I went from being passive and "nice" to being assertive and directly seeking conflict!😤 Parents should stop teaching thier kids to be obedient and not to say no.
In my home its same , that effect in my childhood is what iam experiencing now ,i don't know how to reject ,i will look every possibilities of output and it make me worse , i know.i don't know how to speak up for myself in public. I panic too much that time i can't able to explain or express what iam going to tell so they will not understand and they think that the problems is due to me . Now studying and working on myself trying to improve.sometimes i feel like i don't belong but whatever i don't know when iam going to make it but i will stay consistent.
I have severe anxiety about confrontation. Even when I know I'm right, my nerves shut down. I cannot stand up for myself, I was basically trained from a young age to be quiet, that my thoughts and words were stupid and I was always wrong. Through school, family, jobs, I have been abused and belittled so much, even when I try to stand up for myself it just gets brushed aside.
My eyes used to get watery when thinking about conflict. Now ive started using the energy of anger. I dont burst out in anger or anything but internally I imagine burning the coals of anger, to be assertive.
Pretty weird case here on my end LOL: I did prison time and did stand up for myself, but when I came home and lived with my parents, who supported me a ton while away, I basically became submissive to their ways especially since they retired and basically mirrored them with a bed time, no girlfriends, no friends, no going out, quiet, and let them kinda just sway me. Not their fault- i didnt want to offend them or worry them or go against them for fear of conflict and guilt, but this led me to becoming extremely neurotic for a 30 year old dude who used to have pretty normal circumstances. I am now breaking out of this, it is very tough.
You’ll be good. Know how it feels. I found honestly trying to communicate with my mum and saying sorry broke down the walls. We become best of friends. She was hiding behind walls too. We found things in common too.❤
This has been an issue for me since a young age. People used and took advantage of my not standing up for myself. Completely unforgiveable! As I've gotten older, I realize it says more about them than it does about me.
I grew up in a family where you are suppressed and not allowed to talk when you need to. I always feel I am inferior to other people and it has affected my entire life. Thanks for this video, I will stand up to myself
Today, i stood up to a bully i have been dealing with for weeks. I hit him in a fit of anger while my heart felt like it was racing at 180bps, i came out of the situation feeling like the worse person because of how i’ve handled other situations compared to this one. I got home and searched up “why am i anxious for standing up for myself?” and this video came up, it is soothing my brains issues. Thank you, Dr Aziz.
Proud of you wish I had this courage in the past but were getting there. I have ig a bully too atm and I'm tired of being in fear of not standing up for myself, I need to learn to be quick on my feet and not show my fear
Good for you buddy. You have to be proud that you stood up for yourself. You are brave, not everyone could do that. Now, that bully is going to think twice before picking on you again.
I understand that and I’m a woman. I get that there is great pressure on men to be alpha and the tough ones. It does feel like you’re admitting to something that puts us in the lesser position. Except in reality it makes us human. It makes us intelligent and aware of ourselves. It makes us stronger because we then can talk about it and how to find solutions. Keeping quiet about it gets nowhere. So maybe we could say instead ‘I’m strong enough to say I avoid conflict and I’m learning new skills to deal with it’. Chin up. The fact you’re here listening and learning makes you the kind of human being we need more of.
I can stand up for myself but the problem is the moment other person gets upset or disappointed and does not talk to me or gives me silent treatment I go weak in my knees and I get so anxious it becomes unbearable and I start fixing things by doing all the possible things whether I like it or not till the other person is happy and normal with me.But this is not the end after that I am filled with anger and resentment towards that person and again the same cycle goes on…I really want to overcome this fear of rejection and be bold and be ok to disappoint people and move on peacefully…
We are experiencing the same thing. We want harmony, however we have to stand our ground and not falter. Because at the end of the day, later in life, all of these wont matter. What matters is how it is going to affect your mental health later on. You either want to be proud because you stood your ground or feel resentment and anger because you let these people walk over you. If they don't talk to you, that is ok let them be as long as you do your job. Don't try to win them over either because they will lose more respect towards you. If you are having a hard time and need some emotional support, try calling your trusted friend.
You probably faltered a lot that is why they kept doing it to you because they know that you don't have the back bone to stand your ground when you stand up for yourself. They know they can manipulate you by using silence and etc. Do the same thing to them, don't be afraid to use silent treatment as well. These people won't matter when you get old, when you get sick they won't be there for you. When you die, these people won't be at your funeral. So don't give too much importance to what they think. I know it is easier said than done, but we have to do it, there is no other way around it. I am the same way, but I'm working on it.
I really love how everyone would come out and be honest about themselves, it helps others like myself know that there're others out there and they are not the only one going through he'll. Thank you ❤😢
This one hit me so hard today. A few days ago I asked a girl on a bus stop how she was doing, and she was so blown away that someone would actually ask her. She said: “I wanna do those kinds of things too, just seeing people around me, but I’m not there yet. Maybe it comes with time?! I’m only 18. I wish I would’ve answered her: no, actually It doesn’t come with time it comes with practice. You have to start at some point and it will be awkward, but a healthy social life is not about avoiding awkwardness, it’s about getting good at handling it WHEN it happens
So refreshing to see a young mind operating on a functional level instead of being in a social media induced mental coma with no self awareness and even less situational awareness. You alone have given me hope for the future of our young adults. NEVER STOP THINKING!!
I’ve always tried to avoid conflict my whole life and now I work in an industry where I’m constantly surrounded by volatile, dramatic, manipulative, and unpredictable people. I know they can smell pushovers so I desperately need to get better at this ASAP.
Thinking for myself Has been my theme lately Being myself Even if others disapprove 👎 Learning to know who I am even if my family disapproves of me *This was the hardest* I think facing conflict is so uncomfortable because deep down we think something is wrong with us. Which makes it so hard because we're so self critical & hard on ourselves.
Heya, I've been trying to be more assertive with my family too and it's not easy man. I'm with you there, but it's worth it. Keep it up, and take care bruv.
