A bi guy explains: what I like about men
Вставка
- Опубліковано 30 лип 2024
- This video gives my personal view of what I like about men. What I find attractive about men, males and masculine people.
As a bisexual man myself I have a broad spectrum of attractions and am always fascinated to know how it compares with other people.
We bi guys don’t often just get to talk about our perspectives so I wanted to make this video, encouraging others to express their likes and loves as well.
No matter what your sexuality or gender, it’s so good to be able to talk about your feelings so that they’re never shamed or put down.
These thoughts are my own. I have made every effort to be inclusive in my language but due to the nature of the content, I refer to “men” meaning all who identify as men.
If I could say something in a more inclusive way please let me know and I’ll always be pleased for the opportunity to learn.
@notdefining is a support network for anyone who has ever struggled with their orientation, identity, self confidence or gender.
We create content and mentor to help you find a place where you feel confident and fulfilled, whatever your background or identity.
If you like our content please subscribe, like and share. Also you can check @Notdefining out on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok.
Finally, if you would like to receive dedicated coaching from Mark or simply support the work of @notdefining then head over to www.Patreon.com/notdefining. We’d be so grateful for your support.
@notdefining on TikTok
vm.tiktok.com/ZMLuo2RnW/
The Queer Spectrum Podcast, co-hosted by Mark from @notdefining
www.buzzsprout.com/1905169
@notdefining on Twitter
/ notdefining
@notdefining on Instagram
/ notdefining
Support our partner charity
ukblackpride.org.uk/donate
#men #masculinity #bisexualmen
Thank you for sharing! Much appreciated! I'm a Gay man and my 1st relationship was with a bisexual guy, but he eventually wanted to have a family, and married a young woman. To this day we are still friends. He's now a grandfather with 3 daughters and several grandchildren. We're both now in our 70s and back in the day it was very dangerous to publicly come out. To this very day he doesn't want his family to know about his Gay (bisexual) past and of course I always respected his wishes. I'm also very friendly with his family, who always thought of me as his best friend.
Hey thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story. It is a privilege to read them. Thank you for all the love and understanding that you have shown throughout your life especially during these really hard times. My freedom and everything I do is because of the bravery and conviction you showed even when it was so tough. We owe you a debt of gratitude. ❤️🌈
Wow That's deep...
Do you still have sex?
That's love 💕. But curious question, do you ever felt jealous by his wife?
A gay man's nightmare that's why many of us don't get involved with bi men because no one wants to be or feel used.
It has always been baffling to me that a lot of gay people believe bisexuality is a choice, but homosexuality isn’t. Sexuality is so intricate and complex. Some people want to simplify it but know in their mind and heart that they have feelings too that they can’t control or understand. Some act on them and some don’t.
Thank you for this. Very good point.
Slimtee2 It makes absolutely no difference whether your straight, bi or gay. It's all in what you're attracted to. I don't think we have much control over that. Just be honest with your partners.
A lot of gays? I never met one gay man thinking that
@@zaasfromparis And I definitely have… living in California and New York since the 80s., I have encountered A lot of gay people who have had that mindset. Things may be changing now, but if you identified as bi back in the day, like straight people, gay people rejected the concept of bisexuality. You are either gay or straight. The discussion can go on and on, but there were a lot of debates about bisexuality in the LGBTQ community over the years.
It’s mainly because a lot of gay men say they are bi while they actually gay. It’s not that common nowadays maybe but 10 years ago it was kinda popular. It made them feel safer and more straight in less open and catholic societies.
As a bi guy myself, I tend to lean more towards men. I guess because I like how some men look, the way they dress, the way they become protective, and the physicality between myself and a man. Sometimes I like being in a big man’s arms, holding me, feeling safe and secure. I too find beauty in women as well. I like the warmth and the nurturing of a woman. I like the scent of a woman. I just find beauty in both men and women. Btw, I’ve been with my guy for almost 10 years.
I love everything about men! The way we smell, feel, think, look, and taste 👅. We are some beautiful creatures ❤.
So true! Love this. Yes!
I think Drew Wyllie was right in that man on man passion is so hot and primal and erotic. Men know how to please other men.
I agree with you completely!
we are image of God and beauty u r correct !
Especially the smell.
Beautiful video❤.
As a straight man I have never heard such things from a woman.
Hey thanks for saying
Maybe you have lived a sheltered life. I am not being factitious. You are in an enviable place in our society; it must be nice to never have been “in the closet”. There ARE women who are bi-sexual, and you might actually know some without realizing it.
@@christopherrobertson7723 you might never know ? Lolzzzz .women are very opened about being bisexual than men .of course we are going to know .
There is a imbalance in power dynamics with women, that's why.
As a gay man I feel my attraction to men is the same as yours. It is nice to hear it put into words so well. Thanks for sharing!
I am gay and I love that sense of security and protection in men...
Ur a bottom arent u?
So what do you have that too?
Protection from other men?
There are a lot of men who think their only option is to be with a woman. There's nothing wrong with that if that's what you really want. However, if you do have an attraction to men, don't ignore it. It's perfectly normal. You certainly don't want to get married and have kids and then find out you've made a huge mistake. Be honest with yourself and others.
what mistake ? to get married and have children or not ? each one has to lid islife as he pleases and not follow the heard !
Pauljack7170 - - the mistake I'm referring to actually being bi and thinking that if you get married to a woman you'll be forced to be straight. It simply doesn't work that way. Why subject an innocent woman and children to your denial of your own sexual reality?
