Love is one of the most abundant resources in the universe. So why do so many people struggle to find it? Simple: they don't understand what they're searching for, and they look for it in the wrong places. Most people don't want to love as much as they want the gratification of being loved -- which is why they look for love in other people. I discuss further in this episode. Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: amzn.to/460uGrA Audiobook: amzn.to/3YfFwbx Paperback: amzn.to/3xQuIFK Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@oriontaraban Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ua-cam.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/v-deo.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ua-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #love #psychology #relationship
According to science, Love is actually a form of subtle communication (some of which is so far unexplained and appears supernatural but probably has a science based explanation in energy waves). Love is not just a feeling or actions. We CAN sense love or it's lack, even we have the awareness, even if we cannot ever know exactly how others feel.
One of the greatest lessons of my life is this concept. Loneliness and emptiness is not filled up by BEING loved… but by loving others. The more one loves, the more full one feels….
I've done it many times, that is, actually giving something to someone in need without expecting anything in return. I never felt good about it. Not doing it feels the same. It's kinda weird to watch these videos when they don't translate to my life experience.
@@CeceliPS3 If both options indeed are equal, then why do you think you make that extra effort to share some resources with someone less fortunate? For me personally, there are a few reasons it does make me feel better: 1: We all want to be the good guy in the story we tell ourselves, about ourselves. What defines the good guy is in turn something we also decide for ourselves, and for me helping those in need is a part of this role. (Of course being the good guy might mean something entirely different, like saving every penny, to someone else.) 2: On average, you will either add to or detract from the suffering of the world. Everybody suffers, that is a part of the human experience after all which motivates us to grow, just that we all suffer in different ways. No matter how it looks on the outside, life can be hard for anyone. I feel a strong urge to detract from this suffering, to make life just a little easier for others, whenever I can reasonably do so. It can of course mean helping in other ways than by giving money as well. It can mean writing this long ass response that might even go unnoticed, but somehow this too felt good enough just to write, to warrant doing so. :) I should end with clarifying that I am not judging you, we can't help feeling what we feel after all, rather I'm grateful for your honesty which gave me the motivation to write this.
@@CeceliPS3sounds like you're suffering from severe depression. To do something that's very kind and caring and to not feel anything while doing it, perhaps you feel more socially awkward doing it, than any kind of enjoyment. I feed the 🦆🦆🦆 ducks when I go out for a walk, and they are always appreciative of the food. And it makes me feel good inside, without feeling awkward at all.
Emmanuel Kant's argument; 1- it is impossible to know whether a person deserves to be happy or suffer because you never truly know what their aims and intentions were when they acted. 2- Even if you should make others happy, there's no way to precisely know how to make them happy. 3- What constitutes suffering or happiness in most non- extreme situations in not clear. 4- The only way to improve the world is by improving ourselves, because the only thing we can experience is ourselves.
@@cosmictreason2242 When it comes to love, it is the ONLY thing that matters. We don't love due to objective criteria. In love we are inherently subjective.
Patterns at the population level mean virtually nothing for individuals. Yes, a person with a,b,c sought after qualities may attract more partners but they must still be overall attractive for any one particular person.
Hey Orion. I really needed this one. My youngest daughter has multiple disabilities and I find myself a full time care giver. I am not after a pity party, but I have found myself of late feeling depressed, resentful, trapped. Never because of her, but the lack of support, the loneliness, the endlessness of some hours. Finding myself in my 30's not staring down caregiving to watch a child blossom, but to care for an adult forever. And all these emotions have been met with the most soul-destroying guilt. Of self loathing. Of hating the grief. But you said it. This is love. This is REAL love. Love is a choice to give when you have nothing left to give. To pour into another at the expense of yourself. Love is a choice to stay. So thank you.
My son has autism and won't able to be an independent adult. It was very hard for me as a father to accept that I didn't have a normal son. I really resented that God would do that to me. My mindset was all wrong. God showed me his sovereignty in the matter and that allowed me to truly love an accept my son. Exodus 4:11 God says: "Who has made mans mouth? Who made the deaf, the mute, the seeing or the blind is it not I?". Nobody is a mistake.
🤔🏆💯 2:17 Love is not fun Love is not romantic Love is a hard transformative, crucible, associated with spiritual development "The Humiliated Self" Exalted Love is changing the bed pan Love is staying with someone when they're down and out Love is sacrifice without the hope of reward ❣️
"The Value of Others" is the most valuable, insightful, and penetrating book I've ever read in nearly 80 years of reading because it tells the truth about the subject!!
Wow. Sounds like it matches your life experience. I think the book provides a brilliant and original framework for playing the game of life. What’s one surprising idea you got from the book?
Very nice first sentence!!! 'Most people are searching for love externally via relationships. The correct way to 'get' love is to give it to yourself first!!!'
People often say they want love, but what they really crave is feeling loved. It's like they want someone to make them feel special and cared for, but aren't as ready to put in the same effort for their partner. It's like they want the perks of a relationship without the responsibilities. This might be because they're scared of getting hurt or they just haven't learned how to balance their needs with someone else's.
Not that there needs to be internal consistency between these videos, but in a previous episode Dr. Taraban makes a good case that it is much more common for people to want to be in the role of the adorer in a relationship, catering to the other person.
@num3willie That's not quite what "adorer" means in Orion's context. The adorer is the one who gets to feel more feelings of infatuation, while the adored gets to receive more feelings of infatuation, because as he puts it there’s no way for two people to like each other the same amount. Either of these roles may be compatible with selfless service. (Or for that matter, selfish service.) It's possible to adore someone while offering nothing more than your affection, or to act in service of someone who adores you (which might in fact be the biggest reason they adore you). I think his model is a bit too simplistic and fails to account for certain obvious nuances, but it's not necessarily inconsistent with his message here.
I want to pour my love into a woman who appreciates it. I want to be deeply known and to know her in a deeper way and really appreciate her heart. That's what I want. I want that awesome soul bond that weathers all the storms of life's ups and downs because you really appreciate the person on a deeper level, and they feel the same about you.
I want to pour my love into a woman who appreciates it. I want to be deeply known and to know her in a deeper way and really appreciate her heart. That's what I want. I want that awesome soul bond that weathers all the storms of life's ups and downs because you really appreciate the person on a deeper level, and they feel the same about you.
Doc you touched on something in the book that really put things in perspective for me. “The most desirable people are the ones people want things the most from.” That’s really interesting to me because due to my physical attractiveness I’ve always had women, some of which I’ve loved greatly with a full heart. It insane realizing that I’d probably never have those loving experiences if I wasn’t born with good genetics. I don’t feel like those experiences were superficial, but when I think about it from the other perspective it saddens me a bit knowing most of my experiences would’ve never happened if I was average. This also makes me sad for most guys knowing most of them will never experienced truly being loved, desired and appreciated.
