Jordan Peterson: What to Do If You are Stuck in the Past?
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- Опубліковано 18 гру 2020
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How can you tell that you are stuck in the past? How do you fix it? This is from Jordan Peterson’s last live appearances before his illness treatment. Taken from the third lecture of our 6 part series. These lectures are taken from Dr. Peterson's 12 Rules for Life Tour.
#peterson #psychology
Check out the full video here: • Lecture: 12 Rules for ...
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I constantly have regret cringe. I find myself thinking about and reliving the really bad, hurtful things I’ve said or done. Especially past relationships. I keep telling myself that it’s in the past, that they are life lessons and that I can do better.
That is the only thing we can do. Been having CPTSD since 2014.
I get this
The thing that I keep telling myself to overcome this is, "The best way to own the responsibility for our past mistake is to become a better person and to never let that mistake happen again." It works sometimes, but sometimes I still keep ruminating about it because deep down I know I'm still a horrible person for doing those actions.
@@givemechoco9753 same happens to me also nowadays
Me too I wish I didn't have to admit it.
Depression comes from living in the past
Anxiety comes from living in the future
Peace comes from living in the present
Generic bollocks
That's why it's called the present. Because it's a gift.
Thanks Brian
@Pete Testube Because it's true... a lot of these generic sayings are true but they've lost their meaning due to people not truly understanding them.
@Pete Testube Not a book but rather a 50 min video...and yeah I see where you're coming from it can be frustrating to see when people copypasta with no understanding and/or tell you how or why it works.
I went back to school to finish my degree at 40+yrs old thanks to this man!
Me too.
That's amazing. congratulations!
Still. Failed 1st grade. Math
? Welcome to. 4th world brought to. You by the usa/israel empire
Old sick misogynist Nazi bastard J Peterson kissing the Orbanus hard for 50 million HUF:
"my message to Hungarians:
Do not rebel against your great Führer! What your prime minister is trying to do is to restore the metaphysical foundation of the Hungarian race"
That's courageous.
One thing that helps is to change your regret into gratitude-
I have a hard time forgiving myself and relive the “what if” and “if only” scenarios but when I look at my past with more compassion love and understanding it turns into some forgiveness and love and mercy - it helps me to see that even though I can’t go back and change that choice that I can be grateful for the lessons that it’s helped me to learn and the person it’s shaping me into.
"Regret into gratitude" WOW. You, girlfriend have just changed my thoughts. Thank you so much. Practice makes perfect 💪😎
Wow! Great advice! And simpler and more concise than Jordan’s. Thanks
Let's ask a female God created to create the illusion of creating babies from on small portion of a man what she thinks.
Said no one ever
thanks a lot for this
Old sick misogynist Nazi bastard J Peterson kissing the Orbanus hard for 50 million HUF:
"my message to Hungarians:
Do not rebel against your great Führer! What your prime minister is trying to do is to restore the metaphysical foundation of the Hungarian race"
This is me. Someone is actually, finally talking to me. I’m not ashamed that hearing him say exactly what I’m going through made me choke up. My memories go all the way back to high school. I am bipolar and I will catch myself cringing thinking of all the bad things that have happened to me. The good far outweigh the bad but are all that seem to be popping in my head.
Same here
Same
I highly recommend mindfulness meditation. Has helped me very much with my own memories
@@thatdankcheese Mindfulness and some natural pills to regulate the cortisol. Adrenal and thyroid support.
I've found that recognozing that the good outweighs the bad is the best medicine. When I feel down, I go to bed telling myself what I did well in the last days, or in the past. I sleep extremely well after that. It helps a LOT.
This man has helped me through more in my life then I think he can even imagine.
Good to hear Patrick
@LAW Friends! What are those? Pull yourself together, man.
It happens all the time now so it might help to know that it just doesn’t happen to you
If anything Jordan Peterson says helps you brother you are so far worse off than you thought
@LAW if that happened to you,, then those ppl are not your friends
I regret not studying, I regret mingling with the wrong people, I regret not appreciating someone who loved me, I regret being stupid, I regret being a loser, I regret living my young teenage years with no sense of self awareness
This is exactly where I'm at in life
And have been for a couple yrs, I'm seeing this as life lesson and thanking Gods word and Jordan P for helping me through even though I'm not there
My word! Going through teenage years without self awareness is what we go through teenage years for. If you hadn’t had learnt anything you would not have been able to be so self aware now. Pat yourself on the back - you sound very mentally healthy!
I`m tormented by my past . Every negative experience in my life is rerun like a film over and over .
I thought I was alone.
I think this happens because you don't want to make the same mistakes ans so keep the experiences fresh in your memory. I'm the same way.
Start writing those experiences down on paper
I can only think that that is what hell is like, and I'm in it.
@@easyas314 relatable :(
The Elephant Rope (Belief)
A gentleman was walking through an elephant camp, and he spotted that the elephants weren’t being kept in cages or held by the use of chains.
All that was holding them back from escaping the camp, was a small piece of rope tied to one of their legs.
As the man gazed upon the elephants, he was completely confused as to why the elephants didn’t just use their strength to break the rope and escape the camp. They could easily have done so, but instead, they didn’t try to at all.
Curious and wanting to know the answer, he asked a trainer nearby why the elephants were just standing there and never tried to escape.
The trainer replied:
“when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”
Wow....Great story.
Sad but TRUE
Yep, very appropriate. "Conditioned" is the key word to that story. For many it is not just believing they can't, it is they just don't want or dare to. Why escape to the unknown forest and have to fend for yourself when you have the certainty and familiarity of the camp/plantation?
Wow great story thanks for sharing 😁
Uh?......hmm......perhaps relevant lol? God bless ya for sharing regardless :)........
One thing about growing up in the 90’s was you didn’t have the ability to search your phone and find people who were having similar problems. Here people give advice and maybe get a different perspective. I think that’s good for young people today. And everyone else too.
