The No Contact Rule
Вставка
- Опубліковано 3 гру 2023
- In this video, we're discussing the No Contact Rule, and how it effects the dumper. We'll discuss the reasons for No Contact, what to do if you break the rule, and the possible consequences of breaking the rule.
-Private Coaching With Me: www.TheLoveChat.net/coaching
-Ask Rory A Question Live: / hirorytv
-Join our free support group for breakups: / discord
#nocontact #breakup #dating - Навчання та стиль
I'm doing more laid back relationship content on my second channel: ua-cam.com/video/Y_9yvUoDlDw/v-deo.htmlsi=gqe320MBHNF_H2RF
Suggestion for next video: the phatom ex phenomenon and your experience with it (clients)
Hey Rory! This video randomly popped up and reminded me of my breakup back in 2021., and how much You helped me deal with all the conflicting emotions I had at the time!
Two years have gone by in a flash, and I can say that 'no contact' has worked like a charm! Analysing and reflecting upon my mistakes has helped tremendously with both my personal and professional life, and whilst I never heard from my ex again (she ended up marrying the guy after a year), I am thankful for all the experiences and can say that You were on-point in every single video You ever made. For that You have my heartfelt thanks!
I’m glad I could help!! Thanks for all the support!
Same.....I used to listen to Rory, the dating guy and Coach Craig Kenneth back in 2019. I have never seen Rory's face. It's nice to see him ❤
Thank you for everything.
You, Craig Kenneth, and The Dating Guy saved my life back in 2021 after my ex wife left me, and then shortly later that year my dad died. It changed me, but you guys helped me repair myself. Especially you Rory. Thank you. I'm happy to see you still helping others.
I'm glad I could do my part - and I hope you're doing well to this day!
Truly happier than ever♥@@TheLoveChat
Focus on you, and your ex will too
The mission always comes first! Keep focusing on the mission of personal growth and you will find that you have forged a new identity.
Your ex focusing on you isn’t a guarantee.
You should not be worrying about what they do or don’t do.
And be outcome independent. If they come back, good. If they don’t also good.
Your life goes on. Focus on yourself and aim for bigger and better👌
@@kiddytube3915I find rarely does it work. They probably wonder about you and how you are as you were a part of their life. For the most part, the dumper has lot feelings way before the breakup and it’s done.
@@AnonymousJ99I'm of the opposite life experience. As the dumpee, all of my exes have tried to come back into my life at some point. Speaking as a man, if you had some level of an emotional bond with a woman, and you weren't an abusive person (bonus points if you handled the breakup well), they always seem to come back. Hell, even my first love still keeps in contact. She's kept tabs on me for almost 20 years! Just remember to always value yourself as the prize.
Rory is back!!
93 days of nc and my ex called me yesterday, i honestly thought id never hear from her agian, time apart changes everyone
How did it go, did u maybe ask her if she experienced the stages?, and how did the breakup end were u begging and pleading?
Thank you Rory. I found this channel when I was going through a horrible breakup and your advice helped me get through it. It's been almost 3 years now and I haven't broken no contact, even though she send me text messages I don't respond to any of them. Thanks again for all your help.
Glad I could help!!
I messed up NC by writing some cringe ass emotional spout. Its been 3 months since then, and now our mutual friend told me that she's been talking about me.
However, I'm at a point where I'm finally prioritizing myself, and the power I feel is amazing. No contact may or may not work to get your ex back, but it for sure helps to get YOU back.
Thank you for this video Rory 🙏🏽
My pleasure!
Missed this type of content ❤
Dear Rory. It's been years since I've gone through a huge, very painful dating experience that literally broke me to pieces. God I was so vurnerable, young and naive back then. I found your channel exactly when I needed it the most and looking back, I honestly owe my (saved) mental health to you! Thank you so much for everything! I will not forget that till the day I die!
Ana, I'm so glad to hear you're doing well!! Thank you for leaving this message!!
Are you still single from the past pain?
Great advice, and yes, helpful.
Glad it was helpful!
Hey Rory idk if you remember me I’m strongly considering taking a break from social media I never did take your advice when you told me to get off social media for some time like 1,2,3 months but honestly I’m not doing enough for myself to grow as a man and I feel taking a break from social media will help me out with growing. I think staying off social media for awhile might be the best thing for me. I still never did hear back from her. It’s been months since the breakup. I miss her a lot but I know there isn’t a thing I can do to change the circumstances. I can’t blame my ex for not coming back I messed up bad with her. I Appreciate your video Rory
Hello Rory,first of all thank you for your videos and for the content that you create for us to see.I did send you a email regarding my situation a couple of days ago,don't know if you had time to read it.Anyways,again,thanks for all the useful information and the content that you provide us with.
