Attempted suicide in the past. After coming out of the hospital I started working as a nanny. My connection to my kids has been a deterrent to any further attempts. My kids and I have such a strong bond that I would never do anything to traumatized them and my death would be a trauma. I don't want to be here but I am resigned to the fact that suicide isn't an option.
I sometimes kind of panic at my therapist's blank impassive stare. I have a mini freak out, become consumed with shame, and freeze. lol. At this point she knows me and can help me out of the shame freezing when I ask.I have wasted whole sessions like a deer in the headlights, staring at my therapist.
I find it very comforting when my therapist cries “for” me or with me or for any other reason. Sometimes when I’ve had a “breakthrough” I can see tears in my therapists eyes and that tells me I’ve done something “right” . My previous therapist also did this. She would get teary when I would say something that maybe indicated some progress for me. It was very validating!
As someone who has been a huge Taylor Swift fan for a long time. I finally got to see her in concert last month. Now I find other things like her Taylor’s Version of Speak Now comes out in July and I have to be alive to experience all her re-recordings it sounds dumb but she is my safe space and keeps me alive
Doesn't sound dumb at all- love Taylor Swift- she has definitely helped me through some really hard times!😀 Sending love to you and everyone- we are all here for you and everyone in this community!😀
Thank you Kati for saying „I‘m glad you‘re here“. (Answering the question about guilt and shame after suicide attempts/ mental illness). I haven‘t ever felt like anyone - myself included - was glad that I exist.
This happens to me in therapy and I do tend to dissociate and lose my train of thought when I touch on certain people in my past. And then it brings to realization that I have trauma with that person that I may not have been addressing. So for me, I dissociate and can’t remember what to say.
I have to make this comment, because I never hear it talked about. The exercise thing. It doesn't help everyone. I know everyone says "it releases endorphins, it helps you feel better, etc" but for me, it doesn't. I suffer from chronic pain, and have for over a decade. Exercise makes me angry, irritable, and annoyed. I've *tried* going to the gym, I've *tried* exercise programs, I've *tried* finding something physically active that I enjoy, and the truth is, it's NOT helpful! Simply going to the gym and working out for a while will absolutely make me more angry and irritated than I was when I went in. If I find something I can enjoy, I'm only reminded on why I can't do those things consistently/more often/can't have them as a goal. Even hearing "Just go to the gym! Go get some exercise!" is aggravating for all the above reasons. I flat out do NOT get the endorphin release that people talk about from exercise, and I wish that was acknowledged, even just a little bit.
Ok I’ve tried and tried therapy. This is how it goes for me. As a teenager for the first time going, diagnosed with trichtillomania the 1 st thing the very 1st thing this guy asked me was “what do you do with the hairs?” I was done walked out. As an adult I had a complete nervous breakdwn, this therapist tells me, as I sit dwn, how bad his day has been. He’s so tired of hearing about this female Oakland county sheriff tht was getting abused by her alcoholic bf. Needless to say I gave up hope again. This past yr about to have another breakdwn, may have but had to continue moving on. I talk to a therapist, her fist comments were “wow I’m surprised he’s still with you” yep this is rt before I was diagnosed with BPD. The past yr my world, our world came crumbling dwn every time we turned around. Is I’m it up, I’m having a hard time finding someone, tht doesn’t send me on my way telling me to take the time to find out what I like to do. What I like to do is feel ok. I need dwn time I need time off work before I do end up on a mental home or worse. How do I tell a therapist or psych even though I’m saying exactly what I need, laying all my problems out for her, wht are the magic words to say HEY IM LOOSING MY MIND AND IF I DNT GET DWN TIME I’m going to completely loose it for good. The suicidality thinking isconstant. All it takes is one tiny little thing to rub me the wrong way and I wish I were dead. All because I can’t fight this feeling any more, day in and day out. Please help me. I have 2 apps next wk. one with a psychologist for meds and one is a therapist. How do I inform them this isn’t a game. I’m not seeking a vacation from work. I’ve never had a vacation ever in my adult life never. I jst need dwn time to be ok. Is tht not feesable
Thank you for answering my question and all the questions you do. This episode has meant the most to me for all the answers. It’s comfortable being suicidal. As you say time to be curious. I’m actually crying listening to this episode. To be happy is so scary. The attempts with the trauma I’ve caused others and myself. Thank you - I feel like you given me the permission to grieve the way my life is.