Yesss! 👏🏻👏🏻👍
It's a double blade sword tho, if you're not careful you can fall into a negativity circle within online communities where people feed each other's negative/unhealthy habits or beliefs. And also the immediate access to other people's "lifestyles" on social media can create a warped conception of reality, where all we can see is the positive but phony appearances people share on their IG and Facebook and whatnot.
Just as in real life one needs to be careful where and with who we interact online.
@@JorgeTorrespluspage
Oh no doubt I completely agree. I’m just referring to one positive aspect as I see it.
There's a lot to be said for ignorance is bliss
@liam Anderson me too I’m 19 I only allow men like Jordan B Peterson to change my views because he isn’t a bad man.
At 40+, I finally fulfilled my dream of finishing my degree! Huge thanks to this man.
@50+ still a lot a work 2 do.Congrats 2 your degree…Sincerely.Peace,Love & Light
So happy for you mate.
wow
Well done fella. All the best.
Inspiring bruv thank you for never giving up!
I really love the comments and after reading most of the comments tears came through my eyes. I feel I'm not only the one who has suffered from unpleasant memories of the past but also now learning from the past and healing the past. Thank you so much Jordan Peterson and may God bless you and all those wounded souls. Great respect and love to You from India.
❤
We all are human..done many things..
I'm 50. I find myself dwelling, thinking hard about things, and reliving the darkest parts of my life.
More and more, I find myself thinking of these bad times. It bothers me. I tell myself I'm living in the now and to stop obsessing over things that can't be changed.
Half an hour later, I unconsciously find my self in the past again.
I go as far back as childhood.
Frustrating
same
I'll be 50 next month and already dwelling. Hardest thing since 43, is forgiving myself for a mistake I made which hurt my kids. Indirectly but regardless it really hurt them! I didn't realize it. It was MY mistake, my consequences, my responsibility to make it right...which I did. But since, they never looked at me the same. They don't look at the great moments of their childhood, all the great memories, etc Just that mistake. And yes, it's thrown at me at times of disagreements. Heart wrenching to say the least.
@K Hylton . . . .I'm not a Christian. But, I've spent many nights staring at the ceiling pondering the word repentance.
Christians say confess your sins to god, dust your hands off, and walk away forgiven. All good.
That's not repentance.
True repentance is being truly sorry. (Which we know you are)
And carrying around that unshakable guilt for life. And never repeating the same mistake.
True repentance, you can never walk away from because you are a good soul.
I suffer the same guilt.
❤
Same
Same here I'm 65, been this way as long as I can remember
The prison that holds you captive. Has no walls.
You built the prison. You are the prisoner and the guard. Thats why its so difficult to leave because you have so much pride in what you built but you dont realize it’s torturing you
Very insightful
A carton of smokes you're wrong... Signed #463762
Well said
@Evan Hodge Thanks for you sparking retort. You're excused from further participation. lol.
My problem is living in the past with all the good times,ppl that are no longer here etc………as it makes me smile it also makes me cry
Fr..
Just turned 23 and honestly I've been really struggling with coming to terms with a lot of things, one of those being too attached to memories and regrets of things I didn't do but should have done. This video has helped me some.
Same. Sadly 22-24 is some of the mentally most challenging and confusing years. 😭you’re not alone
No regrets
23 lol. You have your whole life ahead of you!! Do NOT end up like me with massive regrets at age 48 for screwing your life up completely. I would give ANYTHING to be able to go back to being 23.
I don't so much have regrets about things I wish I had done differently, as much as the fact that my memory is excellent, and I always remember the various sleights and statements and actions by others that I knew were B-S at the time, and so there are just lots of bad memories. Well, I do wish I had stood up and walked out a few times back in Ivy League grad school, when we were forced to be a captive audience. On the positive side, though, all these things help me now to cement my present outlook and personality, backed by lots of experience and good reasons.
@@shaunbarnett2972 Thanks for the words of encouragement man! Always helps to get advice from older people
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” -Eckhart Tolle
I was an eckhart tolle fan 10 years back, followed his meditation practices and his method of staying in the now, but ive realised i had forgotten how to plan for the future.. which jordan peterson has helped me in.. even though eckhart foes mention that you may plan the future while being rooted in the now, its hard to follow practically. The future has its own power.
I you don't plan for the future, you're the grasshopper and not the ant.
J Peterson , the old sick misogynist Nazi bastard kissing the Orbanus hard for 50 million HUF:
"my message to Hungarians:
Do not rebel against your great Führer! What your prime minister is trying to do is to restore the metaphysical foundation of the Hungarian race"
One thing that I've always found admirable is Peterson's breadth of vocabulary and the way he articulates concepts. It always clicks perfectly
Thats why he is a professor. A good one :-)
Whoo boy, embarrassing.
I wouldnt call him a good speaker at all,too nervpus and agitated.
If you attended college or university you would realize Peterson's rhetoric is mostly smoke and mirrors. He conflates, shifts in and out of focus on topics to blur out holes in logic and consistency. He's quite embarrassing quite frankly. He caters to fools who find him just complicated and understandable enough to flatter their own sense of intelligence. Intellectual snake oil.
J Peterson , the old sick misogynist Nazi bastard kissing the Orbanus hard for 50 million HUF:
"my message to Hungarians:
Do not rebel against your great Führer! What your prime minister is trying to do is to restore the metaphysical foundation of the Hungarian race"
“Sometimes it’s better to learn than insist on being right because it’s better for the future.” What an amazing comment.!!!!! I am healed just by listening to this video over something that’s been bothering me for three months, God Bless You JP.
I'm stuck in happy times of the past. It's so potent and I know it's illogical. Everyone has moved on. The entire massive group of friends I had has moved on, and yet I'm stuck longing for us all to be together again.
Exactly. I miss thee few years I felt ok. I torture myself yearning for past.