I used to cry just if someone did something wrong to be and did not apologize to me for it or I would cry if I had to stand up for myself. But overtime I had to learn that crying did not get me anywhere and I should be angry and disappointed with the person not too disappointed and rude and aggressive just to not make me not cry 😢. Because when I cried I would feel embarrassed and pitiful. And I had a problem with smiling and laughing too. So people didn’t take me seriously.Update it’s way much better now and I can keep a straight face without crying and without laughing and yes I’m also learning to defend myself physically and how to run away!😅
After reading books, looking at video’s, quotes etc: I’ve handled many difficult situations, knowing my personal rights is very enlightening, I am still practicing being assertive with some situations. Just know the anxious feelings do subside with practice and time.
i’m 15 years old and facing a major conflict within my friend group. one person gives me major anxiety, the way they talk to me and the way they manipulate others in the group and myself (in the past) to make another person in the group the “bad guy”. they were my bestest friend and all of a sudden, gone. i wanna stand up for myself but whenever i get a call from them or any of my other friends who agree with that manipulative friend i always start to panic. my heart beat increases and my head becomes fuzzy. everyone is telling me to stand up for myself but i don’t know how
Have you looked into things like ‘How to be assertive’? It’s a skill and I found a course tests so that helped step by step in what to say, the words to use and ways I could implement that. I’m still learning clearly. I’m 50 years old and my best friend of 20 Years treats me similarly to yours. It’s finally time to stand up to her which means she’s reacted badly. Bullies do when you tell them ‘no more’. Toxic friendships are hard to let go of. I’m focusing on putting my mental and emotional well-being first and choosing my peace. Ironically that’s resulted in feeling guilty and stressed and anxious like you said. But that’s the short term result of standing up for my values. I’m committing to my happiness in the future. So it won’t be easy but you’ve seen that those friendships are toxic and you deserve better. At your age it’s really hard as your best friends are all you’ve got. Is there anyone you can talk to? I avoided sharing my stress but then found talking to a counsellor so helpful. It was then I started the assertiveness training. I wish you strength and patience and stubbornness to stick to what you know to be right. All things I wish for myself too. You CAN get through this and they will be so much to look forward to as you continue your life. Learning these skills early in life will set you up for respectful fulfilling friendships that will last and bring you much happiness. Hang in there.
_"Direct conflict can be extremely valuable and deepening for relationships."_ Great quote and very true. I am only recently beginning to realize how mistaken and reductive my previous perception of conflict was. I have been making strides lately in learning to keep my anxiety at bay, such that from a place of no emotional reaction I am able to confront others without feeling like I am "hurting" them - which in reality is just me feeling a spike of anxiety within myself, and mistaking the discomfort of that inner anxiety spike as an instance of pain caused to the other party.
I can never stand up for myself bc the area I live in. If you're standing up for yourself. You're basically gonna get in a fight. I'm a skinny person, I weigh like 100 pounds. My entire life I seen people get their ass beat for standing up for themselves. It's scary but, I think I'm going to do it anyways. Also it roots from my mother who would curse me out each morning bc I asked her for food.
The only thing that I can think of as to why you care what someone else thinks or how they react to what you think/want is if they hold some kind of power over you. Like if my boss knows I need the job, if he is abusive he will use that leverage. As far as I can tell it all comes down to how much control you have over your life situation as possible. The more you don’t need the person you’re interacting with’s good opinion, the braver you can afford to be.
I'm confronted with the very hard decision to stand up for myself & finally speak the truth, hard truth to someone, which I've been avoiding for a very long time!! I've experienced great guilt, fear, shame, just in imagining such. It's dawned on me this morning that there's no escaping what I have to do, regardless of it's consequence!! Then as if my magic, I came across your book 'Not Nice' which I instantly bought & started listening to on Audible!! Wow, you have just confirmed that my decision is correct & your guidance so far has boosted my confidence exponentially, to know that I CAN DO IT!! I'm safe & all is well!! Thank you so very much Dr Aziz, from my heart to yours x I love you x
Going through this right now with my landlord. I have so much anxiety over this, I’m a people pleaser and hate conflict. But in sh Allah it’s gonna be okay. You have to advocate for yourself and your family, my small children deserve it and so do I.
For me it’s because the person will criticise me and permanently have that view or me and tell others and never let me live it down, tell me that I am not normal and label me with it so I can’t escape it so I have to be reminded of how wrong I am. Also ends up in being patronised about it and pointed out with family and friends. Easier to agree
I just had a run in with this... It finally just... Leaked out. My bday is in like... 4 days and my mom keeps trying to tell me what I want, what I'm supposed to want and I had enough. I'm tired of even my birthday just being a chance for her to throw a vaguely me themed party for my brothers. And me saying I didn't want her party because I'd rather hang out with my friends (all online, I don't have IRL friends) has me shaking... Like... I made her sad, that makes me bad. I didn't properly justify my emotions to make it good enough of a reason to get what I want. On my birthday! She goes on about, "Oh you never asked for things as a kid" and it's like... Yeah! You never gave me the things I needed. I have a brother with autism, and despite having autism myself, my needs for a safe space. For peace and quiet, for a stable environment were always ignored! I was shamed for needing stability or safety in my home... So yeah... Here I stand, about to turn 34, with nothing... No friends, no love life, a shitty job. But I'm convenient for my family. That's what I was always supposed to be.
I would like to buy this book one day this year, I get sick of being treated poorly by my parents sometimes when they act judgey. I can never stop watching this video!! I just hope that it helps me a lot and I believe that things will change me this year. I was afraid of standing up for myself when I was working with my dad that's a things.
Why not grab a copy of the book today and start applying it in your life right away? It will be one of the least expensive investments you making yourself with the greatest potential impact.
When I try to stand up for myself, I feel invalid in what I’m saying, Even though I’m in the right. And when I do stand up for myself, I get anxious, and I feel that I’m doing something wrong. So I just want to get out of that state of mind! I think I’m afraid that that person won’t like me, or that person may spread maybe a rumor of some sort, then everyone won’t like me. I want to overcome that, and start to not care of what a person think, because not everyone likes another.and yeah I don’t like conflict, I’m too nice to people, and I do feel guilt, I hate it.
There was a time in my life where people who disrespected me ended up hospitalized and I would end up in jail which is obviously horrible and just way too much. I think my subconscious mind is now relating these bad experiences directly to standing up for myself because i now get incredible anxiety in situations where I need to stand up for myself and because of that I am constantly being disrespected and walked all over. Especially at work. I desperately need to find a middle spot here where I can stand up for myself without going over the top. If I do NOT, then I’m afraid my anger will build and eventually explode putting me right back at square one.
There is also the fear of beeing closer after a disagreement than before. When there is a fight, after it there can be apology or clearance and than there is a new distance between the two people. I am scared of people wanting to feel closer to me after apologizing.
I've just found your videos as I'm fed up avoiding conflict and not being assertive enough. I'm in a senior manager role and I sometimes wonder how I got here as I do my best to avoid conflict. I'm looking forward to going on this journey to recovery as I have been conditioned to this over years.
Huh! Thank you. I’ve never thought about this. Definitely argumentative family. Couldn’t learn about boundaries because or environment. Guilt is my whole personality. Dang I’m crying now. 😂
I'm feeling extremely anxious. I'm so scared. I spoke up to my roommate politely to stop talking loudly on the phone but she keeps doing it again and again. Speaking up for myself even once gives me anxiety. Now I have to tell her again and again and she ignores me. I have been crying the whole day.I'm praying now for help.
I mean w that you can’t really get them to do anything they don’t want or have to do. They make their own decisions. ATP you talk loud otp too, don’t worry about making noise, or have the tv loud while she’s otp. It’s disturbing and rude.
