NEVER Hire a Stupid Hitman | Tales From the Bottle
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- Опубліковано 20 кві 2023
- These hitmen turned a contract killing into a pyramid scheme, with hilarious results.
"Contract killing is a form of murder or assassination in which one party hires another party to kill a targeted person or persons. It involves an illegal agreement which includes some form of payment, monetary or otherwise. Either party may be a person, group, or organization. Contract killing has been associated with organized crime, government conspiracies, dictatorships, and vendettas. For example, in the United States, the Italian- and Jewish-American organized crime gang Murder, Inc. committed hundreds of murders on behalf of the National Crime Syndicate during the 1930s and '40s.
Contract killing provides the hiring party with the advantage of not having to carry out the actual killing, making it more difficult for law enforcement to connect the hirer with the murder. The likelihood that authorities will establish that party's guilt for the committed crime, especially due to lack of forensic evidence linked to the contracting party, makes the case more difficult to attribute to the hiring party. Contract killers may exhibit serial killer traits, but are generally not classified as such because of third-party killing objectives and detached financial and emotional incentives. Nevertheless, there are occasionally individuals that are labeled as both contract killers and serial killers.
A contract killer is colloquially known as a hitman. Contract killers who work for criminal organizations are often known as enforcers."
More on Wikipedia:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contrac...
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pp extendus
almost 1 million subs!
@@lookstothetroon Weird spell or something, I don't know I don't play DND.
don’t skimp on shoes, haircuts, and hitman .
@Qxir if you don’t mind me asking what happened to the potential 1 million dollar investment?
Remember this all started because Wei launched two lausuits against Tan? Well, Wei actually lost both cases in 2018, meaning Tan would not need to pay the hitmen or get in prison if he simply waited for the court results.
Also, in both lawsuits Wei wasn’t even sueing Tan - he was sueing a corporation he had disagreements with, where Tan was a board member. Wei had never even heard of Tan before the police investigation.
He would have saved millions in lawyer fees I bet.
the corporation probably paid Tan to take care of the problem but unlike his underlings he knew to keep quiet
@@Scooterbeerrun Maybe he knew that his bosses' hitmen wouldn't delegate... or hesitate.
Heysus
Lmao that's so funny, nobody won nothing at the end and everyone was displeased 😂
'5 Idiot Hitmen' sounds like a excellent movie parody.
Of what?
The Usual Suspects
Or a great idea for an off-Broadway drama!
"The 5th hitman" and it should be a comedy.
Diana Burnwood: Here are your targets. Good luck, 47.
47: I’m not overly eager to do this myself. Agent 69, here are your targets.
69: I’m not overly eager to do this myself…
"For whatever reason, he was not overly eager to do the job himself" is the best part the more you said it😂😂😂 thanks for the laughs
Same energy as “This enraged his father who punished him severely”
These guys explain how "outsourcing" works better than my teacher at school
Imagine if he had a massive team working on these videos and just didn't want to give them credit lol
Fuck credit, it's money I don't want to give them 😂
@@Qxirat least your honest about it 🤣
@@Qxir You should have hired someone to not give them the money
@@Qxir 😆 you're fucking hilarious Qxir man.
Imagine if Qxir was hired by someone who was hired by someone who was hired by someone who was hired by someone who was hired by someone.
This whole ordeal feels like a Monty Python bit and I love it
True enough... hit sure does...
Maybe they did watch any Monty Python first!!🙃🙃
This does give off Monty Python vibes! 😂😂
I love Monty Python _skits_
Drop the bazooka, rabbi!
I like to imagine the court found this case to be so stupid they decided to give them essentially a free pass
1:00 as a trivia, That "Mou" is not Wei's name. Mou, or 某, literally means "somebody", was used as an alias by the Chinese officially when the identity of someone is being kept secret, such as a victim or witness or even a suspect/criminal.
Is it a bit like how in the us, anonymous people are referred to as “Jane Doe” and “John Doe”?
@@heavy0119Yes it is similar, but more like "Mx Wei" giving only the surname, with neither the sex or given name of that person. However, in this case we actually know the given name of Wei is actually Jie from the other court cases.
Alternate title: Qxir tries to pronounce Chinese names for six minutes.