It's not illogical - it's real. Life used to be fun . everything that mattered back in the 70,S and 80"s is GONE .including our friends and family.
I wish he was my therapist
He is our therapist for free on youtube, which is the amazing thing really.
@@jaysonshaulov8449 amen! Love your comment.
Jordan Peterson Death's NOT the Problem, It's Complexity ''The DENIAL of DEATH'' ua-cam.com/video/c2N-txTGn9g/v-deo.html
Jordan Peterson's lectures helped me become a better adult. His advice is something I needed throughout my life. Its a shame I couldn't get this advice from home but having it now helps me become a better person.
The day i discovered that someone called jordan peterson exists, is the day i actually started getting my act together, ive failed and succeeded and fine tuned the efforts but i was really on a downward spiral. Im so thankful for finding him too!
@@RomyaRana that’s awesome, I know what you mean I was in the same position and it’s tragic that there are people that are trying to discredit him because they don’t agree with him when he’s helped so many people.
J Peterson , the old sick misogynist Nazi bastard kissing the Orbanus hard for 50 million HUF:
"my message to Hungarians:
Do not rebel against your great Führer! What your prime minister is trying to do is to restore the metaphysical foundation of the Hungarian race"
The art of grieving what couldnt be, is keeping me stuck in the past. It is all a matter of accepting not having what i wanted and having it my way. Feeling hurt, anger, frustration,, sadness,, regret.
What, if anything, has helped you to step away from being stuck?
@@ms.rlsteele351 Excellent question, believe it or not, just asking myself this same question this morning, and I have no idea how to get unstuck. I guess it about seeing the truth in something, and not clouded judgment.
@zoeazsss5035 There is a comment on here by brianmags1999 that depression is from living in the past, anxiety from living in the future, and peace from living in the present. There are so many parts to what we grieve and why we grieve, and there are no right or wrong ways to deal with events that only we fully understand. I
just kept it to myself for too long, I guess. And the anger underlying the depression has nowhere to go. It's not about forgiveness because people have to make decisions. But the anger is from not having any choice except to be stuck with someone's decision that changed the trajectory of my life.
@@ms.rlsteele351 Thank you for all that. It is very powerful insight. And probably all true. We each grieve differently I guess. Maybe getting stuck is when you have run out of ways to process the grief.
@@ms.rlsteele351
I totally understand what you’re feeling and going through! I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with somebody’s choices that impact your life!
I’m in a similar situation with accepting an end to a relationship without knowing what I did wrong! This is causing my life to become filled with anxiety, depression and stress.
I’m definitely stuck in the past and got a lot of anxiety. The worst nightmare I can remember having was: Teachers from my past stole all my stuff and then tried to kill me. When asking others for help they rolled their eyes and saying “they’re teachers they don’t try to kill you”. No one was on my side. I also remember having dreams where I would be crying in the dream and I wake up crying with tears on my face.
@SecaKaizen thank you. I am slowly getting better.
EmotionalyFreedomTechnque
This EFT works...clearance out our past issues.
It’s been years and i can never let go of the past. I hate myself for all of my past, it haunts me there isn’t one day where it hasn’t crossed my mind at least once since. How can you move on from events that are awful? Awful things you’ve done ? Hurt people who didn’t deserve it? I care more and more everyday as if that’s humanly possible. Thing is i can’t be sure i’m willing to live with it forever and i haven’t been able to before leading to awful moments. It’s hard.
Regret cringe. I never thought to give it a name, but that's so simple it's brilliant.
hey man, how are you doing now.. im literally struggling with the same problem as you. :((
Same here.Its been hard living in the past ,it's draining,but thank God for access to others that have experienced the same things.I use to think I was the only one that replayed my screw ups from the past on a daily basis.
@@jeanetteclark320 you're not alone.. stay strong ❤❤❤
I’m stuck in high school where I used to feel anxious daily since most of my classmates disliked me at that time. I was threatened all the time that I will be attacked at any second and won’t be able to defend myself+ I was already abused as a child so I didn’t feel safe most of the time and didn’t learn methods of how to defend myself. I lived in this situation for months until I graduated. This happened five years ago and I’m still stuck there. However, I know I’m stronger now. I survived this sh*t without anyone knowing about it even. For anyone going through hard time, you are capable of handling it. Trust me!
Nurture relationships that can defend. Thats why they make men.
@@stephengillihan7568 I don’t get you Sir.
Thank you
You are a sweet soul! I love you.
@@naseralshamsi9085 He means make friends with other men that will either defend you or help teach you to defend your Self. (hope I got it right) Peace to you dear Naser and Stephen.
I love Dr. Peterson. He just enlightened me more in a 5-minute clip than decades of therapy and psychiatry combined.
Psychiatry is just drugs. Of course those aren't going to solve the cause of a problem. And if decades of therapy didn't solve what you needed to solve internally but a short video did, then you weren't putting in the work or your therapist(s) wasn't. Or both.
@@mediocreman2you’re right therapy definitely works but It requires cooperation on both ends
I live in the past, which is why I clicked the video, but it’s not the bad memories, it’s the good ones that I’m addicted to. Closest thing to a time machine I have is the music I listened to at that time. So I listen to it close my eyes and imagine myself in that scenario and it works but it fades each time to where I’d do anything to feel it for the first time again. I’m addicted to nostalgia and have been for years.
YES YES! This is me, I was hoping this video was about nostalgia and being addicted to the good memories and wanting to go back again. I wish there was a cure....
@@mr.mysterious7940 Yeah, there is no cure, just have to deal with it or distract yourself by other means
Many painful life experiences are the direct result of being abused in several ways, bullied, cheated, and so on from OTHER people.
People are the problem.
Choose your friends and acquaintances carefully. Discard those who would be mean spirited…and remember, don’t be too nice…
So true 🥲
If you continue to live as a victim “people hurt you” “don’t trust anyone”, then that is the world you will experience. You will continue to create experiences of people hurting you. You are the common denominator. It’s not “other people” it’s how you view people.
