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@@JonathonAslay Mr Aslay, 1 & foremost I want to send U condolences 💐 for your son , I also have’d lost loved 1’s I know how difficult it can B😢I just wanted to take this time to thank U for Your like & also to to let u know I love your show always, inspite of my comments, you R chivalrous!I’ve learned so much from your show, laughed my but off & like your occasional F Bombs🥰💕please know that I was a faithful believer! I’m not needy, clingy, nor desperate, just a real woman knowing that my faith would haved brought me the true love! It’s happened to others; love a juice, romantic real relationship; Iam also a realist I don’t want anything materialistic from a man that he doesn’t want to give me & I to him! Still an old fashioned girl with respect,integrity & morels,when it comes to life, love & the pursuit of living.please continue with your work I really like it, really I do✌️🇺🇸
I divorced 10 years ago (25 yr marriage) I dated and was alone for 8 years. I went trough therapy and aged from 43 to 51. I grew in myself and after so many heartbreaks and feeling alone, I found the best sweet lovely man ever… I wanted to take care of HIM. I wasn’t swept away at first, but his persistence and confidence drew me in. I am so happy he is the man that he is. I love him. Happy he found me. I don’t think I could have this with him, if I met him right away after my divorce. I wasn’t ready, I had to grow and learn about me en about men.
My past relationships had the attraction, but not yhe foundation of friendship. I found myself happy being single for years. I wasn't even looking, but met a man who is my best friend now and partner. I just naturally WANT to make him happy and share things with him, experiences, partnership, all. He is kind and fun and also wants to see that I'm happy too. We're getting married and have each found a great partner in each other!😊♥
I was married for 33 yrs and my one passed from Cancer. I would definitely go down the marriage road again with a special person if love was there and they are true to the relationship. Love is love…yes you might have to take care of someone but if you love them…you want to be there for them. It could be them taking care of you-remember that!
@@Kathyjohnson-d2b hi there,love is a power to be reckoned with! That ever lasting chain that binds & holds! This is exactly what I believed in when the vows U take! In sickness & in health, for richer or for poor; U R right when U say remember it may B U who needs the taken care of! I always do! There is not 1 divorce in my family history not 1! It’s I do till death do U part!✌️
Absolutely. When we are toxic to ourselves. We attract the same. The more you love yourself the more we seek what we can actually give back. The mirror effect. Self love and the willingness to keep our peace is the first step to a loving relationship 💓 choosing solitude over chaos.
I remember reading an interview with Alice Cooper. He and his wife tell each other regularly they are with each other "till the end" (forgive me if I'm paraphrasing). I thought and think that is so beautiful - they will be with each other till, essentially, the pass on to their next life. That to me is real love. How comforting and loving that must be. Anyway, thank you for your video.
You are so on point with this video, Jonathon. I believe that when we practice self-love, know our worth and set healthy boundaries, we will attract healthy relationships into our lives. A healthy realtionship starts with a foundation of friendship.
What an eye opener? You are the FIRST I’ve heard to say one of the expectations while dating when older (62) is are you accepting of taking care of the other person. WOW. just puts it all right on to perspective doesn’t it!!
A lot of guys in middle age seem to think they are still 30 (even if they are between 40 and 60 something or older) and think they won't get sick (or that their kids will take care of them) and may look at to date women their age or 10 years younger but still are curious about the 20 and 30 year Olds. A lot (not all) will run the moment the middle aged woman gets sick or needs surgery and will temporarily be out of commission. Some still expect the woman to take care of them if something were to happen. If the woman doesn't have kids which a lot of guys seem to prefer, then she is back to being self-reliant. These can even be doctors. It doesn't matter.
THIS IS HUGE THANK U~~ YES WE WORK HARD TO CARE FOR OURSELVES, AND WHEN LOOKING FOR THAT PARTNER WE ARE HERE TO WORK HARD TO CARE FOR THEM. Team effort~~~
Hi Jonathon, Great channel you have, you are the first person from the US that is straight-forward with your knowledge, and experience, no fluff or bull. I coach women through my spiritual business, and I agree with most of what you say. Men and women have to really look deep into the mirror and understand themselves, "expectations vs reality". Please do a video on this as I think it could help a lot of people. The one biggest issue I have is people limit themselves with the soulmate ideal. My god if there were only one person in the world that we were meant to be with, we would all die lonely. Be real when searching for a partner and read the red flags early and run to save yourself grief. Don't hang on to a lead balloon, it wont go anywhere. I have been married 34 years and I know what staying power you need to go this far. I feel the reason I have had lasted so long is because I endured a bad childhood so it enamoured me with a lot of strength. But sometimes people cant build that strength in marriage, it might take a few relationships to do it.
Yes, definitely resonates. I guess I’m looking at the wrong guy. I’m 43, he’s 55. I come with luggage and he’s what you describe as User/spender. I am seeking a life partner. I told him off after he failed to come through again. Apparently, there are emotionally unevolved men even at age 55.
@@jennlaw3165 there definitely are! My married friends don’t believe me that these man children who are fathers and grandfathers are behaving on dating apps. I’m done with it all. If he’s out there ill meet up god willing
I felt sorry for G yesterday. I have never been that woman and the desperation she felt seemed sad. I was told many years ago to not depend on a man...financially or otherwise. So i never have. I believe you have to appreciate and have a mutual respect for one another. Be true to yourself. Thank you Jonathon for your wisdom!! I appreciate you!❤👍
@@debbiemoeller2169 me too - it’s so easy to get wrapped up in the moment. But then what? I believe that’s why she reached out… & then the ego says.. but! But? … However, Jonathan is right! We don’t have time to play… hopefully more men get the memo…
Ladies, please don't take this approach to not be able to depend on your husband. It's the wrong ideology. If you cannot be vulnerable with your husband, who can you be vulnerable with?