I am struggling to stand up for myself or speak my truth. Yes one of the reasons could be too much programming to be a good girl, fear , and i always felt i am wrong, so i dont know what and how should i say , so allow especially in family to control me, attack me, or take advantage of me. And i am always left with more suppressed emotions. ....i dont want this anymore, i dont know how....but its painful now.......thank you for this video
Exactly.... growing up, I had to be nice..and if I said no to something, my mum would sulk and guilt trip on me, which was horrible....and so when I became older, I felt I had to be a peoples pleaser....until now, I am learning to say no, but some people don't like you saying no to them.... I had to say no sorry I can't make that date to my sister in law, guess what, she didn't like it even though we genuinely can't make it.... I am not here to please others, I have things to do in life just as much as her....don't feel guilty, I'm standing my ground 💖💖
I dont stand up for myself and let people walk all over me, because I'm afraid if I don't please them, they'll leave me or hate me. And being left or hated are more scary to me than just taking on the world and dealing with it alone.
I have so much ANGER inside me, bit when i see that person and i NEED to tell them everything, i can't remember a thing! What is that???? I cant live like this anymore. Bonus, my parents never ever let me be myself and speak for myself. I just cant remember a thing. Blank. It sucks so much :(((((((
I want to standing up for myself from the people that hurt and insult me to make them stop with their bullying and not to ignore it all the time because my mom keeps on saying"ignore them" which that never works at all.
When I do stand up for myself, my voice gets shaky and it sounds like I’m about to cry, and half of the time that’s what I feel like doing. I don’t know how to change this
That is a common reaction, and it's something you can absolutely overcome. You'll find a lot of help with this via several videos here on my channel. Also, trying this daily exercise…ua-cam.com/video/0xUUEWW1baY/v-deo.html
Why do I feel so crazy though doing this! Like when I'm standing up for myself I like hyperanalyze and then worry I'm the reason there was even a conflict to begin with, like I know thats not actually the case, but then I just go back and forth as I am here. I'm going to go insane!!
This is not uncommon. It's often connected to someone who is trying to be too nice. Check out a video of mine expanding on being less nice (more selfish): ua-cam.com/video/4rPCuz2p4RQ/v-deo.html And, this topic is so important, I wrote an entire book dedicated to it! See it here: www.NotNiceBook.com
I feel so guilty standing up for myslef, I was raised to stuff everything down and now in my late 60s I just can’t do it anymore, I have to speak up for myslef, or I will really feel it in my body and I know that is not good for my health.
I’ve just come across this video. I’ve been trying to leave my job and work for myself for a year now and I’m still there! I verbally handed in my notice and it was ignored. So two months on I’m still plodding along. I’m hating myself right now 😢
It has become debilitating to the point of me inconveniencing myself to let people have their peace. I have unlearned it in the professional, work setting and I can negotiate really tough deals. It is the personal space that is my next conquest in self-defense - I am actively seeking markers in personal scenarios where I should be standing up to people and it has been as exhilarating as riding a rollercoaster - including the feeling of throwing up after. I know I'll get desensitized to this extreme nervous reaction to my own strength, am looking for ways to practice and do it better.
Ok but I stood up for myself and then my friend of 20 years walked out and immediately blocked me. She’s accused me of something (still not sure what as she didn’t actually ask she just started verbally abusing me about the narrative in her head) and I saidz’ no hold on. What gives you the right to talk to me that way? I don’t know what I’m being accused of!’ So my fear of upset resulting in the relationship ending resulted in the relationship ending. I’m anxious and stressed and part of my brain is telling me that the reaction she has is on her and unless she’s willing to talk about the problem then we can’t resolve it and I need to accept the situation. The other part is making me sick in the stomach with stress and guilt for standing up for myself and her leaving. I’ve been too nice and a doormat for my whole life due to trauma and I’m finally getting strong enough to apply the training gained in counselling. Perhaps this was always going to be the result. I’d lose the people who were taking advantage of the old me and perhaps I’ll find better kinder more respectful friends in the future. In any case I do see that I’ll be a healthier version of myself by being more confident. It’s not an easy thing to turn around.
I am 23 and this thing is getting in my way so much, I m afraid of conflicts, I can't be myself in front of my parents especially and this cause me so my of anxiety, repressed fear so many things is happening :(
All the videos here on my channel are designed to help you with this sort of thing. Have a look through them and watch anything that grabs your attention.
This learned helplessness often comes from intermittent reinforcement of excessively dysregulated people in your life. Generally starting with parents, and then you become a magnet to these types. In the 60s Martin Seligman demonstrated how to help the dogs that they had traumatized by electrically shocking their feet at unpredictable times. They had to drag them out of the cage repeatedly. In the book "when I say no I feel guilty", they coached people in mock arguments to say the thing that they really needed to say, to be assertive, even though they didn't want to. They did it in a safe environment and then those people could go out into the world and do this. What they did in the book is the same thing Martin Seligman did with the dogs. They showed the lower, older, more primitive part of the brain that it was safe. They helped build it up to be strong enough to not shut down for the sake of survival. Never mind the fact that I think it's systemic malpractice that therapists don't teach this (or usually, anything at all) and there should be studies and lawsuits going on to change this...but I digress. (Not that I think therapists are out to hurt people, but there's a lot going on there) But, the point being, giving people a safe space to practice standing up for themselves is what's needed. Basically verbal sparring, where you're pushed and coached to keep going when your want to shut down. When I read "no more Mr nice guy", it was the first time I could ever give myself internal permission to stand up for myself. Unfortunately my family turned on me in favor of the lies my ex/stalker told about me while getting with my cousin while I was running for my life from her. (some stuff my decades of therapy should have taught me about). And this crushed me back down and I have truly been able to to stand up for myself ever since. And therapists just blame me. They either don't understand or don't care about what I need. They say it's representing with a look of disgust. Which I believe falls into the category of narcissistic behavior. But anyway, I'm glad this movement is growing. I'm hopeful in finding this video.
I Hate the feeling of standing up my body shakes up and I stutter talking I honestly think it's cuz I've been bullied from middle school to senior yr high school and even now ppl take advantage of my kindness 🙃
I am anxious when I stand up for myself because I know I am worth much less than other people and that I have to place to stand up for myself to begin with.
I believed I found one of my anxiety problems: when ever I I’m working, focusing on time, drawing or doing laundry, my South Carolina side of my family tends to have very off mood sets when ever they’re having an off day. This happens more than once before for example: when ever I’m doing laundry my step mother tends to randomly start talking about other things that I don’t know or information that I know about and try to find what it is and I feel scared of that. Another example: My step mother and father had a discussion with me after coming back with my mother, they said why did you come back? Why did you come back here their house? The reason for that is because my mom had visit their house and ask where I was and not in a rude way but in a call matter.then I came out of my dads car and there was a big argument because I was not coming to see here based on lies about her and they’re we’re not true. Right after I went with my mother, she got a phone call from the South Carolina police and told her that you have trash pass on their property even though you have the right to defend yourself doesn’t mean it was ok to call the police on my mother,that was not right.