Thank you for telling us your experiences. This is exactly the reason I believe women can't truly love a man just for who he is. They only love a man for what he can provide for her. In other words, you have to be usefull.
xx.s can‘t ‚truly love‘ nor ‚empathise‘ by very (evo.psych) nature anyway. they may opportunistically attach to, and narcissistically solipsisticically project onto others, at times. and gaslight selves and manipulate others relatedly, as that is what they‘re getting proficient in from age 12.5 yrs on (contrary to ‚maturing’ other than in biophysical procreation facilities, that usually are wasted on them, actually, at least in large part of western(ised) cases).
This is rather normal natural selection. People are more attracted to beautiful people, no matter the gender, because it signals good health and offsprings. Imagine it wan't like this...
Interesting . As an attractive woman, I don’t like that experience because they never love me for who I am and they only want me for what I provide for them as far as looks. So it’s been difficult finding a good match, even though I give my full heart, I realize there love is subjective to how I appear. I’m finally with the guy that understands this and gives me more care and knows me for me, but he feels insecure about my looks and the eyes that follow me-that I don’t encourage and I don’t need, I don’t post pics on social media either…but I hope he’ll hang in there with me.
Again and again, this is why modern "relationships" just keep failing more and more every year; the other person is just seen and used as a means of making us more happy and entertained. When those feelings go away, or, at least, are not to our desired threshold, we're no longer "in love," and, considering the fact that we have access to everyone on the entire planet with an internet connection now, it's very easy to just drop them and push the reset button with a new "relationship." Repeat, over and over and over again.
Yup. Or when you no longer excite someone and they believe they can have better chemistry with others within week or two bc you're not meeting their instant demands or exaggerated requirements.
Orion, you have very insightful videos, but I think this is your best. Paul’s elucidation on love is one of the greatest contributions to humanity. You find yourself by works of love directed to others. That’s why the wise maintain that love is “earned”, and requires “work”.
Most people who married probably never found love. Marriage was an economic arrangement that made subsistence agriculture more practical and people didn't want to starve, so they got married. How did they choose a partner? You married the girl you got pregnant as a teenager. I don't think people know just how rare the thing they are looking for probably is.
One of my favorite shows growing up was "Angel", and in the fourth season, one of my favorite lines I've ever heard struck me as being so profoundly simple, simply profound... "Love Is Sacrifice."
“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only what you are expecting to give - which is everything. What you will receive in return varies. But it really has no connection with what you give. You give because you love and cannot help giving.” ― Katherine Hepburn. The only love we get to keep is the love we give away. ☮💜
most uplifting vid to date. most messages of you boil down to "how to psych-hack your way into effortless doinking the bodies of your random dates" but this one has that petersonian warmth to it. thanks!
When we are looking to be loved, it is called desire not love. It seems to be something we “get.” the second you start giving it instead of looking to get it. is the second you realise you're surrounded by love, and you're now in a state of abundance instead of lack. My whole life has changed when I knew the secret. I was giving love instead of looking for it. Instead of feeling desperate to get attention and love, I know I have the power to give it.
This video perfectly affirms the point that men love idealistically and women love opportunistically since men would rather sacrifice their happiness for the good of their family (selfless) but women would rather sacrifice their family for their own happiness (selfish).
When you find the right one you know why everyone else was/is wrong. Key is chemistry, personal growth, and they are naturally receptive to your advances (especially as a dude, we don't want an uphill battle we want an ascending journey)
I realized that i fell in love with MY courtship of her. Id always reach a point where im like 'wait, why am i courting this woman so hard, shes not even that good.'. Once i stepped back and let her actions and character stand on their own, it made decisions extremely obvious.
This video was so profound, so moving, especially as I’m going through the hardest trial in my relationship so far. Your first point perfectly describes the intangible sensation of love innate within me that I’ve felt unable to satisfy all my life. Thank you for putting such complex concepts so simply and eloquently into words.
This intriguing video serves as a poignant reminder of the heartache I've been enduring since my 7 year relationship came to an end 4 months ago. My cherished partner, the love of my life, made the difficult decision to part ways, leaving me consumed by thoughts of him. Despite my earnest attempts to win him back, I find myself facing frustration and an overwhelming sense of emptiness, unable to envision a life without his presence. Despite my efforts to move on, I'm compelled to confess my lingering feelings and longing for him here.
The process of releasing a loved one can be an uphill battle. I can relate, having navigated a similar journey when my 8 year relationship dissolved. Despite the heartache, I refused to relinquish hope and embarked on a quest to win her back. Turning to a spiritual counselor for assistance, I found guidance that ultimately led to our reconciliation.
Relationships used to be about love, companionship, commitment, etc. Now it has been reduced to exchanging sex for money, lifestyle and material stuff.
This revelation about the true nature of love also explains why people can’t remain happy unless they can be happy when alone and not dependent upon someone else’s gratification.
The worst thing that can happen is that one love a person and that person not love them back, or at least recognise it or bear with it. That's why it's almost always a losing game. Let me say further that what is worse than that is for someone to say they love you only for you to discover they never did, and they know it.
The first sentence verifies how your speech is proper. Agreed with not looking it up in the person. Your world is your life/love. It’s not exactly sample of living if you give control of a machine to a remote machine like in computers. Lovers truly love to express themselves.
you find love when you stop looking for it, Instead of feeling desperate to get attention and love, have the power to give it. without expecting anything in return.
This is why your relationship with your parents is so important. You look to them for love, but they should teach you to eventually look inward. Most parents don’t do that.
People in a sexless marriage will be familiar with this line of thinking: You will be accused of never loving them due to fact that you are not okay with never having sex again. Sadly, lots of men will be guilted into staying as a way to demonstrate that they really were sincere in their love. It's a big sacrifice, to what end?
That makes no sense. If you married someone, you would want to have sex with them. If anything, having sex would prove your love for them. These men are cucking themselves
In Jewish tradition, sex is crucial to marriage. Of course if the person is ill and can't have sex, then the spouse should stay and take care of them. But if the husband or wife simply says they don't want to have sex anymore (but would like to stay married) the other party then has grounds for divorce (a Jewish divorce, which must be obtained from a rabbinical court if you are an Orthodox Jew).
@@num3willie there is no point for gents in listening | talking to xx.s with regard to ‚love‘ as there is no common ground in mutually shared concept, relatedly.
Orion, this is the best, deepest video you have ever made! I absolutely love it and will be sharing it with my daughters. It can be found all the reasons why I am divorced. It clarified a lot of things in my mind; namely that she never actually loved me. If she had she wouldn't have left just because she was unhappy. Thank you so much for all the insight that you gave me!
I was in a relationship for a couple of months a few years ago, and he had an accident, and could not do anything. He had nobody but me to rely on, and he was broke with no insurance, so I ended up paying for his medications and other things. I had to do everything for him; even help him on and off the toilet. He was also living off grid, so I had to do a lot of labor on the property. It was exhausting, but it built a bond between us, and brought out a love within me which I never knew I was capable of. That is the beautiful thing about love: it brings meaning and purpose to one's life.
Love = trust + the feel of being attracted. very simple, whenever I feel those 2, I feel love. Whenever someone feel them both from me, they are in love with me. Never find an exception.
