5 Weird Things Only Narcissists Do
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- Опубліковано 29 чер 2024
- Betrayal Trauma After Narcissistic Abuse:
www.emotionalabuserecovery.co...
00:00 introduction
01:17 1.A Narcissist will Intentionally keep the house messy
02:47 2.They will Intentionally invite somebody who sides with them
04:47 Workshop Announcement
05:20 3.A Narcissist will Intentionally create mess
06:31 4.They'll isolate you & then blame you
07:34 5. A narcissist I'll convince you to quit job then blame you
Narcissists thrive on creating chaos and destroying others. Their existence depends on it..
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator digitalinvestigate@gmail.com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
I am totally drained emotionally, physically. Has promised to clean and they make it worse. There image is important. A fractured back, he expects me to clean up. He throws empty potato chip bags on the floor. Been packing my car when he is not around. I will be totally homeless. But have some sanity.
be careful lead your life as soon as possible set boundaries stay away before they break you. take care your life
Same! I found out that I have histamine intolerance and have it for the longest time! I got it from being so drained when all I was trying to do was to get along with them and be a good partner, daughter, friend, and sister..
Just Prayed❤
John 3:16 KJV
Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV
Be Safe!
Only homeless for awhile! but, you know what you must do!! 🫂🕯️ Thank you for this Lesson today, Danish. I was very ill after a surgery recently, N only nice when Hospital Nurse came to help me, before, he was growling, 'get off the floor!' 🫂🪬
Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They may guide you to temp housing for women in situations like you experience. It is good to remove yourself while you still have the health and strength to re- establish yourself. It will get better. Keep going if you want/ need to. You know what is right for you.
All of the first 4 were the ex. I used to say I was taking 30 minutes to myself in garage relaxing. Always, 5 minutes later the dogs would be let out and he would follow. The house was always a mess as I would clean and he messed it up. I stopped cleaning! It's nice to have validation to those intentional efforts to be an effing thorn in my side. So glad he cheated and harshly discarded me. I'm freeeeeeee to do what is good for me. Btw, the house has never been cleaner!
Same here.
My appartment us now spotless!!! 😀 I love it. And oeacefull.
FREEEEEEEEEDOOOOOM! 🤸🏼♀️
That's why it takes several years sometimes for people to recover from the abuse and some people never do....
💯% true on all of these. Sometimes he’d get up in the middle of the night,start vacuuming and mopping just to disturb my sleep. He tried his best early on to convince me to quit my job. Luckily I didn’t fall for that trick.
being merciless is something we don't like but when dealing with a narcissist we have to be.
what people often misunderstand about boundaries is that the point of setting them is not so much to change other people's behavior.
it's to advocate for, and protect yourself, regardless of how they respond.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Hi from Montréal!❤
@@joseenoel8093 friendly hello back at you. hope all is well.
cheers, steven
I think a narcissist's motivation at its most basic level is to fill the gaping void in their own hearts, which will never be filled. Everything you've described is a result of that.
They will ask you a seemingly normal question like, “how are you?” Then mock your answer in a more infantile voice and laugh.
Facts my psychotic ex used to do that while I'm balling my eyes out wtf
Year upon long year, nex had us living in half-finished houses and working on rentals. I sometimes worked day and night remodeling them, schooling the children, making meals, keeping the houses as clean as possible, doing side jobs, etc.
Now i know the drawn-out construction, dust everywhere, buckets of tools, fumes, plaster & constant painting, plumbing in progress, excavations, etc which never seemed to finish until just before selling were intentional!
I never got to live in a single completed house for any length of time for over twenty years. Sometimes there weren't enough bedrooms, mattresses on the floors, no hot water for six months, and completely uninhabitable portions of the homes. The living conditions were usually inadequate and even unsafe.
In the middle of all this, nex would make sure to bring me animals which needed help or as "gifts", such as a huge red macaw that HATED women and was dangerous to even walk by when it was out. Nex bought this bird, cage and everything for 500 dollars (we supposedly didn't even have it to spend!) and brought it home unannounced. More responsibilities for me, and i cared for that bird for months until i was ready to turn it loose! Nex finally had someone get it. Sugar glider, many sweet kittens & cats (while he complained about too many cats), baby squirrel, hurt bunnies, baby possums, puppies, etc.....nex knew i loved animals and did this all intentionally to add more to my already overwhelmed responsibilities and ultimately to keep me bound to him.
The ongoing remodeling was so triggering that to this day, i have to hide away any buckets that remind me of those i lived with.