@@seatruth5737 unfortunately, I went down that road & my Husband emptied the entire bank account while I was pregnant and caring for our twins by myself. And I found out on my own when we had a medical emergency. Even separated, he leaves me alone with no money and no transportation. The paperwork is in but the laws for divorce are very strict. Trust me, when you’re betrayed by the person who you trust the most, no matter what they did or how they did it, you will always be leery to put yourself out there again in the same way. While I had separated myself from him, he’s still my children’s father & I have to live with that mistake every day…
After listening to your advice for the last 5 years, I am ready to open my heart to a man that I have been vetting this whole time. You laughed when I said I had been vetting him for 5 years, you asked if he was still alive. It's all those things I've been looking for in a man! While listening to your advice and putting your advice to the test, I believe I have finally found that one! I don't want to change him and I am willing to take care of him as we grow old together;😊
Every man here who truly wants to find true commitment, Christian or not, should read Proverbs 31. Proverbs 31 outlines the ideal woman a man should go for. It’s pretty much the highest standard possible
@@JonathonAslay they do, but mostly found in church and of course even still it’s not that perfect. I’m going through divorce with a covert narcissist and have been separated for over 6 months and just seeing what’s out there. I’ve spoken to dozens of girls, who were mostly scammers, but have found 1 person that I’ve been talking to for almost 2 months who I feel might be the one. She is as close to a Proverbs 31 woman as I’ve seen. I got so sick of everything in my life that I finally broke down and went to God and asked Him to send me the one to be best friends with until after I’m divorced. The next day I met Julia on an app called Friended. She’s going through her own struggles, but she’s been amazing so far. I can’t count the number of prayers God has answered about her
The last point is the missing piece I’ve been searching for to understand my situation these past few months. Thank you so much for bringing clarity to me. You are appreciated
Moved to a new town. I've been single for 3 decades and disinterested by virtue of a heartbreak for a dozen years. Out of the blue there was a touch of chemistry and then something more happened so fast my head was spinning. This past weekend he asked me to move in and share his life. He knows I have a distaste for the marriage paperwork so surprised by my own words, I agreed. 😊 yes we're older and that makes each day more precious. Yes we'll have to care for each other as we walk this last path but I can't imagine anyone else caring for him but me because I love the man. I hope everyone listened because the advice is spot on. I asked him if he had my back and he said, as long as there's life honey
Sometimes we don’t even know we have fall in love until we have fallen in love. Sometimes we don’t know the person we are dating as well in love with us until they are fall in love with us. Hopefully you both fall together, right Jonathan.
Jonathon! It’s been some time for me, wanted to catch you up. I listened intently to your talks, took notes, answered questions to myself about what I really wanted and I’m happy to say that on July 4th we celebrated one year together, have had so many wonderful experiences (including a trip to Europe in June), and I’ve just moved in and started massage school. It’s quite the adjustment as we downsize our stuff, but we are planning for the future together. Ladies, Jonathon speaks truth from the heart and this 50 year old gal is happy to have people like him out there!💜
Finding real is not faint of heart. I’m willing Jonathon…you’re a crusader for love and I have been watching you for years. Hugging my teddy bear and will have a real one soon 😍
Newly subscribed from England. I learned a lot from your explanation of the importance of appreciation. I have the 80% & now I realise that I can actually appreciate the 20% Im not crazy about. I definitely have the care element on both sides. We have had to prove that early on in our relationship where we could have drifted apart. We didnt. It made us stronger. You have helped me to accept him fully. I already love him, im prepared to take care of him, I definitely want to do that. Now, thanks to you, I can work on appreciating the difference between us. Hes already reached that stage. He accepts me fully. Btw im 59, hes 56. Thanks so much.
I just discovered your channel and hearing what you said in this video really truly encouraged me to accept what I want in my life and one of them is definitely a life mate that I want to spend lots of quality time with and take care of each other for... It is such a liberating feeling to acknowledge that. There aren't so many coaches who can talk about dating from your perspective. You are so right about men and women in their 20's and 30's and those that have different life experiences already and in their 40's-60's. Our desires are different and deeper and should be with maturity of understanding who we are and I know I never want to have those casual unintentional dating again. In order to find a life mate who wants the same thing as I do, I have to be comfortable speaking for myself about those needs and desires and have the courage to be that woman and take actions. I really really appreciate this video . Thank you!!!
Jonathan you are Spot on, the nurse/ purse is real, both ways as we age. The thing that must be in the open is does your partner truly value you or are they there for the” ride “ ? I’ve lived this scenario and realized that yes, in a heartbeat the toxic man would leave without a second glance if I didn’t give the amount of attention and stay under his passive aggressive narc toxic control. Mistake vetting that one- divorce !Out with the old and in with the new.. glad I made my exit and can live free. That experience doesn’t stop me from my new partner and I going the distance, it’s a very different feeling of reciprocity.. empathy, love and kindness . Toxic people it’s all about them all the time .. curb those mf’s ladies.. and move on to your dream.. replace the person not the dream.. as Susan Winter says so eloquently. Enjoy the time we have left because we know not the hour or the day. 🎉 enjoy every day ❤
"My alone feels so good. I'll have you only if you're sweeter than my solitude ". Very liberating and freeing to live a life of choices to be single or being in a relationship.. ❤❤
Another great video!! Love is so hard to find and so hard to keep. It’s so true about how we find it easy to accept 80% of someone but the 20% is just tolerated. It’s difficult to accept if one or both parties is not emotionally mature because it takes an emotionally mature person to build a nurturing relationship that will stand the test of time. It takes time and healing to become emotionally mature. It goes back to Jonathon’s book about self love. You can’t love someone else until you love yourself first. Emotionally maturity encompasses so many elements. Being able to compromise is also crucial to bridge the differences. Even the best of couples will have conflicts and differences Having strong communication & conflict-resolution skills, and finding a compromise so it’s a “win-win” for both is required for a healthy relationship to go the distance.