Six minutes? You should see the recording before I edited it
@@Qxir and remember that he did all by himself. Great job brother
@Qxir
A blooper reel would be epic
@@Qxir make a blooper video
@@Qxir bloopers please
To be fair, this is basically how construction projects in California work despite having far less at stake.
Actually the hitmen probably would have a lower body count even with a 100% success rate than US budget construction companies
Not just California, the entire US contractor system. I image like 25% of all Americans work jobs that aren’t really needed.
Its actually how construction projects are done in China too, which is why they've got all those bridges and apartment blocks falling down after just a few years despite having a rather large funding initially
Safe to say I think this applies to almost every country.
I'm an HVAC installer and we get sub contracted out to virtually every job. I've only worked with 1 general contractor that had a plumbing, electrical, and concrete wing. And even that is very rare.
You have to think about how many moving parts there are in an apartment; fire protection systems, mechanical fire dampers, elevators, security systems, and on and on.
That's why I make some pretty medium bucks compared to a barista.
Is even funnier that the alleged target man agree to play along and pose for dead body pictures 😂 as if the hit was successful carried out 😂😂😂
the alleged target man did hid himself for a while so that every hitman received the payment, but he felt bad that he only worth 100,000 rmb so he reported to the police.
This gives me big Palpatine energy vibes man. Sending a man to send a man to send a shapeshifter to send a robot to send bugs to try to kill someone only for it to fail
Lmao, I hadn't connected the dots before now, but that is a ridiculous chain. Palps is nothing if not a huge fan of convoluted ass plans.
Everyone except for the last guy got off very light. Realize that the client and the four first hitmen all did everything that they thought was necessary to cause the murder, so they all basically attempted murder and should have been held accountable to that. The last guy is the sole person who didn't actually attempt to murder anyone.
True, but he still took the money, maybe that's why he was sentenced.
The other guys still got enough money to bribe the officials, the last guy don't
@@RRRRRRRRRRR956 that was actually funny
The little guy always gets it the worst.
Did I misunderstood the video? He got the lightest sentence (2 years)
I didn't know the assassination of Padme was based on a true story
technically, this story was based on the assassination of Padme, since this took place after the movie released
@@PancakeBoi I'm not confident that's how causality works.
@@Pixeleyes I think he meant 'would have been based on' rather than was.
@@Pixeleyes r/woooosh
@@Pixeleyes no, no, thats how it works
The cadence, pacing, narrative style, and clever repetition in this video absolutely made the story!!
Mad respect for the first 15 seconds of the video. I can't imagine the workload that goes into just one of these.
I like to imagine in an alternate timeline agent 47 handing off his hit to agent 48, and then 48 to 49 and so on. Eventually it gets down to agent 292 who isn’t even getting paid
unpaid intern lol
It's a foot in the door of the murder delegation industry, now he just has to find someone he can afford to pay out of pocket on the salary from his part-time minimum-wage job.
"who isnt even getting paid" lmao
“Isn’t even getting paid”
Gumshoe: 👀
He's getting paid in ✨exposure✨
So THAT’S why he’s called Agent *47*
Hitman-ception... 🤔
these guys would be great youtubers, they are literally the definition of "double it and give it to the next person"
How about "half it, and give it to the next person"?
Keep 1/11 of your money and give it to the next person
@@hephsmith3738Double the risk and give it to the next person
When you're a procrastinator and somehow also a hitman
Well these weren't hitmen just consultants in reality :D
I read the title, and thought that the hitman was a guy who would get caught so many times that every time he was put on trial he looked drastically different. Somehow the truth was even funnier
When I read the title and saw the thumbnail, I assumed that someone hired a hitman that was too stupid to do the job, so the guy had to hire another hitman, who was also too stupid to do the job, ... and so on.
I thought the hitman in the thumbs was just wearing different costumes each time he got caught, lol.
I was a bit disappointed at first.
In my imagination, the whole thing ended in an Assasins' Battle Royale.
Your characterization of the individuals in your drawings is spot on
Absolutely love your Tales from the Bottle. The art and commentary is perfect 👌🏼
I love the doodle vids. They have so much more character. Thank you for all the effort you put in.