A great lesson and huge part of why too many relationships fail. When people fawn over a partner it's almost always about what the partner did for them, how the partner made them feel, what the partner did to make their day better and almost never about the joy or fulfillment they got out of giving to their partner themselves. It's strange that we come to know the joy of giving to others through charity or volunteer work or donating to good causes and seeing it benefit others but when it comes to romantic relationships we so often let all that go out the window and only cherish what someone else can do for us. The strongest relationships we see are those where both are constantly doing for each other and finding happiness in knowing that they've made their partner's moments a little better.
For a while I’ve been told to focus on being a source of pleasure, people love pleasure it brings gratification. That’s why the funny guy is loved by everyone, he makes us smile and feel better but what happens when he’s no longer funny? The love fades and there will rarely be anyone around to cheer him on. True love is sacrifice, usually reserved for a family member or “soulmate “. Unfortunately there are too many people just looking for gratification these days
Thanks. I needed to be reminded of this today. I call it The Cosmic Joke: The World Has Nothing To Give You…That You Aren’t Already. I think that is what Lord Buddha realized under The Bodhi Tree. All the world has to offer are experiences and opportunities to express who you are. Love is a gift given. A decision to care for someone else’s wellbeing as much as your own. The problem is that what most people think of as love is actually Pleasure. So once the interaction stops being fun and stops feeling good? They’re out and back to the chase for those good feelings.
It's a cosmic joke, a comedy for the Gods to laugh and enjoy tormenting and watching our suffering, because living forever turns you insane and what else will they do being stuck existing for eternity and infinity? They can at least feel something and forget about their prison called reality, by tormenting and screwing over lesser beings (humans) for their pleasure. It's like a psychopathic kid destroying his toys and punching holes into walls. There's no good in this universe. If there was, the Gods/aliens would've shown themselves already and shared their knowledge and technology, instead of keeping us stuck with primitive technology.
I don't want to hear from you, or anyone, "just manifest bro", "believe in law of attraction bro and you'll get whatever you want", "you have everything you ever need in life". Don't tell me that. If there were such a thing, I wouldn't be typing like this and I'd be more grateful. Wanting nothing and "you have everything you need in life" being the key to happiness seems legit. If I want for nothing, then I will want for no food = I starve to death = freed from this prison. So death being the escape of this hell hole makes sense as happiness.
@@JoblessJoshua It’s a joke because the light show of the world of form is so compelling that we seldom think to look within. Like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, we had the means to get back to Kansas the whole time.
@@kellygreenii I am ready, tell the wardens I want to see them so we can negotiate my early release from this prison. They need to stop hiding in their ships like cowards
This is your probably your best video yet. I lost my mother and 2 years later my father had a massive stroke that left him incapacitated - both experienced and the repercussions that came after truly shaoed my definition of love. You perfectly summarized it in this video. Thank you, Orion.
Divine love of the heart is the wisdom that permeates and extend into all of reality, the cosmos, everywhere. Having a divine loving relationship requires 2 open-hearted beings to be in the state to send and receive love. It's a very different quality of vibration and oneness from what most consider love to be (the attached, closed hearted push and pull variety). I could probably write a book on the differences. Maybe I should haha
Yes well said , I have to agree totally on your analysis. Love is a chosen emotion that needs effort and energy coming from within, to bring out the feeling that’s within you . Many people can’t bring that emotion out and are just skeptical of the action of it expressed by others upon them. Those people are more likely to be transactional in their relationships , they give and expect it back. I think people who can love can also engage in transactional relationships but they sometimes try to bring out love that maybe felt on the other person. Usually that will open up the other persons trust and closeness in that relationship. Sometimes it never does just stays transactional. Love could only be felt by the one who wants to love as we don’t know and can’t gauge the effect on the other . The true test in a transactional relationship that may feel it has entered into a loving one is to stop the transactions and see if it lasts . More than likely it won’t unless the other person has brought out love as you have .
Love is often hard but can be incredibly beautiful and exilerating as well. But love often leads to pain and hardship, -it is NOT the same as gratification even though it can also be very rewarding. We need both to love and be loved! I always try to actually show appreciation for restaurant servers btw!
Damn Son! That is the nail on the head. Maybe the deepest experience of love (whether chosen or not), is the experience of a lifetime of caring for a profoundly disabled child. Maybe. Has to be up there and is an example of how few are really looking for love, because no one is looking for that in their life I don't think.
Over the years and many attempts at relationships, I've noticed that I have been attracted to different things in different women. It's so true that one person can't be everything. Which do you choose? The person who excites and gives you goosebumps? The person who is kind and generous? The person who understands reciprocity and loves themselves positively? How about someone who has all these attributes and more but lacks the sensory goosebumps? Sometimes I have had women end relationships that have a ton going for them by saying, we don't have much in common, yet I have to disagree. The more I arrive towards wisdom, the finer the air is and the harder it is to find a partner. About ten years ago I went through a painful heartbreak and yes, I broke my own heart. It was studying men's psychology through an American male psychiatrist at the time that helped me see alternatives. Now Dr Orion has helped me see even clearer. Thank you.
5:55 "True lovers... can't reasonably expect to be compensated for their service." I disagree with this. If you're going to use a waiter/diner analogy, a healthy loving relationship is both the waiter and the diner taking turns swapping roles. This is the compensation: your turn to be the diner and not the waiter. If you're expressing love to someone and you're being the waiter, you're expressing love and going through those motions with the expectation that you will be treated that way in kind at some point in the future. Issues arise when someone is always the waiter and never the diner. Man or woman does not matter, as both expect and experience different things when they are in both roles. The main feature is that both parties expect to receive the service portion of that experience at some point, once they've taken on the role of being the waiter. I understand that Dr. Orion considers this "business" but I'd consider this "etiquette" or "social awareness". If we follow the logic of this exchange to be considered business, then so is every relationship (including friendships and family) that can ever be conceived. If the other person does not have any desire to reciprocate the "service" portion of love, then only one person in that relationship loves the other and everyone will typically agree that's not a healthy relationship to be in.
This is one of your most helpful and clarifying videos! And that's saying something because you've got soooo many. But this one... boom. Straight to the heart, and humbles every one of us.
I love the driving home of the misunderstanding and misrepresentation of love. Harkens back to the earlier talks on this channel. Thanks, Orion. All the best!
Your aspect on this topic is superior, Love is def a spiritual essence we can get possesed by. I only loved one individual from child to adult and it took me a lifetime of cope'ing and a big breakdown for me to see that. Beyond the pain few things in life liberated me as much to find the essence of your own love. let's not forget that authenticity vibrates 1000 times higher then love.
What people mean by "finding love" is the felicitous match. It is neither to derive benefits from someone (to use or to be loved) nor to give them to whomever is available for a relationship (to settle and "learn to love" that person). It is a wish to meet someone who inspires the desire to give, as much as they inspire that person to do the same. Without inspiration, the decision to be giving remains inauthentic, duty-driven, and spiritually inferior. Holistic mutual attraction is key.