Hi there, unfortunately I do not offer email coaching. If you're interested in getting my help just visit here: www.TheLoveChat.net/Coaching or I answer questions every Wednesday on a free live-stream.
You really explained this rule to the T, Rory. I've been broken up with on January 10th, so not so long ago and his words hurt me so badly. He still cares about me, still thinks I'm physically attractive but the romantic feelings "aren't what they used to be". I was blindsided by the man I love and planned my future together and we were just about to move in together after a one year LDR. I had no idea that he wanted to break up. He didn't communicate this issue with me and when we sat down to talk about it, he already made up his mind about this difficult decision and even asked to remain friends. He couldn't promise me if we were going to get back together later in the future at some point either which felt like a knife to my heart.
Today's the 5th day of "No contact" and we haven't texted each other at all. I miss him every second but I doubt he does the same. For the most part he seems almost "glad" that I'm not around anymore. I don't know if keeping my hopes up is a foolish thing to do but I just want another chance. He's so dear to me and I don't wish to lose him 😭 I also don't know what to do about this situation apart from trying to get through each day at a time and to live my life without him while suffering from my broken heart.
Do you think there still might be hope or am I just holding onto something that should be given up? I'm honestly just so lost and don't know what to think anymore. Some people say "An ex is an ex for a reason, just forget him and find someone better!" and others say the actual fight is taking place while staying away from them and giving them time and space to think about this situation. I also know that people make mistakes and sometimes we take things and people for granted...
So... which one is true?
I'd really appreciate if you could answer 🙏
Greetings from Germany 🥺🌼
Some ppl say you should give abit of push back before you accept the break up, i think it just makes more sense to just say you understand, and leave them alone.
I also think , when you leave them alone they probably regret it alot sooner than we think. It can just take some ppl a very long time to get to the point where they decide to reach out.
Try not to expect them to reach out and just carry on with your life
Thank you rory for a video again 🙏🏼 😊
My pleasure!
Wow, Rory missed your UA-cam channel! was seeing every single video of your when I started NC
Thank you for your continued support!!
Thank you so much for your time and effort. Me and my ex dated for nearly 3 years with no major issues in what I thought was a very strong, healthy relationship. A few months ago I went back home for about 2 months during which I felt a lack of effort on his part to communicate. When I returned I felt he was given up so I asked if he thought we should break up and he said yes. After some time I felt really upset and asked him why he didn't want to be with me and his response was "i dont know why, it just feels right". He seemed genuinely upset and sincere so I'm fairly certain he really doesn't understand his own emotions. I asked him if he really doesn't miss it and he said "I miss the good parts" but couldn't come up with any bad parts that he didn't miss. I'm very curious about your take on this. Really appreciate your time. Thank you.
It sounds like there is a deep lack of communication - without knowing more about the situation it can be hard to say for sure.
Honestly it gets better
Hey Rory, I just wanted to say thank you for continuing to post. Been watching your videos a lot to help me through no contact. I was wondering, is the "I disagree, but I'm taking your decision seriously" message necessary? I never really said that, but I just stopped approaching her when I saw in her in the gym, and stopped texting her, and I worry that might have made me seem too cold and is discouraging her from reaching out.
Nah, it's generally understood. No big deal at all if you didn't directly say it.
A video on strategies and responses when the ex finally breaks no contact would be helpful.
Mine broke no contact after 4 months and proceeded to say how much she missed me and the love we had a apologized for ghosting me. She conveniently said she wasnt ready to address all the issues/red flags i tabled after she broke no contact for the 1st time 4 months ago. I just responded briefly saying thank you for the apology but dont worry, I'm well and i hope you are too.
That was a month ago...no response. I get the feeling she just wants some validation from me so she can feel better and go back to her life without me. Ready to call it quits on this one but am curious how to respond when ahe reaches out again.
First of all, it was great seeing you after a long time, Rory.
I had a request for a video which I know you've done many years ago, but I believe it can be really helpful.
As to my story, it's been 1 year since the breakup, and I am in a much better situation, I've improved in many ways, even to a point I've written two books in a year. However, the initial breakup was 1 year, but i have been doing absolute no contact for 8 months. As you can guess, the first 4 month was limited contact such as one email per month etc.