@@sarasayshi ……it is not that one should view themselves as a ‘victim’.
Not sure where you got that from.
‘Other people’ meaning someone else…..lol
It is how we view people. If we blindly go about trusting too much, we get burnt.
Experiences are real and important to learn from them…..
@@leeoliver424 i wanted to end my life a bunch of times.. After being used, rejected and feeling not wanted I thought of suicide.. I tried being the best version of me to women but they never wanted my time.. Someone told me it’s their loss..
What if there was no choice and the people who scarred you were your own parents and family ?
I have PTSD and this makes so much sense!! I've been doing this over and over.
🙌😇man helps lots of people, continues to help me, keep watching keep searching keep learning keep growing keep realizing 💯☦️💪🏽
Jordan Peterson Death's NOT the Problem, It's Complexity ''The DENIAL of DEATH'' ua-cam.com/video/c2N-txTGn9g/v-deo.html
Yep! 19 years since I was in Iraq and there has only been a handful of days I didn't talk about it, relate something to it, think about it, or dream about it.
Prior military?
@@marcmarc4776 thank you for your service. I was two tours, Gulf War. 🇺🇸
This man has helped me through life in ways I think is impossible for someone to be able to ever help me.
What if you desperately miss your past because it was a lot better than the present? I get stuck in the depression of how much fun life was 20 years ago and I can’t get past it.
I struggle with this too..
The only think better were your thoughts and your actions. (Something u can change tomorrow)
What I find truly incredible about this man is that he probably has no idea how many people he has helped. He's helped people he has never even met. The world needs more like him.
@Myself with out question. He has helped me so much. His teachings aline are priceless.
J Peterson , the old sick misogynist Nazi bastard kissing the Orbanus hard for 50 million HUF:
"my message to Hungarians:
Do not rebel against your great Führer! What your prime minister is trying to do is to restore the metaphysical foundation of the Hungarian race"
The past is gone. Things will never be the same again. The key is how do you interpret that. Do you long for the past and end up losing your present? Or do you accept it and recognize that leaves an incredible amount of potential for your present and thus your future
@@harmonymillett2970 I can’t imagine the pain you must feel over losing your son in such a tragic way. Nobody deserves the pain that you’ve endured, and no amount of guilt you feel will ever justify the pain…nobody deserves that. You did the best you could granted the circumstances you were facing, you WERE there for your son, he just lost his battle and I am so sorry for you both. I’m sending you so much love and support, you can and will get through this immensely suffocating time even if it feels impossible. I love you.
@@harmonymillett2970 hm your a woman? I can’t really differentiate the sex of you in the picture but it’s sad your husband left you for a younger lustful female. Harmony I wonder why
@@harmonymillett2970 iam beyond sorry you experienced this .
@@IsraelCountryCube who cares ! Because he was narcissistic , you don't say that kinds crap to people . You have a wife that chose you ? Probably not .
Jordan Peterson Death's NOT the Problem, It's Complexity ''The DENIAL of DEATH'' ua-cam.com/video/c2N-txTGn9g/v-deo.html
I love this man. I suffered so much in the past & Jordan has helped me so much. His bk 12 rules is truly a good read
I can't express enough how this video helps me deal with trauma in a way I never did before. I struggled early as an adolescent with being direspected and taken advantage of (whilst being too kind for my own good). This helps me see that I need to know why my bad experiences happened and how, today (10 years later), I can deal with these much more efficiently and in a tremendously better way than before.
J Peterson , the old sick misogynist Nazi bastard kissing the Orbanus hard for 50 million HUF:
"my message to Hungarians:
Do not rebel against your great Führer! What your prime minister is trying to do is to restore the metaphysical foundation of the Hungarian race"
As a point of advice, what would be your advice to someone in a similar position of, "an adolescent with being direspected and taken advantage of (whilst being too kind for my own good)"
@@hawksnebula1506 Help others as long as it's not at the cost of your own mental well being. When helping others comes at the cost of your mental or physical health, that is where you draw the line. Also don't go crossing bridges for people who won't walk across the road for you.
I find myself stuck in multiple points in time. Not just cringey moments from my junior years, but, to the point where I feel like it’s still my first day of high school. Current day, I’m 25, I have a great job, I’m married and I’m about to become a dad in 4 months, so on paper, I’m doing okay, but I still feel stuck at 2 or 3 different ages in my past. I remember everything. I remember everyone. I can’t mature. I can’t self control. I am so sure that people only remember me and look at me in a negative way. Constant cringe.
Back in 2016 I made the decision to choose my family over my destructive alcoholism. I’ve been sober for 5 years now & I still carry the burden of regret from the past when I pushed my family members away. I hate myself for things I have said & done in the past & even though things were good for years my wife came out & said that for the longest time she has struggled to forgive me for what I put her through. I told her countless times that I am sorry & ashamed of myself for all the hurt & pain I put her through.
People struggling with any kind of addiction pleas get help, don’t let it get bad like I did. Yes she was far from perfect & hurt me as well but you don’t want to be the one feeling ashamed & full of regret.
JP's advice helped me become a healthier person and get the career I wanted. When the ways I distracted myself from dealing with my past became more destructive and distressing than sorting it out, I began sorting it out and was ready to hear JP and take him seriously.
I had a very traumatized upbringing with 8 other siblings. We suffered so much together. I have been on a path of healing and freedom from all of that pain and trauma. Rebuilding my thought process and reaction to life around. For most of my life, I always felt like I had to find something/place?? Seeking to fill something in me. Never apart of the people or church family around me. FINALLY understand that was past emotion I was dealing with. To allow myself to be in the right now. Bury all of them that hurt me. And it is safe in this place NOW!!! LOVE THIS SO MUCH. People like me need this kinda chats!!! Thank you.