@@johnrichards3666 why getting married and have kids when you love to go with escorts or have mistresses most of men and many women act as such .. so why a bi should be obliged to act differently ? married or not u act according your nature there is no laws or pre fixed tutorial to follow !
your sexuality is YOURS u r not obliged to fully share with your partners some do others don't is your personal life .. do you think your son daughter or wife yours parents family are transparent with you about their own sexual life ?
@@pauljack7170if that's your mentality, which is unethical, then find partners that are OK with you deceiving them. You're not obligated to be an honest person but that doesn't give you the right to act recklessly in other people's lives or put them in situations they wouldn't consent to had you have been transparent with them.
This is one of the many reasons people have trouble trusting bisexuality. If it's not a secret, why are you hiding it?
@@yoyodre because my sexuality is a private thing that i unveil with my partner wife mistress boyfriend or whatever .. if you have sexxu enveil your nature is obvious !!
.. i do not stick a badge on my lapel « i am so and so» which is the difference u cheat your partner with same or diffent sex than tours
the moment u cheat is your private business
or couple business if you like free sex or exchange or whatever .. yet is personal again !
who wrote that when u have a partner u must be faithful only to that ? nobody do !
grow up dont' think like a child this is reality .. but u can live as u like no one is bothered
I’m a bi girl, 35 years old, married to a great guy. I accepted my bisexuality quite early (teenage years) but it took me many years to come out properly and only in the last few years I could embrace this. I am happy in my marriage but I have a little regret for missing out on so many great possibilities. That’s okay, I’m at peace now with my identity and I am satisfied with my current state. I wish there were such channels like yours when I was struggling with these very important questions. I haven’t known that many bisexuals, either. Some people don’t get why it is tricky to be a bisexual person, they don’t get how you are stuck between the pull of different paradigms. Anyways, this was a fun video. I had the idea to reflect on it as a bi girl in another video but you see, I’m still not there in bravery. But I’ll definitely think some more about this topic.
Oh Dora Gabriela i want to meet you...😊
This is such a beautiful eye opening conversation thank you ! I am a bisexual woman and I have been curious as what that is like for men
Hey thanks I’m so pleased you liked it
It's funny tho.. that part of not knowing what you like about men also creates confusion in males, and insecurities....
I'm hetero and am listening to gay guys saying what they like about men so I can get some information.
I’m really surprised because I am too a bi man and you just put all my thoughts into words! That’s crazy
I’m so glad. We don’t often get mirrored do we?
It's not so crazy, most of what he described could be categorized as the "ideal" man no matter whom was asked. We all are attracted to fit, confident, well groomed, empathetic men. People vary on the levels of attraction to less ideal features, but everyone is turned on by Ryan Reynolds.
I am very attracted to other men like me who are masculine and even "bad boys", and I'm also attracted to feminine guys too. I find feminity and masculinity very hot.
I am a 79 year old Homosexual man who has experimented with women. There is hardly a man about whom I am unable to find something attractive, but they do exist. I can see the beauty in Women. Sometimes I find myself to be unsure of a person’s gender, and am still able to see something appealing. Beauty is not the epitome of perfection the way that ugliness is.
Oh there are shit tons of guys I find unattractive and sadly they’re rarely straight but I digress. I find a face can mutate from bland to enchantingly beautiful and vice versa as you get to know somebody’s real “self”.
@@dmmoctober You’re right. Ugliness often wears beautiful disguises.
Oh that's interesting. I rarely find things that attractive about most guys, which is why it's very natural for me to be monogamous. It takes me a while to build that attraction
@@tstieber When I was young, monogamy was for faithful married people. Marriage for me was beyond any realistic notion. That changed when I was in my 70s. I might yet meet the great love of my life that I don’t have to walk away from.
@@christopherrobertson7723Well said and I agree. I just appreciate men in general in a different way. It’s a bad attitude/manners that can make anyone off putting for me.
As a gay man, I have often wondered if bi men have a few more challenges. I wonder if women shy away from bi men, worried that they are more prone to cheat or have stis or hiv. I also wonder if gay men more often accuse them of being in denial. I agree with the Kinsey scale that says most humans are bisexual to some degree. Even I have had the occasional attractions to women.
I'm gay and I have some bi friends, from what I understood the difficulty is to find what side you will go. When you are gay or straight, you don't have particularly a choice to make. But being bi seems difficult in that aspect. Once you spend more time with gay men, you will may have difficulties to go with women after.
The lgbt world and straight world are quite closed and there are few interactions in between.
I read a lot women dislike to be with a bi guy, they think they are gonna leave them for another men. And some women think they are less masculine because they already hookup with other men.
I could not be with my bi ex. To think he could go off in the night and have sex in a gay sauna and could infect me. No thanks. Finished before it began
@@sarahkennedy1481So the issue was you were afraid your ex would cheat on you, not that they were bi.
(I'm male)At first i started to like girls. Years later also boys. It seems that i am bi (sorry for bad english)
That's great. Me too! Happy days :-)
@@notdefiningThanks👍 Sometimes i am really confused, do you have some tips to be more confident about bisexuality?
Gosh, it’s like you read my mind and now describing it to the viewers!
How does that feel? To know that what goes on in your mind is shared by another person?
When you said that its traditionally not allowed for a man to show emotion for another man and that you marvel its heaven when a man lets you in and breaks down his walls....as a female we most often live life looking through the glass at the moment you just shared. We see men talking to other men, sharing long term close friendships, men saying they enjoy their guy time so much...men being supportive of eachother, I hope I am explaining right but we see men loving men in general in society hence recent conversations about men not even liking women blah blah...because as much as a romantic heart to heart intimacy between a man and a woman is societally accepted its not really happening in most male female relationships. Most women are trying every strategy in the book to experience something more then the physical and really get that emotion that you speak off with a man. So I would say many women are jealous of this as naturing as we are we dont get that not even for a glimse like you explained it. I speak for the general population looking at the never ending conflicts and tensions in male female relationships
Thanks for this thoughtful comment. I get what you’re saying. Totally agree. There is definitely often a comradery between men but it can be very brittle. It’s not as close as you might think. There’s a lot of fear of fitting in and measuring up that goes on.