I started doing something i like to call 'micro-dosing' moments of joy.. it is overwhelming to feel too good for too long... start slow, maybe it can help you too. anything that makes you have a glimmmer of happiness. I started hula hooping.. now I do it every day 😊
I was literally talking to my best friend yesterday how much I can’t remember things when I go to therapy. Through the week I remind myself to talk about a specific subject and then right when I get to therapy, I go blank. This week I started to write down my thoughts and it’s helped so much! Thanks Kati for the Info! Just found your channel about a week ago and its been very informative. I’m getting my BA in PSY and after this fall semester I’ll be finished. Everything I’ve learned in school has been so interesting and so refreshing and now adding your videos to learn even more has been amazing!!
3 minutes in and your first thought does not miss! I am taken away at how that just makes so much sense. I witnessed in myself how therapy was more emotional thinking and relied on just satisfying my emotions (temporary) rather than put in the work towards the progression of evolving my emotions into thoughts, then taking action. Still got a long way to go, but I have emotionally/mentally matured so much ❤ Good luck to everyone on their journey.
thank you for knowing that it’s hard to even try to think to say out loud, it’s that far back. the “it” you just made me figure something big, thank you so much for being real and teaching.
comment on the daughter with sensory overload. Noise cancelling headphones helped my daughter tremendously with noisy places. Also, using a roller messager on her back and shoulders daily helped with the clothes feeling awful and putting marbles in a tray and rolling feet over the marbles daily helped with the shoes and socks that felt so uncomfortable.
I've had the SGB injection and I'm planning on getting it again. I felt like I had a brand new life. I recommend it to anyone with anxiety due to trauma. A lot of my physical issues went away too.
For me I often do have thoughts on ending it all but I am also scared to do it so I don't, I only think of it. After years on learning about psychology and mental health I have learned a lot about myself and found ways to help myself (I am bad at asking help and seeing that I would need it). I actually have few ways of thinking. It's either that I want to disappear or I want different type of life. Different type of life is like daydreaming type of thoughts while wanting to disappear is more of actually wanting to end it. The daydreaming type is now more common way of thinking and I don't see it as bad thing since I feel quite relaxed with those thoughts and I often use it to escape from reality but with disappearing thoughts I see them as warnings. I often get those thoughts if I am stressed or overwhelmed so I have learned that when I get the thoughts I need to check in with myself and check what is happening in my life. While often I cannot do much (which is why I feel stressed and overwhelmed in the first place), just knowing what is happening and why I am feeling the way I am is helpful so to those who have the thoughts I would suggest questioning yourself when do you get them? When do you not get them? What the thoughts are about? For me the thoughts are often about just not existing or just disappearing or sleeping and never waking up but maybe someone else has other thoughts and maybe it can explain more about why the thoughts are there in the first place. I believe just going through these questions and maybe if you are in therapy telling answers to the therapist can give you new views and answers on what to do with the thoughts. Also another thing some might find useful is writing. When you are in the mindset of having the thoughts of ending it all maybe try writing about it. Write what you think or feel. It can help understand that state as well. I was quite surprised after I did it because when I was not in that mind set and I read what I had written, it felt so strange and unreal. Sorry for long message and hopefully it makes sense to someone and maybe it might even offer some help to someone :3
I love to watch Kati Morton and all that she says but when the question was asked "why we wouldn't want to do that?" (In regards to exercise) My body screams so I apologize in advance of this is strongly worded response, I mean no I'll will this is just the big emotions in me. My answer for why do I not want to exercise is because "I DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH SPOONS! One I can't feel any f-ing endorphins all I feel is MORE tired, more not enough energy to clean, or cook, or work or all the things that I have to survive. And yet I wake up in pain every day and have to exercise. The Drs STILL tell me to exercise more. When I was at 10 miles a day it is still "more exercise" but then the dishes didn't get done. One can take their "you just need to exercise and you will feel better" and stuff it!"
And it *is* on the feelings wheel, or at least this one: uca.edu/bewell/files/2020/11/Feelings-Wheel-Learn-How-to-Label-Your-Feelings.pdf Putting it under "angry" seems like an odd choice, though. Actually, a lot of that hierarchy doesn't make much sense to me.
Suppose you walk into a dark room. You know someone is in the room, but you can't see them. The emotional equivalent of that is what I would call feeling numb. It's not absence of feeling, it's being in the presence of feelings but unable to experience them.
On the question about feeling like there is no point to life/feeling that way for a decade or more: I agree with Kati's answer. I also wonder if exploring existential therapy would help this person. The depression, yes. Of course. But I know someone who had similar thoughts and moods for a long time and once he really grappled with life and death and meaning, and all those big questions, he was finally able to let go and move forward with his life. Like Kati said, the answers to those big questions are unique to us all. I think it also is useful to explore what we can control and what we cannot - agonising over "what is the point" could be a response to wanting to control things and achieve more certainty. All these things of course do not help our moods and staying in that space for so long is likely to become a persistent depression. For my friend, he also struggled with "feeling" the world's problems too much. Global warming, poverty, wars etc... for him it was all part of, I think, trying to make sense of the vastness of this world and life, what is in and out of our control, and what his role in it all is (and the pressure to even consider our own roles). But anyway...it's a thought. Irvin D, Yalom writes a fair but about existential therapy.