This is wonderful. Suffered from PTSD for years. Although I did a lot of work to reconcile my memeories, it was this one saying I heard from my therapist "It doesn't have to be true anymore"... and that thought has really allowed me to stay in control.
👏
J Peterson , the old sick misogynist Nazi bastard kissing the Orbanus hard for 50 million HUF:
"my message to Hungarians:
Do not rebel against your great Führer! What your prime minister is trying to do is to restore the metaphysical foundation of the Hungarian race"
Didn't get it can you please explain
It doesn’t exists it’s non existent now. Helps me
Thank you for sharing this
Ah. I'm definitely stuck in the past, a past of some truly amazing childhood experiences, and I find myself spending a lot of time and resources trying to recreate them in whatever manner possible.
Like what? Some people may relate.
@@undefinedvariable8085 I spent much of my childhood studying music. Working to rebuild at least some of it again..
Feel the same way. Had a wonderful childhood which continued thru my teens. So sorry to hear so many others who had a bad past.
The only bad part is I’m always looking in the rear view mirror instead of thrust the windshield.
@@manyfeather2knives423 I'm still in decision-making mode about the "rear-view mirror". I'm looking at a relatively early retirement from my career, and I have some choices. One of them is go back to my childhood dream of being a Jazz pianist, and continue where I left off. After all, somewhere in the back of my mind, it's what I wanted all my life. On the other hand, the obvious "through the windshield", "forget the past" type of choice would be to stay in my profession in some consulting capacity, and probably make some decent money. That would allow me to live a more comfortable lifestyle, afford more and nicer traveling options, and whatever else that extra money can buy; but all of that wanes in comparison, when I imagine myself playing the piano somewhere at a jazz club. I think I already know what I will choose :)
You have to be careful, meaning that some people recreate their childhood again and again because that´s where they were happy and now they don´t
As a person who struggles with ptsd, depression, and high functioning anxiety thank u. U have no idea how much my life has changed. But I’m not unique. That’s why other ppl are listening to this in the same way i am. So, thank you
I did and said alot of stupid crap and It still haunts me today. I wish i could go back and change things. I find that cold plunges sets me to the present moment but then after a few days it creeps up on me again.
When I think of something negative from the past I try to ask myself “ok but what did I learn?” sooner than later and it seems to stop the snowball in it’s tracks.
This clip nearly made me commit suicide, than it saved me only a few days ago. I have had childhood trauma since my mother died when I was 7yrs old. My father was physically abusive, is still an alcoholic and daily marijuana smoker. My step mother met my father 12 months post my mothers passing and she brought trauma into our lives. During this time my elder sister died on drugs. I joined the army as soon as I could and served in two combat tours (Iraq). I was diagnosed with PTSD 10yrs ago, dealt and let go of everything, or so i thought. I attracted an abusive relationship thinking that I could be the one to save this person based on my lived-experience. I was wrong. I have been so messed up. My step mother passed away last week and I stayed with my father to help him. My trauma came back worse than ever. 3 days ago, I woke up, and i was in a rage. It was unbearable. The issue was, i couldn't change the traumatic events. So, I wanted to die. I watched this video and the advice was horrible, I have done it all, it sounds nice but it doesn't heal anything. For years I have been disassociated, riddled with anxiety, but did everything to manage it (exercise, meditation, talk therapy). For at least 10yrs I couldn't tell you days, dates, where events took place, and i am always preparing for danger. I quit drinking this year and i have felt every ounce of pain. Jordan did mention however that we deal with these black spots, and they're horrible, that's what ive been living with. This avoidance of truth and further torture because i didn't think I could handle it. So not only did I revisit it, I called my Dad and I told him I wanted to die. I told him everything that he had done to me, I cried for 2.5hrs, and to my surprise, he cried with me, he apologised for everything, and the blank spots... are now gone. Years of torture has left me, and my body, my face, my chest, it's all lighter. I can't explain it. I am however, alive. So, thank you.
You sound strong and wonderful. Good luck in your long, bright future :)
@@LarryPanozzo - Thanks Larry, I am a much different man since I wrote this.
Sending vibrations of strength to you 💕
@@RomyaRana Thank you xxx
the process is painful that is why we couldn't manage it the first time, and it bleed our heart and clouded our mind for years or decades.
It's September 2022 and im stuck in 2019-2020. Been like this for months and this thing makes me goes from happy to sad real quick
Jordan Peterson is a gift from God. I'll never get tired of listening to his wisdom.
You are right. Completely. And I listen to him when I cannot cope. Afterwards, I cope.
Well, you are so right, almost every spech he does I see him bem stack ! Havy.wait to make his pont. Now o can just see ! And be sensitive for him
Someone once said that regret is an appalling waste of energy... they were right.
What a gentleman !!!
I admire him a lot. The way he walks, talks, answers, debate, his gestures, his dressing sense are all sterling.
So thankful to have come across Mr Peterson last year. Him and Dr Gabor mate, have really helped me realize things I needed to work on.
Dr.Peterson is such a gift to society. He has helped so many people, including myself. Thank you for posting ❤
I seem to be stuck on the year 2019 where a lot of things happened. Both good and bad. I always blame myself because things aren’t the way they used to be. Whenever I get a ‘nostalgic’ feeling of 2019, they make me sad. I don’t know how to move on from it. I feel like I ruined things throughout the years
To be fair, most people are stuck in 2019 because of pandemic. Bad times and even worse governments.
Write it down.
It helps.
I was stuck on a boy I was obsessed over since high school, the day i was absolutely honest on paper about it, i cried while writing it, also till atleast an hour later but i feel ive let him go finally. You have to be absolutely honest, write abuses, your feelings, the instances, how you'd wanna let that thing go.
I feel the exact same way I’m stuck in 2019😭
Nuttin to do wit you tho still so wtf???. It's China 🇨🇳 obvious tho duh 🙄
Same for me. the pandemic didn't help ....