Does this apply to customer service? Because every time I try to stand up to "Karen" customers, all I can hear are decades of my sales rep mother stating how "the customer is always right" and "it's cheaper to refund than deal with negative reviews". How do we publicly professionally stand up to bullies who are also our customers when Amazon and other mega corps have trained the world to believe that the customer can expect to be rewarded for complaining even when they are breaking the rules?
I think he has a video or two about that. Let me see if I can find them and I'll come back with the link! Which people in your life do you want to be able to converse more freely with?
Going to a school with a zero tolerance policies made it feel impossible to stick up for myself. I’d get bullied, and when I tried to defend myself or throw the verbal attacks back, they’d go cry to the teacher or principal and then I’d get in-school suspension. Honestly think zero tolerance should be banned. All it does is empower manipulative bullies.
I have no problem standing for myself against males but i had a dictator narcissistic mother that never respected my opinions and actions and she regularly was manipulating my emotions and she will often intentionally bring me down so now i am terrified by women and idk how to stand for myself so i have no success with woman at all, but i took responsibility to solve that i wont blame my mother that cant get me fixed.
I feel I’ll be punished I don’t feel in control of my life so when I stand up to someone I feel they’ll abuse their authority or power over me to hurt me to get back at me for being called out for doing me wrong.
One thing bother me all the time, that i would get the output or not,. Even if i did the 100% of my capacity. This futuristic negative perspective or thoughts pull down me to stop being myself and stop doing great work. The thoughts come from my previous so many failures. I have achievements too! but that does not impact me much when my negative thoughts arrive. But Thanks to Dr. Aziz for so many awesome realistic tips which helps me to gradually change my thoughts and views towards the world.
What if I’m the only one who ever speaks up at work? (Or it feels like it) I know the importance of bringing up important issues, but after I speak up I’m like here I am again speaking up and it feels bad when I’m the only one…any tips for when you feel like you need to speak but because others aren’t you don’t want to be seen as that person they always complains etc? I also want them to hear me and take me seriously and not think I’m just complaining again? I have no problem speaking up but then feel terrible and worried for days after wondering how it was received. Thanks!
I am anxious about standing up because when I did with my mother she would get really aggressive and nasty, trying to manipulate me, with threats, yelling and so on. I was so so frightened... What a terrible way to treat a daughter!
Most people think they need to be right when not everyone is going to be 100% right because nobody is “ jesus is the one that is “ not us therapist and doctors are not going to know everything themselves either Because they have not lived longer than older people have. I hope that makes sense. Just because you have experience doesn’t mean you’re going to know everything about everything. I know with what I know but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s going on in the world when really I do I know enough But I’m not saying that “ I’m a know it all “ I don’t expect to be that way at all but there are people out there that are being like that but by thinking they know with what they’re saying and doing. It’s sort of like the example that you put on yourself through the world. Take for example the movies the people who make movies are doing porn movies that are doing it for the money are they exactly the right example in the world not really because with that message they’re saying that sex is OK in a relationship when it’s not it’s really meant for a marriage. More likely but when you’re in a relationship it’s meant to get to know who they are sex for me it’s not important in a relationship but if you’re that kind of person that wants that I’m not gonna want to meet you.I’d rather meet people who don’t act like this
Two days ago was my birthday and someone wished me a happy birthday publicly but the statement before the happy birthday which meant to be a joke was shady as hell ! It made me feel some type of way so I called him out publicly as well but now I feel bad that I did so .I know it was necessary to do so though
Can you help me Dr . Iam struggling that I'm being mocked by even my close friend and I cant tell her I feel she will leave me for good once I say something and I know this will happen :(
I'm scared to tell the father of my daughter that I do not want him in my home anymore. His marriaged and there's nothing between us tor 13 years. But I'm scared some how. Maybe it's because I grew up around a lot of violence and conflict
@@GetMoreConfidence thank you for a wonderful reply. Your right. The worse thing is that he could be angry and me and make things difficult when my daughter goes there for the holidays. For example take her phone away so she can't talk to me. Then I'll worry. Although she's 13 so his power trip won't last.
@@GetMoreConfidence When i confront someone whos being weird to me I feel like im the one who cause them to be that way in the first place. I believe its because everytime I would speak to her about a problem she would say maybe I caused that person to react that way with me. Basically for just existing then lol.
I always come across as a bitch( in my mind) whenever I speak up for myself and that makes me feel guilty. I still speak up anyway and deal with the guilty feeling for days or weeks
I went from being passive and "nice" to being assertive and directly seeking conflict!😤 Parents should stop teaching thier kids to be obedient and not to say no.
That's quite a mission you're on!
God help me why can't I be this way
In my home its same , that effect in my childhood is what iam experiencing now ,i don't know how to reject ,i will look every possibilities of output and it make me worse , i know.i don't know how to speak up for myself in public. I panic too much that time i can't able to explain or express what iam going to tell so they will not understand and they think that the problems is due to me .
Now studying and working on myself trying to improve.sometimes i feel like i don't belong but whatever i don't know when iam going to make it but i will stay consistent.
I don't think seeking conflict is healthy too. Why should you go and seek conflict when there isn't any?
Yeah bro seeking conflict first ain’t healthy lol. Find the perfect balance amigo
I have severe anxiety about confrontation. Even when I know I'm right, my nerves shut down. I cannot stand up for myself, I was basically trained from a young age to be quiet, that my thoughts and words were stupid and I was always wrong. Through school, family, jobs, I have been abused and belittled so much, even when I try to stand up for myself it just gets brushed aside.
Read ‘Feel The Fear and Do it anyway’ very good book.
I am in the same situation.
@@margaretdoliet1630 I hope you can find some peace and heal from the damage done to you. Its unforgivable to ruin a soul like that.
@@MetalDeathMusic Thanks you 🙂I wish you the same.
I relate to this at a max level😔
My eyes used to get watery when thinking about conflict. Now ive started using the energy of anger. I dont burst out in anger or anything but internally I imagine burning the coals of anger, to be assertive.
That's a really good sensory tool! I'm going to try that one!
Interesting approach.
Same
Have to try this
Pretty weird case here on my end LOL: I did prison time and did stand up for myself, but when I came home and lived with my parents, who supported me a ton while away, I basically became submissive to their ways especially since they retired and basically mirrored them with a bed time, no girlfriends, no friends, no going out, quiet, and let them kinda just sway me. Not their fault- i didnt want to offend them or worry them or go against them for fear of conflict and guilt, but this led me to becoming extremely neurotic for a 30 year old dude who used to have pretty normal circumstances. I am now breaking out of this, it is very tough.
You’ll be good. Know how it feels. I found honestly trying to communicate with my mum and saying sorry broke down the walls. We become best of friends. She was hiding behind walls too. We found things in common too.❤
This has been an issue for me since a young age. People used and took advantage of my not standing up for myself. Completely unforgiveable! As I've gotten older, I realize it says more about them than it does about me.