I can somewhat relate to those that I’ve had suicidal thoughts for years. I had suicidal thoughts daily most of the day for over three years. I do also have anxiety and depression diagnosis that tie into this. I tried lots of medications which only helped a bit. Finally, last fall I met with the doctor in our clinics psych department and started iv ketamine treatments. I didn’t think that the suicidal thoughts would go away but the ketamine treatments have helped immensely so that I could pull out of the depression more and the suicidal thoughts began to lessen so that I could focus on healing with my therapist and working on skills and thoughts. Trying ketamine, if this is something available in your area, may be something to bring up. I do still have some suicidal thoughts occasionally but they are more like a fleeting thought and then goes away and almost forgotten. I just wanted to share in hopes that maybe this could be an option for others.
Big Noooo on the assumption depressed people avoid exercising because they want to stay in comfy depression. At least this is not the only explanation. In my personal experience it’s more a fear of being present in your body because than you’ll be confronted with bottled up/dissociated from emotions. I yet haven’t felt any endorphins just from exercising. (I do agree on the staying comfy in your Depression part though. But with a different angle. I experienced depression as an addiction, which makes a lot of sense to me because if you’ve experienced trauma, depression might be an unconscious coping mechanism in the same way addiction can be.
Thanks for bringing this up. (I think this was just a slip up on Kati's part.) My alarm bells went off when she mentioned this as well. I know I have a tendency to be still as much as possible because my PTSD symptoms get triggered if I begin feeling my body. Feelings in my body elicit dissociation. So for sure, moving doesn't always bring about good feelings.
Yeah, I actually used exercise to feel even more terrible and depressed and weak. As I got my ADD meds and therapy started helping, the effect of exercise started tipping from less negative to neutral to occasionally positive. Sometimes it helps but other times it's just another reason to beat myself up for something.
@@danettesoukup7395 I struggle with ptsd as well. I am coming to terms with the fact that feeling my body and experiencing all the emotions that come up is the only path to healing. I dissociate as well, and I'm finding ways to stay present and actually prevent dissociative episodes. Unfortunately, we have to fully experience the feelings we couldn't feel when we were traumatized in order to fully digest what happened so we can move forward. I wish you the best on your healing journey.
good afternoon everyone how has your week been I hope everyone in the comments has been manging there mental health the best they can I'm here spreading care and support and love to everyone here ❤🧡💜💛
I've struggled with suicidal ideation. What helped was giving myself permission to see it as an option. I hate double standards and injustice so I tried various definitions of "shitty enough not to be worth living" for _ other people _ . Since I found none that would be universal and humane, I decided I couldn't make an "acceptable to kms checklist" either. I realized I had agency in life at the exact age my abuser told me I could "decide for myself." The abuse had ended years ago but some scared part was still watching the clock and judging myself for "wasting the amazing gift" (of being abused by one parent instead of two) and not "living my best life." When I challenged those thoughts I realized that there were no universal definitions of "wasting one's life" or "the best life", i.e. I was in real pain over made-up crap that only ever hurt me.
As someone who has struggled with suicide thoughts since i was a wee child (idk why) i have now in my 27 years found myself being extremely mad at younger me.. Be present in the moment and just "exist".. Yea i too have days where my only wish is to just disappear, but have to yank myself out of that spiral and remember that i'm looking forward to play tabletop Role Play with my friends! Or that i really wanna learn how to play the guitar.. I have wasted my entire life wishing i could just die, while everyone else have been living, and where am i now? I'm living in the same world they are, i missed out on fun bc i wanted to be sad, and honestly i have to live till i'm 90 i might as well try and enjoy, plan my days, do things i want to and just be. I cant travel, as i can't work much, but i can do other things every day that also makes me happy, i cannot recommend enough, finding a hobby and other people to share it with - my hobby has always been gaming and being creative and they keep me socialized and reminds me of another way to see the world.
My wife has CPTSD from a relationship she had in the past. She had suppressed memories and came back to her in year 14 of our marriage 3 years ago. Since then she has been in therapy and has me go w/her to therapy. I love and support my wife. She has to sleep alone because she is hypervigulent during evenings when and has flashbacks/nightmare at night and it retraumatizes her. So we have to sleep in different rooms because she is both scared at night and ashamed of her night tears/flashbacks and thinks I’ll leave her if I see then. I know there’s nothing I can do to help her but support and love her. It’s so hard to not be able to sleep next her for last 3 years. I do 1 hour of counseling w/her every Friday or she is to afraid to go w/out me. Does anyone else who is the supporting spouse or partner have trouble taking things personally at times?