@@JRLM-e8m oh thank U so much for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it! It lets me know I’m not just talking geburish ! That there really is a real person with real feelings,replying! Take good care of yourself🦋💐🕊️
❤ This resonates big time. This is crucial if we, women also have done the works. We attract the right men if we know our boundaries, what we want without any pretense. Just be authentic and our core values are the same with the man we want to spend the rest of our 30 years with.
Good conversation with truth & reality we all need Jonathon. Relationships take work, strength, unselfishness & unconditional love! We all fall short in commitment when things get hard. Thanks for the hugs & back to you.❤ Two things we could all use more of, good music & warm hugs.
I'm ok with being the nurse. I've come to terms with the fact that the men I date will likely have health issues or be closing the gap on them. His body won't look like a 20 year olds. Neither will or does mine. Accepting reality is a big step in finding partnership over 40.
Love the focus on personal sovereignty and on reality vs. delusion! It’s so easy to build castles in our minds, but learning to love life as it is creates true happiness I think. Glad I found you Jonathan!
Seems many want a nurse or a purse. I am ok with either if they are the right person, but in dating it seems some are already thinking about that because of their poor health, poor finances. This person has to be on my equal field and be willing to care for me, as well. Don’t want to start off as the nurse or the purse from the start. I am in good health and expect that person to be as well. Then when we are committed caring for one another is just the right thing to do.
Amen Jonathan, I hear you.. my work puts me in touch with reality of mortality all the time, sad to say. Since Jan, one Young human client and some of my elderly pet clients passed away...it makes one wonder for sure...Thankfully my youngest says he'll take care of me and I can live with him when I get old....I pray I wouldn't have to depend on him, but it helps to have a back up plan... Thank you Jonathan- many need this wake up call...Bless! 🙏💐🌞
the person I care about and feel a connection with lives in my heart and I told him so. and during the pandemic, I asked for his safety and well being every day. We are not together yet because it is a professional situation so I have to be patient respectful and hope that he knows it and can trust that I am stable. After years of work, I respect that and just will have to wait to see if anything ever developets If not, I just have to go on with life.
Jonathon you're so down to earth 🌎, truly i mean that but i have to be honest that you make me cry, thank you for your work and also supporting others who really desire a life partner
@@JonathonAslay because it's personal as it's the realization of things void and missing in life which obviously left with loneliness, despair and longing just to understood and cared for, moments of sadness, hugs and gratitude Jonathon 👍🙏
I want to be his nurse and mind being a purse. what i do for him is out of love. I do it for love. And i notice he does the for me. For better or worse. We know what we want. And that is each other. It's Great. I feel bless. Jonathan, i like your videos. I watch them to see if i am missing anything. You are very good.
Thank you Jonathan, brilliant insights and advice. I listened to you to understand men post divorce and I have the man of my dreams in my life 🙏♥️✨ I had to lay down my wishes to have a life partner and he ran towards me, the ones who run away still need to heal, they’re still broken and unable to commit. It took a couple of years apart from when we met in the midst of our divorces, mine went on for 4 years but now my life is on a different trajector, due to my radical honesty and of course combined with healing, both of us being whole again and able to have a juicy delicious relationship, as you so aptly describe! Thank you, I’m so grateful for your extensive wisdom, willingness to share with your passionate convictions, you’re an amazing man! 🎉🙏♥️✨😊
I loved your session it assisted me and I took note of everything you said. I have a friend that I have known for 9 years. His wife recently passed away and we started seeing each other but from the beginning, I was courteous and said to him I would be here as a friend but you needed to mourn your wife, and then if you worked through everything and still wanted us to give it a go we can take a step further. 3 weeks in we kissed and I said to him glad we tried it but now you and I need to work on ourselves because you can't bleed on me and I can't get hurt again. I decided to cut communication because I started feeling that he to fast and we going to get hurt. We started talking again after he contacted me and I set clear boundaries and he agreed that he was not yet ready for a relationship. We now talk sometimes but we agreed it's just as friends without any benefits or access just support. He lives his life and I live mine and we will see in a year. I have strong Christian values and so does he both our kids already living their own lives or already married. Pls, can you guide me if we are on the right path? I am independent and strong and more than happy being alone and comfortable with myself and knowing my worth I can be his friend with these clear boundaries and respect him in his journey without any expectation of us being together one day.
Thank you Johnathan I appreciate your thoughts and words of wisdom I am a 66 year old widow This dating scene is the most craziest thing I've ever experienced I seem to attract younger men which I can appreciate but most of them don't know what the hell they want therefore making it difficult for a decent relationship I will date whom I please till the right. One comes along but I'm not sleeping around so if that's all they want good luck to me I only want one solid partner I'm not getting any younger Maybe I need someone closer in age but I don't find the attraction pleasing Just a few thoughts to let you know there are people listening to you talk again one day Chow
Great wisdom. After becoming a widow and several years later started dating again, I heard this a lot, be careful not to become a nurse with a purse. I did date a man that was always very okay with me paying and never argued that he would "take care of it"! I didn't like that about him and when he told me he loved me after date number 2 on which I paid for our dinner, I lost respect for him not long after. It was odd and I understand divorce is financially rough on men. Becoming a widow is hard too but my late husband and I invested wisely. I do want to find a man who I can love enough to take care of when the time comes. I have dated only a few men and so far, I've not yet met anyone that I respect enough to do that. I also take very good care of myself so that I age gracefully and I'm physically prepared to the best of my ability.
Great conversation Jonathon totally agree once we accept that we can take of one another on a 50:50 level than Bob’s your uncle happy days I reckon. Acceptance is key here
Good and this is the first video that let me know you. Your speech is very good with passion and I shared it on my Facebook that I believe this can help my friends or people who are surrounding me. Thank you so much for your words, encouragements from the deepest your heart and speech out the truth about human life. This can help so many people or even if myself who are (is) not 100% sure about “ partner(s)”. What kind of partner(s) we should have in our life. Thank you !