You make some good points but this could also be a description of duty and obligation which I have ZERO interest in. The receiver just abuses it. Sustainable, healthy love is accountable
Thank you for this video. I think love is a very complicated word to describe a very complex emotion. Kierkegaard said that you should be able to love everyone, and especially the unlovable. Only then you find love everywhere, because you can love everybody without asking anything in return. And maybe you discover exactly what Orion says (you are not looking for love), because love is hard, especially when you love the unlovable. It’s better to love then wanted to be loved. Because the second thing is not love, but desire. And desire is what makes it difficult for you to love the people you can love. Love is hard, but it will be easy if you can love in the right way without any preference or distinction. Love is not complicated if love flows through you.
Orion - you nailed it this time really, really well. All previous episodes which you talk about relationship, sex, money and all material things desired by people are NOTHING compared to real love which has nothing for to do with all of them. It takes years maybe decades to understand this some people never get it. If you put this episode at the beginning of your book then the rest of it wouldn't be needed.
Perfectly on point. Ex left because she felt I wasn't "offering her enough" or "contributing to her personal growth" despite repeatedly telling me the opposite of what she wanted. She expressed a fear of "taking care" of me. This, even though I offered to give up important career goals to satisfy her demands. I spent two years in depression, wishing her happiness without me, forgiving her every morning for lying to me and making me feel like a useless piece of crap. Years later she has the audacity to tell me that I didn't know what love is. No girl, _you_ didn't know what love is. You wouldn't know it if it smacked you in the face.
When love is unconditional, there’s no attachment, expectation, hidden agenda, or bookkeeping of who gives what to whom. Our love is unconditional for whatever we are and whatever they are. It is given without requirements. No strings are attached. We don’t expect anything back when giving. We have surrendered all conscious and unconscious expectations of the other person.
Really needed this video doc, im 21 years old and my gf broke up with me today saying she have commitment issues and cant fulfill my needs :) im hurting but thats fine i want to move on
If she said "I have commitment issues", translate it to: Right now, I feel like, I have commitment issues, with you. Right now she just wants to have fun with many other men during her twenties. As she approaches 30, she will start hunting for a nice guy provider to settle with, as her starter husband. So she will then message you "Hi stranger, how are you doing? Want to catch up?" If you fall into that trap and marry her, it will last a few years.
@@Rishachino If she said "I can't fulfil your needs", she meant: "You want monogamy and full menu of my offerings. I do not want that with you. But I want to keep your nice guy ass around by giving you some breadcrumbs here and there, while I pursue and enjoy some hot-rods who get my full menu".
Good stuff. Another important side can be added to this picture. Orion wisely ends the video by revealing the benefit unique only to "love," aka selfless giving and loyalty: Taming the giver's ego. However, that effect can be just as beneficial for the receiver. Consider how a child only develops a healthy capacity to trust and, later, give love herself after having received this sort of commitment from his parents. Consider how some with advanced Alzheimer's retain a sweet trusting nature while others descend into paranoia. At the same time, a more nuanced discussion remains around distinguishing what internal conditions within the giver (and/or receiver) make one act of loyalty solely a burden and another act also a step towards transcendence.
Have thought about it in this way - love, that is the act of selfless deep care for some other being whereby you often sacrifice things that are thought to be of value, is in fact the greatest transaction in existence. Because in the act of selfless love we instinctively feel that it is in fact a 'win-win-win' situation. By that I mean that we feel love achieves all of these - 1/ helps the being we care for 2/ helps us be a better person 3/ makes the world a better place for everyone's sake. We can feel and internally marvel at how the feeling arises as if naturally without our having to judge its motivation... in other words, we deeply know it's something much greater than ourselves
Romantic love is conditional. Sacrificial love is unconditional. It’s a polar opposite concept, with polar opposite behaviours and results that it shouldn’t even be in the same category of ‘love’.
Love is one of the most abundant resources in the universe. So why do so many people struggle to find it? Simple: they don't understand what they're searching for, and they look for it in the wrong places. Most people don't want to love as much as they want the gratification of being loved -- which is why they look for love in other people. I discuss further in this episode.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#love #psychology #relationship
or because they are unloveble (bad looking)?
According to science, Love is actually a form of subtle communication (some of which is so far unexplained and appears supernatural but probably has a science based explanation in energy waves). Love is not just a feeling or actions. We CAN sense love or it's lack, even we have the awareness, even if we cannot ever know exactly how others feel.
@@jKLa
Yet most of us get frequently mistaken on the level of love from others.
@@Bopobopo931 yes, our perceptions are highly imperfect as we often get deceived by ego and other things.
@@florinmariantanase5341Did you not watch the episode 😅
One of the greatest lessons of my life is this concept. Loneliness and emptiness is not filled up by BEING loved… but by loving others. The more one loves, the more full one feels….
If that feeling is felt by one person, but not reciprocated, is that a wise approach to life?
beautiful🔧🔥
@@MrIrishscouse
Feelings are not actions, only actions can be give and take, your feeling is something only you perceive.
Hard no. Good way to get taken advantage of by people who only take.
@@slylockfox85
Then your definition of love must be wrong
“Love has nothing to do with getting what you want” as always, great video Orion
Doing something for someone you care about, or even a complete stranger, without expecting anything in return is a wonderful feeling.
Unselfishness=happiness. Hard to be depressed when you’re thankful.💪🏻
I've done it many times, that is, actually giving something to someone in need without expecting anything in return. I never felt good about it. Not doing it feels the same. It's kinda weird to watch these videos when they don't translate to my life experience.
@@CeceliPS3 If both options indeed are equal, then why do you think you make that extra effort to share some resources with someone less fortunate?
For me personally, there are a few reasons it does make me feel better:
1: We all want to be the good guy in the story we tell ourselves, about ourselves. What defines the good guy is in turn something we also decide for ourselves, and for me helping those in need is a part of this role. (Of course being the good guy might mean something entirely different, like saving every penny, to someone else.)
2: On average, you will either add to or detract from the suffering of the world. Everybody suffers, that is a part of the human experience after all which motivates us to grow, just that we all suffer in different ways. No matter how it looks on the outside, life can be hard for anyone. I feel a strong urge to detract from this suffering, to make life just a little easier for others, whenever I can reasonably do so. It can of course mean helping in other ways than by giving money as well. It can mean writing this long ass response that might even go unnoticed, but somehow this too felt good enough just to write, to warrant doing so. :)
I should end with clarifying that I am not judging you, we can't help feeling what we feel after all, rather I'm grateful for your honesty which gave me the motivation to write this.
@@CeceliPS3sounds like you're suffering from severe depression. To do something that's very kind and caring and to not feel anything while doing it, perhaps you feel more socially awkward doing it, than any kind of enjoyment.
I feed the 🦆🦆🦆 ducks when I go out for a walk, and they are always appreciative of the food. And it makes me feel good inside, without feeling awkward at all.
@@tclapson I might. And there's no feeling of awkwardness. Perhaps when I was young.
Emmanuel Kant's argument; 1- it is impossible to know whether a person deserves to be happy or suffer because you never truly know what their aims and intentions were when they acted. 2- Even if you should make others happy, there's no way to precisely know how to make them happy. 3- What constitutes suffering or happiness in most non- extreme situations in not clear. 4- The only way to improve the world is by improving ourselves, because the only thing we can experience is ourselves.