Now the question was, it's not that i no longer want her, but just to understand, why haven't I been unblocked? Basically we had a 3 year relationship, generally speaking it was a good relationship with it's ups and downs. But after that 4 month breakup, she completely blocked me from everywhere. Ever since then I was in strict no contact... and now I am much much better... Just out of curiosity, I'm still not unblocked. So the video request was, even if we are doing the right thing such as working on ourselves etc, what is the fate of block? Ex's blocking.
I hope you're doing well. It can be hard to say for sure, but at this point she honestly probably forgot.
Hey rory im going through a rough time, ive been with my partner for 10 year and we have 3 kids together she left me 2 weeks ago, i want to try no contact but having kids doesnt make it possible, i still pick them up from school and spend time with them while she works nights then leave when she gets back, since im currently staying at a friend's place so i watch the kids at her house. Its been difficult trying to keep my emotions in check i guess i just need some advice.
I know you've done videos in the past about attachment theory. I'm doing my own learnings and deepening my knowledge on the topic myself. Could be useful to others to have your current take/explanation. Maybe another collab with Thais Gibson :)
3 months in no contact and yesterday there was an email from my ex.
And before we go “OMG” it works and how happy I am, sorry to break your bubble but I got annoyed. Annoyed by why the heck are you getting in toch now. Email, why email? Because I blocked her everywhere.
Email, ok so what..I am not going back. I have gone through a full transformation and she simply doesn’t fit in it anymore.
Peace everyone at take care of your well-being!
Does no contact mean also having to hide them from your stories? How would they know your growth if there really is total no contact even in terms of your social media activity? (He's the only one that follows me know and is able to see my stories, wondering if this breaks no contact)
Thanks!
Does this work for a crush or love interest?
you rock man thanks for posting this. i have a question, should i avoid posting on breakup subreddits if my ex knows my reddit account? thanks rory
Absolutely avoid that. Make a throwaway account or use a different forum completely!
Maybe you could do a video about breadcrumbing. Like when they take away your money without asking you from your shared Revolut balance. And expecting some reaction in return (it was small amount like 30 USD but still) And when they “accidentally” call u at midnight when they drunk and when u ask next day they tell you it was an accident and sorry 😅
Just for you: ua-cam.com/video/-ffKSBW4vSw/v-deo.html
My “girlfriend” left me 2 months ago completely out of the blue. We had a great relationship for 2,5 year, never had any fights or big discussion. Suddenly she told me she lost feelings. She didn’t know exactly why and how. She told me it was not my fault. She didn’t saw a future in us anymore. Even when she told me before the breakup she loves me and we were planning a lot of things. I never noticed anything about her that she had doubts and she never communicated it. So now we are in no contact. I reached out in the beginning trying to fix it of course. She replied cold and said that we make it more difficult if we keep texting each other. She still loves and me she will miss me she told me but not the way how it supposed to be. Now I didn’t talk to her for almost a month. She broke up, so she needs to reach out first😔
She sounds like an avoidant and that's a classic avoidant break up - out of the blue. In the grand scheme of things, you dodged a nuclear bomb.
This sounds like avoidances and GIGS (Grass is Greener "syndrome"). This video may be helpful: ua-cam.com/video/X32pXXfRJQo/v-deo.html
@@seowweetang2253 yeah probably she never liked it to talk about problems and issues if you didn’t asked for it. She thinks people don’t care about it if they don’t ask for it. I always tried to support her I was always there for her. Still don’t really get it probably I never will. I don’t know if I will ever hear again from her. We didn’t break up on bad terms.
@@TheLoveChat We saw each other again by accident yesterday. We spoke and had a nice conversation about a lot of things. We texted a each other a little bit after. She still thinks we can’t change anything about the outcome. Do you have any tips how to handle the situation? Still give her some space, it not so long since we broke up almost 2 months.
What do you do if you met at a social club, e.g. improv classes, that both of you attended? How can i no contact if i dont want to lose the place.
You can do limited contact, wave, say hi, small talk, but leave it at that.
@@TheLoveChatwhat if I already messed up ... reminiscing, asking them whether they are seeing anyone? This is like 6 months after breakup. Felt natural at the time, but now I am embarrassed 😅
Do you have any advice for a longterm relationship that ended randomly with no word from the ex since? This was months ago. But during that time you've taught me much and I was always curious what'd you'd say.
It's highly unusual for a relationship to randomly end. It "could" happen - but it normally doesn't. With the limited knowledge it seems like it was a communication issues and a difference in communication styles
@TheLoveChat I wouldn't disagree with you on that point. The never coming back thought has entered my head as it has been some time and while I've left it primarily alone in NC, I haven't heard anything since.