I’m stuck in middle school, 2005-9 and 2014. Constant repetition thoughts of these three life periods. Full of regret and embarrassment.
I used to be like you. Then I realized people don’t have the same memories you have. I met up with friends from high school 20 years later and my biggest regret was that I ruined the prom limo experience because I broke the bottle of alcohol we were going to get drunk off of. I carried that with me for years about how clumsy and stupid I was. When I asked those people about that event they didn’t even remember. All they remembered was having a good time.
My perception was totally off.
Jordan Peterson Death's NOT the Problem, It's Complexity ''The DENIAL of DEATH'' ua-cam.com/video/c2N-txTGn9g/v-deo.html
@@funkmonster Exactly, I am 29 now and still dwelling about things that happened when I was 10-11 years old. The funny thing is most other adults dont even seem to remember the names of people they went to middle school with. So my head may be the last place were these events actually exist.
These insights and the potential discussion to follow, is an art-I had a professor like this in undergrad psych. He’s talking about real life issues, one’s that are applicable and interesting to learn about. This is the reason I loved college and pursued a psychology degree.
I just keep reminiscing about my past. I feel bad that things changed and I just wanna go back to that moment.
I lived for so many years in a negative enviroment, with toxic people, that make my life impossible, doing the worst things..
Now I know that I have just to stay focus in what I like and in what is positive for me.. And not let me influence by the others negative things..
You dont realise the effect toxic people have on you until you go away from them and find yourself. So true. Been there too my friend. Trying to build up myself now.
@@RomyaRana yes that's absolutely true,, it's so strange.. But just keep build ourselves 👍
This man is a national treasure.
International*
Jordan Peterson Death's NOT the Problem, It's Complexity ''The DENIAL of DEATH'' ua-cam.com/video/c2N-txTGn9g/v-deo.html
More like the embarrassment since he's a mysgynist
His voice gets on my nerves!
Canada’s National Treasure. Born and raised in Alberta.
I really like him. He's like a father that cares about all of us.
Love this guy he has helped me get through so many personal battles.
I like how Peterson gives explanations and mental exercises to resolve the past.
I just want to not feel this way anymore Dr Peterson 😥😞 I’m so tired of it and it’s physically draining I’m grateful for you and all you do thank you 🙏
This video was truly inspiring! The quotes and messages shared here are so powerful and have given me a lot to think about. Thank you for sharing such a positive message with the world. I'll definitely be coming back to this video for a dose of motivation whenever I need it. Keep up the great work!
He speaks the damn truth. Us at the societal bottom are so much more susceptible to negative emotions and anxiety. We have to grow through so much more adversity to survive it. We’re constantly guilt tripped for it- that it’s “your problem, not societies” confidence and power/influence are an effortless formula. Why the rich get richer and the poor become Ill.
I have finally let go of my bad past and made peace with it i have forgiven...and now i am concentrating on my future and mysself working on mysself and being happy🙏🏻
God bless and good luck from Diane 🙏🙏
@@dianeamaral8151 thankyou, god bless you as well❤️🙏
@@dianeamaral8151 thankyou, god bless you as well❤️🙏...from Damend❤️🙏
Listening to him talk is therapeutic.
DR. JORDAN PETERSON helped me so much. I came across his lectures on youtube in 2018. Went through hell and back. Now I am over 2 years sober and LIVING. I credit Dr. Peterson for being the first person to have me "look in the mirror". Its been a long bumpy road but I have faith. Thank you DR. JORDAN PETERSON!
If you are having trouble letting go of the past, one thing that may help is leaving town. A new area helps when you want to be a new person.
Also, remember that every moment you spend on regret or any negative thinking about the past, is letting that past win. It's good to analyze your past, but any minute spent on regret is a minute wasted
I know from experience that you are correct about a fresh start. But, I have done that all my life and still end up in the same situation. 54 and still trying to figure it out.
@@Bob-fk6kn well, you can't run from yourself, no matter how far you flee. But don't be discouraged, it's never too late to change. Every single day is a chance to be someone new, you just have to put in the leg work
Geographical therapy is not a solution when the issues are within you. Only after you have fixed your broken parts can you fully appreciate the new start in a new place.
@@joywebster2678 clearly you've never quit a drug addiction. A new town is a huge help.
@@jeremywrentzel7390 no addiction was not the issues anyone was discussing.
This is me. So many traumatic things have happened to me since I was born. I figured that it’s just my life’s path…. I needed to hear this! Thank you Mr Peterson!
I'd say the same. Good luck with your recovery!
Absolutely love this man and his incredible spirit!
Jordan Peterson,in my humble opinion is an absolute treasure and gift from God to everyone who chooses to actually listen to him long enough to realize how incredibly beneficial it can be for us
Such a rollercoaster dealing with the past. Forgive them, forgive yourself. Make Smart choices; & the next time Life presents a "test" it's okay to ask questions, whenever you are unsure of the direction your going.❤
Sometimes events from my past creep up on me and it'll stay in my mind for a while. Things like what someone said to me or being attacked physically when I was in school. What I'm learning is from what other people in recovery talk about is letting go and moving ahead. It's like having to recompute the negative into positive things. Still a challenge to me but I'm trying with God's grace and help.
"recompute the negative to positive". that's the gist of it. But doing it, in the moment it comes up - isn't so easy. HOW to make it stick?
Did he ever suggest how to fix being stuck in the past? I tuned out about a third of the way in. He has so much to offer. If only he's organize his thoughts and get to the point.
Rewatch it
same here
rewatch it, there's no easy way to fix being stuck in the past because you need to process the emotions involved, you will feel hurt and vulnerable, but if you are able to process things in your current state instead of being whatever age and habit back in that memories, then you will know that you are much more capable than you imagined
The answer is showtime after 11pm. You’re welcome
That is so accurate I always go crazy when something disrupts my plan Or an obstacle Appears from nowhere, Thanks for the explanation makes a lot of sense
I was stuck in an abusive family, so depressed I could barely get out of bed, all through my formative years. Finally got away at 28, looking 40.