To eant to take care of him/ her, you need to like and KNOW a person. You cannot really "decide" to want that, but you can decide to do, as long as you really wantto be with that person.
Thank you our sovereignJonathon for all input for a better relation w goood intentions❤Great advises as always 😊 sinking in one after one.😊 Keeping up with the good self upbuilding work first❤Then embrase honesty, setting standards facing in the deep questions,both ways. Love ya big brother❤
At 58 I often get mistaken to be in my early 30s, including at the gym when I have no make up and enjoying combo moves and supersets. I’ve never been on meds and have pretty much nailed down the longevity front and have a fully remote job to love for decades longer. I would love to find a man similar in health, whatever the chronological age, to enjoy the next 40 years or so with. But OMG where is such man who is also bona fide single and financially free? I’m sorry, I do not want to be anyone’s nurse, cook, or maid, either.
I don’t want hook ups. I don’t want Situationships. I don’t want casual sex. I don’t want casual relationships or friends with benefits. If I can’t have real love, I would much much rather rather be alone. Much respect and thanks Jonathon for this video. I re-subbed. I really appreciate the lack of profanity. You’re a great guy and I love when you keep it clean.❤❤❤
True, the older you get, the more caregiving becomes an issue, which is why I have no intention of ever getting married again. Since I was a very young child, I've been a caregiver and I'm over it. But if you do want marriage/long-term commitment you need to truly embrace that caregiving component. It's real.
@@LoralLee I remember talking to an older widowed woman about 20 years ago. She said several of her girlfriends remarried after the death of their husbands , all regretted their decision. They pointed out that they were in good shape physically and financially and they were looking forward to traveling to exotic places and visiting their children and enjoying life, but each husband became too ill and they needed to stay home and take care of them. I’m 65 and my husband is 78 we’ve been married for 45 years. I’m assuming I’ll out live him and I’ll never remarry.
@@theinspiredgardener6434 Wow, that's a wide age difference. Congratulations on 45 years! Yes, there are good reasons why many older women get involved with younger men rather than older men. When you marry at 20, the "through sickness and health" part generally won't come up for decades and maybe never if you part ways, but if you marry at 60, 70, 80+, the sickness part is pretty much a given. And while there are many men who are excellent caretakers of their wives, it does seem like more men are in need of care than women, or at least more demanding about it.
well, i guess i dont want to take care of someone, im 35 years old, i think when this happens, love is gone. He should take care of himself of course sometimes i can help but not always cos im not a nurse and yes i dont want to be a purse, sometimes i can but in a short time he should gain sth, still i want a committed relationship, but i dont want regular sex cos thats boring. Im not a native speaker sorry if it sounds a little harsh
I have been with my life partner now for 2.5 yrs and we have known each other each other for 4 yrs. He has told me he will love me to the end and I believe him. I am 73 and he is 41 and he does not have a problem with the age difference but I do. I can’t imagine my life without him but want to be realistic. Should I just be blessed this man loves me or should I set him free so he can live his life with a woman closer to his age.
Thanks for sharing Heather my 49-yo guy is 25 years younger and we met a year and a half ago. My feeling is that realistically he'll be with me until it's time for him to go. Can I handle that? I've got to be able to let him go if and when the time comes
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@@JonathonAslay Mr Aslay, 1 & foremost I want to send U condolences 💐 for your son , I also have’d lost loved 1’s I know how difficult it can B😢I just wanted to take this time to thank U for Your like & also to to let u know I love your show always, inspite of my comments, you R chivalrous!I’ve learned so much from your show, laughed my but off & like your occasional F Bombs🥰💕please know that I was a faithful believer! I’m not needy, clingy, nor desperate, just a real woman knowing that my faith would haved brought me the true love! It’s happened to others; love a juice, romantic real relationship; Iam also a realist I don’t want anything materialistic from a man that he doesn’t want to give me & I to him! Still an old fashioned girl with respect,integrity & morels,when it comes to life, love & the pursuit of living.please continue with your work I really like it, really I do✌️🇺🇸
1 Accept the person for who they are
2 Genuine appreciation for the other person
3 I want to/ will take care of you.
Thank you.
@@estherbeautiful you’re doing the Lords work lol🙌🏾
I love this. Thank you so much. I am striving to be the best partner I can be with these pointers. Shalom
Thank you
I divorced 10 years ago (25 yr marriage) I dated and was alone for 8 years. I went trough therapy and aged from 43 to 51. I grew in myself and after so many heartbreaks and feeling alone, I found the best sweet lovely man ever… I wanted to take care of HIM. I wasn’t swept away at first, but his persistence and confidence drew me in. I am so happy he is the man that he is. I love him. Happy he found me. I don’t think I could have this with him, if I met him right away after my divorce. I wasn’t ready, I had to grow and learn about me en about men.
@@evalinevanderwiel826 love this
I don't believe in the friends with benefits thing, rather be by myself.
My past relationships had the attraction, but not yhe foundation of friendship. I found myself happy being single for years. I wasn't even looking, but met a man who is my best friend now and partner. I just naturally WANT to make him happy and share things with him, experiences, partnership, all. He is kind and fun and also wants to see that I'm happy too. We're getting married and have each found a great partner in each other!😊♥
All the best to you. :-)
I would rather spend 20 years with an older man who loves me, than 50 years with a younger man who doesn’t. Just saying. ☕️😁❤️
Gotcha
Hi Jessica
🎯🎯🎯
Im doing that right now.
Agreed 💯
I was married for 33 yrs and my one passed from Cancer. I would definitely go down the marriage road again with a special person if love was there and they are true to the relationship. Love is love…yes you might have to take care of someone but if you love them…you want to be there for them. It could be them taking care of you-remember that!