Subjectivism is false
4 = 🏆
@@cosmictreason2242 When it comes to love, it is the ONLY thing that matters. We don't love due to objective criteria. In love we are inherently subjective.
@@roses6564 your conclusion does not follow from your premises (opinion is invalid)
Patterns at the population level mean virtually nothing for individuals. Yes, a person with a,b,c sought after qualities may attract more partners but they must still be overall attractive for any one particular person.
Hey Orion. I really needed this one. My youngest daughter has multiple disabilities and I find myself a full time care giver. I am not after a pity party, but I have found myself of late feeling depressed, resentful, trapped. Never because of her, but the lack of support, the loneliness, the endlessness of some hours. Finding myself in my 30's not staring down caregiving to watch a child blossom, but to care for an adult forever. And all these emotions have been met with the most soul-destroying guilt. Of self loathing. Of hating the grief.
But you said it. This is love. This is REAL love. Love is a choice to give when you have nothing left to give. To pour into another at the expense of yourself. Love is a choice to stay.
So thank you.
Have you considered an online support group for Mom's who are in the same boat?
My son has autism and won't able to be an independent adult. It was very hard for me as a father to accept that I didn't have a normal son. I really resented that God would do that to me. My mindset was all wrong. God showed me his sovereignty in the matter and that allowed me to truly love an accept my son. Exodus 4:11 God says: "Who has made mans mouth? Who made the deaf, the mute, the seeing or the blind is it not I?". Nobody is a mistake.
@@johnfreeman9766 thank you so much for your insight! Jesus is my Lord and King and your words remind me of the glory of God. Bless x
This is the best and most practical teaching about love, you've preached the whole gospel without even trying to
Amen I would love to hear Orion openly preach Jesus
I was thinking the same while listening. It felt like I was listening to Paul teach.
🤔🏆💯 2:17
Love is not fun
Love is not romantic
Love is a hard transformative, crucible, associated with spiritual development "The Humiliated Self" Exalted
Love is changing the bed pan
Love is staying with someone when they're down and out
Love is sacrifice without the hope of reward ❣️
"The Value of Others" is the most valuable, insightful, and penetrating book I've ever read in nearly 80 years of reading because it tells the truth about the subject!!
Wow. Sounds like it matches your life experience. I think the book provides a brilliant and original framework for playing the game of life. What’s one surprising idea you got from the book?
“Love love is a verb. Love is a doing word...”
Massive Attack
Love that song. The only song i can tolerste on endless replay.
Very nice first sentence!!!
'Most people are searching for love externally via relationships. The correct way to 'get' love is to give it to yourself first!!!'
Patrice O'Neal said it best "Once a man loves you, he no longer likes you."
He was a legendary man, how sad he couldn't be here to gift us more of his wisdom and hilariousness.
Words. I'm going to watch one or two of his videos rn
What does that mean once he loves u he no longer likes u
@@x_MrYAYA_xid like to know too
Basically the dynamic of your attraction to that individual has flipped . Its crazy 🤪.
Well said. The absolute *best* relationship you can have is with yourself -- and that's why I am never married and have no kids at age 52!
People often say they want love, but what they really crave is feeling loved. It's like they want someone to make them feel special and cared for, but aren't as ready to put in the same effort for their partner. It's like they want the perks of a relationship without the responsibilities. This might be because they're scared of getting hurt or they just haven't learned how to balance their needs with someone else's.
Not that there needs to be internal consistency between these videos, but in a previous episode Dr. Taraban makes a good case that it is much more common for people to want to be in the role of the adorer in a relationship, catering to the other person.
@num3willie That's not quite what "adorer" means in Orion's context. The adorer is the one who gets to feel more feelings of infatuation, while the adored gets to receive more feelings of infatuation, because as he puts it there’s no way for two people to like each other the same amount. Either of these roles may be compatible with selfless service. (Or for that matter, selfish service.) It's possible to adore someone while offering nothing more than your affection, or to act in service of someone who adores you (which might in fact be the biggest reason they adore you).
I think his model is a bit too simplistic and fails to account for certain obvious nuances, but it's not necessarily inconsistent with his message here.
Excellent point. My money's on them not knowing how to balance their needs with those of their partner (big note to self!)
I want to pour my love into a woman who appreciates it. I want to be deeply known and to know her in a deeper way and really appreciate her heart. That's what I want. I want that awesome soul bond that weathers all the storms of life's ups and downs because you really appreciate the person on a deeper level, and they feel the same about you.
I want to pour my love into a woman who appreciates it. I want to be deeply known and to know her in a deeper way and really appreciate her heart. That's what I want. I want that awesome soul bond that weathers all the storms of life's ups and downs because you really appreciate the person on a deeper level, and they feel the same about you.
“ you don’t need a relationship to experience love and you don’t need love to have a relationship. “ 100 % true.
Doc you touched on something in the book that really put things in perspective for me. “The most desirable people are the ones people want things the most from.” That’s really interesting to me because due to my physical attractiveness I’ve always had women, some of which I’ve loved greatly with a full heart. It insane realizing that I’d probably never have those loving experiences if I wasn’t born with good genetics. I don’t feel like those experiences were superficial, but when I think about it from the other perspective it saddens me a bit knowing most of my experiences would’ve never happened if I was average. This also makes me sad for most guys knowing most of them will never experienced truly being loved, desired and appreciated.
Thank you for telling us your experiences. This is exactly the reason I believe women can't truly love a man just for who he is. They only love a man for what he can provide for her. In other words, you have to be usefull.
xx.s can‘t ‚truly love‘ nor ‚empathise‘ by very (evo.psych) nature anyway. they may opportunistically attach to, and narcissistically solipsisticically project onto others, at times. and gaslight selves and manipulate others relatedly, as that is what they‘re getting proficient in from age 12.5 yrs on (contrary to ‚maturing’ other than in biophysical procreation facilities, that usually are wasted on them, actually, at least in large part of western(ised) cases).
It also happens with women who arent pretty...
This is rather normal natural selection. People are more attracted to beautiful people, no matter the gender, because it signals good health and offsprings. Imagine it wan't like this...
Interesting . As an attractive woman, I don’t like that experience because they never love me for who I am and they only want me for what I provide for them as far as looks. So it’s been difficult finding a good match, even though I give my full heart, I realize there love is subjective to how I appear. I’m finally with the guy that understands this and gives me more care and knows me for me, but he feels insecure about my looks and the eyes that follow me-that I don’t encourage and I don’t need, I don’t post pics on social media either…but I hope he’ll hang in there with me.
It takes a humble person to love. ❤
It takes a giver
@@Mary_QQQ If they are humble and know that they aren't always right 100% of the time, it's even better.
Or a simp...
@@rexnakoki8385 Love and respect yourself first. Then love and respect the other person. No narcissists.