Living in the past shapes your future.
The human mind is so powerful that with lots of practice, ie meditation and affirmations, you can and will reverse trauma and/or a terrible past.
a part of me is stuck in 2007... hope to overcome this one day
am in the 90s and I know it’s gone and they will never come back am trying to make my best at the present moment
I live in the past in many many ways. Miss innocence and fun times of childhood, but can’t forget mistakes I made, or bullies from school. Just can’t shake some traumatic times! 😢
I really needed this advice.
I have more experience than before, I know more and I'm capable of making better choices in the future.
I am trapped by my past but each day every day I pull my past behind me like a trailer I pull it I will eventually have it even with me and then I will push it forward and I will begin to deal with it this man makes an incredible amount of sense
Actually, I have a different point of view of this now. I was dealing with panic attacks and depression until I heard a saying "The past is just a thought in the present moment". And I got curios and noticed that the past is actually over, its done. There is always just this present moment, you can't be anywhere else. The only thing you are exeperiencing is a thought in the present moment which creates the past for you, memories are often very fluid. So it is not the past that gives you thought now. It is you that creating that experience again via thought in the PRESENT MOMENT. The same way goes with the future. It is a FACT that the future doesn't exist, that can all agree with. The future has a tendency to NEVER show up. Lets say for example if I worry for tomorrow. It is not tomorrow or the week, month or year that gives me anxiety or worry. It is my own thinking in the present moment that gives me those. Thought creates feeling, always. not feeling creating thought. We are the thinker that creates our own reality. But it is just thoughts, nothing else. Thoughts are not tangible, there are more like fluffy clouds or fluid. So... If we realize that there is only the present moment, the past is over and the future will never show up miracles can happen to your well-being.
Thank you
Eckhart Tolle the power off now
Yes, this is exactly the concept I am working hard to practice to help myself. My life us like this, the younger I was the most horrible anxiety I been experiencing because of living in the future with "bad" events/situations that were only in my imagination in the future. The older I was getting the more depression crept into my life because I was living in the past. Now I'm about midlife, so it makes sense why my life is 50% anxiety and 50% depression. I live with one foot in yesterday and the other in tomorrow. I need to start having both feet on the stable and unshakable ground of today. Thank you for your time. Blessings!
@@lanachild7731 Yes i have been there too. Something that hits me hard is alan watts saying "You cant control your thoughts nor your feelings, just sit and watch them.. how they are running along. just relax, let go of the control of trying to figure it out, let it be and you will be free." everything starts to slow down to what IS, when we accept what IS right now even if we are depressed. If we accept that, embrace it it wil pass eventually.
The only problem with the future is if you know you’ll have no money (unless you win the lottery while on SSDI as I am) you know it’s as bleak as you predict.
I love the video and I more than in any other youtube channel, love the comments section. It's like people venting out their frustrations in a safe place under guidance of this great man. Awesome! I wish solid mental health to all you out there struggling with negativity.
Being one who has had alot of damage in the past with some self awareness, I can say The big kicker about the past is when You feel that the injuries of the past are affecting the person You are now and going forth in A bad way without Your consenting . That can make for despair real quick causing happiness and well being to look all the more unattainable. Moments of clarity to self knowledge have been the best for some healing in life on me More than the best medicines they make .
The past is done and gone,no point in holding grudges for something that has happened,you can't turn the clock back.
Thank you so much for helping me to look at my life differently. I discovered you when I saw an interviewer talking about gender pronouns. From that day on I have referenced you often. I am renewed and ready again to face the world. May God bless you.
That's a life-changing lesson. Negative thoughts require a lot of attention as well as efforts to truly fix the situation. We need to develop skills to deal with repetitive negative thought loops. In my opinion, observation skills, surrender, and alternative thoughts like gratitude and forgiveness need to be incorporated as a new life-style.
This speech is relatable to me ! i guess that the past is always memorable ( bad or good ) 😐 but whoever is reading my comment remember to focus on the now and the future more than anything that happened that you should leave behind 🙏
Hi can you please elaborate his speech I am so upset could not understand a word. If you see my comment kindly tell me what did he say what does it mean?
At last! A video of a speech without the bloody background music. Thanks.
I used to live in the past. The only way I was able to move forward was to be at peace with my past, forgive all and let go.
And the only way to do that, was to confront my past and address it no matter how much it hurt or how uncomfortable it made me feel. Accept what happened, feel the emotions and let it all go!
And to help me stay in the present and look forward to the future is I practice self love and self care. I try to learn something new everyday and try better myself everyday by working out, going for a walk, decluttering the house, reading a book, taking time to breathe and enjoy my surroundings and count my blessings 💜💜💜
I know exactly what you mean. I was the same. For me it was a different youtuber who said something so wise, so profound, yet so simple and true:
The main problem people have is that they are wrapped up in what happened yesterday, the problems they have now, and things that could go wrong in the future. You only need worry about 1 of those things. People are suffering treble what they need to. The past doesn't exist in reality the way the present does, neither does the future. You only have direct control over what is right in front of you, right now. Potential problems in the future don't exist yet, and problems from the past certainly don't exist right now. Neither should affect you.
It's all very obvious stuff right? But that's how real, practical wisdom sounds! Ground-breaking when you hear it first, but painfully obvious 30 seconds later!
JP has helped me a lot, and so has Sadhguru. He comes at this 'inner turmoil' stuff from a very different angle, but he is worth listening to as well. Very wise man. Just thought I'd leave that recommendation for you!