I Was diagnosed with Autism & ADHD in 2021 I was 39. I'm 42 next Thursday. The little girl who was biting herself, does sound like ASD. People on the Spectrum often self-harm, including picking scabs skin etc. I've been In therapy Since I was 12 years old. And It Has not gotten me any closer to Healing at all. I may need to change the place I go to therapy and get a whole new Therapist. My current one is great but she Isn't A trauma therapist. I've Gone thru a lot of different trauma for example, Childhood sexual abuse, my parents making me get an abortion at 19 years old, A cat attacking me at 8, my mother being a Narcissist/Alcoholic. My mom and dad passing away both from cancer. My 8 year old daughter was taken from my home by dcf aka cps in feb 2023 when my daughter was only 7 years old.
Replying about the long term suicidal thoughts. Mine have been going on strongly for about 20 years. Sometimes they are very strong and everyday. I periodically work on it. Right now, I am working on it a lot with all my Healthcare providers. My therapist and I just talked a long time about it being "obsessive" thinking related to OCD (psychiatrist also recently brought up the OCD diagnosis). I agree that sometimes it is "obsessive" other times I see the thoughts differently. But we are working, in homework and sessions, on the OCD aspect. First time for this approach. I'm hesitant to say I'm hopeful but do think it could help. Fingers crossed.
My mind used to go blank because I had sooooo much stuff to share but didn’t know where to start. Now I just start anywhere and basically do word vomit but I still try to give my therapist time to talk and help me but she doesn’t do now I’m looking for someone else.
With regards to the therapist who is feeling the client's feelings, I also believe it's wrong. It's not so much of feeling with them as it is feeling FOR them. I had a boyfriend that used to get angry for me. It really irritated me because it was almost like he was taking my feelings away from me.
I don't talk in therapy because I'm mad at my parents and nothing she can do will change the past. That, and I'm tired, so very tired of talking about my problems
AKA & OTDM PODCASTS .hello Kati just watching and listing to this new AKA mental health podcast very good and all important questions also some triggering to me I can defiantly relate to question 1 AND 2 listening to the peoples questions for 1 and 2 made me feel sad and anxious and reminds me of myself how I act and what happens to me in my video call therapy sessions with my Therapist my mind often goes blank during my video call sessions I end up having a lot of thoughts and things in my head before my therapy session and after therapy I struggle during my sessions often having anxiety . this question was helpful also your answer to this question I hate myself to and admit I felt upset and sad and kind off overwhelmed about question 2 because I often feel the same way about life and living but I also realise and understand its my depression giving me those feelings/ thoughts/ and emotions /about life and living like often the voice in our heads are so loud😥 I love your soft caring calming voice Kati and your mental health podcasts they are always part of my week❤❤❤
logos... control is a human fallacy ethos... judgement & perception manifest the facade of control pathos... personality temperaments show human cognition ends in J &/or P
I don’t agree that someone needs to apologize to someone when they have an episode of mental illness. It is a disease. Not a choice. I’ve belonged to the anxiety depression and PTSD from childhood trauma. I started on meds at 30 and am still on them at 67. I am so weary.
Because you think "Why am I paying someone to tell me what everyone I meet should be telling me for free" Do we have to monetise everything, does capatilsm have to take over every aspect of our life Can we not just help each other and give each other advice and talk and be friends The world has gone mad
I agree that paying to talk to someone is weird but I usually remind myself that therapists have spent years learning how to be supportive and unbiased. The quality of help is very different from what most people can offer.
Timestamps!
Q1 - 1:10
Q2 - 13:22
Q3 - 26:40
Q4 - 42:59
Q5 - 51:11
Q6 - 56:08
Q7 - 1:02:48
Q8 - 1:07:45
Q9 - 1:11:26
Attempted suicide in the past. After coming out of the hospital I started working as a nanny. My connection to my kids has been a deterrent to any further attempts. My kids and I have such a strong bond that I would never do anything to traumatized them and my death would be a trauma. I don't want to be here but I am resigned to the fact that suicide isn't an option.
Thanks for being ❤✌🏻
I sometimes kind of panic at my therapist's blank impassive stare. I have a mini freak out, become consumed with shame, and freeze. lol. At this point she knows me and can help me out of the shame freezing when I ask.I have wasted whole sessions like a deer in the headlights, staring at my therapist.
I find it very comforting when my therapist cries “for” me or with me or for any other reason. Sometimes when I’ve had a “breakthrough” I can see tears in my therapists eyes and that tells me I’ve done something “right” . My previous therapist also did this. She would get teary when I would say something that maybe indicated some progress for me. It was very validating!