Again and again, this is why modern "relationships" just keep failing more and more every year; the other person is just seen and used as a means of making us more happy and entertained. When those feelings go away, or, at least, are not to our desired threshold, we're no longer "in love," and, considering the fact that we have access to everyone on the entire planet with an internet connection now, it's very easy to just drop them and push the reset button with a new "relationship." Repeat, over and over and over again.
Yup. Or when you no longer excite someone and they believe they can have better chemistry with others within week or two bc you're not meeting their instant demands or exaggerated requirements.
Orion, you have very insightful videos, but I think this is your best. Paul’s elucidation on love is one of the greatest contributions to humanity. You find yourself by works of love directed to others. That’s why the wise maintain that love is “earned”, and requires “work”.
Most people who married probably never found love. Marriage was an economic arrangement that made subsistence agriculture more practical and people didn't want to starve, so they got married. How did they choose a partner? You married the girl you got pregnant as a teenager.
I don't think people know just how rare the thing they are looking for probably is.
Everyone’s doing it so now I have to lol 🐑🐑🐑🐑
I agree. And then to expect said marriage to last 50+ years is unrealistic in my opinion.
One of my favorite shows growing up was "Angel", and in the fourth season, one of my favorite lines I've ever heard struck me as being so profoundly simple, simply profound... "Love Is Sacrifice."
“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only what you are expecting to give - which is everything. What you will receive in return varies. But it really has no connection with what you give. You give because you love and cannot help giving.” ― Katherine Hepburn. The only love we get to keep is the love we give away. ☮💜
most uplifting vid to date.
most messages of you boil down to "how to psych-hack your way into effortless doinking the bodies of your random dates" but this one has that petersonian warmth to it.
thanks!
When we are looking to be loved, it is called desire not love. It seems to be something we “get.” the second you start giving it instead of looking to get it. is the second you realise you're surrounded by love, and you're now in a state of abundance instead of lack.
My whole life has changed when I knew the secret. I was giving love instead of looking for it. Instead of feeling desperate to get attention and love, I know I have the power to give it.
This video perfectly affirms the point that men love idealistically and women love opportunistically since men would rather sacrifice their happiness for the good of their family (selfless) but women would rather sacrifice their family for their own happiness (selfish).
When you find the right one you know why everyone else was/is wrong.
Key is chemistry, personal growth, and they are naturally receptive to your advances (especially as a dude, we don't want an uphill battle we want an ascending journey)
I realized that i fell in love with MY courtship of her. Id always reach a point where im like 'wait, why am i courting this woman so hard, shes not even that good.'. Once i stepped back and let her actions and character stand on their own, it made decisions extremely obvious.
Well done on having the objective clarity to double check your reasoning. That’s quite a skill to have when one is enamoured in a process.
This video was so profound, so moving, especially as I’m going through the hardest trial in my relationship so far. Your first point perfectly describes the intangible sensation of love innate within me that I’ve felt unable to satisfy all my life. Thank you for putting such complex concepts so simply and eloquently into words.
'Love is a verb' is a message I shared at my son's wedding. Small acts of love on a daily basis will keep the flame burning.
This intriguing video serves as a poignant reminder of the heartache I've been enduring since my 7 year relationship came to an end 4 months ago. My cherished partner, the love of my life, made the difficult decision to part ways, leaving me consumed by thoughts of him. Despite my earnest attempts to win him back, I find myself facing frustration and an overwhelming sense of emptiness, unable to envision a life without his presence. Despite my efforts to move on, I'm compelled to confess my lingering feelings and longing for him here.
The process of releasing a loved one can be an uphill battle. I can relate, having navigated a similar journey when my 8 year relationship dissolved. Despite the heartache, I refused to relinquish hope and embarked on a quest to win her back. Turning to a spiritual counselor for assistance, I found guidance that ultimately led to our reconciliation.
Impressive! How did you manage to connect with a spiritual counselor, and what's the process for me to reach out to her?
Allow me to introduce Suzanne Ann Walters, a highly skilled spiritual counselor known for her expertise in rekindling past relationships.
Thank you for this invaluable information; I've just checked her out online. Very impressive indeed!
You can make it through this! 👍 Love yourself, if you haven't already.
Relationships used to be about love, companionship, commitment, etc. Now it has been reduced to exchanging sex for money, lifestyle and material stuff.
An empath can feel others emotions.
@ ok
This sums up all why relationships suck and are chaotic ... people dont understand what love is and what they are getting into in the first place
This revelation about the true nature of love also explains why people can’t remain happy unless they can be happy when alone and not dependent upon someone else’s gratification.
The worst thing that can happen is that one love a person and that person not love them back, or at least recognise it or bear with it. That's why it's almost always a losing game. Let me say further that what is worse than that is for someone to say they love you only for you to discover they never did, and they know it.
I have been waiting a long time to hear this kind of truth echoed in the modern age. Great big kudos, man. Thank you for posting.
Hmmm... in other words, love is the death of the ego self? Truly profound, Dr.!
Yes. With my kids, love. With my partner, gratification. Exactly.
The first sentence verifies how your speech is proper. Agreed with not looking it up in the person. Your world is your life/love. It’s not exactly sample of living if you give control of a machine to a remote machine like in computers. Lovers truly love to express themselves.
you find love when you stop looking for it, Instead of feeling desperate to get attention and love, have the power to give it. without expecting anything in return.
This is why your relationship with your parents is so important. You look to them for love, but they should teach you to eventually look inward. Most parents don’t do that.
Most people look to be loved, not to love. They often look for a situationship, not a partnership that builds the foundation of a relationship.
this is so important. a lot of people are not focusing on *being* a good partner, we're not especially inadequat. we're all working on this!
Love is never easy, but that’s what makes it most fulfilling.
Fantastic episode!
is always easy for chads, the people with genetics. if you continue watching Orion you will never know about this
This is one of the most beautiful videos you've ever recorded.
People in a sexless marriage will be familiar with this line of thinking: You will be accused of never loving them due to fact that you are not okay with never having sex again. Sadly, lots of men will be guilted into staying as a way to demonstrate that they really were sincere in their love. It's a big sacrifice, to what end?
Love is used as a weapon by women.
That makes no sense. If you married someone, you would want to have sex with them. If anything, having sex would prove your love for them. These men are cucking themselves
Love used by one to viciously exploit the other.
Shows you that one of the people in that marriage isn't actually in love, doesn't it?
In Jewish tradition, sex is crucial to marriage. Of course if the person is ill and can't have sex, then the spouse should stay and take care of them. But if the husband or wife simply says they don't want to have sex anymore (but would like to stay married) the other party then has grounds for divorce (a Jewish divorce, which must be obtained from a rabbinical court if you are an Orthodox Jew).
@@num3willie there is no point for gents in listening | talking to xx.s with regard to ‚love‘ as there is no common ground in mutually shared concept, relatedly.
This one ties in really well on your previous about love and how people need to learn to "love" like the sun.
Deep and courageous claims for a shallow world, I hope it gets the views it deserves.