Hi Rory, thank you for the video! Just in case it happens, what would you advise me to do/say if the dumper (she) approaches me during no contact? Because I wouldn't want her to contact me because of pity for me so that she can then feel better about herself by asking about me. Or maybe she does find it very difficult herself and does miss and still love me, how do you know the difference? Because I have already decided that I am not going to contact her (tricky with the holidays coming up though haha). Enjoy your day! Cheers, H
As it happens I have just the video for you: ua-cam.com/video/LmNbpqMRrzo/v-deo.html&t
@@TheLoveChat Thank you very much for your quick response! Much appreciated :)
Hello Rory, how about a video on how to apply "no contact " when there's children involved !?
Hi there, in the case when you have children or financial concerns together I would do a limited contact where you only discuss the business at hand!
Hey Rory, I met this girl at gym and we dated for 6 months. It's been 8 months since breakup and she's already in new relationship. I see her on regular basis at the gym. How should I behave with her when I see her at the gym?
I want her back but at the same time now she's with someone else, so it gives me really weird feeling about her. I feel like not even saying hello to her at gym good for now. What do you recommend?
I would just smile, wave, and go right back to whatever you were doing. If she wants to create an opportunity for you then she will. But at this time the focus has to be on yourself!
Thank you so much for the advise Rory :)@@TheLoveChat
After 8 months of nc, my girlfriend convinced me to call him which I did, and that didn't go well now I'm kicking myself for doing it. Big mistake
Hi Rory, what if my ex initiates the contact. It’s been 10 months since the break up and after me pushing her away and telling her not to contact me she still reaches out for any random thing. What should I do? I’ve ignored her but she just comes back every few days but she doesn’t want to or as she says can’t (due to family reasons) date me. Whether I’m friendly or absolutely horrible she will reach out after a week or so. Any thoughts?
Sounds like it's about time to block her.
@@TheLoveChat but why is she coming back? And what would blocking her achieve that just ignoring her wouldn’t?
@@TheLoveChat think I should clarify two weeks ago she was contacting me every day sending me love songs etc which I ignored she then asked my why I ignored her message at which point I said I wasn’t interested in being friends she then buggered off for two days and then text and called me last week to ask me some questions about my plans but when I pushed for a relationship she went cold and then has not been in touch since other than to ask if I’m okay
@@TheLoveChat hey Rory my ex just messaged me to say she wants to take me for dinner to thank me for passing her exams although I didn’t really help. Do I tell her I don’t want to be friends? Or just go along?
who should reach out in an “unwilling dumper” situation
The person that was dumped as they made the situation impossible to remain in
Could you do a video on “my ex unblocked me but hasn’t messaged me”
Sure, i'll look into doing this!
She has been seeing someone else but I’m not sure how serious or row free it is. I work with her two days a week so non contact is difficult
Can you please make a vid on a breakup when it was your fault?
Here you go:
1. ua-cam.com/video/yk0waxXE-xY/v-deo.html&t
2. ua-cam.com/video/sqiD_PPTkP4/v-deo.html
3. ua-cam.com/video/Y2dWKlUaHTI/v-deo.html&t
Does removing an ex on social media come across as petty ?
Good question, I don't think so - nor does it impact reconciliation. I think its self preserving.
My ex has unblocked me after 2 months on all social media apps except Instagram. Strange. Still no contact
It's not weird at all. They just forgot about instagram. However unblocking you on social media just means they want to be friends to extract more validation out of you. Not that they want to get back together. Never ever fall into that trap.
@@seowweetang2253 nah she didn’t forget, she uses Instagram a lot. I think she just doesn’t want me to see her Instagram stories. Yes I hear dumpers want validation and to know they still have you. It’s been complete silence between us though
❤
Hello friends, leave any questions you have in a comment below and i'll do my best to get to them!
Fun links:
Ask me a question live: www.Twitch.tv/HiRoryTV
Work with me 1-on-1: www.TheLoveChat.net/Coaching
Be well,
-Rory
The only response by me my ex can get if she reaches out is a GIF of Neo dodging a bullet. If you left in the first place, what makes you think I will trust you the second time, silly ass concept
You helped me 3 years ago.. and naturally, now I'm again in that sad & awkward moment of life, you post a new video and I'm happy to listen to you, again, talking and showing me that I should keep faith in humanity ❤🫶🏻 thanks for everything
It would be interesting to know about why people that are love bombing, doing limerance and gaslighting do that, even when they know it's not healthy and they shouldn't do that ?
Sure - excellent topic suggestion!