How did you accept? And forgive yourself
@@goose300183 I love Sadhguru, he is so wise
@@SajidKhan-pt8nj I came to terms with the fact that I can't change the past & I didn't want my past to live in my present or future as it doesn't belong there. It does no good to keep replaying scenarios of what could of/should of happened. Once you accept what's happened make peace with it and let it go. That way you won't keep thinking about and have feelings of regret, pain, sadness etc. You don't want to be a prisoner of your past. I wish you well on your journey
@@kimcurated 🙏👍
i can remember exactly every mistakes i did in past. I am so guilty and depression. It is hard to deal with people who trying remind me of my mistake like my mother, it's like convinced me that i am worthless and no hope to be better.
It is unbelievable how he articulated exactly what is going on in my mind….Dr. Peterson is one of the most extraordinary people I have ever listened to in my life…..I only wish I had his wisdom 30 years ago when I truly needed it…lol…oh well…better late than never I guess….
My mum is an angry and bitter person who lives in the past and its affecting her mental health,she doesn't want to mix with others and as I'm a spiritual person I try to reassure that the past is gone and forgotten.
I’ve got CPTSD among another anxiety disorders and it all stems from childhood. I self sabotage to create space from people. I sometimes blurt out crazy things and people that have known me for years will be shocked. It’s like a belch it out like a normal body reaction. I have a claustrophobia towards physical space as well as relationships. I had a lot of panic attacks after getting engaged and eventually I scared her off so that I would be alone again and then beat myself up for being alone again.
I like Jordan,very good with his heart,helping people in advice,you feel his energy,lucky we have him,greetings from Sydney.
I have watched a great amount of JBP content in the last years. For some reason it stands out! Thanks a lot for putting up this content!
Dr. Peterson, I hope you know how many lives you have saved. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
exactly
it's been few months since i started listening to his lectures although English is not my native language, but his words are so well sum up and summarized, as if he lives in our brains.
I mean explain my situation better than i can. He Truley knows his work. Truley a Gem .
Im 20 and two years ago I was a victim of sexual violences. As if it wasn’t traumatic and awful enough, my ex (boyfriend who broke up with me and wanted to stay friends) literally humiliated me when he learned about it. He made me feel as a « slutty girl who looked for it and who’s rushing into life ». Honestly his reaction and jealousy made me feel the worst I’ve ever felt in my whole life. I’ve never been this hurt in my life. After that he just left me as if nothing happened.
I then suffered from ptsd flashbacks, insomnia, extreme vigilance, fear all the time to be raped again, fear of men, lost of self confidence, cries all the time (like really there’s wasn’t a day without me crying), suicidal thoughts, feeling of guilt and feeling dirty, was part of my daily life. It was unbearable. I had to deal with my trauma + the victim blaming, betrayal, of someone I really really trusted and love.
That was really hard in the beginning. I’ve been to a therapist for more than a year. I did a lot of EMDR (a psychotherapy method to help you deal with trauma) sessions and psychotherapy where I talk and listen to my therapist’s advice. That’s what saved me. Also my faith and my will to survive all this.
I was 18/19 at the time, and now, I just tuned 20. Even if I’ve realised a lot of improvements in my mental health and life. I am still a little stuck in the past. I still feel anger and sadness whenever I think about it. It ruins some of my days, my energy and everything.
My ex apologised to me after that, but with all the good will I have, I can’t forgive him. I can’t forget and I know I never will. But I wanna forgive him, for me first. I can’t help but hate all the men who hurted me. My heart is full of anger, sadness and pain, a feeling of injustice, regret on all my bad choices,…. I live too much in the past.
I have an amazing family, amazing friends and an amazing new boyfriend. But I can’t even fully live happily with my mind who’s always running in the past and reviving those feelings.
That’s why I was looking for help to improve myself even more and to be stronger. I wanna Keane how to be active and survivor and not « victim ». It’s hard but I know I will. This video actually helped me A LOT ❤ thank you very much. And I wish everybody who’s struggling to learn how to move on and live a happy life.
Don’t give up on getting counseling. Never quit. It was not your fault. Practice forgiveness.
Similar situation here I’m a boy an was groomed by a “friend” opened up to my gf an she left me
He used to say to me oh it’s only a game imagine I’m a girl etc
Have you finished with EMDR?
DR. JORDAN PETERSON HAS AN EXTREMELY IN- DEPTH UNDERSTANDING OF THE HUMAN PSYCHE
I had bad memories with toxic friends and people being jealous of me, and that's where I couldn't live my own life(finding my passion, finding new hobbies, learn new things) I got mental issues, and I felt like I keep looking backwards. It did work by making friends, especially in church or school. I met someone that I can easily understand and can talk to most of the time in church(he goes to the same school as me) as well as talking more with my girlfriend cause of getting one my toxic friends out of my life. Now I'm trying to focus on myself cause it's my priority, but I keep lacking cause I self doubt myself over what happened in the past. I just want to be really free and be focusing on myself and then relationship later. The only thing that need help on. Talking with my friends and all that, I'm good.
Good for you! When people are going nowhere in life, they impede your efforts to self-organize, try to cut your head off so they appear taller, give you bad advice so they can correct you later (no doubt, they will just repeat what YOU told THEM previously, then act like you didn't know these things), ignore them.
I can empathize with your situation. Talking to someone can help release the crazy emotions and help you identify the areas where we make errors. Removing the people who don't serve us well will lead to a much more relief. Investing your energy in yourself and surrounding yourself with a group of people who support you in your goals, hobbies, and passions will only help you to grow. Investing in yourself will help you be a better and stronger person. I wish you the best in life. You have a lot to look forward to. 🙂😀
@@tdona77 thank you
Jordan Peterson Death's NOT the Problem, It's Complexity ''The DENIAL of DEATH'' ua-cam.com/video/c2N-txTGn9g/v-deo.html
An old baseball coach told me some very simple words of encouragement , keep your head up ! So keep your head up , just be proud of yourself !