❤❤❤
@@Kathyjohnson-d2b hi there,love is a power to be reckoned with! That ever lasting chain that binds & holds! This is exactly what I believed in when the vows U take! In sickness & in health, for richer or for poor; U R right when U say remember it may B U who needs the taken care of! I always do! There is not 1 divorce in my family history not 1! It’s I do till death do U part!✌️
Absolutely. When we are toxic to ourselves. We attract the same. The more you love yourself the more we seek what we can actually give back. The mirror effect. Self love and the willingness to keep our peace is the first step to a loving relationship 💓 choosing solitude over chaos.
Indeed
It’s all about setting boundaries and making it very clear that you respect yourself.
Indeed
Deception of Chemistry. So true. This is the most important time to question each other’s compatibility. Chemistry creates an illusion of trust.
I remember reading an interview with Alice Cooper. He and his wife tell each other regularly they are with each other "till the end" (forgive me if I'm paraphrasing). I thought and think that is so beautiful - they will be with each other till, essentially, the pass on to their next life. That to me is real love. How comforting and loving that must be. Anyway, thank you for your video.
My pleasure 🙏
@@Ifonly-notus wow, that is awesome! May you have many more happy years together!
You are so on point with this video, Jonathon. I believe that when we practice self-love, know our worth and set healthy boundaries, we will attract healthy relationships into our lives. A healthy realtionship starts with a foundation of friendship.
Exactly
What an eye opener? You are the FIRST I’ve heard to say one of the expectations while dating when older (62) is are you accepting of taking care of the other person. WOW. just puts it all right on to perspective doesn’t it!!
Exactly
A lot of guys in middle age seem to think they are still 30 (even if they are between 40 and 60 something or older) and think they won't get sick (or that their kids will take care of them) and may look at to date women their age or 10 years younger but still are curious about the 20 and 30 year Olds. A lot (not all) will run the moment the middle aged woman gets sick or needs surgery and will temporarily be out of commission. Some still expect the woman to take care of them if something were to happen. If the woman doesn't have kids which a lot of guys seem to prefer, then she is back to being self-reliant. These can even be doctors. It doesn't matter.
THIS IS HUGE THANK U~~ YES WE WORK HARD TO CARE FOR OURSELVES, AND WHEN LOOKING FOR THAT PARTNER WE ARE HERE TO WORK HARD TO CARE FOR THEM. Team effort~~~
Hi Jonathon, Great channel you have, you are the first person from the US that is straight-forward with your knowledge, and experience, no fluff or bull. I coach women through my spiritual business, and I agree with most of what you say. Men and women have to really look deep into the mirror and understand themselves, "expectations vs reality". Please do a video on this as I think it could help a lot of people. The one biggest issue I have is people limit themselves with the soulmate ideal. My god if there were only one person in the world that we were meant to be with, we would all die lonely. Be real when searching for a partner and read the red flags early and run to save yourself grief. Don't hang on to a lead balloon, it wont go anywhere. I have been married 34 years and I know what staying power you need to go this far. I feel the reason I have had lasted so long is because I endured a bad childhood so it enamoured me with a lot of strength. But sometimes people cant build that strength in marriage, it might take a few relationships to do it.
Yes, definitely resonates. I guess I’m looking at the wrong guy. I’m 43, he’s 55. I come with luggage and he’s what you describe as User/spender. I am seeking a life partner. I told him off after he failed to come through again. Apparently, there are emotionally unevolved men even at age 55.
Oh, yeah
@@jennlaw3165 there definitely are! My married friends don’t believe me that these man children who are fathers and grandfathers are behaving on dating apps. I’m done with it all. If he’s out there ill meet up god willing
And 65!
I felt sorry for G yesterday. I have never been that woman and the desperation she felt seemed sad. I was told many years ago to not depend on a man...financially or otherwise. So i never have. I believe you have to appreciate and have a mutual respect for one another. Be true to yourself. Thank you Jonathon for your wisdom!! I appreciate you!❤👍
@@debbiemoeller2169 me too - it’s so easy to get wrapped up in the moment. But then what? I believe that’s why she reached out… & then the ego says.. but! But? … However, Jonathan is right! We don’t have time to play… hopefully more men get the memo…
@@lorrainec3673 agree 100%
Ladies, please don't take this approach to not be able to depend on your husband. It's the wrong ideology. If you cannot be vulnerable with your husband, who can you be vulnerable with?
@@seatruth5737 unfortunately, I went down that road & my Husband emptied the entire bank account while I was pregnant and caring for our twins by myself. And I found out on my own when we had a medical emergency.
Even separated, he leaves me alone with no money and no transportation. The paperwork is in but the laws for divorce are very strict.
Trust me, when you’re betrayed by the person who you trust the most, no matter what they did or how they did it, you will always be leery to put yourself out there again in the same way. While I had separated myself from him, he’s still my children’s father & I have to live with that mistake every day…
This is exactly why i avoid dating now. I am already having a hard life... i don't need to have someone else come along and give me a hard time.
❤ 💯
After listening to your advice for the last 5 years, I am ready to open my heart to a man that I have been vetting this whole time. You laughed when I said I had been vetting him for 5 years, you asked if he was still alive. It's all those things I've been looking for in a man! While listening to your advice and putting your advice to the test, I believe I have finally found that one! I don't want to change him and I am willing to take care of him as we grow old together;😊
Yay! I'm happy for you ☺️
@@JonathonAslay thanks to my
"big brother,"
Maybe he’s been vetting you too!
Every man here who truly wants to find true commitment, Christian or not, should read Proverbs 31. Proverbs 31 outlines the ideal woman a man should go for. It’s pretty much the highest standard possible
Do those people exist?