There's so much more i could say but THANK YOU for helping me understand WHY nex could never seem to finish the home projects for years. It was intentional, and he didn't want to. Glad to be free of nex and that life. I wish happy free lives for all of us! 🏵🌿🏵
Experienced the same. Kept so darn busy with kids, working shift, house and yard work, cooking, cleaning, laundry, all important events, outings with kids….that it did not even occur to me that I was doing 99% on my own and being undermined on every turn and the target of a smear campaign the entire time. Just exhausted and was given a dog that I was too tired to want. Turned out that dog was the best gift ever. Had that dog16 years through harder times and I loved him so much.
@@kerrytaggart8206 I'm sorry you went through it, too! I discovered i was also the target of ongoing smear campaign, even to the children and my own family members.
I'm glad you had your loved dog despite and through it all
I'm sorry you went through this, it took me a year to heal myself. My narc ex used to do the same weird thing with animals, bringing a blind and deaf senior disabled dog, frogs, endless fish, etc. I always thought he cared about me but it's interesting to learn from other people's experiences too
@@Emilia-gy3hwOh, i feel for you and that's what he wanted me thinking too. (That he cared for me when the truth was the opposite.)
And in my case, things were always "happening" to the cats i loved and kept which amounted to years of heart break in trying to get/keep them healthy. There was a lot more to this, but today i'm glad to have healthy happy pets with no abuser in our lives.
Thank you
OMG... unfinished house. Been there. 🤦🏼♀️
My ex would clean after I spent all day cleaning. For example I cleaned the toilets, he’d come home after work and start cleaning the toilets, I vacuumed and he’d vacuum right after i vacuumed. He’d wipe of the kitchen counters and table right after as to say I didn’t do any of it right.
Exactly the same ! To invalidate us, even on such a humble task
Omg, the same! Most say narcs make YOU do everything. Mine would intentionally question all my methods, take everything over, grouse about how I cooked and the mess that made, complain about how I splashed water at the sink and angrily clean up before he could sit down to eat dinner. He would "remind" me to not forget certain areas if I vacuumed. Every. Single. Time. Even when I told him to stop, that I have cleaned million dollar homes with my mother's cleaning business and never had complaints. He would "remind" me every single time I used the dryer to clean the lint trap even though I had never forgotten. When I finally stopped cleaning altogether to draw a hard boundary, he used that as a way to smear me to his whole family, his friends, and eventually, to gain sympathy from his girlfriend. Talk about a mindfu@&
@@rosemarie7816 sounds familiar! Mine wouldn’t like that after dinner I would wash the plates by hand instead of putting them in the dishwasher. If the plates didn’t fill up the dishwasher I wanted to have them cleaned for the morning so we didn’t have to run a half full dishwasher. He would complain every single time o washed dishes by hand. Apparently I didn’t do it right?? That’s only one things I could name MILLIONS!
What a demon. Yikes.
@aseasonalname1421 they have to have COMPLETE control, be the foremost expert, and make you crazy. It. Is. Exhausting. And infuriating. And still, people say..."at least yours CLEANS! I can't get mine to help out at all!" So they still get to wear the label of good guy.
Since my second son I couldn't keep up with the maintenance of the house. He works nights and I would have the kids quiet by 6pm so he could rest. He would get upset and tear me down constantly and say I was worthless. I don't think the house will be immaculate but it is liveable. When he gets mad he was constantly kicking me out of his house so I didn't feel inspired to clean something that wasn't mine. We never had teamwork and the kids would parrot what he would say cleaning the house was "my job " and it's hard to get help. I would do house chores and homework and take the kids to the park and library and so many errands and I couldn't keep up, and it was even darker times when he cheated on me I was crushed for many years. I functioned on autopilot. He inflicted so much pain I couldn't patch the wounds quick enough and I was a mess I wanted to be perfect for him and run everything efficiently and I couldn't. I only do what I can now and I take pleasure in what I do and I don't do anything for him anymore I live for my well-being now.
I was totally drained mentally and physically. I was wiped out 😔!! Without any energy 😮💨🤷🏻♀️ left.
Is earned not totally given just like that 🙏🏻🫀🧘🏻♀️✌🏼. Have “RESPECT”!!
I know...
They push you soooooo far.
@@irenahabe2855 I really appreciate you KINDNESS and humbleness or humility and care 🙏🏻💙💞✌🏼🧠🧘🏻♀️🫀. Thank you for letting me 🙏🏻✌🏻😌🧘🏻♀️.
Tell, scream, blame, slam doors, drink, do drugs, even the unimaginable things. The constant amounts of hate and shame and pain they bring feels debilitating… they know they do this it what hurts the most.😫😣😭🙏🙏
They're over the top/force their exaggerated grandiose anythings, narrow minded, validating their stupid narrow minded thoughts trying to control us from near or far which ends badly leading to them to slander! ❤
Yes, they dont have a meaningful purpose of their lives neither they are able to feel true happiness so they resent those who are able to have both and try to destroy them so they cant be happy.