What you are explaining is just friendship. Men prioritizing their guy time is the same as girls prioritizing ladies night. You described as looking through glass when seeing this but that's not the case, in fact when it comes to women, it's more acceptable for you guys to be friends and love on each other. The world accepts lesbians because the straight man finds it attractive as opposed to two men, which is not fetishized. A group of guys hanging out getting drunk and kissing each other sounds weird. But a group of women doing the same would be deemed as normal -- its a double standard and a privilege that women have over men. And to say that intimacy isn't happening with traditional relationships I can understand. Unfortunately most straight people are straight because they were told to be that way by society. So there isn't really a desire there more like them falling into place. Also, that's why lgbt relationships are so great because if he wants to play the ps4, I'll sit right there and we'll experience that together because we both love video games. But in traditional relationships the girl would more than likely be turned off at the man playing the game. They would feel ignored.
Thanks for sharing, but that feeling of wanting you have discribed definitely happens the same way in male/male relationships. Because, just like he said, there are roles being played there too. Whenever I hear women say what you're saying, I think to myself. It has to be that way or you really wouldn't be interested in him. Therefore, he may give you a glimpse here and there, but that's the way it has to be. It's the same in the male/male sphere.
This sounds so nice to me. I’m 26 and I thought I was straight my whole life but as of today I’m questioning. I’m married to a woman but have only very rarely in my life has the experience of feeling safe with someone to be emotional. When he described how men can be with other men I wanted that so bad. I’m tired of having to be tough and having so much responsibility. Honestly women are kind of difficult. They expect a lot and I don’t feel safe being vulnerable around them like I do with gay men. Maybe that’s why I’ve always had gay best friends. And I’ve heard a lot of horror stories about how sometimes guys will open up to the woman they’re dating and she will be turned off or react poorly so I’m very scared to cry in front of my wife. Usually all my emotions come out as anger because I’m so scared to cry. I love her but sometimes I wonder if I would feel more emotionally safe if I was with a man
I just love suits lol
Love it ❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing and for raising bisexuality’s awareness and visibility.
Thanks so much for sharing your video. It randomly popped up this morning for me. As a 100% confident, unquestioning, Gay man, I've always wanted to ask a Bi person some of the things you spoke about. I think it is pretty wonderful how we're all wired differently. It makes the world a more interesting place. I really appreciate the time you took educate us through your lived experience.
Love this. Especially the first part. The intimacy can be so nice 😊
I thought my whole life that I was gay, but I recently realized that it’s not really the case. I wanna experiment and explore women too. Sometimes gay community can be too toxic and try to push you into certain directions. I wish people were more accepting and we were just individuals with our own needs and preferences and we didn’t have to label everything. I’m 28 and I think there’s a lot of things I have to explore. I enjoyed bottoming always, I still do, but I think there’s whole new other room I can explore and just be free. Labels and those small little groups really divide people into small little pieces. People are just people as simple as it sounds.
This video means so much to me, I've just come out as a bi man and you've put so much of what I'm feeling into words. It's just beautiful, thank you so much. For the record the little look I like on men is a cowboy, Orville Peck just does things to me😂
🩷🩷🩷
Hello, wow, you are the first guy who I have heard explain it so accurately. You were right on point without going into some long winded discussion. You explained it as I see it. I feel as if it’s some secret brotherhood when men get together. The natural masculine strength as they hold and kiss each other is extremely different than it is with a woman. Even by just looking at you while you explained it, was enough to send your masculine energy toward me, the reader. Thank you for sharing with us. Alex from Los Angeles. Be well and stay safe. ❤
My brother comments like yours make it all worthwhile
woah! first of all mark, thank you, like really;
i think you are the first dude i see expressing out loud, 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 what i'm going through in my daily life. Thank you specially because of the representation from this side of the spectrum. Greetings from Barcelona.
Hey thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate you taking the time to express that. I’m doing more videos like this so stay tuned. It seems there really isn’t enough of this out there so I’m delighted to share.
The way you describe your attraction to strong men yet kind and tender personnality is exactly how I feel 😂 I’m instantly in love with them ❤
Nice point of views! It's great to be Bi so many choices! Keep up the good work!
Thank you for your openness and for sharing. It was interesting to hear what to expect in a M to M intimate interaction 🙏
Hey you're so welcome. It's a pleasure.
I'm so glad that you mentioned how you love a man because of admiration and because you think to yourself "You represent that which I myself wish I would become." I feel like that all the time.
Very clear and outspoken. Thank you for sharing your story where some of us find similarities as well.
You are so welcome!
I really loved hearing this. I'm a bi woman who has a bi brother who is in a relationship with a gay man. I've often wondered how he experiences his bisexuality. I know what my own feels like, but we haven't compared notes 😂. I feel like you've given me a possible window into what he might experience.
Interestingly, the physical strength differential you mentioned often means that it is easier for me to relax with a woman. It was nice to hear though that compassionate men like yourself are very intentional about being gentle with women, because some men seem not to care at all, and that apparent lack of care can really skew a woman's perception about male-female relationships in general.
Overall, the things you mentioned about enjoying a lot about being with men (especially recognizing yourself in them physically and mentally) echoed many of my feelings about being with women - and yet as a bi woman I am open to letting "the universe" or "the fates" guide me to love. Everyone, male or female is an individual and the person who may be most right for me at a given life stage may come in either form. I can't predict it, even if there are trend lines.
