down and process the emotions and let them go.
I have a "knowing" that I was left by myself crying in my crib, rarely picked up and soothed by Mom
It's interesting that those in charge have worked very hard to make us feel unsafe
It's true. But especially now they are exposed by their lies and greed. And i think will be falling like dominos very soon.
Or maybe it's all they know and it's the best they can do. Maybe they need healing as well.
The situation of your primal brain overriding you conscious brain and you start reacting to things you normally wouldn’t like food, exercise, medications, chemicals, etc is basically what happens in chronic illnesses like Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, chronic pain, mcas, ibs, mold sensitivity, etc. these are all limbic system impairments too. There are a lot of people healing with brain retraining through programs like Dynamic Neural Retraining System and Gupta Program. Brain retraining uses the prefrontal cortex or conscious brain to communicate to the primal brain that you are indeed safe. Over time this calms the nervous system down and brings back homeostasis to the body. The immune system can then fully work as it should and heal the body.
Limbic system programming is the future of medicine. Integration of the physical system and the limbic system, with awareness over how both are operating in detail- with advanced control over both. I agree with the goal of brain retraining, being a specialist in the field myself. The one thing I would disagree on is that without proper muscular activation sequencing and without addressing consistent spinal extension - the most common pattern in the world and a huge reason so many people have back pain (autonomic nervous system stuck in guarding patterns that impact muscles and postural positions) I have found it impossible to get people fully out of fight/flight to reactivate the parasympathetic systems. The link between physical dysfunctions and emotional/mental etc is likely much larger than we realize. I have not worked with one person with severe anxiety who did not have severe connectivity issues between themselves and their body (to the point of almost zero sensation in locations of the body at times). This state of disconnection is a state of being of being in trauma. I have had tremendous results reconnecting these "wires" so to speak in order to get people out of this limbic system state. Even as little as an hour. The fascinating aspect being that just asking a client to think of something that creates anxiety for them can INSTANTLY disconnect them from these systems again in a matter of seconds. Of course this can be reverse engineered as well, for extremely positive outcomes. it is good that you are sharing this information with people. I hope that systems and methodology like this become common place in the future.
@@antonvannelli9085 i dont know where you are in the world but would love to connect with you and learn more about your program. I think it would really help me. Ive been brain retraining for a year and while im better i still have a ways to go and am looking at other things i can do to facilitate faster healing in addition to brain retraining. I am familiar with some somatic practices, vagus nerve exercises and breath work but your approach sounds a little different and i am very interested in learning more. Pls let me know if its possible to get in touch. .
@@janettucker254 It most certainly is. Let me know the best way to get in touch with you.
@@janettucker254 Search atheq system and you should see my work, including multiple articles I have written.
@@antonvannelli9085 except for when your dads bashing your spinal cord against the metal heaters but I do agree with on the rest not sure how to access what you are discussing here.
thanks great interview...Nelson, Chile
Is there a second half to this video in which the doctors talk about solutions? I am reading, "The Body Keeps the Score," and I LOVE it! I am just wondering if there is more to this conversation and if it's available on UA-cam.
It’s really is unfortunate that there are no solutions put foreword. Bishop Tutu’s ideas were in that category. I wish there was more about how to deal with traumatic stress.
Thank you
My whole system is jacked up, the fire is out but the alarm is still on, exhausting and crazy. I need clear guidance steps.be nice/ decent to yourself.♥️
His other videos give steps to start (baby steps) to self healing and moving away from hijack states to frontal lobe states
I love your analogy about the fire/alarm totally how my life is. And it is exhausting.
fight/flight patterns can become permanent fixtures of our limbic system state overtime. Just like any pattern. You are exactly right. The fire is OUT but unfortunately your brain still perceives fire or at the very least danger. This is extremely common. The goal is to get to a state of parasympathetic dominance to be able to truly relax/let go. The problem with that is that your limbic system has been in that state for a long time, and often fights going into a new state. Anything new/change is perceived as dangerous, especially with fight/flight patterns. If you are interested in my work let me know, but I would prioritize trying to get yourself as relaxed as possible and as connected to your body as physically possible as often as possible.
Ok bit off-topic: Can you believe that at the time of this convervation, Bessel Van Der Kolk is 78 years old?!
No, he looks 68.
Thanks💓
Totally on the money. When my body said "no more", i found myself with hpa axis dysfunction, aka adrenal fatigue.
why is the sound only coming from one of my earpods? also is anyone else hearing a beeping noise every few minutes?