I grew up in a family where you are suppressed and not allowed to talk when you need to. I always feel I am inferior to other people and it has affected my entire life. Thanks for this video, I will stand up to myself
Today, i stood up to a bully i have been dealing with for weeks. I hit him in a fit of anger while my heart felt like it was racing at 180bps, i came out of the situation feeling like the worse person because of how i’ve handled other situations compared to this one. I got home and searched up “why am i anxious for standing up for myself?” and this video came up, it is soothing my brains issues. Thank you, Dr Aziz.
Proud of you wish I had this courage in the past but were getting there. I have ig a bully too atm and I'm tired of being in fear of not standing up for myself, I need to learn to be quick on my feet and not show my fear
Good for you buddy. You have to be proud that you stood up for yourself. You are brave, not everyone could do that. Now, that bully is going to think twice before picking on you again.
I stand up for others in a heartbeat. I need to be a better friend to myself.
Yeah no one stands up for u and then when you have ur own back even with a bunch of people against you it feels horrible but you get used to it lol
it’s crazy how a nine minute video can relief yearsss of people pleasing trauma.. you’re awesome!!
as a “man” this is something i feel like i can’t open up to anyone about. just say i’m “scared of conflict” makes me feel like less of a man
I understand that and I’m a woman. I get that there is great pressure on men to be alpha and the tough ones. It does feel like you’re admitting to something that puts us in the lesser position.
Except in reality it makes us human. It makes us intelligent and aware of ourselves. It makes us stronger because we then can talk about it and how to find solutions. Keeping quiet about it gets nowhere.
So maybe we could say instead ‘I’m strong enough to say I avoid conflict and I’m learning new skills to deal with it’.
Chin up. The fact you’re here listening and learning makes you the kind of human being we need more of.
I can stand up for myself but the problem is the moment other person gets upset or disappointed and does not talk to me or gives me silent treatment I go weak in my knees and I get so anxious it becomes unbearable and I start fixing things by doing all the possible things whether I like it or not till the other person is happy and normal with me.But this is not the end after that I am filled with anger and resentment towards that person and again the same cycle goes on…I really want to overcome this fear of rejection and be bold and be ok to disappoint people and move on peacefully…
We are experiencing the same thing. We want harmony, however we have to stand our ground and not falter. Because at the end of the day, later in life, all of these wont matter. What matters is how it is going to affect your mental health later on. You either want to be proud because you stood your ground or feel resentment and anger because you let these people walk over you. If they don't talk to you, that is ok let them be as long as you do your job. Don't try to win them over either because they will lose more respect towards you. If you are having a hard time and need some emotional support, try calling your trusted friend.
You probably faltered a lot that is why they kept doing it to you because they know that you don't have the back bone to stand your ground when you stand up for yourself. They know they can manipulate you by using silence and etc. Do the same thing to them, don't be afraid to use silent treatment as well. These people won't matter when you get old, when you get sick they won't be there for you. When you die, these people won't be at your funeral. So don't give too much importance to what they think. I know it is easier said than done, but we have to do it, there is no other way around it. I am the same way, but I'm working on it.
I really love how everyone would come out and be honest about themselves, it helps others like myself know that there're others out there and they are not the only one going through he'll. Thank you ❤😢
This one hit me so hard today. A few days ago I asked a girl on a bus stop how she was doing, and she was so blown away that someone would actually ask her. She said: “I wanna do those kinds of things too, just seeing people around me, but I’m not there yet. Maybe it comes with time?! I’m only 18. I wish I would’ve answered her: no, actually It doesn’t come with time it comes with practice. You have to start at some point and it will be awkward, but a healthy social life is not about avoiding awkwardness, it’s about getting good at handling it WHEN it happens
#TRUTH
So refreshing to see a young mind operating on a functional level instead of being in a social media induced mental coma with no self awareness and even less situational awareness. You alone have given me hope for the future of our young adults. NEVER STOP THINKING!!
so true.
I’ve always tried to avoid conflict my whole life and now I work in an industry where I’m constantly surrounded by volatile, dramatic, manipulative, and unpredictable people. I know they can smell pushovers so I desperately need to get better at this ASAP.
Me too it sucks. I’m too nice then I sometimes snap
Thinking for myself
Has been my theme lately
Being myself
Even if others disapprove 👎
Learning to know who I am even if my family disapproves of me *This was the hardest*
I think facing conflict is so uncomfortable because deep down we think something is wrong with us. Which makes it so hard because we're so self critical & hard on ourselves.
Heya, I've been trying to be more assertive with my family too and it's not easy man. I'm with you there, but it's worth it. Keep it up, and take care bruv.
#TRUTH
I used to cry just if someone did something wrong to be and did not apologize to me for it or I would cry if I had to stand up for myself. But overtime I had to learn that crying did not get me anywhere and I should be angry and disappointed with the person not too disappointed and rude and aggressive just to not make me not cry 😢. Because when I cried I would feel embarrassed and pitiful. And I had a problem with smiling and laughing too. So people didn’t take me seriously.Update it’s way much better now and I can keep a straight face without crying and without laughing and yes I’m also learning to defend myself physically and how to run away!😅
After reading books, looking at video’s, quotes etc: I’ve handled many difficult situations, knowing my personal rights is very enlightening, I am still practicing being assertive with some situations. Just know the anxious feelings do subside with practice and time.
i’m 15 years old and facing a major conflict within my friend group. one person gives me major anxiety, the way they talk to me and the way they manipulate others in the group and myself (in the past) to make another person in the group the “bad guy”. they were my bestest friend and all of a sudden, gone. i wanna stand up for myself but whenever i get a call from them or any of my other friends who agree with that manipulative friend i always start to panic. my heart beat increases and my head becomes fuzzy. everyone is telling me to stand up for myself but i don’t know how
Have you looked into things like ‘How to be assertive’? It’s a skill and I found a course tests so that helped step by step in what to say, the words to use and ways I could implement that. I’m still learning clearly. I’m 50 years old and my best friend of 20 Years treats me similarly to yours. It’s finally time to stand up to her which means she’s reacted badly. Bullies do when you tell them ‘no more’. Toxic friendships are hard to let go of. I’m focusing on putting my mental and emotional well-being first and choosing my peace. Ironically that’s resulted in feeling guilty and stressed and anxious like you said. But that’s the short term result of standing up for my values. I’m committing to my happiness in the future.
So it won’t be easy but you’ve seen that those friendships are toxic and you deserve better. At your age it’s really hard as your best friends are all you’ve got. Is there anyone you can talk to? I avoided sharing my stress but then found talking to a counsellor so helpful. It was then I started the assertiveness training.
I wish you strength and patience and stubbornness to stick to what you know to be right. All things I wish for myself too. You CAN get through this and they will be so much to look forward to as you continue your life. Learning these skills early in life will set you up for respectful fulfilling friendships that will last and bring you much happiness. Hang in there.