@@JonathonAslay they do, but mostly found in church and of course even still it’s not that perfect. I’m going through divorce with a covert narcissist and have been separated for over 6 months and just seeing what’s out there. I’ve spoken to dozens of girls, who were mostly scammers, but have found 1 person that I’ve been talking to for almost 2 months who I feel might be the one. She is as close to a Proverbs 31 woman as I’ve seen. I got so sick of everything in my life that I finally broke down and went to God and asked Him to send me the one to be best friends with until after I’m divorced. The next day I met Julia on an app called Friended. She’s going through her own struggles, but she’s been amazing so far. I can’t count the number of prayers God has answered about her
The last point is the missing piece I’ve been searching for to understand my situation these past few months. Thank you so much for bringing clarity to me. You are appreciated
Moved to a new town. I've been single for 3 decades and disinterested by virtue of a heartbreak for a dozen years. Out of the blue there was a touch of chemistry and then something more happened so fast my head was spinning. This past weekend he asked me to move in and share his life. He knows I have a distaste for the marriage paperwork so surprised by my own words, I agreed. 😊 yes we're older and that makes each day more precious. Yes we'll have to care for each other as we walk this last path but I can't imagine anyone else caring for him but me because I love the man. I hope everyone listened because the advice is spot on. I asked him if he had my back and he said, as long as there's life honey
Sometimes we don’t even know we have fall in love until we have fallen in love. Sometimes we don’t know the person we are dating as well in love with us until they are fall in love with us. Hopefully you both fall together, right Jonathan.
Jonathon! It’s been some time for me, wanted to catch you up. I listened intently to your talks, took notes, answered questions to myself about what I really wanted and I’m happy to say that on July 4th we celebrated one year together, have had so many wonderful experiences (including a trip to Europe in June), and I’ve just moved in and started massage school. It’s quite the adjustment as we downsize our stuff, but we are planning for the future together. Ladies, Jonathon speaks truth from the heart and this 50 year old gal is happy to have people like him out there!💜
Finding real is not faint of heart. I’m willing Jonathon…you’re a crusader for love and I have been watching you for years. Hugging my teddy bear and will have a real one soon 😍
Newly subscribed from England.
I learned a lot from your explanation of the importance of appreciation.
I have the 80% & now I realise that I can actually appreciate the 20% Im not crazy about.
I definitely have the care element on both sides. We have had to prove that early on in our relationship where we could have drifted apart.
We didnt.
It made us stronger. You have helped me to accept him fully. I already love him, im prepared to take care of him, I definitely want to do that.
Now, thanks to you, I can work on appreciating the difference between us.
Hes already reached that stage. He accepts me fully.
Btw im 59, hes 56.
Thanks so much.
Yay!
I just discovered your channel and hearing what you said in this video really truly encouraged me to accept what I want in my life and one of them is definitely a life mate that I want to spend lots of quality time with and take care of each other for... It is such a liberating feeling to acknowledge that. There aren't so many coaches who can talk about dating from your perspective. You are so right about men and women in their 20's and 30's and those that have different life experiences already and in their 40's-60's. Our desires are different and deeper and should be with maturity of understanding who we are and I know I never want to have those casual unintentional dating again. In order to find a life mate who wants the same thing as I do, I have to be comfortable speaking for myself about those needs and desires and have the courage to be that woman and take actions. I really really appreciate this video . Thank you!!!
I AGREE WITH WHAT YOU ARE SAYING, AND AM VERY BLESSED TO HAVE A FIANCE WHO EMBODIES THESE QUALITIES!!!!
MANY THANKS FOR YOUR WISE WORDS!!!!
You are so welcome
Jonathan you are Spot on, the nurse/ purse is real, both ways as we age. The thing that must be in the open is does your partner truly value you or are they there for the” ride “ ? I’ve lived this scenario and realized that yes, in a heartbeat the toxic man would leave without a second glance if I didn’t give the amount of attention and stay under his passive aggressive narc toxic control. Mistake vetting that one- divorce !Out with the old and in with the new.. glad I made my exit and can live free. That experience doesn’t stop me from my new partner and I going the distance, it’s a very different feeling of reciprocity.. empathy, love and kindness . Toxic people it’s all about them all the time .. curb those mf’s ladies.. and move on to your dream.. replace the person not the dream.. as Susan Winter says so eloquently. Enjoy the time we have left because we know not the hour or the day. 🎉 enjoy every day ❤
Yes
Just this resonates with me. I found you this morning.....I don't believe in coincidences.
Hope you enjoy the content...
"My alone feels so good. I'll have you only if you're sweeter than my solitude ". Very liberating and freeing to live a life of choices to be single or being in a relationship.. ❤❤
Another great video!! Love is so hard to find and so hard to keep. It’s so true about how we find it easy to accept 80% of someone but the 20% is just tolerated. It’s difficult to accept if one or both parties is not emotionally mature because it takes an emotionally mature person to build a nurturing relationship that will stand the test of time. It takes time and healing to become emotionally mature. It goes back to Jonathon’s book about self love. You can’t love someone else until you love yourself first. Emotionally maturity encompasses so many elements. Being able to compromise is also crucial to bridge the differences. Even the best of couples will have conflicts and differences Having strong communication & conflict-resolution skills, and finding a compromise so it’s a “win-win” for both is required for a healthy relationship to go the distance.
@@JRLM-e8m hi there I’m not sure if u got my reply to your well thought out & written comment 💕💐🕊️
Thanks, glad my comment resonated with you. Hugs!! 🤗❤️🤗
@@JRLM-e8m oh thank U so much for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it! It lets me know I’m not just talking geburish ! That there really is a real person with real feelings,replying! Take good care of yourself🦋💐🕊️
Thanks, you too. 🌷🩷😊
@@JRLM-e8m thanks so much
💕🦋🕊️
You are very smart, you are so right, my man started appriciate me only when i started loving myself and becoming confident...
❤ This resonates big time. This is crucial if we, women also have done the works. We attract the right men if we know our boundaries, what we want without any pretense. Just be authentic and our core values are the same with the man we want to spend the rest of our 30 years with.
Absolutely!!
Good conversation with truth & reality we all need Jonathon. Relationships take work, strength, unselfishness & unconditional love! We all fall short in commitment when things get hard. Thanks for the hugs & back to you.❤ Two things we could all use more of, good music & warm hugs.
Well said!