Orion, this is the best, deepest video you have ever made! I absolutely love it and will be sharing it with my daughters. It can be found all the reasons why I am divorced. It clarified a lot of things in my mind; namely that she never actually loved me. If she had she wouldn't have left just because she was unhappy. Thank you so much for all the insight that you gave me!
Dr.T is the man! Everything he says is gold. Smartest guy ever ☕️
He choose words carefully
@@ronaldmcdonald3965 staying calm and like u said choosing words carefully is 🔑
I was in a relationship for a couple of months a few years ago, and he had an accident, and could not do anything. He had nobody but me to rely on, and he was broke with no insurance, so I ended up paying for his medications and other things. I had to do everything for him; even help him on and off the toilet. He was also living off grid, so I had to do a lot of labor on the property. It was exhausting, but it built a bond between us, and brought out a love within me which I never knew I was capable of. That is the beautiful thing about love: it brings meaning and purpose to one's life.
Love = trust + the feel of being attracted. very simple, whenever I feel those 2, I feel love. Whenever someone feel them both from me, they are in love with me. Never find an exception.
The Love that is described I can only feel firstly for my son and then my siblings and their children
A great lesson and huge part of why too many relationships fail. When people fawn over a partner it's almost always about what the partner did for them, how the partner made them feel, what the partner did to make their day better and almost never about the joy or fulfillment they got out of giving to their partner themselves. It's strange that we come to know the joy of giving to others through charity or volunteer work or donating to good causes and seeing it benefit others but when it comes to romantic relationships we so often let all that go out the window and only cherish what someone else can do for us. The strongest relationships we see are those where both are constantly doing for each other and finding happiness in knowing that they've made their partner's moments a little better.
For a while I’ve been told to focus on being a source of pleasure, people love pleasure it brings gratification. That’s why the funny guy is loved by everyone, he makes us smile and feel better but what happens when he’s no longer funny? The love fades and there will rarely be anyone around to cheer him on. True love is sacrifice, usually reserved for a family member or “soulmate “. Unfortunately there are too many people just looking for gratification these days
Thanks. I needed to be reminded of this today. I call it The Cosmic Joke: The World Has Nothing To Give You…That You Aren’t Already. I think that is what Lord Buddha realized under The Bodhi Tree.
All the world has to offer are experiences and opportunities to express who you are. Love is a gift given. A decision to care for someone else’s wellbeing as much as your own.
The problem is that what most people think of as love is actually Pleasure. So once the interaction stops being fun and stops feeling good? They’re out and back to the chase for those good feelings.
It's a cosmic joke, a comedy for the Gods to laugh and enjoy tormenting and watching our suffering, because living forever turns you insane and what else will they do being stuck existing for eternity and infinity? They can at least feel something and forget about their prison called reality, by tormenting and screwing over lesser beings (humans) for their pleasure. It's like a psychopathic kid destroying his toys and punching holes into walls. There's no good in this universe. If there was, the Gods/aliens would've shown themselves already and shared their knowledge and technology, instead of keeping us stuck with primitive technology.
I don't want to hear from you, or anyone, "just manifest bro", "believe in law of attraction bro and you'll get whatever you want", "you have everything you ever need in life". Don't tell me that. If there were such a thing, I wouldn't be typing like this and I'd be more grateful.
Wanting nothing and "you have everything you need in life" being the key to happiness seems legit. If I want for nothing, then I will want for no food = I starve to death = freed from this prison. So death being the escape of this hell hole makes sense as happiness.
@@JoblessJoshua It’s a joke because the light show of the world of form is so compelling that we seldom think to look within. Like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, we had the means to get back to Kansas the whole time.
@@JoblessJoshua You’re not ready yet, and so I am not the teacher for you. That’s all.
@@kellygreenii I am ready, tell the wardens I want to see them so we can negotiate my early release from this prison. They need to stop hiding in their ships like cowards
This is your probably your best video yet. I lost my mother and 2 years later my father had a massive stroke that left him incapacitated - both experienced and the repercussions that came after truly shaoed my definition of love. You perfectly summarized it in this video. Thank you, Orion.
You remind me of something a wise older gentleman told me. He said, " Love is pursuing, pleasing and meeting needs".
Divine love of the heart is the wisdom that permeates and extend into all of reality, the cosmos, everywhere. Having a divine loving relationship requires 2 open-hearted beings to be in the state to send and receive love. It's a very different quality of vibration and oneness from what most consider love to be (the attached, closed hearted push and pull variety). I could probably write a book on the differences.
Maybe I should haha
Yes well said , I have to agree totally on your analysis. Love is a chosen emotion that needs effort and energy coming from within, to bring out the feeling that’s within you . Many people can’t bring that emotion out and are just skeptical of the action of it expressed by others upon them. Those people are more likely to be transactional in their relationships , they give and expect it back. I think people who can love can also engage in transactional relationships but they sometimes try to bring out love that maybe felt on the other person. Usually that will open up the other persons trust and closeness in that relationship. Sometimes it never does just stays transactional. Love could only be felt by the one who wants to love as we don’t know and can’t gauge the effect on the other . The true test in a transactional relationship that may feel it has entered into a loving one is to stop the transactions and see if it lasts . More than likely it won’t unless the other person has brought out love as you have .
The next world teacher! Wise, clear, and practical!
Indeed. Today's short talk is practically a sermon. Dr. T. may be a lapsed Catholic, but his Christian roots show through profoundly here.
From start to end.. nailed it.. and for all who may care, another book also shares the same wisdom on love… it’s the Bible .. thanks Dr. Orion !
Good, finally a video about self worth than trying to live for female or male validation
Very few in your audience will understand this. Great video. 🙏🏽❤
“To the giver comes the fullness of life, To the taker just an empty hand. “
Lao Tzu
Rock on, Orion!
Hello 👋👋👋
You seems to be a great woman
Love is often hard but can be incredibly beautiful and exilerating as well. But love often leads to pain and hardship, -it is NOT the same as gratification even though it can also be very rewarding. We need both to love and be loved! I always try to actually show appreciation for restaurant servers btw!
Thanks!
Damn Son! That is the nail on the head. Maybe the deepest experience of love (whether chosen or not), is the experience of a lifetime of caring for a profoundly disabled child. Maybe. Has to be up there and is an example of how few are really looking for love, because no one is looking for that in their life I don't think.
Over the years and many attempts at relationships, I've noticed that I have been attracted to different things in different women. It's so true that one person can't be everything. Which do you choose? The person who excites and gives you goosebumps? The person who is kind and generous? The person who understands reciprocity and loves themselves positively? How about someone who has all these attributes and more but lacks the sensory goosebumps? Sometimes I have had women end relationships that have a ton going for them by saying, we don't have much in common, yet I have to disagree. The more I arrive towards wisdom, the finer the air is and the harder it is to find a partner. About ten years ago I went through a painful heartbreak and yes, I broke my own heart. It was studying men's psychology through an American male psychiatrist at the time that helped me see alternatives. Now Dr Orion has helped me see even clearer. Thank you.
Thank you!!!
5:55 "True lovers... can't reasonably expect to be compensated for their service." I disagree with this. If you're going to use a waiter/diner analogy, a healthy loving relationship is both the waiter and the diner taking turns swapping roles. This is the compensation: your turn to be the diner and not the waiter.