_"Direct conflict can be extremely valuable and deepening for relationships."_
Great quote and very true. I am only recently beginning to realize how mistaken and reductive my previous perception of conflict was. I have been making strides lately in learning to keep my anxiety at bay, such that from a place of no emotional reaction I am able to confront others without feeling like I am "hurting" them - which in reality is just me feeling a spike of anxiety within myself, and mistaking the discomfort of that inner anxiety spike as an instance of pain caused to the other party.
this is exactly how I feel and I hate it. I can’t stand up for myself and have such a hard time asking for things
You might want to check out by book titles, "Not Nice." You see more about it here: www.NotNiceBook.com
Same ☹
I'm afraid that I will be embarrassed or too vulnerable In the moment and that the other persons reaction will hurt me.
You can become immune to that.
@@GetMoreConfidence solution or tip plz?
I can never stand up for myself bc the area I live in. If you're standing up for yourself. You're basically gonna get in a fight. I'm a skinny person, I weigh like 100 pounds. My entire life I seen people get their ass beat for standing up for themselves. It's scary but, I think I'm going to do it anyways. Also it roots from my mother who would curse me out each morning bc I asked her for food.
😢
The only thing that I can think of as to why you care what someone else thinks or how they react to what you think/want is if they hold some kind of power over you. Like if my boss knows I need the job, if he is abusive he will use that leverage. As far as I can tell it all comes down to how much control you have over your life situation as possible. The more you don’t need the person you’re interacting with’s good opinion, the braver you can afford to be.
That's often true, but it's often also true that you can stand up for yourself with anyone more than you think you can.
You are absolutely right! I was discussing this exact topic with someone recently.
Didn't see the age of this post. 😂
I'm confronted with the very hard decision to stand up for myself & finally speak the truth, hard truth to someone, which I've been avoiding for a very long time!!
I've experienced great guilt, fear, shame, just in imagining such.
It's dawned on me this morning that there's no escaping what I have to do, regardless of it's consequence!!
Then as if my magic, I came across your book 'Not Nice' which I instantly bought & started listening to on Audible!!
Wow, you have just confirmed that my decision is correct & your guidance so far has boosted my confidence exponentially, to know that I CAN DO IT!! I'm safe & all is well!!
Thank you so very much Dr Aziz, from my heart to yours x I love you x
That's so awesome and I'm so glad I was able to be of service.
Going through this right now with my landlord. I have so much anxiety over this, I’m a people pleaser and hate conflict. But in sh Allah it’s gonna be okay. You have to advocate for yourself and your family, my small children deserve it and so do I.
For me it’s because the person will criticise me and permanently have that view or me and tell others and never let me live it down, tell me that I am not normal and label me with it so I can’t escape it so I have to be reminded of how wrong I am. Also ends up in being patronised about it and pointed out with family and friends. Easier to agree
That sounds like a less than accurate story you're telling yourself.
I just had a run in with this... It finally just... Leaked out. My bday is in like... 4 days and my mom keeps trying to tell me what I want, what I'm supposed to want and I had enough. I'm tired of even my birthday just being a chance for her to throw a vaguely me themed party for my brothers.
And me saying I didn't want her party because I'd rather hang out with my friends (all online, I don't have IRL friends) has me shaking... Like... I made her sad, that makes me bad. I didn't properly justify my emotions to make it good enough of a reason to get what I want. On my birthday!
She goes on about, "Oh you never asked for things as a kid" and it's like... Yeah! You never gave me the things I needed. I have a brother with autism, and despite having autism myself, my needs for a safe space. For peace and quiet, for a stable environment were always ignored! I was shamed for needing stability or safety in my home... So yeah... Here I stand, about to turn 34, with nothing... No friends, no love life, a shitty job. But I'm convenient for my family. That's what I was always supposed to be.
I would like to buy this book one day this year, I get sick of being treated poorly by my parents sometimes when they act judgey. I can never stop watching this video!! I just hope that it helps me a lot and I believe that things will change me this year. I was afraid of standing up for myself when I was working with my dad that's a things.
Why not grab a copy of the book today and start applying it in your life right away? It will be one of the least expensive investments you making yourself with the greatest potential impact.
When I try to stand up for myself, I feel invalid in what I’m saying, Even though I’m in the right. And when I do stand up for myself, I get anxious, and I feel that I’m doing something wrong. So I just want to get out of that state of mind!
I think I’m afraid that that person won’t like me, or that person may spread maybe a rumor of some sort, then everyone won’t like me. I want to overcome that, and start to not care of what a person think, because not everyone likes another.and yeah I don’t like conflict, I’m too nice to people, and I do feel guilt, I hate it.
There was a time in my life where people who disrespected me ended up hospitalized and I would end up in jail which is obviously horrible and just way too much. I think my subconscious mind is now relating these bad experiences directly to standing up for myself because i now get incredible anxiety in situations where I need to stand up for myself and because of that I am constantly being disrespected and walked all over. Especially at work. I desperately need to find a middle spot here where I can stand up for myself without going over the top. If I do NOT, then I’m afraid my anger will build and eventually explode putting me right back at square one.
There is also the fear of beeing closer after a disagreement than before. When there is a fight, after it there can be apology or clearance and than there is a new distance between the two people. I am scared of people wanting to feel closer to me after apologizing.
Thank you brother
Found one of your vids last night and been binging on them ever since...legend!
Welcome aboard!
I've just found your videos as I'm fed up avoiding conflict and not being assertive enough. I'm in a senior manager role and I sometimes wonder how I got here as I do my best to avoid conflict. I'm looking forward to going on this journey to recovery as I have been conditioned to this over years.
Intensely thought provoking. Thanks dr. Aziz, I'm looking forward to the next videos on this subject.
More to come!
Thank you for this video 🙏
Huh! Thank you. I’ve never thought about this.
Definitely argumentative family. Couldn’t learn about boundaries because or environment. Guilt is my whole personality.
Dang I’m crying now. 😂
You helped me more than you know today
Thank you so much. You helped me understand why I am feeling this way. You have no idea how much this means to me.
I'm so grateful you found it useful!
I'm feeling extremely anxious. I'm so scared. I spoke up to my roommate politely to stop talking loudly on the phone but she keeps doing it again and again. Speaking up for myself even once gives me anxiety. Now I have to tell her again and again and she ignores me. I have been crying the whole day.I'm praying now for help.
I mean w that you can’t really get them to do anything they don’t want or have to do. They make their own decisions. ATP you talk loud otp too, don’t worry about making noise, or have the tv loud while she’s otp. It’s disturbing and rude.
I am struggling to stand up for myself or speak my truth. Yes one of the reasons could be too much programming to be a good girl, fear , and i always felt i am wrong, so i dont know what and how should i say , so allow especially in family to control me, attack me, or take advantage of me. And i am always left with more suppressed emotions. ....i dont want this anymore, i dont know how....but its painful now.......thank you for this video
Really glad I found you 🙏
So glad I found this video. Cannot wait to explore more.
