Codependency Doesn't Tell the Whole Story: Why You Lose Yourself in an Addicted Relationship

Books like "Codependency No More" and programs like CODA or Alanon offer a lot of helpful insight on the topic of codependency. Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship pattern where one person's self-worth and identity become excessively reliant on the approval and needs of another person. Codependency does explain some of the behaviors that take place in an addicted relationship, but the story is a bit more complex than this. The "Lost" feelings that many spouses and partners have are sometimes the byproduct of abusive behaviors, gaslighting and the calculated altering of someone's reality in order to keep the addicted train rolling. That is, codependency doesn't tell the whole story and therefore focusing deeply on it as the solution will not fix the entire issue. Simply working on your codependent behaviors will not get you to your end goal of a happy and healthy relationship, nor will it address the trauma from years of abuse that is often present in addicted relationships. Just focusing on your codependency or your own issues and not acknowledging the why of these behaviors is a failure to examine the role that abuse plays in a romantic relationship. In this episode we discuss some of our own healing that was necessary due to the years of gaslighting, mistreatment, devaluing, and disregard of basic human needs in our relationship.
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[@anime._.softie4582]

Keep doing this please. This explains I m not to blame or have problems not associated with his addiction.

[@robinbutler4266]

This sounds EXACTLY like what my X did to me. I thought it was narcissistic behavior. He was into drugs and didn’t work. What he said wasn’t what he did. Everything was my fault and he had an excuse for EVERYTHING. He would have made an EXCELLENT lawyer but he would’ve had to go to school and study and he wasn’t into working for anything.

[@seniac.8101]

Thank you for being truthful !!!!🙏

[@anime._.softie4582]

This was on point what I dealt for 10yrs. He broke up with me blaming me for his use. He called me and did everything you talked about. He talks to me in anger. He s sober now 7wks and says I m his worst his mistake. It breaks my heart.

[@twfo_couple]

We're so sorry you're going through this!