As someone who has been a huge Taylor Swift fan for a long time. I finally got to see her in concert last month. Now I find other things like her Taylor’s Version of Speak Now comes out in July and I have to be alive to experience all her re-recordings it sounds dumb but she is my safe space and keeps me alive
Doesn't sound dumb at all- love Taylor Swift- she has definitely helped me through some really hard times!😀 Sending love to you and everyone- we are all here for you and everyone in this community!😀
❤I love her “Red” album.
Thank you Kati for saying „I‘m glad you‘re here“. (Answering the question about guilt and shame after suicide attempts/ mental illness).
I haven‘t ever felt like anyone - myself included - was glad that I exist.
I am glad you exist. You matter. Your ripple effect in this world is felt by so many souls that you have yet to meet. 🙌✨♥️ Stay safe, my friend.
This happens to me in therapy and I do tend to dissociate and lose my train of thought when I touch on certain people in my past. And then it brings to realization that I have trauma with that person that I may not have been addressing. So for me, I dissociate and can’t remember what to say.
I have to make this comment, because I never hear it talked about. The exercise thing. It doesn't help everyone. I know everyone says "it releases endorphins, it helps you feel better, etc" but for me, it doesn't. I suffer from chronic pain, and have for over a decade. Exercise makes me angry, irritable, and annoyed. I've *tried* going to the gym, I've *tried* exercise programs, I've *tried* finding something physically active that I enjoy, and the truth is, it's NOT helpful! Simply going to the gym and working out for a while will absolutely make me more angry and irritated than I was when I went in. If I find something I can enjoy, I'm only reminded on why I can't do those things consistently/more often/can't have them as a goal. Even hearing "Just go to the gym! Go get some exercise!" is aggravating for all the above reasons. I flat out do NOT get the endorphin release that people talk about from exercise, and I wish that was acknowledged, even just a little bit.
Ok I’ve tried and tried therapy. This is how it goes for me. As a teenager for the first time going, diagnosed with trichtillomania the 1 st thing the very 1st thing this guy asked me was “what do you do with the hairs?” I was done walked out. As an adult I had a complete nervous breakdwn, this therapist tells me, as I sit dwn, how bad his day has been. He’s so tired of hearing about this female Oakland county sheriff tht was getting abused by her alcoholic bf. Needless to say I gave up hope again. This past yr about to have another breakdwn, may have but had to continue moving on. I talk to a therapist, her fist comments were “wow I’m surprised he’s still with you” yep this is rt before I was diagnosed with BPD. The past yr my world, our world came crumbling dwn every time we turned around. Is I’m it up, I’m having a hard time finding someone, tht doesn’t send me on my way telling me to take the time to find out what I like to do. What I like to do is feel ok. I need dwn time I need time off work before I do end up on a mental home or worse. How do I tell a therapist or psych even though I’m saying exactly what I need, laying all my problems out for her, wht are the magic words to say HEY IM LOOSING MY MIND AND IF I DNT GET DWN TIME I’m going to completely loose it for good. The suicidality thinking isconstant. All it takes is one tiny little thing to rub me the wrong way and I wish I were dead. All because I can’t fight this feeling any more, day in and day out. Please help me. I have 2 apps next wk. one with a psychologist for meds and one is a therapist. How do I inform them this isn’t a game. I’m not seeking a vacation from work. I’ve never had a vacation ever in my adult life never. I jst need dwn time to be ok. Is tht not feesable
I would write notes in-between sessions of anything I wanted to talk about and take them into the session to remind me.
Thank you for answering my question and all the questions you do. This episode has meant the most to me for all the answers. It’s comfortable being suicidal. As you say time to be curious. I’m actually crying listening to this episode. To be happy is so scary. The attempts with the trauma I’ve caused others and myself. Thank you - I feel like you given me the permission to grieve the way my life is.
I started doing something i like to call 'micro-dosing' moments of joy.. it is overwhelming to feel too good for too long... start slow, maybe it can help you too. anything that makes you have a glimmmer of happiness. I started hula hooping.. now I do it every day 😊
She explains it at beginning of podcast.
I was literally talking to my best friend yesterday how much I can’t remember things when I go to therapy. Through the week I remind myself to talk about a specific subject and then right when I get to therapy, I go blank. This week I started to write down my thoughts and it’s helped so much! Thanks Kati for the Info! Just found your channel about a week ago and its been very informative. I’m getting my BA in PSY and after this fall semester I’ll be finished. Everything I’ve learned in school has been so interesting and so refreshing and now adding your videos to learn even more has been amazing!!