If you're expressing love to someone and you're being the waiter, you're expressing love and going through those motions with the expectation that you will be treated that way in kind at some point in the future. Issues arise when someone is always the waiter and never the diner. Man or woman does not matter, as both expect and experience different things when they are in both roles. The main feature is that both parties expect to receive the service portion of that experience at some point, once they've taken on the role of being the waiter.
I understand that Dr. Orion considers this "business" but I'd consider this "etiquette" or "social awareness". If we follow the logic of this exchange to be considered business, then so is every relationship (including friendships and family) that can ever be conceived. If the other person does not have any desire to reciprocate the "service" portion of love, then only one person in that relationship loves the other and everyone will typically agree that's not a healthy relationship to be in.
This is one of your most helpful and clarifying videos! And that's saying something because you've got soooo many. But this one... boom. Straight to the heart, and humbles every one of us.
Orion, this is the most important and the most spot on one of all of your videos. Thank you!
Orion, you hit the "nail" on the head.
Thank you & your book is dense and wonderful so far!
Absolutely Brilliant. I haven't gotten to this in your book yet, but looking forward to it.
I love the driving home of the misunderstanding and misrepresentation of love. Harkens back to the earlier talks on this channel. Thanks, Orion. All the best!
You have very well defined today's definition of "love". I hope the message gets through.
Your aspect on this topic is superior,
Love is def a spiritual essence we can get possesed by.
I only loved one individual from child to adult and it took me a lifetime of cope'ing and a big breakdown for me to see that.
Beyond the pain few things in life liberated me as much to find the essence of your own love.
let's not forget that authenticity vibrates 1000 times higher then love.
What people mean by "finding love" is the felicitous match. It is neither to derive benefits from someone (to use or to be loved) nor to give them to whomever is available for a relationship (to settle and "learn to love" that person).
It is a wish to meet someone who inspires the desire to give, as much as they inspire that person to do the same. Without inspiration, the decision to be giving remains inauthentic, duty-driven, and spiritually inferior. Holistic mutual attraction is key.
You make some good points but this could also be a description of duty and obligation which I have ZERO interest in. The receiver just abuses it. Sustainable, healthy love is accountable
This was a really good episode that explains what's going today in the dating world
Reason I stopped dating is for love to come out it has to be within you and passes through you first.
Thank you for this video. I think love is a very complicated word to describe a very complex emotion. Kierkegaard said that you should be able to love everyone, and especially the unlovable. Only then you find love everywhere, because you can love everybody without asking anything in return. And maybe you discover exactly what Orion says (you are not looking for love), because love is hard, especially when you love the unlovable. It’s better to love then wanted to be loved. Because the second thing is not love, but desire. And desire is what makes it difficult for you to love the people you can love.
Love is hard, but it will be easy if you can love in the right way without any preference or distinction. Love is not complicated if love flows through you.
Love hurts, but the pain makes you feel alive. Like all things everything in moderation is the key.
Orion - you nailed it this time really, really well. All previous episodes which you talk about relationship, sex, money and all material things desired by people are NOTHING compared to real love which has nothing for to do with all of them. It takes years maybe decades to understand this some people never get it. If you put this episode at the beginning of your book then the rest of it wouldn't be needed.
Some of aren’t looking for love, we’re looking for gratification.
This is a very advanced spiritual teaching you are sharing here
Gosh, there's a lot of food for thought here! 😮 Amazing video👌 Thank you 🙏
Perfectly on point. Ex left because she felt I wasn't "offering her enough" or "contributing to her personal growth" despite repeatedly telling me the opposite of what she wanted. She expressed a fear of "taking care" of me. This, even though I offered to give up important career goals to satisfy her demands. I spent two years in depression, wishing her happiness without me, forgiving her every morning for lying to me and making me feel like a useless piece of crap.
Years later she has the audacity to tell me that I didn't know what love is. No girl, _you_ didn't know what love is. You wouldn't know it if it smacked you in the face.
"Looking for love in all the wrong places" -Johnny Lee
Much needed wisdom for the world. Love is a verb not a noun.
When love is unconditional, there’s no attachment, expectation, hidden agenda, or bookkeeping of who gives what to whom. Our love is unconditional for whatever we are and whatever they are. It is given without requirements. No strings are attached. We don’t expect anything back when giving. We have surrendered all conscious and unconscious expectations of the other person.
It’s looks good on the paper but in reality is totally different when the time comes to test it
Really needed this video doc, im 21 years old and my gf broke up with me today saying she have commitment issues and cant fulfill my needs :) im hurting but thats fine i want to move on
If she said "I have commitment issues", translate it to:
Right now, I feel like, I have commitment issues, with you.
Right now she just wants to have fun with many other men during her twenties. As she approaches 30, she will start hunting for a nice guy provider to settle with, as her starter husband. So she will then message you "Hi stranger, how are you doing? Want to catch up?" If you fall into that trap and marry her, it will last a few years.
@@rayrwyr she said she can't fulfill my needs
@@Rishachino If she said "I can't fulfil your needs", she meant: "You want monogamy and full menu of my offerings. I do not want that with you. But I want to keep your nice guy ass around by giving you some breadcrumbs here and there, while I pursue and enjoy some hot-rods who get my full menu".
Good stuff. Another important side can be added to this picture.
Orion wisely ends the video by revealing the benefit unique only to "love," aka selfless giving and loyalty: Taming the giver's ego. However, that effect can be just as beneficial for the receiver. Consider how a child only develops a healthy capacity to trust and, later, give love herself after having received this sort of commitment from his parents. Consider how some with advanced Alzheimer's retain a sweet trusting nature while others descend into paranoia.
At the same time, a more nuanced discussion remains around distinguishing what internal conditions within the giver (and/or receiver) make one act of loyalty solely a burden and another act also a step towards transcendence.
Thank you for the time and work you put into your craft. Excellent video 🔥
Wow Orion. This is the most theologically profound video yet. All completely true and extremely well said as usual
You 💯 nailed Doc,, @2:30 in, "Love is changing the bed pan !! "
Brilliant!
I gotta share this episode.
Thank you 🙏🏻.
Awesome, Orion. Powerful presentation. Thank you!
Have thought about it in this way - love, that is the act of selfless deep care for some other being whereby you often sacrifice things that are thought to be of value, is in fact the greatest transaction in existence. Because in the act of selfless love we instinctively feel that it is in fact a 'win-win-win' situation. By that I mean that we feel love achieves all of these - 1/ helps the being we care for 2/ helps us be a better person 3/ makes the world a better place for everyone's sake. We can feel and internally marvel at how the feeling arises as if naturally without our having to judge its motivation... in other words, we deeply know it's something much greater than ourselves
The goat has spoken💯
Romantic love is conditional. Sacrificial love is unconditional. It’s a polar opposite concept, with polar opposite behaviours and results that it shouldn’t even be in the same category of ‘love’.
People sometimes conflate love with virtue. Not the same things at all