Athefumen
That is what makes it so special, the expressive art. Qxir has mastered that and we get his excellent voice and storytelling. Nothing like it elsewhere. Imagine if Ozzyman and Qxir got together to do a video! Nah.
Give this guy a nebula original series plsssss
Made with chatgpt
@@zobr0s77Nooo we will have a paywall
This is exactly how business operates in China. People take their cut to be the middleman and the budget get smaller and smaller. "I've got an uncle who can do it cheap" or "I can pay a guy to be the hitman for less" actually how things are done.
They should hire quality control
@@Cervezadog quality control doesn't exist in china
@@rogerphone481In China, quality controls you!
China somehow managed to run a whole nation like a pyramid scheme
@@Cervezadog But what if the quality control guy has an uncle that can do quality control for cheap?
I really appreciate the style of your videos. It's quite unique, I believe. The way you draw, the way you put the story together, your editing, everything---it's unique, Qxir, and I love it.
Your delivery was perfect 😂
I had to watch the whole line up like 3 times due to being hilarious
You know, I thought this plot was stupid in Star Wars, when Palpatine hired Count Douku who hired Jango Fett who hired Zamm Weasel who sent a droid who sent some bugs to kill Padme.
I thought that was only stupid enough to be in Star Wars.
Degrees of separation isn't dumb as long as it gets executed, if the bugs did their job and the droid vanished they would of probably would never found out who killed Padme.
I've only seen the prequels once, in theaters, so I could be misremembering. But I thought the whole point of the assassination plot was (a) it would fail, but make it seem like Padme was in danger, so Palpatine could lever that fear to manipulate Anakin to the Dark Side, and (b) the Jedi would chase Fett to Kamino, discover the clone/slave army, and kick off a sham war that would stain the Jedi's hands (as they'd be slavers), cause many of them to Fall, diminish their numbers, paint them as warmongers, and ultimately lead to their genocide and the birth of the Empire.
@@jillyapple1It does, these people just watched CVH once (who has no idea what he is talking about) and parrot his points ad infinitum
I rewatched that video recently and immediately thought of this one when Marcus was going on that tangent
Tbf, that is how contract killer for political work operate, they use mutiple misdirection to hide the original contractor. This case however just incompetence all around.
If John Woo and Chow Yun Fat ever decided to take a break from bullet operas and make a screwball comedy, this would be the plot outline.
"Once a Thief" comes to mind.
This seems more like a Stephen Chow/Wong Jing movie
Could also make a great Jackie Chan movie with some edits
I'm sure it would be a big "HIT"
@@piggypoo agreed Stephen Chow written all over it
Beautiful story telling as always my man! Truly excellent! Thanks for all your efforts!!
I remember this story! You somehow made this hilarious nonsense even funnier 😂 I love your videos so much.
"For whatever reason [...] was not overly eager to do it himseld"
This sentence gradually become comical.
I heard that this happened in Russia once. Except the first hitman was massive, the second a little smaller, the third a little smaller than the second.. and so on...
So when sentencing they just "stacked" them...
This channel is at the top of my ten videos I look foward to and because it's hilarious and well thought out it keeps me alive. The art, the effort and the humor is first rate.
Thanks for making my life better bro. I share the same sense of dark(?) humour.
Sense of things piling up? Jeeze.
I haven't laughed this hard in a while. Excellent video. Thanks.
This reminds me of that one Onion News Network segment where everyone just outsources all their work to the poorest man alive
That's the last 3 humans on Earth: the poorest man, and the last Jew and Palestinian.
That's one hell of a convoluted way to settle a dispute 🤣
he should have called hillary suicide hotline.
Yes hit is...
One of my favorite talks from the bottles. Taking micro management to a whole new level
The animation is superb on this one! You out did yourself
😂Never get tired of hearing this story, but as usual, you tell it better
Athefumen
4:57
One reason that number is so high is that most crimes in the US are prosecuted by the state the crime happened in and the feds only have jurisdiction in certain circumstances (and sometimes both have jurisdiction bc they did one thing that is 2 different crimes) meaning they are a lot pickier about cases they go after.
These once a week uploads are killing me. I’m jonesing by the next day.
Keep up the great work!