Thank you so much you are a blessing
Exactly.... growing up, I had to be nice..and if I said no to something, my mum would sulk and guilt trip on me, which was horrible....and so when I became older, I felt I had to be a peoples pleaser....until now, I am learning to say no, but some people don't like you saying no to them.... I had to say no sorry I can't make that date to my sister in law, guess what, she didn't like it even though we genuinely can't make it.... I am not here to please others, I have things to do in life just as much as her....don't feel guilty, I'm standing my ground 💖💖
I dont stand up for myself and let people walk all over me, because I'm afraid if I don't please them, they'll leave me or hate me. And being left or hated are more scary to me than just taking on the world and dealing with it alone.
I have so much ANGER inside me, bit when i see that person and i NEED to tell them everything, i can't remember a thing! What is that???? I cant live like this anymore. Bonus, my parents never ever let me be myself and speak for myself. I just cant remember a thing. Blank. It sucks so much :(((((((
I understand and I can sympathize.
I want to standing up for myself from the people that hurt and insult me to make them stop with their bullying and not to ignore it all the time because my mom keeps on saying"ignore them" which that never works at all.
When I do stand up for myself, my voice gets shaky and it sounds like I’m about to cry, and half of the time that’s what I feel like doing. I don’t know how to change this
That is a common reaction, and it's something you can absolutely overcome. You'll find a lot of help with this via several videos here on my channel. Also, trying this daily exercise…ua-cam.com/video/0xUUEWW1baY/v-deo.html
Why do I feel so crazy though doing this! Like when I'm standing up for myself I like hyperanalyze and then worry I'm the reason there was even a conflict to begin with, like I know thats not actually the case, but then I just go back and forth as I am here.
I'm going to go insane!!
This is not uncommon. It's often connected to someone who is trying to be too nice. Check out a video of mine expanding on being less nice (more selfish): ua-cam.com/video/4rPCuz2p4RQ/v-deo.html And, this topic is so important, I wrote an entire book dedicated to it! See it here: www.NotNiceBook.com
I feel so guilty standing up for myslef, I was raised to stuff everything down and now in my late 60s I just can’t do it anymore, I have to speak up for myslef, or I will really feel it in my body and I know that is not good for my health.
I’ve just come across this video. I’ve been trying to leave my job and work for myself for a year now and I’m still there! I verbally handed in my notice and it was ignored. So two months on I’m still plodding along. I’m hating myself right now 😢
It's a challenge to stand up for yourself when you have a A LOT TO LOOSE--like a job or a place to live
Thank you Dr Aziz, you have given some insight and help to so many struggling with many symptoms of anxiety.
It has become debilitating to the point of me inconveniencing myself to let people have their peace. I have unlearned it in the professional, work setting and I can negotiate really tough deals. It is the personal space that is my next conquest in self-defense - I am actively seeking markers in personal scenarios where I should be standing up to people and it has been as exhilarating as riding a rollercoaster - including the feeling of throwing up after. I know I'll get desensitized to this extreme nervous reaction to my own strength, am looking for ways to practice and do it better.
Ok but I stood up for myself and then my friend of 20 years walked out and immediately blocked me. She’s accused me of something (still not sure what as she didn’t actually ask she just started verbally abusing me about the narrative in her head) and I saidz’ no hold on. What gives you the right to talk to me that way? I don’t know what I’m being accused of!’
So my fear of upset resulting in the relationship ending resulted in the relationship ending.
I’m anxious and stressed and part of my brain is telling me that the reaction she has is on her and unless she’s willing to talk about the problem then we can’t resolve it and I need to accept the situation.
The other part is making me sick in the stomach with stress and guilt for standing up for myself and her leaving.
I’ve been too nice and a doormat for my whole life due to trauma and I’m finally getting strong enough to apply the training gained in counselling. Perhaps this was always going to be the result. I’d lose the people who were taking advantage of the old me and perhaps I’ll find better kinder more respectful friends in the future. In any case I do see that I’ll be a healthier version of myself by being more confident. It’s not an easy thing to turn around.
I am 23 and this thing is getting in my way so much, I m afraid of conflicts, I can't be myself in front of my parents especially and this cause me so my of anxiety, repressed fear so many things is happening :(
All the videos here on my channel are designed to help you with this sort of thing. Have a look through them and watch anything that grabs your attention.
@@GetMoreConfidence sure, i will watch this video everyday from now on to get motivated
This learned helplessness often comes from intermittent reinforcement of excessively dysregulated people in your life. Generally starting with parents, and then you become a magnet to these types.
In the 60s Martin Seligman demonstrated how to help the dogs that they had traumatized by electrically shocking their feet at unpredictable times. They had to drag them out of the cage repeatedly.
In the book "when I say no I feel guilty", they coached people in mock arguments to say the thing that they really needed to say, to be assertive, even though they didn't want to. They did it in a safe environment and then those people could go out into the world and do this.
What they did in the book is the same thing Martin Seligman did with the dogs. They showed the lower, older, more primitive part of the brain that it was safe. They helped build it up to be strong enough to not shut down for the sake of survival.
Never mind the fact that I think it's systemic malpractice that therapists don't teach this (or usually, anything at all) and there should be studies and lawsuits going on to change this...but I digress. (Not that I think therapists are out to hurt people, but there's a lot going on there)
But, the point being, giving people a safe space to practice standing up for themselves is what's needed. Basically verbal sparring, where you're pushed and coached to keep going when your want to shut down.
When I read "no more Mr nice guy", it was the first time I could ever give myself internal permission to stand up for myself. Unfortunately my family turned on me in favor of the lies my ex/stalker told about me while getting with my cousin while I was running for my life from her. (some stuff my decades of therapy should have taught me about). And this crushed me back down and I have truly been able to to stand up for myself ever since. And therapists just blame me. They either don't understand or don't care about what I need. They say it's representing with a look of disgust. Which I believe falls into the category of narcissistic behavior.
But anyway, I'm glad this movement is growing.
I'm hopeful in finding this video.
Wow! Interesting 👀
Thank you 🙏🏼
Yep. I'm afraid of being overpowered, and then I'll feel worse than before.
Love this video and your channel it really helped me rediscover myself as I'd call it lol 💖💖
Great educational video Doc
Thank you!
I Hate the feeling of standing up my body shakes up and I stutter talking I honestly think it's cuz I've been bullied from middle school to senior yr high school and even now ppl take advantage of my kindness 🙃
I am anxious when I stand up for myself because I know I am worth much less than other people and that I have to place to stand up for myself to begin with.
I feel extremely guilty when speaking my mind and perhaps i need to repeat positive affirmations to break this heavy guilt.
That can be a great place to start.
The problem that i have beyond conflict is not to know if i am right or wrong in a situation.