Lastly, I share your love of the protectiveness that is still soft, gentle, kind, and open - in both men and women. That balance also drives me nuts, in the best of ways ❤🥵
I guess I never thought of the “feeling safe” thing and how different it could feel since, as you said, men are my counterparts. I’ve heard comedians and acquaintances alike over the years ask/joke if it’s like being with your best friend and tbh, it is really. And that’s usually how anyone sees me and my bf unless they ask or we say it. Men are so simple it makes it complicated when you have 2 together and random fights pop up. Interesting.
For me it's the whole masculine enough but has a feminine side by straight acting not into flamboyant men . It hard to find someone that can hold me when I need it.
Hey thanks so much for expressing this. I'm so glad we can share these things together.
As a woman who loves women o def understand that part about liking and admiring certain traits in the same sex. It was always hard to explain.. Glad to know I'm not alone in that kind of thinking.
Dude, you articulated so well what I like about men as well, especially that paradoxical combination of both strength and vulnerability in a man. It drives me wild too :)
I really enjoyed listening to your conversation. It was truly well said. I have subscribed to your talks and look forward to listening! ❤
Ah thanks so much. I’m so glad you’re here.
Well said!!! I can definitely relate to being attracted to the two types of guys you described. Guys of all types are just so hot! When it comes to guys I wanna date, I’ve usually gravitated towards the cuter and physically smaller guy. I love being able to wrap my arms around a cute guy and be the one to make him feel safe and protected. I can also definitely relate to the admiration part. It’s fascinating feeling being attracted to someone but also wanting to be like them.
UA-cam just recommended this video. I’m glad it did! I am a gay man and I enjoyed hearing what you like about men. I like a lot of the same things. May I also compliment you on your overall presentation? You are a fascinating individual and it is refreshing to observe your candor, you are very well reasoned and you express your thoughts with such perfect clarity. Bravo! All my best to you…
Thanks for the heads up I think you're amazing and you have a wonderful way of saying the way it is loving
😊 thank you. This has made my day.
Thank yuo for your openness and insight. Brilliant video.
You’re so welcome. It is my pleasure. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I appreciate it.
Hi Mark. What a wonderful video to catch! I've never seen your videos before, but I was impressed with how vulnerable you are in the video. I find that a very attractive trait, and also quite rare, especially in men. I am a gay man and the points you make that struck me most are how easy it is to be with men -- there's a simplicity to men that I'm not sure how to convey, but it is nice. I also love the male form as you mentioned -- I find it intoxicating in some men (often those with contrasting skin/hair/eye color) and it makes me know that I love men. I also especially like men who have a romantic side, who demonstrate compassion without losing the strength I typically associate with masculinity. I feel very safe and secure when hugged by a physically bigger man, especially if he has a gentle touch too; I don't know how to describe that feeling -- maybe like feeling "at home" -- but I want to just melt into it when it happens. With regard to dom/sub, I'm a bit conflicted over the terms because I think the labels sometimes imply an artificially constrained view of how I can present myself to other men; with some men I feel more "in charge" or dominant and with others a bit more submissive -- I think it depends not only on the guy I'm with but also the situation and I just go with how I feel. I don't care for either extreme (too dominant or too submissive). But there's a whole range in between dom and sub that's also valid IMO. I'm done rambling! lol Thanks for posting the video...got me to think! Also, I don't think I know any bi men, but it would be nice to meet some -- I don't know if I can imagine what they're experiences have been but I'd like to know.
Hey thanks so much for sharing and for your kind words. I’m so glad we get to connect in this way. Lots of people will read your comment and feel seen today. So thanks. I’m glad you’re here.
I like your candid straight forward honesty.
Hi, not sure if you’ll see this but I was so happy to hear you say that as a bi man you are attracted to men and also want to “steal their style” or just admire them in that aspirational way. Like I feel like this is a bi thing because I very much have the same feelings as a bi woman except more so towards more masculine people. Like I’m attracted to them but I want to be like them! Lol! I’m glad I’m not the only one that feels this way. 😅
Hey thanks so much for saying this. I'm glad to hear it happens on both sides (or all sides)! OMG totally. Men and masc people looking slick as hell?! UGH! I WANT THAT!!! haha. Just to be like that. And is it attraction too? Well, sure? Maybe. Yeah. Sometimes. Sometimes not. That's cool! It's just nice to admire fab people, right? So you would say it's normally masc people you admire? What about women/fems? How does that feel? Is it more of an opposites attract feeling? Let me know. I'm very geeky about this and just love to learn. Sending so much love to you my bi sister. X
OMG! I’m so happy you responded to my comment! Thanks so much! Yes, I admire other women/fems as well and definitely want to “steal their style” too! I am also very attracted to them as well. I just admire confident and good looking people! I’m not sure if it’s an opposites attract thing because I don’t necessarily consider myself more of a masc or fem, I’m somewhere in between and the attraction I feel towards someone changes on the energy they put out. As you’ve mentioned in this video and the previous one on women/fems, I feel more masculine in my attraction to feminine people and more feminine in my attraction towards masculine people. I don’t know if that’s just societal conditioning but that’s just how I feel. But whatever partner I’m with, I want to feel comfortable enough with them to express my range of gender expression. Although, I think it’s ok to fall into more traditional gender roles. I think it just all depends on what the couple is comfortable with and how they are compatible with each other. That’s how I see it anyway. 😁
@@skyhouston2001 I think that too :)
This was very well done. Great analysis!
Thank you kindly!