Financial burden! My husband would even trot out medical bills (paid for by insurance) to show me how much I cost! I'm sure my medical bills would be far less had I not been with his toxicity for so long! Four months after I finally got away, I got diagnosed with breast cancer! I'm so glad I was already out by that time. Otherwise I think I'd be stuck for the duration and the stress of him not caring for me would have been endangering my health further.
🤗
Omg.. Yes! No. 1...doing something only when there are spectators (garden or other outdoor situations) or before a visit, otherwise they can live in a mess.
Creating chaos is the goal. Not for the sake of chaos. For attention and to drive you crazy. They derive intense pleasure from this. My narc had been complaining that the fireplace was letting in too much cold air in the house from the roof and the attic, he wanted to get rid of it and board up the wall. When did he decide to start the demolition? When my sister came to visit. He destroyed the living room wall, removed the fireplace and left all the rubble there in the middle of the living room floor. We had already invited the family over to see my sister because she came from out of town. He didn't see anything wrong with just leaving it there for them to see when they arrive and got mad at me for being angry about it. Just one of many stories I can tell. These people are not normal.
Looking back he lied to me from day one..he told me his mum was dead…turns out she abandoned them then he told me he had cancer..at 20 years old..then walked away and I was running up the street after him …I was only 18 myself.and had no idea what the hell was going on…
All of the topics you hit on, I can remember a scenario where this happened to me w/ my ex! I will admit I walked into some of the awkward/ overtired reactions, but there wasn't an us...there was a me and a him. He would just watch work so hard doing all the work and nothing! Until...
How can you not over exaggerate/act in crazy this isn't the real me.... They know this, push our buttons, we're only human, them? Debatable! 😊
By the end of the relationship, my narc "bff" did all of these things to me.
One thing she did which, at the time, I believed to be unintentional, was she told my mother, who was in full-blown Alzheimer's, that I was "the other" Ola, not the real one. My mother unfortunately remembered this for many months, was greatly distressed by it and would ask me, over & over. which Ola I was, or where was the real Ola. The narc could not have predicted the result of her cruel "joke", but it seemed she didn't regret it as she derived pleasure from retelling the story as an amusing anecdote. (I believe most of the people she told were horrified).
Incidentally, over the years (but before the Alzheimer's had shown itself) my mother had come to dislike this friend of mine, told me i was being used, & I think the narc had sensed that my mother was onto her.
That is wicked. How can anybody boast about doing something so evil?
You really find the way to verbalise these difficult patterns of behaviour.❤
The house could never truly be clean with the hoarding.
I live with one of those too. I get severely punished for throwing out stuff like a single piano leg or a tattered lamp shade. For him, dumpster diving is like a fix after every blowout. His room is piled nearly to the ceiling and unlivable. Somehow this is all my fault
Been there.
The hoarding was intentional, he knew I like nice and clean house...
They love to do mess and chaos if it makes you out of ballance and upset. 🤦🏼♀️
This is my life currently summed up in 1 video.....💔💔💔
Dear Danish, I feel like with this video, you have actually met my mum and told me all the things she does to me!!
Narcissists are like clones. Know one, you know them all.
Yup....not original
Thanks a lot brother for these insightful videos. PLEASE DO SOME ON NARCISSISIC FEMALE Bosses , and how to cope in a work professional environment
You are in a tough spot dude. Cause they have the power and love it and want to see the effect.i would wear a bodycam..im being serious..my job at a golf range had me in a small booth where in the evening it was two people..and cramped...as soon as i saw her i knew it would be trouble..she was gnawing at her lip and had the backward lean walk.so i knew she was on meds..we had 6 other PT cashiers who i got along with great..at each shift change we had to get a drawer and count the safe..she couldnt do it..i had to help which is fine shes new..2 weeks later she is still taking 1/2hr to count it.meanwhile i start hearing rumbling from the others..like man she dont like you..or she said you said this about me..great..so manager pulls me aside says u cant work with her any more. You make her feel stupid ..i knew what she was ..so i had played everything non emotional and i made sure i stayed in camera view at all times..so now my manager is questioning stuff and again i get along with him too..im relieved.to not be working w her...within a week the managers in the H.R. office himself and within a week two others are fed up with her..i told the manager do what ever you have to to get her gone or she will take u down..luckily she was gone within a few days..let me tel l you ive been in streetfights but ive never been more scared than in those situations where you know she gunning for u and theres only your word against hers..and theyre WAY better at this than you
They need chaos to deflect away from their inner turmoil.