Dude I love the skit in the beginning with the “was not overly eager to do this himself”
How has this not been made into a movie? This would be hilarious!
Yup. A big HIT.
Wait a few years and it could be. Chinese moviegoers love black comedy.
Its called starwars. Got some pretty bad reviews
it happened in star wars episode 2
You know, this reminds me of a funny story. One time, this random guy came up to me when I was walking the streets of China and gave me 50,000 yuan to kill some guy. Needless to say, I wasn't really up to it.
Did you keep the money, though?
That's a lot of money, enough to buy a couple of gaming PCs
@@badmexican333 Nah. I gave 25k to this other guy I knew.
@@saoghail9769 He came to Kansas on a student exchange and offered me $75 to kill the guy. I talked him up to $100.
Anyone want to make an easy $25?
If you didn't want to do,why not pay someone to do it for you?
Man I love your work. You are my favourite content creator. The hard work and effort that you put in really shows man. You are an absolute legend
True dat.
I love this channel for all the weird stories you find.
I never know what's next and they're all interesting and made even better by the great drawings.
good job on getting the character's appearance to be similar to the real people.
They all look alike to me...
@@JTA1961 hey that's alright! It takes a bit of back and forth to notice, since there aren't too many photos of the lineup, but his characters copy small details like a hairstyle or chin that that connects them well.
@@JTA1961le funny yellow people look the same
@@ProffessorYellow i think he was making a racist joke (a joke about racists, the joke itself isn't neccessarily racist)
@@albingrahn5576 oh well, that went over my head lol
I love this story, it feels like a fractal of sub-hiring.
love this return to style. the latest videos have been feeling a bit strange lately. but this video is an instant classic
Your videos have been popping up in my recommended feed for a while now but I just started watching today, and im wondering what took me so long! Great work dude, love the video!
Surprised it wasn't mentioned that they all received the 2020 ig-noble prize in management, alongside (metaphorically, they were probably in jail) the winners of the prize in Medicine for "diagnosing a long-unrecognized medical condition of Misophonia, the distress of hearing other people making chewing sounds" and the winners of the prize in Acoustics for "inducing a female chinese alligator to bellow in an airtifht chamber filled with helium-enriched air"
I didn't know they won an Ig Nobel!! That's hilarious!
Seems like the intended victim had pretty good luck with all of the potential hitmen being too scared to actually kill someone themselves.
Your probably my favourite UA-camr in this category💯 keep up the awesome work man we all love your personality, love from Toronto my G🇨🇦💯
Never realized you did it all but thats awesome. Don't ever change your style my guy!
Upload more pls or meet me at the spire tomorrow at 2pm
This has gotta be one of my favorite tales, well done
Every day when I go for dog walk at night, I play your channel in my earphones more like a podcast. The narration is epic, I paint a picture and the voice is soothing. Perfect end to the day. Haha.
Keep up the work.
"Yeah man, it just shows that you should not hire a Chinese hitman."
-Dantavius
That`s why I hated teamwork at school!
In the end it`s just one idiot who has to do all the job while getting nothing in return.
That is the lesson to be learned from those projects.
Your appreciated Qxir, thanks for all the amazing videos man. Seriously much love.
Man, I’ve laughed at a bunch of your videos, and asking me to subscribe at the end got me. Thanks for not delegating your work to idiots
Personally, I am quite disappointed that Ling Xiansi was also charged. After all, I see no crime in a "hitman" having a meeting with their target and taking some photos.
Maybe there's an element of fraud involved, it's just that the "fraud" involved faking a crime.
I'm not a legal person by any means, but it's just a thought.
maybe because, the moment you accept money to kill someone, its "conspiracy to commit murder"
@@freakishuproar1168 conspiracy to murder I think.
In a fair justice system, I could see his actions fitting a charge of obstruction of justice, or even for conspiracy to commit murder. He may not have taken any concrete steps to harm anyone, but as far as the police are concerned he should have done like the target - agree to the plan just long enough to slip away and tell the cops.
@@johnladuke6475 Well, he still accepted the money.
"story od a hitman who hired a hitman who hired a hitman who hired a hitman" is one of the best stories I've heard, spectacular work
I had just recently found your channel. I find your sense of humor overly sarcastic.