I'm ok with being the nurse. I've come to terms with the fact that the men I date will likely have health issues or be closing the gap on them. His body won't look like a 20 year olds. Neither will or does mine. Accepting reality is a big step in finding partnership over 40.
Love the focus on personal sovereignty and on reality vs. delusion! It’s so easy to build castles in our minds, but learning to love life as it is creates true happiness I think. Glad I found you Jonathan!
Seems many want a nurse or a purse. I am ok with either if they are the right person, but in dating it seems some are already thinking about that because of their poor health, poor finances. This person has to be on my equal field and be willing to care for me, as well. Don’t want to start off as the nurse or the purse from the start. I am in good health and expect that person to be as well. Then when we are committed caring for one another is just the right thing to do.
I'm glad you do these videos they helps so many
Awe... thank you 😊
Amen Jonathan, I hear you.. my work puts me in touch with reality of mortality all the time, sad to say. Since Jan, one Young human client and some of my elderly pet clients passed away...it makes one wonder for sure...Thankfully my youngest says he'll take care of me and I can live with him when I get old....I pray I wouldn't have to depend on him, but it helps to have a back up plan...
Thank you Jonathan- many need this wake up call...Bless! 🙏💐🌞
the person I care about and feel a connection with lives in my heart and I told him so. and during the pandemic, I asked for his safety and well being every day. We are not together yet because it is a professional situation so I have to be patient respectful and hope that he knows it and can trust that I am stable. After years of work, I respect that and just will have to wait to see if anything ever developets If not, I just have to go on with life.
Good words... there is no love without sacrifice!
Jonathon you're so down to earth 🌎, truly i mean that but i have to be honest that you make me cry, thank you for your work and also supporting others who really desire a life partner
How do I make you cry?
@@JonathonAslay because it's personal as it's the realization of things void and missing in life which obviously left with loneliness, despair and longing just to understood and cared for, moments of sadness, hugs and gratitude Jonathon 👍🙏
Good stuff. It is alot more complicated in both genders nowdays with how things are now.
I want to be his nurse and mind being a purse. what i do for him is out of love. I do it for love. And i notice he does the for me. For better or worse. We know what we want. And that is each other. It's Great. I feel bless. Jonathan, i like your videos. I watch them to see if i am missing anything. You are very good.
Thanks for sharing!!
Thank you Jonathan, brilliant insights and advice. I listened to you to understand men post divorce and I have the man of my dreams in my life 🙏♥️✨ I had to lay down my wishes to have a life partner and he ran towards me, the ones who run away still need to heal, they’re still broken and unable to commit.
It took a couple of years apart from when we met in the midst of our divorces, mine went on for 4 years but now my life is on a different trajector, due to my radical honesty and of course combined with healing, both of us being whole again and able to have a juicy delicious relationship, as you so aptly describe! Thank you, I’m so grateful for your extensive wisdom, willingness to share with your passionate convictions, you’re an amazing man! 🎉🙏♥️✨😊
I loved your session it assisted me and I took note of everything you said. I have a friend that I have known for 9 years. His wife recently passed away and we started seeing each other but from the beginning, I was courteous and said to him I would be here as a friend but you needed to mourn your wife, and then if you worked through everything and still wanted us to give it a go we can take a step further. 3 weeks in we kissed and I said to him glad we tried it but now you and I need to work on ourselves because you can't bleed on me and I can't get hurt again. I decided to cut communication because I started feeling that he to fast and we going to get hurt. We started talking again after he contacted me and I set clear boundaries and he agreed that he was not yet ready for a relationship. We now talk sometimes but we agreed it's just as friends without any benefits or access just support.
He lives his life and I live mine and we will see in a year. I have strong Christian values and so does he both our kids already living their own lives or already married.
Pls, can you guide me if we are on the right path? I am independent and strong and more than happy being alone and comfortable with myself and knowing my worth I can be his friend with these clear boundaries and respect him in his journey without any expectation of us being together one day.
Thank You Sir,Just what Men and Women wants to have a lasting relationship.God bless you Sir.
You are very welcome
This is one of my favorite videos
Happy to hear 😊
So we're going to have Jonathan for a long, long time!
Jonathon the 3rd ,we have to have conversation,I,am Chronique ill …
I wish him the best,because he deserve a healthy women
I do understand him 🙏❤️
Wow this is absolutely true.
Thank you Johnathan I appreciate your thoughts and words of wisdom I am a 66 year old widow This dating scene is the most craziest thing I've ever experienced I seem to attract younger men which I can appreciate but most of them don't know what the hell they want therefore making it difficult for a decent relationship I will date whom I please till the right. One comes along but I'm not sleeping around so if that's all they want good luck to me I only want one solid partner I'm not getting any younger Maybe I need someone closer in age but I don't find the attraction pleasing Just a few thoughts to let you know there are people listening to you talk again one day Chow
Have self respect and friends first will permanently build solid foundation for you to both build on in the future .
Great wisdom. After becoming a widow and several years later started dating again, I heard this a lot, be careful not to become a nurse with a purse. I did date a man that was always very okay with me paying and never argued that he would "take care of it"! I didn't like that about him and when he told me he loved me after date number 2 on which I paid for our dinner, I lost respect for him not long after. It was odd and I understand divorce is financially rough on men. Becoming a widow is hard too but my late husband and I invested wisely. I do want to find a man who I can love enough to take care of when the time comes. I have dated only a few men and so far, I've not yet met anyone that I respect enough to do that. I also take very good care of myself so that I age gracefully and I'm physically prepared to the best of my ability.
You're the best Jonathan
Great conversation Jonathon totally agree once we accept that we can take of one another on a 50:50 level than Bob’s your uncle happy days I reckon. Acceptance is key here
Maybe
Good and this is the first video that let me know you. Your speech is very good with passion and I shared it on my Facebook that I believe this can help my friends or people who are surrounding me. Thank you so much for your words, encouragements from the deepest your heart and speech out the truth about human life. This can help so many people or even if myself who are (is) not 100% sure about “ partner(s)”. What kind of partner(s) we should have in our life. Thank you !