3 minutes in and your first thought does not miss! I am taken away at how that just makes so much sense. I witnessed in myself how therapy was more emotional thinking and relied on just satisfying my emotions (temporary) rather than put in the work towards the progression of evolving my emotions into thoughts, then taking action. Still got a long way to go, but I have emotionally/mentally matured so much ❤ Good luck to everyone on their journey.
I look forward to AKA every week. ❤
thank you for knowing that it’s hard to even try to think to say out loud, it’s that far back. the “it”
you just made me figure something big, thank you so much for being real and teaching.
comment on the daughter with sensory overload. Noise cancelling headphones helped my daughter tremendously with noisy places. Also, using a roller messager on her back and shoulders daily helped with the clothes feeling awful and putting marbles in a tray and rolling feet over the marbles daily helped with the shoes and socks that felt so uncomfortable.
I've had the SGB injection and I'm planning on getting it again. I felt like I had a brand new life. I recommend it to anyone with anxiety due to trauma. A lot of my physical issues went away too.
I’ve wondered about this for ages! I’ve got bad chronic pain and a lot of trauma so seems like an interesting fix
For me I often do have thoughts on ending it all but I am also scared to do it so I don't, I only think of it. After years on learning about psychology and mental health I have learned a lot about myself and found ways to help myself (I am bad at asking help and seeing that I would need it).
I actually have few ways of thinking. It's either that I want to disappear or I want different type of life. Different type of life is like daydreaming type of thoughts while wanting to disappear is more of actually wanting to end it. The daydreaming type is now more common way of thinking and I don't see it as bad thing since I feel quite relaxed with those thoughts and I often use it to escape from reality but with disappearing thoughts I see them as warnings. I often get those thoughts if I am stressed or overwhelmed so I have learned that when I get the thoughts I need to check in with myself and check what is happening in my life.
While often I cannot do much (which is why I feel stressed and overwhelmed in the first place), just knowing what is happening and why I am feeling the way I am is helpful so to those who have the thoughts I would suggest questioning yourself when do you get them? When do you not get them? What the thoughts are about?
For me the thoughts are often about just not existing or just disappearing or sleeping and never waking up but maybe someone else has other thoughts and maybe it can explain more about why the thoughts are there in the first place. I believe just going through these questions and maybe if you are in therapy telling answers to the therapist can give you new views and answers on what to do with the thoughts.
Also another thing some might find useful is writing. When you are in the mindset of having the thoughts of ending it all maybe try writing about it. Write what you think or feel. It can help understand that state as well. I was quite surprised after I did it because when I was not in that mind set and I read what I had written, it felt so strange and unreal.
Sorry for long message and hopefully it makes sense to someone and maybe it might even offer some help to someone :3
I love to watch Kati Morton and all that she says but when the question was asked "why we wouldn't want to do that?" (In regards to exercise) My body screams so I apologize in advance of this is strongly worded response, I mean no I'll will this is just the big emotions in me.
My answer for why do I not want to exercise is because "I DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH SPOONS! One I can't feel any f-ing endorphins all I feel is MORE tired, more not enough energy to clean, or cook, or work or all the things that I have to survive. And yet I wake up in pain every day and have to exercise. The Drs STILL tell me to exercise more. When I was at 10 miles a day it is still "more exercise" but then the dishes didn't get done. One can take their "you just need to exercise and you will feel better" and stuff it!"
Thx for saying one way relationships being un healthy and a caretaking role.
There is a distinct feeling that I would label "numb". I think there's more than absence going on.
And it *is* on the feelings wheel, or at least this one: uca.edu/bewell/files/2020/11/Feelings-Wheel-Learn-How-to-Label-Your-Feelings.pdf
Putting it under "angry" seems like an odd choice, though. Actually, a lot of that hierarchy doesn't make much sense to me.
Suppose you walk into a dark room. You know someone is in the room, but you can't see them.
The emotional equivalent of that is what I would call feeling numb. It's not absence of feeling, it's being in the presence of feelings but unable to experience them.
On the question about feeling like there is no point to life/feeling that way for a decade or more: I agree with Kati's answer. I also wonder if exploring existential therapy would help this person. The depression, yes. Of course. But I know someone who had similar thoughts and moods for a long time and once he really grappled with life and death and meaning, and all those big questions, he was finally able to let go and move forward with his life. Like Kati said, the answers to those big questions are unique to us all. I think it also is useful to explore what we can control and what we cannot - agonising over "what is the point" could be a response to wanting to control things and achieve more certainty. All these things of course do not help our moods and staying in that space for so long is likely to become a persistent depression. For my friend, he also struggled with "feeling" the world's problems too much. Global warming, poverty, wars etc... for him it was all part of, I think, trying to make sense of the vastness of this world and life, what is in and out of our control, and what his role in it all is (and the pressure to even consider our own roles).