I believed I found one of my anxiety problems: when ever I I’m working, focusing on time, drawing or doing laundry, my South Carolina side of my family tends to have very off mood sets when ever they’re having an off day. This happens more than once before for example: when ever I’m doing laundry my step mother tends to randomly start talking about other things that I don’t know or information that I know about and try to find what it is and I feel scared of that. Another example: My step mother and father had a discussion with me after coming back with my mother, they said why did you come back? Why did you come back here their house? The reason for that is because my mom had visit their house and ask where I was and not in a rude way but in a call matter.then I came out of my dads car and there was a big argument because I was not coming to see here based on lies about her and they’re we’re not true. Right after I went with my mother, she got a phone call from the South Carolina police and told her that you have trash pass on their property even though you have the right to defend yourself doesn’t mean it was ok to call the police on my mother,that was not right.
Does this apply to customer service? Because every time I try to stand up to "Karen" customers, all I can hear are decades of my sales rep mother stating how "the customer is always right" and "it's cheaper to refund than deal with negative reviews". How do we publicly professionally stand up to bullies who are also our customers when Amazon and other mega corps have trained the world to believe that the customer can expect to be rewarded for complaining even when they are breaking the rules?
Hey aziz could u make a video on how to never run out of things to say in a conversation? I often get stuck with this would be helpful
I think he has a video or two about that. Let me see if I can find them and I'll come back with the link!
Which people in your life do you want to be able to converse more freely with?
I have many videos on this. Just do a quick search of my channel.
Any advice to be assertive quickly ???
Watch this video a few more times. :)
Going to a school with a zero tolerance policies made it feel impossible to stick up for myself. I’d get bullied, and when I tried to defend myself or throw the verbal attacks back, they’d go cry to the teacher or principal and then I’d get in-school suspension.
Honestly think zero tolerance should be banned. All it does is empower manipulative bullies.
I have no problem standing for myself against males but i had a dictator narcissistic mother that never respected my opinions and actions and she regularly was manipulating my emotions and she will often intentionally bring me down so now i am terrified by women and idk how to stand for myself so i have no success with woman at all, but i took responsibility to solve that i wont blame my mother that cant get me fixed.
I feel I’ll be punished I don’t feel in control of my life so when I stand up to someone I feel they’ll abuse their authority or power over me to hurt me to get back at me for being called out for doing me wrong.
Yes I also feel guilty! Like man I hate I had to get so assertive but they would keep taking advantage
I just feel overcome with fright
Have you tried any of the suggestions in video? How did they work?
One thing bother me all the time, that i would get the output or not,. Even if i did the 100% of my capacity. This futuristic negative perspective or thoughts pull down me to stop being myself and stop doing great work. The thoughts come from my previous so many failures. I have achievements too! but that does not impact me much when my negative thoughts arrive. But Thanks to Dr. Aziz for so many awesome realistic tips which helps me to gradually change my thoughts and views towards the world.
Glad to hear of your progress!
What to do when people do attack or retaliate because you stand up for yourself?
Watch this video, and other videos here my channel, for more information on this.
Dr aziz my goal right now is to meet you …sit and talk a little about yourself and myself that would be very awesome to me…🤍🤜🏻🤛🏻
Go to a live event! I haven't yet and I need to figure out financial stuff before biting the bullet but I'd like to do it soon!
That can certainly be possible in a post-COVID world, or through some of my virtual events and trainings.
My virtual events are very affordable George. www.socialconfidencecenter.com/events/
What if I’m the only one who ever speaks up at work? (Or it feels like it) I know the importance of bringing up important issues, but after I speak up I’m like here I am again speaking up and it feels bad when I’m the only one…any tips for when you feel like you need to speak but because others aren’t you don’t want to be seen as that person they always complains etc? I also want them to hear me and take me seriously and not think I’m just complaining again? I have no problem speaking up but then feel terrible and worried for days after wondering how it was received. Thanks!
I am anxious about standing up because when I did with my mother she would get really aggressive and nasty, trying to manipulate me, with threats, yelling and so on. I was so so frightened... What a terrible way to treat a daughter!
I have fear of my reaction during conflict .
Bothers me to the point where I can’t sleep and have to distract myself from my worst memories I’m not even like that with people I know 😑
Most people think they need to be right when not everyone is going to be 100% right because nobody is “ jesus is the one that is “ not us therapist and doctors are not going to know everything themselves either Because they have not lived longer than older people have. I hope that makes sense. Just because you have experience doesn’t mean you’re going to know everything about everything.
I know with what I know but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s going on in the world when really I do
I know enough
But I’m not saying that “ I’m a know it all “ I don’t expect to be that way at all but there are people out there that are being like that but by thinking they know with what they’re saying and doing.
It’s sort of like the example that you put on yourself through the world. Take for example the movies the people who make movies are doing porn movies that are doing it for the money are they exactly the right example in the world not really because with that message they’re saying that sex is OK in a relationship when it’s not it’s really meant for a marriage. More likely but when you’re in a relationship it’s meant to get to know who they are sex for me it’s not important in a relationship but if you’re that kind of person that wants that I’m not gonna want to meet you.I’d rather meet people who don’t act like this
I'm not quite sure what your point is here?
Two days ago was my birthday and someone wished me a happy birthday publicly but the statement before the happy birthday which meant to be a joke was shady as hell ! It made me feel some type of way so I called him out publicly as well but now I feel bad that I did so .I know it was necessary to do so though
Sounds like you have nothing to apologize for.
Can you help me Dr . Iam struggling that I'm being mocked by even my close friend and I cant tell her I feel she will leave me for good once I say something and I know this will happen :(
Is it because my self esteem is low?
It's possible.
I fear looking stupid.
I’m afraid that I upset someone and they might get so upset that I get stabbed or hit. Completely ridiculous I know
don’t worry your not alone
I'm scared to tell the father of my daughter that I do not want him in my home anymore. His marriaged and there's nothing between us tor 13 years.
But I'm scared some how.
Maybe it's because I grew up around a lot of violence and conflict
What is it you're worried about? What is the worst outcome you imagine possible in this situation?
@@GetMoreConfidence thank you for a wonderful reply. Your right. The worse thing is that he could be angry and me and make things difficult when my daughter goes there for the holidays. For example take her phone away so she can't talk to me. Then I'll worry. Although she's 13 so his power trip won't last.
I’m afraid of someone being upset and mad at me
Because you were silenced when you were a child!!!!!
Im 99 y.o
Wow!
I don't do I even have the right to stand up for myself?
I'm sixty one years old and I still don't get it
👍👍
My mom telling me im the one in the wrong
I'm not sure what you're trying to indicate here?
@@GetMoreConfidence When i confront someone whos being weird to me I feel like im the one who cause them to be that way in the first place. I believe its because everytime I would speak to her about a problem she would say maybe I caused that person to react that way with me. Basically for just existing then lol.
@@felixtrinidad793 bro i relate
I always come across as a bitch( in my mind) whenever I speak up for myself and that makes me feel guilty. I still speak up anyway and deal with the guilty feeling for days or weeks
Keep asserting yourself and your guilt will diminish.
Lmfao. No. I just don't want to deal w getting hit.
Dude is terrible at this...