Awesome! Thank you!
Totally agree with your views.
Love your passion, the yelling, the realistic views. I need more of this. I would love to be awakened from my delusions as a romantic
Are you joking, or are you not joking? Anyway, he makes sense to me.
To eant to take care of him/ her, you need to like and KNOW a person. You cannot really "decide" to want that, but you can decide to do, as long as you really wantto be with that person.
Yes, and it starts by wanting it before meeting them.
Excellent! Thank you.
This was so informative! I learned so much about what real ove is. Thank you.
Thank you our sovereignJonathon for all input for a better relation w goood intentions❤Great advises as always 😊 sinking in one after one.😊 Keeping up with the good self upbuilding work first❤Then embrase honesty, setting standards facing in the deep questions,both ways.
Love ya big brother❤
That was excellent ❤
Right. Now, it's just finding a person who meets all the criteria and is willing to dance the dance... 🙄 Good luck, everyone.
Thanks Jonathon. Your message resonated
Glad it was helpful!
At 58 I often get mistaken to be in my early 30s, including at the gym when I have no make up and enjoying combo moves and supersets. I’ve never been on meds and have pretty much nailed down the longevity front and have a fully remote job to love for decades longer. I would love to find a man similar in health, whatever the chronological age, to enjoy the next 40 years or so with. But OMG where is such man who is also bona fide single and financially free? I’m sorry, I do not want to be anyone’s nurse, cook, or maid, either.
Except when he might need to be a nurse…we never know what the future holds. 💜
How can he see you?
Truly let it go and you'll find him ❤
@@JonathonAslayAt the gym, while on looooooong walks, on the Koko Head hike, at Waimea Bay…. 😊 I’m on IG, same screen name.🤙🏽
@@deec411In the meantime, I’ll just keep being happily single and living my best life ;-)
Love your videos...........always great advice and thank you! 😊
Thank you, I needed to hear that ❤
I attract much younger men. A good and a bad thing. My last two boyfriends wanted me as a wife.
I love this. You are so spot on!
Glad you think so!
I met this man
Amen
Is it srill going well?
Great video with some eye-opening thoughts
Glad you enjoyed it!
Your book Self Love is excellent 😊
Thanks for the kindness...
@@JonathonAslay You are welcome 😊 I take it every where I go. You have been very helpful in my life, Jonathon Aslay.
I just subscribed because you just simply made sense. Thank you !
WOW, thank you 😊
You hit the nail on the head ....big time
Thank you for all you do. I appreciate you and the information.
I appreciate that
I don’t want hook ups. I don’t want Situationships. I don’t want casual sex. I don’t want casual relationships or friends with benefits. If I can’t have real love, I would much much rather rather be alone.
Much respect and thanks Jonathon for this video. I re-subbed. I really appreciate the lack of profanity. You’re a great guy and I love when you keep it clean.❤❤❤
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you😊❤
Great video ❤ and inspiring true desire
Glad you enjoyed it
I love it! Thank you!
Thank you too!
Good stuff, thank you.
Glad you enjoyed it
Loving your videos Jonathon! You're a special man. 😊
I appreciate that!
Thanks, what a fruitful video ❤
Glad it was helpful!
The best time to enjoy life❤
Great video
Absolutely loved this video and your perspective on this topic. Totally agree and resonates. New subscription here!
You rock!
True. Guess I don 't want a LTR.
Love your wisdom❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
True, the older you get, the more caregiving becomes an issue, which is why I have no intention of ever getting married again. Since I was a very young child, I've been a caregiver and I'm over it. But if you do want marriage/long-term commitment you need to truly embrace that caregiving component. It's real.
@@LoralLee I remember talking to an older widowed woman about 20 years ago. She said several of her girlfriends remarried after the death of their husbands , all regretted their decision. They pointed out that they were in good shape physically and financially and they were looking forward to traveling to exotic places and visiting their children and enjoying life, but each husband became too ill and they needed to stay home and take care of them. I’m 65 and my husband is 78 we’ve been married for 45 years. I’m assuming I’ll out live him and I’ll never remarry.
@@theinspiredgardener6434 Wow, that's a wide age difference. Congratulations on 45 years!
Yes, there are good reasons why many older women get involved with younger men rather than older men. When you marry at 20, the "through sickness and health" part generally won't come up for decades and maybe never if you part ways, but if you marry at 60, 70, 80+, the sickness part is pretty much a given. And while there are many men who are excellent caretakers of their wives, it does seem like more men are in need of care than women, or at least more demanding about it.
Very nice advice thank you!!💙🙏
Glad it was helpful!
well, i guess i dont want to take care of someone, im 35 years old, i think when this happens, love is gone. He should take care of himself of course sometimes i can help but not always cos im not a nurse and yes i dont want to be a purse, sometimes i can but in a short time he should gain sth, still i want a committed relationship, but i dont want regular sex cos thats boring. Im not a native speaker sorry if it sounds a little harsh
Thank you for keeping it so real...❤
Great Talk!
Thanks ☺️
I know I'm the one. Rather he does or not. That's his loss.
Thanks Meoww
Interesting. Thank you.
Thanks for watching!
I have been with my life partner now for 2.5 yrs and we have known each other each other for 4 yrs. He has told me he will love me to the end and I believe him. I am 73 and he is 41 and he does not have a problem with the age difference but I do. I can’t imagine my life without him but want to be realistic. Should I just be blessed this man loves me or should I set him free so he can live his life with a woman closer to his age.
If his love for you is true (as yours for him obviously is), nothing will hurt him more than you letting him go. Love is everything; not age.
Thanks for sharing Heather my 49-yo guy is 25 years younger and we met a year and a half ago. My feeling is that realistically he'll be with me until it's time for him to go. Can I handle that? I've got to be able to let him go if and when the time comes