I have really noticed that he does not help with chores and if I ask he goes off in a tanget. he said make a list and in 4 weeks of not working he did none and when I asked he got angry. I was proud of myself I bought my first house at 61 before he came into my life, I had such plans and kept it looking good now I dont recognize my home anymore. I have no energy to do what i wanted barely enough for daily things. I dont like my home anymore since he has taken it over with his laziness and filthiness and of course it isnt his responsibility it is my home alone he would not have bought it. he does not realize that I am biding my time because soon I will have house back to myself and i will make big changes to be far from here and him. in the meantime the house is horrible looking i am glad no one visits.
This happened to me today. He just push my buttons and I “exploded” making me the bad guy 😢
All those things resonate with me!
He has ghosted me for over 2 months now no contact he blamed me for not taking his mom to the store.
More I talk with my bf about these problems more he does it! He needs to go
Many narcs have OCD but make others clean.
All facts here yep OCD for sure
Most of time i didnt earn money and that was used against me and all lies about spending on others and fun that is how i was presented
My dad convinced me to skip school then called the cops on me. When I was taken to court my dad was sitting at the prosecutor's table. It was just a ploy to harm my mom by harming me.
What a b*st*rd. So sorry.
Just disgraceful how low some people can go! And doing it just to hurt your Mom makes it even worse!
Thanks. Exactly as you say.
Danish I must say I am the Narc 😂 by the first issue. Cleaning up the house before someone is comming to visit. Its typical me.
You are with blue in your room the way I am with pink! Thank you for excellent videos that spread so much insight.
I couldn't do anything...all of them
"Evil,in no uncertain terms of narc's! My x-narc of 6.5 months is in"ash-heap of history!"Best thing I ever did!🙏💜🙏❤️
Definitely true!
All true 100%
I feel like you are the only person in this world who understands me the way I feel, the way I get hurt, and the emotional roller coaster thing is destroying me from inside. Can't escape this cage of confusion and lack of self confidence and trust issues, worries about mine and my baby's future
Don't worry. He will push you so far that one day you will HAVE ENOUGH and find your SELF-CONFIDENCE! And then you will KNOW what to do and how to do it (meaning: leave this shitty way of life for the sake of your and your child's sanity). ✊❤
My ex loved to make a big mess after I cleaned all day then look at me, like what are you going to do about it? So, I stopped cleaning and got busy leaving him. The friends who helped him move said that the house was very dirty I loved keeping my place clean. It would stay clean!
My X exactlly did No 5. With me.
My narc family did 1 to 4 with me.
One narc bro was reknown for associating with my rivals.
Truth, truth, factually true 😞
OMG, HOW ACCURATE!
This things were sooooo petty and intentional... but I could not imagine some one else would be doing it as well. I didn't even tell anybody what is going on because 'no body would beleive this shit'! 🤣🤣🤣
Really... unbeleavable.
THE MORE YOU KNOW - THE FREER YOU ARE. ✊
They are the cow 🐄 that gives the 🥛 milk then kicks the bucket over !
They are so lazy!
The narcissist is all about SHOW
ONE MILLION PERCENT!!!!!!
Weirdly enough my narc husband is actually quite orderly and would clean the whole house if needed, but he may not flush the toilet and keep his car like a trash bin, or not shower enough and hang his worn/badly smelling clothes in the wardrobe, so that all the clothes smell bad in the end
My name is Cheryl I'll be the monster in anybody story as long as they don't leave out the part where they created me
3rd, 4th and 5th...
My narc husband created à problem whith the taxes, than he's wondering why I got back Into my financial trouble and he's asking me to pay the rent I can't pay because of him.
Yes can you keep the house cluttered and I will leave it like that till he does do something about it
i clean my vehicle out and put the rubbish in the recycling bin the next day or a feew days later that pizza box or other things i have thrown in the bin reappear because some criminal has the other key to the vehicle i was sold this is so fucked up.... i am wondering what really happened to my grandmother back in the 80s these days
He is constantly asking if I’m his soul mate and are you kidding. These people are always being mentally abusive to whom they can and get off on it. I ask God to pick my soul mate to be safe.
This is passive aggresive behaviour. Covert narc tactic.
Or friggin leaving the lights on wth yep his mom or his daughters bf
💯
Oh, the thumbnail caught my attention, but this does not apply to me - my egg donor never invited anyone over
THEY ARE VERY SICK, TORMENTED SOULS.
Oh, I thought this was about the mother not a spouse -
❤
1st 2nd and.last
👌👌👌👌👏👏👏👍👍👍🤲🤲🤲🤲🌹🌹🌹🌹😭😭😭😭😭