I love it!
thank you so much for your content Qxir, I really appreciate all the effort you put into your videos bro, the graphics are peak finesse.
Great video!
Your style of videos are pure gold.
Not a minute in and I know this is going to be a banger
i've only just happened upon your videos but jeez these are brilliantly produced! i doff my cap to you sir
I love this story. I’ve rewatched this video like 5 times.
I’ve watched most of your videos for a long time and I don’t think I’ve ever commented. Absolutely love your videos and appreciate all the work and attention you put into them
I lost my Qxir T shirt when I managed to drive my land rover into a canal in Feb.
Guess I need another.
A new a canal or a new land rover?
@@Cervezadog 🤣🤣🤣
Neither it is a new t shirt thats required.
was in a bag and got ..... lost / sunk.
How I love your animations and stories. Thank you for helping me pass the time and learn something new
Your stories are always fantastic, and your illustrations seriously crack me up 😂👍
You got a real good thing going on here- And I've always thought you deserved a helluva lot more subscribers than you have.
But, oh well...their loss 😲👍
It's almost as if I went on holiday to the UK just to be able to catch a Qxir video as soon as it drops!
Greetings from a deported Irish man.
My absolute favorite part about this channel is this guy's sarcastic, smart ass voice. While dishing out some learnings for us peasants, ofcourse.
I look forward to your stuff every week!
I give an instant like before even watching, because I appreciate your hard work and feel you deserve it for these very entertaining videos. keep it coming my man!
3rd gen Irish American. Just found your channel a couple days ago, already hooked. Thanks for the great content, and love to listen to you narrate good sir.
Tree generations... nice.
American… just American.
Qxir, brother, I want you to personally know that every time I see a new video from you - I always immediately click it and know I'm in for a good ride. Keep them coming 🤘Love from Israel.
Jew know it !!
Love the squashed face up against the van window....
Pissing myself laughing! All the best mate from Glasgow.
Hey Qxir like to thank you for the awesome videos and art work it is always fun and enjoyable to watch, keep up the good work!
Hahaha hearing all the hitman was like some weird joke lol
I can wait until Qxir reaches a million subscribers. I've watched him for so long and out of so many channels he deserves it the most. Love the vids keep up the good work. My favorite part of the vids are the start where he brings in analogies to discuss the vid.
Great points...never seen so deserving a spike in subscribers...
Well, all of yourselves came together to once again present an excellent video.
You're hilarious Qxir. Love the narration always entertaining. Keep up the good work 😅
Athefumen
I don’t think you’ll see this, but I like how you emphasized you are 100% responsible for the videos at the beginning, because your storytelling and jokes in this video were awesome. I loved how you kept the same phrases going when going about all the different transactions. Good video
You are so close to 1 million subscribers and you'll probably get it by the end of the year who knows maybe even by the end of the summer or sooner than that either way, congratulations!!!! ☄️🎉
That ending LOL omg qxir is such a genius
Thank you for sharing your research and this peculiar story.
Also, as a USian, thank you for highlighting our effing ridiculously high Federal conviction rate.
Plead or bleed that is their creed...
This story actually teaches a very valuable lesson, for some reason I thought you did this one already, but at any rate thanks!
If you want something done right, do it yourself?
@@dannylamb456 and here I thought the lesson was "don't try to get people killed" lol
I love these videos in the mix with the others, the last moneys one can be a bit saddening to watch, having something a bit goofy is nice
I think even Monty Python would be shaking their heads at these fools.
I really respect you making these videos all by yourself, that's the true spirt of UA-cam! I'm tired of seeing other creators hire help for the sake of pumping out more content and earning more money, I just want to see content that comes from the heart.
Double Athefumen
I love your vids, Qxir! Hope you’re doing ok, and good luck on future projects!
I just wanna say i love this channel
I believe every word you said in your intro. Your pronunciation of the name Tan Youhui, apart from the tones, was pretty spot on - which is bloody impressive! Well done 😁. Two of the other names were not quite so impressive but still not at all bad. Mo is pronounced 'Muo', Tian is pronounced 'Tien' and si is pronounced 'suh'. BTW, yuan is pronounced 'yüen'.