Fantastic video. Thank you for sharing your experience and for opening up like this. It's not for everyone. I found myself so much in your words and in your tastes. We are very similar. I feel a little less lonely now 😉 Good luck with your youtube channel. I'm following you from Italy.
Wow this was very thought out and articulate and detailed in ways I’ve never heard anyone do before. As a bisexual, you were saying things I would say. Those are things I like when it comes to men. Whereas the things I like about women are different.
I’m a gay man, and have been wanting to learn more from a bisexual man’s perspective. I appreciate you sharing. 😀
You’re such a precious lad.
Beautifully and eloquently said.
I thank the intimacy between two men is on a whole level that I don’t understand because some bisexual men love straight men.
🩷
you have a very articulate and profound way of speaking and i love it :)
I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS VIDEO, Thank you
What a great and articulate video! Well done....thanks!
Thank you
This hit a lot for me. I relate with most of it. The only difference is I like that ability to switch roles with a guy, though I generally prefer a guy who is a bit more dominant.
There is no reason on this earth for you to be like anyone else. Oscar Wilde said “Be yourself, everybody else is taken”.
I think I know what he meant though. I’ve only met 2 people that naturally I’d “flip” with in the same nigh it’s one or the other but still vers. These days I think people just get stuck with the labels instead of living.
Interesting and rather lovely. I am a gay man who has had a fbuddy relationship with a bi man for 13 years, including during his ten-year marriage (we are both single at the moment). However, recently we realised we have two separate relationships with each other. He comes to dinner and we chat and are affectionate (platonically and verbally, cuddle if we are sad kind of thing) and discuss everything from how badly run is an organisation we both have connections to and how nothing in it really changes over time (I am 63, he is 39), to how our relationships are going (mine with my lesbian-couple son, him with girlfriends and family).
He also comes over for the same reasons we met all those years ago, and we DON'T really talk at all (except, as he put it, to express immediate wishes and appreciation🤣).
The main point of this comment though is that recently during one of the "dinner" visits I specifically asked him what he found attractive about women and men, separately, because I never had before. His answer for women was highly specific physically and politically: apart from the physical things, (which I won't describe) he likes leftist, nerdy, gamer type women. Then I asked him about men. His answer was much more broad: he likes men only after getting to know them; he is attracted to personalities. It is only once he likes someone that any physical stuff comes into his feelings, and then what he likes tends to be the kind of bloke you would meet at a pub: ordinary, unassuming, dad-bod, easy to relate to. It really doesn't matter what they look like.
I don't really know how the dynamics you have described work out in our situation, except maybe the protector thing, (I am older and wiser, but he is bigger), mentor(?). It is possibly the very difference and variety you describe - I am no young, nerdy, lefty activist woman, let me tell you, so maybe I fulfil the need tor courteous, older, conservative, steady, knows-what-he-wants-out-of-life types.
My attraction to him is easy: he is extremely empathic, kind and giving, and he is frankly stunningly gorgeous (shallow gay man alert!) with a very slight bad-boy roughness. Why he was attracted to an older, worn-out dad-bod always eluded me, but now I know!
Thanks, your insights were fascinating.
Thank you so much for sharing. I really appreciate this beautiful description.
@@notdefining Very welcome; I really enjoyed your insights.
- To book a private 1:1 coaching session with Mark, visit us at www.notdefining.com/coaching-info.
- To join our monthly group sessions and write in your questions to Mark, visit: patreon.com/notdefining.
i do agree when men get close and drop their gaurd its heavenly. when i mean drop their gaurd let the normative way that men interact with eachother drop and when we allow ourselfs to get close to eachother the way we like it to regardless of what society expects from us.
Yesss totally
I'm a straight guy. I feel kinda left out. Interesting to know about this universe of goings-on that I was not aware of.
Ah you're not left out. We love our straight Allies. Thanks for taking the time to learn. We appreciate you and you're always warmly welcome.
I'm gay and you are describing my immediate feelings after watching this.
@@crg233why do you feel left out as a gay man?
@@sialoves Perhaps not left out but with a more narrow range of desires and experiences.
Simply, thanks so much for sharing. You just gave me a term to rely on: "masc to masc" which is neutral sounding for me compared to some of the other shorthand terms out there. ❤
Also, as a toric (masc attracted) femme (AFAB), hanging out in queer masculine spaces where dialogue was prized (meaning we were talking about things like political history, social dynamics, & gender neutrality) was eye-opening after a lifetime of cishet female discourse. The guys were gay so there wasn't any sexual pressure on me & that was also a relief. It was an opportunity for me not to be on guard or having to decipher cues as a neurodiverse femme & just focus on the conversation. Would 10/10 recommend again. I haven't experienced this since that time & I wasn't aware of biphobia or any of that yet. So I can appreciate the allure of masculine friendships even though I don't currently find myself in that scene.
You are quite attractive yourself, sir
Thank you my friend. You are too kind.
I wish I was this articulate. Very insightful and open.
I AGREE...at this stage in my life...I want to feel secure and protected.
"I FIND MYSELF ATTRACTED TO BIG STRONG MEN WHO ARE LEADERS"
As I grow older and with the uncertainty of everything in this world...a 47 year old guy like me really does not have the patience to deal with "The Hoops" be it from a male or a female.
"I AM TIRED OF BEING THE PROTECTOR AND PROVIDER"
I spent all of my life protecting, problem solving, and managing situations to the benefit of others.
"ONLY A CARING PROTECTOR WOULD GIVE SECURITY AT THIS STAGE OF MY LIFE"
A good man can offer this....
I hear you on this being tired of being the protector
hey bro, love how you shared yourself.
Thanks
Thanks for sharing!
You bet! It’s my pleasure.
Masculine, bearded, strong, muscular and sensitive. Men ONLY here!