But anyway...it's a thought. Irvin D, Yalom writes a fair but about existential therapy.
Numb is not a feeling... really? Ugh! Ok another thing I've learned. So glad you're on line Kati
I can somewhat relate to those that I’ve had suicidal thoughts for years. I had suicidal thoughts daily most of the day for over three years. I do also have anxiety and depression diagnosis that tie into this. I tried lots of medications which only helped a bit. Finally, last fall I met with the doctor in our clinics psych department and started iv ketamine treatments. I didn’t think that the suicidal thoughts would go away but the ketamine treatments have helped immensely so that I could pull out of the depression more and the suicidal thoughts began to lessen so that I could focus on healing with my therapist and working on skills and thoughts. Trying ketamine, if this is something available in your area, may be something to bring up. I do still have some suicidal thoughts occasionally but they are more like a fleeting thought and then goes away and almost forgotten. I just wanted to share in hopes that maybe this could be an option for others.
Big Noooo on the assumption depressed people avoid exercising because they want to stay in comfy depression. At least this is not the only explanation. In my personal experience it’s more a fear of being present in your body because than you’ll be confronted with bottled up/dissociated from emotions. I yet haven’t felt any endorphins just from exercising. (I do agree on the staying comfy in your Depression part though. But with a different angle. I experienced depression as an addiction, which makes a lot of sense to me because if you’ve experienced trauma, depression might be an unconscious coping mechanism in the same way addiction can be.
Thanks for bringing this up. (I think this was just a slip up on Kati's part.) My alarm bells went off when she mentioned this as well. I know I have a tendency to be still as much as possible because my PTSD symptoms get triggered if I begin feeling my body. Feelings in my body elicit dissociation. So for sure, moving doesn't always bring about good feelings.
I don't exercise as much as I should because I'm dismotivated. The only reason I get any exercise is because I want to walk my dog to make her happy.
Yeah, I actually used exercise to feel even more terrible and depressed and weak. As I got my ADD meds and therapy started helping, the effect of exercise started tipping from less negative to neutral to occasionally positive. Sometimes it helps but other times it's just another reason to beat myself up for something.
@@danettesoukup7395 I struggle with ptsd as well. I am coming to terms with the fact that feeling my body and experiencing all the emotions that come up is the only path to healing. I dissociate as well, and I'm finding ways to stay present and actually prevent dissociative episodes. Unfortunately, we have to fully experience the feelings we couldn't feel when we were traumatized in order to fully digest what happened so we can move forward. I wish you the best on your healing journey.
good afternoon everyone how has your week been I hope everyone in the comments has been manging there mental health the best they can I'm here spreading care and support and love to everyone here ❤🧡💜💛
Mental health awareness month was so fun! ❤ love it! It’s more fun bc I understand it now 😂 lol
I've struggled with suicidal ideation. What helped was giving myself permission to see it as an option. I hate double standards and injustice so I tried various definitions of "shitty enough not to be worth living" for _ other people _ . Since I found none that would be universal and humane, I decided I couldn't make an "acceptable to kms checklist" either.
I realized I had agency in life at the exact age my abuser told me I could "decide for myself." The abuse had ended years ago but some scared part was still watching the clock and judging myself for "wasting the amazing gift" (of being abused by one parent instead of two) and not "living my best life." When I challenged those thoughts I realized that there were no universal definitions of "wasting one's life" or "the best life", i.e. I was in real pain over made-up crap that only ever hurt me.
"lost in our own chaos" just summed up my entire personality 🤣
As someone who has struggled with suicide thoughts since i was a wee child (idk why) i have now in my 27 years found myself being extremely mad at younger me..
Be present in the moment and just "exist".. Yea i too have days where my only wish is to just disappear, but have to yank myself out of that spiral and remember that i'm looking forward to play tabletop Role Play with my friends! Or that i really wanna learn how to play the guitar..
I have wasted my entire life wishing i could just die, while everyone else have been living, and where am i now? I'm living in the same world they are, i missed out on fun bc i wanted to be sad, and honestly i have to live till i'm 90 i might as well try and enjoy, plan my days, do things i want to and just be.
I cant travel, as i can't work much, but i can do other things every day that also makes me happy, i cannot recommend enough, finding a hobby and other people to share it with - my hobby has always been gaming and being creative and they keep me socialized and reminds me of another way to see the world.