Too bad sound is low. Next time please make sure your guests use a microphone. Thank you.
Great content! But am I the only one to find the sound quality to be very poor? I can barely understand them on maximum volume.
Yes! Then when the ads come on, they're overpowering.
It's the e-mail alerts that I can't tolerate, hahaha. It's so so jarring to my nervous system. Seems a little cruel given the topic of conversation.
thank you
The sound when using headphones is only coming out of one side. Please fix this for future videos. Thanks
@ease7sea… thank you. I thought something was wrong with one of my AirPods.
@@timoneek444 i thought the same thing. thank god soneone else said something about it.
This is quite powerful to me as I’ve always used song to process and I’ve felt compelled to create music for healing.
Anyone else not able to hear anything? The intro plays smoothly but as soon as they start talking I hear nothing
Totally agree
I dont believe there is a single person alive that didnt experience some trauma. Maybe not a big one, but an accumulation of smaller ones... all throughout life.
Read the book...quite revealing, powerful
* Thank you *
Totally investing in roller shutters and a security system
One would wisely think, "I didn't see it last time. I need to see it this time." We tend to be ever-ready. So, I would assume a help would be in some way to find ease and rest knowing we have access to things can we put in place that will alert us to REAL, immediate threats when they are actually present (because in life they likely will at some point). And we can trust those tools as much as we trust other helpful tools - for instance, knowing when one is hungry, knowing when one needs to sleep or go to the bathroom lol. What tool, and techniques are reliable? "Safe"
Music instinct is high efficacy gift that can be harnessed to address felt sense
if my thoughts are safe, my body is safe. i try to take care of both. kindness.
I feel completely traumatized since st the time I needed someone the most was the time I was abandoned. I cant express emotion because then I am looked down on. So I never feel safe. The time I did ask for help was when I was denied. The day that I was feeling extremely ill scared for my life with my heart problem being aggravated by the driving over of speed bumps the persons response was so start laughing and driving a
hugss you are not alone in that, be kind to self as you can be.
this is amazing - does anyone know if there is a link to the rest of the conversation or does it finish here?
Hi Jess, glad you like it! The rest of the talk can be found here: ua-cam.com/play/PLFIigLLitqDngXlnr07Gdpj0HNtkDesVR.html
For many of you, look into: Neurofeedback, somatic experiencing, Brainspotting, creative therapy, EMDR, Brainspotting, psychodrama therapies. Most important factor is to feel safe with your therapist
I just bought the book
GOoD information but the audio was too low..it would be better if audio was louder & subtitles. Thanks..
Please post part 2. I am dealing with anti-semitism right now. My body feels ok but my mind is so distressed as I have been subjected to anti-Semitic remarks. I converted to Judaism so I don’t look jewish & people say horrible things to me that they would probably not say to people who are Jewish by birth. I woke up from a bad dream about the last incident a couple of years ago last night. I did have a birth trauma as my face and the back of my head were damaged from forceps used incorrectly. It has since straightened out a great deal and by my teens I was considered pretty. I’m 78 yrs old now and I had a bad dream last night. That is why I am watching this video right now.
What about people with multiple traumas. Like who have experienced childhood trauma/abandonment then went on to serve their country and were traumatized again?
Not to be rude, but what's your question? I think somatic psychology can definitely help with that situation.
Whatever doesn't kill you, will only strengthen you.
@@kiyanaak3269 Unfortunately, in general, that really isn't true.
Multiple traumas from multiple sources makes everything that much more complex. It would present (most likely) in a similar way, but because of having several different triggers, the body goes into its state of alarm all that more frequently. And the triggers can be very hard to understand and parse apart. I am sincerely sorry for the difficult things you have experienced and continue to experience.
@@kiyanaak3269 Yes, that's not true. Some things may be stronger, like your ability to empathize with others who have been through trauma, but in the case of trauma, it can leave behind multiple scars that make for a very difficult life in many ways.
I need time to process this, so I won't be watching the rest of the series just yet, but (maybe it's discussed in the further videos)
HOW do You make your Own Body feel safe? If you have no one to hold you move you and sing to you?
I have found comfort with my pets and with compassionatel people online here like Jerry Wise and Lisa Romano. Also finding beautiful things in nature to meditate on, watching my bird feeders and bird baths, feeding wildlife, growing flowers - anything to be in the moment in a peaceful environment. Being in the present helps so much. And 432 frequency music, essential oils and hot epson salt baths..
@@jl3268 thank you for your response