YA BABY!!!
My favourite thing is a man's voice. The depth and resonance, and how that feels with my head resting on him.
I also love that I can be with someone where I know exactly how I'm making them feel in that moment, because it feels the same for us. It's an added layer of connectivity, and part of why I would never give up being gay even if i had a choice 🥰
💯 ❤
As a questioning guy I’ve never heard these things. Tbh I’ve never heard from a woman what she likes men for. Like I’m a little saddened because it’s only from gay men that I’ve heard what’s attractive about men.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts about your own bisexuality and being so open about them. I am a 100% gay man, but I have had several great relationships with bi men. In general, I rate these relationships more highly than those I have had with other totally gay guys. Don't actually know the reason for that, but it seems to be a constant with me. BTW, you are a very attractive bisexual guy.
Thank you for your kind words and for being a supportive gay ally to us bi guys. We really appreciate you.
This was so neat to hear! Thanks for sharing this! ❤ 🏳️🌈
I feel like you described what I love about men ❤
5:45 FINALLY! I've never been good at communicating this to people, but I'm happy to see someone else say this. I consider myself sexually verse when choosing partners, but not verse within the relationships. lol I've tried switching things up in the bedroom with partners before, and it simply doesn't work for me.
😂honest. As a homosexual myself I feel you 100%.
You said all the same things I think in my dynamic between men and women.
As for men I’m usually stronger than most guys I talk to. It’d be nice to have a physical equal or someone stronger. That’d be hot.
I really enjoyed watching this video!
If you’re ever in Nashville, TN in the states look me up!
Ah thanks so much
First of all, thank you for having this conversation. It's super important and we should all talk about the nuances and particularities of human beings and their sexuality. My problem with bisexuality is that of all the bisexual men I've met in my life, they were all "traumatized" by women and they all said they had difficulty finding a serious woman for a stable relationship. However, with me they wanted sex and not a stable relationship, even though I was difficult and showed resistance, just like woman. What is happening here is that bisexuality ends up being an escape to mask the man's frustration at not being able to find a woman. However, in between, these men are with men sexually. It is not love! It's sex! Of all the bisexuals I met, they all said they couldn't have romantic relationships with men. So are they bisexual??!?!?!??? There are many nuances that could be discussed here, such as the impositions of society, culture and the fear they have of clashing with all of this. Because many of these things are registered and trapped in our conditioned minds. I understand why homosexuals don't believe in and make fun of bisexuality. Heterosexual women do the same thing. The impression it gives is that bisexual men and women cannot be trusted and that there is only confusion in their heads. People need true love, especially homossexual men (because of the prejudice, violence and stigma) and the majority of bissexual men have women in their heads and in their dreams! From what I saw and went through, this is my experience. I've probably never met a serious bisexual or someone who wasn't just starting to experiment with their sexuality with other men...
Yes they are bisexual if they can’t have romantic attraction to men and I’m sorry you have only met bi guys who have been traumatised by women. This has nothing to do with bisexuality. Sending love.
This is the comment I was looking for! This is 1000% the experience many gay people have with Bi men. We are good enough to hookup/experiment with, but never be dateable.
OMG! I absolutely relate with you!!!! I can't believe that I just found someone who shares the same preferences, everything, exactly the same hahhaha
Same here. I used to date girls, but just for a mental need like a soul mate relationship. Also, I like girls because I respect them so deep in my heart. As to guys, we have a lot in common, physical plus mental. Most of the things you say in this video relate to me, such as admiration, easy to get along. Thanks for the honesty you present in here, hope you find a way to get through your life journey with fantastic people you will meet and live with. Cheers!
thank you very much for sharing. This was very interesting and informative. As a gay man, I can relate to much of what you said in terms of relationship dynamics between two men and the attraction toward men. My spouse and I often joke that we are like two bachelors living together having a grand ole time. We have been together for more than 10 years now and people often said we act more like buddies than a loving couple (though I think it is due to this expectation of what a loving couple supposed to look like based off of heterosexual couples). But my perspective is limited to just that, being gay. I have always wonder how bisexual men feel about other men and what relationship would be like for them. I know a lot of bisexual women in my life but not a single bisexual man. I am not sure why that is the case. My bestfriend since high school thought he may have been bisexual at one point many years ago but he seems to be fully straight now. And a few bisexual men I had the chance to talk to online in the past all appears to say they have a very specific type of men and are very rare that they find themselves attracted to other men so I thought perhaps male bisexuality is less common. Regardless, great video and very well articulated!
Hey thanks so much for watching and for sharing. I love that as LGBT people we can define our own relationships. Why should your relationship look like something hetero society expects? So many "straight couples" absolutely hate each other haha! Being gay is fab because you can have that friendship and comradery as well. It's gorgeous. So happy for you.
Bi men are less likely to be out and visible. The main reason is because it is considered to be less controversial for a woman to be bi. Straight men often find it sexy or exciting. Whereas men together they are less excited about - and because straight men govern much of societal culture still, that's the way it goes.
Also many women uphold notions of toxic masculinity and biphobia by not wanting to date bi men. The idea is that we will cheat on them and run away (which is traditionally a more prominent fear for females given their natural ability to bear children and want a man to stick around). So many bi men keep it quiet otherwise women will never date them.
Also unfortunately we get stick in the gay community too (which is why it's so lovely you have watched and been so kind). Sometimes our gay and lesbian community will reject us saying "you have straight passing privilege" or saying "you're just wanting the best of both worlds and you're secretly gay" or they want to "turn us". These things are horrible to deal with so many of us are afraid to speak our truth.