OMG, you are truly so informative thank you
Happy Thursday Kati ❤
Love this! Thank you so much for your insight! ❤
"same thing I do every month, mental health awareness" hahahaha :)
My wife has CPTSD from a relationship she had in the past. She had suppressed memories and came back to her in year 14 of our marriage 3 years ago. Since then she has been in therapy and has me go w/her to therapy. I love and support my wife. She has to sleep alone because she is hypervigulent during evenings when and has flashbacks/nightmare at night and it retraumatizes her. So we have to sleep in different rooms because she is both scared at night and ashamed of her night tears/flashbacks and thinks I’ll leave her if I see then. I know there’s nothing I can do to help her but support and love her. It’s so hard to not be able to sleep next her for last 3 years. I do 1 hour of counseling w/her every Friday or she is to afraid to go w/out me. Does anyone else who is the supporting spouse or partner have trouble taking things personally at times?
I Was diagnosed with Autism & ADHD in 2021 I was 39. I'm 42 next Thursday. The little girl who was biting herself, does sound like ASD. People on the Spectrum often self-harm, including picking scabs skin etc. I've been In therapy Since I was 12 years old.
And It Has not gotten me any closer to Healing at all. I may need to change the place I go to therapy and get a whole new Therapist. My current one is great but she Isn't A trauma therapist. I've Gone thru a lot of different trauma for example, Childhood sexual abuse, my parents making me get an abortion at 19 years old, A cat attacking me at 8, my mother being a Narcissist/Alcoholic. My mom and dad passing away both from cancer. My 8 year old daughter was taken from my home by dcf aka cps in feb 2023 when my daughter was only 7 years old.
Replying about the long term suicidal thoughts. Mine have been going on strongly for about 20 years. Sometimes they are very strong and everyday. I periodically work on it. Right now, I am working on it a lot with all my Healthcare providers. My therapist and I just talked a long time about it being "obsessive" thinking related to OCD (psychiatrist also recently brought up the OCD diagnosis). I agree that sometimes it is "obsessive" other times I see the thoughts differently. But we are working, in homework and sessions, on the OCD aspect. First time for this approach. I'm hesitant to say I'm hopeful but do think it could help. Fingers crossed.
My mind used to go blank because I had sooooo much stuff to share but didn’t know where to start. Now I just start anywhere and basically do word vomit but I still try to give my therapist time to talk and help me but she doesn’t do now I’m looking for someone else.
Thank you so much💕💕💕💕💕💕
I’ve been addicted to the good doctor 😂❤
With regards to the therapist who is feeling the client's feelings, I also believe it's wrong. It's not so much of feeling with them as it is feeling FOR them. I had a boyfriend that used to get angry for me. It really irritated me because it was almost like he was taking my feelings away from me.
This is so true! My mom does this! But I wish therapists cared. I got rid of my last therapist because to me she didn’t care enough.
I don't talk in therapy because I'm mad at my parents and nothing she can do will change the past. That, and I'm tired, so very tired of talking about my problems
@@shahilagh Um, no. Get tf outta here
AKA & OTDM PODCASTS .hello Kati just watching and listing to this new AKA mental health podcast very good and all important questions also some triggering to me I can defiantly relate to question 1 AND 2 listening to the peoples questions for 1 and 2 made me feel sad and anxious and reminds me of myself how I act and what happens to me in my video call therapy sessions with my Therapist my mind often goes blank during my video call sessions I end up having a lot of thoughts and things in my head before my therapy session and after therapy I struggle during my sessions often having anxiety . this question was helpful also your answer to this question I hate myself to and admit I felt upset and sad and kind off overwhelmed about question 2 because I often feel the same way about life and living but I also realise and understand its my depression giving me those feelings/ thoughts/ and emotions /about life and living like often the voice in our heads are so loud😥 I love your soft caring calming voice Kati and your mental health podcasts they are always part of my week❤❤❤
...curse of knowledge ...& new aversion
My therapist keeps asking what I'm feeling, I've said my brain is numb, and I don't know what you want me to say.
logos... control is a human fallacy ethos... judgement & perception manifest the facade of control pathos... personality temperaments show human cognition ends in J &/or P
Hannah Uiri has some wonderful trauma informed yoga videos on youtube!
I get mad when I stop
I don’t agree that someone needs to apologize to someone when they have an episode of mental illness. It is a disease. Not a choice. I’ve belonged to the anxiety depression and PTSD from childhood trauma. I started on meds at 30 and am still on them at 67. I am so weary.
Notes are great. Crying therapists not so much.
Find a therapist who does walk and talk therapy. Great for depression
1st.
Because you think "Why am I paying someone to tell me what everyone I meet should be telling me for free" Do we have to monetise everything, does capatilsm have to take over every aspect of our life
Can we not just help each other and give each other advice and talk and be friends
The world has gone mad
I agree that paying to talk to someone is weird but I usually remind myself that therapists have spent years learning how to be supportive and unbiased. The quality of help is very different from what most people can offer.
You're paying for the outside perspective. Friends are too close to your life situation to help you properly at times.