But that's why I make these videos and I'm so thrilled when I receive lovely comments like yours. Thank you for being so great and wishing you all the best, love Mark x
Thanks, Mark, for this great video. I am a 66 year old male, have been married to my wife for 36 years and have finally discovered that what I have been experiencing my whole life is that I'm bi. Any advice... I'm not out.
It’s refreshing to hear your perspective. On the whole, as a society, I think we have a pretty immature, black and white view of sexuality and I don’t think that’s actually accurate. I thought I had to run to the gay side as an identity but as I get older I find that I really am open to both men and women depending on our chemistry and our connection. When we’re stuck in our head about physical turns-ons I think that can be very objectifying (of ourself AND others) and it seems like a very rigid way of living. Everything is about energy don’t box yourself in. I do think everyone is naturally bisexual, beyond all the brainwashing, posturing & static ways of living
Being new to embracing myself as a bi man, it helps hearing other people's opinions to better understand what's going on in my own head. That being said I agree with basically all of what you listed ( although I think thin guys can be pretty hot too 😅) thanks for the video!
In my experiences, guys I’ve met or knew personally usually favored one or the other when it comes to love/marriage. I think too many gay men get in their feelings and want to lash out on bi men for not being their love interest. Which is wild since most of the time the meet was for a hook up anyway but I digress. Which is prob why most don’t even call themselves bi but they have been some of the coolest men in my experience
Yes I can relate to all you said!
Thanks for making this video and sharing Mark! I love hearing the perspectives of my fellow bisexuals! As a cisgender, bisexual woman myself, I am attracted to men, women and non-binary individuals. I'm really able to be attracted to all genders but those are the three main groups for me personally.
As far as what I like about men, I have to say that I also enjoy the male form, particularly abs and pecs. So lovely to look at and feel. Not to overshare, of course. Lol!
I also love when men have pretty eyes and nice hair, especially long hair. I find that very attractive. Also, a pretty smile is nice as well.
I like men that aren't too muscular, like average build or skinny. I'm not into really big guys at all. I personally don't find that attractive.
I'm not really into body hair or facial hair either but it depends. If it's not much, I don't mind it.
I do agree that beautifully groomed men are extremely attractive. I love when you can simply just look at a man and be able to tell that he cares about taking care of himself. That's important.
As far as the types of men that I like, I enjoy men that would be considered "golden retriever types", blondish hair (usually wavy or curly), average build, pretty, bright eyes and smile, sweet personality, huggable. Lol!
I also am really attracted to alternative types like emo or goth individuals.
Mainly because I really appreciate when people are able to break norms without being afraid or even if they are afraid, they're strong enough to push through that and show the world who they truly are through expression that's true to themselves, no matter what others think.
That's very attractive to me, personally. Even better if they have musical or artistic talent as I have that myself and it's something we could bond or connect over.
I find that's actually something common within the alternative community, which definitely makes them more attractive to me beyond appearance, of course.
It also works for me because I find people who break gender roles very attractive and lots of people in the alternative community are known for doing that.
Men in the alternative community will sometimes grow their hair out long, paint their nails, wear eyeliner/eyeshadow and sometimes even wear clothes that aren't traditionally masculine.
I just love when people challenge norms, especially men because so much is pushed onto them by society.
Society tells men they must behave and present in a certain way or else they aren't "real" men. So, when men are able to break through that and do what they feel like doing to be authentic to themselves, that's attractive.
I enjoy men that are willing to be submissive to a woman, lots of them are not, which is fine but it's what I prefer personally. I just love when men understand that they can be submissive to a woman without losing their "manhood" or masculinity.
I also really enjoy when a man understands that they can also be protective of a woman, yet submissive to a woman at the same time.
Just because I'm attracted to submissive men, that doesn't mean I don't love when they step up to protect me. That actually means a lot to me because it shows me they care deeply about me. That's important.
Lastly, I totally agree with you about simply loving men because you are one. I'm the same way when it comes to women. There's this deep connection that's already there between you and someone else of the same gender and that really helps in relationships whether they be sexual, romantic or both.
(Also, firefighters and doctors! YES!
😂)
Oh thank you so much for this. I am absolutely filled with joy that we can share our feelings. This is just so great. Love to read this.
woww we have such similar taste in men
I've somewhat given up trying to be in a relationship. I tried once but i know it won't work from the start and it turns out i was right.
Now I'm just focusing on trying to love myself Bi-myself.😅
Watching this though made me feel a little bit less lonely. 😊
Bro my mom and I had a conversation about gay couples, I said to her that you can't do something about it.. they just feel that way... And she says something like "yeah but that doesn't mean being a gay couple makes you happy" and am like mom! Am heterosexual, 26 and a virgin am not happy about my sexuality 🙃
If I could change my sexuality i would be bi or even better just be gay 👍
I just can't connect with today's women.. and I don't feel atractive to them when am around them and that really affected me in my self confidence
Hey thanks for sharing. It sounds like your Mother has some prejudice going on. Well done for having that chat with her. I’m sure she will learn a lot from you.
So true. You are welcome to join us if you ever feel curious 🥰😍😜
Same bro. 😥 hetero but never been in a relationship before.
I’m 26 also and I totally get it. As of today I’m questioning. Think about it though. You don’t have to be strong and perfect and never make a mistake. The pressure is off. You can let your guard down and cry. You don’t have to take the lead all the time. You can let go of expectations. I’ve never had this with a woman. And you know you’ve probably seen some guys before that are so handsome you’ve done a double take
I'm appreciate that you are being inclusive in your descriptions because I like all men: cisgender and transgender men. Transgender and cisgender men's bodies and genitalia are equality attractive and arousing to me.
The masculinity of a man - especially body hair 🫠 - is what is so sexually attractive and beautiful to me.
Masculinity is so addictive and I don't think most women really appreciate it because they've been taught to see men as primarily fathers to their future children and providers to the household. Whereas men are taught to be be visual and see the beauty of the human body. I see men as the raw, natural, beautiful masculine entities that they are.
Men should be told how beautiful they are more frequently.
Also, I like doing things to a man because I know how good it feels to have it done to me. It's like there is a connection of the experience between us.
I appreciate your comment and POV. But to clarify that ALOT of women also tend to experience forms of SA (primarily by men) which… if you’re a kid, teenager, or adult will tend to cloud your “appreciation” for the male gender.
Just something for you to keep in mind if you’re going to generalize “most women”🤔
@galaxylucia1898 I understand your comment and appreciate your reply. I do have a quibble, though. There is always an assumed generality of number when the terms "most" or "ALOT" are used.
"Most" may represent an overwhelming percent (99%) or a simple majority (50.0001%). "ALOT" may be even more ambiguous because the *context* of the assessment gives the estimate more importance and weight than just a percentage would.
For example, over 1 million people in the U.S. passed away because of C19. That is ALOT of people, but that number equates to 0.32%, which is a small percentage.
50.0001% is much larger than 0.32%, but the general use of the terms "most" and "ALOT" does not convey one is larger or smaller than the other and the use of these terms should not be assumed to diminish the validity of their use in both of our posts.
Yes, women have traumatic experiences that can lead to some women not appreciatiating the male form, but many of these women with traumatic experiences still marry men, have children with men, and enjoy being with the men they have chosen. No one is discounting that. I assume these women find their male partners attractive.
I simply spoke to the social conditioning women receive to see men as more than their bodies. It's changing, but social norms are hard to ignore.
Men are victims of SA, too. There are 1000s of men at Penn State and Ohio University who suffered systematic SA. The same goes for SA by religious clergy and SA in the military. Men are bullied by other men. Your post applies to these men, too.
Even with all of that shared SA trauma, there is still a difference in how male bodies are seen by men and women.
you are adorable!!!!!! I had a great time just listening to you.
Oh thank you!
That was beautifully explained. I am attracted to men sexually, physically and at the same time admire good looking men that I would love to look like. I know I can't and I have to be the best version of myself, but completely understand when he said that. I've never heard any other guy express that. ❤❤
I catch the eye of alot of bi guys this is insightful as to why
I appreciate your honesty on this topic if you ever make it to TO we would have a great time hanging out and talking.i have worked in the Construction field all my life 1 am 5'10 and strong as hell
Silver hair and matching beard i have always love the thought of being with women but have more experience with men..I would be interested about speaking with you more about your experiences.
I am a bi man, although I have only told a very select people in my life. I have wanted to come out at times, but most of the time, I am perfectly content where I am with it. I have always wondered what it would be like to be in a relationship with another man though, and that is probably my only regret of not coming out.
Wow, what a delicious explanation of men!
Super interesting! 👍
You literally described me what I like about men 😮
I love to take care of men, protect them, and even spoil them. But at the same time, I’m always in control, I’m rigorous in all aspects, and I set the pace.
I like this. I tend to be in control in every aspect of my life & I now I've grown tired of it. I often wonder would it be like to be with a guy that I can just let go with & be submissive. I love women, but I don't think I could find this sort of dynamic with any of them, without them thinking something is wrong with me, or even worse wanting to humilate or embarrass me for various reasons. The traditional male/female "roles" are tricky in that way.
I completely agree with you, you have good taste (I'm also attracted to these types of men)
Ah thanks
As a gay man who has dated bisexual men in the past. 90% of them eventually want to marry a women and have kids of their own and settle down.
Sadly, now I don’t mess with bisexual men if I’m looking for something serious.
Thanks for the interesting video
Such a beautiful and thoughtful share. I believe both genders are more bi than our culture allows us to express.
Absolutely!! Thanks so much.
i be the guy who prefers both roles in one man. it is EXTREMELY rare in my case, but in fact i had this opportunity several months ago now. it was glorious. have two in one is just absolutely fantastic as a preferably versatile man.
I think I’m coming into my bisexuality now more and more. For about 4 years, for some odd reason, I love men’s legs! Idk what it is but I immediately look down to them. Tank tops, muscles, certain hairstyles, bulges, certain earrings, necklaces, and other accessories, shorts, air forces for some reason? Skater boys, nerds, skinny boys in maid suits 🤣.
Hey thanks so much for just speaking that out. Me too. Guys are hot. How does it feel to say that?
@@notdefining pretty damn good actually!
So I'm pretty sure I'm bi myself, and I could relate with a lot of what you said especially the kind of dichotomy between the two types of guys! I think for me though I don't really have much attraction to the male form, so it's kind of like that I would be attracted to the physically bigger guy, or a boyish guy who would be attractive to me along the lines where you would find women attractive if that makes sense, like I would only really be attracted to a man that is pretty much gender non-conforming for that role but I would be ok with almost whatever a more dom man would look like as long as the roles were clear. I dunno if this makes sense. My lack of physical attraction to male form does make me wonder if I'm really bi or some kind of other identity.
Also as a guy who is sort of in-between being masculine or feminine I'm kind of neither, so I also wonder what sort of guy would be attracted to ME, like I would be neither of your types exactly lol
That makes total sense. You can be bi and just have more of a partial attraction to guys that is quite subtle or more of a closeness. Loads of bi people are like that. Totally valid.
"A-hole-is-a-hole" kinda guy?😂
Men are easy and simple from I heard other bisexual men. Women are hard to get.
It can feel that way yes.
No , to me men are just sexy , infact even in women i like women with fit body and muscles .